#internal brain states
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likesdoodling · 3 months ago
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Been the victim of morbid inspiration yet again ~ this is a representation of Annatar's mental state/his ties to all the past preconceptions that are... Very messed up. from The Harrowing by Chthonion :D
(I was originally gonna do this with a vague image of Melkor in the background and have it be pre-redemption Sauron, but then decided I didn't want to go quite that dark- so this is the toned down version :D)
@chthonion
>:)
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communistkenobi · 2 months ago
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Re: ep3 in Andor, I very recently watched The Ascent and I feel like that film does a better job of demonstrating how fascists move through villages looking for partisans/undocumented people and also how partisan fighters themselves often engage in similar behaviour when they move through villages, asking for food and shelter and taking resources from already precarious populations, something that stokes local resentments and can encourage locals to help the enemy/rat people out/etc in exchange for money or exemptions from the occupation’s brutality. Like often colonial and occupying governments use locals to enforce their will because it’s easier and they need someone knowledgeable of the area. like Andor does engage with this a little bit but idk I do feel like history is much messier than this. but also this is star war
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elviraaxen · 11 months ago
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I'm probably not the first to admit this but goddamn was I a narcissistic prick when I wasn't on stimulants
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itspileofgoodthings · 7 months ago
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had a very nice realization about peace, especially spiritual peace, the other day. (Been brewing for a while.) and it’s just: peace is for the non-peaceful.
#very obvious of course#but it’s just—-#it’s hard to explain how messy I feel all the time#in all areas of my life#what a grubby little gremlin I feel I am#with my unfinished projects and my half-done things and my unsorted through internal life#and my room that needs vacuuming and my bathroom that needs dusting and the text messages that need answering#and the relationships that I feel need attention or fixing or solving#and tbh counseling has been helpful simply because my counselor is just like ‘girl if you don’t chill’#(kind)#like. she’d just like you’re doing FINE#everyone doesn’t have the dishes finished or everything in order at all times#so I’ve been able to kind of see the ridiculously high expectations for myself I just walk around with#and/or just the pressure I feel to have everything DONE#but even all of that aside it has just been dawning on me that—I can have peace in those contexts#not only once everything is ‘sorted’#because it’s not that I don’t think I deserve it or whatever! that’s not exactly the issue#it’s just literally my brain is like ‘peace is for people who have their shit together’#‘and that isn’t you’#and it just !!!!! isn’t true!!!!!!!!#even if I were as grubby as I think I am (and sometimes I think I AM)#it doesn’t matter. you can still know peace. God still loves me#in the middle of the mess#my WORST states have been when I felt like I had to get myself spiritually in order before God could come#sort of dusted and vacuumed metaphorically speaking I mean#and of course there is work to do#but that happens only with God and because of God and IN God#so I don’t have to wait#can’t explain how often I have heard people talk about peace and been like#‘not for me though’ but it actually IS lol. it I s. beCAUSE I am grubby!!!!!!!!
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dosesofcommonsense · 8 months ago
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Nothing has changed. A compromised pollster puts out a fake poll. Kalshi bets dropped Trump lower. Kamala surged because the internal polling is that bad.
Vote like your life depends on it because it does.
TOO BIG TO RIG.
100M and growing.
The Unity Ticket is set to oust the Globalist tyrants.
Don’t give into the Psyop. Go vote, and we win.
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gibbearish · 10 months ago
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btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest
#fun fact there are currently multiple ongoing studies vis a vis the effectiveness of psilocybin on depression#both on its own and as a companion to ssris#psylocybin targets the 5ht2a serotonin receptors which wikipedia tells me are more numerous in the brains of those with depression#so like. if you spend most of your life feeling like your brain is an aquarium with a leak in it and serotonin is the water and your default#state is 'slightly damp gravel grinding painfully against itself' thats ummm not normal 👍#and on the flipside of that if you have depression that no other med has worked for and know a guy. its 1000% worth it#origibberish#also i say 'wikipedia tells me' as if i just looked it up but that all comes from a long night of spite filled research after i asked my#psychiatrist if we could use the fact that psylocybin worked for me as a basis to like. narrow down which legal antidepressant#might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time#and after several minutes explaining to her that i was not just asking her to prescribe me shrooms but in a legal way she went#'ohhhh yeah no unfortunately theres been no research into that‚ yeah.... sorry......:)'#which. as far as 'lies you come up with on the spot to avoid having to say i dont know' go‚ that is. maybe the worst one to pick#like. 'no‚ thats not an option'? alright fine maybe theres some internal rules or something who knows#'theres no research' though just. immediately tanks any and all credibility 100% even on its own but considering the subject matter?#youre telling me. that humans. the famously curious species that researches fucking Everything. and also Loves playing with drugs. when#trying to figure out how to make drugs that make brains feel good. would not start with the drugs they already knew made brains feel good.#youre telling me that not one (1) singular scientist tried shrooms and went 'oh my god wait. i dont feel like im dying for the first time#ever. holy fuck i need to study this'#complete misplay. absolutely legendary fumble. there were so many ways to fuck it up and somehow you found the worst. congratulations#om the other hand though. really was an excellent setup for the punchline that is the voicemail i have from them saying she'd been fired LOL#they didnt say what for specifically but yknow. based on my own experiences i certainly have theories jebfksbfk#it was annoying in the moment but at the end of the day i have shrooms and she doesnt have the job so. whos laughing now emily KSBFKSBFKDN#this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world‚ not like a god#just. fine. i just dont feel like shit. i feel like i can do stuff if i want to‚ or chill peacefully and have it actually be. relaxing.#i dont feel like gravel right now‚ i feel like a person.#and god what a fucking relief it is#really i guess the moral overall is that if at any point you react to trying a new drug the same way an addict craving a hit for days would#then there maybe is something up with your brain chemistry because that means your default state of existence is comparable to that#of withdrawal. a famously shit experience
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smile-files · 2 months ago
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do you ever wish you could use a memory-erasing gun on yourself so you forget about all of the characters and stories you've come up with but which you know you'll never bring to life and thus have become more of an existential burden than anything
#melonposting#as it is i can't force myself to stop thinking about them#but if i did somehow? permanently? i don't think it would be much of a loss#like sure... i've spent years with some of these but i don't really care... i know i probably can't do anything with them anyway#is that a sad thing to say? i suppose it is#but at least by my judgement it's a pretty realistic and practical sentiment#whatever joy it brings me to think about character xyz is joy that can be found elsewhere#without the eternally unfulfilled desire to make something out of character xyz#it's like having a crush on someone i suppose. and you know it'll forever be unrequited#you get enjoyment out of thinking about this person#but at the same time you'll know you'll never be with them and that disappoints you#at some point isn't it just better to move on from them and stop having a crush?#it's certainly the most logical thing to do. but of course our brains don't work that way. but ideally speaking#it's weird to make that analogy though considering my strange experiences with crushes#but that's neither here nor there. or is it?#i do very much want to make my stories into finished products other people can engage with#though of course that isn't necessary for them to be good or valuable or real#and yet that's always the expectation isn't it? that if the idea is one you enjoy that you need to make something out of it?#that if you bear the idea you bear the burden of bringing it up to maturation#at least it is for me. and perhaps that expectation is to some extent externally imposed#that every means must have an end#but if it is... it's still an expectation i feel internally. it manifests as a desire i myself have#and to that end i'll forever be unsatisfied with a story i deem promising but which shall never be fully embodied#(it's also worth mentioning that it might be a bit pessimistic to preemptively declare that they 'never' shall be embodied...#...but given the state of things i deem it highly likely at the very least. i certainly don't want to give myself false hope)#is there any surefire way to make yourself stop caring about something? it would be helpful#it would save me much time and energy if i ceased devoting my thoughts to beautiful lost causes#may contain nuts
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themoderatespeaks · 19 days ago
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Okay, this is exactly what I was afraid of the first time Trump was in office. His ultimatum to Iran last night and his mysterious "much bigger" agenda that is "better than a ceasefire" makes it crystal clear that he has already committed the US to war.
Because going to war was always the trump card he was willing to play if public opinion started to really go against him. He will absolutely do this for the sole purpose of being a wartime president—a time-honored way for any wannabe dictator to swing more public opinion and grant himself more emergency powers and really crack down on dissent. And Trump is a man who runs headfirst into gambles like this. And I hate it say this, but it's a smart play.
To be clear, Netanyahu has stated that the bombings have already set Iran's nuclear program back by years. A declaration of war is not necessary at this time.
So yeah, this scares me more than anything else he's done so far.
God have mercy on us, and on the people of Iran.
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bare1ythere · 9 months ago
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GOD University makes me so depressed
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its-your-mind · 3 days ago
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The way you write Tim's dissociation from himself and his masks is so delicious and personal to me I adore it so much. Thank you for your writing. 🙏
ahhh ty! I'm glad it reads well!! it's based pretty heavily on my own experience with DID, actually. every time a writer Really Nails Tim (i.e. the multiple thought patterns going through his head all at once) I'm like "he's just like me fr fr"
tbqh that's one of the things that made me want to write fanfic about him. I wanted to really really drill down into the fact that he's constantly compartmentalizing and molding himself into the correct form for the situation, and take the commonly used trope of "TDW and Robin are Very Distinct from just Regular Tim" to its logical (to me) extreme.
not to get Too deep into it but I don't have alters like the kind most people think of when they think of DID. there is a whole squad running things up there, but everyone in my head is Me - just separated out and scattered to fulfill distinct functions and play different roles.
Usually therapists will say people like me (and my Tim) have "parts," rather than "alters." "Alters" is the term usually used for the type of DID that most people think of when they think of DID - one person with lots of distinct identities that can "front" as needed. For people with "parts" (me) there's a lot of internal separation of roles (ex: the way there's a part of Tim's mind that's constantly aware of and passing judgement on how he's presenting himself to the people around him) but very few parts are actually built to take full control in the way that alters tend to. In fact, if they do take over, it can cause the system to kinda fall into chaos (at least for the way my system works).
My type of brain is actually the reason they changed the diagnosis from "multiple personality disorder" to "dissociative identity disorder." I only have the one core identity, it's just dispersed for my convenience :D
That's not necessarily how everyone's parts work, but it is how mine do! And that is kinda-sorta-mostly how I'm writing Tim. He's almost always still aware of the world around him (concussions notwithstanding) when he's presenting as one of his parts. He'll pull out the TDW part or the Robin part to take control of external interaction as needed. They're not playing a part - they are versions of him that exist - but he's still Tim within his own mind. TDW and Robin (and civilian-Tim, or any other face Tim puts on) are all built from a Tim-based foundation. They just pull forward or tuck away whatever specific Tim-bits are required for the role they perform.
From an external perspective, it looks like compartmentalization and masking and code-switching dialed up to eleven. From an internal perspective, it's like... Well, it's like how I've written Tim :D
#sorry for taking your very short and kind ask and turning it into a Dissertation on Dissociative Identity Disorder#and just for clarity I'm prolly never gonna explicitly state in the fic that Tim has DID - it's more just the lens I'm using to write him#(also it's the only way I know how internal processing works - jason's POV takes SO MUCH MORE EFFORT#bc I'm constantly taking what I've written for him and condensing it into just like. One train of thought instead of Many.)#fun fact his conversation with lonnie about how there's lots of tims in his head is VERY MUCH BASED on what it was like for me#when my therapist was first trying to diagnose me#like 'wdym this isn't how everyone's brain works'#'wdym most people can't put their panic attack inside a closet to deal with later'#'wdym people have to Actively Think About how to adapt themselves to the situation that they're in.#wait why can't you just. idk. use the parts of you that are most appropriate for the situation?'#'WDYM MOST PEOPLE CAN'T TURN ASPECTS OF THEIR PERSONALITY ON AND OFF LIKE A FANCY SPACE SHIP PANEL WITH LOTS OF COLORFUL SWITCHES'#N E WAY ty for your vvv kind ask and for giving me an opportunity to Go Off about this part of my writing process#i'm having the time of my life tbqh i am vvv glad other people are enjoying it too!! y'all are so fuckin kind <3#okay back to editing the chapter that's supposed to go up tonight (but is probably gonna go up tomorrow rip)#fic#to have been a robin#thbar#my writing#DID#dissociative identity disorder
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rotzaprachim · 2 years ago
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I think people getting their politics from animated movies for children is so annoying. That being said I think Nimona was Unironically one of the most ideologically complex and serious treatments of modern antisemitism I’ve ever seen.
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fluviusevos · 5 months ago
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i don't have a continuous/relentless internal monologue in the way people usually describe it but i am always thinking about something
#if i'm not disossiated or just plain zoned out then i'm maladatively daydreaming as an alternative to info dumping#or my brain finds itself subconsciously yet purposefully poking at things that makes me anxious every time i calm down#sometimes ill scroll through hours worth of my dash then realise i wasn't paying attention ot any of that#and i've also now gone and given myself an anxiety attack because of what i was thinking about. great#what's worse is that 9/10 it isn't anything that has any real substance it's some stupid hyperfixation that rules my emotional state#and therefore is also one of the emotional centres of my anxiety. so it's not even like i can express it#at least like ten times a day i think the phrase 'get out of your head'#amd i say 'usually describe it' as in other nd people seem to have a descriptive internal monologue#that keeps up with everything they're doing or at least takes in things from their environment. even other people's stims#directly correlate to things that they hear regularly. mine doesn't work like that mine's like a stream of AUGH it just happened again#i couldn't think of the descriptive word i wanted and turned away from my phone and started thinking about something else#i was thinking about earlier and that ive apparently been continuously formulating while i typed this#(<- wondering why people using the 1.20 “we're not so different. not anymore” sam and john scene as evidence#for their fundamental similarities in their characters and agencies bother me so much. the answer is that once again#people do not pay attention to the progression of sam's character as a line of events relating to and constantly affecting each other#that scene is the recognition of a cathartic breach in a previous fundamental difference and of understanding#rather than a fundamental similarity. there presently is and will continue to be fundamental differences between the circumstances#of mary's death vs jessica's death from the grieving's pov namelyyy their respective relationships with azazel#+ how their ideals of normalcies work alongside the familial ideal)#and even now i cant stop thinking i cant stop i cant stop i cant STOP. i hate these periods of brief hyper-awareness about it#my head breaches the water and im like Hey these waves weren't so loud before. whatever#&
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moafleco · 10 months ago
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i hate that duality that your mind can be your safe heaven that helps you get through some difficult things, keeps you going and brings you happiness at the worst of times. and at the very same time it could be your worst tormentor that won't let you rest and won't let you breathe, literally for no particular reason at all. and you can't leave or silence it. can't get it to stop when it gets dark in there. can't get the light in when you desperately need to feel a respite instead of suffocation.
#its so difficult#sometimes its too much to handle#yeah particularly today im just.. screaming internally#and the inability to do something YOU LOVE due to your brain having one of those bad days so everything feels fucking BAD is just so unfAIR#its frustrating#the only thing you can do is sob apparently#my room doesnt feel like my room anymore all i feel is fear and dread#i just dont understand why and how it came to this point i want out#nothing grounds me to reality or to my normal state and im afraid#instead of watch fav movie to get better ill count the duration time and decide thats its too long i dont have that much time#i will be painfully aware of numbers and wb scared of them and then ill just not move at all immobilized at place#i cant#all i could do is desperately bother my friends trying to connect to them and hiding that obvious ache#i dont have capacity to soothe myself with my favorite guys and gals from games and movies i dont feel anything at all#and i hate that but also i cant do anything im so idk what i feel like but like im not anything#i lost myself i lost my favorite things to do and my hobbies and my spark and everything i dont even know anymore#on small bad days you could conjure a good thoughts and watch somethinf and think about what makes you happy#theres a void in my head now that just counts and counts and counts and cant do nothing#i will just open up a chat w friends and look at empty textspace i want to connect so badly but i wont send anything just freeze still#i dont feel that im in here but i want badly to be here and yet i cant grasp anything to still keep myself real#and like i have a feeling that in next 2 hours I'll just vanish spmething bad will happn carcrash orso i cantbe spendin much timeon anythin#i hate this#suddenly your brain just want you dead and fills you with dread unimaginable and my dumbass thinks that it's right#that my brain is right and im inclined to believe in this shit. im not but deep down i kind of is so thats why this anxiety causes me probl#ms for the whole week i didnt done anything i just could not i want it to stop#its so sure of itself that i will pass away in couple of hours by unknown reasons that it imagined so why even try
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lieutenantselnia · 1 year ago
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I currently have to write a thesis, work on the biggest project in my entire study programme and will have to start preparing for my bachelor's exam at some point, and my brain thinks now it's a good time to get back into Red Dead Redemption 2👍
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blacknidstang · 2 years ago
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Every damn time it drives me insane how soulless sam reminds me of dissociative episodes after some very very emotionally taxing period. Like there are times i wake up and i feel like a clone of myself, i know my past self, i know i had emotions, i know i felt things but at that moment all of these feel so so far away and so alien. That complete drainage, the way your brain just shuts all sorts of feelings down. It was so scary when i became aware of that at one point bc how do you go from feeling so intensely to this? It's almost like you really are no longer the real you.
I know sam's soul is practically still in hell & soulless is simultaneously wondering the earth but to me this will always be a metaphor for post traumatic experience/emotionally intense dissociation. Like even not considering hell itself, s5 sam was the most miserable broken state already. Boy i sure would stop feeling anything at all anymore after that. Anyway i am no professional in that field but that's how i see it based on very personal experiences
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the-kipsabian · 2 years ago
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will ospreay called me luv btw :)
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