#introspection is a wonderful thing
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I love writing out an entire personal vent monologue at 2am, then deleting it after it’s finished. It’s a great way to organize my thoughts and work out my feelings about things that are bothering me. Sometimes I cry when doing it, but I usually feel a lot better afterwards.
10/10 best therapy I’ve had so far, would recommend
#just wrote an essay on my desire to create things and how difficult it is to unlearn the paralyzing shame that prevents me from doing so#then immediately yeeted it into the shadow realm to never be seen again#I feel much better now#introspection is a wonderful thing#ramblings#vent#i guess???#idk if it really counts as a vent but I’ll tag it as such anyway#death-by-moth
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Don't you hate it when a cyclone tosses your island into space and you land in the water without your helmet
#outer wilds#outer wilds gabbro#outer wilds fanart#artists on tumblr#art#I'm fascinated by what Gabbro's feelings about the timeloop and the Whole Situation might be#they seem so casual and nonchalant about it#a little aloof maybe#I'm wondering if they feel negatively about the loop even a little bit#also first full drawing of gabbro and it's a more somber tone dhfhgfd#sorry gabbo‚ I'll draw a more light-hearted thing with you another time#feeling introspective tonight
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this is *maybe* a bit of a stretch but i still find interesting to think about? don't know if i have everything right
but
i feel like with the elemental opposite duos - emma & rikki, cleo & bella - you could reasonably say their arcs'd mirror each other in a way
like
emma and rikki have issues with responsibility/expectations but on opposite ends of the spectrum
emma was a gifted child, everyone had high expectations for her and she tried to meet those expectations the best she could. she’s responsible emma, who makes sure everyone is looked after, and everyone “knew” was going to become a top athlete, because look at all those trophies on her shelf
and then rikki on the other hand, was alone for “her own good.” she admitted to elliot that no one really liked her growing up, so when somebody did, it made her feel weird and she pushed them away. she stayed away from other people, made sure they never had any expectations of her
they both avoided disappointing others, by going to opposite extreme lengths
and then they overcame these issues, with emma facing a sudden change in her life (becoming a mermaid) that meant she had to give up her swimming dreams and disappoint the people in her life (that had to suck for her, honestly.) she had to come to terms with that - but then, she also found a whole new world that she’d never have been a part of, if things had gone the way she planned
and as for rikki - her biggest change wasn't the tail, but becoming friends with emma and cleo. had she'd her way and zane’d never gotten cleo stuck on that boat, she’d never become friends with them. rikki had to learn the hurdles of friendship and of keeping them, like when she mistook the different kinds of fish, when cleo and emma didn't support her relationship with zane, etc. they had their issues - but in the end, they were there for rikki, and rikki was there for them back. she'd have never gotten that kind of solidarity, had things gone the way she thought it would
and then there’s cleo and bella
bella - unfortunately, didn’t have much in terms of development, since the writers prioritized will’s relationship with her over expanding her character background+ for some reason ??
so i'm just mostly going to talk about cleo here first - but i'll get to bella in a second
cleo by s3 is a very confident and self-assured person; but she didn't start out that way. she was insecure, somewhat naive. she grew up overshadowed by her two best friends, the both of them being gifted in their own rights - emma, the young up and rising athlete, and lewis the science genius, they were sure to go places. cleo, on the other hand, was overlooked. she didn't have much going for her - except for adequate grades and a love of the marine life that was hindered by her fear of water
and then cleo became a *literal* mermaid. either she was going to avoid it or overcome it. in the end, she didn't just overcome her fear of water, but she also took a risk by taking that job at the marine park, where she'd be working right by the marine animals. she let her fear control her before, and she wasn't going to let it stop her from wanting to pursue things anymore
(funny, she started out with a fear of water, then became a mermaid. she struggled with her grades, then became a science genius)
bella, much like cleo - had her own issues when it came to the kind of attention she got, but the other way around. her first appearance, she was being catcalled. same ep, nate is drooling over her. they've made her beauty a point throughout s3. even cleo and rikki's brought it up. it. could not have been easy for her to deal with that, especially with her secret in mind
seeing that, even with the different issues when it came to attention, i think they'd still have had the same feelings about it. a younger bella, probably would've been similarly insecure/anxious as cleo had been - until she learned to be more sure about herself and grew into the bella we know and love today
(we should've gotten way more lore and background about bella, agh)
tldr; emma and rikki have same feelings but opposite reactions (people pleasing and people avoiding.) cleo and bella opposite situations but same feelings (overshadowed and center of attention)
yk, rikki was right in a way i think about the "universal law," but like, more about keeping in balance and not about trios. emma and rikki balance each other out, cleo and bella were *meant* to balance each other out. but in s2, bella wasn't there - charlotte was
do i blame the antagonizing of charlotte and cleo's out of characterness on the writers, or do i blame it on some magical semi-canon mermaid universal law about balance
blaming it on a mermaid universal law sounds more fun, and could have interesting implications. (though the writing grates me, still)
#h2o just add water#duos#emma gilbert#rikki chadwick#remma#cleo sertori#bella hartley#clella#lewis mccartney#character introspection#character development#all of those things were pretty much what they went through in their moonspells#except bella - which is actually giving me ideas for a fic about her first moonspell#i don't know if i'm biased#but the characters in this show feels more like real people than other shows to me#at least in s1 anyways. in s2 they felt more like tools for drama#i don't know if that's just me#also interesting is the difference in the girls' upbringings#rikki grew up in a trailer park while emma's family was well-to-do#so that led people to probs have lower expectations of rikki but higher from emma#cleo stayed in the gold coast all her life while bella moved around a lot and lived in hotels#and they both ended up with anxiety /j#both charlotte and cleo didn't have their own person to balance them out#and they both made each other worse. coincidence?#i think not /j#i wonder if charlotte had someone to balance her out what that would've been like#different powers or would the other have had none at all? who knows#emma and rikki are both goddamn relatable to me tbh#the vices of growing up an undiagnosed neurodivergent
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Can I hear more about the worm vs the boys please if you want to expand on it on tumblr? I love worm and I don’t really like the boys and I can't quite explain to myself why
Yea absolutely! Im sure there's some other Wormblr posts out there that go into this in more depth but I can paraphrase what I was saying to my friends.
We were mainly discussing the concept of "edginess" and excessive anger, violence, and shock value in media and I brought up Worm and The Boys as examples so that I could sort of warn my friend about the tone of Pact without directly spoiling anything. My main thesis is that Worm is incredibly super duper edgy, however it doesn't come across as nihilistic and misanthropic like The Boys does.
I feel as though too often The Boys is usually taking the stance of "well humans suck so if you gave humans superpowers they would find unique ways to suck and the only thing separating normal people from monsters is power. So no one should have power" which I don't inherently disagree with to an extent. It's an exaggerated critique of capitalism and celebrity. But it's also such a gross way to look at humans/the nature of humanity.
Contrast with Worm that says "bad people with superpowers will use their powers to do uniquely horrible things. But good people with superpowers will also be out there doing uniquely and incredibly good things for the benefit of humanity. Every human as the potential for abhorrent cruelty. But it is just as true that those same humans all have the potential to do good."
I think it's really important that the two final and most major antagonists in Worm are motivated by nihilism and hatred of humans. Jack Slash and Scion both have the philosophy of "Humans are cruel. The parts of humanity that are good are losing out to cruelty. Why try and fight it. It's easier to just kill everyone". Contrast Taylor who, I'm 99% sure, never for a second questions if humanity is worth saving. Everyone around her in Gold Morning says "there's nothing we can do so we should at least die happy" and Taylor says "I cannot die happy unless I spend every second of my last day fighting for the miniscule chance to save humanity from extinction". Taylor and the fucking insane lengths she will go to save humans when she doesn't even like them all that much is the heart of Worm. (And like don't get me wrong worm is also about Taylor fucking failing to not partake in human cruelty at basically every opportunity. Quite possibly the worst anyone's ever done it. But that doesn't change the fact that she is trying and in the doing is pushing the audience to try as well)
And on the other hand I think the attitude of The Boys kind of just IS Jack Slashs. I honestly cannot even fathom what the take away is meant to be beyond "people are fuuucked up dude". If I wanted to be especially cruel I would say that I think a large majority of fan base for The Boys was generated on the basis of shock value and the incredibly strong performances from the cast. It's easy to get in to season 1 because it presents a horrible world with no redeeming qualities but you can assume in later seasons "they're gonna figure it out! Good will win out! Or at least good will lose for reasons that connect with the audience and make it a tragedy" but three seasons later theyre floundering to find a message and a reason people should care about the world and it's characters.
At the end of the day TLDR I think worm works because it has something to say and uses edge to support the thesis. The Boys exists more as a framework to explore cruelty in fiction and I just don't think it has a lot to say outside of that.
#theres other things too#like i think worm is better at balancing the gore with lighter moments#and watching the boys feels more like youre being held hostage in a nonstop trauma conga line#we could also get into the politics and how worm is actually willing to engage with critiques of systems as a whole#but The Boys genius critique of american capitalism is just 'would work better if we put good people in charge instead of bad people'#I could also go on about how the first person perspective and taylor being entirely unreliable encouraged audience participation#Worm asks us to see taylors point of view and decide on our own if we agree#you can watch The Boys with all of zero introspection#you could just say Wow Those People Are Bad and never have to wonder if you could ever reach a point where you did the same things#but im not sure i could organize any of my other thoughts into anything coherent so this is all i got for now
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see i absolutely despise jimmy (and curly) as a character(s) but as a literary freak i can appreciate the way hes used as a story device with his relationship to curly. i could type this more eloquently but currently ive had a glass of champagne and i havent drank in like 6 months so my tolerance is low so forgive my writing but. jimmy cannibalizing curly. yeah.
theres multiple messages here, theres the message that jimmy is doing what curly (assumedly) did to get into his position and, employing another metaphor, taking the "dog eat dog world" saying to heart. and literally. devouring his competition. or maybe curly didnt do that. and thats what jimmy thinks curly did and so he aims to do the same. choose whichever one you like more they're both interesting storywise.
theres the message where jimmy "consumes" curly in some twisted expression of love. devouring curly so that he remains a part of him, an expression that he is the gold star captain and something to aspire to. admiration for something he'll never be and so he chooses to consume him in order to potentially absorb some of his skill or become more like him.
and then there is curly sitting there helplessly being devoured. its something he has no say in, not something that he chose to happen to him, its something hes become swept up in. he becomes devoured by jimmy in the literal sense of cannibalism, but also in the sense that he became so absorbed in his friendship w/jimmy he ignored his wrongdoings and ultimately led to anya's assault as well as the death of the whole crew.
curly and jimmy intertwined so that one is always consumed by the other. curly in a literal sense, jimmy in a more psychological one. i mean like its really quite crazy they did the "im consumed with thoughts about this guy and want to be him so i must literally consume him" thing quite well. when examining mouthwashing's narrative you find new things to admire every time. each little story element has a place in creating a wonderfully complex and heartbreaking story. its very well done and honestly something to aspire to from the perspective of someone who enjoys studying/writing literature.
all of this is to say i think that there should be more art of jimmy covered in blood and engaging in this cannibalism like the stupid little leech he is
#spacie spoinks#only post i will ever make about curly or jimmy btw. i genuinely hate the both of them with a burning passion#i think im just. projecting too hard but i just cant enjoy them. i have tried it doesnt work. and thats okay#my life experiences just affect me too much for that lol#this is all they'll ever get from me lmaoooo#i will enjoy art others make tho#im mostly saying this just so people dont ask me for any curly and jimmy stuff skjfskf you wont get it smiles politely#you can enjoy these characters if you wish no judgement. there is a lot to like about them as you can see by my post#see i can be a hater and introspective at the same time!!!#its not something that can be helped my Literary Analysis brain overrides any hate i feel towards those two#and when i view them as tools in a story they're easier to deal with seeing all the time#anyway enjoy this post. im sure someone has said it better than me but yeah jimmy x curly cannibalism for the win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i love writing!!!!!!!!!! hope i can also do it some day#see but like my reaction is normal the narrative made me hate them b/c it wanted me to#this is why mouthwashing is a good story it made me *feel* something about these characters#even though that feeling is hatred!! and isnt that just so wonderful#characters did bad things and i hate them b/c of it!! wow. storytelling is awesome#none of this is sarcastic. hope it doesnt come off as that#whenever a narrative makes you feel something with this deep of a complexity it is worth celebrating#mouthwashing#okay happy new year goodnight
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Does anyone else think that the relationship anthem for KafHoshi could be 'I Will Wait For You' by Mumford and Sons?
I mean, just look at the lyrics.
"You forgave and I won't forget"
"I'll use my head along side my heart."
"A tethered mind free from the lies."
Looking at it in my twisted little mind, from this perspective it feels like a war-torn Kafka coming home to the one man that grounds him. Hoshina gave this man a fresh start, forgave him for lying about being Kaiju number 8, and gave him access to tools to help him in the coming fights. Hoshina swept away any thought he had about not being strong enough to fight for others.
When he's with this man... how could one's soul not feel painted with gold.
Or you could see this through a platonic lens and say its about Kafka's relationship with all of Division Three.
Your choice, no issues here.
#kaiju no. 8#kafka hibino#soshiro hoshina#mumford and sons#I just like how poetic and introspective their songs are.#I also feel like IhaReno might be 'Beautiful Things' by Benson Boone#but I'm starting to wonder if I just think that because it's a popular song in this day and age.#idk man#what would AoiChi be do you think?#'True Love' by P!NK ?#we might need more interactions before I settle on a decision for these two.#ok I'm thinking about it and it's DEFINITELY 'True Love'#'I hate every stupid word you say'#'I know life would suck without you.' come on it's perfect.
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Ngl lie y’all, I think the existential dread of new years is creeping in already 😅🫠🙃
#mine#text post#new year#every fucking year I sit and contemplate the point of anything and everything#and I know new years is supposed to be this wonderful thing of newness and beginnings#but I just get so nihilistic about everything??#and I hate it#it’s nowhere near as bad as I felt last year#but idk… new year just has me feeling weird and way too introspective 😅
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2023 reads
The Deep Sky
scifi mystery thriller
on a deep space mission traveling from an environmentally devastated earth with hope to restart humanity elsewhere
when they’re halfway, an explosion kills 3 crew and pushes them off course
the only witness is the Alternate who has no specific role, and she has to figure out who caused it & if they might continue to sabotage, while they're figuring out a way to get back on course with limited resources
flips between present and the past: of her childhood and training for the mission, her identity struggles, and relationship with her mother
questions the ethics of ‘restarting’ humanity elsewhere vs putting resources into fixing earth
#the deep sky#yume kitasei#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#i really loved this!!!!!#very intense but also a lot of interesting character introspection#love the virtual reality AI aspect!!!! though I do feel like. in the end I was expecting it to go way further with it?#(basically like instead of seeing the inside of the ship all the time they can 'be' in forests or aquariums or whatever)#no romance#(there’s side lesbians; and one flashback scene where she briefly wonders about kissing a random person; that's it)#emotional core about her mother and brother and best friend !!#i like that it gets into the flaws of 'humanity's last hope on another planet' bc like. yeah in real life things....don't work like that...#why is there zero acknowledgement that the concept of every one of them being expected to give birth being extremely fucked up?#like obviously everyone on board is there because they agreed with that but there’s not a single flashback of#when they found out that information; or mention of someone questioning it...#(for example a character mentions that they hid their mental health/use of a therapy animal bc they wouldn't have been let in and the -#eugenics around that is iffy to say the least)#but to me. pregnancy is horrifying and nobody questioning that was weird.#also there’s supposedly 80 people on board but we get to know less than 10 of them which felt a bit strange at points#Also! I love the cover. I can’t find the designer (the book info only credits the internal lllustrator..)#also: bird facts!
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i. wow. i am. so lonely
#ignore me please#margin rambles#i just. i feel like i'm babbling into the void and for once it's not answering back y'know?#and like. it's no one's fault. like please i am not trying to make anyone feel guilty#y'all are busy people with busy lives! i am not supposed to be the center of your priorities!! first and foremost take care of yourself!!#but. i don't know. i guess... okay i know it's the middle of january and everyone is busy with real-life stuff#but i miss over the summer and fall when everyone was here and we were just having a funky good time you know?#augh. i miss may. i miss evie. i miss jess and lingo and cheeto and all my friends who are busy doing things that are good for them!!!#and i feel so selfish like i expect everyone's worlds to revolve around me (which. they don't. i know they don't. i don't WANT them to)#and i hate making excuses for myself but i guess my whole life i've struggled with being jealous?#like i love my friends so much but i feel like i've always ended up getting too possessive of them and then having to fight that#and it's been a thing since i was like. little.#(my grade- and middle-school friends were wonderful people but i half wonder if our friendship is what made me like this#cause looking back i feel like i was always fighting to keep their attention. again i hate making excuses but also Know Thyself y'know?)#i guess that's what... okay well there's only really two or three examples of this being taken to the extreme#but i guess that's what draws me to characters like crosshair and anakin and to an unusual extent marcy wu from amphibia#cause like. i get that. i get that all-consuming jealousy and that need to keep your loved ones close no matter what#i think the difference is that i'm self-aware enough to know to fight that and let them breathe#*sigh* again. ignore me. i'm just... having thoughts on this fine sunday morning y'know?#alright that's enough introspection for now
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TAG DROP 001
[ ooc. ] i'm a nice person so long as you are nice to me. my muses are not the only ones with teeth.
[ ic. ] i once feared mythal would consume me were i to carry her. but twas not so. i remain free willed and mortal.
[ mythal & solas ] ...are not for you alone to bear my friend. the many wrongs we did. we did together. I release you from my service.
[ mythal introspection ] I pulled you from the fade you loved and sent you into war. I used your wisdom as a weapon and it broke you.
[ introspection ] when she intended me to become the next host of an ancient gods soul I feared naught would be left of my own.
[ veilguard ] I have been advisor to orlais. witch of the wilds. daughter of flemeth. and once long ago an old friend.
[ inquisition. ] I knew the empress was intrigued by the arcane and I could answer questions no chantry mage could.
[ origins. ] well. well. what have we here? are you a vulture I wonder? a scavenger? poking amidst a corpse? or intruder?
[ answered: ooc. ] its me. the equivalent of a spicy kitten in a corner.
[ answered: ic. ] yet she survived and returned ages later to aide the inquisition in its hour of need. how?
[ psa. ] hear ye! hear ye! use those things on the side of your head or be doomed.
[ saved. ] im like a dragon when it comes to things i like.
[ prompts / memes. ] twas both a pleasure and necessity to help them as it is now.
[ crack. ] ooooo! you fear barbarians will swoop down upon you!
[ salt. ] i'm bitter and now i'm making it everyone's problem.
[ birthday. ] its my hatch day!!!!
[ self promotion. ] would that I could become them I would for now this will do.
[ promotion ] look! its the people I like! I think you will like them too!
#tag drop#[ ooc. ] i'm a nice person so long as you are nice to me. my muses are not the only ones with teeth.#[ ic. ] i once feared mythal would consume me were i to carry her. but twas not so. i remain free willed and mortal.#[ mythal & solas ] ...are not for you alone to bear my friend. the many wrongs we did. we did together. I release you from my service.#[ mythal introspection ] I pulled you from the fade you loved and sent you into war. I used your wisdom as a weapon and it broke you.#[ introspection ] when she intended me to become the next host of an ancient gods soul I feared naught would be left of my own.#[ veilguard ] I have been advisor to orlais. witch of the wilds. daughter of flemeth. and once long ago an old friend.#[ inquisition. ] I knew the empress was intrigued by the arcane and I could answer questions no chantry mage could.#[ origins. ] well. well. what have we here? are you a vulture I wonder? a scavenger? poking amidst a corpse? or intruder?#[ answered: ooc. ] its me. the equivalent of a spicy kitten in a corner.#[ answered: ic. ] yet she survived and returned ages later to aide the inquisition in its hour of need. how?#[ psa. ] hear ye! hear ye! use those things on the side of your head or be doomed.#[ saved. ] im like a dragon when it comes to things i like.#[ prompts / memes. ] twas both a pleasure and necessity to help them as it is now.#[ crack. ] ooooo! you fear barbarians will swoop down upon you!#[ salt. ] i'm bitter and now i'm making it everyone's problem.#[ birthday. ] its my hatch day!!!!#[ self promotion. ] would that I could become them I would for now this will do.#[ promotion ] look! its the people I like! I think you will like them too!
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Quark/Ezri is also fun because of the OT4 potential with Kira and Odo thrown in.
Kira/Ezri, Quark/Odo, Kira/Odo... Ezri/Odo would probably also work tbh, albeit perhaps more as a platonic relationship.
Quark/Kira however is forever off the table and Kira is judging both her girlfriends very hard.
#star trek#star trek ds9#.as previously mentioned the closest thing to a man in this ot4 is kira. this is a trans lesbian polycule okay.#.actually i wonder if kira would come around on quark if quark was transfem.#.bc like... quark coming out would require a lot of introspection on her misogynistic behaviour.#.including acknowledgement that quark acts like a misogynist because of ferengi cultural values but a lot of her behaviour shows different.#.her choice in romantic partners mostly being strong intelligent women which quark doesn't just find attractive either.#.quark demonstrates that she actually admires and respects those aspects of the women she's dated...#.so i wonder if coming to terms with being a woman herself and actually examining this stuff would make her relationship with kira change...#.maybe not romantically bc i just don't think kira could find quark attractive even if she tried but.#.i could definitely see kira and quark becoming actual friends through that. (moreso than they are post canon already anyway.)
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being a pre-physical-transition feminine trans man can sometimes just be so....... like when I act feminine I see myself as the queer man iv been wanting to be. but everyone else just sees it as "proof" that I'm a woman. so iv been battling w that part of myself, basically since my egg cracked. and it really does feel like I'll never truly be myself unless my body is the most masculine presenting it can possibly be, and only then can I be as feminine as I actually want to be and still be seen as who I really am
#personal shizz#i think in a perfect world i would actually never feel the need to physically transition#if everyone just already saw me as a man no matter how i act then i would be fine w how i look#cause iv never really been the kind of person who cares about how i look#but i just keep having to do this same dance over n over n over#wondering. how freely can i actually act around this person before they lock me into the wrong box#do i want to keep fighting to escape that box.. forever? cause i doubt things will change that much in my lifetime#maybe there will be more people who dont have boxes. but there will always be people w them too#sigh.. guess im just feeling introspective tonight#prob a sign to head to bed
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But would you tho (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#Schuldig#ZEX#And again the Captain implied from offscreen lol#Two little things ♪ One that Actually happened and one speculation lol#I really like Schuldig :D He's the likeable asshole type and his quirk is very well written :)#I love how he gets on Zelnick's case about his wishy-washy-ness in regards to xenophilia generally and ZEX specifically hehe#Zelnick has no good answer for him! It's so cute hehe <3#But then he turns right around and is wishy-washy himself!! I get the feeling his frustration stems a bit from relating hahaha#Or maybe Zelnick's uncertainty influenced him! It's not such an easy decision to make when you're staring down the barrel is it now :)#Openly attracted to Max's body and flattered by ZEX's personality and outright attraction to him in turn but the alien aspect is too much pf#Sure right okay lol - I have no skin in this game so I'll have to take his word for it haha#Secondarily speculating around ZEX's attraction and standards lol it sounds like an oxymoron but no he is actually a bit picky!#Yes he loves humans generally but he is actually tempered by what mind inhabits what body! It's so interesting to me!#I think it's especially funny how his various desires are in conflict with each other haha#Like it makes sense that he controls himself around Fwiffo - poor thing would have a heart attack - but he genuinely seems less attracted!#Which makes sense to me as well ♪ Spathi and VUX share several traits and were on the same side during the War so he's familiar with them#And he's specifically attracted to differences and novelty - it all lines up!#And then there's also his pride lol he tries to make more friends than enemies of course but he still gets petty and patronizing <3#If he's actually upset with someone /he's/ the one who would need convincing! It's all very interesting :3c#And then there's the matter of his own body vs. Max's body - he's so upset at the metaphysical implications of cloning his consciousness#I've never thought of ZEX in the context of the ''Would you fuck your clone'' questionnaire but I guess I know his answer now haha#Though I still wonder what his reaction would be to Max :0 He's probably not close enough to be ZEX but he is /a/ ZEX - of a sort#All his introspection about the body he's in has my mental ears perked haha - pity and worry for the potential life he's replacing#Discomfort at possibly being Max in some capacity including continuing to be in his body but also of overtaking his life entirely#And of being backed into a corner - Max is pitiful as well as pitiable! Neither of them want to be Max Vyer really#He loves humans but how far does that extend when push comes to shove ♪ It's been interesting watching him fumble through it :)
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#sometimes i wonder how much of my existence is insulated by like#my detachment from physical reality?#not in a psychosis way! i do not have any form of psychosis#(am i spelling that right?)#but like. there's so much repression going on#also i don't interact with people very much#and im kind of out of touch with how my emotions sit in my body#and i don't come into physical contact with other human beings#more than like. once every two weeks if not once every two months#idk#obviously a lot of this is just self-inflicted bullshit#but still. i wonder#are other people actually Experiencing things#while i am sitting here with earplugs and a blindfold on#in some kind of sensory deprivation tank#....probably if im getting this kind of introspective#i should go to sleep#alrighty its bedtime now
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it's wip MERMAYnesday, babey!!
(technically it's thursday, ignore that, we're sticking to a theme here)
thank you to the lovely @k9rage for the tag - i'm actually relatively early for this one for me at least, so let's have a quick, no-pressure look..... @zozo-01 @lovelylonerliterature @romirola @autisticempathydaemon @sealriously-sealrious @epsi-l0n @danislitllelounge how are we looking this week?? 👀👀
i'm not normally very good at AUs, but @sri-rachaa has some EXCELLENT ideas when it comes to these sorts of things - consider this wip a love letter to her magnificent solaire pirate!au 🤩🤩🤩
#redacted asmr#redacted audio#i wonder if it's possible to guess who's speaking here...... mmm... probably not just yet??#or maybe i'm better at this than i thought#or maybe i'm just predictable?? yeah it's that one#i am VERY much looking forward to this one hehe#it's full of all my favourite things#kissing and melancholy introspection and body horror and pretty men in not a lot of clothes#it's got it all 🥰🥰🥰#ginger writes#gingerbreadmonsters
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sometimes i think im so unreasonable & perhaps too drama prone then something happens & it really puts into perspective that im pretty normal in that regard all things considered
#i talk a lot of shit but when it comes down to situations im relatively level headed... known fact that surprises people#wveryone just loves to get heated & really mean real fast i think we zhould all log off for a little while#that stuff is so exhausting. WHY DID MY MUSIC STOP PLAYING I JSUT REALISED#?!!!!!! WHO ASKED YOU#ahh but... but but... i suppose i have mellowed out after all. thats good. 2019 me wasnt doing us any favours#i remember when i was a ball of anger & so weirdly conflictual. such an odd thing to think about#introspection time. i suppose bpd splitting cant fully let me be Normal#but for a bpd splitter whose stated boundaries get disrespected frequently honestly it could be way worse#idk. sleepy. meow meow. whoaa. i wonder if my mother still thinks i hate men. that was a really funny statement of hers
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