#incorrect late night quotes

[cod-dump]

Ghost: So the lads and I were-

Gaz: wait wait wait- You have FRIENDS??

Ghost: Yes-

Soap: OUTSIDE OF US AND THE CAP?? ACTUAL FRIENDS??

Ghost: Why are you cunts surprised? I'm the life of the fucking party!

Gaz: Ooooh he's hanging out at the cemetery again

Soap: Ah that makes sense

Ghost: I HAVE ACTUAL FRIENDS YOU FUCKS

(meanwhile)

Laswell: You need more friends

Price: I have friends

Laswell: Yea, me and Nik. And you permanently promoted Nik to your husband

Price, muttering: There's Graves-

Laswell: HE TRIED TO KILL YOU

Price: STILL A FRIEND KATE

[day-dreameratnight]

Azriel: Is that vodka?

Eris: Yeah.

Azriel: Straight?

Eris: No, gay.

Azriel: THE VODKA NOT YOU

[aaeeart]

dying from @gamelpar 's use of incorrect quotes, specifically from this one

[stalebagels]

[bitchapalooza]

Zeff: Eggplant, you see this catalog?

Sanji: Yeah?

Zeff: One thing, whatever it is, if you want it I’ll get it. We’ve had a pretty good year and you haven’t been that much of a menace, I think you deserve a nice gift out of it.

Sanji: Anything? Out of this whole catalog?

Zeff: Yep.

Sanji: But… what do I pick?

Zeff: Well that’s the keyword, squirt. Anything. You want that robot? Sure. The monsters play set? That’s fine. Anything means anything.

Sanji: They’re all toys?

Zeff: Of course they’re all toys. What else would it be?

Sanji: So I choose a toy and you buy it for me?

Zeff: Yep.

Sanji: What do I do with it afterwards?

Zeff: You….. You play with it, of course. Haven’t you ever played with a toy before, eggplant?

Sanji shakes his head: Not these kind I mean. These are colorful and look fun and harmless. Can you teach me how to play with it? You sound like you know a whole lot about toys.

Zeff: You don’t…..?

Zeff: …Ah. Yeah. Yeah, sure, eggplant. I’ll teach’cha.

Zeff to himself: I already figured you had it rough as a kid, eggplant, but what child doesn’t know how to play with toys….

[hotwings-incorrect-quotes]

dabi: everyone hates me. that’s just who i am, a crazy maniac who’s putting everything in flames

hawks: that’s not true dabi

dabi: *scoffs* you’re really sweet if that’s what you think, birdy

hawks: maybe... but i am the one who loved you when you went insane.

dabi: ...

hawks: you still think that you are the crazy one?

[thinkblotted]

David: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.

Michael: What if it bites me and it dies?

David: That means you're poisonous, Jesus Christ, Michael, learn to read.

Sam: What if it bites itself and I die?

Edgar: That's voodoo.

Alan: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Dwayne: That's correlation, not causation.

Marko: What if we bite each other and no one dies?

Paul: That's kinky.

Star: Oh my god.

[qsmpeggsincorrect]

Richarlyson: Hey do you know the password to Dapper’s computer?

Pomme: Fuck you Richarlyson

Richarlyson: Hey!!

Pomme: No you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouRicharlyson"

Richarlyson: Oh no numbers? Not very safe

[slyvester101]

Tucker: Why would I fuck a demon? Simple; status. Imagine you and your friends arrive at the gates of hell, they’re all crying, scared to death and you just walk into the arms of your sugar daddy demon

Wash: It’s 3am, what the fu—

Grif: No, no. He has a point

[un-fazable]

ALWAYS.

May you find a love who heals you,

Not hurts you.

May you find a love you cherishes you,

Not uses you.

May you find a love that unlocks all the beautiful moments and memories.

Because you deseve it,

Even when you might not think you do.

[redadidassneakers]

Remus: if you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous

James: what if it bites me and it dies?

Remus: then you’re poisonous. Merlin prongs, it’s fucking obvious

Sirius: what if it bites itself and I die?

Remus: that’s voodoo

Peter: what if it bites me and someone else dies?

Remus: that’s correlation, not causation

James: what if we bite each other and neither of us dies?

Sirius: that’s just kinky

Remus: oh my god

[cod-dump]

Gaz: You think snakes can roll their Rs? I mean, look how their tongues move

Soap: Like Alejandro?

Ghost: He's a snake, confirmed

(Meanwhile in Mexico)

Alejandro, waking up from a dead sleep: Someone's talking shit

Rudy, next to him half asleep: Qué?

[day-dreameratnight]

Eris: wait you like me??

Eris: like, for my personality??

Azriel: i know i was surprised too

[free-n-wild]

Chris: Who decided to call it "emotional baggage" and not griefcase? Martin: He's onto something.

[stalebagels]

[yumemiruuuu]

Chu Wanning: You are driving a car and all of a sudden, there is an elderly woman and a young child crossing the road. What do you hit?

Mo Ran: (in deep thought)

Mo Ran: The elderly, because she already had her fill of life but the young child has barely experienced life yet so it would be a shame if he got killed.

Chu Wanning: …

Mo Ran: Or you can hit them both if you want to be a little silly

Chu Wanning: The BRAKES, Mo Weiyu. YOU HIT THE BRAKES.