#including in the ‘well aroace people can still date or have sex’ way

[purplepenntapus]

Someone reblogged my straw hats sexuality headcanons post and I don’t know how I knew but I just felt the vibes and went to their blog and OF COURSE they’re a Luffy shipper.

I don’t know how much clearer I can be than staying directly on that art that Luffy is aroace and doesn’t like or care about romance that my content isn’t FOR YOU

[schattenhonig]

The A in LGBTQIA+ doesn't stand for aspec because they're not repressed!

(please read the disclaimer at the end of this post)

Ummm, excuse me? Would you mind telling me what your definition of repression is, then?

Because I feel repressed when a doctor asks me about my sex life, and if I say I have none, it gets marked down as a symptom without being asked if I suffer from it.

I feel repressed when my gyn tells me I can't get a hysterectomy yet despite losing so much blood on every period that I need to take iron supplements all the time, because I could change my mind about not wanting children (which is a whole other post, I know, but it's most likely linked to sex).

I feel repressed if I can't use dating apps or platforms because my sexuality doesn't even exist there, and the one time I tried, I got called names because I didn't want to meet for because it was clear where this date would go, despite my explicit "what I'm looking for".

I feel repressed when I think about how recently a paragraph was finally abolished in my country that considered sex a vital part of a marriage, basically entitling the spouses to having sex with their partner (both gender neutral, because entitling people to having sex with somebody else by law is wrong. It's basically a rape permission).

I feel repressed when I can't watch any film or show without it being about love and/or sex, no matter if it fits the narrative and furthers the plot.

I feel repressed when I plot my own stories and automatically put a romantic couple in there as main characters, even though I have no idea why this would be important for the plot. Not even my own stories, my own thoughts are mine.

I felt repressed when I was asked accusingly in a relationship if I wasn't missing something before I even knew asexuality as a spectrum was a thing, and having to lie about this being a side effect of my medication instead of genuinely not feeling attracted to someone in this way.

I feel repressed when I can't tell people I'm not sexually attracted to them because they will take this personally no matter how well I explain myself.

I feel repressed when everywhere I look there's advertising relying on naked skin, suggestive posing and objectification. Why are expensive cars still presented by women considered beautiful and tempting? It's not like that's necessary to convince people of spending so much money on a thing that gets you from A to B. Couches with women in smart dresses and high heels. That's not what a normal person looks like on a couch. But the worst is a truck in the town where I live: it's from a small fruit and vegetable stand, so whenever I see it, it comes from the warehouse, delivering groceries. On it is a woman clad in very little, presenting fruit. I'm sorry, but why? Does a misogynistic picture convince you of the necessity to avoid scurvy?

I feel repressed when I tell people and get the answer "you just haven't found the right person yet", because there are two possible assumptions from that point: I'm either not trying hard enough (so it's basically my own fault) or something about me is not right, appalling even (which circles back to I'm not trying hard enough or frames me as a victim of my genetics, upbringing or circumstances to be pitied).

Do not tell me how I feel. Do not try to tell me everything is fine and I shouldn't complain or ask for acknowledgement if everywhere I look, I'm reminded of how odd, how weird and how not normal I am. How much it inconveniences you to even acknowledge my existence, let alone respect any of my traits, views and choices.

And while I can only write from my own asexual point of view, I wrote this with all kinds of flavours of aspec in mind, so I'm explicitly including aromantics, aroace people and every shade of the spectrum in this. Not all my examples may apply to you, but I hope you can find something to relate to.

ETA: please feel free to add your own experiences of repression!

[olderthannetfic]

Is there a label for people who don't feel sexual or romantic attraction and have no desire to get into a relationship or have sex? I used to use aroace, but people on my campus, in my fanfic notes and in my dorm building keep telling me aces have sex and aces have romance, and when I try to say I'm aroace, they just repeat, "Ace people date." "Ace people get laid." "Ace people are normal." And... well, I'm not normal. I don't want to date and bang and all of that and forcing myself to do so always made me miserable. Back when I found the term ace, I was happy, because I thought it applied to me. But after every. single. person. I mention I'm ace to informing me ace = dates, has sex I'm realizing I don't have a label that actually describes someone like me who isn't normal. (One guy at a dorm floor activity asked if I had a mental illness, since he figured that would be the only thing that made someone not want to have relationships or sex. None of the other queer people present said anything. Two nodded.)

I tried Googling to figure something out, but it just kept giving me the wrong answer (aroace). Then I figured hey, OTNF knows a shit ton about queerness. If anyone can tell me what label actually applies to people like me, it's you.

--

Hah. I'm no expert on this stuff. Nobody was talking about it in my youth. (Yes, I know we have documentation of college queer groups including the word 'asexual' on their signs from long before my time, but it just wasn't a thing in any of the queer books and magazines I read in the 90s or circles I ran in until the last five to ten years.)

The issue you're running into is simply that the term is too broad, covering people who are definitely not experiencing attraction to others but still enjoy sex to people who... well... it's uncharitable, but there are some people where I wonder if the main reason they identify that way is that they have a very faulty understanding of what attraction looks like for others.

But it certainly does include people with no interest in sex or dating.

[main-character-moment]

I think the reason Alastor shipping discourse is so annoying to me is the fact that, yeah. Ship what you want forever. But consider you’re also straight up erasing a queer identity that the creator went out of her way to include in the show!

People bring up the argument of “oh but people always make straight characters gay! Why can’t we make aro/ace/aroace characters be in relationships?” Because you’re erasing a queer identity. If there was a canonically gay character in a show, and a huge portion of the fandom went “actually no I want to write him with a woman instead” there would be bloody murder over it. But when an aspec person has their identity erased? It’s always “I’m just having fun with the dynamics! Vivienne said we can ship what we want!” And that’s well and good but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still erasing an extremely underrepresented queer identity.

There’s also the argument of “but aro/ace/aroace people can still have sex/date/whatever”. Also true! But a lot don’t, and I see no one calling out that fact. The only people I’ve seen saying that are saying so justify their ships. Outside of fandom it’s always an argument that aspec people shouldn’t/can’t have sex/date. There’s also the fact that Vivziepop has heavily implied he’s aro and not that into sex, be it repulsed or neutral.

It just bothers me so much that people will go out of their way to ignore identities. Like, ship him all you want with whoever you want! I can’t stop you! All I can ask, though, as an aspec person who’s neutral/positive across the board, if you’re doing so to explore dynamics, ffs remember his identity. It’s an important part of his dynamic with other people. Plus, it’s an interesting one to explore! How does an asexual (and implied aromantic) character deal with the very sexual hell? How would a relationship form with someone who wants genuine romance? In radiosilence/one way broadcast you have a plethora of ways that you can fuck around with dynamics too!

There’s so much you can do with it. Please I’m on my knees begging. For once just let aspec people be aspec.

[find-your-queery]

Hi!

I have a theoretical question:

Is the ability to feel love dipendent from the ability to feel attraction?

I will explain myself better.

Could a lesbian love a man? Like, she doesn't feel romantically attracted to him, but can she feel romantic love towards him?

Or, could an aromantic person (not only in the aro-spec, aromantic as in never feels romantic attraction) feel romantic love towards somebody? Not the attraction, only the love.

Like some asexuals have libido?

Or I didn't understood the concept of love?

Thanks,

A quite confused aroace

I am of the belief that the human brain and emotions are very complicated, and that there are many things we have yet to learn or be able to put into words in order to convey what we are feeling. So, it's okay to be confused! Language is constantly changing and adapting to help us communicate what we want.

That being said, I absolutely believe that the ability to feel attraction and the ability to feel love are different things in their own right.

There are some people, like those who are Cupioromantic / Cupiosexual, who date or have sex with others despite their lack of attraction, and who later on may (or may not) love their partner in some way or form, whether it be romantically, sexually, or otherwise! This can go for anyone, though, including allos!

And as an aro myself, specifically Bellusromantic, I don't feel romantic attraction at all. In fact, I'm repulsed by the feeling of attraction, and repulsed by others feeling romantic attraction towards me. However, I do still enjoy acts of love often associated with romance, such as kissing, cuddling, etc., and enjoy doing these with my partner. Does it mean I love my partner romantically? I suppose in some ways yes, so I'd imagine some people may feel the same as me in terms of being repulsed by the attraction, but are alright with feeling romantic love towards their partner as well.

So yes, I believe attraction and the ability to feel love are two separate things! Brains and emotions are very complicated things, so again, it's alright to be confused!

Thank you for the inQueery, anon!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Ok so context needed: I am acearoapl and neurodivergent (autistic). It was always hard for me to try to "make friends" with other people, and even when people tried to make friends with me, it was horrible because everyone had the same conversations that bothered me (romance, crushes, marriage, kids...). But, a while ago (more specifically about 4-5 years) one of those friends told me that he liked me (in the romantic sense, as you can imagine).

At that time, I already knew that I was aroace, so I just said it, explained the definition to him, and tried to comfort him in his feelings and his identity (because apparently thanks to me he found out he was bi). He really took it perfectly well and it was the first time anyone had taken me so well. He didn't even try to convince me to have a relationship with him, he just accepted it and unintentionally, we ended up getting closer.

He ended up discovering many other things, and in less than a year, he found out that he was transmasc and aroacespec, and a little over a year later, he found out that he was also neurodivergent. Since then, the two of us have simply become an inseparable duo. It was just wonderful, everyone was talking about romance and sex, except for us, we had a unique friendship!!

He was the only person who understood me, our conversations were exactly what I expected from a friendship, and even with very strong social anxiety, I trusted him like I never trusted many of my family members. He was practically a brother to me and he knew it. But at the beginning of the year, something happened that changed everything.

He decided to try dating a friend of his (who he and I had known for about 3 years). I know very well that aromantic people can enjoy romance and relationships and even though this is not my type of aromantism, I was very, very dedicated in encouraging him to have his first relationship! I tried to help with everything he needed, relationship advice (which I only gave based on anti-amatonormativity ideas), positivity, validation... I was really trying to make him happy. It was strange for me to see him dating or talking about romance or even in love in general, but I didn't care much, after all we still had the same conversations as before, but now some of them included romance, and I could get used to that. I still had the same amount of attention from him, so I didn't mind him dating.

After a while, he started to pay less attention to me, but he was in trouble so I tried to help him. Unfortunately, despite my advice, the problems were not resolved and his girlfriend ended up breaking up with him, and even though it was very peaceful, he was very sad. I tried to help him not feel so bad and try to deal with it in a healthy way (and I was also trying to prevent him from saying something to her on impulse and ending up regretting it later). In the end, it ended up working out, as they went back to being friends like they were before!

And while all this was going on, he was making other friends at his school (since we weren't studying together anymore) and I couldn't be happier for him, really! I was also making other friends, so it was a relief to me that none of us were doing badly. But my friends ended up slowly drifting away from me (for the same reason as before, the conversations I never seem to be able to join) and so now things weren't so balanced anymore.

It got to the point where I went back to the way it was before, where I was alone at school and he was my only friend, except now we talk exclusively on the cell phone (because I can't leave my house) and now he has other friends. At first he gave me the same amount of attention as before, and then it slowly subsided, but I kind of coped well, I was hoping that everything would go back to normal when he managed to organize his time better.

It turns out that about two months ago, he still hadn't paid attention to me, and it seemed like I was the only person trying to bring up a subject (even if the response was pretty curt) and the little he came out to talk with me, it was to vent about one of his crushes. Yes, crushes. He started to like some people. And those crushes changed frequently. And now I was sharing my (minimal) attention with even more people and when I received attention it was to comfort him from one of these relationships, but thinking about it seemed selfish so I held back and didn't say anything. He was still my only aro friend who understood me, even though he was a different kind of aro.

And that was until a week ago, when he told me he was starting to rethink the "aro" label. He said that he no longer identified himself that way, and that the allorospec experience felt much more like his experience. I would never want to make anyone feel bad about changing labels, so I, again, sided with him and tried not to get hurt. But it has only gotten worse these past few days.

Now I realize that he has become exactly like those "friends" that I turned away from because I couldn't talk to them. And I tried really hard to fix that, to find subjects that we both like, but he already assumed that he's literally struggling to talk to me because he doesn't like those subjects the same anymore. I don't know exactly what to do. I've been insisting for so long, and it seems like it's only hurting me, it's like insisting on something knowing it won't make a difference. I wanted him back, but I feel like I'm never going to get that thing back.

My only question is: should I give up dwelling on it, or continue? I'm tired now, but I swear I would insist if I could get that connection back.

While I wouldn't advise dwelling, it is OK to acknowledge that the situation sucks and maybe even mourn the relationship you used to have together. You can also accept and support who someone is now, and at the same time miss who they used to be.

If you're having trouble moving forward, sometimes journaling can help, try writing out all your feelings about the situation, or document all the events and whatever else you feel is important. You can also try a little ritual to say goodbye to your old relationship if you want, like maybe burning (safely) the above journal entry, or turning the paper into compost and growing something with it.

I definitely feel you on feeling frustrated with just how much some people/groups talk about romance/relationships. It can feel like everyone, but there are people out there who are less interested in that, or people who have other interests you can steer things to. Anecdotally at least, this does seem to get better as you get older and people do tend to start finding interests in other things. So don't lose hope at finding connections with other people if that's something you want.

All the best, Anon! Take care.

[call-me-double-trouble]

Double Trouble Sexual Orientation Headcanons

I don’t know what inspired me to make this post, I just wanted to share my thoughts and the general vibes of various sexuality headcanons about our favorite enby lizard. Keep in mind, these are just my opinions, and they’re not backed up by evidence. This is all in good fun.

Under a cut because this might get long

Yes, I know that Jacob Tobia referred to them as gay in a tweet, and the SPOP Wiki lists them as Achillean based on this, but I’d argue this doesn’t technically count as canon, since it was never established in the show itself (the only possible mention being them calling Sea Hawk “Hot Stuff”), so I think people’s headcanons and non-achillean ships are perfectly valid. That said, I’m not against the idea of them being gay, and I can definitely see it.

Gay/Achillean: This definitely holds up. DT is a theatre kid, after all, and we all know theatre kids are gay (joking). They have big twink energy, and of course, the classic “That’s your cue, Hot Stuff.” Some of my favorite DT ships are with men (Bow, Wrong Hordak, Peekablue, and Sea Hawk). However, I still think they have good chemistry with Catra, and I personally like the headcanon that they had a crush on her and may have felt bitter at being second-best to Adora, thus fueling a bit of the meaner parts of their betrayal. I still imagine them with a preference for men, but I don’t think women are out of the running.

Lesbian/Sapphic: This one’s a lot less common. I’ve actually only seen one person headcanon this, though there may be a few more. They don’t quite give me lesbian vibes, but they do seem to have chemistry with Catra, and I like several ships involving DT with a woman (such as Catra, Adora, and Scorpia).

Bi/Pan/Omni/Poly: This is my personal headcanon and has been ever since I got to know the character. They just seem like the kind of person who has lots of affection to go around (whether this is romantic or sexual is up to you). I lean more towards bi or omni for them because, as I said, I feel like they have a preference for men, but I feel like they get crushes on women, too. Though, let’s be real, it’s more likely for people to crush on DT than the other way around. They KNOW they’re the hottest bitch on Etheria!

Aspec/Arospec: Another one of my personal favorites. Yes, I’m biased, since I’m ace, but COME ON, it’d be such a glorious defiance of expectations and stereotypes, and DT would live for the chaos they’d cause by oozing sexual energy and not being interested in doing a thing about it. They’d be this untouchable, irresistible them fatale and OWN IT. But I feel like they’d also be fun as an aroace because of their ability to read people. They’ve got it down to a science, and logically analyzing romance/sexual attraction in an attempt to understand it is SUCH an aroace mood. They also seem like the type who just wouldn’t be interested in dating, and as I said, it’d be great if this gorgeous, smooth-talking, flirtatious lizard in a skin-tight outfit wasn’t interested in sex. What a power move! Of course, you could also see them as ace and alloromantic, gray ace, demi, allosexual aro, etc. I like the idea of aroace DT as much as ace DT who DOES date. As for their intimate life, maybe they do, maybe they don’t, maybe they do and just don’t care much about it one way or the other, maybe they do only under specific circumstances—there’s a whole variety of ways an aspec and/or arospec DT can be written, and I think it’s one of the most interesting interpretations of this character!

Polyamorous: I mean. Obviously. DT is so easy to ship, so you might as well make them date everyone XD. But seriously, I love this headcanon and think it fits them very well, and it’s one that I include in daydreams and the few fanfic things I’ve written.

[t1oui]

OKAY HI so this will be aro centered bc that’s initially what you asked for but you also said lgbtq education in general so hi hi here i go

i’m aroace as well as transmasc and genderfluid btw

SO aromanticism. as the person above said there are lot of different ways to be aro and i don’t speak for all aros. i even define things a bit differently than the person above does

also, person above who does not possess cheese, there is a family version of aplatonic! it’s called afamilial and i think it means not really experiencing familial attraction but i don’t know a whole lot about it either

op said they want to know about the types of relationships aros can be in so ima talk about qprs. basically a qpr, or queerplatonic relationship, is any relationship that doesn’t really fit the boundaries of platonic & romantic relationships… it IS a committed relationship, but past that it’s up to who’s involved. people in qprs can have sex, live together, get married, etc., but they also DON’T have to do any of those things. it’s all up to those in the qpr.

fun fact: the official name for your queerplatonic partner is actually “zucchini”. not sure if many people still use it but it’s a fun thing.

(if anyone else has more info on qprs please step up, i don’t know everything and i personally am not interested in being in a qpr so i have no personal experience)

as for community stuff…

i think more people have heard about the ace ring, which is a black ring worn on your right middle finger to signify being asexual aka having little to no sexual attraction (any other finger can signify being a swinger so… be careful w that one)

meanwhile to signify being aromantic you wear a white ring on your left middle finger

personally i only have a black ring so i wear a ring with arrows on it on my left middle finger. my friends do not find this as funny as i do but haha arrowmantic am i right

i personally am half romance repulsed half romance favorable… the idea of myself being in a relationship makes me very grossed out but i love romance books & also like to write romance

but one of my friends is aroace as well and doesn’t like romance in any kind of media or anything

one of my aroace friends and i both experienced almost a mourning period after realizing we were aro bc we both were like “i want a romantic relationship!!” but neither of us really do. i think this is pretty common for aros who don’t date as i’ve heard a few other aros/aroaces i’ve met say they were also kinda sad to realize they didn’t experience romantic attraction

i’m just including that bc i think it’s pretty common within the community

anyway i’ve been blabbing a whole essay so there’s my piece, others step up if they want

so recently i’ve become aware that i know very little about the aro community, and different types or relationships that aro people can be in. so basically just drown me in aro education.

actually just drown me in lgbtq+ education, cause i need to know more:)

[middlechildwhoescapedthebasement]

SHIPS THAT ARE 'CANON' IN MY AU INCLUDING EXES (WHY IM USING THEM)

Basically the ships that I use for this AU. If you don't like any of these ships, thats completely fine, but NO ship wars! You respect my ships, I'll respect yours! Now on with the list!

The only actual Canon ship

CageBlade: This is the only Canon ship that I like in the series. I love their dynamic and how they get back together at the end because they realized how much they love each other. Their story's the same as the game in this AU, with some of the Legands movies sprinkled in!

The ships that I use for my AU

FireDance: Ah, my OTP! This ship consists of my oc Varian and our lovable wraith, Hanzo! Funnily enough, Varian was originally going to be with Bi-Han before he died and then ultimately end up with Kotal. But after fully finishing her backstory, I decided that she was better suited for Hanzo. I feel like they balance each other out very well in every aspect. Sigh, they just make me so happy! I also just want Hanzo to be happy since NRS is apparently allergic to that.

LiuLao: OK BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER I WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR- Liu Kang and Kung Lao are NOT related! Tobias HIMSELF had to step in and make it clear that it was an error on the movie's part! They never have been and never will be blood related! OK, on with the ship: I FRICKIN LOVE THESE TWO! They were my first ever mk ship! I just love their dynamic and how their meant to be foils to each other! I'm so weak for the childhood friends trope. Everything about them is *chefs kiss*. Also in my AU, they don't die stupid deaths and become evil for the sake of shock value. They instead stay alive and raise Jin together so he can be happy, healthy, and ACCEPTED!

Jatana: Man, am I predictable or what? XD I ship these two for a lot of the same reasons I ship LiuLao. They have such amazing chemistry with each other, I love every scene the have together. THE WAY JADE IS SO PROTECTIVE OF KITANA IS JUST SO IMMACULATE! I'm weak for lesbian warriors protecting their lesbian princesses. It's the good food right there. They die but get resurrected and rule Outworld together as Queens.

ArticGem: So this ship is between Kuai Liang and an oc that I haven't introduced yet: Ruby. I came up with this ship because while I do ship SubScorp, I hc both Kuai and Hanzo as bi and I wanted to try shipping Kuai with a woman for once. Ruby was an already made oc (with full backstory and design) that I was gonna have be on her own, but I wanted her to be my guinea pig for my shipping experiment. It wasn't meant to be permanent but here we are. I'll explain their relationship more when I have Ruby's outline done.

StryBal: I absolutely love the idea of a New York City cop dating a Black Dragon member. Know what I love more? Stryker being a backstabbing bitch and being a secret BD member and selling all of the NYPD's secrets. Basically, these two are the bastard power couple that no one expects, and that no one can really trust (except for each other).

Exes!

RatTheif: That's right. In this AU, Erron and Kano dated. The relationship was mostly sexual, with Erron really only being interested because of the special treatment he got. Kano was only interested in the sex and adrenaline rushes. When Erron said he was done, Kano didn't believe him. While he was asleep, Erron took all of his shit and sold it before returning to Outworld. Kanos still pissed about it. I'm literally only using this ship for shits and giggles for the backstory.

Rain X Mileena: They both used each other with the plan of betraying the other. Both had the gall to be shocked when it eventually happened. I like the idea of two people using each other for the same reasons. It makes a fun read for me personally.

SubSmoke: They tried it because they thought that they loved each other romantically. While it was true on Kuai's end, Tomas was AroAce with both romance and sex repulsion. He apologized to Kuai, genuinely feeling horrible for starting something serious like this only to end it abruptly. Kuai held no grudge against him, supporting him fully and not tolerating any hate thrown Tomas' way. I like these two together as friends, I've always had the AroAce hc for Smoke, but I imagine him trying something out before ultimately realizing his Sexuality. And Kuai being nothing but supportive of his BFF! (P.S. I know that AroAce people can still find love/have sex, but I personally hc Smoke as being repulsed by those things for himself! I hope you understand!)

[aro-and-tired]

Aromantic Experiences in Fandom: Survey Results

PART 1 - PART 2 - ANALYSIS: TIME IN FANDOM - ANALYSIS: AROALLO VS AROACE

This is the last of posts I am planning to make when it comes to the results to this survey, and in this one I want to focus on any differences between the opinions of the allosexual respondents versus the asexual ones. I suggest having looked over at Part 1 and Part 2 of the survey results, and/or keeping them open in another tab to easily confront the results.

Aroace respondents (including oriented and angled aroaces) were 558. Aroallo respondents were 154. The sample size for aroallos is, clearly, quite a bit smaller, and thus more likely to be inaccurate, still it is hopefully big enough to adequately represent the opinions of aroallo fans. People who identified as non-SAM aros, or who said that they were questioning or otherwise not identified with the given options are not being included in this discussion.

Not all questions of the survey will be discussed again in this post, in particular those questions were the aroace and aroallo respondents answered in a very similar way will not be discussed here.

As usual, summary is at the bottom of the post.

General Fandom Questions

Out of the entire samples, 543 aroaces stated that they are currently involved in fandom spaces, as well as 145 aroallos. The survey has a section for people who were not involved in fandom, however, this section will not be discussed here because the sample size for people not involved in fandom is too small to be considered accurate. Instead, there will be some focus on the questions aimed at aros currently involved in fandom.

In general, would you say fandom spaces are aro-friendly?

Aroallos were more likely than average to answer no to this question (47.6%), while aroaces answered no less often than average (40.6%). Aroallos answered yes way less often (4.1%), while aroaces were more in line with the average results (11.8%).

Do you think it's easy to find aromantic specific content in fandom? 

Aroallos were more likely to say no (90.3%) than aroaces (85.8%). Aroaces were more likely to say yes (6.7%) than aroallos (4.1%).

Do you think alloromantic (non-aromantic) fans are in general respectful of aromantic interpretations of characters/media? 

Aroallos were more likely to answer no (61.4%) than aroaces (55.0%). While the amount of people who were unsure varied, the two groups were about equally likely to say yes.

Content Creators Questions

418 aroaces stated that they have created fancontent. 116 aroallos stated that they have created fancontent.

If you have created aro content, would you say it got more or less attention than your non aro content? 

Aroallos were more likely to say that their aro content got less attention (77.8%) compared to aroaces (63.8%). Also, some aroaces said that their aro content got more attention (3.4%), but no aroallos answered this way, saying that at most it got the same amount of attention.

Have you ever felt discouraged by your fandom when it comes to making aro content?

Aroaces were more likely to answer no to this question (37.8%) than aroallos (31.0%). Out of those who did feel discourages, aroallos were more likely than aroaces to say that it was out of fear for receiving hate for it (42.3% vs 35.5%).

Shipping Questions

Aroallos were more likely to be into shipping than aroaces (92.2% vs 87.5%). There were 142 aroallo shippers, and 514 aroace ones. The questions aimed at non-shippers will also not be discussed, as once again the sample size was too small to make comparisons. Instead, there will be focus on the questions aimed at shippers.

Do you consider non-romantic shipping (shipping characters as queerplatonic partners, friends with benefits, etc.) to be a valid form of shipping, or do you think shipping only refers to romantic situations? 

Aroallos were more likely than average to answer yes (78.2%), aroaces were less likely than averages (69.2%). Aroallos were also much more likely to state that shipping only applies to romantic situations (14.8%) than aroaces (6.6%).  Instead, aroaces were more likely to answer that only some forms of non-romantic shipping count as shipping (23.6%), while aroallos were strongly less likely to answer this way (7.0%). 

When it comes to your ships, do you prefer content that focuses more on the romantic or sexual aspect of the relationship? 

The differences in the way the two groups answered this question were very significant. Aroaces were most likely to answer that they like romantic content and dislike sexual content (43.4%), which is also the option that appeared as the most chosen in the general results. However, this was the absolutely least chosen option by aroallos (5.6%).

Aroaces were also fairly likely to say that they prefer romantic content, while also enjoying sexual content (25.2%). However, aroallos were less likely than average to chose this option (13.4%).

When it comes to the option for liking both equally, aroallos were far more likely to pick it than aroaces (46.5% vs 26.2%).

Many aroallos said that they prefer sexual content, while also enjoying romantic content (26.8%). This option was far less chosen by aroaces (4.7%).

Lastly, some aroallos said that they prefer sexual content and dislike romantic content (7.7%). Very few aroaces picked this option (0.6%).

Here I will give you a list of tropes commonly found in shipping fan content. I ask that you pick 5 that you consider your favorites. You can pick less than 5 if there aren't enough tropes that you like, but please try not to pick more.

When it came to aroace fans, the most popular tropes picked align fairly well with the general results. The five most popular are Domestic Fluff (51.7%), Slow Burn (49.8%), Mutual Pining (49.0%), Friends to Lovers (41.4%) and Enemies to Lovers (39.8%). There are the exact same five tropes that resulted most popular from the general results, although in slightly different order. The rest of the tropes still roughly follows the same pattern as what was in the general results (described in Part 2) with minor differences.

Things are, however, fairly different when it comes to aroallo responses. Here the five most popular tropes are PWP (47.1%), Mutual Pining (45.1%), Enemies to Lovers (40.8%), Friends with Benefits (38.0%) and Domestic Fluff (32.4%). Slow Burn and Friends to Lovers are here kicked out of the top five, replaced by PWP and Friends with Benefits, both tropes with a heavy sexual side to them.

Because the rest of the tropes were also somewhat out of order, I’ll report which ones aroallos picked in order of most to least popular: Slow Burn, Established Relationships, Porn with Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Unhealthy Relationships, Fake Dating, Hate Sex, Getting Together and Soulmate AU, Unrequited Love, Jealousy/Possessiveness, Friends with Benefits to Lovers and Hanahaki Disease and Telepathic Bonds, Arranged Marriage, Break Ups, First Dates, Love at First Sight.

Porn with Feelings is far higher on the list (seventh most popular here vs eleventh most popular in the general results). Hate Sex is also much higher (eleventh here vs seventeenth in the general results). Friends with Benefits to Lovers is the only “sexual” trope that didn’t make a significant jump. On the other hand, Friends to Lovers was much less popular among aroallos, as well as Soulmate AU.

Here I give you the same list of tropes, but this time I ask that you pick the 5 tropes you dislike the most. Again, you can pick less than 5, but please try not to pick more

Once again, for aroaces the top five most disliked trope are the same as the overall most disliked tropes. In order Jealousy/Possessiveness (54.5%), Unhealthy Relationships (52.3%), Hate Sex (50.2%), Love at First Sight (39.7%), and Hanahaki Disease (38.7%). The order is a little different, with Hate Sex being higher in the list compared to the general results, but the tropes are the same. The rest is, once again, very similar to the general list of most disliked tropes, with the most significant difference being that the sixth most disliked trope here was PWP, who was not as unpopular in the general results.

For aroallos, the top five is Love at First Sight (52.1%), then Soulmate AU and Hanahaki Disease and Jealousy/Possessiveness (47.9% for all three), and Unhealthy Relationships (36.6%). Aroallos were a lot more likely to dislike Soulmate AUs compared to aroaces. On the other hand, Hate Sex is much less unpopular for aroallos, being only the tenth most disliked trope.

Other sexual tropes such as PWP and Porn with Feelings were in the same position, as second least disliked tropes. Friends with Benefits was the least disliked trope, with only one person picking it.

Summary

Aroallos reported finding fandom somewhat less aro-friendly than aroaces, as well as apparently finding aromantic content harder to find. Aroallo creators reported that their aromantic specific content received less attention, and that they more often felt discouraged by fandom when it comes to making said content than aroace respondents. Given the smaller sample size of aroallos, it’s a little hard to say whether this was a statistical fluke or if fandom is indeed less friendly to aroallos than to aroaces. Once could say that perhaps the aro content that aroallo want is less likely to be made and less likely to be well received, but unfortunately there weren’t questions asking details regarding the kind of content either group wants or makes.

When it comes to shipping, most aroaces prefer romantic content, often disliking sexual content, and very few of them prefer sexual content. On the other hand, most aroallos enjoy sexual content, with the majority of aroallos either enjoying both romantic and sexual content equally or having a preference for sexual content. This is also reflected in the tropes either group prefers, with aroallos showing a lot of interest in tropes such as PWP and Friends with Benefits, compared to aroaces who as a general rule are not fans of these tropes. Aroallos also care less for Friends to Lovers, and tend to dislike Soulmate AUs more than aroaces do.

Thank you for having read through this post, even more if you read through all the previous ones as well. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact me.

[inksword]

I'm not saying that at all, and I in fact said several times in the original post that shippy pics/fics could theoretically be an ace Lisa but without it being acknowledged as such I was still disappointed. Let me be a bit clearer about what I was saying: I was discussing (venting really) about media representation not prescribing anything to real life people or their experiences. The greatest complaints I see in representation from the ace and aro community (of which I am a part of as well) involves the mandatory love and romance in media, and a lack of representation of characters who clearly exist outside the allosexual or alloromantic spectrum.

Most of my arguments involve refuting a bunch of arguments about Tattletale that say she can't be ace or aro due to her emotional closeness and love for Taylor. I even said people could keep shipping but I wish they acknowledged her aceness while they did it! There is a visual language that's been built up in society and the only way we can tear down the preconceived notions that ace people can't cuddle or have sex, or aro people can't form emotional bonds etc. etc. is by including those things in your art but then explicitly labeling them as ace/aro which is what I was wishing for in my post.

Ace and aro people in real life can absolutely have a breadth of relationship experiences that can't be easily described or even contained within labels. However, this was a personal vent about how fandom was treating a character. Let's not pretend the dudes on spacebattles are making Tattletale get with Taylor because they're trying to represent aromantacism or asexuality in some new subversive or complicated way. We have so few examples of people who explicitly state their ace or aroness in media, that I just wish that rare clarity that Ward and to a lesser extent Worm had maintained in the fanworks. I just simply don't have faith that all the shippy drawings and fics are secretly an aro or ace TT and just aren't addressing it.

And while I'm not saying aroace people can't date — I'm ace and somewhere on the aro spectrum myself — I personally don't feel represented by the Tattletale who is sexually attracted to or wants to date her teammates (or some OC self insert in fanfic.) I also don't feel represented when that lack of attraction is explicitly tied to the metaphor of unhealthy coping mechanisms that follow a trauma by being explicitly due to her power as it was left in Worm. That's why I was so glad in Ward it was made explicit that it was her, it was always her. It was important when it was clarified it was not due to her powers "taking the mystery out of things" like she needs an excuse to not being interested in dating. You don't need an excuse to not be interested in dating. It's such a rare explicit state of a-spectrum feelings it just makes me sad to see it lost in translation in fan works and I was simply expressing a desire for a fandom that would be more fulfilling for me.

One thing I wish all communities of Worm (reddit, tumblr, the forum who must not be named, etc.) would do a bit more frequently is acknowledge Lisa's asexuality. Like, okay you can still ship her with all your favorite ladies but she could be ace about it ya know? This isn't even WoG aceness it's in the actual text of Ward from her own mouth. It's not totally unexpected just sort of a bummer that an extremely rare asexual character in a piece of media that I like gets almost uniformly cast as a lesbian without a nod to her canon sexuality.

She could still date girls! I personally think she's aro not just ace but since that wasn't explicitly mentioned she could still date girls within her canon characterization!

And before anyone throws a "Wildbow totally wrote her bi/lesbian he just doesn't know it, disregard canon statements of sexuality" like they do with Taylor:

Asexual people can have incredibly close friendships

Asexuals can make sex jokes or observations, sometimes certain jokes seem even more absurd or silly to us because we're asexual!

Asexuals can be hyper aware of how they are perceived in terms of affection

You know if Wildbow had confirmed her canon lesbianism in Ward people would cite that shit and not brush it off "because it's Ward and bad and I haven't read it" (okay some straight-dude spacebattles fanfic writers would ignore it but I don't think that's who I'm talking to here.)

IDK if I can remember every argument that people use to justify headcanoning her as lesbian but please please please just believe her own words and her own reflections on her life and feelings. Yes it's a Watsonian argument but I don't think there's a good Doylist reason to doubt her about it either.

I am not here to take away your ships just... venting a little I guess haha. Yes yes I know that technically every shippy drawing of her could technically be her being ace but when that's every shippy drawing with no acknowledgement it doesn't hit ya know? Like getting bi representation and seeing a character 99% shipped with one gender. I seriously don't want to dampen anyone's enjoyment of Tattletale or say you can't relate to her if you're not ace however!

Ughhh I totally feel like a wet blanket complaining considering I pretty much only contribute a drawing every four years to the fandom. I'll admit I don't voraciously read worm-fic so I may be totally off base and she gets acknowledged all the time in places I don't see. I guess anyone got any good explicitly ace Tattletale fics haha?

[divagonzo]

Little bit of Ace History***

... for those who are doing headcanons for Pride month.

*** History being from the last generation. So... recent history.

***************

While Asexual was in the grad school text books, it was, as a queer orientation, on the fringes for considerably longer than Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Trans. It wasn’t spoken of except in queer spaces and even then, it was more of an after-thought. Like the Mesopotamians (and Mayans independently) - people couldn’t and, somewhat, can’t fathom those who don’t feel sexual attraction (or those who don’t feel romantic attraction or some who have no attraction romantically or sexually.)

Since society is built on populations, the presumption that everyone wants sex or engages in it and those who don’t are aberrant - is a hindrance to those of us who don’t feel it (or, like some, like the idea in theory but not in practice, or those who it’s once in a lifetime (my spouse) or those who have to know someone for a long period of time before thinking, “Would I consider getting physical with them?” (aka Me!) or those who have sexual repulsion - and they are as valid as anyone else under the Asexual spectrum umbrella.)

Asexual was, originally, under the Bisexual umbrella - and like many Bi people of the earlier eras (and sadly still happening) being told they aren’t queer enough for A) The community and B) not Gay enough to be included. (Hence my absolute loathing to gatekeepers for having gone through it back in the early 90s!) Toss in the derision towards bi/pan people who “are selfish/greedy/can’t make up their mind / teases / etc” and you have a boiling pot of potential gatekeeping, especially for those who could really use some informational resources so they know that they aren’t broken & nothing is wrong with how they are.

Yes, Asexual was listed on the fringes but it wasn’t until the early Naughts that the word even made it to notice - much less being more accepted openly. But the biggest kicker is that while being Gay was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Model (what is used by American Psychiatry for diagnosing not normal behavior) in 1973..... being Asexual wasn’t removed until 2013.

Yes, you read that right. 2013. The first published college text on Asexuality wasn’t published until 2012 - and written from a heterosexual white male perspective (and it’s a bit rubbish by comparison to casual anecdotes from those in the community and on AVEN. I know. I bought the book and read it.) While the elderly spinster dowager is more socially acceptable, being a man/male and being Ace in a society that says that men have to be hypersexual.... is harmful to them, too, especially when they are too hindered to be able to come out and say, “I don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone.”

Having no sexual attraction to others was considered aberrant behaviors. And for some, it still is, especially those who think that Ace people (and Aros too, y’all aren’t being forgotten!) should be sexually available to anyone and everyone - and some sods think that the attitude of “You’ve not met the right one” or “I’ll f* you to fix you” is helpful and not actively oppressive or harmful.

Obviously (insert professional quality eyeroll here) people need medications because they don’t want to f* every walking human who passes by - which is toxic even in a hypersexual society. There must be something wrong with them if they aren’t out at a bar looking for a casual hook-up / one night stand.

<shudder>

Why do I bring this up?

I read a posting and it mentioned a fictional character being out as AroAce in 1994.

Jessica Rabbit was a thing back in 1988. But the terms for her besides the negative ones weren’t there ‘til a decade later, if not longer.

While I love the idea that this knowledge was available in the era, I have to take Umbridge (while not detracting from their post) that this is vastly incorrect and harmful to those of us who lived through this era and struggled for decades (yes, I said decades) to know that being Ace is fine and dandy. It’s hard to research harder when you don’t even know a starting point to go look this information up - especially when it was mostly limited to just blooming Queer studies courses in colleges and everything was either published journals or hidden inside academic speak of graduate schools. (I took a couple of undergrad psychology classes and I went back and looked and the terms weren’t even in the books. This was 1995, for those in Rio Linda and Blackpool.)

There’s plenty of my peers who are just now coming to understand that the feelings of dissociation, loathing, guilt, apathy aren’t because they are with the wrong person. It’s performative behavior towards others and personally harmful. It’s letting people f* you so they are content when it’s personally harmful (especially if consent isn’t completely clear.

What would have been said in 1994 was that “he must be gay” even if he was dating a girl and nothing was happening physically. “She must be his beard” would have been said too if performative behaviors weren’t happening. Why? Because being Asexual wasn’t a thing in the era AT ALL. It wasn’t even considered.

Hell, even now there are people*** who will not believe you when you say that you don’t want to have sex - as men or women or non-binary. No, they must fix  you by non-consenting means & their warped logic for the resultant trauma will magically make you want to have sex with people.

Ewwww. Hell no.

I have someone I know who has been repeatedly subjected to their consent being violated when they said no - because they are Ace and people (both of the binary for this person) refused to take No for an answer and.... well, you can fill in the blanks.

Or the not funny bits of “Oh you must be a potato” and other derision of you not being potentially sexually available for other people. This especially goes for those who are Heteroromantic Ace people - like family I have.

I was the first one they came out to, because I’ve been pretty loud about it in SM spaces. They felt safe to say such to me, especially with an, “OK. Cool” reply to it.

I didn’t want them to struggle mentally and emotionally (when they were already neurodivergent) thinking something was wrong with them by not wanting to have icky squicky physical relationships. But by being there, armed with knowledge now it saved them decades of grief and emotional turmoil.

My radical kindness is being the space the baby aces need so they can have a human resource for them, so they know they aren’t broken, that they are valid and accepted, and that they don’t have to behave in certain ways to feel accepted - especially in the queer community.

So yeah, sex might be cool but how about acceptance of people who lived in the era who didn't have the world at their fingertips to know themselves, much less the language to even have a label that fit.

[ace-thinks]

hi 💕 ive never sent one of these, it might b weird srry. so ive ID'd as aro ace for a while and then earlier this year a dated a girl for a while and then i ID'd as an ace lesbian but we've been broken up for a while now and it's just left me confused. i know that im aesthetically attracted to women, but not in a romantic or sexual way. i just feel like a fake lesbian since I dont want any relationships or anything im just lost idk i was wondering if u or anyone knew something idk

Hi! This isn’t weird at all - I’m really glad you reached out! 

First and foremost, I just want to stress the idea that you can identify however you want. It’s your identity. So if you feel most comfortable identifying as an ace lesbian then you can absolutely do that. You’re not “fake” at all. You’re just being you.

Second, you can still be an ace lesbian (or straight or bi or anything) even if you don’t want a relationship or sex. There are plenty of people in the world who are don’t ever want to be in relationships but still ID as straight, bi, etc. 

Okay, now lets talk about two concepts within the aroace community that are at least somewhat related to what you’re talking about.

_______

Oriented Aroace

“[Oriented aroaces] experience attraction that’s neither romantic nor sexual, but is significant enough to warrant a place alongside their aroace orientation.” -- coined by biaroace

That attraction can be sensual, aesthetic, alterous, or anything else. Usually oriented aroaces seek non-sexual and non-romantic relationships with their preferred sex/gender, but not always.

If you feel like the aesthetic attraction that you feel towards women is significant enough to warrant a label outside of your aroace identity, then consider looking into this.

Some oriented aroace blogs that I follow are biaroace, xweetara, aroacelesbian, the-gays-took-my-coffee, ace-and-aro-wlw-positivity, ornery-oriented-for-positivity.

Electio Aroace

“Electio aroace: a person who feels no attraction whatsoever but has sexual/romantic relationships anyway.” -- coined by electioaroace

This one might not work for you as well since it’s for aroaces who explicitly seek sexual/romantic relationships, but I thought I’d include it here anyway just to show how diverse the aroace community is.

There’s also angled aroace which you can read more about here.

_______

There are plenty of people who identify as aroace and still claim a third identity for whatever reason. 

For some people, it’s a way to let others know that even though they’re aroace, they’re still interested in having some sort of committed relationship with a specific gender/sex.

For others, it’s meant to help themselves understand the way their attraction works in relation to their aroaceness.

For you, I would recommend thinking about what your reason is. When you call yourself an ace lesbian, what are you trying to express/do?

Despite not wanting a relationship, do you still want people to know that you feel a special connection/attraction to women that you don’t feel towards anyone else?

Is it a way for you to reflect the fact that you’ve been in a relationship with a girl in the past?

Is it for a hypothetical relationship in the future? A way for you to leave the door cracked in case the “right girl” comes along?

After thinking about your reason, you might realize that there’s a better way to express what you’re trying to express. You might find that there actually really isn’t a reason to include “lesbian” in your identity. 

Or you might find that ace lesbian is actually the perfect way to express how you feel.

________

Think about those things and maybe explore the different identities and communities I listed (you might find a bunch of people who feel just like you do).

This was a lot, but I hope some of it helps. Good luck!

[entity9silvergen]

My Oriented Aroace Headcanons From 8 Fandoms

Oriented Aroace is an aspec identity where someone does not experience sexual or romantic attraction but experience other forms of attraction in a way that causes another nonaspec label describing sexuality to feel significant enough to have a place alongside one’s aroace identity. For more information on this term, here is the info page on the oriented aroace subreddit and here is the wiki page on it.

Headcanon is a subbranch of fanon, meaning headcanon is something generally not accepted as canon but some fans choose to believe about the original content. In the queer community, it is common to headcanon characters as queer. Sometimes it’s with good reason, sometimes it’s just because we like the characters, sometimes it’s because we see something of ourselves within the characters. 

Here are some of my oriented aroace headcanons.

1. Sai (Naruto)

This is by far my favorite aroace headcanon but I don’t talk about it much because I don’t want to support the stereotype that aromantics are heartless or that asexuals are traumatized. In Naruto Shippuden, Sai is a character who does not experience emotions after an illegal black ops organization killed his brother and brain washed him. He does, however, recover his emotions and learns to be very in touch with them. In Boruto, he is married to Ino and has a son named Inojin.

I headcanon Sai as pan-oriented aroace, possibly demialterous as well, but he experiences some degree of internalized homophobia and aphobia which leads him to pursue a romantic relationship with Ino. I don’t doubt that he loves her, he definitely does but I don’t think he loves her in the same way that she loves him. I wrote about this for Aromantic Writing Month. I believe that Sai initially started courting Ino because that was what was expected of him. Ino went along with it because she is attracted to him. At some point she probably realized Sai doesn’t quite feel the same way as her but they talked about it and continued their relationship as a allo-aspec qpr.

2. Rook Blonko (Ben 10) 

Rook Blonko is Ben’s (work) partner in Ben 10: Omniverse. He is an alien from the planet Revonnah. When we see his homeplanet, we learn that he is very attractive by Revonnahgander and all the local girls are interested in him but he is bothered by it, only showing affection for one girl named Rayona. They end up dating later in the series. A couple villains show interest in Rook as well and he is usually bothered by it or has mixed feelings with no desire for reciprocation. 

I headcanon him as hetero-angled aroace, specifically gray/ frayromantic and acespike. Gray romanticism means that someone is aromantic but can experience some kind of limited romantic attraction or experiences romantic attraction under specific circumstances. Frayromantic is essentially the opposite of demiromantic. Someone may experience romantic attraction that fades as they get to know the other person. Acespike means that someone is asexual but can sometimes experience spikes of sexual attraction. 

If you have seen the show, you may know where my thoughts are coming from. Rook mostly shows romantic interest in Rayona before they start dating. Once they’re in a relationship, their feelings seem very platonic and their relationship is much like a qpr. This may be because of their age, lack of experience, or their culture but I’d like to imagine that Rayona feels the same way as Rook and they are in a qpr.

The only other character Rook has shown interest in is Isosceles Vreedle. He is briefly attracted her during a battle but doesn’t seem to have any intent on acting on his feelings (presumably because he is in a relationship). He seems to be aware that this is out of character for him, which leads me to believe that he is acespike. 

3. Alain (Pokémon)

Alain is the star of the Mega Evolution specials and Ash’s main rival in the Kalos League. I headcanon him as gay-oriented aroace.

I don’t have much of a reason for this. Headcanons don’t necessarily need reasons but I’m still going to try to explain this one.

He never has any romantic interests in the show, probably because we don’t see much of him and his story is very focused on his Pokémon training. There are many characters who are solely focused on Pokemon training and that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re aroace but with Alain, I can’t really see him ever wanting to settle down or pursue a relationship though and he doesn’t seem like a women’s man. 

His perfect life is retiring young from a decent battle career on a Pokemon ranch where he works as a Pokemon professor, giving out starter pokemon and providing a place for trainers to send their pokemon when their parties are full. He won’t have many visitors but maybe he’ll have a close companion to keep him company and help out with any projects he’s working on.

4. Toph (Avatar: The Last Airbender/ The Legend Of Korra)

Toph is Aang’s earthbending teacher in ATLA, the founder of metalbending in the comics, and Lin and Suyin’s mother in TLOK. I headcanon her as sapphic or trixic-oriented aroace.

Sapphic and trixic are both non-exclusive terms for attraction to women but sapphic is specifically for women and trixic is for non-binary people. Canonically, Toph is a girl but she is very free spirited and independent and I feel like she wouldn’t let something like gender limit her.

In TLOK, Toph does mention that she tried to have relationships with Lin and Suyin’s fathers but it didn’t really work out. I imagine that Toph is sex favorable and likes sex as kind of a fun way to enjoy herself but does not experience sexual attraction nor does she feel a need to have regular partners. Similar goes for romance. She is romance-indifferent but does not like it much.

The lesbian Toph headcanon is a popular one. Not really sure why but Toph seems like a ladies’ woman. She likes to have her fun and she just finds women to be better companions than men in these aspects. She doesn’t get attatched easily though and she’s not really into the commitment. 

5. Korvo (Solar Opposites)

Again, I feel like this plays into a stereotype that I don’t want to support but these are my headcanons and I will do with them as I want. Korvo is an alien who is having a hard time adjusting to living on Earth. We know that his species has no biological sex and do not reproduce sexually but many of them choose genders, enjoy sexual activity, and pursue romantic relationships. I headcanon Korvo as bi-oriented aroace, possibly bi-electio aroace.

I have not seen the most recent season but in season 1, Korvo is mostly uninterested in anything outside of returning the ship. We have seen him in real no romantic contexts but he and Terry are co-parents of sorts. We also see him in a couple of sexual contexts. When he got zapped by a ray that removed his intelligence, he tried humping Terry and when he and Terry tried going to college, he remained on his side of his and Terry’s shared bed when Terry brought home sexual partners.

I don’t think Terry and Korvo are in a relationship or a qpr but am not completely opposed to the idea. My point was just that we know he isn’t repulsed by the idea of doing traditionally romantic or sexual things with someone who is masculine in nature. I think he could also appreciate what a woman brings to the table, as seen when he built a robot to fulfill the role of wife and mother in the house.

I don’t think Korvo is interested in a relationship but he does value the companionship and wouldn’t be unhappy with a partner. He may struggle to maintain a partnership but I don’t think gender would be much of a factor.

6. Todd Chavez (BoJack Horseman)

Todd is BoJack’s off-and-on best friend/ roommate. Canonically, he is asexual and heteroromantic (presumably, all we know for sure is that he is alloromantic). I headcanon him as straight-oriented aroace, specifically heteroqueerpatonic and panplatonic.

I love that Todd is canonically asexual and I appreciate that they showed an asexual character who is not aromantic. But, all of Todd’s relationships have that queerplatonic vibe. When he described the kind of relationship he wanted with Emily, it didn’t sound like a romantic relationship. What he had with Yolanda certainly wasn’t romantic. Maybe it was just the writing but Todd seemed most happy when his relationship resembled a qpr. When he was dating Maude, the lines between romance and friendship were blurry and they seemed very happy, and that included not doing traditionally romantic things like getting married.

I could also see Todd as greyromantic. For him, I feel like having a label isn’t really that big of a deal. Being able to say he was asexual was a big deal for him but he just wants to be himself and find whatever makes him happy. Sex and a traditional romantic relationship don’t really seem to be a part of that.

7. Silver Surfer (Marvel Comics)

Again, this isn’t one I talk about much because I don’t want to support the stereotype that aromantics or asexuals are inhuman or lacking emotion. Before becoming the Silver Surfer, Norrin Radd is in a relationship on his home planet and he does express interest in a few women after becoming the Silver Surfer. I headcanon him as straight-oriented aroace.

Some of it may have to do with Galactus’s interference. Maybe not. The Surfer doesn’t need sex or romance (no one does but you catch my drift) but he doesn’t really want it either. Sometimes it is portrayed from a sense of duty but we don’t really know what he’s feeling. He’s been one of my favorite characters for years so I may just be projecting but it feels right.

He can get lonely. He wants a companion but I don’t think he’d want a romantic one or even a queerplatonic partner. He’d be most happy with a friend and he’d get all the fulfillment he needs from one. A romantic partner might be a bit too much.

8. Gina Linetti (Brooklyn 99)

Gina is Jake’s childhood friend, Captain Holt’s assistant, and Boyle’s... something. I’ve seen a lot of headcanons that she is pansexual but I headcanon her as heteroflexible-oriented aroace.

Gina, like Toph, is just kind of doing her own thing. I feel like she’d be sex favorable and romance indifferent. Sex is fun, relationships are alright, she’s just living her best life. Men are nice, women are too. She’s just living life and rocking with whatever rolls her way.

When she has her daughter, she does want to settle down a bit but not with a man. She loves the kid and steps up to her new responsibility but she doesn’t let it change her. She’s still as wild and free and she doesn’t want or need anyone.

[thoughtsdying]

The procces of realising you’re aroace: a tale by me version 2

Realising you’re aroace is suddenly comprehending why your few friends (with one exception) have always turned out to be in the queer community at the end. Like. That fenomenum of “queer radar only you don’t realise it’s there and you end up gravitating together anyway?” yup- It happens too. Only most of the time you think you’re an allied cis-het weirdo who cares too much about something that doesn’t have anything to do with you, and who cares if you feel weird when other people assume you’re hetero (or that you have a orientation at all), you sure aren’t attracked to your same gender either. Nor are any kind of trans.

And then you discover asexuality in your late teens and it feels weirdly near you, but you think you’re trying to make it so you’re special, so you dismiss any ace feels as you being a late bloomer, and only take care of including it in discussions about queer issues, and then you feel strangely hurt when a professor dismisses it as “some self descriptor weird lonely japanese men in their 40′s created who only care for 2D” which. You don’t have to tell me all the problems in that sentence. Believe me, I know. And you can’t come with arguments except well if people feel like using it, then we should respect it, bc you don’t have the words to explain asexuality except that internet in english told you it was a thing and you still don’t know except in a nebulous way what even is aromanticism, so you didn’t bring that up in the discussion at all.

And a pair of years after that you start using demisexual bc it feels less scary and very reasonable except you’ve never felt attracted to anyone, how do you even tell it? And relationships scare you, and you still don’t have any idea of what is aromanticism except it scares you and you don’t want to contemplate a life being aro. You love romances after all

(except when you have to look the other way in any kind of profound kiss, bc it’s private people, which makes you feel wiedly homophobic when you’re watching a lgbtq+ media or your best friend with her girlfriend even if it’s the same with hetero, except then it’s just that sex is weird in film and kisses with tongue are still private people!)

and obviously you still don’t want to have sex with a girl (Except perhaps those emotional dreams of touching with a friend that aren’t sex but almlost and are very comfortable anyways it could be nice you’re sure but nice isn’t desire is it?) so even although guys make you nervous and any thought of doing anything romantic-sexual with one is a “yikes” you suppose you find some really pretty in a different way you do with woman and that must be ~attraction~.

And a friend tells you that a guy tried to sound her to see if he could date you and she told him you were ace and uninterested in any kind of relationship, and you go “why?” confused and a bit elated bc holy shit what a relief you won’t have to confront him, but also a bit of panic (that’s how i come across? it isn’t my imagination, im so obvious oh no) and she tells you, “well you are almost one and you don’t have any intention of dating anybody right now so i thought it best to cut any feels on his part right now”. And it gives you things to think about.

And another two years pass except this time you’ve started to educate yourself on aromanticism bc too many relatable posts on tumblr looking into the ace tag made you “holy shit yeah this makes more sense than just asexuality” but also you keep loving romance stories except now you’ve started to recognize you’re starved of friendship in all the ambits of your live and you’re also a young adult who still doesn’t want a relationship, what do i do? And maybe you’re not demi, you’re ace and you can think sex sounds a nice activity to do with intimate friends (aro aro aro) but not something you’re into, and you’re still ace, you’re not attracted to anybody not really. What a relief. (you still can’t try on the aro umbrella)

And you question yourself bc a fantastic guy has become your friend, and your minds vibe inmensely well, and you talk during quearentine, but he gives you some weird vibes sometimes, and makes you gifts which you ignore bc holy shit a best friend! And he has money and he’s lonely! I would also give gifts to my besties if I had money! And then he confesses to you on wassap, and you realise he has put you on a pedestal and has cofessed but already said himself he doesn’t want a relationship with you bc he would corrupt you or something and anyway, he’s not really in love with you he’s using you as a mental crutch to try to not be depressed, he knows that noe but he hates psycologists. Also, can i have some time apart from you?

So you tell him you feel flattered but that you see him as only a friend, and please can you not put yourself so below me? Search professional help. I’ll stay away as long as you need.

And you start feeling uneasy, but you think it’s only that he’s a weirdo and really you’ve dodged a bullet of course you wouldn’t want to go out with him, he’s not really the kind of pretty you like. Except if you’re ace what does it matter? Isn’t it that you feel pretty repulsed by trying a romantic relationship? Or are you just justifying your own aloofness and personality problems that make impossibly difficult to try a romance anyway. People don’t control who they feel romantic feels for anyway.

Except in the following months when you’ve finally reaturned to be friends you’re so relieved to not have that shadow above you and really wouldn’t it be amazing if everybody knew you didn’t want anything to do with them romantically? To be free to be friends and hug them, and walk arm in arm or go to lunch and cinema and still be just friends? To plan your future in a line along with those friends but not be really a committement as much as you just want to enjoy talking face to face with them for a bit longer.

So you go back to read about aromanticism and maybe you cry a little but mostly you’re pretty happy and scared about it. And you tell that friend, bc he’s your bestie right now and you feel him being bi and also being interested in you in the past would make him more likely to react well. It’s not personal it’s just the way I am. And then you start crying in the middle of a starbucks for 15 min. and you didn’t now you feel so much so intensely about being aroace, and how it had impacted you without knowing and how much you hate those expectations. And he hugs you and tells you “nobody has the right to tell you how to live. if you feel like you’re never gonna be in a relationship that’s your business and you’ll be happy anyway” and you cry harder. And then you both have a sincere conversation about sex as he has experimented it and how you feel it pretty strange and weird, but maybe you’d like to try it sometime. Just not a time near now. And if it’s never that’s pretty okey with you too.

So you go home feeling a bit embarrased but also pretty elated except a week later there’s another wassap message from him, saying he feels he still loves you, and that he understands intelectually your nearness with him is friendly but still feels romantic and it confuses me and it pains me and i would prefer to not be your friend anymore, sorry, men are shit and me the worst of them.

“Ok” I write back. I’m furious and hurt and I don’t want to see his liar face anymore. So fuck you, I think. “Thanks for telling me” And I block his number and I don’t talk to him when we met with out mutual friends, and when it’s necessary I talk as if he were a stranger. Kindly but impersonal. Isn’t that what you wanted? To lost a friend? So you’ve lost me forever.

And it became clear to me that I don’t think I’ll ever understand the stupidity of not wanting to see someone just because their lives don’t revolve around you the way you like, even though you’re friends and you can talk to them about anything at all anyway, and be there for help with the shitty parts of life. There are things I’ll never felt or do for another. 

And I’m ok with that.

[sidras-tak]

beej and lydia stay married, no romo

I love lesbian!Lydia as much as the next person with functioning brain cells and good taste, but I also kind of love aroace!Lydia who is perfectly content to be conveniently married to Beetlejuice because there are some pretty fun perks to it, even without any romance or anything. (Obviously, this is a platonic fic, please do not tag as ship!)

-

Lydia, a senior in high school and stressed out of her mind, summoned Beetlejuice in the middle of the night. He yawned. “Lyds, if you summon me at 3 am one more time, I’m taking away your summoning privileges.”

She waved an unconcerned hand. “Forget about that. Are we still married?”

His face scrunched up. “Technically, yeah.”

“Great,” Lydia said. “If I’m married, I get way more financial aid for college. Especially since your income is zero. Makes us look poorer.”

“Hell yeah, cheat that system!” Beetlejuice cheered.

Lydia smiled and stretched, looking up from her laptop for the first time in hours. There was a glint of mischief in her eye. “Do you think I can claim the sandworm as a dependent?”

-

Lydia came armed and ready to this family reunion, and it was a good thing, too, because Aunt Margery came swooping in for the kill nearly as soon as she caught sight of Lydia. Lydia endured twenty minutes of prodding questions before Margery said, “Oh, and I nearly forgot: I met the nicest boy a few days ago. Perfect for you—you simply must let me introduce you!”

Lydia fished around in her pocket for the wedding ring she kept there for this express purpose, slipping it on discreetly. “Oh, Auntie,” she said with mock sincerity. “Didn’t you hear? I got married.”

Margery gasped, “No! Why haven’t I met him?”

Lydia put a hand to her heart dramatically. “Tragically, my husband died shortly afterwards. I know he’d want me to stay faithful to him, though.”

“Oh, you poor dear,” Margery sighed.

“Quit telling people I’m dead,” Beetlejuice complained, invisible to everyone but the Deetzes.

“Sometimes I can still hear his voice,” Lydia said, wiping a fake tear from her cheek.

-

“Lydia,” Beetlejuice said solemnly, hat in hand. “I’m cheating on you.”

Lydia gasped and tossed aside her book. “Say it’s not true! How could you?”

“I know,” Beetlejuice said, throwing an arm across his eyes. “Alas, my bootycalls were too sexy for me to resist their siren call. Don’t worry, it’s been going on for a long, long time.”

“Who? Who stole you from me?” she cried, leaping to her feet. She shook Beetlejuice by the shoulders. He clasped her wrists with his hands to stop her.

“Adam,” he admitted. He paused for dramatic effect. “And Barbara.”

“Betrayed by my own parents!” Lydia sobbed. She collapsed on the couch, shaking.

“How many times are you two going to do that?” Adam asked tiredly from across the room.

“Until it stops being funny,” Lydia said, standing up and straightening her dress. She high-fived Beetlejuice.

-

When Lydia was twenty-five, she and Beetlejuice got each other ten-year anniversary presents. She got him a mug that said “#1 husband” and had used all her artistic skills to sharpie in the word ‘dead’ between ‘1’ and ‘husband’. He got her a shirt that said “world’s best no-longer-a-child bride”. It hadn’t been altered or specially ordered. She figured it had come from the Netherworld and promptly added it to her pajama collection.

“Love you, Beej. No romo,” she said.

“Back atcha, kiddo,” he said. “Now, I’m gonna go have sex with both of your ghost parents. Happy anniversary!”

“Disgusting,” she said fondly.

-

Delia was usually pretty good about letting Lydia be herself, but there were certain things Lydia was sure she would never be able to let go.

“You’re twenty-six now, Lydia. It’s time to start thinking about dating, settling down, having a family.”

“I’m still married to Beej, remember?”

“He doesn’t count! There’s no certificate! No witnesses!”

Lydia held up one finger and dug around in her backpack. She came up with a crumpled piece of paper and handed it over.

“What’s this?”

“Certificate. Witnesses include you, dad, Adam, Barbara.”

The certificate had been produced by Beetlejuice many years before, when Lydia needed to send in paperwork with her financial aid application. The “judge” who “presided” over the wedding was none other than the Right and Honorable Judge Bee T. LeJuice. Lydia had used it on many occasions and, surprisingly, it held up against examination.

“Plus,” Lydia said loftily, “The only person we know who can annul Netherworld marriages is Juno and Beej kinda murdered her. So I’m stuck with him.”

Delia sighed and said, “well, if he’s the only option, I guess I don’t mind not having grandchildren."