#introspection? i think?

[goingsteddiewithsubmasbrainrot]

A little Steddie thing vaguely based on Kane's Rain Down on Me because of a random number game on discord

He doesn’t know how long it’s been since he started “jogging” around town. Hah. Jogging. More like he’s running. Running from his confusion. Running from his mausoleum of a house. Running from his fears and nightmares. Running from his dreams and desires. Running from his own damn hypocrisy.

He’s been running down street after street after street, each building and lamppost and sign blurring together in an unending loop of civilization. He hasn’t been able to run through the forest like he used to do ever since finding out that monsters are real, and not just the ones wearing human faces.

He knows he’s made progress. Where once he spat the same poison as his father and Tommy goddamn Hagan, where he used to target those who were different, call them fags and queers and dykes like it was a crime, regardless of whether or not they actually were, he knows he’s better than that now. Knows he accepts his best friend fully and wholeheartedly and loves her deeply regardless or in spite of or maybe because she’s a lesbian. Knows he’d willingly and unashamedly and unapologetically break his knuckles on the face of anyone that’d make a target of little Byers the way he himself once did bigger Byers.

Point is, point fucking is, he’s a goddamn hypocrite. Any time he hissed or said or spat or shouted or otherwise called people slurs for being different? He should��ve been facing a mirror and hissed or said or spat or shouted or otherwise called those slurs to his own damn face. Sure, he loved Nancy. Except in hindsight, was he really in love with Nancy? And sure, he loves sex, loved making all those girls before and after and Nancy herself feel good. But none of them, not Jessica Rogers who gave him his first kiss in eight grade, not his first blowie from Belinda Walters in junior year, not Caroline Hawke, not Suzanna Johnson, not Nancy Wheeler, not even Phoebe goddamn Cates have ever made him feel like this. Not like his palms were sweaty and itchy and dry, not like his tongue belonged to someone else, not like his heart was fluttering and pounding and moving up and down in an elevator between his throat and his gut, not like just the thought of them made him short on breath, not like just seeing them smile could make him high.

And yet. And yet, and yet, and yet. Why couldn’t he just… give in? Surrender to the itch to do anything to see that dimpled smile? Give anything and everything for those dark, expressive, gorgeous eyes to truly see him? All his life he’s rolled from one type of misery to the next, avoiding his own truth. Misery that could be so easily taken from him. All those days of misery that someone could so easily take from him. If only he just… gave it all away. So why? Why, why, why, why can’t he?

Each encounter he feels the question burn on his tongue, constrict in his throat, yet it never comes close to flying free, and it all just builds up and up and up. Each time he lays eyes on his… his crush, each time he hears that precious name, each time those beautiful curls cross his mind, each word of praise the shitheads practically sing about their other older friend. It builds and builds and builds until he wants to demand the other to tell him...

Rain starts pouring as Steve Harrington stops running in the middle of one of Hawkins many streets to rest his hands on his knees and heave for air as he finally, finally, finally admits to himself that all he wants most is for Eddie Munson to look him in the eye and tell him how he feels, what he needs.

[star-struck09]

Do you think of me as often as I think of you?

[bacchuschucklefuck]

beautiful! majestic!

[ruporas]

your love returns in tragedy (ID in alt)

[astrowarr]

every life series season has a villain, but not in the way you might think. it's always a symbol of some kind. it's not a person, but a concept, an ideal, an overarching force. that is, in every season except wild life

third life had circumstance. everything was new and hard to grasp, and no one knew what to do. the villain of third life was the world itself; think of the animal extinction, for example.

last life had brutality. both physically and mentally. it was rife with betrayal and isolation; reds had to abandon teams, and the boogeyman mechanic's paranoia forced everyone apart.

double life had love. love, and the fate it tangled itself in. it was a complex villain, but love killed them again and again, and rewarded the single person who didn't give in to it.

limited life had time. the passage of time itself was the enemy and everything was driven by that. they clawed their way to every last second, and time ate them all in the end.

secret life had the secret keeper. unyielding, unrelenting, unmoving, all-knowing. when the secret keeper forced them to do awful things, no one disobeyed, but hated it all the same.

wild life has grian. grian is representative of every wild card the world plays. he runs the command, and stops it at the end of the day. he is transparent about that. he accepts bribes for information, and unabashedly uses his knowledge to his advantage. he is Other. the players treat him the exact way they did the secret keeper; he's not a player like them this season, he's a symbol, and one of every awful thing that's happened to them at that

which is to say, wild life's villain is a symbol and an overarching force. it's just, for the first time, simultaneously a person, too. everyone else is realizing that too and are pointing their blades at grian, slowly but surely. it is SO fascinating

[minimujina]

wanderer in his season of healing makes me so happy. i love that he is safe enough to become softer again, that he is regaining some of his previously “weak” attributes and finding peace with them. he is becoming measured and introspective, and thinking before he speaks, perhaps a result of both his healing and his melancholy; i think it’s beautiful that he is finally able to safely feel his sadness and process the things that have happened. he is simultaneously finding peace and feeling all the difficult emotions he previously consumed with anger. it is painful, but right.

his sense of humor is still intact, certainly rough around the edges as you’d expect, though much less biting than before. it’s easy to tell that most anything aggressive he says is a front, a front that he is no longer concerned with presenting as absolute truth. perhaps the front is his sense of humor, and his affection is all thinly veiled behind jabs and sour grumbles—he is not willing to divulge the intimate details of that, however, preferring to leave it up to interpretation.

i just think of him and his healing and i feel like if he were to fall in love, it would be such a sweet and gentle and quiet sort of thing, just like his newfound peace. he ponders over many things, brooding by himself as much as he can, though he occasionally allows space for others to brood with him. that, i think, is something unique he may grow in. there are people who cannot tolerate strong emotions in themselves and certainly not in others—but he is the kind of person who can. he is the kind of person you could sit with and exist in your sadness and just be sad, and that’s okay. he’s not offering words of comfort or anything, but he doesn’t need to. anything he’d say would be useless anyways, he knows what it’s like and knows that a presence is enough and existing in your emotions safely is enough. he can appreciate someone who is straightforward about feeling unwell, who doesn’t seek pity, who is alright with sitting in the mud. he will gladly sit with you, then, as long as you don’t expect him to get all mushy about things.

he would do well falling in love quietly, not having to beat around the bush. naturally, pieces would fall into place, and he’d find himself yearning to be in the presence of another in a way he’d never before experienced. he had never really wanted to be around anyone, had never sought out anyone’s presence. but once he has been treated gently, has fallen softly into the arms of a likened soul who has the patience and understanding to touch his rough edges without recoiling, he finds his third space being with this new safe person.

and despite his reluctance to be anything but mysterious and nonchalant, i believe wanderer in his healing season would become quite the romantic. not in the sappy sense, but in the quiet love sense i’ve been talking about. firm and protective, subtle and gentle, almost gentlemanlike if it weren’t for his falsely rotten attitude he enjoyed projecting. romantic in a princely way, in a reverently respectful way, in a grotesquely wholesome way.

only the most chaste touches and kisses; he’s still getting used to affection, and would abhor pda. in private he’s much more open to being touched, because he is safe. if he is not safe, he is deeply conditioned to be conscious of his vulnerabilities, and it’s something that will take a lot of time to override, if even at all. but it’s a massive and beautiful step that he is even willing to receive affection at all, that he would want it from a partner in any amount.

hates eye contact, likes playing with hands. likes tracing veins and creases in skin and freckles and scars; he finds them fascinating, as he has nothing of the sort on his artificial body. one of his unique ways he shows affection is what could be called “studying” you. he likes to brood (with you there; perhaps it could be called parallel brooding) and take your arm and trace all the splotches, imperfections, veins, tendons he can find. he likes to touch more than he likes to be touched i think. perhaps he becomes amusingly selfish in this way. perhaps he is more averse to receiving than giving the affection because his disgust towards himself still lingers. perhaps he still has harmful core beliefs to unlearn.

i think he is full of a love that is strong and quiet, a love that he gives so sparingly, and only in pieces, never all at once. unless, that is, someone comes along and manages to drag it all out like a magnet—his carefully crafted exterior is in pieces, just like that! but oh, once someone is in possession of his love, he begins to know them so intimately, more intimately than he lets on. he so deeply knows who he loves and he knows how to give and to take action and so he does it, silently, for he is adept at perceiving the needs of his loved ones. reading body language and facial expressions is second nature to him at this point; nothing can get past him.

he studies you wordlessly with the expression of a cat who loves and reveres its human, except it’s the kind of cat who believes it owns the human, not the other way around. you’re his responsibility that he has taken on like an extension of himself because he loves you, and you have loved him, and now he hardly wants you out of his sight. his journey of rediscovery and learning self acceptance has been mentally and emotionally arduous, but ever since you came in and made loving him seem so easy, he’s felt much more at peace, and has had the capacity to reflect and process with much more freedom to sincerely feel.

stupid fictional character i hate him i hate him so much he is not real and i hate him

[thermodynamic-comedian]

if your first reaction to an aroallo saying they want aroallo representation is something along the lines of "well i'm aroace and i think everybody should be aroace" i want you to think very long and very hard about what you're saying. and i want you to not say it next time.

[formulanni]

Alex Albon as The Hermit:

The Hermit suggests that you are in a phase of introspection where you are drawing your attention inwards and looking for answers within. You are in need of a period of inner reflection, away from the current demands of your position.

This is a call to embark on a journey of self-discovery, embracing our true spiritual self and inner wisdom.

Tag list: @st-leclerc @rubywingsracing @saviour-of-lord @three-days-time @the-wall-is-my-goal @albonoooo @ch3rubd0lls

[aelyosos]

got this mesmerizing comm of ocean back from @littlestpersimmon recently -- caleb, thank you so much again ! 🌊🐟 your attention to detail is unmatched, and i really feel like you've captured him and his essence here. 💛

caleb's kofi comms are currently open w 1 slot left !

[akemima]

couple goals!!!!!!

[myokk]

Ominis Gaunt has always suspected he is cold-blooded.

It makes sense, really

He always seems to be cold: frigid, long fingers that are often stiff and difficult to move; goosebumps raising the skin of his arms and the back of his neck whenever he walks through the drafty halls of the dungeons; even his eyes, he has been told, are reminiscent of ice. They are apparently quite unsettling.

His whole life has been defined by punishments and sometimes he preoccupies himself with the thought that it is the only way he can view the world. Some of the punishments are manifested in curses he inherited from his family. (His parents and Marvolo insist that they are gifts, but Ominis begs to differ.)

(an excerpt from an Ominis POV WIP I have been working on FOREVER & writer’s block is Tormenting me😔🙏)

[vilevenom]

Ugh...I can't stop thinking about movie!Shadow

Sonic 3 spoilers under the read more.

I really can't stop thinking about the fact that losing Maria made Shadow full on suicidal. Not vengeful and angry, like game Shadow. Suicidal.

He knew full well, from the start, that Gerald's plan was to destroy the earth, and kill them both along with it. He didn't care who was used or hurt along the way to reach this goal (at least, not until he witnessed Sonic's distress over Tom, and it occurred to him that he was causing others to feel the same grief he was feeling. I think that hit him in a way he wasn't expecting), highlighted by him witnessing Gerald using Ivo and not saying a word, even though he also knew Ivo was Gerald's other grandchild.

His insistence at Sonic to end him on the moon really solidified that, because he knew it didn't matter in the end. Either Sonic killed him, or the Eclipse Canon would.

When he lost Maria, the only being to have ever showed him kindness (I'm not going to count Gerald because they got no on screen time together before Maria's death), he lost his will to live along with any spark of hope he had to find another living being who he could connect with.

I like to think that speaking with Sonic, and reflecting on his feelings of regret for hurting Tom, made him realize that perhaps he could find someone who knew and understood his pain. Someone he could connect with and would show him the modicum of kindness he needed to keep living.

And then when Ivo revealed that even though they stopped the canon, it wouldn't matter in the end, because earth would still be doomed...I don't think he was suicidal anymore. I think he wanted to try to live, but giving everyone else the chance to move on and be happy became the bigger priority. He wanted others to have the life Maria didn't get to experience.

I like movie Shadow, because he's a very different take on how grief can affect someone. He's angry at the world, but he turned that angry towards himself and became self destructive. In that vein, I really hope that in the fourth movie, he finds someone who is kind to him. I hope he gets a guardian who will see him for the hurting, broken child he is, and try to show him all the good in the world that he didn't get to see while trapped in a hidden mountain facility.

I love the hurt/amnesic Shadow trope, but I really want to see him get to be happy in the fourth movie, while helping Team Sonic save the world again.

Ahhhhhh, yeah. Sorry for the nonsense ramble.

I'm hoping to write a nice Stone adopting Shadow fic while I've got a few days off for the holidays. We'll see.

[star-struck09]

I think I will miss you for a very long time.

[genderkoolaid]

i think the problem that arises with "x desire comes from internalized oppression" stuff is not that it suggests we should be critical with our desired and how they are constructed. it's that some people have already decided the correct answer to that introspection. so if you Really questioned your own oppression you would know that Enjoying Sex Work Is Bad! and if you haven't come to that conclusion than you are still brainwashed. it is vital that we respect a person's ability to introspect on their desires and come to a different conclusion about them as an individual. & frankly choice feminism is still choice feminism when the focus is on Rejecting Everything Patriarchal instead of eyeliner so sharp it could kill a man.

[iota-in-space]

I do think Voltron happened in a weird time period where, during the writing process there wasn’t really much queer representation in children’s media. (As well as, how much of that rep was deep and complex and focused heavily on the relationship between the m/m or f/f ships? Vs just an implication that two characters got together?) So Execs would be hesitant to make that big step to have a queer relationship, there’s a market of homophobic viewers (and straight up countries) they’d loss. It’s too risky.

Then as Voltron came out representation was getting a bit better, both in cartoons and just in society in general (rainbow capitalism and stuff, they’re profiting from us but at least they’re including us ya know.) So maybe Execs could live with a character being implied to possibly be gay in some kind of way. And there was groundwork for Shiro to be revealed as gay rep, if they ever decided to go that route. It could be a possibility.

And the fans wanted queer representation. And eventually the higher ups were ok with a male character saying to another gay man “You’re like a brother to me. I love you.” In the most gut wrenching voice that made the actual VA cry while recording. A younger generation didn’t grow up with the necessity to add subtext to queer relationships. In more recent years characters were just queer. So they’ve got no idea of the “no homo bro” trope. Why would they need to? Ironically enough the “You’re like a brother to me” line was probably meant to add deniability to the gay allegations to keep a broader audience. But the people who were the most loud about championing Queer Representation saw that and went No They Are Not Gay.

[chaosgenasi]

How do you grapple with a sense of deep indebted onus? I literally pledged myself to one of the worst people I've ever met, to work for them for years, for a bunch of people I haven't seen since.