#incorrect lotr quote

[incorrectships-and-fandoms]

Lindir: I'm very scary.

Elrond: You're about as scary as a wet kitten.

Lindir: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me.

Elrond: And small.

Lindir:

Lindir: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.

[glorfindelridesagain]

Bilbo, pointing: May I sit there?

Thorin: That's my lap.

Bilbo: That doesn't answer my question, Thorin.

[mytortoisegotstuckinatupperware]

[my-deer-legolas]

[klinefelterrible]

Sauron: *looking into Pippin’s mind through the Palantir*

Sauron: the fuck is this

[vildo]

Just for the record

[a-sneaky-bagginses]

Gimli, who went through standard dwarf education: "We'll need to be careful to elevate the head and monitor 'is blood pressure for the next few hours."

Legolas, who grew up in the woods surrounded by other weird ass Mirkwood elves: "...Why don't we just ask the moon to fix him?"

[autistook]

LOTR & HOBBIT TEXT POSTS

[aotearoa20]

Aragorn: Today I realised I'm old

Eomer: Oh? How so?

Aragorn: I slipped and fell in the courtyard and instead of laughing, all my Elven friends came running to see if I was alright

Eomer : (laughing)

Aragorn: I saw fear in Legolas’ eyes

[variousfandomthoughts]

The dwarves after eating at Bilbo’s house: See how we didn’t break the dishes and put them away? Very mindful, very demure.

Bilbo: I-

[kirbykonka]

Smaug and Bilbo girltalk be like:

“And I once caught them trying to make off with my silver spoons!”

“MAKING OFF WITH YOUR TREASURE?!

H A N G. T H E M.”

“Well that would be just awful, wouldn’t it?”

“SO TOO IS GOING WITHOUT YOUR SILVER SPOONS.”

[incorrectships-and-fandoms]

Gimli: Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey!

Legolas: But I'm a vegan.

Gimli: Wakey Wakey Vegetables and Sadness.

[balrogballs]

“Elves do not need to shit. There are no execratory processes happening within the elven body. There are no toilets in Lothlorien. Celeborn tells Gimli to just “go on a tree, like a hound”. Legolas spends the entire quest feeling sad, left out and excluded from the camaraderie building activity of the communal morning shite. Half-elves may need a shit but only sometimes. Like when they’re particularly sad, or ate something bad. When Finrod discovered humans he was fascinated by the concept. Lúthien (re-released edition) and Arwen had the capability to take a shit but chose not to. Elros wanted to but couldn’t. With the Maiar it’s Russian Roulette. Saruman can’t but tells everyone he can. Mithrandir can. Sauron won’t, which explains a lot.”

— JRR Tolkien, Laws and Customs Among the Eldar

[meteors-lotr]

Boromir: Today I realised I'm old Aragorn: What happened? Boromir: I slipped and fell on something and instead of laughing, Merry came running to see if I was ok Aragorn: Boromir: I saw fear in his eyes

[my-deer-legolas]

Faramir: Father says I’m too soft to be a leader.

Boromir: You literally threw a goblin off a cliff last week.

Faramir: With compassion.

Boromir: What compassion?

Faramir: I yelled 'sorry' on the way down.

[maybe-thou-shalt-find-valimar]

I love the hair braiding trope, but there is some serious debate about whether it's dwarves who have the hair-braiding customs or elves, so I'm here to settle that once and for all.

Legolas, hoping they just seem friendly and doesn't know dwarves have the same hair customs: Hey Gimli, could I help with your hair?

Gimli, hoping he just seems friendly and doesn't know elves have the same hair customs: Uh, sure!

Aragorn, who knows that hair braiding is romantic for both elves and dwarves: ......... WHat