#incorrect Hobbit quotes

[variousfandomthoughts]

The dwarves after eating at Bilbo’s house: See how we didn’t break the dishes and put them away? Very mindful, very demure.

Bilbo: I-

[kirbykonka]

Smaug and Bilbo girltalk be like:

“And I once caught them trying to make off with my silver spoons!”

“MAKING OFF WITH YOUR TREASURE?!

H A N G. T H E M.”

“Well that would be just awful, wouldn’t it?”

“SO TOO IS GOING WITHOUT YOUR SILVER SPOONS.”

[autistook]

Bilbo Baggins as text posts

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

Ngl, obsessed with the idea that the questers know that legolas is, if not thousands of years, then centuries old, but it not regestering until he mentions having met their ancestor or a historical figure to them. It doesn’t help that legolas looks like a teenager.

Just like that scene with eowyn realizing aragorn is a legit grandpa but with legolas and the rest of the walkers instead.

Legolas: i never had the pleasure of having a conversation with the man, but from the brief glimpses of (insert boromir’s ancestor from 1000 years ago here) that i saw, he was an honorable man.

Boromir, bluescreening: yes, he was known as quite the chivalrous man. But for you to have met him you must be at least a thousand years old!

Legolas: *clicks tongue and doesn’t say anything with an amused smile*

Aragorn, who has gone through all these emotions already: older.

Gimli: Older?? Are you telling me that this beardless, pointy elf with a face of a teenager is, what? 2000?

Aragorn: more.

Gimli: MORE???

Merry: if he is close to 3000 years than he was probably born around the last war for the ring!

Legolas, enjoying this all immensely: i was old enough to fight in it actually.

Pippin: alright, so legolas is 3000 and a few centuries. That’s a lot older than i thought to be honest. He looked like the youngest elf in rivendale.

Legolas: i’m 4000, actually.

Gimli: GODDAMN IT! I knew we shouldn’t trust these babyfaced point ears! You can’t even tell their age!

Legolas: if it makes you feel better, other elves also have a hard time discerning the age of silvans. They’ve routinely thought of mine to be millenia younger that we actually are.

Boromir, having an existential crisis: what the fuck

[thetiredprometheus]

My favourite scene

[brethilach]

[modernincorrectlotrhobbit]

Smaug: You're too late! You'll never stop me now. Bilbo: That's where you're wrong, evil-doer! We will stop you with the powers of: Bofur: Friendship! Kili: Harmony! Thorin: Incredible violence. Fili: And love!

[thranduilswifesblog]

Thranduil : "I'm just curious, do you think with our advanced healing, we could actually drink bleach?"

Celeborn : ....

Legolas : ...

Glorfindel : "well... There's only one way to find-"

Elrond, spraying them all with water : "ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

[writerrose1998]

Thorin, tapping his foot and scowling: How are you two not dead? Fíli and Kíli: *grinning* We have no idea.

[shangchiswife]

Literally anyone: hey how are you- Thorin: *growls* Literally anyone: AHHHH get your fucking dog bitch Y/N: it don't bite Literally anyone: YES IT DO-

[fvck-the-patriarchy]

Bilbo: I am convinced Y/n and Kili share a brain cell.

Fili: And it's not in use very often, it seems.

[glorfindelridesagain]

Bilbo: You have to apologise to Thranduil.

Thorin: Fine.

Thorin: Unfuck you, or whatever.

[xxsircharlesxx]

*Bilbo reaching for something high up*

Thorin: You’re so short

Bilbo: Well why don’t you put some inches in me?

Thorin: What?

Bilbo: What?

[a-sneaky-bagginses]

Dwalin: "Thought ye were avoidin' this route to escape the hobbit's wrath"

Thorin: "It's been 2 days, I'm sure he's over it by now"

Bilbo: "Oh look, if it isn't the asshole under the mountain in his idiot hat"

Dwalin, whispering: "I think he's still mad"

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

Book!Thranduil really was like:

Thranduil: *catches dwarves, a race his people isn’t that friendly with, trespassing on their land during a celebration* why are y’all infiltrating our territory?

Dwarves: fuck you

Thranduil: alright, imma put you in the time-out corner until you’re ready to talk.

Several days and 1 dragon later

Dwarves: even thought we screwed the humans over, got many of them killed, destroyed their homes, and could have potentially destroyed even more because we awoke a dragon and proceeded to not lift a finger to fight it, we will not share a dime of our treasure with you!

Humans: fuck you give us some money! At this point, we should just kill you and take it all ourselves for all the grief you’ve caused us!

Thranduil: jesus fucking christ-

Thranduil: NO ONE’S KILLING ANYONE FOR MONEY

Thranduil: Let’s calm down, children. We can talk this out like grown adults.

Bilbo: *tries to manage a truce between both sides*

Thranduil: you’re the only one i respect

Gandalf: well-

Thranduil: shut up.

[thetiredprometheus]

If Fili was in lotr