#incorrect asoue quotes

[artements]

Gustav: "Can you call me?"

Jacquelyn: "Hang on, I'm finishing a Pokémon battle. I'll be with you in a minute."

-

Esme, to Kit over the phone: "Yeah, he's on my list."

Esme, filing her nails: "Marriage, not hit."

-

Olivia: "The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self-esteem."

-

Beatrice: "Everyone is addicted to my fun and flirty personality. Lives have been destroyed."

-

Monty: "Do you even have a type?"

Jacques: "Yeah. Women I'm slightly afraid of."

[allthingsasoue]

Klaus: Has anyone noticed this whole city is looking for us, mad at us, or wants to kill us?

Sunny: It's usually just half the city.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Klaus: I need you to swear, Sunny.

2 years old Sunny, literal baby: *stars on her eyes* FUCK!!

Klaus: ... Swear as in promisse.

Sunny: oh

[athena-theunicorn]

The Baudelaires: That's count Olaf! Every adult in a five mile radius: Don't be ridiculous.

[aseriesofunfortunatetexts]

incorrect ASOUE

[tinkerbitch69]

Jacques Snicket: As Dante said-

Count Olaf: Jub jub ba doo ba doo ba doo ba doo bang

Jacques Snicket: … he would not fucking say that!

[mr-mentally-ill]

Jacques: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Beatrice: >:O language

Kit: Yeah watch your fucking language

Esmé: OKAY WHO TAUGHT KIT THE FUCK WORD?

Olaf: 'The fuck word'.

Lemony: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Kit: Oh my god they censored it

Olaf: Say fuck, Lemony.

Kit: Do it, Lemony. Say fuck.

[countessviolet]

Violet: Have you considered doing things differently?

Count Olaf: What!? My plan is full proof!

Klaus: Is that why it failed three times already?

[afterthegreatunknown]

nice pre-canon heacanon thing

Mr. Quagmire, walking down the stairs: Hm, given it’s a Sunday and I don’t have work to worry about, I think I’ll attempt to make French toast with jam. The kids were talking about it to themselves last week. It would be nice to surprise them with it. Do we have enough eggs though? Is that why Joanie wasn’t in bed when I woke up?

*Mr. Quagmire turns, and walks down the hallway that leads to the kitchen. He sees the door is close, with Mrs. Quagmire standing by it...for some reason.*

Mr. Quagmire: Hello there, Joanie. Is there something fascinating with the door that I don’t know about?

Mrs. Quagmire, laughing: The only thing that can be fascinating about a door is what’s behind it, Q.

*Mrs. Quagmire opens the door. Mr. Quagmire sees Duncan, Isadora, and Quigley standing near the table, with smiles on their faces. The table has a tall glass of orange juice, and a plate of French toast with jam.*

Duncan, singing: ~You are our dad!~

Isadora, joining in: ~You’re our dad!~

Quigley, shimmying: ~Boogie Woogie Woogie~

[artements]

Olivia, about a fact: "I didn't set it in stone. I find it very hard to carve in."

Olivia, slowly removing her heart-shaped sunglasses to reveal primordial rage: "Well, I f✨️cking never!"

Olivia, at Jacques: "Unorthodox display of hubris but very well."

Olivia, about herself: "I'm filled with anxiety but in a mysterious and nonchalant way."

Olivia, for a research paper: "Monty, how do you feel about homosexual geese?"

[allthingsasoue]

Klaus: John Mulaney, John, John Mulaney, you're my butterfly, sugar baby!~

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Klaus: It's locked. You got a lock pick?

Violet: No, but I can make one really quick. Wait just...

Sunny: *kicks in the door*

[incorrectringsofpower]

Sauron: Didn’t your brother teach you anything?

Galadriel: He taught me to survive.

Sauron: Well they do say, "Those who can’t do... teach."

[bezdddakota]

I always liked those Incorrect Quotes memes so after playing GOW Ragnarok, I really wanted to turn this wonderful moment into a IQ meme because it was sound like something that Olaf would say.

[aseriesofunfortunatetexts]

incorrect ASOUE

[mr-mentally-ill]

not my usual content or anything but here's an asoue headcanon:

Lemony's middle is Dante. Let me explain.

So everyone knows that scene in Vile Village where they talk about Dante, right? Like the guy who wrote Dante's Inferno? My headcanon is that Dante is Lemony's middle name.

Along with this I raise these full names for the snickets:

Katherine "Kit" Sappho Snicket

Jacques Whitman Snicket

Lemony Dante Snicket

————————————————————————

My headcanon is that all three snickets' middle names are named after poets.

Kit's middle name is after Sappho, a well known poet from Archaic Greece, and probably the first well known female poet.

Jacques's middle name is after Walt Whitman. Walt is well known for his poems "Song of Myself" and "When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloomed".

Lemony's middle name– you already know after Dante and Dante's Inferno.

I just feel like their middle names are after famous poets.

But you guys know the drill by now: that's just my two cents!