#in the course of looking around for blade pics found a few pics of them from some completely other production too...

[unproduciblesmackdown]

feeling SO SO NORMAL about the beloved BLADE GUNNBLADE

[lesbian-dp]

Masquerade

Kinktober 2022

Day Nineteen

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Words: 1,551

Warnings: Formal wear, anonymous sex, lingerie, “stripping”, being recorded, overheard sex, packing, strap on, masks, choking, sex with clothes on

Request: Non.

Summary: A high-end party leads to pleasure behind masks.

A/N: This isn't the best. But I really needed to get this done. So... enjoy ig!

Ko-Fi

Commissions

(Not my pics)

18+ ONLY

---

"So what? Do we gotta put our keys in a bowl or something?"

A chuckle poured from the man's mouth, his hand coming up to pat your shoulder blade.

"This isn't a swinger's party," Tony replied.

"Well, with the way that you described it, it sure seems like it."

You entered the grand building that sat in New York City. With white bricks illuminated only by artificial yellow lights, practically glowing under the black night sky.

"Have you really never been to one of these things before?" he asked as you stepped into the elevator with fellow masked people. Expressing themselves with their smart tuxedoes and dresses, the masquerade masks unique to every person. So even if you didn't know who sat under them, you were still able to recognise a particular person.

"I can't say that I have."

He grinned under his red and gold mask without even needing to see, you could picture the wrinkles at the corner of his eyes, thanks to his smile. You were one of his oldest friends, a fellow business owner. You had even partnered with the man on some projects over the years. So you knew the man through and through.

"You're gonna have a good time tonight."

"I'll hold you to that. If I don't, I get your Shelby Cobra."

"You're on."

Not even an hour later, you had a half-drunk flute of champagne in your hand, watching all the masked people in the vicinity.

You couldn't help the half smile that pulled at your lips when your eyes focused on your friend, the man heavily flirting with a tall blonde.

"You don't seem to be enjoying the party."

Peering over your shoulder, you found a red-headed woman standing beside you, a cream mask decorated with elegant gold flourishes over her eyes. Wearing a tight black dress with a slit going up one leg, almost reaching her hip.

"Oh, I'm enjoying it plenty. Alcohol-" You raised your glass into her view. "-People watching. Watching my friend get turned down." You then waved a hand over to Tony, showing the blonde waving a hand in front of his face, before walking from him. "Not to mention, I'm gonna get a Shelby Cobra after all this is over."

"Oh yeah? Gonna treat yourself?"

"Gonna win a bet."

The red-head hummed, glancing you up and down. "I gotta say, I did not expect to see a mask like yours."

You smiled at her obvious compliment, eyes shining behind the sculpted clay of the skull half-mask. It resembled an animal skull you would find in the desert, with red horns breaking from the head, curling around, almost like a goats, blackened in the crevices to give it an aged look.

"Well, it is the season, after all," you flirted, referencing the spooky holiday right around the corner.

That was all she needed to know that she wanted to spend the night with you in one of those private rooms. The whole reason why everyone was in attendance at this exclusive party.

"You can call me Nat."

"I'm Y/N." You offered your hand for the red-head to shake, not really caring to keep that a secret along with what sat under your mask.

An hour later, and a few more glasses of champagne, you were being led down a long hallway by Nat, a key with a ribbon tied to it, hanging from her free hand, some doors closed with occupants doing just as you were about to.

You didn't notice the flashing red light behind the large and elegant mirror on the wall. There was no way that you could. How were you to know you were being filmed... not that you'd be opposed to it, of course.

Turning around from the door you had just locked, you were gifted with the sight of the illuring red-head reaching for the zipper under her armpit, drawing it down. She then pulled the straps of her dress down her shoulders that you were so desperate to kiss, pushing it down her body while keeping eye contact with you, shallow pants pouring from her plump lips. Your jaw tensed when her voluptuous breasts were revealed to you, cupped in black lace, the material of her dress pushed down her tight waist and past her hips and thighs, letting it pool at her heeled feet.

"Jesus Christ," you breathed in reaction.

Nat's tits jostled as she bounced lightly on her toes, repositioning her matching black lace panties.

"Enjoying the view there, sunshine?" She smirked, loving the way you were gandering her, in a shocked daze.

"More than you could fucking know."

The red-head cocked her finger at you, waving you over with that look behind her mask. Taking almost uneasy steps towards her, when you were close enough to the woman, she reached under your suit and grasped the suspenders that lay underneath, using those to pull you closer. Smirking into your mouth, making you think that she was going to press an intoxicating upon your lips before pushing you into the lavish sofa.

Her hands were placed upon your shoulders, looking down at you as she stood between your legs.

"Are you ready to give me everything I want?"

"Only if you're ready to take it."

You had your hands upon her plump ass, caressing the soft flesh underneath, her lips massaging against yours as she held your cheeks between her palms, grinding into your lap where she straddled it.

"I want you," was muttered against your mouth, "I need you."

Unmistakable sounds hindered your reply to the red-head, coming from rooms away, almost identical to the one you were sitting in. Loud, breathy cries showing someone's pleasure. You swear, if you listened hard enough, you could hear slaps of thrusting into the moaning woman's core.

"You hear what's happening to her?" You nodded against Nat, nose brushing her own. "I want you to make me feel better than that."

If it were possible, your pupils dilated further than you could ever imagine.

Promising yourself that you would do just that.

With one hand holding her thigh and the other wrapped around her back, holding onto her farthest ass cheek, you helped her take the strap you had hidden under your pants. Controlling her movements as she rode you.

Lips pressed to her neck, following the tight column with every roll of her body, knowing that, even through your layers of clothes, there would be bruises from where she currently gripped your shoulders.

You could taste the champagne on her lips as she moaned into your mouth, broken only by breathy pants.

It didn't take long to manoeuvre the woman onto her back, laying her on the sofa you sat upon.

Nat's legs were crossed together, thrown over one of your shoulders, moans pouring from her jiggling chest thanks to your hard thrusts. Fingers digging into the leather seats below, trying in vain to hold onto something.

Even through her mask, you could tell that the red-head loved every minute of this. With your free hand that wasn't keeping her legs pressed against your chest, you fiddled with her nipples before your palm encased her neck, squeezing the sides to heighten her pleasure further. This position gave you the perfect opportunity to drill into her wet cunt.

A strangled moan tore through her throat, her hands snapping up to your wrist, holding you as she was repeatedly thrust up the leather sofa.

"Holy shit, you feel amazing."

"You look it."

Nat gave you a husky giggle, "Such a charmer- Shit!" her words cut off against her sudden cry. Back arching, with the moans that flowed through her plump lips as you thrust your strap into her from tip to base. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" Natasha cried out, back arching as she came around your faux cock.

You practically came at the sight of her writhing around in pure ecstasy.

"Get used to that, honey. It's gonna be a long night for you."

---

You wanted to wipe that smile off Tony's face as soon as you saw him next.

"So, did you have a good time?"

"Shut up, Tony," you said, strolling past the man, heading straight for the elevators as the night and the party dwindled down. Rolling your eyes as you heard his satisfied cackle following you.

You were stopped by a hand on your shoulder as soon as you were about to follow Tony in exiting the building. Turning only to find the masked red-head there. Holding out a USB stick along with a folded napkin.

"Thought you would want your video," she said as you took the objects from her fingers.

"You would be correct. But what's with the napkin?"

A soft shrug from the woman, "Just a little something extra." A smirk graced her lips, and with that, she exited herself. Piling into a car beside a brunette woman, leaving you to watch the car drive off.

Glancing down, you peeled open the folded napkin, and in black ink, read a number along with the woman's scrawl.

'Call me. I don't think I can get enough of you.'

'-Natasha.'

"Y/N, you coming, or what?"

You grinned as you looked up at your friend.

"Y'know, I'm not pissed at all about losing that Cobra."

---

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[yoongi-sugaglider]

Daegu Quarantine

Jungkook x reader

Gang/ zombie apocalypse au

Warnings:

Gore, violence, zombies, mention of drugs and drug dealing, weapons discharge in self defense, main character death, zombies, course language, zombies, drinking, did I mention zombies?

Summary:

They were the top of their game, known throughout the city as the smartest and most dangerous crew to ever hit the Daegu streets. But what’s going to happen when this group of young men encounter something right out of a horror film?

Word count: 2833

A/n: Just a heads up, mild torture beat em ups this chapter, and the opinions of the military are (Mostly) purely for the story.

Part 17===Part 18===Part 19

By the time my brain even attempted to register what was going on, Jenkins had already dragged me from the kitchen into the main bowling area.

The pitch-black lanes loomed before me, gaping chasms yawning in the darkness like the monstrous face of some multi headed monster preparing to swallow me whole.

Jenkins shoved me ahead of him, causing me to stumble into one of the ball returns. I choked back a cry as the cool and unforgiving metal dug into the wound on my thigh. The last thing I needed was to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d hurt me, especially with the implications of what he planned to do to me.

As I pushed myself to stand he grabbed my arm, growling his impatience in my ear and shoving me around the machine.

“Keep it moving, I don’t have all day.”

I frowned, shuffling forward a pace or two before finding my stride once again.

“Shame, last I checked I had the whole apocalypse.” I laced as much sass as I could manage into my tone, earning myself a jab to the ribs from his weapon. The bruising force had me cackling into the darkness like a mad woman.

We passed several of his soldier buddies. Some camped out on the seats around the score monitors while others milled around in small groups or by themselves. All of them seemed desperate to stick as close to the lanterns as they could though.

Of the ones that I could see, including the three I’d seen stationed at the front doors, I counted 14 bodies, 26 total if I included the civilians I’d been grouped with in the kitchens. There was no telling really though how many of the soldiers had weapons and special combat training, and that alone set me on edge enough to keep me paying attention.

“Home sweet home huh?” I muttered as we made our way through to the lobby and towards a set of very dark looking stairs.

Jenkins paused for a moment and I watched by the light filtering in from the front doors as he dug angrily through the pockets of his army issue cargo pants.

“Gosh, and here I thought the torture was gonna be getting my fingernails ripped out or some shit. No, it’s waiting on King Flaccid to figure his shit out.”

The comment may have earned me a rifle butt to the stomach but damn if it wasn’t worth seeing Jenkin’s fellow soldier snickering behind his back.

“Shut it Riley…” Jenkins grumbled.

By the time the semi functioning man had his flashlight out and shining at the stairs I’d recovered from my forced Lamaze class enough to walk upright again. Which meant once more I was leading the way in a building I’d never been in before.

Using my still cuffed hands I felt along the walls as I climbed, finally emerging on the pitch black landing with a sigh.

“Lovely place you have here.” I grumbled, impatiently tapping my foot as I watched the bobbing beam of the flashlight slowly ascending behind me. I suppressed a shiver when the light highlighted several dark smears and handprint splatters on the wall.

“Yooo!! Welcome to my crib MTV!” I grinned, leaning against the wall as nonchalantly as possible when Jenkins and his buddy finally huffed and puffed their way to standing in front of me.

“Fuck sake Jenkins. Can we shut this bitch up already?”

Apparently the men had finally had enough of me as the next thing I knew I woke up with a blinding headache and a distinct inability to draw a full breath from the fact that my arms were now wrapped around the back of a chair and cuffed in place.

“Jeeze, you would think being in the military somebody would have taught these boys how to treat a lady.” I grumbled to myself, earning me a quiet snicker from somewhere ahead of me.

I opened my eyes, blinking rapidly to adjust to the relative brightness of the room after so long spent in the dark. A grin leapt to my face at the sight of Rose, slightly bruised to the face but no less alive and well.

“Well shit, fancy meeting you here hot stuff!”

She grinned back at me, the expression coming across as mildly manic since the swelling to her lips and cheek made her face slightly lopsided.

The room itself was about as boring as an office could get. My brain only half way registered the handful of candles that lit the place, making the bowling posters and filing cabinets feel almost sinister. 

Almost.

“Homey.” I smiled, eyes seeking out Jenkins and his buddy who stood back by the door, whisper arguing with each other.

“Boys? Fancy getting a girl a drink?” I asked, head tilted awkwardly so I could catch their eye when they turned to glare at me.

Neither answered though and I went back to taking in my surroundings. Taehyung sat in a chair just opposite Rose, facing her as if they’d been making him watch them torture her. Amatures.

I nodded to him, knowing he’d always been able to handle the harshest of treatments thanks to having watched Hoseok initiate him ages and ages ago. He didn’t seem too happy to see me there but I shrugged his way, sending him a grin that had his frown deepening.

“You do realize if we duct tape her mouth we won’t have to deal with her bullshit right?”

I turned to look at the two soldiers, quirking an eyebrow at the younger one and smiling flirtily his way.

“Aww, tie me up and gag me. I like the way that one thinks.” The bright blush that exploded across his cheeks was well worth what came next.

There was no warning. I don’t know why I expected there to be one.

One minute Jenkins was by the door, the next he was right in front of me.

The pain that lashed across the left side of my face had me seeing stars. Almost immediately Rose was screaming, struggling against her restraints and threatening the men around us.

“You low life piece of garbage! I swear to fuck I will expose every internet search you ever tried to hide! Every tiny dick pic you ever took. Every depraved piece of porn you ever Googled or downloaded!”

She continued on, practically foaming at the mouth as Jenkins laughed out loud.

“Ah, see now. I had a feeling this one would be useful.” He snickered, eyes filled with glee as he watched me spit out the blood that’d filled my mouth when my teeth scraped the inside of my cheek. He pulled a butterfly knife out of his pocket, flicking it back and forth a few times before flashing it open before me.

“Come on now Army boy, my grandmother hits harder than that.” I grinned up at him, knowing I looked half way to deranged with my swelling cheek and the blood that I could still taste covering my front teeth.

My insult must not have sat too well with his ego as he bent over me and jammed the handle of his knife into my thigh wound.

“Cheeky little cunt.” He growled, breath a hot mask of cigarettes and whatever canned goop he’d eaten for lunch.

I cried out from the shock of the pain, eyes watering as I sought out the comforting sight of my friends.

Rose was openly sobbing, head hung low as she continued to mutter threats in Jenkins’ general direction. Tae on the other hand was stone silent, eyes awash with rage as he opened his mouth as if to speak.

I returned my attention to Jenkins, though I made sure Taehyung had his eyes on me before I spoke.

“Silence is golden. It’s better this way.” I knew it was cryptic, that much was obvious in the way Jenkins hesitated in raising his hand as if to hit me again.

More importantly than his reaction though was Tae. I knew he would understand my words without me having to say anything.

I glanced over at Tae, watching his eyes go from blind fury to a quiet resignation. Despite everything on the line he knew better than to go against my silent orders.

“Well?” The man called Riley demanded.

Jenkins continued to twirl his butterfly knife, face a mask of cold indifference as he watched the edge glint in the low candle light. He pulled an empty chair over, sitting down and leaning forward, elbows on his knees as he scratched at his chin with the knife blade while watching my every move.

I squinted at him, watching the rusted gears turning in his head before realization struck.

“You’ve never done this have you?” I asked, grinning brightly before throwing my head back to cackle aloud into the darkness.

“Good lord Tae no wonder you haven’t said shit!” I leaned to the side a bit, sending the stoic hacker a wink. “Hobi would have had any one of us howling out secrets by now. And here I thought I was actually in trouble. That boy could get a baby to snitch on their mother’s breast milk and here you two are barely struggling to even get me to shut up. Can you imagine!”

***

They tried. They certainly did.

By the time Jenkins had worn himself into exhaustion I’d grown bored with all of it.

He’d hit me sure, bruised my face and arms several shades of ugly. But in the end I’d been untied and sent on my way back to the kitchen with the others along with Rose and Taehyung.

I could tell the entire experience had demoralized poor Jenkins. His shoulders slumped as he followed behind Riley before disappearing into the darkness of the lobby after we’d been delivered back to the kitchen.

Once the soldiers were gone Jimin immediately rushed over to fawn over the three of us. He did the best he could with what the kitchen had available, substituting a tiny bottle of vodka that one of the civilians had found for rubbing alcohol and patching up everyone’s wounds as best as he was able to.

After my injuries had been attended to I made my way over to what remained of our crew, hugging a sobbing Jeanette tightly while sending Yoongi a reassuring smile before allowing myself to be wrapped from behind in the warmth of Jungkook’s grounding embrace.

“How bad was it?” he muttered into my shoulder blade.

“Not too bad. Pretty sure Jimin would have had a better time of it compared to what those amateurs attempted to accomplish.”

“Fucking Air Farce.” Came Rose’s grumbled remark as she collapsed gracelessly beside where Jeanette and Yoongi were sat.

“Air Farce?” Namjoon’s voice came from behind me and I turned to give him a smile, shrinking away slightly with a playful squeak when he reached out to ruffle my hair.

“Yeah. American military has several branches, just like most countries. There’s a bit of a hierarchy on respect levels though. Marines are hardcore, either single minded dogs or gung-ho and always ready and looking for action. Army are the boys on the front lines, some call them cannon fodder.” Rose shrugged as she leaned into Taehyung, finally relaxing for the first time since we’d been taken from the house.

“Nobody really pays attention to the Navy honestly. I mean, there’s the occasional sailor comes to port joke but really the just… It’s like everyone knows they exist but nobody wants to talk about them or admit that they do.”

“And the Air Farce?” Namjoon, ever eager to learn new things, seemed almost to be bouncing in place where he sat on the kitchen floor across from Rose.

“Air Force.” Rose corrected with a smirk. “Every branch has their own air support division. Planes, jets, choppers. All of that. The Air Force is strictly flight stuff. Air cargo, air support, blah blah blah. And while that would sound pretty epic, it’s the way they’re treated that pisses off the other branches.”

“What do you mean the way they’re treated?” One of the civilians chirped up, a young girl with eyes sparkling almost as brightly as Namjoon’s who’d wandered over and had been hovering awkwardly at the edge of the conversation. Her mother hushed her, though Rose smiled and motioned to the mother that it was okay.

“Well, actually Jeanette knows more about that than I do.” Rose smiled.

The woman blushed, having been caught listening in on the conversation as well. I glanced around the room, eyes widening when I realized that most of the people who’d been locked in the kitchen with us had their full focus on those who’d been talking.

Jeanette swallowed, nerves clamming her up at the attention. The young girl sat at her feet though, and so she chose to give her attention to the younger audience. The shift in her focus seemed to calm her enough that she was able to tell her story.

“My...recently deceased husband was in the Army. He’d been part of a war not too long ago and spent a lot of his time deployed in the desert. It wasn’t exactly the most comfortable of living arrangements as you can imagine.”

The girl giggled, “Wouldn’t it be like living on the beach though?”

“Oh sure.” Jeanette replied. “If that beach was nothing but sand with no water and all the crabbies were just a bunch of grumpy people.”

Namjoon jerked up, eyes wide and sparkling as he practically shouted. “There are crabs in the desert??”

Rose snorted, covering her mouth to stifle a giggle. “No Joon, but there are definitely some awful big spiders there.”

“Ewwwwww, I don’t like spiders.” The girl cringed, shuffling closer to Jeanette who instinctually gathered her into her arms.

“Me too neither.” Jeanette giggled before returning to her story.

“Well, I have a younger brother. He’d been slated to be a pretty amazing athlete. But his final year of high school he messed up his knee pretty bad and his basketball career was pretty much over. So he asked Dean for some advice. Dean pointed him towards the air force.”

The girl snuggled into Jeanette, being careful not to crush her belly and causing her mother to send Jeanette an apologetic grimace of a smile. Jeanette shook her head though, sending a reassuring smile back to let the mother know it was alright.

“After basic training my brother was sent on his first deployment to an island outpost. He’d set things up so that he could communicate with his family while he was gone, his wife and myself included. One day he messages me, and so we get to talking about his living arrangements, which of course Dean decided he needed to chirp in his two cents about.” Jeanette smiled down at the girl, brushing her hair out of her now sleeping face before turning to Namjoon’s rapt attention.

“You see, when my brother was deployed, instead of staying in a tent as if he was in the desert, or being forced to sleep on a hammock like those in the Navy had to do when they were deployed on their ships, the Air Force had put him and his squad up in a hotel. He had messaged me to complain that room service hadn’t brought him fresh towels in a week so he’d been forced to do his own laundry.”

Yoongi snorted, arms crossed over his stomach and chin buried in his chest as he struggled to contain his mirth.

“Wait so...what was wrong with that?” Namjoon asked and Yoongi barked out a bitter laugh.

“He’s deployed Joon. Life isn’t supposed to be easy on mission. You’re there to do a job. What Rose is getting at is that these Air Force men are spoiled, allowed to live the easy life while the real military men toil in the dirt.”

“Well...I mean..” 

Yoongi cut Namjoon off, giving him a deliciously evil grin. “This is a good thing. With the way these three looked after their so called torture interrogation, those dense fucks outside don’t have a clue what they’re doing. Just a handful of shmucks with guns.”

“So then…” I paused when Yoongi turned to me with a confident grin.

“Enough planning and the right upper hand, and maybe, just maybe we can get out of this completely unscathed.”

I could feel the change in Jungkook’s body language, as he’d never let go of his grip on me from behind.

“Well shit...if that’s the case…”

Jungkook was interrupted though, as suddenly, as if the universe had decided to finally give us a break from the madness, a tiny voice chirped out from the chest pocket of my shirt.

“Hey...Boss Lady...can you hear me?”

I stiffened, eyes wide as I turned to stare at Jungkook in shock.

“.....Jin? Seokjin is that you?”

[wintersweetbou]

Decorum

Fandom: FFXV/ Kingsglaive. Warnings: Cussing, creepers getting their just desserts. Characters: Tredd Furia, Luche Lazarus, Crowe Altius, Pelna Khara, Crowe’s Mages. 

Summary: Not much can stop Tredd Furia in his tracks. But a black mage smashing into him does. Especially if she asks for help involving an adventure to the arcade. He agrees, if Luche goes too. 

Few things stopped Tredd Furia in his tracks. Very few. But a black mage slamming into him on the way home from work was one of them. Especially when said mage- Mira- squeaked, then proceeded to hide herself behind him. Tredd stood there, confused, yet docile. Best not to mess with or question Crowe’s mages- those who did often ended up on fire. Pedestrians flowed around them on the packed sidewalk. She tugged his weapon belts, urging him to turn his back to the wall, facing him to the slow-moving crowd. Tredd turned easily and stopped at the sharp tug to the back of his jacket. 

The redhead felt her tap his shoulder blade, and he looked over to see her hand flashing over said shoulder. Enemy. Hold position. 11 o’clock. The larger glaive stiffened at that, searching the crowd. What could faze a black mage? This deep in Insomnia? Regular commuters and revelers making their way to their haunts this fine Friday night. Normal movement- there. 

A man across the street, clearly looking for something, trying to be subtle, and obviously failing at both. Awkward movements, no target, clearly not armed in any capacity. Limp, receding hair. Sleazy businessman? Tredd raised an eyebrow. The double tap to his back confirmed the target. He leaned forward, reserve blade in his boot…

Mira tugged his belt. Hold position. The man glanced about, eyes lighting on Tredd. The glaive couldn’t help the vicious show of his teeth. The man flinched, eyes darting to the ground. He then sagged in seeming defeat and turned to trudge back the other direction in time with the crowd. 

Mira leaned forward, pressing her head against the solid plane of Tredd’s back. 

“Thanks. Stalker.” 

“Stalker? Don’t you guys normally like your stalkers well done?” 

“Drautos said if we torch any more we would be reassigned. Too much trouble to deal with. You think the fire would be enough of a hint.” 

Tredd nodded, turning to face her. She sidestepped, neatly sliding into his side, pulling his arm to rest around her shoulders. He blinked and pulled her in closer to avoid the increasing foot traffic.

“Now they know that we won’t immediately use magic, they have grown bolder. Getting closer, taking pics...I hate it.” Tredd did admit to himself that the girls had it the worst. Plenty of citizens thought nothing of expressing their disdain towards immigrants, but especially to the women. Not only dirty Galahdians, but also female- the horror! 

“Hey! What are you doing tonight?” 

“Err...not much....” 

“Please! Come with us! Please, please, please!” Mira’s puppy eyes, complete with fluttering eyelashes, may or may not have sealed the deal. 

“Only if Luche comes with.” 

Luche woke with a start to insistent rapping on his apartment window. The window which held a sturdy herb planter, six stories above the ground. He groaned, tossing his tablet and blanket aside, reaching to fumble with the latch. In tumbled Tredd, breathless and excited. All Luche wanted was a quiet weekend to sleep in and read. His expression clearly stated such, and Tredd was quick to explain nothing. 

“We are going on an adventure.” 

“What?”

“Adventure.” 

Tredd manhandled a baffled Luche into jeans and a Kingsglaive hoodie- fuzzy jamma pants are not proper adventure attire, Luche!- and herded him out the door, down the elevator, and into the back of Mira’s van with a grinning Pelna Khara waiting for them. 

"You guys ready for tonight? I'm not sure how much detail Mira went into." Pelna murmured, leaning back further into his seat as the van started to move.

Tredd nodded, throwing an arm around the shoulders of the increasingly confused looking blonde. 

"We are making sure no creeps ruin mage night out!" Tredd flexed, earning a chuckle from Pelna and a facepalm from Luche. 

"Was it really that hard to say? Just text me, call me, or hell, knock on the door like a normal person.  But no. That is not what I got. Do you know what this"- he shook the snickering redhead- "goblin decided to do?"

"What did Tredd do?"

"The man warps up six stories to get his stupid feet all over my rosemary! I'm napping, hear a racket, and look over to see this freak in my planter like a deranged pigeon!" Luche groaned. Pelna cackled. 

"I said adventure, and now here we are." Tredd grinned.

"What even is your friendship?" Pelna giggled.. 

"I don't even know." Luche mumbled. 

Mira pulled into a parking spot smoothly, grabbing her jacket and hopping out. The boys quickly followed, glancing about. 

"Most of the night is gonna just be us blowing our change on stupidly rigged claw games. Juno's always wanted the big axolotl squish, so by Ramuh, we are gonna get her that squish." 

"And our job is to keep an eye out for douchebags?" Tredd asked, slipping on his studded knuckle gloves. 

            "Then what? Politely asking them to leave them alone? Or are we getting more...enthusiastic in our message?" Luche looked to Mira. 

             "Use your best judgement, vice captain." 

 Bass and flashing lights trickled out of the wide doors into the twilight air, where a group of familiar figures waited. Mira dashed forward, giving the girls hugs, with Kari, Juno, and Sabine gushing about what prizes they wanted. Luche and Tredd fell into step with the mages, watching their surroundings. Pelna slid in next to Crowe, slinging one arm around her shoulders casually. 

“So I see you did manage to get the cavalry.” Crowe smirked, wrapping an arm around Pelna’s waist. 

“Course I did. Gotta make sure Juno gets that Axolotl.” 

Tredd had no idea that these stupid claw machines were so expensive. And very, very, rigged against the player. But the mages were addicted to the plushes inside, claiming that there was nothing softer or cuter. So he watched from his perch on a bench as they poured the day’s wages into the machines, slowly inching their chosen prizes closer to the surface-squealing with delight and disappointment at each catch and subsequent failure of grip. 

The readhead glanced around, noting that nobody was paying attention to the glaives and that Juno was very close to wiggling that fat pink amphibian free. Its little eyes seemed to bulge when the claw gripped its head, and they plush lifted free for just a second, then dropped into a puddle of the machine floor. Juno hissed and hurriedly swiped her card. The other mages cheered her on, eagerly pressing against the sides of the machine, watching as the claw descended and finally delivered the chosen prize to an elated Juno. She popped it out of the prize door and immediately buried her face into the doughy surface, twisting back and forth in obvious delight. Tredd met Luche’s gaze and rolled his eyes. The blonde huffed in amusement and smiled as the mages returned, gushing about what prizes they were going to go after now that Juno had her squish. 

“I dub him Bubbles the Eternal!” Juno giggled, alighting next to Tredd, pressing into his side to make room for the others. 

“Bubbles the eternal?” Tredd scoffed. Juno squawked in outrage at the notion of an ounce of disrespect to her prize, immediately shoving the plush in Tredd’s face, the malleable plush easily squooshing around him. 

Tredd froze, dumbstruck by the sensation. The squishiness. By the six, what was this thing made of? Dough? He had never felt anything like it. There was no resistance from “Bubbles”, even as Juno squished it back and forth along Tredd’s face. It moved like a liquid, and yet was just a plush. The mages cackled at his bewildered expression once Juno was done with the squish face noogie. 

“What is that thing made of?” 

“Clouds and capitalism, my dude.” 

Mira found a machine a row over that held different colorations of hamster squishes, thus beginning another quest of rigged games and wasted wages. Tredd leaned against a pillar, watching Juno press her face into the glass, making silly faces. Trying to break Mira’s concentration. The claw descended on a white and orange hamster clinging to a sunflower seed. The prize lifted, to Juno’s dismay, and dropped cleanly into the slot, first try. Tredd didn’t notice the soft smile creep over his features. Mira clutched her squish close, happily bragging about her skill. Juno growled playfully, before giving her a noogie with her axolotl. Tredd felt warmth wrap his heart over their giggles. 

Until he noticed the man standing behind the claw game several machines over, clearly ogling the mages, with a cell phone obviously at the ready for pics. No shame whatsoever. THe entitlement on this asshole.The glaive’s blood started to boil. He watched, hands balling into fists, as this entitled asshole slithered forward. 

The readhead crossed the distance to the celebrating mages. He scooped Mira up, crushing her to his chest. She, still too elated on her win to care about the uncharacteristic affection, happily hugged back. 

Tredd stared at the other man over her head, daring him to come closer. A clear challenge. The creep sneered, taking a step forward, believing that all of the glaives had been muzzled. Tredd released Mira and squared up. 

“Looking for something?” 

“Aren’t we all, buddy.” 

“How’s about you back off before I tear you apart.”

“Stand down like a good dog. Go on.” Tredd snarled and the lights flashed with a loud pop. 

“Would you look at that. All of the security cameras are fried. Must have been an electrical surge.” Luche smirked, lightning dancing around his fingers. “Would be a shame if something were to happen when the cameras were off…” 

“You c-can’t touch me!” 

“I beg to differ.” Tredd snorted, cleanly sweeping his legs out from under him. Luche sighed and stomped down hard on the writhing man’s back, forcing the air from his lungs. 

They turned back to the mages, gesturing to the wheezing lump, wordlessly asking if anyone wanted to get a kick in before he got up. The mages shook their heads and turned away, leaving the creep to scrape himself off the garish industrial carpet. 

The group ambled to the next aisle, laughing and complementing Luche’s aim with the lightning magic. Tredd chuckled at Luche’s shy smile, complete with reddening cheeks. Crowe pounced, calling him cute, trying to get his blush deeper. Mira waited until the group was distracted by Luche’s squeaks to make her move.

“Thank you.” Tredd looked down to see Mira slipping an arm around his waist.  

“Anytime.” He hugged back, pausing when she tugged, urging him forward. 

“Which one is the cutest?” 

“Er...the seal? ...The grey one?”  She pulled him forward, tucking her head under his chin, swiping her card and putting his hand on the joystick. 

“The trick isn’t luck. Add a little bit of juice through your hand while touching the button, the sides are metal to the shitty wiring connections. Just enough. Let a tiny bit bleed through…” He breathed out slowly, letting a tiny spark through his palms...the claw gripped the seal tight all the way to the prize chute. 

He couldn’t believe it. How long had Mira known this cheat? Did she invent it herself, or...? 

It was so damned soft. Tredd could not handle the soft, squeezing that fat little seal.  Neither could Luche, when Mira pulled him aside moments later, winning him the white seal that had sat next to his grey. They rejoined the group, wordlessly marvelling at the texture. Pelna nodded sagely, flashing him a pic of his collection of shark squishes. The mages cackled, and continued on. 

Mages, Tredd decided, were indeed chaotic forces to not be messed with, but were definitely fun to hang around.

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

The Ferret

I was reading about ferrets, and I read about how they go scurrying through the rabbit tunnels in the dark and they get the rabbits. And I thought, Hey, that's great! You could make a superhero about ferrets. The Ferret. Brave, fierce, slinky, kinda sexy. Right? Kinda sexy! "Ferreting out crime". Sounds like a thing. So I got out the ol' credit card and I had three interest free months, which felt like a sign. Right? What are the odds? Are you kidding me? So I went down to the fabric store and got a bunch of fabric and went to the hardware store for some wire and tools and whatnot and then went to a tailor with a pic of a ferret I printed out at the library and pointed at it and said "Make ME... into THIS." And I gave the guy three hundred bucks. The guy was like, whoa. I could see he was into it. Making a superhero costume, are you kidding me right now. Bucket list. Um, yes. And I handed him the bag of box cutters and LED lights for the outfit and he nodded and slid it under the table. I knew right then and there we had a collaboration going on. Like this guy was gonna be my Alfred, if Alfred made outfits for Batman. So the next day I came back and honestly the guy, the tailor, his name was Rod, nailed it. I basically gave Rod the job on the spot, although it's not a job so I didn't. There was a cute little furry cap with sharp teeth that hung over my forehead and red LED light eyes that glared fiercely. It was connected to a cape that went down my back but also had sleeves which had razor sharp claws at the end. Literally razor sharp because they were blades from the box cutters I bought. It was so cool. I put it on and twirled and snarled. I pounced on Rod and pretended to nibble on his neck a little. He was cheering. He loved it. I went out looking for crime that night but I couldn't find anything. Not to worry. It just meant that the streets were safe. I kept going out but I still couldn't find any crime. That's a good thing, right? You don't WANT to see crime. There must have been no crime, I figured. But then I checked the news and there'd been loads of crime. I just hadn't been in the right place at the right time. Rod suggested it was because I was too visible with my light brown fur. Crooks were seeing me and leaving the area. So we rebuilt the costume from the ground up with black fur. Now I was gonna blend in at night and the black fur would hide stains better too. I went out again but I still couldn't find any crime. I was starting to get bummed out. I was ready to stop crime but none of it was happening in the right place. I had to get back to basics. I thought about what a ferret would do. Well, for one, it wouldn't be a fucking HOBBY. Get the rabbit or die. That's the ferret's code. I needed to think like a ferret or it was just a costume. I stopped eating and vowed not to start again until I'd stopped a crime. The first night I felt pretty good but didn't find any crime. The second night I was light-headed and I found a guy breaking into a car. He said it was his car but I didn't believe that shit. I punched him and he came back at me so I slashed him with my ferret claws. Fair's fair I probably slashed a bit too hard because he started bleeding real bad and just died. Anyway I ran home and I got to eat dinner because I'd done Ferret justice. I ate two whole boxes of Easy Mac and went to sleep. The next day I felt so good. I went out again and found a guy stealing mail and a guy who looked suspicious. I gave them Ferret justice and ate some fried chicken and Mountain Dew. The next night there were cops everywhere so I stayed in. The night after that too. I was getting hungry. After four nights I put on my Ferret costume anyway and went out anyway. I'd barely started looking for crime when the cops stopped me. Hey, what's the deal? I asked. Nothing here but a ferret fan who loves justice. As if there's any other kind. But they had other questions for me. Of course, I wasn't interested in working within the confines of the law. What, does Batman turn up for his shift? Does Spiderman take anyone’s shit? More importantly do ferrets? You ever seen a ferret with a boss? No fuckin' way. A ferret is long and wriggly. A ferret is beholden to no one but the tunnels. Anyway, I wriggled on out of there but it kinda meant things were hotter than ever. And I still hadn't eaten. I couldn't go home on account of the situation with the police so I went down to the canal and found a nice dry stormwater pipe. It was cosy and had great acoustics. I hissed and snarled a bunch until I was happy with how my hissing and snarling was sounding. It was embarrassing that I'd even tried to fight crime before I'd really nailed down my hissing and snarling. A superhero needs an audible calling card, like Batman's gravelly voice or the "shink" sound Wolverine's claws make when they come out. The other great thing about the pipe was that it was like a tunnel. Like a tunnel but made of concrete, which is essentially exactly what The Ferret's secret base would be like. Right? Aesthetic references to the source animal but reinforced with cutting edge human tech? Are you kidding? Am I wrong here? So it was basically perfect. I couldn't run the risk of being stopped by the lumbering institutions of the law before I'd had the chance to tangle with a bona fide supervillain so I laid low in the pipe for a few more days, maybe a week. I was getting real hungry so I practised by catching and eating some seagulls since I figured it was basically allowed under a more relaxed definition of my character. I had no idea what supervillains were out there or how to find them. I needed to do some serious research. I was open to relocating, if necessary, if another city had a supervillain who needed dealing with. Switching cities was generally frowned upon in superhero lore but who'd be the asshole if I had no supervillain to fight and another city had a supervillain with no hero to stop them and I did nothing? Me. Yeah. And I wasn't OK with that. I rolled my costume up and stuffed it into a backpack and headed downtown for observation/research but disappointingly the first cop I saw yelled and started chasing me. I ducked down a back alley and hid behind a bin and he ran right past. Just then I noticed that he hadn't radioed for backup. And he didn't have a partner. I was pretty sure all cops had to have a partner, which made this guy pretty suspicious. At best he was impersonating a police officer but at worst he was a supervillain's goon. I felt proud that the supervillain, whoever they were, had already caught wind of me and considered me enough of a threat to send their goons after me. I sprinted up behind the fake cop and tackled him. He hit the ground hard and I wrapped my thighs around his neck and snarled. "Tell me who you work for!" I squeaked. He couldn't talk super well on account of my thighs but I could've sworn that he gurgled "The Bunny", although it could have been "get off me". Either way it was exactly what one of The Bunny's henchmen would have said. I realised I'd never actually had the time to deliver a catchphrase to a criminal before, since all my previous punishments had been delivered in an active combat scenario. I flicked on my LED light eyes and hissed "Nighty night," which I didn't feel great about, to be truthful, since it didn't really have a strong thematic link to the character, but it wasn't like the goon was in any position to critique it. I slashed his face. In fairness it was only supposed to be a Zorro-style superficial wound that would scar in the shape of a permanent reminder that he'd tangled with The Ferret, but at the last second I lost my balance and leaned in a bit too much. I didn't want another one to die so I was actually leaning forward trying to stem the bleeding when the other cops ran around the corner, not gnawing on the guy as they claimed. Turned out he had called for backup. Doesn't mean he wasn't crooked. In any case, if the rumour got around that The Ferret was found gnawing on a crooked cop it'd pretty much increase my reputation on the streets. Once I busted out of prison. Which I will.

[the-scavengergirl]

Be Delicate ( not the title )

Haven’t written a Reylo or any Fanfic in a hot minute. Thought I wrote this for someone, perhaps it was just for me. Who the fuck knows. And I’m teetering on maybe seeing my way out of the fandom, still not sure. So if you like this. Thank you, if not, that is fine as well. 

Per usual I own no one. Not that characters, especially not the lovely Daisy or Adam. And certainly not the horrid song exile feat that got this stuck in my brain by miss T.swift.feat. the glorious Bon Iver So that being said. Lets carry on. Also some parts are memories so there are no confusion. Also may post this on AO3 same pen name <3 on with the Bullshit. Also the pic that was inspo isn’t mine, it was a screenshot from the movie clip.

It didn’t take her long. She’d always spot him out in a crowded room. It didn’t matter how many there were she’d always see him over everyone else. But it didn’t appear to go both ways. She’d been four drinks in when his head turned, the girl at his hip catching where his attention had gone off to, and everything came to a stand still.

I can see you standin', honey With his arms around your body Laughin' but the joke's not funny at all And it took you five whole minutes To pack us up and leave me with it Holdin' all this love out here in the hall

And she’d never hated him more in that moment. She had to press her fingers against her face to look at him properly in the lighting, the flickering catching the frame of the stupid issued glasses. The way the lights gave his nearly translucent skin an odd sort of glow. Never before had he looked more perfect.

She was already three steps ahead of his one as he came towards her, her head shaking slightly beneath the hat Poe had found her, stating it would go in the ridiculous outfit she was currently mucking around in, Her drink pressed so tightly to her mouth she was sure the glass would shatter. “ Please don’t--we can’t do this anymore Ben. There is nothing more to talk about.”

Rey watched the way his jaw shifted. Sometimes it was the only way to tell his mood, as he could be a man of few words. But Ben Solo was annoyed, he didn’t like being silenced. But they’d been down this road too many times. And she was done.

“ It is quite obvious what has happened, and I’m tired of it. You’ve played me as a fool, and I let myself believe you actually had feelings for a girl like me. I believed you Ben--”

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defendin' now? You were my town Now I'm in exile seein' you out I think I've seen this film before

The tears were never part of the game. She thought when she and Poe had shared a bottle of wine prior to coming, and his grand idea of changing her style that had her ready to face the real issue...Ben Solo.

But he always had a way of looking about her that made her feel as if he were undressing her. And not always in a way that sent shivers down her spine. As if she were to be reprimanded at any given moment, the way she had been time and time again back in the home and she hated it, because he knew that about her. He knew everything about her. She’d laid herself open for him like an open book, and he’d thrown it in her face. Just as he’d promised not to.

“ You’re running Rey. You know you can’t run forever. Not from me.”

It was as if Poe could see her panic, pulling her from the place where she shook, and yet remained rooted in place, unable to walk away. Because Poe knew, she’d never be able to walk away. She did have that power, no matter how toxic their relationship had grown. And their last fight had done her in, Ben’s words a seething venom that even Poe felt hit extra hard, especially hard when he knew where she’d come from, promising to love her, to fix all the pieces that had been broken. Split wide open.

I can see you starin', honey Like he's just your understudy Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me Second, third, and hundredth chances Balancin' on breaking branches Those eyes add insult to injury

“ You come from nothing. You’re nothing.” She couldn’t describe the sound that left her, only the feel of the glass as it slipped from her fingers, shattering to pieces, one shard catching her in the pad of her foot, due to the stupid sandals that Poe said would be a smart purchase.

Her body pitched backwards as if she’d been thrown, an invisible force propelling her away from him as she felt something along the plains of her cheeks, doting them like the constellation like freckles she hated so. *Tears*.

“But you said--”

“Who the fuck cares what I said Rey. What about the things you said. What about the promises you’ve made, and broken. I’m done. I told you that. Rey it’s been 6 months. I told you, it was time to let old things die, and you couldn’t--you wouldn’t do it so I’m done. We are done. In case you didn’t notice that one.”

Of course he’d use her past against her. The one thing he promised he’d never do. If there was one thing Rey wasn’t proud of it was how she’d treated him. In the end. She knew in the process of finding herself she’d treated him horribly. His childhood had been difficult as well, and perhaps after their first breakup, when they stood shouting at one another, anger radiating off of them in waves as they stood in the rain outside his uncles they should have called it quits. But they were electric, like two magnets, when things were bad nothing could bring them together. But when things were good, they were drawn together so tightly, it was like they seeped into each others every being.

“ Yes--I’ve noticed Ben. You’ve made that very clear. In every text. In every call. In every attempt at getting into touch with you. Yes this is some plot, such a great one, poor Rey, so desperate she had to involve your Mother.”

Rey hadn’t realized the magnitude or the moment in which the octave of her voice changed, only that everything sounded like she was trapped in a tunnel, and everything around them seemed to fade out. The noise around them suddenly reverting to  nearly nothing.

“ I forgot the world revolved around Benjamin Organa Solo. Maybe if you answered your fucking phone I wouldn’t have to search you out, but forget it. And just so you know, this wasn’t about us. I give a fuck about us. I’m actually packed up, I won’t be a problem to you anymore so don’t worry. It’s your dad Ben….he’s sick. Thought you’d want to know since you won’t speak to anyone but what’s her name right here.”

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending I'm not your problem anymore So who am I offending now? You were my crown Now I'm in exile seein' you out I think I've seen this film before So I'm leavin' out the side door

She didn’t wait for Poe, or remember her feet carrying her to the car, only the feel of the way the shard of glass dug further into her foot, and the way the blood seeped and flowed across the bridge of her foot freely as she pushed down on the break.

Seattle rain had always been one of Rey’s least and most favorite things about where she lived. Some Days it made her want to do nothing more than tuck herself away in the depths of her blankets and sleep until little glimmers of sun broke through, and that could be days. It wasn’t until she met Ben, with his boundless bursts of energy, and his stupid need for a dog, the one she ended up with that gave her an excuse to pry herself out of bed on the harder days, after copious amounts of coffee of course.

But as she pulled away, Ben screaming her name the rain made her more unsettled than it ever had. She was glad she couldn’t see her phone, knowing she’d forgotten to remove that picture of him. Her fingers reached for the dial to turn whatever song was playing.

All this time We always walked a very thin line You didn't even hear me out (You didn't even hear me out) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) many signs) So many signs So many signs (You didn't even see the signs)

It sounded like the blade of a handsaw being pressed against her ear despite the fact she was in her own car. Her eyes widened in horror as she watched the car from behind her hydroplane across into the other lane hitting not only the oncoming car, but the guardrail. It took another 30 seconds for her to realize, and the moment her head made contact with the widow a sickening crack reverberating through the cab. It was then and only then through the sticky trickle of blood she realized it was Ben’s car that had slammed into her after ricocheting across the two lane highway like some sick game of pinball.

They always said in moments of trauma, your body floods with adrenaline, the shock taking over so the pain becomes nearly nonexistent. But with Rey this was not the case. The lights were blinding, and she couldn’t for the life of her figure out where the horrifying screaming was coming from, until she realized it was coming from her. But nothing she was saying made sense, and then there were hands, soft, soothing.

“ Hi honey, my name is Rose. You’ve been in an accident. Can you tell me your name?”

“ Ben--is”

“ Your name is Ben? I need to keep your head still sweet girl, you have a cervical collar and some facial swelling.I need to know your name if you can.”

“ No my name is Rey--the other was he brought in? He is Ben--I’m fine I need to know if he is alright.”

But she wasn’t fine. The swelling in her brain was severe enough it took 4 days under constant watch, and intervention to get it to a point where the doctors felt she was out of the woods. 4 days before they lifted her from that dark and heavy underwater feeling where time never changed. 4 days before she saw Rose again.

The human body at nearly 200lbs endures the average impact force of 43,050lbf traveling at 65mph, assuming the driver was wearing a seatbelt. Meaning the body feels like it's getting hit with a mass of 43,035lbs. But knowing Ben, in his anger, and the fact on more occasions than not he would forego the seatbelt all together, complaining that they needed to survey people his size as to make proper seat belt placement so they weren’t so fucking usless and uncomfortable.

Therefore changing the schematics drastically, a person Ben’s size, of nearly 200lbs, because he’d taken up the gym again, and quite diligently from what Rey could see, a man of Ben’s size at nearly 200lbs traveling without a seat belt at 65mph would endure the average impact force of 215,248 lbf. Meaning on initial impact with the oncoming car it felt like getting hit with a mass of 215,174 lbs.

An African Bush Elephant weighs 13,000lbs.

Ben was hit upon impact, with the weight of sixteen African Bush Elephants before hitting the guardrail, and bouncing off of her. *Sixteen*. And didn’t die upon impact.

That had to speak for something.

She thought she could see his face, in the darkness. Perhaps it had been wishful thinking, or the drugs they pumped through her veins. She didn’t hear anything Rose said to her after that, the number sixteen playing over and over in her mind like some annoying buzzing noise that wouldn’t go away.

Of course she didn’t need to be told he was gone, she could feel it. She startled awake, the only thing to greet her was the beep of the machines hooked to every bit of her being. And she just knew. She couldn’t feel him, from the moment she’d seen him across the library there was something about him. The way he’d smiled at her, making her shift uncomfortably from where she was hidden in the stacks, there was this connection. Like he’d split her whole being open with that one look and nod of his head. She was done for.

“Do you believe in soulmates?”

His voice was low and lulling. And she could honestly listen to him speak about anything well into the hours that would make her regret life in the morning. And that was exactly what was happening. She’d just been dozing off when he fired off one of his questions, the bed dipping with his weight which meant he’d turn to face her. His fingers brushing a curl from her face and removing the glasses she’d forgotten to remove in her drowsy state.

“ What? Soulmates--what are you on about?”

She didn’t turn on her side the way he had, instead opting to simply turn her head a bit on the pillow. Perhaps afraid of what she’d find if she really looked at him.

“ Yes, soulmates. I mean I’m not sure I believe in the everyone has someone made for them and that fucking garbage, but we’ve gone to the same school for years. We’ve had classes, and not said a word or given each other a glance.”

“ You did lop me in the head with your paper while I was at the pottery wheel that one time.”

“ Yes, but it wasn’t intentional, and you didn’t move. So irrelevant. But never once did we really pay each other any mind, brushed shoulders, passed things without glances, or words beyond our work. Then one day, it was like something just aligned, and you were right there, and you looked up, and I knew you felt it too.”

She wanted to tell him he was fucking crazy. To ask him if he’d eaten one of Hux’s fucking edibles again. But she could tell from his tone he was serious.

“ Yea, maybe. It would be nice you know…”

Ben didn’t answer, instead allowing his fingers that he’d held in the air like a giant web, as if tracing the stars to fall over her face, giving it a gentle squeeze before tightening his hold to place a kiss on her lips. No further words exchanged. Only the soft sound of his breathing as it evened out in sleep.

Rey had wanted to pretend she was asleep that night.She was selfish like that. She’d been exhausted from being hunched over the pottery wheel all day, and then her shift at the gallery seemed never ending. And so when they finally climbed into bed nearing 1 a.m. She just wanted to sleep.

She was glad she stayed up that night.

Because he’d been right. She had felt him the moment he looked at her. And now she couldn’t and she’d never felt so alone. And she’d grown up alone. She knew loneliness. Until Ben came along, filling all those spaces as if they’d never existed.

“Rey--”

The noise caught her off guard, causing her to bump herself against the bed in a way that made her realize just how poorly she was, her eyes falling on the frame of Leia Organa nee Solo and then once again Solo. Her normally pristine appearance looking about as wonderful as Rey was sure she looked.

“ You had me as your next of kin, in case of emergency, after Ben…”

It was not only the tone in which Leia spoke, but her last words that solidified Rey’s assumptions. Between that and her hesitant and careful approach, and the emptiness and fluttering anxiety that was threatening to burst from her chest, Rey wasn’t sure if she could handle it, her finger reaching for the button hoping for at least some small miracle that the kind woman Rose would appear, because if she was about to be told what she knew, she didn’t think she’d be able to bare it. It would kill her.

“ You’re awake. Miss Organa you’re here. Oh honey--”

One look from Rose’s face Rey knew the woman was slowly piecing everything together.

“ Alright, let's get this in and sit you up a bit yeah?”

Rey didn’t ask questions, allowing the small womans hands to do its work. She watched as she scurried out, Leia remaining rooted in her place, but out of the way, a syringe making its appearance and then disappearing again. As she suspected the medicine was for her nerves, a wave of calm settled over her, followed by Rose as she sat besides Rey, her fingers plucking at the small brush.

“ Ms. Organa, why don’t you take a seat.I did this while we had you sedated and resting. You got horrible knots. So let's keep that up, what do you think?”

Rey was used to this sort of talk, the social workers would use deflection to let her know her parents, or her mother in particular, weren't coming. She supposed it was to make the let down easier. And in a way it worked. It was soothing she supposed.

“He’s gone isn’t he?”

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defending now? You were my town Now I'm in exile seein' you out I think I've seen this film before So I'm leaving out the side door

She figured she’d save them both the trouble. Rose was a godsend and Leia looked as if she couldn’t do or say another thing.

“ He is, would you like to see him?”

The sheer thought of him still being in the same place as her, but not really existing, sent Rey’s stomach turning, and poor Rose didn’t have a moment to escape, not that there was much. It was violent, and clawing. And it rolled through her in waves.

“ We wanted to give you the option first.”

It was Leia this time. Who’d finally come to Rey’s side. Her fingers holding Rey’s as Rose held the small basin, whispering nonsensical words of encouragement.

“ No--why would I want to see him. He is gone. I killed him.”

Her cries must have been loud, she vaguely remembered a passing nurse placing a sign outside her door before closing it. Apparently it was something they did. All Rey knew was she wanted to be alone, more alone than she already was.

“ No my dear, you didn’t kill him. You more than anyone else knew how Ben was with his temper, and the rain that, especially up the pass.It was no one’s fault, no one but his own. He drove like an idiot. It could have happened to anyone.”

She could tell even Leia had a hard time believing her words. And yet she said them with no blame, so kindly. As if she really believed Rey was completely innocent.

“ We’d been fighting though, at that damn party. I’d gone by to talk to him, because he wouldn’t answer me. He was avoiding me. And we fought, he doesn’t even understand anything. He would hear me out, he was making assumptions. And it wasn’t until I mentioned Han. But I needed to go. I was just going to let him stew in his own misery for a bit. But he followed me--if I’d just spoken to him. Or answered my phone. I could have told him to pull off.”

---------------------

She hadn’t attended the funeral. Rey was released three days before. Instead she fetched what was left of her life, and with Poe driving headed back to blistering Arizona.

Staying away was simple. At least for a while, until she couldn’t. Demons always had a way of making themselves known. And she couldn’t run away from what had happened and Ben forever.

Of course the weather would be the exact sort she hated when the plane landed, cold and drizzly. The sort that clung to you, damp, unrelentless. Ben’s favorite. Especially if there was a fog.

It took them a bit longer to get off the plane, with an infant, and cripple. Poe’s wheelchair being placed in the back of the plane rather than the front.

“ Just think when I get my Prosthetic--”

“When you get your Prosthetic you wont be fucking useless, this is like having two kids. Come on, there is your wheelchair, hold Brynlee.”

Rey watched as her best friend slid over magically with her three month old daughter, with one arm, she could barely do anything with two, and yet he managed it impeccably, having only one leg.

“ Come on Benny, your mama is in a mood. I think she is nervous. But you shouldn’t be.”

Benny was Poe’s name for Brynlee, whose given name was Brynlee Lynn Organa Solo. Lynn after Poe’s Mother. At first Rey had been livid, but the more he did it, opting to do it quietly, or in the other rooms, or passing, the more she got used to it, and it was a tie to Brynlee’s father. As if her looks weren’t enough.

“ There you are, I’m sorry we are late, oh my.”

Rey knew exactly what Leia meant. Her daughter's firm stare from beneath the dark waves of hair, the bow of her lips when she was concentrating on something, was all her father. She even had his fingers.

“ Yes indeed, she has quite the temper and appetite. Would you like to hold her?”

From the moment her daughter had been brought into the world, with her best friend at her side, three weeks early, Rey had kept her mostly to herself. That emptiness she’d felt when she lost Ben, slowly felt as if it were dissipating. As if pieces of herself were being woven back together. As if somehow through their daughter.It was as if he was with her again. Although she knew she’d never feel complete without him again.

“ Hey kid.”

Rey had become so enthralled in watching Leia with her granddaughter, her fascination making it obvious she too was feeling much of what Rey often felt, and saw. That she hadn’t noticed the approach of Ben’s dad until his frame loomed over her, pulling her into a one sided hug, tucking her into his frame.

Han wasn’t as tall as his son, but he was by no means short in stature, tall enough to provide the relief Rey needed in that moment.

“How are you feeling? Is--”

“ It’s good, it’s good. I’m still taking it easy. It’s weird some days. Like some days I’ll be in the shop working on the Falcon, and it’s like I can just feel him more with it you know. Or does that sound weird. I am getting old, you know.”

She knew it would happen, the topic would be approached, the flood gates would open, the tears would be shed. But she didn’t think it would happen in the middle of Seatac airport. And certainly not because the discussion of the donation of Ben’s heart to his Father.

“ Can I hear it? Please--I just.”

“ Come here kid.”

“You know if you press your nose like this and stare really hard you look like a cyclops.”

He had to be high, she was sure of it. Hux always used him as the guinea pig, and with his sheer size he felt the need to eat the entire whatever the fuck it was Hux was testing. And it never ended well. Never. It was the only logical reason. And now his face was pressed so tightly to her own she couldn’t breathe. And he was laughing the most hideous laugh she’d ever heard.

“ Thank you? I think.”

She couldn’t get much out of him, a hum before a fit of laughter again, and then just like that he was serious again.

“ I liked the cyclops things, you know like in where the wild things are. That was one of my favorite books when I was little. Dad was the one I actually made read it to me nonstop. I think he finally hid it.”

She could only shrug her shoulders, her head shaking gently as she watched him lift his head, his fuzzy gaze taking her in as if to see if she were simply joking.

“ Wait, you don’t know where the wild things are?”

“ Not everyone gets goodnight stories Ben.”

Her past wasn’t something they often got into unless Ben pried. And it usually ended in argument, which was why she avoided it. She often tried to justify bad behavior, and why she was the way she was, and Ben wouldn’t stand for it, especially when it caused her to act a certain way towards him.

“ So what did you have? Didn’t you have something you liked like that?”

“ Yes, I had a stuffed bear, and I’m sure at some point it talked, but no one would replace it’s batteries. So when you pressed its hand the sound sounded like a heartbeat. And at night I’d lay with it and press it. It made me feel safe.”

Ben had never experienced such things that Rey had gone through. Of course his parents had been busy with work. So often he’d get taken to his Uncle Luke, whom he’d been close to until they had a falling out. And then there was the nannies. It was his parents' lack of presence that finally sent him out on his own at 17, as soon as he graduated. While he stayed in the state, he refused to have many interactions other than the ones that were obligatory. Not until his parents accepted fault and their wrong doing, without excuse.

“It got taken away, and I’m assuming it was thrown out. I was told I was too old. And that was that.”

Rey could see his face clearly, even with her eyes closed. Her arms wrapped tightly around Han, who she’d hugged plenty of times in the past at family gatherings. Knowing exactly what his heartbeat sounded like, and the one she currently was hearing was not that. It was Ben’s.

And she later learned there were no Cyclops things in Where the wild things are.

“ That is why you always fall asleep with your head on my chest.”

She wiped her eyes quickly, her fingers pressing against Han’s chest as she released a shaky breath. Part of her having a hard time wrapping around the fact she’d just heard the heartbeat of someone she’d thought was gone forever. A heartbeat she’d longed to hear for the rest of her life.

“ I know kid, I know. Lets get home.”

Rey opted to sleep the entire drive, taking one of the proffered anxiety pills that had been prescribed and collected per Leia. Leia sat in the back with Brynlee nestled tightly and safely between them, sleeping peacefully, while Poe chatted with Han from the front.

It was dark by the time they reached the house, and the rain had  begun to pick up. And for a solid five minutes Rey stood in the doorway of the house, listening, and waiting, wondering if she’d made a mistake.

The house was too quiet, Rey kept expecting Ben to jump out from the corner scaring her half to death, causing her to drop her coffee, or throw him a punch.

It wasn’t until she’d gotten Brynlee to sleep that she finally had a moment. Changing, and sitting in the living room, surrounded by so many things that were him. And what should have been overwhelming for the first time was comforting. Seeing so much of him.

Rey found Ben’s parents chatting with Poe, as she expected, dropping into the space her friend had made, handing him the baby monitor, signaling he was on baby duty, minus feedings. Removing her glasses to wipe the gritty feeling from her eyes and buy her more time, Rey finally settled in her place.

“ I want to tell you what happened.”

There was a shift in the atmosphere, a tangible one. And for a moment it set Rey on edge, making her wonder if she was picking the wrong time, or if she were making a mistake. But was there ever a right time?

And if she were going to be living at the Solo’s until she got a place of her own, and moving back wouldn’t it be best to get it off her chest right from the get go?

“ I need you to know.”

“ Rey, we’ve never once questioned, or thought--”

But she wouldn’t hear any of it. They deserved the truth. The truth their son wouldn’t hear. She wouldn’t be silenced again. She didn’t want anyone else thinking differently of her.

“ I didn’t help my mother. I didn’t break my word. He told me if I helped her again we were done. She was sober, and one of the times she was sober before she’d told me one of her case workers was diagnosed with cancer, that they had an amazing Oncologist. That doctor specialized in certain things. I only called her and spoke with her because I needed that information. Leia...Han. Other than Ben, Poe is the only family I had.”

“ You had us Kid…”

Han’s words tore through her like a molten blade, hot and leaving her raw, and for the first time since the accident, it left her feeling as if she couldn’t breathe.

“ Yes, but Ben was making it very clear there would be consequences if I continued to have contact with my Mother, she was causing issues in our relationship. But this time it wasn’t that sort of interaction, but he wouldn’t even listen to me. But in his respect she did fall off the wagon 3 weeks later. But I just needed the doctor's name, for Poe’s leg.”

“ Yea, might not be alive now if it wasn’t for that doctor. Not only was he amazing, but the cost. I’d never have been able to afford it, and that is with my wheelchair, they’ll pay for a prosthetic if I want one, and car modifications.

Rey was thankful for Poe’s chime in, although she was quite sure it was unnecessary, she knew Ben’s parents didn’t need nor necessarily want a play by play as to what took place. They more than anyone knew their son’s temper and what he was capable of.

It was Leia who collected Rey, followed by Han as he ushered them towards the room.

She stilled at the doorway, she’d slept in the room nearly as many times as her own at one point. And if she breathed deeply enough it was like she could smell him there, a notion she knew was crazy.Not with the way Leia was about cleaning. But the more she stood rooted, the more it permeated around her. Making her feel crazy.

“There is a box, well boxes. In the closet. We thought you’d like to go through it”

So that was it, she wasn’t crazy. And perhaps Leia wasn’t attuned to it the way she was, her head nodding as her legs magnetically seemed to draw towards where she’d been directed.

A sound behind her signaled perhaps Leia had wanted to say more, before Han had ushered her out, opting to check on Benny from what Rey could guess, and join Poe once more. There were more than a few boxes, each one marked with his name. But it wouldn’t be hard to figure what was what. Her arms straining to reach the top one, Leia ever the logical one, and Rey had been right, it was the one she’d wanted, the touch of fabric greeting her fingers at the handles nearly causing her to drop the box.

Setting the box on the bed, Rey closed the bedroom door with a quiet click. Before moving towards her favorite window. Their window. Flashes of moments with Ben playing behind her eyes as she grasped the box settling on the floor. She wanted no other distractions. Just this.

She was surprised to find his pants on top, the order making no sense to her, but as she unfolded the clean fold of the heavy material she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold the tears in long, not when remembered the last time she’d seen this exact pair, draped sloppily over her corner chair, the one that she hunched over to study in the earliest hours of the morning.

“ Ben--your pants please.”

She could hear the thundering footsteps, most likely in their kitchen, followed by the giggled that he saved for when he knew he was going to annoy her.

“ No, they’re fine. You worry about too many things Rey. Just live a little.”

His words, had done their job, because she now stood before him.And just the sight of him in his work shirt and underwear and stupid beanie made her a little less annoyed. Especially when he looked at her the way he was.

“ Ben you’re a nightmare. Pick up your fucking pants.Please, because there will be another pair on top of their friends tomorrow and--”

“ And you are too uptight, and isn’t that what I have you for? And to make sure I don’t starve.”

He was lucky she was shoe less that day, an entire mouthful of milk falling from his mouth and onto her shoulder, making her gag. But it didn’t stop him. It never did, instead he simply shoved another spoonful of the disgusting matter before pressing his lips to hers firmly, pulling away only to chew twice and swallow.

“ You won’t ever get rid of me, remember. That feeling. You and me.”

She could only nod, untangling herself from him, unable to take him seriously when he spoke like that. The intensity shaking her to her core. And in the next moment, he was swatting her in the bottom with an old piece of mail. Another thing he promised to take care of, and forgot.

“ Hey Rey--I love you.”

His words stopped her retreat. They weren’t said often, and the fact he’d stopped grazing on his awful bowl of cereal, his voice so soft she actually had to focus or she wouldn’t have heard it, she knew he meant it.

“ I know--”

She always felt sometimes she should have said more, she often professed her love, and they’d decided there wasn’t a need to reply to it every time it was said, there were moments like this, in which sometimes it needed to be one sided.

“ Ben--put your fucking pants away though.”

The simplicity of words after such a moment was worth hearing his laughter again, although the combination between it and his eating is what nightmares were made of, and in the end she put the pants away. And as she held them, she was thankful Leia kept them. But knowing Leia she kept everything.

It didn’t take her long to find it, and she didn’t look at it at all, he had three, one being the one he’d worn *that* night, but it had been very clear, that had been the newer of the set. The one she fetched out was the oldest, torn in one spot, stretched out, and soft. And every fiber of it smelled like him, and she slipped it over her head, feeling the sleeves reach past her finger tips for a single moment it felt as if he was holding her.

There was no concept of time as she sat at the window, a soft knock interrupting her thoughts, Poe sliding through the door on his crutches, face softening at the sight of his friend. “ Lets get you to bed kiddo. Want me to fold these up?”

A wave of panic rolled through her, causing her to jump up from her place, grabbing the pants and few other items that had gathered around her.

“ Okay kiddo, no worries. I get it. You don’t want it smelling like anyone else. I was like that when my mom died. But when you’re done, I’ll tuck you in okay? And before you worry, Han fed Benny, she’s all sorted. Used some of the milk you pumped. So for tonight just rest. Please Rey, if not for anyone else, Benny included, for Ben. You know it’s what he’d want.”

That was the downside to Poe Dameron, he was one of the most entertaining people she knew, he was ravishingly handsome. And many a time Ben thought there had been an interest beyond friendship, until he himself had taken the time to get to know Poe and then he said in his own stoic glory. “ I totally get it.” Because that was Poe. But the thing that annoyed Rey the most, was his way of being right.

So often he was happy and go lucky, she supposed having cancer and later losing a leg to it did that to a person. But he also had a seriousness that he approached with sheer positivity. If he knew he wasn’t right, he didn’t push at it, he might mention it but that was all that would come of it.

Unlike Ben who would argue the sky was green if need be.

But Poe was right, if there was a heaven or whatever, and they really did look over you from above. Perhaps Rey should ask Leia what Jewish believed, but then she could hear Ben rattling on about how she isn’t even really Jewish. Only when she sees fit. Holidays, and the naming of children. Or child in his case. 

Another conversation that had lead to endless laughter and the promise if they had children they’d absolutely not name their children anything biblical, simplify because Ben knew it would send Leia into fits, a bit of a fuck you for making his childhood rough. He wanted something modern, but not too fussy. And if they had a girl and fuck him if they did, somewhat girly. But nothing fucking stupid like Fanny, as he heard those names were making a comeback.

But Rey knew if there were such a thing, Poe was right. Ben would have wanted her to take care of herself, and this entire process, returning back to Seattle, making it home again, forgiving herself, that was going to be hard enough.

The morning was quiet, a soft rain, or drizzle as she learned they like to call it here fell softly outside. The smell of coffee lulled her to the kitchen, but the ache in her chest let her know there were other matters that needed to be dealt with first.

She wasn’t surprised to see Han in the kitchen, Benny tucked contently in his arms, her eyes, another thing inherited from her father gazing intently at her grandfather as he walked and poured cream into the cup before him, sliding it across the counter.

“ Who do you think taught him to make a proper cup? And I think this little lady is ready for her breakfast. Go take my chair, I can sit in Leia's. She went to the market.”

Han let Rey get settled, both herself, and Benny before taking a seat in the other chair, his finger reaching out. “ So you found the stuff. I told Leia you might like it. She wasn’t sure. She wanted to donate it at first. But I told her you might like it for something. There are somethings in there, perhaps we can cut them to make a blanket for Benny. I don’t know that might be silly I’ve just seen--”

“ No it’s perfect, thank you Han. For everything. I know this isn’t easy.”

“ You loved him Rey. Probably more than any of us. Hear me out please. You’ve always come here and seen us, and we’ve loved that. We knew you were it for him. And before you argue that you weren’t together when all this happened, none of that matters my son is pigheaded. He gets it from me, well and his mother, but don’t tell her I said that. You were it for him. I know that soulmate gibberish he talked about. But what you don’t know is it’s because that is what I believe, he probably heard it from me.”

Rey could only imagine what her face must have looked like, and she must have been surprised because she heard Benny make a noise, meaning she’d pressed her into her a bit, but she’d been so blindsided by the omission. Han Solo foul mouth, and dry humor extraordinaire, romantic and believed in soul mates.

“Did you know Leia and I weren’t together when she got pregnant with Ben? Bet he didn’t tell you that. Or that she was dating someone when I first saw her, not met her, saw her. And it felt like someone electrocuted my feet, and I walked up to her and told her she was going to be my woman one day. She tossed a drink at me and called me a neanderthal. But I genuinely felt it in my soul. It was out of nowhere, and we’d been sitting two tables away for hours.”

It was weird, hearing the parallels. Even weirder hearing the soft side of Han, but now that she looked deeper, having seen her with her daughter, *their* daughter, someone so reflective of the man they both loved, and had lost, it made perfect sense.

The shuffle in his pocket didn’t go unnoticed, although whatever she’d expected him to produce certain wasn’t what he held. It was in better condition that she’d expected. Considering it held no case, something Ben griped her for endlessly. The sticker of the shop he worked for still somewhat holding it place firmly, although its corners were beginning to pull and fold. Like the petals of a wilting flower, fitting given the circumstances.

“ There is something on there. You can call the company it turns out, and they can save it permanently. I figured you’d want it. Perhaps take it to the Hollow.”

Of course he’d be there, the trek was a bit of a hassle, and how Han had made it after a heart replacement, she’d never know. But then of course he would, if he died making his way to his son’s final resting place she knew he’d have left content.

“ You know he was a weird kid, always running up there to talk to his Grandpa, they’re buried next to one another.And old Chewie.  Get bundled, I’m sure that ugly plaid jacket of his is in that box too, I’ll watch the Princess. What you say kiddo? Hang out with Pop-pop?”

The phone felt hot in her hand as she clutched it, tucking it away so she wouldn’t be tempted by it. She dressed quickly, her fingers throwing her hair that she’d grown after the accident into a plait in record time. An old pair of jeans and T-shirt before throwing the Old Black sweater overhead. Han had been right, the eyesore of a jack lay folded neatly in a second box, along with one of Ben’s rattier beanies. “ The perfect lumberjack.” He’d have called her.

With one last check to be sure everything needed for Benny was present, and a reassurance from Poe, Rey headed up the trail behind the Solo’s property. Their homestead sat on 200 acres, most of it undeveloped forest, including its very own small stream and what could have been called a waterfall, because of course it did.

It was so perfectly simplistic, it nearly looked as if it came from a time well before they ever existed, and perfectly Ben.

*Benjamin Organa Solo*

*Beloved Son*

*Father*

*Soulmate to Rey*

*November 19, 1993 - January 15,2018*

two souls are sometimes created together    And in love before they’re even born

                                 f.scott fitzgerald

She hadn’t expected it, the star of David of course was a bit of an overkill, and it was probably good that Ben wasn’t around to see it, but it was a good distraction, but Ben would have been horrified, and knowing that and hearing his voice in her head, it made Rey laugh.

She sat on the mossy dirt, the rain having slowed to a light but chilled drizzle. The phone felt like a brick in  her pocket. But she knew what she had to do, it was the only way she’d get any closure, if this could be called that. But her anxiety was through the roof.

It appeared Han, or Leia had taken the initiative and charged the phone for her. The homescreen screamed at her, of better times. A picture she hated, but Ben insisted on, but of course he would, it was mostly him, his arm wrapped around her tightly, her eyes pinched closed as his face took up most of the screen his tongue nearly touching his chin as he refused to take a proper picture, in protest of her requests to look like a normal couple. And to infuriate her more he set it to her screen shoving the phone back at her his tone petulant as he tugged her further down the pier.

“ There, we don’t need some typical picture to prove we are a couple Rey, I’ve been inside you 50 million ways, besides this is far better than any cliche picture we could have taken, I can see your freckles, and you can see proof I no longer have tonsils, and that my parents should really have invested in braces, cheap fucks.”

Her passcode was the last step to whatever Ben had to say, his last words. To her at least. And part of her didn’t want to know, but then again she wasn’t sure if their exchange at the party was what she wanted to remember as their last moments together.

It made her wonder, did he know? Did he have any sort of inkling of what was to come?

Her finger hovered, but only momentarily, because she knew if she waited anymore she wouldn’t follow through.

It was static at first, and then she heard it, muffled, but there, rich and quiet, even behind the slap of the rain as it beat violently against the windshield.

“Rey--it’s me. But you know that. Please, pickup the phone. I know you won't, you’ve probably flipped your phone over, or tossed it in the back, and it makes me hate you that you wouldn’t let me install one of those smart stereos, the one with the bluetooth, and navigation. Because you are horrible at navigation, and then you’d have to see my phone calls, and it would disrupt you. But anyways.”

Even in the middle of a fight, Ben knew how to be somewhat humorous and she wasn’t sure if that made it worse, or better.

“Look, I’m sorry. And if you’d just answer your phone, perhaps we could pull off, have a romp? I’m sorry that was crude and I was kidding, unless you know you wanted to. But no really, we can get coffee. I wasn’t fair to you. And it’s obvious we have things to discuss, just please answer me. And Rey--”

She could hear the pause, the skid of his tires, through the other line, and for a moment she was sure the call would drop, hoped it would, because she couldn’t bear hearing it.

“ Rey--I love you. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

The phone call dropped, and she wasn’t sure if he knew what was happening, the way his voice sounded, the change in his breathing said perhaps he did, perhaps it had indeed happened and he’d saved her from hearing it. She wouldn’t doubt it. He’d always been somewhat of her White Knight.

But in the end, she couldn't help but be relieved, their last exchange wasn’t completely that of anger. He loved her. Despite it all, even in the end. She knew he knew. He always had been good at reading her, she’d been nothing but an open book from the moment she met him. And it was no different in the end. Even if she hadn’t gotten the chance to tell him. She knew he knew. And that gave her a bit of peace.

“ I miss you so much.”

The trek back to the house left her feeling heavy. But the emptiness had somewhat lifted. And when she reached the living room, she was somewhat surprised to see Han and Benny in the same place she left them, as if a pause button had been pressed. The only thing that had changed was the fire that had been started.

“ Hey kid, better?”

It was the first time Rey realized she had placed the phone back in its hiding place, her hand rotating it towards Han.

“ Yes, Better.”

[leoandreeda]

Samurai references in One Piece

Even when this is "short" this took me a long time to made but I finally finished it. I know that maybe I do not have ALL the references, but I'll mention the ones I've been seeing since I'm watching One Piece again. Also you'll read a lot about Zoro because he seems to be the character in which Eiichiro Oda likes to represent these warriors. I couldn't avoid pointing them out, especially since we're actually in Wano, to show you all a little of the influence they have in One Piece (at least in this arc.. or just in Zoro...). Of course there'll be manga spoilers.

1. The breath of all things.

While Zoro and Daz Bones were fighting in Arabasta, Zoro sees that he is at a disadvantage against his rival because this one is the user of the Devil fruit of steel, and that is a material that he wasn't capable of cutting. After a few attempts, he remembers a particular moment from his childhood about one of the lessons that his teacher and Kuina's father, Koshiro, teach him after a young Zoro asks if it is possible to cut steel. Koshiro gives him a demonstration when he tries to cut a piece of paper with his sword, but fails. After receiving a confused look from his student, he says what is in the pic beneath.

This teaching is inspired by one of the legends of Masamune Ozaki. In this story, Masamune (Who was not a samurai but a blacksmith who still was closely related to them) is challenged by his disciple Muramasa Shinji to see who of the 2 is the best blacksmith in Japan. Masamune accepted the challenge and after days of dedication and effort he created Yawarakai Te (Soft Hands / 柔らかい手). Muramasa also worked tirelessly and, finally, shaped Juuchi Yosamu (10,000 cold nights / 十千夜寒).

To test the value of each of them, Masamune and Muramasa were summoned on the riverbank one day at dawn. Once there, Muramasa submerged the first the tip of his sword in the water, against the current. Juuchi Yosamu, the Muramasa blade, cut everything that came close to its edge: it split the leaves that floated in the river and cut in half the fish that swam nearby. It even cut the morning air and the same sunlight. Masamune recognized with a deep reverence the great work of his disciple Muramasa. Indeed: there could not exist in all of Japan a sharper blade than that blade and only a Grand Master could make a sword like Juuchi Yosamu. But now his turn had come. He closed his eyes for a few moments and unsheathed Yawarakai Te. The brightness of the soft forging of his blade was reflected on the water while the old blacksmith dipped the tip of his sword into the river. And, then ...

Nothing happened because the fish that came close to Masamune's sword swam peacefully around him, without getting hurt. The leaves that floated down the river collided with it, turned on themselves and followed their course where the current led without splitting or cutting. Sunlight shone on the sword and the wind whistled softly as it struck its edge. Muramasa began to laugh at his master's sword. "You are no longer able to make a sword that really cuts. Now the best blacksmith in Japan is me" he said. Masamune did not answer. He drew his sword from the water and, still smiling, dried it first and then put it in its holster.

An old monk who had seen everything from the other shore said: "There is a sword that is very well made, that is very beautiful and sharp, but is eager to cut and does not discriminate against who or whom. But the other sword is undoubtedly more beautiful and more perfect because its edge is still finer and does not need to cut what is innocent and does not deserve to be cut. There is a sword that takes away life and another sword that gives it. "

Note: Of course this is only a legend since Masamune Ozaki and Muramasa Shinji are many years apart (almost 100 I suppose), so I understand they did not even know each other, but you get the point.

2. The Kitetsu.

The kitetsu are a "trio" of Yōtō ( cursed swords / 妖刀) that are said to bring misfortunes to their owners until they find death in horrible ways. They are demonic swords whose thirst for blood is insatiable and whose edge and ease to cut things are incredible, almost incomparable.

Now, this is related to one of the aforementioned blacksmiths, specifically with his clan, the Muramasa. Muramasa Shinji was a person of unstable and violent character, it was said that his swords leaves, shorter, more curved and more affiliated than those of Masamune, instilled in the warriors that carried them an uncontrollable desire to kill.

But the swords of Muramasa fell into disgrace when Tokugawa Ieyasu arrived at the shogunate, at the beginning of the 17th century, due to the many misfortunes that these swords caused to his family: the Kaishaku (end of the seppuku ritual in which the assistant beheads the suicidal with a katana) of Ieyasu's son, Nobuyasu, was made with a Muramasa; in his childhood, Ieyasu was wounded with a Tantō Muramasa; Ieyasu's grandfather was killed with a Muramasa katana; Ieyasu's father was attacked with a wakizashi Muramasa. Therefore, the shogun banned the use of Muramasa clan weapons in Japan. Even the Bugyō (commissioner / 奉行) Nagasaki, who was a collector of Muramasa weapons despite the ban, was executed under direct orders from the Shōgun (army commander/ 将軍) Tokugawa Ieyasu for considering this as an obvious conspiracy against his clan.

For all this, they said, Muramasa's katanas brought their owners misfortunes and unnecessary deaths, while those of Masamune were only unsheathed when the situation inevitably required it.

3. Taken from movies.

Maybe some of you already know it, but I do not lose anything mentioning it. Issho (or Fujitora) is based on Zatōichi (座頭市), the protagonist of a television series and a large number of films about a blind, but very skilled swordsman.

Literally is the same thing without scars, they even have the same sword... However, the designs are not the only thing that Oda has been inspired to add to his work. There are a number of thoughts/quotes that he has also taken from different movies like this one, that he says is one of his favorites, called Shichinin no samurai (The Seven Samurais/ 七人の侍).

I won't make much spoilers. In one scene of the film, while the protagonists are looking for another samurai to join them, they hear that one has arrived at the town. To test if he's worth of joining them, one of them hides to the side of the door to ambush him, saying: "If he is a true swordsman he will be able to dodge it, a samurai never lets alcohol take control on himself". Does it remind you of something?

4. Roronoa Zoro's "true" inspiration.

Even though we all know Zoro is based on François l'Olonnais, who was the cruelest pirate of the Caribbean Sea; I can say that he is also a little based on Date Masamune.

Excellent military tactician, was popularly identified because of the lack of one of his eyes, commonly being called "dokuganryū" (Dragon of a single eye/ 独眼 竜). The exact cause for which he lost his entire eye is not known, but it is said that as a child he lost it because of smallpox and to save himself he took it off. After this, his mother told him he could never become a warrior, explaining to Masamune's father that having just one eye already put him in an abyssal disadvantage on the battlefield. Because of that, he swore he would never let anything else get over him, not even something like an illness. At the young age of 17 or 18 years old, he took his father's place as the leader of Date's clan; later becoming one of the most powerful Daimyō (大名) of the old Japan.

This fiery samurai was also known because of his cruelty and cold personality. Not caring who he was talking to, he'd always be a prepotent and shameless man who gained the respect, but mostly fear, of those who were around him.

5. Pirate hunter's journey.

As we all know, in the begining of the serie when Luffy asked Zoro why he sailed, the swordsman told him he was looking for someone (Dracule Mihawk) but then got lost. Sailing to the sea to find recognition and become the greatest swordsman, as he promised to Kuina, sounds like certain practice called Musha shugyō (warrior training/ 武 者 修行) that's based on traveling or pilgrimage to which the ancient samurai were ascribed. A practitioner of this concept has to roam around Japan practicing and honoring his abilities without the protection of his family or his school, all alone and exposing himself to the dangers necessary to prove his worth. The possible activities of the adventurer could include training with other schools, fighting a duel, working as a bodyguard/mercenary, and looking for a Daimyō to serve.

Soooo he found a "Daimyō" to live and to die for.

Note: I'm not saying Zoro is a samurai, in fact and sadly, he isn't. I repeat, I'm just pointing things that I can relate to them.

6. Kaidan.

Kaidan (怪談) is a Japanese word consisting of two kanji: 怪 (kai) meaning “strange, mysterious, rare, or bewitching apparition" and 談 (dan) meaning “talk” or “recited narrative.”In its broadest sense, kaidan refers to any ghost story or horror story, but it has an old-fashioned ring to it that carries the connotation of Edo period Japanese folktales. Kaidan entered the vernacular during the Edo period, when a game called Hyakumonogatari Kaidankai (A Gathering of One Hundred Supernatural Tales / 百物語怪談会 ) became popular. This game led to a demand for ghost stories and folktales to be gathered from all parts of Japan and China.

Originally based on didactic Buddhist tales, Kaidan often involve elements of karma, and especially ghostly vengeance for misdeeds. Onryō (Japanese vengeful ghosts / 怨霊) are far more powerful after death than they were in life, and are often people who were particularly powerless in life, such as women and servants. You all know who were servants? There's certain transtalion or meaning to samurai that says "those who serve in close attendance to the nobility"; Not only that, since Kaidan appeared in Edo period these warriors are the co-protagonists of many of those stories. If we look up at some of those stories we can conclude something; at least two of them are the "inspiration" to certain samurais in Wano and they are Kin'emon and O-kiku. We need to be clear on something, they are considered ghosts by the people of Wano that seek to avenge Oden's death so thinking that Oda made this on purpose is pretty logic, right?

Lets start with Kin'emon. He's, at least a bit, inspired in Botan Dōrō (The Peony Lantern / 牡丹燈籠) This tale tells that on the first night of Obon, a beautiful woman and a young girl holding a peony lantern stroll by the house of the widowed samurai Ogiwara Shinnojo. Ogiwara is instantly smitten with the woman, named Otsuyu and vows an eternal relationship. From that night onward, the woman and the girl visit at dusk, always leaving before dawn. An elderly neighbor, suspicious of the girl, peeks into his home and finds Ogiwara in bed with a skeleton. Consulting a Buddhist priest, Ogiwara finds that he is in danger unless he can resist the woman, and he places a protection charm on his house. The woman is then unable to enter his house, but calls him from outside. Finally, unable to resist, Ogiwara goes out to greet her, and is led back to her house, a grave in a temple. In the morning, Ogiwara's dead body is found entwined with the woman's skeleton.

Why I relate Kin'emon with this story? To be honest it reminded me of him for dumb reasons ;;; The woman's name sounds like Kin'emon's wife's name, O-tsuru. Also I have the feeling that he won't be able to resist any longer being apart with his wife, wich he seems to love very much. Or not necessarilly because he wants to be with her but to warn her to run away at some point and someone will notice and bla bla bla.

Now, O-kiku is inspired by the history of Banchō Sarayashiki (The Dish Mansion at Banchō / 番町皿屋敷 ) that tells that once there was a beautiful servant named Okiku. She worked for the samurai Aoyama Tessan. Okiku often refused his amorous advances, so he tricked her into believing that she had carelessly lost one of the family's ten precious delft plates. Such a crime would normally result in her death. In a frenzy, she counted and recounted the nine plates many times. However, she could not find the tenth and went to Aoyama in guilty tears. The samurai offered to overlook the matter if she finally became his lover, but again she refused. Enraged, Aoyama threw her down a well to her death. It is said that Okiku became an Onryō who tormented her murderer by counting to nine and then making a terrible shriek to represent the missing tenth plate – or perhaps she had tormented herself and was still trying to find the tenth plate but cried out in agony when she never could. In some versions of the story, this torment continued until an exorcist or neighbor shouted "ten" in a loud voice at the end of her count. Her ghost, finally relieved that someone had found the plate for her, haunted the samurai no more.

In some versions of the tale, Okiku is a maid who incurs her mistress' jealousy. Her mistress breaks one of dishes that Okiku is responsible for and Okiku commits suicide. Similar to the other versions, her ghost is heard counting the plates, but her mistress goes insane and dies.

Did you notice the same name, that in her first apparition she is holding a plate and that she refuses someone who's looking for her to be his lover? Hmmm.

7. Extras.

These are just mentions so I'll compilate them here.

⦁ Zoro's name in Wano is Zorojuro, which sounds a lot like Sanjuro, the name of the protagonist from another samurai movie called Yojimbo (which probably Zoro got his personality from); casually made by the same director from The seven samurais, and a lot more movies about these warriors, Akira Kurosawa.

⦁ It's possible that Shuusui is based on, it is said to be, the best sword ever made by Masamune Ozaki, called Honjo Masamune. I think this sword was "stolen" and is still lost.

⦁ Zoro's way of seeing the world is absolutely based on Miyamoto Musashi's lessons writen on his book Go Rin no Sho (The Book of Five Rings/ 五輪書). Not only that, Musashi felt that he won his duels not because he had mastered the strategy, but because he was stronger, prepared or just lucky... we all know Zoro likes to leave all to luck.

⦁ Vivi calls Zoro "mr. Bushido". Bushidō (武士道) is a strict and particular ethical code to which many samurai gave their lives, which demanded loyalty and honor until death. If a samurai failed to maintain his honor, he could recover it by practicing seppuku.

⦁ O-Tama saying that is a disgrace for a warrior to feel hunger is also said in The Seven Samurais.

⦁ The Gorōsei (The Five Elders / 五老星) the leaders of the World Government and, as such, the world's rulers and the highest authority only below Im, are based on The Council of the Five Regents, or council of the five great elders (go-tairō / 五大��). This was a council formed by Toyotomi Hideyoshi to govern Japan instead of his son, Hideyori, until he came of age. Hideyoshi chose his five most powerful daimyō for this task: Ukita Hideie, Maeda Toshiie, Uesugi Kagekatsu, Mōri Terumoto and Tokugawa Ieyasu.  With the creation of the council formed by five people, Hideyoshi hoped that the different components of the same one would be balanced, preventing that none of them took control of the power. However, almost immediately upon the death of Hideyoshi in 1598, the regents were divided into two groups: Tokugawa on the one hand, and the other four on the other. The war, however, did not begin until the mid-1600s, ending the same year at the Battle of Sekigahara, where a difficult peace was agreed upon that left Hideyori alive and in control of Osaka Castle.

⦁ It was said that Miyamoto Musashi, the most famous samurai of all time, could win any duel with one look. Ehem... Haoshoku haki?

⦁ The Iaidō (居合道) is a Japanese martial art related to the unsheathing and sheathing of the katana. It was practiced by the samurai, especially in the Edo period. These techniques arise mainly to be able to attack or defend at the same time that it was unsheathed, beginning therefore the confrontation with the weapon still in the saya (sheath) and unsheathing with the appropriate speed to attack or counterattack the opponent without giving him time to react. The main idea of Iaidō is to be able to react correctly to any unexpected situation. The first letter 'I' has as a translation of its ideogram the meaning of Spirit, Being, Will and also Intention, therefore, decomposing the term Iaidō we find its philosophical meaning as "the path of the harmony of the Being or the path of union of the spirit "('I' is spirit, 'ai' unite or harmony, and the suffix 'dō' way). I don't know about you but it reminds me a bit of the meaning of Wado Ichimonji (Straight Road of the Harmony / 和道一文字); of course not ignoring that this style is used sometimes in the serie.

⦁ In the second point "the Kitetsu", I also mentioned that there was a certain time in Japan when Tokugawa Ieyasu banned muramasa's swords around the country. Well, in chapter 926 we were shown that civilians couldn't carry weapons because that would be a clear statement of rebellion, just saying.

⦁ Ishho is based more in a Sōhei (Warrior monk / 僧兵) than in a Samurai.

⦁ Even when Miyamoto Musashi was known for fighting with 2 Bokken, he had an actual sword. The Tsuba of this sword, now in the Art Musseum of Fukuoka, is a little bit similar to Wado Ichimonji's tsuba.

⦁ Shimotsuki Yasuie or better known as Tonoyasu or Yasu, the happy man from Wano that lives in Ebisu, was shown to be based on the Shōgun mentioned in the second point, Tokugawa Ieyasu. The most famous Shōgun in the story of Japan.

⦁ Gyukimaru on Oihagi Bridge is based on Saitō Musashibō Benkei (西塔 武 蔵 坊 弁 慶 1155 - 1189), popularly called Benkei (弁 慶), Was a Sōhei who was under the orders of the samurai Minamoto no Yoshitsune. He is generally presented as a man of great stature, very strong and loyal, and is one of the favorite characters of Japanese folklore. Tells the story that Benkei would have been located on the bridge Gojo in Kyoto, where he challenged each warrior who passed, taking the sword of their defeated opponents, reaching a total of about 999 swords. In his 1000th duel, Benkei was defeated by Minamoto no Yoshitsune, son of the warlord Minamoto no Yoshitomo. Therefore, he became a warrior of Yoshitsune and fought alongside him in the Genpei war against the Taira clan. Curious, don't you think?

⦁ The relationship between O-kiku/Kikunojo and Kin’emon implies that they’re very close, we can see it in their flashbacks and even when they reunite, however, if we look at things in a more... real life way, we can say that their relationship is, or was, influenced by Shudô (衆道 ). Shudô was a samurai custom in which adult samurai engaged in pederastic relationships with younger samurai. This custom is most prominently seen, or discussed, in the Sengoku and Edo periods. The older man in the relationship, known as the nenja (念者), and the younger man, known by a variety of terms including wakashû (若衆), formed a close, tight personal relationship with one another. A nenja typically engaged in such relationships with only one wakashû at a time, and vice versa. Though much discussion today, based in modern/Western social mores about homosexual relationships, focus strongly on the homosexual sexual acts involved in the relationship, Shudô relationships went beyond this, and were strong personal and sentimental or emotional relationships, which involved as well strong elements of mentorship. Mentorship and training in the "warrior" lifestyle and values of the samurai was a major element of the relationship.

This is all I have so If there's something I missed please let me know, thanks for reading.

[kumeko]

Title: a helping hand or two

A/N: For the @featherszine! I got assigned CCS, winter, and of course I had to put in a little Meiling, Tomoyo and Kero into the piece.

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Ever since he was little, Syaoran had fought monsters, battled immortal guardians, and more scarily, survived his mother’s training. There were few things left on the planet that could surprise him. 

 Yet, despite all that, nothing was as frightening as Tomoyo’s smile when she says, I’ve got the perfect outfit for this.

 Absolutely nothing. He'd even rank the fight with Yue below it.  

Tugging on his coat, he had to admit that his outfit wasn't bad for once. While Tomoyo had a gift for design, almost all of her creations were some level of impracticality, better suited for photo shoots than actual wear. Today’s outfit was no less fashion forward, a snowflake-themed outfit complete with sharp edges and inconvenient dangling snowflakes. As long as something magical didn’t happen, the ensemble was more annoying than in the way.

 “Now turn to the right,” Tomoyo ordered, stars in her eyes and a video camera in hand. A drone floated around him but she liked the personal touch of taking her own shots.

 Slightly exasperated, he obliged. They’d been at this for a good ten minutes now. He was used to this when it came to Sakura, less so for himself, and even then it had never been as public as this, in the middle of the town’s ice rink. When he’d agreed to go skating, Syaoran had expected to, you know,  actually skate. At this rate, it looked like he’d be stuck outside the bathrooms until closing.

Freed from her own photoshoot, Meiling smiled happily as she watched. “You'll send me some pics, right?”

 “A whole video package,” Tomoyo answered, shooting her a thumbs up.

 Syaoran wondered if it was too late to run. And just what was Meiling doing with pictures of him? She’d broken off their enga—she was going to send them to his sisters. A chill ran up his spine and he wasn’t sure if that was premonition or just a really good guess.

 “Ehh? Really?” Meiling brightened up more, if possible, her expression almost glowing. “And thanks for making me an outfit too!” She twirled around to show off her cheongsam-styled dress with a flared skirt. “I’ve always wanted a Tomoyo creation!”

 “Of course.” Tomoyo closed her camera and pumped a fist in the air. “A group collection, making each piece uniquely tailored for everyone’s personality but match overall as a whole…” She quivered. “It was a dream come true.” Happily, she sighed, pressing a hand against her cheek as she admired Meiling. “Why, coming up with your ribbons and accessories were the best parts.”

 Popping out of the changeroom, Kero fly triumphantly toward them. “Not as great as mine!” He tugged on his snowflake tie with a grin. “The most handsome fellow is here now!”

 “Ahhh, the stuffed animal’s escaped,” Meiling muttered in a deadpan. It was amazing how quickly her enthusiastic smile melted into a blank expression. “Put him back in his cage and remove his stuffing.”

 “Who’re you calling a stuffed animal, you annoying brat?” Kero growled, and Syaoran had a strange feeling of déjà vu as the pair argued.

 “Um, Tomoyo,” Sakura called out, interrupting the fight as she timidly stepped out of the washroom. “We’re just skating, right? We don’t need all this.”

 Syaoran tried had not stare. Really, he tried. Tomoyo had always dressed Sakura cutely, and today was no exception. With a white fluffy skirt and a ruffled, ice-blue dress shirt, she looked like a snow princess. Dimly, he was aware of Tomoyo’s knowing glance but he couldn’t do anything about it. Hell, he couldn’t even think of a word to say to Sakura.  “Y-you…” he stuttered, but it was like he’d forgotten how to speak. How did they talk before? How was he ever able to get past mono-syllabic words?

 Not missing a beat, Tomoyo cooed and turned her camera to Sakura immediately. “Nonsense! My work isn’t just for magical fights.”

 “Yeah,” Kero agreed, floating around Sakura and tugging his bow again. “And I look good!”

 “For a stuffed animal,” Meiling added snidely.

 “Besides,” Tomoyo barreled on, ignoring the interruptions. “If anything else weird happens and you have to create another Sakura card, you’ll already be dressed!” She frowned, twirling a long lock around her finger dejectedly. “I missed all your adventures recently.”

 Sakura bit her lip, friendship and self-consciousness warring on her expression. In the end, as expected, shame lost and she clasped Tomoyo’s hands. Forcing a smile, she nodded. “Of course!”

 “Great!” Tomoyo smiled gratefully before pulling out her camera. “Now, smile!”

 -x-

 “Here, let me help.” Sakura glided up to him smoothly. Even her stop looked graceful and Syaoran was reminded once more on how easy sports came to her. “You can’t skate like that.”

 Leaning against the railing, he wanted to argue that he could. Technically, he was almost halfway around the rink now, even if that was more out of a stubborn determination than anything else. Yet Sakura was leaning close, her hand out expectantly, and without realizing it, his hand was already on hers.  The second her fingers curled around his palm, he burned a bright red and resisted the urge to pull away. “T-thanks,” Syaoran managed, barely keeping his voice deeper than a squeak.

 “It’s fine!” Sakura smiled brightly at him and his heart flipped. Did she know she did that to him? She had to, right? He was a terrible liar, all things considered, and there was absolutely no way he was able to hide what he felt around her. “That’s what friends are for!”

 Then again, she’d always been some level of dense. Syaoran took a deep breath, trying to calm his speeding pulse. “Right.”

 At this point she was skating backwards, slowly pulling him along the skating rink. Both of his hands were in hers now, and it wasn’t like they were holding hands. This was all to stop him from falling but no matter how many times he repeated that, even through the gloves, his skin burned from the contact. Trying to distract himself, he commented, “You’re really good at this.”

 It was a normal level of praise, given in an entirely normal way.

 Sakura grinned, puffing her chest proudly. “It’s cause I rollerblade all the time. It’s the same thing, only the brakes work differently.”

 “They do?” Syaoran asked, curious despite himself.

 “Yeah.” Sakura slowed their pace down and gestured at her skates. “You change the angle of the blades when you stop, but with rollerblades I just tilt it back.” She grimaced. “It was scary to do that though.”

 That surprised him. He had thought the only thing that scared her were ghosts. Sakura picked up the pace again and he urged his clumsy feet to keep up with her. Every time he wobbled, she tightened her grip on his hands, keeping him steady and balanced. If there was one small mercy, it was that he hadn’t fallen in front of her.

 From his peripherals, he was dimly aware of Meiling slowly skating around the rink, her balance little better than his. Tomoyo was making circles around them, her camera in hand, and he could already picture her replaying this on her theatre-sized screen.  

 At some point, it didn’t feel as unnatural pushing one foot in front of the other. In fact, it felt kinda smooth and he peeked down at his feet.

 He was gliding.

 “You’re doing it!” Sakura chirped, echoing his thoughts, and he looked up to find her smiling proudly.

 “I-I am,” he stuttered, surprised. Straightening his posture, he repeated more confidently, “I am!”

 “Great.” Sakura loosened her hold. “I’m going to let go, okay?”

 “Yeah—wait, what?” Syaoran panicked as she let go and slipped to his side. He wasn’t ready. He definitely wasn’t ready and—oh, his feet were still moving forward, still gliding.

 “See? You can do it,” Sakura cheered, coming to a stop to watch him. “Just like that.”

 “Yeah.” Syaoran added more power to his legs, pushing off the ice more firmly. He could do this. Looking over his shoulder, he shouted excitedly, “I’m skating!”

 That was a mistake. Sakura only smiled in response, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. She didn’t feel that way about him, he knew. Her eyes were for Yukito, and she didn’t feel that way about him at all. But something about her looked bashful, her cheeks a rosy red (from the cold, he reminded himself), her eyes slightly downcast. Syaoran swallowed.

 Should he say something?

 Do something?

 He crashed into the side of the rink before he could figure it out.

 “Syaoran!” Sakura yelled, horror colouring her voice. “I’m coming!”

 “Me too,” Meiling shouted. “Really slowly.”

 “Sakura…Meiling…” Dazed, he lay flat on the cold ice. The world turned a shade of yellow: the ice, his hands, even the shadow looming over him. Looking up, he found Tomoyo giving him an amused smile.

 “You okay there?” she asked. “What happened?”

 He blinked. “I think so.” His knees and chin ached, but he’d suffered worse fighting the Clow cards. Or were they Sakura cards now? Lying flat, he closed his eyes. “I was just...surprised.”

 “Mmm…” Tomoyo hummed thoughtfully. “She didn’t teach you to brake, did she?”

 Nor did she teach him to turn, so he would have ended up like this at one point or another. Now that he was still, he could finally feel how cold it was, how the chill sank into his bones. His hands were still hot, tingling from her touch, and it was like everything he’d felt for Yukito but amped up to the max. “I didn’t think it’d be so hard,” he muttered, half to himself.

 “It’s always harder than you expect,” Tomoyo answered knowingly and he opened his eyes to catch her sympathetic gaze. It was like she knew everything and he wouldn’t be surprised if there was magic in her lineage too. “Need help?”

 She offered her hand and he stared at it. It was tempting. Beyond tempting. He was tired of feeling flustered, of trying and failing on his own. Looking past her, he watched as Sakura quickly rushed toward them, concern on her face, giving her best like she always did. Even with Yukito, no matter how clumsy she got around him, she tried her best.

 How could he do anything less? Taking Tomoyo’s hand, he shook his head as he stood up. “I can do it.”

 “Are you okay?” Finally caught up, Sakura braked hard and stopped right in front of him. She scanned him, her body bobbing up and down as she checked all of his limbs before determining there were no wounds. “I’m sorry!”

 Despite himself, his body stiffened automatically. “I-it’s fine.”

 “Really?” Sakura prodded his head gently, still looking for an injury. “Maybe we should get helmets.”

 Her finger grazed his ear and it was too much, way too much. Knees weak, he collapsed again.

 “Syaoran?” Sakura gaped in horror.

 By this point, Meiling had finally pushed her way to their side of the rink and she reached down to touch his forehead. “He feels feverish.” She frowned. “Maybe he’s sick?”

 “In a sense, he is, but it’s nothing to worry about.” Tomoyo winked at him. “Sure you don’t want any help?”

 He’d be lying if he wasn’t reconsidering his stance.

[bots-basket]

Snapshot: make a little doodle or drabble one of your favorite scenes!

{ Yeah So My Brain Miraculously Decided To have motivation and Did a Full blown Story with Pictures So Here Ya Go!

*Note: Some of the pics used are screenshot redraws. }

🌀Vortex 🌀

Terrible. Absolutely Terrible. How could things Go So Bad?

The Tobot Crew had Awoken To a start. The Princess had Gone Missing! Onyx was the first to realize she was Missing when she didn't come out for breakfast that Morning. At First The Eldest Kept it to himself as he searched around the Junkyard, Hoping he'd Just find her Hiding or sleeping in a Random Place again. Whenever he didn't have to Worry his little Brothers the better. But After a while of Searching he Began to get concerned.. and So Did His siblings.

It was obvious that this was going to be an unavoidable Conversation, So He told Rox and Zephyr the News. Zephyr was the first to Panic.

" WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PRINCESS D: "

Zephyr Exclaimed as he Flared his Arms around in worry. How Could she be Missing?! She was Just here Last Night.. Why would she Leave? Now she's Lost in the city with who knows what lurking around the next Bend.

Rox was also Wildly Concerned for the Princess, But Handled it a bit better for Zephyr's Sake. Though he Put on a Brave Face he couldn't Hide the worry in His Tone as he Looked to Onyx.

" If we Hurry, we Might be able to find her- Right? I'll Do a Sweep of the entire City If I Have too.. W.. We'll definitely Find her.. No Matter what.. Right..?"

Onyx Looked to Rox and Zephyr and saw the complete Desperation in their Optics.. Glinting threw their Masks and Visors. He didn't Know where The princess could be or What has become of her.. But he Isn't going to Let Those negative Thoughts get to him. He has to be Strong.. for the Princess- And For his Brothers. He Gave a Swift Nod to Rox and Zephyr before responding and taking Charge of the Matter.~

" We Are going to find her, But we'll Need to broaden our Search by splitting up. Rox, You Go North towards the City Shops And Keep an eye in the sky. Remember, She likes to Avoid Contact with others so keep close attention on the Side-streets. Zephyr, You Head South towards The Villages and see if she's at any of her usual Alone-time Spots. I'll Head towards the Woodland Area where she Goes to find lost things. And keep Your Comm units up."

The Two Smaller Bots Nodded before Transforming into their Alts and Zooming off to Go Look for the Princess. Before he Left he Glanced Around the Junkyard.. Something Was giving him a Bad Vibe that something was going to happen As soon as he Left this place.. He wasn't sure about why he was feeling this way, But He wasn't going to take it lightly.

/// *I'll Just Have to Keep my Guard Up..*\\\

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It Had Been Over 2 Hours since the Squad had been Searching For Their Little Lost Princess.. And there was No Luck Or Clue to her whereabouts At All. Rox had Circled the City Twice Now .. He Hated to Admit it, But He was starting to Get as Worried as Zephyr was about Their Pilot. What Kind of Hero Could he be if he can't even protect the ones he Loves?

He was about to Double-back Once More when Something Caught the Edge Of His Optic. He Transformed Midair and Zoomed down to A Nearby Rooftop to get a Better Look at What he Saw. As he Peaked over the edge of The building, The Thing he saw was unmistakable.. He was going to need Backup. He Shakily Reached for His Comm Unit before speaking In A broken Tone.

[* I.. Found Her.. *]

[* What? Where!?* ]

[* Roxas Where's the Princess?*]

[*- Is Struggling to Answer-*]

[* ROXAS!*]

[* It's Tobais.. He's.. He's Got Her..*]

Onyx Felt as If an Arrow Pierced threw His Armor and into his Core as He Heard the Name That They All Dreaded come out of Rox's trembling Voice. No.. NO- Not Him.. Anyone But Him-! This has turned into the absolute Worse case Scenario. Whatever that Bad Man is planning he Must Be Stopped at Once! Their Princesses Life may depend on them-!

Zephyr Was Shaking too as he heard Tobais Ring out throughout his Mindcore. The Last encounter with Him Lead to The Poisoning Of the Princess.. they were forced to Do Terrible things just to get the Antidote. That man Was a Psychopath- who Knows What He'll Do To Their Princess now that she's in his Clutches. Even though he was scared of Tobais.. He Has To Be Brave! They Have to Save Her!

[* Rox, Where Are You Now? *]

[* I'm Down Norsh Street, Near the New Coin Factory. I Can see Some Of Tobais Badnicks Guarding the Place.. What Do I Do? *]

[* Staying Hidden will be the best move for Now Roxie, We'll come to you. We are Stronger together plus Have each other's backs Incase Tobais Might try to Capture you too. *]

[* Understood, I'll Keep You Posted if anything Happens.*]

Rox Hated All Of this. Tobais Never Fails to Get Under his Metal Plating. Why Must He Have his Wicked Heart Set On Torturing his Family! He's Crushed Rox's Dreams Of Being a Heroes To this City.. He Made them Become Criminals... all At The Princesses Expense. But This is it. He's going to Make Tobais Pay for everything He's Put him and his Family through.. There is No Redemption for this Villan.. He Must Be Vanquished.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It didn't Take Long For the Other two the Show Up and meet Rox on the rooftops. Having Scoping out the Area and Situation, The small Squad of Robots Came Up with a Plan. Now all they had to Do was Take Action. Onyx Glanced to his siblings before Whispering

" You ready to Storm the Villan's Castle?"

" Absolutely."

Zephyr Nodded as he made his Servos into a Fist. There's no way he's getting away with this.

" Then Let's Do This!"

Rox Shouted before Flipping off the Roof. The Mecha Guards Looked Up in surprise as The Orange Mech Came from outta Nowhere and Falcon Punched one of them Into The Factories Walls.

The Other Guards Quickly Armmed themselves with their Pistols and began Firing Blasts at Rox. In an Instance a Blue Energy Shield protected him from Taking any Damage. Behind the Shield stood Little Zephyr in a Protective Manner, Making Sure Rox Was Safe.

" I Am a Knight of Valor and Won't Let you do as you Please!"

Rox Smiled To Zephyr Before reaching for his second set of Wings And Unhitching them from his Back, Revealing that they were actually Duel Blades. He Gave a Swift Leap into the Air and Hovered above The Guard Robots. Placing his Blades together he dragged them against each other as an Electrical Pulse Began to Surge from his Body and into the Blades. With a Glint in his Optics Shinung through his Visor he Let Out his Catchphrase.

" To Save the Innocent From This Evildoer's Clutches, I Am a Hero! "

He Sent A Slash Of electricity Down Upon Most of the Guards, Leaving only a Few left Standing. The Last Of them Who Managed to Miss the Charge Of Rox's Ability Sent Guided Missiles at the Flying Mech, Attempting to Put him Out of they sky For Good.

The Eldest Sibling However wasn't going to let him be taken Down So Easily. With the whirl of his Cape He Skillfully Cloud stepped and Got infront of Rox within a Few movements. Raising his servo he managed to create a Magnetic Field to Divert the Course Of the Missiles and sent them Spiraling Down on his Opponents.

" Your End Is Near- For I Am Their Guardian, So Accept Your Fate."

Zephyr Stood his Ground as the Blasts from the Missiles Blowing Up the Remains of the Guards nearly sent him perpeling backwards. Before the Dust could even Settle The Three Hurried Inside The Factory Opening, Hoping that They could see some sort of Clue to where Tobais was keeping their Princess.

Bad Move.

As Soon as they Entered The Factory Bright Spotlights Blazed in their Optics Causing A Temporary Blindness in their visual Sensors. In an Instance Rox Felt Something Grab Onto his Wrist and Twist it Violently Behind his Back, Causing him To drop his Swords and let Out a Screech in Pain by the sudden forced Movement.

" AAAARRRGGHH!!"

Onyx's Sensors Flicked Slightly as he whipped around Towards the direction of Rox's Screams. He Darted Towards the source while Unsheathing His Arm Blades. He Slashed In the direction Of the last known Sound, Hitting something.. Metallic. He Heard Rox give a Subtle Gasp as he felt the grip of his Attacker leave his Wrists for a Moment. The Purple Mechs Sensors Flicked Once more as he Glanced around Blindly. Suddenly he Felt something Grab his Leg- Slamming him into the ground and then Into Rox in a Brutal Manner.

" ACK- *SLAM* UGH-!"

" UCK-"

" ROXIE! ONYX- WHERE ARE YOU?!"

Zephyr's Headfins Flapped Wildly as Anxiety began to Creep into his Mindcore as he Frantically Tried to Figure out what was happening. And Fact that he couldn't see anything didn't Really help his Demeanor either. All He could Do was the cries of Pain Of his Big Brothers as something was Attacking them.

Then The Sound of Metal crashing to the ground stopped abruptly- Causing him to Literally freeze in Panic. He Felt a cold Shivver Creep up his Spine as Something loomed Over him. At that very Moment His Optical Functioning restarted... But it was too Late. A Metal Hand Slammed It's fist ontop the Little Bot, Knocking him Out Cold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a Few Moments The Squad Came too, And Found themselves in a Very dreadful Situation. They were Hanging from The Ceiling in a Steel-Inforced Net, All Of their Weapons and Gear was confiscated, And Worst of All- There Stood Ontop a Mighty Mech was Tobais, Wearing a Wicked Smirk as he Held Held up Their Beloved Princess.. With a Look of True Terror in Her Tear filled Eyes.

" YOU COWARD! USING YOUR UNDERHANDED TRICKS TO CAPTURE US! IF YOU DON'T LET GO OF THE PRINCESS RIGHT NOW SO HELP ME-"

Rox Snarled as he Grabbed onto the Metal Netting, Attempting to Break Threw It. HOW DARE HE TREAT THE PRINCESS THAT WAY!! Showing her off Like Some Trophy he'd won. If he has hurt her in anyway he was going to Cause some Serious Damage to this Dude.

" wHy Are You Doing this To Us-! Release the Princess!.. Please..She's Done Nothing To You- "

Zephyr Was Trembling as he Spoke. The Sight Of His Princess So Afraid Made him Scared aswell.. He knows What this Man was capable Of.. And the Fact that He Not Only has Her.. But he Single Handedly managed to Capture All three of them aswell Made him Even More Afraid. The edges of His Optics Began to Spike to mimic that Of Crying.. He wished he could Just wake up from this Nightmare.

" What Do You Want Tobais! We'll Do whatever You Say, You have Us! Just Don't Hurt Her! She's Just a Child! She doesn't have a use for Your Plans!"

Onyx Called Out in hopes Of Negotiating with Him. He would give himself Up If it meant protecting Her.. They Owe her their Lives, He can't just let her Loose hers.

But Tobais, on the other hand, Could Honestly Care Less. He Only Laughed at their pleas Before Throwing their Princess Off the Mech and watched as she crashed to the ground. She groaned in pain As she weakly looked up to her Protectors Dangling helplessly in the air calling out to her.

" PRINCESS!!"

The Prof. gave a Small Humm as he Turned his Attention to the Trio Aggressively trying to Get To their Pilot, Only to Continuously Fail. It was Quite Amusing To say the least.

" Your Right You Know.. I Don't need Her.. But I Don't need You anymore either. I have Proven that A Human Mind and Intellect Is Stronger than your Dumb Little Mindcores with this Mech."

~ He Smiled as He Slid into the Cockpit of the Mecha And Stood Proudly Behind their Fallen Pilot. ~

" Now I'll Be Able to Achieve my Greatest Ambitions with This Mech suit. Best Of all I won't have to Worry about you Ruining my Schemes. I'm Sure You're gonna make Great Spare Parts once I Dismantle you. I'm sorry To Say but.. You've Outlived Your Usefulness.. Just Like this Child."

~ He Moved The Large Mech Towards the Girl, It's Large Metal Feet shaking the factory with each Step.. She Couldn't get away.. she couldn't even see it coming.. Her Fate was set as the Giant Mech Lifted it's Pede Above their Pilot.~

" So Long little Princess."

"No..-"

" NO..-!"

" NOOO!"

She Saw the Metal Foot Coming Down Upon Her.. She Heard the Horror striken Cries of her Tobots.. she couldn't see a way Out.. She Closed her eyes and Let out One Last Shriek as the tears began to Flow down her Face..

" AAAAAAAAA-"

...

...

...

...

*Woosh!*

In that Instance, A Few Moments before disaster Something happened. Tobais Felt The Mech be sent Backwards as Something with Great force Rammed into it. When he went to See what the heck Just Hit him, He Couldn't believe his eyes. There, Towering Over the Small Child he was Going to crush... Was a Panther Of some sort.. No.. It wasn't a Panther.. It was a Tobot! But that can't be possible.. He'd never seen any Tobot that looked like him before- Where'd she get ANOTHER ONE-!?

" WHO ARE YOU!?"

" I Am Bass, Her Solider Of Destruction. All who Dare Hurt her Shall Succumb To My Claws..

So. Stay. away. From. My. MASTER."

Bass Snarled As the edges Of His Servos Dug into the Ground. He Didn't know who this was, Or How he even Managed to Capture her Guards and get his Grubby Little Hands on his Master.. But he's Going to make him Regret the day he even Laid eyes on Her. Bass hated to Admit it, But He's Grown rather Found Of his Master.

Ever Since she Helped Him Escape From his Creators.. From his predetermined Fate.. He Decided that Rosie and Rosie Alone Shall be His Master. But the time has come for Him To Step Up and Make it Known That She is His.

Tobias Was Appalled to be threatened by a Raggedy Looking Robot! Doesn't he Know who he Is! He'll teach this Dumb Cat Some Manners!

The Mech Regained itself before Sending a servo Towards the two, Aggressively Grabbing at them. In an Instant Bass Grabbed onto The scruff Of Rosie's Hoodie and Leapt Backwards, Avoiding being Caught By Tobais's Grasp. As The Mecha Grabbed and Swung at Them, The Feline-Estique Tobot Manged to Dodge every Swing Skillfully- Jumping into the Air with each Swing. As He was In Midair The Mech's Other Servo Grabbed his Leg and threw him into the ground with a Forceful *CRASH!*

Bass uses his Body to Sheild Rosie From Receiving any Damage from the Collision with the Floor. He Let Out a Hiss Of Pain as he Landed infront the Trapped Trio Struggling to get free. He Glanced at Them and then to Tobias Closing in on them. He Got to his Pedes and Set The Child Down Before Stepping ahead of her to Face the Man in the Mech.

"This Ends Now. "

He Let out a Thunderous Roar Before Slamming his Servos onto the Floor- Letting his Claws Dig deep to give himself Stability for The Stunt he was About to Pull. His Back Arched and Snarled. His Tail Began To Sperate into Sections as a Dark Purple Substance Swirled Out of It..

Tobais Couldn't believe what he saw! This Tobot.. Had Created A VORTEX!? How Could Something Like this even be possible!? He didn't Have time To Process what Was Happening as a Bright Purple Glow Engulfed the Room..

"ARRRGGGGGHH!!!!"

.....

.....

....

~Elsewhere~

....

...

...

A Large Purple Vortex Opened In the middle Of a Clearing beside a Lake- Throwing Bass, The Trio, And The Princess Safely- But roughly- Onto the Grass. The group Gave a Slight Groan as they Slowly Regained themselves. Bass Looked Over Rosie to Make sure she didn't hurt herself from the fall. Rox was the first Person to break The Silence

" I'm Sorry But What The Heck Just Happened-?!"

"..I.. I'm Unsure.."

Onyx Rubbed the Side Of his helm as he Glanced around the Area.. He didn't recognize this place at all.. Were they even still in the city? His attention shifted to the Mech Checking over their Princess.. He remember he had Appeared Suddenly and Saved her.. But just Who was he exactly..? He Flinched Slightly as the other looked back to him.

" I Created a Vortex To send us somewhere Safe."

Bass Spoke Up as he Finished Looking over His Master. She Only seemed to Have Sprained her wrist, Other than that She was just a little shaken up. That was a Relief. He Gave the Girl Her Glasses and Stood Upwards while Brushing himself off.

" Ah, Yes..Who the Heck are You! "

Rox Pointed his Digit At Bass As The Mech Stood Up. It's not that he isn't grateful or anything on how he kept the Princess Safe.. But How does a Random Guy Come outta Nowhere, Just Totally CLAIM the Princess, Face-off with Tobias, and Then Just Poof! Sent them to who knows where just like that!?

" I literally Just Declared my Name Five minutes Ago. But I suppose you couldn't hear me over your Failure to Protect The Kid."

Bass responded Coldly as his Tail Lashed From side to Side. He definitely wasn't impressed with His masters So Called 'Guardians.'

" WHAT!!"

Rox's Wings Flapped as He let out a Low Churr in irritation. Just Who does this Guy Think He Is!

" You Heard me. I'm surprised she's managed to survive this long Under Your Care."

The Mech Scoffed.

" Why You-"

He Growled as He Went to Punch The Smug Cat

" Roxie.."

Zephyr Placed his Servo on Rox's Shoulder and Looked at him with One of those Looks. Just Let it Go.. He Helped the Princess and That's all that matters.

" HMMPH!"

The Orange Mech looked to Zephyr and then to Bass and Huffed. Fine! Whatever! Let the jerk be a Jerk. At least he seems like the Loner type to Ridicule You Before Leaving in a Pretty Stupidly awesome Manner.

" Thank You For Your Assistance.. We Owe You Our Lives. "

Onyx Smiled Warmly to the other and offered his Servo to him. But that Motion didn't seem to fair well with the feline as he Avoided it like the plague. Onyx Lowered His Servo and Frowned Slightly.. Did he just Offend Him..? He Glanced to Zephyr and Just Shrugged.

" Let's Start Over.. I'm Zephyr! And these are My Older Brothers Rox and Onyx.. And You Are..?"

Zephyr Caught Onto Onyx's Motion and Quickly tried to Apologise while Also get on his good Side. He must Obviously be a Good Person To Come and Help them in A Time of Need, Right?

" *Tch* My Name is Bass, And from Now On I shall be the True Protector of Your 'Princess'. "

He Stated as he wrapped his Long Tail Around Rosie in an Defensive Manner while Glaring at the Trio. There was No Way he was Just going to let them Be her Caretakers. From Now On He's Going to Be Her Protector.. and there's Nothing they can Do About it.

" W H A T - "

All three Siblings Gasped in Unison-

Well that Was Unexpected. Looks like their Lives are About to get A Bit More Interesting~

~ End..? ~

[jiminisnotavirgin]

Sweeter than Peaches

Pairing: Kim Taehyung | Reader

Genre: Smut, Slight Angst

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: pregnancy sex, lactation kink, fingering, penetrative sex, domestic ROMANTIC au, married couple and all that cute shit tbh

Note: Heavily inspired by stories by @dovechim and @hobiwonder, thanks to y’all for exposing me to my FAVORITE kind of smut. Please check them out if you haven’t yet! Classes just ended for me for the semester and I managed to get this together. I hope you enjoy it (I’m almost tempted to write another part about this couple) but lemme know what you think! I really value what each and every one of you has to say about my works! Thanks again for being patient and sticking it out till I released this fic :) love y’all. ALSO, the pic is NOT mine.

     The sweet scent of fresh peaches drifts into your bedroom window from the fruit garden outside. The summer air blows in small uneven gusts, tangling itself in the strands of Taehyung’s brown curls. The curtains along the window frame spin and twist in an endless tango with the breeze.      He lazily slings his arm across the sheets, expecting the warmth of your waist. His eyelids flutter from the depths of sleep when he’s met with your cold, empty side of the bed instead. His sleepy state makes him more vulnerable to the emotions running through his mind, amplifying his confusion because you’re nowhere to be found.      As he tries to make sense of your absence, he finds his answer in the sliver of light spilling into your shared bedroom from the bathroom across the hall. He doesn’t call your name, opting instead to watch silently as you flutter around the room. Your husband’s endearing eyes remain focused on you—the love of his life and like always, you are oblivious to his gaze. At times, he believes he couldn’t possibly love you any more than he already does but you always find a way to prove him wrong. It is very ordinary moments like these that truly take his breath away.      Your long eyelashes graze the tops of your cheeks as you brush your teeth and stare into the running faucet. Taehyung’s eyes drift lower and lower to your lusciously curvy body, supple breasts, and round stomach which steadily grows with the weight of his child inside. Your pregnancy has brought on more than a few changes and Taehyung’s hunger for you is more urgent than water for a man in the blazing heat of a desert. It takes all the control he has not to kiss you and your stomach all the damn time.      The doctor insisted that an increased sex drive is common in pregnant women and sexual activities are encouraged but you haven’t displayed much of an interest in intimacy, at least to him. He doesn’t know the real reason why you haven’t brought it up despite your growing and constant state of arousal. As you sit on the toilet and pee for what feels like twenty minutes, you’re reminded of exactly why you’ve remained silent on the matter. From this angle, you’ve got a crystal clear view of your puffy, swollen feet. Not even a pedicure could save them now. They were so pretty before.      You know your insecurities are ridiculous and superficial but that doesn’t change the fact that these thoughts resurface on the forefront of your mind like a wrecking ball when you feel happiest. With each passing day, your confidence dwindles. You’ve already spent seven months with the angel in your stomach and you’re grateful for that time but still, you don’t feel confident and it isn’t because you’ve gained weight—it’s because you don’t recognize the woman looking back at you in the mirror with her flushed cheeks, baggy t-shirt, and messy bun.      On top of it all, concealing these feelings from Taehyung is extremely difficult since you confide in him about almost everything. This is the one thing you’re too embarrassed to reveal and honestly, it’s more about your own fears coming to life than his.      “Jagi, come back to bed,” Taehyung’s voice is faint from the bedroom, low and groggy from sleep. “I miss you.”      Flipping off the light switch in the bathroom, you tiptoe into the bedroom and settle into the cool sheets beside Taehyung. Taehyung’s head is already perched on his hand, his body angled towards yours as he rests on his side. “Duty calls?”      “You know it. Like sixty times a night,” you answer with a dry laugh while digging through the top drawer of your nightstand for a pair of fuzzy socks.      “It’s your fault for drinking orange juice like the world’s gonna end tomorrow.”      “Shh, you know I can’t help it.”      “Maybe the baby’s gotta pee, too.” He places the palm of his large hand on the side of your stomach, leaning forward to press his lips on your neck. You tilt your head up, allowing him easier access. Breathing in the scent of your natural aroma, Taehyung lightly drags the tip of his nose over your skin. “Why do you always smell so damn good, hmm?”      “Mr. Kim, it is two—“ you pause to take a glance at the clock on your nightstand before continuing, “—thirty. Two-thirty in the morning. Are you seriously trying to seduce me right now?”      “Of course I am, Mrs. Kim,” he hums, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear with his index finger. “I’ve been trying to seduce you for weeks—months—but I think my charms have worn off.”      “What are you talking about?”      “I mean you’ve barely even kissed me since baby Peaches joined us. Did I do something wrong?”      His playful expression shifts, revealing the concern lingering in his heart. His brown irises dart back and forth between your shoulder and face as he tries to gauge your reaction. Even in the dark of the night, the tiny moles decorating his face stand out like a stream of stars connected as a constellation. You long to kiss each one, eager for a taste of the stardust that comes with Taehyung’s pure soul.      His question echoes in your head. ‘Did I do something wrong?’      Of course not. It isn’t him—it’s you, truly. You’ve allowed your own insecurities to intrude on your relationship and now he’s suffering the brunt of it. He’s perfect. Not literally perfect but close enough to have snatched your stubborn heart in a matter of days when you first met. If you haven’t treated him that way lately, now’s the time to show him.      “Come here, you,” you whisper, closing your eyes and allowing your lips to lead the way to Taehyung. His plump lips greet you gladly, molding against yours with subtle yet hungry determination. His tongue glides over your bottom lips and nudges into your mouth with a light tug. His lips are comforting. Home. And you’ve been gone for too long. You pull back, fiddling with the collar of his shirt before teasing at the warm skin of his chest with your fingertips. “I’m sorry.”      “For what?” A haze of desire still glazes over his eyes but his hand halts its ministrations over your thigh. “For what, jagi?”      “I haven’t been myself. Hell, I don’t know who I’ve been lately but I promise, it has nothing to do with you, Tae. I’m sorry for being so confusing, I just feel so overwhelmed with my job and the baby coming soon and my body, I can’t seem to figure—“      “Your body? Jagi, where is all this coming from?” he interrupts, worry occupying his handsome features. You hike the sheet over both of your bodies, hoping to cushion the intensity of your previous statements. You know better, though. Taehyung won’t let a comment like that slide without investigating and although you’re supportive of his logical side that solves problems through discussion, you’re still so ashamed for having these feelings in the first place. Talking about them will only make them more real.      “It’s nothing,” you sigh. “Really.”      “Talk to me.”      “I just don’t look like myself so I don’t feel like myself.”      “But this is you,” he speaks softly, choosing his words carefully. “It’s another side of you, sure, but it’s still you and it’s not a bad thing because change is good. Change is growth.”      “I know.” Your response is quiet as you begin to get lost in your own thoughts. “I’m just afraid. You know how I feel about change, it scares the shit out of me. Every day I get closer to having this baby and every day we get closer to our lives changing forever. I… I want things to go right.”      “I’m scared too, you know,” he murmurs. “But everything’s going to be great and it’s been great so far. The same way you took a chance on me, we’re taking this chance together. We’re gonna raise this baby and guide them through this crazy life together and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather do that with than you. I love you, jagi, you’re not alone and you never will be.”      The pressure of his lips against yours is featherlight, devoid of sexual lust but oozing pure love and affection. His words are so soft and sweet, warming you up from the inside. Taehyung sighs as your sleepy face floods with relief. Sometimes, all you want is someone to hold you and tell you that everything’s going to be okay and Taehyung understands that more than anyone.      “I love you,” you breathe. Taehyung’s hand rests over your hip as you sit up and fluff your pillow, desperate to feel his strong arms around you. You nestle against his chest, curling to mold against his body. His hand falls neatly in the valley below your breasts and above your stomach but his fingertips begin to draw tiny patterns over the bare skin of your chest, where the loose collar of your t-shirt hangs over.      He peppers tiny kisses on your shoulder blades, allowing his hand to sink underneath the fabric of your shirt and roam across the expanse of your chest. He’s tempted to tweak your round, perky nipples that stand tall against the incoming breeze, however, he proceeds to cup as much of your swollen, milk-engorged breast in his hand as he can. A tiny moan flies from your lips as he squeezes, following the speed of your shallow, eager breaths. Milk begins to soak through the fabric, creating two very obvious damp spots on your shirt. Once the surface of his fingers are soaked with the sweet liquid flowing from your breasts, he brings his hand to his nose and inhales before letting out a low groan.

     “This shirt’s gotta go,” he insists, gently lifting the hem with a light tug. You toss it to the side and sit up, keeping your legs spread to provide space for Taehyung.

     “Could you…” you begin, too shy to finish the rest of your request. It’s something you haven’t asked of him yet.

     “Say it. I want to hear you say it.” His locked gaze has already answered the question and his eyes reveal nothing but desperation to taste you. You can’t deny that this has secretly been one of your desires since you began lactating. The thought of Taehyung’s tongue as well as him greedily sucking your juices stirs up many, many feelings inside.      “Suck.”      Burning desire shoots straight to his cock but he manages to utter a quiet, “Say no more,” before lunging at your chest with a mischievous smile.      The feeling is light at first. Euphoric. He teases you with his tongue, poking at the center of the tender bud with delicate taps before fully latching on. Weaving your hands into his locks, you urge him forward with a few gentle pulls. He whimpers as the sugary liquid flows into his mouth, unprepared for the burst of flavor gracing his mouth. Your head falls back as goosebumps begin to cover your entire body. His mouth triggers a wave of heat and tingly sensations you haven’t felt in a while and suddenly, your core is seeking any form of friction against Taehyung.      “So sweet.” He pushes your panties to the side, groaning when his fingers are met with the arousal of your desire for him. “So wet for me, Jagi, what if I—“ he slips the tip of his index fingers into your clenching entrance, grinning as your breath hitches in your throat, “—Shit. I fucked a baby into you—how are you so tight, jagi?”      “Put them in, Tae,” you beg. “Stop teasing me, I’m gonna lose it—“ Without warning, he thrusts two fingers inside until your heat sucks them up with one push. You bite your bottom lip as he pulls out, only to go back in with three fingers. You squirm with the pressure but welcome each twist of his digits as you find yourself grinding against his hand. Each of his thrusts increases the pleasure reaching your limbs and just when you think you’re close enough to reach the moment, he pulls out and slathers his tongue over his hand before stripping himself of his pants.      “God, you’re gonna kill me. Sit on my cock.” Sweat glistens over his forehead, reflecting the pale streetlights guarding the roads outside. He lays down beside you, smiling as you straddle him, clutching onto your round stomach to balance your weight.      “Baby Peaches was kicking before,” you admit breathlessly, settling yourself over his legs. Over time, you finally grew to love the strange nickname Taehyung used for your baby.      “Wait, what?” he asked seriously, squinting in disbelief. “Why didn’t you tell me? C’mon, jagi, I miss it every damn time.”      You smile and wipe the dampness off his forehead. “There are more important things at hand.” His hard, long cock lays flat over his pelvis, red and twitching with the desire to be touched. Rubbing yourself over his length, you grind forward and backward, creating a rhythm that prepares you for when he’s inside. His panting grows more sporadic, stomach clenching with the urge to plunge into your sopping wet heat each time you get close to the head of his length.      Rather than riding him the way you used to, you lean your weight backward, grabbing onto his thighs for extra support. Your extended stomach rises and falls with your own desperate breaths before you finally sink onto the bulbous head of his slick cock. Although he took the time to warm you up beforehand, the burning stretch of his cock against your soft inside still manages to catch you off guard every time. As you slide in and out, every ridge, vein, and crevice of his length presses against your hot walls, coating his hard cock in your nectar.      “Harder, Tae.”      “Not too hard,” he warns. “Remember what the doctor—“      “I’m not gonna break, Tae, come on! I’m so close to cumming.”      “Alright, jagi,” he decides, willing to go only a smidge deeper. He refuses to risk it when it comes to baby Peaches. He shifts gears, thrusting up into you as you lower yourself onto him. He hits that soft, spongy spot deep inside you and just when you think that’s enough, his thumb pokes at your clit, rolling in smooth spirals until heat pools in your pelvis.      “Oh, god, keep going.”      Taehyung’s moaning too now, his peak approaching with each of your clenches around his dick. The squelching sounds of his skin slapping against yours echo across your bedroom, mixed in with the melody of your deep breaths blended into one. He thrusts into you until he easily slides in and out, picking up the pace as your whimpering increases.      “Touch my clit again,” you ask, too focused on chasing your high to open your eyes. Taehyung stares at you and joy floods through his bones. Your long brown locks, red cheeks, and large breasts bounce with each lift and fall. He loves seeing you crumble with pleasure. He rubs the pad of his finger against your swollen bud until your entrance clenches uncontrollably around him, milking him of all the come he can hold.      “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he sputters, watching as your wet cunt swallows his dick and releases it, only to pull it back in again.      “Cum on my stomach,” you groan, too dizzy to look at anything but Taehyung in his cloud of physical ecstasy.      “Wh-What?”      “Do it.” He gets on his knees and strokes the last bit of himself on your stomach, painting the round surface in messy strings of white. You lay back, accepting the fuzzy warmth flowing through your blood and brain. It’s hazy and you know Taehyung’s feeling the same thing but he kisses you, relieved to feel your touch on his skin once again.      A small smile makes its way to your face. “I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before.”      “Don’t apologize. I want you to know that you can always talk to me about anything, jagi—anything. It’s okay if you’re confused or angry or upset. You don’t have to feel one hundred percent all the time—no one does, you know?”      “Except baby Peaches. Always kicking all the freaking time.” He groans and smacks his forehead with the palm of his hand. “Don’t remind me because I always fucking miss it!”

[mirohed]

kim seunghun | love me, love me not

pairing: kim seunghun + gender neutral reader

wc: 3.7k

genre: hanahaki au + angst 

synopsis: daffodils represent unrequited love. is that why you keep coughing them up?

warnings: implications of suggestive content, descriptions of illness (and mention of surgery), mention of alcohol

playlist: love me, love me not.

a/n: happy birthday to me!! im glad i finally got to finish and post this (its,,, been in my wips since at least february LMAO) !! they prob wont read this but i wanted to thank my irls for dealing w me and my kpop bullshit (esp bc none of them stan ygtb 😔)

It's getting worse.

Your knuckles turn white, gripping the porcelain of the toilet. Tears and blood alike fall into the bowl, disturbing the gentle peace of the water. You pound at your chest, the action causing you to hack up yellow daffodil petals stained suspicious red. It's a monotonous process at this point. Pound. Cough. Pound. Cough. Repeat until the damned coughing stops.

It takes ten minutes before you return to normal. Or at least as normal as you can get. You got lucky this time.

You watch the petals spiral downward into the gaping hole in the toilet and get flushed away.

Being with Seunghun wasn't always accompanied by a tightness in your chest and petals tickling your throat.

june 19, 2005; 2:52 PM.

"I wanna grow up," you had grumbled, your hands squeezed around the chains of the swingset. You and Seunghun had been riding your bikes for the first time since getting the training wheels off. You had sped down a hill ("First one down’s a rotten egg!") and lost control, falling off and scraping your knee on the pavement. He rushed you to your parents' house, supporting your weight with an arm around your waist. The two of you had settled for playing on the swingset in your backyard instead.

"Me too," he said. "I think." He'd been rocking forward and backward on the swing, eyes focused on the blades of grass underfoot.

"You think?"

"I don't know." You stayed silent, trying to gain as much height as possible with your uninjured leg. "I don't wanna grow up and stop being friends." That got you to stop right in your tracks, your leg planted on the ground.

"What?" You sent an incredulous look his way. "Why would we stop being friends?"

He had let go of the swing, his hands finding his lap. "Some of the older kids stopped being friends when they grew up," he mumbled. "I don't wanna stop being friends, but neither did they..."

You got off the swing, limping over to him and wrapping Seunghun in the biggest hug your six-year-old arms could muster.

"We're gonna be best friends forever. Don't forget that."

"Best friends forever." If he wrapped his arms tighter around you then, you didn’t pick up on it.

[09:54 PM] huniebee🐝: i had fun today :^))

[09:54 PM] huniebee🐝: i wanna adopt a puppy!!

[09:55 PM] huniebee🐝: will you promise to help me take care of it

You brighten as the messages come in, your phone's vibrations distracting you from the way your throat clogs.

[09:56 PM] you: ofc

[09:56 PM] you: well be the best puppy parents the worlds ever seen

[09:57 PM] huniebee🐝: wait i need to send the pics from the pet shelter

[Attachment: 8 images]

You save each picture, cooing over the puppies you got to meet. This time, you only get a precious few minutes of relative clarity before things get too distracting to ignore. You return to the bathroom with a resigned sigh that devolves into a fit of coughs.

You cough and retch and cough some more. By the time you're done, there are less petals and more blood in the toilet bowl. Your chest still feels full of something you can't quite spit out.

Then you hack up something new: a bloody stem with wet flowers still attached.

There's nothing left to do but cry, your whole body wracked with pain both physical and emotional.

august 29, 2011; 3:15 PM.

"Today was fun," you said, making yourself right at home on Seunghun's bed. Your new backpack hadn't lasted more than a couple minutes in his house before getting neglected on his carpet. Your best friend hummed in acknowledgement, already sitting at his desk with his workbook out. "I'm glad we got to meet some new people," you continued, "but that Hyunsuk guy? Seems like a major pain in the ass."

"Give him a chance."

"I know, I know. I will. But still," you huffed, “it was his first day too. No need to act like a know-it-all."

"I know. But it's the first day. Maybe he'll even himself out with time."

The conversation ended there, and you spent some time staring at his ceiling fan, the blades going round and round in a big, beautiful blur. Before long, you had grown bored, looking over at him only to see his pencil flying across the paper.

"Hey. Let's go to the mall and get pretzels." Seunghun spun around to face you, a foot stopping his chair from going too far.

"Sure," he gave a placid smile. "Do your work first."

You groaned as loudly as you could, sounding much like a petulant child straight out of elementary school. (Which was more or less the truth, but you thought you were better than that.) After a few minutes of uninterrupted whining and failing to get Seunghun to break, you spoke up. "Why do I need to do my work? You're Mr. Hardworking, Mr. Teacher's Pet."

"We're in middle school now," he had said, and you remember thinking you were in for a long lecture, "and pretty soon, we're gonna have to go to high school and take entrance exams and decide which university we want to go to and..." He averted his gaze, put down his pen. "We need to start growing up."

"We're still young," you reasoned, sitting up and letting your legs dangle off the side of his bed. "If anything, this is our time to experience things and, you know, make mistakes before we become adults!"

He was silent for a few long, agonizing moments, long enough to make you think you'd won. The pretzels were within reach; all you had to do was ask for them.

"I call a compromise."

Shit. Compromises were common in your friendship. Seunghun was always a little too good at stopping you from making stupid decisions. The worst part was that you could never argue with them. "We go to the mall to get pretzels—my treat—if, and only if, you do your work. We don't go until we're both finished. Deal?"

You opened your mouth, determined to pick the proposal apart, but his reasoning was (unpleasant, yet) bulletproof. Instead, you reached for your backpack with a heavy sigh. "First of all, fuck you. Second of all," you said, tugging your own workbook out, "you're impossible."

"I know. Do your work."

"Fine."

The math problems had been difficult, definitely harder than you were used to, but doable. If anything, the greasy mall pretzels that were way too salty to be healthy made it all worth it.

Seunghun gets understandably very worried when you text him from the hospital, but he comes to see you nonetheless. In his arms is a bouquet of daffodils.

"They symbolize friendship," he says, setting it down on the table next to you. You stare at the pristine yellow petals and flatten your lips in a tight smile. How ironic, you think, that he doesn't know they also symbolize unrequited love.

"The doctors wouldn't tell me why you're here. Classified information, they said." That much is true; nor much is known about the disease outside of shitty romance movies with unrealistically happy endings. Seunghun always believed in them. You never did.

You don't think your story's gonna have a happy ending.

You didn't want him to know anyway, lest he worry. (And you don't want to think about what would happen to your friendship if he found out he was the cause of it all.) "You don't have to tell me," he begins, sitting himself down on one of those rigid hospital chairs, "I just wanna know if it's bad. Like, well...you know.” He lowers his voice to a whisper. “Terminal."

"Like if I'm gonna die?"

"Yeah," he rubs the nape of his neck, a bit abashed, "more or less."

"I don't know. Sure hope not," you chuckle. That brings on a coughing fit, and Seunghun looks on, brows knit together. He moves close to offer what little comfort he can, but you hold your hand up to stop him; having him near will only make things worse.

Petals threaten to spill out of your mouth, and panic bubbles in your chest when he asks if you're okay. Your doctor, bless her, chooses that moment to enter. She shooes him out "to speak to you in private." Seunghun, to his credit, obliges and flashes you a smile and a thumbs-up as he goes. You try to mirror his expression (and hope your smile isn't more of a grimace).

The door closes behind him with a soft click. "Friend of yours?" the doctor asks.

You spit the blood-stained petals into your hand, your doctor graciously looking the other way as you toss them into the trash. "You could say that."

october 4, 2013; 5:11 PM.

You tugged at your clothing, feeling more than a little uncomfortable as you waited for your best friend to show up. The DJ, a former student, was already hard at work inside the gym. You heard the bass-boosted beginning of the Cupid Shuffle and shot a frantic text to Seunghun.

[05:11 PM] you: holy shit theyre playing the cupid shuffle can you PLEASE hurry up

[05:12 PM] you: idc if this is our first homecoming you better get your ass over here

[05:12 PM] huniebee🐝: give me like two minutes!!

[05:12 PM] you: THE SONGS GONNA BE OVER IN 2 MIN

"Are you waiting for Seunghun?" Hyunsuk had asked, tie already loosened. You two had gotten close—not as close as you and Seunghun, of course—this year as a result of having classes together. You wondered why you ever hated him.

"Yeah. He won't be too late, thank God, but I'm pissed we're missing the Cupid Shuffle. What about you? I remember you bragging all week about 'flexing your dance skills in front of the ladies.' Or are you all talk, as usual?"

"You know, it's almost like you don't want me to wait with you."

You had laughed, knocking your shoulder into his. The chatter kept up for a minute or two before he made his leave. ("Well, it's time for me to flex my dance muscles in front of the seniors," he chuckled, giving you a salute as he walked off.)

"I'm here! God, I can't believe I missed the Cupid Shuffle," Seunghun said, head hung low. You began to feel a little self-conscious; you were feeling out of place in your semi-formal outfit, yet he looked right at home in his dress shirt.

Chasing those thoughts away, you grinned. "You're here now, aren't you? Come on." You took his hand and dragged him into the gym.

You don't talk to Seunghun or to Hyunsuk after that. You're not sure if you should tell Hyunsuk about the whole situation when he texts you. Seunghun must have told him something was up, of course, and he's insightful enough, sensitive enough (when he wants to be), but you worry. You're afraid he'll open his big mouth. Instead, you send a few messages to your best friend.

[04:29 AM] you: hey

[04:29 AM] you: i just wanted to say in advance that im sorry

[04:29 AM] you: im so so sorry for everything ive done and for what im about to do

There's one last message in the text box, daring you to send it. "I'm sorry I love you," you whisper instead, deleting the message before you do something you’ll regret. To seal the deal, you tap through a few menus until you reach his contact. The picture you've assigned to him is one you took; he's about to take a big bite of cotton candy bigger than his head.

With a heavy heart (though you hope it’s just the weight of the daffodils in your chest), you block his contact. It's better this way. It has to be.

Your doctor said you could get rid of the thick, thorned vines with a vicegrip around your heart and lungs, could pluck the flowers that threaten to spill out at the mere thought of your best friend.

The biggest side effect of it all, she told you, was that you'd forget all about Kim Seunghun. So you steel yourself.

The last thing you think about before they insert the thin needle of anesthesia in your veins is Seunghun's smile, and how you'll never see it in person again.

And how even if you did, you wouldn't remember it as the grin from the boy you love.

october 4, 2013; 9:16 PM.

The frenetic strobe lighting in the gym slowed to a stop, having been replaced with a spotlight making lazy rounds through the gym.

You knew that marked the beginning of a slow song, and dragged Seunghun off the floor in search of some punch. He seemed to have different plans, tugging you back on the floor and pulling you flush against him.

"Where are you going?" he had asked. "You're the one who wanted to dance the night away." His hands found your waist, yours instinctively folding behind his neck. You had wanted to say something about how that claim was void now; he was the one that made you miss the Cupid Shuffle, but the words get extinguished when you look at him.

It was just like that time you practiced in fifth grade, but you swore there was something different about tonight and the way you swayed. You thought back to your practice session in fifth grade, how you had stepped on each other's feet, how you spent the whole time laughing. (For the record, it wasn't for any lack of balance; you started it, laughing as he cried out before he stomped on your toe.)

There was no laughing during the song. Everything was vibrant and deafening and there all at once. But at the same time, it was like everything had been stripped away. Everything but you and Seunghun.

Things changed after that. You were left with a dizzying, free-fall sort of feeling that picked up with each glance at your best friend. Almost every butterfly in the world was taking current residency in your stomach, making you feel light as your body moved to the music. Before long, there was something lodged at the back of your throat, nudging its way forward.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick," you said, a particularly heavy cough bringing the mysterious lump to your mouth.

Running your tongue along the smooth texture of the lump (okay, so not phlegm), you spat the offending object into the sink: a single yellow petal, coated in saliva.

You blinked.

Blinked again.

"Oh, what the fuck," you muttered, unlocking your phone. One quick Google search later—why the fuck am i coughing up flowers—you found an answer.

Flora mortem. You were loath to believe WebMD, of all things, but you found yourself tapping the link regardless. There was another term for the rare disease: Hanahaki.

Revising your search query was a mistake. The first result was the "hanahaki" tag on Tumblr, which showed nothing but models with tears in their eyes and bloodied flowers in their mouths. Yikes.

You made your way back to the party after that, but lingering in the back of your mind was the cause of the disease: a severe case of unrequited love.

There is only one definite cure for Hanahaki Disease: having the object of the afflicted's affections return their feelings.

You almost manage to purge the petal and the stupid WebMD page from your mind for the rest of the night.

Almost.

You wake up hours later. It's a little disorienting, sure, to come to with little memory of what landed you in the hospital. You peek under the oversized hospital gown to see bandages over your chest, get tempted to rip the IV drip from your arm. The doctor comes in right before you make a move on the needle. She tells you all about how the flowers in your lungs are gone for good.

"You're saved. But the final test," she says, pulling a phone from her pocket, "is this. Do you recognize the people in this picture?"

You recognize yourself next to a boy you don't know. His hand's around your waist, pulling you close. You wear matching grins. Given the way you're both dressed, you suspect the picture's from your freshman year's homecoming dance. Weird. Memory's kinda fuzzy from that night.

"Yeah. Myself. I don't know the other guy. Am I supposed to?"

"No. You're not. Congratulations," she smiles, placing a hand on your shoulder. "You're cured."

You look through all the old messages and pictures when you have some time to yourself. You reach out for the memory, the feeling of knowing Kim Seunghun. You get nothing, and while your brain knows something's wrong, you're more concerned about being able to breathe easy.

You move to a new city, far, far away from the place you grew up in. You finish your last year of high school, get a job, start college. You make new memories with new people. You forget all about Kim Seunghun.

It gets easy to forget that you weren't born with the ugly faded red scars that run up and down your chest. It's your only remaining tie to the man you loved so much you almost let yourself wither away. You think it's a good thing you cut him off; why stick around, why force yourself to suffer, for someone who doesn't love you back? Why be with someone if it physically hurts to stay by their side?

But sometimes you wonder. What happened? What happened to him after his best friend walked out of his life for good with no explanation?

Those days are never good. You distract yourself then, often with the familiar kick of alcohol burning in the back of your throat. You've never been much of a drinker, but you figure it's never too late to start.

Sometimes, the distraction comes from being in the arms of another.

(One of your favorite distractions, a young man named Byounggon, had run his fingers along the angry lines one night, jotting them down in his map of your body.

"Do you regret it?" he asked then, eyes half-lidded with drowsiness. You cupped his cheek, ran a thumb along the planes of his face.

"I wouldn't be here if I regretted it, now would I?" He let the corners of his mouth turn up just so, pressing his lips to yours.

You don't talk to him much nowadays, your interactions reduced to likes on Instagram, views on Snapchat. He's moved to a bigger city. "More opportunities," he said. You keep up with his dream of being a musician, always. There was a time when you were his number one supporter, after all.)

"Will that be all?" the cashier asks, jotting your order on the plastic cup. When you nod, he asks for your name. He jots that down too.

But then his eyes widen and he looks at you with renewed interest. "I'm sorry?"

"Is there a problem?" you asks, peering at your name (spelled correctly) on the cup. His eyes search for an answer within yours, some sort of explanation you can't seem to give. He averts his gaze, shakes his head, places your cup in the queue of orders.

"I'm sorry," he says. "Just thought you were someone I knew. Have a nice day." You parrot the phrase, catching a glimpse of the young man's name tag.

Seunghun, it reads in cheerful yellow. There's a doodle of a puppy in the top right corner. You think it's rather cute.

Two weeks later, you meet Seunghun again. This time, you're out for a morning jog. The crisp autumn air greets you as your feet meet the pavement and let out a satisfactory crunch under the burnt orange leaves on the sidewalk.

You both get stopped at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to change. While you catch your breath, you don't miss the way he flinches, as though he didn't expect you to show up. He schools his expression into something friendly within no time, and you wonder if you imagined the whole thing.

"The weather's nice, isn't it?"

"It is," you pant. "On your way to work?" He raises a hand to tug at the strap of his backpack with a small smile.

"Yeah. You should come by, give us business," he grins. "On mornings like this, I recommend the hazelnut latte." You hum in agreement, not yet recovered enough to converse. "Tell you what, you come and get one when I'm working, I'll make sure it's on the house."

"Really? Maybe I'll swing by." The light changes, and you leave Seunghun behind, waving goodbye as you do.

You come in later that day, ordering a hazelnut latte as promised. Seunghun's manning the register, same as two weeks ago, and when he takes everything down, he smiles. You miss it as you pay, but there's something extra on your cup.

As you take a sip of the (delicious; his coworker Yedam must be some sort of brewing prodigy) latte, you catch a glimpse of the extra writing.

Along the side of the cup is his phone number.

[10:58 PM] seunghun!: more than anything i want to adopt a puppy

[10:59 PM] seunghun!: or rather another one

[10:59 PM] seunghun!: i named this one after an old friend

[Attachment: 1 image]

The picture of Seunghun and his dog brings a smile to your face. You've been spending more time with him recently, whether it be going on coffee runs ("Are you sure you're not just using me for my employee discount?") or complaining about life as a broke college student ("My card got declined trying to buy a bag of chips last night...").

It's nice. Spending time with him is...nice.

It's more than a simple distraction, somebody to hold close on nights your decisions try to haunt you. It’s friendship, something to hold onto when you lose your way in the dense forest of your mind and to cherish when you manage to make it to a clearing and bask in the sunshine.

You've caught a cold recently (probably from that bastard Seo Changbin in your communications class). Seunghun's given you some homemade tea, swearing on its usefulness. It certainly tastes good, the sweet honey chased by tangy lemon. Unfortunately, the tea isn't able to stop the persistent cough you've been plagued with.

Feeling phlegm start to come up, you turn the bathroom lights on, hacking it up and spitting into the sink.

Huh. That's weird.

There's no phlegm.

The only thing in the sink is a single golden petal, coated in saliva.

[my-proof-is-you]

Chasing Your Demons - Ch. 14

Summary: You thought you had left Dean Winchester behind you. After what he did, who could blame you?

But, when Dean is in trouble, his brother and your childhood best friend calls for help. You’re mad, but that doesn’t change that you care about them.

Soon you find yourself helping the younger Winchester and getting closer to him again. Dean has changed, but you want to help bring him back to who he was. If it works, though, what will the future hold for you and the brothers?

*I do not own and gifs or pics

Masterlist

Sam

Sam woke in the pantry off the kitchen. It was dark, and he knew that Dean had locked him in. He rubbed his head where he was hit, groaning slightly.

Y/N.

Sam knew he had to try to get to you before Dean killed you. He reached for the door handle and found that it was locked, just as he expected. He stepped back as far as he could, trying to kick the door in.

After a few tries, the door burst open, the lock broken. Sam ran down the hall, searching each room as he went for you or Dean. He got to the store room, finding the door closed and locked.

“Dean! Open the door, now!” He yelled as he pounded on the door.

“Uh-uh, Sammy. I’m busy. Come back later please,” Dean’s muffled voice came from behind the door.

“Y/N! Y/N, are you okay?” Sam yelled.

“Oh, she’s a little busy right now, Sam. But I can assure you she’s just fine,” Dean responded.

Frustrated, Sam began pacing, unsure what to do. The door to the store room was solid steel, so kicking in the door was not an option. Sam could hear sounds coming from the other side of the door, and he knew you were running out of time.

Out of options, Sam turned, ready to get explosives and blow the door open. Before he had a chance to go, though, he heard a rustling of wings.

“Sam,” Castiel greeted him.

“Cas, thank God! You have to open the door. Dean’s in there, and he’s got Y/N!”

���Step aside,” Cas said, walking up to the door. He placed a hand on it, concentrating his power there. Sam didn’t know how Cas got his grace back, but in that moment he didn’t care.

A few seconds later, the door was blown to pieces, and Cas stepped through the smoke. Sam followed, blade at the ready. Dean turned at the sound, but before he could do anything, Cas had his arms around him, restraining him. Dean let out a few inhuman roars while Cas told him it was over.

With Dean taken care of, Sam rushed forward to the chair you were tied to. You were beaten and bloody, your eyes struggling to stay open. Nearly every inch of your skin was covered in cuts and developing bruises. Your leg was oozing blood out of a fairly deep stab wound.

“Y/N, Y/N, sweetheart, look at me,” Sam said, holding your face.

Your eyelids fluttered a little before landing on Sam. “I knew you’d come,” you said in a weak voice.

“Shh, shh. You’re going to be okay.” Sam untied you from the chair and took you to your room, laying you on the bed. “As soon as Cas gets Dean under control, he’ll heal you, I promise.”

You smiled just slightly before your head lolled to the side as you lost consciousness. Sam grabbed onto your hand, waiting for Cas to come.

She’s going to be okay. She has to be.

You

You slowly opened your eyes, feeling the soreness of your body. It was nothing like the pain you had before you passed out, but more of a dull ache all over. You saw that you were in your bed, alone.

You lifted the covers to examine your body. There were no signs of the wounds Dean had inflicted. You figured Cas had somehow healed you, which you knew could leave you with the soreness you were feeling. You were especially sore where Dean had stabbed your thigh.

You laid back again, letting out a sigh. You knew you should probably get up and find out what happened—actually, what day it was even—but you weren’t sure you even wanted to know.

Thankfully, the decision was made for you when Sam opened the door to your room.

“Y/N, thank God, you’re awake. How do you feel?” He asked, sitting next to you on the bed and stroking your head.

“Mmm, just a little sore. But I’m alive,” you said, smiling at him. He gave you a small smile back. “So…what happened?”

Sam sighed. “Well, Cas was able to get some more stolen grace. That’s how he healed you. He got Dean restrained, and we finished the cure.”

“You finished the cure? So Dean is—“

“Human, yes,” Sam said with a small smile. You weren’t sure how to feel about that. You were glad that Dean was no longer an evil son-of-a-bitch, but at the same time, this meant you would have to face him—the real him—again.

“That’s...that’s great, Sammy. I’m so proud of you,” you said, reaching up to hug him.

When you laid back, Sam ran his hands through his hair. "Listen, I know that this will be weird for both of you. Dean is willing to give you as much space as you need, okay? I don’t want you to worry about anything.”

You nodded. “Okay. I—I’m gonna go take a shower, okay?” Sam searched your face, trying to understand how you were feeling.

“Okay,” he said, leaning down and giving you a kiss. “I’ll make you some food.”

You nodded and carefully got up from the bed, stretching out your sore muscles. You went into the bathroom and turned on the water nearly as hot as it could go. You stepped under the hot spray and stood there, trying to make sense of the thoughts rushing around your head.

Dean is human. He’s back. Will he be sorry for what he did? He had no problem cheating on me, so why would he have a problem with beating me up? Both left me pretty hurt.

You chastised yourself for thinking like that. Of course he’d be sorry. Regardless of your past, he was never abusive before he was a demon. You sighed and started washing your hair. You could only stall for so long before you had to see Dean, and you knew it.

Forevers:

@malfoysqueen14

@divadinag

@lynne1993

@awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce

@infj-slytherclaw

@onethirstyunicorn

@sammykb1994

Deanies:

@tftumblin

@deans-baby-momma

@akshi8278

@weepingwillowphoenix

@playingdeep17

This Fic:

@icequeen6666

@my-soul-is-the-moon

@teenwaywardasgardian

@lilulo-12

@heyyy-hey-babyyy

[shastelly]

Klance Positivity Week - Modern Day/ Historical

So this is for May 27, not sure if I’m going to do the whole week, I’m behind on some other stuff, but wanted to at least get this one out.  

Total self indulgent fluffy silliness :)

Modern College AU

 "Lance, I don't know about this." Keith grumbled picking at the outfit he was being forced to wear.

 "Keith, it's fun, have fun."  Lance huffed. He had personally picked the costumes and he thought they both looked damn fine.

 "I'm sorry, I just, I feel weird."  Keith frowned picking at the red, brown, and black patterned coat think he was wearing.  The weird little wooden toggle button things on the front were just funny looking. The black pants were pretty plain, and he had flat out refused to even consider tights, much to Lance's dismay. The only thing he really liked about the outfit was the black belt with a special sheath for his dagger and a place to hand the scabbard for his sword and, of course, the two blades themselves were the only things he really like about the outfit.  The black boots were relatively okay, they went up his calf and were soft leather pull on types.  

 "Well, you look hot."  Lance huffed annoyed that his boyfriend was not appreciating his effort, and in all his pouting glory was still completely adorable.

 Keith huffed out a breath, he knew he was being a bit of a brat, after all he had agreed to this.  Lance had been begging him to take him to the Renaissance Festival since Pidge and Hunk had decided they were going.  He had agreed when he'd seen how much Lance wanted it.  He really did like to make him happy.

 "Hunk's wearing a kilt, you know.  I was trying to pick something you'd like and would look nice on you."  Lance twirled the fringe on the edge of the cropped jacket he was wearing.  It moved around and tickled him when he danced.  His broad legged pants gathered at the knee and he lost count on the number of scarves and belts he'd strapped around the waist, with whatever bit and bobbles he could find to spice up his gypsy costume.  He had a scarf tied around his head and a fake hoop in his ear and a few bangles and rings to add more flare.  The outfit was completed with brown leather sandals that had laces that wrapped around his legs to his knees.  He looked sexy and he knew it.  He wasn't sure why his boyfriend was failing to notice.

 "Pidge is an archer.  Her outfit isn't so…stiff."  Keith picked at the jacket again.

 "Keith. You know what, you're going.  You promised.  I'm sorry if you don't like the outfit.  Next year, pick your own."  Lance huffed and crossed his arms.  Shiro would be there to pick them up in the van any minute.  Keith had come over to his place to get dressed.  Allura was with Shiro and they would pick Pidge and Hunk up first because they were at Pidge's dorm.  "Besides, you think your outfit is stiff, you should see what Allura convinced Shiro to wear."

 "What?"  Keith suddenly forgetting his pout for teasing his mentor.

 "Well, you know Allura broke up with Lotor last week, anyway, so she begged Shiro to be the matched set for her costume."  Lance smirked.  "Let's just say Shiro is not too chicken to wear the tights and his jacket makes yours look like a comfy hoodie."

 "This I have to see."  Keith smiled and finally let go of his nerves enough to appreciate the costume Lance was wearing.  His skin looked great against the fabric colors and Keith's fingers twitched with a sudden desire to wrap his hands around Lance's bare midriff.

 "Hmph. Well at least you're smiling now." Lance put his arms down and pulled Keith to the door.  "They should be here any minute, come on."

 Keith took a deep breath.  It took a whole lot of love for Lance for him to leave the safety of the room in costume, but he managed it.  Cringing and waiting for laughter he made his way down the hall, down the stairs and through the lobby.

 "Hey, Keith!  Lance!" Ryan Kincaid waved from the lounge area in the lobby.  "Looking good!  You going to the Renn fest?"

 "Yeah."  Lance smiled brightly and waved back.

 "I went last weekend.  It was a blast.  The turkey legs were awesome, and I loved the archery area.  If you do well at some of the games, you can be a squire or get knighted by the queen."

 "Really?" Lance's eyes lit up.  "I am so doing that.  Or we are, right Keith?"

 "Um…sure?" Keith shrugged.

 "Don't worry Keith, it's fun."  Inna called from the other side of Ryan.  "The pirate show was very entertaining, lots of acrobatic action."  

 "I liked the Mud Show.  Seriously, though, do not sit in the front row."  James spoke up with a grave look on his face.  The rest of his group burst into laughter.  

 "I have never seen Griff look quite that upset."  Nadia laughed.  "He was covered in mud."

 "So worth it."  Inna grinned.

 "Traitor."  James huffed. "Keith, I don't care what they tell you.  Don't sit in the front row.  Don't sit in the front six rows, avoid the splash zone."

 Keith looked slightly horrified, but Lance just laughed.  

 "I am not letting him fall for that, not when I put so much work into this costume."  Lance almost giggled, "Though it would have been funny."

 Keith glared at him and Lance and the other four laughed a little more.

 "Anyway, have fun.  We'll have to compare notes after class tomorrow?"  Ryan asked.  He and Lance shared a geometry class and were study buddies.

 "You bet.  We got to get going.  Shiro has the team van to haul us in."  Lance waved and they headed out the door.  Shiro was the assistant swim coach and frequently asked permission to use the van to haul students around.  Lance and Keith were both on the swim team, while Pidge was on the dive team, and Hunk was a student coach and lifeguard.  

 Pidge was a crazy high diver and it amazed Keith how many times she could flip between the platform and the water.  She was also completely fearless.  She was currently a double major in Software Engineering and Physics.  She'd started university two years early and was a certified genius.  

 Lance was the best swimmer on the team and swam breaststroke, butterfly, a couple relays, and long-distance freestyle.  He was majoring in education with an emphasis in literature and art and had told Shiro he wanted to be a swim coach someday.  

 Hunk was a student coach.  Lance joked if they didn't go to school inland, Hunk would be the star of the surfing team.  He told them repeatedly Hunk was a crazy strong swimmer, just not fast.  He'd watched Hunk surf enough and even had his own butt hauled out of the water when he'd taken a bad fall off a surfboard. Hunk was an engineering major, but he was also a lifeguard and was training as a paramedic.

 Keith was also a good swimmer and did a lot of the short distance freestyle, relays, and the only one he could beat Lance in - backstroke.  At first, they'd really clashed, but after Shiro forced them on the same relay team, things had really turned around and they went from enemies, to a great team, to boyfriends.  Keith was majoring in psychology and sociology.  He wasn't sure what he wanted to be when he finished, just that he wanted to help people.  Lance had gushed and said it was sweet when he told them.

 Shiro and Allura were graduate students.  Shiro was a physical therapy major.  Allura was a law student.  Their classes didn't really overlap, but they were both very active on campus and currently the co-leaders for the campus Habitat for Humanity group.

  When the blue and red van pulled up, Pidge slide open the side door and they climbed in.  Lance was practically preening at the compliments the others made to their costumes.  He in turn complimented Shiro and Allura on their noble costumes and how authentic they looked.  He also complimented Pidge on her costume, letting her know he particularly liked the caplet and hoped she might let him borrow it.  Hunk's costume deserved to be raved about due to the leather armor pieces and the pattern in the kilt, though Lance gave the most compliments on Hunk's legs making Hunk sputter in embarrassed pleasure.

 Keith spent the entire time sitting behind Shiro poking at the ruffled collar and laughing.

 **pics of the costumes at the end of the fic :)**

 They arrived at the festival before it opened.  Pidge had gotten their tickets online, so they didn't have to wait in the line or anything.  There were players from the faire moving through the crowd doing gag routines and talking up the crowd.  It was a fun atmosphere and Keith felt himself relaxing.  There were a lot of people in costume, almost half of the crowd. Lance told him several other would be in costume after they went in because there were places to rent costumes.

 Keith even found himself laughing at a couple of swordsmen up on fake castle wall. They were clashing blades and laughing and making jokes.  Keith thought it looked like fun.  Lance had whispered into his ear that he was not allowed to climb the wall.  He'd blushed.

 They had gone to show after show.  There was singing and sword fighting and acrobats.  He'd remembered not to sit in the front rows of the Mud Show and was able to laugh at the mud-splattered attendees that had sat in the splash zone.

 They'd done some shopping.  Lance bought some weird handmade creams and candles.  Hunk got a new mortar and pestle that he was going to use for herbs for his cooking.  Keith bought a new dagger, which surprised no one.  Pidge got a kit to make a mini trebuchet.  She planned to use it to scale up for a large one.  Allura bought a flower crown.  Shiro had picked up a wax seal set.  

 They'd eaten turkey legs.  Pidge had looked particularly ridiculous tearing into hers.  Shiro and Allura drank mead.  Hunk had gotten steak on a stake.  Lance and Keith split a bread bowl stew.  Pidge found some kind of deep-fried cookie dough.

 "What now?"  Keith looked around.  He hated to admit it, but he was having a great time.  He'd been especially enthralled when Lance had joined the belly dancers on the stage and managed to pull off several of the moves they had showed him.

 "Now on to the tests of skill!"  Lance yelled and pointed to the section of the faire with most of the games.  "Remember what Ryan said?  We need to become knights!"

 "What kind of tests?"  Keith frowned, remembering the conversation, "I'm not good at archery."

 "Well, there are knife, axe, and spear throwing," Lance looked back with a grin and a wink, certain Keith would be happy with some of those choices.

 "I can throw an axe?"  Keith's eyes widened.  

 "Yep."  Lance popped the "p".

 "Well, let's go!"  Keith grabbed Lance's hand and pulled him along toward the games.  The rest laughed and followed along.  

 Surprising no one Keith was awesome at the knife throwing.  He was okay with the axe; Pidge beat him at that one and Allura tied her. Lance put so many bullseyes into the archery area that he'd gathered a crowd watching him.  Hunk and Shiro both aced the spear throwing.  

 They all earned high enough marks to be knighted by the queen.  They talked to some people and made arrangements to be knighted after the evenings final jousting event.  They all sat together during the joust cheering on the knight for their section.  Allura was up on the bench yelling for the knight during the sword portion.  Lance jumped up and joined her and Keith felt like crawling under the bench, but he noticed that no one around them seemed to mind and were just looking on with smiles.  He slowly relaxed and allowed himself to enjoy their antics.  

 After the joust they were called out with a few others to approach the Queen and her court. She stepped down onto the bottom step of her raised viewing area.  She held a sword and carefully knighted each person as they approached.

 Allura was first and the Queen gave her a tight nod and a smile for her prowess with the axe.  Pidge was next and earned a round of laughter from the crowd when it was announced that she too had shown prowess with the axe.  She glared and aimed her bow at the audience and the Queen asked that the brave warrior not injure the ignorant crowd of peasants.  Pidge lowered the bow with a smile and strutted off to Allura's side. Hunk and Shiro were also honored for the spear throwing.  Keith received a special award for high marks in two categories.  The Queen declared him one of her guard and gave him a rose and a medallion.  Lance was last and the Queen made a point to say he was the first gypsy she had ever declared a knight, but to welcome him into her service.  Lance smiled and bowed deeply before spinning and twirling in a dance over to the others using some of the moves, he'd learned from the belly dancers. The crowd loved it and there was thunderous applause for the new knights.

 Lance slipped his arm around Keith's and snuggled into his shoulder, his face warm from the sun, but he was shivering a little in the evening breeze.  Keith smiled wrapping his arm around him and pulling him closer.  They all walked out to the van a little sleepy in a dazed happy kind of way. Lance said something from under Keith's arm, but he couldn't quite make it out.

 "What?" He murmured into Lance's hair.

 "Did you have fun?"  Lance looked up at him, so worried and hopeful that Keith's heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest.  

 "I did, you were right, Lance."  Keith smiled and was rewarded with the brightest beaming smile Lance had to offer.  He couldn't help but lean forward and press his lips to that smile.

 Lance laughed happily into the kiss.  Pidge made barfing sounds.

 "I think you mean Sir Lance, don't you Sir Keith?" Lance ignored Pidge's sounds and just snuggled in as close as possible.  

 "That must be what I meant."  Keith laughed.  "I think what I meant was no matter if you're a knight or a student or an old man, I'm going to love you no matter when."

 "Aw!" Lance wrapped his arms around Keith's neck.

 "That was very sweet Keith."  Allura patted his back and smiled as she walked by and got into the van.

 "You are so gross."  Pidge stuck her tongue out and climbed in.

 Hunk walked by with tears in his eyes and gave Keith two thumbs up.

 Shiro just smiled quiet like and nodded to him.

 They climbed into the van, Lance barely loosening his hold on him.  He curled into his side and was asleep before they were out of the parking lot.  Keith rested his head on Lance's and found his own eyes drifting closed.  It had been a very good day.

 For a visual idea on Keith's costume:

 From <https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=PHJGFRWx&id=6B806DC18E93F94C684B93FEADD4C1A346A9334D&thid=OIP.PHJGFRWxGEuk9mrwRxP-HQAAAA&mediaurl=http%3a%2f%2fimgs.inkfrog.com%2fpix%2fgdalsf%2fRoyal_Court_Doublet.jpg&exph=600&expw=378&q=Renaissance+Faire+Costumes+Men&simid=608009201531359138&selectedIndex=7&mode=overlay>

  For an idea on Lance's costume:

 From <https://i.pinimg.com/originals/32/7b/27/327b27ea213a54b5226cce02ec4449d7.jpg>

 Visual Aid for Hunk:

 From <https://i.pinimg.com/originals/c6/e9/98/c6e9986404368183e7ca2883cd9fb35c.jpg>

  Visual Aid for Pidge:

 From <https://i.pinimg.com/736x/5d/d1/3f/5dd13f742963d767cac4a7bc31fdf736--viking-warrior-warrior-women.jpg>

  Visual Aid for Shiro and Allura:

 From <https://i.pinimg.com/736x/b8/25/ed/b825edbf9f723ca45349eef860b1a302--renaissance-clothing-renaissance-fashion.jpg>

[yuzusorbet]

My Sendai Holiday (April 2018) - Part 2:  Ice Rink Sendai

Part 1 was about Yuzuru’s Olympic Victory Parade, the main purpose of my trip. The other purpose was to just enjoy being in Yuzu’s hometown.  After I became his fan (since 2014 Sochi Olympics), Sendai is a place that I often saw in photos and videos and read about (and translated about), and so I have been wanting to visit for the longest time.  The 2018 victory parade made it the perfect time to go.  Yuzu said during one press conference, “By all means, please come to Sendai and spend some money.”   And so I did!  :D 

(It’s another one of my VERY long posts, haha.  I want to remember all my emotions and all the wonderful things that I experienced.) 

--------------------------

My first afternoon in Sendai, I had no plans but my heart was yearning to go to Yuzu’s home rink.  I knew I would be going there the next day with a friend Ella, but I realised I couldn’t wait!  This is the rink where Yuzu grew up, the rink that he loves, the rink that he donates all his royalties from his 2 autobiographies to (‘Aoi Hono’ 1 & 2).   It was recently renovated (in the 2nd half of 2017) with ideas/suggestions from him and Shizuka Arakawa.   So I found myself going to the tourist information centre in Sendai Station to get directions to Ice Rink Sendai.  (The tourist info centre is awesome!  Photo above.  There is staff who speak very good English.  I did not need to use my Japanese at all.)

There are 2 ways to get to the rink and I chose the 50-minute bus ride.  I wanted to relax on the bus and see the neighbourhood and eat my ‘zunda mochi’ and ‘zunda pudding’ (Sendai specialty, sweet deserts made from edamame, bought from a shop in the station)  (Yuzu ate zunda mochi in ‘Weekend Sendai’ photo shoot).  It was a delicious and scenic ride.  

Photo above: Nanakita River and Yurtec Stadium, home to J.League club Vegalta Sendai (and also to Vegatta-kun, the eagle mascot that loves Yuzu very much xD).  Being in the Nanakita area means the rink is near!

After alighting at the right stop (I checked with the bus driver to be sure), I looked around wondering where the rink was.... then I saw this ‘Fun-te’ sign;  Ice Rink Sendai’s name and logo is there too! 

Turning right at the sign, soon I saw a familiar building.

I am here!!!  The rink that I’ve seen in videos and photos, and read so much about!  There was a banner hanging down one side: “Congratulations, Hanyu Yuzuru senshu, gold medal”.

After entering through the glass doors, I saw this beautiful sight.......

Along the left wall was a Yuzu-in-kimono standee and LOTS of messages on the wall.  They were support messages to Yuzu written before PyeongChang Olympics.  Many of them were written on specially made oval-shaped paper with the words “PyeongChang 2018 Olympics; Ganbare!! Hanyu-senshu!!” at the top of the paper.  The photo below is a close-up of 2 such messages.  

These two were written by members of Pandalion, the Sendai group that composed cheer songs for Yuzu for both Olympics.  One message says ‘Forever supporting you!!’ and the other says ‘You are a phoenix!!’ (the kanji is literally: You are the bird that never dies!)   I was so touched reading the messages.  They were all written during the long silent period when Yuzu was recovering from injury.  The people here kept on believing in him (and I’m so proud to say I did too).  

Next to all the support messages was a whiteboard with Yuzu’s messages from past years.  The first one has no date but I saw a photo of it a long time back.  It says: ‘Even though we are apart, our hearts are one!!  Everyone “forward”!!  I will also work harder and become strong!’  (my translation) And he signs off with a little mushroom drawing next to his name.  Reading it, I felt again how much he loves his hometown and how difficult it was for him to leave Sendai to train in Toronto.  (His desire to become a better skater was so strong, he knew sacrifices had to be made.)   The other 2 messages are from 2014 (thanking everyone for their support) and 2017 (congratulations on the 10th anniversary).  

Further down this left wall was the entrance to a little exhibition gallery with photos and memorabilia of Shizuka Arakawa and Yuzuru.  Photo-taking is not allowed in this part.  But here are 3 photos from news sources (thanks to ElenaC):  

The cutest thing was a pair of small, black skating boots with a name labeled on the blades, ‘はにゅう ゆづる’ (’Hanyu Yuzuru’ in hiragana)..... could be his earliest pair of skates!     

On the right side near the entrance is the ticket machine and the reception counter.   You buy a 200-yen ticket if you want to enter the rink area to look around and watch people skate.  If you want to rent a pair of skates and do some actual skating, you buy the 1700-yen ticket.    

Straight ahead were glass panels and a set of glass doors that lead to the ice rink.  There is a sign on the door saying photography is not allowed inside.  The young lady at the reception counter explained that it is for protecting the privacy of the children skating there.

It was quiet and peaceful on this day of my 1st visit.   In the reception/exhibition area, there were only 3 or 4 people slowly looking at the messages, photos and exhibits.  After spending some time here, I bought a 200 yen ticket and entered the area where the rink is.  

There were many skaters in the rink.  The first things that caught my eyes were 2 big posters of Yuzu on the opposite side of the rink;  they were the ‘Aoi Hono’ posters (Book 1 and 2).... wow..... so beautiful......  I walked around and then I sat down on one of the viewing benches to watch the skating.  Most of the skaters were school children having skate lessons after school.  

After a while, a lady who looked familiar entered the rink and started to coach a group of children.  It was Nanami Abe-sensei!!!!  Aww....... I felt so happy to see her!  The coach who was with Yuzu in so many of his earlier videos, the coach who was in tears after his legendary R&J in Nice 2012, the great coach that I have read so much about...... my heart was just so moved to see her for real in person.  She was in a longish black down jacket, with short cropped hair and black-framed specs.  

Pic below:  there is a photo of her in the poster on the right, and a photo of her and other coaches of Ice Rink Sendai. The poster on the left shows the exhibition area before the renovation of the rink.  (These posters are in the outer area where the message board is.)

She was coaching a group of children who looked about 12 years old to early teens (about 5 girls and 1 boy).   I just sat there watching them, feeling very happy and contented. 

After some time, I suddenly I heard Nanami-sensei saying in Japanese, “Photos are not allowed.  Please do not take photos.”  I realised that 2 ladies sitting on a bench near me were using their handphones to take photos.  Oops..... maybe they forgot that it was not allowed in here.  Nanami-sensei then came out of the ice rink and was now walking towards our benches!  She went to the ladies and said politely but firmly, “Please delete the photos that you took.”  They were not Japanese but Nanami-sensei just repeated herself until they understood.  She stood there and watched them as they deleted the photos in their phones, and then she went back into the rink and continued with her class.  Wow..... that was so cool!!!  She is so cool!!!  I sat there watching her with a HUGE amount of respect and feeling even more in awe of her!  (And I couldn’t help feeling a little scared of her too, haha!) 

I stayed there watching the skaters until it was closing time (6pm).  Of course, I was tempted to skate as well.  But I know I can’t skate to save my life and the ice is so hard..... I was afraid of falling and breaking something and not being able to go for Yuzu’s victory parade!  I decided I would just have to come back here another day after the parade. :)) 

The next day was Saturday, ie. the day before the parade.  My friend Ella had arrived in Sendai and I came to the rink with her.  What a big difference today.... there was a long queue to go in!  (The rink would be closed on parade day itself.) Pic below:  I was waiting in line near the main entrance when I took this photo. The glass doors at the end lead to the ice rink.  The banner hung above the doors says “PyeongChang Olympics 2018 figure skating Japan representative, Hanyu Yuzuru senshu, gold medal congratulations”.   

Pic below: I was now inside and I took this photo from the opposite direction.

Because it was crowded, we didn’t stay long.  Ella had a good look at the whole place and we both knew we would come back again soon.   So we headed to a very nice Starbucks nearby and relaxed there with our frappuccinos.  

Next to it was a big bookshop with a poster of Yuzu’s book ‘Yume wo Ikiru’ prominently displayed outside.  Of course, we went in for a while. :) 

Lots of beautiful books inside. :) 

For the return journey in the afternoon, there were no buses that go to Sendai Station (they only run in the morning with a last bus at 1.35pm).  It’s a short bus ride or a 20-min walk to the nearest station ‘Izumi Chuo Station’ and then take the subway.  (Note: bus schedules may change according to month/season.)

Next day = Yuzu’s Parade Day = the hottest day ever recorded for April in Sendai.  After the parade, the next few days were grey and rainy.  I was so grateful thinking back to parade day...... thank God it was hot and sunny!  (link to my parade day post is at the bottom of this post)  With the parade over, it was safe to do some ice skating!   So one rainy day, I went back to Ice Rink Sendai.

My initial plan was to take a walk around the Nanakita area, have a look at Nanakita Elementary School (that Yuzu attended) and Nanakita Park (where Yuzu sat on a bench in ‘Weekend Sendai’ mag), and then head to the rink.  But it was not good weather for being outdoors.  I decided to go to the rink first; maybe the rain would stop later and I could go to the park and the school after skating.  

Pic below: on the way there by bus again.

In Ice Rink Sendai, the staff at the reception counter were the same ladies that I saw on the other 2 days, and one of them remembered me from my previous visits!  haha, that made me so happy! :D  

I handed them 2 postcards for Yuzu, one written on behalf of the FB International Fan Group and one from myself.  The staff said they would pass them to him. :)  Then one of them helped me with the purchase at the ticket machine;  I paid 300 yen for a pair of plain grey gloves (mascot Irene gloves were out of stock but it’s ok cos I do have a pair at home) and 1700 yen for skating and rental of skates.  I asked her “how many hours”, I thought it would be for 2 or 3 hours, but she said, “Until closing time.” Oh wow!  You mean I can skate here the whole day???  Glad the rain made me come here earlier than planned!

Then she asked me if I wanted a ‘point card’ even though I may not be able to use it -- you get a stamp for each session, and 5 stamps will give you one free session.   I had told her on my first visit that I don’t live in Japan and I came because of the parade, so she knew it would be hard for me to make use of it (card expires in one year).  It was so nice of her to offer me one.... I told her I would keep it as a souvenir.  How I wish I could skate here 5 times a year!  

I entered the area of the rink.  It was so quiet!  There were only 3 adults skating as most children were still in school; their lessons would start later in the afternoon.  For now, it felt like I had the whole rink to myself!   I went to the rental skates counter and the staff helped me to get the right size of skate boots.  

Then, one thing really, really surprised me.  The staff actually asked a coach to look after me for a while!  A female coach with a very kind and sweet face came to me as I was wearing my skates and said she would give me some guidance.  Wow..... what a kind gesture from them!!!  I was so touched!  Thank you, staff-san and sensei!!!

Pic below:  I am ready to skate!

Sensei showed me how to get onto the ice safely and how to move forward and how not to fall.  We went very slowly round the rink together as I practised what she showed me.   At first, I was very nervous and afraid of falling.... I know how painful it is!  Then I started to get more comfortable on the ice and more confident, thanks to her instructions.  And I love the ice!!!  It was very dry throughout and very nice to skate on.  I moved slowly around the rink, with Sensei patiently skating next to me.   

Sensei was so warm and friendly, and chatted to me as we skated. (Once again, I felt very thankful that my Japanese is good enough for a decent conversation.)  She said she loves skating and she has been teaching here for many years.   I told her that I have been a Yuzu-fan since Sochi Olympics and I had come to Sendai for the victory parade and I really wanted to visit his home rink.  So here I was!  She was very happy to hear that and thanked me for coming.  Then she told me that she was already coaching here when Yuzu was a little boy and he was so cute with his mushroom hair!  Oh WOW!!!!!  I am skating with someone who knew him as a kid!!!  I felt so privileged to have her company!  We started to talk about how great he is, not only as a skater, but as a person as well.  It was very obvious that Sensei is extremely proud of him. :)   She also told me some funny anecdotes.  She said that among the little kids that she teaches now, the boys say, “When I grow up, I want to be Hanyu-kun.”   And the girls say, “When I grow up, I want to marry Hanyu-kun.”  Hahaha....... SO CUTE!!!!!

As my ‘lesson’ progressed, children and teens started to arrive at the rink for their lessons.  As we continued to skate slowly round the rink, students would skate up to greet Sensei.  She responded to each one with a gentle nod and a smile. These were all her former students, she told me.  What lovely students, I thought.  So well-mannered and respectful...... just like a guy I know. Ci  

Then Sensei said it was time for her to get ready for her lesson with some children, so she would leave me to practice on my own.  I thanked her profusely for her kindness and she replied that she really enjoyed teaching me. :D  

Before she went off, she made sure I was ok.  Told me that if I feel cold, there is a ‘warm room’ where I can enter with my skates and sit for a while.  If I am hungry, there is a lounge where I can get food and have a rest, but no skates allowed there so I need to change back into my normal shoes for that room. She also said there are a lot of Yuzu’s books and magazines there so I should go and take a look!!!  haha.... Sensei really understands the heart of a fan!  Ice-resurfacing was going to start at 3pm;  no skating for 30 minutes, perfect time to head to the lounge!   

If you want to see the place, here is a link with 3 news videos:  twitter.  And this is an English news article with a few photos. 

The lounge is a very comfortable place with neat rows of tables and chairs.  And there are really a lot of Yuzu’s books and magazines there! Nicely displayed on a few low shelves that encircle a cosy sitting area further inside.

WOWWWW......................

I CAN STAY HERE ALL DAY........

There were vending machines selling drinks and hot food.  I got a box of ‘yaki onigiri’ (grilled rice balls which I love), selected a few mags and sat by the huge glass windows that look out towards the rink.  “Itadakimasu!”   

What a perfect meal.

Soon, the zamboni had done its job and the skaters were out on the ice again.  I found it so hard to leave the lounge..... I wanted to look through ALL the magazines first!  But the rink closes at 6pm..... there was not much time left to skate.  So after spending a bit more time on the mags, I tore myself away and went back outside to put on my skates.  

Now there were several coaches on the ice and different classes were going on. I waved to Sensei who was teaching a tiny little boy..... awww Yuzu must have been like that when he started.....  And then, I saw Nanami-sensei again!  She came into the rink and started to coach a group of older children.  I continued to skate slowly round and round the rink, trying my best NOT to stare and to concentrate on my own practice.  I admire her so much as a coach and choreographer that I couldn’t help feeling excited to be skating near her. xD 

The older children were practising jumps and spins.  There were also a few adults skating.  Everyone was so good and I must have stuck out like a sore thumb.  But surprisingly, I was not embarrassed nor self-conscious.  I think I must have been too overwhelmed with happiness to feel anything else. :D

Too soon, it was closing time.  I returned my skates and thanked the staff for their help and kindness.  I went outside and saw that it was still raining!!!  And I had totally forgotten about checking the weather and trying to go to Nanakita-koen, haha!   

I was putting up the hood of my parka when I heard someone call my name.  It was the coach who had taught me..... Sensei!   She asked me where I was going and I told her I was going to take the bus and then the subway to Yaotome Station.  ‘Rikyu’, a restaurant near there has very delicious grilled liver and beef tongue, and also Yuzu’s signature, haha.  And then, I got another HUGE surprise of the day.... she said she could send me there in her car!!!  I quickly declined her offer, gosh how could I trouble her!  But she assured me that the restaurant was on her way. She also said it was getting dark very quickly because of the rainy weather and she would worry about me trying to look for it in the dark.  And again insisted it was no trouble for her as she was going that way.  Awww...... Sensei, you’re too kind for words!!!  I asked her to join me for dinner but she said she had to run some errands, so she couldn’t.  We went to her car which was parked in the huge parking area outside Ice Rink Sendai and I had a very quick and comfortable journey to the restaurant.  Sensei, domo arigato gozaimashita!!!  

(Note of caution in case there are very young fans reading this: do NOT get into a car with someone you don’t know.)

(Photo above:  I took this photo of the restaurant after I waved goodbye to Sensei and I was waiting to cross the road.  There was a light drizzle.)

What a rainy day.... but oh how grateful I am for it!  It made me spend the whole afternoon at Yuzu’s home rink and I experienced the immense warmth and kindness of the people there!   Thank you, Ice Rink Sendai!  Thank you, Sensei!   

Part 1: victory parade day Part 3: coming up.... I will write about the rest of the trip, like going to places with Yuzu’s signature. :))   Update: Part 3 and Part 4

[Please do not use or re-post my stuff without my permission]

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

13x20 “Unfinished Business” Mirror Mirror on the Wall, May We Get a Doppelgänger Story After All? - A Dean Heavy “Review” of 13x20 “Unfinished Business”

As the title of this meta/spec already states this episode analysis for lack of a better word will focus on Dean most since him and his arc have always been what interested me most about SPN and lately kind of truly has become the only reason I still watch the show. I will however later on in this piece also talk about the other characters and bits of the episode that stood out to me. But forefront with this piece definitely definitely is Dean.

And to talk a bit more about him and his role within the latest episode I decided to go with the bit captured as the gifset above, because to me Dean’s drinking this episode served as a visual cue not just for the entirety of his mindset within the episode, but more general too and how it may contribute to what lies ahead for him.

We have seen Dean’s drinking become a bit more frequent again the past few episodes, but it has been quite a while if memory serves right that we have seen Dean drink from the flask as earlier in the episode.

In fact, I think the last time Dean had drunk from it on screen was at the beginning of the season during the “therapy session”. To me that actually nicely closes a cycle, because to me it seems that Dean’s depression and absolute readiness to lay his head to rest is at an all time high again after it had subsided slightly after Cas returned. Nothing drove Dean’s tiredness and his wish for things to just be “over soon” home like the ending scene.

If this episode cemented one thing for me, it is that Dean is tired, he is done and he knows that something is coming for him. And not just due to Billie’s ominous words. To me it seems Dean knows more than he lets on and that he has a plan, because to me the whole framing of Dean this episode especially called back to S5 when Dean was about to say yes to Michael. Now, I don’t suggest that that is happening now (could also be Dean’s wound from the AU indeed is causing more issues or he made some other deal or just knows he’ll sacrifice himself no matter what, because he is tired and yes, tired Dean seemed all episode, tired and done), but it certainly could fit with other parts of the episode that served as major Dean mirrors imo this episode.

One of the big Dean mirrors imo was Kevin Tran (btw I think this episode marked Osric’s best SPN performance to date - really he deserves some standing ovations for this). Because while Dean on the surface looks more “put together” and he hides it behind a mask and stance of “annoyance” and “gruffness”, to me the way we see Kevin here is actually how it looks within Dean as well. And Kevin’s entire speech about never having believed in anything until the end of the world happened and everyone around him started to die. And then God chosing him and he not even being able to fathom what that means and how he had hoped that Michael would save the world, but ended up doing the opposite. All of that to me aligns very well with Dean’s own story too. We know that Dean has always struggled with having faith or believing that “good things do happen” and just like Kevin him and his brother experienced that everyone around them dies. And then just in S11 God again chose Dean, told him the world would be save in his and his brother’s hands (even if he left), because Dean is the firewall between light and darkness and Dean too wondered “what the hell that would even mean”. So yeah, to me their struggles here line up perfectly and to me it might hint at Dean making a deal (maybe with Michael or with someone/something else) in which he would offer himself up (compare that also to Jack’s “What’s the point if I can’t keep them safe?”) for the safety of his loved ones and the world. And especially this piece of dialogue here where Kevin is framed as a christ figure with the cross in the back felt ominously close to how the season may end...

That even if the Winchesters may win some at the end, they may lose more [as a brief side note here: tbh I was so angry about Dabb having the audacity to now use this rework of what should have been Crowley’s last words and that were so important to Mark Sheppard and cut them in the end only to bring them back now in reversal, because really to me it shows a lot about what kind of people the people are that are currently running the show, I find it disgusting, but anywho...]

And even though I still don’t think Michael!Dean is truly what will end up being the case I have to admit if they wanted to with the Kevin parallel (And as captured above the amount of halo shots with Dean this episode, the above is just one of many would fit to that - the shot actually also reminded of this one

in 9x21 “King of the Damned” where Dean also “sidelined” Sam to keep him save. So while last episode didn’t give me any feelings on Dean being back to MoC!Dean ways, this decision of his felt ominous and foreboding - I personally think in the end Dean will either yield the archangel blade or the Lance of Michael or will die/be wounded by one of those) this episode to me they laid enough groundwork to assume that maybe Dean has already “made contact” with Michael and agreed to something and offering himself up. Because it may not be about dying as Kevin told Jack, but about breaking a person enough for them to give themselves up due to the guilt they may feel (”You don’t know the things I have done” is a line that Demon!Dean for example used just like Kevin) and the lack of options they see for themselves to go on. And while Kevin dies here not for the greater good, but because he is at the end of his rope, I could see something similar happen with Dean only that it would be more of an action for the greater good (and btw the toy soldier in the AU to me also called back perfectly not just to the one stuck in the ashtray of the Impala, but to Dean himself, who was always reffered to as “a good little soldier”, a “blunt instrument” - really the writing in this regard and how it diminishes Dean as a person, but treats him like an object goes a long way back and fits to the whole vessel theme).

So Kevin’s death here rather rings some alarm bells of how bad it is going to get in the last 3 episodes. [as another brief side note here, I felt it rather unnescessary of them to show Jack’s wings here, because well, we have already known he has them for a while, this just seemed a little “hello causal viewer just so you KNOW” and well, I dislike things of that kind so... Plus: Can’t also say I love that they now also turned Mary’s words to Dean into a new thing here with an angel now watching over Mary (more on her a bit later as well). Seriosuly, yawnnnn, I don’t need that. It isn’t sweet or touching but just ughhh to me, but then again I am just not a fan of Dabb’s showrunning, so...]   And the other Dean mirrors in the episode didn’t make that feeling go away at all, but rather strengthened that bad stuff lies ahead. Because to me the other huge Dean mirror was Gabriel/Loki.

I had talked about the aspect of doppelgängers and the two halves of each person a lot before during the MoC arc and especially in relation to Dean’s arc in comparison to Charlie and Dark!Charlie and it seems to me that entire thread the show revisited with Gabriel going after his “alter ego” Loki. We basically got another doppelgänger story here in which someone has to face a side of “himself” he may not like as Gabriel told Dean about in this moment.

and well, I personally have always headcanoned and hoped the show would go this route with Dean after the mark was removed, because to me Dean was left “in pieces” after that and still isn’t whole again (which is why I always liked the idea of story where Dean puts himself back together again in a similar fashion as Sam did in S6 as I talked about also in one the last asks I replied to). Now, what to me made the Gabriel/Loki thing a possible Dean mirror or rather piece of foreshadowing is (and yeah it might be a bit farfetched, but hey this is spec and it is mean to just throw ideas around) how one could argue Michael or Lucifer are “doppelgängers” of the Winchesters, because they serve as counterparts as vessels so to speak. Looking at Gabriel’s “witness protection”-stunt and the way he points at Dean here. Of course it is meant as “you are right”, but to me this episode just heavily suggested that maybe we’ll get some sort of Dean in “witness protection” as well of some sort. Because why the hell put so much time into exploring this whole deal with Gabriel so late in the season if not to use it in some fashion (okay, of course it could be they don’t do anything further with it lol it is Dabb after all, and so far it also seems the wound was the same thing - both would be a shame if not further used imo)?

So to me there exists potential in a possible doppelgänger!Dean arc at the end of the season, because, well... didn’t anybody else think Loki’s clothing seemed awfully fitting to those we saw from BTS pics of Jensen?

Just era wise... It’s very little to go on, but I could imagine some sort of scenario in which Dean does something really dangerous in order to save the world so that he would need such “protection” (Hell, who says that Dean didn’t strike a deal with the trickster if not Michael or some other powerful being?) and hence the Non!Dean pictures? Even the trickster’s entire conversation with Dean and how he granted Gabriel this protection (if walking away from his family to me would absolutely align and fit with Dean “preparing” Sam for him to not be around for much longer and maybe not due to death, but something else) would fit into Dean’s arc.

In this regard I also found Gabriel’s tale about how he met Loki rather interesting as to me it felt also a fitting parallel to Michael in the cage. Gabriel said he had stumbled upon Loki bound in a cave while hiking the fjords while a snake spewed venom into Loki’s eyes. If you ask me you could also read this as Michael trapped in the cage where he was driven insane by Lucifer (commonly depicted as also the snake). So what if Dean saved Michael from the cage somehow just like Gabriel saved Loki? What if he owed Dean one and they made a deal? In any case to me this whole set up of facing up against yourself or “someone who wears your face”, your alter ego, dark side, shadow self, however you want to call it, could also nicely lead into a Michael against Michael scenario with all of the text and subtext in this episode...

And last but not least in relation to Dean’s talk with the trickster, something that stood out to me again was the topic of “John Winchster”.

It’s not the first time he came up this season and I have always said that Dean would need another “good bye” to truly let his father’s ghost rest (though what are the chances for that to happen with Heaven going out of business - though I suppose they’ll use Jack to power up Heaven again - unless the allusions and revisit of Crowley’s words were meant to put Jack as new Ruler of Hell, which I doubt).

So... I said this before, but I truly think that by the end of this season we will get a JDM scene of some sort - even if it just lasts for 10 seconds. Maybe it’ll be tied to Dean dying/close to dying or being in the veil or tied to Mary possibly dying and seeing him again or just simply due to all ghosts/souls crashing to Earth with Heaven falling lol. Which brings me to the other bits and characters of the episode that I want to briefly write about, I’ll do that behind the cut. But I have to say it seems whatever will happen with Dean, I get the feeling it will be heavy - sad thing is they could have built all of it up better over the whole season - maybe then I actually would have liked at least some of it lol, but yeah... I hope against hope for good things for Dean!Girls. What are the odds though...

Anyway, on to the rest with a few cliffnotes on other parts of the episode I liked/disliked/that stood out to me:

First and foremost I need to briefly mention Mary here and her whole regret/pain/guilt thing. I mean, it’s nice to know she finally realized she made mistakes, but sadly the show ruined her character so much for me that these scenes here where she was all “motherly” just enraged me, because really after this here

I wanted to scream: You didn’t lose any boys, you fucking abandoned them for a whole season!!! So yeah, not a fan of the Mary scenes at all, they felt cheap to me.

Something else I also greatly disliked was the tone shift in the episode between the worlds. I get that they wanted to be a bit Tarantino with everything Gabriel, but really to me this stuff doesn’t work. Not anymore. It just feels like SPN is a parody of itself at those times. And it’s a shame because I actually really loved Richard Speight’s acting as Loki/Gabriel. His anger, etc. was spot on. Though really, him suffering for 8 years... Please, compare that to Dean and 40 years in Hell or Sam with almost 120 years in the cage. Suck it up, Gabriel! ;P

And last but not least for a shot I really liked lol, because, well, Sam and Dean are literally Gabriel’s wings uhm wingmen here. ;)

Other than that I liked the episode. But probably only because of the focus I read into it in regards to Dean which may not end up being anything at all lol. But yeah, Jensen’s acting/my worry about Dean surely carried me through this episode.

[kylermalloy]

S p i r a l

Coda to 14x07. Sam watches Jack struggle, while shoving more safety pins into his own heart to hold himself together. (AKA I couldn’t stand the show separating Sam and Jack any longer, and took matters into my own hands.)

Sam wandered through the bunker, feet dragging on the floor as though they weighed too much. His whole body felt leaden and hopeless, after the news they'd received.

He didn't think he had a destination in mind. Despair had numbed his thoughts into a wordless, endless shout of panic. He could've walked right into a wall, and he might not have even noticed.

But if he had taken even a second to consider, there was really only one place he could go.

Jack was back in his own room, right next to Sam's. He lay in bed, motionless except the slight rise and fall of his chest. His lips had paled to the color of chalk, except for a small splatter of blood near the corner of his mouth. Dark gray shadows circled underneath his eyes. And was Sam imagining it, or had Jack somehow lost weight in the mere hours since Rowena had pronounced him a dead man walking? He looked gaunter, the bones in his face more prominent. Like he was...withering away.

The chair next to Jack's bed was empty. Cas had left just after Rowena, saying something about finding that shaman, finding answers, saying he couldn't just sit around and do nothing.

Sam was pretty sure that was what Dean was doing—sitting somewhere nursing a drink. Doing nothing, because according to Rowena, there was nothing that could be done.

Sam settled into the chair by Jack's bedside. This close, he could hear the faint wheeze accompanying Jack's every breath, the effort cost by just a shallow inhale. His fingers, resting on top of his chest, twitched minutely.

Sam could feel his eyes welling up. He took a deep breath, blinking back the tears that he'd been fighting for days now.

He couldn't lose Jack. Not after everything. Not after he'd fought so hard for him, this unexpected kid who'd popped into their lives and bowled Sam over like a tidal wave. Aside from Dean, aside from Cas, he didn't think he could care for a person so much.

Seeing this boy suffer, knowing he was in pain with no way to help him, was almost more than Sam could handle. He could feel a tightening in his chest, a shoring up of some deep emotion he usually tried to keep buried.

Something inside Sam was breaking. And if he lost Jack now, he doubted it could ever be repaired.

His turmoiled thoughts forced him to gasp in a trembling breath. Loud, too loud. One hand jerked upward to cover his mouth, so to not disturb Jack's uneasy sleep. His index finger, nail already bitten down to a nub, found its way to a familiar place between his teeth. He'd been worrying a lot lately.

"Sam?"

The query was hushed, so quiet Sam almost missed it. Jack's voice was so rough and hoarse it was nearly unrecognizable.

"Oh," Sam breathed, attention snapping into place like a rubber band. Jack's eyes were barely open, fluttering exhaustedly. Sam's hands hovered up and down Jack's prone body, brushing over his face, his forehead, his hair. "Hey, buddy. How're you doing?"

"Okay," Jack croaked. "Still...still breathing." He heaved another rasping breath, prompting a weak cough to rattle in his chest.

Sam's own throat tightened up in response. His hands finally settled in place, one on the kid's thin shoulder, the other on top of his arm. Jack's hands were freezing, he noted. He quickly adjusted the blankets to warm them up.

"G—Jack. Do you...do you need anything? Some soup? Water?" He swallowed fiercely, thinking of how Jack had glommed onto his big brother ever since his diagnosis. "Do you want me to get Dean?"

Jack's brow knitted in confusion. He shook his head, a feeble motion. "No. Sam, I...I want you to stay." One spindly hand, tiny in comparison to Sam's, gripped his wrist underneath the blanket.

Something that had been tightly knotted in Sam's stomach loosened a little at those words, little blooms of warmth pulsing through his torso. He exhaled, feeling the sting in his eyes once again. "Okay. I'll stay."

Jack's lips pushed upward in a ghost of a smile. Even that little movement seemed to cost him a monumental effort. His lungs strained for air, each wheezing breath sounding like his last.

When the next coughing fit came, fiercer than the last, Sam scooted closer, placing his arm behind Jack's shoulders and helping him into a sitting position. A tiny spray of blood showered his blanket, already speckled with red. Sam could hear the fluids rattling in Jack's chest, threatening to choke him any time he breathed too deeply. Jack's face screwed up with the effort to breathe through the rattles.

He helped lay Jack back on his pillow with gentle, delicate movements. Like he was made of porcelain.

The question burned in Sam's mouth as he voiced it, already fearing the answer. "Are you...are you in a lot of pain, Jack?"

Jack's smooth brow wrinkled in contemplation. "It depends. It...breathing hurts more now than, uh...getting punched. But less than—than a knife in my chest."

An invisible fist squeezed around Sam's heart at the reminder that Jack, back when he'd still been powerful and invulnerable, had not only survived a knife—multiple knives—to the chest, but had felt every ounce of pain that a human would in his place.

"So, it's not the worst pain I've ever felt," Jack concluded. "I'm okay."

I'm okay. The kid was undoubtedly one of them—he was dying, and still categorized his pain as I've had worse.

"You're not okay," Sam murmured. He pressed his lips together to dispel the building lump in his throat.

This wasn't like anything else he'd been through with Jack. When he'd been trapped in the apocalypse world with Mary, Jack had been powerful. There had been nothing that Sam knew of that could hurt him. His worry had been focused on getting him back, getting him home.

And back in that church, with Lucifer looming over them both, Sam had known what to do. Protect Jack as much as possible from Lucifer. Draw the devil's attention away from his son. Offer Jack the knife, give him his life just for the chance to survive, to beat the devil.

But this...

Sam didn't know what to do. Jack was dy—

He flinched involuntarily. This wasn't Lucifer's sick dogfight, the devil watching hungrily as Jack pressed the blade deeper and deeper into his stomach—after saying to Sam 'I love you.' That nightmare had only lasted a few seconds, anyway, before Dean had come.

Sam was going to have to watch as Jack grew weaker and weaker, in pain so much pain, while he was helpless, powerless, to do anything.

"Sam." Jack's voice grew a little stronger. A little more resolved. "When I—" he paused to gasp in another breath—"When I'm gone, I don't...I don't want you to be sad. I don't want to hurt you...any more than I already have."

Sam's answering huff of laughter was half astonishment, half sob. He felt a disbelieving smile grow on his face. "Jack, you're not hurting us. And you're not going to...to..."

The words were stuck on his tongue. He couldn't force them through his quivering lips.

"Don't cry." Jack stared up at him, clearly devastated by the effect he was having on Sam. "Please don't cry."

Sam laughed again, lifting his eyes to scan the walls of Jack's room aimlessly. They were still bare, austere and blank, even though Jack had moved in over a year ago. At one time, he'd planned to help him decorate—Star Wars posters, Harry Potter, anything Jack wanted.

Of course they'd never gotten around to it, what with Dean's disappearance, then Jack catching the hunting bug, and now...

Too late, he felt the moisture slip down one cheek, then the other.

Under the blanket, Sam felt Jack's fingers curl around his own. His thumb stroked Sam's knuckle in a soothing pattern. "Sam? Hey."

Sam let out a weary chuckle. "Ha—sorry. I'm sorry, Jack. It's just...hard. Hard for me to think about not—not being able to save you." His last sentence came out half strangled, pinching in his throat, trying despairingly, desperately, to not saying it aloud. Saying it out loud...was one step closer to it becoming reality. He ran one hand down his face, swiping the tears away.

"Hey," Jack repeated. His gaze pleaded Sam's attention. His voice, still almost dizzyingly faint, sounded like an echo of Sam's own soft, comforting tone. "I told Dean—I've had a good life. I'm okay with...with all this."

Sam's mouth twitched miserably as he stared into his kid's dark-rimmed eyes. You might be. But I'm not.

"And, Sam?" Jack's half smile mirrored Sam's so perfectly that Sam almost shivered. "I'm glad I've had you in my life. Thank y—thank you."

His lips opened and closed soundlessly then, gulping for air like a fish out of water. His eyes squeezed shut.

"Jack?" Sam's voice raised in volume with his panic. "Jack, you still with me?"

Eyes still closed, Jack raised one hand in a vague thumbs-up. After a few seconds, Sam breathed a sigh of relief as he heard Jack's wheezing, shallow breaths once more.

Sam gently pushed Jack's hair back from his forehead—it was damp, somehow sweaty despite him being ice-cold—and let his hand linger there. He willed Jack to inhale, exhale, in, out, breathebreathebreathe please—

...

"Hey, Dean? Do we still have that oxygen tank? Y'know, from that time with the asphyxiation spell."

Dean barely lifted his head from the library table. "For Jack?"

"Yeah. He's...he's getting worse. Having trouble breathing."

Dean was silent for a moment before he replied. "S'in the sick bay."

Sam nodded his thanks, then headed to retrieve the precious treasure.

He wasn't going to lose Jack. Somehow, there had to be some way. Sam would save Jack—or die trying.

Inspired by this promo pic. AO3