#intentional change and improvement
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[ID by @princess-of-purple-prose: Mairimashita! Iruma-kun fanart.
Colored art of Iruma wearing dresses. The left shows him wearing a purple dress with a glittery purple-to-pink skirt, doing a peace sign and looking flustered. The right shows him as Irumi, wearing a pink dress while winking and smiling widely. The center has small icons of his face for each version.
Uncolored line art of Irumi smiling and doing a rock hand.
A sketch of Iruma looking startled and blushing.
Irumi looking flustered.
Iruma with a big smile.
Iruma smiling happily, a heart floating next to him. End ID]
woe. mairuma art be upon ye
#artists on tumblr#mairimashita! iruma kun#welcome to demon school iruma kun#suzuki iruma#mairuma#m!ik#iruma#iruma suzuki#irumi chan#irumi#vile arts#fun fact. two of these doodles r from last year. u can tell by the diff background color. I just never bothered to post them until now#another fun fact is that u can see I drew a very similar iruma this year. over on the left. this was not intentional#and u can see how my style changed and got. more cartoony ish ?? I'm not sure if I like it#what ever#my painting skills improved tho I think. compared to the irumi drawing that I drew last year this version looks cleaner#and cuter#they're in very similar poses too#copying myself from the past over here#illustration#digital art#art#my art#mairimashita! iruma-kun#mairimashita iruma kun#mairimashita iruma-kun#welcome to demon school iruma-kun#welcome to demon school! iruma kun#welcome to demon school! iruma-kun#wtdsik
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Uhh post canon Barney
Man who has not had a break since the rescas and refuses to start now. Alyx and Gordon are hiding his gear as we speak while Kleiner distracts him.
I was sposed to do Alyx too but I blinked and it was 3 am so. Next time
Oh also I forgot to make a note but he does carry a sidearm
#no reposting#ok ramble time because i have some Thoughts#subject to change..#okay so like#Barney is a few things. imo. one he's s good leader and protector. two hes a creature of habit.#Barney has always kind of stuck in one area of work.. from security guard to civil protection officer to white forest sentry#hell even as a field commander during the uprising half of his combat is essentially point defense and backing Gordon up#which like yeah thats just gameplay stuff but this is an intentional reading of his character so just. shh#anyways#Barney never really stops being some kind of guard. the context in which he operates changes of course but its still the same general role#maybe its a subconscious attempt at maintaining normalcy. maybe its just all he feels hes good at. regardless its what he does.#and its what he continues to do.#that's what feels right to him thats whats natural to him so he might as well do it.#i think part of Barney's brain hasn't really caught up to the idea that things really are improving.#like he Knows it and he's happy about it but it doesn't feel natural after spending half of his life under the combine.#his body still thinks hes in danger#okay im eepy#half life fanart#barney calhoun#half life 2#half life furry au#half life
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taco and mephone have fascinating parallels more people could explore if taco haters weren't biased cowards
#meeple.txt#inanimate insanity#ii taco#ii mephone4#dare i maintag this. watever#like taco haters r obsessed with the idea that taco is ruining herself worse and dragging everyone down with her#when shes literally just doing the challenge mephone created and even changes her intentions on hosting the challenge partway through#bc shes REALIZING how badly everyones been affected by the show just as she was#and she uses the attention she now has and urges them to leave and escape because she doesnt want anyone to end up like her#she believes shes past saving Yes#but thats exactly why shes trying to help the others avoid getting to the extent shes gone#meanwhile even when getting his wrongdoings slapped in his face mephone doubles down bc thats all he knows#thats all he feels safe with. he cant let himself trust and be vulnerable and its ruining his life and all his relationships along with him#it says SO MUCH about both mephones and tacos arcs that MEPAD. the one whos been inseparable to mephone from the Start#is seeing more hope of improvement in TACO than mephone#taco the infamous villain to everyone since s1. since before mepad was ever conscious#if anything mephone is the one ruining himself in denial and hurting others in the process#and im not saying that to vilify mephone either !!!! before you 0 nuance bitches come in#if it wasnt obvious from my entire page i LOVE mephone and i LOVE where theyre taking his character. make that man Worse ❤️#but i feel like so many ppl are just projecting mephones arc onto taco bc they dont wanna admit mephone has Issues
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Our stay on this earth is so so short, we’re in such a dream state that we keep forgetting this truth
#there’s this girl in my area who died two days ago just like that#collapsed due to the heat and then had a heart attack and died#الله يرحمها#she’s like 19/20#people our age are dying right next to us#yet we think we’re safe and still have time to improve to change to repent#what great regret it’ll be if we don’t die in the state of true sincere repentance but in one of ghaflah and self deception and sin#being consumed by your nafs by this world and sucked into it#اللهم اني اسالك حسن الخاتمة#we’re so lost in our worldly struggles and ideas and desires that we forget what we’re here for#you can live on this earth and engage with people and enjoy your stay even if you always keep your heart in check and your deeds aligned#with what Allah swt wants#you can turn all your actions into worship by having the right intention#eating sleeping -> to gain strength for worship and be of benefit for people#studying working -> learn about the beauty and intricacy that Allah has put into His creation#work to achieve what Allah has written for you#that’s true life connecting everything to the Creator the One who gave us life#everything else is just deception and will go to waste#and cannot be called a true life
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i wish people would realize that 99.99999% of posts that fall under the "positivity post listicle" genre r little else than people listing traits they themselves have and dislike and wish they could change and find negative and undesirable truly have no confidence in but no willpower to change, and instead of any soul searching or changing of behavior make a post thats begging for likes and positive feedback on these negative traits as an avoidance tactic so they dont have to change
#remember its TOTALLY OKAY AND NORMAL if you dont do anything and cant get anything done and feel bad all the time and do nothing to change#it#you are perfect just the way you are anything negative you feel isn't the consequences of the way you lead your lifestyle its Society#this is abt a lot of posts but make bad art bothers me its pretty banal and#some people mean it in the best of intentions and some people uh arent#imho self improvement should always be on your mind and a gosl#complacency the enemy of success#feeling ire and irritation at these things isnt like society harming you its like when you itch when a bug lands on you its to protect you#to Conjole You Into Moving Forward#my art improved i stopped crying over it i gained Real confidence when i developed a truely critical and analyzing eye to it
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Each, All, Everything
Words: 6.5k
Rating: PG
Themes: Friendship, Self-Giving Love, Romantic Love
(Written for the Four Loves Fairytale Retelling challenge over at the @inklings-challenge! A retelling of Nix, Nought, Nothing.)
The giant’s daughter weeps, and remembers.
—
She remembers the day her father first brought him home.
It was a bit like the times he’d brought home creatures to amuse her while he was on his journeys, away on something he called “business” but she knew was “gathering whatever good of the land he wanted”. Her father had brought back a beautiful pony, once—a small one he could nearly carry in one huge hand. One for her, and not another for his collection of horses he kept in the long stables. She wasn’t as tall as the hills and broad as the cliffs like he was, so she couldn’t carry it easily, but she heaved it up in both arms and tried nonetheless. (And—she thought this was important—stopped trying when it showed fear.) She was gentle to it, and in time, she would only need speak to it and it would come eat from her hand like a tame bird. She’d never been happier.
(The pony had grown fearful of her father. Her father grew angry with anything that wasted his time by cowering or trying to flee him. There was a terrible commotion in the stables one day, and when she sought her pony afterward, she couldn’t find him. Her father told her it was gone, back to the forest, and he’d hear no more of it if she didn’t want beaten.)
(There was a sinking little pit in her stomach that knew. But when she didn’t look for the best in her father, it angered him and saddened her, so she made herself believe him.)
The final little creature he brought one day was so peculiar. It was a human boy, small as the bushes she would sometime uproot for paintbrushes, dressed in fine green like the trees and gold like her mother’s vine-ring she wore. He seemed young, like her. His tuft of brown hair was mussed by the wind, and his dark eyes watched everything around him, wide and unsure and curious.
When he first looked at her from his perch on her father’s shoulder, he stared for a long moment—then lifted a tiny hand in a wave. Suddenly overwhelmed with hope and possibilities (a friend! Surely her father had blessed her with a small friend they could keep and not just a pet!), she lifted her own hand in a little wave and tried to smile welcomingly.
The boy stared for another long moment, then seemed to try a hesitant smile back.
“This,” boomed her father, stooping down in the mist of the morning as he waved away a low cloud with one hand, “is what I rightly bargained for. A prince, very valuable. The King of the South—curse his deceitful aims!—promised him to me.”
“He looks very fancy,” she’d said, eyes wide in wonder. “How did the king come to give him to you, Father?”
“How indeed!” the giant growled, so loud it sent leaves rattling and birds rushing to fly from their trees. He slowly lowered himself to be seated on the weathered cliff behind him and picked up his spark-stone, tossing a few felled trees into their fire-basin and beginning to work at lighting them. “Through lies and deceit from him. When he asked me to carry him across the waters I asked him for Nix, Nought, Nothing in return.”
The little boy shifted, clearly uncomfortable but afraid to move much. Her father scowled, though he meant it as a smile, and bared his yellowed teeth as he laughed.
“Imagine his countenance when he returned to find the son he’d not known he’d had was called Nix, Nought, Nothing! He tried to send servant boys, but I am too keen for such trickery. Their blood is on the hands of the liar who sent them to me.”
Such talk from her father had always unsettled her, even if he said it so forcefully she couldn’t imagine just how it wasn’t right. Judging from the way the boy curled in on himself a little, clinging meekly to her father’s tattered shirt-shoulder, he thought similarly.
“Nix, Nought, Nothing?” She observed the small prince, unsure why disappointment arose in her at the way he seemed hesitant to look at her now. “That is a strange name.”
Her father struck the rocks, the sound of it so loud it echoed down the valley in an odd, uneven manner. He shook his head as he worked, a stained tooth poking out of his lips as he struck it again and again until large sparks began alighting on the wood.
“His mother tarried christening him until the father returned, calling him such instead.” He huffed a chuckle that sounded more like a sneer, seeming to opt to ignore the creature on his shoulder for the time being. “You know the feeling, eh, Bonny girl?”
The boy tentatively looked up at her again.
The fire crackled and began to eat away at the bark and dry pine needles. A soft orange glow began to creep over it, leaving black char as it went. With a sudden, sharp breath by her father, a large flame leapt into the air.
“It is good that she did so. He is Nix, Nought, Nothing—and that he will remain.”
—
Nix Nought Nothing grew to be a fine boy. Her father treated him as well as he did the prized horses he’d taken from knights and heroes—which was to say that the boy was given decent food and a dry place to sleep and the richest-looking clothes a tailor could be terrified into giving them, which was as well as her father treated anything.
Never a day went by that she was not thankful and with joy in her heart at having a friend so near.
They spent many days while her father was away exploring the forest—Nix would collect small rocks and unusual leaves and robin’s-eggs and butterflies, and she would lift him into high trees to look for nests, and sometimes stand in the rivers and splash the waterfalls at him just to laugh brightly at his gawking and laughing and sputtering.
Some days she wished she was more of a proper giant. She wasn’t large enough for it to be very comfortable giving him rides on her shoulder once he’d grown. She was hesitant to look any less strong, however, so she braided her golden curls to keep them from brushing him off and simply kept her head tilted away from him as they walked through the forests together.
He could sit quite easily and talk by her ear as they adventured. Perhaps she would never admit it, but she liked that. Most of the time.
“I’m getting your shoulder wet,” he protested, still sopping wet from the waterfall. He kept shifting around, trying to sit differently and avoid blotching her blue dress with more water than he already had. “I hope you’re noticing this inconveniences you too?”
“Yes,” Bonny laughed. “You’re right. I hope there’s still enough sun to dry us along the way back. Father won’t be pleased otherwise.”
“Exactly. Perhaps you should have thought that through before drenching me!” he huffed, but she could hear the grin in his tone even if she couldn’t quite turn her head to see it. He flicked his arm toward her and sent little droplets of water scattering across the side of her face.
Her shoulders jerked up involuntarily as the eye closest to him shut and she tried to crane her neck even further away, chuckling. Nix made a noise like he’d swallowed whatever words were on his tongue, clutching to her shoulder and hair to steady himself.
“You’d probably be best not trying to get me while I’m giving you a ride?” Bonny suggested, unable to help a wry smile.
“Yes. Agreed. Apologies.” His words came so stilted and readily that she had to purse her lips to keep in a laugh. As soon as he relaxed, his voice grew a tad incredulous. “Though—wait, I can’t exactly do anything once I’m down. Are you trying to escape my well-earned retaliation?”
“I would never,” she assured him, no longer trying to hide her smile. “I’ll put you in a tree when we get back and you can splash me all you like.”
Somehow, his voice was amused and skeptical and unimpressed by the notion all at once.
“Really? You’d do that?” he asked, sounding as if he were stifling a smirk.
She shrugged—gently, of course, but with a little inward sense of mischievousness—and he yelped again at the movement.
“Well, it would take a lot of water to get a giant wet,” she reasoned. “I doubt you’ll do much. But yes, for you, I would brave it.”
He chuckled, and she ventured a glance at him out of the corner of her eye.
“Bonny and brave,” he said, looking up at her with a little smile and those dark eyes glimmering with light. “You are a marvel.”
It would probably be very noticeable to him if she swallowed awkwardly and glanced away a bit in embarrassment. She tried not to do that, and instead gave him a crooked little smile in return.
“Hm,” was all she could say. “And what about you?”
“Me? Oh, I’m Nothing.” The jest was terrible, and would still be terrible even if she hadn’t heard it numerous times. “But you are truly a gem among girls.”
If by gem he meant a giantess who still had to enlist his help disentangling birds from her hair, then perhaps. She snorted.
“I don’t know how you would know. You don’t know any other girls.”
“Why would I need to?” His face was innocent, but his eyes were sparkling with mirth and mischief. “You’re the size of forty of them.”
The noise that erupted from her was so abrupt and embarrassingly like a snort it sent the branches trembling. She plucked him off her shoulder and set him gently on the ground so she could swat at him as gently as she could—careful not to strike him with the leaf-motifs on her ring—though it still knocked him off his feet and into the grass. He was laughing too hard to seem to mind, and she couldn’t stifle her laughs either.
“Well, you are really something,” she teased, unable to help her wide smile as she tried futilely to cast him a disapproving look.
That quieted him. He pushed himself to sit upright in the grass, and looked out at the woods ahead for a long moment.
“You think?” Nix asked quietly.
She smiled down at him.
“Yes,” she laughed softly. “Of course.” When he looked up at her, brown eyes curious, she held his gaze and hoped he could see just how glad she was to know him. “Everything, even.”
A small smile grew on his own face, lopsided and warm. He ducked his head a bit and looked away from her again, and embarrassment started to fill her—but it was worth it.
It often weighed on her heart to say that more than she did. She supposed she was the type of person who liked to show such things rather than say them.
She had a cramp in one of her shoulders from trying to carry him smoothly, but the weight on the other one—and on his—seemed far lighter.
—
She remembered the day her father came home livid.
She couldn’t figure out what had happened. Had he been wounded? Insulted? Tricked? He wouldn’t say.
He just raged. The trees bent under his wrath as he stamped them down, carving a new path through the forest. He picked up boulders and flung them at cliffsides, the noise of the impacts like thunder as showers of shattered stone flew in all directions.
She was tending to the garden a ways off—huge vines and stalks entwined their ways up poles and hill-high arbors made from towering pines, where she liked to work and admire how the sunset made the leaves glow gold—and suddenly had a sharp, sinking feeling.
Nix was still at his little shelter-house at their encampment. Her father was there.
Dread washed over her.
“Riddle me this, boy,” her father boomed, in the voice he only used when he wanted an excuse to strike something. “What is thick like glass and thin as air, cold but warm, ugly but fair? Fills the air yet never fills it, never exists but that all things will it?”
There was silence for a long moment.
...Silence. The answer was silence. Her father was trying to trick him into speaking.
Her hands curled around the bucket handle so weakly it was a surprise she didn’t drop it. Her father could crush him if he felt he had the slightest excuse.
Hush, hush, hush, her mind pleaded. Her hands shook. For your life and mine, hush—
There continued to be silence for a moment—and then, Nix must have answered. (Perhaps in jest. He tended to joke when uncertain. That would have been a mistake.)
There came the indescribable sound of a tree being ripped from its roots, and the deafening thunder of it being thrown and smashing down trees and structures.
Her whole body tensed horribly, and all she could see in her mind’s eye was nightmares.
No, she thought weakly.
Her father kept shouting. But not just shouting, addressing. Asking scathing rhetorical questions. She felt faint with relief, because her father had never wasted words on the dead.
I should have brought him with me. The thought flooded her body and left room for nothing else but dread and regret. I could have prevented this.
The stables were long and broad and old. Once, they had housed armies’ steeds and chariots. Now, they were run-down and reinforced so nothing could escape out the doors. The roof was broken off like a lid on hinges at intervals so her father could reach in to arrange and feed his horses.
Her father had seen no reason to keep the stalls clean. When one was so packed with bedding it had decomposed to soil at the floor level, the horse was moved to the next unused stall. There were so many stalls that she barely remembered, sometimes, that there were other ways of addressing the problem.
“The stable has not been cleaned in seven years,” her father boomed. “You will clean it tomorrow, or I will eat you in my stew.”
She couldn’t hear Nix’s response, but she could feel his dread.
Her father stormed away, more violently than any storm, and slowly, after the echoes of his steps faded, silence again began to hang in the air.
That night, it was hard to sleep. The next morning, it was hard to think.
She did the only thing she could think to do in such a nervous state. She brought her friend breakfast. His favorite breakfast—a roast leg of venison and a little knife he could use to cut off what he wanted of it, and fried turkey-eggs, and a modest chunk of soft brown bread.
When she arrived with it, he was still mucking out the first stall. There were hundreds ahead of him. He was only halfway to the floor of the first.
“I can’t eat,” Nix murmured, almost too quietly to hear and with too much misery to bear. “I can’t stop. But thank you.”
The pile outside the door he’d opened up was already growing too large. Of every pitchfork-full he threw out, some began to tumble back in. He was growing frustrated, and out of breath.
Why would her father raise a boy, a prince, only to eat him now? Her father was cunning; surely he’d had other plans for him. Or perhaps he really was kept like the horses, as a trophy or prize taken from the human kingdoms that giants so hated.
Was this his fate? Worked beyond reason, only to be killed?
Pity—or something stronger, perhaps, that she couldn’t name—stirred in her heart. A heat filled her veins, burning with sadness and a desire to set right. Would the world be worthwhile without this one small person in it?
No.
This wouldn’t end this way.
She called to the birds of the air and all the creatures of the forest. Her heart-song was sad and pure—so when she pleaded with them, to please hear, please come and carry away straw and earth and care for what has been neglected, they listened.
The stable was clean by the time the first stars appeared. When she set Nix gently on her shoulder afterward, he hugged the side of her head and laughed in weary relief for a long while.
—
She remembered the lake, and the tree.
“Shame on the wit who helped you,” her father had boomed. He’d inspected the stable by the light of his torch—a ship’s mast he’d wrapped the sails around the top of and drenched in oil—and found every last piece of dirt and straw gone. Had he known it was her, that she could do such a thing? She couldn’t tell. “But I have a worse task for you tomorrow.”
The lake nearest them was miles long, and miles wide, and so deep that even her father could not ford it.
“You will drain it dry by nightfall, or I will have you in my stew.”
The next morning, soon as her father had gone away past the hills, she came to the edge of the lake. She could hear the splashing before she saw it.
Nix stood knee-deep in the water, a large wooden bucket in his hands, struggling to heave the water out and into a trench he’d dug beside the shore.
When she neared him and knelt down in the sand, scanning the water and the trench and the distant, distant shoreline opposite them, Nix fell still for a moment. She looked at him, hoping he could see the apology in her eyes.
“Can I help?” she asked.
He shook his head miserably.
“Thank you. But even if we both worked all day, we couldn’t get it dry before nightfall.” He gave her a wry, sad smile, full of pain. “The birds and the creatures can’t carry buckets, I’m afraid.”
It was true. They could not take away the water.
But perhaps other things could.
She stood and drew a deep breath, and called to the fish of the rivers and lake, and to the deep places of the earth to please hear, please open your mouths and drain the lake dry.
With a tumult that shook the earth beneath them all, they did. The chasm it left in the land was great and terrible, but it was dry.
Her father was livid to see it.
“I’ve a worse job for you tomorrow,” he’d thundered at Nix as the twilight began to darken. “There is a tree that has grown from before your kind walked this land. It is many miles high, with no branches until you reach the top. Fetch me the seven eggs from the bird’s nest in its boughs, and break none, or I will eat you before the day is out.”
She found Nix at dawn the next day at the foot of the tree, staring up it with an expression more wearied than she’d ever seen before. She looked up the tree as well. It seemed to stretch up nearly to the clouds, its trunk wide and strong with not a foothold in sight. At the top, its leaves shone a faint gold in the sunlight.
“He is wrong to ask you these things,” Bonny said softly. Her words hung in the air like the sunbeams seemed to hang about the tree. There was something special about this place, some old power with roots that ran deep. “I’m very sorry for it.”
“You needn’t be,” Nix assured her. His countenance was grey, but he tried to smile. “But thank you. You’re very kind.”
She looked up the tree again. Uncertainty filled her, because this was an old tree—a strong one. Even if it could hear her, it had no obligation to listen. “Will you try?”
He laughed humorlessly. “What choice do I have?”
None. He had none.
He could not escape for long on his own—he could not be gone fast enough or hide safely enough for her father not to sniff him out. The destruction that would follow him would be far more than he would wish on the forests and villages and cities about them.
She, however, bit her lip.
She slipped the gold vine-ring off her hand, and rolled it so that it spiraled between her fingers. It was finely crafted, made to look like it was a young vine wrapping its way partly up her finger.
“This is all I have of my mother,” she said quietly. “But it will serve you better.”
Before he could speak—she knew him well enough to know that he would bid her to stop, to not lose something precious on his account (as if he weren’t?)—she whispered a birdlike song, and pleaded with the gold and the tree and the old good in the world to help them.
When she tossed the ring at the base of the tree (was it shameful that she had to quell a sadness that tried to creep into her heart?), it writhed. One end of it rooted into the ground, and suddenly it was no longer gold, but yellow-green—and the vine grew, and grew, curling around the tree as it stretched upward until it was nearly out of sight.
Nix stared at her with wide eyes and an emotion she couldn’t quite place. Whatever it was, it made her ears warm.
She smiled slightly and stepped back, tilting her head at the vine.
“Well?” she said. He was still staring at her with that look—some mix of awestruck and like he was trying to draw together words—and it made her fold her arms lightly and smile as she looked away. She quickly looked back to him, hoping faintly that her embarrassment wasn’t obvious. “You’d best hurry. That’s still a long way up.”
He seemed to give up finding words for the moment. Nix glanced up the tree, now decked with a spiral of thick, knobby vine that looked nearby like uneven stairs.
“Give me a boost?” he asked with a bright grin. “To speed it up.”
She laughed and gently scooped him up in both hands. “A boost, or just a boost?”
He beamed at her. “As high as you can get me,” he declared, waving an arm dramatically.
She laughed and shook her head. ”Absolutely not. Ready?”
Nix nodded, and she smiled thinly and poured all her focus into a spot a good distance up the tree. With a very gentle but swift motion, she tossed him upward a bit—and he landed on his feet on the vine, one shoulder against the bark, clutching to the tree for support as he laughed.
“A marvel!” he shouted down to her as he climbed. “Never forget that!”
The sun was nearly setting when he descended with the eggs bundled in his handkerchief. He was glowing.
He triumphantly hopped down the last few feet to the ground.
A moment after he landed, a soft crack sounded. He froze.
Slowly, he drew the bundle more securely into his arms against him and looked down. There, by his foot, was a little speckled egg, half-broken in the grass.
She put a hand over her mouth. Nix clutched the rest and stared.
A grievous pain and numbness slowly filled her heart, and she knew it was filling his too.
His shoulders began to shake, and his eyes were glassy.
“Well,” he laughed weakly. ”...That’s it. That’s... that was my chance.” The distress that overtook him was like a dark wave, and it threatened to cover her too. He only shook his head. “I’m so sorry. Thank you for—for helping me.”
For everything, she didn’t give him a chance to add. He was looking at her with the eyes of one who might say that. She couldn’t afford to be overcome with the notion of saying goodbye now.
“No,” she said. Her voice was quiet, at first, but it grew more resolute. “It won’t end this way.”
He blinked up at her, still clutching the other eggs to his chest. She looked down at him, then across the stretch of forest to their home.
Without a word, she gently picked him up and set him on her shoulder. Her jaw tensed as she strode quickly through well-worn paths of the forest, walking as fast as a horse could run.
Once home, she set him down. He was still looking at her questioningly. Her heart beat faster in her chest, and she hoped he couldn’t see the anxiousness rising in her and battling with the excitement.
“I will not let him have you,” she announced firmly. The trees and hills all around were witness to her promise. “Grab what you need. We’ll leave together in the hour.”
—
She‘d barely had time to fix her hair, grab her water flask, and decide it would be best this time of year to go south.
Her father’s footsteps boomed closer across the land.
—
They fled.
They ran, and ran, and struggled and strove, and she called for the help of anything she could think of that would have mercy on them.
Her comb grew into thorns, her hairpin into a hedge of jagged spires. Neither stopped him. Her dress’s hem was in tatters and sweat poured from her brow when they were finally safe.
Her flask lay behind them, cast down and broken, its magic used up.
Her father—her father—lay stretched out motionless in the flooded plain behind them, never to rise again.
—
There was a tiny spark of hope they had that they clung to. A hope of a future, of restoration, of amending the past and pursuing peace—of a life worth living, perhaps far, far away from things worth leaving behind.
(“I’ll go to the castle,” he’d said, his voice brimming with nerves and hope and uncertainty and sadness and an eager warmth. It made her heart try to mirror all those emotions alongside him. “I can tell my mother and father who I am. I’d still recognize them, even if they don’t know me. They’ll take us in, I’m sure of it.”)
He set out into the maze of village streets, assuring her he’d ask for directions and be back promptly. She stayed back by the well at the edge of the town so not to alarm anyone, too exhausted to go another step, but full of hope for him. She would wait until he returned.
(And wait. And wait. And wait and wait and wait and dread—)
The castle gardener came to draw water, and—as if she weren’t as tall as the small trees under the huge one she sat against—struck up a conversation with her about the mysterious boy who’d fallen unconscious across the threshold of the castle, asleep as if cursed to never wake up.
(The spark didn’t last long.)
—
She remembered when he could move.
“Please,” she whispered, as soft as her voice would go. “Please, if you can hear me. Wake up.”
(“Oh, dearest,” the gardener’s frail wife had murmured to her when the kind gardener brought her home to partake of a bit of supper. “I’m afraid they won’t let you in as you are. Would you let me sing you a catch as you eat?”)
The gardener’s wife was frailer by the end of it, but her heart-song could change things, like her own. Instead of towering at the heights of the houses, she was now six feet tall by human reckoning, and still thankful the castle had high halls and tall doors.
(Their daughter, a fair maiden with a shadow about her, had watched from the doorway.)
Nix Nought Nothing lay nearly motionless in the cushioned chair the castle servants had placed him in. His chest rose and fell slowly, like he was in a deep sleep.
He was still smaller than she was, but not by much. He seemed so large, or close. She could see details she’d never noticed before—his freckles, the definition of his eyelashes, the scuffs and loose threads in his tunic.
The way his head hung as if he could no longer support it.
She held him gently—oddly, now, with both her hands so small on his arms and an uncertainty of what to do now—and wept over him. She sung through her tears, her heart pleading with his very soul, but to no avail. He did not wake up.
He didn’t hear her—likely couldn’t hear her. All around him, the air was sharp and still and dead. Cursed.
Still, her heart pleaded with her, now. Try, try. Don’t stop speaking to him. Remember? He never stopped trying.
“You joke that you are nothing," she said, with every drop of earnestness in her being. "But I tell you, you are all I had, and all I had ever wished for.”
There was power in names. She knew that. But was his even a proper name? It really wasn’t—though it was all he had.
It was all she had as well. She had exhausted everything else close to her. There was nothing left to call on, to plead with, but him.
“Nix Nought Nothing,” she said softly. “Awaken, please.”
Her voice, no longer so resonant and deep with giant’s-breath, sounded foreign in her ears. It was mournful and soft like the doves of the rocks, and grieved like the groan of the earth when it split.
“I cleaned the stable, I lave the lake, and clomb the tree, all for the love of thee,” she said, her voice thickening with tears. A drop of saltwater fell and landed on his tunic, creating another of many small blotches. “And will you not awaken and speak to me?”
Nothing.
—
She didn’t remember being shown out of the room. Her vision was too blurred, and her mind was too distraught and overwhelmed. The next thing she could focus on enough to recall was that she was now seated on a stiff chair in the hall. Someone had been kind enough to set a cup of water on the little table beside her.
The towering doors creaked softly behind her, and at last, someone new entered. She looked over her shoulder, barely able to see through the dry burning left behind by her tears.
A man and a woman stood in the door. They were dressed in fine robes, and looked like nobles.
"What is the matter, dear?" the woman asked, looking over her appearance with eyes soft with pity. She came close, and her presence was like cool balm, gentle and comforting. "Why do you weep?"
The gold roses woven in the green of the woman's dress swam in her vision as she dropped her gaze, unsure what to say. These people seemed kind. But were they? Would they send her out from here, unable to return to him?
They would be right to do so. She was a stranger here, and Nix could not vouch for her like he'd planned.
"No matter what I do," she finally said softly, "I cannot get Nix Nought Nothing to awaken and speak to me."
In one moment, only the woman stood there—in the next, the man was beside her. The air was suddenly still and heavy like glass, and it felt as though there was a thread drawn taut between them all for a moment.
"Nix Nought Nothing?" they asked in unison, their voices full of something tense and heavy and sharp. When she looked up, nearly fearful at the sudden change in their tone, their faces were slack and pale.
Something stirred in her heart. Look. What do you see?
Green and gold. Their wide eyes were a familiar warm brown.
—
Now, things are changing.
According to the servant who'd been keeping an eye on him, all from the kingdom had been offered reward if they could wake the sleeping stranger, and the the gardener's daughter had succeeded. It was a mystery how it had happened—by whom had he been cursed? Her father? Then why could she not wake him, but a maiden from the castle-town here could?—but now, with the King and Queen hovering beside her and unable to stay still for anticipation, no one cared.
The gardener's daughter was fetched, and bid to sing the unspelling catch for the prince. (Prince. He was a prince, while she was a ruffian's daughter. She kept forgetting, when she was with him.) It was a haunting one that grated on her ears, as selfishly-written magics often did—and as if bitterness still crept at the girl's heart at the sight of all who were here, she left as soon as it was finished.
Nix Nought Nothing awoke—he awoke! He opened his eyes and sat up and looked at her as if seeing the sunrise after a year of darkness, and how her heart leaps high into her throat at the sight—and true to form, only blinks a few times at her as he seems to take her in before coming to terms with it.
"You look a bit different," he remarks, tilting his head slightly. "Or did I grow?"
She chokes on a snort.
"Hush," is all she can say. What had been an attempt at an unimpressed expression melts into a wavering smile. "Are you done napping now?"
He opens his mouth to retort, but a grin creeps onto his face before he can. He snickers. "Have I slept that long?"
"Nigh a week," the Queen says—and when Nix turns his head and sees her, his eyes grow wide. The Queen's smile grows broad and wavers with emotion, and the King's eyes are crinkled at the edges, and shining. "It has been a long time."
Her own father had never shown love like this—like the way Nix tries to leap from his chair at the same moment his parents rush to hold him, all of them laughing and sobbing and shouting exclamations of love and excitement and I-thought-I-would-never-see-you-agains. So much joy rolls off of them that she thinks she could have stood there watching forever and been content.
The first thing he does, after the first surge of this, is turn and introduce her to his parents, who had barely finished hugging him and kissing him and calling him their own dear son.
"This is the one who helped me," Nix says, already gesturing to her in excitement as he looks from her to his parents. "She sacrificed much to save me from the giant. Her kindness is brilliant and she blesses all who know her."
She tries not to look embarrassed at the glowing praise as Nix comes and stands beside her as he recounts their blur of a tale to his parents.
"Ah! She is bonny and brave," says the King. By the end of Nix's stories of their escapes, they're smiling warmly at her with such pride that she dips her head and smiles.
Nix Nought Nothing glances sideways up at her and raises a brow, a knowing smirk tugging at his lips.
"I've tried to tell her that," he agrees. "I don't think she's ever believed me."
She purses her lips and glances down at him. "I'll believe it the day you believe you are not nothing."
"Alright." Simple as that, he folds his arms and raises a brow at her. "I believe it. Fair trade?"
"Fair enough," she decides, with a crooked little smile. He beams, as if she's done something worth being proud of, and looks to his parents, who indeed look proud of them both.
"We would welcome you as our daughter," the King declares heartily, and both the Queen and Nix brighten, which makes her too embarrassedly fixated on the thought of family? Starting anew? to register what comes next. "Surely, you should be married!"
Nix looks at her, arms still folded, his eyes twinkling. There's something hopeful in his eyes that makes her certain this diminutive new heart of hers has skipped a few beats.
"Should we? Surely?" he asks, as if this is a normal thing to be discussing.
She works her jaw and swallows a few times, unable to help how obviously awkward she still likely looks. A flush tickles her face, and the queen seems to put a hand over her mouth to smile behind it.
"I... don't... suppose... I would mind," she manages, and—with those bright eyes so affectionate, and on her—Nix starts snickering at her expression. It's rude, but so, so warm she can't mind. She only discovers how broadly she's smiling when she tries to purse her lips and glare at him but is unable to. "Oh, go back to sleep!" she chides, too gleeful inside to truly mind, even as she makes a motion as if throwing one of the chair-cushions at him.
"Never!" he declares, pretending to dodge the invisible pillow. He makes broad gestures that she presumes are meant to emphasize how serious he is about this. When he stands straight and tall and sets his shoulders, she thinks that the boy she's explored the forest with really does look like a prince. "I have my family and my love all together in safety at last. We have much to speak of, and much time yet to spend with each other." He's a prince, but of course, he's also still himself. He immediately gets a mischievous glimmer in his eyes and puts a hand to his chest nobly as he does what he's done for as long as she's known him—jokes, when his emotions rise. "I shall never adhere to a bedtime as long as I live!"
My love, her heart still repeats every time it beats—as payback, likely, for her calling it diminutive. My love, my love, my love.
She doesn't let it out, for she doesn't know what it will do. But the words weave a song within her, so vibrant and effervescent and strong, brighter and clearer than any she's had before.
"I am glad to see you are certainly still my dear son," the Queen says, her own eyes twinkling. "I'm certain you both need fed well after such a journey. Come, perhaps you both can tell us more of it as supper is prepared."
They fall into an easy tumble of conversation and rejoicing and genial planning, and her heart is so light she thinks it must be plotting to escape her chest.
On the week's end from when she brought him here, Nix Nought Nothing and his family welcomes her into their home. It feels natural. It feels warm, and homey, and so pleasant and right that she often has to stop tears of weary joy from welling up as she considers it all.
Once upon a time, she thought she'd known happiness well enough without him. She had known what it was like to be without a friend, and without love.
Now, it’s hard to remember it.
#inklingschallenge#four loves fairy tale retelling challenge#each all everything#theme: philia#theme: eros#story: complete#Nix Nought Nothing#fairy tale retelling#And there we have it!! A THING that is now FINISHED#Some changes have been made from the original fairytale#such as: no one’s losing their toes like that on my watch!!#please note that having everyone keep their toes actually improves the story#by letting the characters be happier thanks to having toes#you’re welcome#edit: I forgot it was fingers AND toes#oof??#this is an extremities-safe zone#Bonny and Nix#There are some parts of this I’m not sure are the best they could be BUT it’s FINISHED and that was my main goal!#(I don't finish things I start writing near often enough; so whoo! Small victory!)#wait a minute did I include all four types of love??#I DID#that's hilarious that was not intentional#at the discretion of the contest runner to include; as doing all four sounds a bit extra:#theme: storge#theme: agape#This was supposed to be a friendship/romantic love combination that would surprise no one who has read my writing#imagine my own (retrospectively unwarranted) surprise when it turned into an excuse for me to write all the kinds of love??#Anyway this was so much fun to write! I hope you enjoy! <3#salt and light
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Um, Disney… this was literally already the plot of the movie. Her motivations are pretty clearly not just about Eric (and even if they were — so what?). She’d been collecting things in the grotto for ages and sang Part of Your World, the song where she goes very into detail about wanting to take part in the human world, BEFORE she ever laid eyes on Eric. Tell me you haven’t watched the movie in a while without telling me you haven’t watched the movie in a while.
#don’t get me wrong the trailer looked very cute#however i'm very tired of them acting like everything had to be improved upon#'we're changing things in kiss the girl because eric needs to ask consent to kiss her'#you mean the song where SHE is very intentionally trying to get him to kiss her?#funnily enough a mute person can be the active pursuer with clear intentions and not need their hand held always being asked if it's okay#literally the PLOT OF THE MOVIE hinges on her being the one trying to get him to kiss her#and the leaked art of ariel taking his place steering the ship in the climax… why? why isn’t she allowed to need help?#what's so wrong with eric having an active role in the story?#and does it not speak well of ariel that he loves this woman enough to risk everything for her safety?#it's a wonderful credit to her character to have inspired such devotion#why is it a big deal that she always have to be the one doing everything? it's starting to look like he has nothing to do in this movie#i've always been tired of 'she did all this for a man' takes that look down on her and princess stories in general#but to see disney themselves not understand their own movie and act like they have to fix it is driving me insane#this is a disney princesses defense blog#disney#the little mermaid 2023#rant
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"3rd sem doesn't fit the theme of p5!" abuse of power and how to change society is quite literally the central theme of p5
#☢️.txt#3rd sem is more about the /philosophy/ behind improving society#but even og p5 ends on the idea that the thieves had a negative effect bc they caused the public to become apathetic#yeah yeah yaldy interfered but the whole point was the game was rigged against humanity#either humanity is apathetic to change (joker) or humanity cannot change (akechi)#there was never a good end! they were both set up so nothing they did would be a lasting net positive#the good end is the refusal to participate! its killing god and letting humanity choose its fate!#and maruki is trying to save humanity at the cost of that freedom#the only difference between yaldy and maruki is the intent. theyre both locking away peoples choices and making it themselves
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i feel like something people don’t understand is that mayor holiday could easily be a generally bad and unlikable person while also holding nuance—this isn’t to say she won’t have any redeeming traits, but a character has the ability to be nuanced and 3 dimensional while simultaneously just… being generally unlikable and/or a bad person. example: azula, from avatar—personally i like her a lot as a character but does that mean i think she’s a good person or someone i’d like to meet? no. same with akito from fruits basket
she can also be sympathetic while… being generally unlikable! it’s possible! she can be abusive and cold and rude and also well written with explanations behind her actions and believable psychology. i trust toby fox to make a character like that, or even better! read tags for more rant
#also you can have the best intentions and end up abusing your child#that’s honestly my theory. mayor holiday is stressed and hurting so she becomes overbearing and difficult on her child to the point of long#-lasting harm#and that doesn’t mean she’ll be granted redemption. mothers like that often get softer as time goes on but this is usually a result of a#stubborn character and therefore change barely makes a dent in the relationship until years later#i’m the youngest child of my mother and i’ve gotten the best side of her#but i know it took her a long time to improve and she still makes big mistakes all the time#with me and my sisters#of whom got the worst side of her#i love her dearly but i recognize she’s not the best person ever and she’s made huge mistakes in the past#so yeah. mayor holiday may not get redemption in the 7 days of deltarune#but it doesn’t mean she’s 1d and her only traits are mean cold woman#deltarune#undertale#utdr#mayor holiday#rudy holiday#rudolph holiday#noelle holiday#deltarune noelle#noelle deltarune#deltarune theory#also i feel like saying she might be a straight up bad irredeemable person isn’t saying she’s evil or 1d#toby fox obviously doesn’t make characters like that lol#as a child honestly it doesn’t matter the intentions#your parent even YELLING at you repeatedly can be terrifying#god sorry i just wanna talk a lot abt how it’s so easy to unintentionally abuse ur child but#i’d just say the same things over and over again
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when i said I will not be told im transphobic it was in reference to the asks i had gotten calling me transphobic based off the post alone. maybe it was unfair of me to expect people who only saw one post of mine to know my heart or whatever but i also think you cant expect the greatest reaction after calling someone a terf because they accidentally used non inclusive language (while trying to be inclusive)
I havent been told what the alternative term is. ive repeatedly said if someone says what a better term to use is ill edit the post immediately to use that better term but ive yet (as im writing this post) to be told what term would be more trans inclusive than what i have said. I used the term female bodies because that seemed the most appropriate and inclusive term to use when making the post and its since been pointed out that that's not the case. I have no personal attachment to the phrase if there's something more appropriate to say ill adjust my language appropriately.
idk what part of my og posts but if it's the 'I'm being told because I'm transphobic because I checks note care about misogyny' that was not my intention. my tag refers to the replies in an earlier post where me and mutual discuss how most users that post about feminism get accused of being terfs for no reason other than posting about feminism. my feminism has always been and always will be inclusive of all women and if the language i used suggested otherwise i apologise for that.
no clue what causes pcos. no clue what causes endometriosis. 2 year waiting lists to see a gynecologist. you'd think female bodies only started existing 50 years ago
#thank you for being receptive but im being genuine when i say this post was just a rant post about something in my personal life and#i didnt use the word woman (in the og version) because i wanted it to be inclusive and like i said elsewhere used the term female bodies in#the same way you would female primary sex characteristics. just shorter#my annoyance wasnt at anyone telling me that i used transphobic language but at those calling me a terf#i understand what you mean by the antiblack comparison and do understand that for many trans people the language i used can make them#uncomfortable and it can be triggerring and my defensiveness wasnt an appropriate reaction to being told that i may be hurting people#but genuinely if someone just said instead of female bodies you should say ______ ill change the post and my everyday language like that#i intended to be inclusive and if despite my intent my actions were not i want to fix that but i cant do that without being told how to#improve. in my bachelors my lecturers wouldnt just say 'dont do this' but would say how to improve and i dont think its intentionally obtuse#or helpless to ask how to improve#blah blah blah <- me yapping anyway thank you again for being kind about this
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September & October: Balancing Act
#celebrate joy#Celebration#Change#coping strategies#Creativity#divination#embrace joy#emotions#gratitude#Happiness#inspiration#Intention#intentional living#journey#joy#learning journey#life skills#May#Mental Health#mindfulness#monthly tarot#motivation#personal growth#positive attitude#purpose#Purposeful Living#reconnect with joy#resilience#self discovery#self improvement
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September & October: Balancing Act
#celebrate joy#Celebration#Change#coping strategies#Creativity#divination#embrace joy#emotions#gratitude#Happiness#inspiration#Intention#intentional living#journey#joy#learning journey#life skills#May#Mental Health#mindfulness#monthly tarot#motivation#personal growth#positive attitude#purpose#Purposeful Living#reconnect with joy#resilience#self discovery#self improvement
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act of intention: day one
i came up with this idea at 1am this morning , so i cleaned the kitchen before i went to bed and counted that for yesterday.
(i normally do the kitchen chores anyway, but that means dealing with dishes and leftovers after dinnertime.) (i don't clean shared spaces outside of assigned responsibilities because my brother will make me his full-time maid if i give the inch.) (i just decided to do it last night so mom wouldn't have to deal with the mess of snacks and ramen they made with when she woke up.)
not much, but it's still something.
#aoi diaries#acts of intention diaries#glow up#monthly glowup#random acts of kindness#pink#pinkcore#that girl#best self#self improvement#edit to change title text from bigger to biggest: 08/03/2024
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this is petty n most likely an issue of ive just been exposed to entirely different shit but those posts about how people complaining about redemption arcs is bad bc its important message that people can change is just completely ignoring why people are actually complaining cause the big two examples i can think of for why people complain about redemptions are 1. the redemption is poorly written n ignores and/or retcons the previous seriousness of their wrongdoings just because the writer(s) want them to be good now n its kind of hard to do that if (for example) we take the lives they intentionally n mercilessly killed into account and 2. this character is an abuser but instead of taking accountability n bare minimum apologizing n letting their victim(s) choose whether they wish to still have them in their life the writer(s) choose a narrative where the abuser doesnt really have to change as a person they just dont abuse anyone anymore n the framing is weirdly unsympathetic to their victim(s)
#bonk.txt#annoys me even more bc of it using the good place as an example bc THE GOOD PLACE HAVE AN ABUSER WHO BECOMES A BETTER PERSON#AND IS SYMPATHETIC TO HER VICTIM FOR BEING HURT N UPSET THAT HER MOM WAS CAPABLE OF CHANGE BUT DIDNT CHANGE FOR HER#its not the concept of someone improving n growing as a person as a person that people dislike they dislike bad inconsistent writing#n (intentional or not) narratives of abuse victims having to forgive their abuser and or ignore the harm done to them!!#the elements of ''its kind of facist to not forgive people'' and ''i was kind of a shit person so its important for me to see characters#who are also kind of shit change as people'' also suck#first thing it is an actual issue that people are unforgiving n ignore how someone's changed to go after them for shit that is years old#but as already stated thats not the usual reason people complain about this shit n it feels disingenuous to bring that up#cause people thought a show you liked is badly written when that tactic is usually used to target minorities n silence them for disagreeing#with someone or being mildly annoying#usually they didn't even do anything to warrant this response n the shit being dug up to vilify them is like a nonissue twisted into harm#second thing is like ur probably perceiving urself as worse than you are you definitely never killed anyone n you most likely havent#intentionally cultivated a situation where u can get away with multiple people with no consequences ur at worst probably just an asshole#n its a weird overreaction to reach for these kinds of characters when theres more out there that resemble#ur situation n the growth u experience as a person that as a bonus are also probably better written#this is just like straight up brain vomit i i need to go back to bed n also im probably mixing posts in my head but hhh#people dont like bad writing it is mostly that simply n when its not for either of the proper reasons ive stated#then its usually related to some kind of bigotry n holding minorities to a higher standard than they would if it was just some white guy#which is still an actual issue but again unrelated to people disliking that we're capable of change#i complain about it a lot whenever a character is widely hated for at best things they'd forgive their (canonically cishet male) blorbo for#n at worst genuinely nothing just bc the character happens to be nonwhite/a woman/a kid/traumatized/not whatever's considered#to be ''palatable'' but thats a separate issue n not even the point the posts im complaining about are trying to make#the second example (in the actual post ive written n not in the tags) is probably like too specific#n also i havent like touched the thing im vaguing there in years n its how the situation was when it was last touched upon when i still#somewhat kept up to it but whatever the gist is still there even if its not one to one
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Actions make us change, grow, and improve
Our choices help shape our life and reality if we are committedly walking the space from intentions and ideas to actions. It is what we concretely do that determines how much we change, grow, and improve.
#action#awakening#awareness#Change#Grow#Growth#ideas#improvement#intentions#progress#QOTD#quote#Quote Of The Day#Raffaello Palandri#reality#self-improvement
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Daily Life Quest April 15
View On WordPress
#attraction#authentic#change#conscious#daily#daily intention#daily practice#development#energy#frequency#gratitude#habits#happiness#happy#happy life#improved#improvement#law#life#mindset#personal#practice#quest
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