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yellowocaballero · 4 years ago

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Web!Jon Roleplays Canon!Jon: With Mixed Results?

I wrote this a while ago and now that Sucker’s Bet is finally finished I can post it! Yay! This takes place an indeterminate amount of time after the end of Sucker’s Bet. The exact opposite thing happened with this story that usually happens: I had a very depressing idea and then I was REALLY METICULOUS to make sure it was fluffy. What’s fluffier than healthy discussions about boundaries, needs, and consent?

CW for some unnegotiated roleplay stuff? The same topics that were hit in Sucker’s Bet are hit here. Suggestion of future sexual activity/language but no follow-up.

“Do it! Do it! Do it!” Sasha chanted, thumping her glass on the table and cheering uproariously. “Do it! Do it!”

Tim laughed drunkenly, slapping the table too. “Double dog dare you! Do it! Do it!”

Good lord, this was like secondary. Jon rolled his eyes, hiding himself behind his cider. Out of the corner of his eye, he glanced at Martin.

Sasha: thought it would be funny, scientific curiosity. She wanted to see some magic, and Jon was a magician. Little more than a pub bet.

Tim: similarly, morbid curiosity. Had more complicated feelings about the whole thing, but that was partly why he was doing it: make everything normal, settle in, stop awkwardly hiding parts of us from each other. Thought that this would help them make friends, also a pub bet.

Martin…

They probably wouldn’t have asked if they weren’t drunk as hell.

Or maybe they would have. Jon was silently hoping that Tim and Sasha would become more comfortable with him. He had a lot of tricks and methods to make them more comfortable with him, but he had decided very firmly to relax. If Tim and Sasha didn’t like him...well, he had already done possibly the douchiest thing possible to them, and they hung out with him anyway, so their expectations were probably on the floor.

Granted, that was mostly in Martin contexts. He rarely hung out with them alone. They were probably only putting up with him because he was Jon’s boyfriend. Jon knew how it was, and frequently exploited it: you think you’re part of his group until you realize he’s terrible and break up with him, and then suddenly you have no friends, so you never get around to breaking up with him and you’re never happy and you never find someone you’re happy with.

Martin assured him frequently that they liked him. He suggested that Jon ask them, which he may have gotten from a CBT workbook that he surreptitiously read, but Jon was well aware how that put people in an awkward position. If they didn’t like you, what would they do - tell you?

Well. Tim would. Yeah, Tim would. This was why Tim was trustworthy and a good person. Jon loved people who were incapable of lying, it was like watching zoo animals through binoculars.

They wouldn’t have asked if they weren’t drunk as hell. But they were drunk as hell, and there was nothing better than pub tricks.

“What I don’t understand,” Tim said, in that kind of dancing lilting way that only the half-drunk were capable of, “is how you convinced everyone that you knew how to do that job when you, like, don’t read anything more complicated than fashion magazines.”

“I knew he couldn’t do the job,” Sasha said furiously, draining her gin and tonic. “I knew it, but did anybody listen?”

“We all knew, honey.”

Jon shrugged, adjusting his long linen shirt that hugged his torso flatteringly. Honestly, if Jon had been born a woman he would have been too powerful. “That one involved a little bit of spider powers,” he admitted. “But not much. I didn’t do much other than record statements. Telling Sasha that we ‘appreciate her initiative’, but, like, grudgingly, meant that she actually did most of the work.”

Sasha’s jaw dropped in indignation. “I did most of the - shit, I did! I did all of the archiving stuff, didn’t I?”

“I just looked really hurried and spent a lot of time in my office,” Jon said apologetically. “If you always sound stressed then people just assume that you’re doing things. I was really chatting up people on Tinder most of the time.”

“I was not paid enough,” Sasha grumbled, leaning back in her seat.

“You keep making yourself out to be lazy,” Martin said mildly. He wasn’t drinking, designated as the sober one of the group tonight. “But you were using that downtime to do other work for your other job.”

Jon himself had a drink or two and he was pleasantly light headed - not drunk, but tipsy enough to feel confident and to shut up all of the annoying anxious voices in his head. It was refreshing, and felt very good. That being said, when Jon was fourteen and Gerry sixteen Agnes sat them with a twenty slide powerpoint presentation on how drinking culture in the UK facilitated alcoholism without recognition of it, so these are things you should never do while drinking and this is how to prevent binge drinking and unhealthy drinking habits. Jon didn’t always listen - alcohol was God’s solution for anxiety - but he tried. Agnes also tried that with Annabelle, but she just hissed at her and downed an entire energy drink at once while staring her in the eyes. They figured Annabelle wasn’t at risk.

“I still don’t believe you,” Tim said imperiously, slamming his pint on the table and making his beer slosh. “If you did the whole schtick now, it would come off so fake.”

“Definitely. I never fall for the same thing twice,” Sasha bragged. “It would obviously still be Jon - what, Hawthorne? Jon Hawthorne. Or was it Hastings…”

“Hawthorne today,” Jon said politely. But he just shrugged, leaning back in his own seat and sipping delicately at his hard cider. “I can guarantee that, if I pulled out that persona again, nobody at this table would be able to see through it.” At Martin’s surly look, Jon appended, “Maybe Martin would.” Everybody shot him slightly incredulous looks, and he sighed. “I promise I’m good at my job! I’m only...transparent when I’m socializing outside of a persona. You all caught me at a weird time in my life.” He shuddered. “Vacations. Never again.”

“The problem with all of that was vacations,” Martin said flatly.

“Do it! Do it! Do it!” Sasha chanted, thumping her glass on the table and cheering uproariously. “Do it! Do it!”

Tim laughed drunkenly, slapping the table too. “Double dog dare you! Do it! Do it!”

Good lord, this was like secondary. Jon rolled his eyes, hiding himself behind his cider. Out of the corner of his eye, he glanced at Martin.

Sasha: thought it would be funny, scientific curiosity. She wanted to see some magic, and Jon was a magician. Little more than a pub bet.

Martin…

In Martin, Jon saw the same thing that he had always seen. Even stronger, today, than ever. For a month, back then, it had been little more than intrusive thoughts and some light, bored mental meandering. For two, three, months, it had grown deeper and deeper, so thoroughly that it was a surprise. Jon had done a very good job with him. Granted, he had just meant to flirt to keep him complacent, not to end up...doing all of that, and going through all of this, and ending up here. That had never quite been in the plan.

Martin thought that this roleplay would he really fucking hot. Which, ultimately, swayed Jon: he liked it when Martin thought he was hot. It wasn’t hard, but somehow it meant much more to him than it did from anybody else. It was very strange: that something so easily attained was treasured so highly. Deeply nonsensical.

“I’m not doing it,” Jon said firmly, and both Tim and Sasha groaned. “It’s not a party trick, guys. Martin, can you scooch? I need the loo.”

Jon, of course, took a slightly meandering approach to the loo. He ditched his pea coat and scarf at the table hidden underneath the tablecloth just out of sight. He fetched a pair of abandoned glasses left on a pub (their owner was annoying a woman), grabbed an abandoned blazer off the back of a chair (its owner was almost passed out drunk, Jon could give it back before the end of the night). He slipped into the bathroom and added his new accessories, taking care to tuck his shirt in. He slipped a hairband from his wrist and quickly did his hair up in a messy bun - he really did need a lot of gel and some combs to get it in his bun normally, but he’d do the best with what he had. Jon glanced in the mirror, looking himself over and fixing his bun as best as he could. He took a deep breath, then two.

There was always that moment: when Jon slid into it. It felt like skidding on ice, thrust someplace else. Or like an exhale, centering himself as his molecules rearranged. It was a thrilling feeling, often accompanied by a heady thrill or adrenaline.

No matter how many times he did this, it was still fun. Jon loved it. He really, really loved winning. And Jon always won.

When Jon walked back to the table, his posture was uncomfortably stiff yet visibly hunched over. Look proud and professional, but deeply feel uncomfortable with the noise and sound and clamor of the pub. Anxious and socially awkward, but trying to hide it - that was familiar.

Jon halted at the table, where Tim was already telling Martin about a snowboarding accident. They stopped short when they saw him, one hand worrying at his blazer as he scowled at them. “Martin, will you move over? I can’t get to my seat.”

“Uh,” Martin said intelligently.

“Any day now,” Jon said frostily.

Martin quickly got up and let Jon slide in. Jon, who had been sitting pressed up against Martin’s side, took care to slide much further away so he was more hovering at the edges of the group - not enough that it was awkward, but definitely a bit to the right of Sasha directly ahead of him. He avoided eye contact with everybody, picking up his drink and sniffing it suspiciously. The accent was the easiest part of it, the only wrinkle carefully making it almost perceivably fake.

“Holy shit,” Tim said loudly, voice rising in incredulity, “you actually did it?”

“Did what?” Jon asked. He carefully took a sip of the drink, before grimacing in distaste. “Absolutely vile…”

“You did the thing,” Sasha said, so excited she was almost bouncing up and down. “You’re doing the thing, holy shit! That was such a Jon face!”

“Er. If you say so.” Jon busied himself with the drink again, obviously pantomiming sipping as he fiddled with the arm of the blazer. Under his breath, yet very audibly, he muttered, “What a waste of time…”

“Man, this is like, what, LARPing?” Tim batted at Sasha’s arm, looking excited. “I’ll play along. Remember we used to do this together?”

They had. Jon had to pretend that he was unbearably awkward about the whole thing, yet secretly excited to be invited. In reality, pubs were such a cornerstone of Jon’s existence he found them dull as bricks, but it had been fun to channel someone terrified of too many people in a room.

Sasha’s chin was propped on her hand, giggling. “What’s your organization system for the files, huh, Jon? What’s your organization system? How are you sorting the documents?”

“Tim told me that you don’t talk about work at pubs,” Jon said defensively. “He said you talk about - what was it -” He looked at Tim planatively, obviously lost. “Hobbies? You talk about hobbies?”

“How do you organize the files, Jonathan?”

“Yes, Boss, hobbies,” Tim said faux-sympathetically. He put a hand on his heart, pulling a face. “You gotta have hobbies, right? Shopping, haircare, stealing money, getting fake married?”

“That’s all for his job,” Martin muttered.

“I have hobbies,” Jon said defensively. He adopted an expression of panicked thought, groping for something. “I like...television.”

“What television, Jonathan,” Sasha said flatly.

Jon pretended to sweat. “Television shows?”

“Unrealistic!” Tim slapped the table. “Everyone at least knows a telly show, no matter how much of a nerd they are. Fakey Jon Sims.”

“I do!” Jon protested. “I - well, not recently, but - documentaries count. I watch documentaries. I was watching this fascinating one about the Jonestown Massacre, and the intriguing series of events the lead into the mass death -”

Then he was off, shifting into his confidence when infodumping. Confidence because he was so wrapped up in the joy of sharing information he forgot that it kind of included dominating the conversation, and he watched with satisfaction as everybody’s eyes started glazing over. Everybody except Martin, who was scrolling through his phone looking disinterested.

Looking. His cheeks were a little flushed. Jon patted himself on the back.

“I’m sorry,” Jon said, cutting himself off, “am I boring you, Martin?”

But Martin didn’t even look up. “I’m not participating in this.”

“Aw, come on,” Tim wheedled. “Look, he’s even doing the Mah-tin thing. You always started fanning yourself whenever he did that.”

Sasha was, very drunkenly, taking notes. “It’s uncanny. Like a dead person brought back to life and annoying you.”

“Are we really making this entire outing about Martin?” Jon asked, pretending irritation. Play into it. Bloke wouldn’t admit it, but there was a reason he had liked Jon back then. It wasn’t for his sparkling personality, beyond the little flashes of something more tender underneath. Have your cake and eat it too. “You said that this would be fun, Tim.”

Tim just laughed. “Aw, Martin’s not fun?”

“I never said that,” Jon said stiffly. He glanced at Martin out of the corner of his eye, clearly working himself up to say something. When he spoke, the words were almost forced out. “What..are you playing?”

“Sincerely buzz off,” Martin said flatly.

Jon couldn’t help it - his cheeks genuinely burned. He looked away, careful to keep an expression on his face as if he was examining the molding because Martin had said something socially awkward, but hot shame flared in his chest.

He made it seem as if he downed his drink. “Excuse me, I’m...getting us more drinks.”

Jon made a show of slightly stumbling as he made his way to the bar. Martin had given him the permission to extort drinks out of people through flirting and judicious eye-batting - guy was very strictly monogamous but also practical - and in barely a few minutes he had enough collected for their table. He carefully walked them all back, settling them on the table, and waited for both Tim and Sasha to grab their drinks and start enthusiastically downing them.

He wanted to drop it, ask Martin if he made him uncomfortable, reassure him. But that would ruin the momentum of this, the steam train picking up speed, and it was impossible for Jon to miss the dual things that Martin was feeling.

Super turned on. Also very uncomfortable. Jon decided that he was uncomfortable because he found it attractive, and he was dealing with some guilt over that.

It would be fun to reassure him, but Jon had the sense that he wouldn’t like him to do it in public.

Soon afterwards, with a little more friendly yet understated performance from Jon and uproarious laughter from Tim and Sasha, Sasha’s head had begun dropping onto the table more frequently than not and Tim decided that it was time to take her home. More accurately, Jon knew, to Tim’s place, as it was closer. He’d drop her on the couch, he’d slide into his own bed, and he’d think about a different situation. She’d wake up in the morning, eyes squinting against the harsh sun, and hope for a moment - but no, the couch again. Neither were willing to bridge the gap.

Jon and Martin stumbled out too. Jon had been intending on spending the night at Martin’s place - Jon loved cuddling, it was his favorite thing - and Jon made a show of acting slightly drunker than he was as Martin thoughtfully kept a hand on his back. He stumbled out the door, gripping Martin’s coat and giggling. He had strategically returned the blazer back to the guy, and Martin had his other clothing draped over his arm.

“And, in my opinion,” Jon stated decisively as he swayed, “as part of our anti-colonialist efforts we should give Ireland back to the Irish -”

“You can drop it,” Martin said, gently guiding him towards the tube station. They still had an hour before the last trains ran. “Seriously.”

Jon giggled, before slightly bending down to whisper in Jon’s ear. He kept the accent, the inflections, everything. “But you really find it hot.”

Martin sputtered as Jon laughed uproariously - not his laugh, the Archivist’s laugh - and they teetered towards home.

On the tube Jon kept a hand on Martin’s thigh, and Martin kept glancing and glancing towards him, and Jon would shoot him a prissy look as his hand wandered up his thigh, and Martin would get redder and redder.

When Martin unlocked his flat door it took several times, with his hand shaking slightly, and Jon hid a smirk behind a hand. On some level, he was always roleplaying when he did these kinds of things, but with Martin it was usually so authentic that this was positively novel. Jon’s mind was already furiously churning as he set up the scene - yes, that would be exactly right, this would be fun -

Jon stumbled inside after Martin, who was already taking off his coat and hanging it on the peg. He put Jon’s coat up too, glancing at Jon out of the corner of his eye.

The Archivist wouldn’t really notice something like that, so he didn’t either. “Lord, Martin, your flat’s as messy as your desk.”

Martin still looked a little pained, even as his cheeks were quite red. “Yeah, ha ha. My desk wasn’t that bad, you were just being picky.”

“Yes, I suppose I must apologize for that.” Jon drew himself up to his full height, stepping close to Martin - closer than the Archivist ever had. “Martin, I’m afraid - well, I have a confession.”

“Oh, boy,” Martin said.

“Don’t get snippy with me,” Jon said prissily. But he leaned in, keeping his expression just on the faintest edge of innocently scared. “I never wanted to admit this. It was just so inappropriate, what with me being your boss and all. I always - well, I always knew how you felt about me. It was...charming.”

Obviously involuntarily, Martin squeaked a bit. Adorable.

Jon reached out and put a hand on the back of his neck, leaning in. “Truth be told, I was looking at you too. I was just embarrassed. I didn’t like admitting it. But I couldn’t help thinking about it.” That was, obviously, how Martin’s fantasies had always worked. Not realistic, but realism wasn’t the point of your absent daydreams during a boring workday. “But I’m tired of hiding it. I really want you, Martin. I always have. I want you to bend me over my desk and -”

“Shut it off, Jon!”

Jon shut it off. They had agreed on the phrase ages ago, the very solid cue to drop all of Jon’s shit. Jon regularly kept up the shit just because he found it entertaining, and oftentimes comforting, but Martin sometimes found it unbelievably obtrusive when he was trying to have a serious conversation. It was difficult - Jon got panicked during serious conversations, so he usually defensively threw his shit back up again, and it was a self-perpetuating cycle that had frustrated and upset the both of them until they had sat down and talked about it. If Jon couldn’t keep up the conversation without lying, then they both walked away and came back to it later. It was work. But it was good work, the kind that allowed for the good stuff to flourish. Uncomfortable, messy, and real - but maybe that was what Jon liked about it.

“Sorry,” Jon said. He straightened, letting every expression drop away until he was back at his favored neutral. He knew that Martin found it unsettlingly blank, but he rarely complained. “Did I go too far with the desk thing?”

Martin just stood there, carefully controlling his breathing. Jon waited, letting Martin pick through his thoughts and try to shape them. It was probably more difficult than usual, considering how well Jon had been striking the right notes, so he gave him some time.

Finally, Martin said, “I get having fun with Sasha and Tim. I get us doing roleplay, privately, together. I get you doing a role for your job. But the Archivist gig has a lot of baggage with it, for all of us. Do you understand why I feel weird about you pulling that into bedroom stuff?”

“We watch TV in your bedroom,” Jon pointed out. At Martin’s flat, unamused look, Jon had to fight the urge to shuffle his feet. “I sincerely don’t understand your reaction. I’ve seen your search history -”

“Jon!”

“Research for before we got together, don’t think anything of it,” Jon said quickly. “But doesn’t that make it better? It’s not often somebody gets everything they want from somebody unattainable. Or, you know, not real, but…”

“Jon, for a mind reader you can be terrible at picking up cues sometimes,” Martin said, exasperated. “I know your reasons for doing stuff like this -”

“I’m fantastic at picking up cues,” Jon corrected, oddly huffy. “Because I always know what people want. Their desires, even if they don’t like admitting it to themselves. Do you have any idea how many people on this Earth are bisexual but won’t admit it?”

But, somehow, that just made Martin’s eyes widen a little, as if a realization had cracked. “It cannot be comfortable knowing how many people are attracted to you when you’re sex-repulsed.”

“It’s fine,” Jon lied. “I like it.”

“Jon.”

“Whatever. I got used to it.” Jon shrugged. “I like it when you like me. You’re my boyfriend. I want to make you happy because I like seeing you happy. That’s my ulterior motive.”

Martin sighed again, but thankfully he didn’t look as stressed anymore. Win. He broke away from Jon, instead dropping heavily onto the couch, and Jon hesitantly sat down next to him. His costume abruptly felt stifling, and when he saw Martin’s eyes linger on the bun he undid it and untucked his shirt. God, his hair was a wreck.

“The Archivist has baggage for me,” Martin said quietly. “I know how I feel, and I try not to be embarrassed over stuff that most people go through and feel. Had enough of that internalized homophobia for a lifetime. I...can’t avoid you knowing how I feel, or what I’m thinking. I know you can try not to look, but you can’t completely control it either. I understand all of this. But you knowing what I want isn’t the same as me asking for it. Do you understand that difference?”

Jon shrugged uncomfortably.

“Jon. Do you get that I felt uncomfortable because what you did was unnegotiated and you didn’t ask my permission?”

The feeling of embarrassment and guilt spiked higher, and Jon looked away and stared fixedly at some admittedly quite pretty art on the wall. “You’re making it sound bad.”

“I should have shut that down earlier. That’s my bad. You should have stopped to ask. Your bad. We’re both at fault, so we shouldn’t be mad at each other. Are we all good on that?”

Jon stayed silent for a little bit, staring at the wall, trying his best to assemble his own thoughts in his brain. He wasn’t smart. He had problems assembling the words for the complex and large and overwhelming feelings he felt so often. How was Martin so good at breaking this down and putting it into words, when Jon could barely even express how he felt?

Well, Martin probably had more practice…

“You’re so frustrating,” Jon whispered. “You don’t like asking for what you want. You do make me guess. You’re embarrassed to say any of it - the things you want me to do, or the things you like. You do want me to read your mind, because everybody wants a mind reader in their relationship. Especially when it comes to sexual things. But what I can’t read is the...choices you make. Just what you want. And you always make a choice that’s contrary to what you want, and I can never guess. So I do what you want, which is always the exact opposite of what you want me to actually do, and…”

After a second of silence, Martin said, “I need to work on that. I have to be more vocal too. But, Jon, nowhere in that did you mention what you want.”

Jon turned back to look at him, and saw that Martin’s expression was creased. With a mix of - sadness, frustration, conviction, dedication. Imagine being that dedicated, about anything. “Nothing about me minded this time,” Jon said, flabbergasted. “I liked it. I like playing, I like making you feel good, I like winning.” Martin opened his mouth, and Jon quickly said, “Don’t pretend that socialization isn’t a game that everyone is always trying to win, you liar.”

Martin shut his mouth. He could not deny it. Finally, he said, “I hate how you have to say this time.”

He couldn’t help it - he cringed, very hard. Terrible memory. Terrible, terrible, terrible - “I don’t want you to touch me the rest of tonight,” he said, in one rushed breath. Georgie told him to say it. Georgie, Melanie, and Martin. He was supposed to say this.

“Of course, no problem,” Martin said, quickly yet calmly. “Was there anything in that I shouldn’t bring up again?”

“That never happened,” Jon said, his heart jackrabbiting in his chest. “Stop bringing it up, it’s over, I’m fine - I’m going to bed!”

Hilariously, it was Martin’s flat, but Jon needed to dramatically retreat, so he ended up claiming Martin’s bed for his own. He was very aware that Martin would grab the couch for tonight, because Jon had asked him to. So he was left shoving himself into the pyjamas that he left at Martin’s, wrapping his hair, and sliding under the covers.

But he wasn’t really tired. Jon’s mind kept churning and churning, trying desperately to tease out his own feelings, before realizing that he really didn’t want to know.

It was a really good conversation. Jon was glad that they had it - that Martin hadn’t gone along with it if he wasn’t comfortable, that he had actually pointed out where Jon crossed a line. Nothing about it was bad. Everything was a work in progress - Jon and Martin most of all.

So much of them clashed. So much of them cared about each other more than the clashing. They ran up against these things incessantly, and Jon felt as if they worked it out every time.

He would definitely make Martin breakfast tomorrow. Lots of bacon, although Jon never ate the stuff. He would have to clarify that the way this ended - it wasn’t Martin’s fault, not really. He would probably also have to clarify that his random terror wasn’t something that was any of Martin’s business. He was the one person Jon didn’t want to talk it over with, actually.

Martin respected Jon a lot. More than Jon thought was rational, considering...himself. He never vocalized what exactly he wanted, because he respected that it was never in consideration. Jon had even seen him want it less and less - it barely even came up anymore. Except, of course, when Jon teased on purpose…

When Jon teased on purpose and didn’t tell Martin that he didn’t want something so then he made himself -

It was a good conversation, except Jon ruined it because something stupid that didn’t mean anything at all sent him into abject shame and terror.

This was so hard. Jon hated thinking this much. He decided to fall asleep instead. Much simpler.

In dreams, where everything was an illusion and nothing meant anything at all, nobody minded that none of it was real.

Tim: omfg im so fucking hungoverrrr I hate being 34

Tim: good time last night tho

Tim: also like it WAS funny but you know we like you best as you, rite? U normally dont so Ill validate: liking you best as you, always

Sasha: THE DOCUMENTS, JON!!!

Sasha: Tim says you might have gotten the wrong impression from last night so I’ll also validate: all of you is good. Even the bad parts are good. Does that make sense?

Sasha: Tim said that that sounded ‘backhanded’ but you know what I mean

Sasha: Man why is it so hard to just say what I mean!!!

Sasha: Life’s stupid. Tell Martin I said hi.

#my writing #tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonmartin #tim stoker #sasha james #tma fanfic #the magnus archives fanfiction #jon in sb: i will pretend to be the man who was your friend if it'll make you like me #jon here: HAHA KNOW WHAT'D BE HOT?

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alaffy · 3 years ago

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The Gilded Age, Ep. 6 – Heads Will Roll (Spoilers)

Finally, the downstairs has some meaning! Honestly, I would say this has been my favorite episode so far. Everything just clicked. I also can’t wait to see what happens for the rest of the season now that…certain things have come to light.

There wasn’t too much of Peggy in this episode. However, we still got some good moments. We found out that her article on the Red Cross actually helped raise newspaper subscriptions. Peggy also was able to talk to her mother and, well, they’ve come to an agreement. From here on out, they’ll meet somewhere where the father won’t be. And that’s probably for the best.

I also like the fact that Armstrong was taken to task by just about everyone in this episode. She tries to spread rumors about Peggy to the staff and they don’t listen. She tries it with Agnes and Agnes makes it clear that that bullshit doesn’t fly in her house.

So, Gladys and Carrie Astor have met and seem to be forming an alliance. How interesting.

We will not talk about the doll tea party. We will forget that party existed.

George is dealing with a crisis due to the fact that someone he hired used cheap parts that lead to a train derailment. I think how they play this is generally a good idea. Robber Barons aren’t what we would normally consider, um, good men. To set George apart, I think it was imperative that, yes he’s concerned about his company, but he’s also just as concerned that people’s lives where lost because of someone’s carelessness and greed. It’s just too bad that person seems to have the upper hand at the moment.

I don’t like it when the Russel’s fight.

And let’s talk about Bertha for a moment. I see that people are upset with the way that she treats Gladys and how she shouldn’t be more concerned with society then what George is going through. Both of these are valid points and we are shown in the series that even George thinks she’s over the top, so I believe we aren’t supposed to agree with her decisions.

Still, It also should be remembered that, back then, it was the “job” of women like Bertha to keep the family’s standing in society and to find a suitable matches for her children. It’s specifically true when it comes to the daughters. We talk about the Patriarchal Society (in the US) now, but ye gods! The reality is that, for a woman to have any security in her life, she had to marry well because, most likely, that estate of their father’s is going to the son. The better her prospects, the better her chance at security. So, it does make sense that Bertha is trying for the best she can get.

Now, personally I believe she goes too far in restricting what Gladys can and can not do. Something that, again, is commented on frequently. But before we all jump on the George and Larry train, we should also remember that this is a society that also believed that woman of Gladys’ class should be married in her early 20s. Gladys is somewhere between 17-18 years old. And while I do believe that George and Larry are partly trying to change Bertha’s minds to give Gladys a chance of freedom, it can’t be ignored that they probably want also to make sure she’s out in time to get married before she gets too old (which, by the way, people considered woman to be getting too old after they turned 22).

Moving on to more pleasant topics, so that pissing contest between the Butlers did have a point! And it was fun. It also was a bit unexpected. I figured, from the previews, that Agnes went over to the Russell’s because she found out Marian was eating there. So, it was a pleasant surprise when it turned out she was ticked off to find out her butler had been playing hooky in order to serve Mrs. Russell’s luncheon. But fortunately, and I never thought I’d say this, but Marion saves the day. So, yes, the first meeting between Agnes and Bertha is a bit anticlimactic. Except….

Armstrong happens to catch Oscar and Turner coming back from the park. And, while we don’t hear what she says to Agnes, it seems like Armstrong thought that their relationship was a bit too friendly. And that, it seems, is going to lead to some sort of conversation between Bertha and Agnes.

#the gilded age #the gilded age spoilers #bertha russell #geroge russell #gladys russell #peggy scott #agnes van rhijn

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blacklister214 · 4 years ago

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Blacklist Secret Santa Gift

@takadasaiko Here’s your Secret Santa Gift! Enjoy!

Consequences

Strange how easy it was to take as commonplace things that once would have been considered unattainable luxuries. The girl who would one day become Scottie Hargrave would have never dared to dream of the high-rise the woman would call home. Not the closet of couture, not the priceless art adorning the wall, and not even the Egyptian cotton sheets that currently wrapped around her body like a decadent cocoon. Even ten years ago, long after she’d accepted such possessions as her due, the deep slumber she’d been experiencing would have been an indulgence completely beyond her reach. A decade later she’d come to expect a peaceful night’s rest. That was why, when she jolted awake, she knew instantly something had to be wrong.

Instinctively her hand flew to her nightstand for her gun. It wasn’t there. Of course. Scottie had locked it away in preparation for her granddaughter’s extended visit. Her gaze swept the room for the presence she sensed there. Sure enough, sitting in a chair ten feet away was a still figure assessing her with icy consideration. Scottie's heart leapt in her chest as her mind flew back decades in time. Katarina. It couldn’t be.

The woman leaned forward and the moonlight from the window partly illuminated her face. Scottie released a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. Not Katarina. Masha, or rather Elizabeth, as she preferred to be called. Of course. That made far more sense than a ghost. Strange to have mistaken one for the other. Despite their relationship, mother and daughter looked very little alike. It was only now and then that something in Elizabeth’s posture or expression brought a flash of bittersweet recognition.

“Elizabeth? What’s wrong?” It had been weeks since she’d last seen her daughter-in-law, since Elizabeth had elected to go to war with Raymond Reddington over the murder of her mother. Pain shot through Scottie as she remembered that phone call. Elizabeth had explained what had happened. Katarina Rostova had miraculously returned from the dead, only to be murdered by the concierge of crime.

Scottie had been so shocked, she didn’t know how she’d managed to absorb the rest of the details. Why hadn’t Katarina reached out? Scottie would have helped. Katarina had to have known that. Elizabeth hadn’t realized the impact of the information she was imparting. She’d merely been explaining why she needed Scottie to care for Agnes for an extended period of time.

“So many things.” Eyes finally adjusting to the dark room Scottie suddenly focused on the gun Elizabeth was casually resting on her thigh. Adrenaline flooded the older woman’s system.

“Elizabeth, why do you have that gun?” Elizabeth tilted her head to the side in an uncanny imitation of Raymond Reddington.

“Family is a funny concept isn’t it? I share blood with Agnes. Agnes shares blood with you. Suddenly I’m willing to turn my child over to a woman who shot up a church on my wedding day. Who tried to have me kidnapped. Who had my husband tortured.” Scottie could hear the quiet rage unlaying every word. Sins that had been forgiven, if not forgotten now blistered in her ears. Still, Elizabeth couldn’t claim superiority on every front. People in glass houses, as the saying went, shouldn’t throw stones.

“I’m not the only person in this room to have done that, if I recall. Tom forgave both of us-”

Elizabeth raised her weapon so that it was now pointing directly between Scottie’s eyes. If she squeezed the trigger, that was it. At this range there was no way Katarina’s daughter would miss.

“Don’t you say his name!” There was so much anger and grief Scottie felt, for a moment, a twinge of shame. It was a novel experience to say the least. Still, she wasn’t such a hypocrite that she would apologize. If she’d had the choice, she knew she’d do it all over again.

“You know.” When Elizabeth had first awoken from her coma, Scottie had feared discovery. She imagined Elizabeth might refuse to accept that her husband was gone. That she might have gone digging and uncovered the truth. Elizabeth hadn’t, probably because Harold Cooper had been a witness to “Tom’s” corpse. Reddington, she might have disbelieved, but not the assistant director of the FBI. That the truth should surface now, after so much time had passed was surprising.

“I found Dr. Selma Orchard.” That explained it. The war with Raymond had pushed Elizabeth to dig more fiercely that she had before. Of course she’d reach out to Orchard. Scottie kicked herself for not having anticipated it.

“I see.” She’d hidden the good doctor well, but Elizabeth was an FBI agent with all the resources that entailed. Scottie could easily image Orchard slightly relaxing her guard after years had passed. It wouldn’t have taken much.

“How?” Scottie had expected this question. What she’d achieved under the noses of the FBI AND Raymond Reddington was quite remarkable. If it hadn’t caused her so much pain, she might even be proud of herself.

“Tom called me before he got home. My people arrived just after Reddington. They followed you to the hospital. Tom flat-lined on the table, but they were able to resuscitate. Once he stabilized, I got him out. A few bribes. Doctored surveillance footage. The body Cooper saw was a German arms dealer surgically altered to look like Tom down to every last scar and faded tattoo.” She’d gotten the idea from the Independence, USA mission Tom himself had been a part of. Without that body there was no way Reddington would have believed Tom was really dead.

Elizabeth shook her head angrily, not in the mood apparently to be impressed. Scottie couldn’t exactly blame her.

“Not ‘how did you pull it off?’. I don’t CARE how you pulled it off. I meant ‘How could you do this?’ To me. To Agnes! You stole MY HUSBAND! You stole HER FATHER!” Now Scottie felt herself becoming angry. She “stole” him?! As if Scottie didn’t have as much, if not more of a claim on Tom. As if it were Scottie’s fault that Tom had nearly died. As if it was for Scottie that Tom had put himself in mortal jeopardy.

“I SAVED your husband. I SAVED Agnes’ father. I SAVED MY SON!” Scottie took a deep breath. She didn’t blame Elizabeth. Not really. Not for being angry. Not for Tom’s nearly fatal wounds. She hadn’t chosen to be born into the web of danger and deceit any more than Tom had. “This wasn’t some maniacal plan I hatched to cause you pain. Tom was in a coma. You were in a coma. I didn’t know when or if either of you would wake up. When I faked his death, I was only thinking of protecting him from the people who came after him and from Reddington.

It was only after I’d had him that I realized the truth. Tom would never be safe with you, even without knowing Reddington’s secret. There is nowhere the two of you could run that he wouldn’t find you. The same with Agnes. Reddington would NEVER let either of you go.” As a mother, she had had no choice. She wouldn’t let her boy die. Not again. Not when she could save him.

“And so you decided to take him away from both of us.” Scottie sighed. Elizabeth still didn’t understand. She hadn’t been the only one who’d lost him.

“Tom Keen would never leave his wife and child not for any reason. But Jacob Phelps was a survivor. He could be reasoned with.” With Orchard’s help she had rolled her son back to an earlier version. Someone who could be trusted to act in his own self interest, rather than that of his family.

“What did you tell him?”

“The truth. I told him he’d had a violent falling out with Bill McCready a few years ago. That he’d recently started working for me. That Raymond Reddington wanted him dead and very nearly got his wish. That he had the funds to start over anywhere in the world he chose.” The memories were there, carefully edited by Orchard’s skill, and any gaps easily explained by the trauma he’d suffered.

“You didn’t tell him you’re his mother?” Scottie swallowed, recalling having to make that decision. There had been a time, a too brief time, when she’d seen a look in her son’s eyes. Love for her, for his mother. Quite the contrast to the wary expression the last time she’d seen them.

“No. I couldn’t risk it. He may have wanted to stay in contact. So you see, I didn’t do anything to you I didn’t do to myself.” If Scottie had expected sympathy, she was destined for disappointment. The look Elizabeth gave her now was pure contempt.

“Yes, you did. You let me think he was dead. You let me think Tom was dead because of me.” Scottie swallowed the retort about how that had very nearly been the case. That wouldn’t help the situation.

“Agnes was kidnapped when she was a baby. You went months without knowing if she was alive or dead. You have had a taste of what it feels like to lose your child. I had already buried my son once. I could not endure it again.” There it was, as much of an apology as she was capable of making. A plea, mother to mother, for Elizabeth understanding, if not forgiveness. She studied the FBI agent’s face and thought she detected, just for a moment, a softening of expression. It was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

“Where is he?” Scottie shook her head.

“I don’t know.” Elizabeth raised the gun in silent threat. “You can shoot me, but it won’t change my answer. I didn’t want to live with the temptation.” Would Elizabeth shoot her? Scottie was still Tom’s mother. Agnes was still down the hall. Elizabeth’s thoughts seemed to follow a similar path as she glanced to the door. Her lips tightened as she stood. A decision had been made.

“I’m going to find him.” Scottie briefly closed her eyes. Why had her son married such a stubborn woman?

“He’s not the same man you knew.” It was a desperate bid, but it was also the truth. Elizabeth had only ever known a man who loved her. Who’d wanted her enough to risk death to be with her.

“And I’m not the same woman. It doesn’t matter. He still deserves the truth. He deserves to be able to make his own choices. Something neither you, nor Reddington can seem to grasp.” The comparison stung especially in light of recent events.

“Then I hope you can live with the consequences.” She gazed after Elizabeth, eyes following her through the door and lingering there long after. There was no point in laying back down. Sleep would not come for her again tonight. Instead her mind raced with all the things she had done, and all the things she had yet to do to save her son.

“I hope we both can.”

#theblacklistsecretsanta #keen2 #keen2 fanfiction #blacklist fanfiction #tom keen #scottie hargrave

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fauna96 · 5 years ago

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V Prompt: Role Reversal

Title: The djinni, the thief and the magician

[This was hard. It was very very difficult... but fun! Kudos to who guesses from where I’ve taken Kitty’s name and surname as a magician.]

Agnes Pole had a secret, a secret that could have her killed. The fact was, she didn’t choose to keep this secret; it had just happened.

They made it easy, telling you to forget your birth name; but for Agnes it had been impossible. It wasn’t that she didn’t try: at night, when she was still a child, she used to close her eyes, squeezing them hard, and she tried with all her force to expel that memory: her mother’s voice calling ‘Kitty’.

Obviously, she couldn’t do it; and, as much obviously, no one knew it, less of all her master. After all, she was the one to issue Agnes, as her first lesson, to not trust anyone; and, implied, her too. So, Agnes had kept her mouth sealed; she hadn’t even dared to say out loud that forbidden name.

When she looked at herself in the mirror, she saw Agnes Pole: a young woman with short, soft dark hair, her mouth constantly bending in a pleasing smile. She didn’t know how Kitty looked like, except for a lost five-year-old child.

Her sensor net started ringing in her ear; a moment later, at her window a pigeon materialized. Agnes made it come in and immediately it took the shape of a pale-faced young man in a grey suit.

«Mistress» he said, bowing slightly «I think I’ve found him».

Nathanael was her regular demon for a few years, now; it was one of the first djinn with a considerable power that she had summoned, and, in the beginning, she had found it irritating without an exact reason. Really there wasn’t a reason, because the demon was precise, quiet and impeccable. Every magician’s dream.

But it was fussy, fastidious too, and with a hidden slyness capable to turn any order inside out, Agnes knew it. However, it was efficient; and, as Whitwell always said, finding efficient servants, and silent in addition, was extremely rare. So, Agnes had kept it and, in the end, there had been vantages: just to start, learning to give orders precise and crystal-clear. Then, she had found out Nathanael was a real font of knowledge and, if you made it the right questions, you would have obtained all the answers you wanted. If she had to describe her servant with a word, Agnes would have used ‘competent’.

And it really was (take that, Farrar), because it had been successful in individuate one of the thieves of artefacts that were driving all Tallow’s department and police mad.

Agnes, as the Chief of Security’s apprentice, had been placed to investigate on the series of thefts; in the beginning, she had to admit that, as a job, didn’t please her much: she hated work office, she’d have liked more to be thrown in action. Whitwell, in front of her complains, had barely risen an eyebrow. «You’re still an apprentice, Agnes» she had replied. «Be careful to not fool yourself. You’re clever and you have talent, but use your brain before talking. A work office, as you call it, could do you well».

Agnes had bitten her tongue. As she had to do every time she had met Farrar and had to endure a barrage of gibes.

And now, instead… «A very good job. Nathanael» she commented, leant on the car seat.

The young man near her tilted his head. «Thank you, mistress» he murmured, but Agnes could catch all the surprise behind the courteous tone. It wasn’t very usual that Agnes deemed her demon worthy of more than orders, but it was a particular occasion. «If everything goes well tonight, I’ll dismiss you for a while».

«Now let’s not exaggerate, mistress» the demon’s face was always pale and serious, but Agnes thought she could catch an… amused? glint behind the icy eyes.

Oh, why not? It had deserved it, at least. Of course, she would have to do without her most trusted servant, but it would have been a little time. She was perfectly capable to look after herself. It would have been weird, though, not having the tall, lanky shape behind her shoulders, silent as a shadow and as much as loyal…

«We are here» Nathanael murmured. «Do you see that corner over there? He passes over there every night to go to his… hideout. I think he has some hiding place under the bricks, because he always takes some minute there. And in that minute, he’s distracted».

Agnes nodded, without tearing her eyes away from the road. She made a gesture towards the djinni, and it slithered out the half-closed window as a curl of smoke.

They didn’t have to wait long: a figure was coming close with quick, measured steps. It stopped at the corner as expected.

And then there was a noise of struggle, a furious shout suffocated, then the boot opened up and something was thrown in.

Nathanael didn’t like very much kidnapping kids; but he didn’t like disobeying orders either and being punished, so there wasn’t a lot of alternatives. Moreover, the kid in question had trashed like an eel and he was able to kick his shin with a boot that must have something of iron, because it stung a lot.

He and his mistress had taken him to an old abandoned library that they had used many times during various occasions. Miss Pole looked at the boy still passed out at her feet. To be truthful, there wasn’t real age difference between the magician and the commoner, but her posture, her clothes and everything made Agnes Pole always look older.

Nathanael looked at her at the corner of his eye while she seemed to review mentally what ask to the commoner. And probably, repeating herself to be calm and rational, a thing that wasn’t always Agnes Pole’s forte, despite her excellent teacher. Nathanael wrinkled slightly his nose thinking about Whitwell. Old vulture.

The boy made a sudden moan and his eyes opened wide. Nathanael saw them searching the room for a way out, then they rested on the two of them.

«Move and my demon will tear you apart».

The boy didn’t move. Then, unexpectedly he made a dazzling grin, shining on his dark face.

«Hello» he said.

Well, that wasn’t the reaction Nathanael was expecting, frankly. And neither did his mistress, holding her lips tight while the commoner kept watching them from below.

«What could have I done to deserve such an honour? Kidnapped by a magician?» he winked with a mischievous expression, that little did suit a dirty boy, curled on the floor.

Nathanael saw clearly his mistress’ patience decrease; were they alone, he would have whispered to her to stay calm, tranquil: she was in charge, as usual.

But Agnes tightened her fists lightly and took a deep breath. «I want you to answer my questions, quickly» she said. «And maybe I could think even to let you go».

The boy sneered. «Of course, miss magician. And you give me a lift home, don’t you? No one believes it, not even your demon. You caught me, you won. I don’t know what else you want».

«The Resistance. I want your accomplices».

Fell a… curious silence. The boy grew quiet, then he spoke directly to Nathanael. «Did you tell her I’m from the Resistance? Because I stole some scrap metal? Oh dear!» And he burst out laughing so loud that the walls resounded. «I’m sorry, o most powerful magician» he could stammer out «but your demon dropped a clanger here. I work in my own».

«So do you steal artefacts just for an hobby of yours?» Agnes asked, her voice dangerously sweet. «And only magical objects, not simple jewels?»

«Ah, that is a little secret of mine, sorry. Anyway, of course I sell them. At the black market, but that surely you know. And surely you know that they’ll go to the Resistance or whatever. But I don’t want anything to do with them. I work on my own, told you».

Agnes smiled. «So those two… the kid following you anywhere and that girl so pretty… aren’t they your accomplices?»

A shadow passed on the boy’s cheeky face. Here we are, Nathanael thought.

«No» he spelt put. «They…»

«Don’t you think they’ll live better out that hole of yours? Maybe that kid would stop coughing so much».

The boy gulped and stared both in the eyes. «Look. I am a thief, it’s true. But I am not from the Resistance. You can promise me all you want, magician, but I can’t give you what I haven’t, and I haven’t any names nor addresses. If you want to throw me in jail for theft or say that I’m a terrorist, do it. It’s my word against yours, isn’t it?» His dark eyes lingered on Nathanael. «Oh, the demon, sure. You could have me tortured by it. Surely I could sing then, but I wouldn’t trust me too much. Always had a low pain tolerance level».

«Mistress» Nathanael whispered. «A word».

Agnes stepped back and tilted her head toward him. The boy’s sharp eyes kept watching them.

«I think he’s honest, partly. But if he sell magical artefacts…»

«He has some communication channel, yes» Agnes sighed and, for a moment, it seemed that her mask was slipping. «I was so close…»

«I think» murmured Nathanael «that he could be bought. Making leverage on… his two friends. Bought, not threatened».

Agnes narrowed her eyes. «What should I do? Buy them a house?»

«No» the boy’s voice came suddenly. He must have an exceptional hearing. «No. But there is something I want».

#bartprompts20 #bart prompts week #day 5: role reversal #just fyi #bart's commoner name is tim #because bar-tim-aeus #yeah #he hates me now #kid and pretty girl are ofc ptol and queezle #yeah bart know the resistance (faquarl) but i figured he wouldn't want to be involved #nat and kitty have an... interesting relationship #let's say that ;)#bartimaeus #nathaniel #kitty jones #role reversal au #bartimaeus trilogy #my fic #fanfiction

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orleans-jester · 4 years ago

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Fallout {The Morning after the Party}

Agnes woke up early out of habit. She probably couldn’t sleep in, even if she had wanted to. And besides that, she had a lot of work that she had to do in order to make the house look less like a disaster. Force-field magic and smokescreens weren’t going to help this one.

Figaro and Munro were sleeping on the floor of her bedroom, wrapped up in one of the dozens of spare blankets that were in the closets. She had to take a picture of them like that, since it was so weird. Two of the least cuddly people in the world that she could imagine and here they were, just a couple of spoons. She’d just let them sleep - they were her friends after all, they could just hang out.

Some of the ‘undercover’ homeless were already starting to work on the downstairs, trying to erase the damage largely done by the lost boys. The worst of it was in the kitchen, where there were smashed bottles and food left out. She wrapped up and saved what she could, humming along to a song stuck in her head when she felt the phone vibrate in her pocket. It was about damn time.

She leaned over the counter, grinning as she saved each one of those pictures to her phone. Not only did Chip look cute but they were rather flattering of herself. She didn’t know how Chip managed that. And then she went back to cleaning, helping to sweep up and clear the empty bottles and wake up most of the people who ended up staying over night until she felt sure that the house was cleaned out enough for her parents standards.

“What the fuck is this?” Pierre asked, taking long strides into the kitchen that he hadn’t helped clean at all, screenshots of the pictures Chip had posted on his phone screen. Agnes was eating breakfast when he approached, looked over and shrugged. He got right into her face with it, almost spilling the bowl. “Seriously, what got into you last night? Drinking? A fucking Laveau?”

“I don’t see how it’s any of your business,” Agnes said, picking up the bowl of her cereal and tried to move out of the room but her taller brother stopped her, blocking her path. “Seriously? I’ll just force you out of my way.”

“And I’ll keep reversing and reversing until you shut up and answer me.”

“Well, which is it? Shut up or answer you?”

“We’re home!” Came Esmeralda’s chiming voice from the front door. Agnes took the moment of opportunity to bend under his arm and walk towards her parents. “Thought we’d check in a bit early, make sure there’s not too much damage...”

“Looks pretty spic and span,” Phoebus said, coming in, carrying the bags. “I’m impressed. And there were no reports of any drunken accidents last night - I’m pretty proud of the two of you.”

“But Agnes-” Pierre interrupted his father. He wasn’t stopped by his sister, who turned her head to glare at him, but rather by one of the house-cleaners who had cleared her throat, walking into the room. She cleared her throat again until the family all looked at her.

“You told me to tell you if there was anything unusual while cleaning, ma’am?” She asked, her head bowed to Esmeralda.

“Harriet, honey, you can call me Esme,” Esmeralda said, then shot a glance towards her kids. Both looked a little confused. Pierre shrugged, not knowing what this was about. “Did you find something?”

The small woman held up a small square wrapper. A condom wrapper, that had been ripped open. No one was really that surprised. They all knew who and what Pierre was. Even he just thought that it was one of his own.

“Yes, our son uses protection, thank God,” Phoebus muttered.

“No - not Pierre,” Harriet said, looking straight at Agnes now. “It was in Agnes’s bathroom. With the...” She shook the wrapper again to show what she meant without having to say it.

And that was enough for Hell to break loose.

“YOU FUCKED CHIP LAVEAU?” Pierre was the first to yell. And then Phoebus started to stammer and get angry that his daughter could have been so irresponsible, and then Pierre added on that he had seen her drinking and she had herself locked in her room most of the night, which was partly true - she did end up hanging out with Figaro and Munro after River and Summer left, hence why they were in her room. Agnes didn’t even try to defend herself. She just looked over at her mother, who was the only one who was silent. Esmeralda rolled her eyes at the actions of the men.

“So he gets praise for using protection-” Agnes said, deciding not to address the actual accusations, but the meanings of the other things that they were said. “-but if I do, I’m still irresponsible and what - a slut? Like, do you know who you are talking to? At all?”

“At least I own up to what I do,” Pierre said, shoving his phone into his father’s face so that he could see who he was talking about.

“Is that - is that a gun? Agnes?” Phoebus asked, completely bewildered. He didn’t even have a smart alec response to any of this. But as evidenced yesterday, he didn’t seem to have any charm when it came to his daughter.

“This is an anti-gun house,” Esmeralda said, finally speaking for the first time. “Honey, you know this-”

“Your husband is a cop! He was in the army!” Agnes said, putting the bowl down so she could throw her hands up in the air. This was insanity. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “There’s pictures of him, with guns, literally everywhere. And speaking of,” She turned to her father again, not nearly done. “Leaving your teenage kids to throw a party with booze? What the hell were you thinking? I know you’re old but Jesus Christ, there were literally people flying around in here. It’s a miracle there wasn’t a noise violation. An even bigger one that no one got seriously hurt because Pierre was just giving out shots left right and center. When he wasn’t off fucking someone-”

“Hey!” Pierre started, but Agnes wasn’t done yet. That bit of uplifting that Chip had given her last night? It inspired her. A lot.

“I’m not even really going to start with you, bro, because you’re not going to change. You all really need to sort out your priorities.”

A loud yawn from the top of the stairs made even her quiet. Munro shuffled down the stairs, his clothes stiff from the pool water. He made his way down the stairs, fully dressed, and noticed the family. “Uhh - got any orange juice?”

“Him too?”

“Yup. Big threesome.” Agnes said. “Also lots of alcohol, lots of cocaine, lots of .. of crack. And guns. So many guns. Just look at all the bulletholes!”

“Oh shit, you could have at least woken me up for that,” Munro said, finally realizing he was walking into something. Clearly he wouldn’t have been put into Pegasus if he had gone to the Magisterium.

Phoebus let out sounds. They sort of sounded like words but it was hard to tell exactly. The only thing that she made out was ‘Grounded’.

“Gladly!” Agnes said back. “I’ll just ground myself actually. I’ll start staying at the school on weekends too, how about that?”

“Good!” Phoebus said back.

“Great!” Agnes said, and stomped her way up the stairs, the cereal forgotten. Literal smoke was coming out of her ears, she was so angry. She even just left Munro to the wolves down there, but he was sneaky. He’d be able to find his way out.

Fig must have snuck out since they weren’t in Agnes’s room and she was alone. She slammed and locked the door, then sat on her bed, fingers running over the notches that Chip had made.

Last night had been so worth the arguments - even if she felt that the arguments themselves were fucking stupid. Hypocrites, every single one. It was hard to be the sane one in the family.

#Pierre #Agnes #Esmeralda #Phoebus

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darby-writes-stuff · 5 years ago

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2 ineffable husband :3

“Little demonic miracle of my own.” Crowley stuck his arm out, handing Aziraphale back his leather bag stuffed with semi-prophetic books.

Aziraphale took the handle, their hands brushing, and his heart nearly popped like a balloon in his chest. He almost missed Crowley offering a lift home, he felt as though he were on an entirely different plane of existence. He saved the books. He saved MY books. I didn’t even ask him to.

Just how long have I been in love with him?

The realization hit with the force of… well, a bomb, but that seems slightly in bad taste. Aziraphale followed Crowley to his car in a daze, sitting down and mulling over his thoughts. Memories flood back to his mind, memories of the exile of Adam and Eve, memories of the Ark and the crucifixion, of Rome and France and Shakespeare and Agreements and fights and it’s as if a bright spotlight has been cast upon these memories, amplifying the small things and casting shadows on things that he had never realized before.

I love him and he loves me too.

And then he was knocked out of his head and into full gear, Crowley slamming on the accelerator and flinging them both down the streets of London at- Aziraphale stole a glance at the speedometer- 110 miles an HOUR?! Aziraphale gripped his bag close to himself, looking at the demon who was sure to cause his untimely discorporation. Was every car ride going to be like this?

The benefit of Crowley nearly breaking the sound barrier was the quick arrival he made to Aziraphale’s bookshop, and it was then that Aziraphale realized he had to get out. He had to leave, potentially not seeing Crowley again for another 100 years, maybe even more.

Aziraphale and Crowley stepped out of the car and made their way up to the door of the shop. Aziraphale put his hand on the doorknob but did not turn it. He took a deep breath and looked to his companion. “Crowley, would you… Would you stay here tonight?”

Crowley was visibly taken aback. He sputtered a bit before finding his words. “I’m- I’m sorry, what?”

“I’m sorry, it’s probably highly inappropriate,” Aziraphale said, twisting the ring on his pinky. “I just thought, what with the whole… air raid and thousands losing their lives, I thought I would offer you somewhere to stay safe.” He broke eye contact, looking down at the bag of books. “I’d hate to see something happen to you.”

Crowley was silent before huffing. “I’ll be fine, angel, nothing’s going to happen.”

Aziraphale nodded, putting his hand back on the doorknob and opening the door. “Of course. Be safe.”

Crowley returned the nod and turned to leave, and something inside of Aziraphale must have snapped or flipped the self-preservation switch into the off position, because he quickly put his book bag down and ran back to Crowley’s side, planting a small peck on his cheek. “Thank you.”

And he retreated into his bookshop, locking the door behind himself and leaning against it.

And then he tells him he goes too fast. He tells him he goes too fast because he knows what they have. He knows what’s between them, but he can’t risk it, he can’t risk it all no matter how much he wants, and he wants. But he can’t, and so he doesn’t. He hopes Crowley understands.

Aziraphale disposed of the uncomfortable fake teeth with a snap of his fingers and took a seat in a wooden chair in a small shack on the edge of the Dowling estate. Crowley removed her heeled boots and unpinned her hair, letting it fall around her shoulders in crimson waves. It took all Aziraphale had not to run his hand through it.

Crowley lets out a deep sigh as she sits across from Aziraphale, finally relaxing. “Dark Lord, whoever invented those things deserves a promotion.” She pointed to the boots lying haphazardly on the floor.

Aziraphale poured two glasses of wine, holding one out to Crowley and smiling. “Dear girl, I believe that was you.”

“I know what I said,” she threw back without any bite before sipping her wine. “Those things give me blisters to rival the plagues.” She groaned, sinking down in her chair. “Walking back is going to be a nightmare.”

Aziraphale shook his head. “You can get rid of them pretty easily, can’t you?”

“That takes all the fun out of it.” She pulled a stocking-clad foot up into her lap, feeling through the fabric for blisters.

“Well, if you must, you can stay here tonight.” He sipped his wine then put the glass down. “I only keep the bed to keep up appearances, I don’t use it.”

There was silence, then the sound of a loud zip. Aziraphale looked over and saw Crowley putting her boots back on. Aziraphale rushed to his feet and opened his mouth to speak but Crowley put a hand up. “Don’t. I have a room back in the estate, it’s not that far of a walk.” She zipped up her other boot and retrieved her hair pin. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

And she shut the door behind her, the slightest remnant of purple lipstick on the rim of her barely touched glass being the only thing alluding to her having been there in the first place.

And then, THEN he told Crowley he didn’t even like him! Which Crowley immediately sniped down, but Aziraphale seemed bent on reassuring him of the fact that they weren’t even friends. They both knew it was a lie. So why did he let Crowley walk away under the impression that Aziraphale has never spared a thought to the demon in the same way he has for the angel?

And now, the bus ride back to London is quiet. Partly because they have just, you know, ended the apocalypse and that takes a while to unpack. Partly because they have their fingers interlaced with each other, and that’s the longest they’ve held physical contact since… ever.

When the bus stops, Crowley lets go of the angel’s hand and leads him up to his flat, fumbling with the keys and throwing the door open. He takes Aziraphale into the living room, flopping himself down onto the grey couch. “I’ve earned another century-long nap.”

“Crowley, I really don’t… I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be here.” Aziraphale fidgets with his hands, fear and panic doing the same to his stomach.

“Oh, come on, angel. They won’t bother us tonight, they need to make sure all their heavenly soldiers are appeased. Sit.” He pats the couch but Aziraphale stays put.

“They- they could come after you, or me, or both of us, they’d get us both.”

“I won’t let that happen.” Crowley throws his legs back over the couch and stands, walking over to Aziraphale. “I’ve got protections put up already, nothing and no one is getting in.”

Aziraphale’s vision goes blurry, tears spilling out onto his cheeks. “But- But what if they-”

“Aziraphale, please.” Crowley’s voice cracks, and that’s what forces Aziraphale’s attention onto him, even through the tears. He steps closer and wipes his angel’s tears away, keeping his hand on his cheek. “Please, just… stay here tonight.”

Aziraphale is silent, then he nods and whispers. “Of course.”

Crowley plants a kiss on his forehead and pulls him close. “We’ll figure this out. I promise you, we’ll figure this out, Agnes knew what she was doing.”

They spend the night planning, talking, and just being near each other, and in the morning when Crowley shuts the door behind him with Aziraphale’s hands, he leaves a kiss goodbye on his own cheek.

And then they win. They tricked them, they’re free now. They’re free to go on walks, to have picnics, to dine at the Ritz, and when Aziraphale looks at Crowley and they toast to the world, they know it’s all worth it.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #fanfiction #ficlet #crowley #aziraphale #anthony j crowley #a/c #it may be a little rough but i very much enjoyed writing it! the formatting may be Fucked though

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miss-musings · 5 years ago

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Four episodes into this season and The Blacklist is already in a slump

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed getting these Aram-centric and Cooper-centric episodes back-to-back, but I sadly feel like it’s too little, too late. The show has punted these characters to the side for so long to focus on the Red/Liz drama, that now that we’re actually getting some character development out of them it’s like ????

I guess the Aram thing kind of made sense, since the big thing for him last season was losing Samar. So, as annoying as it was, I guess it made sense to see him starting to get over her and get a little adventure of his own, since Liz and Ressler have to do so much of the heavylifting when it comes to undercover work, etc.

But, the Cooper thing is just so hard to handle. I really liked his little bits of development in early Season 6, when Red was in prison, and Cooper was having to decide whether it was worth trying to save his life. That’s the kind of introspection that really worked to give him a personality and a character, given that he’s been shunted into the background so much since ... ever. Harry Lennix is so vastly underused on this show, and I really appreciate that he got a chance to shine in tonight’s “Kuwait,” but I feel like it’s a hack way to give him some character development. It was so out of the blue and so forced. Ugh.

Here’s maybe a good way to describe it:

Earlier today, I went to the grocery store to get a few things. Since it’s been getting colder, I’ve been making hot chocolate a lot lately, but I never buy milk, because I don’t really drink it. So, I use water, which isn’t as good for cocoa-making. When I went shopping I decided to get a half-gallon of milk, which -- as I said -- is unusual for me. It’s like “Oh, I have milk in the house now..... okay.” I have it so rarely, that when I do, it’s really an adjustment.

That’s what Cooper’s character development was tonight. We get it so rarely, that it’s kind of like “Okay.... what do I do with this???”

Again, I wish Lennix got more to work with than just bland nonsense most weeks, but this is not the best way to give Cooper character development.

Also, I gotta say that I saw the whole “Hutton is the Simoon” thing a mile away. The minute Hutton said “the Simoon” and Cooper said “He’s been an intel leak in the Middle East for years,” I swear I did a ‘look into the camera like I’m Jim on the Office’ maneuver, because that was super obvious.

The whole ‘Katarina as Liz’s neighbor’ thing continues to bug the eff out of me. It’d be great if we had a sense that the show will eventually go the ‘Liz knew it was KR all along route,’ but I think we all know that isn’t going to be the case. No hate toward Laila Robbins, who seems to be a great actress, but I do hate KR so much in the present-day appearances we’ve had from her so far. I enjoy the KR in the flashbacks infinitely more, but Robbins’ KR -- IDK what it is, but I can’t stand the character. I think it’s partly because she’s so disingenuous and is never sincere. The few times I’ve thought “Okay, maybe she’s not so bad” is whenever she’s talking to Liz about wanting to reach out to her daughter. THAT’s the only part that seems sincere, but even that appears to come and go. I felt like when KR first met Liz and Agnes in the hallway in 7x02 that she really didn’t care about them, and almost looked at them with contempt. But, who knows. I’m sure it’s all mega-complicated, and we’ll get some bullshit explanation as to why in the mid/season finale and/or premiere.

One last little bit of food-for-thought is that I’ve been rewatching Once Upon a Time recently, which is a show that I watched the pilot when it first aired in 2011, and basically watched Seasons 1-5 as they were airing. I fell off after the Season 5 finale, and never really watched Seasons 6 or 7. And, as I’ve been rewatching Season 1 and now Season 2 on Netflix, I’ve been going back and re-reading Lily Sparks’ reviews on TV.com, which I read as the episodes were first airing in 2011 onward.

And, I have to say that my viewing experience at the time the episodes first aired -- which Lily captures in her reviews -- is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO different than rewatching the series now. It’s partly because I already know where the show is going -- even if I don’t remember all the little plot points and small details from episode-to-episode. But it’s also because NOW I’m able to watch them 2 or 3 or 4 episodes at a time, in a single day, and watch another few episodes the next day or a few days later. I’m not having to wait for a new one every single week.

And, as I’ve learned from re-reading Lily’s reviews, that makes a HUGE difference. Lily often complains about how the show moves at a snail’s pace, and we have to wait forever to get little crumbs of backstory or revelation or how annoying it is that the characters continue to point to a bigger story arc that hasn’t been revealed to us, the audience, yet. (ie, plot coupons). And she often half-jokingly, half-serious says that nothing happens on the show outside of mid/season premieres and finales. (Sound familiar?)

I honestly wonder whether I would feel this way if five years from now, I started rewatching The Blacklist from the very beginning in 2-4 episode increments. Would I also feel that the show was dragging its knuckles and treading water in between finales and premieres? Or would watching more episodes in a single sitting and with shorter intervals in between help me overlook so many of the flaws I believe it has?

TBL, I think, is a show that seems to lend itself better to multiple episodes in a sitting. Whenever we had those back-to-back episodes in the latter half of S6 this winter, I thought that was a much more enjoyable watching experience than something like tonight’s eyeroll fest. If it was a show that was like Stranger Things, where Netflix dropped all the episodes at once, so people could watch it at their own pace, I think it would help us to see more of the good and less of the bad. But, because we have to wait an entire week in between episodes, sometimes we’re more prone to be disappointed than satisfied when that Friday’s episode is over and we have to wait ANOTHER week for the next one. In a manner of speaking, it feels like we’re living off breadcrumbs that we get a week at a time.

I have a friend who binge-watches the Blacklist whenever a new season is uploaded to Netflix, and while he is also frustrated with the show, he seems to less frustrated than I am with it. I feel like I’m constantly complaining about it between September/October and May, and he gets a three-week span in August or whatever where he’s like “Yeah, this show is really weird.”

In any case, it’s just food for thought. As much as I’d like to, I don’t think I can wait until August or whenever for S7 to be uploaded to Netflix. I’d tear my hair out wondering what’s been going on with the show, and plus, being on Tumblr is just asking for spoilers, even with blacklisting tags.

And, for the record, I really hope S7 is the last. I don’t want this show to get an eighth season (or if it does, maybe it could be an abbreviated 13-episode one). It’s already overstayed its welcome, I feel like it’s a vampire or some other monster -- draining the life-force out of me until I’m old and tired and don’t have the energy to invest in a stupid hour-long drama on network television anymore.

I mean, it really says a lot that -- earlier today -- I was more excited about next week’s Good Place episode than I was about tonight’s Blacklist one. My interest in this show is taking a sharp nose-dive, and “Kuwait” honestly didn’t help much with that. And, the promos for next week look equally snooze-worthy.

I guess I really just need to find something better to do with my Friday nights and then just watch the episodes on the NBC app later, since this show seems determined to slump only four episodes into the season.

#the blacklist #nbc the blacklist #lizzington #raymond reddington #masha rostova #liz keen #elizabeth keen #reddington #katarina rostova #donald ressler #harold cooper #aram mojtabai #tbl #tbl spoilers #the blacklist spoiers #nbc the blacklist spoilers #blacklist #james spader

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thelifeofkaiblog · 5 years ago

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Tomorrow will be a game changer.

•*•*• 16th December 2019 •*•*•

My dad’s mum “Agnes” (85ish) has been emotionally abusive for 50+ years. She had 3 kids: A, B and C. My dad is B and the other two are his sisters (one 2 years older, one 2 years younger). A was her favourite, then C, then Dad. She was deliberately intimidating, very strict, Never happy with him and told him he’d always be useless. A could almost never do anything wrong in her eyes and C got a level of it somewhere between my dad and A.

All 3 had 2 children each. A had “Abbie” (26) and “Aaron” (23). B had me (24) and my brother (21). C had “Carly” (26) and “Celia” (21). Abbie, Aaron and Carly are all joint favourites of Agnes. Then Celia and my brother are next. I’m not even on the board. I don’t know why, but she has always been nasty to me whenever we visited.

She also spoke down to me about my mum and almost tried to make my dad leave her, saying she “trapped” him by getting pregnant with me when they had only known each other for a few months. Even though she had never said she was proud of my dad or even liked him, she still didn’t think my mum was good enough - I think she meant not good enough to be linked to her, rather than not good enough for her son that she didn’t treat very well. I’d say that’s partly why she doesn’t like me, but she has been fine with my brother.

Growing up, we saw her once or twice a year. My dad’s dad “Benny” was nice enough, but her being horrible to me and cold to my mum put us off going. When I was about 12, my Mum stopped going to see them completely, aside from the rare family gathering with A, C and their families. None of my cousins liked me. Aaron and Celia were close, as were Abbie and Carly, but my brother and I were outsiders - though Celia and Aaron were nicer to him than Carly and Abbie were to me. They became bitchy as teenagers and have stayed that way ever since - even my parents find them unpleasant. Celia was lovely, until she hit 15 and started becoming like the other two. Aaron seems to be the only one fairly happy to talk to us when we’re there, though he doesn’t really talk to me.

A is one of those people who puts on a nice exterior, but is quite snobby and looks down on you - like a subtler version of Agnes. C is a bit blunt with her thoughts and feelings, but she’s a pretty nice person. She seems to have a genuine interest in me on the rare occasion we see her, which is refreshing.

Aside from 31st May this year, I hadn’t seen any of them since Benny’s funeral in September 2017. Since I was 13 or 14, my parents gave me a choice whether or not to visit Agnes and Benny because of how Agnes treated me - though my dad was in denial, but my mum wasn’t. She said it’s not fair to force me to go through that every time, even if it was just once or twice a year. Agnes would send birthday and Christmas cards to me, like she would to the others, but she always treated me badly in person and I wasn’t allowed to say anything because it would come back to bite my dad.

On 31st May, I decided to give her a chance, as she was a widow and I was hoping she may have softened a bit with age. I should have known better. She ignored me for the first couple of hours, only talking to my dad and brother - but that was expected and I called my nan (Mum’s mum) to vent and I explained that I’d mentally prepared a speech, just in case she went off on me. My nan told me to try to get through it and stay “invisible”, which was already my plan, so it’s what I did. My nan knows Agnes hasn’t been nice to me, but she didn’t realise how nasty she was - it was mostly denial because my nan tries to ignore the bad in people.

Agnes, my dad, my brother and I went to a pub for lunch. Pub portions are often big. When my brother ate all of his, she said nothing. When my dad left some, she said nothing. When I left a little, she had a dig at me. If I’d have eaten it all, she’d have had a dig at me. I just tried to ignore her. I told my dad in private and he asked if I was sure she’d said something. For once, my brother backed me up and said she did. My dad told me we wouldn’t stay with her much longer, so to try to ignore her.

We got back to her house and she finally started talking to me. She asked about my job. My dad hadn’t given her the heads up that I had to leave my job when my health deteriorated. I sat there like a deer in headlights, not knowing what to say. I looked at my dad, hoping he’d take over, but he didn’t. I explained why I’d had to leave - more frequent chronic pain flare ups and one started up at work (incredibly painful and embarrassing) that lasted on and off for seven days. My doctor wrote me off as indefinitely too ill to work because I was in pain most days, with no pattern, so no reliability for work.

She scoffed and essentially tore into me about how she believes my health problems are all because I’m 7 stone overweight. She didn’t even have to shout it, she was just pushing it on to me. I was gobsmacked and had no idea what say. I looked to my dad and brother, who were both on their phones. I was desperate for one of them to intervene and tell her to shut up. They did nothing. I was being hounded by her about my weight, as though I hadn’t just told her my doctor has signed me off for genuine illnesses and conditions that I’d had for a long time.

I couldn’t hold it in any more. I was holding back tears and I politely, but firmly told her that she had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, she was not a doctor and I was tired of her always picking on me. She denied it, but I told her I’d had enough because she’d been doing it my whole life and I wasn’t going to take it any more. I stood up, turned to my dad and asked him why he was letting her do this to me. I asked him for the car keys and said I’d wait in the car until he was ready to leave. She tried to stop me, but I shrugged her off and told her to leave me alone, then I locked myself in the car.

My dad spoke to her in the house and came out to tell me she was bothered that she’d upset me, but he understood. I told him I felt betrayed that he hadn’t said anything to stand up for me. I cried the 2 hour drive home and, when I got home, my mum was really disappointed that my dad hadn’t intervened. It’s been 7 months and Agnes still hasn’t apologised or called to check on me. My dad has seen her a few times since, so she’s had chances, but she’s convinced she’s right. She’s done more damage than she could ever imagine and doesn’t care. I’m expendable.

A few days ago, she sent Christmas money, as usual. I told my dad I don’t feel comfortable accepting it because of everything she’s done. He understood, but said he wouldn’t said it back because it would be rude. I decided to write her a letter explaining why I didn’t want to accept it and that I’d be happy to explain about my health if she promises to be open-minded. I showed it to my parents to get their approval before sending it. The ball will be in her court once it arrives tomorrow. She either apologised and genuinely makes up for it, or I cut her out of my life. I feel more free, now that I’ve sent it. She doesn’t deserve another chance, but I’m giving her one for my dad’s sake. I just hope Agnes or his older sister don’t give him crap about it. I don’t think his younger sister would because she knows what their mum is like, even if she didn’t get it like I have.

This is my letter....

“Dear _______,

I find this letter hard to write because I’m worried it won’t be given a fair chance, but I have something important to say. I truly appreciate the money you have generously sent me for Christmas, but I am reluctant to accept it.

All I have ever wanted from you is acceptance and understanding. I don’t want the last time we speak to be negative, but I also can’t subject myself to any more insensitive judgement. The illnesses and disabilities I have, along with the constant battle for decent medical care, are difficult enough to deal with, without added negativity from anyone else - especially if they don’t know what I’ve been through and haven’t shown an interest in finding out.

I have always wanted to feel unconditionally loved and supported by you, but the nitpicking whenever I visited has made me feel less than compared to (names redacted - my cousins and brother). Its pushed me away.

I know you may not recognise that you have done this, but my parents have two and keeping the peace meant not saying anything about it for years. You also probably didn’t mean any harm, but it has damaged our relationship and how I feel about myself.

I am very grateful for your gift, but I don’t feel comfortable accepting it. Dad has said he can’t return it, but understands why I’m hesitant to receive it.

If you ever wish to try to understand me and my challenges, I am more than happy to try to explain it, but I’d need you to be open to learning about me without judgement or dismissal. It is much more complex than you believe and I hope you can Sunday accept and acknowledge that because I don’t want this to be the end of our relationship, but I won’t let people hurt me anymore.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a great New Year. Please take care.

Best Wishes,

(My name redacted).

#journal #tlokb #thelifeofkaiblog #letter #last chance #abuse #emotional abuse #family #conflict #health #health issues #illness #disability #hope #new year #christmas #pain #hurt

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strechanadi · 6 years ago

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POB Swan Lake overthinking no. 783

I don’t have time for this, she said. I have to work on actual papers, she said. And here she is, writing shitload of words about another POB Swan Lake, since she’s a respectable, responsible adult human being.

(Dear @spinmelikeyoumeanit, this is purely your fault, please do know I hate you right now. Enjoy the madness and all the mistakes I am far too lazy to correct. If I’d be able to find them in the first place, that is.)

Shockingly enough, I was yet again asked to share my opinions on POB Swan Lake. And we all know the real meaning behind question „what did you think about SL?“ is in POB case „What did you think about Wolfgang/Siegfried relationship?“ Can’t quite believe that after the madness that was 2016 recording, someone think it healthy to let me dive into this once again. But you wanted it, so here we go!

You know, despite my academic title, that was supposed to made me educated in matters of history, theory, aesthetics, and who the hell knows what else of dance, I’m still just 5yo child in a overgrown body deep down. So watching anything on stage I am still very much driven by my feelings, my opinions formed by and based on my liking certain things and disliking others (and by disliking I mean hating – 5yo child, don’t forget that). I am all too well aware of my reviews, critics, even the supposedly professional ones, being strongly personal and not at all objective. (As I think is pretty clear even from bad English translations…) (And let’s not begin with the „is it even possible to write an objective, i.e. unbiased, review at all?“ let’s just… not.) (Because it surely is and it‘s just me, painfully incapable of doing so, and desperately trying to hide my own lameness by saying such things as „it can’t be done, so why wasting time trying?“) (However an essay on me and my way of writing things is absolutely different matter, that no one was asking for, and reasonably so. I’m going to shut up now and maybe even get myself to the point…)

Thinking about yesterday’s performance, there’s one feeling coming back constantly, no matter how valiantly I’m trying to fight it. It’s disappointment. And I HATE it! Partly because – come on, disappointment is not at all something one should feel after watching Nureyev’s POB SL, partly because it’s utterly absurd – the company was in top shape, 2nd and 4th act corps de ballet flawless, Nureyev’s choreography still one of the best I know. And yet…

It’s like I cannot be given POB SL I would like 150%, without questions, without reservations.

Don‘t get me wrong, I love the 2005 recording. It opened my eyes, it made me realize French technique is IT for me, it showed me Karl for the first time and made me fell in love with him (and with Wolfgang) the second he stepped on stage in prologue (if anybody ever tells you love at first sight doesn’t exist, well…). I utterly loved Agnes as Odette/Odile and after few years I realized I actually adore the costumes, the faded colours, the weirdly dreamy atmosphere. But even though I got to understand José Martinez and his interpretation of Siegfried at the end (like after 3 years, never said I was the brightest one), I still felt there’s something missing for me to be completely happy. (But then again, there was Karl the-best-Wolfgang-one-could-ever-hope-for Paquette, and that alone could make me happy for days!)

Knowing me you are probably a bit confused right now, because hello, you were obsessing over 2016 recording for literal weeks, you wrote utterly mad review on it AND another positively deranged essay on main characters, you were clearly unable to shut up about it for even 5 seconds, so what the hell are talking about now, not being 150% happy with any SL recording so far. Well yes, I got to see Siegfried I loved embarrassingly much, and Wolfgang/Rothbart that worked so well with him, that I was almost able to forget Karl (for exactly 27 seconds or so), but then there was Amandine, whose Odette was just… well… eh, nothing special, and as minor issue as it may seems, it still left the faintest bitter taste somewhere deep, deep down, thanks to which I simply couldn’t make myself to say – yes, this is the best Swan Lake of all Swan Lakes I’ve ever seen and you all should just stop with whatever you are doing right now and go watch it (even thought it was one of the best Swan Lakes I’ve ever seen and you all should stop with whatever you are doing right now and go watch it).

And now, now I got Odette/Odile with personality and strong charisma again, Wolfgang that is still more Rothbart that anything else, but that I got used to. And Siegfried, who I fucking hate. There. My inner child strikes again. In full force.

Honestly, Germain was my biggest disappointment. And kind of the only one, thinking about it now. It’s rather ridiculous, dismiss the whole performance because of one character, isn’t it? And that character being Siegfried. It’s not like there are not quite few SL with a bit boring princes, right? It’s kind of expected, not that shocking, is it? But hell – if I love Nureyev’s ballets it’s because he’s given his male heroes more time, more space, more dance, more personality. If I love Nureyev’s SL it’s because of Siegfried being the main character (and because of Wolfgang/Rothbart, because of corps de ballet, because of many other things, but you get my point, surely). This SL demands much from its main hero, and is not forgiving. Or maybe in reality it is and the unforgiving bitch is me. And rest assured I am. I love Siegfried. I love his character, the possibilities the dancer’s given in interpretation and I fucking love his variations. And Germain kind of killed everything, or almost everything for me. It is personal, of course it is, how it cannot be? But one just couldn’t mess one of the most beautiful variations ever made and expect I’d be just, you know what, whatever, your feet were pointed, your 5th position perfect, your technique overall crystal clear, and you are pretty, so who cares? Who cares about interpretation? Who cares about how it seems you have no idea, what you were doing 5minutes ago, what you are doing now and where your character is heading? God, Germain, please, this Siegfried is not just some other prince. He’s so much more than that. You could do practically anything with his character, built it the way you want, the way you are, the way you believe. Just use that pretty head of yours and what’s inside!

There were moments in act 1 (that, let’s be clear, sets the mood for the whole thing), that were promising. I loved what a child Siegfried was, how eager he was to pleased Wolfgang, what an adorable little puppy he could be. (And what is it with me and puppies lately?! First Armand, then one of Bourne’s princes, now Germain, when does this stop? I should choose different animal, seriously. Or different comparison altogether…), but the more promising these moments were – like the one, where Siegfried was looking at Wolfgang as (and I cannot describe it in any other way) a blushing virgin, which, and I swear, made me screamed so loud it could be heard across the ocean! - the more frustrating the outcome.

As I said yesterday, Germain’s Siegfried was like 5yo. You can tell just by looking at him the moment Wolfgang stopped him from following the other boys. I kind of expected Siegfried’s going to stamp his feet or something equally mature :D (but he just went and killed off my favourite variation) (I cannot watch it without screaming, so don’t make me just so you would know what exactly I found problematic).

If anything, his interpretation was simply incoherent. All right, you decided to portray your prince as a child, so pure, so clueless, fine. But if the only thing you can do is one smile, it’s too little, and it is really hard to make your character convincing and not simply annoying after 5 minutes. (Yeah, we got it, you are dreamy, starry eyed kid, cool, could you maybe do something different now? ANYTHING?) But OK. Still could work. But then there’s Siegfried’s variation at the end of act 1. And suddenly you are acting like the teenage prince who is about to marry, who is forced to become and adult and who is scared and has his doubts and all that, but – there was exactly NOTHING before in your way of building your character, that would justify such change. No self-doubt during whole act. None. Zero. Who are you trying to convince now? It’s not going to work all of sudden! And then, another ultimate favourite part of mine – Siegfried/Wolfgang duet. And Siegfried is yet again his unsuspecting, depending, pure baby self. And reading this, you may think, OK, well it could make sense, don’t be such a bitch about it. But it didn’t make sense. The whole interaction had so much potential from Francois‘ part and almost nothing from Germain in return (apart from his perfectly perfect legs – I swear, should he spent as much time thinking about his character as much as he seemed to be thinking about his technique, what an interpretation we could‘ve seen)!

Someone on twitter or somewhere said Germain did his variations beautifully, but they looked more like from concours, than from an actual performance. And that’s exactly it. Not just he became all melancholic out of blue, but the second he was about to do a sissone or a pirouette or a developpé or anything, he was all about technique, about pointed feet, about jump higher and I wanted to scream (so I did).

What hurts me the most is knowing it really, truly could have made sense. Were Germain’s presence more genuine, more real… (or at least consistent!)

Francois was his usual self as Wolfgang. Still more Rothbart in disguise (*sigh* I want Karl *more pathetic sigh*), smug smile on his face the entire time (I caught myself smirking with him, so he did something right, I’d say) (or maybe I’m just a bad person who would love too much to play with this Siegfried and make him suffer without him even knowing what’s going on) (I told you he was annoying, didn’t I?), he was aware of his power, he was using it freely, enjoying himself (maybe in a bit more reserved manner than in 2016, more for his sake, than for show, even though he could probably laugh at Siegfried’s face and the prince would still run to him happily). And there was Siegfried, all wide eyes, unguarded smiles, so out of touch with anything he physically needed Wolfgang to hold his hand to take him here and there (at one moment pretty disturbing idea crossed my mind – how it would be easier for Wolfgang to just have a leash… I sincerely apologize for my brain, I’d like to say it’s not my fault, truly, but it most probably is.)

Honestly – it was far too easy for Wolfgang this time. This Siegfried believed him implicitly, without question, without doubt, completely, unreservedly, with everything he has, while having no idea, while being completely unaware of a single thing going on around him, not to mention with him. Their relationship was (or could have been) (sorry, inner child, remember) even more uncomfortable, with all those touches literally all over prince’s body – his bare neck, his chest, his arms, his hands, and yet there was anything remotely sexual (not even intimately intimate – if it makes sense) between them. Which was a good thing, because that would be pure child’s pornography…

In act 4, Francois‘ Rothbart was positively mad. Like cartoon villain mad. And it is so not for me… (give me Karl, please, give me all his performances, and if it’s too much, give me just his 4 acts, that’s all I would ever ask for, pretty, pretty, pretty please with the whole cherry tree on top)

You know me (well you don’t, but you do in a way, which is terrifying and I hope you all have already come to terms with me have to kill you some day), I love looking for things, for meaning of this and that, analysing every tiny bit of one interaction between characters (i.e. overthinking everything and making up more and more insane theories) (this applies on ballet only, I’m literally unable to see anything that is not canon in literature/tv shows/films/whatever, so if I had the misfortune of stumble over fandom of one thing or another, I’m more often than not at loss for what the people are talking about, but that is probably just my own autism showing…) – but with this SL, this Siegfried, I had to try unreasonably hard to see something. And that’s simply wrong. The (over)analysing should be an outcome of pure need, that was brought into life by strong emotions you felt while watching something, it should come naturally. There should be no effort, no trying… It’s quite easy – heart, then mind. If there’s nothing in your heart in the first place, why bother your poor, overworked brain with it? While it probably doesn’t even exist. It doesn’t make sense.

So to sum this whole SL up, here you have my ultimate conclusion:

Siegfried wasn’t just autistic, he had serious mental affliction. I mean, weren’t Wolfgang right sadistic bastard, he could tell Siegfried to jump out of window, be done with it and spare himself all the effort.

And since it’s 3.30 AM again, I’m going to bed. To sleep. Not watching Siegfried variations when they were perfect and therefore the world still made sense… (God, it is I who have mental affliction!)

#ballet #swan lake #le lac des cygnes #overthinking #who needs sleep anyway #I clearly hate myself #woohoo!!!#also I'm clearly Karl-deprived #looking at you POB!

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eaglechica19 · 8 years ago

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THEORY: DID RED STAGE LIZZIE’S KIDNAPPING FROM THE SUMMER PALACE AS A CHILD?

AND IS HER TRUE MEMORY OF THE FIGHT THE NIGHT OF THE FIRE ACTUALLY BETWEEN RED AND HER FATHER, AND NOT BETWEEN HER PARENTS, AS WE’VE BEEN LED TO BELIEVE?...

(THUS MAKING RED PARTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEATHS OF LIZZIE’S PARENTS AND FORCING HIM TO TAKE ON HER DEAD FATHER’S IDENTITY TO PROTECT HER?)

For the last few seasons I have been trying to figure out exactly who kidnapped Lizzie as a child and took her to the United States. I have always gone back and forth between thinking it was Red who took her from Katerina and the idea that it was her father who took her. But after learning the story of Hans Van Houser in last week’s episode, I have come to believe that they were both somehow part of the abduction.

This theory, like all of my other ones, is based on information from Red himself, stories from side characters connected to Red, as well as from various Blacklister plots that parallel the overall myth arc of the series.

If you’re interested in my ramblings, please continue reading and like always, if you can dispute it, or have questions, or something to add, please don’t hesitate to join the discussion!

Fair warning again... this may crash your tumblr phone app, so I advice opening it on a tablet or computer...

If you’re here, then thank you for humoring me. This theory is not completely written out and explained, as we still do not have all of the facts to fill in the blanks, but I believe it has enough substance to at least be considered as plausible. So before we begin, I will lay out exactly what I believe in regards to this theory, and then attempt to provide ‘evidence’ to back up my claims. And here they are...

MY BELIEFS

Red and Lizzie’s father may have worked together to steal little Lizzie away from Katerina while she was at the Summer Palace.

The kidnapping was possibly staged by Red in order to ‘create a problem’ for Katerina that he could then help ‘fix.’ (I believe it was also staged in the hopes that it would draw Katerina to America and expose her as a double agent.)

Red was working for Katerina, and unbeknownst to her, he was undercover for the United States government during that time and was spying on her, and possibly Lizzie’s father.

Red and Katerina had a close working relationship, filled with respect, empathy, and and even a type of trust for one another, even if they were in actuality enemies due to their respective nationalities given the time period in history.

Red’s real daughter is dead, and her name was Elizabeth. I think her name was given to Lizzie at some point before the night of the fire, and that this is possibly what led to her death.

The memory Lizzie has of her parents fighting the night of the fire is fraudulent and was planted by Dr. Krilov and Red over twenty years ago. The real memory is the one we were first shown in ‘Luther Braxton, Part II,’ of her father and Red fighting in the hallway. (I believe this fight was staged by Red and her father in order to accomplish something, perhaps to help Red gain Katerina’s trust.)

The fight went horribly wrong and led to Lizzie killing her father.

Red then carried Lizzie out of the fire before Katerina then whisked her away to Kate and Sam.

Red has felt guilt over the fact that Lizzie killed her father because of the staged fight and has been trying to make it up to her ever since. That is why he made it his mission to ‘become’ Raymond Reddington after Lizzie’s father died.

Lizzie’s real father’s remains just may be the ones inside the suitcase that Tom is now in possession of.

RED AND LIZZIE’S FATHER PLOTTED TOGETHER TO ABDUCT LIZZIE

I believe that at the very least, Lizzie’s father was involved in her abduction, just like we’re told in the show. I also believe that it’s possible that Red may have had something to do with it as well, but this remains to be seen.

The first indication that Red was involved in Lizzie’s abduction as a child came about during 'The Cyprus Agency.' In that episode, Red talks to Lizzie about abducted children and how difficult it is to physically transport them and reestablish them somewhere else with a new identity. He is talking about the actual logistics of accomplishing something like that.

He tells Lizzie, “The Cyprus Agency is in the abduction business. The don't locate kids for adoption. They steal them and adopt them out to new parents. And moving stolen children is difficult. There's copious amounts of paperwork.” Lizzie surmises, “They're using a forger.” Red confirms this, stating, “One of the best, but I'm biased. He's one of my best.”

So in this exchange we learned that Red apparently has had experience in the past with the relocation of children. And since most of the Blacklisters have an underlying parallel story that is similar to the overall myth arc of the show, it seems safe to assume that Red's experience dealt specifically with stolen children.

The next clue that either Red or Lizzie’s father (or both) were possibly involved in Lizzie's abduction as a child came during the episode 'The Caretaker.' In this episode, we learn about a man who kidnapped a young girl from her father after witnessing the man physically assaulting the child.

At the end of the episode, we see Red burn a letter that he had intended to go to Lizzie upon his death.

The letter contained a secret that Red wanted Lizzie to know, but was apparently too afraid to tell her while he was still alive. After Lizzie tells Red near the end of the episode that some things are beyond forgiveness, he becomes scared and burns the letter. Thus Red's plan for Lizzie to ever find out the truth seems all but abandoned at this point.

It just seems too purposeful that we hear the story of a man kidnapping a child (with the child then finding out the truth about her abduction) and then shortly afterwards see Red burning a letter that contains some sort of secret he intended for Lizzie for it to be a coincidence.

A less obvious clue that Red was possibly involved in Lizzie’s abduction could be construed from the entire story arc of Kate helping Lizzie, Agnes, (and Tom) run away from Red during the Alexander Kirk story line.

Kate tells Red that her decision to help Lizzie fake her death and run away was made with the very best of intentions, fully believing that she was helping to keep Lizzie safe. Kate explained to Red that she viewed him as the biggest threat to Lizzie’s safety and life, and hence took it upon herself to make the ultimate decision of what was best for Lizzie... without considering the consequences.

And for those that argue that ultimately it was Lizzie who decided to fake her death and run away, I would argue that that is only half true. Kate only approached Lizzie with the idea of faking her death once the situation was completely spiraling out of control. Instead of bringing this idea up to Lizzie months earlier, as she easily could have, she waited until Lizzie had been attacked at the church, hurt in a car accident, and her baby was in a possible medical emergency. Feeling out of options, scared, and more than likely willing to listen to any advice coming her way, Lizzie would have been much more susceptible to listening to Kate’s plan than she probably would have been at any other time. Kate took complete advantage of that knowledge and used it to sway Lizzie towards what she thought was best for her.

On the plane back from Cuba after losing both Lizzie and Agnes, Tom tells Kate that she has nothing to apologize for, that she was trying “to help us [Lizzie, Tom, and Agnes] find a normal life.” He continues, telling Red, “I don’t regret trying to get away from you.” Red snidely retorts back, “Of course you don’t. Regret requires age or wisdom.” Tom explains that, “we were trying to protect Agnes.” And again, Red dryly remarks, “I guess that didn’t work out.”

Once back on the main land, Kate again tries to explain her decision to Red, stating yet again that she believed that Red’s “existence in their [Lizzie and Agnes] lives puts them in constant danger.”

She also tells Tom in the car that she ultimately betrayed Red to help Agnes, and no one else, including him.

At the end of the episode, Red tells Kate her biggest mistake was in “presum[ing] to decide what was best for me. And yet, I know you believe what you did was best for Elizabeth.”

Red again states that he knows Kate’s intentions, however misguided, were pure, in ‘The Debt Collector’ while talking to Dembe. Red tells Dembe on the ship, ��She was wrong to think Elizabeth and her child were safer without me in their lives. But in the end, she was... she did what she did out of love for the little girl she swore to protect what seems like a lifetime ago.”

I think this entire story is simply one big easter egg in regards to Lizzie’s original abduction as a child. Red’s comments to Tom about him lacking the wisdom or age to have made the correct choice sounds like it is coming from his own past experiences in a similar situation. His comments to Kate about understanding her belief that she was doing the right thing for Lizzie also speaks volumes. Kate’s ultimate plan to rescue Lizzie away from the perceived threat - Red - ended in complete disaster, as we saw. The fact that she made the decision for Lizzie only worsens the blow.

I believe this is exactly what Red did all those years ago - I think he was hired by Katerina (in some capacity) to keep Lizzie safe while she was a little girl, just like Kate was. (This would explain Red’s comment to Kate in ‘Requiem’ about their shared bond and interest in Lizzie.)

But I think he viewed Katerina as too dangerous of a threat to Lizzie’s life, and decided for her to take her away to her father in America. His decision to abduct Lizzie from the perceived threat - Katerina - ended with a similar disastrous outcome to this present day version of those events.

His comments to Dembe on the ship in ‘The Debt Collector’ seem to back this belief up, as Red seems to be talking about himself in the above scene just as much as he is talking about Kate. Red even looks up and away, like he is looking into his own past during his speech and the camera lingers on Red for several moments.

Then there is the evidence that Lizzie’s father was involved in her abduction that we hear from both Red and Katerina...

Red tells Lizzie in ‘Lady Ambrosia’ that her “parents loved each other very much. The Cold War was hard. Too hard for your father. When the Soviet Union was collapsing, he took you from her. She gave up everything to follow him. To follow you.”

Katerina confirms this statement in ‘Requiem’ when she tells Kate that a blonde haired man was seen carrying Lizzie off the grounds at the Summer Palace. She believes the man to be her lover, ‘Raymond,’ and states, “I started pulling away. We couldn't continue the way we were. He didn't take it well... He thinks she's his... I know where he's taking her. Home to America.”

Now it’s important to note that just because Katerina refers to her lover as ‘Raymond,’ I do not believe this is Red. If you believe either of the imposter theories - that either Lizzie’s father was Raymond Reddington and Red took his identity the night of the fire, or that Lizzie’s father took Red’s identity at some point before the night of the fire - then the person Katerina knows as her lover ‘Raymond’ simply cannot be the man we know as Red.

It’s also important to know that at this point in the story, we don’t know if it was Lizzie’s father or Red who took her off the grounds. Both Red and Lizzie’s father were apparently blonde, both were married and had a child, and both were American. We also know that Red was at the Summer Palace at this time in some capacity - more than likely in an undercover role and spying on Katerina. Katerina never actually saw Lizzie get abducted. She was simply informed that it was by a blonde man. So it could have been done by either one.

More evidence pointing to Lizzie’s father being the culprit can be seen in the flashback scenes from the night of the fire in ‘Luther Braxton, Part II.’ In that episode we see a man put Lizzie in the closet and hide her with her ‘stuffed’ bunny, telling her not to come out and to remain hidden.

We also have the snippets of conversation between Katerina and Lizzie’s father from those same flashbacks:

Flashback #1

Katerina: “Where is she?” Father: “You should’t be here! You can’t - (garbled)” Katerina: “I’m not leaving without Masha.” Father: “Her name is Elizabeth.” Katerina: “MASHA!” Father: “She’s not going back with you!” Katerina: “You can’t take her (garbled)” Katerina: “…opt to steal her though! (garbled)” Father: “YOU WOULDN’T LET ME SEE HER!” Katerina: “Masha!” Father: “Get out!”

Flashback #2

Katerina: “Did you think you could get away with it? That I wouldn’t find you?!” Father: “Okay, you’re not here for her.”

Flashback #3

Father: “She’s not here.” Katerina: “Did you really think I’d let this happen? That I wouldn’t come for her?” Father: “Hey!” Katerina: “That I wouldn’t find you?”

From these conversations, it seems apparent that at the very least, Lizzie’s father was somehow involved in her abduction.

Then there is the strange ‘tangent’ memory that Lizzie has, of a mysterious man calling out to her at the Christmas tree farm. We never see the man’s face, but he does call her ‘Lizzie,’ the nickname that Red uses for her.

Is this possibly a memory Lizzie has of a short time she had with Red after he helped bring her to America?

All of this ‘evidence’ makes it seem very clear that Lizzie’s father did indeed take her from Katerina and that Red may have been involved as well. Perhaps they believed Katerina and her life was too dangerous for Lizzie to be a part of it. Just like in ‘The Caretaker,’ they took it upon themselves to rescue Lizzie from the situation and brought her to America.

RED CREATED A ‘PROBLEM’ FOR KATERINA IN ORDER TO ‘FIX’ IT

I believe Red helped Lizzie’s father abduct her from the Summer Palace in order to create a problem for Katerina, only to then swoop in and save the day. This may have also been a grand scheme designed with the intent of tricking Katerina into coming to the United States in order to take her into custody and expose her as a double agent.

If Red was working for Katerina somehow, (most likely in an undercover capacity unbeknownst to her) it is possible that he was a trusted advisor/guard/confidant to her. When Lizzie then went missing, a scared and distraught Katerina would have probably turned to Red for help, thus making him invaluable to her.

Red even stated in ‘Philomena’ that the best way to get close to someone and gain their trust is to become a close friend. He explains how Philomena does it: “After studying her subject for weeks, or even months, and acquiring whatever skills she might need along the way, Philomena enters her target’s life as if by mere coincidence, or accident. Philomela’s patience and subtlety are what maker her so credible.”

He also tells the Task Force that Philomena has “elevated the rickety practice of bounty hunting to a sort of, performance art.” And that “one of the most effective ways to retrieve an unwilling target is to slip in under their radar, get close, make a friend...” (The camera is on Red during this scene.)

Is this possibly what Red did? Was he secretly working for the Cabal and was somehow sent in ‘under the radar’ to spy on her?

We know that Katerina and Red went to America to go after Lizzie, her father, and the Fulcrum after she was taken, culminating in the night of the fire. Red admits this to Lizzie in ‘Luther Braxton, Part II’ at the end of the episode. Lizzie asks Red, “You were there, weren’t you?” Red answers her with a simple, “Yes.” Lizzie continues, “There were people with the woman, looking for it. The Fulcrum. You were one of them.” Again, Red admits as much, but warns Lizzie, “It’s not that simple.”

So obviously if Red did help plan Lizzie’s abduction, his scheme worked, as he was present that night with Katerina, meaning she decided to bring him along.

When Lizzie tells Red, “Everyone talks as if she [Katerina] was a terrible person,” in ‘The Troll Farmer,’ and then asks, “Was she?” Red refuses to answer her. I think this is very telling for the mere fact that whenever Red does not want to tell Lizzie the truth about something in fear that it will hurt her emotionally, he always opts simply not to answer.

We know Katerina had something to do with the Fulcrum and she also admitted to spying on Lizzie’s father in the flashback scenes:

Katerina: “Listen, you’re in trouble.” Father: “Because of you!” Katerina: “Yes!” Father: “You told them!” Katerina: “Yes, I did. I told them.”

Katerina: “It was my job.” Father: “To spy on me?” Katerina: “Yes, yes. No, I didn’t want to. I-I tried to protect you.” Father: “Is that what you call it?”

Katerina: “They’ll kill you if you don’t give it back to them.” Father: “They’ll kill me if I do!”

In those same scenes, Lizzie’s father accuses her of being the reason why some unknown entity (probably the Cabal) was after not only him, but Lizzie as well.

Katerina: “Did they threaten Masha?” Father: “That’s what I just… (garbled)”

Red also accuses her of being a traitor to two countries in ‘Requiem’ while he is talking to Kate, and he seems bitter by the fact. When Kate accuses him of being a hypocrite, he confidently tells her that [he] “makes no apologies for who I am or what I do.”

Through his words here, it sounds as if Red has full confidence in his choices and actions and still see himself as honorable, loyal, and righteous to his country and/or his cause, (despite rumors to the contrary) while he viewed Katerina in a much less favorable light.

Another interesting thing to consider is a quote from Red to Lizzie from ‘The Cyprus Agency.’ Red tells Lizzie that “not every missing child is on the back of a milk carton.” When Lizzie asks what kind of parents wouldn’t go to the police when their child is taken, Red tells her “People who won't, or can't, go to the police.” Lizzie surmises, “Criminals.” This idea comes into play in ‘Requiem’ after Lizzie is abducted.

In that scene, Katerina tells Kate that a blonde haired man - possibly ‘Raymond’ or the man she knows as Raymond - was seen carrying Lizzie off of the property. Kate asks her if she told this to the police. Katerina tells her, “Never. It would put Masha in danger, even more danger.”

Katerina then continues, saying that she knows where ‘Raymond’ is heading and that she is “going to have to go find her [Masha] on my own.”

If we look closer at this entire scene, we are given no evidence that Katerina ever actually told the police that her daughter was missing. We aren’t even sure that it was actually her who called the police. For all we know, it could have been Alexander Kirk who called them, as he is still unaware at this point that his wife is a spy. Katerina could have then pulled him aside and informed him of the truth (that she was a spy), told him it was too dangerous to go to the police, and then found an excuse to send them away, possibly stating that there wasn’t even a child on the grounds.

A piece of ‘evidence’ that could back up this idea is the fact that a mysterious man can be seen removing a framed photo of Lizzie from the front entrance while the police are still outside.

It looks like the police have just arrived on scene and are still waiting for someone to come to the front door, as we can see the officer pacing on the front porch.

And as this is my own field of work, even though the front door is open, police never just enter a house unless exigent and extreme circumstances are present, and in this case they are not. (An already presumed missing child would not fit that criteria whereas a child believed to be in the process of being taken would.)

Also take note that we never see the man’s face. Was this man possibly Red, who was going around the house and removing all evidence of Lizzie’s existence in order to give credence to the idea that it was all just a misunderstanding and that there never even was a child involved?

In summary, if Red knew that Katerina couldn’t go to the police about her missing daughter, he could have used this to his advantage by stepping in (like Kate did in this scene) and offering to help her find Lizzie, all the while knowing exactly where she was and who she was with - her father.

We have seen Red create these ‘problems’ before in the show, typically tricking a Blacklister into believing only he can help them, thus making sure they are indebted to him. Kate tells us he has been doing this for years, and it is one of his main tactics. Red admits as much to Lizzie, telling her that the best way to get information or services out of someone is “not because [they have] to, but because [they want] to.”

Red did it in ‘Ivan,’ when he told the FBI the location of the supposed Blacklister they were chasing, only to then enter the very restaurant where said Blacklister was dining, tell him of the impending raid and, (after a hefty service fee to recoup the money that was stolen from him by the Blacklister) agree to help him escape, on his private jet no less. Red even staged a fake shootout with Ressler and Meera to make it more convincing.

Another example of Red creating a ‘problem’ in order to gain trust of a possible business associate was shown in ‘Dr. Bogdam Krilov,’ with the story of Hans Van Houser.

In that episode, we learned that Red staged for the man to be kidnapped in order to create an alliance with the father, Werner. As we quickly learned though, things went horribly wrong for both Hans and Red. We’ll explore more of this later.

RED POSSIBLY WORKED FOR KATERINA AT THE SUMMER PALACE

We know that at the very least Red was keeping tabs on Katerina and Lizzie's father well before the night of the fire, and therefore Lizzie as well. He even knows information about Kirk, like the fact that his real name is Constantine Rostov. It is possible he had so much intel on them because he was literally around them during these years while spying on them in an undercover capacity.

He tells Lizzie in 'Quon Zhang' that he “knew her as Katerina Rostova. One of her many names.” So right there, we learn that Red is aware that Katerina used aliases. He continues, “She was a KGB agent.” He also knows Lizzie's original name of Masha, and that she was born in Moscow. He tells her, “Your parents – father and mother – they were both in foreign intelligence.”

Red also knows extremely personal details about Lizzie, stuff that the FBI, possibly Sam, and even Lizzie are unaware of. One example of this is the fact that Red knows that Lizzie carries the ‘Warrior Gene,’ something that is not present in her medical file.

Samar finds it more than a little curious that Red gave them that particular case in ‘Dr. Linus Creel,’ stating, “Do you think Reddington could have known? That when he gave you this case, you’d find out?” Knowing she’s probably overstepped her bounds, Samar then backs down, saying, “What do I know?”

More evidence that Red is more than aware of Lizzie’s apparent trigger mechanism can be seen in ‘Marvin Gerard.’ In that episode, we see Lizzie ‘lose it’ after being attacked by the man in the diner. Lizzie flips out and breaks the man’s ribs, causing his lung to collapse. Lizzie’s eyes are wild and unfocused and she seems to be unable to calm down. Red then gently and unthreateningly approaches Lizzie and manages to bring her ‘back’ from the brink. It is almost as if he knows exactly what just happened.

This may be something that Red either knew about since at least the night of the fire if not before, or something that he suspected after the events of that night.

In ‘Tom Connolly’ Lizzie shoots the Attorney General only after he threatens to kill Red. We know from ‘Dr. Linus Creel’ that stressful situations can trigger the gene into activation. In the case of ‘Marvin Gerard,’ Lizzie being on the run as a fugitive, and then being attacked by a man in the diner, would certainly be cause for a trigger. (Apparently threats to Red’s life have the same effect.)

This may not have actually been the first time this has happened to Lizzie in regards to threats made against people she cares about. When Lizzie shot Connolly at the end of the episode for threatening Red, she had a sudden flashback to the night of the fire. Lizzie suddenly remembered shooting her father in the belief that she was protecting her mother from harm.

Keep this in mind for later...

As @lynnblacklist pointed out after ‘Requiem’ aired, it appears as if Red might have been Katerina’s chauffeur - as well as possibly holding other job titles as well - during the years leading up to the night of the fire.

When we see Kate in the backseat of the town car while it is pulling up to the main house at the beginning of the episode, she glances up at the driver via the rearview mirror. Kate, as well as the audience, are only given a very brief glance of the man. But in that quick glance, screengrabs have shown him to have possibly green eyes, light hair, and sideburns. This could very well be a young version of Red.

(UPDATE: TBL Writer Daniel Cerone answered questions regarding the show via Twitter recently and stated that Red is NOT the driver in the car here... could this then possibly be the REAL Raymond Reddington we’re seeing?)

Red even tells Kate at the end of ‘Requiem’ that she is actually more familiar with him than she realizes. When Kate ‘first’ meets Red in the warehouse after she is approached by Sam, Kate tells Red, “I don't know you.” Red replies, “I’m not as unknown as you might like to believe, Miss Nemec.”

Red is shown here in the dark, in shadows. If Red was the driver at the Summer Palace, and remained unnoticed in the background of the activities going on around him, Kate probably never took notice of him, and therefore wouldn’t realize that she perhaps already does know him despite what she says here.

When Mato tells Red that Kirk has taken Lizzie to the Summer Palace, Red states that he is familiar with the place, and he looks like he’s seen a ghost.

He calls Cooper and tells him, “Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia. Kirk owns a cottage there where he would go to escape the dreary summers of Novosibirsk.”

More evidence that Red possibly worked at the Summer Palace is the fact that he is fully aware of the ‘comings’ and ‘goings’ of Kirk during those years, specifically at that location. In ‘Dr. Adrian Shaw, Part II’ Red tells Kirk, “She [Lizzie] lived at your house, as your daughter, on and off for four years. Sometimes you were there, sometimes you weren’t.”

Red told Lizzie repeatedly that Alexander Kirk was not her father, even when Kirk himself believed that he was and had a DNA test proving it. In that instance, Red told Kirk, “You saw what Katerina wanted you to see. She lied to you. About everything.”

He is even aware that Katerina targeted multiple men and seduced then in order to gain valuable information.

And yet Red has told Lizzie repeatedly that her father is dead, that he died that night in the fire by Lizzie’s own hand. Meaning he knows exactly who her father was.

For Red to have such intimate knowledge of this information while everyone else seems to be completely in the dark on the topic lends more plausibility to the idea that Red was intricately involved in the everyday affairs of Katerina and Lizzie’s father.

RED’S RELATIONSHIP WITH KATERINA WAS STRICTLY PLATONIC

Besides believing that the man Katerina had an affair with was not Red, I also believe there was never any romantic involvement between her and Red either.

Lizzie seems to believe that Red had an affair with her mother. This idea builds momentum after she finds a photo of her mother and herself in Red's Bethesda apartment in 'Leonard Caul.'

She even sounds a little disgusted by the idea, telling him in 'Quon Zhang,' “You have a picture of her in your weird little apartment. Were you in love with her? Is that why my father died? You killed him because you were in love with my mother?”

Red doesn't answer her, but not answering is not an admission of guilt, nor is it a confirmation in her beliefs.

Lizzie puts more stock in the idea that her mother and Red had an affair after she finds her mother's journal. In 'Miles McGrath' Red asks her if she found anything interesting in her reading, and Lizzie replies, “She talks about you. About the affair. I'm up to the part where she writes about you pressuring her to leave her husband.” Red doesn't take the bait, and instead simply continues his conversation about the upcoming plan to get the Blacklister.

Lizzie continues to read the journal in the episode, learning that her mother was “In love with the man I was sent to seduce and betray. An American. Raymond wants me to run, take Masha and disappear with him, but how could I do that to her? She's my entire life. She's everything.”

But again, there is no actual proof that she is talking about Red here. It simply could be the man she knew as 'Raymond.'

Think about it - we’re told by Red that ‘Katerina’ was more than likely an alias, and many people, even Russian agents of the old regime who were ordered to find her, as well at the agents at the OREA complex, weren’t even sure she was a real person, but instead could have been a series of stories put together to ‘create’ Katerina. Now obviously from the show we know that Katerina was a real person - but it lends to the idea that perhaps she wasn’t truly who everyone thought she was. And if that can be true for her, why not Red?)

Personally, I do not see any actual evidence in 'Cape May' that Red and Katerina were ever romantically involved. They obviously had a close working relationship, as they are able to work together as a team flawlessly, to the point of not even needing words to communicate their plans or actions.

Red also tells Lizzie in 'The Troll Farmer' that her mother “was the cleverest, most resourceful woman I have ever known. No matter how dark the moment, she could always find her way through.”

It appears he even had great empathy and understanding for her as we saw in the scene between the two of them in the garage when she tells Red she needs to leave her daughter in order to keep her safe.

He obviously had a high regard for her, and respected her abilities greatly, and possibly even admired her, but I think it ended there in terms of their relationship.

In 'Cape May,' when Katerina is taking a bath, Red remains outside the bathroom respectively, giving her privacy. If they were lovers, why would he do that?

He also keeps their clothes on when he rescues her from the ocean and places the both of them in front of the fire.

Katerina even tells Red in that instant, “It’s not that he died. It’s not even the way he died. It’s that the things I said to him... just... before he died.” So by her own words, the man she loved and that Lizzie shot - Lizzie’s father - was not Red, but another 'Raymond.'

Katerina confirms this yet again for us in ‘Requiem’ after she brings Lizzie to Kate at the motel, telling Lizzie that she shouldn’t blame herself for what happened. As we know, Lizzie shot and killed her father that night.

So I think it's safe to say that Katerina and Red did not have a sexual relationship, even though Lizzie believes that they did at this point in the story.

RED'S REAL DAUGHTER WAS NAMED ELIZABETH AND WAS KILLED

Despite what the writers are trying to make us believe, and despite what the Taskforce believes, I still do not think Carla and Jennifer were Red's real family, but instead think Red lost his family that night on Christmas Eve just like he told Madeline Pratt in the episode bearing the same name.

I am not going to put all of that evidence here however, as that would be enough to be it's own post. If you're interested in that fan theory, it can be found in my 'Imposter Red' theory linked at the top of my page.

Going with that idea, I do believe Red's real daughter's name was Elizabeth. I believe this because of the admission Red gave to Kirk in 'Dr. Adrian Shaw, Part II' when asked if Lizzie - or as Kirk says, ‘Masha’ – was his daughter. Red answered that yes, “Elizabeth is my daughter.”

Notice how Red stated 'Elizabeth' is his daughter. He purposefully didn't say 'Masha,' or even 'Lizzie.' He used 'Elizabeth.'

Now we were told that night by the writer of that episode, Daniel Cerone, that Red was telling the truth to Kirk in that statement. Cerone also then told us via social media that it still remains true that Red has never lied to Lizzie and that it’ll all make sense in the end.

So how can it be true that Elizabeth is apparently Red's daughter, and yet at the same time be false? The only logical explanation is that either Red and/or Lizzie is an imposter. Putting the 'Red Is An Imposter’ theory on the back burner for now, let's look at the possibility that Lizzie is an imposter.

We know that Lizzie's real name is Masha.

We know that Lizzie's father likely abducted her away from Katerina and was attempting to hide her in America.

We also know that by the night of the fire, Lizzie's father apparently has been calling Masha 'Elizabeth' for some time, even compelling Katerina to call her that as we witnessed in the flashback scenes.

Now given those facts, along with the knowledge that Red apparently lost a young child, and his admission to Kirk that he had a daughter named Elizabeth (but not the Lizzie we are familiar with as we have been told continuously that Red is not her father), isn't it possible that at some point, and for and by reasons yet still unknown to us, Lizzie was given Red's daughter's identity?

This would allow Daniel Cerone's seemingly contradictory statements - that Elizabeth is Red's daughter and that Red is not Lizzie's father - to both remain true.

The name 'Elizabeth' itself is important in the show, as the writers have used it eleven times so far in addition to it being Lizzie's name:

The little girl that is kidnapped in the ‘Pilot’ episode is named ‘Beth.’

Dembe’s daughter is named ‘Isabella.’

His granddaughter is named ‘Elle’ or ‘Ellie.’

The friend/teacher/nurse that helps Liz after she shot Tom is named ‘Ellie.’

The alias Red gives Lizzie when she goes undercover in ‘The Mombasa Cartel’ is ‘Elsa.’

The niece of the building inspector that Red bribes in ‘Sir Crispin Crandall’ is named ‘Lisa.’ (She also resembles Lizzie with her dark brown hair, blue eyes, and pale complexion. She is also her uncle’s emotional weakness, just as Lizzie is to Red.)

Aram’s spy girlfriend Kate goes by the alias of ‘Elise’ while she is dating him.

The Blacklister Judith Pruitt goes by the alias of ‘Isabella’ Stone.

The name of the young girl who Frederick Barnes gets his son’s experimental antidote from is named ‘Elysa.’

The little girl who finds one of the Deer Hunter’s victims hanging from a tree is named ‘Elsa.’

The ballet company where Red’s daughter used to attend was named ‘Elise Le Blanc.’

The back story of Dembe also lends a significant parallel to that of Red’s own history and the idea that his daughter was possibly named ‘Elizabeth.’

In ‘The Mombasa Cartel’ we learn that Dembe lost his family when he was young after his father decided to stand by his beliefs (in regards to animal poachers.)

After that, Dembe became a criminal even though his deeds are typically far from nefarious.

In ‘The Troll Farmer,’ the two most important women in his life - his daughter and granddaughter - are threatened by the Cabal.

All of this parallels the story we are told of Red. Like Dembe, Red seems to have lost his family when he was a young man, specifically, the two most important women in his life - his wife and daughter. After the events that led to the destruction of his family, he too became a criminal. If all of this resembles the story we know of Red, and Dembe’s own daughter’s name - and granddaughter’s - is a variation of ‘Elizabeth,’ isn’t it possible that Red’s own daughter shared that name as well?

If it is true that Red had a daughter named Elizabeth and that she was killed, the question then becomes, when did she die? Did she die some time before the events leading up to the night of the fire, (in which case Lizzie was given the identity of a corpse in hopes that no one would realize the switch?) Or did she die possibly right around the same time as the night of the fire, possibly after being mistaken for being ‘Masha?’

‘Evidence’ pointing to the former idea comes into play if you look at the story from the episode entitled ‘The Caretaker.’ In that episode, the Caretaker tells Harold that his “wife and unborn child died a few months before,” with ‘before’ referring to the day that he kidnapped the little girl from her father.

While not matching the Caretaker’s story perfectly, as Red’s daughter was obviously older at the time of her assumed demise, it does make it possible that Lizzie was perhaps given his dead daughter’s identity as a cover well before the events leading up to the fire.

Another clue that Lizzie possibly used the identity of Red’s dead daughter as a cover could be seen in the fact that the last time we see a flashback of her (if this is in fact his daughter) is from 1987 at her ballet recital of ‘Swan Lake,’ three years before the night of the fire.

The other possibility is that Red’s wife and daughter died around the same time as the night of the fire. We know from the flashback scenes that the fire occurred somewhere around Christmas time in 1990. We also know that Red came home to a house of blood after running out of gas on his way home for the holidays. Red’s account is backed up by Ressler who states that Red’s car was found abandoned along the side of the highway with presents in the backseat on Christmas Eve in 1990.

Red told Diane Fowler in ‘The Cyprus Agency’ that he does not know what happened to his family that night when he came home to the house of blood. Fowler teases that she does.

And while it seems unlikely Fowler was ever actually a part of the Cabal, she most definitely was involved in nefarious schemes within the United States intelligence agencies, probably including not only the massacre of Red’s family, but also with events regarding the night of the fire.

Diane made it perfectly clear in that scene that she knew Red and his personal history. She probably even knew his job within the government, as well as his assignments. Diane being privy to all of this personal information about Red, information that Red doesn’t even know, makes me wonder if his family was killed because of a case of mistaken identity.

If Red helped smuggle Lizzie to the United States, is it possible that he callously opted to use his own daughter’s identity to help hide her? In addition, going with the ‘Imposter Theory,’ is it also possible that Red was somehow mistaken for the ‘Raymond Reddington’ that was involved with the theft of the Fulcrum and who was also the father of Masha?

If the Cabal, or whoever was after Lizzie and her father, found out that Lizzie -Masha at that time - was using the alias of ‘Elizabeth’ as a cover, and also erroneously believed that Red was the same ‘Raymond Reddington’ that they were hunting, did they perhaps go to the wrong house - Red’s house in Tacoma Park that he blew up - and mistakenly kill his family thinking that they were Masha and Katerina who were using false names?

Is it also possible that Red was perhaps completely unaware that Masha had been given the alias of ‘Elizabeth’ until the night of the fire?

At this time, there is no way of knowing which man - either Red or Lizzie’s father - was the original ‘Raymond Reddington.’ It is also unclear when Lizzie was given the name ‘Elizabeth’ and whether Red knew about this. But if something like this did occur, it could mean that his family was killed simply by being mistaken for someone else.

LIZZIE’S FALSE MEMORY VS HER REAL MEMORY

This is where things get tricky. In the original flashback scenes from the night of the fire in 'Luther Braxton, Part II,' we are shown Lizzie walking down a hallway where she sees two men fighting in front of an open window.

If you slow the footage down, you can clearly see that the man on the left is wearing what appears to be a fedora.

We can hear yelling and fighting, as well as Lizzie's subconscious version of herself pleading with Lizzie to turn around and go back down the hall.

At the same time, we hear Katerina yelling in the background, shouting, “Raymond let go!”

Present day Lizzie tries to continue down the hall, but it stopped by someone blocking her path.

Lizzie physically tries to push her way through, but is again stopped by the individual. The slowed down version shows that the person holding her back is a woman, and is more than likely Katerina.

We then hear a gunshot go off, followed by the man with the fedora walking away as little Lizzie runs back down the hall screaming.

Lizzie then wakes up from her hypnosis session and exclaims that she just saw her father.

However, when Lizzie shoots the Attorney General in ‘Tom Connolly,’ she sees a slightly different version of that memory.

In that version, everything remains quite similar to the memory sequence above, including Katerina yelling, “Raymond let go!”

However, there is one very noticeable difference - it is now her father fighting with her mother instead of with who we can safely assume was Red in the original flashback.

When Red meets Lizzie in the park after she shoots Connolly, Lizzie tells Red that she remembers the events of night of the fire.

At this statement, Red looks as pale as a ghost.

Lizzie continues, stating, “I remember what happened, and I understand why you didn’t want me to find out.”

At this, Red grimaces, and even takes a physical step backwards, as if bracing for the worst. The entire time Lizzie recounts her memory, Red remains quiet and anxious.

Lizzie tells Red that when she pulled the trigger and shot Connolly, she suddenly remembered that she shot her father that night because he was physically hurting her mother. Lizzie then surmises, “That’s why you blocked my memory. Not to protect yourself... to protect me.”

Red, now looking ashamed and crestfallen, suddenly looks down before mumbling a quiet and simple, “Yeah.”

I believe Red is not being entirely truthful with Lizzie here. While I still think Lizzie did in fact shoot and kill her father while he was fighting with someone that night in front of the open window, I think Lizzie is remembering a false memory in this case. I believe the real memory of that night is the one that includes her father fighting with Red, and not the one where he was fighting with her mother.

And technically again, Red isn’t lying, because as far as Lizzie is concerned, this memory is real, so he is just agreeing with it. But I admit he’s definitely pushing the boundaries of honesty on this one.

We know that Red hired Dr. Krilov all those years ago, as he admitted it to Lizzie twice, first in ‘Quong Zang,’ and again in ‘Dr. Bogdan Krilov.’ But there’s a catch. Lizzie states that Dr. Orchard told her in ‘Luther Braxton, Part II’ that someone blocked her memory.

In ‘Dr. Krilov,’ we learned that this is not exactly the truth. Dr Krilov specializes in something much more specific than simply blocking memories - he actually distorts them, replacing intact real memories with seemingly real new and falsified information. We saw a prime example of this when he distorted Ressler’s memory of the supposed kidnapping of the witness to Reven Wright’s murder.

Red himself even slips up at the beginning of the episode when he gives Lizzie the Blacklister’s name while in the record store, stating that Dr. Krilov is “one of the few people who have mastered the science of memory manipulation.”

Lizzie seems less than convinced, joking, “Science, or science fiction?”

But Red persists, telling her, “You of all people should know the answer to that.” Lizzie continues, saying, “I understand suppressing memories, helping someone to mute out a traumatic experience. But manipulating them?”

And here he basically admits it: “The memory of an accident, a tragedy, a fire in which a four year old killed her father?”

Lizzie then asks Red, “This man... Is he the one who erased my memory of that night?” (Notice how yet again Lizzie uses the word ‘erased’ when referring to her own memories, instead of the more accurate, and completely different definition of ‘manipulation.’)

At this question, Red does not answer Lizzie, at least not completely and without a catch. In answer to Lizzie’s question, Red states that this is how Kate knows about Dr. Krilov. But that is technically not what Lizzie asked. She asked Red if Dr. Krilov was the one who ERASED her memory. As we know that Red refuses to lie to Lizzie, he instead discreetly skirts this issue by giving her ‘something,’ as an answer which still remains truthful to a degree. In this case, Dr. Krilov’s connection to Kate. But he never corrects Lizzie when she mistakenly uses the word ‘erased,’ in regards to her memory instead of ‘manipulated.’ Yet again Red seems to have lucked out by Lizzie unknowingly asking the wrong question.

More evidence that Red actually manipulated Lizzie’s memory from that night instead of just suppressing it comes from the fact that Dr. Orchard warned Lizzie in ‘Luther Braxton, Part II’ that “the people and events may have been there, but in different roles.”

Which brings us back to the original idea that Lizzie’s memory of it being her parents that had been fighting is false.

I believe the real memory is that of Red and her father fighting in front of the open window while her mother attempted to hold her back, just as she ‘somewhat’ remembered in ‘Luther Braxton, Part II.’ Ashamed that he is ultimately to blame for Lizzie picking up the dropped gun and killing her father, Red then had her memory of the event altered, replacing himself with a vision of her mother in his stead.

If this ends up being the case, it would explain Red’s remorseful behavior at the end of ‘Tom Connolly.’ When the episode first aired, it appears as if Red is simply devastated by the fact that Lizzie apparently now remembers killing her own father, something that he tried desperately to keep from her for all of these years.

But working under the assumption that Red altered Lizzie’s memory to remove himself from the event, if you look at that scene again with this idea in mind, the scene can be read in an entirely different way.

As stated earlier in the post, when Red approaches Lizzie in the park and she cryptically states that she now remembers everything from the night of the fire, Red looks fearful. As she continues her recount of that night, Red seems to get more and more tense, as if he realizes Lizzie is about to accuse him of being a horrible monster again. He even winces, gulps, and backs up at one point.

But to his surprise, relief, and more than likely guilt, Lizzie surprises him by stating that she remembers her parents fighting right before she shot her father. Red then visibly relaxes, but he also looks ashamed. He bows his head, and agrees with her version of events, simply stating quietly, “Yeah.”

Now as for the fact that Red does not lie to Lizzie, again, he skates by on a technicality. Even if Lizzie’s version of that night is false, it is the version SHE remembers, thus in her mind, making it truthful. So technically, at least in Red’s mind, he is not lying to her when he agrees with her assumptions about that night. He simply is not correcting her on the one slight, yet significantly wrong detail.

Removing himself from the fight with her father would have allowed Red two favorable outcomes in regards to Lizzie:

Firstly, I think Red’s more honorable reason for altering her memory remain intact - he did not want Lizzie to have to remember the fact that she shot and killed her own father. That would be a devastating memory for anyone to have to lie with what with all of the guilt involved.

Along those same lines, by replacing himself with Katerina in the fight, should Lizzie ever figure out the truth that she killed her own father, it would be much easier for her to accept that guilt if she was living under the false assumption that she had been protecting her mother when she pulled the trigger than if she remembered killing her father while he was fighting another seemingly random person instead.

And now for the less than honorable reasons, I believe Red selfishly removed himself from Lizzie’s original memory simply to allow himself to stay in her good graces and keep up his own false illusion that he was less to blame for her father’s death than he truly was.

You can tell that Red feels guilty over allowing Lizzie to continue to wrongly assume that she killed her father by the fact that he is constantly reminding her that she was just a child and did not know any better.

He first does this in ‘Lady Ambrosia,’ after Lizzie learns that her mother supposedly committed suicide after Lizzie killed her father. Seeing how devastated she becomes, Red hurries to remind her, saying, “It was an accident,” and “Lizzie, you were a CHILD.”

He even goes as far as telling her that “There never should have been a gun for you to grab.”

Red does it again in ‘Dr. Krilov’ when he reminds her that her memory was blocked in order to protect her from the fact that she killed her father when she was a child. He pointedly uses the word “accident” again to describe the event.

THE ABDUCTION AND FIGHT WENT HORRIBLY WRONG

The reason Red may feel so much guilt over being an accessory in the death of Lizzie’s dad may be because the entire situation was simply a farce taken too far. If the abduction of Lizzie was planned by Red in order to get to Katerina somehow, and a fight somehow broke out (or was staged), Lizzie would have had no way of knowing that, or have truly understood at that age what she was about to do. She simply believed she saw her father fighting a man and tried to intervene.

As stated above, “there never should have been a gun involved.”

Someone decided to bring a gun that night, possibly to make the threat seem more authentic, and as we know, that loaded gun then fell lose and dropped to the floor where little Lizzie managed to scoop it right up.

The theme of kidnapping children is one of the most prevalent themes in the show. The vast majority of the episodes deal with the abduction or exploitation of children in some way. Most of time in the episodes, these abductions do not end well, even for those that had good intentions.

In ‘Marvin Gerard,’ Red explains to Lizzie that Marvin was upset with the way his son was being treated by his ex and decided to intervene. He kidnapped the boy, but was brutally hounded by the mother and her family. Red tells Lizzie that Marvin’s wife “was the princess in a very prominent and powerful legal dynasty... They tracked him down of course. Returned the child to his mother. Marvin was disbarred, convicted and incarcerated. A year later Timothy [Marvin’s son] hung himself.”

And like ‘Raymond Reddington,’ Marvin was a man on the ‘up and up...’

Red states, “Marvin Gerard was one of the most respected defense attorneys on the eastern seaboard. Perfect wife, perfect job. Perfect.”

Ressler adds to the accolades, telling his fellow agents Marvin “graduated magna cum laude from Harvard, where, at the tender age of thirty one, was the third youngest full professor in the institution’s history. He served as a prosecutor for three years, New York. Later, joined his father-in-law’s criminal defense firm as full partner. He was on the short list for the federal bench...”

Besides a few minor details, this sounds extremely similar to the story regarding Lizzie’s abduction as a child.

Throughout the series, we have learned that Tom was abducted as a child as well. He was presumed dead by his family (or so they claim) and spent his entire childhood fending for himself and becoming a man that he is now less than happy to be.

And like Lizzie, he was taken from his home in the middle of the night by an abduction. An abduction that we later learn was staged in hopes of getting him away from perceived dangerous parents.

Because of his circumstances and subsequent military like spy upbringing under the ‘care’ of the Major, (which were no fault of his own as a child) he lacks certain characteristics and emotions that allow a person to be genuine and ‘normal.’

He has been struggling to become a better man and ‘redeem’ himself ever since coming back to Lizzie, if that is even realistically within the realm of possibility for him. Even when his intentions seem genuine, he often falls miserably short of achieving a positive outcome in any given scenario.

Alexander Kirk abducted Lizzie and Agnes multiple times in his attempt to ‘save’ who he thought to be his family, leading the the deaths of numerous individuals, both from guilty parties involved, as well as several unassuming civilian casualties.

Kirk’s plan to try to ‘save’ Lizzie from Red almost led to the death of Agnes and himself when he was willing to jump off the roof with her in his arms, and ultimately led to the death of his girlfriend Odette before learning that Lizzie was not his biological daughter.

Kirk’s attempts to kidnap Lizzie also led to Kate’s fateful decision to try to help Lizzie fake her death in order to escape from Red (and Kirk) as well. And we know how that turned out...

Scottie Hargrave was originally hired to kidnap Lizzie - not to kill him.

She ends up sending Matias Solomon to the church where Lizzie was getting married, leading to the shoot out and car chase which ended with what appeared to be the death of Lizzie. Again, uninvolved civilians were killed in the all of these situations.

Scottie’s brash plan also led to the emotional downfall of Red, possibly almost ending in a suicide attempt at Cape May, and added to the already harsh strain coming over first the relationship between Red and Kate, and then between Red and Lizzie herself upon her return from her supposed death.

Scottie even admits plans went awry, telling Red, “I couldn’t foresee what happened to that poor girl [Lizzie] any more than you. I told you , I was hired to abduct her, not take her life.”

Alan Fitch also helped a child escape a parent when he helped bring Berlin’s daughter Zoe to the United States during the Cold War. Berlin ended up in prison for several years. During this time, he was given various body parts of a young girl, and was told that they belonged to his murdered daughter.

Mistakenly believing that Red was behind the death of his daughter thanks to a frame job by Fitch, Berlin then came to the United States for retribution. In his misguided quest for vengeance, Berlin ended up killing and hurting several people close to Red and the Taskforce, including Carla, Harold, and of course, Meera Malik.

Fitch himself could not outrun Berlin’s attack and ended up dead by the end of the story arc.

As for Berlin’s daughter - she ended up being alive, but wanting nothing to do with her father after learning the type of man that he’d become. Berlin eventually gave up his quest for revenge, and was killed by Red at the end of the episode.

As bad as Fitch may have seemed, he did in fact seem to care about the men and women under his charge. He told the bomb tech that “on my order, 763 men and women have died in service to their country. And there wasn’t a grieving wife, or mother or husband I didn’t either call or visit personally. Thank them for their sacrifice. That’s what makes it the hardest, the families.”

Despite the things Fitch admitted to doing to Red in the past, I believe his attempt to get Zoe away from her father was a genuine act of good intentions. But like we’ve seen, those intentions often end up with horrible repercussions.

In ‘The Alchemist,’ Eric Trettle attempted to reunite with his estranged wife and daughter after faking their deaths and kidnapping them.

Trettle was basically a fraud who became an expert in his field, despite having no accolades to back up his claims. During a murder trial, Trettle testified on behalf of a soldier in a notorious crime family and used falsified evidence to help acquit the client. Meera explains, “Trettle was outed as a fraud and disgraced. Two weeks later he disappeared. It was believed either the D’Angelo family had him killed or he fled to avoid indictment.”

When Lizzie goes to visit the wife, the wife tells her, “You shouldn’t be here. Eric is a very dangerous man. In his head, he thinks we’re still together, a family.”

When Eric believes the FBI is getting close to him, he murders a woman and young girl that resemble his wife and daughter in order to kidnap his still very much alive family and flee with them. The crime lab technician tells Lizzie, “Two victims. Gunshots at close range. It’s not pretty.”

This story gives credence to Red’s account in ‘Madeline Pratt’ of his arrival home on Christmas Eve to find a house of blood when talking about his own wife and daughter.

Trettle is eventually cornered by the FBI at a gas station and in the chaos, his daughter ends up shot in the abdomen. Trettle then tries to make a deal, stating he will “get them [the FBI] the names [of his victims and clients] and I get full immunity. With WITSEC and relocation for the three of us.”

While Trettle is talking to the FBI, his wife picks up a gun and shoots her husband dead in order to save her daughter. Again, several elements in this story mimic those of both Red and Lizzie’s father. Red in the fact that he lost his family possibly as a way to steal their identities, and Lizzie’s father in the fact that he was ultimately killed by a family member after he attempted to abduct them.

As shown earlier, Kate’s decision to help Lizzie fake her death and escape from Red also ultimately ended badly for everyone involved. Just like with every other case mentioned here, numerous innocent people were killed along the way, loyalties and friendships were destroyed, and in the end, everyone ended up worse off than when they started.

In the end, Red takes Kate out into the woods with the intention of killing her.

He basically explains to her that he allowed her to continue helping him try to rescue Lizzie and Agnes as he knows that in her mind, her intentions were pure honorable. But he follows that up with the lamentation that he can no longer trust her, and therefore she is a threat to him. He then shoots her in the head and leaves her for dead.

The story of Hans Van Houser is what ultimately led to this theory post. In ‘Dr. Bogdam Krilov’ we are told the story of one of Red’s earliest attempts to ‘create a problem, and then solve it.’

In this case, Red was an up and coming criminal in the underworld and was trying to become a trusted associate of a much more powerful crime lord named Werner Von Houser. In order to gain not only future deals with Werner, but trust as well, Red planned a staged abducted of Werner’s son Hans, with the intent to them swoop in and rescue the man, thus gaining the gratitude from Werner while improving his own reputation at the same time.

However, the team that Red hired to abduct Hans botched the job, and the young man suffocated while in transport. Dismayed and sickened, Red nevertheless kept this information from Werner for over twenty five years, instead choosing to mislead Werner into believing Red was completely unrelated (and innocent) to the kidnapping of his son in order to continue benefiting from his gratitude and friendship.

Once Kate tells Werner the truth, Red feels he has no choice but to kill his old friend, if for no other reason than to keep his involvement in the son’s death secret from other associates, thus protecting his enterprise.

Before killing him, Red tells Werner that he never underestimated how much Werner loved his son, lamenting that this was a fact that he used to his advantage. He also told him that he knew that the day would eventually come where the truth would come out, and one of them - either Red or Werner - would not recover.

I think this story is a direct clue that Red was involved in the abduction of Lizzie all those years ago. Red used the closeness between himself and Katerina to his advantage and staged Lizzie’s kidnapping for personal gain, possibly for intelligence gathering or to locate the Fulcrum. Just as Red told Werner he understood the depth of love between himself and his son, I think Red understood the love between Katerina and her daughter (as well as her love of ‘Raymond’) and used that against her in a similar fashion. Similar to Hans’ death during the botched staged abduction, I believe Red’s plan to steal Lizzie away led to the death of her father, and eventually her mother as well.

A less obvious example of a botched staged abduction occurred in the same episode as the story of Hans Van Houser.

In ‘Dr. Bogdam Krilov,’ Ressler goes to Philadelphia to meet with a supposed witness involved in the murder of Reven Wright. While at her house, a tactical team raids the location, knocking Ressler out and ‘kidnapping’ the witness. Ressler is then taken to Dr. Krilov where his memories are altered to make him believe Laurel Hitchens was involved in the witness’ abduction.

Ressler then goes to Hitchens’ house to try to locate the missing witness and confronts her, even shooting an agent in the process. Lizzie and the Task Force arrive on scene and tell him that the abduction was all staged, that there never even was a witness. Ressler is then taken into custody for shooting the agent and threatening Hitchens’ life. It can be argued that he almost pulled the trigger, in which case he would have been arrested for murder.

Yet again, we have innocent people hurt and in this case, almost killed, because of a staged kidnapping. And Ressler’s reputation, job, and life, would have ended if he had pulled that trigger.

In ‘Philomena,’ we have another simplified version of a staged abduction. The Blacklister, after managing to get herself hit by a car while riding her bicycle, is contacted by the woman who hit her. Philomena then begins crying into the phone, claiming that her ex husband is trying to take her son away from her, saying, “He’s trying to steal my little girl.” The driver of the car feels guilty and empathizes with her, even going so far as to put her in contact with her lawyer brother in hopes of helping her out with regards to the custody of her ‘daughter.’

Viewers soon learn that the driver of the car’s brother is Marvin Gerard, and that Philomena staged not only the car accident, but made up the custody story as well in order to get close to Marvin to take him down.

One of the biggest - and most similar - parallel stories to Lizzie’s abduction can be seen in ‘The Caretaker.’

In this episode, we learn the story of a young man who came to the aid of a small girl after he witnessed the father hitting her. A confrontation occurred, with the young girl’s father accidentally dying. The man then took the the little girl with him and raised her as his own without the child’s knowledge.

Years later, the Caretaker’s daughter is seemingly kidnapped by two men demanding that the secrets that the Caretaker is responsible for maintaining be released to the public. Feeling blackmailed and fearful for his daughter’s safety, the Caretaker releases one of the secrets, leading to a man’s death.

The FBI, prior to learning this truth, tell him, “The video that was released, a man died because of it. We're told other people will die when other secrets are released. Is this a deliberate leak or negligence? A flaw in your security? Who penetrated your system?”

The Caretaker answers, “No one. The system is perfect. I released the video.” He goes on to state that, “For three generations my family has guarded the secrets of presidents, corporations, criminals. The traditions, the pride of my fathers, is nothing compared to the love I hold for Rose. She's all I have. They know that. They took her and the ledger. They have the names of my clients, and the locations of the secrets I keep for them. They've ordered me to betray a second secret by midnight or Rose will die.”

The kidnappers next demand was that he had “twenty four hours to release ledger item number 2156,” which was a secret contract between Luftreiber Airlines and the German government.

The Task Force learns from Red that the Luftreiber passenger plane that crashed on take off in 2007 was not actually an avionic malfunction, but was actually caused by a lack of action taken by the German government in regards to a terrorist threat. Red tells them that terrorists were behind the plane crash, and that they warned the German government of the threat in an attempt to blackmail them. But the German government failed to take the threat seriously, and also failed to warn the German public and airline of the impending attack.

When the terrorists’ demands were not met, they destroyed the plane.

Red explains, “Luftreiber claims responsibility shielding bureaucrats from a scandal in exchange for remuneration for the inevitable blizzard of lawsuits. One hand washes the other.”

Samar guesses “So the airline places the contract in escrow with the Caretaker as leverage against exposure.”

Red warns the Task Force not to release the secret, as it will humiliate and expose the German government, who is a strong ally (and possible future adversary if humiliated) to the United States. He tells them, “I warn you, do not expose the Germans.”

Samar argues that if they don’t, a young girl will die. (In many ways Samar is the female version of Red in my opinion.)

The Task Force eventually decides to go against Red’s advice and releases the secret to the public. This ends up being a mistake, as soon afterwards, an unrelated terroristic threat to the United States is uncovered, and the only ones able to provide intelligence and support on the matter are the Germans.

Panabaker then informs Harold that the German government is angry by the exposure of their secret scandal and are now unwilling to share their intel on the two suspected terrorists.

Red finds out that the Task Force released the secret and warns them that “now many more will die.”

However, Red is able to use his multitude of contacts and manages to locate the Caretaker’s daughter.

They end up raiding a motel and ‘rescue’ Rose. During the raid, a young man ends up dead, shot by Ressler after seeing the man reach for a gun.

Samar later asks the daughter if she is aware of the fact that the men who took her were former Marines. Rose claims that she didn't know, but this is a lie.

Samar continues, “Nothing in their file suggests that the men who took you had the ability to penetrate your father's operation. Do you have any idea who they might be working for? Someone they met overseas?”

Rose continues to plead ignorance, until the ruse becomes too much for her and she admits that she staged the whole thing with the help of her long lost brother.

Ressler, meanwhile, unaware of this new development, is interrogating her brother, Van Zandt, saying, “We know you and your partner were just the muscle... We know how close the two of you were. What we don't know is why you're protecting the man responsible for his death.”

Van Zandt tries to put the blame on Ressler instead of on himself, saying, “YOU shot him.”

Ressler says, “Yeah, I'm angry about that. I'm angry that somebody turned a war hero into a kidnapper... put him into a position where I had to shoot him. I'm angry at his friend for not giving up the son of a bitch that made that happen.”

Van Zandt continues, “This wasn't supposed to happen. I TOLD HIM WE DIDN’T NEED GUNS. He thought it would help sell it... That we were trying to hurt her when all we were trying to do was help her.”

Rose explains that she ‘kidnapped’ herself to get away from her ‘father.’ She found out one day what her ‘father’ did to her all those years ago. Cooper tells the Caretaker, “She knows what you did, Mr. Janus. She's known for months. Imagine how she felt finding herself on a missing-children's website. Her real name is Jessica van Zandt. Did you know?”

He goes on to tell Mr. Janus that Rose not only felt betrayed by her ‘father’ lying to her all those years about her past, but that she felt that what he did for a living should be stopped.

The Caretaker tries to explain to Harold that no one understands how delicate and important his work is, stating that if Rose released the ledger, she's done more damage than she realizes.

Harold says he thinks Rose knows exactly what she's done. “For generations, you and your ancestors kept other people's secrets. But it was your secret, her, that put an end to it all.”

The Caretaker, defeated and upset, solemnly agrees, stating, “Yes.”

The story of the Caretaker has several pieces to it - many of which seem to directly tie to the overall myth arc of the show.

First of all, the idea of a person being formally in charge of delicate secrets that could tip the balance of power in the world sounds strikingly similar to those in possession of the Fulcrum. Is it possible that either Red or Lizzie’s father had a similar job in regards to the secrets of the Cabal?

Secondly, the story of the German government and the airline cover up also sounds similar to the Cabal and their secrets. Red warned the Task Force, “Do not EXPOSE the Germans.” In this case, the Germans represent the Cabal. Of course, the Task Force does just that, and the German government immediately turns on them.

It’s curious too that Samar questions whether Roses’ abductees were working for someone they met overseas. Why would she think that? Is this again a clue that Red helped Lizzie’s father abduct her?

Roses’ brother admits to Ressler that he never thought a gun should have been used in the staged abduction. This is an almost identical reference to what Red told Lizzie in ‘Quong Zang’ when she finds out she was indirectly involved in both of her parents’ deaths. In that instance, Red told her, “There never should have been a gun for you to grab.” And like Lizzie’s father and/or Red, the men involved in Roses’ ‘abduction’ were decorated military men.

Also similar to Red and Lizzie’s shared past is the fact that both Rose’s brother and Red try to put the blame on someone else for the loss of life that occurred in their respective staged kidnappings. In the case of Roses’ brother, he blames Ressler. In the case of Red, he blames Lizzie by constantly reminding her that SHE ultimately pulled the trigger that killed her father.

Along those same lines, Ressler became angry when he found out he killed a man under false pretenses. I’m sure when Lizzie finds out that the same thing possibly happened to her, she will be angry at Red as well.

During one point in the episode, Red asks the Task Force, “Have you got leads on who abducted his daughter?” The camera is specifically on Red during this scene. (Is this another clue that Red was in on young Lizzie’s abduction?)

Red’s statement regarding his opinion to not release the German’s secret is also an intriguing one...

If you relate this story to the Cabal and the Fulcrum, is it possible that Red was accused of having it while he really didn't, and thus when he could not return something he was never in possession of, they murdered his family?

He also believed that they should have sacrificed the daughter to save potentially many more people.

Is that truly what he believes though? Is that what he did in regards to his own family? Did he somehow sacrifice them to save others? Was he supposed to sacrifice Lizzie to save others all those years ago? Or possibly sacrifice Katerina or Lizzie’s father instead? Or possibly sacrifice HIMSELF to save others?

By the time Rose figured out the truth about her childhood abduction, she only had one biological family member still alive - her brother. In relation, Lizzie only has one living relative that we know about - her grandfather, Dom.

Another parallel story to the myth arc can be seen in the fact that the Caretaker released the secrets in order to protect his daughter which he believed had been kidnapped. Is this what Katerina or Lizzie’s father felt they had to do in regards to Lizzie?

Was Katerina working as a double agent, and trying to get the Fulcrum, in order to protect Lizzie? Or perhaps it was the other way around, and her father was using the Fulcrum as leverage against his ‘enemies’ to keep both himself as well as Lizzie alive, as we witnessed in the flashback scenes from the fire?

Lastly, the secret agreement that the German government made with the airlines is also reminiscent of the pact that Red has with the Cabal. They agree not to harm him, as long as he stays in ‘line’ and does not use the Fulcrum against them or expose them in any other way. As Red said, “One hand washes the other.”

RED RESCUSED LIZZIE FROM THE FIRE

After Lizzie’s father was killed by her hand, I believe Red was the one who pulled her from the closet that night and at least helped get her to relative safety before Katerina managed to get her to Kate at the motel.

The first clue that this is what happened occurred in ‘Luther Braxton, Part II.’ During Lizzie’s memory sequence, she ‘sees’ a figure grab her hand and pull her from the closet.

In the present day, Red is holding Lizzie’s hand.

He is looking at her intently, almost willing her to remember.

Lizzie then opens her eyes and looks right at Red, saying, “You were there.”

In that same episode, there is a short, (and very dark) scene of what looks to be a man carrying Lizzie through the house. If you slow the footage down and lighten it, you can see what appears to be a man’s face right above what appears to be a red nightgown with white trim. Now this can’t be Lizzie’s father, as he has just been killed. We also know that Lizzie was wearing a red nightgown with white trim the night of the fire.

This would also explain why in the earliest versions of the flashbacks why we see the silhouette of a man holding a stuffed bunny, but do not see the figure’s hand. It is more than likely because the man had Lizzie under his coat to protect her from the flames and her arm was too short to reach to cuff of the coat.

Another clue that Red was the one who pulled Lizzie from the closet that night can be taken from a similar scene that we witnessed with Ressler.

In ‘The Kenyon Family’ it was Ressler who found the sole survivor of the church massacre hiding in the closet.

The little girl bears a striking resemblance to young Lizzie, right down to the dark brown hair and blue eyes, while Ressler has always appeared to be our example of the man Red was before turning into a criminal.

From what we now know, Katerina then helped get Lizzie out of the house and to Kate, who was hiding out at the motel.

RED THEN MADE IT HIS MISSION TO PROTECT LIZZIE

Note: This is where the ‘Imposter Red’ theory comes into play. If you want to read that post, it can be found at the top of my tumblr page... Without accepting this theory, the next part of this post will be confusing for readers...

Viewers can see clear as day that Red holds some sort of guilt over what happened the night of the fire. Through his various speeches to both Lizzie and others, some of which are explicitly related to the subject of her parents while others are hidden amongst related stories going on in the episodes, we know that Red was somehow involved in the death of her parents and feels a great sense of responsibility for the life that Lizzie has had to live because of that loss. I believe it is around this time that Red took on the identity of Lizzie’s dead father.

In ‘Wujing,’ Red tells Lizzie that he is in her life “because of [her] father.” (It was unclear at the time what exactly he meant by that statement. But as the series progressed, and we learned that Lizzie’s father was dead, it seems more apparent that Red is looking after Lizzie out of a sense of some type of loyalty and debt to her father.)

Lizzie persists, asking, “What does that mean? Did you know my father? Have the two of you met somehow?” At this remark, Red visibly winces. He goes on to give some cryptic explanation that doesn’t really answer anything, and frustrated, Lizzie leaves the car. (Remember, this is before Lizzie knows her father is dead.)

We see Red lament about Lizzie’s father again in ‘Dr. Adrian Shaw, Part II’ when Lizzie states that she wishes her father could be there to see his granddaughter grow up. Red tells her, “He would have wanted that too.”

Red also tells Sam in ‘General Ludd’ that he will try to love and care for Lizzie as well as Sam did. He acknowledges the amazing job Sam did in raising Lizzie, especially given the circumstances, and hopes he can do the same.

In ‘Tom Connolly’ Red tells Lizzie that he is a “sin eater,” and that he tries to protect people by taking their burdens as his own.

By the end of the episode, Lizzie realizes that he is her sin eater. Red admits it, saying, “Tried to be. But I failed.”

After the death of the Harbormaster, Red finds out that Lizzie is trying to financially take care of the man’s daughter in order to lessen her own guilt in her involvement in his death. He warns Lizzie that there is really nothing she can do to accomplish this, telling her, “Be careful Lizzie. Because the truth of it is, once you start down this road, there’s no logical place to stop. You can see to her education, health insurance, housing. You can watch her... Or have her watched. Keep her safe. Try to ascertain her hopes, dreams, desires. Pull strings, call in favors to discreetly smooth the path. And for the first few years it may work. You’ll draw some measure of virtue from being her invisible benefactor. But that won’t last. It’s all a fraud. That it’s really not about her at all. That it’s all about you. And you’re just going through the motions to salve your own guilt. Look, all the money, all the time and effort, all the favors in the world, cannot possibly equal what you took away from her. Everything else is... Just a nice gesture.”

It is more than obvious to both Lizzie and the audience that Red is talking about himself here, and everything that he has tried to do for Lizzie over the years since her parent’s deaths.

Evidence of this can be seen by all of the gifts Red has bestowed on Lizzie, and then Agnes, even in just the last few years.

Red bought Lizzie an apartment overlooking the Potomac River, he bought her a couch for her new apartment (after she sold the one Red bought her), he made a coocoo clock for Agnes, and set up a trust fund for Agnes (which again Lizzie turned down).

In ‘Mr. Kaplan, Part I,’ we find out that Red even has a 96 acre private island estate set aside for Lizzie, complete with a full service staff and protection.

Red tells others as well that he feels responsible in some way for the loss of Lizzie’s parents.

In ‘Natalie Luca’ Red tells Baldur Magnussen that “for the longest time I’ve been perfectly comfortable knowing I could die at any moment. I could walk out of this room and be shot in the street. I’ve always been fine with that. But lately I can smell it in the air around me. Like death is slouching towards me from the corners of the room. And I cannot tell if it’s here for me, or just an echo of the past.”

I think this is again evidence that Red knows that one day he will have to pay the price for what he did to Lizzie and her parents.

Red again allows his guilt to come forward in ‘The Caretaker,’ when Red tells Lizzie he's happy she is looking forward again, instead of dwelling on the past. “What you said about forgiveness changing the future... It comforts me to know you're looking forward again. The future holds such promise. The past... so many regrets.”

In his first meeting with Kate in ‘Requiem,’ Red tells her that he feels a certain responsibility for Lizzie, saying, “After Katerina’s sudden departure, I felt a responsibility to watch over the girl from a distance. I’ve provided for her and Sam financially.”

When Red goes to see Lizzie’s grandfather Dom in ‘The Artax Network’ he apologizes to him for the apparent death of Lizzie. He tells Dom that he “thought [he] could protect her. I DID protect her. All these years, I’ve anticipated almost every threat. But this one... A medical complication in childbirth...”

Dom argues that even so, Red ultimately failed her, dooming Lizzie by the choices he made for her years ago, stating, “She’s gone because of choices you made for both of them. First Katerina, then Masha. As far as I’m concerned, you killed my entire family.”

In ‘Cape May,’ Red tells his subconscious version of Katerina that he was faced with a ‘Hobson’s Choice’ and had to choose between saving Lizzie or her, stating, “They were both doomed. Both would die. I could either save one, or lose both. I chose the child. It was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Worst thing by far.” ‘Katerina’ tells him, “You didn’t have a choice.” He disagrees, saying, “There’s always a choice. I was arrogant. I presumed that there was an order to things. That there was - That if I nourished and protected and taught the child, that she would safe... and happy. No matter what I tried to do, all I brought her was misery and violence.”

He is clearly guilt ridden over that fact, but by the end of the episode, ‘Katerina’ tells him yet again that there was never a choice to make - that it would always have been Lizzie - and that he chose correctly.

Red apologizes to her again, but ‘Katerina’ brushes it off, saying, “Raymond, you DID save me, through her. It was the only way. You chose well.”

Red has been trying to make things right for Lizzie ever since that fateful night, stating that it is literally his mission to keep her safe.

He tells Lizzie in ‘Wujing’ that he “believe(s) I will always do whatever I feel I have to do to keep you safe.”

When Lizzie asks Red in the next episode how he can live with being such a monster (after he threw the Blacklister into a chemical bath of death), Red tells her “By saving your life.”

He demonstrates this objective time after time in the series. He came out of the DARPA containment box for her in ‘Anglso Garrick, Part II,’ he risked his immunity deal when he went on the run with her in Season 3, risked being locked in a CIA black site for the rest of his life just to find the Fulcrum to keep her safe, he traded places with her during the Alexander Kirk story arc, and so on. Even turning himself in to the FBI in the ‘Pilot’ episode was done simply to keep Lizzie safe.

Dembe also makes references to Red’s ‘mission’ to keep Lizzie safe. In ‘The Debt Collector,’ he tells Red not to lose focus on the ultimate goal they are striving towards, stating, “Remember why you surrendered yourself to the FBI in the first place. Remember what all of this was about. You can’t give up now. You can’t let Kate destroy everything that gives you purpose. Our work is not yet done.”

Red tells us that his ‘choice’ to become a criminal and sacrifice his freedom and essentially any chance at a normal life was made in order to protect Lizzie. In ‘Requiem,’ he tells Kate, “if anyone learns her [Lizzie’s] identity, the only way I can stop the threats from rising is to rise up as a greater threat than all of them.”

He reiterates this again at the end of the episode right before he turns himself in to the FBI. Kate warns Red that turning himself in will put into motion a set of events that cannot be stopped and that he’ll potentially destroy all of their efforts to keep her safe. Red agrees with part of it, stating, “Indeed, I need to control the danger to Elizabeth. I’ve built a vast criminal network predicated on that very principle. It’s time to live up to my mission statement.”

He even finally admits to Lizzie in ‘The Debt Collector,’ that the entire reason he became a criminal was to keep her safe, saying, “I’ve spent thirty years building an intelligence network of spies, informants, patriots, traitors. I’ve used it to build an empire that exists for only two reasons - to keep me free, and you safe.”

RED IS TERRIFIED THAT LIZZIE WILL FIND OUT THE TRUTH ABOUT HER FATHER

In the season finale, Kate tries to tell Lizzie an important truth about her past. Fortunately for Red, she kills herself before ever revealing what that secret was.

By the end of the episode, Lizzie has received the DNA results from the paternity test Harold ran for her, (which were based off of a thirty year old sample taken from who we can now surmise was the ‘real’ Raymond Reddington.)

Of course this being the case, the results naturally showed a positive match between herself and this man. However, if Red did in fact take over Lizzie’s dead father’s identity, this means that the man we know as Red (and who everyone else knows as Red) is still not her biological father.

I say that to say this...

In the very next scene, Dembe asks Red, “You didn’t deny it?” Red answers, “I didn’t.” Dembe continues, “And she thinks that’s Kate’s secret?” To which Red responds, “Yes.”

Remember what Red told Lizzie in ‘Berlin, Part II,’ about knowing the identity of her father...

“I loved Sam Lizzie. Of all the difficult things that I’ve done, that may - may be the most (referring to when Red killed Sam in the hospital.) But I did it to keep you from learning the name of your real father... To protect you. And you must understand, having done that, I’m certainly not going to tell you who he was now.”

So basically Lizzie now is under the false assumption that that was the secret Kate was trying to tell her. And Red allows her to believe this, because it is much safer for Lizzie to continue believing Red is her dad than for her to find out the true identity of her father.

(And if Red really was her father - which he isn’t - then according to his own logic, he should have found a way to deny that he was anyway, but I digress.)

The real secret that Kate wanted to tell Lizzie involved the suitcase that we saw at the end of the episode.

The suitcase that contains a skeleton.

When Red and Dembe go to the location where the skeleton should be, it has already been dug up and is missing. We soon learn that Kate left instructions for Tom, and he is now in possession of the remains. I believe those remains are of Lizzie’s real father, the original ‘Raymond Reddington’ and I think that Kate helped him dispose of the body.

We know that this is the secret that Kate was referring to because she brings it up to Red during their confrontation on the bridge. Kate tells Red that it suddenly occurred to her that she didn’t have to physically try to get Lizzie away from Red. Instead, all she had to do was tell Lizzie the ‘truth,’ and that that would drive a wedge in between Red and Lizzie just as well.

Kate tells Red that she has a contingency plan to release the truth to Lizzie even if she is gone. She tells tells that upon her death, her “confidante will be alerted, and Elizabeth will be given our secret from Tansi Farms.”

I believe Kate found out the truth about Red at some point during her years by his side, possibly even being told by Red himself the moment she agreed to work for him in ‘Requiem.’

This can be argued by the fact that in ‘Requiem,’ upon meeting Red for the first time, she still fully considers him a traitor to his country, a horrible father/husband who left his family, and also believes him to be the father of Lizzie. But by the events taking place in the present day she admits to loving him like family, is fully committed to his cause, and most importantly, she refers to Lizzie as “A” child when talking to him, instead of saying “HIS” child...

She tells him in the woods at the end of ‘Mato’ before he ‘kills’ her, “You entrusted me with everything you valued - your freedom, your life, a child...”

Kate then agreed to go along with his scheme of pretending to be ‘Raymond Reddington’ over the past few decades, up until recently when she begin to believe that Red was more of a threat than a help to Lizzie (and Agnes’) safety. As one last effort to tell Lizzie the truth and possibly convince her to leave Red’s side, it appears as if Kate has dug up those mysterious remains in an effort to destroy everything that Red holds dear.

I believe that was the point the writers were trying to make when they showed Kate uncovering all of those bodies at the end of the season.

When Red tells Kate that she cannot hurt him, she reminds him that “Our stories are written in flesh. And I’m going to use that lesson to render you powerless. You forget that I was by your side the WHOLE time. I know what was required to amass your power. Who you hurt, who you betrayed, who you killed. More importantly, as your cleaner, I know where the bodies are buried. WERE buried, dearie.”

I don’t think the writers were simply referring to the eighty six bodies that she turned over to the FBI. I think her speech to Red here, is more specifically referring to ONE body - the one that is in the suitcase.

Kate knows who is in that suitcase because she more than likely put him in there all those years ago after the night of the fire. Now even in death, she holds that information over Red’s head as a sword. Red even tells Dembe, “We have to find that god damn suitcase.”

More evidence that the body in the suitcase is that of Lizzie’s real father may be found again in ‘Dr. Bogdam Krilov.’ When Kate recounts the true story of the death of Werner’s son to him, Werner asks if she has any proof to back this up. Kate tells him, “I can do better than that, Mr. Von Hauser. I can return your son’s body. So you can give him the burial he was so wrongly denied.”

According to Red, Kate was the one who disposed of Hans’ body all those years ago, probably just like she did with Lizzie’s father. Like Hans, the body in the suitcase was never given a proper burial, much to probably the guilt, (but necessity) of both Kate and Red.

This guilt of Red’s can be seen in the parallel story of Hans while Red is talking to Dembe. He tells Dembe “In a rage, I obliterated the Taddicken Brothers. It remains one of my most profound regrets, but of course, I never told Werner the truth.”

Like the truth surrounding the death of Hans, I believe not only was Red at least partially responsible for the death of Lizzie’s dad, but he then killed anyone involved in that night who knew the truth, and then hid Lizzie’s father’s remains before then taking his identity. Red is now terrified that those remains will be discovered by Lizzie and she will think the worst of him.

This is not the first time that the writers have shown Red fearful of Lizzie learning the truth about her father and that night.

In the ‘Pilot’ Red asks Lizzie about her scar and how she got it. He is trying to figure out if Lizzie remembers what actually happened the night of the fire.

In ‘The Freelancer,’ Red asks Lizzie to tell him about her job as a profiler, bluntly asking, ”How close to the truth do you think you can really get?”

He then tells her, “Tell me about your husband. Does he know you as well as you know him? Does he know about you as a child? Does he know about the fire?”

At this point in the show, Red was trying to accomplish two things here. He was trying to figure out if Lizzie truly knew who he was - an imposter - and also trying to find out exactly how much her spy ‘husband’ Tom had figured out about her and Red’s shared past. Remember, at this point Red does not know who Tom was now working for.

We don't really see Red concerned again until ‘Luther Braxton, Part II.’ In that episode, Red seems extremely concerned with knowing what Lizzie was ‘seeing’ in her flashbacks.

He even asked Dr. Orchard during one particularly dramatic outburst, “What is it? What did she see?” He tells her repeatedly in that scene to only look for the Fulcrum, and not to focus on anything else in her memories. He even tells her, “You don’t want to see this. Go back. Go back Lizzie.”

And as we saw in ‘Tom Connolly,’ Red was terrified when Lizzie told him she remembered what happened the night of the fire.

As stated earlier in this post, Red burned the letter that was supposed to explain everything to Lizzie upon his death, with him saying, “Now I’m not sure I ever want her to know.”

Also in ‘The Caretaker,’ while Red is talking to Harold about the Caretaker’s ledger, Harold tells him, “If it were up to me I’d burn it. I’ve learned the hard way that some secrets are best left in the dark.” Red cryptically replies, “Mine certainly is.”

Now even Dembe has changed his tune. At first pleading with Red to come clean to Lizzie, he now states that he is unsure if Lizzie will ever be ready for the truth concerning Red and her father.

In conclusion, I believe Red ultimately feels guilty for the deaths of Lizzie’s parents, as well as responsible for the darkness and danger that is in her life due to his involvement in both Katerina and her father’s lives.

His honor and duty to his nation, cause, or original mission, destroyed not only his life, but in many ways, Lizzie’s as well. It will be interesting to see how all of this plays out, and how much of this turns from theory to fact.

Only time will tell, as more secrets are slowly revealed. But until then, it’s fun to theorize and have a ‘go’ at it ourselves.

If you’re still reading this, kudos to you, and as always, thank you. And please feel free to discuss or debate this, adding your own thoughts and ideas. Until next time... ;-)

#theblacklist #nbcblacklist #raymond reddington #red reddington #imposter theory #red staged lizzie's abduction #james spader #elizabeth keen #megan boone #theory time #the blacklist theories #parallels make the universe go round

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agl03 · 8 years ago

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Okay I'm totally going to need you to convince me how this is going to be okay because right now I actually feel pretty sick. I don't see how they have enough time once they leave the framework for Fitz to deal with this trauma. Fitz has killed a woman now, even if he wasn't aware he was doing it. And if he tortures Daisy, I just don't think I can watch that. To come out and have their happy engagement would be wrong and rushed. When do they get to heal? Where is the payoff???

Hi Anon! And anyone else who needs this…

Its Going to be Okay!

This story isn’t supposed to be happy or fun, we are in a reality built by a crazy, evil book influenced, programmed by the questionable Dr. Radcliffe, and obsessed with becoming a real girl AIDA here. She has twisted each and every single character. Fitz and May more than anyone else.

I’m just going to run down my major points here. I hope it helps. Again I am not ashamed to say that I am still enjoying this arc. Its uncomfortable and frustrating as all get out. But it has me rooting SO HARD for Fitzsimmons right now. For the entire team right now.

Fitz partly a distraction:

We all know that something the writers do is the fake out. They have us looking at and focused on one thing so we literally don’t see the truck that is coming at us from left field. Season 2 for example. When Real Shield made their move it looked like they were our big bad of the season, that would be the arc. When in fact it was Jaiying and the Inhumans that were the bigger threat. So right now they have the fandom so wrapped up in Fitz….that we are ‘missing’ that thing over in left field about to hit us. A betrayal is coming guys and its going to hurt.

Fitz has been brainwashed:

This is not our Fitz. Period. Iain said at Wondercon that they were two different people. Two different characters. Radcliffe said when talking to him, he talked about our Fitz as a different person, because he was. We saw over and over throughout the episode AIDA manipulate him. I see things like taking his hand, asking for him to protect her, of vocalizing they are trying to take him from her as the triggers. You know how we know he’s been brainwashed…how down right TERRIFIED AIDA was of Radcliffe talking to him. That Jemma was taken out of the picture even before she could be a factor in his life. That AIDA boasted that she had manipulated this world and those in it to meet her needs and wants. Yes, she fixed a regret but each regret built on her fantasy.

With Fitz this goes well beyond fixing a regret. I still believe that initially making him the son his father wanted was just step one in AIDA’s process. AIDA took him as her own.

Everyone is Dark:

We’re not done yet here guys. We have more oh please no moment coming with everyone coming. And yes, Fitz is one of the most drastically different and one they are making sure to highlight but I am uncomfortable with everyone.

Coulson: Yes he’s breaking thanks to Tahiti but he still let Hydra take off with one of his own students. The big reason I think we have Coulson back is he is getting that “you did make a difference/Shield needs you arc here”. Mace is not the leader that Shield needs…he wasn’t in the real world and he won’t be here.

Mace: I am really worried about this version of Mace. While he is doing the right thing I’m afraid he’s going to do some things in that quest that aren’t good. Not to mention that he is a massive threat to the lives of May and Fitz. He will kill either one of them given a chance. He almost reminds me of Jaiying a little here with the “One of us” comment from the promo especially makes me thing of this.

Mack: He will do ANYTHING to protect his daughter (and low key worried how he found the Resistance so easily here guys). He sold out Daisy. But what was very interesting was his view on Inhumans. When we first met Mack he was ‘against’ them for lack of a better word. It was work with Daisy, Coulson, and Shield that helped him change his mind and become one of their greatest protectors.

May: Has been twisted as much as Fitz has. She has been in there the longest. Gone through the most ‘reboots’ of the Framework. It was her team that beat up Daisy. It was her that manipulated Mack using Hope. She is number 3 in Hydra and is a huge threat to her own team as well as a target.

Ward: So leery of Ward. I really fear Jemma will be who he betrays again. And its also interesting he could have gotten a shot on Madame Hydra there…#1….instead aimed for Fitz Hydras #2. Just saying guys…our master manipulators might be at work again here. For him if it comes down to giving up Jemma to save Skye…he’s going to give up Jemma to save Skye. Just as Mack gave up Daisy to save Hope.

They are their own worst enemies:

AIDA is likely the worst villain they have gone up against, a horrid culmination of everyone they have faced before. She isn’t dumb she built this world for HER. She is using loopholes to her advantage. Otherwise I firmly feel that everyone but Fitz would already be dead. So since she had to keep them alive she manipulated (even bragged to Radcliffe that she’d done it) those regrets for her gain.

She also has been in everyone’s heads. She’s been around the team before. She knows they are the biggest threat to her when they are working together as a team. So she either split them up or turned them on each other.

She has also made them each others dragons. It is clear now AIDA is in Madame Hydra. She knows right where Mace and the Playground is but allows the Resistance to continue because it feeds into the manipulation. Especially with Fitz, its another thing he has to protect her from.

I discussed in my meta last night that AIDA seems to be trying to make it so the team won’t ‘want’ to save Fitz (more lies, more manipulation). Here he’s The Doctor, Mace won’t bat and eye if he can kill him Isn’t going to give Jemma the resources she needs to get him alive. AIDA has painted Jemma as the villain. Leaving Jemma pretty much alone now in trying to save him (oh look another parallel). She has Coulson for now but I’m betting he will be pulled away too soon by saving Daisy or getting to May.

She took Fitz as her own:

A lot of what AIDA has done was to build this world how she wanted. To get who and what she wanted, and she wanted Fitz. Someone who would love and protect her. Made her happy. Her interaction with Radcliffe very telling. We said that Fitz treating her like a person would come back…and boy has it ever. She also wanted someone that loved and protected her like Fitz did with Jemma…so she took Jemma’s place. May too, she’s ‘rewarded’ May with a high position because I believe May respected her, liked her, called her brave.

But in taking Fitz in so many ways we really do have an epic love story set up here. Jemma is going to have to fight to get him back. I feel like part of that whole spectacle on the island with Agnes was for show. That AIDA knew Jemma was there set up that whole thing with Agnes so Fitz would see it. Try to shake Jemma, make her think that he was too far gone,. It also took away the little support Jemma had found. Leaving her alone in trying to save him. AIDA is scared as heck of Jemma and her saving him.

AIDA also doesn’t have him fully yet. Fitz says he would cross the universe for her but he HAS done it for Jemma.

Fitz is in there:

In the horror of feels that was last night we saw Fitz peeking through more than once. And every single time we saw it it was because Jemma was in the mix either in person or in a picture. And only with Jemma, May, Daisy, and Radcliffe had no effect (though Radcliffe planted seeds, very important seeds).

Aside for Coulson who is aided by Tahiti we haven’t seen anyone else ‘break through” at all.

May: Came into contact with Fitz, Daisy, and Mack…nothing.

Mace: Came into contact with Jemma, Mack, and Coulson…nothing.

Mack: Came into contact with Daisy, May, Mace, and Coulson…nothing.

Engagement is Endgame:

When we look back at interviews from Loeb, Jed, and Mo they have been hinting at this arc all season. And they have been setting up an engagement for Fitzsimmons all season too.

“This young man as you have never seen him before” that was what Leob said at SDCC and also where we first heard the ‘reward’ talk. And we have seen them pay off everything so far. And coupled with the timing of Jed’s quote in EW, engagement coming up in 15, hints all season, and getting their middle names. I think once they are out they aren’t going to risk it again.

“It could happen. If they ever get back together, that’s something that could happen in their future.”

And I’m sorry to say this but this is TV, A drama at that, we have to jump through all sorts of hoops to get this kind of pay off. That is part of why we are now tearing our hair out and crying until Jemma gets him back. And when she does the pay off will be worth it. Look at what we got after Hogface.

The Fallout:

AOS has never ‘dealt’ with trauma and recovery very well. Even Daisy’s recovery a victim of the Ghost Rider Arc. It is often done over hiatus or “off camera. Now we have a situation where its the whole cast that will have things to deal with. So yes, we will miss seeing it but because we don’t see it doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

We can also have the healing ‘begin’ in the Framework, especially for Fitz as he helps get everyone out or plays a part in stopping AIDA once as for all.

Sorry that was a lot but I hope it helps. Just remember its always Darkest before the Dawn and our Sunrise is coming guys.

#aos spoilers #aos meta #fitzsimmons #leo fitz #Jemma simmons #hang in there guys

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miss-musings · 6 years ago

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My List of Top 10 Blacklisters

Let me say right off the bat that it was really difficult to compile this list. Because while I feel a lot of one-off Blacklisters are pretty much throwaways, especially all the different cults and kooky people that the show likes to keep introducing, many of the better ones (IMO) were bad guys who had been around for multiple episodes, maybe even entire arcs or seasons.

So, picking out my Top 10 -- based on how unique they were, how memorable they were, how intimidating, how threatening they were to the main cast, etc. -- was relatively easy, but ranking them was difficult. Because, again, a lot of them get way more screentime than others.

So, I'll try to rank them based on a combination of how much I personally liked them, how much of an overall impact to the story/characters the Blacklister had relative to their screentime and build-up, how well the actor did with the role, how unique and memorable they were, etc.

You'll notice that people like Laurel Hitchen, who was an antagonist but not technically a Blacklister, isn't on the list; and you'll notice that "good guys" like Dembe or Marvin Gerard who were technically Blacklisters, but weren't antagonists for Red or the Task Force aren't on here either. Tom, who flip-flopped between good guy and bad guy as the show progressed, isn't on here either; but that's because there's so much material to judge from as he was a main cast member for at least three seasons, which is unfair.

Anyway, without further ado: my list. Again, feel free to disagree and make your own lists if you like.

(EDIT: I’ve done a follow-up list of ‘Top 10 Best One-Off Blacklisters’, because so many of the below entries had multiple episodes in which to be menacing.)

Note for future reference: this list only includes Blacklisters up through the end of S5.

###

HONORABLE MENTION: MR. KAPLAN

I really wanted to put Mr. Kaplan on this list, and I had at one point, but then I realized I forgot one of the more imposing Blacklisters and had to slide him into the spot where I had Mr. Kaplan. The only reason I took her off completely rather knocking every lower-numbered entry down a spot, was because while I really liked Mr. Kaplan up until S3c, I hated how the showrunners forced the storyline where she had once been Liz's nanny and hated Red for doing her and the Keen family wrong. I love Susan Bloomaert and think she's a very talented actress who's incredibly underrated; but I loved her character more when she was on Red's team -- his cleaner, his friend, his confidant. Granted, there were some really good episodes with her as an antagonist, but I hated the way she died -- throwing herself off a bridge.

Anyway, again, I want to emphasize that this list is purely subjective. So, if you think I've done Mr. Kaplan a disservice, feel free to make your own list to give her to honor you believe she deserves. As I said: I loved Mr. Kaplan, but I felt the whole S4b storyline completely assassinated her character as we knew it up to that point.

P.S. I also feel like GREGORY DEVRY should get a shout-out, but I’ll probably include him in my list of Best One-Off Blacklisters.

10. LEONARD CAUL

This is one of those entries where I guess I kind of cheated. Caul didn’t really end up being an antagonist for Red, Liz or the Task Force. But he was introduced to us a little ambiguously with him developing photos of Liz and Red, listening to the police scanner -- and then holding Liz at gunpoint (briefly) in Red's Bethesda apartment... I really liked all of that and how it was kind of vague from the beginning whether he was on their side or not. Granted, he doesn't get much screentime even in his own episode, and honestly, after S2, I'm not really sure what happened to him. I know he was hanging around with Red up until the S2 finale or thereabouts, but yeah, whatever happened to that guy?

Anyway, it was a really tense episode, and I felt like Caul brought a level of adrenaline and urgency to the situation with Red and the Cabal, as well as the show in general.

9. IAN GARVEY

You'd think Garvey would be higher on this list, but I was never really a big fan of him. Granted, he did pose a pretty serious threat for our main crew, after he stole the Real Reddington’s bones, killed Tom and his goons knocked Liz into a coma. And the actor did a fine job. But, I just felt that -- up until his connection to the Reddington family was revealed -- he was just kind of cartoonish. A dirty cop who runs a drug cartel? Yeah, I don't care.

But, again, while I don't really like Garvey, I felt like he had such an impact on the show and the characters that he deserved a spot -- even if it was a low one.

8. MADELINE PRATT

The only female Blacklister to formally make it onto the list. (Sorry, Mr. Kaplan.) I thought her character and this episode was incredibly well-done. It was a little bit of a heist storyline, and Pratt was a good foil for Liz and Red, forcing both of them to open up in ways we hadn't seen before (up to that point). Liz became more comfortable doing criminal-type things, using her slight-of-hand, infiltrating locations and lying/manipulating people; while Red, conversely, became more human and opened up about why he has been so distant with people and the hurt he has experienced in the past.

Also, Madeline is one of the few past/current love interests of Red that we see on the show, and I really like Jennifer Ehle (mostly because of the 1995 version of Pride & Prejudice). I felt like she matched well with Spader and wasn't overpowered by his always-charismatic performance. And, while we only ever saw her in this episode and briefly in 2x14, I felt like she deserved a spot because she was such a unique character and that episode introduced a lot of character details and traits that became important later.

7. THE STEWMAKER

I really, really liked the Stewmaker -- both the bad guy and the episode. The only reason I didn't put him higher on this list is because I feel everyone else is too good (or bad, depending on how you want to look at it) to be displaced.

So, I remember reading on one of those TV-watching websites that if you weren't entirely sure about a show but you wanted to give it a chance, you should watch at least four episodes to see whether it was any good. By the fourth episode, the show should have established its characters, its dynamic, its continuing plot points, its feel, etc. Pilots, of course, always feel a little different than the shows themselves because they're filmed months before any other episode; so you have to give shows a chance to establish themselves and walk on their own two feet.

So... when THIS was the show's fourth episode... oh, buddy.

The Stewmaker posed a serious threat as he was the first person to ever hold Liz captive and feel the wrath of Red for such an offense. The episode gave us the infamous Parable of the Farmer; and continued the then-mystery of Liz finding out about Tom's shady past.

But, as for the character himself, he was just really weird. Walking around naked while he was working, but having that mask on; disintegrating bodies; having his dog with him; actually being a family man but having this criminal work on the side. And, also, we had a little bit of interaction where Liz was actually trying to do her job (for once) and profile him and use that info to her advantage.

He was a character that I feel the show has tried to redo several times -- the kooky weirdo who's very calm, apologetic and doesn't like violence but who is also fascinated by death, bodies, etc. But, of course, this was the FIRST time the show had used such a character, so it was much more memorable then and not so watered-down.

In any case, I really liked the Stewmaker and thought he was a fantastic Blacklister for the show to have in its fourth episode of the entire series.

6. MATIAS SOLOMON

So, this is actually the spot where I had Mr. Kaplan. But, while I was doing some background research on my #1 choice, I ran across Edi Gathegi's name and remembered that I left Solomon completely off the list. He had been an antagonist throughout the whole of S3a and then came back for his namesake episodes where he and his crew attack Liz and Tom's wedding, Liz gives birth to Agnes, and later she "dies" with Red by her side.

Solomon is either directly or indirectly responsible for a lot of major shit that happened on this show -- hell, just in those two episodes. And, I really like Gathegi's performance, especially considering how Solomon was a little Extra™. So he had to play him as dramatic with a penchant for flair and style ... but without him becoming cartoonish. He was just a little bit eccentric but could still hold himself and lead a team of goons in shooting up a church.

Again, I hated to leave Mr. Kaplan off the list but I felt it was a greater disservice to not put Solomon on it, considering how much of a threat he posed to our main cast throughout various points of S3.

5. THE DECEMBRIST (A.K.A. ALAN FITCH)

This is basically just an outlet for me to talk about how amazing Alan Alda is and how much I love him and wish the show hadn't killed his character off. Seriously, he's just so adorable, and it was hilarious to see him partly playing against type here. Fitch was intimidating, but I also kept wanting to give him a hug.

And, I felt like that was how Red felt toward him. He hated Fitch for the whole bullshit in that raid on the Post Office, but yet, he also respected him. That look on his face when he's having that last conversation before the bomb on Fitch's neck goes off... just heartbreaking.

And while so many actors seem to bow under the weight of Spader's performances, Alda is also one of the few actors who I felt like was on-par with him in terms of charisma and acting chops. It seems he just strolls onto the set and does whatever is required of him without a care in the world. "Need me to be gruff and menacing? I can do that. Need me to be sad and fearful? I can do that. Need me to look bored and indifferent? I can do that." God, I just love Alan Alda, and I want to give him a hug.

But, seriously, Fitch was a Blacklister who's impact on the story goes all the way back to setting Berlin on Red decades before S2 takes place, and he was one of the few people (at that time) who seemed to know Reddington from the pre-Night of the Fire era. (It's unclear now whether that was actually true; he probably knew the REAL Reddington, but never knew our guy was an imposter.)

Anyway, Fitch had a major impact on the story because he was the one person/thing who had a connection to the raid on the Post Office, the Cabal and Berlin. So, he definitely deserves a spot on this list. And also, ALAN ALDA!

4. BERLIN

This is a weird entry, because Berlin is hardly in either of his two namesake episodes; and even when he is, his identity is obscured until the very end of "Berlin: Conclusion."

Berlin had been built up for a long time, and while I still am so frustrated that it was never addressed how he organized a giant criminal syndicate from inside a Russian prison. Honestly, for as much as for as long as he was built up, I feel like the pay-off was a little bit disappointing. Which is why he’s at number four for me.

Still, when he came back in the first half of S2, he was such a good baddie. I absolutely love when he and Red meet on Coney Island, and that weird, dynamic and layered conversation that they have. And overall, Peter Stormare's performance is fantastic. He's mustache-twirling, sure, but he was so intimidating at the same time... threatening Liz, capturing Naomi, being responsible for the attacks on Cooper and Meera, etc.

He had a tremendous impact on both S1 and S2a, so he definitely has to have a spot.

3. ALEXANDER KIRK (A.K.A. CONSTANTIN ROSTOV)

Like Berlin, Kirk is hardly in either of his namesake episodes, but we get to see him more fleshed out as a character/villain in S4a.

Unlike most villains, we actually got to see quiet moments of Kirk, where he was caring, respectful, loving and just ... generally not villainous. Most of these other Blacklisters never got those opportunities, and Kirk -- in hindsight -- was built up as a kind of hero out of a Greek tragedy. Odette tells Liz that he was a kind, caring and gentle man up until he found out about Liz’s identity as Masha and her connection to Red. Then, he flipped his shit and did whatever it took to get his (step)daughter away from him. And, honestly, I really liked his little farewell speech to Liz about how she would only ever remember him as a villain who kidnapped and threatened her and her child; and she would never remember him as the young, happy father who held her in her arms, excited at what the future would hold for their family.

God, just thinking back to that speech makes me feel such sympathy for the man... not the one he became but the one he used to be. Kirk was hurt and betrayed multiple times by Katarina, the Real Reddington, the Fake Reddington, and all these other people who played him like a puppet for their own ends. Really thinking back on it, it’s no wonder he became the broken man he is, so desperately trying to cling to this frayed prospect of happiness with the family he once had. Yes, he was hoping that Liz or Agnes would help cure him of his disease, but I truly believe that was only a bonus in his mind and he was really hoping to piece his family back together -- to have a second chance in his (step)daughter’s life and help her with her newborn.

He’s also one of the few villains with his own arc who WASN’T killed off at the end of said arc, so I REALLY hope he comes back. I doubt it, but I would really like to see it. Maybe he could help Liz understand what all happened with Katarina, Real Reddington, Fake Reddington, and everything on the Night of the Fire.

And, again, like with Fitch, he was a really important Blacklister as he was connected to both Red’s past and Liz’s. And, that scene where he’s about to kill Red, and the two stop to reminisce about Katarina, who she was, and how important she was to them ... that’s the kind of depth we don’t get out of most Blacklisters.

Honestly, even though his introduction to the audience was a little too Darth Vader/Alias-esque, I still really enjoyed the range of emotions Ulrich Thomsen got to run through in his portrayal, especially in that final episode. And while he doesn’t really have a lasting effect on the story once his arc is resolved, he was a major threat to everyone, including Liz, and the main characters to make major decisions in the latter half of S3 and the first part of S4 that showed us who they really are.

So, yeah. IMO, he deserves to be this high on the list.

2. ANSLO GARRICK

It might seem a little weird to have a one-off villain this high on the list, but Anslo Garrick -- both the character and his namesake episodes -- was an actual game-changer. Here we were, skipping along through S1, pretty complacent and chill. And then all of a sudden, Anslo Garrick shows up and turns everything on its head. The Post Office is under attack; Ressler gets seriously injured and he and Red have to make due hanging out together inside the box; Cooper et al is captured; Liz and Aram, who have little field experience between them, have to team up to try to get to safety. Luli is killed; Dembe is almost killed; Liz is threatened; Red is captured and later escapes.

God, so much happened in those episodes, and I still think “Anslo Garrick: Part One” might be the best episode of the show to date. Seriously. Even though Red and Liz have zero screentime together, that episode is just SO GOOD. Intense, dark, with high-stakes and important character moments -- and there have been very few episodes like it since.

But, anyway, as for Anslo Garrick himself... he isn’t really all that much. He was a rabid dog sent by Fitch to bring Red in. He was intimidating, coarse, violent and gave zero shits about his actions.

This entry doesn’t really celebrate who the character of Anslo Garrick was, but more of what he represented and the major impact he had on the show at that point in time. He introduced us to Fitch, who first brought up the whole “Cabal” storyline, which was responsible for a lot of shit in S2 and S3a.

Again, Garrick woke us viewers out of our little complacency that Red & co. were just going to glide through their Blacklisters with only a few cuts and bruises and no real stakes (outside of the Tom/mystery storyline that was going on at the time). This was a good kick in the pants to make us realize that we were wrong.

So, yeah. I feel like he deserves to be Number 2.

1. THE DIRECTOR

So, you’re sitting there, wondering who the hell could be sitting at Number 1... above Garvey, above Kirk and Garrick and Fitch and everyone else?

It’s the man who if I could push a button and bring any of the show’s dead character back to life, he would be the one I’d pick:

Peter Kotsiopulos, The Director ... played by the amazing David Strathairn.

Even though he appeared in 12 episodes over what amounted to an entire season of the show (from 2x09 to 3x10), I really wish The Director hadn’t been killed off. Seriously, I have no idea how much money TPTB had to throw at Strathairn to get him to appear for as long and as many times as he did, but it wasn’t enough. I've always said that this show deserves a Big Bad (assuming that Red isn’t it), and he would’ve been great as the Big Bad for The Blacklist.

While Strathairn's basically just reprising his role as "Unethical and Shady AF Government Official and Resident Mustache-Twirler" from The Bourne Series, it's a role he's REALLY good at. And even though he didn’t get a lot of quiet moments to be humanized or come across as sympathetic, like Kirk did, I still feel like it was such a bitch move for Red and his crew to play on The Director’s feelings for/obligation to his wife as their opportunity to abduct him. I know that Liz was facing trial for murder and desperate times called for desperate measures, but I can just imagine that poor lady sitting in her therapist’s office, wondering where her husband was only to find out that he was a villain who had ditched her and fled the country, when that wasn’t the case AT ALL.

Yeah, I know The Director’s an absolute piece of shit who’s responsible for threatening the entire Task Force, publicly demonizing Liz and almost killing Red... but he was so good at being bad that I wanted him to stick around long-term. I wanted to see him and Liz have more interactions; and again, Stathairn was one of the few actors who held his own in scenes with Spader without any effort.

He was also the first one, as I recall, to set Liz on this path toward Katarina Rostova’s backstory and finding out how alike the two of them were. Remember in 2x19, he remarks how much Liz looks like her mom, and I feel like that sends Liz down a road to get answers from Red about who she was and what his connection was to her mom and her family.

But, anyway, yeah. I just love David Strathairn; I loved him in this role, on this show; and I loved how diabolical, manipulative, and just conniving his character was. I also just absolutely love the look on his face in 3x10 when he and Red are watching Laurel Hitchen on the TV and Hitchen just outs The Director as a member of the Cabal. He just goes from angry and staring daggers at Red to flustered and “oh shit” in an instant.

So, just like my Fitch entry was my opportunity to celebrate how amazing Alan Alda was, this is my chance to celebrate how underrated David Strathairn is as an actor and how much I wish he was still on the show.

But, putting all of that aside, why should The Director as a character be ranked above all those other people as a better Blacklister?

Because, The Director represented the Cabal, which was an entity that had been built up from 1x09 as a major force that had power to easily destroy everything Red, Liz and their crew was trying to work toward. They sent Braxton after info about the Fulcrum, they sent Karakurt to frame Liz, they sent that team of commandos to attack Red. They were a force that seemingly could not be stopped, and the Director was at the head of it all.

And, while I can’t find it anywhere (so help me out if you know what I’m talking about), I know there’s a saying about how the worst man is the one who does evil in the name of good. And that’s The Director. He is the embodiment of all the worst parts of The Blacklist’s villains, actual real life government officials and humanity at large. He has dozens of people killed without batting an eye because it’s all in the interest of “national security.” Or so he tells others. But, deep down, we all know that he’s only really concerned about his own self-interest.

Now that the show has killed him off, obviously, there’s no way for Strathairn to return as The Director; but perhaps, if/once the show delves more into Katarina and Red’s backstory, maybe we will see a Young Director in a flashback so that we can see exactly how he was connected to Katarina, the Cabal, and that whole mess with the Fulcrum.

Plus, I can’t get over how awesome his interactions with Liz were, and Strathairn’s delivery of the now infamous line, “I know who you really are, Raymond -- who you are TO HER.”

###

Again, if you disagree, feel free to reblog with your comments or your own list. This is all purely subjective, but -- because we’re on this crazy-long hiatus until January -- I felt like it was good to fill the time with SOMETHING. My goal with this isn’t to give a definitive list and that’s it; but rather, to prompt discussion about the topic.

Thanks for reading all the way to the end and cheers! ~mm

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