#incorrect quotes crisis core

[verysmolspams]

I recreated an ongoing meme for the lads. Enjoy 💀

[little-black-dress-zack-fair]

Cissnei: Aww he's so cute!

Zack: Thanks, he's a rescue.

Cloud: Stop calling me that.

[rottenpumpkin13]

So often we see posts of no one believing Cloud abt Sephiroth’s presence…. What about one of the gang finding Sephiroth returned again and Cloud doesn’t believe it bc he’s too used to his hallucinations & phantom pains to just. Assume that Sephiroth came back, again, like seriously it wasn’t believable the last time either you guys

*Sephiroth materializes in front of Cloud and the group*

Tifa: OH MY GOD

Cloud, unfazed: What?

Cid: What do you mean what!? Look! It's Sephiroth!

*Sephiroth just stands there, menacingly*

Cloud: You people are ridiculous. That's obviously just an illusion. Look, I'll prove it to you guys

*Cloud grabs Sephiroth's chest*

Sephiroth:

Cloud: See? If Sephiroth were real, he'd have his sword at my throat by now.

*Cloud still has his hands on Sephiroth's chest. Sephiroth isn't going away*

Cloud:

Cloud:

Cloud:

Cloud: I feel like I've made a mistake of some kind.

[preposterousgreen]

[in front of a crowded cafeteria]

Zack: Cloudy, I can't believe you would betray me like that!

Cloud: What? I have no idea what you're talking about!

Zack: Oh, don't play dumb with me, mister. You were loving on her right in the open, on a damn street corner!

Cloud: W-who? Zack, everyone's staring!

Zack: That gorgeous blonde? With the floofy pants? Give me a break! She was slobbering all over you! Literally!

Cloud:

Cloud:

Cloud: The dog? That golden retriever?!

[minutes later]

Zack: *cackling like a loon in between Cloud trying to drown him in a toilet bowl*

Cloud: You have the worst sense of humor in history.💢

[crisis-core-madness]

Lazard: That's it, you're grounded! Sephiroth, no adventures for you! Angeal, no fighting for you! Zack, no stealing for you! And Genesis... oh my god, is there anything that you love?

Genesis: Revenge.

Lazard: No vengeance for you.

Genesis: I was going to say "I'll get you for this," but I guess that's off the table.

[strayheartless]

Genesis and Zack except it’s that one scene from BG3:

Genesis: WHAT IN THE SWEET HELLS WERE YOU THINKING ACTIVATING THAT SUMMON?! I WAS RIGHT THERE! GODS! Do you have any idea how much that hurt?!

Zack, cringing: sorry! I’ll be more careful next time I swear.

Genesis: Next time? No no no, if there is a “next time” I’ll be the one wielding the almighty weapon, thank you!

*Angeal glared at him*

Genesis, grudgingly: …although I do appreciate you trying to fix your mistake… just don’t do it again.

Zack: I healed you didn’t I?!

Genesis: excuse me? That was the least you could do after dropping a building on me!

Zack, pushing his luck: I thought your fire powers protected you from getting hurt by heat?

Genesis: well, apparently there’s a limit. Somewhere between a nice summers day, and the FULL CONCENTRATED POWER OF IFRIT!! Next time Zackary, at least warn me before you do something stupid. At least then I can get out of the blast radius.

Zack: …I think I liked you better as a pile of smouldering leather…

*Sephiroth pulls Zack back by the scruff of the neck before Genesis strangled him.*

[ffvii-series-incorrect-quotes]

[sephirthoughts]

cloud: crushes are the worst. whenever i’m near mine, i start acting stupid

zack: you always act stupid

zack:

zack: wait...

[ilminnestrone]

Genesis: I am a filthy, smart, beautiful, sexy, spoiled, silly, fun little cumslut.

Lazard: Yes. This is a press conference about your latest mission in Wutai and the journalist asked about how would you define your achievements there.

Genesis: ...and I answered the question.

Genesis: Angeal was there, he can confirm.

Angeal: ...

Genesis: ...?

Lazard: ...?

Angeal: I do.

[foreststarflaime]

ff7 dialogue boxes but I made them do vines pt 2

Prev part

[emeraldblonde]

Zack: *walking around shirtless*

Tifa: You can't just walk around like that!

Zack: Why not?

Tifa: It's distracting. People might get hurt.

Zack: wtf how?

Cloud: *coming into the room and immediately walks into the wall after seeing Zack*

Tifa: SEE!?!

[verysmolspams]

Crackcanon time: Dad Joke edition

Family AU! In which everyone lives and retires from Shinra. When Elyse and Sephiroth get together, she gets pregnant with triplets (iykyk):

*in the delivery room*

Doctor: Good afternoon, I will be delivering the babies today.

Sephiroth: I would prefer you let them keep their livers, thank you.

Elyse: *shocked, first time she’s heard him make a dad joke* 😱

Angeal: *proudly grinning form the corner of the room, starts laughing because he taught Sephiroth how to make a dad joke*

based on this meme:

[little-black-dress-zack-fair]

Zack: *leaning on the counter* Hey beautiful, come here often?

Cloud: Is this the part where I remind you we've been married for four years or do I play along?

Zack: Play along!

Cloud: Alright. Sorry, I'm not interested, I'm married.

[rottenpumpkin13]

Out Of Context Shit Heard On The SOLDIER Floor #7

Genesis: SEPHIROTH, STOP MEOWING AT ME.

Kunsel: Any loser twink can be a fem-boy, but it takes a real badass to be a fem-man.

Sephiroth: Did I "yee-haw" with joy, or did it convey depression?

Zack, holding up Cloud: BEHOLD.

Sephiroth, stealing a fry from Angeal's plate: A most generous offering. You will be spared. Angeal: FROM? Sephiroth: You will be spared.

Genesis, wearing sunglasses and holding a cappuccino: So there I was, gelato on my breasts—

Cloud: Aww, that's such a cute Halloween decoration. *pointing at Genesis sobbing in the corner*

Angeal: Who put a hotdog in the candy bowl?? Zack, in the background: Halloweenie.

Sephiroth: I could've sworn "motherfucker" was a compliment.

Angeal: IF YOU EAT THAT WEEK-OLD SUSHI PLATTER, YOUR INTESTINES WILL BECOME RADIOACTIVE.

Sephiroth: Zack, can I enjoy this steak dinner without you explaining A/B/O to me?

Lazard: I think we ALL need to beat our fathers with shovels, Sephiroth, you're not special.

Zack: NO! THAT'S MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT BANANA!

Genesis: He manspreads to assert dominance, I manspread to create a barrier between myself and heteronormativity. We are not the same.

Sephiroth: I just sent Angeal an email describing my feelings for him. If he doesn't reply, I'll show up at his apartment and superglue myself to the door.

Zack: Give me a pen, paper, and three Adderall, and I'll write something better than Loveless in one hour.

Kunsel: Everyone is subjected to failure, but at least I'm not Roche, who thought the plural of ninja was ninji.

Sephiroth: I have exactly three crayons on my person right now, and they're all stolen from Zack.

Angeal, chewing with his mouth full: Don't make psycho-sexual comments in front of my cheeseburger.

Zack, narrating what he's seeing: 🎶 Look at Angeal 🎶 beating Sephiroth with a frozen chicken because he forgot to take it out the freezer. 🎶

Sephiroth: Please refrain from analyzing my deep-seated fear of abandonment linked to my mother's absence and its impact on my emotional regulation, it's seven in the morning and I still haven't had coffee.

Cloud: I'm about two mental breakdowns away from resorting to gang affiliation.

Genesis: COUNTER SPELL! *flicks his wrist* TRAUMA!

Roche: I often have nightmares about Sephiroth attacking me with a spork.

Sephiroth, in the presence of a spider: I feel anti-at peace.

Zack: Dear diary, today I committed tax evasion, and felt great. Tomorrow I'll try embezzlement and eventually vandalism!

Sephiroth: Can you read this death threat note and check if my handwriting is recognizable?

Zack and Genesis: *Loudly arguing over who gets to be the ring bearer at Sephiroth and Angeal's wedding*

Angeal, laying on the floor: Good luck trying to find my will to live, gang.

Genesis: I'm flashing you a tit to maintain our friendship.

Sephiroth: If I had a gil for every time someone compared me to a cat, I'd have enough to purchase that expensive human cat bed that has been on my wishlist for ages.

Roche: Is my discount wig a joke to you, Zackary?

Cloud, placing an "I miss you" letter from his mother in Sephiroth's line of view: Yeah, that's right. Fuck you.

Lazard: Someone pinned a death threat on my office door written in glitter gel pen.

Genesis, flirting: I own an air-fryer.

Angeal: T-shirt that says "I survived Zack's power point presentation on aliens that included a photo of Sephiroth on the fourth slide"

Roche: Cloud Strife's evil twin…Grass Peace.

Sephiroth: *Showing Zack pictures of baby cows while Zack sobs into his burger*

Genesis: PUT. MASAMUNE. DOWN. No one is stealing your crayons.

Sephiroth: Genesis, I feel inspired to compliment your ass.

Lazard: Take a good, hard look at Sephiroth wearing flip-flops and tell me I shouldn't be stressed.

Sephiroth: A most efficient weapon to add to my arsenal *wielding an entire streetlamp*

Zack, talking to Angeal: My insecure trooper and faceless info guy, versus your 6'7 cat and walking red flag.

Kunsel: Is the cure to male loneliness *incomprehensible screeching* ?

[preposterousgreen]

[at the grocery store]

Genesis: Where's Angeal?

Sephiroth: I saw him in the spice aisle—

Genesis: *groans* Overthinking vanilla extract, no doubt. Or, Gaia forbid, saffron threads. *shudders*

Genesis: Here, go check out while I talk him down. Again. *leaves*

Zack:

Zack: Did he just... hand you his credit card?

Sephiroth: I have no idea why.

Cloud: Keep it.

[crisis-core-madness]

Lazard: Go and tell Angeal why you insisted on putting a normal-sized carrot in a bag of baby carrots.

Zack:

Lazard: Do it, tell him what you told me earlier.

Zack, stuttering: I-it's because... th-they need adult supervision...

Angeal: