#is he doing it consciously or just acting out of his own interest?

[str8upspam]

Big yap warning

I keep thinking about the possibility of some ghouls not getting ghoul strength bc of another character too. But I was thinking, if Kaito had ghoul strength I feel like he would be way less pathetic and even try to show off for mc? I don't think he would be as much of a coward as he is currently if he had ghoul strength, the only times he attempts to fight is when he has his weapon.

Another thing I thought about which is why I'm kinda convinced that leo might not have ghoul strength or even trusts himself is because of the scene where we first see him calling sho to help him out. He never attacks and stalls for the longest time just waiting for sho to come save him. I feel like if he did trust himself enough to fight back, he might have been done with the guy and said to sho "took you long enough, i already too care of him by myself 😒," because I don't think leo would have the patience to wait that long if he could take care of it himself? It was only one guy after all. I do get tho that maybe the guy could come back with the precieved notion that Leo couldn't defend himself and would try to get back at him when he's alone but gets beat up.

I do also think that leo is trying to make himself look weaker than he actually is, it could either be because he wants guard dogs or because he wants to keep expectations low so that in a fight people would underestimate him. But I also get this feeling that he's scared of being hurt so he doesn't even try, I don't think we've ever seen him try to engage in combat because he always tries to hand it off to someone else. It could be a stupid reason like "omgg I don't wanna get bruises on my arms :///" or like he doesn't want his fears of being too weak to defend himself be confirmed.

It also makes me think of how he is with sho and how he tries so hard to isolate him. There's a sense of "I can't lose him bc what will happen to me if I do?" If leo can't defend himself against one person, what could he do against the hordes of enemies that he's made throughout his life?

I feel like him wanting both sho and alan to think of him as weak could come from a place of "yes do my bidding" and also maybe even necessity? I think there's a lot of possibilities here

"I have Sho and Alan so you can't hurt me"

"I have the strongest men under my thumb so that makes me the strongest"

"Extra defenses just in case everyone tries to kill me"

"Sekai de ichiban ohime sama ✨️"

Sometimes I wonder if Leo's actually weak or if he's just pretending so he can have a big strong man do everything for him

I mean, ghouls are supposed to be stronger than normal people

But damn asking for help with a bottle is really erm...

[bolognamayhem117]

Hot Take: Astarion does NOT hate flowers. You just missed a few subtle hints through Act 1 and early Act 3.

Astarion's negativity is directed toward just about anything remotely pleasant as you move through early act three, starting the moment you leave Wyrm's Rock. First thing after Gortash's coronation he marvels near tears at the colors of the city in daylight. If you ask if he's alright, it pisses him off.

There's other instances I can't quite remember but he's a straight crank throughout early Act 3 and it took me several hours of gameplay to have a lightbulb moment about his newly crappier attitude.

He just spent the last two hundred years seeing everything in the overwhelmingly warm dim tones of indoor lighting via sconces, rushlights, and braziers, or the dingy blue gray of moonlight outside. Daylight colors are something he had more than a lifetime to forget and now that he has a chance to remember that vibrancy in his own home town, he knows he's going to have to forget it all over again either by death or by remaining a vampire spawn forever. The worm isn't going to live rent free in his head forever, and killing Cazador to ascend in his place likely feels like an insurmountable and impossible fight against a literal titan who could stomp him flat without a corm of effort.

He doesn't hate flowers, he hates EVERYTHING right now because it's all going away very soon and if he convinces himself he hates everything then he won't miss it when it's all gone again. He was denied this for two hundred years and he's PISSED at what was stolen from him and PISSED it's all going away again.

He behaved similarly in Act 1 about anyone besides him enjoying physical intimacy. Some of this content was cut, to my best knowledge, but the overwhelming majority of his dialog addressing the PC romancing anyone but him are negative or backhanded. This is for two reasons, I think. A: his Simple Plan just dissolved right before his eyes when you chose someone else which in his mind means he has zero safety net, and EVERYONE gets to enjoy sex (key wording being ENJOY, not simply having) except him... And it pisses him off.

He also gleefully interrupts the bug bear and the ogress, I think for the same reason as the above paragraph, being: If he doesn't get to enjoy intimacy neither do they.

He reacts with anger and disgust at anything he's being unfairly denied. Which... That's fair. His feelings are valid, but his reaction to it is pretty shitty and meanspirited.

The other companions I tend to keep in my party, (that is Lae'zel, Halsin, Karlach, and Wyll) however, are actually appearing to behave pretty patiently with him in Act 3 which I find interesting.

In the instance with the flowers Karlach doesn't bother trying to convince him otherwise of his opinion, she just tells him how they make her feel instead and rather than getting snippy or doubling down he more or less agrees to disagree. I also don't recall anyone disagreeing with Astarion during Gale's last quest tasks when he mentioned that he quit praying to gods who wouldn't hear him a long time ago but to be fair, I think the gods did everybody in this crew dirty and they all know it. It seems like they're consciously giving him the space to be mad about things, is what I'm saying.

Everyone I know including myself who crawled out of a long-term hot garbage situation kinda went wild for a bit with freedom, spoke poorly, behaved strangely, had extreme emotional reactions to things, and made some particularly terrible choices. I think that's just a part of recalibrating yourself, healing and learning how to be okay again.

Point is, I wouldn't conflate too many of the turbo-negative things he says with how he actually feels about anything. We certainly know what he says and what he feels are two very different things.

[admirxation]

彡 Secret - Leon Kennedy

father in law!Leon Kennedy x daughter in law!afab!reader | 18+ | 3.5k | oneshot

synopsis — Your husband goes on another business trip, an excellent time for you to seek affection with his father.

contents — 18+ heavy smut mdni, pseudo-incest (in-laws), cheating, slight hair pulling, thigh touching, dirty talk, fingering (f receiving), oral (f receiving), tit play, unprotected sex (p in v), breeding kink, possessiveness (a little), and creampie // I do not condone everything I write, this is just fiction if you don’t like don’t read. Read the warnings and continue at our own discretion. I’ve provided ample warning.

tags: @mrswint3rs @elfven-blog (please check the taglist in my pinned post if you want to be tagged in future works)

The essence of secrecy lies in its concealed nature; it is meant to evade the awareness of others in confidence between only a select few, often confined to a mere duo. The revelation of this can imperialise many involved. However, the enigmatic nature of maintaining a secret is undeniably captivating; it entices individuals to guard and preserve its sanctity. The prospect of clandestine knowledge imparts a sense of thrill; it can keep the individual’s heart pumping with adrenaline each second that goes past, and each day, it finds another day to survive between the knowing. Yet, beneath that surface of excitement, the weight of culpability lingers, a moral unease inherent in the act of concealment, the feeling of guilt inhabiting the consciousness of the one keeping it, especially with the amount of gravity certain secrets have—like the one you were holding with Leon. 

When you first sought comfort with your father-in-law, you thought this was going to be a one-time moment of weakness, a feeling that it was just happening through the disconnect with your husband, a moment of letting your desires warp your mind and your morals—but this soon escalated into ‘one time’ being apart of continuous routine. Tiptoeing into his room, sneaking away when your husband was at work, betraying your vows, those sacred words that shouldn’t be tarnished for a few moments of fun, but you were indulging in breaking those promises every moment you lied in Leon’s arms, every moment you let his form engulf you in its shadow, every moment you pressed your arms around him and left sweet kisses on his skin. 

When you wrapped yourself up in a blanket next to your husband, there was a phantom feeling of something tugging at your heart, like a hand squeezing and pulling at it, pushing down into the form of a cold spike feeling travelling down into the pit of your stomach whenever you pictured the inevitable moment when your husband would find out; you weren’t completely stupid, you knew that this would all come out sooner or later, especially with the fact that you were cheating with your husbands father. This wasn’t some secret or tall tale that you could take to the grave with you; no, this was something that needed to be known; it was starting to become more than just bodily fulfilment with another; there was a connection in your betrayal, an emotional one that whenever you parted from his presence you craved to be back into it, and not just through lust, through romantic interest like you formerly had with your husband. The feeling of guilt was only natural when these affairs were starting. Still, it all started to melt away when your husband reciprocated the distance, as well as the infidelity you were providing in the relationship. 

There has always been a lack of chemistry and connection within the relationship; when you first met each other in college, it started as a casual sexual relationship, meeting each other whenever your roommates were gone and finding some late-night indulgences. Then it rolled into something more serious. It was all a blur now; you remember a casual to serious relationship shift; you noticed this when you first met his father. You always thought he was attractive, but you never thought he would be the person you wanted to be with. You felt trapped in this relationship. Granted, your husband never pushed you into that decision, but you felt dependent on him for what he provided, all the benefits he gave you, and even pulled you up in the ranks of your job position; you did owe a lot to him. However, this lack of connection was always found in his wandering eye. 

He always had a wandering eye for every woman who passed but never acted on it…until now. 

You never blamed him or felt betrayed, hell you didn’t even cry or wince in reaction when you were met with the vision of the text messages he shared with his secretary; you just turned the phone off and pretended to be the innocent wife, oblivious to it all; but when you saw those messages, you could only feel… relief? Relief that you weren’t hurting someone in love with you anymore, relief that both of you were aware of this trapped marriage. You were hoping this affair would be the trigger to make him throw the divorce papers in your face, something you were too cowardly to do. 

You were waving off your partner for another business trip; it made you laugh when he would always make up some extravagant lie, always bringing up names to make his lie seem more believable; of course, you always knew when he was lying, he would never maintain eye contact, and whenever you asked who was going, you saw his eyes widen and look around the room trying to remember what he fabricated a few days earlier. If anything, you admired how far he would go. Sometimes, you wondered if he was just doing this to spite you for sleeping with his father, but you didn’t care; you just wanted him gone longer so you could spend time with Leon. 

When telling Leon this, he laughed at how his son was trying to make things even, though he knew his son was awful at covering his tracks; after all, he had known him all his life; he knew what his son was capable and incapable of. When learning the information that your son is cheating on their wife, it arranges multiple reactions. Some people simply do not care, and some even blame the wives. Others will be shocked at their son's behaviour, knowing they didn’t raise him like this and will be there for their daughter-in-law. But Leon, oh, Leon intensely disliked how his son never fully appreciated you. He was also glad that his weak ability to be a husband granted him the opportunity to give the woman whom he couldn’t stop thinking about the attention she deserved. When learning of another business trip his son was going on, he just smirked when hearing your tempting words through the phone, knowing exactly what you were planning and insinuating. 

“He can spend all the time he wants with… Whatever her name is… Now, come to mine; I know you’re free.” 

When you heard those words on the phone, you were quick to leave your house, locking the door and jumping into your car for a few-minute journey to him; you felt your heart flutter and jump within your chest every time the tyre rolled further to your destination, every turn and bend you had on the road, all of it adding to that feeling of impatience whenever you were stopped by traffic. 

You didn’t have to knock; you already had a key to make your way whenever you wanted to, whenever you wanted a late-night roll around when your husband was in a night of deep sleep or having ‘overtime’ at work. You made your way to the staircase and ascended into his room. 

Leon was sitting at his desk, working alone. It was clear that he was probably waiting for you to come a bit later, considering this time of day harboured the most traffic. 

He greeted you with a smile, dropping his pen and looking you up and down under his scrutiny; you felt undressed under his gaze with those longing and erotic states; the tension between you two was undeniable every time you were together, all those pent up desires every time you couldn’t be together all bursted within an explosion of desire whenever people were out of the picture. You could fulfil everything you two thought of. When no one was around, his house was the realm where the secret wasn’t something to hide, but something accepted between you two, something loved by you two. 

You pushed away his work to one side, positioning yourself in between his legs before pushing yourself up to the table, feeling a jolt course through your body when you felt Leon’s large hands slide to the sides of your waist, roaming and sliding down to the plush of your thighs, continuing to maintain that lustrous stare that always made you weak whenever looking deeply back into that blue undressing gaze. 

“It’s rude to ignore a guest, especially when you invite them, Leon,” you said to him, looking down and watching as he took the free invitation to keep touching you, pushing his hands under the flap of your dress, feeling your soft and smooth skin as he caressed you further; a smirk playing at his lips as he witnessed you subtly parting your legs as he continued to keep touching, providing him with a further invitation. 

“True. Especially one that is so beautiful; where are my manners?” he looked up at you as you bent your head forward to meet him, your lips being mere moments away from his, letting that tension arise between the both of you; you leaned in to let him give you a soft and tender kiss, a kiss that slowly increased into further sensual deep interlocks between you two. 

He pushed one of his hands to the back of your head, tangling his fingers within the strands of your hair, slightly tugging at it to make you release soft winces; you bit your lip as you two both continued to share erotic eye contact that was already creating a knot within your stomach and made your heartbeat deeper and your breaths deeper. As you were lost in those pools of blue, you expressed a sharp and high-pitched gasp when his fingers led to your clothed core, feeling the tips of his fingers rub circles around, pulling sweet and tender moans from you. 

“How long is he gone for?”

“A week,” Leon pushed his fingers with harder pressure as he rubbed your sensitive bud through the wet patch already formed from his long digits. 

“Good. A week with me, would you like to stay here, darling? I wouldn’t want you to be lonely,” you could only release a nod as you pressed your lips into a line, squeezing your eyes shut as he pushed his index and middle finger deeper and circulated in a clockwise motion—from just a tiny amount of time he knew what would drive you crazy. “Use your words, sweetheart; I can’t mind read,” he tilted his head to the side as he waited for you to open your mouth. 

“Yes, I would, yes I would want that,” you managed to fabricate your chosen words in a breathy release as he quicked his motions, moans wanting to erupt already to replace your words.

“Am I already driving you crazy?” you nodded again, “I love it when you’re easy for me… And only me,” his words were elongated, arousal and stimulation within the way he spoke that made your core flutter in excitement and anticipation, even more so when he wrapped the tip of his finger around the side of your already soaked panties, and slowly pushing them to the side, he wasn’t going to rush this no matter how many times he felt you, he always wanted to savour the feeling of making you his. 

He lifted your skirt even further to witness your glistening cunt, feeling your heat as he lingered his fingers around your inner thigh, teasing you even more, not knowing when he was going to draw more moans from you, simply with his fingers.

“Do you want to feel good, sweetheart?” you nodded, looking down and spreading your legs even further, “You’re such a dirty little slut for me, aren’t you? Yet you won’t just leave him.” 

You had been thinking of leaving your husband ever since you started this affair with Leon, and he wasn’t going to leave it alone until you were his, not just in bodily and emotional connection, but under the eyes of the law and society, he wanted everyone to know that you were his girl. 

“You know it w-won’t be any longer,” your breathing hitched as you waited for Leon’s fingers to creep themselves inside you, feeling a tingle and tightening sensation within your stomach the way he looked at you with those eyes that controlled all your feelings. 

He ran his thumb over your soft mouth, his other fingers on his left hand rubbing your wet slit, dragging the tips of his fingers along your soaked cunt. Hearing your heavy breathing, he pulled you back for another kiss, his tongue entering your mouth and swirling and sliding on yours, enjoying every minute and surprised little noise secreted from your mouth, muffled by his kisses. He pushed his long and thick digits inside you, slowly, pulling a long and quiet moan as he bit your bottom lip in between kisses, feeling him slowly pump and curl his fingers as your walls tightened around them. 

“Does my dirty girl want more?” he whispered to you in between kisses, “and I expect you to use your manners.” He always loved to have that cocky attitude with you, always loving to have the upper hand, knowing you melted every time you felt his touch, forever in his submission. 

“Yes, please, Leon,” you begged. 

“Good girl.”

He left one final wet kiss on your lips before pushing his chair away with a harsh kick and letting his face be in front of your pussy, your aching pussy that was craving him all through the journey, that craved him every night and day when you were apart. He kissed lightly at your pussy before enclosing your clit with his lips, interlocking with your wet and soft folds, his tongue lapping and dancing around your sensitive cluster of nerves, continuing to pump his long fingers inside you, circling your bud over and over again in perfect rhythm to pushing his digits further into your throbbing cunt, feeling his cock harden inside his pants every time your taste lingered around in his mouth, every time he took ownership with having fun with you. 

“All mine,” he quickly said as he continued to press his face back in between your thighs, his hand massaging your thigh, “I’ll never get tired of tasting you,” you felt him smile against you, his breathing deepening as you continued to moan for him. 

“Fuck, Leon-” your back arched as your fingers messed through his blonde locks, tugging and ruffling as your head continued to be kicked back. Your eyes squeezed shut as you let his soft lips continue to be attached to your clit, sucking and circling it, his fingers keeping you on the edge and making your toes curl with each load of erotic sound to fill the room’s atmosphere. Leon loved how much you squirmed as you tensed every muscle in your body when feeling that pleasure course through you at the hands and skill of Leon; you felt a pulsating scream ready to roll through your body as you whined from the stimulation; Leon continued to put you over the edge as he increased the speed and rhythm, setting another catalyst for your first orgasm so he threw his hand on your breast and squeezed it tightly, your skin poking out in the gaps of his fingers, later rolling your hardened nipple with his fingers while hungrily lapping his tongue around your clit, like being indulged into an addictive sweet treat. 

“Leon!” you screamed like you always did, and he continued to love hearing those sounds. 

Your thighs continue to tighten, your pussy spasming, and Leon’s tongue awaiting as you squeezed your eyes shut and engaged your core, releasing a clear and delicious release into his mouth, inviting Leon to lick up every drop and savouring the flavour only he craved every morning and night. He licked up a strip of your pussy, slowly pulling his fingers away as he watched your chest move up and down in rapid action with your changed breathing patterns. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not done yet,” he cooed as he licked his lips, watching your face beg for more. Your heart practically leapt when hearing those words, ready for whatever dictation he will provide for you. 

He continued to unbutton and drop his pants down, his erection bouncing out and exposing its red blushed tip already leaking with precum from just receiving the taste of you; you moved off the table and were ready to feel him deep inside, but his next words stopped you momentarily. 

“Why don’t you just leave him when he comes back… He’s got somebody… And I don’t want us to keep being secretive,” his hands were placed on your hips, you hoovering over him and feeling your heartbeat move at a quicker pace. “I make you feel better than he ever did. Marry me instead. I know that’s what you want, baby,” a blush crept on your cheeks as he continued to rub your sides, putting pressure on you with his touch. 

“Hm, sorry for putting you on the spot, let’s resume-” 

“Yes. I will. I will leave him for you.”

Leon’s eyes widened; you no longer felt his touch pressure down onto your skin. He stopped there momentarily as if time had frozen within his body clock.

Then that smirk came back. That knowing smirk of him finally getting his way, that smirk revealing he could finally have you and not just as an affair, he wouldn’t want to give a damn what others thought; he finally had you, and having you was all that mattered to him. 

“Come here, you,” he growled as he pulled your underwear, his eagerness igniting impatience as he pulled hard enough for the delicate fabric to rip, the threads pulling out in intricate patterns, pulled down to the carpeted floor; you didn’t care as he pulled you and sat you on his lap, feeling his cock push inside your wet, throbbing, squelching cunt as he aggressively thrusted you down on him, hearing the slap of your skin come crashing down on his thighs, erupting another deep moan out of you as you felt his large cock pressed inside and wrapped around your tight and warm walls. 

“Fuck. You’re so tight, baby.” You bounced with the help of Leon’s hands tucked underneath your ass and bouncing you on his member, pushing along his length further inside of you as he felt a craving that now belonged to him, “God. You feel amazing,” he continued to hiss as he felt you, his cock continuing to twitch as he heard your continuous gasps and moans. 

“Mmm, you’re so good,” you managed to get the words out as his large hands continued to grip your ass, watching his eyes darken with lust and possession as he watched your tits bounce in front of him with every thrust he pumped inside of you. 

“Just like that,” you found the perfect rhythm for him, “Umpth, you’re doing so good, baby,” he kicked his head back as you continued bouncing along his length, a red flush engulfing your pretty face, drool collecting at the corners of your mouth as you continued to scream for Leon and watch his perfect frame push inside of you. 

You whimpered as he squeezed your ass hard, your walls clenching around his dick even harder and making his desperation to finish inside you grow as you screamed his name again, releasing another loud luscious orgasm that drove Leon crazy with the fact he knew your body so well. 

“Cum for me, Leon,” you whispered, “you know I want to feel it. You know I love it,” you continued to push Leon when you saw that look in his eyes, knowing he was close. 

“Hmm, god,” he continued to growl as he felt your pussy tighten around him, “Oh sweetheart, I don’t just need a ring to prove to-to everyone you chose the better man… I need to fucking breed that, that perfect pussy,” he couldn’t create a perfect sentence without being interrupted with the odd messing up of words, focusing on trying not to cum until he finally let this words out; the effort to not release inside you was building up, beads of sweat were forming across his forehead and his chest puffed out in deeper breathing. 

“Do it then, I’m all yours.” 

A glimmer crossed his blue gaze as he pumped his last belligerent thrusts inside of you, his arms wrapped around your waist tightly. His face buried in your tits as he released his white and creamy cum inside of your walls, shooting inside of you with desperation, slowly pushing it further inside you, the head of his cock continuing to bash against your cervix as he fucked his seed further inside of you. His actions released a long, drawn-out moan escaping your glossy lips, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as your formerly tense body melted back into relaxation and your breathing becoming laboured as you felt his cum pool inside of you, the rest trickling down your sticky thighs as you tried to catch you breath. 

A secret is always fun to keep, but it eventually comes out, whether from being revealed by another or from people no longer being able to keep it inside and wanting the whole world to know.

please remember the best way of supporting writers is by liking and reblogging, i give everyone love who has taken the time of their day to read what i have created, thank you *kiss kiss*.

[razberrypuck]

something about kinger being in the circus "the longest" and him still openly caring about the other members and striving to be kind to them makes me emotional actually.

like yes the scene where he comforts ragatha but also the "pomni, take this" scenes. putting a bucket on ragatha's head after jax's licorice-hair comment -- said in front of a monster that eats candy people. winning rock-paper-scissors and being so excited to get to help zooble. remarking "oh, thank GOD you're okay," when zooble gets ejected from the gloink queen. he can be a great source of comfort in his moments of lucidity, but even when he's not quite there, he really does try his best to protect his friends -- even if his efforts come across as goofy or nonsensical.

I find it especially interesting that these moments are really the only times he actively involves himself in the adventures. yes he makes a few comments here and there, but when he isn't trying to help someone, he tends to just let things happen around him. he's largely absent in most of episode one (mostly because he seems to be freaking out about his own safety -- and granted, we don't know whether or not he was just having an especially bad day, but I think it's worth noting) and he doesn't get involved with the adventure at all until he's told to find zooble. he's also shown to be very observant of the people around him, like how he accurately predicted that kaufmo had completely lost it, when no one else picked up on the signs.

more than anything, though, I think kinger's conversation with ragatha shows some of his philosophy when it comes to the other players. "it's a lot for anybody to go through; don't take it too personally," is likely a learned sentiment -- and consciously or not, I think he doesn't have any bad blood with the other members (see: kinger being the only one (from what we've seen so far) that jax doesn't actively torment) because he understands why they act the way they do and doesn't hold it against them. everyone copes differently, and like I said before, he's very observant, especially when it comes to the emotions of others.

and idk. I just think it's nice the longest standing member of the circus didn't survive this long by learning not to care.

[guided-by-stars]

Everyone’s always talking about facades in ISAT. Loop’s facade weaving itself into their true self, Siffrin’s acting breaking down over hundreds of performances, how Isabeau uses masks to cover his insecurities. But not all facades are constructed purposefully and not all are so consciously maintained.

I think a lot of people underestimate Mirabelle. Both in our world, and in theirs. She’s very disarming, isn’t she? Anxious, biting her nails, conciliatory, kind, overly careful with others. The first member of the party, the protagonist, but always letting everyone but herself take the lead, except when dealing the final blow on the King. You’d be forgiven for thinking she’s shy. But she’s not, is she? She was given incredible responsibility by her mentor that could, by all her knowledge, be dead, and instead of crumpling under that pressure, like many might have, she seeks out the Defenders to ask for their help, and even after they deny her, she ventures out, with only one person by her side, unquestionably dedicated to her quest to save Vaugarde.

She’s incredibly brave! And smart too! It’s hard to stand out in that regard, when you’re traveling with a Researcher, head always buried in books, reached the age of 40, almost twice as long on this world as you have been, and a man who grew up the literal stereotype of a nerd, who still knows how to calculate numbers in his head in an instant as if it’s nothing, and this mysterious traveller who has been disarming all these traps for you and finding all these keys and has an incredible number of random skills and survived on his own for how many years? But Mirabelle is clever and perceptive! And the most emotionally intelligent and least repressed out of anyone there. She always notices when Siffrin is feeling awful and attempting to hide it. In Dormont, in Act 3, she asks if he’s okay, and when he says that he is, she straight up pushes back against it and says that she’s pretty sure that he’s lying about being fine. She’s aware that Siffrin has put up a wall, she just doesn’t like overstepping. If she was the type who didn’t care about pushing boundaries, she would have confronted him far before Act 5. And she knows how to do so many things!! She’s taken over a hundred classes. One thing about Mirabelle, is she’s absolutely ravenous to learn. Everything.

Sure, she holds some things back. She’s not open about how much responsibility she feels has been placed on her back, and is nervous about how others will perceive her lack of interest in dating, but overall, she’s far more open about her own feelings than anyone else in the party. When she’s anxious, she says it. When she needs help, she accepts it. Now this. Is crazy.

And then there’s her interest in the schadenfreude of it all. The morbid. Mild mannered Mirabelle loves seeing little guys being put through… the horrors. (Oh Mirabelle…you would love In Stars and Time) She has a collection of gory books in her bedroom, and takes the horror anthology into her pocket when you find it. Part of it is because seeing others in danger makes her aware of how safe she is by comparison, part of it is the catharsis, the emotional relief of seeing the Chase being fulfilled. But I think some of it is just fascination and curiosity. As mentioned earlier, she desires very deeply to Learn Everything. Learning how someone might be torn to bloody pieces by the Beast? Part of that.

Mirabelle is kind, sweet, and cute. Yes. But she is also incredibly capable, clever and perceptive, tremendously brave and courageous, and is fascinated with horror and gore and danger. When Euphrasie blessed her, said that she was the only person who could have done it, she was right. I feel like people in general are prone to flattening out optimistic and positive characters and seeing them as more shallow, while digging deeper into more negative and externally emotionally turbulent ones. Mirabelle is not shallow!!!

And all of that is said without any mention of her fixation on Changing!! I am going to explode!! This post is too long already but maybe I’ll make another one about her unhealthy fixation on always Changing and how that drives almost everything she does, both before and during the same!! It is so core to her psyche! Ahhh fantasy religion!!

[sordidmusings]

do you think mihawk would go through the 7 stages of grief when he catches feelings for someone or would he be a self-aware king and just shrug and accept it?

On a scale from One to Death, how pained is Mihawk about falling in love?

Pairing: Mihawk x GN Reader

Form this took: non-bulleted headcanon!

Word Count: ~730

~ ~ ~ ••• ✦✦✦ ••• ~ ~ ~

Mihawk actually continually creates new stages of grief in his unmoving stance to Pretend Everything’s Fine.

He’s not in love with you, he just has every bit of info on your likes, dislikes, and stories tucked away in his memory for convenience. He didn’t even consciously decide to do that actually. It’s just a fluke or maybe it was because it’s all such easy info to remember; it’s certainly not because all that information has special importance. It’s most definitely not because you look at him with such joy and gratitude every time you realize that he’s remembered something about you. Nor is it how beautifully his heart aches when your face glows with appreciation and affection for him.

He’s helping you out because your skills are disappointing, not because he sees you as a being of boundless potential. It has nothing to do with the pride he finds in each stride you make, whether by his guiding or your own breakthroughs. Nothing at all to do with how, day by day, he finds it more precious to watch you grow than the beloved gardens surrounding his castle.

His restlessness and temper when you’re gone are only because he has to take over all the tasks you do at the castle. Of course he’s not happy having unnecessary things out back on his plate, it was so much better being able to hand off half of those so he has time for the things that are important. Like swordsmanship and your shared hours to end each day. He doesn’t miss you bugging him all of the time; he can take care of himself without your drop ins to bring him water and snacks, or calls that dinner’s ready, or excited recommendations for books he always ends up enjoying, or observations on all the inane things around you (he obviously sees everything and it’s not better sharing them and a present existence with you, nope), or the rare occasions you speak your worry for his dour and lonely life that cut right to the heart of him. Those are what he misses the absolute least; he’s used to being called cold and heartless and alone, he doesn’t need you saying it but worse - noticing the heartlessness is unfortunately a lie, that there’s been something raw and painful festering in him for years, kept far from where anyone can touch and exhausting him of life’s pretenses.

He has no hope that you could possibly help fix that (just as much as you’re a balm for that wound, closeness to you rips it wide open).

There will have to be some change to your routine dancing around each other for him to accept his feelings for you and become that self-aware king instead of the willfully-ignorant peasant. This could be a threat of you leaving, likely not in you giving him that ultimatum but in more gradual ways that circumstance usually does. Maybe you begin to get into your head that he’ll never have feelings for you, and in your acceptance of that you begin to seek other hearts to share. Maybe you run from the depths of your own emotions for him, slowly shifting your life to be less and less at the castle, seeking opportunities that will take you to further seas.

Or maybe life does throw you both a much more drastic cause for change - an explosive argument when you seek a new love, or you unloading all your worry for him and fears that he is heartless while he’s frozen stiff, or him knowing the deep fear of not having you in his life in any capacity when your life is almost taken. Regardless of the cause, once he does acknowledge his feelings, he will absolutely act on it. He is a man of drive and dedication after all.

Now Mihawk is a lucky son of a bitch because it is very likely that you don’t know for a fact he has any interest in you until the Cool and Confident stage kicks in. He’d be mortified if you ever found out how desperately he tried to patch the dam in him that barely kept his overflowing interest, affection, and adoration at bay.

I hope you do find out because that needs to be held over his head for the rest of his life and then some 👌🏻

~ ~ ~ ••• ✦✦✦ ••• ~ ~ ~

For my lil milestone celebration here 🤍 come ask!

Thank you for your question anon❣️ the phrasing had me cackling it was too good 💀 I hope you enjoyed!! Sending love and hugs

[moonferry]

yk when u want a specific type of content but it like doesn't exist so u have to make it urself..

anyway have some bachelors x masc farmer ideas/headcanons/rambles. idk i just say words. long post so strap in, folks! honestly these could be considered gn if u squint bc i don't really use masc pronouns in the writing, however there are mentions of masc labels (boyfriend, husband)

mentions of internalized homophobia + depression

i may do bachelorettes x fem farmer next so stay tuned :3

harvey:

- wears his boyfriend's/husband's shirts. literally no exceptions. if you wore it, he is going to wear it too. you left a shirt at his place? oh. it's his now. and he's going to be smiling the entire time he wears it. this being said, i think he'd totally be like T____T it doesn't smell like you anymore and ask for a different one.

- loves to compliment your appearance or just you in general (in my play through he literally says "you look so handsome. did you shave?" like 3 times a week)

- personally, i see harvey as being bisexual + super open about it. like everyone in town supports him & they're so ecstatic for him when they see he has a boyfriend.

- if you have yet to ask him out, though, and he's realizing his feelings i think it would be very hard for him to hide them. someone could be asking him something and you walk into the clinic? his entire train of thought is GONE. i'm talking they have to wave their hand in front of his face to get his attention back.

- don't even get me STARTED on if you propose. he'd literally walk into the clinic, slam his coffee on the reception desk and be like, "MARU, LOOK." pretty sure he fainted and maru had to fan him back to consciousness.

elliott:

- despite elliott's openness with his own sexuality, i think he was terrified of your rejection. not too terrified obviously because something something inspiration from painful experiences yada yada. if you ended up not being interested in him, he probably would've gotten over it - but don't be surprised if you notice some strange subtext in his writing. he's a romantic writer - if he has feelings, they're going to get written down. sorry folks.

- but * yay * you didn't reject him, so elliott is still inspired. maybe you even become the next love interest in his newest novel? who knows.

- in his 14 heart event, he writes a series of letters to you because he has to leave pelican town for a week. i absolutely loved this idea and i think elliott would do this even if he was in the town. they could be something as mundane as what he did that day/week and he just. put it in the mailbox. you still enjoy reading them, though.

- i think he absolutely loves using "my" like "my man", "my husband" "my beloved" just anything, really. he loves you so much - and he knows he doesn't own you, obviously, he's just so glad he is lucky enough to call you his.

alex:

- i think alex was TERRIFIED of falling in love with you. in his 10 heart event, he mentions telling himself that he shouldn't experience these feelings for another man. every act of kindness you showed him ate away at his heart and it drove him crazy.

- i think he experienced a little internal homophobia before finally realizing that it was okay. it doesn't help that george is so adamant about him finding a girlfriend (and that george has a little homophobic arc 🥲). alex probably internalized these ideas and pushed himself into his gridball/weightlifting obsession to quiet his mind.

- after he finally worked up the courage to tell you how he felt - and was entirely relieved when you felt the same way - it was as if a weight removed itself from his chest. he could finally breathe again. the world seemed different - in a good way. colors were more vivid, sounds were more pleasing to hear, the earth felt solid underneath his feel for once. he wasn't afraid of anything, especially not with you beside him.

- now, he proudly walks around the town with your hand in his, smiling to himself.

- sometimes those thoughts start to seep back in, though. like when he's about to sleep at night and his brain just can't shut up. he starts to hate himself again, and then he feels you press against him or hears you mutter in your sleep and his heart softens.

- also he got george and evelyn shirts that say "i love my gay grandson" they wear them proudly.

shane:

- surprised that anyone took a romantic interest in him, not surprised by the fact that you're a guy.

- i don't think shane has a "preference" for dating someone, he goes based off of vibes + personality rather than gender or appearance. he also doesn't label himself or his sexuality/romantic attraction.

- he's definitely a shirt lender. like you see a nice jacket in his closet and you're like "hey, hun, can i borrow this?" "sure."

- thinks you look amazing in his clothes. probably puts the best ones on hangers (or at the top of the clothing pile) in hopes that you'd choose them.

- even if he doesn't show it outwardly, he's super afraid of losing you. because of his mental illness, he can't help but think that every good thing he has will be taken away from him or that he "doesn't deserve" them. (he does, and you often remind him of this if he gets too into his head).

- i picture him reaching over and placing a hand on your arm in the middle of the night JUST to make sure you were still there and not the universe playing a cruel joke on him.

- can cook, but he's so used to making frozen dinners that he often forgets to.

- if you're taller than him, forehead kisses are a MUST. he will not let you leave the farmhouse until he receives his daily forehead kiss.

- i think he loves being the little spoon. it just makes him feel safer, more grounded in a way. he's been at the point where it feels like nothing is permanent and it can all end in the blink of an eye, so being spooned helps him realize that it isn't all that bad and that it will be okay, given the right time and effort.

- shane definitely falls asleep on his husband's chest like.. once a week.

- because mental illness is a constant battle, i imagine shane still gets "bad days". but don't worry! his loving husband is here to help. shane's depressive episodes usually consist of lying in bed (often for days at a time) and it's extremely hard for him to do anything. but the farmer is used to this - he's definitely read up on mental health books and how to support someone with depression. the farmer never tries to force shane out of bed or tells him that he needs to "get over it". the farmer often checks on him in between their farm duties. i imagine when the farmer is completely finished, they sits down on the edge of the bed and play with shane's hair or rubs their hand up and down his back:

"hey shane, are you okay?"

"i will be."

"i love you, chickadee."

"i know."

"do you want some ice cream?"

"yes, please."

sam:

- by far, the most "affectionate"? in a way.

- sammy loves pda im sorry. if you two are walking along, he has to be touching you in some way - whether it's holding your hand. your arm looped through his own, your hand in his hoodie pocket, etc. he just needs physical contact. i also think he'd look at you with big, wet eyes and wait until you kiss him.

- he takes you to band practice !!! seb and abby don't really mind, and you even offer some input on how they should approach their next song.

- absolute golden retriever boyfriend. can and will curl up on your lap and cuddle against you (even if he's ridiculously tall and lanky).

- if and when you attend all his shows/concerts, he definitely pulls you on stage once the set it over and kisses you publicly - sebastian and abigail just roll their eyes (this happens every single time. they're used to it).

- probably has your name written on his guitar.

- i think kent and jodi would be some of the most supportive people ever - they're just happy their son found someone to be with, regardless of gender.

- i think kent would probably sit you down and give you "the talk" about *grumble grumble* if you break my son's heart *grumble grumble*. not that you would, obviously, you adore sam. but kent's words do put the fear of god in you - this is the man who sends you bombs in the mail as a "friendly gesture"

- don't let that fool you, though, kent will be an absolute waterfall if you and sam get married. i also think he'd be more of a "ask for his blessing" before proposing kind of guy, but he'd give it willingly.

- sam loves it when you run a hand through his hair (if he had a tail, it would be wagging).

- sam puppyboy au? thinking thoughts...

sebastian:

- i think the only one surprised that seb has a boyfriend is seb himself. he always pictured himself a "loner for life" and DEFINITELY didn't expect to fall in love with this weird farm boy.

- he probably spends more time at the farm house/wherever you two hang out than his own home. but who could blame him?

- he was so confused about his feelings that he ended up talking to maru for help (crazy, right?) the two of them built a pillow fort near maru's telescope and spent hours talking. it was quiet nice. this helped him realize two things: 1) maybe his sister wasn't all that bad and 2) he was DEFINITELY in love with another man. he didn't know which was more confusing.

- i think sebastian likely confessed first in a sort of "nonchalant" way. i think the conversation went like this:

farmer,teasing: "oooh, you wanna kiss me sooo bad it makes you look stupid."

seb: "yeah, i do."

neither of you were prepared for that. i think he would ease the tension by just. ignoring what he just said.

- i think he smiles like a frog . a sort of :} if you will. like bulbasaur.

- speaking of bulbasaur, that is definitely his favorite pokémon. oh and froakie. he just like the little frog dudes. would love you forever if you won him a plushie from the claw machine.

- it's no secret that seb often thinks no one would notice if he left, but getting closer to you made him realize that.. someone would. and maybe that's enough.

- if he stays up late working on a project, just walk over to his desk and wrap him into a back hug. bonus points if you voice is gravelly from sleep. "let's go to bed, sebby." he'd melt. like full on puddle on the ground.

- because sebastian is like 5'6 you'd think he enjoys being the small spoon. WRONG!!! he is a big spoon exclusively. you don't mind, though.

- he would die if you played with his hands while cuddling. please give this boy some physical affection. he deserves it.

[adultbabystories]

A night out at the circus? That was a strange offer by your friends, but you went along. Maybe years have passed by ever since you’ve been to the circus. You wondered if it was like you remembered. Your memory was vague about it, but when you and your friends parked the car, you saw the giant red tent. It was dark, but lights were shining on the red fabric from afar. A red carpet led the way to the entrance. The smell of popcorn and beer filled the space as you got closer. You and your friends were laughing about how silly it was all going to be, holding beers in your hands.

“Hey kids! Get inside quick!” a clown passed before you, shouted in a goofy voice, and squeezed his red big nose.

You threw the empty beer, got a new one, and went quickly inside. Getting inside was a sight to behold. The interior felt bigger than what you imagined from the outside. You and your friends found your places and sat down. The lights turned off and only spotlights lit the ring.

“Howdy folks! Are you ready for the show?” A clown shouted to the crowd as he was holding a comical big microphone.

“YES!” the crowd responded.

“Are you really ready? Let me hear it” The clown looked toward you and pointed, or at least it felt like it.

“YES!” the crowd shouted again.

The show was wild and funny. The clown's customs were colorful and silly. Each one had his own thing and color. One had fuzzy huge purple hair. One had huge shoes he could barely walk in. Another had a nose that covered almost half of his face. But there was one you would never forget his appearance. His face was painted all white, with a red smiley mark covering the lower part of his face, and red curls that looked like red springs, trying to bounce out of his head.

You had so much fun, that you barely noticed the pressure to pee building inside of you from those two giant cups of beer. You didn’t want to leave for the bathroom, the show was so entertaining, so you held it as much as you could. Eventually, you stood up and walked to the outside to find the toilets.

“You! The guy who’s walking outside! STOP!” you heard from the speaker, and the lights hit you.

You turned around and saw the curly clown was pointing at you. The lights washed all over you. You pointed at yourself questionably. 

“Yes you! Where are you going? We are in the middle of the show!” he asked, intending to get the crowd interested in the moment.

“I’m going to the bathroom.” you naively answered.

“Can’t you hold it to the rest of the show? You are such a baby! Isn’t he a baby people?” the clown asked the crowd, making them clap and cheer.

You turned red from embarrassment, gave him your back, and went outside. You had to pee so bad, you didn’t have time to think about what happened, not just yet. The toilets were around the tent, a bit far from the entrance. Next to it, there were the wheeled caravans of the circus crew. You could hear the crowd inside cheering and the faded voices of the clowns.

“Hey there kid, how’s it going? Have you found the bathroom yet?” said the clown with the curly hair.

He must have finished his act and went outside. He was smoking a cigar and the smoke moved around him in the light breeze. He looked at you, without the act from the show.

“No, not yet” you answered.

“It’s not polite what you did back there, only babies can’t hold and wait. You must be a baby. But you are funny, at least I can look at you and see you have The funny in ya. Ever thought about clowning? Do you want to clown around with us?” he asked as you took a big drag from his cigar, putting his lips around it, making it visible for you to see.

“What? Me as a clown? Nah, I have to take a piss, excuse me,” you said and turned away.

“You are certainly not excused.” you heard him say.

A second later, a bag was covering your head and it felt like two strong guys were holding you and dragging you somewhere. You heard a door slamming open and then closing. You don’t know how, but suddenly you were knocked out of consciousness. Sometime later, that could be moments, that could be minutes, you gained your consciousness back. You heard the crowd cheering very closely. Lights were shining into the cotton bag your head was in. You were wearing something else, something that wasn’t your clothes. You felt like you were sitting on something very thick and puffy, which seemed like between your legs as well. Maybe you wore it you thought.

“We have a surprise for you good folks! Do you remember the baby who couldn’t hold it before? Well, I’m glad to tell you that he is a baby! Our new baby clown! Give it up for the biggest baby of them all!”

Someone grabbed your shoulders, squeezed them, and pressed his head to the bag, and whispered.

“This is your birthday baby clown, the crowd is cheering for the new baby, make us proud!”

The bag was lifted from your head. You looked around, shocked. You sat in the center of the ring, in front of the cheering and going wild crowd. The lights were blinding but you could see you were wearing a comically massive white diaper and big red clown shoes. A bib with the words “big baby” was strapped around you by the purple-haired clown. A bonnet hat was strapped around your head by the clown with a big nose. You felt like crying from the humiliation.

“Awwww is baby gonna cry?” the curly clown asked, now not so serious like he was outside, but goofy and cheerful.

He took some kind of blue makeup marker and drew tears on your cheeks.

“Give it up for our crybaby people!” he made the crowd cheer even more.

He took a rolled-up carpet and unrolled it in front of you. It was a childish carpet like you see in nurseries.

“Crawl around for us baby! Let everyone see your wet diaper you needed!” gesturing you onto the carpet.

From the excitement and the commotion, you didn’t even notice you were peeing in your new diaper. Somehow the massive diaper became yellow on the front as you peed. You looked at the wet and yellow diaper, at the carpet, and the gesturing clown, and the cheering crowd. 

“Always, such, a whiny, baby. Folks our baby always wants us to pick him up! But he can crawl, I tell you he can! Cheer for him, tell him to crawl!” the clown thrilled the crowd.

“Crawl! Crawl! Crawl!”

They were cheering for you. They were cheering for the baby clown. You were it, you were the show now, give it to them. Crawl to the carpet. Crawl to the spotlight baby.

-------------------------------------------

My conversation with @itsclowntime about clowning got me really inspired to write this short story. If you like clowning or being naughty thinking about it, check out his page. A side note - I used AI to visualize the story. I hope it adds to your imagination.

[jaiden-zhou]

(1) casual iso <3

contents: headcanons, reader is a uniqlo employee for plot purposes

not a writer but,, iso is so.. sigh, imagine this reserved uniqlo wearing hitman acting like an absolute puppy for you. yeah this is self indulgent and yeah maybe its based off of my experiences but hey, content.. its long.. i.. the things this man does to me

part 2, part 3

.

.

iso whose closet is practically all uniqlo apparel, from core basics to limited exclusive collabs, anything else is like expensive tech wear/street style clothes, he likes his quality

iso who always grabs heavy oolong milk tea with tapioca pearls, a classic predictable drink (his friends call him basic for it, but he doesn't mind), every afternoon he gets the chance to

iso who ends up being an employee there with how much he visits, the owners are a chinese elderly couple who like gossiping with him in mandarin (he has fun listening to their stories and such)

iso who likes having music playing of his own whether it be from his headphones or speakers, even at work his music is playing loud enough for only him to hear from his headset hanging around his neck

iso who works evening shifts part-time and gains a lot of eyes from admirers where he gets at least three numbers given to him a month like "you're really cute, text me <3 (XXX) XXX-XXXX"

iso who's never interested, none of them catch his eyes like how he catches theirs, and ends up tossing whatever number scribbled onto a receipt away

iso who goes to uniqlo on his day off for a collaboration launch consisting of outerwear jackets and trousers that match his style only to not find his size on the racks

iso who takes his time trying to comb through the racks, desperate to find it on his own and take it with him before giving up, pulling down his headphones, and reluctantly asking you

iso who, at a reasonable distance, looks over your shoulder as you look up the product listing with the desired size and color, hearing faint rap music playing through his headphones slung around his neck, finding that there should be three units left and listens in quietly when you radio your coworkers if there are any in the back before going to look for yourself

iso who waits patiently at the same spot for quite a while before you go jogging up to him with the jacket he has been wanting, the plastic and paper still wrapping it up signaling that it has been unprocessed and untouched

iso who still is patient with you with an expectant look, not the impatient kind, it's the anticipating excitement kind, as you're still a little out of breath from running around finding the item for him unwrapping and removing all the excess packaging and giving it to him with both hands, garbage tucked at your arm

iso who looks at your earnest expression, sweet eyes, and genuine smile and feels his breath hitch before taking the coat and doing a little head bow while muttering a quiet 'thanks'

iso who leaves an anonymous compliment to you, conveying his gratitude for going out of your way to find him a limited quantity jacket and sub-consciously thinks of your cute expression of when you gave it to him every time he throws it on

iso who was asked to pick up a morning shift, no one else could and so he decided to just wake up early enough and suck it up but boy does he not regret it

iso who opens up the shop for the first time ever and lo-and-behold, you waltz in as the first customer and immediately he recognizes you, and apparently so do the owners

iso who listens quietly as, whom he likes to call granny, greets you with a warm voice asking if you're ready to go to work

iso who once again patiently waits for you to walk up and order, finding out that you're also a regular here, always grabbing a drink before your long shift at the japanese clothing store he met you in

iso who's still a little quiet, shy even, when you greet him noting that you recognize him from a while ago, your friendly exterior giving him a fuzzy comforting feeling inside

iso who after making your drink, bids you goodbye and continues on (not before asking to switch to morning shifts.. for some reason hehe)

iso who starts seeing you most mornings before you work and then with some time, working up the courage (it was very hard, he was very nervous you just didn't see it) to ask you for your number, nothing romantic just being friendly, right?

iso who starts getting a little closer to you, learning what day and times you work, your hobbies, your favorite things, the music you listen to <3

iso who sometimes drops by your workplace to give you a drink or some food and simple yet subtly sweet encouragement that always seems to lift your spirits to push through the day

iso who even starts to see you near or at the end of your shift to take you home, you've worked long enough, and it's dark out.. :(

iso who likes to ensure your safety by accompanying you home, his friends like to say (tease) that it gives him an excuse to see you more. it's dangerous out at night, what are they talking about? nonsense. (denial is a river in egypt)

iso who as time goes by, slowly craves your presence a little more than he'd like to admit, you're always on his mind and he often flusters himself with his thoughts of you, his cheeks donning a light-pink blush. maybe his friends are onto something.. ugh

yeah i'm definitely writing more iso content hehe

------

"don't have to take me home every time, zhao yuuuu." you whined next to him. "i've done it before and i can do it again."

you only get a short scoff in return, iso's hands stuffed into the pockets of his jacket.

"it's dark, you're more at risk when you're alone." iso states matter-of-fact. his headphones at his neck with no music playing. "you know this too, so you shouldn't be complaining."

"yeah but," you pause for a moment. "i don't want you to have to make the trip each time to pick me up.."

iso takes in your dejected tone, his eyes soften.

"and i don't want you being in potential danger where i could've been there to deter it." iso chides softly. "please, for my peace of mind.."

"whatever you say," you comply, your shoulder bumping into him jokingly as you share a quiet laugh. "thanks, yu. it means a lot."

"always," he replies, a certain warmth sets in when he hears you say his nickname.

[ktjislove1119]

SUMMER

pairings : jongseob (p1h) x male reader

warnings : none, but like really pathetic pining and oblivious men not knowing how to act around their crushes (shota is sick and tired of yall)

rating : fluff :D

requested? : yesyesyes!!! thank u 🩵 anon, i don't think you were expecting a full fledged fanfic as a response to your request LMAO so do send in another one if you want a more simple headcanon version of this, i just couldnt help but go a lil crazy LMAO

a/n : strangers to friends to lovers, one of my favorite tropes. jongseob is definitely giving loser pining nerd in this one, but its ok bc hes so cute + this wasn't meant to be this long, but i couldnt help but go a little crazy + i highly suggest listening to the song while reading because it really sets the mood imo (summer by brockhampton)+ i had that ^ seob in mind while writing this btw hes just so heart eyes emoji in that video and i think light brown rlly suits him and gives off the strongest boyfriend vibes

wc : 6.5k+

"in the heat of the summer. yeah, yeah, oh, you know that you should be my boy. oh yes, you know. in the heat of the summer, you're so different from the rest."

jongseob didn’t expect himself to be the type to develop a crush on a first meeting, or more like first glance. but here he was: purposely keeping his head down to not draw too much attention to himself as you walked by him. he was looking down at his phone, swiping in random directions, even looking at the weather app and pretending as if that were interesting. it was really pathetic how shy he became whenever you were near, but that’s just you made him react — so it really wasn’t his fault…

“you’re kim jongseob, right?”

he flinched at your voice, not expecting to hear it call his name out of nowhere. locking his phone, and hoping you didn’t see him stare at the weather for the week, he looked up at you and nodded his head. his mouth went dry and he cleared his throat as an effort to make sure his voice didn’t crack when he spoke to you.

“the teacher told me to find you and let you know i’ll be the one tutoring you for math,” you take the empty seat next to him, pulling out your phone and holding it out to him, “we should exchange contact information so we can talk about when to meet up and what works best for our schedules,”

okay, hold on. everything was moving wayyyy too fast and jongseob still hasn’t blinked once since you started talking to him. it was as if his consciousness left his body. he forced himself to blink and then finally opened his mouth to talk. but you had cut him off, by accident.

“sorry, my name is [name], it’s nice to meet you,”

instinctively, he had bowed his head down and you mimicked the action.

“nice to meet you, i’m jongseob,”

”i know,” a kind smile on your lips almost sent him into a hyperventilating state.

your first meeting with each other ended with him saving your contact in his phone and vice versa, then you departing soon after as you had to go to your own class. that day, shota was wondering why jongseob was so latched onto his phone and staring at it with a blank look on his face.

— in the beginning phases of his crush, jongseob acts really, really reserved and shy. it’s almost as if he doesn’t even want to associate with you with how standoffish he is, but it’s just because he’s eternally scared of embarrassing himself in front of you. in the beginning, he tried brushing off how serious his crush was, thinking it was going to be passing. but when he realized that every night before bed he’d think of you, he knew he was in too deep at that point. it makes him so frustrated that he lets his mind be so filled of you and only you, especially because before you were assigned as his tutor, you’d never even properly spoken to one another. but hopefully now that you two will be forced to talk to one another, jongseob’s skittish and introverted behavior could change a little more…hopefully.

the two of you were sitting in the library, snacks and drinks surrounding you as the two of you were staring at the textbook on the table.

“so, what do you think you struggle with the most?” you kindly asked, pulling out your notebook and pencils from your bag and preparing to start. jongseob blinked at the question, feeling himself blush as he thought of how he struggled with practically everything related to math.

“i think…just everything,” he says honestly, a bashful and embarrassed look on his face. you almost cooed at the cute expression, but stopped yourself.

you didn’t expect jongseob to be so cute. when you had seen him in person the first time, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t think he wasn’t at all attractive. he had soft features and a cute smile, which was enough to make you interested in him. but seeing his equally soft personality was enough to solidify that initial interest.

lucky you for having the teacher pair the two of you up.

“well, to be honest, i struggled a lot too when i was taking his class before,” you confessed honestly, hoping your words would comfort him a little, “but, it’s mainly the way he teaches it that makes it so confusing. so, i think, i can try re-explaining everything to you in a more simple way and hopefully it works that way? does that sound good to you?”

jongseob quickly nods, finding the tone and sound of your voice a comfort and especially persuasive. you could tell him to jump up on the table and do something incredibly embarrassing and he’d probably do it.

yeah, he was in too deep.

“then, let’s start! i’ll set an alarm for a break in twenty minutes?” he nods his head in understanding, feeling unreasonably determined to not let you and your efforts in teaching him go to waste. so he leans forward, mechanical pencil ready in hand and his notebook open to the first blank page.

as you’re explaining things to him, jongseob already feels as if he’s learning more from you in the first ten minutes than he did from his teacher the past couple of weeks. also, he feels himself growing more comfortable, which is a relief. because before he felt as if his cheeks were turning bright red anytime you looked at him, now it was just the tips of his ears (he hopes…). he was able to properly speak to you and make eye contact without completely stuttering through his sentences.

after the entire two hour session, you walked together to the bus stop. jongseob was only accompanying you since he could easily walk home, but he wasn’t about to make you wait alone. plus, he finally felt himself growing comfortable enough and he didn’t want to leave so soon (even if you had just spent the past two hours together).

“so, what do you like to do outside of school?” you ask, sipping your favorite boxed juice as you waited together.

“music,” he answers quickly, correcting himself soon after with, “i like listening to and writing music,”

you blinked in surprise, not taking him as the type and an impressed look was on your face, “wow, that’s really cool. i wish i had a talent like that. do you share your music on any platforms?” you pulled out your phone, as if you were ready for him to show you, but he shakes his head.

“no, just keep them on my computer…i don’t think i want them out, it’s kind of embarrassing,” he scratches the back of his head, cursing the red blush that was definitely rising up his neck.

”i don’t think it is,” you deny, pouting at his self-deprecation, “confidence is the key, jongseob!” you encourage, hitting his shoulder lightly, “if you ever feel comfortable enough, i’d love to hear it some day,”

he blinks at the offer, wondering how to respond to such an invitation. sharing his music with someone is something he deems really intimate, especially since it’s you — the boy he has a raging crush on. but he doesn’t have to think of his response much longer as your bus pulls up to the stop.

“it was nice getting to know you better, jongseob! i look forward to our next meeting,” you smile, bow your head to him, and then board your bus not looking back at him.

he watches the bus leave, his knees going wobbly as he collapses into a crouching position with his head in his hands.

“i’m screwed,” he mutters to himself, shooting up in a second’s notice and running his hand through his hair, “he’s so annoying, i’m really screwed,” he calls you annoying only because he knows that on his walk home and all the moments he spends without seeing you, he’ll just be thinking about you.

he’s in too deep, there’s no way he’ll ever recover from this crush.

— after the first couple of meetings, you and jongseob become much more acquainted than a simple “tutor” and “tutee.” you became close friends, so close that you met shota and now often sit with them during lunch breaks or in any free time. whenever there was an open period, you’d stop by jongseob’s classroom and take a seat next to him and fill the rest of your time together with little chats. shota teases him endlessly on how lovesick he has gotten over the past couple of weeks, but jongseob lets it slide — as long as you’re nowhere near to hear it. shota has known of jongseob’s crush on you for the longest time and deep down he’s genuinely happy for his friend that he was making some progress. before, he’d have to bear with watching jongseob longingly stare at you from afar, so seeing the state you and jongseob were in was incredibly comforting to know his best friend was making some sort of progress,

“jongseobie!” your excited voice makes him look up from his phone and instantly smile. the nickname you had coined for him after a couple of tutoring session makes his heart race so very fast. he loves how it sounds, how you comfortably call him, especially when it’s in that excited tone you just used a second ago. “guess what i got!”

“what?” he says in an instant, looking at you with curiosity as you come to a halt in front of him.

“you’re supposed to guess,” you tease, rolling your eyes at him. you step closer as you wait for his response, but after he stays silent as he tries thinking of what it could be, you could barely hold it in anymore. “i got us tickets to that show you wanted to see!”

from behind your back, you pull out two stubs of paper and jongseob feels his jaw drop. he had mentioned it to you in passing, when you were talking about the music you each liked, one of his favorite, lesser known, artists was going to be playing somewhat nearby. he planned on buying the tickets, but the fact you had remembered and done it yourself was enough to get blood rushing to his cheeks.

“you- how- are you serious?” he asks, looking at the paper tickets as if they were god send.

you nod with a proud smile, showing them off, “i got them as a gift because you’ve been doing really well lately — your teacher even pulled me aside earlier this week to compliment me for how well the lessons have been doing, but it’s really been all you. you’re really smart, and a quick learner, jongseob. so i wanted to appreciate your hard efforts with these!” he blushes at your compliment, too flustered to notice that you were also blushing at how obviously you were gassing him up.

“you bought two?” he asks, wondering if this was what he thought it was. maybe you took the initiative and…

“oh, if you wanted to bring a friend, maybe shota. i don’t think concerts are that fun to go to alone, so i wanted to make sure you could bring someone,” you explain, handing the tickets to him.

before he even stops to think, he’s pushing one back into your hands and saying, “come with me, i wanna go with you.” it sounds more definitive than inviting, but you don’t seem to mind as a wide grin stretches across your face.

“really? you want me to come?”

“of course, i really want you to come with me,” he says with utmost certainty, “the only reason i’m doing well is because of you, i want us to go together,”

you smile and accept the ticket, stepping forward to loop your arm with his, “what should we wear then? tell me, what’s the artist’s vibe,”

jongseob, trying not to hyperfocus on the close contact, replies with a shaky voice, “i’m sure you’d look cool in anything,” he compliments, “don’t think too much about it!”

“but i wanna fit in with the crowd! hey, recommend me some songs so i can understand them more,” you insist, making jongseob pull out his phone to scroll through his playlist. you watch eager, leaning against his shoulder and at his phone screen as he searches. he tries to ignore how close you are and hopes you don’t see the way his hand shakes from the nerves.

what he doesn’t know is that you’re also sneaking looks at him with a smile on your face, basking in the affection you had managed to steal from him. it was flattering to know that jongseob wanted you to come as his “plus one”, but you tried not thinking too deep into it…trying to stop yourself from thinking it was anything like a date. because it wasn’t.

even if you both wished it was.

“here, i’ll send you my playlist,” he says, showing you his spotify on the screen and waiting for your approval. when you hum in response, he copies the link and goes to your messages.

“wait, what’s my contact name on your phone? have you changed it since i put it in?” you ask curiously, seeing something added to the end of your name, like an emoji, that definitely wasn’t there before.

jongseob blinks in stupor before realizing what you were referring to. he hurriedly locks his phone and turns it face down to hide it from you, laughing to play it off.

“what? why? why? what’s my name on your phone?” you tease, trying to reach for it, despite not knowing if he had a passcode or not.

“it’s nothing, it’s nothing,” he says, trying to distract you from that topic of conversation and goes back to the artist you two were going to see, “just make sure you listen to the playlist-”

“but i want to know what my contact is on your phone!” you cut him, laughing as you begin play fighting for the device.

“well, your bus is here so you won’t get to know, sorry,” he says, unfortunately speaking the truth as the familiar bus pulled up to the curb.

“i won’t forget this, jongseobie,” you say in a mock threatening voice, squinting your eyes at him, “you’re gonna show me it tomorrow!!”

“bye, bye, [name]!” he calls out, happily waving to you as the bus takes off in the opposite direction of the school.

he looks down at his phone and unlocking it to show the link of his spotify playlist that was sitting in the textbox, waiting to be sent. he looks up at the top of his screen, smiling softly at the contact name and photo he had saved for you. it was a selfie you had taken on his phone during one of your recent study sessions, showing an incredibly tired 0.5 angle of you, with his head resting on the table being seen in the background. when he was scrolling through his camera roll, he had seen it and immediately made it your profile picture. it was cute to imagine you sneakily taking his phone while he was dozed off, snapping the picture, then setting it back to its original spot.

the words underneath your photo reading as “handsome tutor 𖹭.”

jongseob would have collapsed in embarrassment if you had seen that. he sighed, hit send on the text, and locked his phone to put away in his pocket. he walked home with a smile on his face, thinking about you and the concert you two were going to together.

—

“so it’s a date?” shota asks him, chilling in his seat as jongseob explains to him everything that had went down.

“it’s not a date, shh,” jongseob says, putting his finger to his lips and glaring at shota for saying such a thing so loud.

“it sounds like a date, jongseob,” shota deadpans, not looking impressed, “you two need to get it together, the tension between you two is so suffocating,” the man shivers as if to physically show how unbearable the “tension” was, but jongseob doesn’t pay that any mind.

“it’s not a date because if it were, he would’ve said it was, but it’s not because he didn’t say that,” jongseob quickly explains, wanting to put that discussion to rest.

“okay, then it isn’t a date,” shota forfeits, rolling his eyes at his best friend’s antics.

“yeah, it isn’t…” the man confirms once more, “besides, i don’t even know if he even likes men — have we ever thought about that? he probably just thinks we are good friends, which i can settle for and is the most realistic thing, but still i wish i knew for sure! it kind of sucks not knowing if i even had a chance, y’know?”

“had a chance with who?”

jongseob freezes and shota sputters out a suffocated laugh at the timing.

you were standing right behind him and he didn’t know for how long you were, but he does wish that the ground would swallow him up whole right now.

“earth to jongseobie? hello?” you wave your hand in front of his frozen face, laughing slightly at his expression, “what’s up with him, shota?”

“i don’t know, he’s a weird guy,” the man answers with a shrug, making you laugh at the irony before taking a seat next to him.

“well, anyway! i listened to the playlist you sent me, let me show you some outfit ideas i have for us,”

“us?” jongseob echoes, wondering if he heard right.

”yeah, if we’re going together we might as well should match, right?”

shota looks at the two of you, completely worn out from how oblivious jongseob was and how shamelessly forward you were (whether you were aware of it or not was unknown to shota).

“right, right,” jongseob agrees, leaning in towards you and your phone screen.

“i think you have good style to begin with, so i tried finding something that would suit it. you’re handsome anyway, so anything you wear you’ll be able to pull off,” you ruffle his hair as you compliment him, successfully making him go red in the face.

shota once again wishes his best friend would open his eyes and end this tantalizing process already, hoping you two would just date already.

—

it was the night of the show and you and jongseob agreed to meet at a halfway point. the venue was a little far away, but nothing a pair of headphone and the bus couldn’t handle. you were currently binge listening to the playlist jongseob had sent you — you had been since he’s sent it to you — and were happily humming along to the song playing. if it weren’t for jongseob, you probably would’ve never discovered this artist, who actually suited your tastes a lot.

at the designated stop, you kept an eye out for him, grinning immediately when you locked eyes with him. his usually straight hair was done to be slightly wavy and that subtle change made your eyes falter and heart skip a couple beats. he really was so handsome. his eyes were wide, looking for you and when he finally caught sight of you, an excited smile broke out onto his face and it was so wide his eyes turned into crescents.

he walked over to you, taking the seat beside you and tried to control his excitement.

”how are you?” he asked first, trying to not stare too hard at your outfit and how good you looked. he was slightly envious, how you looked so good in everything you wore and how you naturally pulled off everything you wore. he also took note of how you both were wearing the same color-toned clothes, subtly matching. that only made him smile even wider.

“i’m excited, how about you?” you’re quick to throw the question back at him, smiling so wide it’s infectious.

“i’m really excited, i’m really happy we’re going together,” he says, nodding his head several times as he takes in this reality. if anyone had told him a couple months that he was going to one of his favorite artist’s concert with you of all people, he would’ve laughed in their face. this was all almost completely unbelievable.

“you brought your camera?” you said, motioning to the film camera that was strapped around his body.

“oh, yeah,” he takes it up into his hands, bringing the viewfinder up to his eyes and quickly snapping a photo of you. obviously, after the act was already done, you began complaining about how you weren’t ready.

“retake it, retake it,” you egged on, pushing him slightly back so it wasn’t so close to your face. he obeyed, leaning backwards and bringing his camera back up to his eye.

you smiled, holding the ticket up to your face and proudly showing it off. he smiled softly at how genuinely excited you looked, bringing the camera down from his face after he got the shot.

“your turn,” you say, gently taking the camera from his hands and bringing it up to your eye. “wait, how does this work?”

he chuckles at your question, moving close to show you how it works, nimble fingers pointing at the different parts of the camera, “here, scroll it to the right,” he says, watching you carefully, “and then when it stops, you can take the picture. just press this one,”

you get the gist, afterwards, looking up from the components of the camera and locking eyes with jongseob. you both didn’t realize how close he was until you looked up, making time freeze for a moment as you just sat there and stared at each other.

his brown bangs were slightly covering his eyes, but you were still able to see him so clearly. he really was so breathtaking…

“ready?” you asked after a couple seconds of silence, making him clear his throat and nod.

you pressed your back against the window of the bus as he leaned a little into the aisle so that he was properly spaced out in the shot. he held up his own ticket, pursuing his lips as he slightly smiled at the camera. the corners of your lips quirked up at his cute expression, taking the picture swiftly.

“it sucks we don’t see them right away though,” you comment, handing the film camera back to him.

“we can still take pictures on our phones,” he comforts, pulling out his own and immediately holding it up for a selfie. smiling at the opportunity, you lean close to his person, practically cuddled up to his side.

and even after reaching levels of comfortability with you that he thought was impossible, being physically close to you still flustered him. he liked it though, obviously. he liked you, so any affection you showed him was welcome in his eyes. which is exactly why he didn’t push you away or shift his torso from you. instead he leaned into your side as well, positioning the camera at multiple different angles for you two.

then you took out your own phone, taking pictures for your own camera roll. the last one you took was a silly 0.5 one that the both of you laughed at after seeing the finished product.

“these are cute,” you comment, scrolling through your own, “send me the ones on your phone!”

“okay, okay,” he complies, going to share them straight from his camera roll and sending them to you a couple seconds later. he doesn’t realize it, but his screen is clearly visible to you, meaning you were finally able to see what the contact name he had for you was.

you blushed heavily seeing it, forcing your head to look away to not be caught, trying to force the smile on your face down. instead, you took a comfortable resting spot on his shoulder, feeling a surge of confidence in your actions due to the revealed contact name.

jongseob’s shoulder stiffened at the bold action, but he tried to calm himself down to not ruin the moment. he looked anywhere else but you, not wanting to be caught blushing a deep red if you were to look at him. he didn’t realize you snuck one more photo in, smiling like a fool at your camera as your head rested on his shoulder.

after about a thirty minute bus ride, you finally were at the stop closest to the venue. you pulled the wired headphones from your ear, jongseob passing you the other pair, and both of you hopped off of the bus to walk to the venue.

you both weren’t particularly keen on getting there super early to be close, so the line wasn’t as long as you thought it would’ve been.

“wait, go ahead,” he says, motioning for you to keep walking without him. and you were going to question why, but then saw that he had his camera in his hand and wanted a shot of you walking to the venue, which had the name of the artist plastered in shining lights above the main entrance way.

he joined you in a couple of seconds, jogging up to your side and excitedly walking up to security to be let in.

you and jongseob were near the back of the pit, but since it was a small place, the view you had of the stage wasn’t that bad.

“this is so cool,” you say, stars in your eyes as you take in the environment. jongseob hums beside you, making sure to stick close to you to not lose you in the crowd. his arm hung loosely off of your shoulder, which made you more inclined to slot yourself into his side.

maybe it was the darker atmosphere and the fact you were in a bigger crowd now, where it was easy to hide away, but the both of you had gotten a boost of confidence in lingering touches.

jongseob didn’t think twice in holding you close to him and you weren’t as secretive in stealing glances his way. he didn’t feel as flustered and embarrassed as he usually did, which made him not think twice in committing to being affectionate with you.

he wishes he was like this all the time. capable of holding eye contact with you without looking away after the first five seconds. capable of looking at your eyes then your lips without feeling himself go red in the face immediately. a couple months deep into this crush of his and sometimes he was still acting like he hasn’t been seeing you everyday, as if he was still just admiring you from afar.

meanwhile, you were loving every second of this. seeing jongseob not hesitate in keeping you close and stare at you, it was infectious.

before you knew it, the main act had came onto the stage and now all of your attention was on them. jongseob’s arm left your shoulder to take a couple of pictures with both his phone and film camera, but he still made sure to be close.

the two of you were singing to your hearts’ content, sometimes breaking out into laughter at how horrid your voices sounded. but you were smiling and laughing together and that was all that mattered. the show went on faster than you both had realized and the singer was now announcing that it would be their final song of the night.

when the first chords played throughout the venue, you instinctively held onto jongseob’s hand and squeezed tight because it was the song you were hoping they were going to play. excitedly you looked at him to see his reaction, wondering if he was waiting for this song as well, but when you turned to him, he was already looking at you.

and you were happy you didn’t have the strength to look away because staring into his eyes as the song played in the background felt as if you were in the middle of a romance movie scene. one of those god awful cheesy scenes where the two love interests have the camera spin around them as they slowly lean in to kiss each other, or some other form of major affection. you almost laughed out loud at the idea of that being you and jongseob. not because it was actually humorous, but because it was so outlandish.

there was no way jongseob liked you back like you liked him.

that contact name on his phone was probably just a coincidence…

you swallowed the lump in your throat and forced yourself to look away from his dark eyes, that were pleadingly looking at you, begging for you to do something. the moment your head turned in the other direction, though, jongseob felt a wave of frustration and immense emotion crash down on him.

it wasn’t fair. he wants to kiss you, tell you how badly he’s fallen in love with you. he doesn’t want to keep sneaking glances at you when all he wants to do is stare at you all day long. and with the way the lights are reflecting on you, the fucking song playing in the background, there’s no reasonable way for jongseob to hold himself back.

he’s so frustrated at himself for harboring such strong emotions for you, but he wouldn’t want it any other way.

so he finally grows the courage to reach out and gently cup your face and force you to look back at him. he doesn’t give himself, or you, a second to properly react as he leans forward and smashes his lips against yours. it’s dramatic, desperate, and borderline aggressive, but it’s what he’s feeling — all those times he’s had to hold himself back from making you his. it was all released in this one kiss.

it took a couple of seconds to realize what was happening. and when you did, you could feel him beginning to pull away. squeezing your eyes shut to really bask in the moment, you brought your hand up to the back of his neck and held him in place, finally kissing him back.

the hand that was once resting on your cheek had now fallen to your waist, bringing you in closer to his person. his fingers were squeezing you so tight, as if he were afraid you’d slip away if his grip loosened even the tiniest bit. you were moving in sync with one another, hungry for that affection you were both restraining from each other before. your arms looped around his neck and you could feel him smile into the kiss at the action. it was infectious because now you were two smiling, kissing fools.

after pulling away, the world around you both was so fuzzy, the song playing being the only thing that you could sense as loud and clear. the both of you were panting from such an intense kiss. his arms were wrapped around your lower half while yours lazily hung off of his shoulders.

“[name], i really, really like you,” he says breathless, “even before you spoke to me, i liked you,” it was shocking to learn how long he had been harboring this crush on you, but you didn’t stop him from going on, “i’ve wanted to kiss you like that for so long,”

a weak bout of laughter was shared between you two and jongseob had to force himself to continue on, “please, give me a chance and be my boyfriend, please,”

you played with the hair at the base of his neck, making him shiver at the sensation while you grinned at him.

“you don’t need to beg for it. i’m already yours, jongseob,” you crash into his chest and he breathes a heavy sigh of relief, holding you tight. the two of you stand like that, rocking back and forth and just taking in the final song — that was now apart of one of your fondest memories.

after it was finished, you both pulled away and shared one more long kiss. it wasn’t as desperate as the first, but you could still feel that longing from him as he eagerly deepened it. the only reason why you two had to pull away was because the rest of the crowd was beginning to move and since you were in the back of the pit, you would’ve been in everyone’s way.

jongseob tightly held your hand as he guided you through the crowd, smiling so wide that his cheeks were hurting. the same could be said for you, too, as you followed him wherever he took you. waiting at the same bus stop wasn’t long and the entire time, you were just staring at each other with permanent smiles on each of your faces.

your hands were still intertwined, even as you sat on the bus.

“so wait, you knew who i was already, and liked me, before i even introduced myself to you?” you asked, grinning on his shoulder as you finally had the quiet environment to ask him about all the details. he blushed at the sudden question, using one hand to hide the bottom of his face.

“do we really have to go through this right now?” he asked, feeling incredibly shy at how close your face was to his (as if you weren’t sucking face a couple minutes ago), especially with that mischievous look in your eyes.

“no, we don’t have to, i just want to hear you talk about it.”

“so, you just want to have your ego boosted?” he teased, playing with your fingers as he smiled in amusement. you clasped your hand around his, chuckling and just resting your head on his shoulder. he leaned on the top of your head, wondering how things worked out so well.

it felt like something out of his dreams.

the man of his dreams was nestled into his side after seeing one of his favorite singers. kissing him during one of his favorite songs, finally making him his boyfriend. jongseob couldn’t help but stare out the window with the widest smile on his face.

taking in his surroundings, he cautiously reached for his film camera on his side. he could tell that halfway through your trip back you had fallen asleep so he wanted to be sure not to wake you as he took the photo. it was cheesy, but he wanted to have something to immortalize this night and the memory of it. he’d never forget it, he knew that for sure, but he wanted a physical token of what has happened and the deep meaning of tonight.

after taking pictures to his heart’s content, he simply leaned his head against yours and waited until you both arrived to your bus stop.

— a couple weeks later

“what do you have there?” you ask, rolling over in bed to look over jongseob’s shoulder.

there was no one home at the moment, so you were being as freely affectionate as you wanted. it had been a couple of weeks since the night of the concert and it has been nothing but perfect since. not only were the two of you finally out of school, making it officially summer (jongseob had passed his math final with flying colors, not to your surprise since he really was so smart).

the window was open, letting in the occasional breeze to cool you two off. but the both of you were laying in your bed, shirtless as you tried basking in as much cold air as possible. jongseob had told you he had something to surprise you with, digging through his bag with his back turned to you.

“i made sure to ask for two copies of each one,” he said, pulling out a thick envelope. your arms were wrapped around his waist, resting flat on his bare stomach and softly stroking up and down. he looked at you with a smile, presenting what was inside with an expectant look on his face.

when you finally realized what it was, you detached yourself from his back in a moment’s notice and took the papers into your hands.

“oh my god, jongseobie,” you gasped, taking in all of the photos your boyfriend had captured on his film camera and looking through them in pure excitement, “wait, i didn’t know you took a picture then,” it was the one of when you were sleeping on his shoulder. you smiled at the memory, fondly looking at your boyfriend and leaning in for a quick peck.

“you’re too handsome i had to,” he compliments, knocking his forehead against yours before pulling away.

“thank you, baby, but so are you — i mean, c’mon, look at you,” you squeeze his cheeks quickly while looking through the rest of the photos of the night. the memories were still vivid in your mind, “i like this one a lot,”

it was before you arrived at the venue, when you were riding the bus there. looking at it on a physical copy now, it was so obvious how deep your affections for each other were. jongseob leaning into your body that was unexplainably close to his, a blush on both of your cheeks, as well as wide grins.

“i love you,” he says quietly, kissing the bare skin of your shoulder several times over before resting his cheek against your warm flesh. you smile at the affection, turning back to face him properly.

it slips off of your tongue so fluently at this point, an easy, “i love you too,” directed to him and only him. and now you’re both smiling at each other like idiots.

— jongseob, who has a crush on you for the longest time and doesn’t know how to act on it. the type to ignore it at first, in hopes of it just dying down so he doesn’t have to worry about it since he already has so much on his plate. but once he realizes he’s in too deep, thinking about you in every passing second, he doesn’t fight against his feelings any longer. he’s content just being aware of them, not seeking for more in fear of rejection or ridicule. but once he knows it’s safe for him to show just how deep his adoration and love for you is, he’ll be as unrestricted as possible in showcasing it to you — eager to show you what he had been withholding.

"in the heat of the summer, you're so different from the rest. you know, you know, you know, oh oh. you know that you should be my boy, oh, yes, you know, oh yes, you know"

[earthstellar]

Earth Music on the Lost Light: Human Music That Cybertronians Like

we know for a fact that the Lost Light has access to human media, primarily movies, TV shows, and music-- and we know they generally seem to fucking love most of it, or at least find it interesting

but what would everyone's tastes be, in regards to Earth music?

time to talk about music for a long time!!! strap in, enjoy some tunes

we already know Cyclonus has impeccable taste and enjoys some of the best jams the 80s had to offer.

I can't help but imagine Rodimus being given a media archive of Earth tunes to approve for the Earth Dance would only result in chaos

(it's not like he would say no to anything, he absolutely blanket signed it all, it's just an obligatory thing-- or Ultra Magnus tells him it is, solely to keep him away from Important Captain Things that he would rather handle himself or hand off to Megatron, lmao. the shit that really needs to get done)

and this is how Rodimus discovers the somewhat questionable yet amazing genre of "mid-90s underground techno rave mix tapes"

(somewhat related, I still think Testarossa might as well be Rodimus' theme song, although it's not a 90s track and has more of an 80s synth vibe)

Rodimus would love that "computers are the future, fuck yeah let's make Digital Cool Future Music" mid-90s shit, there is no way he would not. it has the exact energy level that appeals to him and is also cheesy and weird and chaotic. and has like 500 different sub-genres, so his selection is endless, lmao.

he would probably find it cute that this is what humans imagined to be the peak of "digital sound" at the time. like lmao this was the best humans could do when asked to create music that sounds like it was made by robots or other mechanical space future cyber lifeforms--high concept!!! he would probably find it interesting and endearing. this is what organics think non-organic music is like!!

anyone acting as DJ at Swerve's on any given night would be so, so mad that Rodimus keeps requesting shit like "DJ MASSIMO ITALO DISCO BEST RAVE TUNES LIVE FROM LONDON 1995" or "DJ ARMPIT SLUDGE FEST HOUSE-RAVE-DRUMS N BASS SET 1996" for them to play, lmao

not individual tracks. the whole album. entire mix tapes of random, somewhat questionable mid-90s techno house rave bullshit.

that having been said, that good ass early 90s trance techno might send him into a spiral depending on his mood at the time, lmao (it's been known to happen)

but at the same time I can imagine him sharing tracks like Solar Quest - Space Pirates with Drift and they'd both just sit there and jam out, but quietly, thinking about shit while sitting in a port window next to each other (this was peak sleepover party techno, Back in My Day-- many deep conversations were had while listening to stuff like this, lol)

Drift would probably find some of Rodmus' recommended stuff to be pretty good for meditation-- although once he finds out about the human drug culture involved and certain concepts of experimental consciousness etc. that surrounded techno/rave and other related genres, it might cause him to pull back a little bit

(until he finds out about kandi culture, in which case, Drift would love the idea of hand-made unique bracelets and sentimental trinkets being made and exchanged at warehouse shows purely out of Good Vibes and Love for Fellow Beings and it turns out actually he fucking loves this shit, a chill vibes based "expand your mind" kind of music subculture appeals to his Spectralist sensibilities and he likes sharing tunes with Rodimus in return)

Drift picking tracks on his own would likely lead him down more of a classic rock road, but more of the chill side of things, more of the folksy type of classic rock -- I can see Drift really enjoying Spirit in the Sky - Norman Greenbaum or California Dreamin' - The Mamas and the Papas. or like, Incense and Peppermints - Strawberry Alarm Clock.

I mean, Drift might even go Full Earth Hippie and end up liking Green Tambourine - Lemon Pipers, lmao. in fact I am fairly certain of this.

I can see Drift loving Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In - The 5th Dimension. the whole vibe would probably appeal to him.

he'd quite possibly also like I Need a Dollar - Aloe Blacc, but it hits him in a place that still hurts to think about. so it's in rare rotation.

meanwhile Ratchet would probably be fine with classic rock too, like the good Dad Rock shit, just a lot of tracks from the 70s/80s -- a couple tracks he and Drift could probably agree on would likely lean more into the experimental/psychedelic rock side of things, like White Room - Cream or something like Wheel in the Sky - Journey

Rodimus tries to troll Ratchet by recommending Old Time Rock n Roll - Bob Seger, but joke's on him because it turns out Ratchet loves it, lmao

Swerve would go all out on classic bar jams for the evening playlist. Chill, good shit like Do It Again - Steely Dan.

Megatron would love Sinnerman - Nina Simone; He'd send it to Drift in a command crew level secured data packet, and they would both feel the hell out of this song. They don't need to talk about why. They never mention it to each other.

Megs would also probably love These Old Bones by Dolly Parton (mostly due to the lyrics, rather than the upbeat tune, but he would find it relatively relaxing), as well as 9 to 5 (of course), and similar music. Country from back in the day when country music was more about the struggle of poverty and the working life of rural people. Country music from back when songs told all the untold stories. He can respect that.

He'd listen to You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive by Patty Loveless and it would get him right in the fucking spark. Megatron is the Cybertronian equivalent of an Appalachian miner, god dammit. He understands.

Megatron would also like Johnny Cash; He would overthink Ghost Riders in the Sky and it would depress him, partly because it reminds him of Seekers... sigh.

I think he'd also like Cold War - Janelle Monae. He'd be way into good lyrics; What's being said in a song matters most to him. "This is a cold war, you better know what you're fighting for..." Indeed.

anyway I like thinking about what jams Cybertronians might like from their available selection of Earth tunes

[burrythebusy]

I love going back to reread hrkg because I just learn something new every time even without the influence of the recent chapter. I particularly love analyzing Kagiura’s character. His view on love and romance and family and marriage was just so interesting before. It was so innocent, meaning he didn't think of it any more or any less than just "I get to stay with him, only me". Like that's not the average thought for a crush. And Niibashi tells him that, he's like do you even view him romantically, or do you simply just wanna keep him close? It could be interpreted as so many things. Like aroace spec hrkg is such a real interpretation.

And it gets me even more when I view it in reference to his past relationship. Like his most Romantic™ action ("What lovers do") is a lap pillow. Because she was his girlfriend and that was the reason given for it. We're dating so this is something that people thay are dating do. So his middle school self is like oh okay. And it happens and he's stiff. And he doesn't think it feels right. And that follows him to high school bc if we're dating and this is something people that are dating do, why doesn't it feel right? But yes. That's literally it. That's as romantic as it goes for him until Niibashi mentions kissing. Which he didn't even think about. He claims it's an influence of never really seeing his parents kiss. His view on love IS his parents. It's influenced by those around him (ooh). But it's also because marriage is supposed to mean you're in love. And his parents are in love and act like best friends and rarely kiss so that's what the young Kagiura thinks of love to be like.

Now I don't know what influenced him to get with his girlfriend per se. Because (!!light novel stuff!!) I think it's implied that his view of love and marriage comes after his girlfriend, not before, which would make sense considering his relationship didn't work out. It also makes sense if it came before. Because why did it start? I genuinely think that he might have liked, and i think that's what was said. But i think he liked her as a friend, and he's expected to get with girls, and if his view on marriage was getting started at any point then. That's literally a prerequisite. A relationship like best friends. So he dates her and it just doesn't feel right. And it could've been because he treated the whole relationship like a friendship with a different label which wasnt what his girlfriend wanted. And then the one "traditionally romantic" thing that comes along, close physical contact, still doesn't feel right.

Going off of context clues here. It's safe to say they never kiss or even hold hands really. It's probably the only thing they ever did, the lap pillow. It's what Kagiura thinks about when he thinks of romance and what lovers do because it's the one thing he failed to FEEL right about. And if he liked her. Why didn't he?

Obviously everything isn't surface level either, on one surface. Because Kagiura’s personality comes into play too. There's probably more to be said about his politeness, how we don't see him really challenge anybody on what they say (except Hirano for obvious reasons). If his girlfriend said dating -> lap pillow then he's gonna say okay. Sure. Even if he's unsure about it. But we don't get much of his personality from then. We only know this snippet, and the fact that it bothers him.

But we also know WHY it bothers him after ch. 6 and 7, and in 16a. Kagiura doesn't think about kissing Hirano because his view on love and romance is limited to how his parents show it, and how his ex girlfriend showed it. He hasn't developed it on his own yet, at least not consciously. He likely never kissed his girlfriend (and if he did it doesn't stick with him at all since the first thing he thinks about is literally the lap pillow) and he doesn't see his parents kiss so Niibashi asks him about kissing hirano and he's like "idk lol". Hence why, does he even like Hirano romantically? (And though you can be in a romantic relationship without kissing, the question still remains as to how he sees his feelings for Hirano, considering how juvenile they seem*)

But the difference here is that, without thinking about it, Hirano and Kagiura were becoming best friends. Kagiura didn't go into friendship with Hirano thinking he's a love interest the same way he might have with his girlfriend. Hirano treated him really well and they developed this natural thing and Kagiura started to develop a natural Kagiura version of a crush. But still, every action after that wasn't with the deliberate intention of his outlook on love. It remained natural. So that "prerequisite" was already fulfilled (and honestly, it could easily be viewed separate of how he sees romance from his parents. Again, it all happens so naturally and easily for him).

So in chapter 6, he thinks about what Niibashi said more and then the urge comes. To kiss Hirano. The first time he's probably thought about kissing anyone. So it's already an outlier to how he views romance anyway because kissing never had to be a part of it but now it is. BUT WAIT THERES MORE!

Because next he decides to indulge in something he can easily call back to. His girlfriend and their experience. People that date do lap pillows. How would that feel with someone I'm in love with, someone I now know I want to kiss? And I truly don't think he expected much from it because of his experience of not really liking it. Of it being "off". But Hirano lies in his lap and his mind blanks. And then he lies in Hirano's lap and he can't do it. Not because it feels off or wrong. But because he felt too much. A LOT in that moment. Cue his sexual and sexuality awakening/crisis. It literally scares him out of being NEAR Hirano for extended periods of time. Out of touching him. Because this new attraction is foreign to him. He now actively wants to touch him, actively wants to kiss him and at this point he already knew hirano doesn't see him that way so what do you do?

Then 16a comes. They're starting to touch for ten seconds a day because Hirano said he would try, and Kagiura’s largest guilty pleasure is literally just physical contact. Particularly with Hirano. Which he used to do so casually but can't bring himself to. So he asks hirano when it's okay and they agree to ten seconds.

To me, this is when he comes to terms with the fact that he never romantically liked his girlfriend in the first place. Because he knows hirano isn't in love with him at this point despite Hirano agreeing to try. He knows what they feel is different. Which is exactly what happened with his girlfriend. That's why he's afraid he was making Hirano feel how he felt with his girlfriend back then. Uncomfortable. "Off". And when I view it in context I always come to the conclusion that he didn't like her (let alone love her). This may not be his first relationship but it is his first love.

All this to say... literally nothing. I just love digging into Kagiura’s character, how his past does end up influencing the present in really subtle ways. I mean think about it, he feels so guilty for wanting to touch Hirano that he limits himself to the ten seconds. Like every time before chapter 14 that they touched just because (locking arms, holding his shirt or his wrist just to grab onto him, that natural gravitation) is just gone. Because now he loves someone who doesn't love him so how could he possibly put the pressure on him to touch him in the same way? He gave away his right to do that. But it hurts him. (And it hurts Hirano too). Another problem. But that guilt doesn't come from nowhere. He doesn't want Hirano to feel how he felt with his girlfriend. He doesn't want to make him uncomfortable or push his physical boundaries and make himself a sad memory in Hirano's high school years.

Kagiura is experiencing this extent of love and a crush for the first time. He lied in his girlfriends lap hesitantly but did it because they were dating and didn't like it. And I feel like a great fear of his is making Hirano feel that way too. So he wants Hirano to feel the same way desperately without pushing the physical boundary that has once made him feel unsure and weird. He loves Hirano so much that he'll limit himself as much as he can bear in this process. (Which, isn't the greatest thing. It's almost contradictory). But that's his experience. That's how he's letting it influence him. And it's so interesting to me.

Erm this is long anyway I love doing Kagiura character study. Obviously this is my interpretation and how I view his character to be. And we are all influenced by our environment in the end, especially those that have an important place in our lives (hint hint wink wink iykyk) but some people still build their own wants and desires with that as a foundation. Kagiura took his parents as the blueprint itself. THE guide, THE directions. So now I think he's on a journey of defining love for himself too.

[cherryrouge]

depth of field

photographer!y/n x harry

warnings: profanity, negative self-talk, slight sexual content

word count: 2.8k

please read aperture, part I of this fic, before reading this!

alone in her hotel room was a despair-ridden y/n, her clothes from the show thrown about her room, any effort to put them away neatly proved to be futile. she had only worked up enough courage to throw on a comedically oversized david bowie t-shirt and wash her face free of makeup. the only thing she had wanted to do was sleep as she felt that a good nights rest would take away her thoughts of it. but she knew, consciously or not, that her plan was wishful at best. she had spent the past thirty minutes resting in her preferred sleeping position seeing sudden visions of it unwillingly. each time, she’d shake her head and switch into another position as if she could leave the memories in her previous placement. she had quickly grown restless and frustrated in her inability to relax and decided to get some work done. however, with her work, the act of escaping it was impossible. she was practically accosted by it. with each new image she looked at, all from tonights show, she’s met with the reminder of just how close she was to him, to kissing him. if she had tilted her head slightly, she’s confident she wouldn’t be breeching mania over what could have happened. her only reprieve throughout her sifting through photos and wallowing in her sorrows was the images of the fans. she had been half-tempted to send harry a picture of a funny sign she spotted, an action that she would have carried out without a moments hesitation normally, but this time, she choses not to. she felt it to be ill-timing. oh, hey harry, i know we almost kissed in your greenroom earlier today and haven’t spoken since but here’s a funny sign where a fan is calling you a jackass and practically demanding you to play medicine! she groans at the thought of how silly she would look.

silly was a good way to describe how she felt about herself in this situation. silly for having a juvenile crush on her boss of all people, silly for taking that fucking picture, silly for sitting so close to him, silly for looking at his lips, silly for leaning, and silly for even thinking in general that harry fucking styles would actually be interested in her. that last one isn’t even silly, its just plain stupid. how humiliating. she buries her face into her hands, rubbing her thumbs against her temples to soothe a building headache from her incessant overthinking. she closes her eyes, taking a couple deep breaths all while reminding herself that this is not the end of the world. just because something embarrassing had happened, something that left her feeling uncomfortable in her own skin and largely dissatisfied with herself, doesn’t mean that the world in crumbling to ash. the earth would continue to spin, the people in it would continue to go about their lives, and y/n will to. finally calming down, she shifts to another image she took from the show. the focus has changed once again and she is met with harry’s eyes and electrifying stage presence. she can tell he’s dancing wildly in that moment, his limbs displaying as much. she can also tell something is off with him. there’s a distant look in his eye as he looks into the lens. perhaps he had not been trying to look at her, accidentally looking over at the wrong time. but she knew better, and she knew the cause of that look. for a moment, she wonders what he’s doing at this very minute. if he’s been thinking about it too, head in his hands at the edge of his bed, knee bouncing as a way to soothe himself. she figured that thought, like the rest of them, was silly. he, in reality, was most likely soundly sleeping. the only worry in his head being if his fans made it to their places of rest safely and the quality of his performance. with a sigh, she closes her eyes and leans her head back against the headboard. she stays in the tranquil silence long enough to nearly lull her to sleep. however, the blaring noise of her ringtone startles her awake. with a slight gasp and shaking hands, she picks up her phone quickly noting the caller.

fuck. its fucking harry.

“hello?” she answers softly, carefully approaching their interaction.

“hey,” he says, voice raspy from the nights previous activities, “are you busy?”

“um- no, not really. why?“

“i’m on my way to your room. i need to talk to you.”

her mouth gapes at this sudden announcement, “oh, ok. yeah, ok. i’ll see you soon.”

with her confirmation, he hangs up the phone.

fuck. fuck. fuck.

she hurriedly moves her laptop to the bedside table and stands from her place on the bed, throwing her phone onto it before assessing the state of her room. there is nothing graceful about the way she flails about stuffing things into her suitcase to give the room the appearance of neatness. she fixes the bed, pulling the comforter up slightly and adjusts the pillows so they look nearly untouched. she then dashes to the bathroom, taking in her appearance. she lightly brushes out her eyebrows, combing them in to place and fluffs her hair. just as she believes she looks half decent, she remembers the state of her bare legs. she all but dashes into the main room to her suitcase quickly rummaging through it to get her sleep shorts. it’s then that she hears a knock on the door. with the shorts around her ankles and her body contorting to pull them up her legs, she walks to the door. with her heart hammering and her lungs gasping for air, she opens it with her shorts up and on. looking up at him, she is stunned by his state. he looks tired, still good. obviously. even his worst days are better that mosts best. she’s shocked by the intimacy of this moment. how vulnerable he looks. he is the pinnacle of strength, of power, or talent, yet here, standing in front of her, is just harry. finding herself in this moment, she swiftly moves herself out of the way so he can enter. once he’s in the room, he sits on the edge of the bed. taking in her appearance as she shuts the door and walks towards him, stopping at the end of the small hallway, providing some distance between them. her eyes are down, focus on her bare feet again the rugged carpeting of the hotel room. his eyes are fixed on her. the moment of silence that falls upon them is thick with anticipation and anxiety.

harry clears his throat incidentally. the act calling her attention to him. their eyes meet and y/n is all consumed with the need to break the intense silence.

“i’m so-“

“i wa-“

both fall quiet after the clashing of their voices, groveling to clear the hair. y/n softly giggles, an anxious, self-soothing habit she developed when trying to make light of uncomfortable situations. her habit seems to sooth harry a bit as for the first time since he arrived, a smile crosses his features. albeit, a close lipped one. one that could have lead to a full toothy grin has their situation not called for such seriousness.

“i’m sorry, you begin.” she says gently, gesturing to him from her place in the wall. her arms cross her chest, almost holding herself. the feeling giving her only a sliver of comfort. harry smiles at her and turns his head, pausing to find his words.

“i know this probably isn’t the conversation that you want to be having right now but we should just get it out of the way.” his voice cuts through the quiet of the room. she nearly winces at the sound.

she’s bending under the crushing intensity of his gaze and his silence. she wishes nothing more than to crawl into herself, find a place of comfort deep inside herself where maybe she would find some relief from this moment. he coughs looking to the side, eyes consequently meeting her laptop which had been left open and unattended on the bed side table of the hotel room when y/n was prompted to hastily tidy her room upon his unexpected arrival. it’s a photo of him from tonight’s show, looking down the barrel of the lens. it’s a good shot, though every image turned to gold with her skill so he can’t say he’s surprised. however, it’s that skillfulness that leaves it all on the table -every emotion, every movement, everything- and tonight, more than ever, he can see just how off he was.

“i don’t want things to be awkward between us, love,” he coughs at the end of his sentence, punctuating his own discomfort.

“i don’t either, i’m really sorry-“

“but i also don’t want to forget that it happened,” their eyes meet and for the first time since he’s entered the room, she doesn’t avert her’s elsewhere.

“har-“

“i hope you know by now that i adore you.”

she huffs out a surprised laugh, coming out as more of an exasperated forced exhale, “what?”

“and it’s more than just professional. i’ve tried for months to keep these feelings at bay, but it’s so fucking hard. because you are you. you come into my green room every show with a smile on your face and tell me stories that lift my mood, you shy away at every deserved compliment, you care for everyone around, even the people that maybe don’t do the same for you. you are just so fucking perfect that it’s overwhelmingly difficult to not develop a crush on-“

“harry-“

“please, let me finish, love,” he looks up at her, his dazzling green eyes filled with an unfamiliar look. his face conveying a moony, love-gutted expression. an image she had never seen before but never wanted to forget. she nods her head, eyes wide with a gleam that no doubt mirrored the one in harry’s. he lets out a breath, running a hand through his hair and stands, y/n’s eyes tracking every movement. not wanted to miss a second of this sacred moment.

“i couldn’t help it. everything you do seems to pull me in deeper. you could probably just breath in the same room as me and i’d fall to my knees.” he lets out a small laugh at the sentiment, taking a step closer to her. she softly smiles, although her face conveyed her pleasant surprise at his confession.

“it’s not professional, but i can’t stop it and don’t think i would even if i had a choice.” with every word he utters, he steps closer until he’s stood right in front of her. his tilting down and her’s up. their closeness is palpable. she can feel the warm of his body radiating. her breathing shockingly level, chest rising and falling with every breath. she is hyper aware of his movements, even the slightest twitch of his finger or bat of his lashes registers in her brain. they stand, familiarizing themselves once again with the feeling of being this close to each other. in this moment, harry takes it upon himself to close their distance. a ringless hand rising to plant itself of the smooth skin of her bicep. her breathing hitches, a glazed over expression taking over her features. he brushes his hand against the soft, warm skin before sliding both of his hand to hold her face. his gaze falters down to her parted, rose-tinted lips. his eyes alternate between her lips and eyes as his brings his face closer to hers. y/n sighs at the closeness, at the feeling of his breath fanning against her cheeks, warming them that much more.

“y/n-“

“please,” she nearly whines. in any other scenario, she would be embarrassed by her desperation but she supposes that this isn’t just any other scenario.

at the sound of the whined word, harry lets out his own breathy whine before finally putting his lips to hers. and it is everything. it’s soft, but deep. controlled, but so very desperate. the intensity prompts y/n to move her hands that lamely hung at her sides to rest on his waist. the feeling of her hands finally on him causes harry to sigh and deepen the kiss, tongue prodding her lips for entry, which she easily accepts.

throughout her time of knowing him, she could only define him as one word as a subject: entrancing. watching work as he commands, entices, and seduces his audiences but also watching him exist as a normal person is nothing short of entrancing. feeling him — his energy, his kindness, his care, his touch — is nothing short of entrancing. and now, y/n can confidently say that kissing harry is mindnumpingly entrancing. the only thought in her head is him, the only thing she can feel is him, and the only thing she could ever need in this moment is him. he is all consuming. so much so, she doesn’t feel her change in location until her back is gently pressed into the mattress with his hand on her hip and the other on the pillow beside her head. seeing him in this position, looking down at her as his knee presses into the space on the bed between her legs, his hair swooping down his forehead, jade- green eyes positively sparking with want and need in the low lighting of the room. she finds herself longing for her camera. wishing she could capture this moment, this feeling to keep with her forever. the two take heavy breathes, regaining composure and control of themselves. though that composure and control hangs by a thread. every moment spent gazing at the other solidifies their longing to be close, to be closer, that it is nearly suffocating. harry’s eyes close as he breaths, trying to cling to the last shred of sanity before he surely gives into his ever long internal battle against is yearning for her. but it was a losing cause. and when she brings her hands to skate up his torso to find the resting places on the back of his neck and in his hair, he knows just how helpless a losing cause it was.

harry dips his head down to kiss her spit swollen lips, humming at the sensation. he splits his lips and her tongue dances against his. his hand that was once resting on her hip moves up to her jaw. her hand in his hair clutches onto his chocolate locks, tugging softly, a movement that causing harry to separate himself momentary to groan before attaching his lips to her jaw before making his way down to her neck and collarbones. his hands dip down the the hem of her shirt before pushing under and finding the soft skin of her waist. she mewls and softly sighs under his touch. her own hands carding through his hand and caresses his shoulders. she pulls his face up from where he’s been trailing his lips to be level with her own desperate gaze. he smiles at her expression, wearing the emotions he feels all the same on her beautiful features. his hands on her waist squeeze and caress the skin there.

“hi,” he breathes out with a dimpled smile playing on his mouth. she giggles chirping his words back to him.

the two stare at the other for some moment, the comfortable quiet the falls upon them filled with adoration and bliss. now knowing where the other finally stands, there’s no space for over thinking. not when harry smiles down at her, pushing the hair out of her face. not when y/n gleams up at him with moony eyes. the rest of the night, the two lay in a love-filled haze. cuddled up under the blankets, legs intertwined. they laugh and share anecdotes, dreams and aspirations, until the early hours of the morning until neither can physically keep their eyes open anymore.

walking up to find y/n curled into his side, hand splayed across his stomach, her head on his chest, was the most lovely sight head ever seen. as he brushed his fingers through her hair, he could only dream of the world he would give her if she allowed him to. and god, he hopes she would.

-

thank you all very much for your patience and support as we come to a close on this story. from the bottom of my heart, i am so grateful to feel so welcomed by this community. if you have any ideas about future fics or blurbs for this one, please reach out. i’m looking forward to introducing our next couple.

with love, rory.

[duriens]

i know everybody has their opinions on why armand 'couldnt/could prevent it' and it is very interesting to read the various interpretations. the way i see it, there are three possibilities (and i'm for the third, spoiler alert):

one, armand couldnt prevent it because, even as a centuries-old vampire, he genuinely doesn't have the power to stop 13 vampires from eventually coming after him/him+louis if he didn't accept their ultimatum. he can make them faint, he can freeze time, he can sway the mind of the audience (with some difficulty...? true or false?) but how long can he keep these powers up and can he do it forever, for however long vampires' grudges last? he might have thought it was possible for him and louis to run away, but that eventually the coven would've found a way to manage to kill him. there's power in numbers? how powerful are centuries-old vampires, exactly? is the combined power of 13 angry vampires enough? armand himself says at some point 'they might've killed me' or smth along the line, meaning he at least believes them capable of trying to kill him. is he that afraid of confronting the coven, of doing battle with them, of failing and dying? (this is the blandest possibility)

second, armand couldnt prevent it because he didnt want to prevent it. armand is a master manipulator and he likes to manipulate others into destroying the things he's bored of/he's lost control over (the children of darkness, the theatre des vampires... his relationship with louis?) cause he doesn't want to take on the responsibilities that come with that destruction, and the eventual guilt/sorrow. armand is minimizing his role in deceiving louis and claudia and is portraying himself as helpless, a centuries-old vampire with limits to his powers, so much so that even the act of making the audience say one thing over the other takes a toll on him, cause it was so hard to just do that one thing, owwie, of course he saved it to when it came to louis' turn for the sentencing.

this is the armand we think of when we see the memes about his inaction, thinking he's smirking to himself bc he knows he could end it with a snap of his fingers.

now we all know that armand is manipulative and that he likes to be in control even when he cedes control, but is he always and in constant awareness of the degrees of his own manipulation and scheming? is he in control of all that, all the time?? does he do it purposefully, with evil intent, consciously selling out louis and claudia and agreeing to a plan involving lestat to get rid of the coven/santiago and consciously pretending to be weaker than he is to get rid of claudia? so this leads inevitably to

third, armand couldnt prevent it because he convinced himself long ago that he is completely helpless and no word or action of his could ever, ever, change a thing. this state of mind he's fallen into has obvious ties to his past, his slavery, his submissive tendencies, his inability to act and decide for himself. he's created this image of himself of someone weaker and powerless that he fully believes to be true, he manipulates others the same way he manipulates himself. his many expressions of grief, of sorrow, of guilt throughout the episodes are genuine because, at some level, he genuinely believes he 'could not prevent it', because he decided long ago he's the kind of person who simply can't on his own--that can't ever, ever be accused of serious stuff because in this narrative he created for himself he can never be a hundred percent at fault, he doesn't bear all the responsibilities. (he's still a manipulative and controlling individual here, just not as shrewd and consciously cunning as in option 2). in this light, the memes about armand doing nothing when he has the power to act become tragic in their own way, because it's tragic that he truly thinks of himself, a centuries-old vampire leader of the paris coven, as powerless and helpless as he had been when he was still alive.

[alexthebordercollie]

i'm always a sucker for the take that Ford does love kids, he's just not the best caretaker. i mean, he's immediately delighted to learn he's an uncle in tale of two stans, and he loves spending time with Dipper and Mabel, he's just kind of dense.

i think aus where he gets to be a dad with Fiddleford are so cute. and so interesting to see how he'd handle it. people always seem to forget what a softie he can be

Oh yes! It kind of bugs me how a lot of people act like Ford is cold when he really isn't. There are lots of little examples of him being an absolute sweetheart. He talks a big game about being logical and suppressing fear etc, but he's a deeply emotional person, and that comes through in his more personal journal entries. He's not some heartless robot. He loves sharing his joy and excitement with the people close to him. He craves human connection even though he's bad at it. He gets attached to weird little creatures like Shifty, he loves his niece and nephew and is genuinely happy to meet them. Not to mention Ford loves weirdness and creativity and kids are the weirdest most creative demographic of people out there.

I don't think Ford dislikes kids at all. I think his lack of emotional intelligence and tendency to be lost in his own world makes him a questionable caretaker. Not through apathy or malice, he's just kind of bad with kids. Making him a father is really interesting for this reason because I'm confident he'd love the shit out of his kids, but learning how to respond appropriately to their needs, keep them safe, and pay attention consistently when needed, would all be things he'd struggle with.

Ford also says as much in his journal that he didn't want to settle down and "start a family". I don't think he ever saw kids of his own as part of his future nor do I think he'd ever consciously choose to have them. That said these are the words of a young Ford with grand ambitions that children would have potentially gotten in the way of. I also think the way he shuts down the idea of "starting a family" is a response to the social pressure to get straight married which is also not something he would have wanted. I mean look how well that worked out for Fidds :/

But Ford's whole character arc is about humbling himself. Learning to let go of this fantasy of some grand destiny and find joy in just living life with the people he cares about. He learns to accept the love of others and to love himself without needing to prove anything.

Pictured above, is a combination of sleep deprivation and those little moments when you're a new parent and it dawns on you yet again that suddenly you have this tiny little human who's who world depends on you. That mix of fear and awe and overwhelming love that hits you in waves and turns your brain into mush for a moment.

Nik and Newt force Ford to put someone else over himself, forcing him to reassess his priorities much sooner.

Also I know this one wasn't really an ask but I really wanted to draw something for you because it was soooooo good seeing a real ask in my inbox. I would absolutely love to answer any asks people have about this AU. I'd love to draw more of Ford, Fidds, Stan, and the twins but it gets hard to decide what to draw with so many ideas in my brain. By all means, send me asks or suggestions for drawings and I'll do my best to respond to all of them.

[thefirstknife]

Okay, this is it for Act I and now we have to stew for 20 days, I'm okay and not feeling abnormal at all (lie). But there's SO MUCH that I want to mention.

The mission starts normally, we're just collecting samples for Failsafe, but then Osiris calls us to come help him with Saint. And then shit hits the fan. Saint has apparently walked off alone into Nessus and isn't answering his comms. Normal and cool!

I'll go into the whole thing, under read more for length (long ass post, I'm having normal thoughts and feelings about this whole thing):

Right away, no more lake where we were fishing (only in the mission though):

Strange! The Vex appear to have let Saint pass through here without a fight. Once again, there's a mix of Vex in this area; some are normal Vex units with collars and some are Precursors without (the boss, the cyclops and the hobgoblins are Precursors):

The Precursors aren't collared, but they still participate in this and are also changed ("uplifted choral cyclops" = part of the chorus even without a yoke). This is incredibly strange. And then more strange information:

Okay!!! What is going on! We've seen in the last week's lore page that the Vex are behaving incredibly strangely. In short, they seem to be behaving more like individuals, rather than what we're used to seeing from them. This adds to that. They are developing tactics and changes that they previously weren't engaged with because, essentially, they didn't have to be.

Anyway, we get to finally hear Saint and he's... Talking to himself. About how he's not real. We find him collared and he appears to be hearing a voice talking to him; the voice is only identified as a "Conductor." At this point, I don't think there's any doubt about this being Maya. The same term was used by her in her experiments with the Veil: she needed someone to be a "conductor" to the "chorus" of minds when she was trying to merge fabricate consciousness (which she succeeded in with Lakshmi). Maya died in the "conductor's chair." What we don't know is ... Well. Anything else. What is she doing and why and what state is she in. The assumption right now is that she's using the Vex as a chorus, but why are they allowing this and why are some of them participating even without the collars? No clue.

What's interesting is that she seems to have analysed Saint and knew about him, either from her own analysis of him after observing him during our expeditions or from the Vex themselves. Or both. I suspect a combination of both because he's been involved with what we've been doing so she would've been interested to see why, and then she would've also gotten additional information from the Vex who recognise him. I would assume the Vex also had information about the rest of us, including Osiris and YW, but Saint was easiest to control.

With what she was telling him, it also means that Maya now knows how we saved him. His entire story is directly linked to the Vex and Vex technology so naturally all of this would be recorded with them and would allow Maya to find out about it. She knows that in some timelines he dies and he is saved in this one. She filled his head with the idea that he doesn't belong here, that he shouldn't have been saved. That he's an error that's "corrupting the true timeline."

As a sidenote, when you come into this room, Curse of Osiris music starts playing, again, as it has been playing for a lot of stuff this episode (specifically the Panoptes fight track). I'm super glad to hear that OST again. I'm also insane about them dropping Mercury music and Precursors at me.

Saint has more concerning lines:

And then we reach him:

Totally okay scene to see. Saint in his bubble, with a yoke, Vex arranged around him in their worshipping pose and the mysterious figures hovering above him. Saint continues:

Okay! *cries* He snaps out of it when Ikora reminds him of Osiris. Old man yaoi wins again!!

Then there's the conversation between Osiris, Saint, Ikora and Failsafe where Osiris is desperately trying to convince Saint that he's real and fine and that there's nothing wrong with him. I crode.... Man, they really said "you WILL watch these old men lovingly put hands on each other." But also, Saint confirms that he just heard a voice speaking to him on Nessus and that he couldn't do anything except obey its commands. It wasn't a Vex; Saint describes it as something that "connected to his mind" and called itself the "Conductor."

Failsafe pointed out that the Vex and Exo share radiolaria as a "base material" and that the Vex were perhaps trying to interface with Saint for information about what we're doing. But Saint said that they did not care about that at all. Instead, they "measured" Saint's "humanity" and "legitimacy."

Osiris does his best to convince him otherwise:

Bro. I am crying in the club what the fuck. Osiris had access to other Saints, but he didn't want to mess with them. He wanted to save the Saint he knew. It was the whole deal with the Sundial being so specific to find "the right moment" and "the right Saint" to save him and why it didn't work for Osiris, because of the paradox with the Young Wolf.

Ikora points out that this is all just a tactic against us and Saint does seem to understand that, and Osiris' reassurances, but it's still difficult to deal with. Saint has previously already dealt with the feelings of not being sure if anything he's experiencing is real. He's spent decades in the Infinite Forest surrounded by simulations. It's a hard thing to adjust to, especially with all he's been through since.

He'll need time to process this. He needs to be alone.

Failsafe is normal about it:

You and me too bestie!

But wait! There's more! We still have the radio message which is between Osiris and Ikora talking about the changes to Nessus and the Vex. It's naturally Osiris' way to distract himself from the issues with Saint, but also we really do need to keep researching what's going on so he's got a good idea. Nessus is "changing rapidly" according to Osiris, "moreso than when the Vex first assimilated it, if Red War records can be trusted." Osiris also notes that this isn't just limited to Nessus, but to everything, including our data and the radiolaria that we collected. They're "mutating."

This bit in particular is important and concerning because that's just not how the Vex do things. As Osiris said, when they change, they change because they have time shenanigans so they essentially gather data in the future and transmit it back, then alter themselves from the past, to appear as if they were always that way. But now? They're adapting "in real time." They learn linearly and adapt on the go.

This is bizarre with the utilisation of Precursors because they are the past Vex. However, they do not have the collars so they're not directly "compelled" and yet, they still participate and change alongside all of the other collared Vex. They also send their minds, again, not collared, to control the collared Vex and lead them. This is baffling.

Ikora is linking this to the impact of the anomaly, the echo. While Saint was down there, Geppetto mapped some of it, including the radiolaria around the site; apparently, the Vex are "swirling around the impact site for miles below the surface." It's also "causing disturbances in the planet's EM field." Ikora concludes that the Vex must be doing "something big."

Osiris also mentions the importance of Saint saying that it was a singular voice directing him, not a collective one, like a Vex would be. He reminds us that this isn't how Vex do things usually and this thing with Saint was just a test. He speculates, and Ikora agrees, that the Vex behaviour is like this because they found "a new leader." Obviously, the Conductor.

That concludes Act I. The seasonal activity, Breach Executable, has new lines as well. I've only played one, got some more sad Saint lines and then had to pause to stop crying. Act II starts in 20 days.

But wait. There's MORE! Of course we can't forget the seasonal lore page. And this is also where they went straight for the jugular. The lore page is about Mithrax visiting Saint and finding him not feeling well. Saint is distressed and Mithrax is trying to help him feel better, especially about his feelings of not belonging. Mithrax understands those feelings and he's trying his best to help Saint not feel that way. A little bit of joy in the gloom:

Saint groaned and waved the question away. "Do not say something smart to me now. Osiris does this, and I have had enough of it."

I LOVE when Saint compares Osiris and Mithrax, it's so good and also funny. But anyway, let's get back to the pain. As Saint realises where Mithrax is going with his questions, he relents and accepts that yes, sometimes we feel like we don't belong, but that is clearly not true.

And then Mithrax experiences something strange:

Suddenly, his vision narrowed and darkened. His headache shrieked, filling his mind with blinding pain. He doubled over as a terrifying urge—RULE, KELL—roared through his chest. The pigeons burst away in harried flight, leaving the seed untouched on the ground. Saint was still watching the pigeons wheel through the sky and down into the City. Mithrax wrapped his arms around himself until the shaking subsided and took a deep draw of Ether. "You are good friend," Saint said quietly, his gaze fixed on the City. Mithrax walked over slowly and sat down next to him again. "I try," he said softly.

Hello? Okay. So on top of Saint having massive issues, we're still seeding the future plot of something getting absolutely the fuck worse with Mithrax. Cool. Cool. I'm jumping off a bridge.

And Mithrax doesn't tell Saint about this, obviously. Saint is preoccupied with his own problems now and this is the way of Titan; care for others first, then yourself. Mithax should NOT be copying this from Saint, but alas. Enjoy brewing in this little piece of terrifying information until we get more on it next episode, I presume.

But wait. There's EVEN MORE! For finishing Act I, we got another lore page, from another lore book called Dynasty. We had no clue what this would be until now.

And well. It's a completely separate story from ancient past, about the Qugu civilisation. This is an incredibly packed lore page, one of the longest I've seen to be honest and it features a lot of bizarre alien stuff from an ancient civilisation, but the gist of it, for now until I can truly dive into it; it follows a member of the Qugu species as he's rising in the ranks to become a military leader. The Qugu are ancient civilisation we first learned about in the Books of Sorrow, as they were wiped out by the Hive. We got an update on them in Inspiral, telling us they were Darkness users, utilising the psychic abilities to connect each other's consciousnesses and talk to their ancestors.

In this page, we see some stuff about their culture, their connection to the creatures they're in symbiosis with, the way their civilisation worked in regards to how they ruled and how many planets they occupied. It's a fascinating read, but fairly hard to get through. The page ends with the Qugu discovering the Hive and the Black Fleet that attacked one of their systems and they try to get back to warn the others. I assume the rest of the book will be about the Qugu as well, to further flesh out this plot.

Why this now? I am unsure. Possible setup for something going forward down the line? One other idea I've had is that this will somehow relate to the "ally" of Maya we speculated about when I talked about the lore pages from the seasonal exotic gear. It makes sense that this "ally" is an alien because of Maya mentioning his fascinating origin, culture and biology. This would also explain why we got this lore book for finishing Act I, as it would make it relevant to what's going on. But this is, for now, a really big speculation. We'll need more pages, which I assume we'll get for finishing other Acts, so good look not exploding in curiosity until then (I've already exploded). I'll most certainly analyse this lore page more in-depth because there is NOTHING in this world I am more interested than digging into ancient space civilisations.