#does that make sense? maybe the parallel is a bit of a reach. I could write an essay about it tbh

[otaku553]

Procrastination doodles of sabo for the king sabo au :)

[rosescries]

Excuse me while I scream a bit about The Rehabilitation of Death by @bamsara for a bit, about something I think I picked up but haven't been able to put into words. Some of it they've clearly talked about before, and the rest I may be completely wrong about.

Maybe this is some of my interpretation of the Lamb and Narinder, but Bam's influenced a lot of that for me when they dragged me kicking and screaming into this fandom, but shh!

They've talked about love between Narinder and Lamb before. Their devotion to and respect for each other, and just how much they care for each other. I think Trod Bad End says a lot about that. With how Narinder is ready to burn the world down just to bring the Lamb back, and I'm sure the Lamb shares some of, if not all, the same feelings.

But their love has claws and teeth, I think it hurts them just as much as it uplifts them. It's blooded and a gaping wound, aching and there's nothing they can really do about it. Not that they'd probably be willing to do anything about it. And I think some of that hurt is just caused by their grief.

Narinder's already been betrayed by his siblings, siblings which he did love. Dearly, in fact, and still does no matter how much he denies it and how angry he is. He would've killed them, if not for the Lamb, but he's still keeping them. Hurting them, but they're in his reach. He's not letting them go, keeping them close and alive in some way. I don't think he could kill them for real, or would be happy if he did. They loved him too, I'm sure. As proven by Shamura sending him gifts and the offerings left on his alter. There is love lost here, whether Narinder or any of the Bishops are willing to admit it or not.

He loves the Lamb just as much, which is why the betrayal hurt so much. I think he's lashing out at the Lamb just like he did with his siblings. A fresh wound left to fester ripped open all over again. It hurts, and makes it seem like everyone in his life is eventually going to turn around and stab him in the back. He lost his family, and it seems like he's loosing the one he loves too. Even if it's not true, that's probably how it seems.

And the Lamb is the last of their kind. There's no one else like them anymore, their loved ones are gone. They lost their family, and isn't even really able to grieve them before they're sent on this mission to kill their tormentors. But that does give them an outlet, something to quell the rage for a little bit at least. And a bit motivator after a while. Along with a new family.

The Lamb loves Narinder, there's no real question about that. But their love asks them to kneel and sacrifice themselves to him, and they can't. They can't do that. They don't know what Narinder had planned for them, they couldn't have known. But the person they love is asking for something the Lamb just can't give him. They love him, but this isn't something they can bend on.

I'm running out of words and I don't know how to put my thoughts on Lambert down. But I think they parallel Narinder in a certain way, and grief is some kind of motivator for both of them. I hope I made some kind of sense here, and may just be reiterating something that is glaringly clear or talking out of my ass.

Anyway, if you haven't read Trod, go read it right now. It's really good.

[theroundbartable]

(sending hugs)

what are your thoughts about aithusa? personally i love her way to much, but she rarely comes up in fandom discourse

HEY :D Thoughts about AIthusa, huh? I have many of those. Thoughts, I mean. In my brain. They like to swim around and create a whole mess of things sometimes.

I think the reason why Aithusa doesn't come up in fandom discourse often is because there isn't very much to say. Aithusa was born, then color coded as a sign for the golden future of Camelot and was then abandoned by Merlin. Tortured by a crazy guy. Then raised by Morgana and used to create the sword that later killed Arthur. Whenever they come up in fandom discouse, it's mostly about Merlin doing his job as Dragon Lord right or wrong. But you wanted my thoughts, so I'm gonna allow my head to spin weird shit around the ungendered Dragon. (That is why I will use they/them pronouns for Aithusa.) When it comes to Aithusa's name, not the canon translation, I mean what it literally means, it's hard to find, since they used old English for the language of magic, and I think Greek for the language of the Dragon Lords (which doesn't necessarily have to apply to the Dragon names) and I haven't seen anyone make a post about it. All I get from Google translate is "Hey you" in Gaelic and that's a bit useless. Or well, this:

The automatic language recognition in Google would let me interpret Aithusa as a gift to the world. Or Arthur, depending on your shipping interests. Or, you know, if I could make up the Old English maybe pseudo-parts of the word (the writers were very lazy in BBC Merlin, they are literally quoting Beowulf when Merlin magics the blue ball in the poisoned chalice.). Something fitting I found in my old English dictionary is agan, meaning to possess, and to own, and thus (spelled with a thorn which my keyboard doesn't have) meaning as follows. So, in my absolutely amateurish and interpretational, and way too far reaching ways, I would say Aithusa could mean: A(gan) thus (a): To own the future.

(Again, you asked for my thoughts, this is not canon and probably pointless, I just needed to go down this route first.)

In the fandom wiki, we find THESE informations on Aithusa.

So, things we do know are very few

Aithusa is a baby

Aithusa was tortured and is therefore crippled

Aithusa cannot talk

Aithusa probably has Stockholm Syndrom because of Morgana

But you know, I think it's very interesting to know that Aithusa is the Light of the Sun, the literal sign for a Golden Future and that very sign can be hurt by a mere human. Not only does this mean that humans can kill Dragons (the Dragon lore doesn't make any sense, I swear to god) but it's also meant to be symbolism. Merlin, just like Arthur, is shown to be his own doom through Aithusa. They are hidden, tortured, kept from living their truth, abandoned by everyone who should be leading and protecting them.

With Aithusa being born it means that at that point, Merlin had already fulfilled his destiny. At this point in time, the golden age is already there and it should have been a sign for Merlin to speak up about his magic. He never did, that's why Aithusa remains mute. And just like magic itself, when harmed or in danger, Aithusa can easily be used for evil.

Apart from the symbolism and their part in Arthur's death, Aithusa doesn't contribute much to the story, I think. Yes, they console Morgana and they are like the continuation of the Dragon lineage, but that's ultimately pointless. Aithusa will be, inevitably, be the last Dragon. Which is honestly really cruel, but again, parallel to Merlin himself. That's where Aithusa's arc ends, unfortuntaley. Personally, knowing all that, I find Aithusa hard to use as the character they are in canon. With what little defines their character, you have to ultimately change everything about them to use them in fun fics and comics and stuff. That's why they end up as a little dog creature so often.

Don't get me wrong, I love Aithusa. But I love FANON Aithusa, just like I prefer fanon Sir Leon over canon Sir Leon. Because fanon Aithusa is like a domesticated chicken that Merlin keeps in his rooms or fights custody over with Morgana while Arthur is either oblivious, supportive, or being gaslit. But maybe I am overlooking a lot of things. So, if any of you like to disagree or add anything to my points, feel free to engage ^^

[verdantlights]

YOUR TILL ART IS FRIKIN AMAZING!? HOW DID YOU GET THE POSING SO ON POINT, THE ANGLE OF THE FACE, THE TEEEEETH

Amazing

I'm also here to ramble about something arguably meta oops

What if Mizi's hair is a connection for Ivan and Till? This isn't just Ivantill narrative, but rather, her role in their lives!

We see several arts of Till holding the strand of Mizi's long hair, and the new Vivinos instagram image has Ivan brush a similar strand of hair over his lips/nose.

But in one of the alnst Friday arts, we see Ivan practicing/copying Till's guitar notes in the air while Mizi is sleeping on him. Her hair notably is splayed out, but Ivan isn't touching it.

Before I make the connections, let's also look at WHEN Mizi's hair gets shorter.

That happens in All-In, during the infiltration mission into Alnst, right before Round 6.

Now! With all the pieces set, here's the theory:

Mizi's hair signifies life itself. In round 1, her hair was tinted blue at the tips, almost eerily similar to Luka's fingers. In round 1, Sua sacrificed herself for Mizi.

Her hair remains tinted blue at the edges in Round 5, when she comes dangerously close to death herself, since she's at the whims of Luka there.

To note: Her hair had no blue tips during her time in Anakt Garden, from what I've noticed.

Till is notable holding onto Mizi's hair, like his red string of fate and yet hope too. It's his will to live. He grasps onto it the way he had idolized Mizi in part, yet he would never do that if she's next to him (see the flashback in FINAL).

How is Ivan involved in all this? I feel that Mizi's hair shows us memories of both Ivan and Till (I hope this will make sense, trying to explain the connection my art brain already did is hard).

Since Mizi's hair was cut in All-In, the link has been broken. Till will now no longer have anything left to hold onto, because the hair is no longer connected to Mizi. We see his resignation in Round 6.

And just the way Ivan was like a best friend to Mizi, and the way he was always more than willing to tease Till and her through his own ways (see the "What does this mean" comic with the whispering in ears and all), the connection to Ivan that connected the three is also broken. Ivan was more of a stand-byer and protector even to Mizi, never too close and never too far, hence the "Mizi sleeps on him while he copies Tills guitar practice".

In round 6, Ivan sacrifices himself for Till. Till is left pulling at strands, literally, because the hair he held onto is connected to nothing.

In round 7, Mizi and Till try to reunite, but the connection was already broken. Till was still pulling at strands, and when he reached the end of them... There was nothing.

Till looses round 7, and Mizi is left to watch.

Both her friends, maybe everyone she knew, was doomed, metaphorically, because she has moved onto a different life.

The short hair is, in the narrative of All-In, meant to represent change, moving forward from the past. This is why it's significant that she had her hair cut off, the hair that held memories of Sua... And her friends. By removing her grief, even if briefly, Mizi as a character has moved on from her past.

This is also meant to represent why you shouldn't dwell on the past. Again, this isn't intentional on Mizi's part, and she's allowed to move on, but now, her past will destroy her.

It's a very interesting deconstruction of grief, and I know a story that represents this just as impactfully! But yes, Vivimeng's work is a deconstruction as it is for the idol industry, and one moment even for AI (only briefly in FINAL, I could go into that if anyone's interested 😭), so I thought these parallels were more than coincidence 😅

now sorry this took me so long to respond to, it was a bit daunting seeing a whole analysis in my inbox, but rereading it just now reminded me that... sua was braiding mizis hair in the new comic. tills comic with Io.

its as if they all clung to mizi and that yeah, her hair was a representation of life itself. its a really interesting view on grief and how its applied in alien stage.

also thank you, and im glad you liked my till usseewa so much!! it was heavily referenced from the original, but i changed a lot and redid the background so that it wouldnt look weird. i just think a song about going against an oppressive controlling system is very tillcore... yaknow?? hehehehe

[bibibbon]

I don't know what I felt about Bakugo, like I see that I don't really hate him, I just find him annoying at times, there are times when I agree that there are times when the hate he receives is a bit exaggerated, like when you relate him to Endeavor, like you're relating him to someone who committed human trafficking. Like I think he has potential, but first he should face the consequences and then maybe he could start to improve as a person. I even like to see him being a good friend to Izuku, but I don't know. What do you think about the hate that Bakugou receives from a part of the fandom?

I can see where you're coming from, but honestly, it doesn't seem harsh to me to compare bakugo and enji depending on the circumstances.

Yes, bakugo and enji share characteristics. Whether those are good or bad is up to the reader to interpert.

I say this because when Canon points out the similarities between enji and bakugo, it paints it out as a good thing, so having people twist it around and interpret it in a different manner makes complete sense to me (as I have done it before).

However, I personally haven't said that bakugo did do the same things as enji or is just as bad as enji. I also haven't seen multiple posts say that as well. Most of the posts that talk about bakugo and enji point out the fact that if bakugo continues down the path he is going, he will end up like enji desperate to win and ultimately throw his life away.

I make my opinion clear on one of my other posts, and the asker themselves also acknowledges that it's people LIKE bakugo and enji that are shown to create abusive and rather fuel societies corruptions (in the end they are alone effected by it)

Yes, in the end, bakugo hasn't reached enji's level, and he has the chance to have a proper redemption arc, but Canon never gives him that. He has potential, yet it's never achieved.

The bakugo and enji comparisons are in a way crucial to bakugo's character to truly paint him as who he is, and then having bakugo and enji become contrasts would ultimately show bakugo's change, breaking the cycle and trying to become a better person. I think ignoring and trying not to point out these parallels within the series does more harm than good (as shown in Canon).

We share similar views when it comes to bakugo. I think that if he was written well and actually got proper consequences, he could have gone down a slow but steady road of redemption where he changes and becomes a better version of himself. I have talked about the wasted potential of bakugo 👇 and I still stand by these ideas. I just don't like the execution of his redemption arc in Canon at all

To answer your question, tumblr is literally the only site I actually see bakugo hate and criticism, which, to me, says a lot. Bakugo hate isn't something huge in other platforms such as Twitter, reddit, or tiktok maybe it is but honestly iam not exposed to bakugo hate it's mostly bakugo die hard stans I see which can get annoying sometimes as they deny certain things their favourite character has done.

While it is few, I have seen times in tumblr where I think the bakugo hate just got petty. This is usually when you have people misspell bakugo's name as "bakuhoe" or some other cringey variation, which ruins the point that the person had to say about bakugo. I think that wishing the character would die can also be a bit extreme (yet bakugo isn't a living, breathing human, so i dont find myself caring about such hate)

In the end, it is a vocal minority specifically seen here on tumblr that hates bakugo or actively points out his flaws, which is a shame because I think he is quite overrated and just has wasted potential.

[yuseirra]

(Final speculation before 163 comes up) Could the story really wrap up within 4 episodes if Kamiki isn’t a god?

I don’t think so;; There are too many things that can be explained with this way but make no sense if it's not. I'm serious. This must be it. This CAN explain EVERYTHING about that particular character quite smoothly!! To the extent it almost can't be otherwise!

Ahh I jotted this down on the spot (used machine translate.. Sorry if the phrasings are a bit off because if it) please, take this into consideration yeah I can be SO off, already proven off but?? This though just keeps coming to me.

I’ve made a lot of guesses about gods, haven’t I? But no one really seems to take it so seriously.

But didn’t they mention there are “gods” who don’t know they’re gods in the piece itself? Why bring that up? They’re going to use it, right? After hearing the lyrics of *Fatal*, I started to seriously think that Ruby and Kamiki actually have some kind of divine power.

For Kamiki… everything he’s done makes way more sense if we consider him to be the earthly god Sarutahiko Okami. It's just impossible for him to just be a regular person with this little time left in the story but if you take him as a reincarnation of that particular god that's started to reawaken his divinity, everything starts to click!!!

Sarutahiko is considered a "noble" god,

And the way he met Ai is really similar to how he met his wife, Ame-no-Uzume, leading to their marriage (his wife came to his domain as part of a mission, and he led the way, they developed feelings and connected—this parallels how Ai came to meet Kamiki while pursuing acting, with him having guided her. The descendants of the god Sarutahiko bear the name that means "woman who dances well" That's like Ruby). They fell in love immediately, just like Ai seems to have taken a liking to him from the moment she saw him. Ame-no-Uzume approached him first and the relationship blossomed from there.

Sarutahiko is also a god of light (Hikaru has “light” in his name, and “Kamiki” relates to gods).

He governs land (isn’t it strange how people keep dying in the mountains?).

That shrine in Miyazaki where the main cast went to, Aratate Shrine, is dedicated to Sarutahiko and his wife, but they didn’t mention Sarutahiko explicitly. Together, these gods bless the entertainment world and grant people’s wishes. Remember when Ruby and Kamiki met and that whole talk about gods and wishes? He listened to what she really wished for, and Kamiki also congratulated Aqua, saying his wish was fulfilled. All the wishes that were mentioned there, indeed, did come true. In *Mephisto*, the line “I forgot who I lived as” refers to Kamiki, I'm sure of it. He’s a god who didn’t realize it but is now somewhat aware and using his power.

Aqua tried to drown him. Sarutahiko governs the earth, so it makes sense that Aqua, who’s aligned with Susanoo (the sea god), would have an advantage over him in water. That’s why he could kill him that way.

Sarutahiko is also the “guiding god.” He leads people toward good futures, that's what he is supposed to do. So, if Aqua says, “I have to stop you from ruining Ruby’s future,” it makes sense that Kamiki, as Sarutahiko’s reincarnation, might actually have the power to affect her future.

In *Mephisto* and *Fatal*, there’s a narrator desperately longing for a “star,” with Ai being compared to a star and Kamiki to a gem. Gems are from the earth, and Sarutahiko is an earth god (Kunitsukami), while his wife Ame-no-Uzume belongs to the celestial gods (Amatsukami). This all fits perfectly, doesn’t it? Kamiki wanted to reach Ai, and as the songs imply, he tried to gather "light" (the star eyes) as a means to do so. He couldn't get to her by his own powers because he doesn't originate from the skies the way she does, perhaps that could be why he needed the "stars" in order to "fill in what's missing" as mentioned in Fatal! As he originally blessed the entertainment world. Maybe he’s been going around finding people with star eyes to reclaim his blessings.

Actually, if we follow the mythology, Ruby is the one connected to Kamiki out of the twins. Sarutahiko’s essence is solar, and Amaterasu, who corresponds to Ruby, took over his place in the native religion. But even though Sarutahiko gave up his place, (getting married with Ame-no-Uzume in the process.. He did get a beautiful wife out of it all), he’s still honored as a powerful god with the title Okami. His story is more closely tied to Amaterasu and Ame-no-Uzume than to Susanoo. The three of them weren’t on bad terms either. Sarutahiko ended up working with his wife for Amaterasu. So when Kamiki treated Ruby with kindness, maybe it was because they share a deep connection. To add, since they overlap in their domains, so perhaps Kamiki posed a threat to her because of that.

Sarutahiko was said to have a strong, loving relationship with his wife. When they blessed people, they did it together, even offering marriage blessings. The song Mephisto and Fatal just scream that the speaker cannot bear to go on without their loved one and they'd give their life away if only they could be back. I feel that's how Sarutahiko would feel if he lost Ame-no-Uzume, they seemed so loving towards each other to me.

Kamiki’s character really seems to make sense if you consider him a god. There are so many things that would instantly click into place. But if he’s not a god, I honestly have no idea who he is. Everything about him points to that conclusion. Both he and Ai were gods. It makes sense then, that it's Ruby and Kamiki who could say that Ai was just a regular person. Because they think they really are just normal people and wish to be taken that way the way Ai is. They're the ones who can talk from those same shoes.

In reality, they were gods who wanted to live as humans and chose to live as such. Kamiki constantly says that he and Ai were the same, and that they could have overcome anything together. That’s probably because, as gods, they were each other’s counterparts, worshiped together at shrines. That's not just him being clingy, it REALLY was how things were. They were drawn to each other, unconsciously recognizing their similarities, and reunited as humans.

But after Ai’s death, Kamiki was fully corrupted, leading to his downfall.

Honestly, I can’t interpret it any other way anymore. If not this, then I really don’t know who Kamiki is. Too many unnatural things have happened surrounding him, and when you piece together the songs, it becomes clear: he’s a fallen god who lost someone precious and was consumed by darkness. This darkness probably didn’t originate from him; something external caused his fall. Even the scene where his eyes change—like paint dripping from outside—suggests that something seeped in from the outside.

In the anime, Kamiki’s eye color is lighter and more washed-out compared to Ai’s vibrant purple. It really seems like his original eye color was different and was later tainted. He might have been a god of light with orange or yellow eyes. His children’s eye colors might have split because of his original bright color.

Ai, as Ame-no-Uzume, is a goddess of entertainment and the dawn. Her colors align with this. Even if her personality was a façade, she shares a lot of traits with Ame-no-Uzume. If she had grown up without trauma, she might have truly been like her. The “morning/first star(in IDOL's lyric)” refers to the brightest star at dawn. If Ai is Ame-no-Uzume, and Kamiki is her husband, then their relationship with Ruby fits perfectly too. Even in the novel, Ai said she might become a god with her own religion.

I think this should be it. If not, nothing else would make sense. With only 4 episodes left, they’ll likely use this storyline to tie everything up. Otherwise, they’d need a lot more episodes. But since there’s an overarching mythology at play, I think they’ll be able to compress the narrative. No one could deny that these gods loved each other, and because Kamiki is falling into corruption, it'd make sense for there to be divine intervention- the resurrection of the twins. Ai wanted to experience true love, and she did find her match as Kamiki. She wouldn’t have found anyone better because they are meant to be. She wanted to save him from the depravity of the entertainment world.

I wanted to write this down since there won’t be many more chances to talk about these theories.

I’ve been thinking this since *Fatal* came out in July. The more I watch, the more these ideas seem to fit perfectly. The thought only strengthened;; Kamiki and Ai are probably incarnations of gods. The entire Hoshino family is likely divine.

[saltyb0ba]

im soooo normal about ezran callum sibling relationship

the little kid who had to grow up too fast, leaving stolen jelly tarts behind for clean hands on the throne and the big kid who never got a chance to play house with his younger brother before worries took the place of imagination. the kid king who seems to be handling things well, but no longer laughs at jokes with his kind of humor, and would rather get to the point than have a bit of fun with finding out the answer.

ezran luckily has a strong support system and a brother that will be there for him no matter what, putting himself in danger just to ensure ezran's safety. he's bonded with zym on a psychic and emotional level, and can talk to animals with relative ease. making the burden of the crown just a bit lighter. he knows he has people he can reach out to and lean on, and takes advantage of that when the offer is handed to him. growing up hurts, but with loved ones surrounding him, it was okay. as okay as it could be.

callum is his own support system. soren's called him step-prince for as long as he could remember, and though it was never explicitly shown, it's not hard to infer the amount of damage that can inflict on someone's mind. he already was second in line to the throne despite being the older sibling, and to just have it drilled in your head again and again that someone doesn't want you there just hurts. and it forms an unhealthy mindset that sticks with him for a while.

soren's insisted that it was a joke, but it's not wrong for callum to take it personally. especially with how many times soren's repeated it. claudia lost his respect a long time ago. callum isn't really shown to have the same amount of familiarity with the royal court as ezran does, and his office is a bit isolated from the rest of the castle. it isn't where he sleeps (though sometimes falls asleep in), but even in his own quarters he's separated from ezran. that bed's either filled by rayla or just empty moonlight at this point.

callum's always taken his own path whereas ezran followed in his father's footsteps.

that's naturally led to callum exploring a new future alone (or at least, with minimal support) vs ezran having the entire castle staff to rely upon with centuries' worth of experience in handling the rule of a king.

and proven in the series, it's caused ezran to detach from callum a bit himself. how he thought callum's upset post-possession was about rayla and not the literal puppeting that had been going on. he was never able to see through his brother the way callum could see through ezran and that's likely intentional.

bait and zym are also like parallels to their relationship in a sense; ezran had accidentally batted bait away in his sleep and bait left, upset and a little angry -- until callum saw him and invited him to hang out with him. they don't have a connection like ezran and zym have (unless you wanna get super meta, since bait's sounds are made by jack desena), but they understand each other just as much as the king and dragon prince do. before that happened, however, bait was very clingy with ezran. see the connection?

they haven't abandoned each other, far from it. they've gotten more aggressive in their love, especially with the stakes raising and callum extremely prone to becoming a weapon. ezran would prefer to talk things out, though something tells me aaravos would rather have fun with his toys instead of discussing things. maybe the way they show brotherly love is different now, but callum knows what sacrifice he would have to make to protect his family, his brother. ezran doesn't want to lose callum, and is determined to find a solution that doesn't involve the loss of his brother. his only brother.

thank you for coming to my ted talk this was a massive brain dump that i just needed to get out haha! i'm a sucker for sibling relationships and theirs draws me in like no other.

[bunnakit]

my stand in ep 2 thoughts, feelings, etc.

alright i wanted to write this up nicely but it took me... two hours to get through the episode bc i kept stopping to write notes, so i'll do my best i guess.

weird thing about me is when i watch shows and write notes for these posts i always write the notes on napkins? i have like 5 different notebooks in arms reach at all times but i really like scribbling on a napkin for the true unhinged effect.

anyway blah blah reminder i'm just a silly dude on the internet, idk shit about dick, i just like to say shit, don't take me too seriously.

also please DO NOT leave novel spoilers in my reblogs, tags, or replies without some kind of warning label. please? it seems to happen with every show i write meta for and i LOVE that people get hyped but there's no way for me to avoid it when it's in my notifications like that.

some before the actual episode stuff; after learning last week that some of the kinnporsche people worked on this it really becomes apparent, especially in the style of the intro.

the music choices also seem a bit reminiscent of kinnporsche (and a little bit of not me) which i really enjoy. it feels kind of familiar and comforting.

immediately i loved how soft this episode started, the slight stubble on each of them, the way joe speaks so softly as if afraid to shatter their little bubble of peace, etc. i also love that the show doesn't skirt around the topic of sex and the fact that sometimes sex is awkward and clumsy, especially with a new partner and doubly so when it's your first queer partner.

and then the peace was shattered with ming kissing his back yet again. ouchies.

"will tong be at the set?" he's just not even trying to hide it. he basically said 'yeah ur great and all but tong????' but DAMN if poom isn't the absolute king of microexpressions.

at this point i can't really tell if tong is being a spoiled prince (derogatory) or if he's tired of acting in general? judgement withheld until a later date.

and then we jump into this actress being a parallel to ming and OOF OUCHIES MY ORGANS. she's a fan of tong but has to "settle" for joe - just like ming. and yet joe takes the time to be kind, to soothe her worries and put her at ease, because he has a heart of absolute gold. "it's her first movie but she was left to drown by the male lead." it's ming's first love and he has been left to drown in it.

mek's acting is really endearing. this is my first exposure to him (ive seen some of his social media and really like what he stands for as a person) and i'm instantly drawn to his performance. he also pulls off a great balance of adorable/sexy.

OOH THE SHOW SAID BISEXUAL OUT LOUD. A WIN FOR THE BI'S WE LOVE TO SEE IT.

i personally find ming's jealously hilarious. what a little caricature of toxicity.

anyway, it seems to me that if ming could get over his feelings and enjoy what he has in front of him he could be part of and enjoy a very sweet family, as it does seem tong IS giving him love, just not the exact flavor he craves.

the cut to joe's training made me laugh. little oat lore dump but my bio dad was actually a stunt man for movies (which is another part of why i was so excited for this show) and i can promise you nothing like this was part of it. what do i know, though, maybe things have changed since the early 2000s lol.

(no, they're probably not any movies you know, aside from maybe wild wild west [1999]. he mostly did westerns, historical docudramas, and historical fiction.)

ANYWAY AGAIN. with this little glimpse into ming's home life we get to see that he's very accustomed to doing what he wants and getting what he wants, which makes a lot of sense when applied to his almost obsessive behavior regarding tong - and now joe. i did absolutely LOVE linin and her sassy independence (minus the 'i can buy anything i need'.)

but... girl... did you just spray perfume in your mouth?

your actions are strange and unsettling. i like that in a woman.

ugh getting into ming venting his frustrations on joe's body. listen. liiiisten. while toxic without prior discussion... i'm into it. it may or may not be one of my favorite tropes in fanfic. toxic and unhealthy as fuck and i'm here for it.

AND THEN DAMN POOM THOSE NOISES. ACTING FOR YOUR LIFE BBY -- and the SNEEZE AT ORGASM LMAAAO oh i hope that's a running bit for some comedic relief.

because we then make a SHARP pivot into "then stop me" and there's so much potential for pain and self loathing there, for joe to think "i can't blame ming, i didn't stop any of it." i'm sat.

a little side bar, but i'm enjoying the fact that while there is discussion of topping and bottoming as a narrative device there really aren't any stereotypes here. i think on a surface level people would think "oh joe is the top" (pit babe style) and the show said no actually he isn't. love that for us.

"you can even move in haha jk" but the thing is, not jk, because joe would do that for ming - for anyone - bc that's the type of person he is.

[i had to stop and have a lil snack here]

hold up is this wut out drinking with them? OH SHIT IT IS. OKAY. it didn't give us much but at least it's a little connection to him finally. we knew joe knew him from his first life, just didn't really know how.

"i missed you" and when was the last time someone missed joe? not who he's replacing or the space he's filling, but HIM?

love ming's goofy ass locking the door and going inside just so he can make a dramatic ass appearance like he's 'the other woman' or some shit LMAO.

"what's in you to make me jealous?" quite possibly the worst dialogue tree choice ming could've picked.

[joe's emotional well being -45]

[everyone hated that]

"don't be so full of yourself" something joe has never been a day in his life. "you're just a stand-in." he knows. it's not something he ever forgets.

but after all that toxicity we have ming back home, seeking out joe's food for comfort, and we finally get to see him interact with his sister. i LOVE that she knows the importance of being a little silly as a treat, one of my biggest life mottos. we also get to see more of how ming is surrounded by love that he misses out on bc of his own wallowing and self sabotage.

oh, the homoeroticism of sparring with your bestie.

[everyone liked that]

oop- joe is wearing the shirt ming borrowed while sol is wearing a shirt with the word 'fantasy.' i'm good, i'm fine, gwenchana, gwenchana.

ough. sol with too many eyes on him and none of them sincere and joe with nothing but sincerity to offer but remains invisible. oof ouch.

enter ming with more religious imagery to match last week's cross scene. something something the sin of greed? confessing your sins? coveting - idk man, i don't have any religious trauma, my family let me just do my own thing.

but with ming knowing joe's true feeling every toxic thing he does is going to be 1000x more painful and i'm here for it. bring it you fucked up little guy.

"we can't mess with each other's privacy" don't mess with MY privacy. "you can't mess around with anyone else" emphasis on YOU, not we.

and then it's driven home what a romantic joe is, both with his workout heartbreak poetry and this little lady and the tramp noodle moment. this man, again much like pit babe, wants to be domesticated so bad.

and i know we all have hated on ming, that's the point, he's been a caricature of a toxic relationship spelled out in neon letters --

but when was the last time ming laughed with someone like this?

ok im exhausted, i'm falling into bed to read fanfic, but i'm absolutely in love with everything this is doing so far. i haven't written anything as in depth as this since last twilight (pre-betrayal) so it's really nice to feel insane again.

[kikizoshi]

Hello, Kizo! you've also mentioned some of the interesting aspects of Gogol's personality I haven't thought about before. Like his pessimism. He is so constantly and desperately wants to seem excited, amused, thrilled, that he's managed to fool me. But it makes sense. "The only salvation from emotions is mine or smn else's death". He is quite pessimistic, just like Dost. And he's a perfectionist. He wants an absolute perfect freedom and nothing in between. Why is he like this, maybe trauma?

Thanks for the interesting asks!

It's neat to me that Nikolai manages to fool you. What I love especially there is that, like you said, while putting on that act he's so energetic, vivacious, and drawn very enthusiastic and animated. But when he breaks character, there's a stillness to him. His shrill tone softens into a meditative tenor; his grand gesticulations withdraw into intimate gestures; his stretched mouth and squinted eyes relax into the visage of a quiet, thoughtful, introspective young man. Harukawa expresses all of this beautifully with their drawings, and I just love it so much. The glimpses we see of the Nikolai under his mask are what made me fall in love with him in the first place--it's what makes his character for me.

One thing I really love expressed in characters like Nikolai is the 'sad clown paradox', which I think fits him pretty well. It's the playful jester character who's internally cynical. Nikolai creates a persona of a spontaneous, silly, horrifically brutal psychopath, but the scant few glimpses we get of him, we see a thoughtful and caring person, so much more and so much opposite just under the surface. I absolutely adore that duality.

I'm not gonna talk about potential backstories for Nikolai; I feel like speculation there is kinda pointless for me, since it could be literally anything. But, I can talk about Gogol's influence on him a bit.

Regarding this:

"The only salvation from emotions is mine or smn else's death". He is quite pessimistic, just like Dost. And he's a perfectionist. He wants an absolute perfect freedom and nothing in between. Why is he like this, maybe trauma?

I see a lot of Gogol's influence here. I'm not sure how much you know about Gogol as a person, so sorry if this is reiterative, but it's important context (and please take my cliffs notes version with a teaspoon of salt; I'm by no means a Gogol scholar). Gogol, at the end of his life--though probably during too--was very concerned with the purity of his soul. Why isn't something I can really comment on, but it seems to have culminated in him going to a radical priest, who advised him to undertake an extreme fast (meant for monks, I believe). Gogol then burned his manuscript for the second part of 'Dead Souls', and starved himself to death over the course of about twelve days (whether or not he meant to die isn't agreed-upon as far as I can tell, but that he died as a result of this fast is). All to reach a purity of soul he felt he didn't have, and couldn't get without drastic actions.

I genuinely have no idea if this story inspired Nikolai's, but I wouldn't be surprised if it did. There are a lot of parallels, and if you replace Gogol's 'religious purity' with Nikolai's 'freedom', you get a similar tragedy. Both seem based on the belief "my mortal/inherent failures/limitations are holding me back from what I need". And rather than go inwards and seek clarity through introspection, both externalise their problems and try to "fix" themselves via grand--and painful--proofs of their "faith/conviction".

There's also the parallel with Gogol's priest and Fyodor, though I'm not sure how much it tracks. Fyodor does seem to have some influence on Nikolai, but it sounds like Nikolai was already on his path when they met... that's all backstory stuff though, so who knows.

Then there's still the missing piece of 'why', with Nikolai. Why does he feel he needs to free himself from his emotions? Gogol's motive makes sense several ways: fear of Hell, self-hatred, a deep, spiraling depression. It's understandable, it's human, it's relatable. But Nikolai's freedom?

That Asagiri chose 'freedom from emotions' to be Nikolai's pursuit isn't something I've ever managed to understand. I just don't get it. I can't connect it to anything. You hear about people wanting to be numb, sure, but Nikolai's wants seem more about being capable of doing anything, or proving that he can... And he said (paraphrasing) "in spite of happiness I choose free will," so at the very least Nikolai thinks he's capable of happiness, and it's just not as important to him as his "freedom."

Yeah, idk. There's definitely something interesting there, though, that Nikolai's Ability gives him the freedom to do pretty much whatever (as Atsushi said in Sunday Tragedy), but he's so wrapped up in his own mind that he either can't see the freedom he has, or physical freedom is ultimately meaningless to him--which would make him seeking freedom through external actions an interesting failure to understand himself.

Then again, I don't know how honest Nikolai's being with himself, honestly. His whole "freedom" thing is an ever-moving goalpost. First it was torture people to death and kill himself. Then it was kill his best friend. Then it got so convoluted I won't even try to summarise it. And now he just seems lost. Giving Asagiri the benefit of the doubt and assuming this is intentional characterisation (and not just giving him plot-convenient reasons to take certain actions), Nikolai seems at best very confused (and trying to appear like he very much isn't). And, well, I'm confused too.

So yeah, all that's very interesting. Not sure how much of it was intended. Hard to tell with a character that gets like one scene every two years. And hard to tell where he'll go, considering how rarely BSD characters stay true to who they were past their debut.

Regarding the pessimism thing: ironically, I'd say Fyodor's pessimism is more optimistic in nature than Nikolai's. Because Fyodor believes in a world that can change. Fyodor believes he can make the world a better place, and is doing everything he can to achieve that. Nikolai, however, in his best case scenario, proves that it's technically true that complete freedom exists. But his world is still comprised of people in cages. It's cynical and oppressive, and his grandest hopes don't come close to changing anything for the better. I think that fits mostly very well with some differences I've observed between Dostoyevsky and Gogol.

[raccoonsonice]

Birdcage Vessel Ramblings

The reception to my first post about the birdcage vessel was overwhelmingly positive (which I'm extremely grateful for) so I'm going to talk a bit more about the ideas I had for this concept.

This post is a bit long, so more under the cut.

To start off, being a player OC, their pronouns would just be whatever the player's are. So, any pronouns are fine for them, but in this post I'm going to refer to them with they/them pronouns for convenience.

Now, I want to discuss some of the smaller sketches I put in that first post. These are what they were if you've forgotten.

What weapon the vessel would wield is something I pondered for a bit. In two of these sketches we see them wielding a red sword, which is glowing with red flames in one of them. The reason for it being a sword is obvious. The player's vessel is often a parallel to Kris, what with the discarded vessel from the game essentially resembling a monochromatic version of them. So it would make sense for them to wield the same weapon. The question then remains, where does this sword come from?

Dark world weapons need a light world counterpart as well, such as how Kris's sword is a pencil in the dark world. But the vessel doesn't seem like it would have much of anything to work with in that regard, the only object that would reasonably be transported into the dark world with them would probably be the wagon the cage is in. While I've had some ideas about the wagon, which I'll address later in this post, I have some alternate ideas on how the sword could work.

So let's say the Vessel has the ability to sort of "will" their sword into existence. How would they be capable of this? I have two possible ideas. The first being determination. They do have a human soul after all, so they'd have no absence of it. And while in Undertale determination's main ability seems to be SAVEing and LOADing, in Deltarune the Queen reveals that determination is what allows lightners to create dark fountains. If one is determined enough to essentially conjure an entire world, could they also create a sword with it? Maybe.

In this scenario I also imagine them reaching through the bars of the cage and pulling the sword directly out of their soul, Scott Pilgrim style. That would be pretty cool. (This is also why the sword was red, it being the same color as their soul/soul power)

My other explanation on how they could manifest their sword is magic. Now in the Deltarune universe, just like Undertale's, humans do not seem to possess magic, unlike monsters and darkners. However, in the case of the birdcage vessel, while their soul is human, the fact that the body they are inhabiting was given form through the dark world might technically make it count as a darkner body? While this is a stretch, It would make sense for some kind of human/darkner hybrid to be able to use at least some magic. Hence, they would be able to summon a sword to fight with the same way other darkners summon bullet patterns.

Besides the sword, the other weapon I depicted the vessel with in the sketches was a red chain. This would still be summoned in the same way as the sword, but I think it could make a viable alternative to the sword due to chains being an excellent symbol for a character who's body is a cage. After all, despite it now being ambulatory in the dark world, this body is still ultimately a prison. A prison that they could now turn into a weapon. Hence chains, a tool used to bind and constrain but can also be used to whip and attack. This could be also be extended to weapons that contain a chain as part of their design, like a chained mace/flail.

Now, like I mentioned earlier, there were a few things I pondered using the wagon the cage sits in for. While I ultimately decided it was too big to become just a held weapon in the dark world, I did briefly consider it. I thought about making it become a sword, (mostly for the pun of being able to call a sword with wheels a "roller blade") or a mace/flail (with the wagon's handle being analogous to the chain/handle and the wagon itself being the spiked object on the end).

When I posted the image on Reddit, (thread here if you wish to see it) some of the ideas commented on the post were for the wagon to become a Chariot or a Carriage, both of which I think are wonderful ideas, and that I may end up drawing in the future.

Besides weaponry, two of the sketches showcase the Vessel with a wing-like cape that did not appear in the initial image's main colored drawing. While I have included it in the image headlining this post, I feel divided on whether it should be part of the design or not. While it does fit the "bird" half of the birdcage theme much like the bird shaped helmet and talonesque gauntlets/boots, I don't know if the light, flowy, nature of a wing cape fits the harsh metallic nature of the rest of the design.

Additionally, the motif of wings might imply a parallel or connection to The Angel, which would have been unintentional on my part, but perhaps worthy of embracing? (related is the fact that them being a suit of armor could imply connections to the knight, which again was unintentional, and adding wings might further complicate that.) In any case, anyone who wants to draw the vessel can decide whether they wish to include the cape or not.

That's all about I wanted to elaborate on from that first post. Again, thank you for the warm reception to it. If you have any more questions about the vessel, feel free to drop a comment or shoot me an ask!

[moshieee]

Hello it is I, random anon who does not know you and has never interacted with you before, what is your opinion of your mutuals?

Oh hi @bixell-pixell I'll include you even if we're not mutuals I think you're pretty chill all things considered

That's kinda it idk you that well

Anyways

You didn't specify so I'm going to list all my mutuals in the order of oldest to newest on my following page that I remember sorry of I missed anyone and for the @ s

*inhales*

@e-the-village-cryptid (I don't have a tag for e yet but it would probably just be E)

Not only the first person who I became friends with here but also the first one I ever started sharing my stories with, even if we don't talk too much I'm glad Every time we do and I see them on my dash, (they bring some of my favorite posts and when I do send posts sometimes I mix up and send them their own reblogs) I'm so glad we're still friends, thanks for letting me ramble about stuff for 6 hours hehe

@jaqofallgenders (no tag for jaq yet either)

my in person friend and the longest friendship I've ever had with someone, love you 🫶. I'll be more specific on Monday if our ADHD doesn't kick in and make us both forget

@strawberry-seal77 (seal-berry!!!)

Hi hi hi yellows my friend 👋 the person I consider to be the second ever friend I made on here, a lovely person as well and wait waaa and an amazing artist too 👀??? Love you silly goofball and the amazing posts and jokes you have we should chat more often I thinkith.

@rabid-mercenary16 (Rabid jumpscare)

Hey hey hey .... BWAMP! Hope you feel better soon

I probably have the most to say about Rabid but all try to make it a bit shorter. besides being the first artist to do art jokes and include me, with we also became mutuals and interacting around a time when my life started to get a lot better. Even if she's not the only factor in that I definitely associate her with stuff improving, and she did play a big factor in it (I already explained a lot on my Valentine's Day gift to her and the others). Also she's just an awesome person to spend time with and be goofy, amazing sense of humor and I just love being friends with such an awesome person and artist.

@dia-smthidk (Dia fren)

I'm assuming you don't want a bowl of soup

I also said a lot about them in my Valentine's Day gift, but we've become closer friends sense then even if we don't get to chat as much as I'd like to. I relate a lot and am surprised how we have so much in common. Amazing artist and person as well and I wish we could hang out more, idc if they think they're bringing down the mood when/if they bring stuff up about irl, and maybe I won't figure out their timezone but oh well, please take care of yourself gender sibling.

@bunnybunnsowo (BUN BUN BROTHER!!)

little brother 🫶🫶💝💞🫶✨👋❤️!!!

(I could have sworn we became mutuals before Dia?)

another person I shared a lot about with the Valentine's Day gift, I love you my little brother! Seriously one of the kindest people I've met and I'm so glad they have bug in his life. Bun deserves the world and they keep sending me opposum images!!! Gona die from cuteness and his kindness one of these days istg

@spookykittyzzz (greaah why don't I have a tag for you???)

A very kind person and artist I don't know too much sense we're not that close yet but love the few chats we have had so far. Hope we get to hang out more even if I'm awful at reaching out to others and saying hi.

@glitchyk (goop buddies)!!

Nooo the parallels

One of the first people who was interested to deep dive into my creations and ask about my stories and worlds They're probably competing with Rabid with how much I have to say about her/silly. Seriously it's incredible how much we have in common and now I get to share and collaborate our sonas stories together it's amazing. And as someone once said "you can yap for hours". I love how creative and clever they are, I just wish they would be kinder to herself. One day I'll make glichy see how awesome she is.

@unfunnyaceartist (Floridian disadvantage) I feel like I should change that

When I say I was shookith when ace asked to be friends I mean I was shookith first person so show up and ask that (the others kinda just happened). Amazing artist and don't believe her lies she is funny. I'm so heckn glad we're friends., love the goofy and silly idc if she's a bit of a simp they've helped me a lot start to understand slang and references I'm supposed to understand shhshsh (such is the curse of how I grew up) we need to make our mafia sonas interact at some point I can already imagine the chaos /silly

@neptunestoast (plushy slime)

Hugs hugs hugs*

Trying my best not to baby talk I swear. amazing person first person to show up and be like "hey I Wana do something for you and your friends". Love their humor and another gender sibling!!! Hugs for ever for as long as they're ok with it. I love their creativity as well and Noodle is so adorable. I just want to pick them up in a hug so much. Kibbity/silly

@ner5y (no tag woops ill figure something out)

What are you doing here??? How are we friends???

I was absolutely confused and startled when they followed me especially since it was during a spoons argument . Amazing artist like holy heck I wish I was allowed to curse on this blog. Their humor also took me by surprise when I got invited to the discord, and even if they doubt how well they're running it I think they're doing amazing. And I love our silly interactions like this one

@vexation-816 (chaotic ADHD buddy!!!)

Why did it take me so long to follow you istg

ADHD ADHD ADHD my buddy oh pal we both got that and it's driving us insane/silly. Love how creative he is and the ideas for his sona and character lore. Also one of the first people who shared a character they added to my nightlight au. This is getting twords the end and I'm tired of whiting so much and am on a timer oh no. But your amazing dude don't ever forget thag

@butlerbugbunny (anxiety bunny buddy)

This is why I didn't respond to the DM yet hshsh

New friend who I feel anxious talking to sometimes but a wonderful kind bunny who I'm also incredibly happy to be friends with. Love his art so much it's amazing (shoot shoot timer is going off) I'm glad he's their for bun and wish them the best I possibly can 🫶.

@lilithloves-you (lillith my be-loathed?) need to change that

Don't you dare bring up grilled cheese

Glitchys friendo who I'm also friends with now. We don't interact too much but I've sent her on missions to go hug glitchy (to help both of them feel better but shhh). I hope we become closer friends in the future.

[darkest-fantasy]

Ive got a 2 part question. 💜

1. Do you think SJM will exand on the syphons/invoking stones? If so, how do you think she’ll try them in?

I’m thinking we may have a bit more, but most likely be used to parallel Azriel & Gwyn

If she uses the syphons/stones in more depth, maybe the syphons could be connected to the asteri or the Illyrian’s true deity? Maybe their true deity is the mother too & she imbued their syphons with the opposing power to the stones?

2. Do you think Bryce released the Pegasi and/or Prisoners in Prythian?

My brain is telling me the answer is yes, to at least the pegasi. Nesta didn’t seem to be acting like there were prisoners or Pegasi on the loose & there could be a few explanations for that.

It’s obviously not instantaneous for Midgard, so I don’t think it’s far fetched to think there may be a delay for them in Prythian.

Or Nesta wasn’t allowed to go on the hunt & ion like that idea so I won’t expand on that.

So for 1.) I have two parts for this answer. First, symbolically and second, literally.

1. Symbolically, I think the invoking stone will be a huge part in Gwyn’s character development. Currently, she is still living in the library after she won the rite. And even Nesta said, despise everything, Gwyn still went back. This means that Gwyn’s story is just starting. I think this stone will be used as a symbol for her gaining true confidence in herself. I can see Azriel even encouraging her to wear it.

2. Literally, I think it’s very interesting that Azriel’s siphons are the same colour as the stone. I think his siphons and her stone are compatible with eachother and could even be stronger once they accept their mating bond (it’s a reach but I could see that happening)

I also have a theory that Gwyn is Tamlin’s daughter. The quote is in chapter 29, how her mother participated in the spring court calanmai ritual to conceive Gwyn and her twin. So Gwyn has blood ties to spring, autumn, and even the nymphs. She possesses more power than anyone really knows.

And it’s so interesting that you brought up the Asteri because I actually had a theory when the HOFAS first two chapters were uploaded. Rhys said to Bryce and Armen that they only knew of the Asteri through old ancient songs. When I looked back at the scene where Nesta is hearing gwyn sing for the first time with the priestesses, she is singing these ancient songs about the mother and cauldron. I truly believe that Gwyn is going to be important in the long run. I think she will be called to sing, and I think Azriel is going to help her. I don’t know if this really answered the question

But for your second question…

All I can say is that sjm definitely has another plan for the multiverse. It just does not make sense for there not to be this endgame type finale. Honestly, my brain is also telling me that Bryce released the Pegasi. And as for Nestas reactions, I feel like we were really cut off to so many major things happening in the ACOTAR universe during this important time. Again, for Rhys to take so long to make it to Nestas room was also so suspicious to me. You’re telling me he couldn’t winnow in and out in two seconds? I dunno, there’s definitely something happening that Sjm has placed a lense over. But again these are all just my assumption. I don’t know if I answered this well either, I feel like we as a collective don’t have enough information.

[goodnight-bloodsucker]

So, Edgar being transmasc has a lot more canon backing than him being Genderfluid:

The deep voice and headband is an obvious homage to Rambo, who was one of the beacons of masculinity at the time. Makes sense that a young trans kid would try and replicate that.

Him and Alan are clearly named after Edgar Allan Poe. But our Alan is spelled differently than Poe's "Allan". Their parents cared enough to give them gimmicky names but not spell it right? Maybe Edgar had a different name and changed it to match his brother.

Anger. This guy is furious 24/7, if not furious then grumpy and rugged. This could be a clear example of exaggerating typically "Masculine" emotions because he just wants to be seen as male.

Layers. His outfits almost always include a jacket or an undershirt or both, even in the sequels. Layering is a common tip for Transmasc men to seem more masculine.

He's always trying to be in control. Another example of emulating "Masculine" features, he's always in charge and pretending he knows more than he does.

We never see his bare chest. To be clear I'm talking abt the sequels. We got loads of nudity in the sequels for no reason, but when he got stabbed and his shirt was taken off, his chest was bandaged and hidden away from the camera. This is such a reach but from a headcanon stance we could see it as him just not wanting people to see his chest, either because of top surgery scars or because he hasn't gotten the surgery.

Now, admittedly, him being Genderfluid is just me trying to make my favorite characters more like me, but I can squeeze out some backing:

Some of his outfits just seem more feminine, maybe it's just because he has longer hair and when he was younger he had a Babyface which is perceived as more feminine. But a lot of my friends say that he dresses like a butch lesbian so 👀

In one of the sequels, our protagonist calls them "Eddie" for no reason. Why would you call somebody you just met by a nickname? Could be because they were presenting as something else that day and wanted a different name to reflect that.

Him keeping his hair long despite trying to seem masculine just screams "neutral" to me, I'm also a Genderfluid person that likes their hair long, it can feel gender affirming no matter what I'm presenting as.

Idk man I love Edgar and since I'm Genderfluid I want him to be too and since most people headcanon Marko to also be Transmasc and Genderfluid this could be a sad parallel.

Now nobody asked for this but I also have a lot of canon evidence to him being Asexual, this is all In the sequels by the way:

He has an implied love Interest. Her name is Zoe, she's clearly in into him and trying to hint at it. But he...just doesn't get it. It doesn't seem like he's ignoring her, he just doesn't understand what she's hinting at.

Some lady that asked for his help, Gwen, just strips in front of him (Yeah these sequels are wild) and he gives zero fucks whatsoever. He also shows disgust for the romance/erotic novels she writes, granted he says its because she makes being a vampire look sexy, but it could be because he's a bit sex repulsed.

It's probably just me but it feels like everybody has some chemistry with him. Zoe, Gwen, several random unimportant characters that are weirdly touchy with him. And he just, does not care. If anything, he seems uncomfortable.

This is the back of the DVD for one of the sequels:

@evilrobot-bill

[sparkplug02]

Ahsoka Episode 5 Spoilers

I had to wait two days to watch the episode but I've watched it and I've read everyone else's bit and now it's my turn :)

~

This scene in SW Rebels

makes so much more sense now. Ahsoka sensed familiarity in Vader in the Season 2 opener when Vader was chasing down the Ghost. After that, she didn't talk about it. After all, she and Kanan and Ezra had Inquisitors to deal with, so Vader was out of arm's reach.

At the temple on Lothal, she gets smacked in the face with that old realization, which she's been denying, but with the context of the Ahsoka show (episode 5 specifically) I think we know more about why now. It's not just that Vader is Anakin.

It's that, if Vader is Anakin, then Vader was teaching Ahsoka. She's confronting her own Darkness (which is a lot more evident in Ahsoka Episode 5). Anakin/Vader isn't just its own problem (my master has fallen to the Dark Side). To her, Anakin/Vader is the embodiment of Ahsoka's own Darkness (I have the potential to fall to the Dark Side).

The first flashback (I think it's the Battle of Ryloth) is parallel to what Ahsoka's been struggling with in teaching Sabine. "They were following my orders. I got them killed." This part connects with what Anakin said in the Siege of Mandalore flashback: "Ahsoka, within you will be everything that I am. All the knowledge I possess, just I inherited knowledge from my master, and he from his." "If I am everything you are..." it's all connected.

(I couldn't find the right GIF, sorry)

If Ahsoka has Anakin's knowledge, then she has knowledge that led Anakin to become Vader. If Ahsoka teaches Sabine, she will pass that knowledge, and the potential to become like Vader, to her. If Sabine does fall, then she's reacting to seeds planted by Ahsoka, and it could kill Sabine, just like Ahsoka's orders once killed clone troopers.

After that vision in Rebels, then comes Malachor. Ahsoka has a moment of denial, where she stops believing Vader is Anakin, but when she slices that mask open, she sees Anakin underneath. Yes, your master is still alive, but also, it's a Luke-in-the-cave moment. Ahsoka sees herself in Vader because the Darkness in her was planted by Vader.

She refuses to leave Vader, which we all took to mean she wouldn't leave Anakin again, but now we have the additional (not replacement) context of she refuses to fight her own Darkness. Just as Anakin told Ahsoka in the World Between Worlds, if she will not live (fight her Darkness) she will die. She nearly did.

Except who pulls her out of there?

EZRA BRIDGER

She promises to find him, and it's starting to look like that's the only thing keeping her going after Rebels ends. And we've seen in her behavior how hollow Ahsoka becomes. Part of that is her growing up, sure, but I think part of it is Ahsoka trying to reject any and all of the training that Vader gave her, including the bits that were good. If there are bad apples, toss out the whole basket because it's all spoiled now.

No wonder she's so startled when she gets brought back to the Clone Wars. This is her training. All of it. The good and the bad, the Light and the Dark.

So she tries to forget, but she promised Ezra she would find him, so Ahsoka does that. She goes after Morgan, she fights Baylan and Shin, and she trains Sabine because she wants to find Ezra too. Ahsoka does not risk passing on the seeds of the Dark Side. Maybe Sabine has a hard time opening up to the Force, but maybe Ahsoka has closed herself off just enough that she can't help Sabine find her way either.

Then Ahsoka falls into the WBW, and Anakin starts probing. The last lesson is to live or die. Ahsoka says she won't fight Anakin, which is her subconsciously not fighting the Darkness (represented by Anakin) and allowing it to sit there. Anakin brings her back to the Clone Wars, and all of these pieces start to fall into place. During the Siege of Mandalore flashback, Anakin figures out what's in her head. He realizes what he represents to her, and I think he figures it out when he asks "Is that what this is about?"

(because when Ahsoka asked why they were back in the Clone Wars during the Ryloth flashback, he quite literally says "You tell me!" He's there to finish her training, but he doesn't pinpoint what it is until later, during the Mandalore flashback, which is when the fight resumes again)

Anakin/Vader makes Ahsoka fight the Darkness inside her, both literally and subconsciously. Either you fight it inside you, or you die. She does. She throws away the lightsaber, just like Luke does in Return of the Jedi, and she remains in the Light.

When she comes back, what does she do? She makes another promise to Hera to find Ezra and Sabine. She's not depending on her promise to Ezra to do what needs to be done, to fight and live. She's happier in the last fifteen minutes of this episode. Ahsoka has overcome the Darkness in her, not that it's completely gone, but it doesn't have power anymore and she can be confident in that fact. Now she makes a new promise, not because she needs something to keep her going but because she doesn't. Her search for Ezra isn't keeping her on the straight and narrow path anymore, but now that she's found her footing again, she's going to finish what she started ("The battle's not over yet").

Ahsoka the White, indeed.

Not to mention, Sabine's in the lion's den right now. She's just accepted a truce from Baylan. She's in a very apt position for the apprentice of Ahsoka Tano, who has probably passed along those Dark Side seeds whether she meant to or not. Sabine might actually connect with the Dark Side before she connects to the Light. Who knows?

The legacy will go on. Sabine is going to inherit/already has inherited Ahsoka's knowledge, which she inherited from Anakin. She's probably going to have to fight the same fight Ahsoka just won. Maybe not now, but probably eventually. Personally, I can't wait.

[cakebatteronabrickwall]

I’m still at a loss as to what happened to roman, I’d like to hear your interpretation if you could

I’ve been trying to answer this for a bit now and I’m just going to cut to the most important part of my interpretation, so feel free to ask again if you want more. 

Basically, I keep coming back to the No Real Person Involved narrative Succession introduced in season 2. When does the story apply NRPI and who to? The waiter and the cruise ship victims. What do they have in common? Abuse of power. The waiter’s death is swept under the rug, because Logan Roy can make it so; the cruise victims and their sexual abuse becomes meaningless in the face of a media empire. 

But Roman also is told “you are not a real person”. He is told he remembers the dog cage, the defining thing of his childhood, wrong. He tends to make jokes refering to sexual abuse about himself (whereas the violent language of sex other characters use is reserved for business only), but nobody fully reacts to these comments with more than “wtf?”. The narrative essentially places Roman on the same level as the abused women on the ships; the violence from within the Roy family reaching outwards and coming back around.

The SA jokes, especially, are tricky territory, because at some point you have to make a decision whether they should be taken at face value or not. Here is the thing though, to me they all have an eerily similar theme- Telling the therapist about Connor SA-ing him? The comment about the camp counselor fucking him? The hostage situation ending in SA? The whole “if we agree on a wrong thing it’s not actually wrong” (which is seriously not something someone just comes up with, like, that thought has been there for a while)? The cut line of “trust me” “that’s what men say before they rape you”? Taking the leap from “well connected” to pedophilia? It becomes a pattern when you look at it like that.

Now, Roman says he was sent to military school after he “went weird” which might give us pause at this point, because wtf does that even mean. There is an empty space here. Yeah, maybe Logan sent Roman away because he was sent away as well and thought it might make him “stronger”. But maybe he just sent him away, because Logan always sensed something about his son that wasn’t right. And maybe, just maybe, the parallel of the cruise victims being silenced and a child being sent away to be silenced even starts here. Maybe Logan knew to sweep something under the rug before Kendall's accident.

Oh, and military schools- one can only guess what goes on behind closed doors. You essentially have authority (even paternal) figures that can do just about anything. 

What happened to Roman? Probably nothing, right?

[serial-serializednovelreader]

Nova’s Notes - North and South Weekly - Chapter 4

In which Margaret gets another unpleasant surprise…

“He was gone. The house was shut up for the evening. No more deep blue skies or crimson and amber tints.”

Lovely use of “show, don’t tell” here. It parallels Henry's idealized description of the country from last chapter and in turn, parallels how that idealized version has, as Margaret predicted, dissipated. And in another sense, her idealized version of Henry coming to visit -- where everyone left the visit happy -- has also dissipated in turn.

"How different men were to women! Here was she disturbed and unhappy, because her instinct had made anything but a refusal impossible; while he, not many minutes after he had met with a rejection of what ought to have been the deepest, holiest proposal of his life, could speak as if briefs, success, and all its superficial consequences of a good house, clever and agreeable society, were the sole avowed objects of his desires."

I can definitely see why she assumes this is a man/woman difference (that was obviously an assumption of the time), but that isn't why lol. This is just a coping mechanism and Henry's issueTM! It's dangerously close to Henry thinking Margaret is not missing her friends at London just because she smiles and acts happy around him. *However*, she has something else to say a couple of sentences later I want to highlight:

"Then she took it into her head that, after all, his lightness might be but assumed, to cover a bitterness of disappointment which would have been stamped on her own heart if she had loved and been rejected."

I think this passage right here marks one of the key differences between Margaret and Henry, and potentially what makes them incompatible in a romantic sense. Yes, she does have that initial thought of "how could he act so happy and focused after being rejected what's up with that", but she reflects -- she takes a second to empathize with him -- and realizes that it's probably a mask to hide his feelings! Would Henry have had that same moment of self-reflection? From what we've seen of him, no, I don't think so. Maybe later in his arc, but not currently.

I'm not saying she can't be in a romantic relationship with someone who can't feel the same kind of empathy as her (low empathy people deserve love too!!!), but I think it's more a matter of the reflection part. Her taking a second to rethink her initial assumptions before reaching a conclusion. Being in a relationship with someone who always assumes they know you best when, in reality, they jump to the wrong conclusion would be very exhausting. So far, Henry has not taken her perspective seriously, or taken what she's had to say at face value several times! Meanwhile, in this quiet way, she's making sure to rethink her conclusions to see him in the best possible light.

"Oh dear! how she could have loved him if he had but been different, with a difference which she felt, on reflection, to be one that went low—deep down."

And then there's this sentence between the two I just analyzed...

Live footage of me reading this:

Margaret, you are SO funny, I love you so much. I mean, you're not wrong but...also?? Yeah, I definitely feel a bit bad for Henry here, oof. It goes to show that you can't force romance or compatibility! Either someone will love you for who you are, or you'd have to have a whole personality transplant to make them love you...yikes, that sounds bad. I just mean the right people will love everything about you!! Surround yourself with those! And to be fair, Margaret does love him, just not romantically.

"Margaret had to shake off the recollections of what had been done and said through the day, and turn a sympathising listener to the account of how Dixon had complained that the ironing-blanket had been burnt again; and how Susan Lightfoot had been seen with artificial flowers in her bonnet, thereby giving evidence of a vain and giddy character. Mr. Hale sipped his tea in abstracted silence; Margaret had the responses all to herself. She wondered how her father and mother could be so forgetful, so regardless of their companion through the day, as never to mention his name. She forgot that he had not made them an offer."

I feel so bad for her here!!! She's just trying to organize her thoughts, but -- as usual -- she has to turn a listening ear to her mother's ever-present IssuesTM. She can't even get a break for a second because her dad isn't responding. I wonder if hearing Henry's name mentioned would actually be better or worse for her to hear; though I do know I would hate for my mom to be talking about someone's fashion choices right after I had to reject someone! Also, "She forgot that he had not made them an offer." LOL Margaret, yes that is one way of putting it.

When Mrs. Hale leaves, Mr. Hale asks for her to talk to him about something "very serious" to the family...Margaret is worried:

"Mr. Lennox had never had the opportunity of having any private conversation with her father after her refusal, or else that would indeed be a very serious affair. In the first place, Margaret felt guilty and ashamed of having grown so much into a woman as to be thought of in marriage; and secondly, she did not know if her father might not be displeased that she had taken upon herself to decline Mr. Lennox’s proposal."

Ahhh, again, feel for her here! She shouldn't feel ashamed of being a woman of marrying age, though I guess that is rather strange for her since she hasn't had the chance to be around her parents in so long. It must feel weird to go from a child to suddenly an woman who can get proposed to and have your dad talk to you about it. But she shouldn't feel guilty and ashamed. :(

As for the second point, does she really think her father would force her to accept Henry's proposal? Or does this just mean he would have rather she waited for him to decline it for her? Either way, oof, I hope this wouldn't have been the case. He should let her take care of it!

That's when Mr. Hale drops two bombs on Margaret -- that they must leave Helstone because he's no longer going to be a minster.

Wait...WHAT?! Where did this come from? Is it because of Frederick? No? Then why...

"'Margaret, I will tell you about it. I will answer any questions this once, but after to-night let us never speak of it again. I can meet the consequences of my painful, miserable doubts; but it is an effort beyond me to speak of what has caused me so much suffering.'”

So, he's able to speak on this whole situation that he's apparently caused (it sure sounds like this is a decision he made from this passage)...but only for one night? I don't like that very much. If you're going to make a life-altering decision like that which will affect your entire family, I don't think you get the right to be like "we can never speak of this again after I initially tell you." For one thing, that's not a healthy family relationship and will definitely lead to communication problems later. Secondly, it puts an unfair burden on Margaret to make her bottle up all of her emotions about this change after just one night of being able to voice them! And what of her mother? Will she be able to speak of her feelings, or will she -- as usual -- just pass all of this on to Margaret's ear? Then that's doubly unfair to Margaret and also unfair to Mrs. Hale!!!

“"You could not understand it all, if I told you—my anxiety, for years past, to know whether I had any right to hold my living—my efforts to quench my smouldering doubts by the authority of the Church. Oh! Margaret, how I love the holy Church from which I am to be shut out!' He could not go on for a moment or two. Margaret could not tell what to say; it seemed to her as terribly mysterious as if her father were about to turn Mahometan."

Ok, so this definitely confused me because...what doubts Mr. Hale?? You have some anxiety and that's it? You explain nothing. Also, don't like that he pulls a "you wouldn't understand". Then make her understand!!

Back to the confusion, this post helped me understand the reason behind the mystery (tl;dr, for controversial religious reasons) and this post has notes which speculate specific reasons why Mr. Hale may has his doubts in the church (tl;dr, the act of uniformity and the book of common prayer).

Also, Mahometan means "Muslim" -- which I also found out from this last post I linked -- so basically this shock is as "mysterious" to her as if her father suddenly changed religions!

“"I have been reading to-day of the two thousand who were ejected from their churches,”—continued Mr. Hale, smiling faintly,—“trying to steal some of their bravery; but it is of no use—no use—I cannot help feeling it acutely.'”

I guess I can understand why he's using this situation to try to help him relate, but I feel like this is a bit incomparable. One case is people being forced from the church, while the other is someone choosing to leave the church due to anxiety and other doubts. It seems a bit...unfair to compare the two. Am I the only one who feels that way? I know everyone has different struggles but...I don't know. Just weird to me.

“'But, papa, have you well considered? Oh! it seems so terrible, so shocking,' said Margaret, suddenly bursting into tears. The one staid foundation of her home, of her idea of her beloved father, seemed reeling and rocking. What could she say? What was to be done? The sight of her distress made Mr. Hale nerve himself, in order to try and comfort her. He swallowed down the dry choking sobs which had been heaving up from his heart..."

Thus far, we haven't seen Margaret cry since she was a lonely child, heartbroken at the thought of being far from her home. And here she is again, just past an adult and crying again at the prospect of leaving her home: this time forever. This time, it also comes with the added knowledge that her father is the one to do this and it changes her idealized version of him. It seems that Henry isn't the only one showing his true character and bursting her bubble today....yikes.

The only good news is that her father does try to comfort her and push down his feelings. He's her father, it's his job to be there for her!!! She may be technically an adult (if you count 18 as an adult, which I really don't -- that's still a child/teenager for me, but that may be my age talking lol), but she still needs her father!! So far, she's the one who has had to bear the emotional burdens of her parents, so it's nice to see a role reversal (and the one it should be) for a change.

The bad news is is that he tries to comfort her using a religious reading which she's too upset to pay any attention to (understandable). The text itself -- summed up -- basically is from an ex-clergyman that states that preaching the word while having doubts is not actually good and dishonorable to God. It is then better to set aside the ministry than it is to continue it. For Mr. Hale, he is able to gain strength from this, but Margaret's sobs bring him back to reality.

“'Margaret, dear!' said he, drawing her closer, 'think of the early martyrs; think of the thousands who have suffered.' 'But, father,' said she, suddenly lifting up her flushed, tear-wet face, 'the early martyrs suffered for the truth, while you—oh! dear, dear papa!'"

While Margaret is upset beyond measure, that doesn't mean she's not going to speak her mind. And yep, she's thinking the same thing I am! Comparing his own inner conflicts to matyrs -- those who have died from persecution of their religion -- well, that's...yeah I can't complete my thought either. I don't really know what to say to that, honestly.

“'I suffer for conscience’ sake, my child,' said he, with a dignity that was only tremulous from the acute sensitiveness of his character; 'I must do what my conscience bids. I have borne long with self-reproach that would have roused any mind less torpid and cowardly than mine.' He shook his head as he went on. 'Your poor mother’s fond wish, gratified at last in the mocking way in which over-fond wishes are too often fulfilled—Sodom apples as they are—has brought on this crisis, for which I ought to be, and I hope I am thankful."

Ahhhh it's his conscience that suffers, well in that case...NOPE, still a strange comparison. He uses self-deprecation to make Margaret feel sorry for him (seriously, bearing your own angry thoughts was such a hardship for you, but you actually should have given up your home sooner if not for your "cowardice"? Ok.). THEN, he goes on to blame his wife and say her continual asks about a promotion he hasn't received in 20 years has "brought on this crisis", but he's thankful anyway.

Ok, this gives me LOTS OF FEELINGS but....let's backup really quick. Imagine you have a spouse with a job (in this economy? Congratulations, honestly). It's not a great job, but it's a job! You assume at some point, your spouse will get a promotion so you and your two children can get a bit of a better living. The place where you live is fine but it's not the best it could be. (Plus you may be a *little* selfish and want more comfort, but some of it is genuinely to give your family a better life). Twenty years pass and....nothing. No promotion, no change. People who aren't as ambitious or don't study as much your spouse get promoted, but your spouse doesn't. Everytime you bring it up to your spouse, they tell you to "be happy where you are, they're happy!" or just brushes off your concerns. So, you get more pushy about it. And what happens? Still nothing.

Then one day, out of the blue, they come up to you and tell you: I quit my job and also it's your fault I quit because you asked too much of me for wanting me to promote! So yeah, we have to leave our house, but I feel better about my own inner turmoil now so YAY :) How would you feel about that? I'd imagine not great...

Now, obviously, he's not going to tell his wife exactly that, but still? I feel like blaming it on your wife is so immature. I know in my analysis of Chapter 2, I did side with Mr. Hale and think Mrs. Hale was putting too much pressure on him...but then I got context. And the context I received changed my perception of this a bit. Do I still think it's right for her to constantly complain about their house and tell him to promote? No, not really. Do I think it's her way of showing love (in the sense where she says "you could do so much better than this job! I believe you're better than these other guys that got promoted!" -- which I don't consider that the best kind of love to show to your spouse but I do think that's her way) and that she doesn't deserve actual *blame* when he's the own making the life-altering decision here? Also, yes.

To be honest, I think it's a complex situation; both parties are wrong in some places and both parties have correct points. The reason I'm being hard on Mr. Hale is because he's making such a life-altering change to the entire family without telling them -- that's not fair and anxiety doesn't excuse it. As someone with anxiety, I avoid difficult conversations and conflict whenever possible, but I wouldn't avoid it here! While I doubt he would've been able to just "talk things out" with his wife about his doubts (so far, she doesn't seem the type to be a sympathetic ear in a situation like this, though I'm open to changing my mind), bottling his doubts up until it became this also wasn't the answer.

What I do love from a reader's standpoint is that this isn't black and white for me!!! I get to see all sides and I understand their viewpoints, I love it. :D

"'It is not a month since the bishop offered me another living; if I had accepted it, I should have had to make a fresh declaration of conformity to the Liturgy at my institution. Margaret, I tried to do it; I tried to content myself with simply refusing the additional preferment, and stopping quietly here,—strangling my conscience now, as I had strained it before.'"

So what prompted this was actually the bishop offering to promote him (what his wife had wanted), but he would've had to make a fresh declaration of conformity (basically, restating his vows/creed to the church and its doctrine) and that seemed to be what turned him away. Again, this is HIS decision, yet he's passing the blame on others. And instead of just refusing the promotion...he asked to resign instead. Oof.

She asks him the next obvious question: when is this all to take place? He says next Sunday is his last sermon. It's sudden, but for Margaret:

"...[l]ingering would only add stings to the pain; it was better to be stunned into numbness by hearing of all these arrangements..."

It's sad that she has to take comfort in what she can, and the only comfort she has is that everything is happening so suddenly that at least she can be shocked and numbed from the pain she'd feel (and will likely feel later on once this shock wears off). :((

The next obvious question arises: what does her mom have to say?

“'Margaret, I am a poor coward after all. I cannot bear to give pain. I know so well your mother’s married life has not been all she hoped—all she had a right to expect—and this will be such a blow to her, that I have never had the heart, the power to tell her. She must be told though, now,' said he, looking wistfully at his daughter."

He hasn't even told his wife yet?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!! There's absolutely no excuse for this type of behavior, I'm sorry. No matter how bad your anxiety is, you can't just *not tell your wife* about a LIFE-CHANGING decision like this!!! If he really wanted to not give pain to his wife and give her "less comfort" than he feels she deserves, I feel like there's some kind of compromise between hating your profession and then quitting your job and moving houses without telling her first!! Just me? Ok. I also don't like the way he's looking at his daughter after saying he doesn't have the heart to tell his wife, but she does need to be told...hm....

“'Where are we to go to?' said she at last, struck with a fresh wonder as to their future plans, if plans indeed her father had."

It says a lot about how far her trust in her father has fallen that she's not even sure if he's made plans for what happens after they leave Helstone. She probably feels like the only rational one in this situation, and with how much she's had to solve problems for her parents lately, I can kind of see why!

Luckily, he does have a plan: they're going to move to Milton-Northern, a manufacturing town. But Mr. Hale has one more issue...

"'Only help me to tell your mother. I think I could do anything but that: the idea of her distress turns me sick with dread. If I tell you all, perhaps you could break it to her to-morrow. I am going out for the day, to bid farmer Dobson and the poor people on Bracy Common good-bye. Would you dislike breaking it to her very much, Margaret?'”

Yep, just what I was worried about. So while Mr. Hale gets to go out and say his goodbyes (probably seeming like a hero/martyr while doing so as that's how he's been portraying himself throughout this conversation), Margaret gets the very fun job (/s) of breaking the news to her mother that not only is her husband NOT getting a promotion, he has quit his job and they will be moving to a manufacturing town where he can get another job! I'm sure that will go over very well, considering how calm, composed and non-whiney her mother has been up to this point (very hard /s).

I also hate that he asks her if she would dislike doing this because it's an illusion of choice. It seems like a way out. But, even if Margaret says "yes, I'd rather not," she's probably still going to be forced into it regardless. And after all of his conflict beforehand, it would make her feel horrible to refuse now. I know he cares about and loves his daughter, but he's letting his own inability to communicate effectively with his wife overshadow that.

Pro tip: if you ever get to the point where you're letting your own child break bad news to your partner -- and it's not due to an emergency or some sort of disability you can't overcome on your end (even then, there are still ways to communicate through those circumstances, but as an example) -- then you're doing it wrong. It's very hard to sympathize with Mr. Hale here.

"Margaret did dislike it, did shrink from it more than from anything she had ever had to do in her life before. She could not speak, all at once. Her father said, “You dislike it very much don’t you, Margaret?” Then she conquered herself, and said, with a bright strong look on her face: 'It is a painful thing, but it must be done, and I will do it as well as ever I can. You must have many painful things to do.' Mr. Hale shook his head despondingly: he pressed her hand in token of gratitude. Margaret was nearly upset again into a burst of crying."

Of course, as I suspected, she feels obligated to take on her father's problems and once again, becomes the one taking on emotional burdens for the family. She puts on a brave facade, but is still very close to tears all the while. She talks of him having "painful things to do" and acting as if this hardship is little in comparison, but honestly -- I don't see what could be worse than what she's about to do. Quitting? He's already done that. Moving itself? They're all going to be a part of it; it won't be his own burden alone. Saying goodbye to his congregation? Sure, that will be difficult, but at least he has the option to walk away if they ask too many questions; Margaret won't have that luxury. And of course, Margaret can't (or doesn't want to) acknowledge the crux of the matter: that he chose to do this, fully knowing his wife would have to know about it at some point in the process. The fact that he probably decided early on he would have Margaret take on this burden instead of him is honestly pretty cowardly and sucky of him to do.

Margaret is sooooo much better than me because I think I would just say no! Sorry, I love you, but you decided to do this to us, so find the courage to tell mom about it!!! 🤷‍♀️ I understand why she agrees to it though: even with her trust broken, her dad was still her hero for such a long time and that feeling will not just go away in the matter of a couple of minutes. Plus, she's already gotten used to taking on her parents' burdens, so this is just another mark in a long list. Not to mention her compassion for others in general. I do admire her for taking this responsibility on -- I just know it's not her responsibility and wish her dad would do the right thing!

Margaret does try to ask her father about the possibility of surviving at Helstone without her father having a job, but that is quickly shot down. She's given a reality check that Frederick needs their money for him to survive living abroad and there's also the matter of Mr. Hale's wants:

"'I must do something! I must make myself busy, to keep off morbid thoughts. Besides, in a country parish I should be so painfully reminded of Helstone, and my duties here. I could not bear it, Margaret. And a hundred a year would go a very little way, after the necessary wants of housekeeping are met, towards providing your mother with all the comforts she has been accustomed to, and ought to have. No: we must go to Milton. That is settled. I can always decide better by myself, and not influenced by those whom I love,' said he, as a half apology for having arranged so much before he had told any one of his family of his intentions. 'I cannot stand objections. They make me so undecided.'”

I think it's a little funny (not funny in a haha way) that Mr. Hale, after all of this, has the nerve to go "I need to move there because it's best for *me*. The jobs there are best for *my needs* where I won't be reminded of *my failure*." Buddy, I hate to tell you this, but the literal last thing you should be thinking about is yourself in this situation. You should be looking for a place that has good work -- yes -- but also will be a good place for Margaret and Mrs. Hale. Aka, your family. Remember them??

Now, from what I've heard about North and South, this book is about labor relations and overcoming prejudices about manufacturing towns (I think??). I'm not trying to say Milton can't or won't be a good place for them to live (I know it probably will be better than they think it is!), I'm just saying the fact that he starts off this passage with listing the criteria *he needs* to live in a town is wild to me after all of this. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, considering it was his own needs that pushed him to do this in the first place. He also mentions the comforts his wife needs, but that almost feels like an excuse or afterthought compared to how much emphasis he puts on his own needs/wants.

Also, the last part of his speech to Margaret is ridiculous to me. That's supposed to be a half-apology? That is one of the worst apologies I've heard yet! And that's after hearing Lennox's love confession (these two have GOT to communicate better because Margaret needs better men in her life, geez). Also "I cannot stand objections. They make me so undecided." ???? Pfft, YEAH, no duh! Obviously, objections will do that, that's what they're for!!!! They're supposed to make you rethink and reevaluate what you're doing before it's too late. Which, in your case, would've been a much better option than doing what you did, Mr. Hale!!! But instead, you chose to follow only what you wanted and didn't think of the family that needed you.

I have no doubt that this decision will likely work out better for them in the end, but it easily couldn't and for me, that's what bothers me so much! Packing your family up just like that and arranging this before telling them anything is just so inconsiderate to me. I understand needing to quit your job for your mental health, but....not like this.

Mr. Hale then talks of how he heard of Milton -- from Frederick's godfather, Mr. Bell who owns property there. I want to highlight this specific part:

"'Well; I had reason to suspect—to imagine—I had better say nothing about it, however. But I felt sure of sympathy from Mr. Bell.'"

So...you're not even for sure whether Mr. Bell will help you or not -- you just felt like he had sympathy???? And he also told you of a job opening for a private tutor from a Mr. Thornton (who I know will be important later!!!!). That's....not the solid plan I would've hoped for. He has a recommendation letter (basically), but still. I suppose there are worse plans to have, but like -- is there any guarantee of a home with that plan? I would not be assured at all if I was Margaret.

This is where Margaret's prejudice shows.

“A private tutor!” said Margaret, looking scornful: “What in the world do manufacturers want with the classics, or literature, or the accomplishments of a gentleman?”

Don't turn into a judgy-pants here, I know you're better than your mother!!! I assume part of her arc will be learning that manufacturers deserve as much of an education as she does, though I had hoped she would already know that! To be fair to her, she has been raised in an environment where her entire family is somewhat judgmental of anyone "beneath" them, so I can understand why she wouldn't exactly see beyond that. She may be more sympathetic and practical than her mother and aunt, but prejudices and biases from how she was raised are quite easy to emulate.

Mr. Hale is actually the reasonable one here (though whether it's genuine or out of interest to convince Margaret his plan is a good idea is unclear), stating that many in Milton want to learn and are actually better than men from Oxford, who don't acknowledge any deficiencies in themselves. I agree with that sentiment!

Mr. Hale again brings up how different it is from Helstone and it's a good thing because they can't be reminded of it -- Margaret can't help but agree, though she lists several reasons why she does not want to live there (mostly from what's she heard from others -- that it's "bleak" and "discordant"). I myself find running away from your problems and then blocking out anything that could remind of that problem to be borderline unhealthy (it can be healthy and work in some cases, but to not talk about it at all is a red flag), but what do I know?

Margaret asks when they're leaving and Mr. Hale replies that it will be two weeks from now. She is, of course, stunned again. but takes it in stride. The only problem is that her mother knows nothing of it!

He replies by lamenting how much easier this would all would be for him if he were by himself and not married. I think that's key to highlight here because while he doesn't seem to have a problem with Margaret (though he does emphasize the "alone" part), he does seem to have a problem with Mrs. Hale and that's where his conflict arises. It sounds like they have some marital issues to work on...

Margaret asks for time to tell her mother -- until tomorrow night. Then, she says:

"'Oh, papa,' cried she with sudden passionate entreaty, 'say—tell me it is a nightmare—a horrid dream—not the real waking truth! You cannot mean that you are really going to leave the Church—to give up Helstone—to be for ever separate from me, from mamma—led away by some delusion—some temptation! You do not really mean it!'”

I think Margaret has entered the "denial" phase of grief here, and I don't blame her one bit! It's so much to take in, and this is all on the same night she was proposed to by someone she only saw as a friend. Needless to say, she's going through a lot emotionally. And I think when she speaks of her father being "separate" from her and her mother, she means emotionally and spiritually, not physically. Because what he is doing will lead to this kind of division, whether he can see it or not. I know personally I would not be able to talk to or see my parent in the same light if they did something similar!

"Mr. Hale sat in rigid stillness while she spoke. Then he looked her in the face, and said in a slow, hoarse, measured way—'I do mean it, Margaret. You must not deceive yourself in doubting the reality of my words—my fixed intention and resolve.' He looked at her in the same steady, stony manner, for some moments after he had done speaking.'"

Oooooooh, this one rankles me. So he's entitled to lament and wish he wasn't married and was all by himself to do as he pleased (which is probably emotionally devastating for Margaret to hear, by the way), but she's not allowed to wish this wasn't real? To cry out for her dad for comfort on the same night she's told she has to leave her childhood home? Wow, not very kind or fatherly of you Mr. Hale. This definitely does not raise my opinion of him.

Margaret stares back at him and sees he is indeed serious. She has no more to sa and she decides to leave the situation. This is probably for the best because I imagine she needs time alone. However, Mr. Hale has one more thing to say:

“'The blessing of God be upon thee, my child!'”

Am I the only one who read this and thought "after all of this you have the audacity...?" Like, yes, of course, as a Christian, he's free to say this. But I see him saying this in the authority of a minster and...he's not anymore. Or he's almost not. The other problem I see with this is if he's blessing her because he feels she "needs it" after her outburst...no, no she doesn't. She didn't do anything wrong. She handled it as well as could be expected. I don't think an 18 year-old is going to just smile and nod at this!! Heck, an adult wouldn't -- just look at how Mrs. Hale is (probably) going to react! He's so worried over her reaction he won't even tell her himself! So yeah, for lots of reasons, this rubs me the wrong way.

“'And may He restore you to His Church,' responded she, out of the fulness of her heart. The next moment she feared lest this answer to his blessing might be irreverent, wrong—might hurt him as coming from his daughter, and she threw her arms round his neck."

Honestly, I saw her response and was like "AS SHE SHOULD!!!" Of course, Margaret is too kind-hearted and loves her dad too much to let that stand, so she makes up for it by hugging him. I love her for that!

I think this passage shows how kind she can be even in the face of such emotional stress. Yes, she says things in the heat of the moment (as I've been told and have figured out, she tends to lash out when she's upset, especially when she feels attacked), but she doesn't let them stand. Could she have walked out in this moment? Yes, and I honestly wouldn't have blamed her for it. Instead, she chose to hug her father and show him she still loves him. It's a powerful moment and shows a lot about Margaret's character!

The moment is quickly broken when Mrs. Hale asks for Margaret. Mr. Hale reminds her of her promise and she agrees, walking away "in a stunned and dizzy state"...

As a final note, I want to make it clear again that I don't blame Mr. Hale for wanting to quit his job for mental health reasons. If the job was too much pressure on him and he felt the need to leave -- that's valid. No one should be forced to stay in a job they hate! However, my problems are with the fact that he never communicated this and chose to bottle it up to the point of quitting his job and arranging for his family to move behind their back, fully knowing they would hate it. He didn't tell them because he didn't want them to influence his decision, which is just...if you can't trust your family to give you guidance: that's bad. I think it was really just an excuse for him to do whatever he wanted, knowing he would get away with it. Finally, my biggest issue comes in with making Margaret tell her mother -- his wife -- of this. That is truly a horrible move on his part and very unfair to both his daughter and his partner!! If he's willing to take all of these steps, he should at least commit to telling both of them. So, yeah, just wanted to make it clear that I don't blame him for why he quit his job, just more how he went about it and the current fallout.

I imagine this next chapter will see Margaret telling her mother of the move...let's see how that goes!