#incorrect lotr quote

[incorrectships-and-fandoms]

Lindir: I'm very scary.

Elrond: You're about as scary as a wet kitten.

Lindir: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me.

Elrond: And small.

Lindir:

Lindir: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.

[glorfindelridesagain]

Bilbo, pointing: May I sit there?

Thorin: That's my lap.

Bilbo: That doesn't answer my question, Thorin.

[mytortoisegotstuckinatupperware]

[my-deer-legolas]

[klinefelterrible]

Sauron: *looking into Pippin’s mind through the Palantir*

Sauron: the fuck is this

[a-sneaky-bagginses]

Gimli, who went through standard dwarf education: "We'll need to be careful to elevate the head and monitor 'is blood pressure for the next few hours."

Legolas, who grew up in the woods surrounded by other weird ass Mirkwood elves: "...Why don't we just ask the moon to fix him?"

[autistook]

LOTR & HOBBIT TEXT POSTS

[vildo]

Just for the record

[variousfandomthoughts]

The dwarves after eating at Bilbo’s house: See how we didn’t break the dishes and put them away? Very mindful, very demure.

Bilbo: I-

[aotearoa20]

Aragorn: Today I realised I'm old

Eomer: Oh? How so?

Aragorn: I slipped and fell in the courtyard and instead of laughing, all my Elven friends came running to see if I was alright

Eomer : (laughing)

Aragorn: I saw fear in Legolas’ eyes

[kirbykonka]

Smaug and Bilbo girltalk be like:

“And I once caught them trying to make off with my silver spoons!”

“MAKING OFF WITH YOUR TREASURE?!

H A N G. T H E M.”

“Well that would be just awful, wouldn’t it?”

“SO TOO IS GOING WITHOUT YOUR SILVER SPOONS.”

[incorrectships-and-fandoms]

Gimli: Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey!

Legolas: But I'm a vegan.

Gimli: Wakey Wakey Vegetables and Sadness.

[maybe-thou-shalt-find-valimar]

I love the hair braiding trope, but there is some serious debate about whether it's dwarves who have the hair-braiding customs or elves, so I'm here to settle that once and for all.

Legolas, hoping they just seem friendly and doesn't know dwarves have the same hair customs: Hey Gimli, could I help with your hair?

Gimli, hoping he just seems friendly and doesn't know elves have the same hair customs: Uh, sure!

Aragorn, who knows that hair braiding is romantic for both elves and dwarves: ......... WHat

[balrogballs]

Listen I know that Arwen's betrothal was very tragic for her family and all but you cannot tell me that this conversation didn't happen

Elladan: not to indulge in schadenfreude, but can I just say...

Arwen: no you cannot

Elrohir: if we are in the mood for silver linings on this gloomy day

Aragorn: we aren't

Elladan: tomorrow Elrohir will be buying the most expensive horse in Arda, I will be going on a 12 day bender in the Prancing Pony, and we have both ordered a bushel of pipeweed to be delivered to the house

Aragorn: the occasion? other than Ada skinning you alive, that is

Elrohir: perspective, little brother. In the eyes of Ada, nothing Elladan and I do from now until the breaking of the world, could ever be as bad as your betrayal. sorry, betrothal.

Elladan: we could go outside and throw Glorfindel of a cliff right now and Ada would still be more angry at you. we could use his favourite robe as a saddlecloth and he will shower us in praise

Elrohir: i could eat Bilbo Baggins tomorrow and Ada would say 'well at least you didn't fucking die just to get some action'. we are set for life, my friends. we are the apples of his eye. literally untouchable.

Elladan: and as for skinning us alive, Estel, certainly. that is, if he has energy left after sitting in his study like a brooding gargoyle and running his beloved foster son up the flagpole with a sword up his arse like —

Arwen: Elladan, if you say Celebrimbor i swear

[meteors-lotr]

Boromir: Today I realised I'm old Aragorn: What happened? Boromir: I slipped and fell on something and instead of laughing, Merry came running to see if I was ok Aragorn: Boromir: I saw fear in his eyes

[possibly-a-table-or-just-gay]

bilbo baggins + text posts

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8

that last one was in reference to this btw:

also here's an alt version of no 3 bc it works both ways (petty bastards I love them)