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thegirlintheredchair · 2 years ago

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السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Look who has emerged from the depths of her own mind to write a blog post. I haven’t written in ages. I had planned on writing “Letters to Allah” (a sort of summary of the month and what I learned) in my journal after each month but I sadly didn’t keep up. 😕

It is birthday month! (No, today is not my birthday). I’ve never liked birthdays and I’ve never celebrated them (apart from treating myself to good food, donating or planting a tree) but if anything, I use birthdays as a measure for my spiritual, mental and worldly growth.

I feel like I’ve aged 50 years since the beginning of this year and I am definitely not the same person at all. I feel like two different people tbh. (I would like to think I’ve progressed mentally and spiritually. Lol).

It has been a tumultuous year so I’m highlighting 31 lessons I’ve learned this year before turning 31. Some are constant lessons and some are new ones.. I hope this benefits you too.

Prioritise Allah over everything, especially over your desires and whims…this life is for His obedience and to gain His pleasure. In other words, the deen of Allah requires sacrifice. We are already sold… Allah has already promised us heaven granted we place Him over everything else. Yani there is nothing more beneficial to a person than seeking and possessing the pleasure of Allah. If He is pleased, He will give you contentment in all your affairs, in this life and the hereafter. Guaranteed! In short, Don’t lose sight of the akhira. Nothing in this world is promised. The reality is that there is only one reality!

Take time out to send salutations on our beloved Prophet (ﷺ) and you will be amazed by the change you’ll see in your life. I am currently not in the habit of doing this daily but I’ve experienced its benefits. My aim is usually to send salutations at least 500 times daily and countless times on a Friday. The shortest darood shareef is simply his name. I also like this one: "صلى الله علی سیدنا محمد و آله و س��م"

Lots of people need to hear this: Please take your Salah seriously! What even are you if you can’t say your five daily prayers?? It is the bare minimum. They make up less than 50 minutes of your day! You are depriving yourself of not being able to enjoy the comfort of talking to Allah. Also like how dare you abandon the one who provides for you continuously and unconditionally?? How do you intend to have a productive day when you don’t start it with Fajr? How do you intend to sleep peacefully if you don’t end your day with Isha?

DON’T.STOP.MAKING.DUA!! It took me a long time to idk internalize this? Lol. Yani I went through periods of asking for something diligently and then not asking for it at all. Because you know your hope wavers. And that’s okay but don’t stop making dua. It’s like that quote, (I forget who it’s by; I think it’s by Umar (RA)) “if He has inspired you to make dua, know that He wants to grant you what you’re asking.” Besides Allah never says no to our duas. He only has three response: “There is no Muslim who calls upon Allah, but that Allah will give him one of three answers: He will quickly fulfil his supplication, He will store it for him in the Hereafter, or He will divert an evil from him similar to it.” (Musnad Aḥmad 11133). Pair your dua with tahajjud and watch miracles unfold!! ✨️ ("The dua made at tahajjud is like an arrow which does not miss its target. - Imam Ash-Shafi’")

Learn the etiquettes of making Dua (I might do a separate post on this) but for real don’t just start with what you want. I’ve been looking into this lately and this is what I’ve learned so far (briefly): Start by Praising Him. Call Him by His Greatest names. (Al-Rahman, Al-Raheem, Al Ahad etc).Thank Him for the countless blessings he bestows on you. Every.Single.Day. Then pour your heart out!!!! And ask. Please ask unapologetically and shamelesslesly? He is the Lord of Impossible. The Lord of Miracles. Who else even is there in your corner?? End the dua with salutations on the Prophet (ﷺ). “Du’aa’ is suspended between heaven and earth and none of it is taken up until you send blessings upon your Prophet (ﷺ)” - ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab [al-Tirmidhi (486). That being said, you can make Dua at literally any time.

Sit with the righteous. This is sooooo important. You need these circles that talk about Allah. The Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (ﷺ). The Noble Quran. These are your anchors for sanity in this world tbh. (Yes the internet lectures are good but if you have actual physical circles with real tangible people thats even better) These circles lift your imaan (much needed in todays world), keep you sane in the face of adversity; I honestly wouldn’t know how to solve or navigate my problems, if it weren’t for Islam. I am where I am today because of His religion. Its like that quote by Umar (RA) [can you tell he’s one of my favorite companions 🙃] “We were the most humiliated people on earth and God gave us honor through Islam. If we ever seek honor through anything else, God will humiliate us again.”

An attitude of Gratitude. This year has been a huge lesson in this. It made me be thankful to Him in every situation. Gratitude brings abundance, it unlocks the fullness of life. It’s the little pleasures in live (that we take for granted) a roof over our head, hot meals, the presence of parents and siblings that care and love you. A family that practices the Deen and has the same mind-set. Sunsets, the moon. Friends like family, your health, an unblocked nose. Our own existence as Muslims! (We’re from amongst the guided, imagine if we weren’t?) Just there’s far more to be thankful for than to dwell on that one problem(s) you’re facing. Gratitude needs to be our default position. This year I made a concise effort to become a person of Shukr and it has kept me anchored and has brought me back from moments where I was about to give up hope. 🥹🫶🏻

#PocketsofPeace. Sit with the Noble Quran, ponder over its meaning. Pick a surah for a year or go through random ayats. No amount of time with it will ever be enough. The Honorable Quran is like the ocean, the deeper you dive into its meaning, the more you’ll discover. Also this will build your faith. We live in end times and our resolute faith is the only thing that can save us!!! Faith is the only thing that has survived the test of time. It pivots you back to the one thing that will always remain constant in your life no matter how much the world modernizes; Allah.

Qadr Allah; Tawakkul. Every year I say I’ve internalized it and every year I struggle with it. I will say that this year this has strengthened in comparison to last year. Qadr is the sixth pillar of faith (not believing in it can take you outside of the fold of Islam). The thing with Qadr is that it is only appreciated in hindsight, or viewed in the past tense. Your way forward to navigate Qadr is through your Tawakkal in your Lord and your duas. The Prophet (ﷺ) said (on his son Ibrahims death): “The eyes are shedding tears, and the heart is grieved, and we will not say expect what pleases our Lord” (Sahih Bukhari 1303)

There is always khair in delay. “What is meant for you will reach you even if it is between two mountains. And what isn’t meant for you will not reach you even if it is between your lips” –Imam Ghazali

“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not” (2:216)

Define your boundaries! especially if you're an empath. Whether it’s at home, work, university, or even friendships. You are your biggest advocate! I have to say this though that learning and knowing more about my religion has helped me become firm on setting them and not budging from them or feeling guilty about them or thinking that people will think I'm weird. Define your boundaries from the beginning so no one gets to take advantage of your empathetic nature. You can be empathetic and still say no.

The other end of the spectrum is just as shitty (excuse my French). This one is a lesson solely for me. I wish to explain this one no further.

Log out of social media once in a while! It is refreshing. There’s less noise because you are only exposed to the lives and opinions of those immediately around you (as God intended. Lol). This might not be a hot take, but we aren’t meant to hear every thought, see each other’s lives or know about people’s emotions who we will probably never see face to face.

In the same vein, be mindful of media you consume. When I took a break and came back, it just made me realize how much none of it matters??? Likewise being always on SM we are constantly receiving information. Like Too Much Information. I don’t think were supposed to crowd our brains like that. Take at least 24 hours off of social media every week. You’ll thank me later.

Peace of mind over everything. Im a big advocate for this! “When a thing disturbs the peace of your heart, give it up.” -Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ).” [al-Zuhd wal-Raqā’iq 1147]

You are on your own, you can’t rely on people to do what’s important to you. If it’s important to you, you’ll have to do it yourself. No one is going to step up. You need to show up for yourself!

Keep Husn Adh Dhan (thinking good of other people). Boy do I struggle with this one! People can be bone deep kind, loving and self-reflective but can still be selfish in certain situations. People can be well meaning, generous, sociable and easy going and still hold deep seated opinions that turn them into vicious little bullies. Every person is a kladeiscope and they will surprise you. (I don’t think you can ever fully know another person) You will surprise yourself too. It’s not a warning and it's not a judgement and it's not an excuse either. It’s also not a reason to stop trying or to stop trusting. (Even though I’m still struggling) it is just a fact! I understand the concept of Husn Adh Dhan, and I’d like to think this year I’ve internalized this a little? But I have a long way to go.. May Allah help make it easy to distinguish who is gold and who is gold plated.

Privacy is power!! A quiet life is so underrated! SM and capitalism and culture has put such a significant emphasis on the definition of success as fame, being known, having an accolade of worldly accomplishments and excessive wealth. There is so much power in anonymity. Your life does not have to be a grand spectacle for others to have a worth. You don’t need that kind of validation bro! Plus it saves you from so much Ayn!

Trust your gut. Vibes and energy don’t lie. If something is off about a situation or a person. It means it is off. Intuition is God’s gift! And women have it down to a science.

Cut music out of your daily life. I swear to you, you could be doing much better stuff with your time than numbing your brain with beats. Also I feel it opens the path for you to commit other sins and just look at sinning in a different light? Do I make sense? Lol. Replace that with nasheeds or Qur’anic recitation. You’ll end up memorizing a few ayats too (or a whole surah). It’s a win!

Not everything needs a reaction. Learn to walk away. Spent your energy and your time wisely.

Make Dhikr a part of your daily routine. Your heart is your most hardworking muscle but it needs to rest too! (please, Im trying to be poetic) "Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest." (13:28)

A Litmus test for choosing a spouse: the single most important decision you'll ever make as a woman is choosing the father of your children, everything else is secondary to that. If he is God-fearing and God-loving, you have a winner!

Learn the difference between people who are good in general and people who are good for you. Not everyone will understand you or has the same heart as you and that’s okay. Move on don’t keep waiting for the same effort. Some people are just meant to be acquaintances.

Pray for your parents. They put on a tough act for us. Pray for their emotional and mental well-being and that they get to see you successful in both worlds.

Respect and understanding over love. If some one claims to love you and doesn't respect you, they don't actually love you.

Reflecting on your own destructive habits and working towards fixing them is self-care. You have to work towards change; quitting that sin you keep going back to, looking at what needs to go or what needs to be added for your life to move forward. People usually assume self-care is about indulgence (self-worship) or doing whatever you want (selfish). I think it’s more about doing things that are healthy for you.

Cut out people who think you’re arguing or personally attacking them every time you try and solve an issue or express your emotions. It is draining and mentally exhausts you. If someone cannot tolerate you making an effort in communication (read ask clarifying questions) and sharing what you feel, distance yourself from them. No one is a mind reader!

Communication without comprehension is a waste. You could be sharing your most darkest, scariest vulnerabilities with a person and not be reciprocated even with words. I suffer from incomprehension sometimes (read come off as cold). I pray Allah makes me better at easing someone's suffering in whatever capacity I'm capable of.

Be quick to apologize when you know you've hurt someone. Trust me it will take nothing away from you. Even if it was unintentional, it’s so easy to just apologize and move on. I personally think it helps maintain the trust in any relationship.

If you’ve read till the end, congratulations to you!🤝🏻

Theres been a lot more changes, lots of things i started doing differently that have helped me grow as a person. I like the current me, i feel like i can handle certain situations better than i wouldve last year. Its the small victories that count ✌🏻

Hope you related and benefited from some of these lessons/experiences. May Allah be pleased with us and give us a beautiful end to our lives here. Ameen. ✨️

Love, Phi ��

#turning 31 #31 things i learned before turning 31 #birthday month #birthday week #surreal #pagesofsilver #writing after ages #tell me which point you relate to most #still cant reply to people on tumblr #may allah be pleased with me #jazkallah khiar for reading

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tuber-culosis · 4 years ago

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I've been reading through a lot of radfem blogs and posts lately. and gotta say, i'm leaning a lot towards radical feminism. And im definitely gender critical.

but one topic I want to talk about in particular is the criticism of Islam.

Which I feel is totally valid considering the current state of mainstream islam and Muslims.

Mainstream Islam (is what you see on all social media, seemingly practised by a lot of Muslims) IS sexist. And homophobic. There's no use denying it, neither do I think I'm a bad Muslim for not supposedly defending my own religion. You have to recognise the flaws in your own system to improve and progress.

Then arises the question why am I still Muslim then/ why do I still practise Islam? If I recognise the way it is practised is sexist and homophobic, which are things I'm against?

The difference lies in my belief that "mainstream Islam" is much different from the root of Islam.

Many (read: a LOT, not all) modern Muslims have been influenced by ultra conservative movements that want to return Islam to the way they believe was practised during the time of the Prophet (pbuh), ie; some centuries back. This is propagated by the ideas of Salafism and Wahhabism that frankly, prevent progress, reform or any sort of growth in Muslim communities.

I personally have witnessed this in my own country, India, where women are increasingly wearing the hijab and even full body covering purdahs, not talking to the opposite gender, men not looking a woman other than their wives in the eye, etc compared to when my mother was a child, when almost all Muslim women dressed in normal comfortable clothes and there were no much gender segregations. (Gender segregation still existed to a certain degree due to conservative Indian culture ofc)

This radicalisation led to the development of ultra conservative Muslims who enforce sexist, homophobic and separatist policies in the name of God.

They claim to want to return to "true Islam" but they add so many unnecessary rules and regulations you have to follow in order to be a "true Muslim" that are almost so impossible to follow I can vouch I have unconciously broken like 50 of them in one day maybe. These "laws" are derived from:

1. The hadith

2. Arab culture

3. Poor translation of the Quran to fit these radical ideals.

Explaining each of these in a little more detail,

1. A lot of practising Muslims might come at me for this one, but I feel that considering the hadith to be a holy source of guidance and believing everything in the Hadith when there are so many contradictions and logical fallacies, is foolish.

For those who have no clue what the hadith is, Islam basically has the Qur'an, which is, as we believe, a holy book revealed by God to the Prophet (pbuh), which acts as divine guidance on how to live life as a good person. It has rules, suggestions, and guidance to take desicions on a lot of everyday matters we face. It was a godsend (hehe pun fully intended) to women, who weren't even allowed to own property back then. Muslims believe that the Quran is guaranteed againt corruption by God, as revealed in one of the verses. Therefore, to a believer, it is THE book to consult, and the verses will never change, no matter how many years pass. There's actually a really interesting way the Quran is coded, so people can know if it has been tampered with or not, if anyone is interested. But the bottom line is, for a Muslim, the verses of Quran cannot be challenged. There are various INTERPRETATIONS of said verses, but the core Arabic text is the same.

Now there is a secondary source of guidance in the form of Hadith, which is literature that claims to record things the Prophet (pbuh) has said in his lifetime. The problem I find, along with other hadith critics, is that it was compiled much later after the death of the Prophet. Muslims argue that these hadiths were passed down in a proper recorded chain of transmitters that can assure the message hasn't been altered or tampered with. The problem is, that the standard used then was just how reliable was a person's memory and how trustworthy they were, and they did not actually judge the actual content of the hadith. So even if a hadith hypothetically said "Kill all the disbelievers", (which, fyi, it does NOT) and it had a reliable chain of recorders, it would be accepted as "sahih" (trustworthy) hadith, even though it clearly goes against the guidelines of the Quran, where it says there shall be no compulsion in religion (which implies you cannot just murder anyone who refuses to believe/ believes another religion). If one actually examined the content of this imaginary hadith, it would be easy to see it's tampered with by people with or without malicious intent (for eg, it might've actually been "You can kill the disbelievers ONLY if they attack you and will not leave you and your family alone") or some may not even remotely be the words of the Prophet, as he only followed the Quran.

Also, the integrity of the Hadith isn't guaranteed by God anywhere in the Quran. To know more about this, I suggest you read this link , and this one.

So yeah, I take hadith with a (large) grain of salt. So I will not be including them in my discussion obviously.

Now a lot of these hadith have been fabricated, as established, or reflect something that was applicable specifically in that time and setting, seeing that the Prophet was an ordinary man who couldn't predict the future or know about all the different cultures of the world.

So even if the headscarf was a part of Arabian attire, that doesn't mean it has to be assimilated into our cultures now. Just because prostitutes used to pluck all their eyebrows out to signify that they are prostitutes (sex work is forbidden in Islam, because of the negative impact on women and society), doesn't mean that women are not allowed to pluck their eyebrows now.

Following these hadith blindly without considering for a moment that hey, these might be outdated, seeing it isn't meant for all time periods like the Quran, and half of these contradict themselves, maybe we shouldn't consider this as an authority on rules in Islam. Personally, I don't believe anything is forbidden that is mentioned as such solely in the Hadith, and not in the Quran.

But the staunch belief in all of these Hadith leads to micromanaging of women, and literally everyone else. Few ridiculous examples include:

women can't pluck their eyebrows

men can't wear silk or gold, and they need to grow beards

music and dance is forbidden (seriously???)

the Prophet married a literal child of nine years (no do not try to justify it as "it was acceptable back then". According to the Qur'an it wasn't. Girls had to be mature enough to reject or agree to marriages and literal children can't do that. There is plenty of research to prove that Aisha (ra), his wife, was at the very least 19 or 20. Again a case of unreliable and maybe purposefully manipulated Hadith. Scholars and people who uphold the theory that Aisha was 9, and hence, child marriage is legal are pedophiles through and through)

I feel that if anything, hadith should be considered with the authority of historical commentary, giving us more context to the times, and should never be blindly trusted just because a lot of scholars say it is a "sahih" (trusted) hadith.

Also a main feature of Islam is that you don't need an extra priest (no offence to religions who have priests) or a scholar to tell you things and intervene with God for you. You have a holy book, your own common sense and humanity, and you pray to establish a connection with God. Scholars are secondary OPINIONS who can provide insight from their knowledge and research to people who want it, but by no means any authority on things, just like hadith.

2. Arab culture and society, especially back the times that radicals want to emulate, was heavily patriarchal. Islam gave women rights and protection, but they were still limited by the cultural norms of that era.

What these people actually want is to return society to Arabic culture in that time period. (Exhibit A: the abaya/purdah for women and khandoorah for men. exhibit B: sex-segregated spaces)

Back then, women were expected to be caretakers and mothers, and men were expected to be the strong masculine protector.

Enforcing said cultural norms into modern day Islam is ridiculous. Saying that women rarely left the house back then, hence women shouldn't leave their houses now is the same as saying there weren't phones back then, so I shouldn't use one now. Would you ever give up your phones? So how about we do the same to women's autonomy and freedom? Adapt to modern times like regular humans?

If women were meant to stay at home, and meant to just rear children, and never meant to be seen in public, and never meant to be seen by the opposite sex, as extremists say "is God's will", then why is none of this found in the Quran? Do you seriously believe that God, describe multiple times as All-forgiving and generous and kind, would ever persecute women to such a fate? If you do believe that, then maybe you need to re-examine in the nature of God that you believe in. Also if you tell me the "it's for their safety" gimmick, I will flip out. It has been proved multiple times that a woman's dressing has nothing whatsoever to do with why men rape.

Sure, Islam advocates for modesty in dressing, for both sexes. Both are called to not stare rudely (many Muslim men seem to forget that part of the verse, strangely), both are advised to dress in modest, comfortable, clean and practical attire. Never once is anything remotely like "YOU'LL GO TO HELL IF YOU EXPOSE YOUR ELBOW, WOMAN". But the way modern Muslims enforce the dress code (some even going to the lengths of saying women shouldn't wear BRIGHT COLOURED CLOTHES, so as to not attract attention!!! I'm looking at you, Mufti Menk), you'd think that God says something much worse than that. Infact God pulls out Uno reverse, and encourages us to dress as beautifully as we want, especially when visiting the mosque.

3. A lot of English translations of the Quran come from Saudi Arabia. A country famous for its conservative practise of Islam. While the original Arabic text cannot be changed, a lot of these translations include information in parantheses that add "rules" based on the above mentioned factors, that a casual reader or a new Muslim who doesn't know Arabic will consider to be authentic rules of the Quran, extrapolated from the verse, and not extra additions that are often derived from hadith. A very good example of this is the headcover verse, which you can see in this link.

Even all the hostility surrounding homosexual people has been derived from cultural influences and one set of verses. From around 6000 verses, just a single set passingly mention homosexuality. Don't you think that if it truly were such a great sin, God would have explicitly forbidden it? Also why would he create such a natural variation in sexuality and then forbid it? Why isn't it forbidden for animals then? Is all-loving God that cruel to create this natural and healthy attraction in them and then explicitly forbid it when straight people get to marry and live life in bliss? (Please don't say that "God also created pedophilia, and that's natural, so by this logic shouldn't we allow that too?" because pedophilia IS NOT HEALTHY, AT ALL. IT'S IS A DISORDER. Unlike homosexuality) I'm also not picking and choosing things to fit my lifestyle, as some might say, as I am straight, and the only reason I support the LGBT community because I have basic humanity?? And they're humans who deserve rights and joy and freedom and acceptance just like the rest of us.

There have been reformed translations of Quran which examine the verse without prior bias against LGBT people, and they have presented an alternate translation, that the verse condemns sexual assault, which happened to be homosexual in the particular story. Check out this link too, which explains how closely examining the words used could change the meaning from one thing to another.

What I attempted to prove in this extremely long post is that the practise of a religion isn't necessarily the reflection of its true nature.

There are progressive open-minded people who believe in Islam because it gives them hope and solace. People who believe because core beliefs of Islam aligned with their own views and simple logic.

NOT to say there aren't religious bigots who will totally use religion to manipulate people into oppressing themselves or other people. There are, there are a LOT of people like that who call themselves "scholars". And there are a lot of people who follow these extremely harmful regressive version of Islam without critically thinking about what they are following.

I've seen a post discussing the meaning of the word Islam, which means submission to God. It said that it implies total submission, without questioning what we believe.

That is an argument used by both religious extremists to further their beliefs, and by the opposite side, who say the religion is oppressive.

I wish to present a view that Islam itself tells us to think critically, to use our brains to question everything and anything we believe. And then to arrive at our own conclusions. And if you're a decent, kind human, those beliefs maybe align with Islam (not saying that if you're not Muslim, you're horrible, that is not what I meant at all). And if the opinion between people differs, there's always logic and reasoning behind every rule that is presented in the Quran. Don't believe me? Here's the verse that tells people not to blindly follow their parents' religion. And here's a list of verses about critical thinking.

The reason we (atleast reformist Muslims) submit to God is because we questioned it, we came to the conclusion that Hey! This is right. I can submit to my Creator by, who is basically the consciousness that created everything and is the source of all goodness, love and strength, because the rules mentioned here make sense and they privde a moral framework for me to base important desicions on. They feel right. And there is logic behind everything written in this.

I don't mean to present Islam as an all-perfect amazing religion everyone should believe and that I'm right, everyone else, especially those liberal atheists who criticise my religion are wrong and WILL BURN IN HELL. I consider Islam a perfect moral framework, and that's my business only. Anyone can follow what they want and it's none of my business. In fact there is no compulsion in religion at all, and people who say Muslim or go to hell are wrong imo.

What I intended was to paint a picture of reformist Muslims who are still out there, who follow the religion because they questioned it. And not the religion as this stringent rule book we all have to follow down to a t, micromanaging every aspect of our lives and living in perpetual fear of hell, but rather this basic moral guide that teaches us tact, compassion and justice, to bring us closer to God spiritually. I wanted to show that the majority isn't always reflective of what I think is the true core of Islam.

I feel that many practises in the name of Islam are highly questionable and should be criticized, but I also want people to know that the people who seemingly represent the religion, are not representative of the entire mass of believers. That sometimes the practises you might criticize might have nothing to do with the actual religion, atleast according to some of us. It was also for fellow Muslims who might be in the same place I was a few years ago, questioning everything I had learnt was part of my religion.

This is also NOT to undermine struggles of people forced to follow Islam and its seeming requirements like hijab. This is not to claim that nope, every Muslim is fine and ok, and we're all peaceful progressive people. In fact I wish to do the exact opposite, to show that people who enforce oppressive policies in the name of Islam aren't actually backed by the religion and neither should they be backed by other Muslims. I'm also not trying to say no one should criticize Islam. Criticism helps us grow. Criticism is necessary to uncover oppression and eradicate it. So by all means, criticize.

I'm so glad I found the subreddit r/progressive_Islam when I did because it helped me a lot, and opened me to other like-minded progressive Muslims, who actively hope to counter the negative effects of Salafism and conservatism that is overtaking Islam.

So yeah, I think I covered almost everything I wanted to talk about and here's a final link that pretty much just states my position on things.

PS idk why this thingy is in different colours it just seemed cooler and less boring to read

#religion #islamicpost #radfem #gender critical #muslim #progressive #change #critical thinking #sexism #feminism #feminist #allies #humanity #extremism #womenempowerment #freewomen #headcovering #mine

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lore-of-the-silvereyes-rwby · 4 years ago

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Ironwood Summary

Here we are at last the final conclusion of this long character analysis series, for now. This is mostly going to be my own opinion of the character based on the research I did for the analysis. As well as some ideas of what may happen to the character in future volumes and overall standing of what the character was always meant to be and represent in the rwby narrative. Also keep in mind that this is only an analysis of Ironwood’s character pre Volume 8 so there won’t be any spoilers used in this analysis or summary

(Before we begin i want to thank @spacecapart for his art to be used in this summary as i feel this piece summarizes how i feel about Ironwood)

When I started researching and writing on July 31st 2020 for Ironwood and the months that followed I feel like I have gained a better understanding of what exactly Ironwood’s character was meant to be while making sure my overall opinion of him wasn’t biased but honest and neutral.

For the most part Ironwood’s life was just sad because, well it was never really his to begin with, since he pretty much had no say in it. Based on what I saw and learned about him with the help of additional lore as well as the current story Ironwood was just a tool and a plot device in the narrative.

He started as a tool for Mantle(pre Atlas) which planted the seeds that made him this cold inhuman person that we see at present due to its old toxic ideologies of imperialism and militarism combined with a Nietzsche's philosophy that survives and thrives through Ironwood once he become a de facto king when Atlas became an official kingdom.

Then he became a tool for Oz to protect and safeguard the current status quo without benefiting from it. Though it was with good intentions Ironwood couldn’t help but feel insulted that he was being restricted and kept in check by someone who does not share his belief or ideals of what he considers right even though they weren't his beliefs or the best to begin with.

Finally after all was said and done he became a tool for the very enemy that he swore to fight and defend against. Due to his toxic upbringing in Atlas and his bitter resentment for Oz he tried to take matters in his own hands only for it to backfire immensely into the events that we see in the show. As I Stated in “The Hero that was never meant to be” Ironwood was more or less the most prominent catalyst for all of the events and conflicts in the show that Salem took advantage of and prospered from simply due to Ironwood’s elitist and violent mindset.

All of this just contributes to Ironwood being a plot device since that he’s essentially just a philosophical mouthpiece for Atlas as the show has somewhat made it clear that he is basically the physical embodiment of Atlas if it were a person with both a voice and need to survive. Which wouldn’t be so bad if Atlas wasn’t the Remnant equivalent of a fasciest imperialist dystopia. Most of Ironwood’s character flaws mostly stem from the fact that his is simply the product of his origins and refusing to change or find a compromise for the better.

Another thing that I believe should be taken into consideration is his overall effect in the plot. Added by how the narrative has been structured with its main conflict I think it's safe to assume that no matter what, Ironwood was always a character that was set to fail ever since his introduction. This is mostly due to the fact that most if not all of his power comes from control and authority over others. As well as his lack of actual experience when it comes to war and conflict.

As I stated in I am power with my own estimate of Ironwood’s age(47-50) based on his rank’s promotion requirements he has at least 30 years of experience from both his huntsmen and military career: 34 if we were to count his academy days of training. Now you're probably asking; “If he has that many years of experience in his career, then why are you saying he has none?” Well it is quite simple based on 2 factors; his professions and the time that he was born in.

At present he is both Headmaster of Atlas academy and the Atlas equivalent of the joint chiefs of staff of the Military. I think it's logical to assume that Ironwood gained the status of Headmaster first and General later due the needs of Oz. Given the importance of the relics hidden in the academies it would be a pragmatic choice for Oz to ensure that there was always a guardian and supervisor over the vaults as well as training the worlds next gen huntsmen(the agreed upon nuclear deterrent).

Since his profession shifted from field combat to school administration upon becoming headmaster most if not all of Ironwood’s career from this point on saw very little combat opportunities and would soon be filled with politics once he became General further diminishing his combat skills. Also since Generals are the face of the military they mostly handle diplomatic and public affairs as well as deal with civilian contractors to ensure the military has the resources and gear needed to sustain itself.

This means that Ironwood went from fare soldier, to desk jockey, to financial benefactor throughout the entirety of his 30 year long career. But the two thirds of his later career basically had no relevant or beneficial experience that would be suited for the war that he had been preparing a long time for. Ironwood’s lack of practical experience is also more damaging when you realize that the very little he did have also wouldn’t be of much help in the first place as well.

This is mostly due to the fact that Ironwood was born at the beginning of the high golden age of peace and prosperity for Mantle/Atlas and all of the concerning conflicts happening at least 5 years before the show’s start very late in his career at an estimated age of 45, with the white fang terrorists groups targeting SDC assets that he wanted for war.

Also his career at that point most likely focused on policing and enforcing Atlasian laws rather than doing actual combat and even then he was trained to fight grimm instead of human combatants and even if he had to fight people they most likely are that of combat inexperienced and petty criminals that wouldn’t actually put up that much of a challenge and even then most of the fighting was done by disposable robots that he can command with the press of a button.

Overall Ironwood was really unprepared to even fight anyone in general, let alone wage a war against Salem. Even if he had powered up that army to the maximum it really wouldn’t solve anything. Ever since the first episode of the series the message was clear; You're not going to win with just strength and power alone, but with acts of mercy and honesty. As well as just enjoying the simple things in life and just simply living life rather than just surviving. After all this time Ironwood forgot to live life and be satisfied with what he had. Because of this he’s just going to keep on pushing the limit until he loses everything that he has and drag everyone else with him. Simply because he wouldn’t admit to himself that he has no idea about what to do or accept that he wasn’t the most important piece on the board.

Which sadly brings me to the very likely truth that it is guaranteed that Ironwood’s part and time in the story is coming to an end and his death is drawing near. This has been foreshadowed in the beginning of volume 6 where the true plot and crisis of the story had basically made Atlas and by extension Ironwood irrelevant to the story when it's been made clear they can’t just simply kill Salem and win with brute force as he had hoped. Because of that Ironwood was no longer important to the story as they show and fandom have hyped him up to be. Even if he still had an actual role in the plot I’m afraid to say that Ironwood’s story (even if it wasn’t that much) has already been told and judging by the direction he is going by it’s only going to get worse for his character (moraly wise) to the point that his death may be a blessing in disguise for remnant.

To start we need to look at the essential core concepts that make up Ironwood’s character. If we remove all of his actions and focus on his archetypes we get a character that is A) Half robot, B) the de facto leader of an inefficient military(let's be honest it's just a glorified security force for rich douchebags.) C) A school principal and D) someone who essentially hails from what can be considered the most evil and inhuman kingdom of his world that values power and is placed into a story and conflict where none of those things even matter given what we know about the true stakes and consequences of the plot and this is essentially all that we even know about him in relation to the story.

Which brings me to this point that in my opinion he wasn’t much of a character to begin with. This is mostly due to the fact that we really don’t know anything about him besides the summarized 4 points from the last section. We don’t know anything about him like how he became involved in the plot, how old he is, when and what caused him to be a cyber, does he have anyone outside of work or any family that he cares about and more importantly why does he fight in the first place and what motivates him to do so and what does he hope to gain? These details to me are important as to give depth to a character as to better understand why they are the way they are. Otherwise they are either a philosophical mouthpiece or a living ideological caricature. As I stated before in Ironwood’s case he is just that for Atlas, just a simple tool that it can use for whatever it needs.

Which also brings up another subject towards his contributions to the plot; What exactly can he do and was he really even that important to begin with? As I stated before Ironwood really doesn’t have much to offer besides the Military which has been proven to be useless and unneeded. But if it was to be needed that doesn’t automatically mean Ironwood should be the one leading it. For example should he be removed from power and replaced and the heroes really need the military wouldn’t it be simple just to involve the new commander and chief or appoint someone they can trust to ally with them. So yeah the military part as well as the academy are what give an individual like Ironwood any relevance but that doesn't automatically mean they’re that important or crucial to begin with.

Simply put Ironwood has always been a character in the wrong genre. Had he been placed in any other circumstance he may have had a point and could have succeeded but in the case of his story he doesn’t have one. Ever since his debut he has always been this source of contradictions and antagonism and contrast when it comes to how the world and characters have been set. Due to this Ironwood has always been this source of escalation and conflict as he only follows his own beliefs and tries to force others to comply with them. As well as the truth that he really has no idea of what to do since he was never really prepared to handle anything like this and added by the fact that he won’t admit or consider the possibility that he is not that needed or important. If he continues on with this type of thinking it's only going to warrant his end as simply put by Oscar he really is just as dangerous as Salem.

Before I explain his overall purpose and status in the Narrative I want to go over several ideas for what may be next for Ironwood throughout the rest of the series which will be explained further by the reasoning I will use in the narrative part.

Fate and status for Volume 8 and the rest of the series

Death

I think it's safe to say that Death flags have been hovering over Ironwood for a while or at least since Volume 7. But is it certain? Most likey. I say it’s near mostly due to my belief that his story has essentially been told and he really doesn’t have anything left to contribute to the plot at this point. The impact of his death whether it will leave a positive or negative impact remains uncertain. But the way of his death to me is certain; he’s going to die by the hands of another character(specifically a hero). I know most people would have hoped for a heroic sacrifice or a redemption by death but I don’t exactly see Ironwood doing such things. (Which I’ll explain in the next 2 bullet points)

If it hasn’t been made clear Ironwood has made more enemies than allies simply due to his inability to compromise or let go of his Atlasian ideals and ego. As well as his refusal to accept the fact that he really isn’t that important or necessary in this conflict or at least in the way he wanted to be. If he further descends into his own little world Ironwood is going to cause more problems and do more damage that can never be undone and the only way to stop it would be if he was out of the picture. Because of this Ironwood is likely to die in V8 or by the end of the Atlas arc but it is also possible that he may die at another point later in the series.

Redemption Arc

The chances for Ironwood’s redemption are slim but they’re there, but probably not in the usual way that everyone expects to happen. To help clarify the possibility of redemption we will be using the trifecta structure of redemption arcs. This includes; How the character sees himself, how they see the world, and the stakes and how they change over time. As well as the Scale and Values of his motivation. To help better understand let us take a look at Ironwood’s motivations and goals from V2 and how they contrast and differ from V7 Ironwood.

Volume 2 Ironwood’s motivations upon first glance are simple; stop the threat and ensure stability and security. However if you watch closely there is an ulterior motive. From this we can determine the true Values of his goals and the Scale of what he is willing to do to achieve them and they go as such;

His values as of V2 are security via large Military foundations and amassing complete control and influence over forign nations while promoting the agendas of Atlas imperialism.(similar to the Galactic empire in its early years from Star Wars) With the scale showing that he is willing to go to such lengths as propaganda and political manipulation and betraying allies to get what he wants(the greatest example of this being subverting control from Ozpin)

From this we know that Ironwood sees himself as this perfect savior that can do no wrong and should be the one in charge. While his views of the world being that everything is below him unless they match those of Atlas. With the stakes at the time being the possibility of losing imperial expansion and the threat of domination from a superior force that could shatter the foundations of his ideology and culture.

While Volume 7 Ironwood’s motivations being; whatever it takes to preserve his perfect and ideal society even if it means sacrificing everything else before his valued culture is destroyed.

The values of this Ironwood definitely differ from previous versions of the character. As V7 Ironwood’s motivations have shifted from saving lives and defending them from Salem to preserving the very little bastion of control and authority that he has over Atlas. With the scale showing that he is willing to turn on allies and go as far as to abandon a whole heavily populated city and potentially the rest of the world in order to preserve the one thing that he has complete and unconditional control over.

Because of this a lot of Ironwood’s views have changed by the end of V7.

Due to his streak of recent failures his views of himself changed from being the perfect leader that he thought he was, to accepting reality that he isn’t said leader and is prone to failure. However because of that thinking he no longer feels that he should hold himself to that set standard anymore and do what he thinks is needed to get his desired results. Which leads to the fact that he still views himself as the one that should be in charge but this time he does not feel compelled to be fair or considerate of either allies or people.

His views of the world really haven’t changed as much. He is just more honest, open and direct about his views by V7’s end where it's pretty clear that he values his military industrial complex that is Atlas over people's lives regardless of their affiliation.(It should be noted that Mantle is still apart of the Kingdom of Atlas as a whole so consider the fact that he is abandoning the part of it he deems is an acceptable loss without even trying to save it)

But the greatest and significant of changes for Ironwood in the plot are the stakes. Prior to being told the truth about Salem’s immortality he honestly thought that he could win and kill her and be free to pursue whatever task he could set his mind to now that she was gone. After being told and with the clear indication that his power(Atlas) was at risk he essentially is doing what raven did; cut his losses and settle with what he has and run. As such the stakes for Ironwood at this point are to preserve the very little power and control that he has currently at his disposal and sacrifice and do whatever he can’t to maintain it even if it means letting the rest of the world die or be under Salem's control.

This is just speculation but Ironwood’s chances for redemption are pretty slim but not impossible. But the key start and major factors to make that redemption possible is for him to yield power and let go of Atlas. As I stated before, Ironwood relies heavily on his control over Atlas as he believes it to be the only means to maintain and sustain a war as well as the only way of enforcing his authority. To reiterate Ironwood true power and relevance to the story is his complete and unchallenged command over the Kingdom of Atlas and at the risk of sounding cliche; “All who obtain power are afraid to lose it even a hero” If there is to be any hope of defeating Salem and or maintaining peace in Remnant it can not happen with Ironwood being in power. Which may be more difficult than it seems which leads us to the possibility that he may not be redeemed and should he live past the Salem conflict with this type of thinking.

A New Enemy

For a character to be redeemed the character needs to want change for better but given his personality and recent events Ironwood at this point doesn’t feel or believe that he should change as he now has an ends justify the means mentality with the belief that he is this grand savior believing his way is the only way. Because of this it is very likely that he may stay an antagonist throughout the remainder of the series and possibly long after the main conflict.

The Third Faction; Okay I think it's a safe bet to say that no matter what Atlas was always going to be an antagonistic force that was being set up as early as V1. And unfortunately for Ironwood he ended up being the face and voice of said force that was there before he was ever given a name or a design.

Because of this setup it is possible that Atlas under Ironwood will become its own faction that may try to counter salem but at the same time will possibly sabotage the allies aka the main heroes and the rest of remnant since Ironwood’s paranoia has increased to the point that he doesn’t trust anyone anymore and most likely will reject any offer of aid or promise of an alliance since Ironwood believes his in own hype that much that he will eventually become a problem that has to be stopped which will possibly lead to the end of Atlas. Which brings us to what might happen to the character post Salem and Atlas.

Post Salem Insurgency; This is speculation but it's possible that after Salem is defeated and Atlas is destroyed he would continue to be a threat for the rest of Remnant as he will be forced to answer for war crimes and step down from power with the possibility that he may never obtain it again.

Given what we know of his personality Ironwood isn’t the type of guy to yield power or think he did anything wrong due to his ends justify the means montra. As such in the years following Salem's defeat and the possibility that Atlas may no longer exist or at the very least no longer subservient to Ironwood’s authority its most likely that he might end up in charge of a paramilitary consisting of the very few soldiers that are still loyal to him and start raiding and terrorizing settlements, cities and kingdoms all over remnant just to rebuild his military complex and infrastructure as a means to reclaim the status and power that he was stripped up.

How and why any of this would happen if it ever does is debatable but should it come to be Ironwood is going to need to compensate in order to survive if he becomes a legitimate threat which brings us to a very likely scenario based on his original inspiration

Full Cyber

Given what happened near the end of V7 and recent V8 concept renders combined with the Tin-man inspiration I do believe that there is a very likely scenario that Ironwood will be more machine than man at some point in the series assuming he doesn’t die yet. This is pretty much a given scenario due to his favoritism for machines than people and his new found ideology that humanity is weakness now it is very likely when given the chance that Ironwood will willingly become full cybernetic(Possibly to the point of just simply being a brain in a new metal body)

While this isn’t exactly an ideal outcome for the character but at the same time this would actually make Ironwood a credible threat as he would now be able to enforce his authority on his own now without relying on others to do it for him. Based on the research from the I am power post Ironwood is relatively a very weak character in comparison to a majority of other characters that we have seen so far and this is especially true when compared to the villains and main heroes. One key aspect to remember is that Remnant didn’t need the military only Ironwood did because on his own he’s screwed no matter what the situation.

Ironwood relies to heavily on his Army as it is the only thing that gives him some ambiance of a fighting chance but ultimately he is very ill suited to lead and manage said army that when you think of it are possibly full of people that are probably more capable than him as well as able to back up and defend their position of power on their own. Whereas Ironwood can not if he were to be overthrown by the military. In other words a fully cyberized Ironwood would actually be beneficial for him as it would make him a formidable threat beyond just simply being the guy who has the world's only military. Depending on what kind of enhancements he can get he would at least be on par with characters like Ruby Qrow and Yang and at the very best on the level of pre maiden Penny. Because as he is right now Ironwood would surely die if he were to face any character that is not within his capabilities. But this is my theory and observations but until we see more Ironwood’s best bet is going full cyber.

Role in the narrative & what we can learn from Ironwood

To start I think it's pretty clear that Ironwood in narrative is just a foil for most of the characters in the show. Especially with greater comparisons and emphasis on these 3 characters; Ozpin Ruby & Salem. While at the same time he is also the character representation that embodies Atlas the most and as such much about what we know and learned about Atlas is mostly due to Ironwood’s actions as he is the culmination and development of Atlasian culture. Unfortunately though this as far as his character was ever going to go. Which makes it all the more tragic and sad when you think about the role that he was supposed to serve.

We will first be breaking down each Foil comparison between Ironwood and the 3 prominent characters to plot as to better under his place in the narrative.

Ozpin

Of all the characters that exist in the RWBY story I do believe that Ironwood tried to emulate and be his own version of Ozpin(or any past incarnation). However unlike Ozpin Ironwood is biased, lacks actual experience and above all takes shortcuts to get faster results at the expense of others. I know that this mostly stems from good intentions but what exactly qualifies Ironwood to even think that he should be the one in charge to handle this Salem conflict. This is one of the greatest problems that is addressed in the show about Ironwood. He really believes that it's his destiny to lead by replacing Ozpin and win.

But I ask again; What exactly can Ironwood do that would qualify him to even be worthy to take up Ozpin’s task?

That's just it really, there is nothing about him to warrant such a thing. When it comes to the foils between the 2 it's about being this Big Good character that should lead and the themes of Grey morality that R.T. has tried to implement into the show. But when it comes down to it Ozpin is the true Big Good while Ironwood was simply a pretender. Ironwood has always been a narrowed focused character that cares about the conflict itself instead of the people that are caught in the crossfire. And unlike Ozpin who has based all of his decisions and plans from experience and human nature, Ironwood had based his for a need to simply be right and in control.

In short Ironwood had wanted to be the next Oz as he believed he was more suited to do what Ozpin couldn’t even though he lacked the skills, experience, and power to do so which brings us to the next foil.

Ruby Rose

This might be stretching a bit but when it comes to the plot there is no greater foil between characters than who is the real hero of the story. In this case is the hero of the series Ironwood or Ruby? To help answer this inquiry we need to know what exactly a hero is. Webster's dictionary defines a hero as a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent, endowed with great strength or ability.

While other sources would say what qualifies A hero can be as simple as a person that saves lives and stuff, but a hero can be anyone that does something they have fear of but are brave enough to still do something. Bravery is usually the biggest trait of any hero. This person has usually overcomes huge obstacles to survive or to rescue others.

A hero is selfless, a genuinely good person, and someone gets the undivided attention of all of us and causes change.

A hero takes action to help others at considerable risk to themselves, however, if that action also helps themselves, then they are not a hero because they are acting out of self-interest. Courage is admirable, but unless it involves risk or sacrifice in order to help others, then it isn't heroism.

So in short the true hero of the series is actually Ruby not Ironwood or any other character in the series. Not because she is one of the main characters or because this is a story from her perspective but because she has the ideal and pragmatic skills and abilities needed to handle the current situation of the plot as well as doing what Ironwood has failed to do himself confront fear and be brave. As I stated in paranoia over reason most if not all of his choices have been based on fear rather than actual logic, reason, or bravery. Which is further highlighted by facts discussed in I am power that Ironwood is really nothing without the military and doesn’t stand a chance on his own.

This is indefinitely a stark contrast to ruby as she has proven since her introduction to be capable of handling the threat of Salem as she has the talents skills abilities power and above all the spark that inspires others that compels them to do great things for the right reasons which Ironwood failed to do as all of his action have had a certain goal that would only benefit a certain few with him being the one who would benefit the most. This is mostly due to how the 2 have responded and chose to handle the situation.

When it comes down to it the main plot is defeating monsters that dominate the world who happen to have a leader controlling them. Remember the whole reason why Salem is even a credible threat is because she can control said monsters and the first premise before she came on screen for the first time was learning how to fight grimm. This is something that Ruby was training and preparing for since she was a kid with the added bonus of having the powers needed to handle the situation with ease while Ironwood has only been preparing for a war with other people rather than monsters and crush rebellions rather than being a guardian peacekeeper that Oz meant for him to be.

Because of this Ironwood has contributed more to the problem more so than Ruby did as his actions were done in favor of Atlas and his own self interests were as Ruby makes honest mistakes out of ignorance and optimism. Which brings me to the next foil that Ironwood shares more qualities with than anyone else

Salem

I know I'm going to get a lot of heat for this but if you think about it Ironwood is basically a syfy dictator version of Salem’s fantasy dark lord. Face value it doesn’t seem likely but given what we know about their current lore, history, personally, and world building these two can be twins to some extent. The examples are as followed;

They’re both headstrong and blunt individuals who go too far in their endeavors when simple and easier solutions were present

They’re both isolated however Salem is isolated by circumstance and force while Ironwood is isolated by choice and paranoia which is ironically the results of their cold upbringing and history

They both lead organizations with questionable intentions that border on dark and immoral with goals that are based on self entitlement rather than rightfully justified or earned

And to top it off they essentially command armies of soulless killing machines

From these examples we have plenty of foils between the two with them being pride, isolation, tragedy, authority and probably the most important foil in regards to the plot War & Conflict. However when it comes down to it Ironwood is on the short end of these foils when compared to Salem.

In terms of tragedy these two have let their past misfortunes dictate and influence their decisions resulting in a sense of entitlement that they have been wronged now the world has to compensate them for things to be right. For Salem she had a cruel upbringing for unknown reasons and life being unfairly cruel while Ironwood was lifely forced into servitude and was never really himself as he wanted to be. Salem’s tragedies are the result of grief and dealing with forces that she couldn’t comprehend. While Ironwood’s is the result of unchecked ambition and ignorance.

Similar to Oz, Salem has more experience being a leader that can exert their authority and will over others while Ironwood lacks the experience and therefore can’t do the same. The Grimm under Salem’s command are more of an oppressed hivemind that she leads with little to no resistance unlike her human subordinates. Thus Salem has more direct control and authority over those she commands and has the abilities necessary to keep them in line with her goals. While the people under Ironwood’s authority have a voice and mind of their own that don’t align with his ideas. Due to this he isn’t much of a respected leader as he thought he was. Because of this Ironwood is mostly kept in power by rules and regulations with everyone blindly following suit.

As for war Ironwood was without a doubt unprepared for it. This is mostly due to 4 reasons;

He had no idea of what he was doing

His opponents are of better a quality than anything he can make or round up

He was preparing for the wrong war that should never have come to pass.

He was to prideful and sure of himself that nothing can go wrong

When it comes to the 1st reason Ironwood was more or less a pseudo soldier in a time where militaries are pretty much obsolete. This is because militaries are used as power projection of a nation and convey the message to another nation to not cross them. Due to the timing there was no real reason or excuse to justify having a military during a point in time where people are more interested in developing a culture and living life rather than fighting in needless conflicts. As such there was no practical reason, competition, or threat to justify Ironwood’s demands for a large military when he came to power or ensure that it was of a better quality than whatever hypothetical enemy that he would face.

Salem on the other hand has had experience commanding armies before and probably has instigated several wars and conflicts prior to the founding of the current 4 kingdoms thus Salem would have at least accumulated centuries to millenniums of war experience that surpass Ironwood’s brief 30 years of service in the Atlas military. Given that Salem was already a crafty and manipulative person during a time when gods were still around, she most likely would have seen the mistakes and flaws that Ironwood has made and exploited them.

Leading into the 2nd reason Ironwood was pretty much in command of a terrible military. As stated in the 1st reason there was no real threat or competition that encouraged those in power besides Ironwood to remilterze. As well as the current military most likely being filled with people who don’t want to fight a war and most likely enlisted for economic reasons. Because of this and his paranoia Ironwood had to find a surrogate army to prepare for his war that in his mind could happen at any time. However this resulted in cheaply made Androids that can be assembled fast for quick deployment. Due to this Ironwood traded quality for quantity as not only was no one going to fight in his war but believed war was on its way soon. Out of misplaced desperation Ironwood hastily assembled a low quality army that never stood a chance.

In comparison to Salem’s main military force there aren’t that many differences. However the Grimm are slightly a better quality than what the Atlas military has to offer. This is mostly due to the fact that the Grimm are a semi sapient species that are capable of learning and adapting as well as possessing some level of self preservation with individual grimm being around longer than most of their kind becoming even more deadlier than them. While the androids that Atlas uses aren’t as they were made to be cheap and disposable and are mostly effective in large numbers.

The 3rd reason for why Salem is doing well during this conflict with Ironwood is mostly due to the General preparing for the wrong type of war than the war that he is actually fighting in. After all is said and done Ironwood has solely been preparing for a war with other people rather than for monsters. This is because the Atlas military before Ironwood took charge wasn’t meant to fight a war. Not all militaries are formed or created to defend the people. Atlas is the type of military that serves only in favor of the best interest of the state of government rather than the people.

Because of this Ironwood had spread misery and divided the people turning them into enemies. Salem would later take advantage of this division that Ironwood created as he was more focused preparing for war than managing the welfare of his citizens. This is speculation but most if not all of the weapons like penny and the Atlesian knights were solely made to fight human opponents as opposed to the grimm that Salem commanded. This is because Ironwood feared and distrusted people more than the monsters he fought.

The 4th and final reason why Ironwood never stood a chance is due to the fact that he believed in his own hype more than he should have. From key dialogues to certain character interactions and in universe lore Ironwood has always presented himself as this towering figure with unlimited power; A god among men so to speak. This shows us that ultimately Ironwood’s ego and pride have been inflated to the point that his overall common sense is non-existent. This is further explored and shown in the control tactics that he uses specifically these ones; Strength and Intimidation in Numbers;

Some aggressors like to dominate a situation by having a number of associates or friends present to support their position. The superior numbers alone may constitute an intimidating presence. They can also back each other up and challenge an individual in turn during a proceeding. In addition, they may also put pressure on a person to make a decision before they're ready. At worst, the strength in numbers tactic may be used for direct or indirect bullying or harassment.

Ironwood's overall strategy is simply sowing fear and doubt into an enemy that he doesn’t understand with large and unnecessary shows of power wasting resources to cover a wide variety of unknown enemies that pose a threat to him regardless if they are with Salem or not. This is best seen with the thousands to millions of cheaply made androids that are only effective in large numbers and the one ship of the line that was too big to be suited for warfare as they function as more of a forward operating base with their great size giving them the intimidation factor without other supporting fleet vessels like frigates or corvettes.(FYI by my count from V6 ep13 there were at least 41 of those ships hovering above Atlas doing nothing)

This is even confirmed by Ironwood in V3 ep3 where he claims this to be the case with this line of dialogue;

“The people of Vale needed someone to protect them, someone who would act. When they look to the sky and see my fleet, they feel safe, and our enemies will feel our strength.”

This sort of tactic would probably have been useful if it was applied in a conventional warfare plot with people being his opponent as this is a real life tactic used in militaries and the navy especially in the modern era. The problem however is that the plot isn’t about conventional warfare nor is it a battle between people but with monsters where these tactics are meaningless to them. These tactics are ineffective when compared to Salem’s psychological hit & run terror tactic being used in a setting like RWBY’s are quite effective and more useful than anything Ironwood can come up with. Even though they rely on opportunity and time to become a practical threat the end result is a huge payoff to the one who applied them with that being Salem.

To sum it up when it comes to the foils of war between these 2 characters all you really need is the right tactic, strategy or plan and everything falls into place regardless of whether you have an army or a handful of misfits all it takes is careful thought and patience something of which Ironwood has shown to be lacking.

In conclusion what we learn from these foils are Leadership, Heroism, and War and how no matter what Ironwood was always on the short end of these traits and was never going to reach his ideal scenario for each of these ideas as he had set high expectations that were well above his capabilities and now he’s paying the price.

The Atlas Meta Narrative’s influence on Ironwood

Based on my research and what I have stated before; the greatest source of Ironwood’s flaws and antagonism is largely due to the influences of his home kingdom; Atlas.

Just like Ironwood Atlas is also a foil setting and culture to the other kingdoms and the rest of Remnant. The reasoning for this is best explored in the established lore and other expanded material. To help better understand, here is a brief summarized history and development of the Kingdom of Atlas;

Before Atlas came to be it first started as Mantle who began as a group of desperate people trying to survive. Taking advantage of the cold climate of Solitas they were safe from the Grimm and had an unknown amount of time to develop both their technology and culture without restraint or interference. Eventually this progress was stalled due to a Grimm incident in Mantle that forced the current leaders of the kingdom to make radical and unnecessary regulations that suppress basic human emotions and rights instead of putting the effort to protect the people.

When the Great war started Mantle joined only to ensure that its like minded imperialist ally Mistral would supply them the resources needed to survive. Because of this and the extreme measures they enforced on their citizens to control them prior to the war Mantle was most likely considered the most evilest faction during the war. When the war came to an end with Mantle suffering an embarrassing defeat it led to an age of cultural segregation and discrimination upon Mantle in the post war era.

Following the war Mantle entered an age of isolation and economic depression due to distrust and suspicion from the other kingdoms as they would only view them as this inherently evil and tyrannical force that can’t be trusted. Because of this the lingering scar of the toxic ideology of pre-war Mantle survived and is echoed in its spiritual successor; Atlas where it continued what Mantle couldn’t survive and thrive under the same core ideology that they had 80 years ago when they were still Mantle with only minor changes made to prevent the other kingdoms to intervene and possibly destroy their so called perfect culture.

After they lost a scar had remained and an echo was created that still lingers to the present. Due to cause and effect Atlas at its core was developed to be this amoral conservative xenophobic dystopia that was being led by corrupt individuals that were in pursuit of their own self-interests rather than serving their citizens and were kept in power by blind followers that couldn’t see their real intentions. As a result Atlas became a culture of exploitation, expansion, repression, and subjugation for the well being of the political entity that is the state at the expense of its people and others.

In relation to Ironwood as I stated before is a byproduct of this system and is simply one of a long line of blind followers that eventually supplanted the leadership and chose to continue the machine that is Atlas and replaced cogs needed to keep it running as he was once forced to do throughout his life because he doesn’t know of anything else.

Because of this upbringing and the history of his origins Ironwood was more or less viewed as indifferent in the eyes of his own people and evil in the eyes of others. Leading to a clash of beliefs within Ironwood that resulted in conflicts with others and the main meta narrative theme that we were meant to learn from him; The essence of Being.

The Essence of Being

Essence is defined as the core nature or most important qualities of a person or thing. Essentially the narrative lesson that we can learn from Ironwood is the age old lesson that has been echoed from R.T. longest running series but with a more individual focus. That's right, Ironwood's journey and arc in the story is an inverse and modification of the classic RVB question; “Do you ever wonder why we're Here.”

But in the case of Ironwood it's more focused on an individual person asking and the age old question of Why am I here and what is my purpose and how do they justify and understand it.

As I stated before Ironwood was simply the wrong character in a different genre from a writing and story perspective. But in universe from the perspective of Ironwood it's simply a matter of him asking; “Why am I alive and here, and why am I this instead of that in a world like this?” At some point everyone questions the reality and circumstances of their situation and it's probably common questioning on a world, setting, and reality like Remnant. For Ironwood it’s possible that he’s asked these questions more than anyone. As for the reasons why he would question his existence go as follow;

Why was I born in Atlas?

How do I prove I'm good when others think I’m evil by proxy?

Why I’m I so weak when compared to more skilled & powerful people?

Why was I made to be reliant on others that can’t rely on themselves?

I’m I respected only for the rank or the man?

Does anyone really care about me or I’m I being used by sycophants?

Will anyone care when I’m gone?

Why won’t anyone give me a chance?

How do I justify and understand the reasons why I'm here?

Does any of this matter in the end?

The core of Ironwood’s journey, actions, motives, and story wasn’t about saving the world, the balance of grey morality of people, or even the preservation of a certain culture, but instead is about cementing a legacy to escape the harsh reality that everything we do will eventually be undone. It's such a freighting thing to fall but is even more freighting is to admit it

In a way Ironwood's story is somewhat relevant to this line from Monty Oum in regards to immortality; “The goal isn't to live on forever; it's to make something that does.” CRWBY has even stated that Ironwood is a forward thinking individual/ A dreamer if you would. Because of this Ironwood was more focused on where he was heading rather than focus on where he was and what he was doing Causing a lot of problems to happen and escalating events to the point that we see them in the shows present. This oversight and negligence is because he continued to believe that, like everything else in his life, it would be righted by the sheer force of his will.

But sadly he is just only one man put on the world for a brief moment of time that is rather minuscule and insignificant on a cosmic and meta level. Everything changes and legacies are either forgotten or are repeated. In the end time and death are the ultimate victors as they undo everything and the cycle repeats itself for better or worse and individuals like Ironwood are just caught in the middle repeating and doing the same thing that has probably already happened and will probably happen again. All it takes is just a matter of time.

My Thoughts and conclusion

For the most part I was pretty much cautious when it came to the character and felt that he was more or less a side character trying to be a main one. The problem with that however in my thoughts is that well he doesn’t really have much to go on to warrant such a status. As well as how the plot has been structured Ironwood was never going to get what he wants. He may have had good intentions but at the end of the day he is only human with his own wants and needs.

Overall I do feel that his part in the story is over. Mostly because he tried to take the lead of it. Meta understanding aside Ironwood’s time is coming to an end and I hate to say it but it probably would be for the best. Not just everyone else in the show but for himself as well. As I stated Ironwood’s life is Sad because well it never was really his to begin with. It's illogical because he was ill equipped to be a part of the setting that he was in. His death is more than guaranteed because he has nothing left to contribute to the story that can’t be done by anyone else. At this point with the overall message of death in the show it would be mercy and relief for Ironwood as Death is not the worst thing that can happen to you.

I still hold hope though as I’ve come to understand and see why people are fascinated by his character. But for that hope to be possible Ironwood has to let go of Atlas as it has been the main source of conflict between him and everyone else.

Well that's it I’m done for now as this is an analysis of Pre V8 Ironwood and maybe after V8 I may add more research of V8 Ironwood and see how much i got right in the initial analysis. After doing this I hope to do an analysis on Qrow Branwen and other RWBY characters hopefully in a much shorter amount of time as opposed to the months it took me to do Ironwood.(then again this was my first character analysis) Until then be on the lookout for additional bonus content for Ironwood such as;

Character comparisons from fiction

Character comparisons IRL

How you can fight & Kill Ironwood

A more indepth look of his new cybernetics

What Ironwood should have done

His relationship with other characters

The possibility of an Ironwood spin-off

That's all for now. Let me know what you think and thank you all who helped made this analysis possible.

#rwby #rwby ironwood #james ironwood #general ironwood #rwby8 #rwby analysis #rwby theory #rwby thoughts #rwby atlas #rwby salem #rwby ozpin #rwby ruby rose #qrow branwen #rwby spoilers #rwby qrow #Ironwood analysis

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jokertrap-ran · 4 years ago

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(最后的厂牌 LAST CREW) His Story: [MAN ONWIRE] 冷任非 Leng Renfei Translation Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

*Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Welcome to another round of Ran’s sinning whims. *Lawyer man’s future tag will be #LAW ONWIRE *THEY RAP WELL!!!

"Before meeting you, he was one who traversed the deep, eternal, and dark night; the Abyss.”

He, who terrorizes sinners with the holiest stance . Deep within the abyss, with feathers as sharp as blades, re-establishing Justice amongst the morass of Sin.

"So what if he's the most reputable Lawyer?"

A MPV was parked at the entrance of Mingfei Law Firm. A man dressed in an impressively pricy-looking suit spoke to his assistant, who stood outside, through the rolled down windows of the car. "Same old, just give him the money. Double, if he scoffs."

"President He, this is just how Lawyer Leng works. He confirms each case he takes face-to-face with the client."

"What else is there to confirm…?"

Despite having said that, Mr. He still lowered his voice as he spoke. "Has that evidence already been dealt cleanly away with? No one else got their hands on it, right?

"Well… There are currently no other Lawyers in 000 City who can provide you with what you require, even without that evidence.” His assistant reminded him again, somewhat helplessly, of the same answer that the previous few Lawyers had all given him. They'd all said without a doubt that his sentence could only be reduced by a mere 3 to 5 years, and that any more would be impossible.

A few minutes later saw them both sitting inside Leng Renfei's Office.

The assistant was almost purring as he handed all the evidence over to Leng Renfei. "Have a look at these, Lawyer Leng…"

Leng Renfei didn't make a move to stand up and accept the proffered documents. Instead, all he did was to signal the assistant to place them down onto the table.

"We’ll give you anything you wish, so long as you're willing to do us this one favour."

Only then, does he speak. "This isn't a favour. It is my job, that's all."

His gaze fell upon Mr. He, who had been sitting to the side. He contemplated the man for a while before speaking.

"Is this all?"

It was obviously merely just a simple enquiry. Yet, being stared down by those eyes brought about an enormous sense of pressure. Mr. He, who had been so ostentatiously manspreading, couldn't refrain from rightening himself up a little, avoiding his piercing gaze.

"That's all."

Leng Renfei loosened his tie as he looked through the papers.

"Judging from these documents here, I'll say that 15 years for you, is but a normal sentence."

He flipped through it, chuckling as he reached the end. He then raised his head and fixated his eyes onto Mr. He.

"You wish to reduce your sentence to nothing more than 3 years? ...Very well, I shall accept your case. However, you must be absolutely truthful with me about everything pertaining to this Court Hearing. And you will also have to provide me with your full cooperation during the period in which I am taking charge of your case. Otherwise, I can't guarantee that you'll get the result you seek.”

⊹ ━━━━━ ∘◦ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ◦∘ ━━━━━ ⊹

9:50 AM, 10 minutes before the hearing begins.

However, at this moment in time, the defendant, Mr. He and Leng Renfei were both stuck at the junction a street away from where the court was located. The luxurious MPV vehicle they were riding in had been blockaded by a group of people; the plaintiff's angry family.

"Professionally speaking, I humbly suggest that you get off the car now and start making your way towards the court." Leng Renfei suggested, pushing up his glasses.

The plaintiff's family members continued pounding on the bulletproof windows with no signs of ceasing anytime soon. They didn't make any move to back down despite the countless times their chauffeur honked the car's horn.

Mr. He looked repulsively at the dirtied windows of the car, seemingly disregarding Leng Renfei's "professional advice".

"Haven't we already contacted court security? I do not wish to affiliate myself with the masses by trying to fight my way through the crowd.

"You will no doubt be late if this continues on." Leng Renfei's hand landed on the handle of the door. "Besides…"

The last of his words had yet to leave his mouth when he vehemently pulled the door open, pushing Mr. He out of the vehicle with a forceful shove—

"...Only the obedient will be granted victory over the lawsuit."

The crowd outside swarmed Mr. He immediately, cornering him off to the curb.

At the same time, the MPV finally regained its movement capabilities. Leng Renfei, who was still currently seated inside, paid no mind to the on-going chaos outside, only lowering his head to review the documents for the hearing once more. He gave a slight frown, clicking his tongue before speaking once more.

"Please wait for him at the carpark's entrance."

⊹ ━━━━━ ∘◦ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ◦∘ ━━━━━ ⊹

9:59, the defendant and his defence attorney arrive at court.

10:00，Court proceeds as scheduled.

Now, the suit adorning the defendant's frame was all crumpled and wrinkly. His hair, mussed up with dirt, and there were even visible red marks on his face. His heaving chest betrayed his obvious fury. Yet, the Lawyer beside him was the same as always. All the way from his neatly ironed outfit to the calm and composed expression he wore, with not a single flaw to be seen.

The duo had presented themselves as such an oddity that it even caught the attention of the judge. After going through the normal proceedings of the court's opening, the judge turned back again to question Leng Renfei.

"Defence Attorney, the court notices that the defendant is dressed in a rather dishevelled manner. Does he require some time to sort himself out before the hearing officially begins?"

Leng Renfei held the defendant back as he shot up from his seat in anger. He stood back up, cleaning his throat before answering the judge.

"Thank you, your honour. My client was actually assaulted on the way here and chose to undertake a huge risk by traversing here whilst under attack by an angry mob; all because he didn't wish to delay the hearing. Although the mob in question has already been detained by the court's security team, I personally think that this attack is intricately, but undoubtedly linked to the plaintiff."

⊹ ━━━━━ ∘◦ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ◦∘ ━━━━━ ⊹

Everything was proceeding as planned. This case was a win. Now all the defendant needed to do was to pay the plaintiff a certain amount of money as monetary compensation.

But of course, the endless stream of questioning and inquiries had to come first before any celebrations could be held.

"The plaintiff accuses you of using underhanded means of winning the judge's sympathy. What do you make of it?"

"Did you and the defendant plan for him to make an appearance to court, as dishevelled as he was?"

"Many people claim that your defence is flimsy and holds no weight. They say that your winning streak in court will soon be broken due to this. How are you prepared to answer these queries?"

Leng Renfei halted in his footsteps upon hearing the last question. He turned around to face the cameras and the millions of faceless civilians who were watching behind the screen.

"All I have to say is that I’m sorry to disappoint you."

"Unfortunately, I've yet to taste defeat even today."

"And as a matter of fact, I have no plans to do so in the foreseeable future either.”

"Lawyer Leng, rumour has it that you'd stop at no end in order to win. May I ask about your opinion on this?"

He smiled. "Doing anything and everything in order to uphold the law? That sounds like a compliment to me."

"But have you ever placed yourself into the shoes of the victim's family? Can that bit of monetary compensation make up for a life? You are deliberately twisting the truth! It’s despicable!"

Those 8 words were spoken with much emphasis, causing Leng Renfei to look towards the reporter who’d directed the question at him with much interest. It was a youngster, teeth bared and eyes glaring daggers at him. The rims of his eyes were even a little red to further add to the effect.

The entire media lapsed into silence. All the mics and cameras turned their focus to the lawyer. Looks like this biting question has aroused the interest of everyone present.

His moved his gaze from the young reporter, whose face was radiating sheer justice from it. He removed his glasses, the side of his mouth curling upwards as he replied to the reporter’s accusation with his usual smile and finesse.

“It’s a given that I have to defend my client’s interests seeing as how I’m a Lawyer. I’ve most certainly received the compliments from the plaintiff’s family.”

“Congratulations on another victory, Lawyer Leng.”

⊹ ━━━━━ ∘◦ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ◦∘ ━━━━━ ⊹

―—Back in his grand residence, Mr. He happily helped himself to another glass of red wine despite already being quite drunk.

Leng Renfei’s lips curled into a smile. “I should really congratulate you for having obtained a fair hearing from the court.”

“But of course.” Mr. He all but patted himself on his back. “How would those cretins ever affect me? The real evidence has already been destroyed and dealt away with, right from the very beginning of everything after all...”

Before he could finish his sentence however, he suddenly remembered the “rules” that the Lawyer beside him had set down at the beginning of it all. He sobered up a little, swallowing before looking towards Leng Renfei.

However, Feng Renfei’s expression didn’t change at all, only raising his glass lightly in question. “Not caring for another glass? Victory brewed by one’s hand will only taste all the sweeter when enjoyed in person.”

“Haha… You’re right, Lawyer Leng. I’m going to sober up.“ Noticing how nothing seemed to be amiss with Leng Renfei, Mr. He breathed a sigh of relief as he quickly removed the cork from the bottle.

Judgement has already been passed, and the results have already been secured. Moreover, all the condemning evidence was already long gone, and even the most powerful Lawyer cannot ask for the case to be opened again. He couldn’t help the smug expression that appeared on his face.

Watching the fresh red wine trickling into the glass as it was poured, the smile on Leng Renfei’s face morphed into one that was a little more sincere.

⊹ ━━━━━ ∘◦ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ◦∘ ━━━━━ ⊹

Stemming from the heart of 000 City, the river expands outwards in an X formation.

Located upstream were those who slumbered self-deceivingly within a beautifully fabricated dream. And located downstream, was where the entire City's waste was endlessly swept under the carpet. There, at the very edge of the City, was a particularly convenient place to carry out certain "things".

During night, at an abandoned warehouse located near the edge of the City— Mr He, who had been celebrating his victory so triumphantly earlier was now pathetically tied up on a chair against the wall.

His face was bruised, and one of the lenses of his glasses had been pierced by something thin and small. It was levelled just a few millimetres away from his eyeball. He sat there, tied and ramrod straight. He didn't even dare breathe, for he was afraid that doing so would cause that sliver to pierce through his eye.

A guy's voice reverberated through the darkness. "Do you still remember what I said?"

Mr. He frantically nodded, his cries coming out as mere whimpers as fearful tears fell from his eyes in an endless stream.

"I hope to hear news of your confession tomorrow at noon."

——The dim lights, along with all the piled up junk and debris, formed a blind spot. White feathers darted out from one of the dark corners, flashing past.

It was as if something pure had just quietly fluttered it's wings amidst the sins that surrounded it. Out of place; yet shining ever so bright.

"Perhaps I shall let you enjoy what remaining freedom you have left. All these incriminating evidences are sufficient to land you in prison for the rest of your life after all."

A small blade flew out from the darkness as the voice faded away, cutting him free of his restrains.

Mr. He tore off the tape that gagged his mouth, breathing a sigh of relief as the spiking anxiety in his heart significantly calmed.

The next second saw a sharper, deadlier, blade brushing past the side of his eye, slicing a thin line across his temple before embedding itself into the wall just a mere hairsbreadth away.

The cold silver of the blade gleamed, reflecting his eyes as he widened them in a moment of panic. His breath came in short intermittent stutters, choking, as if he had his air flow concurrently cut off.

It was then, that Mr. He truly saw what was hiding in the shadows—

Leng Renfei, the Lawyer that had still been under his hire mere hours ago, was now here, skilfully manoeuvring his blade as he played with it.

A pair of pure white wings unfolded, stretching out from behind his back, each feather, as sharp as a blade.

With him, there was no hint of any of the kindness associated with angels. The edges of his feathers were razor sharp, akin to claws straight out of hell.

Stained with blood, they had a metallic tang to them.

"Surprised?" Leng Renfei approached him slowly, one step at a time.

"Funny. I thought I'd already made it clear to you? That you must be absolutely truthful to me about everything that pertains to this Court Hearing. Otherwise, I won't be able to guarantee that you'll get the results you seek. No?"

The horrible pressure Mr. He felt forbade him from making even the slightest movement. His feet, clad in pristine leather shoes, tensed up as he slowly shifted his weight, inching backwards.

"If I fail to see the news tomorrow at noon, then…" A voice, low, yet hard to perceive, sounded beside his ear. Leng Renfei’s angelic wings fluttered a few times, and Mr. He felt the very real threat that they posed inching in closer every time they moved.

Next, a foot slammed itself hard onto his knee, forcing him to revert his focus back in front, to the owner of those deadly wings. From whom, he heard words that angels would never speak of.

"...You shall fall into the depths of hell with me."

He retracted his pure white wings, concealing the holiness once more.

Mr. He’s vision plummeted into darkness once more as Leng Renfei turned his back on him, walking towards the faint light that shone behind the door.

Halfway out the door, Leng Renfei paused. The few rays of light permeating the inky darkness illuminating his features, vaguely showing the way his lips curled into a smile. He placed his hands into his pockets, his words tinged with a bit of child-like “sincerity”.

“Right, I seem to recall that you got a B for your rational adaptation rating. There’s still a way if you wish to live out the rest of your life a little more comfortably.”

Despite how he’d already been driven to the corner, he couldn’t help but to see a new glimmer of hope upon hearing Leng Renfei’s words.

“S-ranked prisoners will receive special preferential treatment. How about you try your hand at it since you’re going to be spending the rest of your life in prison anyway?”

“I’ll always welcome you with open arms as the Adjudicator of 000 City’s Erasure Tests.”

"I promise you that you'll be able to get the fairest trials for your crimes there."

⊹ ━━━━━ ∘◦ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ◦∘ ━━━━━ ⊹

The next day, noon. Mingfei Law Firm was swamped with the endless ringing of phone calls.

The defendant who had won the case yesterday had suddenly confessed and turned himself in to the police. He’d even confessed in front of the media, apologizing to the family of the victim who had died from being unable to shoulder the burden of being cheated out of a large amount of property.

Half-slumped on his chair, Leng Renfei crossed his legs atop the table, off-handedly picking up and answering one of the many media calls.

“Oh? You’re asking me for my thoughts about it?”

“As a Lawyer, I feel sorry for my client; but personally, I’m very happy to see that justice has been served.”

⊹ ━━━━━ ∘◦ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ LAW ONWIRE Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ◦∘ ━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

#最后的厂牌 #LAST CREW #Otome #Translations #APG GAMES #冷任非 #Leng Renfei #MAN ONWIRE #LAW ONWIRE #Brave City

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sinceileftyoublog · 4 years ago

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Wobbly Interview: Going for Happy

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Thurston Moore Ensemble/Negativland band member Jon Leidecker has been releasing electronic music under the moniker Wobbly for over two decades now. In Chicago experimental label Hausu Mountain, he seems to have found kindred spirits, matching his far out idiosyncrasies. 2019′s Monitress and its follow-up, Popular Monitress, which came out earlier this month, are albums about and by machines, as Leidecker ran his music into pitch trackers and synth apps on his phones and tablets, embracing the errors and randomness that were produced along the way. While the source material on Monitress was mostly improvised, the songs on Popular Monitress are more structured and composed, resulting in songs like “Authenticated Krell”, which follows a comparatively clean synth arpeggio before being enveloped by texture, or “Lent Foot”, where the various instruments trail each other. It’s remarkable just how familiar certain sounds are even if not traditionally instrumental ones, like the typewriter clacks of “Illiac Ergodos 7!” or the zooming notes of the thumping title track. Blurring the lines between what’s instrument and what’s not, and even further, what’s composed music and what’s not, Popular Monitress is a defining statement for both Leidecker and Hausu.

I was able to ask Leidecker about various songs on the album and their inspirations. Read his answers below!

Since I Left You: You chose to write more structured songs this time around before running them through the pitch tracker. Do those nuggets of recognizable structures make the final product all the more disorienting?

Jon Leidecker: Hopefully! On both albums, the main thing is keeping the focus on just how live those pitch trackers are. It’s Monitress as long as you can hear how they’re listening. For years, it was strictly a piece for live performance--I needed to be improvising myself, and able to respond instantly, to really underline just how spontaneous the machine responses are. So the first record tried to keep more of that sense of flow. Large stretches of it are simply baked down from stereo recordings of concerts & radio performances of it. Overdubbing more layers of trackers seemed legal, as long all the voices were following that one original sound.

Of course, when you play a tune, something composed or even quantized, it definitely becomes easier to hear what they’re doing. The exact same code running on each phone will respond in very different ways to the same source audio, and you get a chorus of individual voices. They play a lot of wrong notes, but oddly, if you feed the trackers lots of consonant, major chords, it stops being dissonance, and you can tell they’re going for happy. You hear these weird things, trying to sing in unison, and..the result is just pure delight. Weirdly emotional! What’s a mistake? What’s music?

SILY: How did you come up with the song titles? For instance, is there anything particularly Appalachian about "Appalachian Gendy"?

JL: They’re mostly mashed up references to landmark works in the field of generative & algorithmic composition, from the 50’s up to the early 90’s. The recent push of stories on AI musical tools seems to be about automation and labor-saving, but the field of how to develop tools for more creative ends goes back all the way to Bebe and Louis Barron going to the Macy Conferences on Cybernetics and designing their first self-oscillating feedback circuit.

So while my tracks aren’t really in the musical style of the works they reference--something like “Appalachian Gendy”, which sprung up a fantasy Spiegel/Xenakis tribute, got paired to that stompdown track, and once it did, I added a solo on iGendyn.

SILY: To what extent is your music here inspired by the inner workings of the brain?

JL: Once you get a grip on just how simply neurons and synapses interact, how reassuringly physical thinking is, the electronic music I’ve always found most inspiring often involve feedback systems, self-playing devices, generative music, things that learn rather than settle. Music that helps you model thought. The whole East Coast/West Coast 60’s divide in synth design boiled down to Moog reducing your options until you could easily dial in what you already know you want, and Buchla designing uncertainty machines to be networked together until they approach the complexity of an unknown brain.

SILY: "Synaptic Padberg" and "Every Piano" have moments of recognizable instruments as opposed to alien instruments (strings and piano, respectively). Was that just a product of the errors/randomness of the music-making, or purposeful?

JL: It's supposed to sound orchestral, so I hit my Mellotron and Chamberlin apps pretty hard with this piece. Not like anything remains plausibly real once they're getting hammered by the trackers. That is a real grand piano, however: me playing the tune at SnowGhost Music in Montana. Brett Allen deserves an engineering credit, but I also wanted the first listen to make you wonder.

SILY: There's almost a funky rhythm to "Motown Electronium". Do you envision folks dancing to this record?

JL: Would have been plain wrong to put that title on an unworthy beat. What would a room full of people dancing to this even be like? Maybe in Baltimore.

SILY: Do you think "Training Lullaby" is what a computer trying to write a lullaby would sound like?

JL: Not that relaxing, is it? That’s ten seconds pulled from a five minute live improvisation, just a little burst of fury in the middle. Which I’ve heard enough now that I can sing along to it; so now, for me, it is calming.

I finally had to admit to myself that I’m a fan of the OpenAI Jukebox stuff. It’s right at that stage where their results are still primitive enough to remain a little mysterious. All the context and relationships intrinsic to what humans call music is irrelevant to those GANs. They don’t need culture to make music, they just need waveforms. What does it tell us that simple pattern analysis and brute number crunching on a large enough data set can produce those sounds? They’re training us. I have twelve hours of their Soundcloud dump ripped to my phone, and I play it a lot, though I wouldn’t play it for anyone under four. Can definitely sing along to some of the weirder ones by now.

SILY: How did you approach the order of tracks on the record? I'm struck by, for instance, the chaos of "Grossi Polyphony" following the comparative lull of "Every Piano".

JL: Just trying to show the range, and keep the surprises coming. Perpetual variety becomes monotony so quickly, so there is a very careful balancing act to play between shorter and longer tracks. I like a record where on first listen, any new section that begins, you feel like there are no guarantees how long it’ll last, eight seconds or eight minutes. Even things that sound like they should be songs: no guarantees. I still remember the first time I heard The Faust Tapes as a teenager.

SILY: Did you actually use musical dice to write "Wurfelspiel"?

JL: “Wurfelspiel” is just name-dropping Mozart’s generative piece--again, a real piano, but no musical dice involved.

SILY: The beats towards the end of the album--the pseudo hip-hop of "Cope By Design", techno of "Dusthorn Sawpipe", krautrock of "Help Desk"--seem to me to be far more propulsive than anything else here. Do you see a connection between those tracks?

JL: The album hits you with all these miniatures in the middle to keep things moving, and those three are the last little barrage of them before the shift into the final stretch with the longer, more hypnotic pieces. Can be tough to sequence an album when you’ve got so many short tracks, but it’s also total freedom.

SILY: How did you like getting the Hausu Mountain album art treatment?

JL: Totally family. All the Monitress packaging has always been iPhone panorama mode artifacts, visual glitches not entirely unlike what my phone’s trackers do to what they hear. I gave one of those images to [Hausu Mountain co-founder Max Allison] to work with the cover of the first Monitress, and he sent back this image, saying, “Here’s the initial stage: Your photo reduced to color blocks I’ll carefully render out later.” So when the second hyper-detailed one came back in a more proper Hausu style, they already seemed like a sequence, and this second one was already in place, so it all clicked. Any version of Monitress, the music is different, but it’s always the same piece. I’m really happy they asked me for something. [Label co-founder Doug Kaplan] and Max are just coming from the good place.

SILY: Are you doing any live streams or socially distant shows any time soon?

JL: Multi-location live streams are a blast. The time modulation inherent in all streaming is deeply psychedelic. The kind of listening you have to do when you know that the relationship of sounds together in time is different for each musician involved? I’m learning utterly new tricks, and it’s astonishing just how live the result is. I sat in on a live stream with Thurston Moore Group a few months ago, the four of them in London, and me hooked up to an amp not far from where I normally am when I play with them. And everyone agreed: It felt like I was there, right up until the instant I quit the app.

I’ve been pre-recording some home live sets for Hausu, Curious Music and High Zero Foundation. Negativland is putting together an hour long performance with Sue-C for the Ann Arbor Film Festival in late March. I finished an album mostly recorded outdoors with my old friend Cheryl E. Leonard for Gilgongo, and we’re going to try to a few outdoor concerts, too.

SILY: What else are you currently working on/what's next?

JL: The second album with Sagan, with Blevin Blectum & J Lesser, is coming out in late April. That one took 14 years to finish. There’s a trio record with Thomas Dimuzio and Anla Courtis coming out on Oscarson. Doing a revision of the last episode of my podcast on sampling music, Variations, to incorporate that OpenAI music. Some Negativland releases tying together the last two albums. There are about four of five other albums that might be done, though it takes time to be sure.

SILY: Anything you've been listening to, reading, or watching lately?

JL: This month has been Maryanne Amacher’s collected writings, Keeping Together in Time by William H. McNeill, Ministry For The Future by Kim Stanley Robinson, important even with happy ending. Interview with Karl Friston - Of Woodlice And Men. Listening to a lot of “Blue” Gene Tyranny, Xenakis & Lang Elliott, and last week every Ghédalia Tazartès album in reverse chronological order. I don’t care what anybody says: That guy’s immortal.

SILY: Anything I didn't ask about you want to say?

JL: Thank you for your questions!

Popular Monitress by Wobbly

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datatalks21 · 3 years ago

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'Neuroprosthesis' restores words to man with paralysis

Researchers at UC San Francisco have successfully developed a "speech neuroprosthesis" that has enabled a man with severe paralysis to communicate in sentences, translating signals from his brain to the vocal tract directly into words that appear as text on a screen. The achievement, which was developed in collaboration with the first participant of a clinical research trial, builds on more than a decade of effort by UCSF neurosurgeon Edward Chang, MD, to develop a technology that allows people with paralysis to communicate even if they are unable to speak on their own. The study appears July 15 in the New England Journal of Medicine. "To our knowledge, this is the first successful demonstration of direct decoding of full words from the brain activity of someone who is paralyzed and cannot speak," said Chang, the Joan and Sanford Weill Chair of Neurological Surgery at UCSF, Jeanne Robertson Distinguished Professor, and senior author on the study. "It shows strong promise to restore communication by tapping into the brain's natural speech machinery." Each year, thousands of people lose the ability to speak due to stroke, accident, or disease. With further development, the approach described in this study could one day enable these people to fully communicate. Translating Brain Signals into Speech Previously, work in the field of communication neuroprosthetics has focused on restoring communication through spelling-based approaches to type out letters one-by-one in text. Chang's study differs from these efforts in a critical way: his team is translating signals intended to control muscles of the vocal system for speaking words, rather than signals to move the arm or hand to enable typing. Chang said this approach taps into the natural and fluid aspects of speech and promises more rapid and organic communication. advertisement "With speech, we normally communicate information at a very high rate, up to 150 or 200 words per minute," he said, noting that spelling-based approaches using typing, writing, and controlling a cursor are considerably slower and more laborious. "Going straight to words, as we're doing here, has great advantages because it's closer to how we normally speak." Over the past decade, Chang's progress toward this goal was facilitated by patients at the UCSF Epilepsy Center who were undergoing neurosurgery to pinpoint the origins of their seizures using electrode arrays placed on the surface of their brains. These patients, all of whom had normal speech, volunteered to have their brain recordings analyzed for speech-related activity. Early success with these patient volunteers paved the way for the current trial in people with paralysis. Previously, Chang and colleagues in the UCSF Weill Institute for Neurosciences mapped the cortical activity patterns associated with vocal tract movements that produce each consonant and vowel. To translate those findings into speech recognition of full words, David Moses, PhD, a postdoctoral engineer in the Chang lab and one of the lead authors of the new study, developed new methods for real-time decoding of those patterns and statistical language models to improve accuracy. But their success in decoding speech in participants who were able to speak didn't guarantee that the technology would work in a person whose vocal tract is paralyzed. "Our models needed to learn the mapping between complex brain activity patterns and intended speech," said Moses. "That poses a major challenge when the participant can't speak." In addition, the team didn't know whether brain signals controlling the vocal tract would still be intact for people who haven't been able to move their vocal muscles for many years. "The best way to find out whether this could work was to try it," said Moses. advertisement The First 50 Words To investigate the potential of this technology in patients with paralysis, Chang partnered with colleague Karunesh Ganguly, MD, PhD, an associate professor of neurology, to launch a study known as "BRAVO" (Brain-Computer Interface Restoration of Arm and Voice). The first participant in the trial is a man in his late 30s who suffered a devastating brainstem stroke more than 15 years ago that severely damaged the connection between his brain and his vocal tract and limbs. Since his injury, he has had extremely limited head, neck, and limb movements, and communicates by using a pointer attached to a baseball cap to poke letters on a screen. The participant, who asked to be referred to as BRAVO1, worked with the researchers to create a 50-word vocabulary that Chang's team could recognize from brain activity using advanced computer algorithms. The vocabulary -- which includes words such as "water," "family," and "good" -- was sufficient to create hundreds of sentences expressing concepts applicable to BRAVO1's daily life. For the study, Chang surgically implanted a high-density electrode array over BRAVO1's speech motor cortex. After the participant's full recovery, his team recorded 22 hours of neural activity in this brain region over 48 sessions and several months. In each session, BRAVO1 attempted to say each of the 50 vocabulary words many times while the electrodes recorded brain signals from his speech cortex. Translating Attempted Speech into Text To translate the patterns of recorded neural activity into specific intended words, the other two lead authors of the study, Sean Metzger, MS and Jessie Liu, BS, both bioengineering doctoral students in the Chang Lab used custom neural network models, which are forms of artificial intelligence. When the participant attempted to speak, these networks distinguished subtle patterns in brain activity to detect speech attempts and identify which words he was trying to say. To test their approach, the team first presented BRAVO1 with short sentences constructed from the 50 vocabulary words and asked him to try saying them several times. As he made his attempts, the words were decoded from his brain activity, one by one, on a screen. Then the team switched to prompting him with questions such as "How are you today?" and "Would you like some water?" As before, BRAVO1's attempted speech appeared on the screen. "I am very good," and "No, I am not thirsty." The team found that the system was able to decode words from brain activity at rate of up to 18 words per minute with up to 93 percent accuracy (75 percent median). Contributing to the success was a language model Moses applied that implemented an "auto-correct" function, similar to what is used by consumer texting and speech recognition software. Moses characterized the early trial results as a proof of principle. "We were thrilled to see the accurate decoding of a variety of meaningful sentences," he said. "We've shown that it is actually possible to facilitate communication in this way and that it has potential for use in conversational settings." Looking forward, Chang and Moses said they will expand the trial to include more participants affected by severe paralysis and communication deficits. The team is currently working to increase the number of words in the available vocabulary, as well as improve the rate of speech. Both said that while the study focused on a single participant and a limited vocabulary, those limitations don't diminish the accomplishment. "This is an important technological milestone for a person who cannot communicate naturally," said Moses, "and it demonstrates the potential for this approach to give a voice to people with severe paralysis and speech loss." Co-authors on the paper include Sean L. Metzger, MS; Jessie R. Liu; Gopala K. Anumanchipalli, PhD; Joseph G. Makin, PhD; Pengfei F. Sun, PhD; Josh Chartier, PhD; Maximilian E. Dougherty; Patricia M. Liu, MA; Gary M. Abrams, MD; and Adelyn Tu-Chan, DO, all of UCSF. Funding sources included National Institutes of Health (U01 NS098971-01), philanthropy, and a sponsored research agreement with Facebook Reality Labs (FRL), which completed in early 2021. UCSF researchers conducted all clinical trial design, execution, data analysis and reporting. Research participant data were collected solely by UCSF, are held confidentially, and are not shared with third parties. FRL provided high-level feedback and machine learning advice. Read the full article

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southeastasianists · 4 years ago

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'Usually I can earn between Rp.300,000 and Rp.800,000 (A$31 to $83) a night, just for one performance. Nowadays, since I live with my sister and have no wages, I help in her warung to show my gratitude,’ says Singgih via Whatsapp. In addition to assisting at the roadside warung in Parung, West Java, Singgih also uses his Instagram account to help his sister sell her homemade rengginang, a kind of traditional cracker. The government’s restrictions on movement and activities in response to COVID-19 have been in place since April. Fortunately, Singgih’s sister’s warung has remained open, but for musicians and other arts industry workers like him, the story is one of uncertainty and a daily struggle to survive.

Singgih, 29, is originally from Grobogan in Central Java. After graduating from the prestigious Indonesian Institute of the Arts (Institut Seni Indonesia, ISI) in Surakarta, Singgih has worked as a pengrawit or gamelan musician in Jakarta. He says before COVID-19 art performances were held in Jakarta each Saturday and Sunday, day and night. But now, ‘during social restrictions, all my job offers have been canceled or postponed. Until when, I don’t know.’

The art of playing gamelan instruments is called karawitan. The term comes from the Javanese word rawit which means intricate or finely worked. According to scholars, the music also matches this description. It is argued that the gamelan orchestra uses a more complex system than western music. The music produced by the gamelan orchestra is built from elaborate components, including both loud and soft instruments. One of the soft instruments, which adds melodic layers, is the singers’ voices. Karawitan divide the singing parts into the male singing, called gerongan, and the female singing, called sindenan.

Prior to COVID-19, the Javanese arts, especially karawitan, were flourishing in Jakarta, where the majority of residents are Javanese, and there was high demand for traditional musical performance to accompany slametan (blessing events). For Javanese, slametan are held to celebrate weddings, birthdays, circumcisions, the inauguration of a new house or building and commemoration days, among other events. Those who can afford to will rent a full gamelan orchestra and karawitan group to play. At the top end of the price scale, hosts may hold a wayangan: a performance of Javanese shadow puppets accompanied by a large karawitan group.

Who are the musicians making up Jakarta’s gamelan ensembles? Most pengrawit and pesinden (female singers) come from Yogyakarta, Central Java and East Java. Some graduated from an SMKI (Sekolah Menengah Karawitan Indonesia, vocational high schools for traditional arts), others from ISI like Singgih. However, the majority of pengrawit and pesinden in Jakarta are in fact self-taught. ‘Graduating from ISI doesn’t guarantee that a person can play gamelan properly,’ says Warsiah, a 50-year-old pesinden who lives in Kramat Jati, East Jakarta. ‘It takes a lifetime of learning and commitment to be a skilled artist.’

Warsiah came to Jakarta from Wonogiri in Central Java when she was just 16. She first worked selling jamu (a traditional herbal beverage) and did not begin to learn karawitan until she was in her thirties. ‘The pengrawit who heard me singing for the first time told me that my voice matched with the sound of gamelan. I felt encouraged. That’s when I began to learn properly,’ said Warsiah. She regularly attended karawitan rehearsals in Tanjung Duren, Ciledug, and Bekasi. Five years after her first encounter with gamelan, she took her first job as a pesinden.

Warsinah explained that becoming a pesinden meant she was able to leave her job as jamu seller. ‘I remember – it was the 2000s and I was booked as a pesinden every Saturday and Sunday. Imagine this! In the morning I would sing in a slametan event. Then I would go to a wedding ceremony. At night I was hired to accompany wayangan performances. I no longer had time for my business,’ says Warsiah, laughing with joy.

Pesinden are paid more than pengrawit. In recent years, for one karawitan performance in Jakarta, Warsiah is paid between Rp.700,000 and Rp.1 million. When accompanying an all-night wayangan performance, Warsiah earns Rp.1 million. This is different in her hometown. ‘Ten years ago, in my village in Wonogiri, a pesinden could be paid Rp.150,000 even for accompanying a wayangan performance from dusk till dawn.’

Singgih also thinks that his earnings in Jakarta are comparatively good. ‘Imagine this,’ he says. ‘For accompanying an all-night wayangan performance in Central Java, I get Rp.250,000 – if the event is big and the puppeteers are well known. In Jakarta, for the same effort, I can get Rp.500,000 – that’s the minimum fee for pengrawit accompanying a wayangan in Jakarta! So, I just worked on weekends and I could rest on weekdays.’ PSBB

On 10 April, the Jakarta governor Anies Baswedan issued social distancing regulations for an initial period of two weeks. The large-scale social restrictions, or PSBB, were then extended into June. Violations of PSBB carry penalties, including for not wearing face masks in public spaces.

With restrictions on social and cultural activities, the possibility of being paid to perform on stage disappeared overnight. Even before the regulation was introduced, Singgih and Warsinah were already seeing many social and cultural events being canceled or postponed. In addition to performing, both also teach karawitan, earning an additional monthly salary, but during PSBB art studios and universities where they normally teach have also been closed. Soft instruments in the gamelan ensemble / Rahmadi Fajar Himawan

‘I am kind of grateful that all of this [PSBB] happened during Ramadan,’ Singgih reflected. Ramadan ran from 23 April to 23 May this year, and karawitan and wayangan performances are not usually held during this time. Some slametan, such as weddings, are never held during Ramadan out of respect for those who fast. ‘It’s like a coincidence, right?’ Making a living

In April, Joko Widodo announced that the annual mass exodus (mudik) during Ramadan was banned. This meant Warsiah and Singgih, like millions of other Jakartans not native to the city, were unable to celebrate Eid in their hometown. Normally at this time, with performances not allowed during Ramadan, they would return home and gather with family, and after Eid, go back immediately to Jakarta to take up opportunities for work. This year, unable to perform or return to their hometowns, musicians like Warsiah and Singgih have stayed in Jakarta where they are doing whatever they can do to survive.

Warsiah started making jamu again. She charges Rp.10,000 per bottle and promotes it through social media. ‘It’s not bad – it supports me,’ she says. Warsinah has a mushroom farm near her house in Kramat Jati and also an egg farm at her family home in Wonogiri. Though her farms are not large, she feels lucky to be able to support herself during PSBB. ‘But I can’t go to my hometown to celebrate Eid,’ she says.

Some, like Warsiah, make food or beverages or do sewing to make a living and they use social media such as Facebook or Whatsapp to promote their goods. Others like Singgih, rely on the support of their family and work in the family business.

In April, the Ministry of Education and Culture launched a program called Pendataan Pekerja Seni Terdampak COVID-19 (Register of Arts Workers Impacted by COVID-19). The ministry’s stated aim was to make an inventory of arts workers financially impacted by the pandemic. With the data collected, they would aim to distribute donations to those who had lost income. No specific amount of compensation was announced. A similar program was also launched by the City of Jakarta’s Department of Culture, called Pendataan Pekerja Seni di Jakarta yang Terdampak Secara Ekonomi Akibat COVID-19 (Register of Arts Workers in Jakarta Economically Impacted by COVID-19).

There are currently three options for government assistance for musicians like Warsinah and Singgih. Besides the compensation payments, the ministry aims to include musicians in existing social programs, namely Program Keluarga Harapan (Family Hope Program) or Kartu Prakerja (Pre-Employment Card). The ministry is also encouraging any arts workers ineligible for both those programs to perform through online platforms, including its own newly established Budayasaya. Although it is still early days, it does appear that artists who already have a high profile are making good use of online platforms like this. However, it is less clear if they will benefit performers and musicians like Warsinah and Singgih who are less well-known.

The Ministry of Culture and Education created the Budayasaya platform on Youtube, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, to broadcast arts performances.

As their incomes are less than the limit of Rp.10 million per month, Warsiah and Singgih hope they will be eligible for inclusion in these existing social safety net programs. However, there is another potential hurdle: to be classified as an arts worker, you must not have received income from non-arts-related work. Ironically, this may yet prevent musicians from receiving government assistance as they have needed to use their non-arts skills to survive this far.

On 26 May, the Ministry of Education and Culture finally distributed payments, called PL2B, to those arts workers deemed eligible who had registered back in April. Each successful applicant received Rp.1 million as a one-off payment upon completion of documents required by the ministry. The City of Jakarta’s Department of Culture distributed similar payments in early May.

Like more than 40,000 other arts workers who registered with the ministry by the deadline, Singgih put a great deal of hope in the government programs. I contacted him again in late May via WhatsApp to ask how his application went. He was not one of the lucky ones. His application for compensation was rejected. ‘But PSBB will end soon, right?’ he asked me hopefully. I asked him what he would do if PSBB was extended further. ‘Actually, I have no idea,’ he told me. ‘For now, I hope all of this is stopped immediately.’

#arts #indonesia #gamelan #javanese arts #music

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fyrapartnersearch · 4 years ago

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Seeking Literate and Dedicated Partners!

Disclaimer: Male authors, please stop contacting me. I've been burned too many times. If you persist, I'll ignore your message. Sorry! Hello, you can call me Doe! I'm in my 20s, a small business owner, and a proud cat mom. I write multiple paragraphs/novella style (200-500+ words). I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. I understand if the scene doesn’t have alot going on and therefore requires less like rapid fire. I adore having long, thoughtful replies where we truly immerse ourselves in the world. I'm hoping to find a partner whose as enthusiastic and passionate about the plot and writing as I am. When I get invested in a story, it’s 100% dedication. Getting a reply is the highlight of my day. I'm a big fan of romance and using face claims. I’m the type to make pinterest boards, spam you with gifs, headcanons, and send you songs that remind me of our characters and/or ship. I'll get excited if we come up with future plot ideas, or if our characters are being cute or angsty and I can yell about it in the chat. Last but not least I only do MxF (with myself in the female role) and don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along. I'd highly prefer female authors writing male characters. Desperately Searching For - 21+ partners - For you to have an excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. Both in character and out of character. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I'm not looking for newbies). - Plot before smut. While mature themes will be in my plots, and are even encouraged, there needs to be a good chemistry between our characters. I like to have a good mix of plot and tastefully written smut, along with doses of angst and fluff. - For you to write as an older male (40s+/50s+). I'm a sucker for the gruff and tough men with dark pasts who secretly have a soft heart. I also love those grumpy, hypermasculine men being intimidated by soft yet commanding women. The youngest I write is late 20s. - The more description, the better! I'm looking for someone who can write as much as me (2 to 4 paragraphs or more) and really bring the story to life. I lose interest if I'm the only one that's invested/enthusiastic or coming up with plot ideas. Quality writing makes my heart happy, as does world building together. - Joining me in the wonderful world of ship/character development is kind of a must. I feel discouraged/feel like I'm the only one invested if I get nothing in return for say, coming up with some cute headcanons. - While I'd prefer real life face claims, I'd also be open to using realistic art if you're uncomfortable with real life. I draw the line at anime art. Faces I'd love to write as: gal gadot, rooney mara, ruth negga, saoirse ronan, sophie turner, jessica chastain, jennifer morrison, mia wasikowska, natalia dyer, brit marling, deborah ann woll, mackenzie davis, emmy rossum, adria adjora, chyler leigh, hayley bennet, tashi rodriguez, lily james, cara delevingne, maya hawke, ask about others Faces I'd love to write against: jeffery dean morgan, hugh jackman, billy burke, robert taylor, jr bourne, anson mount, jon bernthal, jason issacs, anthony varrecchiah, jon hamm, brett tucker, david harbour, frank grillo, iain glen, josh duhamel, patrick petitjean, keanu reeves, joe manganiello, luke bracey, trey tucker, younger sam elliot/dennis quaid/tom selleck, ask about others If you've made it this far, thank you! You won't be disappointed in writing with me. I tend to be online daily and while I'd like it if you were too, I understand that real life things comes first. Please let me know if you're going to be inactive, I'm in this for the long term. If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 weeks to a month. Below are genres and pairings I love. Feel free to combine as many as you'd like and I’m sure we can come up with something great! Current cravings are in bold. Two thing I don't do are slice of life and historical plots. Genres: - anything mafia related - crimes in remote locations - spooky small towns - post apocalyptic/dystopia - supernatural/modern fantasy (A/B/O, werewolves, shapeshifters, monster x hunter) - southern/mid western gothic - murder mystery (small town or big city) - modern/dark fairy tale retellings - sci-fi - cyberpunk/retro-futuristic - little coastal towns or little towns in the mountains - emotionally charged/dark and gritty - superpowers/gifted - unresolved sexual tension/slow burn - mythology (modern / hades x persephone) - redemption - pacific northwest - suburban gothic - luring to the other side - reincarnation/multiple universes - western inspired + modern day (such as longmire) - christmas inspired - culture clash/two characters from different sides Pairings: - age gaps (older man x younger woman / 15 to 25+ year gap) - enemies to lovers/villain x heroine - cop x criminal - doctor x patient - friends turned lovers/pining - grumpy x sunshine - the broken man x the woman that becomes his light - fbi agents/cop partners - dark hearted man melting for the innocent woman - friend x best friend’s older sibling - boss x employee - neighbors - single father x friend - firefighter/cop x victim - mentor x mentee - hurt/comfort - height differences - pet names (sweetheart, baby girl, kid, kiddo) - lady and the tramp esque/class difference - creature x human/creature - ex-con x anyone - bodyguard x assignment - widow/er falling in love again - biker x civilian - rancher/mountain man x city girl - affair - hitman x target - serial killer x fbi agent - soul mates - experienced x inexperienced - local x vacationer - injured/scarred warrior washed out from their former glory x royal/heir-to-be - friend x best friend/boyfriend's father - daughter in law x father in law - park ranger x camper - bounty hunter x bounty - psychic x detective - power imbalances Tropes/Themes: the papa wolf/hot dads, cultured badass, jerk with a heart of gold. ladykiller in love, mountain man, mysterious protector, southern gentleman, tall, dark, and handsome, knight in sour armor, red string of fate, villain takes an interest, porcelain to ivory to steel, when person a gets injured/kidnapped and person b goes absolutely feral to save them tiny women and big men, the monster being treated gently for the first time in his life, two characters forced into positions where they have no choice but to reconcile their differences and grow together/trust each other, forbidden relationships, trying to escape childhood demons & reuniting in adulthood Fandoms: (I don't write canons) Star Wars, X Files, Haven, Fringe, Stranger Things, Heroes, The Wolf Among Us, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, Marvel, The OA, Disney personified, His Dark Materials, Beastars, Horizon Zero Dawn, The Last of Us (I've been dying to write against Joel) Plot Ideas: I have too many to list here but take a look at my google doc and let me know if anything catches your attention. It's a mix of fandom inspired and original plots: Plot Ideas Last but not least, I have a list of kinks if anyone's interested. I use email and discord to write. I'd also be open to joining a jcink site! Contact me at Doe#3347 on discord or by email: [email protected] Please be detailed when you message me, let me know why you chose to contact me. Seeing only "hey do you wanna rp?" is a guaranteed way to turn me off. Look forward to hearing from you!

#multiple paragraph #long term #literate #action #adventure #au #drama angst #fandom #fantasy #horror #modern #original #post apocalyptic #romance #scifi #supernatural #submission

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ego-driven-one-wing-angel · 4 years ago

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Head’s up!

Hey guy’s it’s June time, and it’s currently near 3 am and I apologize if there are spelling mistakes because I am tired as heck right now.

Anyway, since it’s June, quarantine has drifted away where I live so it’s worky-work time for me. My actual job is working at a 12-hour shift factory, night shifts, 3 to 4 times a week during the summer. I’ll try to make room to post headcanons and such, but I can’t guarantee anything as I will have about zero time getting around to working on the new ones and editing the old ones.

I’m pretty good at maintaining a steady flow in my queue so I shouldn’t be too behind on getting them out for you.

There will be about three headcanons/imagines/fics/questions/whatever coming out nearly every day, so don’t be alarmed ya’ll, I have it under control, at least I think I have it under control.

But i won’t be able to interact with you as much nor PM any of you as much as I want either. I have a good thirty minutes before I got to sleep to check all my messages, and maybe an hour before I leave for a work again as I sleep eight hours, briefly, during the day. So it’s busy, busy, busy when I’m back to work.

So in efforts to make a little more money for college I decided to do the Coffee thing everyone’s been doing here on Tumblr:

BuymeaCoffee

With the increase of support I’ve been getting, I thought it was about time to do commissions and exclusive or early access to my junk. It’s not a big deal, and with how the world is you don’t have to do anything, but just even a 3$ donation (one coffee) will get you a custom sticker made by me in efforts to say thanks for supporting me.

Members (5$ a month or 50$ a year) also get full access to content, previews on fics, drabbles, headcanons and so forth days before the rest, automatic submissions into give-a-ways (something I’ve been meaning to do for a follower milestone), and a custom 8x12 art piece or a 10,000 + word Fic made just for YOU. I also want to make custom merch, but I have no idea how to do that right now, but members also get free swag bi monthly when I figure out how to make cool t-shirts and wristbands and whatnot. Or even enamel pins. I’ve been wanting to make those lately. All Final Fantasy as well. And you can pick what you want.

I have yet to finalize sticker designs, but when I do I’ll be sure to showcase them here.

Again, you don’t have to support me money wise. You’re following is enough and I love all of you for getting me where I am today as a writer.

Thanks again for all the support and love,

-Kitty

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thebeautyofdisorder · 5 years ago

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The Undone & The Divine (BBC Dracula) - Chapter 8

A/N: Okay, sorry it’s been like two weeks since I posted the last chapter. I am such a mess. This is a bit shorter, more of a set up than anything, but informative? I have so many ideas for this, that it took me a minute to figure out in sequence what’s going to happen when.

Pairing: Dracula & Agatha/Zoe, off and on Dracula/OFC

Rating: M, for blood, language, and mercenaries with guns.

Chapters 1-2 Here - Chapter 3 Here - Chapter 4 Here - Chapter 5 Here - Chapter 6 Here - Chapter 7 Here

Can be found on AO3 - Right HERE - or enjoy below the cut

Chapter 8

By all accounts he appears as a human man, at varying states of age depending upon how regularly and well he is fed, lingering even at his most satiated at around 45-50 years – presumably the age of his death. His hair is thick and inky black, kept shorter and slicked back when in public view; his nose aquiline and aristocratic; his eyes appear black at a distance but in close quarters and lighting seem to have a dark mossy-brown hue; admirable bone structure, and a mouth that is at times both harsh and jovial depending upon what impression he wishes to put across at the time. His accent is tainted by those of his victims, but always holds a slight thickness and gravel, reminiscent of his native tongue. His teeth, even when not in the state of blood frenzy, still seem longer and sharper than normal, particularly the canines. His fingernails also are long and honed to a point, and seem to be of inhuman durability and sharpness. He is excessively tall and somewhat broad, though of a generally slim build regardless of his bestial strength. No physical deformities upon the rest of his body when in his humanoid state, though his eyes can seem to gleam in the darkness like those of other nocturnal beasts.

When in the presence of human blood, those eyes dilate and become ringed in crimson, and all blunt edges of his teeth sharpen to slight but lethal points. Animalistic tendencies manifest – hissing, snarling, growling, the hunched stance of a predator, etc. Interestingly, he also seems to bare all the normative signs of the common morphine addict – tension, restless movements, irritability, the inability to control his emotions and behavior. He possesses speed the likes of which the human eye can barely detect, but only in small bursts in the midst of attack, by my witness. He was able to manifest a continual fog, as stated earlier in my narrative, and could very well be at fault for the storm swirling in the seas now, as I write. He can deform himself to fit into any small space, one could assume, though I have only seen him do this by defiling the physical forms of other living beings – notably a wolf at the convent, and the late Jonathan Harker, who was also undead at the time. Whether that’s relevant to this ability, I don’t particularly know. He can call wolves and bats to his service, and possibly flies – whether this works with all creatures and he’s merely chosen these for theatrical purposes, or if he’s limited to creatures of darkness and decay, I have yet to discover.

The ‘kiss of the vampire’ is a strong opiate, meaning most victims are often unaware of his bite or the danger they are in until it is too late. He can create and control the dream state in which they enter, often choosing scenarios of an erotic nature. Whether this is for his own amusement or because of the effect it has on the blood, I can only deduce. This method seems to be equally employed through both sexes though I have yet to see any direct indications of intercourse, willing or unwilling. If he possesses a sex drive at all, it is seemingly outranked by his desire to feed.

He is highly intelligent and possesses a biting wit, which in another context might even be endearing, and his charm is carefully honed to attract potential victims. Though his mental weaknesses are notable, including his arrogance, lack of self-awareness, and dependence on his victims to take in and retain key skills and information. As opposed to learning the language of a new land through study, he merely drains one of its countrymen and absorbs their inherent knowledge. This leads to a flurry of unpredictable behavior and reckless death, and also speaks of his impatience and lack of discipline, which has undoubtedly lessened with age. He was, in life, an excellent ruler and even better general with a skill for strategy currently wasted on petty mind games. If he could ever reach a point of managing his appetite for blood and destruction, he could be an invaluable resource - a first-hand witness to the last four hundred years of European history.

I’m sure you will, dear brother, quickly dismiss this as folly, but however much you would like to categorize him as yet another mindless demon from the pit, I assure you he is anything but. He may fear the cross, but don’t think there is a heavenly power that instilled that fear. It reeks of an entirely human weakness. You would do well to remember that, should you run across him or any of his kind in the future. While his existence seems to have been very luck of the draw, it’s nowhere near as anomalous as Dracula himself would like us to believe. Others could have survived and done what he has done. In fact, I could almost guarantee it.

Zoe read through Agatha’s words again, this particular afterward for maybe the twentieth time since she’d found it. Not for any particular information, more over just marveling at the clarity, simplicity, and dare-she-say fondness with which it was written, in comparison to the information she’d been brought up with. Shockingly, the nun was able to more realistically sum up the vampire than any other Van Helsing before or after her (granted, she had the firsthand experience), and with so much less fire and brimstone, religious nonsense. It was half of why she’d spent so long away from ‘the family business’ as it were, until she’d had to take over the institute. Science had always been the only god she would acknowledge.

Whatever logic Agatha had administered from across the pond however, while well used, had been entirely riddled with her elder brother’s showmanship and particularly Catholic brand of fending off the forces of darkness. Agatha may have seen him as the devil incarnate, but that didn’t stop her from acknowledging his humanity – and in that, Zoe couldn’t help but agree. Dracula was very much still a man, no matter how immortal or powerful, and he still had all of man’s other weaknesses, sans physical vulnerabilities. Minor detail.

She supposed it had made it easier for both the zealot and the scientist to see their subject of animosity as no better than a rabid dog that needed to be analyzed and destroyed. But that had never been the case at all. A self-serving lesson to learn, she had to admit, but an important one. So long as he had retained some of his humanity, there was certainly hope for her.

It was the only thing keeping her sane through the mock trial this experiment had turned into. Every turn she was being questioned and analyzed harder than she had since grad school, and yet still regarded as the antagonistic and dangerous party. It was a contradiction that made her genuinely question the mental capacity of her colleagues.

Yes, let's aggravate the person we're terrified of. Honestly.

Their latest critique, however she loathed to admit it, was actually sound. They needed a control. A 'direct contact' feed to compare to her bottled one, and they all knew there was only one vampire to compare to. Clearly they didn't actually expect him to participate, they only wanted to de-legitimize her process.

But it would make an impact, wouldn't it?

-----

It was just before sunset, traces of red just beginning to seep onto the surface of the sun, and for the first time in a great while, Count Dracula was unenthused. He was beginning to be rather fond of daylight, even if it came with certain disadvantages, as he was beginning to discover. Perhaps vampires were better off as creatures of the night after all.

Most if not all of his preternatural abilities were greatly weakened by the sun, though why he wasn't sure. It made him feel languid and slow, which was perfectly fine for an afternoon on the beach, but highly inconvenient when he got hungry and none of his more willing resources were available. Physical conditioning or a lesser reality of the lore he'd always accepted, who was to say?

Who indeed.

He had given Zoe plenty of space to run her little experiments without interference, aside from keeping an 'eye' out to ensure she wasn't in any immediate danger. But there was only so long that would last, and despite having ample opportunity to create more brides...he felt like he needed more answers before that inevitability occurred.

Agatha had been right, annoyingly, as usual. Lab rats were not something he needed, especially ones who could question him on topics even he didn't fully understand anymore.

If the Van Helsing women were good for anything, aside from healthy competition, it was certainly bluntness and clarity. Being the only thing close to another vampire of any mental capacity to be in his proximity for over 300 years certainly didn't hurt.

Zoe Van Helsing was someone he needed, a concept he could scarcely understand and wasn't entirely fond of, but if he wasn't mistaken, she needed him as well - and hated it even more.

----

"Dr. Helsing, is this really necessary?"

Zoe found herself staring at the younger but far more egotistical doctor through the glass that separated them with an expression not unlike one would give a particularly frustrating insect who refused to die as fast as she wished it would.

"Is what necessary?"

The man, Dr. Connors, pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, punctuating his next words with unnecessary flare.

"Well, our sponsor doesn't understand the necessity of this trial, when it cannot possibly prove anything. All of our intel on the 'vampiric condition' states simply that they require blood to sustain life, but also that it's nearly impossible to kill them. Surely your continued … existence without blood doesn't fully prove or disprove anything. And without anything to compare it to…"

"For now," she interrupted stubbornly, attempting to ignore his tendency to discuss her as though she were a theoretical construct.

"Even so," he continued blandly, "There are surely better uses of our time, in the face of an increasing number of...undead. Preventative measures, protection for the innocent. Unless you can get some sort of control data…"

Their 'sponsor' had sent this idiot to report back on how his precious money was being spent, and it had become an increasingly infuriating thorn in her side. Or stake in her heart, she was sure he hoped. Zoe had just begun to second guess her tendencies toward homicide, when she felt the tell-tale hairs begin to rise on the back of her neck.

"Oh fuck me," she cursed aloud, completely indifferent to the confused looks of those observing her. They wouldn't be confused for long.

"Careful what you wish for Doctor."

Everyone but Zoe took a startled glance around. She turned around, eyes directly finding the dark ones on the outside of the glass, quirking a stern brow despite the relative chaos of everyone else receding into the corners in panic.

Count Dracula merely flashed her a shit-eating grin in response, relishing her disapproval in equal measure to the human fear beginning to fill the room. Pungent and yet satisfying, she noted, rather unhappily.

"Oh Zoe how the tables have turned," he couldn't resist prodding at her through the encasement, ignoring the guns pointed at his back in favor of taunting her, hands in his pockets. The picture of malicious nonchalance.

She wasn't trapped, as he had been. They'd learned their lesson in that regard at least, but it was a barrier she'd permitted for her own sanity. Watching everyone walk on eggshells around her was grating, and it ruined her focus. Plus, it helped with the sensory overload until she got more accustomed to it.

"And yet you're still the one at gunpoint," Zoe shot back with a hint of a blithe smile.

He turned and directed his overly fond smile towards the tattooed gentleman with the over-sized assault weapon, greeting him like an old friend. The man that Zoe had never seen with a single facial expression looked so dumbstruck that she had to fight down a laugh. This was apparently the last straw for their visiting dictator.

"Count Dracula," came more of a squeak than a shout from the bespectacled doctor's mouth, with such a forced amount of distaste that Zoe was now certain he had lost his mind entirely. "You will not be permitted to attack anyone here."

Shooting Zoe an incredulous look, mostly as she could read translating to ‘Is he serious?’, the vampire watched her answering eye roll very obviously telling him ‘He's an idiot, but reports to the money’.

Dracula finally looked away from their silent exchange, and took out a small pocket flask, not unlike the one he'd left her before, and shook it in the other man's general direction as he passed by him with total indifference.

"Not to worry, I brought my own," he stated, opening it and taking a long swig. It cleared a direct pathway for him easily, bee-lining for Dr. Bloxham who sat at the control panel. She naturally flinched on his approach, despite trying to hide it. He noticed and flashed her a charming smile, to his credit only showing the slightest hint of fang.

"Terribly sorry about the finger," the Count apologized humbly, almost convincingly sincere as he draped a long arm over the back of her chair. "...But would you mind letting me in?"

Bloxham looked somewhat confused. "You want to go in there?" Her eyes shot up to the ceiling. The sun had not completely set. He gave her an encouraging smile with a faint trace of pity.

"I would love to go in there."

Zoe merely rolled her eyes and tapped on the table with relative impatience, as he paced through the parted seas of scientists and interns alike to join her in the completely ineffective glass prison.

"You evil little thing, you didn't tell them," he accused with quiet glee as he approached her from the opposite side of the table.

"If their superstitions help them feel safe, then all the better for me," she excused in a murmur, hoping he hadn't just given the game away completely.

His grin was one of near pride, as he bent his tall form forward to rest his hands on the table. "I can go slit his throat if you want me to. Heaven knows you won't."

She sighed, not trusting herself to answer. "Why are you here?" she asked instead.

"You needed me, didn't you?"

------

Okay, so this could go really amusingly or very terribly - we’ll see what I come up with, eh? Shouldn’t be as long of a wait this time, fingers crossed.

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scottfuckingreed · 5 years ago

Text

Better with you - Montgomery De La Cruz

ANONYMOUS SAID: ‘I have an idea for a possible future Monty story. I don’t know how to say it without it coming out the wrong way so I’m just gonna go ahead anyway lol, something where the reader cheats on her boyfriend with Monty and they have their own little thing on the side because Monty just makes her feel so good like not just in a sexual way but in other ways too. Kind of like how Jess loves Alex, but it’ll never compare to Justin’

Warnings!: quite a bit of swearing and those sexual things (also Bryce is mentioned but not in much detail)

“Hey!” Y/BF/N says as his arms wrap themselves around me and kisses me on the forehead. “How’s it going?” I somewhat force a smile up to him. It’s not that I’m not happy to see him, it’s just hard to smile in such a shit place. School of course. “Pretty good actually. I just finished some things up with Tyler. It’s finally getting somewhere.” Y/BF/N is friends does photography with him, so they’re pretty much best friends. Which is nice - I love Tyler - but drama seams to follow Tyler. So it follows Y/BF/N. And so it passes me too. “You have a free period next, right?” I nod at his question. “Lucky! I’ll meet you in our usual spot afterwards?” A quick peck lands on my lips, and then he’s suddenly walking away.

I sit in the cafeteria. It’s usually overcrowded and too loud, but there’s only a handful of people not in class right now. Which is a relief. Starting to peel my orange, I glance up to notice a certain ‘Montgomery’ walking my way. “Y/N! Fancy seeing you here,” he places himself on the opposite side of the table. I shake my head, a smile slowly cracking. “Wow Cruz, you say that as if you don’t sit your ass in that seats pretty much daily at this time,” his eyebrows raise. “Alright Y/N. I just wanted to say hi to my best friend jeez.” I shove a segment in my mouth, pushing it to the side of my mouth for a second. “Aren’t you meant to be in some Literatue class or something right now?” His eyes light up. Sometimes I think I should just not say anything to Monty, but I like Monty. “See, I knew you cared-” he pauses, grabbing the other half of my orange from the table. “And I ain’t gonna use it, so what’s the point?” I look at him in somewhat amazement as he casually eats my food. “I mean, fair enough,” I shrug. I should be used to this. This has happened almost every day for a few months now. Why? I don’t know. It just did one day, and then it was almost like a routine. “Thanks for that, I’ll see you later?” I nod at him, although I know I shouldn’t.

“Are we hanging out later?” I ask my boyfriend. “Sorry Y/N, my mum needs me,” I nod slightly. Internally sighing, the answer is everything I expected. Don’t get me wrong, I love him for being close to his family, but I get that response every time I ask. We’ve had sex twice. You may think, what’s wrong with that? We’ve been dating for a year. It’s fine though. I can’t exactly say ‘leave your mum’ can I? Unfortunately not.

Instead I go to Jessica’s. The fact that Y/BF/N doesn’t make *that much* of an effort does kinda get me down, and Jess always knows how to snap me out of those thoughts. So I can’t help but get excited as I pull up to her house. Hardly parking, I see her body rush towards my car and throw herself into the passenger’s seat. “Perfect timing, let go!” She smiles way too massively at me. “Where are we going?” I laugh nervously. “Bryce is having a small get together.” I can guarantee it won’t be a ‘small get together’. Bryce does parties, and they’re always PARTIES. “I thought-“ “Nah, now drive girl!”

We walk in, and it’s exactly what I expected. This ‘small get together’ is at least 50 people. “Welcome ladies!” Scott smiles and runs up to us with a red cup in each hand. My automatic reaction to this gesture is to smell the cup, and let’s just say I didn’t have to get my nose too close to smell the thickness of the alcohol. “Jesus, what’s in this?” I ask, making Jess laugh. “I’m not sure. Monty made it,” he shrugs and gets lost in a crowd of people. “Drink up Y/N,” Jess taps the bottom of my cup. “I’m driving, and I can’t image how many units is in this one cup.” Her eyes roll. “Suit yourself, I’m finding Justin!” I doubt I’ll see Jess again tonight.

Drinking this - whatever he wants to call it - is a bad idea for me, so I go into the kitchen and find myself a drink. Just as I sip my water, I get a text.

Hey! Xx - Y/BF/N ❤️

I almost immediately respond.

Are you able to get away?x - Y/N

I see those 3 dots pop up, meaning he’s typing. Just as I thought I could escape, his response was exactly what I didn’t need to hear.

Sorry Y/N, it’s a bit late. I’ll call you in a bit though?xx - Y/BF/N ❤️

‘Call me in a bit’? Is he taking the piss? Damn I feel special. ITS ALSO 8:30 LIKE WHAT? I roll my eyes, which make them land on the back of Monty’s head. I shake my head as his eyes meet mine, and can’t help but smile. “Montgomery! I heard you’ve supplied the drinks tonight,” he shrugs and raises his eyes with a beaming smile. “You know me Y/N, it’s nice right?” As I press my lips together, his face forms a shocked expression. “I’m offended, have a sip,” he passes me his drink. I know I shouldn’t drink tonight, but honestly I just wanna have a some fun. My hand wraps the cup - leading Monty to nod at me with a devilish grin. It’s hard to even put the drink in my mouth with the stench, but I chug it anyway. “Shit,” he laughs ‘impressed’. “Fuck that’s so gross,” I cover my mouth with my hand trying not to urge. “I’ll take another one,” I add.

After the first cup, I was already tipsy. And that shit was like half full. So after my next full cup I was pretty drunk already. Which is exactly what I needed. “I thought it was gross?” He laughs as he notices me going through my fresh cup quite fast. I respond with a shrug. “It’s growing on me,” I go to grab him on the shoulder, but I miss, making me stumble forwards. Two hands latch on under my forearm steadying me upright. “Shit,” his chuckle is quite cute- NO. I don’t mean that. I don’t know why that just popped into my head. My finger begin to stroke his arms. That needs to stop. Apart from the music and the screaming and the ‘fun’ going on around us, it was silent. It was the first time I looked into his eyes for more than a quick glance. And unfortunately I’ve just finished another cup of strong ass liquor. “I feel like I wanna kiss you,” I blurt out, my hands immediately cover my mouth. Nothing else can slip out. “Sorry,” I giggle. “I’m just lonely,” oh my god Y/N SHUT UP! “You’re not lonely Y/N, you have a boyfriend.” My mind and mouth start working faster. “Boyfriend? Y/BF/N doesn’t even fucking touch me- shit,” I hush myself.

Next thing I know is I’m being guided out of Bryce’s house. “I’ll take you home,” he breathes. I frown at him. “Driving drunk is dangerous Montgomery don’t you know this.” The smile on his face appears so faintly, and it’s unreadable. Especially in my current state. “You pinched my drink. Did you see me have another one?” No. No I didn’t. Why didn’t he? “Take my car then, and I can’t go home.”

We get to Monty’s, but I don’t realise where I am until I’m inside. “This isn’t what I meant...” I huff. He throws off his Liberty jacket and kicks his shoes in a corner. “You can sleep in my bed,” he hooks his arm under mine to walk me to the bedroom. Hang on. “I have a boyfriend Monty, so no sex,” my hand goes on his chest as a warning. “I’ll try not to fuck you.” At this time, that was good enough for me. It shouldn’t be. Ever. “I appreciate that,” I fall into his bed - which was automatically the comfiest bed I’ve ever laid on. Suddenly my shoes are off and I’m pretty much tucked in. “It’s just hit me,” I sit up too fast, making my head spin. “I don’t know what’s gone on in this bed,” my stomach starts to turn. “You can only imagine,” he shrugs. And suddenly I’m offended? Just go to sleep Y/N.

The next morning

I wake up fully aware of what went on last night, and frankly embarrassed. Not embarrassed that I flirted with Monty. Not even that I’ve ended up at his place in his bed. I just feel guilty. Like I cheated? But I know I didn’t. I shouldn’t of done what I did, but I didn’t do anything wrong. Did I? I walk out of the bedroom, and notice Monty in the kitchen boiling the kettle. “Good morning, coffee?” I shake my head at him with a smile. “Thank you, for last night by the way. My parents would’ve killed me,” I let out a small laugh before tying my hair up in a ponytail with a spare hairband on my wrist. Glancing up to the clock on the wall, I sigh massively. “Shit, I should probably get home. I can drop you to Bryce’s to get your car if you’d like?” I offer. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you later.”

Getting myself to school on time was no problem, but as soon as I entered the building it felt as if everything was moving in slow motion. Until I see him. “Hey! How was your night?” Y/BF/N kisses my forehead, not my lips. “It was alright, I drank a little too much to be honest,” we begin walking down the corridor. As cringe as it sounds, all I wanted was him to hold my hand. Is it that hard? Really? “I bet your parents flipped then,” he chuckles. This is it. I have no reason to lie - really. I didn’t do anything wrong. But it sounds wrong. “Actually, I-“ I pause. “I stayed at Jess’ so they don’t know,” I watch as he nods. His facial expression immediately looks relieved. “Jess told me, I just wanted to make sure.” My heart stops at his response. What the fuck does that mean? He asked Jess before asking me? That’s not right? Yet I say nothing... because I can’t find a reason to.

It’s that time again. That one free period. I’m expecting Monty at any moment now. I hate to say it but I quite look forward to it. It’s somewhat a breath of fresh air. “I was wondering when you’d appear,” I smile as he sits himself in his seat. Going quiet, I swirl my fruit around the pot with a fork. “Are you okay?” His face serious. I take a breath. “I wanted to apologise for last night actually. I shouldn’t of said what I said,” I dodge his gaze, which is extremely hard. The silence remains, but only for a second. “Did you mean it?” I could play dumb and be like ‘mean what’ but I know. It’s been running on loop for the past 16 hours. “It doesn’t matter whether I meant it or not. I have a boyfriend.” “So you did?” He smirks. I’m not gonna mention the effect of the smirk. I guess you can imagine. I let a small smile appear at the side of my face. “Maybe...” sober flirting is NOT okay Y/N! I try to remind myself over and over but it’s so tempting. My heart suddenly sinks. “Can I ask you something? I want a serious answer,” his eyes widen, yet he still nods. “Is it odd that my boyfriend asked Jess where I was last night, then asked me to double check?” His eyebrows raise. “He was trying to catch you out. That’s a bit-“ “I know.” Control your breathing Y/N. I start to feel extra heavy on my heart, which means I’m probably about 30 seconds away from breaking down. “He’s never been like that before,” I mutter. “Y/N. You need to realise that I’m probably more in love with you than he is,” my head shoots up, making him cough. I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t skip a beat; it actually skipped about 17. “Don’t say shit like that Montgomery- he’s never even said it,” I laugh to break the awkwardness. “You’ve been dating for ages Y/N. You deserve better than that, always.” I watch as he lifts himself out of his seat. “Monty-“ I try and stop him. “I need to go, I’ll text you.”

Several sentences run on loop through my head for the rest of the day. Every breath that exited Monty’s mouth was just - confusing. Shoving my head in my locker, a lot like I see Clay doing a lot, seems just like the escape I need. Except it’s not an escape. I’m still in this shit hole. “Hey!” I get poked in my side gently by Y/BF/N. It’s been about an hour and a half since I spoke to Monty. So it’s been an hour and a half of me working myself. And right now I’m pretty fucking angry. He catches me roll my eyes. “Honestly, Y/BF/N, I wouldn’t wanna talk to me right now,” I warn him, as my heart starts to race faster and faster the more I look up at him. “What’s this about then?” A chuckle leaves his lips, and I contain as much as I can. “Maybe the fact that you don’t fucking trust me,” although I don’t think he should trust me, he has no reason to not. “Who said that?” He’s such a nice guy. I swear he is. I don’t wanna hurt him. “You!” I raise my voice but take a breath before continuing. ‘When you asked Jess where I stayed last night,” it’s almost a whisper. He lets out a big sigh. “I know what those guys are like.” Those guys. Everyone knows what most of those guys are like. Some of those guys are nice, to me at least. And some of those guys are Scott and Monty. That’s pretty much it. “And me? You don’t know what I’m like?” In the corner of my eye I see Monty laughing with Bryce, Zach, and Scott. A sudden urge comes over me to end this conversation. “Look, maybe we need some space,” I lie. As if we need more space. “Y/N,” his arm wraps around my forearm. The sad truth is that’s the most action I’ve got in a long ass time. “I’ll ring you tonight, I need to go.” So I close my locker, turn around, and catch Monty’s eye before walking out of school.

Refusing Jess’ offer to drive me home, I just think and pretty much talk to myself all the way to my house. I’m lost. Not actually physically lost, but I am lost. I’m only bought back to reality when my phone dings.

‘Really Y/N?’ - Y/BF/N ❤️

I can’t help but roll my eyes. This is what I have to do to get attention from my own boyfriend? No apology, because he hasn’t done anything wrong. He could say ‘let’s talk about it’. Why would he say that though? I go to text him back but my phone starts to ring.

“And what do you want Monty?” I smile down the phone. I’m very glad I’m on my own right now. “I was just seeing if you’re alright.” I sigh at his words. To think that’s all I want Y/BF/N to say. To show some affection! That would be nice. But Y/BF/N isn’t Monty. “I guess so. I’ve just got home.” He begins to talk about some random ass shit - stuff we wouldn’t usually talk about - while I unlock the front door to my house. Throwing my bag down on my bedroom floor, I get a text. Damn. Why am I so popular today? “Why has Bryce just texted me?” I laugh, mostly to myself. “He’s probably trying to get you to come to his house party tonight.” I freeze. “Wasn’t there-“ “Yeah, but his parents are out of town for a few days I think,” he sounds unimpressed. Monty? Bryce’s best friend? Is sounding unimpressed with Bryce’s actions? That’s a first. “Why’d you sound like that?” “I told him not to text you. Don’t let him pressure you into it,” it’s as if Monty knew every word that would make me like him more, more than I should. “I really enjoyed myself you know, I don’t think I mentioned that,” I admit, and silence falls across the line for seconds that feel like minutes. Then appears a cough. “Well, in that case, I’ll pick you up. If you want that is.” I can only read Monty’s face at the best of times, so trying to judge his voice is a fat ass struggle. “It’s-“ My body wanted to use the ‘it’s a date’ line. THAT would be embarrassing. “Okay then.”

Clothing. Such a funny thing. When it comes to Y/BF/N I find myself not really caring what I wear, so I feel somewhat guilty for caring now. ‘It’s a party’ is an excuse, but I’d be lying. He’s never shown much interest unfortunately. So here I am, rummaging frantically through my wardrobe and drawers to find something cute. I find a dress, that is probably a bit short, but ‘it’s a party’. Should I curl my hair? No. That looks like too much effort. But... no. I decide just to brush it. With a knock on the door, my head shoots to the clock on my wall. 8pm?! Shit. My legs and my heart speed up drastically and I hear my mum answer the door. Fuck no.

I walk downstairs and witness the embrace between Monty and my mother. “Ah Y/N, I was just meeting...” my mum pauses and gazed at me in hint of ‘what’s this guy’s name?’ “Monty,” I sigh. I press my lips together to smile towards them both. “It’s so nice to meet you,” if there’s one thing you should know about my mum is that she’s very touchy. I would’ve warned Monty, but I hadn’t quite imagined them meeting yet - or at all really. She shakes his hand. I cough while I slip my shoes on, which are trainers so I guess they kill the dress vibe. I don’t care. Once they’re on, my mission is to leave. I need to. I know what she’s like. “Alright, I’ll see you later!” I give my mum a hug and open the front door as fast as I can. “Please come in quietly. It was nice to finally meet you Monty! I’ve been waiting to meet Y/N boyfriend for a long time now.” “Alright bye!” I rush. Fuck.

“I’m sorry about that,” I laugh as I throw myself in the passenger seat. The smile on his face is very comforting. “Nah it’s cool, I’d love to have a mum like that,” my heart sinks slightly. I’m not 100% sure what that means, but it’s definitely not positive. “Y/N.” Is all he says. “About Y/BF/N-“ “I know.” I stop him. Thanks mum. The engine finally starts, and we’re off, and I realise that I’m off to a party with Monty. I don’t think this looks very good.

A drink is pretty much thrown at me as soon as I walk in the house. It’s a lot like deja vu, except I’ve appeared with Monty today. Shit. I shouldn’t be here. My eyes lay on Jess. “Give me a sec,” I say, and wonder over to my best friend. Her arms wrap around me, squeezing me as if we haven’t seen each other in weeks. We chat about some random shit until it must sink in. “Wait... did you come with Monty?” She asks thick with confusion. “I did...” I say slowly. “Does it look bad?” I ask. I ask only because I know she’ll be honest. “A little, but honestly fuck Y/BF/N!” My jaw drops with a smile. “I mean it! He’s a nice guy and all, but he’s pretty shit to you,” she shrugs and chugs the rest of her drink. “At least Monty is shit to everyone but you.”

Wishing Jess never said those words, I find myself hung up on them as I hang out with the guy. I know Monty isn’t the nicest person to everyone, but when I speak to him I don’t care. Should I? I feel like I should. I take a sip of my drink, which isn’t a mix of everything this time, while I listen to Scott. He’s one of those guys that you just want as your best friend. I laugh at the funny thing he said. I’d mention it, but I don’t remember as I notice Monty calling me over to him with his hand.

Finishing up my conversation with Scott, I follow Monty outside. The sky beams clear. Not a star in sight. “Are you cold?” He asks. It’s also not warm, but it isn’t cold either. I say no, slightly afraid of how I’d have to act if he offered his jacket. “I haven’t seen much of you,” I’m unsure of what to say so I say that. It’s never awkward with us, but I don’t trust myself anymore. Why should Y/BF/N trust me when I don’t even trust me? “Awe did you miss me?” He nudges me with a gleaming smile. I stop myself from smiling as the guilt starts to flood in. “Y/N-“ “I’m fine. It’s just...” “Y/BF/N,” he interrupts. I let out a short awkward laugh. Sigh. “I feel like talking about him with you will make things odd between us,” I gesture Monty and I. “And that’s wrong.” “It’s okay-“ “it’s not though,” tears - for some weird reason - start to form in my eyes. Blinking reduces the watering. That would be embarrassing. “He’s my boyfriend,” I let out in a whisper. “He’s a shit boyfriend if you ask me,” Monty huffs. Although I somewhat agree, Monty’s words stress me out a little. The truth hurts, and the fact that Monty is the only person to tell me that (other than Jess) is annoying. “Well I didn’t ask,” I didn’t want to snap at him, and my tone was too soft for it to. If anything I sounded pathetic. “I’m gonna kiss you now,” he says OUT OF NOWHERE. “Wha-“ I’m stopped by his lips. Lips so soft and sweet and just... perfect. His lips on mine, his fingers on his right hand tilting my chin up slightly. I’m truly swept away. My right hand goes up to the side of his face to keep his lips on mine for a little longer - and then I realise what I’m doing. Shit. I’m unsure of what to do as I pull away, so I just become completely speechless. Our eyes lock for 5 seconds at the most. Then I find myself running away.

“Woah, are you okay?” Hands go on my shoulder. More specifically, Scott’s hands, when he stops me in my tracks. “Fuck,” I let out in a breath. “Is there anywhere I can just go to breathe a second?” He walks me to a spare bedroom which is very clearly one of a few. I’m prepared to be by myself, but Scott takes a seat on the bed. My own fingers spread through my hair in a stressed motion. “I just kissed Monty,” Scott’s facial expression doesn’t change. I realise that this is Scott, and I shouldn’t be talking to him about this, but it’s also Scott - the actual nice guy. “And..?” He shrugs, shoving some small snack food in his mouth. “And I shouldn’t have.” “Do you have a boyfriend or something?” I snap my head to Scott after his words. “Y/BF/N..?” I ask slowly, and his eyes widen. “What, really? I thought he was gay,” I can’t help but crack a smile for a very short second. “Scott...” I shake my head. Honestly I’m just thankful Scott’s the way he is. How did he just lighten the mood with that? “I know I shouldn’t pry but he doesn’t really treat you in that way,” he pauses. “From what I’ve seen of course.” Oh of course. “Look Scott, I appreciate this but can you give me a second to be by myself?” I ask as nicely as I can. “Oh shit, yeah of course. Sorry,” he chuckles, and stands. “What do you want me to tell Monty?” He turns before he leaves the room. “Anything, but don’t tell him I’m up here please.” He closes the door behind him.

I pace the floor up and down approximately 50 times before Monty walks through the door. My heart stops. “I told Scott-“ “I know, but he’s my best friend Y/N,” he closes the door gently behind him, but he doesn’t enter the room fully. Only staying by the door. As if waiting for some sort of permission, I watch as he twiddles his fingers. “You shouldn’t of kissed me Monty,” I sigh. A step forward is taken by the boy in front of me. “I’m really sorry,” to be able to feel the apology from Montgomery De La Cruz is truly something. I’ve never seen him like this. I hate how much I like it. “You know I have a boyfriend, and you did it anyway,” Monty avoids my gaze at him, looking at the ground instead. Or the ceiling. Or the wall. “I just thought-“ “I know what you thought.” I stop him. I want him him to leave, but the thought of him leaving me right now was just heartbreaking. A few more steps are taken. “It’s unfair. It’s unfair on Y/BF/N, and you. And me.” When his eyes finally look at me - not at anything but - I just knew. The feeling of needing someone has never felt so prominent to me. So I act on it. My hands reach up to his head, I lift myself onto my tip toes, and pull his lips down to mine. His hands are gently caressing my waist within seconds. My legs lead us towards the bed. The feeling of his body slowly sitting down shouldn’t of been a cue for my body to straddle him, but I do. And then the make out becomes a bit more full on. I feel guilty for not feeling guilty. I should be regretting this, but it’s actually perfect. The way he slides his tongue into my mouth, and the way his hands are slowly making their way lower down my body, it’s a different feeling. In this moment, I’m starting to realise how full I feel around him, and how almost utterly empty I feel otherwise. I let out a light moan as his hand reach my ass and move me - creating that friction feeling I’ve been missing. The smirk I felt under our kiss was adorable. I didn’t even need to see it, although I’m thankful I didn’t. This boy doesn’t need to wrap me around his finger any tighter.

My hands move themselves to the bottom of his tee, and that’s when I freeze. I break our lips and balance my forehead on his. Heavy breathes leave my mouth. “I’m sorry, I just-“ I pause to breathe and think carefully about my words. “I don’t wanna stop but I think I need to sort some shit out,” he nods underneath me, but he says absolutely nothing. This is not where my guilt should be. “I’m just a bad enough person already as it is,” I let out a chuckle once I see the side of his mouth turn up slightly. “Want me to drive you home?” I smile sympathetically at his words. His voice so soft. I hold the sides of his face and smooth his cheeks for a few seconds. His hand holds over mine, takes it, and kisses it. Blush. “Okay, let’s leave now,” I laugh, embarrassed of the hold he has over me.

Midday the next day

Since there was almost no drinking and definitely no drugs taken on my part, my head should be fine. But my head is FUCKED. Do I feel guilty? I feel guilty about leaving Monty last night, not Y/BF/N. And that’s making me feel guilty. So it’s about 7am and I’m walking to school. I hardly slept, I just thought the rest of the night. When I did finally fall asleep, I dreamt about Monty and how perfect last night was despite everything. I’m only walking to pass time. Driving would be way too quick. Although, my plan to have my mission planned by the time I get there, is a mission failed already. A 30 minute walk and nothing. Fuck.

In a crowd of people, I automatically spot 4 people. Monty and Scott are the first two, then Jess, and then Y/BF/N. My paranoia goes straight to ‘Monty’s told Scott and Scott’s told everyone else’, but I’ve never seen Scott or Monty like that. I know they’ve done it though. That makes me nervous. I go straight to Jess. She always knows what to say. “Hey... Jess,” I sigh. Usually me and Jess get lost in ourselves and ignore a lot of the noise around us, but not today. Not for me. Eyes were on me, even if they weren’t actually. “Are you- oh Y/N,” her eyes hint to my left. Y/BF/N. “That’s my cue to leave,” her words leave as does she. Thanks a lot. “We need to talk.” He knows.

We walk outside just around the corner. It’s not as if we’re in private. Nothing is private here. “We need to talk about yesterday,” he looks me dead in the eyes, which is quite intimidating. I’m such a shitty person. “I thought about it, and I understand why you acted the way you did.” His words sting. There’s nothing I can do. Admitting it out loud is so frightening so I say nothing still. He sighs. “The silent treatment? Really? You overreacted about me asking Jess,” he rolls his eyes at me. My gut goes from feeling sick, to really fucking angry. “Wow okay,” I let out in an angry mumble. “But I am sorry. I should’ve just asked you, and not Jess,” my eyebrows raise at his apology. “You’re a dickhead,” is all I can get out. My legs try to walk me away, but his hand clutch my wrist. “I’m trying to fix this,” his words, although exactly what I wanted to hear, were quite harshly spat at me as his grip grows tighter. “I think we need to be done.” Did I actually just say that? I’ve kept that to myself for too long. He lets my arm fall from his grip. I’ve never seen him like this. “You’re not breaking up with me, you’re gonna regret that.” The guy I watch strop away is not the guy I know? Who is that?

The bell rang about 10 minutes after Y/BF/N walked away, but I only just walk myself into the building. I find the guy I actually don’t mind bumping into leaning again my locker. “Hey Monty,” his smile makes me smile, which is so gross I know. “Are you okay?” He asks, nodding towards outside. “Yeah, I just, I’m so confused,” when I light my hand up to cup my forehead, I notice - as does Monty - the finger marks around my wrist. They’re ever so faint, but they’re there. “He tried to stop me walking away, it’s no big deal,” I say to his eyes. The facial expression was nothing I’d seen before. “Honestly, it’s nothing,” my right hand reaches up to his face to cup his cheek, then I realise where we are. “What did he say?” He asks. I wonder why he cares so much. It’s really attractive. “Can we talk about it later?” I ask, and his slow nod is extremely comforting. “Do you wanna ditch?” A wide smile spread across his face. “Monty...” I whisper, reciprocating the same expression. My back slowly flattens against the lockers neighbouring mine as his body gets closer to mine. “I think we should ditch,” he says again once his body is gently touching mine. Imagine just one person comes out of class right now. We definitely shouldn’t, but I really want to. “Okay,” I whisper, nibbling the inside of my lip. His hand slips gently into mine and he pulls me out of the shitty school. I’m a terrible person.

It’s as if it’s a whole other world with Monty. I can’t describe it fully, because I don’t fully understand it myself, but I got lost in him. “Where are we going then?” He asks about 5 minutes into driving. I raise my eyebrows towards him with a fat smile on my face. “You’re the one who said we should ditch!” He just shrugs. I face forwards, but I catch him smirk at me in the corner of my eye whilst scanning me briefly up and down. This guy is too attractive. “I guess we can go to mine, it should be empty.”

I unlock the door to an empty house. Like the gentleman he is, he slips his shoes off just to the side. “What shall we do?” He asks with bright eyes. “Hungry?” His response is obviously.

We decide to make some cakes - which isn’t exactly what I mean by food but it’s a lot nicer anyway. By ‘we’ I mean me. I weigh out all the ingredients while he just observes. “Are you gonna help?” I ask with a slight chuckle. “I’m actually alright just watching you,” he bites his lip after his words. “That’s creepy Montgomery.” “Hearing you say my full name turns me on,” my face goes from normal to very red. His face remains serious too, other than a smirk forming slowly. I ignore him (as much as I can) and go back to pouring the ingredient into one bowl and mixing. It only takes seconds before I feel his body directly behind mine. I feel as his fingers creep towards my waist, and his head slowly sinking to my level. I refuse to get distracted by him and continue mixing, and his lips proceed to my neck. Holy shit. He kisses it once, then twice, then an open mouth one. As he begins sucking and nibbling, my hand (as if a reflex) goes to the back of his head. I spin myself to face him. My eyes scan him as I breathe slightly heavier than usual. A few seconds of silence. “Fuck you,” is all I can whisper before wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him passionately. He slides the bowl from behind me and lifts me onto the counter. Although his body is as close as it can be right now, it remains not close enough. Our tongues battle and glide through each other’s mouths. It takes no time for me to realise how much I need him. I’ve been fooling myself all this time. When I grab the bottom of his shirt, this time I remove it as fast as I can. Wow. I take a second to absorb it all it. “It’s rude to stare,” he grunts, his hands smoothing my thighs up and down slowly. I look down at them, and look back up to his eyes. The sensation going through my body was phenomenal. He hasn’t even touched me yet. I grab the top of his trousers and pull him closer to me. Starting from his lips, I lay kisses down. Across to his cheek, down to his neck, and a few down his chest. I feel his heartbeat become irregular. The most attractive thing in the moment was the very apparent wait for the okay. His eyes scan my body, just like I did, except he has nothing to admire. Me on the other hand? Wow. The only signal I can send him is by unbuckling his belt. A sort-of glow forms in his eyes before finally moving.

My thong gets dropped on the floor near by. The guilt comes from me wearing my favourite underwear today, but I now have nothing to feel guilty about. Well... not this. I want to be here. I watch as he kneels down to floor, his face opposite my heat. Desperate for his touch. The breath that left his mouth became more and more fierce as he came close and closer, before finally making contact. His mouth wraps around my clit. I send my head back and my hand pushes to the back of his head once again. “Oh shit,” I breathe out in a moan. His hands wrap around my thighs, pulling my body closer to his mouth. My moans try to remain retained, which was a lot harder than I imagined. I just moan louder and louder ad he continues eating me out. As his tongue laps all over, I already feel like letting go. Not yet. I pull him up, shutting his confused look up with my mouth on his. My hands fumble at his belt again, but his large hands stop mine in their tracks. He pulls his lips off mine, our noses still keeping contact. “I need you,” I whisper. I feel as a deep breath leaves his mouth onto mine. “Trust me, I need you. But not here,” and with that he picks me up with one arm under my knees and the other hooked under my arms. As he somehow starts carrying me up the stairs, I get caught up in the moment. “Shit it’s like we just got married,” I smile and chuckle to show I’m joking. The smirk, the eyes, the everything on his face. “I’ll marry you,” I collapse my head on his shoulder, shaking it slightly. “Fuck,” I whisper, lifting my head and pushing my lips on his when we get to the top.

Being thrown on my own bed is the single most attractive thing I’ve ever experienced. He kneels between my slightly spread legs. Sitting up, I attach my lips to his chest, kissing ball the way up to finally being back on his lips. The kiss pulls his body down onto mine. The stupid belt is finally removed and I start to pull his trousers down and off. Naked. Montgomery De La Cruz is knelt slightly in front of me putting a condom on his dick while I shuffle in under my covers. I didn’t think we’d get here. Well... not this soon. “I thought staring was creepy,” his voice speaks, low and sexy. I wish the smirk wasn’t so natural to him. Most guys do it and it’s not it at all. He does it and... “No. Saying you were fine watching me was creepy. I’m just- admiring?” I suck in my bottom lip, nibbling at it just a little for him to notice. “Okay I’ll let you off,” he throws the covers over him, his face coming extremely close to mine yet not touching. My legs, as if by reflex, spread a little more when his tip brushes against the inside of my thigh. My heart races more. “If you wanna stop just tell me,” is the only thing he could’ve said to both calm me and get me more flustered inside. I nod. He starts to enter himself inside me - quite slowly and carefully - stopping until I give him another nod. Although I’m not a virgin, the discomfort was still there a bit. I cup his face with my hand, stroking his cheek with my thumb. I trail it down to his lips where he kisses it once. He freezes inside me for a few seconds once his length is fully inside me. “Okay,” I nod, pulling his face down onto mine before he pulls out slowly to push back in. I try not to moan already. He slips his tongue into my mouth, swirling and crashing it with mine mid moan. His lips kiss down to my chin, which is when his hand lifts my leg up and out. As my breathing hitches more, nibbles go across my neck to my ear. Woah. He takes my ear lobe between his teeth, pulling it down. That’s something I’ve never felt before. “Moan for me,” pillow talk is another thing I’ve never experienced, which leads me to grunt rather loudly. Mid-moan his lips reattach themselves to mine. I let my hands grip his back. My aim was to pull him closer to me, but all I do is scratch down his back. At first I feel bad, then I hear the moan from Monty that followed. That was me done. “Fuck,” I let out in his mouth. The pace is increased more, my arms wrap around his neck - almost hugging him into me. A hand grips my waist as if to say ‘I know you’re close’. I am. I so am. Holding back was in my plans. I spread my fingers through his hair as I begin to let go. “Monty,” I squeak between our lips. A release I’ve been waiting for, with the guy I think I’ve been needing. Once again, Monty’s thrusts increase one last time, this time for his own climax. The twitch inside me finished my frenzy around him. All that was left between us was sweat and heavy breathing.

I lay, my head on his chest, with his arm thrown around me like in the movies. The fingers on our hands intertwined together in an unsolvable puzzle. Chatting as if it was normal what we just did. It is normal. It feels normal. Which is the weird thing. “When’s your mum coming home?” He asks, placing a kiss on the back of my hand. “She’s working a night shift tonight, so you can stay if you’d like,” those aren’t exactly the words I wanted to say. “I should probably go home, my dad-“ “Please stay. I want you to stay,” I stop him with the words I truly meant to stay. Imagine staying overnight with a boy? True heaven I imagine. Especially since that guy is Monty. I tilt my head up to look him in the eyes. His lips, still soft and kind, place themselves on my lips again after letting out an ‘okay’. And suddenly it’s another makeout session. I know exactly where this is going to go. I’m gonna - if I’m not already - fall too hard for Montgomery De La Cruz.

#13 reasons why #montgomery de la cruz #13rw #13 reasons why montgomery #smut #monty x reader #Montgomery de la Cruz x reader #monty smut

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