#tldr tldr thank god thank god
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fit check ( featuring my insulated sweatpants i got in trouble for wearing today) + my new ELECTRIC COMMUTER BIKE SCOOTER that has immediately changed my life i was doing a two hour walking commute the majority of days and now i have this so my daily life will be a little less of a biblical level tribulation
#i do have to bundle up and look like a total goober on it but whatever who cares ifs actually very enjoyable since my way to work is like#90% on a well maintained bike path#soon i will learn to drive LOL#this really does change everything all i want to talk about is my stupid bike#im so very lucky thank u connors mom lol#it goes 20 mph and has a 20 mile radius the walmart is also on that very well maintained bike path. its great. its great life is great#tldr tldr thank god thank god#now i can start getting groceries at aldis again and make time for the gym go to like six stores a day instead of just one a month LOL#connor and i have matching ones btw so we really are a sideshow act driving together lol but its awesome who cares
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im on my hadestown bullshit again but im also still on my SVSSS bullshit too so au where Shen Yuan gets transmigrated into a nameless NPC sometime after Bingge merges the realms and becomes the demonic emperor over like, basically everyone. And Shen Yuan manages to become an immortal cultivator and has a few years to himself to explore the world he's in, conveniently avoiding Bingge the whole time. Until eventually Shen Yuan joins what is essentially a traveling theater group.
They all love the strange stories he tells, ones he claimed he learned from far away places, and eventually ask him to write one as a play so that they can share it with the world. He does one better and writes a musical and slightly xianxia-izes Hadestown so it fits with the times better.
Eventually they learn everything, the music is st up, their lines learned, and the group rents out some kind of low-class stage for a night in a town that's neither too big nor too small. One that Bingge is conveniently passing through.
The actor for Orpheus falls 'sick' the opening night, and Shen Yuan gets convinced into taking the role by his. He has the prettiest voice, and he knows Orpheus' lines and character the best! Shen Yuan agrees.
Bingge attends that night too, and sits in the far back, in a seat where nobody can see him that well.
There is nothing to prepare him for the Tale of Orpheus and Eurydice.
Not the actor, who looks distressingly, uncannily similar to Shen Qingqiu, from the sharp curve of his jaw to the sound of his voice. It's Shen Yuan's saving grace that he has just enough differences that Bingge doesn't fly to his feet immediately.
Not the character Orpheus either. Who shares a distressingly similar worldview to the one Bingge once had a long, long time ago. A young man, a boy really, with so much hope for the world around him to near the point of naivety. Who believes that there is still good in the world and the people around him.
There's nothing to prepare him for Epic III. A song the lone Orpheus sings to convince Hades to let him and Eurydice go, one that rends Bingge of his flesh and leaves him feeling raw and wanting.
Suddenly he's no longer watching the stage; he's on it, standing in Hades' place, jaded and bitter and cold and reigning over all. Having become cruel like Shen Qingqiu once was. He stands in Hades' place, tall and imposing and powerful.
And there is a shadow of the past sitting at his feet. A boy in love with the world looking up at him, stripping him down to his soul, and asking him where he's been. Bingge stands in Hades' place, and just like that, becomes a man again.
#svsss#scum villain#luo bingge#luo binghe#svsss au#shen yuan#bingyuan#bingyuan au#tldr: epic iii from hadestown would fucking SCALP bingge i swear and i stand by this decision#bingge in the crowd on the verge of a qi deviation:#shen yuan singing his heart out on stage: thank GOD i never have to do this again#the orpheus actor wasnt actually sick it was a plot to get their Shen Yuan on stage because they wanted to listen to him sing#he has such a lovely voice even when he denies it and he's capable of such soulful expressions when he thinks he has a role to play.#ignore me i will project any and all creative arts headcanons onto my blorbos if i can. shen yuan is my newest target.#there was not a SINGLE dry eye after SY stopped singing. the room was fucking swallowed in a suffocating silence. like five seconds passed#before the next song kicked up because everyone -- even the actors -- needed a moment to recollect themselves and bask in the echoes#of shen yuan's voice. everyone was holding their breath. as if the world had suddenly stopped to listen to him sing#anyways yeah this was all a longwinded way to say: i think epic iii would gut bingge specifically like a fish#bingmei would relate with orpheus quite a bit too and the song would hit him hard#but bingge specifically is getting snatched by his fucking ponytail and dragged by this song methinks#neither binghes are getting out of this musical unscathed but bingge is arguably in the worser shape.
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Mike: I'll hold you son, I'll hold you son.
[They all "Awww"]
Mike: Increase the speed, increase the speed! I'm holding you. Faster faster faster! Faster! I'm holding my son, I'm holding my son! He's not gonna fall, he's not gonna fall– he's right here with me.
[Pac and Mike both laugh, and Fit smiles as he looks at both of them]
Fit: Yeah, doin' good!
Pac: Hold– oh my– Mike, if you don't hold him, he's gonna break, he's gonna break!
Fit: He's gonna get scrambled!
Mike: [Lets Richarlyson go temporarily and encourages him] Just kidding, just kidding, just kidding. Nice, you managed to endure the– [Pac stands behind Mike and hugs him] Oh, you're holding me!
Pac: If you fall–
Mike: Hold Pac Fit, hold Pac Fit!
Pac: Nobody gonna fall!
Fit: Okokokok there you go. [He hugs Pac from behind too, and they all laugh, cheering on Richarlyson]
#FitMC#Tazercraft#Richarlyson#QSMP#Mikethelink#Pactw#Fit#Pac#Mike#I MISS THEMMMM#August 22 2023#This is the day Pac was rescued from the prison#Fit and Mike were trying so hard to cheer him up and make him smile / laugh because he was so shaken and traumatized by that whole ordeal#Didn't do translations for the Portuguese parts because#while I'm pretty sure I know what Mike is saying#I don't want to make assumptions and give the wrong translations#but TLDR he's saying ''go on son!'' / ''keep going son!''#Q#IVE HAD THIS SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS#I thought I lost it but no. Thank god#I MISS MIKEEE I MISS RICHAS I MISS THEM ALL TOGETHER
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whats gloria's combat style?
deceptive, mostly. she's not physically strong, the average wastelander is a much better shot than her, and her vision and sense of hearing are limited in part due to the severity of her burns. she is, however, very cunning and very pragmatic.
almost everybody gloria kills across the two books are completely defenseless, actively running away from her, surrendered, or put into situations specifically orchestrated by her to make murdering them easy. she only kills in self-defence once, and while we don't see it, the state of the body leaves nick absolutely horrified. part of the conflict in dead woman walking is nick's inability to reconcile the fact she's able to do this with her positive qualities, made much worse by the fact she never expresses remorse for most of them
#text post#gloria roche#nick valentine#dead man talking#dead woman walking#tldr: she can make him worse#if she's in combat at all she has fucked up massively and is way way out of her depth#thank you for the question! she is my beautiful queen. she has so so so many problems#the character she's paralleled the most with is eddie winter if you want a sense for just how badly this all goes for nick#god gives his most suffering robots his most cancelled wives
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area man somehow stumbles into the mianite fandom, does a triple front flip, accidentally introduces 2,000 people to the series, sticks the landing, and is basically singlehandedly responsible for a miniature fandom revival in the year of our lord 2024, illustrated
#ray's tag#undescribed#keys' art#mcyt#mianite#i uh. genuinely dont know how to bring this up so i just wrote a comic about it.#we are not good at this. thank you everybody for being normal about the fact that we just walked in here and did All This Shit#in our defense we greatly underestimated the power of autism#so uh. tldr. sorry. i think?#you guys are neat and its an honor to be here with such cool people. awkward thumbs up. ye 👍#im gonna. go take a shower now bye#god i hope this isnt too self centric. genuinely i hate talking about myself so much#but its kind of impossible to avoid when you're discussing [waves hand vaguely] All This
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*lovingly tackles Aine*
Read my Yandere! Pierro longfics first ♪( ´▽`)
Last week, my beloved mutual @ainescribe surprised me with Savior! Darling fan art and AHAI9232@2-!/! CRYING SCREAMING I WANT TO LOOK AT THIS ART AND WORSHIP YOUR VERSION OF SAVIOR THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BLESSING ME WITH YOUR ART—
*clears throat* Anyway, now that I finally have the time to properly sit down and comment on the fan art, I’ll do just that. Feedback will be in the tags and it will be unhinged. Once again, thank you so much to Aine for drawing this <3
#feedback#fan art#ainescribe#AIIINE ;-; once again. thank you so much!! it rlly means a lot to me that you enjoyed my writing and felt inspired to draw this :'>#and as someone who loves fashion and character design. it's so so interesting to analyze your version of savior#there's so much symbolism and visual storytelling in each sketch/ outfit and i shall now proceed to pick apart each detail as best as i can#her snezhnayan fit.....god i love it. it's regal. distinctively snezhnayan. and draws attention to her--and you just know that was pierro's#intention when he dressed her in those garments. IT'S JUST SO...!! savior's wardrobe scrubbed clean of her original culture and preferences#replaced with the foreign garments of her captor's nations.....in line with this. i love how her kokoshnik and khaenri'ahn earrings are big#and attention-grabbing. you can't look at her without taking note of those accessories. it begs the question:: how many times has savior#looked at the mirror after being dressed up in snezhnaya and was unable to recognize her own reflection?? :'>#also shoutout to some details aine shared with me: 1) the face marks are inspired by weeping angels 2) the kokoshnik was traditionally worn#by married noblewomen BUT the veil was normally for unmarried women so savior's outfit can be seen as a form of compliance + rebellion#(though later on in history it became accepted for married women to also wear that veil. also my apologies if what i said is inaccurate)#lastly shoutout to savior's expression!! very poised and mysterious....due to her emotional state or pierro's rules on how to act as his#spouse in public?? we'll never know~ the first drawing hits even harder when you compare it to the next one!! such an interesting contrast~#savior in her plain attire. casual and domestic with a smile on her face....i'm guessing this is her pre-fatui version?? she looks so warm#and friendly. and i can definitely understand why pierro fell for her smile <3#also i fucking love the caption. sorry pierro but you are cursed to be a loser/ simp/ pathetic man in all of my fics and AUs xD#NOW ONTO GODDESS! SAVIOR AAAHHHH!! i love the greek goddess motifs. she looks so regal and awe-inspiring but in a different way from her#snezhnayan attire--archaic. divine. and more suited to her personal style.....yet both versions of her look so painfully isolated :'>#her blank eyes. emotionless face. and veil give me the vibes of a spooky victorian ghost...or would a statue/ portrait be more fitting??#the lack of a necklace is also an interesting design choice given what happens in the fic. and now i realized i forgot to comment on your#version of her snezhnayan necklace oops. similar to the kokoshnik and earrings. the size + grandeur makes it impossible to ignore#that and big jewels = expensive af. ohhh and i love the sparkles on her veil!! pierro rlly spared no expense in dressing up his wifey <3#it's also funny how all of these outfits are similar to my own version in terms of 'savior wore grand clothing during her glory days as a#goddess -> wore simple attire after her decline for practicality and to blend in with humans/ disassociate from her old identity -> is now#dressed in even grander clothing as the harbinger's spouse. but it's used to reinforce her new identity and pierro's control over her'#tldr:: your design is so creative and i can see the effort you put in analyzing her character and depicting her based on your interpretatio#thank you for being my mutual + reader and i hope we can share even more harbinger/darling brainrot in the future :>
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#18.1 Rak
Rak let out a huff and sat down next to Agni. Agni peeked over at Rak, who was looking far ahead, as if his past were replaying right before him.
TW: Self harm and suicide…in a way? (Sorry if it gets too dark. I put the TLDR on the tags)
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"I met him back when I was young, about a hundred years ago," Rak started.
Agni was taken aback at how long the gap between their time travel was. He wondered how much his Rak had changed.
"It was getting cold, which meant it was hunting season. I got bored and picked a fight with the toughest and biggest prey I could find."
Agni hummed when Rak paused for a moment too long, "Let me guess. You underestimated it and you lost?"
"The river was slippery!" Rak crossed his arms defensively. "And I didn't lose!"
"Sure," Agni rolled his eyes, one corner of his lips upturned. "How come?"
"I didn't lose, but I didn’t win either." Rak looked away, probably in embarrassment. "Another spear pierced its head before mine. That's when I met him."
From the way Rak's expression turned fiery, Agni had a suspicion that that exact moment had affected Rak more than what he spilled out. It didn't surprise him however, since he knew Rak’s ego.
"He was around for a while, acting like he cared about me." Rak huffed again, more fondly this time, eyes closed and arms still crossed. "He taught me a few fancy tricks with rocks and how to hunt better. He talked a lot about turtle this and turtle that. There were so many, I don't remember. But Black and Blue turtles were the ones he talked about the most, saying something like 'no one else will be more worthy prey than them.'"
Agni felt his chest tighten. To think that their Rak had acknowledged them and even bragged about it…it filled him with a sense of pride and longing.
"I didn't believe him then, since turtles are boring and no way they could do what he said they could." Rak paused and untangled his arms, eyes focusing and turning predatory, "But when he said that these turtles were unlike what we had there, I have been wanting to meet those turtles he told me about and hunt them."
Rak's story was intriguing. But even if it flattered him, Agni was more curious about his Rak's whereabouts. "What happened to him then? Wasn't he…badly injured?"
Rak frowned and went silent. But when he found his voice, it lacked its previous vigor. "He was. It looked fresh and so impossible to walk with, but he did. I asked if it was painful, but he said he didn’t feel a thing."
Third-degree burn. Agni thought to himself. But there was no way it spread evenly. Some areas must've been painful.
"He definitely lied," Rak voiced Agni's thought. "He was just acting to look tough."
The edge of Agni's lips twitched in an attempt to suppress his smile. That's him alright. And of course Rak could figure his own self easily.
"One day he challenged me in an all out duel," Rak's gaze turned dark. "His wounds had weakened him over the months, and it was obvious who would be the winner."
Agni frowned at the implication.
Wordlessly, Rak called out his arms inventory which held a familiar looking spear that shouldn't have been in his possession at this point in time. Agni would recognize that design anywhere, "...Mad shocker."
"He said he wanted to test me, and he gave me this." Rak glared at the spear as if it was responsible for his misfortune. "And later told me that I should be proud, for only a true hunter was allowed to defeat him."
Agni felt his throat going dry, and gulped. "He died, didn't he?"
Rak's eyes sharpened. Whether it was in regret or anger, Agni couldn't tell. "I killed him."
Agni didn't know what to feel about that. On one hand, he could empathize with how much pain Rak must've felt from the injury, especially with the lack of proper treatment that could cure or even just lessen the pain. But on the other hand, it meant that his Rak was truly gone, in such a way, and he still couldn't wrap his head around it.
Rak put his pipe back to invisible mode, like looking at it had brought him so much grief. "I've never used that spear since."
The silence stretched, with only the loud noises coming from the training ground to fill it. Agni wasn't sure how to reply to that without being overly friendly nor physical, and he definitely wouldn't do that to Rak, who only met him today.
Sitting beside Rak like this reminded him of their chat before the workshop battle, on the balcony. It was when Rak truly let him see his buried feelings, his desire to climb the tower together with him and Grace. And with that, the grief finally started to dawn on him. The scar on his face felt itchy and his hand was already clawing at his mask before he registered the motion. He sighed and put his hand back on his knee, pushing the tangled feeling to the back of his mind to be dealt with later. And since the silence had stretched out for too long, he asked; "What was he to you?"
"A rival," Rak looked thoughtful before adding, "and family."
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#TLDR: current Rak was good friends with Agni's Rak#They met about a century before current Rak entered the tower#Future Rak is dead#--end of TLDR--#I do love Rak. but this is the price he must pay for being one of my favorites#ok but did you know that spear inventory is called pipe? i was surprised too#to everyone who was excited last week for future rak comeback...I'm not sorry#it was very entertaining to see your comments (and imagining the despair) hahaha. I thank you for that#anyway. life been very hectic right now. i consider taking a break after valentine update to stock up some chapters#i barely have time to write now. let alone drawing#I'd rather keep my weekly updates than posting once a month. Lest you forget the story and had to reread previous chapter(s) eachtime#tower of god#tog#two sides of the same coin fic#my fic#my art#khun#koon#khun a.a#khun aguero agnis#rak wraithraiser#rak
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Can you expand on what you mean by Baron being "too cool" to really fit a horror monster? It's a very interesting concept and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Is it that they're too active/involved/tangible and it detracts from their scariness?
I feel like I should preface this with a wall of disclaimers lmao 1/I am a hardcore, down-to-the-marrow, avid, deeply sincere horror enthusiast, esp. horror creatures. this usually means my mileage is vastly different from the average populace's, and my scaredy bone has been disintegrated by longterm exposure. most things in a piece of horror media won't scare me! so I practically never use that on its own as the scale to talk abt horror experiences, but when something does scare me it's always a special occasion to be treasured. 2/canon d20 is never really meant to be horror horror, and for good reasons: it doesn't fit the company's output, it takes a kind of carelessness in production estimation that is always a huge risk, it's often vulnerable in a way that kinda goes against how TTRPGs usually facilitates vulnerability, and for most people it's just! stressful! d20, even with the "horror-themed" seasons, generally just plays with horror tropes and stays focused in its goal of being a comedy improv tabletop theater show. 3/fantasy high's chosen system is DnD, which as I've mentioned before is before all a combat-based game system, which means the magic circle of play is drawn based on stats that facilitate and prioritize combat. want or not this affects every interaction you have in the game, and given fantasy high's concept from the ground up (everyone's going to school of DnD stuff to get better at DnD) it's doubly relevant. 4/This Is Fine I have no quarrel with this. my meters are internal, I do not ask this show to be anything it doesn't advertise itself to be, and what it is is fucking great! I like it! when I expand on this ask's question it will be like a physicist going insane in a lab. that's the mindset we're going in with.
disclaimers done. my stance on horror as a genre is that it's a utility genre rather than a content genre or a demographic genre; it is the discard of narratives. it's the trash pile. horror, above being scary, is about being ugly and messy, it's the cracks on the ground any story inevitably steps over to stay a genre that isn't horror. the genre's been around long enough to develop a codex and a general language that medias and makers and enthusiasts of the genre can use to talk about and build onto, but if you go into individual pieces there's really no unifying Horror Story. one person's beautiful life can be another's horror story, it's just how it is.
this makes The Monster a deeply intriguing piece of the genre. thing is a monster is in a decent percentage of any story - it's just when the antagonist force steps into something past a certain line traced out in the story's world. monstrousness is in pretty much every western fantasy story, it's in any story with a hero and something to vanquish or win; more than anything it's a proxy of that thing up there. the line in a narrative's world. the monster is the guard of the unknown lands, where heroic, civilized people don't tread.
what does this mean in the context of horror? the genre is about that perceived lawlessness, that "unknown land" so to say. we're in the monster's home. that's the literary context that we often walk into a horror piece with; the monster knows more than you about where you are. it may not understand you, but it holds more information than you, and with that it moves swifter than you, has more covered than you, and is more assured in its existence in this context than you. it's a struggle to catch up to it, it's nigh impossible to get one over it, and you're never sure it'll 100% work, because you just don't have the information necessary to.
with that framing you can kinda see where I'm coming from here: horror's often about the breaking of rules. I always think a monster's most effective when it breaks well-established rules of both existence and visual storytelling. think Possum (2018) or Undertale's Omega Flowey or the Xenomorph Queen - unique change in medium, unique change in graphic, unique change in design language, etc. in that sense I actually really like how canon baron plays out: they don't really function like anything else in the fantasy high universe, the bad kids have not managed to kill them when they've felled literal gods, their domain in fhjy literally introduces new mechanics to encompass their existence! from an experience design standpoint they slap mad shit. BUT! I can't help finding their character, like as a character riz (and the other bad kids, eventually) interact with, to be very... coherent? in design. this is kinda hard for me to articulate in words, it's more often a sense you get once you've looked at enough of these scrumptious fuckers, their general design and the way they show up is just kinda too clean, so to say. always kinda newly made? fresh unboxed. it, once again, makes sense for their lore - they are looking for more about themself from riz - and their function - they're an antagonist in a game experience, they're meant to be interacted with in a way that produces results and meshes with the existing magic circle - but that shininess takes away from the implied history they should have dominion over and the person they're haunting doesn't.
from another angle there is kinda something there about how put-together canon baron is as a concept; the domain they call home is riz's deep-seeded fears, extremely vulnerable things he's drawn borders around to quarantine and refused to walk into. things that from his perspective would irreversibly shatter certain pleasant fictions his world is built on top of. canon baron, While Extremely Cool, I feel is kinda too neat to connect with and signify the apocalyticized mess that'd result from this paradigm shift. the part where they're in riz's briefcase and looking through every mirror is Very Cool And Fucked Up! but ultimately the show draws a line around them as well, by making game-physical, tangible spaces they're in (the mirrors and the haunted mordred manor) and put riz and the bad kids there only when they need to confront stuff. riz is meaningfully narratively away from baron's unknown land for most of fantasy high.
with that and all of my disclaimers in mind my conclusion here is if canon baron wants to be a Horror Monster they'd have to cross way more lines. be a Lot more invasive. hence (holds up my class swap baron like a long cat)
#ask#not art#tldr a lot of fantasy high's and d20's nature plays against having a Horror horror piece in it. there's no space for emptiness or dread#that's one of the most attractive things to me about horror. the monster signifying a new world you don't understand#you see something on the deserted streets and you realize: oh. the world doesn't work how I've been thinking it does#if u've noticed how much this has in common with queer experiences haha. yeag#man. actually I should also put the I Am Not White disclaimer in there too lmao a lot of the notion of The Monstrous is! traditionally#about maintaining and upkeeping a ''social order'' (read: the powers that be)#and a Lot of Wilderness Fiction is deeply and maliciously colonialist#so when I say ''the unknown land'' and ''the monster'' I am pretty much speaking From one of those unknown lands#and from the position of one of those monsters#the fear of the monstrous is so very often the fear of being consumed by - or becoming - the monstrous yourself#and well. when you're already there in the eye of the zeitgeist. You Can Do What You Want Forever#all that to say it Is important to me that baron is made of riz's lies. even more so in this funny class swap thing I make for fun#like as a horror protag he makes me insane. he loves lines! he loves lines he drew himself. he replicates these borders in himself#that mirror the world he lives in that's so hostile to him. that kid Loves rules. he bows to even the ones that hurt him#like. u get where I'm getting to right I did make a whole comic kinda near this subject he's Already The Other#baron is a monster's monster. baron is a mirror image. GODs I cant help but wish they were messier#it's kinda why I make class swap baron to be like. an ever nearing realization. like I warble abt all this but I genuinely do also find#canon baron to be just as visually coherent and thematically perfect as riz if not more. it's hard to beat how cool the mirror stuff is#it's hard to beat that doll face in iconic visuals! I have to strike according to my strength rather than trying to beat canon#so instead of reflection it's captured moments. instead of a blank face it's the lack of one. mmm. maybe I'm just kinda breaking things#for fun also but that's My prerogative in my house awooga <3#well. thats kinda my thoughts on the general subject. thank u for listening. I will bake something soon dyou want some
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Fuck you season five episode nine genuinely some of the worst shit they clobbered together
#just thought abt ir again im suddenly overcome with a sense of hatred and disdain#evwrything about that episode feels so half assed. its just straight up poop from a butt#nick as a character is incredibly annoying and inconsistent. starts out as a tool for exposition(rick trainibg the crows and he tells morty-#how shitty he is. Gee Thanks we definitely couldnt have concluded that from seeing rick train the crows)#only for him to just switch to a huge asshole who wants everyone dead#like. ugh.hes just so surface level and boring and UNNECESSARY. i genuinely believe if he didnt exist the episode would be improved tenfold#because ill admit!!! i like(most of) the r&m scenes!!! their spats are well written!!! i think they should have been a bigger focus;!!!#and dont even get me started on that buzzwordy word salad annoying as fuck speech rick has before he leaves#its so. badly written. its so awkward and so out of character. it genuinely feels like the set up to a rug pull momeny#AND LISTEN!;;;;;!!!!! I DONT HATE THE CONCEPT OF A RICK AND MORTY SPLIT UP#but why do we not see any of it???? god. like we could and Should have had one(1) singular episode where they live their separate lives#show how theyre both doing worse or maybe BETTER without each other while still falling back into old toxic habits#like ok. u have a status quo and all that. but if u cant commit to your split up concept ... well maybe dont force it in as a plot point#that lasts maybe ten minutes in total.#FUUUUCCCCKKKK i hate this episode so much genuinely. i hate ricks speech so much.#ur telling me the worlds most emotionally constipated guy musters up the empathy to remove himself from the toxically codependent dynamic-#he created for his own comfort in one day. he learns all of that in twelve hours or less.#heres my impression of what rick's speech really would have looked like#“hey im gonna uh. spend some time with the crows. i think.”#and scene#god and what about beth. rick never says anything to the rest of thw family and when he shows up again no one gafs#omg okay. tldr lol fuck this episodw i genuinely hate it so much and nothing will ever make me like it
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how do i turn qantoine’s spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another
#the conversation takes place in antoine’s vod: L’ANNIVERSAIRE DE TALLULAH at 41 mins ish#like . okay . its such a fucking crazy moment to me that still lives in my head bc it’s a a joke . but it’s also not#he asks etoiles directly after spiderbit wedding . ‘don’t you want to get married?’#after it gets mentioned*#etoiles turns him down bc he ‘doesn’t have time to fuck [he] needs to kill everyone’#and antoine says ‘well but— just a marriage’ like it’s the act itself that is the most important to him not anything that could come with it#the confirmation of partnership . of having someone to rely on . something that feels to him maybe more certain and solid than the#friendships antoine had at that point . like if he felt things were slipping and he was being left behind he wanted the certainty of#something like a marriage that is traditionally considered More important and certain .#and i think the end of their conversation is notable in how antoine brings up the notion of betrayal — he getting betrayed by others and how#he’s fed up with it . after etoiles says no to the marriage (though specifying that he’s gonna think about it) antoine brings the whole#betrayal thing up after a pause . he doesn’t necessarily consider etoiles as having betrayed him but it’s that lack of certainty#certainty that etoiles has refused to give him that makes him start to open up about how he’s tired of people promising him things (or#seeming to promise him things) only to leave him out and in the dark . and there’s an insecurity there that really shines if you take this#moment into consideration with the Larger Shifting his character is going through .#like tldr ; qantoine has begun to realise that his friends are starting to form deeper bonds with other people and thus keep secrets with#them which to him means leaving him behind . taking notice of this he brings this up to his friends in . not exactly direct ways . he#talks about how he doesn’t like secret keeping but doesn’t seem to push much further and he also tries to remedy the issue#of feeling left behind by doing shit as discussed above ^ however on account of the InHuman i’m not sure he understands what he’s doing very#well . and as we know antoine doesn’t make much progress and ends up retreating into himself and beginning to keep his own secrets . to do#his own shady shit . to work in the shadows and not be honest with any of his friends either . to hold them at arm’s length despite how much#he still cares . the only person he puts his full trust into anymore is pomme . not ayp who he deems too underhanded . not bagz who he sees#as having started the whole ‘secret keeping’ stuff in the first place . and not etoiles who’s actively going down a path with the codes and#resistance that he cannot follow#that was NOT a short tldr . why the fuck am i writing dissertation length tags about MINECRAFT BLOCKS#god whatever who cares i get joy out of this thats what matters#anw if you read this far holy shit ur insane . thank you#i am going to bed now godbless !#jay rambles#qfrench.posting
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it is crazy how much better singing i do stoned. i am so much more relaxed and present in my body that i can really like. FEEL my larynx and hyoid and can be aware of my breathing.
#been having issues with my singing lately like i think i have a nodule or swollen lymph node or something otherwise happening#i also feel like i can’t sustain notes at ALL anymore my stamina is just so shot. i get fatigued a lot faster too#and it’s probably from a comparable lack of use when compared to undergrad when i was singing 6+ hours a day#but i also easily could have given myself an injury from that too. by the fall of my senior year i was running exhausted that when we did#beethoven 9 i had two cough drops in my mouth at the beginning of the third movement so they’d dissolve by the fourth so i could sing it#oh and there’s the on and off smoking. and the weight gain. which. ough. i also need to move my body more bc again my stamina is awful#tldr. thank god i have singing and that i love it so much. bc i really will do whatever i need to do in order to be able to do it my best#otherwise idk if i’d have the motivation to take care of myself sometimes. it is such a special thing to have something you love so much
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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oh and also speaking of wuwa. what is it with chinese gachas these days and their one (1) random fucking Dude With A Finnish Name For No Apparent Reason
like theres welt from hi3rd and hsr. aka originally known as joachim nokianvirtanen. whos presumably half german half finnish. but the worst fucking thing about it is that like. while joachim is a very standard german name. ""nokianvirtanen" is NOT a finnish surname. its like an amateur writer looking up random finnish words to mush together into a surname with 0 research into what finnish surnames actually sound like. now by themselves. nokia? virtanen? oh absolutely that works 100%. together? it literally sounds AI generated it makes me cry 💀💀💀
(It could also just literally be nokia-virtanen or virtanen-nokia with the hyphen and work. but nokiaN is possessive form . but NOBODY is fucking called "nokia's virtanen" WHAT. THATS NOT HOW IT WORKSSSSS or like if theres Any legit surname w a possessive form in it which there prolly are some its a Very specific thing not sth broadly applicable at all)
whereas sampo koski is like. honestly peak bc its the complete fucking opposite. this name is like. this is literally Just A Dude. Theres probably like hundreds of actual fucking sampo koskis out there whose linked ins have been permanently buried under Rail the Stars game search results on google i literallg NEED to meet one irl someday and ask them about it its so fucking funny 😭😭😭
like. okay koski is just an uhhhhhhhh. its a type of a waterfall in a river . Rapids? but yeah its a very standard surname. Except not like this SUPER common generic googled the top 10 tier name bc its genuinely an authentic name you run into that sounds natural. Like it doesnt sound like A Character surname its too normal. and then sampo refers to a mythical miracle machine in karelian and finnish folklore with 3 corners that each makes riches of the ocean (represented w salt) the soil (w grain) and the earth (w gold) freely for whoever owns it. In lore some ppl fight over it long story anyway louhi was right. which is again its not some uber common name but its a Very natural one its so weirdddd ive had a sampo for a classmate its cursed 💀💀 and have prolly known a koski at some point too
Anyway point being. Sampo koski is literally the Quintessential normie This is a person not a Space Gacha Game Character name idk HOW they just. came up w it it feels so weirdddd. this is like if boothill was just called like. Josh.
anyway my only real issue w sampo is just that he doesnt fucking act finnish. yes its true reducing nationalities to caricatures is bad but. Listen if you rep us. it HAS to be all the stereotypes actually. we arent all antisocial and depressed for half the year bc its too dark and insomniac and pissed off the other half bc its too bright just to get some fruity fucking aha follower with a name youd see on the employee list of the most mundane fucking office job . i like sampo i just cant claim him . he talks too much and dresses too flamboyant hes an impostor
which brings us to. Wuthering waves. and like as we can see hoyos finnish names have had their interesting moments for sure. so like hows kuro games faring?
Oh they called him--
They Called The Random Finnish Name Guy Of The Wuthering Da Waves Game---
AALTO?????????!??!??? AALTO?????!?
THEY LITERALLY CALLED HIM WAVE IN FINNISH WHAT THE FUCKKKKJKK
honestly idek if i should be insulted or just like. Amazed by the sheer balls it takes to just call him half the title of ur game and be like ah. Perfect. represented the feeble finns again
anyway tho unironically. While he also (to my knowledge at least) has the like. cocky lighthearted menace personality which like. No. at least the way he looks is peak acceptable like yeah this is a random finnish guy animefied and airdropped into this post apocalyptic scifi fantasy world. the quintessentially finnish awful out of fashion speedy sunglasses (this is a cultural in joke that i will Not be elaborating on). the sensible tactical gear. i respect him the white long hair is clearly a survival tactic its camouflage. hes fine. also props for having an aspect of camouflage in his kit w the taunts bc yes historical reference winter war the finns are indeed out there blending in with the environment wahoo. no particular thoughts tho i did pull him so ig legal obligation to build his ass
anyway aalto is also an university. lowkey the students there should just do a power move and make an aalto cosplay like the secondary uniform alongside haalarit itd be funny
but yeah am i going anywhere with this? Making some serious critique god forbid? Not in particular i am just. Continuously baffled w this. bc its not like these characters Are finnish by any metric. They just get random fucking finnish names and its like every single chinese gacha now needs to have a token one and im just here like.but why . What is the purpose of it . what is so effervescent about googling random finnish names and slapping them on your male characters . I do not understand
+ honorary mention to ukko the frostarm lavachurl in genshin. Another folkloric reference (ukko the sky/thunder god) . couldnt even give us a fruity guy in that one. though sitting in your bespoke isolation in a freezing hellhole and beating the shit out a random traveler disrupting your peace is way more finnish than a single sentence most of these characters have uttered so like. Fair actually that Is a mood. king behavior
#inb4 ZZZ also gets one. oh god#WHATS UP W THIS IS ALL I ASK. WHY FINNISH NAMES.#me when someone calls finns the stereotype thing: oh fuck you and your extrovert assumptions its not like that#also me when fruity extrovert gets finnish name in a gacha: NOT ONE OF US. FUCK YOU#(psst psa its not that deep actually. idek why someone would be offended on my behalf for my jokes but jic)#anyway this sure is a thing that exists#also as much as i do not fully claim these not-finns. the butchered names 💀💀💀#SÄM-PHÖE KOS-KIII#TLDR. make a 'wha' sound so ur mouth is all :0 make it again without the 'wh' . A A A. that is a finnish A.#every single finnish A long or short vowel. will sound like that. SAM-PO#anyway. next. say 'fall' and really stretch out the vowel. f-oooo-l#cut that short. thats an O. sam-po. both the vowels are short in the name#koski u know the o. -ki is just like 'key' but say the yyyy the iiiii . thats an i.#and the vowels work the exact same for aalto. long vowel there w the A#no 'äääääl-tou'#just aal-to. crisp and clean our vowels dont do that stretching out at the end#please and thank uuu every single shampoo joke has cut years off my life expectancy 🥰🥰🥰#rambles
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god thank you for your response to that person I'm so tired of seeing takes that are like "the kin/the town are a 1:1 representation of the buryats" cuz... they're not... and honestly trying to hammer that point down comes off as quite insulting to the real and actual people they're supposedly represent.
the kin differs from the buryats by their economical system, faith and even medicine methods. the closest thing is the language cuz surprise, unless you're tolkien, coming up with a whole fictional language is hard
well, thank you, i'll guess. i'm not trying to start beef with nobody so everybody behave otherwise daddy's gonna get rude.
i also truly fully whole-heartedly believe the replier has no ill-intention, and probably has great love for the Kin (hence why they entered the discussion). it is also from great love for the Kin that i made the original post, AND from great love that i made my reply to the reply, which i felt ignored some issues that have for years been brought up + decided to seek the opinions of others who have more #knowledge than me.
wrt the kin i'm trying to like, be as... wide in my scope of it as i can and understand that yes, imaginary, bunch of shit not real, but also, very much real inspirations, and in these blurred lines of inspirations/imagination lies..... won't lie some racist biases, and perhaps what we could call intellectual colonialism: taking bits and pieces of real-life cultures for your Storey, while maybe not...... handling it.... the best........ again, i'm not like. The Best Person For The Job because. my sibling on this green earth i'm franco-french. but i try my best to read and listen what is said about the Kin by people for who their (mis)treatment matters most, and most of what i'm reading is. like Not Praise. ykwim..... i have no way of knowing if you, personally, are buryat or mongol or [...] & it's none my business, so i don't know how much of a horse you got in this race, but i'm trying to like. see things. a topic that demands careful examination and multiple perspectives? in the Multiple Perspectives video games? that's crazy.
there's also to me [as a storytellah] the fact that if patho wanted to fully represent all the peoples it is inspired by 1) it would be even more of a hodgepodge, and somewhat even more disrespectful, because the buryat and the mongols, while both Mongolic, are... not the same... they have different names for gods, places, different cosmogonies, [...]. the fact is, patho has multiple inspirations, and like. they're not... interchangeable... because central asian cultures are not interchangeable...... not monolithic......... and 2) it would make it so they can't go as quirky with the story as they did. the religion, the practices, the cosmogonies are invented (if inspired), and are not 1:1 to actual cultures. making it 1:1 to actual cultures would be disrespectful because you'd just... shove a new, fake religion upon these actually-existing peoples. or, you would have to write within the religious traditions of these peoples, which make it so. well. no living beating heart under the town, no albinos, no herb brides, no worms. you can make documentary-like games (i'd argue you should), but i think another thing that can/should be done is games by indigenous people about indigenous people and myths/stories, in the vein of "Never Alone (Kisima Ingitchuna)", by Iñupiat people, with an Iñupiaq main character, about Iñupiat stories/myths. we've discussed it in the big guy but lead writer D., being 1/16 Chinese, perhapssss doesn't really have the same relationship to the Central Asian cultures the Kin is inspired by as someone who is Buryat, or white/Buryat (like artemy), would have.
but at this core, i don't think patho wants to full represent the people it's inspired by. it's a story. it's interested in making a story. to me it appears it's interested in making associations and parallels, maybe even homages?, but never actual direct correlations or representation (which itself can be another discussion. the kin is obviously central asian, from central-asian inspirations: how much of it can be seen as representation? how much of it as appropriation?) it makes up fake people for its fake town dealing with its fake illness. all of those have foundations, have obvious, legible roots, but they're not the same, and i'd argue it's... more disrespectful pretending the kin is 100% [ethnicity] (because. uh. [70 pages document about the mistreatment of the Kin])
(i also think this... """blurred line"""... allows for a... in-game and out-of-game [esp. fandom] a certain like. distance. or maybe suspension of disbelief. about the racism. like "oh, they're not a real culture, therefore i'm not showing Actually Racist(tm) biases when i depict members of the Kin as engaging in ritualistic sexual abuse, as being sexually violating or violent,..., because they're Not Real, so it's okay" which is. methinks somewhat braindead take. seen with my two eyes against my will to be fair)
tldr
An Imaginary People that's Not Real while taking from obvious inspirations because that's what you do when you write a story; you make shit up, especially if you plan on getting quirky wit it in ways no Actual Culture is because you're putting. Worms and the living beating Heart under the town and a Tower that defies the laws of physics (fake and gay?) and nobody.. has those. + it'd be way weirder if those women you're killing and making sexualize themselves were meant to be Real Ethnicity. i'd argue that'd be worse. so yeah. imagined. HOWEVERRRRRR[1][2][3][4][5]
#i keep repeating myself but i reiterate i'm sure lead writer's ancestry Does influence his work and his game(s) i'm sure of it. i'm sure it#influenced his vision of the Kin. & i got no ground to stand on personally about this. but 1) different And Not Interchangeable ethnicities#2) a chinese great-grandmother is not the same as a central asian father. in the same way the Kin is not a 1:1 to any culture; artemy is no#a 1:1 to dybowski.#THANK GOD! (cf. : the allegations)#ring ring (answers)#anonymous#tldr complex. also i'm not the best person to talk bout these things but as someone who storytells + makes shit up + loves loves LOVEEESS#to learn about cultures all across the steppe [& their relation to the environment SPECIFICALLY] i'm like. we treading lightly. we treading#but lightly. and carefully.
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#okay not to be thinking about hetalia. Again#(but dec 20 is hetalia day For Me. and i just got that comment)#but god i really did go off with wdww#there's many. (MANY) instances of bits where characters are having a Feeling™ that i could write much better now#which is frustrating to see#but like. all things considered. not bad college me. not bad#i remember when i was going insane in germany i paid to have an editor look at the story#and they described the characters as having 'juvenile' emotions#and like that was harsh and it sure didnt make me feel good#but good god they were right#like i did a good job in the latest one shot i did for the zine. THAT is how the character's attraction shouldve been written#but instead i over use the word 'feels' and 'weird' and i just have to live with that#i learned a lot from writing these fics and ive learned a lot post them because of my critique group and professional editors#i wish i could magically apply that to them but alas. i will need to live with it#and resist telling people complementing them 'thanks but i like. i write so much better now!!!!!!'#anyway now im rambling.#miscellaneous#tldr; frustrated that i didn't really let the characters use words like fucking 'arousal' and 'attraction'#let's also blame this on me being asexual and having to figure out how to write about a feeling i dont have through trial and error but
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i feel kind of sick making this post so please excuse me if i sound like a rambling mess. i am not the type of person to talk in detail about my life in online places cuz i live in fear of this getting back to my abuser but shubble's story punched all my most sensitive spots and i want to talk about it
(really long sensitive post)
ive gotten kind messages from people that i havent responded to. the idea of responding to people individually kind of makes me feel sick. so im doing this instead. and im also going to vent really hard because i am not doing well and talking about this to my therapist is soul crushingly embarrassing because wilbur soot is a minecraft man and im a freshly turned 20 year old who pays rent and is respected by my therapist and i dont want to admit that i wrote fanfic about a 30 year old white boy i discovered in quarantine when i was 15. can you imagine that conversation? id have to explain what the dream smp is.
when i watched shubble's video for the first time, i was in total disbelief. i couldnt believe that wilbur soot had done these things but i knew that the liklihood of it being anyone else was pretty low. i chose to hope that the story was not about him, and that if it was that he was a reformed abuser who had reorganized his value system and respected his partners now. i had a lot expectations. then he released his statement and i was horrified. i was disappointed and kind of in denial. his statement was worse than anything i had prepared for as 'worst case scenario.' as time has passed my denial has mostly dulled but im ashamed and im embarassed and im badly triggered.
i kind of hysertically hoped that it was a sick prank that shubble and wilbur cooked up and would get horribly cancelled for, but its not a prank, theres no "haha sike" moment, and wilbur abused shelby.
his response undid me because i saw so much of my own abuse in the words he used.
abusers are really good at making people take a centrist "two sides to every story" stance. i dont know how to describe this to people who have never been abused, but i will do my best
most people are taught that when theres an argument between two people, both parties carry some amount of blame and if you want to resolve that issue, it's a good idea to look at your part in the dynamic. we're also taught to keep our disagreements between ourselves and to not involve other people in our drama.
these are sensible sentiments, but abusers are very good at manipulating these sentiments.
when a victim speaks up for themselves and they call someone an abuser, what they are saying is: "this person cruelly bullied me and hurt me and exerted control over me that i did not deserve or ask for or elicit."
that's a heavy accusation and it contradicts sentiments we are taught like "it takes two to tango" and "dont involve others with your relationship drama."
many abusers are charismatic people. id even say most. when you hear this accusation about someone you think is really cool, your natural instinct is to ask for their side of the story.
they will tell you some version of this:
"i am shocked and hurt that she would call me an abuser. we've been having relationship problems recently, and sometimes i lose my temper. im not proud of that. ive done a lot of things im not proud of. it's true that i did [insert played down act of violence] to her, but you wouldnt believe the horrible things she was saying to me. i lost control, and im so ashamed of myself."
this version of events makes the abuser seem reasonable, it makes the victim seem irrational and quick to blame and hysterical
from here, a lot of people will nod thoughtfully and go. "yeah. yeah. that makes sense. everyone has a unique perspective. the fact that shes attributing all the blame to him without recognizing her own flaws and contributions to the relationship while he does shows that hes the reasonable one here. hes such a chill guy. the things shes saying dont make sense at all. i probably wont say it to her face, but i think shes in the wrong."
wilbur's response hit all the beats im familiar with. it was so in line with everything my abuser used against me, and in line with what ive heard other victims say their abusers used against them, and in line with examples ive read and witnessed and had countless psychiatrists walk me through that reading it was like getting hit by a train.
the hope that i carried with me through that week was that wilbur was a reformed abuser. but reading that response gave me the gut wrenching confirmation that he wasnt.
thinking about it too much literally makes me sick and shaky in a way i havent experienced since my own abuser tracked me down the first time and gave me a beautifully wrapped gift. with my abuser, i had several years trapped with him where all the love i felt for him disappeared and was replaced by total hatred for everything he put me through. i wasnt expecting this from wilbur at all, and i feel fucking sick because this was a man i sincerely admired and looked up to a lot. i really liked wilbur soot. he released that response and this image in my head that i had of him was tainted by the memories of my abuser.
im reminded of one event several years ago where i was choked. i tried to ask for help but everyone who knew immediately reached out to him and asked for "his side of the story." i dont want to talk about what he did to me after that. all that matters is that in the end, no one believed me. everyone took his side over mine and insisted that i was lying or exaggerating or trying to get attention or trying to make him look bad. people who i loved and thought would always be there for me sent me paragraph long text messages calling me a bitch and a cunt. the person i loved the most in the world told me that i was out of line and said point blank that they were sorry, but couldnt believe me over the person who choked me. i had never felt so alone.
ive been having a rough time. i confided in a friend who is trying to escape his abusive husband, and he gently told me that this might mean i have "a type," meaning im naturally drawn to people who are abusive. after i escaped, i took a lot of solace in the fact that i was inspired so much by wilbur soot. i thought he was progressive and stood up for womens rights and was anti bigotry and all those lovely good things. this man i admired so much was the image of healthy, nonviolent, kind masculinity. finding out he isnt has made me question myself and my own judgment and it's making me wonder if the people i let in my life and the people im drawn to are people who i subconsciously know will hurt me.
as of now, its been a year and a half since i escaped my abusive family at 18 years old. i turned 20 like half a second ago. the past 18 months of my life have been devoted to looking into legal protection, getting therapy to undo nearly 2 decades worth of ptsd, trying to keep all my baggage to myself because i dont want to burden my friends anymore than i have, and holding down a steady job so that i can afford rent without having to rely on the parents of my friends to house and feed me and keep my location secret from an insane group of people who reeeeally want me to come back even tho im pretty sure one of them might """""accidentally"""" kill me one day
i feel ashamed and embarrassed by being this affected by wilbur soot. parasocial relationships are looked down upon and i feel like the perfect stereotype of a hysterical, delusional teenager / young lady finding out that her hero is "a flawed human being, just like you and me - seriously, what did you expect?!"
i already see people jumping to his defense, although i try to look away because that is also extremely triggering for me.
it is hard not to acknowledge wilbur's humanity, and i want to clarify that i do feel compassion for the amount of death threats, doxing, and isolation he is undoubtedly experiencing right now. no matter what you do, i dont believe that retributive justice or revenge is a proactive, sane response. i am sincerely worried that he will either try to kill himself as a last ditch attempt for sympathy OR that he will actually just kill himself from the public shaming. i do not want him to experience a mental health crisis and i do not want him to die, even tho he has horribly disappointed me and reminded me of so many bad things
this was kind of an insane post. im ready for it to get 1 note and then experience a horrifying amount of embarrassment as i realize that people read this and know disgusting amounts about me as a person, but i want to share my experience as someone who has been abused. i want to offer solace to people who are in the same boat and possibly reach someone who might have otherwise believed wilbur was telling the truth.
i want to end this post on a positive note, so im going to share some naive hope ive been repeating to myself for the past few days
i hope that people believe shubble. i hope she finds comfort and compassion and healing. i hope she can internalize that what happened to her was not her fault. i hope she lives a happy life surrounded by people who see her and care about her
i hope that the people close to wilbur make him confront this side of himself. i hope he fixes his abuse problem and reorganizes his values. i hope his network of people is strong enough not to abandon him entirely but to intervene and make him work on himself. i hope he stays alive and i hope that he becomes an advocate for abused women
this was cheesy and unrealistic but ive been sending my hope into the universe and trying not to shut down because i dont know what else to do and my two hours of government issued weekly ptsd therapy is already devoted to the horrible things i experienced firsthand
anyway
as far as my fanfiction goes???? i dont fucking know.
im not going to delete it. im definitely taking a break and at least stepping into a pause so i can properly reflect on what to do in the meantime. as a musician and writer and creative in general, i was inspired by many aspects of wilbur soot for years and i need a second to chill out and get a hold of myself
maybe ill complete my work. if i do ill upload the finished products in one go and probably orphan them. and maybe delete my ao3 account. god knows at this point
i am still cringing so hard at myself for making this post. it's very emotional and i try to sell myself as serious, intellectual person. maybe this post will be received great or badly or just be ignored. in any case ill be embarrassed so it doesnt really matter how anyone feels about me after this. if you took the time to read, thank you for hearing me out. and if you didnt, im glad that i got a little catharsis
#wilbur soot#im embarassed of myself#whatever#wilbur situation#shubble supprt#cw domestic violence#i feel sick after typing this#this was basically a diary entry#tldr wilbur soot reminds me of my own experience of abuse and i think i wanna throw up#cw abuse#oh god goodnight everyone#i have read peoples compassionate messages to me and im very thankful for them#it has been very sweet and helpful cuz this isnt smth i share to my offline friends so i havent gotten my usual support and affection#thank you to people who are being nice to me
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