#in this situation im the loser like its only bad for me &that makes me feel so much worse 🙃

[lordofthesillystraws]

it kinda makes me sad that even as the fandom is growing quieter here people still dont seem to like characters like dekapan or hatabo or even matsuzo. like ive seen people say "why watch the old stuff lol it isnt even about the sextuplets" and like... thats kinda the point. the point is you get to know eeeeveryone else bc the sextuplets are just the same kid times six. its just... sad to me. i really only see chibita drawn when its karabita, and forget ever seeing people draw dayon, dekapan, or hatabo. iyamis really the only character thats okay in terms of appreciation but... bleh idk i wish these other characters werent so horribly slept-on, both in the fandom AND the show (cuz lets face it they got ignored quite a bit even in the show/movies)

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me

[yunogf]

the absolute worst feeling to want to go home &cry but still have an hr left before u can clock out of work

[meowpmzai]

JEALOUSY AT ITS FINEST. / ft wanderer/scaramouche

Prologe: where your boyfriend gets jealous at the sight of someone being too touchy with you.

WANDERER

Everyone knows that you are in a relationship with him, well atleast most. Wanderer eyed the interaction from afar, it’s not that he wanted to. He’d rather pull you away from the incompetent loser who isn’t worthy to be near you even 1 feet. He huffed out a breath of annoyance.

He hated sharing his personal belongings to others, or either he hated sharing at all. But you can’t blame him, can you? He has lost everything at this point besides you. He crossed his arms in disappointment at the sight infront of him

A man, slightly older than you, hands draped over your shoulder. A sweat bead had formed on the side of your face due to uncomfortable feeling of the stranger being to close to you. He frowned at the weird feeling at the pit of his stomach, unknown to what it is or chooses to believe that.

“Hey, excuse me- thank you for your compliment but I’m already taken” You said, declaring that you wanted nothing to do with the random person beside you. “What? Silly girl, I already knew that!” A giggle made its way out of the persons mouth, shivers running down your spine.

“Ok, then leave me alone” You gently pushed the person off of you, not adding any effort at all. You dusted the dust off of your shoulders and sighed wondering where your boyfriend was. ‘Where is he?’

You thought, slightly worried that this male would do anything to you. But fortunately for you, owning a vision and knowing how to wield a sword does come in handy in these types of situation.

“C’mon love, havin a lil fun like this once in a while ain’t so bad” he walked closer towards you, taking ahold of both of your wrist. And pulling you forward, head on his chest. You tried to pull away but he grabbed you harder “hey let go!” You shouted, hoping to catch the attention of passersby’s.

The random man had dragged you, trying to get you out of the city quick as possible so he can do whatever he pleases with you. Worry was evident on your face, you pulled one of your hands back and summoned your sword, swinging it towards the side of his cheek. It had scratched him, that’s what you wanted.

“You bitch!” He pulled on your hair, making you groan in pain. Finally after what felt like hours, your boyfriend made his appearance. His hands at the hands of the man and threw them off of you. “Wanderer..” ah, that name you’d only call him that if you were emotional or something bad happened to you. But he didn’t need the sudden change of name to see that something bad happened to you.

Your hair disheveled, teary eyed, wrists slightly swollen and red due to events that took place. All of this had pissed him off, he grabbed the male by the collar and lifted him.

“You dare lay a hand on them with these nasty hands of yours? Shall I do the honors of cutting them off.” He spat, he wouldn’t actually cut of his hands well not anymore. He’d just inflict pain onto the man

“W..what!?” The drunk grumbled with a panicked look on him, wanderer had raised a brow. “What, are you that useless you can’t understand anything?” A laugh followed at the end of his sentence, he decided to make this short.

Eyes brightening, a shadow loomed over his face making him more intimidating. “If you are still alive in 3 days, I’ll personally come and find you and once I do I’ll kill you.” He said, half joking. And threw the man down onto the ground

He walked over you and took your hand, leading you away from the man. The small walk was sudden but it came to a stop when he stopped and turned around to face you.

“Sorry I took a while.” He mumbled, whilst rubbing your forehead. You winced in pain but smiled either way. “s’ okay, i just wanna go home now” you assured him, he hummed at that and took your hands once more and began to walk back to your shared home.

IM SORRY IF THIS WAS SHIT, pls request I’m hungry for them. <3

[desire-mona]

heard we were making house ocs and ive had a dingus floating around in my head since january so i FINALLY got around to actually making a proper ref sheet. i present my silliest

Dr. Nanette "Ninny" Amesbury :3

more under cut !

big warning lore n backstory n stuff is very bare bones and not all the way there cuz im #lazy

birthday is vague but lets go with ~35 circa s2

if i had a nickel for every oc i had who had absent parents and was raised catholic by their grandparents, id have two nickels. unintentional that it happened twice i sorta forgor the other one's lore for a bit and now its stuck so ummmmm sorry laney. wont be going into childhood bc i havent come up w that yet and honestly i dont care to!!! yada yada yada catholic guilt but not in the chase way bc she hasnt left the church n likely never will

ummmm relationship chart + template

lets just quick go over some relationship highlights cuz some are def more important than others

wilson: mr president a 4th ex wife has hit the james wilson. when were they married? ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 😁

but they were married for like. 3 years? YES it ended bc he cheated but nin also wasn't the best either her ass was literally never ever there she was ALWAYS at work (like more than normal doctor amounts of at work - only came home to sleep and even that was only 4x a week(also worked at a different hospital))

tw suicide for next part bee tee dub

a big part of the beginning of their relationship was (big surprise) wilson's attraction to what he THOUGHT was neediness but was literally just nin wanting (and trying) to kill herself lol. once the magic of all that went away (perceived independence thats rly just #bottling shit up) he was just kinda like oh :/ its not cool to have a mentally ill wife anymore :/ i was expecting ramona flowers :/ or whatever. so infidelity impact font, hijinks and moving away for [amount] years ensue before nin being hired at ppth as the head of pediatrics. brief fwb situation w wilson Again b4 she finds out shes a lesbian at the end of like. s2.

oh yeah she also tries to kill herself again once she figures it out (see catholic guilt mention) but its cool she lives

cuddy: GAAAAAYYYYY GAAAAYYYYYYY GAY!!!!! DR AMESBURY WANTS TO FUCK THIS WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its one sided tho boooooo cuddys briefly like Wait ? just b4 nin moves away at the end of s6 roughly but shes already. thats done its not happening.

kutner: dont even fucking talk to me. i dont wanna talk about it. im gonna talk about it.

so kutner (like the slut that he is lowkey but society isnt ready for that) asks nin out just after he gets hired and shes like ermmmmmmmmmm! but sensing his loser aura she (still deeply closeted) is like hey haha i dont swing that way sorry !!!!!!! but its ok they become super mega best friends and get nerdy together

i like to think they listen to weird al together OH YEAH NINS THE BIGGEST WEIRD AL YANKOVIC FAN IN NEW JERSEY

and then nothing bad happens!

if youve seen this post about the little writing things kutner got after he croaked then hooray here's nanettes

they make me so fucking upset.

anyway as i stated above nin moves away after s6 for a bunch of reasons. 1) thanks obama 2) a big part of what contributed to her suicidal ideations n such was the fact that deep down she didnt ACTUALLY know what she wanted to do w her life. u may be like she doesnt. want to be a doctor ? NO she doesnt thats just what she did to get money to eventually do what she wants. whatever that is. something something feeling lost in life and unable to reach a goal when u dont even know what the goal is something something. also persistent depressive disorder but like spoon in kitchen.

idk what shes gonna end up doing after she moves but id imagine she shows up for house's funeral so i cant just be like lol nobody gets to know! im thinking painter but idk IDK guys her lore is ROUGH

thats it if u have questions ill answer thanks

[blackbullet99]

Some ZKs are pretty upset with that recent post you made about them, namely sokkastyles and eponastory and some one guy called broadwaybalogna. They’re saying stuff like you’re encouraging bullying, you’re respect for them is dependent upon their opinions about fictional characters and one of them took offense that you said they downplay genocide, saying their ancestors experienced it and Bryke are white or something (along with Aang being a Gary-Stu McGuffin).

These are the posts, what do you think?

https://www.tumblr.com/broadwaybalogna/756326576927440896/is-it-bad-to-say-i-chuckled?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/eponastory/756307670306308096/well-i-guess-im-going-to-have-to-address-this?source=share

Honestly, not to be dismissive, I ain’t gonna bother reading those links.

Of course those losers are gonna be upset, I told it like is, calling them out on their stupid (and downright offensive in some cases) takes. They’re seething and coping, but the truth hurts. I don’t even know how they found these, one of these crybabies blocked me, so they’re obviously obsessed with me and can’t get by without stalking me anytime I dare to criticize their idiocy.

For the record, I never told anyone to bully these people. I don’t condone it, that’s on whoever reads this, but these people have a victim problem, seeing as ZKs constantly go into the wrong tags, call out anyone who disagrees with them (plenty do so by name) and spend of their time hating and whining about a show they claim to love. But suddenly I’m the big meanie-weenie because I hurt the feewings.

One final thing, I ain’t gonna go and act like Bryke are the best writers ever and should never be criticized, cuz they should, they made a great show, but said and did some pretty stupid stuff too. If anyone’s ancestors experienced genocide, I feel for you. But as a person of color myself, who’s ancestors I know where killed, enslaved, beaten and colonized among many other things, I called out these people because their opinions on serious subject matter such as genocidal trauma and how people (fictional or otherwise) was downright vile and insulting regardless of your own situation, A:TLA, may be fictional, but their issues towards such serious subject matter is callous, vile an reflects their crappy personality. I take issue with these idiots dismissing issues such as genocidal trauma, imperial propaganda, comparing a genocide survivor to a literal colonizer, invalidating the trauma and feelings of a colonist survivor (Katara) and adultifying her (in the Kataang tag no less).

Not to mention this rancid colonist take.

Need, I mention this, as a person of color, this makes me physically sick. They’re either unempathetic to a character who suffers from genocide, invalidate someone who experienced colonization and only care for the character who initially perpetuates imperialist antagonism, who did genuinely learn from his mistakes, but even those they always excuse.

In conclusion, screw these guys, it doesn’t matter what the vocal minority of toxic ZKs think, they can play the victim all they want, but their opinion means nothing, they downplay the effects of genocide and colonization trauma, because they don’t care, about the issues about the characters, it’s all to make a Wattpad middle school ship look better, because evidently they think it’s too weak to stand on its own and really clinging on to a fanon ship is all they amount to.

[muzanswaifu]

Ive seen a lot of people confuse me leaving for “people being mean to writers” or getting hate for the things i write of how i write them but its not

But Im not leaving just bc of the audience, i can handle some hate and honestly it was kinda fun from them bc ik that hate comes from jealousy and trolling

Im leaving because of other writers and my “friends”

Ik i said i would get into it and i really dont want to all that much bcuz im tired and just wanna be done with this but it feels wrong to leave under a false assumption and let people think their actions dont have consequences

Ive dealt with a lot from my peers on here, back talking, hating, straight up bullying, and i just cant anymore

I cant deal with drama irl AND on the internet, bcuz at the end of the day i can just delete everything on here and be done with it all so thats wat im gonna do

Tbh this has been building up for a while, i can only handle so much from “friends” and irl i cut people off pretty quick and on here should be no exception but ive fucked up and let people do watever too long and its bitten me in the ass

Yes ik im dramatic lol, ive gotten that a lot and a lot of people hate me for, a lot of people love me for it, its how i am and it keeps things interesting. I get it, i like to make a lot of call out posts. Y? Bc people deserve to be called out and idgaf ab appearances on here. If someone did something bad, im gonna call them out bc last i checked its my blog and i can do wat i want. If u wouldnt do it, thats fine, its ur decision, and this is mine

Yes, i dont post a lot, I. Am. Busy. I have work. I have school. I have a social life. I cant write smut all the time even tho i want to, and at the end of the day, its not my job to write smut all day so people can read it and move on. I like to interact with yall, its fun, i like to talk to a lot of different people on her since my irl friends arent really into anime. Apparently people think im a loser for that? Ok? Sorry i like to talk to people on the internet when im bored instead of producing smut all day for people to read, ig i shouldve remembered im only on here to provide content since i dont deserve to have some fun, my mistake

Requests? Requests r a generosity. So many of my requesters have been absolute angels with being patient in receiving their requests, happy to just see me writing or interacting at all. Others have hounded me regularly telling me im lazy and selfish for not completing my requests, saying im an asshole for not completing them over my own projects bc “they asked first”. LMAO, U WRITE IT THEN???? i dont owe anything to anyone, certainly not someone who comes here solely to read my fics, not even leaving any interaction or encouragement whatsoever, then leave.

The icing on the cake? The tip of the iceburg? Discord of all places. Im sorry some of u didnt enjoy my server, i really am. Ive never used discord before and me and the mods did the best we could and im sorry i couldnt be as attentive to it due to my busy schedule

Im sorry i couldnt get there in time to stop conflicts or just straight up call people out, and im sorry someone had to make another server since they didnt like how i was handling mine bc i didnt take their side in a fight that THEY WERE WRONG IN? But i tried to be nice, tried to defend her and nicely explain y she was she cant say anything they want in any situation bc people get hurt. but it didnt matter. Y? Bc apparently i cant tell people what they can and cant say…

And that made me realize something! Theyre right! Theyre absolutely right and im so stupid for not seeing it until now! I cant stop people from saying things to me. I cant stop people from talking shit ab me. I cant stop people from even saying things on my own blog and server! I just cant. Bcuz in the end, people r gonna say what they want and do what they want bc people dont wanna learn. They dont wanna talk. They dont wanna hear ab how what they do or say affects others. They just wanna do what the want when the want, and they wanna be allowed to, bc fuck everybody else. Everybody is the victim in their own story, and i deserve to be the victim in mine.

And what would a victim do in this situation?

Leave.

[kurtsascot]

2, 5, 15 <3!

2 a headcanon you weren't sure about at first but have come to like!

anything involving jesse tbh like when i watched the show i did neoooott get the appeal and when he got with rachel i was like okay sureee 🙄🙄🙄 like ??? idk why i hated that mf so bad??? and like, after letting him simmer…. okay, canon jesse is okay. butbutbUt FANON JESSE ???? OKAYYYYYYY 😋😋😋 like i luv that loser. basically anything @porcelainvino or @hevanderson has said about jesse im like Yes Thats the Truth Yes Hes Just like that!!!!!!

5 something you see in fics a lot and love

in general i love how flexible klaine fic is with their dynamic. like, i think bc so much time has passed its more “acceptable” to put them in scenarios/alter their characterization. its very freeing as a writer to be able to write what i want and not have to worry about someone being ready to tell me im making them ooc.

also going hand-in-hand bc glee was so unserious/wild we can rly put those mfs in any situation. like nothing is off the table. no au is more wild than glee canon/more unbelievable. klaine are my dolls 🩷🩷🩷 yayyyyy 🩷🩷🩷

15 the character that always makes you smile

elliott in fic bc i love fanon personality of him its like canon but with more Flavor and hes less of a prop for klaine relationship turmoil lol.

quinn in the show. the lesbianism is just radiating off the screen its like a flame and im only a moth…..

[1tsjusty0u]

hehe...

revali, ezlo, canon botw link, siffrin, asriel and odile for blorbo bingo :]

INTERESTING SELECTION..!!

hes both a really funny character but also genuinely well written and the way the writers tried? to resolve his whole thing sucks to me honestly. its not/shouldnt be about having revali accept link as the hero/link needing to prove himself on some scale its about revali needing to prove himself to well, himself. + the layers of. whatever him and links dynamic is. the fandom just treats him either as a mean-spirited loser/someone unjustly needing link to prove himself/just mean in general, or just a plain loser which to be fair he Is a loser but he has Multitudes!!! i never see the more serious aspects of his character- his character is portrayed as serious Sometimes but its not in relation to himself if that makes sense? also with the loser depiction they make it like. a central character trait? i dont know how to describe it its like. they either make him dumber than he actually is for comedy or something? or it ties into the mean thing. also theres this

EZLO!!!! funny old man!!! i like the hat aspect and how he was originally a minish and accidentally helped? vaati. its just unfortunately i dont think about him much </3

haha. hahahHhaahshHEHYAHSDHSAHAHAHAHAHAHHA AHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAGHA oguh ok im normal now 👍anyways. god ok so, i should explain that most of the above? applies Specifically to pre-calamity canon link. post-calamity does have Some brainrot but it has much less of a grip on me. also i actually know Why im brainrotted to him specifically however thats a secret for now! anyways its. specifically its the way he constantly masks/his dynamics with everyone else not really fitting in, how instead of taking the role he may or may not have been forced into with stride he actively struggles with it and the impact it has on how people view him and how he views himself. on this level i like to completely ignore certain aspects of canon + aoc because it feels like the writers genuinely try to make him the Perfect Awesome Hero + trying to make everything he does revolve around zelda instead of being. A Character. and on this level as well the fandom interpretations...,,,,,, so for pre cal they . not never its 90% of the time they dont get it right they genuinely make him the perfect awesome hero and actually lives to serve zelda/make him just. gross?? like deep voice oOoo suave perfect always sweeping the floor but still has those secret juicy problems its. sighs gang chat even cmon. ITS LIKE THE .

THIS ^ WHY DO THEY DO THIS. as for the 10% rest of interpretations its hard to describe as there isnt actually much of a common thread between them, in the end though it still isnt truly On Point. its possible im picky which yes i am but in the end it always feels like theres an aspect of the above image in his character in fanfics intentional or not, and they never seem to. critique it in a way? which completely fair you never have to center on something/mention it but its just. gestures wildly. sighs. as for post calamity i also dont like most of the interpretations but also its so much less worse. the only one that i think is Truly Honestly incorrect is link wanting/choosing to stay/follow zelda after freeing her, having it portrayed as he always didnt mind/even liked it. it just puts him into the same situation he was before/feels less like an actual genuine choice and more along the lines of it being chosen for him + once again revolving around zelda entirely rather than having his own thoughts and feelings no matter how 'wrong' or 'bad'.

OGUH ALRIGHT SO. ok so. for context; start again a prologue and in stars and time are two different games with two different siffrins per say- i think about them each differently (its like theyre aus of each other) and . theres a Reason for that, both meta(?)ly/personally and also. theres a reason in isat however thats the most major possible spoilers you can conceive of thats easily missable so. for the purposes of today, im guessing you mean isat siffrin!!! because there is a difference. ANYWAYS. this ones complicated for me personally because i genuinely Used to be brainrotted about them + i liked them a ton (personal reasons and also catharsis). once isat came out though, it . actually cured my brainrot </3 . theres new(ish) themes and character dynamics/thoughts and while i Can see the appeal for other people, for me personally i just have no attachment im so sorry.

ASRIEL!!!!!!!! THIS ONE IS ALSO COMPLICATED depending on if you think flowey and him are separate enough to be different characters. and. fun fact i genuinely like him a Lot More as flowey rather than "asriel" in a sense really just because of the true pacifist ending dialogue. he feels way too nice to me almost uwu in a way but also that isnt the entirety of his character gestures to the asriel boss fight and his dialogue as flowey. its. god ok its the way he was trying to hang on to anything he had left. asgore made him feel nothing toriel made him feel nothing (constantly watching her look for another human to take care of, another child to replace him until she finally forgets about him even though hes still there hes still here!! while toriel sees asriel and chara in every human that falls down and if they die shes failed asriel again,) papyrus mightve helped for a bit but like everyone else eventually apathy comes to settle in letting him feel nothing once again, alphys couldnt help him no one could help him hes seen these halls 100 times constantly daily and he wants to get out he cant be this anymore he wants to feel something!! anything!! he tried to die and he Did, deciding it wasnt worth it to live anymore, then discovering he could reset and load. he wanted what he had back, he wanted the ability to not be bored constantly to not know what comes next to feel something. chara is both the One Person who had yet to (unintentionally) "fail" flowey and the one person tied to his past who understands him. thats his sibling!!! toriel failed asgore failed the only person left is chara, and they cant fail. he remembers having so much fun with them!! he misses them because of the above and also because he has no one else. when he turns into asriel for lack of a better descriptor he's able to see things more clearly, recognizing that chara wasnt the bestest person ever and latching on to them as a solution was a choice made in anguish. in the genocide route he mentions that he had plans to do things on the surface with the souls but he says with chara around he wouldnt really mind/kind of drop his plans because chara is here!!! they can have fun again!!! theyre the only one who knows and understands what humans are truly like, what its like to be impaled by arrows (toriel caring for the next human child, forgetting about him) turning to dust and dying. they understand. they have to! also i should note i also love chara dearly and anyone who thinks theyre "evil" can die by my blade. anyways. hi . for the misinterpretations thing i think everyone mostly gets it right honestly i think people just tend to make him more "good" gestures to the uwu nice thing. OH and they also consider asriel to be the better flowey in a sense? like liking asriel for asriel but liking flowey for asriel rather than flowey. here just watch this for me ok. please i love you aromantism

LASTLY ODILE!!! i do like how shes the one to constantly sus out siffrin + having her own issues of family and belonging and having her own goal. + old lady win. that being said i also do not think about her a lot i am sorry. shes neat just not for me.

[meatsex]

its suicide awareness week (in the states at least) in fact, it ends right on my birthday this saturday (which stings on a personal level), i feel like to some degree its my duty to make some kind of insight about this considering its been a struggle for me this year and that ive been making it a struggle for others by posting about it here, but realistically i dont know what to say

im not asking for pity with this post, i just need to let out some of it, and in a way apologize for all the times i have scared people with how i can get when im in "the hole":

this year has been hard, a lot of things have happened, mostly internal realizations, but also small daily negative things that began to slowly deteriorate me to a breaking point. i began to externalize my feelings more in my art, at the cost of feeling embarassment and fear of being shunned or laughed at, but in return i have also found that it brings comfort to others, and that makes me happy. ive been trying to be more open about my issues, to be able to ask for help, but its also been hard, people dont take anything seriously, you arr selfish for wanting to kill yourself, you are an attention seeker for hurting yourself, you are just some jobless loser, these are the kind of things ive experienced and see others be told, it hurts a lot, my head hurts a lot right now, because even if im not hurting at this moment, in a way ive been hurting the entire year, and even some more time.

its not anyone's duty to help someone that really needs it, its complicated, its frustrating, no one is ever fully prepared for it, im not sure if i would be, but at least for me (because this is about me personally) even just checking in once means a lot.

even among others with the same struggles, i feel distant and less, undeserving of help, and i have even tried to push away from my life the people that have tried to help me, "they are going to get so mad they will stop trying", its a scary thought, the less people around you, the easier and closer becomes the choice of going through with it, once others have no emotional links to you, you are unstoppable, or at least thats how i imagine it.

i think the thing that has hurt me the most is finding out feeling this way isn't the normal way to be, that not everyone in the world lives life thinking "i want to kill myself so bad", it was so alienating, it made me realize just how bad my situation can get, and in how much denial ive been my entire life.

"my issues arent real" "im a faker because i dont cut myself" "someone else has it worse so i shouldnt complain", its still hard to push away these thoughts, in all honesty i still believe all of them, but im trying to listen to people both on a friends level to outright my therapist, when they tell me that they are in fact very real.

theres no happy note to end this post on, at least not right now, just some bittersweet statements, because even if im fine right now, i know ill go back to it, in fact, maybe ill never "heal" from it, but if i can keep my head above water with the help i get when i need it, then i think thats okay, and if you could try and do the same for someone else, even if its scary, even if you feel like you are not helping, even if it feels like they only want you to go away, well, i think that might be enough for that person.

[smileymoth]

ok so i gave up figuring out my gender bc i have school and i don't have time for it. However.

its so fucked up to me that i can only ever relate myself to men. like there's so few female characters who i can relate myself to it's always male characters. I don't know if its due to in traditional media being a lack of well written women who aren't 100% traditionally fem, but it feels WEIRD ok!!! the only one i can kind of relate to is Bones from Bones(TV) lol. but thats also bc she's autistic and I'd rather date her instead. And in non traditional media like idk say mcrp, I love all the girls but I don't see myselt in them, it's always some freak whiteboy instead (cough etho cough)

I've felt so guilty for only ever relating to male characters (hence why all my ocs who i relate the most to are men/not women) All the women I see in media/social media, its not a "omg shes like me" moment, its more of a "I want her so bad it makes me look stupid" situation. Which makes sense since I'm a lesbian but uh. Wjere aum I

But like. I'm not a guy? I don't per say want to look like a man. Like my overall gender envy visuals come from, like, embarrassingly, fcking slimecicle, the thomas(? the blond one) guy from Maneskin, fuckin add jozels to the list and most worst of all w**bur s**t bc????. (He does make me me unbelivably angry when i look at him for too long? weird lesbian things ig). But most of them already look like lesbians. WHAT AM I. Weird girlboy freak who looks like the most average woman. But the idea that I look like a woman makes me feel ill . Kind of. If i get my medically humongous tits (still shocked the doctor told me theyre big enough to cause medical issues LOL) reducted it'll be easier to not feel like that much of a womanly woman tho lol .like i dont feel like a woman but i also dont feel like anything else .i dont confirm to the capitalist ideal and the societal idea of a woman, but if gender is a construct then i am a woman? But then me not feeling like a woman has nothing to do with my actual gender and more with societal expectations that i dont want to fill? I feel more like a girl than a woman even though i am an adult woman . Maybe its because i feel like people wont take me seriously bc im a kind of stupid overweight ''woman" . i am also a lesbian and that complicates things even more since have dykes ever been normal abt gender

I got so derailed oh my god . I still dont know why i dont find myself relating to other women. I love spending time with women, theyre wonderful and all, but i just. I dont feel like i fit in with them? I feel like i fit in better with a group of men??? But I also feel more in line with women/femmes???but i dont relate to them????

Like i feel guilty for this but i

??? What the fucj

my ideal gender is loser girlboyfriend who loves her girlfriend and also gets tossed around by her to a acceptable degree. Like i see couples and i just Yearn to be the boyfriend of a girl. I DONT KNoW

I still only like she her pronouns tho lol. And im not particularly butch . Im more femme/futch presenting than anything. I want to be an emo boy): my gender is emo dyke boyfriend JAJWSJWK

[aettuddae]

i think this my first time being late to an update omg…🕷️ anon washed

starting off with business matter first…would it be crazy if i said this was my fav update 😭😭 i loved chapter 92 specifically because it forces serim & rina to both face their feelings (& doubts), intimacy could only go so long as a form of communication b4 they both were left unsatisfied (more so serim) its rlly sad even now karina cant fully accept her feelings using ning as an excuse to let their bond go (not rlly an excuse but how she self sabotage b4 anything could rlly happen) it was such a good chapter and i just like angst (obvs by now)

im rlly worred about ningning in all this tho…whether serim & rina end up together or she ends up with serim (with the knowledge that she will never feel how she feels for jimin) its a lose lose situation for her…unless im reading too much into it and shes not taking her time with serim seriously/just having fun

them saying goodbye to eo was amazingly beautiful i dont even know what to say…bittersweet i guess

KYUIN GIRLFAILURE WE LOVE U ALREADY 🫶🫶 also adding another delulu jimin into my bag thank u 💋 i think i say this about all the friendgroups in ur stories but I LOVE novaHIVI DYNAMIC ALREADY THEY FAMILY (havent stopped thinking about this group either like u cooked so bad here)

the difference between how anthology!kazuha and hole in one!kazuha act dhsbshsnsn

minjeong n milf 👍👍

i just wanna say i liked minkwan…i probably didnt say anything tho cause my peasized brain zeros in on yuri 😕

SUCH A WASTE ON CHITTAPHON NOOOOO U SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I LEAVE, THE GAY BOYS NEED LOVE TOO 😭😭 (its also interactive too so the min i figure out how that works im getting my mean gay boy x loser gay girl both being down bad serve idc)

simon says is amazing…we just love father dem jointz over here and we thank god everyday sm passes him around like a groupie in that building

also so many anons are flirting with u now that means u made it…dont forget me when ur famous

- 🕷️

it's literally the end of the deal, it's so important, makes total sense !! and all of the events and circumstances make it more hard for them to be delusional about what they feel, serim couldn't hold it anymore. glad you enjoyed it, even if it was some sad episodes.

yeah, with the new update i just posted 😀 ningning's situation changes a little, since she's actually capable of trying and prioritizing her mental sanity, although it's probably gonna hurt for her in any scenario, she's more aware and ready than the other two

kyuin is a cutie that has barely learnt how to exist in society, we need to protect her 😭 i have already accepted i'm never writing a normal boring jimin, i always have to make her borderline schizophrenic 😔 so happy to hear you like novahivi's dynamic, you always focus on the things that matter to me 😅 i always prioritize the main character's friend groups a lot and i find particularly fun writing novahivi interacting with each other

shut up finally a kazuha that's not attempting to murder anyone (YET) (jokey joke)

minjeong and milf 🫴🏼

OH NOW EVERYONE LIKES MINKWAN GET OUTTA HERE, Y'ALL ARE TOO LATE

this blog is a woman's world i swear, readers don't even support gay men 😔 i will support any idea you have to get the gays thriving and vibing

father demjointz 😭 literally, i owe him so much, has given me my fav kpop songs

i will never forget you, spidey, you're literally my everything

[one-abuse-survivor]

tbc, i'm not trying to justify abuse. if this comes off like that, just delete this pls so i don't trigger other folks but. how can i justify judging my abuser by all their abusive actions towards me and others when i don't judge everyone else for the shitty things they've done all the time?

how is it okay for me to go "ok i don't want anything to do with you bc of xyz you've done over the years" when i wouldn't want ppl looking at me and constantly going "oh it's fucked up so many times over the years, what a loser" or some shit.

like. is that me holding them to a standard i shouldn't? its not like i bring up different shit they've done all the time, even if it bothers me, but i'd hate it if someone was constantly judging me for shit i've messed up on [though, tbc, i have not abused anyone] throughout my life. is it different bc i've apologized n changed wherever and whenever i could in situations that i fucked up and they haven't? or is that me making excuses for holding them to a higher standard i don't do to everyone else?

sorry if this doesn't make sense. im just feeling a bit conflicted rn. - mc

Hey there ❤️ I understand what you mean, don't worry.

I think there's a difference between judging someone and not wanting them in your life.

When you judge someone for the bad things they've done, that can serve a purpose. For example, it can help you understand where you draw the line on what things you think are okay to do. It can help you reflect on which things you would want someone to apologise for. But judging a person can also be unfair—like if, for example, you judge someone solely based off of something wrong they did many years ago, or like if you keep a list of how many times a person has made a mistake so you can hold it against them. That is, indeed, holding someone to an unfair standard by demanding moral perfection from them.

Deciding you don't want anything to do with another person serves a different purpose. Sometimes it's about maintaining a social image, or about clashing personalities. But, in the case of abuse, it's about keeping yourself safe from a person who has hurt you, or who you know could hurt you because they've already hurt someone else. It's about prioritising your safety and well-being by setting and enforcing boundaries.

You can do both things at once (judge someone for being an abuser, and cut someone out for being an abuser), but they're not the same thing. And I do think "I don't want people to judge me for my past mistakes" and "I don't want this abusive person in my life" can absolutely coexist.

Ultimately, you always have a right to decide who you do and don't want to have in your life, for any reason. Yes, there are people out there who only want to surround themselves with people who they deem have perfectly clean moral slates. Personally, I wouldn't give my time of day to those people. But there is plenty of middle ground between that, and giving an infinite amount of chances to an abuser on the off chance you might be unfair to them if you don't.

You don't have to justify wanting to cut someone out of your life. It's your right. They'll get other chances at relationships where they'll be able to prove they've changed, if they indeed have. You don't have to be the one to give them that chance. It's your right to prioritise your own boundaries, safety, and peace of mind.

I hope that helps. Sending a virtual hug ❤️

[lightbulb-warning]

[MAJORLY uncoherent anecdotal storytine:]

entertainment value: mild

cw: blood exams (not described in detail), vague mentions to struggles that aren't elaborated on, tmi personal rambling written by someone who is loopy from blood loss aka bad grammar/syntax/morphology/yeah also this got long whoops

im feeling mega loopy cuz blood exam (dundnt faint!! how outstanding of me. iamcurrently instanding. batumtssk!!i lie down now.)

but AT the blood exam a newer nurse stopped by and my usual nurse was like "PIVELLA meet [redacted <- (me. im redacted.)] this kid is a STAPLE in this department bla bla" and wow mom look im famius!! it only took me getting my blood displaced and stared at medically and faintinf a lot very often hshahahaah

the usual nurse is so NICE she's been doing my blood check traslocations since ive been like 15 i think maybe earlier?? idk idk i love her she's so nice and a kickass lady and she bullies all her coworkers and also me a lot!!! bully as in teasing she's nice yeah anyway yeah

me having to get my blood checked often is really inconvenient and kinda sucks!!! because i get koed and fuck if i can do anything for the next 24hs blegh but but BUT this lady has seen my grow up and seenbthe fuck up my life became and is seeing me pick up the peices abd whenever she sees me in the waiting room she shouts "its YOU" very dramatically and the staff has inside jokes about me and my dumv unoptimezed blood stats and thats REALLY NICE SOBS

like i dont wanna make a fable moral out of it like live love kaugh kindess uwu because realistacally, when i was fucked up previously (in the way that was bad compared to how i am fucked up now. funny joke. laugh.) i didn't gove two shits about people being nice to me because i was a massive hater and hated myself most (loser behavior!!!! the world hates you already love yourself out of SPITE!!!!!!!!!!) so people going out of their way to make a horrible situation slightly less horrible for me COMPLETELY went over my head "broom broom autopilot kill crush destroy ourselves!!!" (<- that's what my head looked like.ew there's no whimsy and silly in there, gross!! jk baby me gets the reatroactive love myself treatment bc noone els ecan do that for me!! what was i saying) and yeah i wasn't neurobiologically capable of giving two shits about anything, especially some random nurse going out of her way to crack jokes but idk i appreciated now!!! and she realizes i appreciate it now!!! and it's nothing big or grandiose i guess the world is still turning and nothing in the essential state of things changes bc i did a navelgazey testimony of WOW SOMETIMES THINGS CAN BE OKAY OCASSIONALLY HOLY SHIT?? but also!!! if i don't do it!!!!!!! who will!!???????

aesop would prolly write about foxes and grapes and terracotta pottery and crows and things being okay with time, but ME, a certified "just some guy", is gonna ramble about " it's gonna be okay" semantics because its!! been!! bullshit!! BUT THAT'S OKAY!!!!

shit got SO MUCH worse than what i could've imagined in my catastrophation!!!!!! id wasted my life preparing and planning for all the plans Ds and Gs and Js and Zs because my situation was FUCKED and i didn't have power to fix it, and too bad!!! SHIT HAPPENS AND IT SUCKS!!! time isn't gonna fix SHIT!!!!!! time is just a tracker of when!!! time does no good time does no harm!!!! what time did give my stupid fucking idiot idiot lovely self was time to change!!! not in just "omg change your perspective ✨" (which can be really really really important!! but you shouldn't take anyone's shit just because you see their perspective!!!! no you don't deserve to be treated like shit!!!!!! they don't deserve to get away with treating anyone like shit!!!!! what makes you so special that the world's evil needs to converge upon you?? you're just some guy!! they're just some guy!!! you be nice to you!!)

time is just there!! what does get okay with time is being!!! your enemy is no longer gonna cause you stress once you outlive them!!! you can be better than your yesterday self at any time!!! life goes on if you fuck up everything and you CAN do whatever you want with the peices!!! FAIL!!! FEAR!!! if we're scared we do it scared!!! it's not gonna be okay because its gonna be perfect, it's gonna be okay because it CAN be different!!

im still not """""fixed""""" , im still screwing things up and i still don't really understand what exactly is """""wrong""""" with me and that's okay for now, and hey!! i am capable of having a nice interaction with someone!!!! that's progress.

massive tangent lmao

local tumblr user gets some blood consensually stolen, has a positive interaction with someone, goes home and starts preaching at [unidentified recipient] jesus fucking christ maiora go to sleep this isn't the time for monologues

tl;dr: someone was nice to me just to be nice and im happy because i wouldn't have been able to appreciate it previously and it's nice to see people being nice for the sake of it

im nap now buh bye thanks for reading have a night or day!!!! be nice to you i can't do that for you!!! /lh

<3

[elftwink]

i really like board games but due to my Issues i tend to take everything way to seriously and personal resulting in a situation where i get annoyed and frustrated when i win or when i lose (you may think this doesn't apply to games with no win condition, but ive found ways to be a sore loser in minecraft. i'll lose at anything just to be sore about it. and i rules lawyer which to ME is neutral but everyone else hates because they want to play games the wrong and bad way and they do NOT care about my need to understand how the fuck we got here). now i have gotten better at this over the years and obviously as an adult i am in general much more emotionally regulated than as a child or teen, so though the problem crops up often still the consequences are typically limited to me being annoyed for a few minutes rather than me permanently killing the vibe for everyone in the room and forcibly ending games night.

HOWEVER. the strongest skill in my "dont ruin games night" arsenal is and always has been learning to say "actually i'll sit this one out" before i ruin it for everyone. unfortunately for me anyone you say this to takes it as a personal attack even after informed that the most likely and often only outcome is that not only will i be in a bad mood but i will bring everyone else down with me. people will be like "omg no we'll have so much fun just play one round i promise you'll enjoy it" all due respect no we wont. im not saying this to be a killjoy im saying it in a desperate attempt to save the games night before its all over. heed my warning lest ye suffer the curse (the bad vibes i am going to leech into the atmosphere if i have to pay rent to the same person more than twice in a row in monopoly). now i will admit that this is a personal problem obviously but it really does get me how i'll be like "if you make me do this i will be in a bad mood and i know from experience that it will impact the moods of everyone else and we will argue" and everyone insists to me that it wont happen and then when it does they are not only shocked but annoyed at ME for [checks notes] ruining the vibe and starting arguments. i agree this is not the best trait to have but you explicitly forbade me from doing the one failsafe prevention method that i have.

like i kind of feel like im saying to everyone don't touch the stove because the element is on, i get told "no it isn't, it isn't even hot you're exaggerating" by someone who then immediately burns themselves on the stove and starts admonishing me for not turning off the stove. like yeah the stove should be off but idk how to do that yet. also you are the one touching the stove after i specifically told you not to so at the very least i think we can both take some accountability for this

[possibly-eli]

yk when i look at stuff through the lense of I Have NPD, a lot of things make a lot more sense put under a read-more because its long

like, ive never truly felt bad for people. ive only felt bad for them when there would be consequences if i didnt i always end up somehow making the conversation about myself even if i dont actively try to i dont exactly have many people who i can refer to as "equals" but ive definitely got a few friends i get kind of protective over concepts that relate to me (the idea of being a zombie due to zombie kintype, the idea of Having OCD, etc etc) i get kind of paranoid regarding people and whether or not theyre talking about me behind my back because Of Course they are and they must be upsetting me intentionally because theyve turned on me i get really easily annoyed when anyone other than me vent about something (even, regrettably, my friends) because of said aforementioned disconnect (for e.g. there was someone i apparently had added on discord whose status was "i feel unsafe in my own head" and like. just Fuck Off youre such a loser. go cry about it or something idk man) i have this sort of need to keep up this Unbothered Mysterious Funny Guy and then i always ruin that because i talk about myself too much because i am very. very desperately in need of care and recognition nobody else is allowed to be more mentally ill than me

and like some stuff, i feel, is kinda expected considering my current situation (e.g. wanting support and passes because i get really easily overwhelmed but also not getting those cause my mother is just the perfect amount of ableist to think im as capable as i seem beacuse ~ooh smart~)

all that + take in to account i was excluded by my entire school for most of my time in primary school for being "weird" (autistic) and my only few friends were a) a bitch who i dont think actually cared about me and managed to unlock the bathroom door While i was in the bathroom despite me telling her to STOP (and then she bodyshamed me) and b) another girl who had actual. yk. Friends. because she had the social skills little autistic me lacked (and continue to lack)

so like. you try to tell me im fucking wrong lol. cause im NOT, for one, and two im Never wrong regarding my own (mental) health and MAYBE people should LISTEN to me more about it