#incredibly fun watching experience
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Mini-Review: Scott Pilgrim Takes Off
Scott Pilgrim meets the girl of his dreams, Ramona Flowers, only to find out her seven evil exes stand in the way of their love.
An alternate take on the Scott Pilgrim story, which started as a series of graphic novels and received a live action feature film in 2010, this anime starts off by seeming to be a pretty straightforward animated adaptation of the film, but that soon changes.
I can't speak to how either adaptation compares to the original books (because I've never read them), but the film, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, went heavy on the video game and comic influences in a way that I found fun when it came out, and still fun when I rewatched last year.
I'm here to talk about the anime, but it's worth bringing up the movie because my experience watching the show is inextricably linked to having previously watched the movie. I don't know how the anime would be without that; probably fine, but likely somewhat of a different experience without having a "previous" storyline to compare to.
Because for the first episode, the anime hews pretty darn close to the film, making it seem like you're just watching the same thing but in cartoon format. But it diverges at the end of the first episode, at which point it becomes super intriguingly clear to the viewer that they're going to get a different story.
And this is a fun story! These characters are mostly young adults, many of them if not aimless, then just kinda doing what they can in basic jobs to get by. Scott is a loser—like, an entertaining loser because of the plot, but the guy is 23 and initially dating a 17-year-old, which (in both versions) is made clear that everyone outside of the couple thinks this shouldn't be happening.
One of the things that becomes clear within a few episodes in this version is that compared to the film, Knives-the-17-year-old gets way more focus and is allowed to develop as a character beyond "enthusiastic high schooler with a giant crush on a loser." It's really nice to see, and it's part of a larger trend in this show of developing characters beyond the title guy and his actual love interest, Ramona.
Actually, Ramona gets more development, too. She's a much more prominent and active character in this show than the movie; as the plot goes on she deliberately inserts herself into various Shenanigans as she pursues answers to a mystery, and the audience gets a better grasp of who she is as a character, not just the object of Scott's instant attraction.
She and Knives aren't the only ones; even the League of Evil Exes gets more development! (Or, for people who haven't seen the film, they get introduced to the League as characters with personalities beyond "showing up to a single fight because some guy wants to date their ex-girlfriend.")
The fights make great use of animation as a medium. The colors are saturated, the movement has weight. I wondered, before watching, how the art style would translate because it's fairly thick and chunky, but it actually turned out fantastic. Animation is smooth, and the art consistently feels like a style rather than a bunch of chibi versions of adults.
Finally, I have to mention my favorite character: Wallace Wells, Scott's roommate who actually functions as an adult, and whose deadpan sarcasm I could watch all day. He's a great foil to Scott (immature, enthusiastic), but he is also just a pleasure to have on screen (although unfortunately, a lot of his snark doesn't appear to have been gif'd).
Verdict
English dub? Yes! They notably got all the main film actors to reprise their roles for the English voices, which is a bonus for film viewers. For anime-only watchers, they're just good, solid voices—generally normal people voices, not frenetic cartoon voices.
Visuals: Great, I actively enjoyed literally watching the show.
Worth watching? Definitely for enjoyers of the film, and almost-definitely for anyone else. It's a fun action-y show with good animation direction and plenty of humor.
Where to watch (USA, July 2024): Netflix
Click my “reviews” tag below or search “mini review” on my blog to find more!
#Scott Pilgrim Takes Off#Scott Pilgrim#anime#reviews#recommendation#the first episode just such a good job of following the film that when it diverged I initially thought we'd entered a dream sequence#incredibly fun watching experience
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Max Verstappen | 2024 Belgian GP | 📸 via Verstappencom's Insta
#max verstappen#autumn posts#so many feeling rn#congrats to George!!! amazing!!!#feeling for Lewis and Carlos like maybe they could've done a one-stop too? idk#it kinda seemed like Lewis wasn't told about the impromtu one-stop pivot and for Toto to call it unfortunate ahh makes me think#many Mercedes thoughts#also so happy for Max but of course wanted more still an incredible climb back#I was so stressing I watched the last 15~ laps through his onboards instead of hearing the F1 TV commentary haha#I like the commentary on F1 usually but it was really fun to be onbaord and just be in the moment!!! F1TV is so worth it to me#just to kinda experience the rush even through the screen#I'll have to go back and rewatch the end!!!!#also I feel for Checo with all the pressure#my gut is saying a Daniel RB spot tho#which I would love very very much ahhhhhhh#it's hard loving so many drivers!!! each race is such a mixed bag of emotions#much to think about#anyways into the insta dive ❤️🫡
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this time last year i was probably sitting in the kitchen while my dad started making an early dinner of chicken bolognese trying not to get too nervous about the concert i'd be going to in a few hours
#the nyc concert was last year. LAST YEAR .#thats so insane like yeah that feels like a year ago but good god the insane amount of stuff that has happened since#but god i remember that day so well#it was cloudy and a little rainy in the morning which made me ough thinking it was a bad omen and wouldnt be as fun#and i remember going to library and printing out my silly letters (i should have just. not done that lol)#and on the DAY OF on the way back home from the library#i even bought a cropped black blazer specifically for my concert outfit. havent worn it since lmao#and my dad and i even watched a movie at lunch#a short movie but a movie nonetheless. lol and even then i was like oghh my gosh excitement and nervousness#and then the car service getting there i felt so fancy and as the drive started the clouds were magically dissipating#so that it was a nice clear evening when i got to the theatre#and then all the insanity of the show. god i cant believe it still after all this time. wowie#going to listen to a playlist of the show setlist im gonna get emotional now. guys........#one of my fave memories is how everyone started standing up as they went into so may we start so i was like ok are we all doing this#and stood up too and then stood for the entire rest of the concert. i think the first 3-5 rows were like that for the whole show#surreal and insane i was front row. those guys were REAL and CLOSE#i was also very excited to notice russells new shoes :) when i wasnt like awooga (how i was 99% of the time)#there was one so may we start jump that was well. yeah. front row baby#i think after latte i was like ok i cant film i gotta just vibe#religious experience doing the 'ah ah ah's during that. really interesting#ok im not gonna go through the whole show again but wowie one of my most insane nights. second only to hollywood bowl#wow what a fun year it was. just so many incredible moments#ok yay 💖 happy one year to all that. love those guys so much#spars#ok not actually done beaver o lindy was INSANE LIVE!!! AS WAS EVERYTHING ELSE. so fun ok now done for real
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hnggghhggg
#just realized a little too hard that im packing my entire life up into a single suitcse and hitting the road for a month. in a month.#im also turning 24 in a month#both of these things perturb me in some direction or another.#its also 1030pm but i am Vibrating unfortunately#also realized vividly today that ill be attending my college graduation less than 48hrs after landing back in canada#and that will be after 30+ hours in transit coming directly from a 12 hour time difference#so that'll be fun#not really how i imagined graduating when i started my freshman year?#actually dear lord i could not have fathomed Being Here when i was 19 and starying college#i remember hearing about the program im currently doing and thinking 'wow that's incredibly cool but im just not the kind of person#who can do that sort of thing'#i still periodically have moments where i just look around and have to be like Yes I Really Am Here#and yeah turning 24. in a month. that's far too grown up of an age for how i feel inside.#and yeah trvaelljng to 5 vountires in a month again? wild.#didnt think anything could top seeing the great pyramids for out of body wild experiences And Yet. we sure are gonna be going some places.#also being in a serious relationship huh. didnt think this was going to happen until i was 35 if ever.#skmeone needs to tell me why my brain decided to watch wedding dress youtube shorts today with a vague expectation that might be relevant#to my life within a decade.#so yeah all that to say my life feels fucking insane to me.#I Am Not Qualified For This Experience Help#(this is not entirely negative im just ??????)
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DEADLOCH SPOILERS WATCH THE SHOW BEFORE U READ
Wait ok no oh my god, if I’m understanding correctly, so, Bushy’s murder was an inside job, right?? Like, a fellow cop killed him, and then the whole force not only gaslit Eddie but told her it was her fault he died. And then they sent her away, again all saying it was because she was the reason Bushy died, when really it was bc they didn’t want her around bc they knew she’d find out the truth…
that’s actually so fucked
#deadloch#deadloch spoilers#im serious when I say watch the show before reading this#I’m someone who usually seeks out spoilers and trust me when I say you don’t want this show spoiled for you#it won’t ruin the experience bc the show is incredible even without twists#But it’ll ruin some of the fun#Please watch deadloch
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rewatched the dynamite mv and felt the echo of the feelings it inspired back in 2020 and truly I need another hyperfixation like that again to feel alive
#listen i got into bts during the height of the 2020 elections#and sinking into that hyperfixation was such an incredible escape for my mental health#and truly that level of insanity has inspired some of the most fun ive ever had#at first it starts with watching those funny youtube compilations and you just like them SO much SO instantly#and then its little by little getting to know the members and the lore#and then watching all the music videos and hearing all the songs and differentiating between the members in the songs#and finding their variety shows and waiting for those every week#and the waiting every second for a new clip or a new livestream to drop#and the instant boost of serotonin when it does#2020-2022 was SUCH a time and they truly brought me sooo much happiness#one time i woke up at 4am to stream a japanese award show. that shit was INSANE#i mean i still love them but im definitely not hyperfixating anymore and i neeeeeed to experience that again i need to
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reading tags you guys leave rn and always feeling sooo 💖♥️💖♥️💕💖💕♥️💕💖💕♥️💖💕♥️💖💕
#alli onpyre ilysm + you’re the one who got me to watch this show in the first place and ahhhhhh 💖♥️💖♥️💖#how do i thank you all for making this experience so incredibly fun and welcoming and!!!!!#i hope the sun shines on you all today ily mwah
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5 year dog plan updates: I think I've identified a breed (and 3 potential breeders), I have more clearly figured out what I don't want and what my life style will not fit and most important I need more experience with dogs in general
#so over a year ago i started doing research on owner training a service dog and i was in contact with a GSD breeder who had a puppy left#over from their last litter who was very hamdler engaged (this obviously fell through because i realized i was just too short on time before#uni and now knowing more about temperaments and genetics i wouldn't go gsd but this was a great breeder)#with what i know know i a) do not want a herding breed it would be incredibly overwhelming and b) would prefer a medium sized dog (if i find#a poodle or lab breeder I'm obsessed with I'd still go that route unfortunately my fav poodle breeder with multi sd's in their line/#offspring is in Arizona and that's basically a no go#my favourite dogs are mid sized gun dogs which do not make good prospects (see the stinky girl in her window bird watching rn) i also have#tons of experience with a Brittany spaniel and know my personal dream dog is very similar (slightly lower energy and prey drive) which puts#show-line English springer spaniels as the breed I'd be happy with and while they do great as police sniffer dogs and therapy dogs there#aren't tons as service dogs because they can be too high energy and unfocused (i know that their energy would not be a big issue if we#create good settling habits) and i really appreciate them being soft mouthed for certain tasks and my apartment is very close to tons of#river paths so we are good for breed specific enrichment and fun#i just really want more dog sitting experience and to sit in on training sessions with other people over the next few years#because I've stalked ess breeder who is so transparent and has tons of show experience and does incredible socialization#they would also just be really good people to talk to about the breed#i just there are reasons the popular breeds are popular but i find herding dogs incredibly overwhelming and labs and goldens put everything#in their mouths and end up sick from it (I've also mcas reactions after petting all the goldens in my neighborhood)#and poodles are smarter than me and i am a low maintenance grooming girl (i could handle shave done with poms though)#i have no poodle experience outside badly bred Doodles#of popular breeds the one I'd work best with is a bernese mountain dog but they are a grooming challenge and I'm going to live in a smallish#apartment and exclusively use public transit (the fab 3 would also struggle a bit with this since they are mid-large(
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On one hand the fact that nobody dislikes me is good it saves me a lot of trouble on the other hand I want someone to dislike me I want someone to think I'm the worst thing that ever happened to humanity I need to be someone's Roman empire in a stupid way. I don't need them to make it my problem but the sheer comedy in being able to ruin someone's day just by existing in their near vicinity is something I'd just like to experience at least once is all....
#thats what you get when you try to be private to a point where it just turns around into seeming incredibly open#i have nothing to tell you about my interests I don't want you to know that I'm not embarrassed I just don't think you're worthy#so instead you get this story about how i overslept again and a silly movie refernce you won't understand because you haven't seen the movie#i know so much useless but very fun facts#it's rather lame if the reaction of the people around me can be anything telling but i like to know stuff#i don't mind if people don't want to know thats their loss#i can stay in my little glass box and read my wikipedia pages and watch my video essays and enrich myself with information#but I'd just like to have someone thats kind of annoyed by me#maybe because I just think it'd be validating#but still#I have the experience actually I was bullied in grade school but i didn't really notice that back then so it doesn't count#delete later
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Experience Pirates Baseball
#anne watches baseball#experience pirates baseball#we ruined that man’s era#this team is incredibly fun#stupid but fun#pirates lb
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very autistic media day
#watched im a virgo and some of pushing daisies#both incredibly autistic#and with the most disparate opinions on policing possible. lmao#im a virgo was good. interesting idea pretty well played out and clearly well considered#the metaphors were very cleanly drawn in a way that didnt feel heavy handed.#it is the 4th piece of media championing a young black person living the black experience in america that does a lot of hand holding about#systemic oppression that has come and come to my attention in the past 4 or so years. 3 of them coming out in the last 2#this one beat out wendall and wilde for the title of heaviest handed#it had a scene at the end in which the main antagonist had systemic oppression explained to him and he just. quit being evil after that. ig#implying that education will lead to action because no one wants to be evil. which is a choice. maybe im misinterpreting#but i think it was better executed than that film. certainly more fun to watch#i would recommend it! and i would like to see what the creators make in the future#when i say 'black american experience' i would like 2 emphasise that i know there is no singular experience nor is it an experience exclusi#to either black people or american people. but the genre is by and about people who want to highlight that experience#the others in the genre are they cloned tyrone and sorry to bother you. obviously.#ik live named peele's 'us' in correlation with this genre before but i have to kick it out because its too much of its own thing(compliment
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...God the trick truly is to just not listen to that soundtrack at all for a few months at a time before listening to the whole thing in one go. Guaranteed religious experience by the time you hit "Finale ~ Dawn".
#ignore me#the ensemble vocals hit me in the chest every single time. and the same is true in Justice for All (Reprise)#god fuck I'll say it as many times as it needs said: TAAAM is one of my new favorite musicals PERIOD#I literally saw at least 10 live (professional!) musical performances throughout this year#making TAAAM one of 11 musicals I got to experience#and among them? TAAAM was EASILY top 3 for me.#the emotional weight of every song. the reprises within reprises. the humor and wit.#the variety of character arcs that EACH get handled SO PERFECTLY.#and damn near every song is super incredibly catchy and fun to learn!#if my endless recs of the musical throughout the year have managed to convince just a few more people to watch it#then I will have accomplished something good for the year#go watch the Ace Attorney Musical. it's on youtube. it's the best.#(and I can't wait to see *it* live as soon as those plans are made! I'll travel as far as it takes to add it to my list of musicals seen!!)
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This art is so cuteeee 🥰 fav BOP is a very tough choice but Eurasian Kestrel! The reasoning is in the tags because I intended it to be a short explanation and wound up rambling, oopsie
Heres my girlie and the main reason behind the favouritism lol; she’s a year and a half old Eurasian Kestrel and owns my heart and soul! (Last pic was with her juvenile plumage)
american kestrel
tell me your favorite bird of prey :-)
#LOOK AT THE BABIESSS#this is tough#i have my own eurasian kestrel and she is everything so im biased here#i have a lot of favourites though#the runner up is harris hawks because theyre so intelligent and their flight ability is gorgeous and theyre so fun to train#i will say i prefer the call of harris hawks because my kestrel shrieks and it bursts my ear drums </3#a lot of owls cause theyre so beautiful and i love their temperament but also each is very unique and you get to form a bond with each one#ultimately eurasian kestrel is gonna have to win though cause they do a bit of everything that i love about falcons hawks and owls respecti#long wings generally cant be taught “tricks” but kestrels can be— i mean have you SEEN them hovering? they have a lot of manoeuvrability to#you can also do lure work with a kestrel so arabic style lure swinging rather than just as a recall like most hawks#another thing is weight management and feeding schedules compared to bigger falcons like sakers peregrines lanners etc#the rule i was taught with longwings is to feed once a day w/ a big reward#while there are exceptions they generally dont respond that well to small pieces and multiple flights whereas hawks and owls will#kestrels are an exception and do well with that training style#also eurasian kestrels will respond to food even if they’re not necessarily very hungry same as with hawks#which means you can do multiple flights a day and train both short and long distances#you could argue that their size is a disadvantage but personally i really enjoy microfalconry#size doesn't matter (bird edition)#although flying a big hawk owl eagle or gyr will always have a certain <33333 to it i’ll admit#also in my experience kestrels have that intelligence and sociability and variety that you see with owls and a lot of hawks#i think all birds are special and i adore all the raptors that i’ve worked with but i love when they’re very obviously smart#you look in their eyes and you can see them analysing and understanding things around them#smart birds will also challenge you quite a bit#you have to treat them with a lot of respect and consideration to get any back and once you do earn it its the most incredible feeling#and of all the falcons ive worked with eurasian kestrels are the smartest#i wont compare them visually because all birds are so so beautiful but kestrels generally are a joy to watch like hellooooo#so yes i love all raptors and all birds but ultimately kestrels <333333#harris hawks and desert eagle owls are very very close seconds but if I had to choose one then yeah!#ALSO shout out to vultures and eagles i adore them but i dont have much first hand experience (yet!) so they’re not talked abt much#birds
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the vast majority of fanworks are bad, and that's fine, actually. they are bad for the same reason that the average number of legs for a human person to have is less than two: statistics. like with all endeavours and especially creative ones, most people who write fanfiction or draw art of their favourite characters are bad at it. if you line up all the crochet projects in the world, most of them will be, well, bad. some are bad because they're the first thing a person ever made, or the second or third or tenth, and this kind of thing takes practice. others are bad because the person who made them is just not very good at it. maybe they just learned how to make granny squares and they're perfectly happy to never expand or improve on that. most people who dance or bake or garden or braid hair are not amazing at it! and you'd never go to your kid's dance recital or eat your friend's homemade carrot cake and expect the same experience as you'd have at a professional ballet performance or award-winning bakery. And that's if we assume there is an objective measure of Good Art, which there isn't! Some art is just "bad" because you don't like it!
I think though that specifically with fanfiction, we sometimes forget that when we read a book or watch a movie, dozens of people have looked at it and given feedback and made changes and done quality control before the final product reaches our shelves or screens, and that's not counting the original writer's learning process and past experience. A published book is not anyone's first crochet project, even if it is their debut novel. But with fanfiction, the barrier to entry is so low (on purpose! this is a good thing!) that we do get to see a lot of wonky granny squares, and on sites like AO3 they're sitting on the same shelf as the hand-made silk lace wedding dress and you can't always tell just by looking at it which is which. The consequence of this is that we encounter fic that we think is unpolished, has bad punctuation, is out of character, and we are tempted to think "well, this is awful! how dare this person put this wonky granny square on the same shelf as the lace wedding dress!" But that's not how fandom is supposed to work! That wonky granny square is somebody who is really excited about this TV show they just watched and they are reaching out into the void to share their excitement with you. To scoff at them for not making a lace wedding dress is really, really rude. Even if they did make a lace wedding dress, maybe it's just really not your style, or you think they should have used a different pattern, and it's still their wedding dress. You don't have to wear the dress and you don't have to read the fic.
We all know that there is some fanfic out there that is incredible. I think it's important to talk about that! But the vast majority of people who post their writing online are just sharing their little hobby projects that they make for fun and I also think it's important to remember that.
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My experience with Luke (Punz)
CW: toxic relationship, racism, dubious consent
I know in the past i said that i would no longer speak about him publicly, and when talking about my experiences with abuse and emotional mistreatment i begged to keep it anonymous but after reflecting on this for a week and seeing so many incredibly smart and strong women tell their stories. they have given me the strength to say his name.
this is really scary to talk about because of the copious levels of harassment i have received from his fans in the past so if this spreads or gets out of hand i will simply log off.
If you read my last post, i nicknamed him 1.
So aside from everything i said there, there were a lot of things i didn’t include because they would’ve made it obvious that it was him and it could potentially backfire on me so, i’m very afraid to post this. but i’m going to do it scared anyway, because it’s not fair that he gets to just go and live his life worry-free as if he didn’t practically ruin mine.
Because I already made a very lengthy post about him, i won’t include everything i said last time to avoid being redundant but if i repeat myself, please bear with me.
In our year long relationship i had to endure emotional neglect, gaslighting, verbal abuse, one instance where there was dubious consent, and much more.
Starting off at the beginning of our relationship, that’s when i was getting copious amounts of hate and harassment from his fan base (warranted or not), he decided that our relationship must be kept private. he said it was to “protect” me from his fanbase when in reality it was to protect himself. it was so he wouldn’t get all the backlash i was getting. this is funny because one of the things i got called out for was saying the B slur (derogatory term used against mexicans/latinos). I won’t get into the nuances of if i could say it or not as a puertorican because that’s discourse that does not pertain to this specific situation. But you know who definitely can’t say it? A white boy from Massachusetts. When i was getting cancelled for this and getting thousands of tweets calling me names, he decided that was the perfect time to say “I mean you are a b***** aren’t you? my little b*****.” Now, he said this completely unprompted. I was in the process of writing my apology and he just said that. I tell you this because i immediately shut him down and told him that there was no universe in which it was okay for him to say that word and especially not one where he could just call me that. While i was reprimanding him, he was smiling and laughing. he apparently found it amusing to call me a slur. regardless, he gave me a half-assed apology and said he wouldn’t do it again. and he didn’t. but this wasn’t the only time he was weirdly racist to me. this was my first time being in an interracial relationship so i was led to believe that this was normal by all the white people around me at the time. But, sometimes my spanish accent would come out and he would make fun of me and the way i pronounced some words. He also refused to visit me in Puerto Rico when i lived there or come meet my family when i really wanted him to because he “didn’t like the heat” or “it’s dangerous there isn’t it?”. Once, while we were watching season 2 of Bridgerton, he implied that the Sharma sisters were “too dark” for him to be attracted to them. This hurt me because they are brown skinned girls. I am a brown skinned girl. Then this, combined with the fact that he told me once he wasn’t attracted to me made me feel like my skin color was unattractive. These are only a few examples i can think of at the moment, but i’m sure there were more. Our relationship ended in 2022 so some of my memory is a bit hazy. But, I do remember feeling inferior to him throughout the relationship because he was white and I was not. I chalk that up to all the micro aggressions i had to deal with because i had never felt that way around white people before.
Another thing i had to endure was him constantly making me feel like he was embarrassed to be with me. Because i was cancelled, he didn’t want to associate with me too much. He did defend me on multiple occasions, I’ll give him that. But, he only did it because his name was getting dragged in the mud along with mine. Excusing my actions made him look better for being around me. In reality he didn’t really care. Because he was such a big content creator and someone i looked up to professionally, I took his advice as law. He told me to tone down my personality, to keep a low profile, to change things about myself to be more palatable to his audience. The same audience that spoke about me like “The pussy can’t be that good punz please stop defending her”. So i changed a lot of things about myself and my content to better suit what his audience liked. He made me feel like if his audience liked me, he would be public about our relationship and stop hiding it. He told me the reason why he wanted to keep our relationship a secret was because he didn’t want to get hate for it. But this wasn’t true. On my 20th birthday he went to Las Vegas for a twitch rivals event. That night i asked to facetime him to say goodnight and he refused because he was at a hotel room with his friends and he didn’t want them to know that we were together. It was as if my mere presence or the utterance of my name was a source of embarrassment for him. And he didn’t let me forget it. It wasn’t just a public thing at that point. He didn’t want people to know we were together, period. This was devastating to me because I would talk to all my friends about him. I was so proud to be with him and I was just one more problem to him. He made me feel so small and insignificant just because his fans didn’t like me.
He would berate me a lot. Not just due to getting heat online, although he did do that a lot. But in general whenever we would get into an argument or a disagreement he would always call me names like annoying or weird or stupid. He would raise his voice at me if i did something he didn’t like and call me an idiot. And that really hurt, i felt like i couldn’t bring up anything or do anything without getting insulted. If I hadn’t seen him in a few days because he was too busy streaming and i asked to hang out he would call me needy, clingy, and annoying. Granted, he might not have been wrong, but that is not something you say to someone you claim to love. He also insulted me when i was in depressive episodes. I have BPD and at the time i was not being treated properly for it. So, I was all over the place emotionally and he was what i clung to for validation, reassurance, and love. I talked to him when we first started dating about my disorder and told him that if it seemed like something he couldn’t handle that he could opt out of the relationship. I guess he didn’t think it was that bad or something idk because whenever i had really bad depressive episodes, he would tell me I was too sad to hang out with. He said that my sadness was a burden to him. Which would be fair. But, once my mother had a conversation with him about me. She told him that i am someone who needs a lot of love and caring. She said that if he wasn’t willing to put in that kind of effort into a relationship to just leave me alone. He reassured her that he would be there for me no matter what. He told my mother that he would protect me and my heart. He did not. He took all the warnings I gave him and ignored them and then made me feel like I was the problem. And even worse, he would say that i was pretending to be sad to get his attention when he would neglect for days at a time.
There were also some smaller things like the fact that he made me feel really guilty whenever he would spend money on me. Also, he would be really mean about my eating habits. For context, i used to suffer from an eating disorder. I was anorexic and had a really unhealthy relationship with food during high school and my first year of uni. This relationship began when i was recovering from my ED. For me, eating was really hard. So i had certain comfort foods that, while sometimes unhealthy, at least it was something to eat when i didn’t feel like eating anything. He knew this. Yet, whenever i would crave some of these foods he would call me fat. Constantly told me I’d gain weight from eating all that junk food. Saying that to someone with an eating disorder is crazy. Other smaller things were that whenever I would post tiktoks where i was lip syncing or just looking good he would yell at me and say i was looking for attention. Same with Instagram or Twitter whenever i would post photos where I looked hot. He never planned out a single date for us. I would beg him to get me flowers and he did maybe once but i’ll get into that in a bit. He would make fun of me in front of his friends to make himself look better. He let his friends say really degrading things about me in his presence. For example, once when i was showering, i overheard him on a discord call with George and Sapnap and i heard George say “if you don’t go in the shower and have sex with Andi, i will”. Once, when i was really struggling with my legs (for those of you who don’t know, i have arthritis and it’s very painful. at the time i wasn’t diagnosed but i was in a lot of pain) I literally could not walk. I had to beg him to take me to the ER because i didn’t know what was wrong with me. He didn’t want to take me but eventually i convinced him, and while we were there all he did was complain about how long it was taking and that he would have rather been at home streaming. Whenever I would talk about my interests that i was excited about like shows or books he would be incredibly uninterested and say that those things were stupid and he didn’t want to hear about them. I know all of these seem very silly or superficial but cumulatively it was awful.
Now for arguably the most serious thing i’m going to talk about. I want to preface this by saying i am just telling my side of what happened. You can come to your own conclusions about this.
On April 25, 2022 it was our one year anniversary, and i had made a dinner reservation for us. I expected him to plan something throughout the day for us to do. He told me he was going to spend the whole day playing Valorant so I got upset and cancelled the reservation. After a very heated argument, we calmed down and i asked him to come over. He came over about an hour later with flowers and drinks (I was 20 at the time so I couldn’t buy the drinks myself). He brought Smirnoffs and Trulys. For context, I am a lightweight. I always have been. I literally get tipsy on half a cocktail. And that day, I hadn’t eaten anything because i was in distress over our argument. So we get to talking and drinking. I blacked out after my second Smirnoff. Apparently I drank 3 but I genuinely cannot remember anything after finishing the second one. The next morning i woke up naked in my bed. I woke him up and asked him “Luke, why am I naked?” and he said “Because you didn’t want to put your clothes back on.” When I clarified to him that that was not what I meant, he got defensive and said that he didn’t realize how drunk I was. He proceeded to tell me that I initiated sex with him and that i was very enthusiastic about it. He said he didn’t know i could black out on three smirnoffs. He made fun of me for being a lightweight and continued to make light of the situation. Then he mentioned that i fell off the bed at some point in the night and that it was funny how drunk I was. I then questioned him. Because if he thought that me tripping and falling off the bed because i was so drunk was funny, how did he not know that i was too drunk? He responded by saying that i fell off the bed only after we were done. That day I broke up with him. I’m still really confused about what happened that night. I don’t remember anything and all I have to go on is what he said to me. We were in a relationship at the time and he says he didn’t know how drunk I was so I’m not sure what to call what happened. A while after that day, his friend that hmu while we were broken up and I started talking again and i confided in him about that night. He told me to be careful saying things like that because they could get me into trouble. I spoke to some of our other friends about it and they told me it was no big deal and that it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know how drunk I really was. Because I don’t remember, I have been led to believe that this is not a serious matter. You can think what you want, come to whatever conclusions you want. That is just my side of the story.
I want to add that I’m not proud of how I acted after the relationship ended. I felt really angry at all the shit he put me through and I guess a part of me wanted him to hurt even a quarter of how I did. So I started talking to his friend and got involved with him. This backfired on me because his friend ended up really hurting me too so ig i got my karma. But the thing that hurt the most is that because of what I did, some of our friends took his side in the break up. I was told that I did something terrible by getting involved with his friend that he was already insecure about and that he didn’t deserve that. These are the same friends who were witness to the dumpster fire of a relationship we had and all the things he did to me. They turned their backs on me because of this one thing I did. But stood by and watched as he treated me like garbage for over a year.
I will conclude this by saying that while this relationship has been “over and done with” for almost two years now, I carry a lot of trauma from it still. I still talk about him in therapy and have had to put in a lot of work to heal from what he did and i still cannot say that i am okay. I am very blessed to now have a patient and understanding partner who has helped me heal from that trauma and i just want to quickly thank him for that. Nobody deserves to go through what I did. While yes, it was a toxic relationship, and I had a part in that, it does not excuse all the awful things he said and did to me. This is my truth, thank you for taking the time to read it.
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I will say, as much as I complain and poke fun at the people who come into my inbox with unsolicited health advice -- usually in the form of telling me to drink water and exercise and have I tried Tylenol? --an overwhelming 99% of you are so incredibly kind and supportive and not just to me.
You’re kind and supportive to everyone who asks me for help with a complex health question.
I’ve watched people reach out in comments and reblogs and build support networks in real time from people who, mere moments ago, were total strangers but, because of shared experiences, are now a source of solidarity and comfort.
It's humbling to watch but also so incredibly joyous and hopeful because it pushes back against the prevalent, ableist narrative that no one wants to care for disabled people and no one will.
Except we do.
We care for each other. Just like we always have. And we’ll care for those previously abled people when it happens to them too, either through accident, sickness or simply old age.
We’ll care for them because that’s what a civilized society does. That’s what having humanity means. It's not survival of the fittest. It's survival through compassion. It's survival through care. It's survival through sharing resources and knowledge. It's reaching out to your fellow humans and saying, “hey, I see you, you’re not alone.”
So, thank you for being kind, not just to me but to everyone. You make the world a better, brighter place and I’m so thankful you’re all here.
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