#is bc you can’t explain death to toddlers and the kids would never understand why i left them

[tarobytez]

disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant. 

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist. 

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don��t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is. 

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”. 

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me. 

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.  

Oh fucking boy. 

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully. 

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or “triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled. 

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability. 

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community. 

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged. 

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people. 

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted. 

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows. 

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig

[in-tua-deep]

 Masterlist of AUs

okay i’m never putting anything under a read more ever again bc i deleted this whole ass thing and now i’m redoing it so forget me worrying about it being long af it’s what it is my friends

me, scrolling back through my blog: where tf are all my aus smh

(this is why i need them all in one place)

so without further ago, here we go (the title brings you to the tag on my blog, the numbers bring you the posts for that au): 

short stay au - Five jumps forward into the apocalypse and gets stuck, but not for forty-five years. No, in fact, Five is only stuck for one year before he figures out how to get home. Which means the Hargreeves get a lap full of traumatized teenage boy with no idea who the Commission agents trying to kill them are (one)

dolores is the universe au - Dolores isn’t just a mannequin, she’s actually the concept of the universe. The only reason Five can hear her is because overuse of his powers has given him enough exposure to the rift between world that she can reach him. But how to explain this to the siblings who think he’s just traumatized? (one, two, three)

immortal au - The first time Five died, he didn’t know it. The second time was harder to explain. The third and the fourth... well. In the apocalypse, Five figures out that he can’t die, which would be fine except every time he dies he resets himself to thirteen. Puberty? Again? Everyone is more than a little concerned about Five’s lack of concern over his welfare, but hey he’ll start caring again when he’s got further to fall okay? (one)

imaginary friend au - When Five was little, he had an imaginary friend named Dolores. He had that imaginary friend for far longer than he should have, to the point where Reginald intervened. And so they all remember this when Five pops back up toting around a mannequin and calling her Dolores, the only difference is Five has stopped giving a single fuck what old Reggie had to say and he isn’t giving up his friend again so easily (one)

instant arrival au - When Five jumps forward, he doesn’t jump into the apocalypse. Instead, he jumps straight into his father’s funeral. He sort of treats it as a weird vacation until he finds out Ben is dead and tries to return, and finds out he can’t. Now his siblings have to deal with a thirteen-year-old brother who saves the day by just being himself (one, two, three)

barking mad au - Vanya’s apocalypse was more targeted and only killed the humans. Five jumps into the apocalypse and instead of being alone, he’s adopted by the feral packs and colonies that have cropped up. He learns to bark and purr and growl and hiss to communicate, finding friends and family where humanity is gone. Of course, this makes returning to said humanity more than a little bit tricky. It’s not his fault his siblings are dense and don’t understand body language, ugh. (one, two, three)

pushed au - Instead of forbidding time travel, Reginald encourages it. He pushes Five to try it, and so when Five vanishes it’s Reginald’s fault. Written off as no great loss, the siblings realize how disposable they are. Who of them will be the next Five? Trust broken, they don’t stick around to find out and run away. When Five returns, it’s to a very different family who has learned how to depend on one another and protect each other. Together, they figure out how to stop the apocalypse (one)

memory mishap au - The siblings take Five’s hands and jump back in time, and it works! They’re thirteen again! Except for the fact that Five had managed to forget everything that happened since the day he decided to jump forward in time the first time. It’s the others turn to protect him as they run away. Five tries to get his memories back, but is that really what’s best? (one, two)

ghost five au - Five doesn’t leave. He stays, and when that one fateful day happens where one of them is slated to die, Five decides to bite the bullet and take Ben’s place. Even knowing Klaus’s powers, he wasn’t really expecting to wake up as a ghost. He somehow unites the family through the power of being irritating and getting Klaus involved. (one) 

broken five au - Reginald puts his foot down once and for all about time travel, by threatening Vanya’s life if Five puts another toe out of line. Five, fully believing his father capable of getting rid of the ‘useless’ child, shuts down. When his siblings find out what broke Five, they all decide to run away for their own safety as much as Vanya’s. They end up adopted by a woman happily living in the woods in her cabin who wasn’t expecting to adopt seven children but here she is and she certainly isn’t returning them to Reginald so. Seven kids it is. (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven)

run nanny run au - Look the nannies aren’t blind. They know Reginald doesn’t care about the kids and is looking at them like they’re weapons and not people, so it really shouldn’t be as surprising as it is that they decide to just take the kids and run one day. They are going to give these seven toddlers normal childhoods if it kills them, even if they have to dodge Reginald and the law as they do so. And no one forces Vanya to eat oatmeal like damn (one)

travel forward au - Instead of taking them back, Five miscalculates. It shouldn’t be unexpected, seeing as Five has never taken passengers before. But he manages to slingshot them directly into the future - into the apocalypse. The family gets a first hand look at how Five lived for forty years and gain a better understanding of their brother as he frantically works to get them all out again before they starve to death. (one, two)

daemon au - a crossover with the His Dark Materials universe by Philip Pullman, the Umbrella Academy live in a world where their souls walk beside them in the form of animals made of a material called dust. Of course, with these guys it can never be that simple. Ben’s daemon didn’t vanish upon his death and hangs out with Klaus, Luther and Diego’s daemons are always fighting, Allison’s is lazy and disagrees with her constantly, there’s something off about Vanya’s, and Five’s hasn’t settled yet. It’s certainly a bit of a mad house. (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, art)

plush companion au - Dolores wasn’t the only friend Five made in the apocalypse. A terrified and grieving child, he built himself a city out of statues and mannequins and stuffed animals. He built himself an entire world in his own imagination to keep himself from crumbling to insanity. Of course, his siblings have a few question after their brother turns back up and suddenly there’s toys turning up in the manor? (one)

atla au - a crossover with Avatar: The Last Airbender, aka all the kids are benders. In a universe where the Xth avatar is foretold to bring about the end of the world, Reginald manages to get his hands on seven children born whose mother’s hadn’t been pregnant when the day began. Apparently he’s training them to defeat this eventual evil avatar, but little do they know that said avatar is among them and tricked into believing she’s a nonbender (one, two)

suppression au - Reginald doesn’t just use his power suppression drugs on Vanya, he uses them as punishment on the others. They learn that their powers can be taken away on a whim and as punishment, and they’re forced to adapt. Five teaches Vanya the skills he learns to cope without powers, because without them they’re on the same level of competency. Vanya realizes just because she’s ordinary she isn’t useless. A more confident and competent Vanya results, and it changes the future for the better (one)

pianist five au - Vanya isn’t the only child who picks up an instrument. Five learns how to play the decorative piano in the mansion so that he can accompany Vanya’s practice. It becomes more than a hobby. In the end, when words can’t get through to the White Violin, it’s perhaps only music that can soothe the savage beast. (one)

artist klaus au - Klaus was a good artist as a child before Reginald deemed art as being ‘childish’ and forbid it. He forgets until he does some art therapy in rehab, and reignites his passion. He steals notebooks and art supplies and does drawings and caricatures for a quick buck on the streets. When the apocalypse is stopped, he also introduces art therapy to his siblings. It’s just soft tbh (one, two)

out of time au - Five doesn’t jump to eight days before the apocalypse, he jumps to the day of. He has to figure things out and figure them FAST. As such, he’s much more open to delegation and includes Vanya in this because lord knows he’s aware she’s more sensible than half his siblings. And if Vanya and Leonard argue when she wants to look after her brother that she only just got back well, if the apocalypse was prevented by this rift then it’s probably for the best (one) 

how i met your mother au - The Hargreeves jump back in time, but way back to before they were even born. They find their birth mothers, and get to learn exactly who they were, and it’s a little alarming to find out that they’re all people. The kids built them up in their heads as the monsters who gave them up, but they’re just people with hopes and dreams and fears, capable of mistakes and who had to make a choice on the worst day of their lives. (one)

responsible luther au - Five only spends a year in the apocalypse before jumping back and is relieved to find he has four years to stop the apocalypse. Except, Reginald decides that Five isn’t getting out of his hands again and restrains him. The last child left in the house, Luther, has a choice to make. And he makes it. He chooses Five, and absconds with him from the house. Luther tries to help a deeply traumatized Five recover, while also dealing with his reunited family and Reginald teaming up with the Commission to kidnap Five back. To be honest he should have only expected a mess when all the Hargreeves come together (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve)

in the trenches au - Just because Vanya is ‘powerless’ doesn’t mean useless. After all, Klaus doesn’t exactly have a combat based power. So Vanya was included, she was part of the Umbrella Academy, she went on the missions and killed and got hurt and risked her life alongside everyone else. Which means that she isn’t dismissed, she isn’t excluded. She’s as much a part of this as they all are, and that changes everything (one)

post apocalypse au - Just things I think the Hagreeves should get up to in a world where they have to deal with the fact that the world isn’t going to end and they actually have to inhabit it. They decide to try and live instead of whatever they’ve been doing for twenty-nine years, figuring out what they like and don’t like as they go where they were never really allowed to before (one)

late addition au - on one fateful day, forty-three women gave birth despite not beginning the day pregnant. Forty-three women produced forty-four children, and that one extra wasn’t exactly supposed to be there. Indeed, unhappy with the apocalypse plans, the Universe slipped her own child next to another as an almost sleeper agent of sorts. Five grew up with his mother’s voice in his ear, the knowledge that he wasn’t like the others, and a mission to take out the true cause of the apocalypse: the Commission. (one, two)

double trouble au - They stop the apocalypse, but that’s not the end of it because a few days after it all ends Five shows up. Except Five is already there. This is a younger Five who time traveled, except there’s no apocalypse to meet him now. Baby Five manages to convince his elder counterpart to see how long it takes the rest of the siblings to cotton onto the fact that there are two of them, and it’s downright alarming how long it actually takes (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight)

pride and prejudice au - The Hargreeves have returned to Netherfield to figure out the estate after their father’s death. Airheaded Klaus falls head over heels for local soldier Dave Katz, much to the chagrin of over-protective and pig-headed brother Diego. Fortunately, Dave has the fearsome and wonderful Eudora Patch at his side as his best friend. And his little sister, Dolores, is best friends with Five Hargreeves? And for reasons unknown, the Handler is back and sniffing around. (one, two, three, four, five, six)

poster child au - Klaus is a little bit more accurate with that fire extinguisher and Five drops through into the courtyard with a bloody nose and the beginning of a frankly impressive black eye. It’s looking like the poster child for child abuse that Five goes to griddy’s, and Agnes isn’t leaving this abused child alone out front, right? So she witnesses everything and ends up taking Five under her wing and rolling with the whole ‘stop the apocalypse’ train. Along the way she adopts six more children adults, falls in love with an assassin, and saves the world (one)

mechanical boy au - Five and Grace have always been close, in their own way. Away from prying eyes, with careful sentences and unsaid words. Allies in survival against a man who doesn’t care if they live or die. An exploration of a Five who takes more of an interest in his mother, and more in subterfuge. (one, two, three)

ben saves the day au - Instead of Ben dying, it was Klaus. Without his two favorite brothers, Ben drifts away from the family. He leaves when he hits 18 and doesn’t look back. He builds himself a life, gets a job, learns to live. And then of course he’s tossed back into drama central when Reggie kicks the bucket. On the bright side, Ben got one of his favorite brothers back. On the other hand, it appears that Ben got the entire family’s brain cells in the divorce. (one, two, three)

robot five au - Five is just like any of the other Hargreeves, except of course for the fact that he shares more in common with their mother than the other squishier members of the family. It’s a difficult existence, trying to be yourself when even just having free will is too much to ask. But a little trip to the apocalypse and back and Five is done with all this human bullshit and would like very much for people to stop trying to kill his family, thank you. If the others can accept Grace as their mother then on god they will accept Five as their brother. (one, two)

the commission boy au - The Boy was the only success in a series of failures regarding experiments with Number Five’s DNA, or at least the samples left behind after his rather explosive exit. Growing up trained to be the perfect assassin, the Boy eventually discovers the Commission’s dirty laundry. Mainly, the existence of Five. Assuming that Five is another successful experiment and his ‘brother’, the Boy betrays the Commission and embarks on a journey to discover who his family are, and more importantly, who he is. (one, two, three, four, five, six)

hogwarts au - When Five is ten, a woman comes to the house and talks about magic. Reginald tosses her out, but Five follows her and tells her with wide innocent eyes that their father bought them and is planning to expose their ‘powers’ to the world. The magical community can’t have that, and all seven children are bundled up and placed at Hogwarts. They still have their powers, which don’t seem to be linked to their magic in any way, but they’re not about to tell any of the adults that. (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven)

changeling au - When 43 children were born around the world, they became a curiosity that got the attention of a powerful member of the fae, The Handler. Changelings are traditional, so she sent off a minion to swap one of the children with her own - except something goes wrong. The switch isn’t made. One woman assumes she had twins, and gives both of them to Reginald Hargreeves. Five grows up with rules. Lies burn like coal on his tongue, he is bound to his word, and he knows the true power of names. The Handler isn’t willing to let sleeping dogs lie. (one, two, three)

timeboy au - When Five is young, he finds a blue box in an alley that feels like home. He finds a friend, the TARDIS finds family. She finds him again, over and over through the years. Five grows up with the TARDIS’s voice humming in his head, blue glowing on his hands. He asks her to teach him to time travel, and she does. But when he jumps - time screams. It’s wrong. It’s time for a team up between Five and Team TARDIS to fix the timeline, prevent the apocalypse, and learn some important life lessons along the way. (one, two, ao3)

supernatural au - In another world, 43 children appeared out of thin air. In this world, Reginald is a collector. Of what, you might ask? Well just look in his library. Reginald Hargreeves is one of the world’s foremost expects on supernatural and mythical creatures. Why, just look at his children. (one)

pokemon au - Blessed by legendaries, the Umbrella Academy aren’t entirely human. They look human enough, but humans can’t learn pokemon moves. Humans don’t have a type. Reginald wriggles through a loophole, and gets custody of seven legendary children, though of course there are only six on a traditional team. Sorry Vanya. (one)

gym leader au - the Hargreeves are certainly a power family since they were trained from infancy to be the best trainers they can be. Of course, being gym leaders means they’re in the middle of all the weird and wacky shit that happens. Don’t mention the celebi incident that resulted in the dragon gym leader looking like a teenager, for the love of god. (one)

unviable au - Time travel doesn’t work. It needs a conduit. Taking all of time into something as fallible as a human heart... Five gets to the apocalypse, and he doesn’t immediately realize that he can’t touch things any more. He can’t interact with the world. He figures he got stuck in a pocket dimension of some sort, and eventually manages to travel back in time - except the only people who can see him are Klaus and Ben. They tell him that he’s dead, a ghost, but that’s not going to stop him from saving his family and, maybe, the world. (one, two, three)

prophet five au - Five’s time powers are a little different than canon. When he dreams, he sees the future. A possible future. He spends most of his childhood tweaking and prodding at the world to make sure his family is safe, terrified of being discovered. And then he starts dreaming of the apocalypse, of a life he hasn’t lived, and he decides to change the world. But he needs a little help. That’s where Vanya comes in. (one)

delayed au - when forty-three children were born, one mother looked Reginald Hargreeves in the eyes and said, no thank you. She would raise her child herself, thanks. Except her son turns five-years-old, and he’s not safe. He teleports, and he gets lost, and - she turns to the academy in desperation. Five knows about the outside world. Knows that he was loved. Reginald is full of shit, and Five tries his best to save the world. (one)

tog/tua crossover - Five dies in the apocalypse and starts dreaming of other people. Andy has been confused about the immortal child she’s dreamed about on and off for eons. Nile joins the team and with the power of google search, they set off to find the mystery child immortal. Five, on the other hand, would just like to stop the apocalypse and maybe take down the commission thank-you-very-much. (one, two, three)

rebel vanya au - Vanya’s meds suppressed her powers, but her emotions were fine. Vanya grew up loud, grew up sneaking out and acting out because the only attention she could wrench from Reginald was negative attention. With anger in her heart, a friendship with her favorite two brothers based on bashing their father, and girlfriend Helen Cho that was maybe an enemies to lovers orchestra au. When Five pops back up, Vanya isn’t going to let anything get in the way or her and her girlfriend’s concert, so obviously they have to stop the apocalypse. Right? (one)

the red book au - Five finds several things in the apocalypse. He finds an eye, he finds Vanya’s book, and he finds Reginald’s notebook. Five finds out about his sister’s powers when he’s just a teenager, and grows up knowing about them. This... changes some things, when he hops back in time to save everyone. (one, two)

five meets susan au - Susan Pevensie is an old woman now, but that’s okay, because Five is old as well where it matters. They’ve both lived through loss and love and heartache, both know what it’s like to be too old to be so young and too young to be so old. They both know what it’s like to be lost in a world so different from the one they knew before. They both know what it’s like to be left alone. But that’s okay, because Five needed someone who understands him and Susan is the closest thing he’s got. (one, two, three)

oneshots - Just little oneshots, usually within the scope of vague canon or post-stopping the apocalypse times where I write about just family bonding and conversation I would like to see happen in canon. Usually about the siblings bonding and occur on a whim. (one)

[lovelesswiki]

i've really respected your creative and analytical work with loveless for years (i actually remember reading your house crossover fanfic in like 2011 maybe?) so i've always wanted to know your general take on soubi's character? if you have time and haven't already written about it before, id love to see a general character analysis!

first of all, thank you so much! it’s fantastic to know that you like my analytical work and that i have partially redeemed myself from those weird fanfics i used to write. you know how we all look back on our past fanfics and other creative work and laugh at ourselves? well that’s what it’s like with me except i wrote about a crossover between an american medical drama and a gay catboy manga and i can’t look back on it without crying in shame. 

BUT I DIGRESS. thank you for sticking with me!

NOW. youve asked me about my favorite topic (i’d make a ‘my favorite topic: myself! agatsuma soubi’ joke here but i think i already made that joke in this post and also on deviantart and probably in a couple other places) but holy shit do i love talking about soubi. hes kinda my favorite character analytically. SO, LET’S TALK ABOUT SOUBI (and i apologize if this jumps from one topic to the next bc i have many thoughts on this tall child)

soubi is a very peculiar character because more than any other character in the series, he changes. beginning-series soubi is this incredibly creepy, weird, myseterious guy who constantly says the worst and most creepiest things possible and seems to prey on children and constantly asks about killing children and frustrates the reader to no end with his whole insistence that he can’t say shit about anything. see, the thing is that you’re not supposed to like beginning-series soubi. he’s a fucking predatory asshole who is creepy and weird to no end. however, people fell in love with him because this manga was marketed as a yaoi/BL manga, which made soubi fall into the bishie trope where it is completely acceptable for the ‘dominant’ character to act in a way that is very creepy towards the other characters.

so, this really, really divided people’s opinions on soubi’s character. some people hated soubi or strongly disliked him, which was close to the correct response you’re supposed to have to soubi in the first few volumes. others fell in love with him and the bishie trope and either fell off the series or were confused when soubi’s real characterization came to be. regardless, though, i strongly dislike beginning series soubi, but now that we have an understanding of his character, i know why he acted the way he did.

let me put this into perspective. agatsuma soubi was raised in a violent society. for twelve years he was completely isolated in a small town in the mountains in a school where he was taught how to violently battle other teams. this is literally all he knows. soubi himself says that he does not remember his parents well and he was six when his parents died. developmentally, six is a huge age because it’s when a child actually begins forming long-lasting long-term memories. not a lot of people remember much before they were six years old. i like to believe that this age was chosen for soubi to lose his parents because of this, but with yun i can never be sure. just let me try to believe that this was done on purpose pls. 

so soubi does not remember not being in this world. this is all he knows. on top of all this, there’s ritsu. ill get to ritsu more in a bit because i fucking love talking about the horrible dynamic between these two (and i mean that in the best way possible), but ritsu completely destroyed soubi. he took a child and destroyed him so thoroughly that soubi has no fucking idea how to function without him. ritsu filled soubi’s head with the idea that soubi would lead a subservient life where he’d be nothing more than a tool. he beat soubi constantly and used him as a way to get back at akio. even then, soubi was nothing more than a replacement for something missing. and this was how soubi came to identify. as nothing. as a fighter. as someone who would never lead and who would never have any sort of power, as someone who would lead a life of pain and fear of failing. and soubi accepted this, because he was a child and knew nothing else.

on top of this, there’s soubi’s idea of love. i have no doubt that soubi wanted to believe that ritsu loved him, and the only proof of this he could come up with was physical affection that was given to him, affection that went way too far until it resulted in soubi’s rape. however, soubi doesn’t seem to think of this as ‘wrong’ because of the simple fact that he was never exposed to anything else. you can probably guess where im going with this by now.

now we have beginning series soubi. by the time we first meet him (and we don’t learn this until later), soubi has become incredibly depressed and doesn’t seem to see the point in living anymore. other units are telling him to his face that he should’ve already killed himself, and the thing is–soubi doesn’t actually seem to disagree with this. his entire argument is that he has an order to carry out, but he seems to have wanted to go with seimei. soubi is depressed and on top of this, he no longer has seimei. by this point, soubi is twenty years old and for his entire life, he has never not had someone telling him what to do. for twelve years, he was isolated in the mountains and for the past three, soubi has lived in the real world, but under seimei’s rule, where he was still heavily isolated and controlled. and in the few times he doesn’t have seimei, such as at his university, he fails miserably at interacting in a real, meaningful way with his peers and environment. to put it simple, agatsuma soubi has no fucking idea how to function in life.

we have a guy who’s never functioned without someone heavily controlling him like a puppet and who has been extremely isolated his entire life, someone who is so fucking depressed that according to kio, he hardly functioned for months after seimei’s death, and someone who’s only reason that he didn’t commit suicide was because he had an order from a dead guy to carry out. and that order was to love a twelve year-old boy. 

what’s more is that, as i explained above, soubi has an extremely warped idea of love. he does not associate it with a feeling. he associates it with physical actions. so when seimei tells soubi to go become ritsuka’s fighter and to love him, soubi’s idea of this ‘love him’ thing is a lot different from a normal person’s. soubi still seems to hold onto this idea of physical affection=love even in the later volumes, but he’s definitely less insistent with the inappropriate touching and actions than he was before. 

but this doesn’t fully explain his annoying behavior in the first few volumes. he was irritating, constantly speaking in riddles and withholding information and teasing and just generally being terrible. and i think one point of information is very important in examining this behavior–that soubi got worse after ritsuka repeatedly told him that he wouldn’t punish him.

basically, soubi’s behavior is like a toddler acting out when they’re told they can’t have something. except, it’s a little different. it’s not that soubi wanted it, persay, it’s that punishment is all he knows and that it’s a main mean of controlling him. this is when, i think, it dawned on soubi that ritsuka and seimei are different people. even from the first fucking chapter, soubi looks more than a little confused when ritsuka grabs his hand and asks him to take pictures with him. to him, this is absolutely not the way people (his masters) are supposed to act around him. the look on soubi’s face when ritsuka starts talking to him so casually is actually kind of hilarious.

‘this is absolutely not what i rehearsed’ 

to put it simply, the first few volumes of loveless are actually soubi falling apart and trying to figure out what the hell to do. he’s in an entirely new situation with himself–he’s making decisions for the first time in his life. he’s suddenly faced with the realization that he’s a goddamn adult and an adult in the relationship he’s trying to peruse. he’s older than the kid he’s fighting for and this kid is an actual kid. he’s not like seimei. i’d say that the first three volumes of loveless are soubi trying to make ritsuka into seimei or force him to act like him, because in his mind, there must be some seimei in there somewhere. 

the turning point, i’d say, for soubi, is somewhere in volume 3. i usually tell people that loveless doesn’t get good until volume 4 or 5, but soubi’s turning point where he realizes that ritsuka is ritsuka is actually somewhere in volume 3. i’d actually wager to say that it might be this scene:

for anyone who doesn’t remember a whole lot of volume 3, there’s a lot of remembering of seimei on both soubi and ritsuka’s parts. this is the volume where we get soubi fully remembering the day seimei told him to go to ritsuka if and when he died. soubi seems to spend a lot of this volume thinking about his past, since it’s also the first appearance of the zeroes and thus, the first appearance of soubi’s past with ritsu, which he also flashes back to in the beginning of the volume. this particular scene with the panel that i posted above is after ritsuka finally deciphers the message he’s been given and enters the wisdom resurrection game. when he does, soubi sort of freaks out and goes over to ritsuka’s house to find him asleep on the desk. the panel above is his immediate reaction and one of the first times we actually get to see soubi’s thoughts. 

when i was young, i like many others interpreted this scene as sexual, but looking at it now, it gives off a completely different feeling of soubi finally coming to the realization that ritsuka is an innocent child and cannot be and will never be seimei. and for a while, it does seem to bother soubi a little, to the point that he actually allows himself to be defeated by the zero girls soon after this scene. after this scene, there’s not a whole lot of creepiness on soubi’s part, though it does take a bit of time to taper off. 

then we get volume 5 soubi, which is where soubi becomes likable. this is where you are intended, writing-wise, to begin actually liking him. prior to this, he’s creepy, but during volume five and onwards, he becomes… human. and this is because this is when soubi actually begins to develop an identity. he starts showing a personality. he becomes an actual person because at this point, soubi has begun to accept that ritsuka isn’t and will never be seimei and he begins to think that maybe–he might be free of seimei. and maybe with ritsuka, even though things are still confusing and weird, it might be okay to develop some sense of a personality. things take their natural course, and soubi does, and he becomes likable to the reader not just because we’re finding out more about him and we’re getting into his head, thoughts, and motivations, but because this version of soubi is actually written as very likable because he’s developing a personality and is not being a meaningless creep anymore whose only personality is being a creep. this is the part of the story that soubi moves into a primary protagonist spot, whereas earlier, he was working against ritsuka, who was our primary protagonist. it’s here that you, as a reader, start to want things for soubi, and it’s because he becomes a ‘good guy’ protagonist.

god, there’s so much i want to talk about in this post. let me move on a little to soubi’s past, which i talked about a bit earlier. i think i may have said this in another post, but i think the primary reason that soubi doesn’t talk about his past with ritsuka isn’t because he was told not to by seimei, because we never actually see seimei telling soubi not to say those things. soubi’s only stipulation from seimei is not to talk about septimal moon or explain anything pertaining to them. however, ritsuka does find out about septimal moon and essentially, the cat is out of the bag after that and ritsuka makes the discovery of ritsu, and actually meets him in soubi’s presence during the WR game. i like this scene a lot because soubi instantly becomes extremely cold and goes against ritsuka’s orders by typing a fucking passive aggressive insult to ritsu by masquerading as ritsuka and that is very funny to me because it’s the most stupidly nefarious thing that we see soubi do in the manga at his own volition. the best part is that soubi was fully willing to keep going if he didn’t get his fucking yelled at when ritsuka immediately found out. 

anyways, soubi completely shuts up or changes the subject at pretty much any time ritsuka or someone else brings up his past with seimei or god forbid even the subject of ritsu. during the scene i talked about in the previous paragraph, soubi goes quiet and stiff when ritsu shows up, natsuo notices and is like “oh, your arm [hand] must still be hurting, so you can’t type, that’s why” and soubi’s fine to just let him think that and doesn’t correct him or anything

he constantly changes the subject when his past comes up and goes so far as to lie to ritsuka about how he lost his ears in an extra (special edition 3, i believe, there’s a link to it on the loveless drive i made). soubi hates talking about his past to the point where i am really getting the feeling that he isn’t doing it for ritsuka’s sake. let me start with this–seimei was weird. seimei knew everything without soubi even telling him. i have no doubt at all that seimei used his past with ritsu against soubi, even to passively taunt him. when soubi got to ritsuka and realized that he didn’t know anything about soubi’s past, it must have been… pretty freeing. because if a person doesn’t know, then they can’t judge you or use it against you, and soubi more likely than not thinks that it’s more painful to talk about it than it is to keep it bottled up, which is completely untrue. soubi doesn’t talk about it in an effort to protect himself from emotional pain.

and that’s the thing–soubi’s character is partially built around the concept of pain. soubi is shown to have a huge tolerance for pain, to the point where it’s just a part of his daily life. this is physical pain, though. i wholly believe that soubi’s entire character can be viewed as an argument to that ‘sticks and stones can hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me’ rhyme, because soubi absolutely cannot take emotional pain at all, and he’s put through an enormous amount of it over and over again. the physical pain was a way for him to shut out emotions, and the ownership over him was a way for him to not have to make decisions about anything, including what to feel. but now that he’s lost both of those, there’s only the emotional pain, and a lot of it. 

anyways, i’m gonna stop there for now and save some analysis for other posts i want to do, but let me know if theres anything in specific you want to know my thoughts or further thoughts on!