#instead it does so mentally
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armand + self-soothing behaviours
#when he starts stroking louis' thigh instead 😭#i realize this is just a thing assad does but it works so well for where armand is mentally in the modern timeline#armand#interview with the vampire#iwtvedit#edits
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his therapist woulda had a field day at their next appointment
#my art#doodle#fanart#resident evil 8#ethan winters#i think its so funny that he has a journal in re8. not only does he have a journal but he illustrates it. i dont know if capcom intended to#imply that ethan stops every now and then to jot down the horrors and the hour that the horrors occur my guess is prolly not#but now its there and it makes me laugh. i shouldnt laugh at his mental health journey but i am anyways#shoutout to people who journal i wish i was you but instead i draw a guy feelin my emotions for me#but im so happy the sun goess away at 5pm. truly immaculate. i miss snow. but we stay chillin#i made more dear diary doodles but these were my favs n they went well together#i changed the entry in the 2nd one though cause i thought it was funnier to me this way#i cut my hair too short again im not even sad about it anymore like whatever man#at least its out of my way. and my shower was SO fast i got to stand there 5ever and it was still only like 15 minutes#fantastic. there are so many joys in life. theres twice as many horrors but the joys are definitely there and they are definitely joyful#anyways thats the post stay warm n cozy out there gang
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banging on the wall of my asylum room can anyone hear me.
#pokemon#kieran#trainer kieran#florian#sghr#candyappleshipping#hrsg#rival kieran#trainer florian#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon sv#indigo disk#art#fanart#persona 5#shuake#trust me bro….#tealmaskshipping#suguharu#WHY ARE THERE SO MANY NAMES#giggling cackling sobbing maniacally#yknow throughout the game I was waiting for kieran to pop the ‘I hate you Florian’ like any self respecting rival yaoi would do#but he never…. did it……#HIS SPEECH IN THE TERAPAGOS ROOM WAS CLOSE ENOUGH THO!!!! CLOSE ENOUGH…..#speaking of which yeah maybe the bg being terapagos room instead of bb entrance would’ve fit better but whatever man#begging you not to look at any mistakes too closely I did this in a feverish frenzied state#does anybody get me or do I have to go insane all by myself#anywa i thought i was being delusional and mentally ill with my interpretation of kieran but then terapagos room happened and#HE JUST SAYS ALL THAT? HES ACTUALLY EXACTLY LIKE THAT. HES SO FUCKED#rank 8 akechi has such a special place in my soul. I’ve never been the same person since.
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I hate the sewers . jpg
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#larian studios#astarion#astarion ancunin#halsin#bg3 halsin#comics#fanart#me browsing my saved clips like 'wait why did i record this one—'#cuts the scene im laughin for solid 5 mins#i feel so bad for astarion it almost looks like he isn't my fav w this treatment kcvvnxovx#'the bank money can wait - we need to pamper astarion now'#hey past me why did u try to switch places w halsin instead of- yknow- tHE GUY YOU PAIRED HIM WITH#prob was bc halsin had more hp to let him step on fire - and also forgetting the water pipe does that#ngl i still don't really understand how to do this part the proper way#like- yeah i know what to do but it's never perfect and always someone will get burned or pushed#plot twist im making better numbers here than twt w bg3 so i'm posting here first while i do a twt detox#my mental health this month is hanging there by two strings and these strings are baldurs gate 3 and hades 2#currently doing my honor run with my rebooted tav'chyon the dracomonk pls wish me luck
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You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.
-Shrimp Anon
The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.
Get ready cause this is a yap session:
Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.
I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.
The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.
This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.
Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...
These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.
I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.
Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.
It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.
I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.
It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.
There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.
End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.
#i also think it is because mouthwashing is first and foremost a game about rape culture and the patriarchy especially in work spaces#regarding women and centering conversation around Curly a man rubs people wrong because it does overshadow that commentary#but it still mixes other topics into its initial theming and message on how abuse conditions you to accept certain things that are harmful#and how getting used to a culture/enviornment does not mean you are happy healthy or most importantly safe in it. I personally like to#explore those aspects where it mixes all the themes so we can discuss the ways you have to watch out for things because there is a differen#in the idea Curly enabled Jimmy just because they were bros and because he was an example of another man afraid to step out from what#is a still oppressive system that does try to punish those who act against it even if they fall in the category of those who would benefit#from it as Jimmy and PE 100% represent that sort of misogynistic system where men that would be “good” are altered until they follow line#in a way both on the personal and professional level as PE is the corporate lock out and Jimmy represents the social and its just the issue#that the discussion of it sounds like “in defense of men” when I am more so trying to discuss how it is much deeper than men being scared t#upset other men but complacency is rewarded by not becoming another person subjugated hence as all the moments Curly does try to do#something we can tie it back to how Jimmy reacts and a possible penality from PE where we now need to address the ways to combat those#two concepts so we dont get cases like Curly or Daisuke or Swansea where male avoidance of the issue is considered neutral or even good.#i think most of this boils down the perfect victim mentality to where if someone who underwent or is being abused is not a perfect example#or accpetible type than their abuse can not be considered a valid or substantial reason for effects on their behavior compounded with the#fact that Anya's abuse at the hands of Jimmy is a systematic issue that Curly is a part of even if unwillingly and was more physically#violating and topical cause sometimes i have to remind myself that all media is still critiqued through the lens of the culture it came out#in cause i do think about what if this game came out inlike 2014 like the conversations would be sooooooo different could you imagine it?#but back the before statement Curly isn't perfect but I feel like boiling it down if hes a good person or man is not the point of the game#but more so good people can still be part of the problem and the idea of condemning a person for one act creates a false sense of#rightouesness and justice that does not aid the victim and in fact aids the abusers in escaping blame for their mulitple behaviors as we se#how the men on the ship tend to blame Jimmy for just one act against them including himself while there is a plethora of things Anya is#concerned about with Jimmy#and its not that Curly just made one mistake with Jimmy but more so we consider his actions more damning because he didn't stop Jimmy#instead of focusing on the fact Jimmy did what he did regardless of Curly and the consequence because we already know he's bad n maladjuste#which is problem in the conversation where the individuals are blamed but the system and perputrator are overlooked in a sense of acceptiab#complacency as we know how they are and the lack of tangibility to personally affect them on a larger scale like I should just make a post#on like cutting out the face when it comes it confronting systems of oppression rather than tag talking but just ask me to clarify if#you want that like im jus trying to say we avoid talking about Jimmy and PE so much cause it is obvious what they do wrong that we make#the initial and inherent problem out to be one aspect someone in this case Curly does and the the constraints they use to force actions
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Procrastination doodles of sabo for the king sabo au :)
#one piece#sabo#king sabo au#I wonder sometimes if I keep thinking about this au because i like putting my blorbo through crushing existential nightmares#something something. it must feel so wrong to him. to be born like this and know that he’s not suppose to be there#but not having the memories of times in the wild with his brothers to contextualize why he feels wrong or where he’s supposed to be instead#directionless. knowing that he has to exist for some reason but not the reason that everyone around him tells him he should exist for#and continuing to try to bridge the cognitive dissonance through fallacy after fallacy until he is in too deep to escape#anyways. thinking about Him#Him is the academia mentality of ‘just keep going and you’ll eventually reach the light at the end of the tunnel’#‘because you’ve tried so hard to get here and surely you must belong here because you’re so academically highly-achieving’#does that make sense? maybe the parallel is a bit of a reach. I could write an essay about it tbh#I love this au lmao it’s both a lot of projecting and a great chance to be like ‘god I can make him so much worse’
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Peeped the horrors
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#a-qing#xue yang#A-qing went 'there are horrors he is committing and I am going to peep them' and then faced horrors that she could not fathom#The fact she sees the evidence first hand but it genuinely is too much to handle is a lovely tragedy that betrays her youth#It is interesting that she clearly does have more knowledge than the lay person about cultivators and night hunts (possibly from xxc?)#she does mentally call out xue yang for using the right terminology (betraying his 'no one important' façade)#but corpse poisoning is...well....probably not something she could have known about#so instead she has to encounter this horrible and suspicious event and justify it to keep herself sane#Ah....that's not going into the really interesting ambiguity of xue yangs targets#the people he kills specifically slandered *all three of them*#Was it just for himself? Was there a sense of protectiveness over his two blind companions?#I don't want an answer. I love that it is ambiguous#And oh man. having the noble XXC do the killing is so deviously evil. What a loaded chekov's gun.#you know xxc is gonna have a breakdown over it *when* he finds out. Its all a matter of timing#ok ok funny tag time#I think little apple and xy should meet up so they can swap arson tips. Truly the power team nobody wants. Not even them.#they would fight to the death and little apple would *win*#EDIT: HAPPY BIRTHDAY XUE YANG
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Why is Nick such an asshole to Taylor and the film? He already toldAmazon he will nto be doing the sequel.
I don't like answering this type of questions so I'll make it as complete as I can, so people can get a life outside their own expectations. (I'm not defending Nick, I'm stating facts.)
First of all, let's not spread false rumors. Nick has not dropped the project. (I'm baffled on how this rumor could start in the first place)
Nick signed a contract for the sequel, he has responsibilities towards it, and consequences if he doesn't follow it. Regardless, it's not us who decide the terms. If he ever decides to leave the project, he'll make a choice and ponder the consequences.
"He could do more". Well, he also could do less. He's an actor and does his job however he feels like. (Do y'all care about every single aspect of your own jobs or studies? Bet you have priorities, right?)
In pop culture, there's this conception of the artist "owes his fans". While I'm inclined to love fanservice of all kind because it makes us, fans, feel appreciated, no one forces us to be a fan, meanwhile the artists are forced to do fanservice as long as they want or their contracts stipulates that.
Now let me go onto the specific part of Nicholas' life and personality.
Let's remind ourselves that we can be the biggest fans and yet know nothing about our favorite celebrities. They show us what they want us to know, it's our choice to decide what we want to follow, hear or understand.
As far as we know Nick, he's always been a quiet reserved person, who suffers from anxiety, doesn't like big social events and hardly uses social media (especially in the recent years)
He's somewhat a fearful person who decides to step outside his comfort zone. We can know that from his song Comfort.
Nick has talked about how one of his "great fears is being misunderstood." You can read about it in the article RWRB related from BritishGQ in which he compares his fear with Henry's experience.
Nick has been showing multiple times in multiple occasions how he loved Henry and loved playing him. He wouldn't have said "yes" to a sequel if he didn't want to. (I'd also say it's a big deal since Nick has always only played in project that didn't get a sequel, and he consciously decided to agree to it.)
In Nick's career, we can see how diverse and interesting his characters must be. He's drawn to peculiar characters and when he finds one, he puts everything he has to offer into it. This leads him to focus on other characters that aren't the same static one from a year or two ago. (He moves on to the next project, and I don't see anything bad about it.)
Working a lot means schedule conflicts and Nick has always had this problem. If he doesn't work on something new, he rests while doing his little hobbies. (Does he need to attend every social event if he doesn't want to? Do y'all ever rest? And if you don't, can other rest instead?)
I added my personal opinion in parenthesis so it doesn't get confused with the facts. Nick is a human with personal interests, ranked scale of values and personal life.
If you don't want to be a fan, don't be. If you want to be a hater, talk it to the wall instead of harming or annoy others. If you have expectations over other people, learn to manage what you can't control. If you think you're in control of someone else, you're not.
Now, excuse me I'll go back to watch RWRB with Henry played by Nicholas Galitzine, the actor who took his fragile character and held him in his hand, and protected him.
#the unhealthy behavior of comparing Taylor and Nick since the movie came out is getting out of hands#I don't understand why Nick must have a different treatment#then his haters are the same ones who repost about “taking care of your own mental health” “rest when you're tired” “work isn't everything”#i might repost things related to “nick loved playing henry” in the next few days#or maybe i won't cause i have freewill like everyone does#did i expect Nick to show up at the emmys? yes. Did he? No. Did I complain like a 5 yo who didn’t get candies? Yes but in my own head.#like y'all get a grip at some point c'mon#I don't like using set phrases but get a life now instead of hating on artists for not spoiling you#go get an ice cream or something#relax and live your own life#Nick is definitely doing so#red white and royal blue#rwrb#rwrb movie#firstprince#alex claremont diaz#henry fox mountchristen windsor#nicholas galitzine#taylor zakhar perez
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I'm pretty much the worst person to even weigh in on this topic because I've been partial to Suvi since day one, but in my opinion there wasn't ever a need to explain or justify Suvi's choices/reactions.
Not because she's perfect, never wrong (though in my heart I know...) but because I'm very certain that the people that keep on hammering on her mistakes/shortcomings/tendencies are people that already dislike Suvi (or don't like Aabria very much, I wish this wasn't a topic of consideration but even 30+ eps in there's still people like that around) for whatever reason and gather excuses to justify their bias against her and no amount of explanation will turn their hearts in her favour.
It really feels like a parallel to the way Suvi herself tries to be understood by her friends and yet she fails time and time again.
And people insist on forgetting that Suvi is not the Citadel, she's just one young wizard of the Citadel.
And it's gut-wrenching how much I relate to that feeling of alienation before every corner she tries to fit in: amongst her citadel peers she's othered by her position and privilege, and now by her friendship to a witch and a spirit; between her friends she's the odd-one-out because of her Citadel connections and the nature of her power; and now amongst the witches she stands out by being the face of the "enemy".
I don't blame her for clinging to the little corner of the world that has not made her feel foreign despite the very nature of her presence: in Steel's family whom she's not related to by blood, yet completely by heart.
And it'll never be a fair game. The girls especially are very young and with new-found independence, they're given colossal decisions to make, and that before beings older than three generations of them combined and incomprehensively more powerful and less empathic.
As much as Mirara wants there to be a good witch and bad witch, there's no such thing as black and white, there are decisions and consequences, what one does with the power they're given. There is no right or wrong in a fight filled with so much heart, there was never a world where a fight between Ame and Suvi would be clean.
#wbn spoilers#worlds beyond number#wwwo spoilers#I don't know of the opinions spread on tumblr but reddit is doing what it always does#at no point there was in my mind a 'suvi vs ame' mentality#as the philosophers say: why pit two bad bitches against each other?#they'll always be stronger together and not apart#and yet people are crying screaming over people who like or try to see Suvi's side#'oh so you're defending fascism?' like shut up this is a RPG podcast#if you don't like suvi just say it as it is instead of trying to shame who like her through petty essays#people are trying to simplify something that is so vastly nuanced and complex with a billion factors to consider#people discuss about those girls on reddit like it's politics. it's nightmarish#suvirin kedberiket#suvi the wizard#ame the witch#rambles#rantish#long post#(( worth mentioning I don't have insight from fireside chats. so this is going off on the campaign alone ))
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People often talk about Rio Ranger as if he's the doll version of Sei but what I find super fascinating is that he isn't, not in the same way Fake Reko or the Dummies are replications of their human counterparts.
Ranger resembles Sei on a surface level — same physical appearance, just an unclear amount older; same way of speaking. But he is unmistakably different. Ranger is an incomplete being, missing his positive emotions, but even the true Ranger is Rio Laizer rather than Sei, because there's still something different.
Rio Ranger is, fundamentally, inhuman and yet desperate to be human. He was created to be jealous of humanity and despite his hatred for them, humanity is what he is always striving for. But it is something that he doesn't possess, and is forced to steal instead. He takes clothes from the dead and uses drawings on cards to feign emotion; he is the Dress-Up Doll, Rearranger, not possessor of anything of his own.
While the other dolls based on humans in the game have identity issues based on their personhood being defined by someone else, being merely a copy of another person, Ranger is not even allowed Sei's identity to base himself on — it's very likely he doesn't even know who Sei was. He does not have Sei's clothes — nondescript and tied to Asunaro as they are — and he does not have the capacity for expressing emotion that Sei had.
When comparing Ranger and Sei in terms of personality, differences are obvious. There are similarities, naturally — besides the abrasive way of speaking, there's the jealousy and desire for validation. But in Ranger, these are present to an extreme — they're all he has. (And, ironically, this is what Gashu claims to believe makes him so human, even when Ranger's inhumanity comes through most clearly in this lack of anything else.)
In Sei, on the other hand, these traits are tempered by logic, to put things in YTTD's beloved logic vs. emotion dichotomy. Despite his outwardly emotional nature, from what we see of him he appears realistic and focused on survival in a way that Kai isn't. He's aggressive and overly casual about killing people, but he doesn't express the glee at violence that Ranger does, only a fierce desire to prove himself and survive. Sei is jealous of Kai and desires Gashu's affection, but also has an understanding of the situation he's in that both Kai and Ranger lack — he can tell that Gashu doesn't care about him as much as he does Kai, and recognizes that the way Gashu treats both of them is wrong. Ranger believes Gashu truly loves him, a fact proven blatantly false by his eventual demise at Gashu's hands. Ironically, this blindness is more similar to Kai as we see him in his minisode, rather than Sei.
Of course, this understanding isn't simply a part of Sei's basic nature, but rather the fact that unlike Kai and Ranger, he has past experience to go on. Sei wasn't born into the Satou family — though his exact origins are unclear, based on his grief for his birth father and how he talks about Asunaro ("all this shady organization crap"), it's possible he wasn't even born into Asunaro at all. Before being sent to Gashu, he had his own father, one who we don't know anything about but whom he apparently loved. He doesn't accept Gashu's treatment of him and Kai the way Kai does because he has known a different father and a different way of life. This doesn't free him from Asunaro's influence — he still accepts the role of assassin they give him and resigns himself to becoming a killer. What choice does he have, after all? But he carries no illusions about Asunaro or his role in it. He knows that the training is cruel, that he is viewed only as a tool, that Asunaro is wrong even if they are also not worth resisting.
This is a major part of why Ranger isn't Sei, why he cannot be; because Asunaro is all Ranger knows. They are his creators, who he was literally built to serve. In Ranger's mind, he is not only Gashu's son and heir, but his creation, his masterpiece. And of course he wouldn't have been created with Sei's memories — why take that risk? Why give him any sort of knowledge of a life outside Asunaro or reason to be disloyal to them?
Ranger is not Sei — so why model Ranger after him? Because Ranger is the idea of Sei, what Sei was meant to be: a counterpart to Kai, a rival, a second choice. Gashu preferred Kai, once; Kai won out over Sei. But Kai has proven himself a failure and betrayed Asunaro, leaving Gashu with no choice but turn once more to Kai's long-dead competition. Ranger is, like Sei, the opposite of Kai, temperamental and vulgar while Kai is stoic and polite, and perhaps more importantly, capable of murder while Kai steadfastly is not.
And yet Ranger isn't Sei. Sei was jealous of those — specifically Kai — he saw as superior or at least as being treated as such; Ranger is this idea taken to its natural conclusion. Sei had lost everything he had outside of Asunaro; Ranger never had anything else to begin with. Sei was a human; Ranger will never be, doomed to forever long otherwise. Ranger is Sei only in the ways Sei was useful — desperate for recognition, willing to kill, a perfect rival to Kai — but something entirely different, an inhuman machine, in all the ways Sei was a liability.
Sei was human, and he knew that he deserved to have that fact respected. Ranger isn't human and gets only the wanting, desperate to be as good as a human even humanity itself is unattainable. Of course, it isn't being a doll that is actually Ranger's problem — it's Asunaro, who view humans and dolls alike as disposable. Sei's humanity didn't make him any less of a tool as far as Asunaro was concerned, it only made him more difficult to control. All Sei wanted was to be seen as an equal to Kai, a person worthy of respect — and this is what he gets, in the end: his face and voice used as a base for one of Asunaro's weapons, while his true identity and personhood remains forgotten.
Ranger has nothing to hold him back from doing his duty for Asunaro, nor does he have anything to hold onto outside of it. In that sense, Ranger is an ideal asset for Asunaro — at least until the very jealousy and hatred Gashu programmed into him goes too far, and he is, once again, deemed a failure. Ironically, Gashu shoots Ranger for attempting to kill a participant, when willingness to kill was perhaps the one true advantage Sei had over Kai.
In the end, Ranger is offered no more humanity in his death than Sei is — they are both merely pawns of Asunaro, set to die at its whims. But while Sei dies in the arms of his brother, receiving one final act of kindness as Kai refuses to kill him, Ranger has no one in either of his deaths but his creators: in his death as Rio Laizer the dubious kindness of Tia Safalin, making his final moments full of agonizing guilt, and of course in his first death, as Rio Ranger, nothing but Gashu's coldness, the bullet in his head a sort of culmination to the favoritism Sei found weighed against him, and a demonstration of just how far Gashu has come from the father who once genuinely cared for Sei. Sei was human, Ranger was not, but as far as Asunaro is concerned, they are exactly the same: tools, easily thrown away as soon as they stop being useful.
#also I don't know where to put this in here but the fact that both Kai and Ranger struggle to show facial expressions#while Sei does not... it's neat is all#your turn to die#yttd#rio ranger#sei satou#sei yttd#i haven't been as focused on yttd lately but i found this in my drafts and was like oh i am still mentally ill about the satou brothers huh#i have so many thoughts about sei... we see so little of him but what we do see is so interesting to me#i was writing an au where he survives instead of kai so i have thought extensively about what his deal is lol#like can we talk about how sei killed like 3 people? specifically other kids? and was super chill about it? like dude#if sei was not a tragically dead child he'd have become a super fucked up adult is what i'm saying#i need to go back to writing that fic.... maybe when i finish my 5 million other wips
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i told myself that yakuei only had one position then i proved myself (sorta) wrong
my fave face here:
#technically... if they were boinking in outer space... a lot of these would be the same position#makes a rotate-y gesture with my fingers#what is yakumo's kabedon if not a vertical missionary#so i've half proven myself right AND wrong! i'm net neutral in outer space broskis!!!!!#zizz-asdf if ur reading these tags i'll have u know that u inspired me to Do the Research1#like. 5 garu riding eiden? no. it can't be. does yaku do one specific thing with eiden 5 times? *tries to write it down*#i can't quite... what's the word for that position...uhhhh#ah forget it i'll just draw it out#<- that was the process of creating this. collage? 😆#THE MATRIX OF YAKUEI BOINKINg POSITIONS (under construction)#when u about to be semi-normal and make a spreadsheet but ur sexcabulary is stunted so you resort to visuals instead#legit opening up every intimacy room and skipping thru sections to get as complete a picture as possible#wondering... where are yaku's feet planted in this one. (skips to 8minute mark)#ah! there they are. theyre not supporting his weight in this one *draws it*#while drawing crimson phantom room 2 my brow was furrowed and i was mentally narrating#[and this one i affectionately call.. rectal exam - professional misconduct Grounds for Termination)]#surprised they str8 up havent done classicdoggstyle yet. is it because he's a snake? garu should teach him#also surprised that there's been no Light SSR for yaku yet. come on!! Light mode on the double!#uhhh i think the only repeated positions were freestanding (choco liqueur r2 and dark nova r2)#and standing AGAINST! THE! WALL! (choco liqueur r5 {interior} and shadow lineage r5 {cave})#wait. *throws papers around* i swear they did missionary more than once. was it only ocean breeze???#i know with the intimacy rooms they gotta modify the positions into certain angles to make it...look...better#but seriously? only one missionary out of the lot of them? despite the aesthetic tweaks??? how can that ........#*tosses more papers around with increasing befuddlement* WHERE IS MY PURE 100% VANILLA BEAN ICE CREAM#sighs as all the papers lie scattered on the ground#dude... i don't know anymore..... this is beyond my scope#now that i see how evenly spread out the positions are...#i BET the devs have SOME SORTA CHART tracking yaku's positions. now THAT'S a funky office corkboard!#yakuei#nu carnival eiden
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oh pallas and agnes power dynamic you really are SO unbelievably fucked,,,,,
#haven’t been able to write in days so i am posting instead. forgive me.#it’s just so. like. okay pallas has all of the material power here that’s not a question they’ve got much stronger magic they#know how the library works they’re directly placed in a mentorship role at the beginning re agnes she depends on them#for everything.#but also#pallas is very much Not Doing Well mentally (<- understatement of the century) and is pathologically incapable of processing their own#emotions related to this AT ALL. and in the process of trying very very hard to get to Know pallas (so pallas will Like her so pallas will#want to keep her alive) agnes kind of comes to understand a lot of pallas’s issues even better than pallas does and pallas starts to depend#on her for emotional support in a way they NEVER have with anyone else.#and pallas’s ability to show vulnerability has been soooo wrecked beyond belief that to them doing things like sharing part#of their backstory and being visibily hurt around someone is tantamount to placing a knife in someone’s hand and#then circling all of their weak points with a giant red marker while going ‘HEY STAB HERE’#so in their mind by doing this they’re giving agnes an IMMENSE amount of power over them like enough to kill them dead even though very#little else has changed about their dynamic. so pallas believes that they’re standing on much more equal ground then they really are#and agnes partly believes it too she thinks that by seeing this much of how broken down pallas is she’s finally found the balance in their#relationship she’s finally found a way to make it stable. and yeah. to some extent this is true!#pallas DOES listen to agnes more than any other person agnes IS the first person in years to understand them this much pallas’s dependence#on her for their mental wellbeing DOES give her some measure of power over them. but that power is given out on pallas’s terms is the thing#whether they’re aware of that or not. agnes wouldn’t have anything if pallas didn’t actively choose to be vulnerable with her there’d be#no way she’d learn about anything no way she’d get to play this role in their life#they believe that this thing is much more equal much more sustainable than it really is (pallas especially) and they’re#literally all each other have#grabs your face are you listening THEYRE ALL EACH OTHER HAVE IN THIS PLACE THEYRE BOTH IN SUCH HORRIFIC SITUATIONS AND THEY R EATING#EACHOTGER TO SURVIVE!!!!#head in fucking hands#wip: ghost story#pallas and agnes
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Usopp's constant negativity and anxiety are something useful and "positive" at the end of the day (eg: fight against Perona) because he doesn't necessarily need to change his views, he just needs to trust himself and his abilities more and he just uses what he has at the moment which is, you know, negativity. It is not something positive but it does keep him safe from danger and he will end up being proud of himself and stronger than he could ever imagine, but that doesn't mean he'll stop being negative. It's just another personality trait a lot of people have, and Usopp using it for his advantage is something great, I feel. He takes pride in being like that. He's loud and shameless about it.
Unlike Sanji, who dwells on his negativity on his own. Quietly. And lets it consume him without having any power over it. His self-sabotaging and self-sacrificing behavior often comes from a place of giving up out of fear of others getting hurt to save him because that's pretty much his core fear. Being a burden/Not being able to save the people he cares about from himself and his past. It's not something the manga shows that much in comparison to Usopp's negativity, but Sanji's pessimistic views are pretty much one of the reasons why WCI happens and why he puts himself in the worst situation in Wano.
And I think (this is why I'm writing all of this) that they're perfect for each other because Usopp could show him that being afraid and negative isn't something so bad. After all, at least Usopp is aware that if he can't do something, the crew will help him out no matter what. Usopp's negative, yes, but it's alright because he doesn't go through it on his own. Even if he does look shameless and "selfish" when desperately asking for help (he isn't, by the way. It's actually pretty reasonable to act like that). Sanji needs to learn to ask for help shamelessly too and he needs to stop putting all the weight of the world's negativity on his shoulders. They need to carry it together.
Like- There's just something so personal in Usopp going "Yes! I am scared. Frightened even. Please, help!" because he might not like that part of him and he's trying to be stronger and more independent every day, but he acknowledges that things can go south and his reaction is very fight or flight but pretty mostly flight to be safe. While Sanji's response is always to fight because he refuses to let others know he needs help in case something happens to them (and also because he feels ashamed of feeling weak). Usopp shares the responsibility and accepts that he's kind of a loser sometimes but Sanji refuses to do so.
This is just a thought about Sanji learning that being a coward and asking for help isn't bad because they're meant to do stuff like that, and Usopp growing to be stronger and independent but not necessarily stop being pessimistic because sometimes you just... Are like that. Sometimes you're scared. Sometimes you have anxiety. And that's alright. You can be strong anyway.
#now this is one of the 1289123719834718937981 reasons why sanuso works so well together#they're literally perfect for each other idc#i just find the way oda portrays usopp's negativity really cool bc he takes that one 'negative' trait and turns it into a defense mechanism#against perona i mean#water 7 literally happens because usopp actually lets himself drown in negativity for once instead of trusting his crew like he always does#he won't stop seeing himself as less important than them and instead of communicating that or asking for help he decides to leave#it's a reasonable response when you're on the verge of a mental breakdown tbh but sanji teaches him it's okay for others to help you#which is funny because sanji refuses to use that for himself but that's because he's stupid and hates himself#they both hate themselves a lot but love each other a ton so. great relationship. teaching the other how to love#me when i say 'loser baby' from hazbin hotel could easily be sanuso but nobody shares that specific braincell with me#one piece#black leg sanji#usopp#sanuso
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tis the season !
#the charcuterie board was devoured and ppl rly loved the cookies and the dates r usually popular#and the baked brie too!!!#and then ppl brought their own assortment of treats and drinks as well#i rly enjoyed my blackberry orange drink personally#my gf’s friend does really beautiful pottery and all the food she brought was in her gorgeous homemade pieces#was so fun i love feeding ppl and making things look pretty and festive#my gf did the insane lettering on the drink menu#and decorated so cutely#and then we all went to the halloween event at the amusement park afterwards and it was fun and cold and misty#and i mostly sat outside of haunted houses while they walked thru them haha#i struggle rly rly bad to recover from being startled and sometimes it just. turns into a panic attack even if im not like Scared?? idk#it’s stupid my body just can’t distinguish real danger from fun danger very well#but they had these “’no boo”’ necklaces i could wear so actors would then just interact w me nicely and creepily instead of jumping at me#which was still fun :-)#bummer tho i hate being mentally illlllllll#and rly embarassing bc the necklaces lit up rly bright so it was like i was wearing an im-a-weenie beacon#lolll#also shoutout to my mutual who recognized me while i was waiting for my friends and stopped to say hi LMAO that was crazy#won’t name names so i don’t dox u#but i’ve never been recognized from tumblr before was a very i like your shoelaces moment😭😭😭#top 10 most embarassing things to happen to me ever but thanks for saying hi !!!#personal
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Everyone talks about how you need to start taking steps ahead of time to curb having a BPD episode but then when you actually put those actions into place everyone tells you that you’re being overdramatic and unreasonable so like… where’s the win then…
#me being aware of my unstable mental state: hey does someone want to deal with this customer I’m not sure it’s a good idea for me to do it#my managers who tell me if I feel like I’m gonna go off on a customer to call them instead so I don’t: deal with it#personal#bpd#actually bpd#bpd vent#bpd thoughts#bpd problems#bpd safe#bpd blog#bpd feels#bpd stuff
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Ppl will say fanon v canon doesn’t matter and it’s all jokes and I’m sooooo close to going sure sometimes and then I remember y’all removed a major role of one of the if not THEE most prominent black character in Bruce’s story who was created a whole decade before tim and gave it to tim based off a run where he literally handed the role back! Like IN THE COMIC Tim was CEO in name only and handed it back to Lucius relieved when he didn’t need to front anymore like.
#also if I said y’all took a lot of what tam does and her character traits and handed them off to tim….#like from that run#it’s crazy bc I always say that’s like the only comic tim stans read#but if that’s true the racism isn’t even covert anymore el oh el#tim Drake#it’s actually about him this time#I’m not gonna clog Lucius or tam tags any further tho#oh and on the tam note#her quick thing and sheer insanity was seen as naivety from tim even tho it saved his ass quite a few times#mainly that Vicki vale shit#which is hung up on LUCIUS’ wall#bc it’s HIS office#bc HE is the CEO.#I think it’s so funny how Bruce quest was like unreliable narrator knows their unreliable and thinks that knowledge means that everything t#they say is true bc they acknowledge that maybe they’re not thinking healthily#which is so fucking fun#but y’all go ‘yesss this is Tim!’#like no! it’s not! and tim knows that! and he’s too high strung to be pissed or scared about it!#AND THAT IS WHAT SHOULDVE HAPPENED NEXT#IK cómics don’t like to acknowledge that kinda trauma and shit#but something going deep into Tim’s mental state at the time and how he was impacted in daily and personal life#(bc instead of black characters being written out and ignored I’m choosing to believe tam distanced herself bc he was such a Dick)#Like that would’ve been craaaazy#like even tims lack luster reaction at seeing Kon in Paris after he was DEAD#And then later having the emotional reaction like he really kept that shit on the backburner#but noooo he’s so badass and a killer 🥺#anyways justice for the fox family#at least for Lucius like he and cyborg are in the same boat for me#where they’ve been around for so long and have been so important (cyborg on a waaaay wider scale)#that the fact that they don’t get their flowers in favor of making shit up for tim is SICK
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