#in that it takes me forever to go through cause i KNOW it will contradict all my hcs and built in

[midnightdemonhunter]

Have you read DR0, any chance? If not, you should, Junko's great in it!

I have not yet!! It's on my list of "Dr media I really should experience", up there with Dr IF. But thank you for the recommendation!

[mythalism]

Wait.. so when anon said we traded a few thousand deaths for millions in southern Thedas, are they suggesting that lifting the veil would only cause a few thousand deaths ?

IIRC from what Solas says In trespasser and later shown in the DAV artbook (showing what would happen if rook fails to stop Solas and Solas successfully removes the veil), then taking down the veil was supposed to lead to widespread death across all thedas at minimum OR just straight up kill everyone except the ancient elves.

If it comes down to numbers then losing southern Thedas is still less than what they would've lost if Solas lifted the veil.

However, I still think we should've seen the veil getting removed. If not as the true ending then at least as a game over / fail state in the game. It's been years building up to this moment so at least show us what would happen!

the games have been dodgy and inconsistent about exactly the level of casualty the falling of the veil would cause. based on what solas says in trespasser, i always interpreted "the death of your world" or whatever to be more metaphorical as in the death of the world as we know it, a complete change in reality, a permanent change in peoples way of life, a dissolution of current beliefs and systems, etc. maybe that was me giving both solas and bioware too much credit LMAO. i never really thought of it as "literally everyone is going to die because demons".

but veilguard really did lean into this interpretation (snore.... boring!) with what we see in the prologue. rook also does confront solas in one conversation and estimates the deaths at "hundreds? thousands?" and im pretty sure solas affirms that it would be in the thousands, but that the deaths would be on his conscience. i think they went this route to justify why it was going to stay up in the end, but imo its bad, lazy, and completely contradicts everything we learn in trespasser. literally the point of trespasser is to show us the horrible catastrophe that the veils existence caused in the first place.

solas's decision to bring down the veil and kill "thousands" as collateral damage from demons is not just being weighed against the collateral damage cause by the blight in the south and the evanuris's interference across thedas, he is weighing it against the mortality of every single elf that has ever lived and ever will live, the life of every spirit corrupted into a demon both in the past and forever (something we know he considers to be a fate worse than death, according to his memory of his battle where he sacrificed spirits) and the life of every single mage lost to demonic position, both now and forever. he is also not weighing it in terms of literal deaths, but general suffering. the veil is also responsible for the enslavement and poverty of all elves, on top of their mortality. its responsible for the existence of the mage circles, every single abuse that occurs within them, and every single mage tranquilized. its actually ridiculously unequal. solas literally invented death. of course a few thousand more lives are meaningless to him? what is a few thousand against the literal millions already on his head? trespasser makes this clear as we walk through the vir'dirthara and witness the final memories of the elves that were crushed under falling buildings throughout the empire. veilguard..... hopes we forget that part.

its truly the most cranked to the max, fantasy version of the trolley problem. i think the question pre-veilguard was intended to be analogous to anders decision to blow up the chantry to incite the mage rebellion. its not necessarily should you pull the lever and direct the trolley, or even if the ends justify the means. i think it was intended to be about whether or not he himself had the right to make that decision for the rest of the world, especially considering he is Pride manifested. its less about the cost-benefit analysis of mass casualties to create major societal change and more about an exploration of the things that drive people to the point of such radical action. why did anders feel he had no choice but to blow up the chantry? why did solas feel he had no choice but put up the veil? why does he feel he has no choice to tear it back down? what has driven him to be able to make such impossibly awful moral decisions with such callous ease? and the answer to both is that they were pushed to the limit by the evils their societies were committing. were they right to respond with further, indiscriminate violence? no, of course not. but its a story. we can sympathize with the way they were pushed to the edge and lost themselves in the process.

it comes back to the dehumanization of leadership theme that is all over inquisition and has foundations in veilguard that are never actually realized. solas literally tells rook they never had what it takes to make the sacrifices that leadership requires. and its kind of presented as a villain monologue but HES RIGHT? rook barely makes any difficult decisions in comparison to the inquisitor or solas, even the sacrifice of a single city is a drop in the bucket compared to what solas has done, and rook does it without question and with little remorse. a decision had to be made, and they made it. just like he did.

inquisition was all about how leadership or participation within a corrupt institution makes monsters of us all. leliana struggles with the callous killer she's become at divine justinia's behest (actually a wonderful parallel for solas x mythal now that i think about it), bull has to struggle to unlearn the teachings of the qun by choosing his friends over his duty to his people, cassandra grapples with the horrible truth of the seekers and vows to reform them, thom rainier confronts his literal war crime and accepts responsibility for not just killing a family, but for ordering others to carry it out and bloodying their hands in the process. the INQUISITOR is forced to SIT IN JUDGEMENT and possibly SENTENCE PEOPLE TO DEATH OR TORTURE FOR THEIR CRIMES. what gives them the right?????? divine approval from andraste???? what about when you find out thats all a lie and continue to proliferate the rumor anyway because its politically helpful???? what about in hushed whispers? when the inquisitor destroys an entire world to return to their own without a second thought? its wrong, bad, it should never have existed. you erase it from existence without a single thought towards all the lives that will cease to exist and not one of your companions bats an eyelash. what gave you the right to erase that world? what if the people living in it really liked it? you wouldn't know, you didnt ask anyone other than leliana. i truly am starting to believe that veilguard was designed to deliver on this and then had to pivot for whatever reason (EA perhaps, according to those tweets). the natural conclusion to this story would have been the veil coming down, but not by solas's decision alone, or by him at all. even if you are right, you cannot change the world alone, or the process will break you. you cannot make decisions that weigh the lives of millions without losing your humanity in the process. we saw it happen to anders. ghost-varric even has a line about this in veilguard where he says something about solas seeing his attachments as a weakness, when really they are a strength. the lesson solas needed to learn was not that the veil should actually stay up and he should move on, but that only gods made decisions like the fate of the world, and as he always says, he is not a god. there could have been a better way, if he trusted those around him. the regret demon in the callback actually says this nearly verbatim, which is part of the reason i think this was the original intention. i genuinely think the plan was that the veil would come down but by rook's hand and that the good endings would have involved using your faction connections to figure out how to take the veil down safely and build a new thedas, without the veil but also without the elvhen empire of old bc that shit sucked. it would have taken the entire world coming together to figure out the best way forward, and would have freed solas from the burden of leadership that was actively polluting his spirit into pride, while teaching him the value of teamwork, as cheesy as that sounds. this also is the fufillment of his role as a trickster god - he needs to catalyze ragnarok. i genuinely think this was the original intention because it is so obvious in his writing its insane LMFAO. but him not being the one to usher in that change would be another way to release him from the mantle of trickster god that he didnt want in the first place. the bad ending could have been that without faction and community support, you aren't able to find a peaceful way to bring it down and rook, in a moment of desperation, ends up sowing the same violence and destruction that solas did, the perfect mirror. the lesson should have been that such foundational change and dissolving our current structures is terrifying, but we can build a better world - together, not alone.

its crazy to me to think that legend of korra book 4 pulled this off with opening the spirit portals and dragon age failed to LMFAOOOO.

[ddoxhan]

my love is all mine

my baby here on earth showed me what my heart was worth so, when it comes to be my turn could you shine it down here for her?

word count : 4.4k words

genre : fantasy; alternating between fluff and angst that would make your heart clench; childhood best friend! aeri x pianist (but actually a time traveler)! reader; arriving at this dimension, you realized how much you still love her

t/w : mentions of death, apocalypse thingz

a/n : full version out weeeeee :D that was some roller coaster of realization and pain knowing that nothing lasts but one thing :') please do leave some feedback so I can improve when it comes to plot heavy fics and enjoy !

tic, tic, tic, tic.

'where am I?'

your surroundings were unfamiliar, as it should be. but with it, came a sense of comfort. whenever you warped through the portal, your head would hurt like the worst hangover for a while. but this time, it unusually hurt less. you were sitting by the piano, a music sheet of chopin, perhaps. you weren't the most well-versed around music.

you stood from the piano stool to slowly observe the things in the room in hopes of gathering more information about this person. undoubtedly, you looked like yourself but this body you possessed wasn't you. you were orphaned, barely survived the apocalypse of your own world, thrown into a dystopian organization served to stop further apocalypses in other worlds.

learning about the countless dimensions you had to travel to, surely, this one couldn't differ more than the rest. the person who lived as you in this world had everything you had ever wanted. loving and supportive parents, friends who were always there for her, a promising future career as an aspiring pianist. but as you gain the memories of this person, the depressing emotions were rather contradicting.

this person felt lonely amidst of everyone, she never felt understood. no one had ever saw through those smiles and laughs. not even this girl who looked like her best friend. then tears started to flow down your cheeks uncontrollably. it couldn't be. she couldn't be.

feeling a little dizzy, you took a seat on the piano stool as you dried your tears and tried to wrap your head around the current situation. of the many dimensions, why this one? you tried so hard to forget everything about her, drown down emotions that were unnecessary for your line of work. it had been forever since the last time you had thought of her. and this time, she wasn't going to just be a memory.

as the metronome lulled you into a daze, you were brought back out of it by the sudden swing open of the bedroom door.

"hey! we literally said to meet up at our usual place! what's taking you so long?"

"huh?"

a girl barged into your room and folded her arms against her chest, seemingly upset that you had stood her up. but you couldn't seem to remember when you had made that promise to her.

it was her. it had been so long, too long since you've seen her with your own eyes. you didn't know if it was a blessing or a curse that you had never encountered her in the past dimensions. but seeing her in front of you, it was getting really hard to not break down in tears.

the wave of guilt and sadness washed over you as you took in how beautiful she still looked, or rather this version of her looked exactly like the love of your life. the love of your life who you couldn't hold onto as her hand slipped from yours, forever gone as she disappeared into the smoke of debris.

you still needed time to gain the memories, so you made up an excuse, hoping she would buy it.

"sorry, it must've slipped my mind. you still up for it?"

you stood from your piano stool as you flashed her an apologetic smile. that made her sigh and roll her eyes, once again defeated by your puss-in-boots eyes cause really, there was never once she had been able to not waiver at the sight of them.

"you bet I am, now get your ass outta here and we have to hurry cause we're already late for the performances."

the look of confusion on your face makes the girl pause in her tracks, extremely confused and cautious of you because you didn't seem to be her best friend, in the sense that you didn't feel like her.

"performances. weren't you there when jaemin told us they'd be busking today?"

"right, yes. the boys' first big performance for that influencer's event."

that part of the memory registered just at the right timing. if you took any longer to respond like her best friend, she would have probably took the shovel in the backyard to whack you. the girl wasn't like your lover, way feistier and carefree. it served as a reminder that she wasn't, this girl was not the woman you had loved wholeheartedly and should not be.

"yes. now let's go."

the girl had to drag you out of your house because of how slow you seemed unusually.

"god, I was so close to knocking some sense into you."

"sorry, I've just been really out of it today."

your infamous cheeky smile never fails to have her shake her head in disbelief. in disbelief of how adorable you always looked with it.

"jaemin! we're here!"

aeri screams across the barricade as the said boy turned his head towards her direction, while you trudged behind her, ensuring that she wasn't falling over anything or anyone from excitement.

you learned her name when you two left your room as your dad shouted her name from downstairs. aeri, it was a pretty name and suited her really well. you couldn't help but draw similarities between the woman you knew and her. but they were also two very different people and that was something you shouldn’t forget.

"hey! I thought you two wouldn't make it before our cue. what happened?"

he had known you two for ages and it was unlikely of you to be late to something, especially when it involved close friends.

"this girl here had forgotten about this. unbelievable if you ask me."

"that's quite true. you good?"

aeri and jaemin truly cared for the person you are temporarily posing as. the gazes that you were receiving felt foreign, accountable to your lack of interaction with people. people who actually mattered to you. each and every time you had warped to another dimension, you would disappear to do what you must to prevent apocalypses regardless of what memories flowed through your consciousness.

it doesn’t take long to get everything in place and run the plans to break the sequence of events, given that you were one of the organization’s elite agents with a flawless portfolio. all that didn’t matter to you, life was already meaningless so why care much?

but the moment you had seen that very smile on her face in that photo frame, you wanted to stay in this dimension longer. even if it meant spending more time than you should in a single dimension.

"yeah, don't worry about me. I just had a splitting headache earlier today and I've just been out of it. I'm all good now though."

you regained your composure after some time and adjusted well with your new surroundings. the reaffirming clutch of your hand in aeri's was very comforting surprisingly, but you didn't understand why.

although she had bore similar physical traits with your lover, there was no reason to feel the warmth seeping through the clasp of your hands. and before your consciousness could give you an answer, your blood ran cold as the image of watching her slip through your fingers into nothing, bringing up the very emotions you were trying to suppress for years.

there was not a single day that you could sleep well as the endless nightmare of that event left you in a void of emptiness and desperation. the desperation of wanting to redeem yourself by saving other dimensions where different versions of her would live, regardless of whether different versions of you were there for her.

but absolutely none of that, would bring your lover back into your arms, safe and sound. smiling at you like those mundane days you had, which you would give anything to get them back.

"great. you two find your seats near the fronts, performers' privilege."

he proudly points towards two empty seats which were inevitably yours since the show had already started 20 minutes ago.

"wow, for once, na jaemin has done an amazing job."

"for once, stop roasting me. now shoo, I need to get my hair fixed."

the bickering between the two seemed so natural that you had kept quiet, not knowing if it was your place to interfere the conversation.

this was something you had always feared when you meddle with a dimension, the feeling of belonging. belonging somewhere that wasn't meant for you. would it hurt to feel? no. but it hurts knowing that whatever you did in this dimension, it wasn't you who did it. in the eyes of others, it was someone else. the deeds you do, the memories you share, the love you yearn.

once upon before the apocalypse, life was like this. concerts, outings, bonding, but it was also a time of weakness. your weakness of being powerless to protect the things precious to you, the people once dear to you. but when you've found the power to, you've lost beyond salvation, and there was nothing left to protect.

as you made your way to the seats, aeri couldn't hold back the urge to ask. because the way your eyes didn't carry that special shine her best friend naturally has, concerned her.

she could sense something different seeping from your usual aura. on certain days when you're not in the best condition, there would be times where she can tell that you aren't happy or upset about something and she'd find the right cure to your sour mood.

however, today felt odd. it was seemingly an aura that she hasn't seen from you. you weren't feeling good, but it felt as if you lost the fire in you. the fire you had bore in your soul for your passion. if it had been a bright red fire, it's like it turned into a calming blue one. somewhere in you, you've lost something, never able to ignite a bright red fire ever again.

aeri had convinced herself that perhaps you were tired from piano, burnt out and taking a break from it to regain that passion.

the previous act had just ended, and everyone were to take a five to check if everything was in order. the blaring speakers and annoying mc finally stopped ringing in your ears. instead, a soft voice tickled your right ear, sending shivers down your spine.

"baby, are you really okay? you don't seem to look well."

the girl had leaned in to whisper, and it almost short-circuited your brain with how proximity was out of the window instantly by that small gesture.

"yeah, I'm fine, what makes you say that?"

"you look.. different."

"and you feel different too."

it was as if she had known from the start, that you weren't her best friend she knew. yet, she was trying her best to make sense of her confusion. deep down, you knew that all of this was making no sense. absolutely no sense how you were sitting here with a person in the face of your lover, waiting for your friend's performance in the middle of the summer. all it took was a step out of the house and another step back to report to your superior of your work.

and here you were, reminiscing the memories you had. they were irreplaceable, and will never be. but no one can stop you from making new ones either. just this once, you say. just this once to hold her in my arms one last time.

as your arm grazed against hers, you were looking into her eyes for the first time since the evening started. never have you realized that she had such mesmerizing eyes, pulling you in like gravity.

when you had gazed into her eyes, she spotted a glimpse of admiration, the one that she was ever so familiar with. it put her at peace, reassured that you were alright that night.

your demeanor changed since that night, but she decided to brush it off, convincing herself that she was just overthinking again like she usually does. but maybe, she should have questioned further.

who were you?

you were a fever dream, but also a lifetime nightmare.

minutes turned into hours, and hours turned into days. the sense of time is only perceived in dimensions that were able to escape apocalypse. back at the headquarters, time was fluid, seemingly long at certain moments and short when you don't even notice. which was why you weren't too worried about residing longer in this dimension beside aeri.

"hey, what do you think about love?"

as she laid her head on your lap as you leaned against her bedframe, the question took you aback a little. this very question was presented to you ages ago by your lover, vaguely remembering the scene in your head. but you remembered your response to it, and it doesn't apply to you anymore. 'love is when I find myself staring at your eyes and get the butterflies each and every time.'

"love is like a thorn in a rose waiting to prick the chosen one."

"it's something so beautiful you can't help but to get close to, and once you admire and realize its worth, it pricks you. leaving you to bleed, it creates a kind of pain that numbs you, yet you reach for it again like none of that happened."

"it makes you yearn for it, and when you've had too many wounds, that's when you notice that you're hopeless."

you never forgot how it felt to love her, it was all too familiar when it felt so natural to fall for aeri, which you almost couldn't resist. the way her eyes curve into crescents as she smiles, the way her scent fill your senses when she leans on your shoulder, the way you feel the butterflies when you stare into her eyes.

it scared you.

this wasn't where you were to belong. yet, the feeling of loving her permeated through your entire being, unable to shake off as you willingly dive deeper into your emotions.

"girl, did someone hurt you?"

aeri laughed away, thinking that you were half-heartedly joking and sarcastically answering the question. her best friend wasn't the type to dwell in the topic of love and dating. she had better priorities in life, which was the piano that sat in her room across from aeri's.

the lack of your laughter made her frown instantly, cursing at herself for perhaps making a mistake.

"what's wrong? did someone really-"

"no no, nothing's wrong. I just thought of that when you asked me. it just felt like love is a rose, it can be beautiful and romantic to some, but also a painful past for others."

"well, you're not wrong. remember that guy from middle school? he was literally the biggest idiot in class and he had the balls to confess to you with a bunch of roses in front of the whole school."

"yeah, that was definitely not it."

you laughed along, but you couldn't. the story was too familiar, this was what happened to you ages ago. not this person you were posing as, but you. the details matched your experience, but only that the person receiving the confession being your lover.

it was too hard to just brush it off as a coincidence. many could be, but this was too specific. timelines matched but with only the people as a difference. the thought of this dimension being a parallel universe of yours brought shivers down your spine. what if it was? what if this dimension's apocalypse was inevitable, just like yours?

many what ifs were not going to stop the apocalypse. you were the only hope to save the world, but screw the world. all that crossed your mind as you caressed her hair was only one thing that mattered to you.

'I will keep you safe, even if it meant that I'd never be able to see you again.'

jaemin and jeno had agreed to go together to a frat party you were technically forced to go by some jock you bumped into in the hallway while you were on your way to meet aeri. the dude kept pestering that you blatantly spat in his face that you were going. he didn't mention that you couldn't have people tag along, so you had asked the boys if it was possible to stick around in case things get out of hand.

the girl though, she had the balls to say that she was worried about you. she was going to stick with you the entire time you were there in case some idiots decided to hit on you, she'd be able to swat them away. the audacity, you thought.

if anything, guys were clearly going to swarm over her instead, and you'd have to act as her bodyguard. given that you're a good three to four inches taller than her, that itself would be possible to scare a majority. nothing could get her off your arm as you walked into the house, reeking of alcohol and sweat already at nine. before you could even show your face to that jock and perhaps head to the quietest area which was probably the pool, you felt eyes on her. maybe this was a bad decision after all.

you didn't want to ruin the mood for the many people who were enjoying this, so all you could do was subside that indecipherable internal anger of yours and find that idiot so you could leave this instant. the dirty looks all over aeri made your insides churn and boil, no matter how much you tried to understand why, you never could.

you didn't love the girl, she was a different person from your lover, just bearing identical physical traits. it was something that you had been telling yourself ever since you arrived here two months ago. that was how long you’ve spent being here, than the usual one-week stay.

trying so hard to deny that you harboured feelings for aeri, your efforts were all in vain when all it takes is just a flash of her smile. even during this moment of her laughing along with jaemin and jeno, it reminds you too much of her. the smile you would see when she feeds the stray cat outside your office, the laughter you would hear when you tickle her during pillow fights.

why was it so hard to walk away and do what you were sent to do here initially? why did fail to resist the sweet temptation of being in love again? when you couldn’t even hold onto that hand of your lover? the hand in yours felt so warm, contradicting the chilly feeling that set into place ever since that day.

she started melting the glacier of ice, while you took a step back to freeze it again. because it’s wrong, so wrong.

"I see hyunjin there."

jeno's voice caught your attention along with the name. following his point of direction, you finally spot that jock chatting away in the kitchen corner with presumably his friends. definitely, you weren't going to let the girl tag along cause enough was enough, another guy and you were going to tear this place down.

"aeri, can you stay with jae for a bit? I'll go say hi then I'll be right back. jeno's gonna be here so don't worry."

although she was very reluctant to let you go alone, you showed her those shining eyes, praying it works again this time. thankfully, she gives you a nod and heads off with jaemin first.

as you made your way towards hyunjin, you were extremely disgusted at how his friends were eyeing you up and down, like you were nothing but just an item. him on the other hand, was a lot better surprisingly.

it reminded you a lot of your high school days. the times when your lover had numerous suitors waiting in line to be her one and only. but she had eyes for you. you were still oblivious of the heart eyes you got from her then. it took you years to realize before you dated. it was the exact definition of ‘she fell first, but you fell harder’. until now, it still pretty much applied.

"hey! you made it!"

"yeah, you were following me around for three days, asking me to come."

he laughed awkwardly, even a little shy. what was this boy's deal?

it was as if the tables have turned, you now dealing with these boys who were fawning over her. perhaps in this dimension, you were quite a popular one.

"I just wanted to get to know you more, so I thought of getting you to come and spend some time together."

as much as he seemed nice, you weren't interested, and unwilling to lead him on to thinking you were.

"sorry, I have a boyfriend. but we could still be friends."

a little lie wouldn’t hurt him, and jeno was conveniently standing on guard with his supposedly scary aura which you found amusing.

you extended your hand politely in hopes he wouldn't have a freak out and frantic screaming that his love interest had an alleged boyfriend.

"I see... well then, great to be your acquaintance. I hope you have enjoy your time here."

you started to notice that his friends weren't eyeing you eerily, but rather that it seemed that they were wary of your intentions with hyunjin. it was as if you were about to play with this boy's heart, and that's when you remembered that rumor of a varsity player being dumped by that good-for-nothing cheerleader.

in fact, you witnessed that cheerleader sucking off some other guy’s face in the stairways. you’ve never made such a fast u-turn in your life, which you probably should have when you were making that decision to join the organization. but have you not joined, you wouldn’t have had the chance to meet aeri. and maybe you would have been long dead.

who knows? you might have met your lover in the afterlife when the creatures found you, had it not for the organization.

if fate decided to play a game, you had no choice but to shoot your shot at it.

"thanks for the invite."

"jaemin, please tell me I'm not crazy. I swear that's not her."

"if that's not her, then who is she? come on, aeri. be real."

"I am being real. she keeps avoiding the hugs I give her, and when I get a little closer, she literally freezes up."

the girl ran her hands through her hair in frustration, not knowing what is the truth and what isn't anymore.

for the past two months, she sensed something different about you. were you drastically different? no. something was, and she just knew. but what? these were the questions that had occupied her head for the past week.

she noticed you avoiding her eyes, taking brief glances only, as if you were afraid. afraid of getting your feelings hurt. but why should you? you've been best friends with aeri for as long as you could remember. if anything, you two were inseparable according to reliable sources like jaemin and jeno.

the only thing was, the memories you gained from the owner of this body. it was torturing you more than you thought it should. the smile on her face through these eyes, the sweet laughter through these ears, the gentle touches through these fingertips. endless nights of witnessing aeri fall asleep before you did. just like those times you did when she was your lover.

"that's it? sis, I thought she'd turn into a werewolf or had poisonous potions in a secret room or something."

"and you're the one who's telling me to be real."

"and you're an idiot. sounds like she just likes you to me."

a thousand questions popped in her head. then those questions were given their respective answers as she put together the puzzle one by one. maybe, you liked her. maybe, you loved her.

but why? nothing had changed between you and her so why now? she admits that she had felt attracted to you at times, but she couldn't be sure that she had feelings for you. however she was uncertain, you hadn't been the most expressive these days and she wasn't a mind reader.

when she saw you emerging from the crowd with jeno, she knew that she needed answers before the night ended.

unfortunately no, aeri didn't get any answers because she didn't have a chance to ask. her frustration fueled the endless beer refills which ended her drunk on your back as you prepared her for bed.

and you were lucky that she hadn't gotten the chance to do so. for the past two months, every day you woke up to was a curse in disguise of a blessing. the realization that hit you every time that like a reminder at the back of your head, that aeri wasn't your lover. and every single thing you've done with her won't remain as time spent with you, but her best friend who's the best pianist to her.

all she remembers when she woke up the next day was nothing, with a hangover that was giving her the worse headache. and you remember everything too vividly.

that night, as you tucked her hair behind her ear, all you could do was hold back sobs as a tear managed to escape, trickling down your cheek.

you couldn't sit by and enjoy this newfound life any longer. the day this world ends was getting closer and you had a mission to prevent the apocalypse. you weren't waivered by the possibility of a punishment that would cost your life. you were terrified of witnessing another time of losing someone you loved, someone you love.

you love aeri, yes. but was it the remnants of the love you had for your lover? although that may have been the case, you couldn't deny that her and aeri shared countless similarities. it was wrong to keep drawing resemblances between the two. nevertheless, one thing was for sure.

this version of you in this dimension, had loved aeri for a long time.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"I love you so much."

"please forgive me."

"nothing in this world belongs to me. but this love, my love is all mine, forever for you."

[thepersonperson]

Seeing your latest post. Do you think there is a connection with JJK 0 ending theme? It's title is "Sakayume". It's by King Gnu too.

Believe it or not, someone else in 2022 was intrigued by the JJK 0 ending theme being called Sakayume. Quoting this poster directly:

"逆夢 sakayume Is a dream that contradicts reality. It’s unrealistic meaning that it can’t or won’t happen in real life."

This song is then compared to the anime's ED 2, Cö shu Nie's give it back.

"I feel this song is about 逆夢 sakayume in a sense. The song speaks about “giving back the dream” It’s called “Give it back” and it’s like “give me back the dream” “what happened to rest of the dream and why did I have to wake to reality”  basically it’s longing. It’s longing to go back to the dream and not a reality that contradicts that dream. So when I hear this ED I also think of the movie’s theme song for them which is Sakayume!"

Keep this in the back your mind. It only gets worse from here.

Yuji and Megumi's Character Songs

Recently, I got this in my replies from @mizzi14-blog.

(Here's a link to all the character songs with corresponding videos for listening.)

A translation for Megumi's character song Uchujin's Hakujitsumu (Daydream). From the last stanza:

This is not a song to just forget about the painful past This is a song that confronts the sadness The moon in the night sky waxes and wanes There are no stars in sight. But even in the darkness, tomorrow shines brightly And this is a song I share with you.

In summary, this song is about someone trying to confront their trauma but getting swept up in a daydream with their beloved.

A translation for Yuji's character song Kuchiroro's Itsuka dokoka de (Sometime, Somewhere). From the last stanza:

Nobody knows… Ah. The heart of my real self is so cowardly. I try to scream until I lose my voice. I don’t need anything… I bear a fate I still cannot accept. If I can share my feelings somewhere then I might speak about how my dream continues…

In summary, this song is about someone who feels lonely and isolated dreaming of their ideal world through the pain.

Y'all this diabolical. What the hell.

But wait there's more!

Sukuna mocked Yuji and Megumi's doomed love when he made the Enchain Binding Vow with Yuji using some ridiculous wordplay way back in JJK 11.

Enchain doubles as Megumi Activities. But let's break that down some more. (Unfortunately the Twitter account of the person I referenced may or may not be nuked so here's this screenshot I've doctored.)

So we have the translation of Enchain from 契闊 (Keikatsu), which might be better localized as Separation.

This term comes from a Chinese poem about lovers who are husband and wife in The Book of Odes, Section I (Lessons from the States), Chapter 3 (The Odes of Bei), Poem 31 (Banging the Drum). (Here's a link to the full poem and context of it.)

In summary, it’s about a soldier who is on the brink of death, having lost nearly everything after being abandoned by those in power, lamenting the happiest days of his life with his love are ones he can never get back. (Hey that sounds just like what Sukuna did to Yuji!)

Keikatsu specifically comes from this passage:

“Our vow is beyond death and life”, I and you are together I always remembered. I will hold your hand, And together we grow old.

Too pitiful we are faraway apart, The distance separates us to meet again! Too miserable this takes forever, And it does not let us fulfill our vow!

Keikatsu is used to exemplify how the physical distance between the husband and wife prevents them from fulfilling their wedding vows. And that's just what Keikatsu/Enchain does to Yuji and Megumi, it causes painful separation neither of them wanted.

In Conclusion?

GEGE GREGORY AKUTAMI IS THIS JUST DOOMED YAOI ALL THE WAY DOWN?????? GEGE!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!

[dykeomania]

ellie williams deserves to go to a pride parade,

a run-on-sentence-ramble it's corny liiike i'm not even writing i'm just daydreaming and giggling oh my god i love queer joy we oooouuutsssiiiiiiiiiideeeee

and to wear the ugliest fucking adam-sandler-ass-outfit that the world has literally ever seen. i'm talking like.. reebok club c's. nike socks, rolled all the way up. oakley sunglasses on her head that she stole from that one abby bitch who rows crew. jorts, with a carabiner, looped on her outermost left belt buckle (a big ass contradiction if ykwim because mind you, she's also wearing an oversized ass t-shirt that reads in the largest lettering known to man: quote, I LET FEMMES TOP ME!, end quote). she deserves to be grumpy while riley takes forever to get ready (she's like almost done, she's just doing her edges) and to vehemently protest against cat who promises that she won't draw a dick on ellie's face but that she just really really wants to put glitter on her cheeks 'cause she thinks it'll look cute. she deserves to have her eyes light up at the sight of her lover, and sit up straighter from the comfort of her manspread once she realizes that she's coming this way. deserves to reel her in by her matching carabiner (also on the left side -- someone's llyiiinnnggg), and tell her that she looks cute. deserves to grin up at her and coyly ask her if she looks stupid. deserves to have her face cupped, her nose softly nudged against, and to have a small ..mmnnn..nnyyyeah murmured against her lips. deserves to tell her lover to shut the fuck up through a snicker and to -- amidst the disgust of the audience behind y'all -- take a second to just swim in the remnants of jello shots left behind on each other's tongues -- the ones you both took earlier (at like.. 11?am?) that left hers, red, and yours, orange.

she deserves to be the first one of your group to begin walking backwards down the beginning of the parade. nevermind the seemingly infinite spawn of white gay twinks and fashion choices that are somehow.. worse! than hers -- she's facing her friends. she's giving them a look. her arm is outstretched, and her hand is holding that of her girl's who she thinks, this time, she might actually really love. she deserves to hold some $5 lemonade above her head while annoyingly shuffling her shoulders to rain on me by lady gaga, and to be clowned (mercilessly) because 1) she's catching no beat, not one and 2) i thought you didn't even wanna come, what happened? deserves to shrug her shoulders at y'all because.. well, she doesn't know. there's something about it all -- being outside, being surrounded by the energy and screams of pure happiness down the streets -- like maaaybbeee.. it warrants a change of heart. she deserves to struggle to twirl her girl over and underneath her shoulder. deserves to kiss the question clean off your cheek, and to have her chuckles blend in with your giggles while she grits the lyrics, off-key as ever and this time, directly in your ear.

she deserves to make the hike all the way to the greenery that holds drag shows, free stickers, face painting, educational pamphlets on lgbtq+ sex education, free food, outnumbered preachers, fucking larpers?!, you name it -- deserves it all. deserves to venture towards it with something cheshire on her face. with her friends by her side, and her girl against her ribcage. deserves to wonder why she is so fucking into it now. maybe she's just tipsy, or sundrunk. maybe it's the exhaust in the air, or the vibes in the streets, whatever. but honestly? maybe she's smiling so fucking hard because this is just, plain and simple, right where she's supposed to be.

:)

[ohallthecrushes]

YOU’RE A STORM IN A TEACUP AND I’M STARTING TO LIKE THE CHAOS.

I can't, I can't... But i will 🥵 It's been a while since i've written a smut, so let me know what you think or what can i improve, cause damn... I've had so much fun writing for Elias and I want to write more smuuuuut, but I feel self-conscious about it. („• ֊ •„)

Without further ado!

Summary: Evelyn is a young-troubled woman who’s just escaped a highly guarded psych ward (twice, but this time causing havoc on her way out)

Now she’s running through the city, hiding from police. A not-so-accidental encounter with a man named Elias Voit will change her life forever. And she’ll change his. His seemingly selfless help is laced with danger, hidden agenda, manipulation, endless tension, and…love? Slow burning inteligent-idiots-in-love trope. But mind you, just because it’s a love story, doesn’t mean it ends well.

General warnings throughout the story: Manipulation, illegal activities, murder(s), Stockholm syndrome, kidnapping, explicit content, language… The whole pack. It’s Criminal minds after all.

In this episode: Elias craves Evelyn with every fabric of his being. He isn't a gentle man, and this won't be a gentle sex. He intends to overwhelm her, to take her apart, to claim her, to break down any defiance that's left in her. He wants her surrender to be complete. And if that'll happen to be too much for her?

Oh well, he thought, she'd seen that coming.

Back at the cabin, the air between Evelyn and Elias was thick with unspoken words and unclear tension. As she moved towards her room, hoping for a moment alone to process everything, he stopped her with a firm hand on her arm. His expression was serious, his eyes focused and unwavering.

"We need to talk." he simply said, his voice calm but authoritative. "There are some rules you need to remember and follow. And this isn’t negotiable. The rules are there for a reason and they're not just a suggestion."

She felt a knot tighten in her stomach, knowing this conversation was inevitable. She nodded, biting her lower lip, waiting for him to continue. She prepared herself for being reprimanded.

"First." he began "you need to listen to me. Don't wander off without letting me know where you're going. Don’t engage with strangers unless absolutely necessary, and never reveal the location of this cabin. You can't tell anyone your real name. We are still dealing with a dangerous situation, and your disobedience could bring us serious trouble."

He paused, watching her closely to make sure she understood. "The last thing we want is to draw attention, especially from the authorities. Remember, you’re still a refugee. The police are still looking for you. If you make a mistake, it could mean being locked up in a psych ward again."

She swallowed hard, the weight of his words sinking in. She nodded again, acknowledging the seriousness of the situation. Her mind drifted briefly to the past, being institutionalized again was one of her biggest fear. She knew he was right, even if his tone was harsh. But he was still much calmer than she'd expected. She'd thought he'd lash out at her, yell even, but apparently his anger lessened a little or maybe he was more self-controlled than it seemed.

Seeing her compliance, he dismissed her, watching her going back to her room.

Problem had been addressed, but he knew that there was another matter that needed his attention - the sexual tension between them... he couldn't leave it unresolved. It was causing issues, and he knew that they need to defuse it. But addressing it, talking about it wouldn't do it. He knew her well enough already to predict that she would likely deny it, ignore it or even refuse to acknowledge it. And ignoring it wouldn't make it go away. It would only complicate things further.

He could insist of course, tell her to make up her mind, to stop lying to him and herself. To stop contradict herself only because she couldn't control her own damn urges. After all they both knew that if he hadn't pulled back, she'd have let him fuck her.

But this approach wouldn't help him achieve what he wanted. He imagined her biting her lip, trying to find the words to respond, but nothing would come. The room for her would start to feel too small, the air too thick... She would retreat to her room again.

He needed to be smart. He needed to recreate their dance, but this time he'd be the one in control.

Later that day Evelyn noticed that the front door, usually locked solid, hung ajar. Disbelief crossed her face. Elias wouldn't be so careless, leaving the door unlocked. The door was open on purpose.

She walked towards them and peeked outside. The sound of rhythmic chopping drew her attention. It came from the back of the cabin. Curiosity got the better of her, and she followed the sound. The area at the back of the cabin was bathed in the golden light of the afternoon sun. And there, in the center, stood Elias.

He was shirtless, his toned back and his muscles glistening with sweat. He was holding an axe and swinging it with ease, each hit splitting a log with a loud crack.

The image of him was captivating. He was everything she wasn't – controlled, disciplined, a stark contrast to the impulsive chaos that lived within her. She couldn't help herself and drifted closer, mesmerized by the display of his strength. She wanted to watch, just for a moment...

The rhythmic chopping stopped suddenly. He turned, his gaze landing directly on her. He smirked as he caught the blush creeping up her cheeks. The look on her face told him everything he needed to know.

His plan to bait her was unfolding perfectly.

"Enjoying the view?" he teased arching his brows, his voice casual, almost indifferent.

She stiffened, forcing a nonchalant shrug. "Just… surprised to see you chopping wood and... shirtless." The last word came out as a mumble, only deepening her blush.

He raised an eyebrow. "Does it bother you?"

He took a deliberate step closer, she could fell the heat of his body radiating towards her even across the distance.

"Please, you're not that impressive." she retorted, but her tone lacked conviction.

He knew she was trying to maintain her composure, but her act was transparent. Amateur, he thought with amusement. She was terrible at playing indifferent. He'd seen seasoned criminals maintain a poker face under torture; her attempt was as transparent as a child's lie.

"Liar." he simply stated.

She opened her mouth ready to defend her lie. But as she was preparing herself to argue with him, he turned his attention back to the task at hand, lifting another log onto the chopping block.

"Anyway." He said gesturing at the logs, not looking at her. "I could use some help stacking these logs. Unless you'd rather head back inside, unimpressed by my strength."

The sudden casual dismissal, as if he didn't care at all, left her momentarily stunned.

She watched him for a moment as he chopped another log. The sudden shift in his behavior, his nonchalant demeanor, left her feel... ignored? She was upset, not only because this was a clear manipulation but also because of the unsettling realization that she might actually wanted his attention. That she might liked the idea of his mouth back on hers, on his body pressed against her. That she might liked him.

No, no, no...she had to deflect it.

He turned to her once again, waiting for her answer. "Sooo?"

Before she could stop herself, the words spilled out of her. "Don't think for a second that I don't know what you're doing. It won't work! I'm not attracted to you in a way you think, despite of what we did. I don't like you!" Her voice was shaky, betraying the truth behind her denial. "You're a criminal, and I'm not that crazy to get involved in some… some cheap, meaningless affair with you. You have no power over me. You're not even that good-looking." The last statement was an obvious lie, as much to herself as to him.

Her voice rose to a near shout, a desperate and probably pathetic attempt to silence the traitorous whisper of her own heart.

"Back at the mansion I... what happened, what I allowed to happen was because…" she stammered, her mind a chaotic mess as she struggled to find a solid reason and articulate her confusion. "Because it was… It doesn't matter why." She shook her head. "It won't happen again, it can't happen again, so don't even think that you can just…" Her voice trailed off, her hands gesturing wildly as if trying to physically describe his manipulation.

The outburst wasn't the powerful declaration she'd wanted to achieve, but at least, she thought with a shaky breath, she'd managed to expel some steam.

He stood there, axe in hand. It was funny to look at her passionate denial. It was good. Her outburst, though clumsy and filled with transparent lies, was far more entertaining than a simple retreat. He'd hoped for a strong reaction and she had delivered. He set the axe down, wiping the sweat from his brow, and took a step closer to her.

His voice was low, measured. "You keep telling yourself that, Evelyn. But we both know that I'm having this effect on you that makes your knees go weak and your pants get soaked and you can't ignore it, no matter how hard you try." He paused, letting his words sink in. "And denying what you need that would help you finally satisfy yourself? That won't make it go away. You're just lying to yourself."

He watched as her expression shifted from frustration to astonishment. His gaze lingering on the rapid rise and fall of her chest.

"As for power." he added, his tone softer but no less intense. "you underestimate the pull you have, Evelyn. You may not see it, but you've already disrupted the carefully orchestrated game I was playing." With that, he turned back to the woodpile, picking up the axe once more, leaving her to struggle with her emotions.

They both were quiet for a moment, before he broke the silence sensing her presence still behind him.

"I. Don't. Like. You." he repeated her words to himself but loudly enough for her to hear it too, mimicking her tone for emphasis, but clearly mocking her. He'd been trying to be serious about her outburst a moment ago, but her obvious lie and the way she'd delivered it, was too funny to let it slip.

He straitened up and put the axe down again, his hands on his hips as he turned to her. "You know, it's weird how desperately convincing you've tried to sound, because your body tells a different story, sunshine. Maybe you should trust your instincts more… or trust me. But that's the problem, isn't it? You're afraid of giving in, because you think you can't trust me." his tone soft but teasing. "But you know that you will give in eventually, just like in the mansion, just like after the wine session... Just like before, and it makes you angry."

She glared at him. "No. Whatever you think may happen between us, it won't." she said, but her voice sounded even less certain than before.

"Let's put that to the test, hmm?" he suggested, his tone deceptively casual. "A little trust exercise. What do you say, princess?"

She hesitated, her pride was warring with her logic. "Trust exercise? You want me to trust you?"

"I want to prove it to you that you can trust me, despite how difficult it seems to you. Because not trusting me isn't the real issue here. If you give me and yourself a chance and trust me for a moment, you'll see what I'm talking about."

She crossed her arms thinking about it. She didn't agree with him. He couldn't be trusted because of who he was and the problem laid exactly there. But if he thought that he could prove something else... that was the issue, right? A vicious circle of wanting to trust him but not being able to.

After a moment and a long sigh, she asked. "What do you have in mind?"

"Ever chopped wood before?"

She shook her head, confused. "No."

His lips curved into a smile. "Come over here." He said as he picked up the axe and handed it to her. She took it and weighted it in her hands, it was heavier than she'd thought. She wasn't sure if she could handle it even though it looked easy, but there was first time for everything, right? And hey, if she didn't like this exercise she could use the axe on him, she thought smirking.

"Don't even think about it. You'd accidentally hurt yourself before you hurt me." He warned her as if reading her mind.

She rolled her eyes. "So what this exercise is about?"

"I'll help you chop it, but you have to trust me in this." He said as he positioned himself behind her and wrapped his arms around her. His hands over hers on the axe handle, guiding her grip.

"Now, let me guide you..." He said softly.

Their bodies were pressed together in a way that was both intimate and unsettling. He basically enveloped her with his body, his scent and heat surrounded her senses and she held her breath for a moment to remain calm.

"Close your eyes." he murmured, his breath warm against her ear, his voice another thing that made her shiver.

Feeling his bare chest pressed against her back, the closeness was almost overwhelming. She hesitated for a moment, but with a deep breath, she squeezed her eyes shut, focusing on the axe.

For a moment, he reveled in the physical contact, the feel of her delicate form pressed against him and the scent of her hair shampoo filling his nose.

Pushing the thought aside, he focused on the task.

"Trust me." he murmured in a husky whisper. "You'll be fine."

He could feel her tension, the way her body trembled ever so slightly. He tightened his grip on the axe handle, guiding her hands upwards. Then, with a swift, controlled motion, he brought the axe sharply down.

The wood cracked splitting in half. He held the axe suspended for a moment before he released his hold on her, stepping back just a tiny bit.

Still holding the axe she opened her eyes, blinking against the sudden sunlight. Her gaze fell upon the perfectly split log.

"See, not so scary, was it?" he said. "Trusting me, letting go of control… it doesn't have to be something to fear. I know what I'm doing, Evelyn. I can guide us, if you let me."

Of course she understood what he was trying to say. That it was safe to trust him, that he could guide her to accomplish something together. That letting him being in control didn't have to end up badly for her… But would it really be like that?

She spun around, her back slammed into his chest as she met his gaze. His nearness was an intoxicating distraction, that made it difficult to think clearly.

"Clever allegory." she finally managed to say, her voice tight. "But it doesn't prove anything, I still refuse to believe that the real issue lies elsewhere. And that I'll ever give in to you."

He smirked aware of her body reaction and internal conflict. He was already considering another exercise, another opportunity to push her boundaries and confront her denial head-on.

"Let's see how strong your convictions are." he said. "You can put the axe down."

She did what he said propping the axe against the log. He took a few steps back, finally giving her some space.

"Close your eyes, and don't open them until I say. Let me take control." he continued searching for her gaze. "Unless, of course, you'd rather retreat back to the safety of your denial and empty lies?"

She glared at him, knowing he was baiting her, but also putting her in a position where she couldn't say no, cause her retreat would only prove him right.

"No, why would I retreat? I'm having fun." she forced a smile, clearly sarcastic.

"Excellent. Close your eyes." he instructed with a playful command. "And this time, keep them closed until I tell you otherwise. Trust is key, remember?"

Not knowing what he was up to, but not wanting to pull back on, she fluttered her eyes shut. She stood there, tense and uncertain, every nerve on edge. He didn't approach her immediately, letting the suspense build, deepening her uncertainty. He circled slowly around her, his footsteps rustling the leaves on the ground. Her head slightly tilted, following the sound. Finally, he stopped behind her, close enough for her to feel his scent. With a slow movement his fingers gently took her chin, tilting her head up, exposing the vulnerable curve of her neck. Her entire body went rigid, unsure of what was coming next. The anticipation was almost unbearable.

"This is your chance to prove it." he whispered with a dangerous undercurrent. "Prove that everything you said before was true. Prove that you're not attracted to me. That you'll never give in. All you have to do is… resist."

Before she could even open her mouth to protest, he leaned in, his lips brushing against the sensitive skin of her neck. He lingered there for a moment, slightly licking the spot as his other hand wrapped around her waist. It was maddeningly gentle, he was teasing her with the possibility of more. Her hands clenched into fists at her sides, every muscle in her body straining with the effort to resist the pull towards him. But when he captured her lips with his, all her resolve crumbled. She found herself responding against her better judgment.

It was a slow exploration, a testing of the waters. He wanted to see her reaction, to see if denial would triumph over the undeniable chemistry between them.

A strangled sound escaped her, half gasp, half choked protest. This wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to resist him, to hold onto her hatred and distrust.

The kiss deepened, and she turned to face him, her hands reaching up to rested on his shoulders. He tasted the lie on her lips, the denial she clung to so desperately. But with each passing moment, the resistance becoming weaker. A soft moan escaped her lips, a sound that aroused him.

This wasn't about trusting him, a harsh realization dawned on her. It was about trusting herself, the very part of her she'd spent so long suppressing. The real issue he'd been talking about. She struggled with trusting herself more than with trusting him.

He pulled back slightly, his eyes, usually calculating and cool, now filled with desire and hunger.

"So much for not being attracted."

He brushed his thumb across her bottom lip, a silent demand to open them wider, but she closed her mouth not wanting to give him a full satisfaction of bending her will completely.

"Still a stubborn little brat, aren't we?" he smirked. It was fine, he liked to work with a little disobedience.

He leaned in again and kissed her, parting her lips with his tongue. His hand slipped down her back, pressing her body flush against his. He wanted her to feel the length of his desire, the arousal that he felt because of her. He intended to show her exactly how much he wanted her, and how futile her remaining resistance truly was.

When he finally pulled back, she was left breathless. She knew it was useless to deny him anymore. She failed this exercise, but did she really mind?

"Let's go inside."

It wasn't a question, it was a command, one she found herself powerless to resist. Her steps were unsteady, but her body followed him without hesitation, and as they crossed the threshold, she knew there was no turning back from this moment.

The cabin door slammed shut behind them. He didn't waste any time. His grip on her tightened, as he led her straight to her room. He pushed her slightly inside before his hands grabbed her shirt and pulled it up, taking it off. His lips met hers again, as he reached at her back to unclip her bra.

He wasn't interested in a slow, drawn-out foreplay. He didn't care about slow reveals, about building anticipation. He craved the feel of her bare skin against his, of himself being inside her. He'd waited long enough already.

He felt her body tensed slightly. Her hands on his chest, once pulling him closer, now pressed against him in a weak attempt to slow him down. He smirked with amusement. She was aware of the choices she was making, however fleeting that awareness might be. But her resistance was weak, easily broken by his touch.

"Scared?" he murmured in a husky voice, looking for a sign in her eyes that could indicate that she didn't want him to continue, but all he found was excitement, a firm resolution with a hint of nervousness and self-conscious.

She was a bit scared, but it wasn't that kind of scare that would make her want to flee. Quite the contrary.

"A little bit scared, but... it makes me pretty pumped." She replied honestly, but with a hint of shyness, knowing that he understood what she meant. "Just...slow down, would you?"

He tilted his head as if considering her request, before he looked down at her bare breast and her nipples harden with arousal. No, he didn't plan to slow down, he wouldn't let the fragile hesitation derail their momentum. He wrapped his arm possessively around her waist and kissed her again.

A tremor ran down her spine, she could feel her body reacted with an unexpected submission. It both terrified her and made her more aroused. The sound she made against his mouth, a soft, breathy moan, was pure lust that made him growl.

He pushed her on the bed and came on top of her, recreating the abruptly broken moment at the mansion. But this time he wouldn't stop, this time he would take what belonged to him.

He quickly removed her jeans and every last piece of barrier there was. She laid there completely exposed and panting with anticipation, watching him taking off his own clothes. His cock hung freely as he removed his boxers, hard and longing for her warm walls.

She had a brief moment to comprehend the situation, to grasp the weight of their actions. She was aware that this moment would change their dynamic, rewrite her role in his life and probably complicate their relation even more, but the consequences seemed to be a distant thing now, a minor issue she could deal with later.

He climbed back on top of her, his hands instantly on her body, exploring her curves with a possessive intensity. With one hand he grabbed her boob and his fingers twisted her nipple, making her gasp from pleasure and slightly pain. His mouth and teeth marking her neck with hunger and urgency she'd never experienced before. It was a little bit too much, too overwhelming. Her hands landed on his back trying to hold onto something. When his lips captured hers, the strangled sound she made morphed into a desperate plea, but what was she begging for exactly, she wasn't sure.

But one thing was certain, Elias wasn't a gentle man, and this wouldn't be a gentle sex.

He intended to overwhelm her, to take her apart, to break down any defiance that left in her. He wanted her surrender to be complete. And if that would happen to be too much for her?

Oh well, he thought, she'd seen that coming.

He reached down with one hand, his fingers slid up and down her already wet folds with pleasurable strength, making her moan against his lips. When he finally pulled back and looked down at her, his eyes blazed with a possessive hunger that made her whimper with plead. He studied her for a moment. Overwhelming pleasure? Yes. Craving for more? Also yes. Fear? Maybe a little bit.

Her warm and wet walls swallowed two of his fingers as he scissored them in and out, hitting the sweet spot inside her.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" He asked in a low husky voice, watching her nodding her head, but not being able to answer.

He enjoyed watching her so vulnerable, so responding to him. He had a power over her and it only made his lust blistering, his cock almost painfully hard, demanding an action. He couldn't wait to finally be inside her, to claim her wholly and mark her as his. He could see that her breath also fastened and her cheeks colored with lovely pink. But he didn't let her relish this moment for much longer as he pulled his fingers out way too quickly.

"Not yet." He said, his voice low and commanded. "Spread your legs open for me."

She groaned dissatisfied, but did as he told her. He positioned himself between her legs and lowered his body. His cock pressed against her entrance as he pushed his hips forward with no warning. It was clear he wasn't waiting for permission, he was taking what he craved.

Her fingers curled on his back, scratching his skin at the sudden sensation of his cock sliding inside her with one swift motion.

"Fuck." She breathed closing her eyes.

It hurt a little, but the fullness she felt when he was all in, the pleasure it gave her, was intoxicating.

He looked down at her and started moving, relatively slow at first, savoring the feeling of her walls around his throbbing member, the delicious look on her face and the realization that she was finally his.

She opened up her eyes, his face was so close, his lips parted as he moved in and out. She pulled him even closer, feeling the weight of his body pressing her down to the bed. Their bodies closed any gaps that were between them as he leaned down and nibbled on her neck. She slid her fingers in his wavy hair and pulled back a little when his love bites got sharper, almost painful. He hissed and bit her neck in respond sucking on her skin until he left a big red mark there. It was clear that he was the one in control, the one who dictated the terms, and her subtle attempt to slow him down, only made him go rougher on her.

And weirdly, a part of her that she'd been barely aware of before, didn't mind that at all. His dominance fulfilled her hidden need to be completely at his mercy, to be completely submitted to him. It was something she didn't know she had in her. It was a revelation.

When he fastened the pace she tried to match his urgency, her hands roaming over his back, her nails digging into his skin, her lips capturing his. A guttural sound, a desperate need, he ripped from her throat as he pushed himself a little deeper inside her.

He reveled in her unrestrained passion, the way she met his every touch with a demanding fervor of her own. She wasn't just giving herself to him, she was taking him in return, demanding as much as she gave. He didn't mind, not entirely. He guided her with a firm hand, dictating the pace and the rhythm. He was in control and she had to obey.

"You're so fucking wet, jesus..." He said half in disbelief, half praising her as he slightly changed his position. Now he was pounding into her from a different angle, hitting a different spot. His hand reached down and rubbed her clit.

"Elias, I... I'm going t-to..." she moaned with her eyes closed.

He suddenly stopped and withdrew his hand to her displeasure. "No." He growled.

She tried to protest, but he silenced her with his hand. "You will come only if and when I say so. Understand?"

"Yes." she muffled, unused to this kind of dynamic in bed.

Satisfied by her respond he took her hand off her mouth and he changed his position once more. This time to go deeper.

She tried to withhold herself, but it was difficult, her pussy was throbbing, aching for release.

"Elias, please... Please, let me..."

Her begging was a symphony to his ears, a nice contrast to her usual dull defiance. He couldn't help and prolonged this little torture for a bit longer before he finally let her come. When the release came he watched her body stiffed, her back arched, her mouth open wide. She wriggled her legs and moaned his name over and over in a daze as he pounded inside her, until her orgasm subsided.

He gasped feeling shivers run down his body. It was an image that would be imprinted on his mind forever.

"You look incredible like that." He whispered with a softer voice that surprised even him, watching her smiling.

At this moment he knew she was hoping for him to slow down or even stop to let her catch a break, but he did none of that. Instead he fastened his pace pinning her down to the mattress again. She gasped in surprise.

"Wait..." She tried to stop him, but he only growled, focused on his own pleasure now, ignoring her plead. He kept pushing faster and harder, pulling one of her leg up to go even deeper. She squirmed and wriggled underneath him, his named rolled off of her lips like a whimper.

"Elias, s-slow down... I , I can't... take... it."

The sensation overwhelmed her oversensitive body. The pleasure he'd given her a second ago mixed now with roughness and pain that consumed her entirely. She was falling apart underneath him and it was too much to handle.

His reply however was far from what she excepted. Gone was the soft tone, replaced by a command.

"I don't care if you can't, you fucking will."

Her hands moved to his chest in a weak clumsy attempt to slow him down, but he quickly shifted and grabbed them, pinning them above her head.

"Stay still for me, I won't repeat myself."

She wriggled some more unable to control herself. It was too much, too fast, too rough but surprisingly not unpleasant. Her body ached with a new unexpected sensation, a pleasant tremor that boded another orgasm. She surrendered to him, her legs wrapped around his hips as she came the second time in hot waves, stronger than before.

He growled feeling her orgasm around his shaft. He was trying to push deeper, but his moves became more shaky, his pace more unsteady and soon after, he followed, releasing himself inside of her.

"Fuck!" He growled as he closed his eyes shut.

The warm spurts of his cum filled her fully as he pushed himself all the way in, his body shaking in ecstasy. After a moment he lowered himself on top of her, releasing her hands, but not pulling out. He hid his head in the crook of her neck, panting heavily.

They both stayed like that for a while, too tired, too spent and too elated to move. They were basking in the afterglow, delightfully lost in the moment. Right now, nothing else mattered. Not the rules, not the consequences, not the complicated aftermath they'd have to deal with later. The truth was, they'd taken each other, and there was no turning back now.

[ravenalla]

Please correct me if I’m wrong but from what I know Helluva Boss is written by only three people right? That being Viv, Brandon, and Adam. And while I’m sure ideas are bounced around here and there with the team, the way this season is going is begging for an actual writers room with more experienced people. Not saying those three don’t have any experience, but it’s clear they don’t know how to mesh the comedy and serious moments together well at this point. Part of writing is knowing when you need to omit stuff because it doesn’t fit the tone or story progession that you have established, even if you very badly want to include it. The writing for Helluva Boss in contrast feels they are forgoing any sense of coherence so they can stuff in whatever they like even if it goes against previously established plot points and try desperately to get to you pity these awful characters instead of letting them learn from their mistakes and grow as people naturally. Again, if this had stayed a dark comedy, that would have been passable, but now they are trying to tell a serialized dramatic story with arcs and emotion, and it’s just failing because that is not these writers expertise. This is complete speculation, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Viv’s aversion to any form of criticism is affecting it.

How many times must we see something terrible happen to Stolas because the show wants you to keep crying and pitying over without having these characters actually navigating it themselves? How many times will Blitz acknowledge he’s an awful person but not actively try to change his behavior in anyway and revert to the exact same character the next episode? How many times will Moxxie have to learn confidence because it’s the only arc they can think to do with him while Millie is a walking prop and Loona flip flops between liking her dad and physically abusing him for no reason? To the people who keep saying “just wait the shows not over yet!” we are basically halfway through season 2, there is no damn reason why Millie shouldn’t have had ANYTHING on her own yet or why Blitz and Stolas should be repeating the same “uwu he doesn’t love me” scene over and over again. If you give us what should be moments of character development but never actual show it through their actions or behaviors after the fact, it’s not character development at all, it’s cheap scenes you threw in cause you wanted the guise of something serious without actually taking the screentime to commit to it. And yes, the Stolas Blitzo stuff is probably going to pay off eventually, but it’s annoying for the audience to watch this will they won’t they game in almost every single episode just waiting for when the characters will finally change or have at least SOME type of acknowledgement of all they’ve been through instead of just keeping the status quo of another “Stolas looks sadly at his phone,” “Blitzo doesn’t really care about him until there’s one millisecond showing maybe he does 🥺.” Unless your a hardcore shipper, people won’t stick around with that forever.

The show wants to have world-building, quirky characters who are bad people, tons of villains, funny sex jokes, emotional investment, and a complicated romance, but there’s a reason lots of media fails when it tries to be everything at once. The Stolitz plot behind every episode now is sabotaging parts of the show that promised wacky demon assassin adventures, and the less serious moments like the Loona doctor B plot in turn ruins the atmosphere of the dramatic scenes associated with the Stolitz plot. They wanted to show a serious abusive arranged relationship through Stella, but they also wanted her to have be a campy bad guy so Stolas could have a reason to cheat on her so he wouldn’t look like the bad guy. This leaves us with confusing contradictions like Stella written as being legit mad about him cheating and wanting him dead while hinting at them having at least a positive public image as a family once through the background paintings, to suddenly her not having ever cared about him and seeking him out “cause she likes tormenting him” while she also now didn’t want him killed I guess because she’s opposed to the divorce because the Goetia want them together??, but then wanting him killed AGAIN after even though the Goetia probably always wanted that guy alive and her brother has to come in for no reason to make her look like an absolute dumbass.

Same with Loona. They try to give her development with Blitz, but they never do anything with it and by the next episode she’ll be beating the shit out of him again. “She’s a moody teenager!” She’s a woman in her twenties and I don’t care about her sometimes finding appreciation for her dad when she’ll just kick him in the nuts right after because physical abuse against a spouse is serious but with a daughter it’s funny I guess. And again, the entire argument fans have to justify this constant loop of creating and forgetting about character development is “just wait they probably have a plan.” Nah bro I’m pretty sure they just still wanted to throw edgy dark comedy in there and to do that they had to ignore any positive character changes it seemed like happened until a future episode specifically is written to continue that arc. Also the world building and class system in general is just bad when they actually choose to acknowledge it, which is rarely. It’s still so unclear whether hellhounds are seen as actually sentient autonomous people or pets, and it just makes scenes with Loona super weird sometimes. Same with imps, for an apparent underclass they sure seem to be able to go wherever they want and do whatever they want without too much trouble, and until the latest episode we’ve never seen any imp discrimination be a major factor besides comments from Stolas (which we are now choosing to ignore because Stolas can’t be a bigot that has to learn to be a better person, Stolas is perfect 🙃)

Yikes this got longer than I meant it to but overall Helluva Boss just could really benefit from some more inputs in the writing, not just ideas for story or jokes but someone who actually knows how to properly balance and structure this kind of stuff into an episode. As is it feels very disjointed, especially this season. I don’t think this show would ever be perfectly for me, just because I don’t find the humor at all funny and that’s kind of what makes the show, but at the very least it’d be nice if the actual plots and world these characters navigate was fun to watch, but most of the time it’s just not anymore, because you don’t get to actually see most characters interact or what their relationships are, and if you do they hardly ever change from what they were until suddenly it’s relevant for the plot. Blitz is uncomfortable around Stolas and is tired about being treated like a play thing, wait no now he’s turned on by Stolas’s flirting even though we’ve never seen that before and this is right after they literally had a huge fight, wait nevermind now Blitz doesn’t care again. Moxxie is always weak and sensitive when an episode is about him but suddenly super strong and has no problems killing in any other episode (“We’re not going up there just to massacre we need clients! -S1E3, exactly what he and Millie do to an entire audience of innocent bystanders in the Cherub episode and they don’t care). Stolas is super perverted and sees Blitz as an object, wait nevermind we’re just gonna change his entire fucking backstory so his behavior will look justified even though that man would literally have to be a the dumbest person in Hell to not see Blitz did not care and was actively repulsed by him all throughout season 1, yet continued to act that way to his supposed “first friend” because..he thought it was a sexy game or something they were playing? Even as a retcon for an excuse it’s still bad. Helluva Boss has no rules it sticks to, no jokes or character behaviors it refrains from even if it harms the quality, it’s just a badly written fanfic with pretty animation.

[dereliction-if]

Took a quiz (and added a demo snippet!):

I am wondering.... 🤔 who are you?

Taggin' cause curious bout you (feel free to ignore 🫶🏻):

@defiledheartsblog @infamous-if @eyesofshan-if @anathemafiction @fallenhero-rebirth @wolfsetfree-if @virtues-end @exilethegame @coeluvr @softlyopulent-if @when-life-gives-you-lemons-if

(Result, demo teaser (Spoiler! + CW: Racism) and link to the quiz below)

My Result:

Frostbite Writers

The impossible writer. A walking contradiction, so beautiful, with pain wrapped all wound you. Your characters taste the best and worst of this world, just like you did. And they get hurt, covered in scars and with their heart in pieces, but they keep walking, pain in their eyes and in their every step. But just like your characters, you don't give up. Everything hurts, but you still go on. Your stories are deep, sometimes the reader needs to read through the lines, sometimes not, but the feelings you describe linger in your reader's hearts for long. You're able to leave a print. Usually you write stories that carry with them the burden you had to carry, but when you write about a pure love, your readers will find the comfort of a hug from a loved one. You're passionate, love hard and forever. Frostbite Writers tasted the bitter of life, and know how to keep immortal a feeling. Your stories will make your reader lose themselves in another universe, and when they come back, something will be changed forever.

Demo Teaser: SPOILER (CW: RACISM)

The woman, still flustered, mutters under her breath as she gathers the fallen vegetables. "Ah, you children are reckless, darting around like maniacs. One day, you will be the end of me," she grumbles, frustration evident, her eyes fixed on a bunch of carrots just in front of her feet. You manage to retrieve some tomatoes, approaching her to hand them back. When your eyes meet hers, her expression takes a dark turn from annoyance to utter disgust and hatred. Your confusion swiftly transforms into shock. "You..." she hisses with venom, lips curling with contempt. You take a step back, eyes mirroring innocent fear. Barely missing your feet, she spits on the ground in front of you, intensifying your panic, hands trembling, almost dropping the vegetables. Her face darkens as she steps closer, towering over you. "Thao'Raq filth!" she spews, words laden with loathing. "Of course, it had to be you scum, you and your rotten fingers..." She glances at the vegetables scattered around, as if you've poisoned them.

Link to the quiz:

[onwhatcaptain]

hi i didn’t know what Star Trek was until i came across your fic it’s so. Real. poor McCoy bruh nobody’s gonna know what he went through …I guess it’s not entirely gone, but still. He didn’t get the three socks metaphor.

YOU TRICKED ME. canon divergent LIEEE LIEEEE

The way you omit time travel as a tag is craaazyy (I love time travel) AND AND THE SUNMARY BEING

“About men who love each other” LIKE NOT TWO MEN but all THREE

I do have one question though. If McCoy said “tell him you missed him” and set up the holo night, then in the first timeline had McCoy already gone back at that point and failed?

Hi! So I saw your comment on AO3 (please forgive me if it takes a moment to reply, I have an enormous backlog of comments to get around to after I took a break when the fic ended!) and I knew I absolutely had to ask you these burning questions: how did you find my fic if you didn't know what Star Trek was? What inspired you to read it?

I am beyond thrilled that you enjoyed the story and so touched that you read it all the way through without having seen Star Trek, but I absolutely have to ask what the story behind this is if you're willing to share with me!

It's definitely still canon divergent in a sort of way! At least in my figurative and literal book if you know the episode that inspired this novel, it would definitely be considered divergent:) I wanted to keep things as spoiler-free as possible to retain the surprise and emotional weight of the story, so I made the decision early on to not tag where the plot or ending was going, which definitely threw a lot of people off! Sorry for the trickery!

I ADORE that you pointed out the summary. I was actually shocked when I was reading this ask, because it was absolutely intentional and a huge part of the foreshadowing, but you're the only reader to my knowledge that has consciously noticed that choice, and you haven't even seen Star Trek!! Amazing!! I have such a big smile on my face right now!

More below because I realize this is getting long already!

As for poor McCoy, it is truly tragic nobody will know what he went through. In Star Trek, a lot of fans (rightfully) emphasize the love between Kirk and Spock, which I feel is only kept alive because of McCoy's quiet love for them both in the background as he takes care of them. In a way, it's a tribute to love that goes unnoticed, unseen.

With regards to your question, it's a great question! And I don't have a perfect answer for it, because it's entirely paradoxical. The first half of the story can only happen if the second half happens, because Kirk and Spock would not act on their feelings without the existence of the holo night and McCoy's intervention. But in the original timeline, they still die even though McCoy's actions in the latter half of the novel seem to exist. It's totally circular. It's expounded on somewhat in Forever and a Day, where McCoy tries to make sense of the same question and concludes that even if he does succeed, they will still die.

McCoy tries not to think about the horrifying implications. The knowledge that no matter what he did, he could not undo their deaths. To live, they would always need to die.

This doesn't necessarily mean that McCoy has gone back before, but it raise some serious questions about metaphysics and leaves a lot unanswered, because the two events now cause each other, and they also contradict each other. I actually took a stab at explaining the metaphysics in way greater detail in the fic originally, but my beta reader (correctly) told me this would confuse readers. So because it's confusing, I later just wave my sci-fi authorial wand to try and convince you to go along with it! :)

"And I like how the paradox makes no sense.” “I reckon it’s not meant to. They never do."

I do have to say, I recommend giving Star Trek a watch if you were interested! I think it's an amazing show. Again, thank you so much for taking the time to read a whole novel about a show you had no idea about!!

[stupidsketchpad]

hey guys. im here to rant about how 2econd 2ight 2eer (second sight seer) by will wood is secret life bigb's song because god its eerie how similar the song lyrics are to his character. AHEM (also spoilers for secret life)

My grip on my secrets slipping while I'm speaking in tongues

ok. this is a really good start lol. basically bigb's task don't mean much when he does weird shit anyway for fun and, quote from grian, "writes his own tasks"

Screaming at the top of my lungs in the confession booth

he's saying stuff that litterally makes no sense. even after his task is done he wont tell anyone (confession booth is kinda like people asking about your task after it's done. your confessing your task to someone)

Take it with a pillar of salt, H.A.L.T., it's not my fault

i got nothing man

The devil made me do it, but I also kinda wanted to

THIS LINE AHSHDHSHAH. THE SECRET KEEPER GIVES HIM THE TASKS CAUSE HE HAS TO BUT HE WANTS TO DO THEM ANYWAY ANDDDD MAKE THEM AS CONFUSING AS POSSIBLE. SECRET KEEPER COUNTS AS THE DEVIL HERE

I'm cut from a different kind of meat

More than you can chew, hard to swallow me

"what the hell are you doing??" is a common question he gets asked. hard to swallow. y'know

Forget bored stiff, I got rigor mortis, call it morbid curiosity

How I cannot commit to reality, when my third eye's open and I like what I see

he's doing shit for the sake of doing shit.

Baby, I may be crazy but I didn't lose it, no I set it free

AAAAA THIS LINE TOOO!!! ok so he didn't just randomly start lying in secret life. it was weird before that too! i cant speak for double but LIMITED LIFE he was also confusing people about being the boogeyman. basically that one meme with the "guy weird about everything but its drowned out by how weird about everything the other people are"

I can't ignore what's under dance floorboards, the rhythm of my heart a dead-as-disco beat

But I still move my feet

To slip out of this groove, I'm free

dont got much here but i think this is just him having fun, yknow

Now to row, row, row my boat over the falls

And maybe wake up from but a dream, yeah

"but a dream" is the games. there are three rows in the line. lose your lives to get the game over with.

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I didn't lose it babe

There wasn't much to find

once again, this wasnt the first time he was being weird!!!

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I'm only passing through

say weird shit, refuse to elaborate, leave.

Oh, oh, o-o-oh

If you knew what I knew, if you saw what I see

You'd look through illusions, hallucinations, and lucid dream

And I know that meaning can be such a pretty thing to keep

But I got facts and I'm not afraid to use 'em, take the good with the bad, take off the back you make a new front

evo, anyone? anyway this man knows about watchers and doesnt care. he knows! he just doesn't give that any meaning.

Some days I'm glad that I am a madman and I'd rather be that than

An amicable animal, mild-mannered cannibal

red lives and how bigb doesn't have the same bloodlust as they do. this guy doesn't kill much, he's like the most passive on the server. /srs

But I'm more level-headed and clever than ever and I'm getting better one forever at a time

how many people guessed any of bigb's tasks? that's right, zero! (if i remember correctly.) he's getting better at the games (btw the games being referred to as "forevers" is just ahshahdghs)

And if sick is defined by what's different, well then pull the plug out and let me die

not much here

Vice-versa, vice versus virtue

Well who I am I choose through all the things I do

AAAAAAAA HE CHOOSES HOW HE IS PERCEIVED BY THE OTHERS BY SAYING HIS STUFF YA GET WHAT IM SAYING

And if it rhymes, it's true, but I hate poetry

contradicting himself. easy peasy analysis here folks.

Now with my moral compass pointing south, I'm going down

With no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no respect for reality

could say this is going red! but also. "going down?" LIKE A HOLE? HE MADE A HOLE?????

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I didn't lose it babe

There wasn't much to find

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I'm only passing through

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I didn't lose it babe

There wasn't much to find

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

same stuff

A tourist passing through

Well that was fun, goodbye

he died. but hey, he had fun!

anyways thats all thank you for listening to me ramble about songs and minecraft i WILL do this again. sorry if this is incoherent i wrote it at 10:00 pm.

psst... moot... @bigb-enthusiast... would you like this?

[wifiwuxians]

Yi City group in Star War AU? 🤔

HOUH it's been a while since i've starred in a war. let me see if i can come up with anything remotely compelling ... the good thing about star wars is the setting is so huge i can just make some planet up and nobody could contradict me i feel like

always gotta start with XXC. he lives on a remote, tiny planet with tall, jagged mountains and floating rocks, training in the ways of the Force and connecting with all of the universe thanks to the stern (yet loving) hand of a legendary runaway Jedi master said to be so powerful that she can bend time to her will, rendering her immortal. XXC is not native to this small planet, of course. this master chose such a place due to its lack of people. he is a war orphan, rescued from the conflict and taken somewhere safe. he is not the first, and he may not be the last, but as of right now, he is her only pupil.

XXC loves his master. he wants to make her proud and be beside her forever. but the more he senses The Great Unknown Out There off their tiny rock, the more he wishes to explore, to learn. he wants to see others. he wants to help those caught in conflict as he once was. his master tells him he isn't ready, but she's been saying this for a while now. he knows she's making excuses to keep him here, but he doesn't want to defy her will. and yet, one fateful day... he senses the ship before he sees it. long before, causing him to watch the skies like a hawk from his perch. as soon as it breaks the atmosphere, he knows exactly where it'll land and prepares for his rescue mission armed with medicine and blankets!!!

the unconscious pilot within is immediately fascinating to XXC, who has not seen another person in the flesh beside his master in decades. he wants to grill him with questions, but has to treat him first! carefully tending to whatever wounds he can see on-site, he prepares to transport him, making a mental note to come back and pick the ship apart when he has a moment. maybe he and this mysterious stranger can fix it up and... oh, he gets ahead of himself.

the pilot has a lightsaber!! and dark robes with intricately woven patterns that can only be seen up close. he carries an arrowhead-shaped crest over his heart, looking as if it were carved of ice. XXC's master says she recognizes the symbol, but only once she's caught staring at it and is pressured to speak of it. as XXC treats the pilot's wounds, she tells him the man belongs to a sect-like subgroup of Jedi known as the Knights of the Frost Line. she explains that they are known to travel the galaxy to help the needy (said with some suspicion and disdain). when XXC asks why she sounds displeased, she tells him that even those with the best intentions can be bought for the right price.

after a few days of treatment, the man awakens in a panic, but is quickly soothed by XXC. in the coming week, they learn a lot about each other; the man's name is Song Lan, and he was knocked out of the sky and sent flying through space when he attempted to bring aid to a city on a nearby planet, whose resources are being hogged by four tyrannical families. he seems antsy about possibly being followed here, but XXC reassures him that nobody else has made it to this small planet. SL reveals that the one who shot him down is a runaway Sith-trained mercenary hired by one of the four families to do their bidding. he is ruthless and relentless, known to chase his targets down and annihilate them and those they're close with, going so far as to burn down the remnants of their existence. XXC, horrified, vows to keep such a man away from SL and his home.

while trying to get back on his feet, SL trains with XXC, finding them to be a near perfect match. just like XXC is fascinated with him and his tales of the galaxy, he is fascinated with XXC and his deeper connection to the Force. when SL speaks of leaving and returning to his mission, he does so with reluctance. XXC begs him to take him with, to let him aid him in his quests and learn more about the galaxy beside him. SL can't bring himself to say no, even though his teachings strongly discourage bonding with outsiders. the two repair the busted ship and go find XXC's master, who knows what they're going to say before they've set one foot in the door.

BONUS since i already did 6 instead of 5 oops: A-Qing is a little stowaway who sneaks onto their ship while they're doing a pitstop in a marshland town. having grown up on the streets after being separated from her only family, she is often looked down on by both those in the town and the neighboring larger city, who know her to be a thief and a pest who is mysteriously too quick and limber despite having eyes like pearls. they only find out about her presence on their ship once XXC's stash of candied (space) pine nuts starts getting smaller than it should, and by then the marshland town is but a speck in the distance. they have to spend a few months at their destination and do not have the heart to just leave her on a random doorstep, nor do they want to turn around and go back to where she came from; XXC understands what it's like to want to leave home behind. unsure of what to do with her, they let her stay beside them as they do their work, and she begins to study their movements remarkably closely. one day she surprises the two by swinging her staff at the man they're pursuing! it seems someone taught her the basics of fighting when she was very small, but she can no longer remember their face.

[wooyoungmybelovedhusband]

♤ His Burning Desire {JWY} [Pt.2] ♤

♡ Paring : MafiaBoss!JungWooyoung x F!Reader

♡ Summary : After Giving in to your lust, do you think you could have stayed sane? Absolutely No. And that insanity made you take the worst decision you could ever think of. And that was...

♡ Warnings : A Lot of Angst, Smut, Wooyoung is a damn fucking jerk (trust me you'll hate him in this part), CNC!! (Do not read if you don't like it), forced blowjob, knife play, throat fucking, a lot of smut, woo kinda older than reader, Seonghwa is given a little of importance in this part.

♡ Disclaimer : I strictly do not support this kind of behavior and that this is a fic, so read it as a fic.

♡ Taglist : @azriel-owns-my-heart @spoorti09 @toxicccred @cherryxsang @k-drizzle @kodzukein @namchan9794 @atinyreads (Join My Taglist : Here)

Read at your own risk!!

Tears streamed down your face as you slept on the queen-sized bed facing the black ceiling of the room. The images of your dumb actions played in front of your eyes over and over again. You felt pathetic to let him touch you the way he did, you felt disgusted with yourself for giving in to the son of lust. But all you could do was cry about it as you couldn't even move your body. You felt paralyzed, but you didn't know why, Exhaustion or Insanity?

His touches lingered on your skin like invisible imprints, all those words he said. Who knew your life could be changed by only one night? Well not just your life, he changed everything in you. All those words he told you, the way he fucked you without your consent, the way he walked away like nothing happened. The way he walked into your life out of nowhere and was now the ruler of your life.

The big door of your room, creaks open, revealing Jung Wooyoung, the man you've come to hate the most in just one night, standing there dressed in one of his best suits. Contradicting to you, who was laying there, naked. He walked into the room, his foot making their way towards your bed as he stared at you. You didn't even spare a glance at him, as you continued looking out the mirror, giving him completely zero attention.

"Wake up and get ready, you need a lot to be shown, sweetheart" A shiver went down your spine but still you stood your ground and gave him no response. He furrowed his eyebrows and walked towards your side, his hand came down to grip your jaw harshly causing your eyes to meet his dark gaze. "I said, fucking wake up and get ready."

His voice growled at you, and he loosened his grip on your jaw causing your face to jerk sidewards. Another tear escaped through the corner of your eye, as you sob quietly. He walks out of the room after giving you one last look, you slowly raise your sore body from the bed, and get out of the bed.

You gaze at yourself in the Mirror as you stare at all those hickeys and bruise marks emotionlessly. You chuckle lowly to yourself as your finger brushes over all those dark marks left by him. You finally breakdown when the cold water runs down your face, wetting your hair. You scream out loudly as you slide the bathroom wall. You felt like you've gone insane as tears stream down your face while you sob your heart out.

You, yet again stare at your reflection in the mirror, now wearing a tight-fitting black dress, hugging your curves, with a slit, exposing your bare thigh. Your eyes twitch when you find Wooyoung walking behind, he places his hands on your waist as he smirks at you through the mirror. "Such a pretty doll of mine." He whispers into your ear as he places a soft kiss over the dark hickey on your neck. "Leave me. Let me go. Please."

Your voice came out broken, he instantly looked at you through the mirror, his eyes meeting your tearful ones. His grip on your arms tightened, "Princess, you're going to be with me forever. In my empire, my love." "I don't belong to you, just fucking let me go Wooyoung! " You screamed almost losing your composed state of mind again.

And suddenly you were pinned against the wall and his hands travelled to your neck wrapping themselves around it. You noticed the change in his eyes as they looked like... He was controlling himself from something? But what? He leaned down next to your ear and the next moment his low voice resonated throughout the whole room. "If I was you, I wouldn't dare to say that princess. You fucking only belong to me, sweetheart."

Your hands collided with his right cheek harshly as a tear streamed down your face. You looked at him with pure rage, and your eyes cursed him various times. "Fuck you, asshole." You instantly regretted your choice of words when you saw the way his eyes darkened as he held his reddening cheeks.

His head snapped in your direction where he watched you with an unbelievably look while his jaw ticked. "You're going to fucking regret that." And before you knew his hand harshly grabbed and pulled at your hair causing you to shriek out. And his other hand came up to slap you across your face. And you were suddenly forced to your knees getting you face-to-face with his bulge.

His hands unbuckled his belt and threw it across the room. His pushed down his pants and boxers down to his ankle length making his cock sprung out as his other hand came behind to grip your hair harshly. He leaned down a little, as he made eye contact with your frightened ones. "I hope you fucking learn your lesson after this, sweetheart."

And before you knew it, you were shoved down his long length while you still had to maintain your eye contact with his dark eyes. Tears formed in your eyes as your hands were now pinned above your head and his hips thrusted against your face. His cock hit the back of your throat causing you to gag around his length.

It just fueled his ego as his grip on your hair tightens, your nails claw at your palms and your eyes roll to the back of your head. His cock goes deep into your throat causing your throat to convulse around his length. He grunts lowly when you feel his dick twitch at the walls of your throat. And before you knew it, white ropes of cum were shot down your throat from the tip of his cock.

Wooyoung threw his head back while his movements turned sloppy and soon stopped. Your tears wet the skin of his thighs and he harshly pulls out of your mouth. His hand loosened the grip on your hair, and he slowly pulled out of you as a stripe of cum and saliva connected the tip of his dick to your mouth. His breath hitched at the view.

Fixing his pants up, he pulled you up to your feet out of nowhere and instantly gripped your waist to prevent you from falling due to your throbbing legs. His hand came to hold your jaw in a tight grip, his hand tightening around your jaw causing the pain to increase as you wince. His thumb travelled up to your eyes to slowly wipe a drop of tear that slipped out of your eye as you tried to comprehend the situation.

A broken voice screamed at you in your head to run away from the devil of a man he is. But all you could do was sit tight and hope for him to let you free, your hope of getting away from him was slowly fading away. "Why do I see a fucking tear in those eyes, princess? " He gave you a psychopathic smirk.

Oh how badly did you want to punch that smirk off his face, the thirst for doing so started to build insane frustration in you making you throw your head back at the wall, sobbing loudly. But to your utter shock, a harsh slap was delivered to your cheek causing your face to jerk to the direction of the wall. Your cheeks redden as more tears stream down your face causing him to grip your neck harshly and pin your head against the wall.

"Don't fucking shed a tear until I tell you so, sweetheart. You're going to be just a puppet of mine from now." His voice ringed next to your ear sending shivers down your spine and you instantly swallowed the whimper that was about to escape your throat. "Now I want you to fucking behave while I introduce you to my people, my empire."

You, now felt what all those showcase dolls would feel like, empty. There were no thoughts in your head as you stood lifelessly without any sign of emotion in that loud commotion. Wooyoung's hands stayed on your waist, holding you in a tight grip as he spoke to all the people. All you wanted to do was just sink to your knees and cry your heart out.

Before you knew it, you were pulled into a luxurious room where you found seven men dressed in dark tinted suits. One of them instantly stood up with wide eyes, and his head snapped towards Wooyoung's direction, "Yah Jung Wooyoung, have you lost your mind? " All the other men looked visibly as confused as you were. The man beside you just shrugged his shoulders as he guided you across the room. And his hand pulled you onto the seat beside him.

"Why would you think that, hyung? " The said man took in a deep breath making his nostrils flare with anger. "You clearly don't seem to know how to keep your personal matters away from the world." Wooyoung's jaw slightly ticked and he hollowed his cheeks to control any useless lashing out at his respected hyung. Collecting himself back, he narrowed his eyes at the man, "I don't know what you're talking about."

On the other side, the other man was close to losing his patience with the younger guy. "I swear to fucking god-" Before he could lounge towards Wooyoung, the blonde guy instantly stood up to hold him back. "Seonghwa Hyung, calm the fuck down and Wooyoung would you mind telling us who is this? "

The so-called, 'Seonghwa' guy inhaled sharply as he balled his fists in order to contain his anger. "This, is Seo Y/n, my girlfriend." Wooyoung spoke as if it was the most obvious truth in the world but except Seonghwa was the only one who knew what you were to the man. "Fucking bastard" Seonghwa cursed under his breath which only audible to the guys holding him back.

Seonghwa brushed off the slightly shorter guy and fixed his suit, his glare still pointed towards Wooyoung, making Hongjoong doubt if you were really just his girlfriend as Wooyoung claimed. Hongjoong's doubt was instantly confirmed when he noticed the way Wooyoung mirrored Seonghwa's deathly stare and the way he clenched his jaw. And the silence was broken by Mingi who was visibly still puzzled with the situation, "Would anyone mind explaining why exactly is Seonghwa hyung angry? "

Hongjoong could feel the thick tension between both Seonghwa and Wooyoung and instantly shut Mingi up with the topic of work. "Well whatever it is, it can be decided later but for now, I want you all to focus on getting the drug deal. It's the best deal we are getting this year." Everyone instantly got focused onto the topic as they waited for the dealer to set foot inside the room.

You say there, completely dumbfounded about the conversation between the men. Goosebumps rose on your skin when you felt the warmth of Wooyoung's hand on your bare back. His hands fiddled with the spaghetti straps on your tight-fitted dress, sending shivers down your spine.

Your bare back was currently pressed against the big glass window of his room, Wooyoung's hands roamed around your body and his lips were pressed onto your neck leaving behind dark purple marks as he trailed kisses down to your boobs. You whimpered against as your small fists pushed against his chest and tears filled your eyes as you screamed. Wooyoung grunts and grabs your wrists in his right hand, pinning them above your head.

"Fucking stay still, slut." Your heart sank as you finally realised you can never get away from him. His lips, his touches, the way his fingers imprinted themselves onto your skin brought an unknown thirst in you. A thirst you knew, will bring nothing but chaos in your life. At the moment you could do nothing but give in, give in and lose all your hope.

Dragging you towards the bed, he pushed you onto it causing you back to collide with the soft mattress as you let out a soft whimper. He instantly stripped off his clothes discarding them onto where your expensive black dress was now ripped into shreds by him, lied. He hovered over you, his hands pinning you down onto the bed, "Aww, Sweetheart, you look so pathetic for me. Go on slut. Cry for me."

His tio teased at your entrance while his hands travelled down to push apart your thighs, he groaned at the sight of your wet pussy clenching around the tip of his cock. "W-Woo-" A harsh slap was delivered to your face cutting you off. "That's fucking master to you from now on, you slut."

Your eyes suddenly bulged out and you let out a loud scream when you felt him push full of his length inside your hole. Your hands gripped the sheets as your nails clawed for friction over the silk fabric. His cock thrusts into you at a fast and rough pace causing your moans to get louder.

Wooyoung's hand rubbed harsh circles at your clit while his other hand wrapped around your neck. He squeezed his hand without any hint, blocking your airway for a few seconds causing your eyes to roll to the back of your head. His thrusts got deeper, as his tip overstimulated your sweet spot, causing your orgasm to burst all over his cock.

Wooyoung's hands slapped at your clit as if to say he was disappointed, you screamed out louder when you felt another harsh slap delivered to your clit. His hands rubbed at your clit harshly and he fastened his pace into you, as he chased his own release.

Giving your clit yet again a harsh slap, he bottomed out inside, ropes of cum sputtered out, painting your inner walls. Your body shook convulsively as you squirted all over both of your bottom half, soaking the sheets. His movements slowly come to a halt and his hands caress your boobs while his hands loosen their grip on your hips causing your bruised ass to meet the soft fabric of the silk sheets.

He leaned down next to your ear, his hands still roaming around your body, "All Fucking Mine." His voice resonated throughout the silent room as you instantly passed out on his bed due to exhaustion or was it really exhaustion this time?

I love this part so damn much omg. I hope you all liked this too!!!

© wooyoungmybelovedhusband [jeongaera]

[scarisd3ad]

To the end and back [daryl Dixon x reader]

Chapter two - right where you left me

Masterlist

Taglist

Summary - after the world ended you were sure you’d never find love again but a certain archer catches your eyes and changes the entire trajectory of your life.

Warnings - regular twd warnings

Previous >> next

Season 1 ep 3

'Tell it to the frog'

Edited

We all sat around waiting for the others to return from their supply run to Atlanta. Glenn, Merle, Morales, Andrea, Jacqui, and T dog had gone on a supply run while Daryl had gone hunting. I sat talking to Lori and Shane as Lori cut Carl's hair and Shane cleaned his rifle. Carl isn't pleased about his haircut. He fidgets around and has a pout on his face the entire time. "Baby, the more you fidget, the longer it takes, so don't, okay?" Lori says as she combs out her son's hair, snipping little pieces at once. "I'm trying." Carl whines. "Well, try harder." Lori says, trying to focus on Carl's haircut. I laugh. Carl must've not had a haircut since before the outbreak because he was beginning to grow a little mullet. "If you think this is bad, wait till you start shaving. That stings." Shane laughs. "That day comes; you'll be wishing for one of your mama's haircuts." Shane says as he inspects his gun.

"I'll believe that when I see it" Carl says, making Shane and I chuckle. "I'll tell you what... you just get through this with some manly dignity, and tomorrow, I'll teach you something special. I will teach you to catch frogs." Shane says as he's taking apart his rifle. Lori smiles as she continues to cut Carl's hair. "I've caught a frog before," Carl states as he turns a bit, causing Lori to readjust his head. "I said frogs' plural, and it is an art, my friend. It is not to be taken lightly. There are ways and means. Few people know about it." I remember catching frogs on my grandfather's farm as a young kid. I'd take them back to my grandma and grandpa. Grandpa would be proud, but Grandma was always so disgusted by them. She hated that Grandpa would cook them up and eat them. "I'm willing to share my secrets."

Carl looks back at his mom, brows furrowed. "Oh, I'm a girl. You talk to him." Lori says, turning her son's head back towards Shane. "I used to catch frogs," I say. Carl turns his head towards me, brows furrowed again. "You did?" He asks. Lori turns Carls head straight again. "Yep, on my grandpa's farm when I was your age with my brother." Shane raised his eyebrows. "Brother? you have a brother?" Carl asks. I nod. "had a brother," I correct. Matthew, my little brother, was 2 years younger than me; he had dirty blonde hair as he got older and bright blue eyes that will be ingrained in my memories forever. He died 1 day into the outbreak. I miss him every day I go on without him. I wish he'd met these people because he'd love them. "My grandpa used to cook them up on Sunday nights."

"Why'd he cook them?" Carl asks, face contorting in confusion. "You never eat frog legs?" Shane asks. "Eww!" Carl says, his face contorting from confusion into a disgusted look. "No, yum!" Shane corrects as he leans back in his chair a bit. "No, he's right. Eww," Lori contradicts, "they're actually really good, Carl" I say as I fold my arms over my chest. Every day I wake up, I find these people becoming more and more like family than my actual one ever was to me. "You see, she knows what I'm talkin' bout!" Shane says, pointing towards me, which makes me laugh. Lori scrunches up her face in disgust. "When we get down to that last can of beans, you're gonna be loving those frog legs, lady. I can see it now 'Shane, do you think I could have a second helping, please? Ju..just one?'" Shane says, dropping his country accent to imitate Lori. "Yeah, I doubt that." Lori says with an eye roll as both she and Shane laugh.

I turn to see Amy; she's worried about her sister. She should've been back hours ago, but they aren't yet. Dale is standing on top of his RV with a pair of binoculars, just looking out at the road. "I'm..I'm gonna go check in on Amy," I say as I stand up.

Amy is sitting in a chair under the awning of Dale's RV. "You alright, Am's?" I ask she nods slowly. Her arms are crossed over her chest as she mumbles, "They should've been back hours ago." "I'm sure they'r-" I'm cut off by a car alarm blaring. Amy jumps up, and so does Shane. "Talk to me, Dale!" He shouts as he runs towards the RV.

"I can't tell yet," Dale says before looking through his binoculars. "Is it them? Are they back?" Amy asks. "I'll be damned," Dale mutters as we watch a bright red car drive towards our camp. That car is shouting up a storm, probably drawing every Walker in at least a mile's radius towards us. "What is it?" Amy asks.

"A stolen car is my guess."

Lori has her arm wrapped around Carl and one above her eyes, shielding her eyes from the sun. The car pulls in, and we all run towards it. Out comes Glenn. Such a dumbass. I roll my eyes because that boy always seems to do the stupidest goddamn shit. "Holy crap. Turn that damn thing off!" Dale shouts. "I don't know how!" Glenn says with a shrug and the biggest goddamn smile on his face. I run over, pulling him into a hug. I can't lie and say I haven't been a big bag of nerves since he left because I have, but hugging him always makes me feel better.

"Pop the hood, please. Pop the damn hood, please." Shane says, patting the hood of the car harshly.

I let go of Glenn as Amy runs up. "My sister, Andrea-" she's cut off by Shane shouting, "Pop the damn hood!" and him banging on the hood a bit harder. Shane is very upfront with his role as a leader. He's strong, demanding, and the type of person everyone tends to hate, but I've found it easy to get along with him most of the time. He can be an asshole sometimes, but ever since he promised to keep me safe, I've found it easy to understand why he does what he does.

"What, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah," Glenn says, retreating back into his car. Amy is still right at Glenn's side, asking about Andrea. Glenn pops the hood, and Shane gets to work on the vehicle. "Is she okay? Is she all right?" Amy asks, demanding an answer from Glenn as he gets out of the car again. "She's okay! She's okay!" Glenn shouts. Amy's brows furrow, but she does let out a tiny sigh of relief as she asks, "Is she coming back?"

"Yes!"

Amy goes right back into panic mode. "Why isn't she with you? Where is she? Is She okay?" Amy continues to interrogate Glenn, "Yes! Fine. Everybody is." Almost everyone lets out a relieved sigh. We had been knotted up in webs of anxiety all day. "Well, Merle, not so much." No one really worried much about Merle. He could be loud, never listened to anyone, and was obnoxious at times, especially when he was mad. It'd be good to get rid of him. "Are you crazy, drivin' this wailin' bastard up here? You tryin' to draw every Walker for miles?" Shane scolds Glenn as he stands with both hands set on the car's hood. The car was a stupid thing to do; it could've drawn every person and Walker to our location. "I think we're okay," Dale says quietly. "You call being stupid, okay?" Shane argues. Glenn finally turns to me, wrapping his arms around me. "M'glad you're alright," I whisper as I wrap my arms around his neck. he sighs as I lean my head onto his shoulder.

"Well, the alarm was echoing all over these hills. Hard to pinpoint the source," Dale explains. Shane turns around with both hands on his hips, giving Dale a look that tells everyone, 'Don't argue with me.' "I'm not arguing. I'm just saying," Dale says with a shrug. It's almost like Dale can read everyone's expressions because I don't think most people could read Shane like that. "It wouldn't hurt you to think things through a little more carefully next time, would it?" Dale says, raising his voice a bit at Glenn. Glenn lets go of me and says, "Sorry. Got a cool car." with a shrug. I roll my eyes. It's weird, we're going through the zombie fucking apocalypse, and Glenn can still be the sweetest, funniest, happiest man I've ever met.

A large moving truck pulls in next, making everyone focus on it instead of Glenn. Morales steps out first and then Andrea from the back. "Amy," Andrea says as she runs towards her sister. "Andrea!" Amy cries out. The sisters embrace tightly.

"You scared the shit out of me." Amy cries with a little laugh. Morales's kids are running towards their father. "Papi! Daddy!" They cry out as they embrace their father. We all watch the lovely moments between family members. It hurts a bit to us members of the group who've lost family members along the way, but it's nice to see how happy they get. The closest person to a family I have in the group is Glenn. I get so excited to see his face after he goes out in the city. We never know if it's the last time we'll see each other; one day, they could go out and never return. Glenn wraps his arm around my shoulder and whispers, "Got you something while we were out; I'll show you later."

"You are a welcome sight. I thought we had lost you folks for sure." Dale says as he embraces Morales. "How'd y'all get out of there anyway?" Shane speaks up. Morales looks back to the moving truck before saying, "New guy...he got us out." I furrow my brows. I was pretty sure we were the last people alive; we hadn't seen other people since the early days of the outbreak. "New guy?" Shane asks with his brows furrowed together.

"Yeah, crazy Vato just got into town." Morales says as he turns to the moving truck and hollers, "Hey, helicopter boy! Come say hello!"

Out comes a slim brunette man in a police uniform. He's got both hands on his hips as he walks up a few inches. "The guys a cop like you." Morales tells Shane. The guy looks out of breath as he looks over the group. He points towards Lori and Carl before whispering, "Oh my god." And speed walking towards Carl, who's now running towards him. "Dad! Dad!" Carl cries out. The guy kneels down as Carl runs into his arms. Lori is just behind him. Both boys fall to the ground hugging. I'm just now realizing this is Lori's husband, the dead husband Shane had told me about. Lori wasn't one to talk much about him, but Shane and Carl talked about him a lot, mostly reminiscing. Shane talked about how they worked together in the force, and he died at the beginning of the outbreak, but that man wasn't dead. He picks up his son and walks towards Lori. Lori hugs him. She's in disbelief. Then Lori looked up at Shane with the most betrayed facial expression I'd ever seen. I learned from Lori that her husband got shot and went into a coma. Shane told her he died in the hospital. But obviously, he's not dead. He's right here in front of us. I understand that it could've been an accident; he might've not even heard a heartbeat, but the look on Shane's face tells me otherwise.

-

We're all sat around the fire, listening to who I've learned to be Rick tells us how he miraculously woke up and survived. I've got my head in Glenn's lap, and his left arm wrapped around me. "Disoriented. I guess that comes closest. Disoriented." Carl is laying in Rick's lap, and Lori sits beside them. "Fear, confusion..all those things, but..disoriented comes closest." Thunder is coming from a few miles away, which doesn't worry me much; it just frightens me every time it strikes. "Words can be meager things. Sometimes they fall short," Dale says. Glenn gently caresses my arm with his thumb as Rick says, "I felt like I'd been ripped out of my life and put somewhere else." the crickets provide an excellent background for the silence of the night, so it's not just the dark and the loud groans, and growls of walkers in the city. "For a while, I thought I was trapped in some coma dream, something I might not wake up from ever."

"Mom said you died." Carl says quietly. Lori looks at her husband worriedly, like he'd be mad if she told their son that, but he doesn't seem upset. "She had every reason to believe that. Don't you ever doubt it." Rick places his hand on his son's cheek, caressing it lightly, while Lori's hand gently pushes her son's hair back. "When things started to get really bad, they told me at the hospital that they were gonna medevac you and the other patients to Atlanta..." she pauses for a second before continuing, "...and it never happened."

"Well, I'm not surprised after Atlanta fell." Lori nods, whispering "yeah"

"And from the look of that hospital, it got overrun." Rick adds the last time I was in the city, it was absolutely overrun; no one was alive, and the entire place had been taken over by the dead. "Yeah, looks don't deceive. I barely got them out...you know?" Rick looks at Shane, making direct eye contact. "I can't tell you how grateful I am to you, Shane...I can't begin to express it." Shane doesn't answer. He stares at Rick, unable to answer; he has a guilty look on his face that says more than words could ever. "There go those words falling short again..paltry things. " Dale says with a chuckle. I look up at Glenn, who's staring ahead at the fire, zoned out, but when he notices I'm looking up at him, he grins.

Before all this, I was 2 years into med school, living in a shitty apartment with 2 shitty roommates. I wanted to be a doctor. That was dream ever since I was little. Little me was wise to choose that because now the 2 years of training I did does work out. After all, now I'm the group's "doctor." my knowledge doesn't help with complex issues because I had only been in med school for 2 years, but I'm a pro with the basics.

Lori is cuddled up in Rick's arms but staring at Shane with a terrified look. Shane looks mad, maybe jealous even. Ed stands up, throwing another log into the fire.

"Hey, Ed, you want to rethink that log?" We all look at Ed like we're in elementary school again, looking at him like, 'Ooo, you're in trouble'. "It's cold, man." Ed says with his head leaned back before it falls forward a bit. "The cold doesn't change the rules, does it?" Shane says, looking over at Ed. "Keep our fires low, just embers, so we can't be seen from a distance, right?" Shane says just to explain to Rick since his eyebrows are furrowed. "I said it's cold. You should mind your own business for once." Ed argues. It wasn't a good thing to argue with Shane; he's our leader, he makes the rules, and he tells people what to do. If he says no, it means no, that's it. Shane pushes himself to his feet, walks over, and grabs something. I can't really tell what it is. He walks behind Ed, patting him on the back. "Hey, Ed....are sure you want to have this conversation, man?" He asks softly, "Go on. Pull the damn thing out. Go on!"

Carol Ed's wife sits quietly, almost embarrassed of her husband's actions. Finally, she seems fed up with her husband's childish behavior, so she stands up, grabs the log out of the fire, and throws it on the ground. "Christ," Shane mutters. Carol isn't one to really stand up to her husband; I can tell because the look on Ed's face is terrifying. She then walks back around and sits beside her daughter as Shane stomps on the log until it's no longer on fire. Shane kneels down close to Sophia and Carol. "Hey, Carol, Sophia, how are y'all this evening?" He asks.

"Fine. We're just fine." Ed is staring daggers over at his wife. "I'm sorry about the fire." Carol says quietly, almost like she doesn't want her husband to hear. "No, no, no. No apology needed. Y'all have a good night, okay?"

"Thank you," Carol whispers. Sophia looks down at her feet the entire time like she's scared of what her father will do later. "I appreciate the cooperation." Shane stands up and walks back over to his spot. "Have you given any thought to Daryl Dixon? He won't be happy to hear his brother was left behind." Dale says. Daryl wouldn't be happy; he and his brother were the only family they had left. Even though they didn't get along well, he'd be upset.

"I'll tell him. I dropped the key. It's on me." T-dog says quietly. "I cuffed him. That makes it mine." Rick replies. "Guys, it's not a competition. I don't mean to bring race into this, but it might sound better coming from a white guy." Glenn says, his arm still wrapped around me, drawing small circles on my upper arm. The Dixon brothers...well, at least Merle was very racist, and I wouldn't be surprised if Daryl was, too. "I did what I did. Hell, if I'm gonna hide from him."

"We could lie." Amy says from her spot curled up in her sister's arms. "Or tell the truth," Andrea sighs. She's right. We needed to tell Daryl the truth; if we didn't, and he found out we lied, our consequences would be worse. "Merle was out of control. Something had to be done, or he'd have gotten us killed." She was right again; Merle was out of control, and there was never a way to calm him or tell him what to do. Even if Shane tried, he couldn't. Merle was his own boss, and God bless the person who tried to boss him around. "Your husband did what was necessary, and if Merle got left behind, it is nobody's fault but Merle's." Andrea says to Lori. "And that's what we tell Daryl?" Dale asks. I don't think Daryl would just take that as an answer for why we left his brother behind, even if he knew how stubborn his brother was. "I don't see a rational discussion to be had from that, do you?" Dale asks, shaking his head. Dale was a wise older man, like our group's grandfather or even father. He was rational and knew how to survive. People like Shane say that this world wasn't made for Dale, but we'd be dead without Dale. "Word to the wise...we're gonna have our hands full when he gets back from his hunt." We would. Daryl would probably throw a fit and try to hurt someone. He was similar to his brother in expressing his anger through yelling and fists.

"I was scared, and I ran. I'm not ashamed of it," T-dog says with his arms crossed over his chest. "We were all scared. We all ran. What's your point?" Andrea asks. "I stopped long enough to chain that door. Staircase is narrow. Maybe half a dozen geeks can squeeze against it at any one time. It's not enough to break through that..not that chain, not that padlock. My point...my point is..dixon's alive, and he's still up there, handcuffed on that roof. That's on us." T-dog says before getting up and walking away.

"Hey, can I stay in your tent tonight to stay warm?" Glenn whispers just loud enough for me to hear. I nod as I look up at him. I stand up, pushing myself off the ground, and hold my hand out for him to grab. I pull him up, and he wraps his arm around my shoulder. "We're gonna head to bed, goodnight," Glenn says.

We walk towards my tent, his arm still wrapped around me.

He unwraps his arm around me so I can unzip my tent. He gets in first and sits crisscrossed on the far-left side. I get in and then zip the tent back up. I lay down, wrapping myself in blankets, trying to avoid freezing to death. "Do you think this will ever like end?" Glenn asks. I shrug. "I hope so," I whisper. He lays down beside me, propping his head up with his arm. "If this does end, we should get an apartment together." He nods in agreement even though we both know it'll probably never happen. It's so weird. I've only known Glenn for about 2 months, but he knows me better than anyone. It could be because we have so much time to talk. "Where were you before you came here?" I ask in a whispered tone. He lets out a small sigh before saying, "Macon...ended up getting stuck in a pharmacy in Macon with a group of people. they went to some motel, but I ended up leaving to go to Atlanta." I nod before he adds, "They ended up giving me a walkie to keep in touch, but it hasn't worked since I left," he whispers as he lets his head fall onto the pillow. "Do you still have it?" I ask. He nods before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a small walkie-talkie with stickers on it. I smile as I ask, "Why is it covered in stickers?" with a laugh. "A little girl in the group gave it to me," he says with a small smile. I let out a small sigh as we sat in a comfortable silence together for a few seconds.

"You should go to bed, Glenn," I mumble as I scoot closer to him. "Mhm, I will." I cuddle up next to him, wrapping my arms around his torso. "Don't stay up too late now," I mumble into his chest. "I won't," he says. I can tell he's smiling by the way he says it.

-

I wake up to the sound of birds chirping and the sunlight peering through the sheer fabric of my tent. Glenn's no longer in the tent. He must've gotten up earlier. I push myself off the ground and crawl over to unzip my tent. I get out, zip it back up, and walk over to where the rest of the group is hanging out.

Carol is leaving some clothes out to dry when I walk up to her. "Morning," I say. She gives me a weak smile but replies, "Morning." She washed Rick's clothes. She's a sweet lady, definitely didn't deserve her asshat of a husband.

Glenn is standing, staring at his red car, arms crossed over his chest. Dale and some other guys are striping it clean of gas and anything they need from the vehicle. Glenn's pissed. I walk over to him. "Look at 'em. Vultures." He grumbles. I give him a weak smile as he says, "Yeah, go on, strip it clean." sarcastically. "Generators need every drop of fuel they can get. I have no power without it. Sorry, Glenn," Dale says, patting Glenn's back as he walks by with a gas can. "Thought I'd get to drive it at least a few more days." Glenn mumbles. He's very obviously upset. I wrap an arm around him. "We'll get you another one like it, Glenn," I say, trying to comfort him. He gives me a weak smile. "yeah, maybe."

Glenn and I walk away from the car "are..are you guys gonna try and rescue Merle?" I ask. Glenn shrugs. "It's up to Shane," Glenn says. I nod. I wanted to go. I hadn't been out into the city since the beginning of the outbreak. I wanted to go on a supply run like Andrea got to, but I was never fucking allowed to! I could handle myself. I survived long enough to get here, but Shane was always against it. He always had some lame ass excuse to not let me go. I understood he just wanted to protect me, but if I didn't get experience fighting walkers, I would die if some came stumbling onto our camp.

Shane drives up in his jeep with water. "Waters here, y'all. Just a reminder to boil before use," he says as he exits. A couple of us walk over to Shane's car and help him carry the water jugs. I grab one, but Shane immediately takes it from me. I hate how he sees me as a child incapable of doing things alone.

A blood-curdling scream breaks our attention from the water. "MOM!" Carl screams. Rick and Lori immediately start sprinting towards their son's cries. "DAD!" Carl screams again. "Baby!" Lori yells. Shane is now also flying towards the screams of two children with a shotgun. "MAMA! MOMMY!"

"CARL!" Lori cries out as she's trying to find her child. "CARL! Baby!" Both Sophia and Carl come running out of the forest. Lori falls to her knees with Carl in her arms, examining him, ensuring there are no bites or scratches. "Nothing bit you, nothing scratched you?" Lori says, hugging at her child.

Most of us are also running that way with guns and weapons. "No, I'm okay," Carl says. Both children seem shaken up by whatever they had seen in the woods.

We finally find the Walker that the kids saw. It's in a small clearing surrounded by trees feasting on a dead deer. I scrunch up my nose in disgust. It smells horrible. Walkers smell awful, like shit, and death. It's just pure death. I stand back as the men go ham on the thing. Beating, stabbing it, you name it, they did it. The sound of leaves crunching makes Shane raise his gun.

Amy and Andrea are standing behind me. We're all preparing for the worst: another walker, maybe a horde of them. But then out pops Daryl with his crossbow and about a dozen dead squirrels. Shane lowers his gun but mutters, "Oh, Jesus." In an almost 'oh god, it's him' tone. "Son of a bitch." Daryl curses as he pushes his way through some branches and over some rocks. "That's MY deer!" As Daryl walks towards it, Rick, Morales, and Glenn step away from the deer. "Look at it. All gnawed on by this..." he then began to kick at the Walker.

"..FILTHY.." kick "..DISEASE-BEARING.." kick "..MOTHERLESS.." kick "..POXY BASTARD!"

"Calm down, son, that's not helping," Dale says, not trying to create conflict but to calm the angered man down. Daryl took it as wanting to cause a conflict, though, so he stomps over to Dale, "What do you know about it, old man?! Why don't you take that stupid hat and go back to 'On Golden Pond'!" He shouts before turning back around and walking back towards the deer and Walker.

He sighs as he leans over. "I've been trackin' this deer for miles." He pulls out about three arrows from the deer. "Was gonna drag it back to camp, cook us until some venison." He then pulls out a knife. "What do you think? Do you think we can cut around this chewed-up part right here?" He asks as he leans over the deer and points to the gnawed parts of the deer with his knife. "I would not risk that." Shane replies. The deer looks definitely non-salvageable. Its guts are spilling out and just totally gnawed on. If we tried to eat it, we'd definitely get infected. Daryl sighs. "That's a damn shame." He then turns to the squirrels he has. "I got some squirrels—about a dozen or so. That'll have to do," he sighs.

The Walker's decapitated head then twitches, which is a sight to see. It disgusts Amy, who says, "Oh god." Like she's about to throw up. Andrea then escorts her away from the Walker and probably back to camp. "Come on, people. What the hell?" Daryl says as he shoots the Walker straight in the head. He pulls the arrow out of the Walker. "It's gotta be the brain. Don't y'all know nothin'?" He says with an eye roll. He walks past me, giving me a slight smile.

We follow him as he walks back to camp. "Merle!" He shouts. Everyone's giving each other looks like 'who's gonna tell him?' "Merle! Get your ugly ass out here!" He shouts again. "I got us some squirrel! Let's stew'em up." He says, putting his crossbow down.

Shane decides he will tell him; he is the un-proclaimed group leader, after all. "Daryl, just slow up a bit. I need to talk to you." Shane says. Daryl stops and turns around. "bout what?" He asks, brows furrowed. We're all stopped just a few feet away, watching. We're all crossing our fingers, hoping this won't end badly. "Bout Merle." Shane says as he continues walking past Daryl, "There was a—there was a problem in Atlanta." Shane stops and turns around, putting his hands on his hips. Daryl looks around as we're all kind of gathered around watching. "He dead?" Daryl asks. "We're not sure." As Daryl's brows furrow, Shane replies, "he either is or he ain't!" Rick then steps up and walks over to where Shane and Daryl are. "No easy way to say this, so I'll just say it."

"Who are you?"

"Rick Grimes." Rick replies in his heavy country accent. Someone was going to get hurt; I just knew it. I'm leaning against Shane's jeep, with Glenn standing beside me as we watch. "Rick grimes! you got something you want to tell me?" Daryl shouts angrily. God, I just hope no one gets hurt too bad because I'll have to fix them up.

"Your brother was a danger to us all, so I handcuffed him on a roof hooked him to a piece of metal. He's still there." Rick explains. I can just see Daryl's blood boiling. If steam could come out of his ears, it would be. Daryl turns around, wiping at his eyes like he was about to cry. "Hold on. Let me process this. You're saying you handcuffed my brother to a roof, and you left him there?!" He shouts with tears in his eyes. I actually feel bad for Daryl. If someone had chained my brother up on a roof with Walker able to get to him, I'd be just as angry. "yeah." Rick says quietly. Daryl's face is all scrunched up in anger. He turns around just a bit before launching the squirrels at Rick.

Shane immediately gets in between the two, tackling Daryl to the ground. Daryl falls to the ground with a grunt. T-dog drops the logs he was carrying and is just about to jump in when Daryl pulls out his knife and pushes himself off the ground. "watch the knife!" T-dog shouts. Daryl then tries to swing at Rick but misses. Rick grabs one of Daryl's arms, and Shane comes behind him, both men holding him back. Rick takes a step back, letting Shane take over. "Okay, okay," Shane says, trying to stop Daryl from struggling. We all knew this would happen; Daryl was violent. "You'd best let me go!" Daryl shouts.

"Nah, I think it's better if I don't." Shane's arms are around Daryl's neck in a choke hold, and Daryl grunts and tries to escape Shane's grip. "Choke hold's illegal," Daryl grunts as Shane gets him to the ground. "You can file a complaint," Shane replies sarcastically.

"Come on, man. We'll keep this up all day." Shane warns as Rick kneels down next to Daryl. "I'd like to have a calm discussion on this topic. Do you think we can manage that?" Rick asks Daryl. Daryl doesn't answer. Just continues to wriggle around, trying to get out of their hold. "Do you think we can manage that?" Rick repeats like he's talking to a toddler. Daryl is panting, but let's say, "mhm, yeah." Shane lets him go harshly. "what I did was not on a whim." Rick says, still kneeling down next to Daryl. Daryl's still panting as Rick says, "Your brother does not work and play well with others." Daryl stares at the ground as Rick talks to him. "It's not Rick's fault. I had the key." T-dog says. Both men look up at T-dog. "I dropped it." Daryl's brows furrow. "you couldn't pick it up?!" Daryl asks loudly.

"Well, I dropped it in a drain."

Daryl lets out a loud scoff as he looks down at the ground on his hands and knees. He pushes himself off the ground. "if it's supposed to make me feel better, it doesn't." He says harshly as he throws a handful of rocks back onto the ground as walks past t-dog. "Well, maybe this will.." t-dog says. Daryl stops as t-dog continues, "look, I chained the door to the roof—so the geeks couldn't get at him...with a padlock."

"It's gotta count for something," Rick says. Daryl sighs before wiping his eyes again "hell with all y'all!" Daryl shouts as tears begin to form in his eyes once again. "Just tell me where he is," Daryl says desperately, like he's falling apart without his brother. Even though the two fought like cats and dogs, you could tell they loved each other. "so, I can go get him."

"He'll show you, isn't that, right?" Lori says with one hand on the RV door. Rick's breathing heavily as he looks around. "I'm goin' back." Lori lets out a sigh before climbing into the RV angrily. I understand Lori's anger; she doesn't want her husband, whom she hasn't seen in 2 months, to leave again.

"Are you going back?" I ask, turning to Glenn. "If they want me to yeah." Glenn replies with a nod. "I want to go too," I whisper; Glenn's eyes widen. "You can't," he says; I cross my arms over my chest and let out an angry sigh. I don't know why every man I know chooses to treat me like a child. "I can, and I will. I don't give two fucks what you say." Glenn sighs and places a hand on my shoulder. "You. Can't." I scoff and roll my eyes. "I'm goin' anyways. You can't stop me," I say as I push his arm off me and walk over to Shane.

"I'm going with them." Shane laughs but quickly realizes I'm serious, and his smile drops. "no, you're not." I roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest. I don't know when he will realize I'm a few years older than Glenn. If Glenn can handle himself out there, so can I. "I can handle myself out there. I want to help!" Shane laughs and grabs my upper arm harshly. "I'm sure you can, but I'm protecting you." I hate how he always uses the excuse that he's protecting me: "I'm not a kid. I can help!" I shout; he rolls his eyes and says, "You sure are actin' like one. If you want to help, cook something or wash some clothes." I push him off of me and scoff. "Fuck you."

Rick walks out of his family's tent, dressed in his police uniform. I'll ask him. Maybe he's not like Shane. "Hey, Rick!" I say, running up to him. He stops, brows furrowed together. I realize I haven't really introduced myself, so I say, " I'm y/n, I have a question." he nods in response, so I say, "Can I go with y'all?" He sighs and looks at me like, 'Do you have any experience?' "I was in that city for a week with only a knife. I know my way around the place," he sighs again, asking, "Can you shoot a gun?" I nod. I've been able to shoot a gun since I was 7 years old. That's just the pros of growing up in rural Georgia with a grandpa who loved to hunt. "I don't care as long as you can handle yourself." I smile. I turn towards Shane, who has a scowl on his face. I grin just to piss him off.

I watch as Rick walks over to Shane; they have a hushed conversation. Shane's obviously pissed about something, maybe it's me, perhaps it's Rick leaving again. Rick begins to walk off while Shane follows shortly behind.

I think Glenn's pissed at me too. I understand he cares about me a lot, but I want to prove myself to the group. I want them to know I'm not just some helpless girl that needs protecting. I walk over to him; he's got his arms crossed with a worried look on his face. "You going with them?" He asks. I nod, and he loudly sighs, "What if you get hurt?" I rolled my eyes; I had been out in that city with only a knife as a weapon for a week. I know how to protect myself. "I'm not. I can handle myself. I did it before," I say, trying to comfort him, but it doesn't seem to work. He grabs my hand and whispers, "Why would you risk your life for Merle Dixon?" with his brows furrowed. I shrug, and He sighs as he drops my hand. "You give me so much anxiety, y/n," he says with a laugh; I laugh as well and say, "And you think you don't do the same to me?" He rolls his eyes before He smiles and grabs my hand.

Shane and Rick walk back into the area where everyone else is bickering. "So, you and Daryl, that's your big plan?" Lori asks Rick from her spot sitting by our campfire. Rick turns to both me and Glenn. Glenn lets out a groan. "Oh, come on." I laugh because he should have known he'd have to go, too. After all, he's our designated errand-runner. "You know the way. You've been there before...in and out, no problem. You said so yourself." Glenn takes his hat off and runs his hand through his hair. "It's not fair of me to ask, I know that, but I'd feel a lot better with you alone. I know she would, too." Rick says, turning to his wife. "That's just great. Now you're not only going to risk y/n's life but three of our men, huh?"

"Four," t-dog corrects.

Daryl huffs. "My day just gets better and better, don't it?" Daryl says as he cleans his arrows. "You see anybody else here stepping up to save your brothers, cracker ass?" T-dog retorts, which makes me laugh because it is quite a coincidence that T-dog is stepping up to help when Merle hates him. "Why you?" Daryl demands. "You wouldn't even begin to understand. You don't speak my language."

Dale walks over and says, "That's four."

"It's not just four. You're putting every single one of us at risk. Just know that, Rick. Come on, you saw that, Walker. It was here. It was in camp. They're moving out of the cities. They come back; we need every ablebody we've got, " Shane says, getting closer to Rick. "We need 'em here. We need 'em to protect the camp." he's pissed. He doesn't want us out there anymore, especially for Merle. He didn't give a shit about any of us, only himself, so why were we even going. To make ourselves feel better, to not have that guilt on our backs.

"It seems to me what you really need most here...are more guns."

"Right, the guns." Glenn says, slowly walking forward. Everyone, including me, needs clarification about what he's talking about. "Wait, what guns?" Shane asks with his eyebrows furrowed. "Six shotguns, two high-powered rifles, over a dozen handguns." Rick states. "I cleaned out the cage back at the station before I left. I dropped it when I got swarmed in Atlanta. It's just sitting there on the street, waiting to be picked up." Rick explained. "Ammo?" Shane asks quietly. "700 rounds, assorted." Rick confirms. Shane bows his head, thinking about what we should do. "You went through hell to find us. Yo-you just got here, and you're gonna turn around and leave?" Lori just couldn't understand why he would risk his life, leaving again. But we needed those guns and ammo. Finding Merle would just be a side quest. "Dad, I-I don't want you to go." Carl stutters out. "To hell with the guns. Shane is right. Merle Dixon? He's not worth one of your lives, even with guns thrown in." Shane runs his hands through his hair as Rick walks towards Lori. Lori stands up and says, "Tell me. Make me understand."

"I owe a debt to a man I met and his little boy." Lori looks down at Carl like, 'We have a kid too?!' Rick grabs Lori's hand. "Lori, if they hadn't taken me in, I'd have died." He says quietly, "It's because of them that I made it back to you at all. They said they'd follow me to Atlanta. they'll walk into the same trap I did if I don't warn him." Lori looks down at her feet before whispering, "What's stoppin' you?" Rick sighs before saying, "the walkie-talkie, the one in the bag I dropped, he's got the other one. Our plan was to connect when they got closer."

Shane's now sat down by his jeep, rubbing at his face, stressed, he's stressed. What are you really supposed to do in this situation? We really need those guns, but we could lose people if we did it. "These are our walkies?" Shane asks. Rick nods and says, "Yeah." with a sigh. "So, use the c.b...what's wrong with that?" Andrea suggests. "The c.b's fine. It's the walkies that suck to crap..date back to the '70s, don't match any other bandwidth, not even the scanners in our cars" Shane explains. Lori avoids Rick's eye contact, looking just behind or at her feet. "I need that bag." Lori doesn't reply. She's just speechless. Rick walks past Lori and to their son. He kneels down in front of Carl. "okay?" Carl just nods. "All right," Rick whispers as he ruffles Carls's hair.

Glenn turns to me. "We're both coming back alive. I swear if you don't, I will literally kill you." I let out a laugh. "Well then, if you don't, I'll do the same," he smiles. "Deal?" "Deal." We both laugh as I lean my head onto his shoulder.

-

I'm sitting in my tent, riffling through my belongings, looking for the handgun my granddad lent me before I headed off to college. I finally found it hidden under a pile of blankets. I stuffed it into my bag and stepped out of my tent. Glenn's already in the large truck Rick and them brought back. Daryl's in the back with t-dog, while Glenn's in the front. I walk over and hop up into the back with Daryl. "You find your gun?" Glenn asks as he turns back towards me. I nod as I take a seat on the metal floor. Rick and Shane walk up to the back of the truck. Shane places down a large black bag. "Hey, Rick, got any rounds in the python?" Shane asks. "No," Rick replies, shaking his head. "Last time we were on the gun range, I'm sure I wound up with a few loose rounds of yours."

Daryl sits next to me and takes my gun out of my hand. He examines it briefly before asking, "You know how to use this, darlin'?" I scoff and roll my eyes. "Yeah, I do," I say as I grab my gun back from him and tuck it back into my bag. "You know how to use that?" I ask sarcastically as I point to his crossbow. He laughs, "Of course I fuckin' do." Rick and Shane walk away, and Daryl stands up. He walks over and closes the back of the truck. The truck starts up, and we're going.

-

We're driving over some train tracks, which is a bit bumpy but not too bad. "He'd better be okay. It's my only word on the matter." Daryl says to T-dog it's a warning; if Merle isn't alive, he's going to hurt someone, and it'll probably be T-dog. "He will," I whisper. Of course, he will. He's fucking Merle. He'd be able to be hit by a truck, and he'd still be alright. "I told you the geeks can't get to him," T-dog says, leaning his head against the metal wall of the truck. "The only thing that's gonna get through that door is us." t-dog adds.

We come to a slow stop, and Glenn takes out the keys. he then turns to us, "We walk from here." We all get out of the car. Both T-dog and Daryl hop out first, then me.

-

Glenn pushes a broken part of a wired fence out of the way so we can all get through. "Merle first or guns?" Rick asks as he turns around towards us. "Merle! We ain't even having this conversation!" Daryl shouts. "We are." Rick says and then turns to Glenn, "You know the geography. It's your call." Glenn sighs before saying, "Merle's closest. The guns would mean doubling back. Merle first." a little out of breath. Daryl's definitely happy about that.

-

We're walking through a department store, and we're all a little on Guard. I've got my gun held out, ready to shoot any moment. We hear a Walker shuffling around, so we all freeze. Rick spots it and points it out to us before we slowly walk around the store, trying to stay as quiet and out of sight as possible. Daryl approaches the rotten, growling thing, and he raises his crossbow "damn, you are one ugly skank." He mutters. It starts to growl at him, getting ready to lunge, but he quickly shoots it straight in the head. It falls to the ground with a thud, and Daryl quickly pulls his arrow out of its head.

We made it to the top with hardly any more walker interference, which I'm grateful for. We all sprint up to the door that leads to the roof, Rick's there first, holding the chain so t-dog can cut it off. He cuts the chain, pulls it off, and Daryl kicks open the door before he runs out. "Merle! Merle!" he shouts as he gets out onto the roof. We follow him as Daryl looks for his brother, but he's not there, just handcuffs cuffed to a pipe, a saw, and a hand.

"No! No!" Daryl cries out over and over again. I feel for Daryl, I really do, but did we all really think Merle was going to stay up there? There was no doubt in my mind that Merle wouldn't find a way to get his ass off this roof, even if that meant sawing off his own hand.

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@e1d0lonk3k @soul4death

[sometimesiammybpd]

tw // mentions of suicide, self harm

when someone asks me how i'm doing, i default to "i'm okay." it's the safe answer. any less than okay and they get worried and any more than okay and they think i'm doing better than i am. because that question has gotten harder and harder and harder to answer as the years go on and it's because all i feel is rage and anger. or emptiness, but usually either one or the other or a mix of both. even when i have an off day or i wake up not feeling . . . the worst . . . i still don't really feel happy or okay. i just feel. i don't know.

i want to be okay. i want to be normal. i don't want to keep spending my days wondering why i can't be like everyone else. it's so tiring to feel like i'm forever emotionally stunted as a teenager because every little thing sets me off and makes me split. it makes me feel like i'll never have control over myself. and it makes the cycle so draining because i swear i am trying so hard to understand my issues and problems. i am trying so hard to work on them and become better even if i'm already decent, but it hurts when all i see is the definition of insanity. doing the same thing over and over and somehow expecting a different result. i don't enjoy snapping at people or feeling so much fucking hate all the time, but no matter what i do it doesn't feel like it'll ever go away. it's gotten me to a point where not only can i not trust anyone, i just don't even trust myself. i don't trust myself to be around my friends or be around my family and NOT because i'm abusive or anything but because i don't know when something will make me split and i don't want them to start seeing me as abusive. and i do admit, i don't know what form of BPD i have or if this is just anger issues or what but when i get set off into an episode and i'm starting to split badly, i just. i feel like i age regress to like three years old. because i start throwing things and yelling and screaming and my body starts to get hot because i'm getting so overwhelmed. and then if i get pushed enough, i either shut down, cry, or both. usually the first one. and when it happens at work, it makes it even worse. i literally had an episode that got me so fucked up that i kicked the hell out of the trash can in the office for 5-6 minutes, spewing trash everywhere, and then broke down crying because that's how overwhelming everything felt in the moment. i fucking hate it so much.

and i've tried to put it into words what an average day for me feels like now. besides my hypersexuality taking over half the time, i just feel rage and hatred unless i'm euphoric. i also feel like i've already contradicted myself a lot and honestly, how this reads is how it feels. it makes no fucking sense to me and it's. just.

yeah.

i don't know. i really don't know. the other thing that really makes living day-to-day so hard is that . . . well. all i ever think is that i'm faking everything. that i've somehow managed to convince myself and everyone around me for years that i have all these things wrong with me that i really don't. and i can only really explain parts of it. like, i don't feel the way other seem to feel with bpd. i think i said it earlier but i really don't cry. stress or overstimulation or whatever just comes out as rage or anger and i hate it. there have been many conversations with close friends where i've vented about just the fact that i can't cry (unless i get pushed so far that my emotions don't know what else to do).

the scariest part is all the things i don't have answers for, i don't even know if it'd be worth getting answers at this point. i know that not everything has answers and that's tiring on its own right but it scares me. because it falls into that same category. what if i don't deserve to know? what if this is my way of suffering after all the years of pain and suffering i caused others to go through? what if i'm not able to accept the answers? i mean, these are some of what goes through my head all the time. but it goes hand in hand with the whole "what if you're faking it" thing. i've felt that way since i was thirteen. i knew something was wrong, but i quickly grew to feel like it didn't matter because it was all because of me. if i could have some self-control, i'd be normal. if i wasn't so toxic, or abusive, or manipulative, or self-absorbed, or narcissistic, etc. it's all the same but it never stops hurting. and it's so hard trying to have people who don't live like this understand that this is what a normal day is like for me.

that on a normal day, i want to kill myself the entire time. i want to rip my arms apart and take everyone down with me. that i don't hate someone one moment and the next i wish them immediate suffering and that i never have to speak to them again (but then i take it back twenty minutes later because i'm no longer feeling that way). i actually learned of a new term that i didn't know of. around the time when i got diagnosed with bpd, i learned of the term NSSI. non-suicidal self injury. and it made a big part of me make sense for the first time in my entire life. hurting yourself because you need the thoughts to stop, not because you're trying to commit. i guess i can mention this here but i don't really hurt myself. at least not in the expected sense. i have before but usually only when things get so bad and i actually have access to it. most of the time though, i actually can just not do it. it's not that i don't feel like it's something i should be doing or i deserve it or whatever, but just because i can't move. like i'm hearing in my head: "do it. hurt yourself. who gives a shit about you anyways," and meanwhile i'm just sitting here to which someone on a first glance could say "oh, you seem okay." but i'm not. in that moment, i barely feel there.

i don't know. it's so hard to explain. sorry. this post probably doesn't make any sense. i don't have much left to write because what i have put down already was so hard to get out there. and i hope my posts don't just come off as only complaining or whatever. i don't want to take my life most days in a serious sense. i've learned i definitely have passive suicidal ideation, but yeah. i wanted to at one point which then stretched for a long time. but not anymore. i worry a lot about being too negative.

always wanna say, dms on here are open if anyone needs someone to talk to /gen.

[corruptlight]

Unchained Wrath

If a light side Sith Warrior trusted others to get to Vette before Vaylin... only to lose her because of it.

The snap echoes.

The snap that will forever haunt one person.

The Sith, that was known for being everything that contradicts his order, cradles the body of his lover close. After a moment, cold rage swells in the force and all can feel it.

Force sensitives and Non-Force sensitives alike could feel it, as the entire force becomes shrouded in darkness.

Bringing Vette's hand up to kiss it once more, before gently setting her to rest. Vaylin revels in the pain of the commander, watching as the Sith just stares at Vette.

That's when she felt it.

Her skytroopers all are lifted into the air, being crushed with a sickening noise as her personal guards ready themselves. But, they start to scream as the armor is digging into their skin before their bodies slowly are crushed together.

Blood pouring through their armor as the screams eventually cease, as Vaylin starts to feel something she hasn't in a long time.

Cold, unrelenting fear.

Senya and Arcann both step back, as the Commander looks up as his eyes show the most sickly yellow she's ever seen.

He stands slowly before reaching his hand out with total command of the Force.

"I... I will rain down every pain, every agony, every form of torture known. Then I will parade your body around Zakuul, every planet possible, the galaxy will know what it means to wrong me!" The Commander - no, The Wrath - growls as Vaylin feels herself forced to kneel.

"Kneel..." Wrath hisses, "Kneel before the Dragon of Zakuul."

That's when it started, the pain as the Commander slowly took her life. However, he didn't give her the pleasure of death before using his lightsaber to her skin. The Wrath throws Vaylin to her family, making the girl reach out to them but they can only stare in horror. Being forced to kneel again, Wrath squats behind her and moves to be beside her ear.

"This?" He starts, closing his fist more, causing more pain.

"THIS... is the unchained wrath... and you will never truly be at peace." Was whispered into her ear before snapping her neck, ending her the same way she took all he ever loved and cared for.

Silence over takes everyone as the Eternal Fleet retreats upon Vaylin's death. The comms come alive with chatter, but, Wrath stares before yelling and flinging her body all over the place.

His anger was deep and he was going to inflict on anyone in his way. Vaylins death wasn't enough, as he keep beating the death body.

Senya steps forward, "Commander, this-" Senya was then flung harshly against the wall, making Arcann run after her before contacting Lana and Theron.

"Lana, Theron you're needed here-"

"We know, everyone felt it." Lana assures.

Five minutes later, Lana and Theron found them and looked upon what they found. Arcann was tending to his wounded mother as the Wrath abused the body of Vaylin.

"Commander!" Lana yells while running over with Theron in tow.

After an hour, they were able to calm the Commander by letting him cradle Vettes body. Removing everyone else from the area, they sat as the Commander broke down.

"I should've just came for you myself, I shouldn't of trusted them to make it." He says shakily, tears running down his face.

"But not to worry, my love," he whispers, closing his eyes, "I will make the Galaxy suffer for what they did."

And he will no matter who tries to stop him, and that is what concerns Lana and Theron the most.

[ananke-xiii]

SPN Comparisons with novels, tragedies, myths and other stories that I don't totally vibe with:

"Widower arc" and Romeo and Juliet: I feel like this one is a slippery slope. As I've said, I see the theme and the movie reference but I've found out a more compelling way to see that arc, a way that's profoundly related to Dean and Castiel alone which I find more interesting. Cause if you agree with the Romeo and Juliet of it all in "Advanced Thanatology" then you will also see it in "Red Meat" where we even have Billie as a reaper to complete the death theme. Which means you either acknowledge that both Sam and Castiel serve as Juliets to Dean's Romeo and/or acknowledge that Dean's suicidal tendencies have nothing to do with a specific character per se but with the idea that Dean can't find meaning in himself without someone else. And I tend to agree with the latter because, for instance, "Regarding Dean" is, to me, precisely about that: everybody is regarding Dean but how does he regard himself? I don't see the episode as sad as many people do, I think it's actually hopeful in the sense that Dean accepts the fact that he needs to work on himself, takes responsibility for his past and decides he wants to move on. It's a rather positive episode although it is bittersweet like every moment of growth is.

Romeo and Juliet is pertinent to Crowley and Dean as well: Juliet's Crowley's pet just like Dean was the domesticated "Queen" Crowley wanted to rule Hell with. A queen whose death he had a hand in and who resurrected transformed into the Queen of the Underworld, a title which Dean rejects. This time the association is indeed sad, just as Crowley and Dean's summer of love is. If the comparison must be done, spn writers seem to say, it will not be about the commercialized, uncritical romantic idea of love associated with the play.

Finally I don't like the comparison because Cas, Sam and Juliet the Hellhound (lol) didn't fake-die voluntarily, not just straight-up died to avoid something or escape from something. They unfortunately succumbed to their opponent and this is no small detail that can be ignored, imo ( I love symbols and evocative images but I am also a very literal person, I know, I am a living contradiction, blame my sun squaring my moon).

Castiel as Don Quixote: if anything Metatron is the kind of guy Cervantes makes fun of in the Don Quixote. It's him who uses literature as escapism and it's him who wants to write a story where he is the hero because he wants to walk in Cas' trenchcoat. Metatron's windmills were a bit more real because Heaven did have a beef with him, still he had to go ahead with that, admittedly funny, "X" façade that literally nobody asked for. Metatron implicitly comparing Cas to Don Quixote in s10 revelas more about him than Cas (Metatron was, after all, the main character of "Meta fiction", an episode where he literally creates illusions for Cas to believe).

s6 Dean and Cas as Orpheus and Eurydice: I don't see it at all. Apart from that one shot where Dean turns and Cas is still in the holy fire cycle the parallels don't parallel like at all. It's visually nice because it shows how Dean is still conflicted after everything they've been through and the whole Godstiel's arc will indeed change his relationship with Cas forever. But, like, I don't see Orpheus's myth at play at all.

Sam and/or Dean as Christ figure and/or sacrificial lamb and/or scapegoat: now this is where I have to come out as born and raised Roman Catholic cause this is all about redemption and salvation and, from what I've gathered, Protestants have it worse. I still need time to process all this but I suspect there is something at play that doesn't add up. Christ, lamb and goat all have in common one thing among many: the concept of sin. Specifically the concept of humans as sinful creatures that must be redeemed. Now, this is not Christ's sin or the lamb's, they act as conduit for the salvation of others. So here's my problem with these symbols in SPN: what's the sin in this story? I mean, the original human sin that must be redeemed? It seems to me that both Sam and Dean don't redeem other people, don't really save other people but themselves. They sacrifice themselves to redeem themselves of what they think it's their sin. It's, again, the family business: hunting things and saving people which basically means killing monsters and save people from death and apocalypse but not sin. How can one character be a Christ figure if all they(try/want to) redeem is only their own (perceived) sin? And how does a Christ figure prevent the Apocalypse while Christ himself very much brings it about? Is Apocalypse the sin? But then it's the angels' or god's sin, not the people's. Christ and the apocalypse are very much connected by the concept of resurrection but characters like Sam and Dean very much stops at the symbolical crucifixion/sacrifice aspect of Christ story. They went very close in s13 with the Second Coming of Sam Winchester via Lucifer's grace in Apocalypse world (!!!!) but it really stopped there.

Now I enter a story pov not a religious one but there is the whole "willingness" towards sacrifice that must be studied, really, cause no lamb or goat actually wanted to get killed (I personally would argue Christ too with the whole "my god why have you forsaken me"). They got CHOSEN and here we are again with the "destiny vs free will". Grrrr.

It seems to me that there's a certain "cult of death" at play throughout all 15 seasons of SPN which makes me think that I really need to get my hands on Eco's essays about heroism and fascism.

Okay my brain hurts now but I'm sure I've got more somewhere.