#instead we get like a month lol
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ONE WEEK UNTIL HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL THE MUSICAL THE SERIES SEASON 4!!!!!
#I'M SO EXCITED :DDD#but also I'm not reayd for it to end 😭😭❤️💔#also not ready to be destroyed by it for other reasons as well lol xD like the drama#BUT I need to stop focusing so much on being sad that it's ending (this rewatch is killing me in this regard lol) and more focused on how#EXCITED I AM :DDD!!!#WHOOOO 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥰#still though they should've given me more time xD#to process it but also another season lol I'm good with that too#plus then there could've been all the heartbreaking but at least deserved (in a good way) last season promo!!#instead we get like a month lol#ANYWAY#hsmtmts#oasis's hsmtmts chatter#high school musical the musical the series#high school musical the musical the series season 4#hsmtmts s4#this show means so much to me <333#and I am so excited for it :DD
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#vee queued to fill the void#*falls to floor* LIKE ITS THE LAYERS BRO—#THE LAYERS TO JAKURAIS SUFFERING AND HOW EACH ONE GOT TOUCHED ON ITS INSANE#UWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHH#*takes off the mtr glasses and puts back on the bat glasses* i saw a bat fan wondering wtf could be happening in bat’s track#when this was how mtr’s unfolded and i do get where they’re coming from lmao#i always have a theory or two lol like i genuinely thought at one point listening to the mtr track#that sensei was going to be able to wake yotsutsuji bc dohifu were going to use the true hypnosis mic together intending to die together#which goes against the lesson that had been taught up to that point tbh lmao but since we learned you could share mics in a bat track#i thought maybe here was where it was coming to play lol#BUT WHAT IF BAT A FAMILY WHO PUTS THEIR LIVES ON ON THE LINE ARE GOING TO DO THAT INSTEAD that’s what i mean i always have a theory lmao#i’ll be plenty thrilled by whatever they throw at me lol like why would mic sharing come back???#for what purpose would laying their lives on the line serve???? is that something about them that needs to change or do they embrace it???#*intense vibrating* two more months……………………………..
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every time that post comes around about fan writers not legally allowed to take comms, i get so fucking anxious lmao
so just so we are all crystal clear... i'm not taking commissions, i'm taking ~donations~ to the brain/motivation fund, and if a chapter magically gets completed, then that's just a perk! 😉👌
don't narc on me to the fandom police i will kill myself
#like i know the legality of it and all#the only reason i take money at all is to keep me afloat enough to not have to give it all up#because i know from experience that if i have to go out and get a job#i won't write anymore#i went two whole years not writing a word when i worked last time#on account of the super fun and not at all soul crushing depression and anxiety and (probably autistic) exhaustion#and when i finally got to quit that job because my partner was making enough to support us both#it was such a relief#i started Open Tab and wrote on it every single day#and slowly became happy again#and felt a sense of community for the first time in like forever#the dream is to finish my original stories and make money off of them instead#but until then#i have vet bills#and medical debt#and getting 200$ every other month or so (actually less because of paypal/kofi fees heh)#keeps our heads barely above water#and gives me the freedom to do what i love and share it with all of you#i genuinely fear losing this outlet#which makes the whole taking money thing very stressful lol#because if i got kicked off of ao3 or godforbid SUED#i'd probably just... go away#hopefully there will come a day soon where i can go back to just writing whatever i want and posting whenever i want#without a care in the world#no thoughts about money whatsoever#but we live in a society#and its rough out here#so uh yeah#anyway#sob story over boohoo first world problems or whatever
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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re: your tags in your reblog about how taylor hasn't felt the need to fly back to the states during the euro leg and how travis was the one to go to her during his off season and the surprise pikachu of it all for her. think there are several things that have elicited that reaction from her where she's realized no, it didn't have to be the way it was despite maybe being made to feel the opposite at the time
Yup.
Again this is probably veering close to territory I don't/shouldn't get into on main because ultimately I don't think there's anything to add and it's all stuff we'll never know.
That being said, lol, I think there's been a lot in the last year that Taylor's discovered that has made her wonder about why she felt she needed to do things the way she did, and I don't even just mean in terms of her relationship. We've all kind of seen her blossoming in ways I suspect surprised even her.
But relationship-wise, I wouldn't be surprised if the way things seem to have felt easy and secure from the start with Travis made her wonder why it couldn't have been with other people in the past (ahem) and more than a little angry for a bit about how easy it is for her current partner to be supportive in a way that comes naturally when her previous one(s)... was(were) not. Obviously I can't speak for Taylor, but I certainly would have a moment of Petty Betty-ness for a little bit.
#Pouring out my heart to a stranger but I didn't pour the whiskey#Anonymous#i still wonder if that's part of why there were some low-key clapbacks last fall#between the surprise songs and some media responses and--#you know#lol this feels analogous to when I started my new job after getting laid off from my old one that I'd been at for nearly 10 years#and how I spent years being underpaid and having shitty schedules and ending up with like actual months-worth of vacation time#because i was never able to take it#and it was just the way it was but I stayed for so long because it was like 'family'#and then i started my new job (albeit in a new field in some ways) and I got paid way more and better hours and a super supportive boss#who like nurtured my desire to grow and move up#instead of my old boss who I considered a friend who was like 'lol we're cutting your hours so that you're not full time anymore#but you're a super valued member of the team and we can't do this without you!'#anyway i nearly cried the first time I heard it's time to go and then got laid off weeks later lmao#and I had a crying breakdown after I started my new job because i was like 'things can be this easy????'#'i don't have to struggle paycheque to paycheque and i don't have to work 7 days a week on the whims of others' schedules???'#'and I can actually have a life and not feel guilted for not being a team player???' anyway lol
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@gabichanwrites’ recent reread comment single-handedly making me open up the Floriography document again
#bam writes#floriography#not to put you on blast queen I just love your comments#needed you to know#also yes this is a ‘I’m working on the next chapter’ post#have been for like 10 months but here we are#nearly had it done in January and then the brain went ‘hmmm… but what if we wrote it again instead’#so hopefully this is the final draft of this chapter#blooming#forgot to tag my own series lol#out here forcing myself not to rewatch season 3 yet#because if I do it’s all I’ll think about and I’ll never get this transition chapter finished
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you stop shaving as a woman and people just dont know what to call you anymore huh
#you ever get so annoyed that you draw ur irl self instead of your epic swag yass slay pretty sona#i didnt stop shaving for any statement btw it just drains me to do it & i havent been in the mood for months LMAO#i think i'm so used to the comfort of being surrounded by ppl presenting however they want and calling themselves whatever#sometimes i forget how. binary everything still is where i live#note that aint trans btw. i was afab & i dont fully identify as that currently but i have no problem being called a girl#and due to Health Reasons(tm) i get hairier than one would consider 'normal' for a woman (among other things)#(listen we all know gender is a nuanced spectrum but im not in the mood to talk about it in the tags of my own blog lol)#that + short + fat + voice breaks sometimes + mostly wears 'gender neutral' clothing. been mistaken for a prebuscent guy sometimes#(i say 'gender neutral' but its just regular ass baggy shirts and pants/jeans. 💥)#and if y'know me personally youre prolly reading this like 'what'. and yeah thats my reality sometimes LMAO#and im spanish so things are Extra gendered >8'D#i dont even bother explainin my gender to family its just not worth it so i take the she/her and move on#usually i dont talk about these irl things bc whatever but it's starting to irritate me lol#like. do i have to fuckin shave just to not be misgendered. fuckin christ dude#i need to get my yearly haircut btw. i dont like long hair on myself. its getting warm & it makes me sweat i hate it 🧍♂️
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#it went!!! idk lately my pain treshhold has been so low bc im in pain all the time#so i just dont wnna be in pain anymore... he said that now it'll still hurt for a few days T-T#but he wasnt exactly sure what it was but i had.. a cavity??#im not rlly sure abt the english terms for all of this but the tooth is dying lol#but instead of immediately killing it nd getting a root fill he said that we should give the tooth a chance#so he fixed what he could fix#i hate dentist treatments bc of all the air nd water nd my anxiety i need to swallow constantly#but this time i actually told them abt it nd he was very helpful sksks#he even said 'ok now take a break nd swallow' so i didnt need to be so anxious#nd it was a relief bc he wasnt bad at all. he was actually rlly nice nd easy to talk to phewww#it cost abt $80 so i can manage to be without that until next week!!!!#so yeah it went much better than i had anticipated so im happy abt that#but yeah the problem still isnt 100% fixed yet so im still not relieved#he said i had a cavity in my other tooth as well but that we needed to check that at another time#im so frustrated bc i brush my teeth 2/day i use mouthwash i floss....#and for the last 7 months i havent even had any sugar!!!!! like why did this still happen.. o.o#oh nd he also said that i probably clench my teeth nd yeah i do that a lot more than i've realized#your teeth arent supposed to be touching!! never!! only when u eat#my teeth.... are touching pretty much all day omg. bc im so tense nd anxious#he said that he couldnt be sure bc he didnt have enough info to go on but that could have contributed to this#well well... i did it nd went even if i didnt want to#hopefully my tooth will be better now. nd i have another appt in may to see what i could get done further#if financial aid for it gets approved tho it might not#but yeah.. god dental pain nd issues is my no. 1 fear bc im poor nd i cant afford it
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Okay, so a couple of summers back both my PS4 controllers started getting the ever annoying stick drift (my silver on the left stick and blue on the right hilariously enough). And while I got a new controller in to replace it as a bday present, I never actually tossed either of them. Mostly because they were still usable as back ups in certain games. Like my blue was awful in any game that used camera controls, but in a game or platformer like crash it worked just fine, while the other was fine in any 3d game but in a 2d style then movement was almost impossible (like I still remember jumping over a gap only to lose my jump momentum half way through and falling to my death).
But that brings me to today. In my travels of trying to fix my PS2 controller hilariously enough, I found out that you can actually buy replacement joystick pieces and just replace them yourselves. Assuming you have a soldering gun and equipment of course.
So I got a couple of those parts and ordered a little soldering kit online, and I'm all ready to try and see i can't get my controllers working back at 100% again.
Wish me luck!
#im so excited you have no idea#in a high school computer class we had a small unit on soldering and i got to build a motherboard#and while its admittedly been like almost 15 years since then i loved that section so much#ive been wanting to do some raspberry pi stuff for a while#thought it would be fun#so this is just a great excuse to get soldering stuff and giving it a go!#if it doesnt work than im not too worried cause i have a fully usable controller anyways and i havent touched these ones in months#but if it does than instead of spending like $70 on a new controller it only cost me $16 to buy the two parts that i needed#later this afternoon my lens replacement for my ps2 should be arriving as well#though that will be a much easier install#just gotta desolder a piece on the new part than screw it in place lol#god i love fixing stuff like this on my own though#always makes me feel smart when all it takes to fix somethig is just taking it apart and cleaning a piece
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#i am at my fucking limit lol#i need to leave this fucking town and this fucking state the very second i can nail down both a car and a remote job#the fucking ''''affordable'''' housing company i rent from has once again opted to start harassing us#and we're once again gonna have to be in a fucking fight with landlords who think that we're making too much money to live in a $1200 apt#and want us to pay $2000 a month for this rathole we live in despite taxes and deductions literally absorbing a quarter of our earnings#so they want to absorb half of what we have left when ive yet to be able to even afford a car that isn't a fucking beater destined for scrap#at least not without using p much all of my current life savings in the process#so we have to instead get around by buses that refuse to actually show up take us on huge detours for no reason have lead feet that-#-exacerbate my chronic pain and - oh! how could i forget? is also horrifically mismanaged to the point where they're now canceling entire-#-bus routes including the one i take to work and ALSO GOES TO THE AIRPORT lol#and nothing will fucking change about the highway robbery rent hikes bc the entire state legislature is filled with and bought by-#-landlords NIMBYs and property management firms.#that's not even getting into the fact that ive got too many traumatic memories too many enemies and not enough good things to show for it#the only thing I've got in this fucking town is my partner bc not even our home can be considered safe anymore.#i want to take them and the home we dream of and get the fuck out bc i can't keep doing this shit#and i can't even fucking talk to them about this bc they need me to be the strong one for once#im so tired. i feel like im in danger even though i know we'd be able to tank the hit to our finances. but i would like to escape.#i know of a city in ny where our $1200 rent is considered the norm. there's also so much more to do within reach that isn't just. drinking.#i wanna go there. i may have had a desire to live there since our vacation there this past March.#but for now im stuck here dreaming of the future and fighting off desperation and despair in the present#this breakdown brought to you by: the bus purposely avoiding my stop this morning after learning my landlord wants to ruin us again#vent
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ok I actually did manage to come out ahead on money in july & aug but only bc I cleverly timed my phone upgrade with a 3-paycheck month lol
#interestingly i came out under budget on food bc I've been good about cooking#but i. dont wanna talk about how much i spent on electrolytes lol#well i accidentally ordered a 64pk of one flavor instead of a 16pk. so at least I'll be well stocked for a while#it's actually kind of calming looking at the pile and being like no matter what happens i will have strawberry liv available#but I'm actually kind of relieved#all my stupid ebay purchases!!;#i knew we were getting bonuses + 3 paycheck month in aug#but i worried i was miscalculating and overspending#apparently I judged it pretty well!!!
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oh god the last 24 hours have been a LOT
#currently torn between:#inconsolably elated about 505 and getting to witness the sheer joy and heartfelt hugs of them being onstage together again#devastated for poor alex and his voice#and praying he’s drinking lots of honey and lemon tea and not beating himself up about having to cancel#utterly ECSTATIC about miles’s new single dropping this evening#tiny bit of selfish worry that the state of alex’s health means i might not get to see am this weekend#all in all this would plenty of emotion for like. an entire month#and instead it’s happened in LESS THAN 24 HOURS#genuinely feeling quite exhausted#i think i need to go and lie down and not think about am or alex or miles for a couple hours#which is#not a sentence i ever thought i’d say lol#also my heart goes out to anyone who was meant to be seeing them in dublin 💔#i know we all care much more about alex being okay and looking after himself than we do about seeing them perform#but that doesn’t make missing seeing your favourite band any easier#so yeah#sending love and hugs to anyone in that position 💗#milex#arctic monkeys#lulu posts
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you know what. i do not feel bad that family/friends delay telling me their dog acquiring news because they fear i'll be judgmental. 1.) like hmmm. why do we have something bad to judge i wonder?? 2.) i have never been incorrect in my judgements of people's backyard breeder buying habits being bad ideas for those individuals. and it's so clear that the family/friends of mine that delay their dog news know they are getting dogs from less than reputable sources just based on their behavior. like c'mon people. let's set you up for success instead.
#dogblr#relatives that got the lab puppy less than six months ago only had that puppy for like less than a week before they gave it back bc it was#'too much'#but are now getting a BYB boxer puppy instead.#can't even express how bad of an idea i feel that is#like i could have helped you find a nice show line lab but noooo#like why is questioning why the local byb malamute person around me has like 12-14 litters (combined sibe and mal) each year is me being#'too harsh'#people in my life need to have better standards honestly like#you feel like you'll be judged bc you will be#literally begging people to get a dog that is right for their lifestyle please#like fam do we feel a byb boxer puppy#with no health testing or temperament testing to its recent pedigree#is a good fit for a home with kids 2 and 6 and 8.#bc i kinda feel like this will be a bad idea#'it's their choice tho!' some people will say#yeah it's also my choice to judge them lol
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anyway yeah relevant to that post abt being deaf/hoh and ppl excluding u from conversation bc of it (even unintentionally), that's smth that's been really deeply bothering me lately bc there are a few ppl I routinely have to deal with who do it a lot and it Pisses Me The Fuck Off I've lost all patience w them. giving up and calling it ableism and walking out idc anymore 🚶♂️
#theres a guy at work whos incredibly annoying for it but tbh hes bad at his job in general anyway n everyones annoyed at him all the time#so at least i get some solidarity from my other coworkers (who are generally rly accommodating of my deafness)#i dunno how he hasnt got the memo ive explained im deaf so he needs to face me n make sure he has my attention n enunciate multiple times#but nope still not getting thru to him! so half the time if he starts mumbling i just pointedly ignore him until he either speaks more#clearly or goes away lmao#and same with a friend of a friend im sure hes a nice guy and everyone else seems to like him n hes in our main discord server so i cant#avoid him as easily and ive been so tolerant of it but hes worn thru my patience entirely and idc abt trying to be nice anymore#if he comes on call and starts mumbling and sidelining me from the conversation i just put him on mute im not dealing with that anymore#i dont fucking care if its petty and rude to do that. im tired of trying to understand him and dealing with how left out he makes me feel#i hope he picks up on the hostility n feels unwanted so maybe then he'll understand what its like for me and fix his behaviour 👍#bc i have no other way of communicating that with him anymore. since I CANT FUCKING HEAR HIM!!!!!#he also has a lot of other annoying behaviour which is fine but this is my limit its so disrespectful and outside of my control#make space for my disability or go away forever#not sure if we could even be friends if he did change now bc hes soured my impression of him so much by this point.#sad! well theres other guys#im glad everyone ive met at climbing so far has been pretty good abt it. really not that hard to do!#anyway rant over lol. at least the guy at work is only on a temp contract so only have to deal w him for a few more months#unfortunately since the rest of that group is friends w this other guy he'll prolly be around longer. but oh well lmao#just crossing my fingers he'll drift away n never open discord again so ill never have to deal w his shitty crackly mic mumbling#or maybe he'll stop fucking calling from whatever wind tunnel hes in and properly join in on our movie nights instead!!!!!#it is sad bc i think he has similar music taste to me. there are def some things we have in common that could form a basis for friendship#but hes gone n ruined it innit#aaaanyway oops started complaining again... the bitch grind never ends#im gonna shower n go back to elden ringing it.... fare thee well#.diaries
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I just do not give a single shit about lg-bt-q disc-ourse anymore.
#Cade.Txts#sorry i jsut do not care.#i dont give a fuck about what flag someone does or doesn't use#i dont care about what people call themselves. stop trying to decide shit for othrr people#shut up and fuck off n leave people alone. u dont havr to 'understand' to be respectful#Idc if people use the blue 'gay' flag who cares. use whatever flag u want.#shut the fuck up about mspec gay people we're doing nothing wrong n if i have someone try n start#some shit w me about how i personally identify i will maul them through the god damn internet. shut up.#eat shit. i dont owe a explanation to u about why i'm abro ply gay n if u demand me to explain#im going to tell you to fuck off.#who the fuck cares what people call themselves. u might not like being called queer or whatever n thats cool#but some people do and thats nit a fucking slight aganst u.#and i say 'you' as just in general i guess. this isn't pointed at a specific person.#i dread pride month every year because people r going to throw some shitfit about something snd i jsut#i dont care. can we care about shit that fucking matters instead.#if u legimately call urself a exclusionist in 2023 your a shitstain and do nothing for the community.#grow the fuck up or get the fuck off the internet.#sorry i saw shit n i got mad lol. i'm so tired of peoples bullshit. worry about shit tht matters n not#how someone else identifies or what someone calls themselves- or what flag someone uses.#i'm just going to be unabashedly full of rage now.#i'm queer n trans n im pissed the end.
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reala after jod
#i wish the nights plushes were easier to get for a lot of reasons but mostly so we could have actual cursed pictures like this of them#also sorry for everyone who followed here for reblogs and instead got “look at this picture of reala. now look at THIS picture of reala”#i barely lasted a month lol. also it will happen again
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