#in this context i mean physically but this also works for emotionally too

[potato-jem]

you know life really takes you different places when your friends start to move away

[riverofrainbows]

Eliot Spencer. Listen to me i am obsessed with the man. He is so incredibly stereotypically masculine, and hardcore so, yet at the same time really isn't in ways that would be damning for the 2000s and early 2010s. Long hair, not unusually tall, the most emotionally aware one and most in tune with his emotions on the whole team. (Not that the others don't also have points in that area, but they're all terrible at it in some way and Eliot scores by far the most points.) He has a hobby that's not James Bond like (cooking), and he gets to be goofy while being unquestioned as the most badass guy in the room. And yes he makes inappropriate jokes about lesbians and goes all no homo at physical affection from other men, and younger people probably don't find him quite as monumental as i do in terms of masculinity. But his behaviour never reflects those jokes or the no homo, and he was the red blooded american former military guy character on a big network tv show in the year 2009. For which he was a severely mild case. He treats the other characters as people and not stereotypes, in the way the whole show does, and he has long hair he puts up in ponytails and half buns that have his side bangs falling out (you need to understand what big of a deal the manbun was in like 2013, so much so that they had to invent a word). He's emotional and doesn't actually mean his gruffness most of the time, and doesn't thinks himself above certain tasks or people. He wears ridiculous little outfits without putting up a show about his threatened masculinity, and he's the most emotionally intelligent one outside of cons. He wears little jewellery in his hair sometimes, and little braids even (yes braided hair was a no go), he plays guitar and sings earnest love songs not just to try to get laid (love songs would only be permissible in the immediate context of romance), and whenever they have a young woman as a client, that reminds him of home i presume, he works with so much effort and respect for them as the one he's in service to, and respects their opinion strongly. He wears glasses, and reads books and is way too nerdy for an action hero type of the 2010s. He is great with kids, and unironically so (there were multiple big shows and movies about the topic of "men needing to deal with children on their own" with the entire premise of that being ridiculous and them being naturally bad at it). He's the most stereotypically action hero type masculine guy on the show, and he does get strive or posture for power or dominance in their team, is content with a contributing role and trusting on the expertise of the others, and he is not portrayed as the most valuable one or as that behaviour being beneath him. He undresses so he and the woman he's fighting with are on equal ground reading undress. He is shorter than the others and continuously portrayed as the most dangerous one in any room, and height differences afe never deemphasised via cinematography (seriously, to be regarded as sufficiently masculine in western films they either get really tall actors or employ a variety of camera angles and boxes to give that impression. But just think of Eliot in the pilot when rescuing Hardison in the first break in, standing behind the group of security guys who all look way taller than him and more physically impressive with weapons and all. And then Eliot just in a t-shirt with no weapon but himself.) He has long hair (again, mainstream sufficiently masculine guys didn't do that back then, or now if we think of it (not that long at least)).

The show and all it's characters were a goddamn marvel back in 2009, and sadly in many ways still are today, 15 years later.

And he heals my little broken heart regarding gender stereotypes and masculinity, my heart that grew up in the 2000s and has so much difficulty accepting that my gender is valid. Bless him for it.

[project-sekai-facts]

Hey I've been wondering, could you explain Akito and his death symbolism? It's been constantly mentioned or implied in his recent focus songs and VBS covers (getting lines about "death" or "dying" and the likes)

It's just because the fandom is using that to mischaracterize him as an overly depressed and suicidal guy (another Mafuyu copy; pls save him and Tsukasa) and I just don't think that's what the writers mean to say and the point of his whole character!!!

(prefacing this: I'm aware there was a thread about this going round twitter a while ago, I haven't read it specifically because of this ask and if anything is the same that wasn't intentional and I apologise)

A large part of Akito's character arc is his difficulty with improvement and his sheer determination and passion that goes alongside it. He had always viewed his lack of natural talent and unrefined skills as something that made him inferior, which only led to him pushing himself to his extremes, and trying to face things independently and head-on. This is something that's touched on heavily in the STRAY BAD DOG event, where we get to see him learn to rely on his teammates more and realise that he isn't alone. Find A Way Out continues his arc of personal development, with him realising he's actually not so different to the people he looks up to, and finally learning to accept and feel confident with his improvement instead of just pushing forward almost desperately. It's that idea of him finally realising that he won't always be a step behind everyone else and good things are actually coming with his hard work.

Building off that idea, it's like a sort of rebirth. And that's where the links to Kashika come in. Kashika is a song about death and longing which gets horribly misinterpreted and has led people to believe Akito is suicidal which is simply untrue. The thing that's dying in this context is Akito's old self. The child who had no talent and was falling so far behind everyone. The child who worked so, so, so hard to be perfect is dying. And that sounds like a negative thing but it's really not. It's a metaphor for Akito reflecting on himself and moving on from the past and breaking new ground.

The 2DMV adds another layer to this with its marigolds, which not only symbolise death, but also can symbolise a renewal. And in this case, renewal refers to Akito's growth following the events of FAWO. He finally faced up to his past mistakes and overcame them, but even then he won't let himself feel relief. It's only with the help of Taiga's story about Ken that he's finally able to be more satisfied with himself and how far he's managed to come. He's finally able to break out from that belief that he's forever going to be stuck behind, and he's able to have faith in himself. Realising that Ken was just like him and managed to get to such a high level of skill and be so respected by those around him finally lets Akito believe that he too can reach that same light.

The butterflies in the background again symbolise renewal or transformation. It's not about death as per se, it's about change. Change and growth and transformation are recurring themes in prsk's character writing, and Akito is no exception. While on a surface level, Kashika is about death, if you put it next to the story, it's about regeneration. Akito is moving forward and leaving the old him behind, he says as much in the FAWO story.

If you actually read the lyrics to Kashika, it's genuinely kinda shocking to me how much people misinterpret its connection to Akito as a character. Like I get the song talks about death a lot and wanting to die, but particularly in these extracts you can see some of the key points of the FAWO event - Akito's determination, passion and self-acceptance. It's a song about Akito growing up, physically and emotionally, and saying goodbye to his past self.

Now as anon pointed out, the marigolds previously appeared in his card from Light Up The Fire. And while in the case of this event, it was most likely drawn to connect with the story surrounding Nagi's death, but it's worth mentioning that every character had their own flower, so the marigolds are specific to him.

As I mentioned in today's fact, aside from being associated with death, grief, and mourning, marigolds can also have positive connotations of optimism and passion based on their warm and vibrant colors. One of the key elements of LUTF was despair and grief, shown through more ways than one. Whilst the truth of Nagi's death came as a shock to the VBS and the others, the following battle with Taiga crushed their hope to the point that everyone except VBS gave up. VBS decides to keep trying for Nagi, and again there's that idea of a renewal. They know the truth now, and are going to come back and get better. Now while this is more general about VBS, the marigolds are still specific to Akito, considering how he's always been the most determined one who has taught himself that the only way he can succeed is through sheer perseverance. Whilst it applies to all of VBS in this instance, it applies even moreso to him.

Also it leads very nicely into his fes card story, which follows after the events of LUTF from his point of view. Something notable about his fragment sekai is that it's a completely barren wasteland. It's dead. And to top it all off, he gets amnesia. However the whole point of his sekai is to remind him of his determination, remind him that he has never once given up on this dream, how he's fought and fought to hold onto it and shouldn't let what happened with Taiga and the truth behind RW strike him down. Despite the area being dead and barren, and despite the fact he can't even remember who he is at all, he still pushes forwards and keeps walking through the dangerous environment because he knows he can't just sit around, he knows he has to do something. He knows it's not a choice, it's a necessity for him to persevere, even if he can't remember why. In the end he does remember, and finds a single flower that is managing to flourish despite the harsh conditions, and he even compares himself to it because truthfully they're one in the same. Even in a hopeless situation, Akito manages to pull through. In a metaphorical sense, he can't truly die, he still finds a way to thrive even if the world is against him. His determination truly is the core of his character.

And that leads us nicely to BURN MY SOUL, which I would consider to be the end of his first character arc. Despite having learnt a lesson about his true strength and potential in FAWO, he still hasn't reached that full potential, and he still believes that he needs to keep pushing and keep working. Through Ken's advice, he's able to realise that he's been so focused on perfection that he's bottling up all the passion inside of him. Because he's so passionate about music and it's this passion that fuels his resolve that is ultimately his core, his soul. And especially after everything that's happened, the fact that there's still a lingering sense of despair after the incident with Taiga, he needs to truly let that passion burn and realise that his true potential has been inside of him all along. His role as assigned by Ken is to light up a fire amongst the people again, so he let's the fire within him burn freely for the first time, and it works exactly as needed and is able to rekindle hope throughout the town and in one of his teammates.

Back to that idea about how metaphorically Akito cannot die, I really like the symbolism of fire within VBS and Akito in particular because it's framed in such a way that the fire lit by RW is a flame that can't burn out. Even with things such as CRaZY's "I'm so ready to die" and the "I'm going to pry it open like I'm going to die" voiceline that plays when you pull his WL card, it's not meant in such a way that he wants to die, but in a way that he's going to put his all into it as if it is the last thing he'll ever do. Akito doesn't want to die, he wants to live to see things through to the end. He's too determined to let anything snuff out his flame, and even then that makes me think of the original usage of snuffing out a flame, which was actually to trim the wick so the flame could burn brighter. If you care enough about that dumb candle analogy, you could say that Taiga/the events of LUTF tried to extinguish Akito's flame, only for him to come back from the dead (and quite literally considering the wasteland in his fes card), and now he's only burning brighter and stronger.

Akito's death symbolism isn't a negative thing. Akito isn't someone who wants to die, he's too determined to die. No matter how much the universe tells him to give up he'll never stop pushing and never stop breaking down the walls around him until he sees his dreams through. All his death symbolism is equally tied to the idea of rebirth or even just living. Kashika is about him leaving his past behind and moving forward, his fes card is about his passion counteracting despair, and Burn my soul/CRaZY/Break down the wall are all about him being so fired up that he's going to act as if it's his final day. He's learning to be satisfied with his life and where he is. He's ready to live and to say he wants to die is a great injustice to his character arc.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I broke up with my girlfriend for not taking her meds?

My (24M) girlfriend (28F) has bipolar and BPD. We've been together coming up on 3 years now. For the last half a year we were together it was pretty rough and turbulent, she was unmedicated and was having suicidal breakdowns almost every day, ended up in hospital several times, threatened and got into physical altercations with other girls who spoke to me or she thought were flirting with me, and I was spending almost every single day of my life having to take hours to talk her down from suicide or self-harm. It was emotionally exhausting and as someone who's also had suicide attempts in the past it was also incredibly triggering and damaging to my own mental health.

For additional context as to why I feel the way I do, my last girlfriend also had diagnosed BPD and NPD and when she stopped taking her medication she became fully abusive both physically and verbally and it took me a year of being absolutely beaten down to finally snap and leave her.

(Obvious note: I'm not saying everyone with bipolar, BPD, or NPD is abusive or that these illnesses inherently make you abusive. They were an abuser who just happened to have those things, and that played into how they acted and thought/felt.)

Current girlfriend eventually got medication and has been doing much better for most of the time since then. When she's on her meds she's a wonderful and generally pretty healthy partner - she's supportive, understanding of my boundaries, checks in with me, she's a year clean from self-harm, hasn't displayed any kind of self-destructive behaviour. She's gotten a job and managed to hold it down (got fired from several jobs in the past because of her daily meltdowns meaning she wasn't attending work), she's started exercising and going to the gym, she's picked up new hobbies, made new friends, she's just been doing great in general.

For about the past month though, she started going days without taking her medication and when I reminded her she would say she didn't want to, that she hated taking it, that she doesn't like the way it makes her feel etc. This is something my last girlfriend said too, and I know it's really common for people with BPD (and maybe bipolar too?) to stop taking their medication because they feel emotionally flat in comparison to how they feel off of the meds. I pretty much said that I couldn't handle going back to how she acts when she's off of the medication again and that if she was going to stop taking them then I didn't think our relationship would last through that kind of period again because last time it completely destroyed my mental health, my sleep, my life and several of my relationships due to how much energy and time I was having to put into her vs. myself and everything else. I suggested asking her doctor/psychiatrist/etc. for another dosage change or meds switch again to see if that would work better (though up until recently they have seemed to be working great so I'm not sure how good of an idea switching it up again would be).

She agreed at the time but I was kind of concerned about whether she'd been keeping up with it or not because over the last few weeks I've already noticed things devolving again - her screaming at me out of nowhere and having mood swings, intense jealousy and possessiveness, impulsive behaviour, even a couple of breakdowns again and having to talk her out of self-harm for the first time in over a year. True enough, today I found out she's been pretending to take her medication and throwing them out. When I confronted her about it she admitted she hasn't taken her medication for weeks.

I pretty much withdrew after that and didn't say anything at that moment but after a while she asked me why I was being so quiet and I basically repeated what I'd said to her in the last conversation, that I was honestly rethinking whether or not the relationship would work because I can't handle that kind of emotional exhaustion and constant sacrifice all over again. I don't mind some emotional support and some labour of love in a relationship because of course I'm going to need to look out for her mental health and reassure and comfort sometimes, that's the reality of loving someone who struggles, but I can't do it 24/7 again. I can't once again put talking her down for hours every day and weathering screaming and violent lashing out all the time at the expense of even my own basic needs and my own mental health struggles (for example my c-PTSD from my last relationship).

When I said that she got very very upset and basically said I was forcing her to choose between me and freedom or being able to live a normal/unmedicated life (which I mean, I guess I can't argue with because in a way I am making her choose between me and stopping her meds), and that I couldn't control her like that. I told her I wasn't doing it to control her and that if she's really determined to go off of them she could, but that I would have to make my own personal choice to walk away as a result of it for my own sake.

She said she'd think about it but ever since that conversation I've been going back and forth in my head on how much of a dick move it would be to flat out just do a black-and-white "Either you stay on your meds and regulate your behaviour or I leave"

TL;DR Girlfriend wants to go off of her medication, but when she's off her meds she has almost daily suicidal breakdowns and lashes out at me physically and verbally. WIBTA if I broke up with her if she goes ahead with stopping?

What are these acronyms?

[ms-demeanor]

hello! sorry to bother w this but im sort of desperate at this point. given your post about school abuse: so like. i had a similar experience and i thought that i had sorted my brain out. BUT. big but. now im trans and every time i have to correct people w/ misgender or come out to people that i dont already know their opinion on the issue, i get an anxiety attack that makes me unable to do it. ive told many therapists and no one so far has understood why im terrified of making stuff that other people can perceive as me being difficult to work with. would you have *any* advice? thanks!

Okay so first of all it is totally valid to feel that way; that isn't an irrational response, that is your body and brain going "!!!! I have learned this lesson before!" But just because it's a sensible response doesn't mean it's functional in the long term, which is why it needs to be addressed (which I'm sure you already know, I'm just explaining for people in the back).

So now here is some meandering advice:

Spend time with people you already know you can trust. It's okay to take a break from new people and situations (as much as is possible) when you are processing traumatic events and learning to care for yourself. Spending time with people who you don't have to come out to, who don't misgender you, can help you normalize being out and correctly gendered to yourself.

Recognize that you don't have to be out to everyone and some assholes aren't worth it. This is going to depend some on the context, but you don't owe everybody an explanation for yourself and if people repeatedly misgender you after being corrected you may just be better off not spending time around those people.

Loop in trusted people in low-stakes ways. If you get the sense that someone who you think is pretty safe has misgendered you on accident, it might still feel too intimidating to correct them in person but it might be a good idea to follow up with text or a call or a message to say "hey, just FYI, I think I heard you use a/b pronouns for me earlier, I just wanted to let you know that I use c/d pronouns. Did you want to meet up again next week?" the breakdown on why I think this is effective is - Distance means you're safe - nonthreatening "FYI" means you aren't saying "I'm offended" and assumes good faith from the other person - feels less accusatory (not that you need to tone police yourself, but if you're trying to lower the stress level overall then assuming it was a mistake and letting them know you don't think it was on purpose should reduce the overall tension) - request to meet up again or topic switch to something lighter once again says "I'm not mad, that was just regular information, we can now return to our scheduled programming"

I think that, generally speaking, this is also a decent way to come out to people if you're nervous; physically remote and emotionally casual can be a good place to work from (even if you're actually panicking in your head but you can pull off casual in a written message)

Find (or create) a space where people are 100% going to support you. If you need to create a discord server, if you need to schedule a regular coffee date with trusted friends or family members, whatever it is, give yourself a space where you are unconditionally supported and can have people to bounce ideas and concerns off of. Even if it's just you and one other person, it's good to know you have *someone* who you can say "I think I want to tell this other person to use my pronouns but it's scary" to and know that you're not at risk in any way. I'd say try to make sure that you're still interacting with people outside of that space, but have a space to retreat to where you can just drop the worry.

Recognize that somebody else's problem is not a reflection of you. If you have, for instance, a coworker who is being a piece of shit and refusing to recognize your gender, that is not a reflection of your gender that is a reflection of them being a piece of shit. If there is a classmate or a sibling who uses the wrong pronouns after being corrected that doesn't mean you're not entitled to your pronouns that means they are being a piece of shit. Some people are just not going to accept you and that's on them. Try to minimize your time spent with them and if you have to spend time with them at work take steps to ensure your safety, but don't fight losing battles with assholes.

It really is legitimately scary. You have good reasons to be scared and you are doing a very frightening thing (and not to do the meme thing but you are legitimately being so brave about it; the fact that you are reaching out and asking anyone for help, including randos on the internet, means that you are taking steps to doing the scary thing and that is SO GOOD and I'm really proud of you for making the effort in spite of the fear).

Here is some less meandering advice:

Practice. Talk to yourself in the mirror, practice with friends, practice with your therapist. Practice coming out to yourself in a casual way. Practice correcting your pronouns. Practice an introduction for yourself that explains the information you want to give to new people you might meet. Get it down to a quick little patter, get it to be something that's easy to say to yourself in the mirror first, then try it with friends for practice, then try it around the safer people you might want to give the information to. It'll get easier as you go.

Look for a local support group (or an online support group). If there's a local LGBTQ+ center you should see if they've got events going on or a support group you can join or workshops or any manner of social thing where you can go interact with people who have been through similar stuff.

Journal. Each time you find yourself frightened of talking to someone about your gender, do what you need to to get through the day and then sit down and think about that interaction. Write down what happened, write down what you were thinking. Was there something in particular that made you anxious? Is it something you can practice addressing? Was there something you noticed about the person that made you uncomfortable? Is that a common thread in the times you have trouble talking about this? If you're able to narrow down specifically what is making it hard to speak to some people that might make it easier to explain to therapists but will also make it more actionable for you.

Here's some very optimistic advice:

If at all possible find a friend who will be rabid and unflinching in their support for you and hang out with them around new people. Get yourself an attack dog copilot who will cheerfully step up and make corrections for you. I know not everyone can do this and I know that if you can find someone like this they can't be around all the time, but it can be wonderfully reassuring to find that one person who you know is going to be ride or die about making sure that everyone in the room respects you. (Being that person for someone else can also teach you how to be that person for you)

[physalian]

Bringing Characters Back from the Dead Without Pissing Off Your Audience

I don’t know if there’s an emotional rollercoaster out there quite shaped like an audience bawling their eyes out over the death of a beloved character and the livid and bitter turnaround that comes when that character comes back to life in the most ridiculous and lore-breaking way possible.

So, TLDR, some suggestions, not rules, depending on your genre and tone armor and not all for a single story, cherry pick as you please. If this is a kids show or a comedy where “death” is a nebulous concept anyway, ignore this. This is more for dramas.

The point of a good character death and revivial boils down to this, imo: Does doing so serve the character, the story, and the themes? Killing a character should be as big of a moment as un-killing a character, as long of a road as it took to get there should be as long or longer as it takes to get out. Otherwise, you just did it for shock value and everyone noticed.

DO:

Establish that revival is even on the table at some point well before this character dies. The smaller the gap between “hey death is optional” and “oh look, it’s the fan favorite in peril”, the less likely your audience is going to feel all the intended gut-wrenching emotions.

Have the dying character completely unaware that this might not be a one-way trip, even if the audience does. The entire cast might not have any clue, but the audience knows because Character Who Knew Too Much revealed it before they died. There is a time and a place for “I’m going on a suicide mission but I secretly have a contingency plan to cheat death” and it’s very hard to do it well.

Demand some cost, either from the dead character or the person/thing/deity that saved them. It should not come without consequence. Either they’re permanently emotionally scarred, physically scarred, are only back for a limited time, or somebody else died to take their place, etc. If revival has no cost, then death has no meaning.

USE IT SPARINGLY GODDAMN

Let the character be as shocked and horrified that they’re not dead anymore as the audience is ugly crying at their return. If the narrative shrugs it off, it’s going to feel cheap.

Let the characters doing the reviving be unsure if it'll even work. If both the characters and the narrative believe bringing them back is a foregone conclusion, you lose out on a lot of tension on if it's all for moot.

DON’T:

Keep killing and reviving the same characters with the same sad music and the same funerals and day-drinking and expect the audience to really believe it’s for realsies this time, CW.

Keep pretending to kill off characters but they’re actually fine

Pull it out of nowhere and try to bend the plot in post as if this is actually a good thing and not manipulative writing

Controversial but: warn the entire audience ahead of time, for many, many books, that somebody’s gonna die and it’s gonna hurt, and then say “nah just kidding” at the end.

Revive them too quickly. Death is a powerful, dramatic event for the dead character and all those who survive them. Unless it’s like a drowning situation where the character takes a few more seconds to gasp awake, let the story stew in the aftermath properly, otherwise—why kill them in the first place?

Some examples:

Gandalf—This one’s a funny one because it doesn’t establish that death is optional. Gandalf “dies” and then Boromir dies maybe 45 minutes apart. Thing is, though, that Gandalf is a 3000 year old wizard and Boromir is just a dude. Two Towers also begins by replaying Gandalf’s fall with added context so you’re already primed with “well that must be important, his character is still relevant”. The movies certainly have their share of fakeouts, but characters who are meant to die (Boromir, Theoden, Theodred, Denethor) stay dead. Gollum is just made of silly string I guess and invulnerable to high falls, unless they’re into lava. Gandalf isn't the hero, either, his job isn't to save the world, it's to make sure that everyone else saves the world. If Aragorn fell fighting the Balrog and showed up out of nowhere in Two Towers, it would cheapen the whole victory when the gods can just say "nope you're not dead, cancel, undo button" but not smite the orcs for them.

Jon Snow—oh look I’m actually praising GoT for once. He dies in season 5 and comes back at the end of episode 2 of season 6 after a whole campaign of seemingly futile magic and the heroes giving up hope. This series is full of graphic and pointless deaths. The hero getting stabbed seven times in the chest in a mutiny isn’t out of left field at all. But back in season… 2, I think? The Hound comes across a dude who can’t be killed, who attributes that to this Lord of Light deity. The same deity that Melisandre (the witch who brings back Jon) also worships. It’s proper set-up, proper time spent mourning him with a whole break between seasons, proper build up with the impact of his death, and proper consequences once he’s back, dude isn’t the same and I will always miss his fluffier hair.

Leo Valdez—I have no idea if I’m in the minority here but back when Heroes of Olympus was being published, the fandom had five whole years to argue over which of the seven heroes was going to die. It was all over the walls. Yes, this is a series about mythological creatures with gods and gods of the dead and even Death being captured to stop people from dying. “Character cheating death” didn’t come out of nowhere. However. Even though it was properly established, the series spent five whole books promising that somebody was gonna die, and then Leo comes back because the Prophecy didn’t read the fine print. I liked Leo, but I cannot stand chickening out of killing a character and this was one hell of a deus ex machina when the whole last book was a misfire.

The Whole Vampire Diaries and Supernatural—everybody knows the CW is allergic to perma-deaths. There’s infographics out there calculating how many times Sam and Dean and Cas have died. I know more about the background to TVD so herein lies the issue: The creator was allergic to change of any kind and apparently the actors didn’t have the best relationship with her because of it and other reasons. Her characters fell in the same cyclical arcs because who they were in seasons 1 and 2 is everyone’s favorite iterations of their personalities, so they can never have proper arcs with real growth. TVD was a serialized show written like it was episodic, so nothing, not even death, was permanent save for a few characters here and there. Death lost all meaning, the writing was manipulative constantly expecting audiences to believe it this time, and the lore kept breaking each time they did it with new excuses to bring somebody back.

*Gaara—I don't actually remember it super well and his death pissed me off more than his revival but I want to add it anyway. How they brought him back, with Granny Chiyo sacrificing herself for him and him being utterly shocked that anyone gave a shit to bother rescuing him was great, no notes. Even better because I belive Chiyo was like "it's alright I can fix him" and everyboy but Naruto realized that doing so would cost her her life. I just hated how they showed you Gaara dying ~20 episodes before anyone got there to save him, meanwhile the heroes were dicking around fighting their shadow-selves instead of just... running away? They didn't know he was already dead. The lack of urgency for all parties involved, in a show that's legendary for its shit pacing, promptly ruined any chances of me watching it past that arc. But, the revival was well done, so. Have a Gaara.

—

And then you’ve got way on the far end of ass-pulls, characters like Palpatine, heroes in soap operas, or shows in their 11th season that have already checked out or know it’s dumb and don’t care how dumb. It’s the nature of the beast. It’s hard to get mad at them for the single sin of undoing death when they probably already have a hundred other problems.

[actual-changeling]

Welcome back to a meta post that was not supposed to exist, but I fucking love answering questions, so here we are.

i got an ask (the answer contains a tl;dr) about why I think Crowley has unstable relationship patterns, and the following will be a detailed look at why this is the case, how Aziraphale plays into it, and what it ultimately means for the two of them.

This won't be as unhinged as my usual analyses, so consider this a special edition of Alex's unhinged meta corner - now hinged.

As always, please remember that this is my personal interpretation—not a generalization—and that genuine questions are welcome, either here on the post or in my inbox!

Everything I will say is based on research I have done, books & studies, and many, many conversations with my therapist (and at points my psychiatrist too); just so you know I'm not making shit up as I go.

Now, in the context of trauma-related/based disorders, what exactly does it mean to have unstable relationship patterns, and how does it apply to Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship?

Canonically, heaven does not care about what Aziraphale is doing and they are not keeping an eye on him. We know this both from references in the script and their dialogue and what we see throughout the show as a whole. That "fear" of being found out should he openly commit to Crowley is, for the most part, self-fabricated.

Yes, hell would potentially punish him (that potentially is another long post), but that is not something Aziraphale gets to take and use against Crowley, and the fact that does it anyway to 'prove' that he is not behaving incorrectly is a big issue.

What that leaves them with is a very common and well-known relationship pattern that requires a lot of self-awareness, control, and work to break it.

Aziraphale and Crowley get closer, spend more time together, their relationship grows and the intimacy increases, resulting in their behaviour changing to reflect that. They go on more romantic-coded dates (e.g. 1827, whatever the fuck 1941 was), eat together more frequently, drink together and feel comfortable enough to get drunk drunk while in each other's company—which always carries the inherent risk of doing something 'forbidden' while their impulse control is lowered.

I think the second episode of season one is actually a great example for all of this. When they drive to Tadfield, there's a mutually respectful conversation, they tease each other, they bicker like an old married couple, and don't fall into blaming the other for the situation they're in. At the manor, they are openly flirting from the start, laughing about the paintball guns and blowing kisses to miracle away stains, and the wall slam scene honestly speaks for itself.

I wrote a detailed analysis of it right here, which contains the conclusion that the entire interaction was intentional and orchestrated by the two of them.

They are doing great, they're comfortable, intimate—both physically and emotionally—and their sides are already on their asses about the apocalypse, so why not commit to the relationship?

Because Aziraphale gets scared, scared of intimacy, scared of what it would mean for his life, scared of what it would force him to confront (his faith, mostly, which is another gigantic topic), scared of the changes it would bring to their relationship, scared of breaking out of the pattern they have been moving in since the very beginning.

So he pushes, hard. He insults and denies and hurts Crowley to get as far away from all of that as possible. Push & pull, no matter when, no matter why, it's always the same.

At this point you might be thinking Alex, this is all on Aziraphale, how is this also Crowley's unstable relationship pattern? The answer to that question can be roughly summarized in one sentence:

He does not punish or discourage Aziraphale's behaviour.

There are NEVER lasting—if any—negative consequences for Aziraphale when he forces them into the push/pull dynamic, when he insults him, denies their relationship, calls him evil, you name it. No matter what Aziraphale does, Crowley always forgives and forgets and comes back to him, essentially resetting their loop. That way there cannot be any progress because they're not moving a single inch in either direction that isn't carefully organized and controlled by Aziraphale.

Why does Crowley not confront him? Because he is scared too.

Now, THIS is the part where I explain why I said Crowley has unstable relationship patterns. It is important to understand that Aziraphale's kind of instability is only one possible manifestation, and that they are—broadly speaking—on opposite ends of the spectrum, which not only makes them incredibly compatible, but also makes them worse.

Crowley is terrified of losing Aziraphale permanently and being on his own. God rejected him, heaven rejected him, hell rejected him—his life as been one traumatic incident after the other with a strong focus on abandonment and neglect, especially from people he cared about.

He says himself that Aziraphale is his only friend, he doesn't have anyone or anything else. The bookshop is Aziraphale's anchor, but Crowley has nothing except the Bentley and whatever Aziraphale allows him to partake in. Hell can take his job, his flat, punish and torture him as they please, and make his life, well, hell.

With the Bentley only appearing in the early 20th century, for 99% of his life he had nothing except for Aziraphale, his best friend, the person he loves.

So what does he do? He clings, he circles him and tries to push his orbit just a tiny bit closer whenever there's a gap he can use, trying to solidify their relationship. Terrified of being abandoned again, he swallows and ignores everything and anything negative.

The final fifteen are the FIRST TIME that Aziraphale asked him for something and he said no without changing his mind later—and it was literally the worst case scenario, the one boundary he has that he is not willing to cross for him, literally the barest minimum.

Every other time he relented, gave in, apologized for something that wasn't his fault, have Aziraphale everything he wanted from Hamlet over shooting a gun at his face to giving him the Bentley. Crowley's primary objective is to do whatever it takes to avoid being abandoned, so whenever Aziraphale DOES push back and abandons him/says that he will, he panics. He panics even more when there is an outside source threatening Aziraphale's presence in his life.

Look at how frantic he is when he finds Aziraphale after the bandstand, trying to say whatever it takes to get him to come with him. He does the apology dance, gives in when it comes to Gabriel, and never reacts to Aziraphale in a way that would prompt him to re-think the choices he is making, let alone stop doing the push/pull.

His identity revolves around Aziraphale, his only relationship is with Aziraphale, he allows him to shape him to his liking as far as he can take and then some, he needs him to be happy, to enjoy himself, to live a life worth living—and Aziraphale needs him to be and do all of those things so he can keep up his behaviour.

They are dangerously co-dependent and just spiral deeper and deeper until they hit rock bottom and are forced to separate.

Look, I have BPD on top of everything else, I have been in a relationship with this exact pattern in Crowley's role, and it is fucking horrible. Absolutely unbearable. My ex-partner was like Aziraphale, pulling and pushing and pulling and pushing but on a daily basis, every few hours. No amount of talking or begging could get them to not behave in a way that would hurt me, and I was so emotionally tied to them and terrified of being alone that just like Crowley, I relented every. single. time. A year and a half and they never, not ONCE, apologized for anything. Ever. Not for hurting me, not for being an asshole, nothing.

The only way I got out was with a lot of therapy, support, and so much emotional work I was having several panic attacks a day because I was so fucking exhausted. Crowley and Aziraphale separating was the best thing that ever happened to their relationship.

Now, Aziraphale is facing negative consequences for his behaviour and is forced to examine himself and deal with all those fears causing him to behave the way he does. Crowley on the other hand is now forced to learn how to exist without Aziraphale to orbit around—he needs to develop an identity that exists outside of Aziraphale, so he can have boundaries and stick to them.

[castlebyersafterdark]

ok so this is a question that i wish was discussed more in other spicy spaces without getting either too careful or too obviously an expression of people's unrealistic fantasies. what do you think attracts will to mike, both in terms of emotional and physical attraction?

there's lots of discussion about mike's attraction to will because that's thought to be what we need more of in the show, and people are happy to talk about will's physical attributes like his ass. but when will's attraction to mike is discussed, its always in the context of emotion and love and friendship becoming romantic, but never physical. there's not much in the way of will's fantasies or him being allowed to have a purely physical aspect to his love for mike, which is so sad to me because it reflects the thematic castration of will in the show (@therainscene did a great post on this about the lack of posters and sexuality in will's room etc).

i personally think the dnd alter egos give lots of hints about why will is emotionally attracted to mike, but at the same time, physicality and presence is a huge part of medieval/roleplay, so Will MUST have thought about mike's physicality in his fantasies, surely?

i wonder if there's not a lot of spec on this because people find there to be a dissonance between finn/mike's body and what they think mike's character represents in the show to a negative degree? whereas for will, even though his muscle development isnt **exactly** in line with will's character, society considers muscles to be a good thing so the change doesnt upset anyone. (not to say muscular men can't be sensitive, but the duffers probably would have chosen him to remain more delicate if they had a choice)

i personally think that mike's awkwardness due to finn's physicality has always been present and a big part of what makes the show so endearing, esp in s1. its only because there's an expectation for blockbuster scale epic fight scenes now, big music, big action, that people start to think mike needs to be this Baddie. I like the idea of him having a moment, but i dont need him to be wielding a sword like a badass and Looking Cool 24/7. Mike isnt traditionally cool, i need him to stay that a nerd lol.

maybe this is also why i think there would be something so powerful about a byler sex scene, because the more awkward/realistic/nerdier the better? it doesnt need to be traditionally sexy, but it WOULD be sexy just because of the fact that it would be mike and will and them getting together is intrinsically sexy.

i hope this makes sense lol sorry for the essay

EXCELLENT TOPIC! So many good points. You're absolutely correct about all of this - there is a definite line it seems, with more focus given to how Mike views Will, versus what made Will develop feelings and attraction to Mike, beyond the "we're best friends and I want you in my life forever"-ness of it all. I love talking about what Mike loves about Will, but let's hype up the other side of this coin.

This may sound so odd, but I genuinely think sometimes it's forgotten in general spaces that Will is gay? And what that actually means. Like he's a gay guy. Who is attracted to men and ultimately wants to be intimate with men (even if in present time, this want is being internally and externally denied). And Mike is a man (big juicy can of worms re: the gnc debate, save that for another essay, but I think my stance is visible between the lines here) and Will wants him. We all saw how Will looked at Mike in the desert. Dirty, white t-shirt probably transparent in spots from sweat, heaving breath as he did all the work shoveling for his boy bestie. Will doesn't have to lift a finger. Will gets to pretend to move several grains of sand around. Will looks at Mike with lust in his eyes. That is the boy he's grown up with and had been crushing on as a kid, that's the guy he's fallen in love with. And Mike has grown up. Still awkward, but developing into someone that Will not only wants to spend forever with, but wants intimately.

I like to imagine them as kids, maybe around the age they are introduced to us as in s1. What are they, 12? It's been awhile, but I remember being 12. I remember my first crushes, and they happened even earlier. Will has several male friends - each with their own appealing attributes. I think any of the party could be cute to a young, sexually confused nerd. But Will crushes on Mike. His first friend, the face he can imagine perfectly when he closes his eyes, able to draw him from memory because our boy is an artist. Little Will, drawing in sketchbooks from the early years. Why is it so important that he gets the shape of Mike's lips just right? Why are his eyes the best eyes he's ever drawn? Why does he spend so long perfecting a technique to capture the dark swoops of his best friend's hair? He's caught himself staring too long at Mike's mouth on occasion. He's caught himself suppressing a shudder when Mike's arm is so casually thrown around him, holding him close. He smells like a boy. He likes that a lot more than whatever girls douse themselves with. Uh oh.

Mike is not conventionally attractive. Neither is FW, either. Not to say he's bad looking (I find him very very attractive), but honestly - he's different. He's not like the cookie cutter Ken, the action figure, the Hollywood poster boy. He's got unique features and is awkward in his own skin. I don't think girls (and closeted guys) at Mike's school are falling at his feet. "I'm not exactly Mr. Popular." But they still look. As opposed to Jason, the All-American Juxtaposition. Jason - classically and cliche-handsome, the prototype boyfriend for the prototype cheerleader. If Will was at Hawkins High that year, I'm sure he'd give Jason a passing glance. He's an attractive man. Will's heart can belong to one and his eyes can appreciate attractive people in his vicinity. But Mike. Mike. Slightly taller, his protective personality bleeding into his physicality. I can see Will being into the protectiveness as a physical manifestation. Mike can maneuver him, can probably hug him tight and lift him up. He's not some action hero, or a muscled heartthrob but he's not as pathetic as fanon so pretends. I don't think he's gonna be an over powered badass by any means, but he can wield a sword and try and even if he's not that great at it. He's not hesitant. And clearly Will knows this. He painted it. He's into it. Mike, able to lead them into battle. Mike, awkward but endearing and strong. Mike with his big hands and lean muscles and that mouth that Will's eyes are drawn to like magnets and he hopes he's not as guiltily obvious as he feels when he watches his best friend orbit around him.

He may hide his attraction to men, with no posters of them on his walls. Diverting his eyes when he notices an attractive man in public. But he has music and cinema. Albums and magazines and movies. Mike looks more like the men in his favorite bands than the men playing professional sports. Bowie is so much cooler. He's odd, he's different. He's hot. Will likes the unconventional and he likes the familiar things that make him feel good and safe. Mike makes him feel safe. Oh, how he wants Mike to make him feel good.

Will had a crush on his best friend, when he first started being plagued with the realization that boys were cute. Will fell in love and when he re-met his best friend in the airport - his friend has grown up hot. He's pissed off and heartbroken that they haven't reached out to each other more, but he can't keep his eyes off Mike. He's dreamed about him and sketched him from memory so many times before Spring Break - but in the flesh? Everything and more. Will wants him.

[lilyginnyblackv2]

Buddy Daddies E8 - Sub vs. Dub Comparison:

I did this for Episode 7 as well. I want to start with the most interesting difference in the Episode 8 dub vs sub, then I’ll go into some other changes that are still intriguing in their changes, but not quite to the same level.

Okay, so, first up: Satoru’s Last Words

Sub: I’m on my way. Dub: My love, I’ll see you soon.

Of course, hearing anyone’s last words is an incredibly special (as in, like sacred) and intimate thing. But, “My love, I’ll see you soon,” is extra intimate. And since Satoru and Rei are being paralleled in a way, with Kazuki and Miri paralleling his significant other...oof.

Let’s move over to some more amusing lines. Like this one from the dub taken out of context: Oh, yeah!? That’s interesting, because I don’t seem to recall hearing any complaints at the time! 

Context: Kazuki to Rei after Rei told him that kinda sucked as a hitman when they first started working together.

Okay, now let’s go back to the start of the episode and work through this in a more linear way. 

Miss Anna’s Song:

In the sub, we get “Close your hands! Open your hands!” though, technically it should be “Open, shut them! Open, shut them!” (or “Close them, open them!”) since that is the song she is singing here:

(Video of the Japanese Song: むすんでひらいて - Musundehiraite)

But the English dub chose Jack and Jill, likely to make it sound more diabolical: “Jack fell down! And broke his crown!” lol

Shigeki (Rei’s Father) : 

A lot of the dub lines hold more assertiveness and sound more emotionally manipulative than the sub lines. The dub lines also tend to come off more distant/cold sounding than the sub lines (though, those are plenty cold too, the dub lines are just icy!)

Some examples:

Sub: The time may have come. Dub: I think it’s time.

The sub is in passive voice, while the dub is in active voice, so more assertive and certain in tone.

Sub: Return to this home. Dub: I want you to move back here.

The sub uses the word “home,” the dub does not. And while both are commands, the dub is centering Shigeki’s wants, while the sub is more of a general command. Going back to the use of the word home, when I worked as an ESL teacher and was preparing my students for the Eiken exams (English placement exams), one of the things I would focus on where the small, nuanced differences between English words. Since that could make or break student’s understanding of long texts or in the multiple choice vocabulary section. 

House vs. Home is a good example of this. House is the place where we physically live, while our home is the place where we not only live, but where we have people waiting for us that love and care for us. 

In Japanese, Shigeki uses 家 (ie) which means “house, residence, dwelling,” but can also mean “family, household.” It holds a colder mean in this way than 家族 (kazoku) does, which also means “family,” but more in a way similar to the difference between “house” and “home.” The dub really captures the colder, commanding aspect of Shigeki demanding Rei return to the here, not to his home but to the residence and household he left. 

We see similar coldness with the dub deciding to say: “carry on that name” instead of “carry on your family” like the sub went with. In this case though, I can understand why they went with both options, since “family” ties in with the family aspect, while “name” in this sense also denotes “family,” it just sounds colder and more distant.

The emotional manipulation of Shigeki comes across more intensely and clearer in the dub. The two examples of this are:

Sub: You belong here with us. Dub: Of course not, because the place where you belong is here with us.

The sub feels more like a general statement, while the dub line involves denying any thoughts of Rei actually leaving and reaffirming that the place he belongs is with the Organization. Not anywhere else.

Sub: You’d better not betray my expectations. Dub: You know how I feel about betrayal, don’t you, Rei?

The sub does still convey the underlining threat aspect that is present in the dub line too. But the dub line as an emotional aspect to it (”how I feel about”) that highlights more of how Shigeki has emotionally controlled Rei over the years, since the wording (and tone of how it was stated in the dub) makes it feel like this is a underhanded threat that Shigeki has made to Rei before.

After all, the dub also translated the bit when Kazuki is telling Miri about why Rei left his “home” with the Organization.

Sub: I guess rebelling against his dad was part of the reason he left home. Dub: I think that’s a big part of why he left home. He finally had enough of his father controlling his life, and decided to take a stand.

Subs always have to be a bit more concise in how they word things because of word limits and the like, so that is a factor here as well. But the dub really gets across the point that Rei was being emotionally controlled and manipulated by his father, something we see in the conversation taking place at the same time Kazuki is explaining this in slightly kinder words to Miri. The sub makes it sound more like teen rebellion or something similar to that. Of course, we can tell from the visuals (like the state Rei was in at the time Kazuki first met him) that it was far more than just that.

We know that Rei’s father has had Rei view him as his “Boss” since he was a child. But, interestingly, Shigeki is still able to read Rei fairly well. In the sub, Shigeki was able to pick up on Rei’s dislike at the thought of returning back to the Organization and taking over, stating: “You don’t like that?” The dub changes that line to “We had a deal, right?” Which kinda fits back into that emotional manipulation aspect that the dub really went into with Shigeki. 

However, the dub does show this more perceptive side of Shigeki, in regards to reading Rei in this bit:

Sub: It seems you’ve formed pointless ties. Dub: And yet, it seems there’s something holding you back.

The dub definitely alludes to reading Rei’s character and what he isn’t saying, and adding a bit more of an emotional aspect to the “ties” Rei has made (Kazuki and Miri).

Shigeki’s threats come off with a little more bit and weight to them in the dub as well, with him stating: “Over the years I’ve learned ow to deal with bad influences,” and “If that’s what needs to be done here, I can certainly---”

That last line was the one he says that causes Rei to cut him off and tell him that Kazuki has nothing to do with this.

This post is already long (and gets longer, lol), so I’ll put the rest under a Read More. Under the Read More, I talk about Ryo, Miri, Kazuki, and Rei’s lines.

Ryo

Now let’s take a look at some of Ryo’s lines and dialogues here. I feel the dub lines makes his thoughts come across a bit better (as in clearer and more natural, not like, in a good way) than in the sub. That’s what a good dub translation should do, since the focus is on making the dialogue sound more like natural, spoken language.

So, first we have Ryo calling Satoru the target in the dub, instead of that man like he does in the sub and Japanese That definitely comes off as a bit colder, makes it clearer how he doesn’t really view humans as humans.

The dub also makes him like 100x creepier when he asks Rei why he kills. In the sub he asks Rei, “For fun?” But in the dub he asks, “For pleasure?” in a really goosebumps inducing way. Also, pleasure always has this added sexual connotation and nuance to it that fun doesn't, and the way the line was delivered, i definitely think that was what they were aiming us to get the implication of with that line.

Other dub lines that just clarify his mindset are things like him saying “Out of curiosity” instead of “For the concept,” when explaining his reason. He goes on further to say, “What’s not so clear to me, is why people exist.” And then he finishes with “Such intriguing questions” instead of “I speculate on the answers.” The dub still gives him that edgelord aspect that the sub does as well, but the way he explains it feels more natural and conversational.

Of course, there is something to be said about how the dub lines feel more human, while the sub makes Ryo sound far less human in his conceptualizations. Either way, looking closely at Shigeki and Ryo’s conversations really does show how the two are very similar in how they view their job and the business from a less human perspective. Shigeki from a more contractual POV and Ryo from a more conceptual POV. 

Kazuki, Miri, and Rei:

I’m going to devote this last section to Kazuki, Miri, and Rei’s lines. 

Miri:

With Miri, the dub makes it extremely clear that she learned the phrase, “Men are a mystery” from her mother. The dub also added in a line with Kazuki asking her if she learned it from TV lol.

They also have Miri’s English VA say her last line (outside of the Birthday Song) as she is walking away from the table and towards the couch to sleep within a yawn. So you can’t really make out what she says (unlike in the Japanese and subs). It helps to show just how exhausted Miri is.

Kazuki:

Kazuki is also pretty savage to Rei in the dub, lol. A lot of the lines are very similar to their sub counterparts, but there are slight differences that make them a bit more sassy, imo. Like the word order as well, which I’ll explain a bit more in a second. Some examples:

- Listen, just be back by dinner. Are you able to handle that much?

- He’s not really sad that’s just what his face looks like.

- ‘Back by dinner,’ I believe I said.

- Hey, you! What in the hell dumbass?!

- Rei: Look, you don’t understand --- Kazuki: You’re right! I don’t! Now get in!

- Look, asshole, Miri was upset... (The sub started with “Miri was upset” and ended with “you forced my hand, asshole.” I think changing the order makes Kazuki’s line a bit more savage in the dub though.)

Rei:

Instead of having Rei say that Kazuki is “overprotective,” the dub goes with “Always going too far.” Both lines are true to Kazuki’s character, though the “going too far” one is interesting, especially in regards to anything that might happen in these remaining episodes (11 - 13).

Rei tells Kazuki in the dub that “I didn’t really see a point in saying anything” instead of “I didn’t think saying it would change anything,” in regards to Kazuki’s lack of hitmen skills (in the more gunmanship way, I would imagine). This is one change where I think the sub line works better, since it continues the theme of “change” that’s brought up here (first with Satoru, then here with Rei, and then again at the end of the car ride scene, where Rei asks Kazuki if he thinks they can change. That line is left largely the same in the dub though).

Finally, I just really love how the dub worded the part where Rei talks about Kazuki cleaning his apartment:

But, then one day, I looked up, and noticed you were cleaning the place.

I don’t know, it makes it almost seem like Rei suddenly “woke up,” and I feel this wording by the dub really captures what Ayase mentioned the title of the OP is about - the SHOCK of someone coming into your life and changing it. That feel of being like shocked awake by love and care, that sort of feeling.

[toneelspeelster]

ethics of motherhood: the jane / charlie spring essay

ever since the release of the second season of heartstopper i've seen so many different opinions on jane spring as a parent; she's the absolute devil, overbearing, completely against understanding charlie and his relationship with nick etc. etc. but i would like to delve into why i think the way alice set up jane spring in s2 is a /great/ gateway into a deeper, nuanced storyline between jane and charlie because, quite honestly - it's clearly long overdue. once again, i'd like to use backstory from the comics to infer what might be happening to jane in the series and how, maybe a bit surprisingly to some - charlie is in some respects a lot more like her than you might think.

please note: this is not an apology, or an excuse to jane's behaviour as a mother to charlie; i just want to give her actions a context and i think, show the room for growth which I think would be a beautiful, very nuanced, storyline between parent and child to take on in charlie's mental health story in s3/4.

(tw for parental abuse, discussion of eating disorder)

one thing that really informs jane spring as a character and as a mother in general is her own mother. we see in the comics that her mother is a. physically abusive and b. does not allow jane to have any criticism against her and uses that as a reason for the abuse.

jane later tells charlie the following on her relationship with her mother, acknowledging the effect that her mother had on her - to an extent. she softens the things that happened to her.

jane knows this of her being a mother: she's overbearing, her mother was too, and she was also hoping to be very different to what her mother was to her.

now what i think is a vital thing to consider is the following: jane grew up in a household where she was physically and emotionally unsafe. she was hit for expressing normal teenage behaviour. it should be okay to sometimes not agree with your parents and pushing back at them. they should provide you with a safe method of communication for doing so but they never taught jane that. as a result, i think it's a very human response of people to try and make sure they deal with things differently when they get older; but that also can result in overcompensating behaviour.

my feeling is that jane is overly focused, i think unconsciously, on keeping in particular charlie safe, and in that sometimes loses sight on making him feel actually (emotionally) safe. because safe means to jane: performing well in school, not doing anything that might be dangerous, but also: keep in line with expected social behaviour. what is the safest thing, jane thinks? that your behaviour is perfect. because if you don't give others any reason to think you're being out of order (in whatever way), you will not get abuse. safe is being perfect, doing everything perfectly. you can and should control your life in such a way that it will be possible for things to be perfect.

and guess who feels that way too?

kids learn a lot more from their parents than they would think (or even like).

one of the most interesting changes from novel to tv series i think, is the change of having jane not being immediately supportive of nick from the get go; as it fits in quite well with jane's character trait of being focused on charlie's safety (and by extension julio's character, but he goes about this differently and quite honestly... can be quite of a wet wipe lol) and exercising control over his behaviour to make him safe in her own eyes. she wants him to be socially presentable ("please change out of your pyjamas to meet guests"), to focus on school work, and for him to listen to her when she says he needs to come home; in a sense i think she wants to be aware of where charlie is at a given time and not too stay out too late, because the night? that might be dangerous.

we have to remember that charlie was severely bullied only a year ago, and julio's constant reminders of charlie in s1 of please calling him when the situation gets out of hand with nick's circle of "friends", indicates to me that his parents were aware of the bullying, maybe being informed by ajayi bc i don't see charlie being able to tell that to his parents himself. so: nick's "sort" (tao mentions his circle as "exactly the sort of people who bullied [charlie]") are in jane's eyes boys to be weary of.

so when charlie tells his parents, jane doesn't totally trust it.

this is worsened when it turns out nick is also going on the paris trip. for charlie, that's not the only reason to on the trip at all, but the way the conversation goes with julio's comment that's the reason why he wants to go, this is where nick gets associated in her mind with charlie as something that she needs to be aware of and perhaps even intervene. to make sure he's safe. she needs to control the situation if it goes wrong.

which she does. almost immediately. when charlie shows behaviour out of the ordinary for him and the only cause she sees is nick; he's the new factor in all of this.

it's like she thinks if she doesn't completely nip this behaviour in the bud in a very hard way, all the bad things imaginable will come immediately. like charlie would flunk school within a few weeks. charlie, who's been a high achiever! julio's response is actually quite appropriate, i personally think: it's not a wonder that you're unfocused bc you have been spending time a lot (which we've seen! on screen!) but also i don't want ban you from seeing him completely, just set some boundaries.

interestingly enough, this is also due to charlie overly focusing his efforts on keeping nick essentially perfectly safe in his coming out as well; unfortunately, in that final scene shown above, he's just realised that he's got no control over nick's coming outs being perfect, as david has shown to be very biphobic and dismissive of nick in a way that neither nick or charlie had any say in or could even prevent from happening. jane has the option of trying to control things because she's his mother and has some authority over his life.

jane disappears in the show after this issue of charlie handing in his course work gets resolved for a while, so it does seem like she very much keeps to her word afterwards.

she comes back in time for some growth. tori rightly mentions that the family dinner is not something that their mum would totally enjoy bc tori has seen the criticism jane has regarding nick. but charlie does know nick, feels emotionally safe with him, especially after their convo in the louvre and nick being open about his dad, so charlie is right in saying nick, as a person not the idea that jane has of him by association, might convince her.

and he does.

nick can be trusted; nick has come out to his neglectful parent, chastised his older brother for being an asshole, mentions he feels happy with his life with charlie and living openly as his boyfriend and apologises to his mother for ruining the dinner (a sign of a well mannered boy!). and when sarah tells jane that this is something that she's never seen nick do and that must be of nick's deep care for charlie, jane thinks..

and comes around (a bit).

unfortunately, her overt focus on charlie's grades slipping being due to nick's influence in his life completely makes her neglect the signs that charlie is not eating well (that's something that is building up so gradually that i don't think she sees it as an option). there are some great metas on here by @ finnicksannie regarding this being one of the biggest reasons why charlie's grades are actually slipping.

all in all, i just want to close by saying this is a deeply traumatised mother parenting a deeply traumatised son and they both need time and therapy for a better understanding of the communication between them.

and i think the end of season 2 sets up a nice storyline about that quite nicely. jane accepts nick in their circle, but her communication with charlie has not been resolved; it's just a little tick towards her needing to trust charlie more. he's got good instincts. she's starting to realise.

this is all not an excuse. it's a set up for a responsibility on jane's part to work to communicate with charlie better. but life is life. and we're humans. sometimes we need to learn to grow.

and in the mean time, in the small moments, maybe with what you would say is the bare minimum, with not agreeing with charlie's self deprecation, jane does show her love of her son.

i don't think it's without reason that this was shown.

--

i have not read the novel solitaire / nick & charlie / this winter. feel free to add in comments if there's something in there too! but i do feel the series might incorporate jane's storyline maybe a little bit differently than from in the books; but it sounds like her controlling behaviour is a throughline to it all.

[soupthatistohot]

Soukoku is a bit fucked up... but that's why they work

Dazai and Chuuya do not have a normal relationship, however you want to define that (platonic or romantic). Without the context of their backgrounds, it reads as like... really fucked up. And that's true, to an extent, but to eliminate their circumstances is to do them a great disservice, in my opinion

First of all, I'd like to acknowledge that I'm fully cognisant of the fact that skk were not written to be a romantic pairing— Asagiri simply does not intend for them to be perceived as such. That being said, this does not mean that audience interpretations of a media are invalid. I ship skk, and as such this analysis may include my romantic interpretations of them as a pair and i acknowledge this bias at the same time that I acknowledge the validity of my interpretation.

Let's look at Chuuya's background first. He has little to no memory of his life prior to 7 years old, when he was separated from his family and treated as a government experiment. After his escape, he was an orphan on the streets taken in by a group of fellow orphans. He quickly rose to be the leader and protector of this group, who would eventually literally stab him in the back when he was manipulated into working with and eventually joining the Port Mafia. He spent his teen years with a suicidal maniac as a partner, watched countless friends and a clone of himself die, and found out a literal god was living in him, forcing him to question his humanity.

Dazai's past is much less clear. We don't know what his family was like, but we know that Mori recruited him after discovering him after a suicide attempt and began grooming him as the Demon Prodigy. He was forced to be an accomplice to a murder, and was constantly manipulated by and possibly physically abused by Mori. He was known for his coldness and was feared by many as a monster for the majority of his teenage years, and was expected to eventually become the boss of the Port Mafia through assassinating Mori, which the latter was paranoid about. Finally, one of his best friends betrayed him and the other died in his arms when he was eighteen years old, something plotted out by Mori, which resulted in his defection from the organization.

As teens, skk had a weird relationship (and that's putting it lightly). There was a certain level of contempt they held for one another. Chuuya resented Dazai's pessimism and lack of regard for others, and Dazai resented Chuuya's emotional and aggressive nature. Yet, they both had a deep understanding of one another that no one else really seemed to have at the time. They recognized one another as human when the individual himself did not. They had full faith and trust in each other, not allowing each other to die despite their disdain. It was complicated, and it wasn't quite healthy... but it was pretty damn good considering they were traumatized children in the Port Mafia.

There's a certain level of abusive behavior between them as teens, and I won't ignore that. Dazai played a large part in manipulating Chuuya into entering the mafia, and Chuuya insulted Dazai's suicidal and depressive nature a lot. Dazai found pleasure in causing Chuuya pain, both physically and emotionally. Chuuya literally has a list of torture techniques to use against Dazai. This is why I often stray from portraying an established romantic relationship at this point in their lives. I don't think they understood who they were fully yet, and sometimes projected their issues onto each other. Even if they were in love at that time, neither of them would have been ready for that type of commitment. I also just think they were too emotionally constipated to get to that point, anyway.

Something that I do love about their relationship as teens, though, is how they let each other be kids. Their bickering and arguments were childish and dumb, but that's the closest thing they had at the time to being normal teenagers. Amongst all the doom and gloom that surrounded them in the mafia, they knew that they could always go to each other and have a mindless argument or competition. In a way, this is how they reclaimed their stolen childhoods.

We see this when they're adults, too. In their first encounter in four years they tease each other about the same things as before, slipping right back into their childish banter. It's silly and immature, but that's how they operate. They allow each other to have that, and I really love this aspect of their relationship.

I think there's something to be said for how their time apart was good for them. Dazai is most clearly in a better place than before. Sure, he's masking a lot of the time, and he's still clearly suicidal, but I think the work he does with the agency is more fulfilling than at the mafia. He has more of a purpose, even if it's just to stay true to his promise to Oda (though I do believe it's more than that now). At his core, he's still a suicidal pessimist who finds humanity utterly disgusting and doesn't quite consider himself to be human, but I think there's a level of contentment of what he's doing with his life.

It's less obvious how Chuuya has changed, but I think that he has. He exhibits more self-confidence and maturity than in his teen years. He's more capable and well-rounded as an executive, and it's a personal headcanon of mine that in Dazai's absence, he was forced to pick up some of his skills of perceptibility and deduction. I think he is in a better place than before, as well, especially because he was able to establish himself independent of Double Black. He has also settled within Port Mafia, recognizing them as his family, which means he, too, is likely more content.

So as adults, they display less of the abusive behaviors than they did previously. Of course, there's still a certain level to which they're abnormal. Their jokes and quips about one another are sometimes quite dark, and there's a certain level to which Dazai still exhibits power over him when it comes to deciding to use Corruption. But that trust is still there, despite their time apart, and so too is that understanding of each other. They're not perfect by any means, but given their traumatic upbringings... they're kind of perfect for each other.

There is the fact that they want to kill each other. I'll admit that I struggle to explain this aspect, but I'll try my best, because I think it's not as bad as it sounds. I just think it makes sense for them. They're both sorta unkillable, so this aspect of their rivalry denotes a certain respect for each other. It's also a matter of likely knowing that they actually won't ever kill each other (and no, this isn't me being in denial about ch. 101, I fully believe that Chuuya is not dead, there is no way he's going out like that). This is one of the more complex aspects of their relationship, but when you add it to everything else we know about them, it just sorta works. I mean... thinking of ways to kill your partner for 7 years? That's kinda gay.

At the end of the day, skk keep each other in check and allow each other to have fun. They trust, know and respect each other, and though they claim to hate each other, I really don't think this is true. It's much more than that. They're rivals, they're partners, they're soulmates! And honestly, that's what makes them so goddamn interesting.

[ilynpilled]

Have you seen that post on how Cersei pushing Jaime into forcing sex on her is an abuse technique on her end?

no, but i checked his tag now lol. while i know that george explicitly expressed that the sept scene was intended as consensual by him, i still believe that jaime’s pattern of pushing to have sex with cersei, and how, speaks of an unhealthy relationship with consent in this relationship on his part too, a lack of respect for boundaries on his part, as well as objectification on his part that cannot be removed from the context of this society’s gender dynamics, especially when it concerns cersei’s themes and her character (to contextualize and expand on what i mean, heres a very quick collection of quotes regarding how jaime’s relationship to cersei, sex, swordplay, and even violence blend or function similarly in relation to very heavy dissociative tendencies):

i understand the jc dynamic’s set up:

“She has never come to me, he thought. She has always waited, letting me come to her. She gives, but I must ask.”

“She wanted to draw his face to hers for a kiss. Later, she told herself, later he will come to me, for comfort. “We are his heirs, Jaime,” she whispered. “It will be up to us to finish his work. You must take Father’s place as Hand. You see that now, surely. Tommen will need you . . .”

i also understand how george seems to establish communication and patterns within this dynamic that reinforce his expressed intention, which is also apparent in a scene that a third party witnesses and how that mirrors the sept, and i obviously also do not think these two would do all of this healthily and establish things akin to safe words (lmao) (though i take issue with a lot of things here still when it comes to grrm and how consent is framed):

and i understand george framing cersei utilising sex, or even love and affection, as a means to have power, and that being a big factor in this relationship’s dynamic and how she takes control (see instances when cersei does initiate— jaime’s narration is not entirely correct, we know of the inn, which is unique but important, so it is interesting that he chooses not to connect this until feast, that would mean confronting something he doesn’t want to— and what motives she has: “She smiled for him, so sweetly. “Do you remember the first time I came to you like this? It was some dismal inn off Weasel Alley, and I put on servant’s garb to get past Father’s guards.” “I remember. It was Eel Alley.” She wants something of me. “Why are you here, at this hour? What would you have of me?” His last word echoed up and down the sept, mememememememememememe, fading to a whisper. For a moment he dared to hope that all she wanted was the comfort of his arms.”

but i do not think that changes much about the issues on jaime’s part, or how patriarchal hegemony works, or how a lot of fandom frames cersei. we know cersei only enjoys sex with jaime (it is sex that is categorized as different from lancel, osney, taena, and robert — all of these also cannot be conflated for obvious reasons — by her), she says so, but that doesn’t change that she still believes that it is her only source of power and means through which she can reach equal ground within her society. we can understand why cersei thinks and functions this way: we understand how she was reared and how she was viewed as a sexual object and a tool for political transactions with no autonomy since childhood by every adult around her. we see how and why jaime is needed by her to feel “whole”, and how he is her “sword.” it is also not difficult to acknowledge that while the abusive dynamic is not what i would consider equal: jaime does not verbally berate her to the degree she does him, does not physically hit her and throw things at her, does not use her or emotionally abuse her the way that she does him (and no, i personally do not agree with people that say they are equally terrible to each other or they equally benefit from this relationship), jaime still ultimately has some power over her due to his gender (the physical is obvious, but on top of that this is a medieval society with extreme levels of gender inequality), and nothing will really erase that because this relationship does not exist in a vacuum. this is not diminished by how this relationship functions, her status as queen and jaime’s status as her kg, and other variables that play into the unequal power dynamic. it will always have to be acknowledged that cersei is a woman + everything that comes with that being the case in a medieval society with complete patriarchal domination. i also think the unhealthy belief system of “we are one. you are me. i am you. we are two halves of a whole” will have effects on the understanding of consent and how both parties function in the relationship. i think this extreme delusion would lead to a plethora of issues when it comes to consent and boundaries. with cersei too, the moment she (including her offering sex) is rejected by her “other half” she emphasizes and says things like “you swore that you would always love me.” and “i was a fool to ever love you” or starts verbally berating him, emasculating him, being ableist etc. this relationship operates on some absurd conditions and ultimatums, it is not healthy, hence things like “the things I do for love” too. in reality, it really is the opposite of “unconditional destined lovers.” both of them have things that they end up prioritizing over the other, and both have an incorrect idea of the other that fits their specific needs and wants. i just despise this whole “cersei groomed and manipulated jaime since they were children” bullshit. a child is not capable of this. teenaged cersei was navigating the strict and dehumanising boxes that her father and society forced her into since she was 7 years old. she looked to her brother for comfort and escape as much, if not in many ways more at this point, as he did. i also think cersei escapes into the relationship to subvert those societal patterns in many ways (i have seen people discuss that jaime views her as an equal and a person more so than others: “If I were a woman I’d be Cersei.”) but this still does not change the flaws that jaime has. he is not only a man in westeros, he was also reared by tywin lannister lmao. he is a misogynist with a skewed understanding and view of a lot of things. no point in denying this.

and all this aside, i also understand “mutual abuse is not real”, and understand the damage ignoring that can do to narratives revolving around victims of abuse, and the issue with framing ‘retaliation’ or ‘bad victims’ as mutual abuse (see discussions regarding robert and cersei for example and some of the putrid narratives that come out of that), but we are talking about fiction and its themes, discussing an author’s known intention and execution of that intention (that we can also criticize), as well as what is written in a text, and i do not think we should be ignoring the nuances when it comes to applying a modern lens to a medieval society with some very different and more severe and strict paradigms when it comes to gender inequality and the oppression of women.

here are george’s actual comments that i do not believe contradict the bulk of my perspective either tbh:

[thatgirl4815]

Intimacy (Ep4)

So there is a lot of behind the scenes work happening in this episode, diving into character histories and further developing how they've come to find themselves in the relationships they're in. All of these details will likely play a large role in how each couples' bonds deepen or widen.

RaySand

Ray's behavior gets a lot of context this episode, particularly in regards to Mew, who he is still crushing on. Because this is such a big plot point this episode, it has a lot of subtle implications for Ray's burgeoning relationship with Sand. Forgive me while I go on a tangent about Ray...

It's become clear--and I think Ray himself even realizes this--that Ray's feelings for Mew are more about the role Mew can fulfill rather than the person Mew really is. How many times does Ray say "No one loves me" in that opening scene? Ray needs so desperately to feel that someone loves him, and he's grown accustomed to being called a brat and a burden because he sees himself that way too.

Ray tells Mew that he isn't looking for a real relationship, but he seems to crave one. I think though that if Ray did date Mew, he would find himself in a similar situation as what he is (eventually) going to find with Sand: having someone love him is all he wants, but the threat of that person leaving him is worse than receiving no love at all. The thought of having Mew return his feelings is perfect because it's just a fantasy--a reflection of what he needs to feel whole again.

Ray turns back to Sand to distract himself from Mew, but Ray's relationship with Sand is going to show him what happens when the fantasy of being loved by someone becomes a reality. Being loved means acknowledging all of the hurt and pain that Ray has likely worked so hard to suppress in the years since his mother's death.

Ray and Sand are edging closer and closer to the edge of the "feelings" abyss, and at the moment, Sand is still the only one who seems aware of it. They've already developed an intimate relationship physically, but small gestures like this reflect the emotional intimacy they're working towards. That's what could end up destroying both of them.

TopMew

Top and Mew make more headway as far as physical intimacy this episode, but their emotional intimacy has taken a few steps back from the steady incline it's been on so far...Mew just doesn't know it yet. The trust they have in one another is going to be put to the test again and again as Top tries to conceal the truth about his hookup with Boston.

While I admire how strongly Mew holds to his convictions, particularly where sex is concerned, something still feels missing from their relationship both emotionally and physically. I can't decide if it's intentional or not. If it's intentional, perhaps it's meant to reflect that all is not as it seems between them, that there are still substantial barriers they'll have to overcome to make their relationship work (trust issues, for one). Part of it might also be that we have witnessed Top try again and again to win Mew over, but Mew still seems resistant in any case. Again, I don't blame him given Top's reputation, but even when he opens up, Mew still comes across extremely guarded, almost as if he isn't completely sold on being in a relationship at all.

This might just be my take on it. I'm curious if anyone else feels similarly. I want to be invested in Top and Mew's relationship, but the very obvious cheating and lying going on is making it difficult for me to anticipate a happy ending, and it casts a cloud over their intimate scenes already. (Again, probably intentional. I'm anxious to see where it'll go from here.)

BostonNick

Boston never changes. He plays Nick like a fiddle. The only change we see between them this episode comes from Nick's side, with him finally admitting verbally that he's into Boston (as if we did not already know that). I find it funny that Nick agrees with everyone who tells him that Boston is bad news, yet he's just as down bad as before. I think Nick takes the cake for most pathetic character on the show (*affectionate*)...can't say I condone his obvious spying and breaking into Boston's phone though. At least Nick has flaws too, otherwise Boston would be blowing him out of the water as far as negative traits are concerned.

Boston's ego is also extremely apparent in every scene with Nick. I think Boston likes knowing that Nick is developing feelings, even if he has no intention of returning them. He sees himself as a prize, and Nick's affection just reaffirms that (something he desperately needs while Top is rejecting him).

Boston and Ray both take the cake as far as getting back into Nick and Sand's good graces though. Those cheek kisses and puppy dog eyes haven't failed them yet.

(Not entirely related, but I am not ready for Boston and Nick to crash RaySand's makeout session next week. Let the boys kiss in peace please.)

[theneighborhoodwatch]

What are your thoughts on the potential Julie and Frank 'relationship'?

(serious answer under the cut. also, again, disclaimer that this is all speculation and i'm not saying that any of this is 100% For Sure going to happen, i am just speaking within the context of this one particular theory.)

(edit: nvm i might actually be right. yeehaw [said unimaginably haggardly])

i've talked about that before on this blog, in this post specifically (with extra links for context so maybe check it out) and it's still something that i think about A Lot. in that post, i describe it as a source of Mutual horror, i.e. "you were created to both bring out the best in someone and to keep each other shackled to someone else’s incomprehensible idea of normalcy." and when i say incomprehensible, i really do mean incomprehensible; going by a few posts clown's made in the past, the idea of gender being tied to presentation and vice versa seems to be a foreign one to the playfellow puppets - and yet, this does not seem to prevent them from the consequences of being Perceived a certain way. it's also probably worth mentioning that if the 2022 pride art is to be believed, then neither frank or julie are cis, either (for whatever the playfellows puppets' definition/equivalent of "cis" is, anyway.)

i would be lying if i said i haven't thought about Several ways this could all play out; how it could affect both of them as individuals, their other relationships, their pre-existing friendship. i won't go over all of those here bc this post would be way too fucking long otherwise, but i will say that i think that they would have been friends regardless of whether or not the show decided they were (and regardless of whether or not the show wanted friends or "friends."*) i don't think either of them start out Aware that they're "supposed" to be together. i think they are likely made aware of it later on - of how they are seen. in this way, it's a good example of what i meant when i previously described welcome home feeling like a setup for some cosmic horror-as-coming of age shit (or coming of age as cosmic horror??) for example, in this particular context, i saw A Lot of these two scenarios when it came to growing up queer and/or closeted, especially in an unsafe environment: 1. "i'm told that because i spend so much time with this person, and they are (X) and i am (Y), that i am in love with them. i don't think this is true, but i have no idea how to refute this, so i'm just gonna Go Along With It until i am emotionally, mentally, and/or physically no longer able to do so bc i'm scared of what'll happen to me and/or the people i care about if i don't - OH FUCK THAT HAPPENED A LOT SOONER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK"

2. "i'm told that because i spend so much time with this person, and they are (X) and i am (Y), that i am in love with them. i think that's the dumbest fucking thing i've ever heard and it does not apply to me at all" [is punished for this] "Ah." it's just that here, the scale would be magnified to the point of cosmic horror, in order to drive home the turmoil these situations bring, both internal and external. do i think frank and julie would be the only examples of this, or that it is mutually exclusive from any of WH's other potential themes? absolutely not. but if all we have to go off of are crumbs, then We Will Work With Crumbs. * side note, i was gonna talk about how it was interesting that despite knowing next to nothing about frank/eddie in canon except for the fact that It Happens, all of the frank/eddie art we have so far is a lot more unambiguously romantic than any supposed in-universe ship teasing between frank and julie, buuut then i realized that was probably bc we're still in the prologue and all the frank/eddie stuff we have is like, side sketches and concept art. of course it's gonna be more indulgent.

tl;dr: I Care Them and i hope you can tell

[oncemorewithqueering]

twin peaks sexuality headcanons

warning: very long

my god do I have THINGS to say about this show and 99 of them are about albert

so I thought before my feed is entirely twin peaks, I’d give my thoughts on the Outrageous Gay Tension of this show with some context

also ignore my handwriting, I’m very sick at the moment and have taken a lot of paracetamol (be more responsible than me kids)

spoilers for all 3 seasons, sorry

DALE COOPER

he/him

transmasc (FTM)

bisexual

listen. listen. trucoop is real rosencoop is real it’s all real. i love coop more than i can describe (which is weird considering I’m gay) and i heavily head cannoned him as trans and bi the second he drove onto my screen. i think he’d prefer men but women are also his cup of tea, or coffee rather. anyway he deserved better and he deserved to give Harry a little kiss.

HARRY TRUMAN

he/him

cisgender male

bisexual

i originally would have said Harry was gay, but I’m not a big fan of relationship erasure. yes, he is with josie. that’s why he’s bi.

i think Harry would have had a crush on some guys at school but would have bottled it down, until coop came to town, and he suddenly had a gay crisis. if i had to pinpoint a moment, i would say his initial realisation would have been when coop steals his nose (best scene) and he would have come to terms with it by the end of season 1.

even harry is not immune to the eyes of Dale cooper.

LAURA PALMER

she/they

cisgender female (but questioning her identity)

biromantic lesbian

first up, I’d like to give my consolidation to Laura palmer and anyone who may be reading who ever experienced something like her. she is my favourite character, apart from Coop Harry and Audrey, and i think she deserved so much better. PERSONALLY i think she and Donna had a very strong emotional romance but not necessarily a physical one. i think that her experiences with men caused her to do a big ol’ comphet and assume she liked being intimate with men. in reality, i think she wasn’t actually attracted to them but was doing it, alongside all the canon reasons, to reject her feelings to women.

and James happened, i guess.

DONNA HAYWARD

she/they

demigirl

homoflexible

idk whether i just see my identity in donna, but i think she definitely isn’t 100% female. i can’t explain it at all, but i just get the vibe.

as for her sexuality, obviously she and Laura had their thing, but i think her romantic tension with literally all. the. female. characters. initially made me think she was a lesbian. but, we have the James factor.

fucking James (my reaction whenever he is onscreen btw)

i think that her emotional intimacy to Laura would have naturally led her to the other emotionally intimate person in Laura’s life. i think James is the closest thing she has to Laura left, which is so sad. i love donna, idc what the widely accepted opinion is. i believe the ‘Just You’ song scene is her grappling with her feeling with maddy. i mean tbh if my girlfriend died and then her identical twin came back, i would probably be weird about it too.

AUDREY HORNE

she/they

trans femme (MTF) (i couldn’t fit it on the picture sorry)

biromantic demisexual

AUDREY AUDREY AUDREY AUDREY MY BELOVED

when i tell you i came out of twin peaks 15% gayer it is BECAUSE OF THIS GIRL. i love her storylines, her dialogue, her friendship with coop. it all feels so realistic! and her dancing!

back to the sexuality and gender thing, which is what this post is about, i personally believe her crush on coop came from a place of seeing a happy trans person comfortable in their identity and finding that beautiful. then translating that to love.

as for being biromantic, c’mon. donna and her definitely had a thing going for a bit. her demi sexuality comes from a place of her extreme discomfort in sex work (which is valid if you aren’t demisexual, by the way, but combined with her virginity until she forms a meaningful connection, the pieces fell into place for me. yes i am also demisexual and yes i am totally biased.)

ALBERT ROSENIFELD

he/him (because he is Him)

trans masc (FTM)

gay as fuck

“I love you, sheriff Truman”

I’m sorry??? excuse me?

albert is gay in so many ways it’s not even funny. with coop. with Harry. with gordon in season 3. and my trans headcanon? idk i just sort of vibed with it. normalise head canonning people as gay or trans with no reason.

also i love the idea that Denise, Albert and coop are just a group of trans fbi agents. we already have Mulder from the x files we need more (tell me if you want an x files version of this)

GORDON COLE

he/him

cisgender male

bicurious

i honestly can’t tell if David lynch would curse me for this post or just shrug it off

anyway. gordon didn’t strike me as being particularly fruity until season 3, when he had his whole trans power speech and those weirdly domestic scenes with albert. like, pop off little fbi husbands. i think he’s still working through period-typical biphobia and isn’t ready to say he’s bi. but i think with time he will be.

someone needs to take me away from this show for like a week and sit me down with some literature. I’d just gay headcanon it anyway (looking at you Sherlock Holmes)

BOBBY BRIGGS

they/he

demiboy

bisexual

the more i watch this show, the more i think to myself…”Bobby is…me?” idk whether it’s dana ashbrook’s truly unhinged and amazing performance, the weird nervous gay energy and the lack of masculinity for a character who would normally be obnoxiously masculine. i love him so much.

i think Bobby would struggle in the gender norms of being the child of a military man. and the sexuality norms of being the “bad boy” in school. i firmly believe that he is bisexual, because let’s face it, everyone in this godforsaken show is bi. find me ONE straight character. ONE STRAIGHT.

SHELLY JOHNSON

she/her

cisgender female

heteroflexible and demisexual

SHELLY IS A LITTLE BIT GAY BECAUSE I SWEAR TO GOD AS I WAS WATCHING THIS I WAS THIS CLOSE (HOLDS FINGERS TOGETHER) TO KISSING MY TV SCREEN.

shelly seems like the sort of person to have been raised with certain heteronormative values. but, i think after going out with Bobby, i think she’d have a little sit and think and say “huh maybe i would kiss a girl.” she hasn’t, yet, but that’s just because her crushes so far have been on men. if she met the right girl, she would.

i think her demisexuality comes partly from trauma and also because we need something in common because, if i haven’t made it clear, i LOVE HER.

HAWK

he/him

cisgender male

gay

don’t be lying about that poetry being for your girlfriend hawk. this is the only character where i will defy canon, fold my arms and say no. i love that hawk got a bigger role in season 3, and i think that based off all i know about him (being the best character) i would headcanon him as being gay. why? idk. look at him?

hawk would totally just rock up one day with a guy on his arm, no explanation, and say nothing until Lucy stumbled into asking him about this guy. and he’d just be like “oh this is my husband. yeah we’ve been married for 6 years. you were at the wedding, we just didn’t tell you it was a wedding.”

iconic.

also i had hair envy the entire show, i wish that when i straightened my hair it was that luxurious.

LUCY BRENNAN

she/her

cisgender female

bisexual

I’m sorry Lucy, no one is THAT frazzled and not sapphic. it’s a rule.

i feel like Lucy would consider herself straight until she was taught about the internet, got a Facebook account, and promptly shut it down, but before doing that saw the word ‘bisexual’ and felt weirdly drawn to it. Andy was, of course, super supportive if a little confused. she’s still figuring it out.

i feel like she’d wear sweaters in the bisexual colours and be very happy whenever someone noticed.

ANDY BRENNAN

he/him

cisgender male

straight ally (but not really)

Andy is straight, but like more in a straight with a question mark way. maybe if he hadn’t dated Lucy, maybe if they hadn’t fallen in love, he would have caught feelings for a guy. after Lucy came out, he did some thinking, but decided to keep it to himself. who knows, maybe his tulpa is “kinda gay” (obligatory Buffy reference)

WE ARE DONE LADIES AND GENTS AND PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT EITHER BUT STILL HIGHLY ESTEEMED.

so, thoughts? I’m gonna do a part two with the season 3 exclusive characters, and some characters i forgot, like Norma, ed, Hank, josie, James….and Wyndam Earl. OH and Denise

thank you so much for bearing with me, and love y’all 🫶

(not as much as I’ll ever love Shelly)

[jeremy-queere]

The major downside of the OCR squip song line is I have to live with the knowledge that Rich doesn’t wash his hands after using the bathroom </3

Still, wish they kept it. The best version is probably the off-broadway one, cuz not only does it keep the line but it also gives us an extra verse

(also hi this ask is an excuse to hear your opinions)

HAHAHA. Depressingly I would assume that's canon for all versions of Rich.

You gotsa tell me what extra vers you're talking about?? unless it's the bit I will rant about below bc

YES MY OPINIONSSS

so!!!!!!!!! christ this got long. you are not contractually obligated to read it

The SQUIP song is literally an infomercial. It is. And it's great and I love it. Way back in the day I did an in-depth analysis of a Heathers song line-by-line about how each element was used to make JD more manipulative. The SQUIP song deserves that too so. I'll see if I need to do that in this post?? We know what an infomercial is!

Random Google result for the structure of an infomercial brought up a guide on writing one. It defines the format as 4 sections:

The introduction introduces the product or service and the problem it solves. It should be concise and serve as an attention-grabber for the listener/viewer. It’s a teaser and should be written in an engaging and lively manner. 

The product demonstration explains how the product or service works and its benefits. The product is presented in detail so the audience is informed of features and benefits.

The call to action encourages viewers to take action and purchase the product or service. Ideally it includes a special offer or some enticing incentive to get your audience to act. 

The closing summarizes the key points and offers a final call to action. It repeats the benefits of the service, the special offer incentive, and where and how to buy the product or service. 

For an example of this in song form, check out TWRP's The Perfect Product:

Lemme also google persuasive writing techniques... and one of them is just a list of fallacies, so let's head there for more SQUIPspo. And a list of infomercial techniques. I'll only include them if they're relevant to the SQUIP song, but Rich uses a ton of 'em so. Here's a sampling!

Appeal to ignorance - Your claim is true because there's no evidence against it. Compare with argument from silence - "assuming that a claim is true based on the absence of textual or spoken evidence from an authoritative source, or vice versa" False dilemma - An either-or problem without considering whether a third option is possible. Definist fallacy - Defining a term in a specific, emotionally biased way, making the argument hard to refute if the listener accepts the "loaded terms"' definitions. Divine fallacy - "because something is so incredible or amazing, it must be the result of superior, divine, alien or paranormal agency" Reification - "treating an abstract belief or hypothetical construct as if it were a concrete, real event or physical entity" Focus on the problem and its solution in the ad, not just the product/service itself. Talk about solutions and benefits, not features. Storytelling to connect to customer's emotion - including the power of testimonials Create a sense of urgency. "Because they know if they can’t get someone to act right away, they’ll come up with reasons and excuses not to act later" Add value by showing multiple uses. Use memorable phrases and taglines. Before/after comparisons Repetition Various appeals to emotion including fear, ridicule, and "Wishful thinking – arguing for a course of action by the listener according to what might be pleasing to imagine rather than according to evidence or reason" Argumentum ad baculum - An argument made through threat of force Genetic fallacy – a conclusion is suggested based solely on something or someone's origin rather than its current meaning or context

Infomercial programming is full of powerful words that sweep viewers into a world of possibilities. They structure their content to bring people to an emotional high thinking about how different their lives could be… if they only picked up the phone. Then, to hammer home the point, infomercials contrast that ideal situation with the viewer’s current reality. They point out how the viewers’ lives won’t improve and will only get worse if they don’t take action.

Also golly. I can't finish reading through this list of cognitive biases because it's too damn long but here's the wiki link anyhow. (Also in the above list, I quoted a lot of the sources without specifying which one - but then I remembered this is me just rambling about a Be More Chill song I like, not an academic report, so myeh :P)

OK FUCK AFTER ALL THAT. I guess it won't take much MORE time to do a line by line, huh?? I'm not going to point out which fallacy Rich uses and when because tbh I'm lazy. I worry that this is over-explaining because Rich's not like. Subtle. But whatever

Freshman year I didn't have a girlfriend or a clue I was a loser just like you

Setting Jeremy as the "before" in the infomercial with Rich as the "after." Also connecting the concept that being single = being a loser. Even though the focus of this song isn't about "getting the girl," that seed's already planted - not as an end goal, but that having a girlfriend is an important prerequisite to become like Rich.

Good times would only Soar by

This is important to connect to the "picture this" segment, so put a pin in this. Everything Rich says about himself is a descriptor of how he sees Jeremy and, therefore, how Jeremy should see himself. This is setting up the problem in order to create a solution down the line - or rather a huge host of problems: You're single, clueless, a loser, you miss out on the good experiences you're supposed to get in high school...

I was gross As every female would attest

Here, note that the boys' opinion of Rich aren't taken into account yet. Being "gross" isn't just a personality flaw or about something physical - it's a measure of one's worth in a way that can be objectively measured by how popular they are with girls.

This will also segue well into Be More Chill Pt 1 & 2 with the focus on Jeremy's slobbery.

My sexting was a futile quest My little penis was depressed He was so lonely Poor guy

More of the same in that sexual conquest is linked to self worth, but the language here is important too. Firstly, Rich is sliding in words like "depressed" and "lonely" without openly diving into those emotions. In fact, he's suggesting that feeling depressed and lonely (which again, Jeremy is meant to see in himself) is at its heart a sexual problem.

I'd also expect that, with the bathroom setting and the "confidence" line in the play, Rich talking about his penis is an alpha male dominance thing.

But! If nothing else, Rich was right that it speaks to confidence. The first thing we learn about Jeremy is his sexual frustration, which is an introduction for us about his feeling of powerlessness in his own life. The point isn't that Jeremy masturbates, but that he tries it unsuccessfully, making him uncomfortable, making him extremely self-conscious around peers, all of which he sees as his natural state.

Like, not to get too Freudian I guess. But Jeremy puts a lot of emphasis on his own dick (and balls... thanks, More Than Survive...) as a symbol of shame and lack of control. Rich picks up on this innately (stalls are for girls, Jeremy!). I headcanon Jeremy as needing testosterone shots due to being intersex and that he has a lot of body image issues related to this

I was Hopeless, hopeless I was Helpless, helpless

Repetition! Also like, alliteration/slant rhyme, but let's not get into that.

Every time I'd walk the hallway I would trip

Maybe more than the previous lines, this characterizes old-Rich (and now-Jeremy) as socially awkward. As far as we know, Rich doesn't have any mobility issues, so the image we get is of someone who's so anxious that they don't look where they're going - then accidentally becomes very negatively visible by creating an obstacle in the hallway.

I was Stagnant and idle

Connecting to Jeremy's I-want song - what Jeremy fears most is stagnation, of survival without thriving. We now know that the SQUIP would have known this, but for Jeremy, this probably just resonated unexpectedly.

I was So suicidal

Finally we get the briefest glimpse of Rich as a kid with genuine mental health problems. Jeremy doesn't express suicidality (until the SQUIP encourages him to). Because it doesn't apply directly to Jeremy, maybe that's why Rich hurries right past it to the next lines.

But arguably, if we're taking all of the SQUIP Song as disingenuous, this could be more of a threat. Like, this is the ultimate point that Jeremy is striving toward if he doesn't make a change and fast.

And then Then, then Then, then Then, then Then, then Then, then Then, then I got a Squip

I love this bit. The repetition really does serve to draw you in, put you at the edge of your seat. Almost reminds me of Jenna in how carefully crafted their stories are (in comparison to Chloe, whose retellings are always written much less engagingly lol because she has such a shallow grasp of the situations).

The "then"s acting as a drumroll are important imo to keep this from feeling like a blast of information that Jeremy's forced to listen to. And then? And then? And then?!

And indeed, Jeremy does finally express interest instead of immediately running for the hills.

Note that this section of the song officially ends the introduction and moves onto the demonstration. We have the problem established - now here's the miracle solution.

[JEREMY, spoken] You got quick?

Side note - I do love a lot of things about the Broadway musical and cast. Will Roland's high notes are gorgeous.

But in most respects I prefer the original recording because the camp seems a lot more... legitimately weird, rather than played up for fans. The dynamic between Jeremy and the SQUIP is just so vastly different in the Broadway version. Broadway SQUIP is a fun bombastic villain, but he never gets the chance to schmooze Jeremy the way that OCR SQUIP did.

Other lines suffer from the same melodrama, including this one. Broadway Jeremy says it fearfully, knees practically knocking together. But OCR Jeremy says, "You got quick?" like a confused kid who WAS cornered in the bathroom but is now just trying to figure out what the hell Rich is talking about, which is closer to how the audience feels too. The "then"s really built up anticipation for all of us (and I'm sure there's another musical explanation about waiting for the phrase to resolve or something).

[RICH, spoken] Not quick Squip

[JEREMY, spoken] I've just never heard of it before

[RICH, spoken] Yeah, that's the point! This is some top-secret, can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet shit

The SQUIP having a weird name isn't a flaw. It's a feature! Duh!

It's presented as secret, illicit, dark-web technology. That gives it an exciting air of mystique but also explains away any doubts Jeremy would have.

It's also, I guess, a way for the musical to skip past several chapters of Jeremy googling the SQUIP and selling stolen beanie babies

It's from Japan

Now this line! This bit, I feel like I still don't totally understand. Obviously it's playing on the early 2000's hype of Japanese products being high-tech, cutting-edge, and a little bit weird. Everyone makes it pretty clear that the SQUIP being Japanese is a major selling point. Unfortunately, I suspect it's there to sound, at some level, exotic and confusing and untouchably cool. Sort of like the tech version of "ancient Chinese medicine" (which is smacked on half the labels in the vitamin aisle no matter their origin to give them a false air of authenticity)

It's a gray, oblong pill

Very important to mention lol. Imagine buying a SQUIP without knowing what it looks like and then getting the tictac.

Look on a bottle of prescription medication and you'll probably find a similar description- "yellow round pill" etc. The "oblong" language links the SQUIP to not only being tech but being psychiatric medicine, which Jeremy immediately picks up on.

That medical aspect also lends the SQUIP some authority and legitimacy, which it will happily abuse when it tries to treat Jeremy's various mental health issues later.

Quantum nano-technology CPU

Technobabble, again making the SQUIP sound advanced and, if you don't understand it, YOU'RE the dumb one, Jeremy.

The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do

Honestly? Very up front. Thanks, Rich. Setting expectations! He's building a lot of hype about something hard to quickly describe.

We know from Jeremy reprising the song later that the finger tutting Rich does is a vital part of the message of the song. It's the demonstration aspect.

[JEREMY, spoken] So… It's like… Drugs?

[RICH, spoken] It's better than drugs, Jeremy

I always appreciate the condescending tone here, like Jeremy's a child who just asked a very silly question.

If we're getting in the weeds - which clearly for some reason I am - we can read this as an acknowledgement that, for a kid in Jeremy's situation, drugs are in fact good. Jeremy saying "drugs" cautiously informs us as an audience that he isn't especially familiar with drug abuse, which is probably important context for how we understand his and Michael's weed use later. They're not using drugs like "cool kids" - they're using drugs like "losers."

Basically, Rich is acknowledging that drugs are one way to cope with all the problems that Jeremy has... but they're not the solution. It also distances himself from the dodgy role of drug pusher, which would be very easy to see him as in this interaction. Rich sounds like someone who has tried drugs (which for a teen, implies money, connectedness, a way around authority, and an exciting danger) but doesn't even want them because a SQUIP is like drugs but better.

[RICH & (ENSEMBLE)] It's from Japan! (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah) It's a gray, oblong pill, (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah) Quantum nano-technology CPU. (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah) The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah) It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do. (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)

Repetition legitimizes. Repetition legitimizes. Repetition legitimizes.

The chorus in the background sounds almost like a religious choir, raising the stakes, sounding inhuman and huge and overwhelming.

It tells you what to do

Now this may just be headcanon, but the way I hear this line, it's always as if Rich is trying to communicate to Jeremy that Rich is not the one singing the SQUIP song.

Jeremy, it tells you what to do (it gives you directions)

It TELLS YOU WHAT TO DO (IF I AM DOING SOMETHING. IT IS BECAUSE THE SQUIP IS TELLING ME TO. THE IMPLICATIONS JEREMY.)

Unfortunately, if that's Rich's goal, it doesn't work because Jeremy is used to having no power. He wants to be guided and have his own impulses set on the back burner. Rich thinks this is a red flag but Jeremy sees it like a racing flag being dropped.

It's preprogrammed (Ohhhhh)

As a description of features, this is pretty lame, right? You don't sell an iPhone by saying, "It can make calls. It has apps. Oh and also, it has its own OS :)"

This is just throwing words out there for the emotion of them, not the meaning. At best, we can argue that being "preprogrammed" means that Jeremy doesn't have to take responsibility for making any choices when it comes to the SQUIP's installation. Hooray.

It's amazing (Ohhhhh)

This is SO infomercially and I love it.

Speaks to you directly (Ohhhhh Ah ah)

Our first hint that the SQUIP isn't just a "thing" but a "being." For Jeremy, this is also a selling point, as per his I-want song.

You behave as (Ohhhhh) Its appraising (Ohhhhh) Helps you act correctly (Ohhhhh)

This section is so very tailored to its audience. Jeremy actively wants instruction. A personal trainer in his brain would be life-changing.

It's also a little insight into the ironically binary mindset of a SQUIP. They don't choose actions based on moral character, right and wrong. They analyze situations and categorize actions as correct or incorrect. Pass or fail. For Jeremy, who sees himself as constantly somehow failing at being a person (relatable), this is a breath of fresh air, of honesty.

[RICH &ENSEMBLE] Helps you to be cool

The book SQUIP didn't like the word "cool" because Jeremy conceptualized it as some weird unattainable state of mind: "Cool," capital C. The musical SQUIP doesn't have to worry about that (especially since they're in an audiovisual medium now). Instead, this underscores exactly what the SQUIP is supposed to do if Jeremy hasn't gotten the picture from the snapshots Rich has provided yet.

It helps you rule

Later called back as the kids "ruling" the world/school/human civilization/it's unclear, but for now, it's just about having a positive impact on the world and enjoying your time alive.

Previously, we described the SQUIP's physical features, its mechanism of action, and how you interact with it. Now we're taking it as something beyond a product that you can buy. You're not getting a SQUIP. You're getting a change in who you are. You can "be cool," which is about being perceived positively by your peers. But that's a passive action. The SQUIP can also help you to do... something vague and positive. It's easy to insert your own interpretation in this phrase.

ANYWAY we're FINALLY at the IMPORTANT PART OF THE SONG that they CUT to upset ME SPECIFICALLY lol

[RICH] Picture this:

We are comparing the before and after! This is the vital part of the presentation! We have the "before" of Rich being a mentally ill loner loser. Then he got a SQUIP, which can help you self-actualize. So it's stupidly important to demonstrate the consequences of installing the SQUIP in order to illustrate the goal Jeremy wants to obtain!

This isn't a vague promise of being cool. These are tangible, concrete improvements that Rich is living proof of. This is his testimonial of a positive SQUIP user experience. This is what Jeremy can strive toward and this is what he can obtain by buying a SQUIP.

This is the money shot, basically!

Nobody cares if you are late 'Cause even teachers think you're great

Nobody cares sounds like a loser thing... but it's flipped on its head. Nobody's paying you negative attention because people all like you. You aren't just cool with your peer group, but you have specific powers you can wield within the school for your own ends. You're no longer going to be bound to the schedule of high school, which is one of the biggest sources of disempowerment for Jeremy already - c'c'c'c'mon - he's constantly late, constantly uncomfortable, constantly belittled. But with a SQUIP, he can take control of his own time.

Realistically, this sounds a little weird, right? If a teacher is that invested in the high school hierarchy (hi Mr. Reyes), they're probably not doing their job that well.

But this isn't a realistic list of features. It's a beer ad with laughing faces, parties on the beach, bikinis. It's a smear of joy and bombast.

Your weekend's just a full-on slate of blowout benders

Jeremy's not only going to have friends, to be cool, but his everyday life is going to transform dramatically.

In Loser Geek Whatever, Jeremy explains that half of what he was proud of was just doing something he hadn't thought he was capable of before. This entire section is similarly aspirational. Jeremy hasn't gone to blowout benders before, but he envies the people who do.

Of teenage rockstar splendor

This is the height of the coolness promise! You're going to be incredible, Jeremy! You're not going to be alone ever again! You're going to be treated like a rock star, and what's more, you're going to know you deserve to be treated that way!!!

Right now you're Helpless, helpless You are Almost hopeless

I still don't get how Broadway skipped everything above and went straight down to Jeremy getting insulted again. The negging doesn't work without Jeremy having a clear future to look forward to.

Anyway, if Jeremy didn't realize before that the old Rich was supposed to represent himself, he does now with this further repetition. The word "almost," though - that's a hope spot. A tiny chance of redemption. The SQUIP isn't just a solution. It's Jeremy's only solution.

On the school's social map you're just a blip

This is given more meaning in its contrast to the idealized future Rich promised above. Without that context, it sounds like Rich is just insulting Jeremy to rub salt in the wound. But in context, it's reminding Jeremy that he's not at rock star status and can't hope to get there on his own.

But if you Take my advice

We're officially beginning the call to action, the if->then. Rich isn't selling you something, Jeremy. He's giving you advice because he sees himself in you.

and if you pay the listed price

I believe it's the OCR that has the threatening tone in Rich's voice for this one? I prefer that. It's a subtle threat of punishment (argumentum ad baculum!).

The "listed price" phrasing again makes this sound like a legitimate product rather than a back-alley deal, even with Rich pounding his fist in his hand.

If you wanted to get fake deep, you could again make the argument that Rich is warning Jeremy off by hinting at the SQUIP's price... but I truly do think this is more of a "bitch better have my money."

It's a nice contrast to the friendly advice, since Rich is Jeremy's bully, after all. This isn't too good to be true because Rich is demanding something in return.

I would call this part of the time pressure just based on Rich's demands outside of the song.

Well, then you go from sad to interesting To hip

We might see a person described as "sad" and think that's an emotion they're feeling. But no - this is who Jeremy is right now. He's a sad excuse for a person.

And it's not an immediate transformation. There are stages Jeremy will go through to get himself noticed and eventually admired.

I am doing the song a kindness by not paying extra attention to Rich using the word "hip"...

Your whole life will flip!

Again calling back to the rock star fantasy. This will change Jeremy's life. And Jeremy? Can it really get any worse?

[RICH & ENSEMBLE] When you buy a Squip!

This is the only time in the song where Jeremy is explicitly told what to do - and it's no longer "if" you buy a SQUIP. It's "when." You're going to do it eventually because you'd be crazy not to. Why not get started on fixing your life right now?

Rich is talking like he's already made the sale in between the lines "If you take my advice" and "when you buy." Confidence! This is also the conclusion of the sales pitch, when we're reminded that this is a tangible product that can be bought.

[RICH & (ENSEMBLE)] Hey, yeah, a Squip! (Ahhh, ahhhh) Oh, a Squip (Ahhh, ahhhh) Hey, yeah! (Ahhh, ahhhh)

Not much more arguing done here, but the repetition is pretty valuable for the weird "SQUIP" name. Rich is just building hype and emotion.

BMC ensemble is often what Jeremy, as our point of view character, perceives "everyone" to be feeling or doing. The ensemble isn't pushing a SQUIP on Jeremy, but they're in awe of what Rich is presenting to Jeremy.

No longer a drip when you got in your grip

Given the context of the rest of the song, I think it's more than fair to read a double entendre here as a callback to how the conversation started. Or maybe that's just my limp mack daddy game talking.

In any case, "grip" (along with, you know, rhyming with "SQUIP") is a strong word to choose implying power and, again, personal agency.

A Squip A Squip A Squip (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)

BIG FINISH!