#incorrect historical quotes

[askalexanderblog]

Longing for Angelica, about to cheat on my wife (@askelizablog).

[eeviaylxix]

achilles: so you're telling me... you didn't go on a rage-induced murder spree after your boyfriend died in battle?

hamilton: ...no?

achilles:

hamilton: are you okay??

[good-soupmens]

Ngl I think Crowley would be besties with Galileo. He was kicked out of the church AND imprisoned for discovering that the earth went around the sun because it was thought to contradict the bible

Galileo: I told them curiosity is the key to problem solving!

Crowley: That's what I'm SAYING

[escespace]

1893

Leon: *Looking Merlin with caution* What did you say that was called again?

Merlin:Caffeine

Leon: How many of those did you take?

Merlin: *Shrugs* On the bright side, I don't think I'll buy Coca-Cola again.

[prefer-to-be-vilified]

Wednesday: If there was one thing you didn’t like about me, a tiny aspect, and there may not be, probably there isn’t. But if there was one thing I could change about my relatively flawless self, what would it be?

Enid, without hesitation: Your mercurial violence.

Wednesday: Really? Huh… father always thought that my best quality.

Enid: Really?

Wednesday: Yes, he’d say “she might not look like much and her social skills leave plenty to be desired but give her a knife and the girl has something”

Enid: Reason and compassion can win any argument better than violence.

Wednesday: You don’t have to win an argument with someone who has a slashed larynx. I find they struggle to make their point.

Enid: …

Wednesday: Not that I’m saying that’s a good thing. I’m not. It was a bad joke. I’m only saying… *notices enid becoming increasingly mad* …that I’ll work on that. Thank you for your honesty.

Enid: You’re welcome.

Wednesday: Aren’t you going to ask me if there’s anything I would change about you?

Enid: I can if you’d like, but you’re the one who will be forced to live with the consequences of your response.

Wednesday: …there’s nothing I’d change about you anyway.

Enid: Smart girl.

[thingsphoenix21]

Hades: I need help.

Demeter: Two words.

Hestia: I bet they won't be helpful.

Demeter: Your. Problem.

Hestia: I was right.

[kioneira]

Learning about the Polish situation after the partitions is so funny because you learn that after one of the Uprisings when everything from language to culture got banned in the Prussian part of the Annexation, (it got banned everywhere but let's ignore that for a moment) some Germans started to get interested in that because "why is it banned"?

And I just imagine the situation where poor Gilbert is just sitting in his study or just some office space doing paperwork maybe, and teenager Ludwig just comes in and is like:

Ludwig/Germany "I wanna learn Polish"

Gilbert/Prussia "You what now?"

It's the greatest revenge of Feliks.

[vmpirevnom]

John: Hey, Alexander. Nice Hands.

Alexander: …thanks?

John: they’d look even better wrapped around my-

Ben: -covering Lafayette’s ears- BIBLE. WRAPPED AROUND YOUR BIBLE. PRAISE THE LORD, AMEN!

[poppitron360]

Basically “Meet Me Inside”:

Washington: You solve nothing! You aggravate our allies to the south!

Hamilton: Yeah, but it was really fucking hot and John and I made out a lot afterwards, so…

[better-call-mau1]

Sabine: I can’t believe how much we have in common!

Satine: Our names, for starters —— just one letter different.

Sabine: Iconic style and fashion sense, of course.

Satine: And let’s not forget about our problems with estranged family members.

Sabine: We’ve both had precarious encounters with Maul, too!

Satine: Precarious indeed. Is there anything else you can think of?

Sabine: Hmmmmm...well...

Obi-Wan and Ezra: *standing together awkwardly in the background*

Sabine: ...nothing I’d admit publicly.

Satine: I suppose you don’t have your own Korkie, then? A ‘nephew’ of inexplicable origin?

Sabine: Sorry...a what??

Satine: Never mind. Give it a few years.

[sleepy-hyperfixations]

Bucky: So Buck, about that text you sent me last night-

Buck: Curt and Hambone convinced me to have a drink and it was mostly autocorrect.

Bucky: Autocorrect wrote, 'You're so hot I'm in love with you please suffocate me with your thighs'

Buck:.....it's very advanced John.

[schnitzelsemmerl]

AU where Philip can see Laurens' ghost, but he's the only one who can, yk

-------------------------------------------

Laurens: kid, what are you reading. OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU READING

9-year old Philip: some letters you sent my daddy

Laurens: (sigh) i think we need to have a talk about how Alex and i were more than friends

Philip, after: ok so why did you call daddy babygirl

Laurens: how about we stop talking for a while

[notso-daily-six-writing]

Future au

Mary (16): *trying to annoy Anne* hey Anne, how old is your girlfriend?

Anne (26) : like, 42. Why?

Mary: Damn. She’s so old she could be my mom.

Anne:*drags Lina out* that’s because she is your mom.

Mary: MOM?!

(For legal reasons, they have only been dating for a year. For my safety purposes, this is a joke. Please don’t kill me)

[onpluton]

T’Challa: I can do one of two things. I can be King of Wakanda or I can control Shuri in the lab. I cannot possibly do both.

Bucky: . . . Are you quoting Theodore Roosevelt?

T’Challa: listen, i cannot help you with whatever Shuri decides to do to your arm

[thestarlessdark]

Vinland Saga Incorrect Quotes

I made this because I just finished S1 and I use memes to cope

╰┈➤

Thorkell: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.

Asgeir: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.

Thorkell: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.

----------------------

Bjørn: What time is it?

Askeladd: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out

Askeladd: *Plays saxophone loudly and extremely out of tune*

Thorfinn: WHO THE F*CK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING

Askeladd: It’s 2 am

----------------------

Askeladd: You have to apologize to Cnut

Thorfinn: Fine.

Thorfinn: 'Unf*ck you' or whatever.

----------------------

Thorfinn: Today is a day of running through hurdles.

Cnut: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?

Thorfinn: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

----------------------

Askeladd: I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

[livelaughlovelams]

LAFAYETTE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?

Text: can't believe Lafayette would chop off all his hair. WHAT!? Marquis, I'll never forgive you. Your actions have an effect on others. So we can't share hair ribbons anymore? No cute updos? It's just Laurens and I alone. We're depressed.

HAHHA I LOVE IT-