#in terms of self shipping i see it as him aging alongside me

[skittlewaffle]

*stumbles back from the sonic movie 2, tears in my eyes*

… guys .,,

is it possible … to see your childhood crush for the first time in ages ,,,

only to realize ,. your feelings never went away? 🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[phantomato]

Rec List: Tom Riddle | Voldemort Rare Slash Pairs

Tom Riddle, Voldemort—and I will never forgive the AO3 tag-wranglers for separating these two—is a character who rarely gets to shine in his own right. He’s more myth than man. But he is something unbelievably special when an author digs past that surface and presents something of the person he might have been. How better to do that than through romance?

This week sees the end of Ouroboros, one of the most widely-known recent fics to take on his character. That story pairs Tom with himself to deliver a beautiful deep dive into his mind from all sides: what was Voldemort like after two wars? What would Tom have been like if he’d been raised differently? What does it mean for Tom to care about the people in his life?

You’ll see those questions, and more, reflected in each of the stories below. I’ve selected 14 different pairings, all rare (so no Harry), that run the gamut. There are dark fics which merit archive warnings (noted in my summary), there are light-hearted stories, there are Toms and Voldemorts who don’t feel affection, who deeply feel affection, and whose emotions can’t be determined for sure. These cover his boyhood and his young adulthood and his wars and after his wars. There are Voldemorts at the height of their power and Toms without anything, paired with peers and subordinates and authorities. I’ve hit the major tropes of his character, so you will find something familiar if you go looking.

What unites all of these recs is that the stories say something about Voldemort as a person. He is a man, his motivations are questioned, his thoughts and feelings are at the heart of each of these. Reading all of them would give someone a very solid foundation for thinking about his character, and I would encourage anyone to consider a pairing, a time period, or a premise that they haven’t before.

My selections include mostly stories on AO3, but not all were initially found there. I’ve been collecting Tom Riddle fic for months, and I claim no impartiality—these are stories that were meaningful to me in my journey with the character. There is one self-rec, please skip “Beautiful Sleepyhead” if that bothers you, and there are two stories with strong content warnings in their summaries. The following fics are ordered alphabetically by pairing partner.

You can find the AO3 bookmark collection for these recs here.

domestic pressures, by edvic

Partner: Abraxas Malfoy

Summary: Voldemort occupies Malfoy Manor during the second war, eventually confronting the portrait of his former lover, Abraxas. Flashbacks let us see into their relationship as young men. T-rated, 5k.

Why?: Tom/Abraxas is the rare pair you’ve likely seen before if you only dabble in rare pairings for Tom Riddle, and with good reason: it’s been taken up by many authors of note, made its way through fest prompts, and cemented itself in the popular imagination. Abraxas Malfoy has the good fortune of being a Malfoy, and his character is nearly in-built. When thinking of people possibly of the era to pair with a young Tom, Abraxas is a good candidate.

This is a ship for people who enjoy angst, unfulfilled romance, and unhappy endings. A key idea, illustrated so well in this fic, is that Tom and Abraxas are not of the same social station, and they cannot meet in the middle. Something: Abraxas’ obligation to his family, or Tom’s need to prove himself on his own terms, prevents them from ever settling together. And then Abraxas dies. This story beautifully highlights Voldemort’s mourning through his interactions with the teenaged Draco. His drifting through a home that had once been a place of happiness for him is tragic.

And do not call it fixity, by SofiaBane

Partner: Albus Dumbledore

Summary: Voldemort time-travels to 1906 and becomes Hogwarts’ potions master, alongside a young Albus Dumbledore. They should be murdering each other; they do not. M-rated, 11k.

Why?: Albus/Tom or Albus/Voldemort is a pairing that usually makes me nervous. There’s a huge age gap to overcome from a purely practical perspective, and the circumstances of their initial acquaintance mean that there’s a good deal of work needed to explain how the characters might ever come to consider each other as a potential sexual partner. It’s a challenge for an author, and I am blown away by how well this fic meets that challenge.

Placing Voldemort back in time with his knowledge/experiences from his adult life evens the playing field—tips it in his favor, really, as Albus is a young man. The initial friction between them morphs into a mutual respect and admiration during Voldemort’s time as a professor. Albus’ awareness of his own attraction is what sells it, I think. Voldemort feels fully himself, sort of helplessly drawn into his life choices and not able to totally acknowledge them as his own, but Albus is clear-eyed and present. The fic strongly asserts that this timeline will be different, and ends on a hopeful note.

Lime, by Arkady (Letterblade)

Partner: Cornelius Fudge

Summary: Cornelius wants to become a Slytherin prefect, so he seeks the counsel of sixth-year prefect Tom Riddle. T-rated, 1.5k

Why?: Now this is a rare pair in the best sense: a pairing that uses characters you might never think about, mashes them together to say one interesting thing about each, and ends before you have time to worry. It’s an old fic, too, dating from 2003 and pulling on a nascent fandom’s understanding of Tom, pre-HBP. It somehow manages to capture qualities like his fascination with how other people work and his disinterest in obeying existing systems, which became foundational to his character. Cornelius is an unexpected hit; I promise that this story makes you think about him as someone worth considering in his own right. And it ends on a note of tenderness between two people who are not usually so tender. It’s not a romance, and it doesn’t need to be.

What Once Was Mine, by the_flic

Partner: Draco Malfoy

Summary: Draco travels back in time after the final battle and finds Tom Riddle at Hogwarts. They have sex. E-equivalent, 4k.

Why?: This fic falls firmly into the camp of “Tom Riddle has rough-and-dirty Hogwarts sex with our POV character.” What makes it stand apart from the genre is the case of mistaken identity: with Draco back in time, he passes for his own grandfather… or does he? Tom certainly demonstrates exactly how much he wants Abraxas Malfoy to want him back during their illicit shag in the toilet. It shows us Tom wanting something, wanting it more than is sensible and wanting with a depth of emotion that belies the impression of him as incapable of caring for another person. It’s worth reading to see that.

Double Penetration, by Walgesang

Partner: Horace Slughorn

Summary: Tom Riddle wants information about horcruxes. Dumbledore wasn’t willing to oblige, but Slughorn is. E-rated, 500 words. Warning for underage sexual content.

Why?: Tom Riddle was a charming, handsome student who used the good will towards him to get illicit information from a professor. We see that memory in the canonical text. It’s not a stretch to consider that his seduction of Slughorn may have been more literal than metaphorical.

A surprising niche of well-written fics tackle this alternate interpretation of The Horcrux Question, and I encourage anyone to click through the tag and read them all (including the fic inspired by this one). It was difficult for me to choose the single story to represent this idea! They all cover Tom being manipulative, perhaps complicit in Slughorn’s sexual relationship with him; they cover Slughorn’s depravity in having sex with one of his students. What I enjoyed most about this story is its directness: in so few words, it sharply defines Tom’s animosity towards Dumbledore, his disregard for Slughorn, and his willingness to do anything in order to achieve his goals. It is not a happy story, and I especially encourage potential readers to consider the topic before clicking through.

The Bang and the Clatter, by Snegurochka

Partner: James Sirius Potter

Summary: James Sirius Potter has always felt less than his brother and father. When Tom Riddle turns out to be more alive than expected, James is seduced. M-rated, 10k

Why?: This is a story about how Voldemort can make someone feel special. There are so many ways I’ve seen this core idea go wrong, but in the hands of a great author, it shines. From the first, Voldemort seems to know what James needs, how he wants validation and he wants his talents to be considered valuable and important. He isn’t the dazzling auror that the world expected of Harry’s firstborn son, and he resents that. He isn’t straight, and he resents that. Voldemort is—we don’t know. Is he attracted to men in general/James specifically, or is he putting it on? Does he believe the things he says about how James is a remarkable person, or does he not? This isn’t a story from Voldemort’s perspective, but it is one that gives him agency and demonstrates his ruthless competence. He’s the villain and he’s good at it.

The Metronome, by Icarus (Archive-locked)

Partner: Lucius Malfoy

Summary: Lucius’s friend Avery recruits him into the very early stages of the Death Eaters. He meets Lord Voldemort and auditions to be part of the cause. T-rated, 7k.

Why?: This is an example of what I think of as “The Offer”: a story wherein we see why someone joined the Death Eaters. What was their introduction to Voldemort? How were they evaluated for membership? This type of story often flirts with slashing the new recruit and Voldemort, usually not quite going through explicit sex but implying the attraction, because Voldemort must have been something special to get so many people gathered under his banner.

Lucius is our POV character for this, and his unnamed dissatisfaction with his life is our context. He wants something more that what he has, as you would expect, but you might not expect this version of the character. He’s coddled away from facing his mediocrity. What I love about this fic is that many versions of “The Offer” have Voldemort showing someone that they are special, that their magic is incredible and that they are uniquely valuable—Lucius is not given that. He’s given permission to be mediocre and wanted anyway. Voldemort knows how to speak to people, how to reflect their deepest desires back to them, and this story gives us a wonderful rejection of the special protagonist when Voldemort offers acceptance for Lucius as he is.

Beautiful Sleepyhead, by Phantomato

Partner: Nott Sr.

Summary: Voldemort wants discreet sexual release during the first war, and he selects Thoros Nott from among the ranks of his Death Eaters. What follows is a decade-long romance that he never intended to exist. E-rated, 24k.

Why?: Voldemort’s first war is one of his less-explored eras of existence, and what a shame that is. The stress of running that war, the loneliness of being at the top and unable to trust anyone else, makes for a great backdrop to a pairing. Nott Sr. is one of his oldest followers, likely a peer from school, and his loyalty offers the chance for transactional sex that can blossom into something more.

This takes on the idea that Voldemort can and did love the people closest to him, though he may not have been willing to say it. It’s among the most sexual of the works on this list, motivated by the premise, but don’t let the sex distract you from the discussion of how Voldemort exists at the intersection of two cultures, or how he continually makes self-destructive choices that he convinces himself serve his ambitions. This is a Voldemort at his most human.

Between naming and power (there is you), by redsnake05

Partner: Rosier Sr.

Summary: Tom Riddle reconnects with an old classmate, Darach Rosier, around the time he’s pursuing Hufflepuff’s cup. He doesn’t expect to find joy in a sexual relationship, but Rosier makes him want to try. E-rated, 12k.

Why?: “Tom Riddle learns how to have sex” is a staple of his appearances in fandom. Virgin Tom, inexperienced Tom, whatever you want to call it—it mixes here with the common background element of Tom as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse to make a story where, from Tom’s POV, we watch him explore what it means to share physical intimacy with a willing partner.

This is a tough topic, and this story treats it with the gentleness that it deserves. Tom’s relationship with Rosier has elements of the obsessiveness that regular Tom readers will recognize, but the text holds itself back from indulging too heavily in that shortcut. We are graced with details like Tom having researched how to have sex, or the surprise he feels at finding a kiss pleasant, or the insecurity he experiences when Rosier draws back in public. Paired with my favorite type of approach to Tom’s years as a shop clerk—working-class, powerless, frustrated—this is a wonderful look at a Tom who will become Voldemort but who is relatable and human as well.

Padre Island, by yletylyf

Partner: Severus Snape

Summary: Severus and Voldemort both escape the final battle with their lives, though magical Britain thinks they’re dead. They run across one another a year later at a small beach town in Texas. E-rated, 18k

Why?: This fic does everything I would hope for a story about two strong characters: it gives both of them beautiful moments of reflection, letting the reader see how men like them might have made peace after war.

My favorite element of the story is the restraint. In just 18k, we still manage to get time between when they meet and when they first pursue their romance. The story wants you to have faith that the couple is not a heated mistake, a quick shag born of shock and loneliness, and so it shows the reader how Tom works to be non-threatening and calm. It shows the very real fear both men must have at what this chance encounter might mean for their current lives. This fic doesn’t end with Severus and Tom pledging their eternal love or moving in together, and it is better for it, because the story makes you believe that those can come in time.

catastrophic, by cocoartist

Partner: Sirius Black

Summary: Sirius and Tom are both university students. They’re involved with opposing groups. Sirius is rich, Tom is an asshole, and they dance around each other. T-rated, 3k.

Why?: The magic of a Muggle AU is seeing how the author weaves the canonical character backgrounds and traits into a new setting. This Tom and this Sirius still feel like themselves, though Tom is aged down to match, and it’s a fun romp dedicated to showcasing Tom as dangerous, Sirius as rebellious, and their chemistry as electric. Read it and wonder why this ship never took off as a popular niche in its own right.

Not a love story, by tothetardisandbeyond

Partner: Theodore Nott

Summary: Theodore is possessed by Hufflepuff’s cup in seventh year. He and Tom Riddle learn to get along. T-rated, 3k.

Why?: Theo/Tom is a theoretical favorite of mine, but until this fic was published, I couldn’t have recommended a particular story for it. Theodore Nott is a fanon character, yes, but “loner in Slytherin” is an archetype that also fits Tom, and pushing the two together brings me joy.

I love this fic for how it builds the tension between Tom and Theo as Tom occupies Theo’s body. They start out co-dependent, Theo needing Tom to permit him independence, Tom needing Theo in order to have a physical presence in this world, but they achieve something like a mutual understanding. When Tom begins to see Theo as more than a body, as an interesting person in his own right, he seduces Theo through grand gestures of targeted murder. It’s a romance in the sense that romance is sometimes grotesque.

Himself, by Mosh

Partner: Tom Riddle

Summary: Voldemort visits a scene of his younger self masturbating and reflects on his life. E-equivalent, ~1.5k

Why?: You read tomcest because you want more of him. You want to see the sort of things that Voldemort will only ever contemplate when he’s alone—it’s shipfic for the genfic enthusiast who doesn’t mind some sex. This story is a relic from a different era that nonetheless highlights what has come to define the character today: his loneliness, his vulnerability, his self-hatred. I love this one, and I hope you do too.

Farther Away, by rightonthelimit

Partner: Tom Riddle Sr.

Summary: A vision of the night that Tom Riddle confronted his father and grandparents in Riddle manor. E-rated, 6k. Mind the archive warnings: rape, underage sexual content.

Why?: I don’t enjoy this story. I think it is a necessary inclusion in this rec list. It’s beautifully-written and, in reading it, I feel the pain of both Tom Junior and Tom Senior—their encounter isn’t what either of them wanted it to be, they make choices that hurt the other because both men have been deeply hurt as a result of Merope Gaunt’s actions. This is the sort of fic where the emotional impact stays with you even after the details have faded, and for that reason, I recommend reading it (with an eye towards the warnings). What I love is how the fic sets expectations in the first half, and how that magnifies the impact of the second half. This is a tough one, but no understanding of Tom’s character is complete without considering his father.

[carewyncromwell]

Cinderelly, Cinderelly, night and day, it’s Cinderelly~... ^.^ Okay..before I jump into the next part of the Cinderella AU, here’s your usual appetizer of random historical/etc. notes!

Although carriages were developed centuries earlier, actual coaches like the kind we think of from Cinderella stories were first developed in the late 16th century in Hungary, specifically a little town called Kocs. (The word “coach” and its alternatives in other languages, such as the German Kutsche and the Spanish and Portuguese coche, are thought to have been derived from the Hungarian kocsi, meaning “of Kocs.”) They then really caught on in the rest of Europe after Queen Elizabeth I of England started using them in the 1580s. The terms “coach” and “carriage” are often used interchangeably, but if one wanted to pin-point the advancements coaches specifically made in contrast to carriages of the past, there are a few differences one can pick out in how they’re built. Coaches generally are four-wheeled enclosed vehicles with doors and/or windows (glass was added in later centuries), and often include a “boot” seat on the outside for a footman and/or luggage to sit on. Coaches also generally have a reputation for providing a smoother ride than previous modes of transport because they’re suspended between the wheels rather than directly over or beside them. After the invention of the coach, one can find carriages (royal ones, in particular) adopting some of these same attributes.

Sadly wheelchairs really weren’t a thing in the 16th century. The first self-propelled wheeled chairs were developed in the mid-17th century and refined in the 18th, with sedan chairs or litters (A.K.A. chairs you carried) generally being used by the nobility prior to that. But there’s no way in Hell I’m not going to give McNully the independence he deserves, so I used a completely anachronistic design inspired by this antique wheelchair I found online, made circa around the 1840′s. Hey, this is a fantasy world anyway, so bleh. :P The flower detailing on the wheel is supposed to evoke an emblem I see being on Florence’s green and gold coat of arms (get it? “Florence?” “Flora?”). You might also notice that McNully has little Snitch-like “wing” frills on each of his buttons! XD

Another fun thing I learned while doing research -- although cloaks were often worn for warmth during the medieval period and beyond, in England during the Elizabethan era, their use was actually actively discouraged and even prohibited, as they were associated with criminals and rebels! Therefore it was common for a lot of English noblemen and women to wear thicker clothing made of wool and accessories like muffs, gloves, and even jackets for warmth instead. I tried very, very hard to find historically accurate examples of period-worthy jackets and capes for women around the time of the Renaissance, and was very frustrated to find a lot of fantasy-esque costume pieces or historical clothing from later eras that were simply mislabeled -- but I did find one lovely recreation of a 16th century wool jacket, so that’s what I used as reference for Carewyn’s jacket in this sketch, though I personally imagine it as a dark red, so as to better blend with her burnt orange and beige servant’s uniform. Bill’s uniform is based off a real castle guard uniform from early 16th century France, though with a much simpler color palette (I see Royaume’s colors being blue and red). Like with McNully’s chair, there’s a crown on the chest of Bill’s uniform, which I see being on Royaume’s coat of arms (“royaume” is literally French for “kingdom”).

In her canon, Carewyn was born when Jacob was nine years old. Although in most of Carewyn and Jacob’s canon post-Portrait-Vault, they end up being only two years apart in age, that’s only because Jacob stopped aging while trapped in a Portrait for seven years. From Carewyn’s fifth year on, Jacob and Carewyn in canon therefore act much more like contemporaries, even though Jacob actually kind of ended up partially raising Carewyn alongside their mother Lane.

Previous part is here – whole tag is here – Katriona “KC” Cassiopeia belongs to @kc-needs-coffee and I hope you all enjoy! xoxo

x~x~x~x

Every day over the next week, Carewyn met Orion at the gate of the palace of Royaume, and the two would spend an hour or so together. Orion would ask her about life at the palace, Carewyn would playfully respond, and sooner or later, they’d end up getting diverted and talking about something else completely, whether the upcoming Winter Festival, the language of flowers, art, poetry, the meaning of life, music, fencing, or (after seeing a rather beautiful eagle flying overhead) what it might be like to fly. Carewyn honestly wasn’t entirely sure what Orion got out of their meetings besides entertainment, and naturally she couldn’t afford to indulge in such entertainment too long, when she had so much work to do around the castle and she still had to find out where Jacob was positioned. But she had to admit, with the King and Queen having invited Iris over to stay in one of the guest suites at the palace for the remainder of the month, Carewyn didn’t mind having an excuse to stay far away from her cousin. Lately Carewyn had actively planned her days so that she could clean the guest suites at teatime, when Iris would be in one of the foyers with the King, Queen, and Prince on the opposite side of the palace. She did not want a repeat of the other day, after all...particularly since she’d also need time to change out of the nicer, collared dresses she’d wear when spending time with Orion.

Orion, meanwhile, was of course getting a bit more than entertainment out of his and Carewyn’s meetings. Through speaking with Carewyn, he’d sussed out some very helpful information about Royaumanian culture, the dynamics within Royaume’s royal family, and both their and their country’s financial state. One day he told his closest confidantes at court, Skye and McNully, some of what he’d learned...but Skye didn’t react quite as favorably as Orion had expected.

“...I gave Lady Cromwell a copy of the sheet music for ‘No One is Alone’ last week -- you remember the song, of course? And from what I understand, Prince Henri and the castle staff have quite taken to it. Not that I’m surprised -- Carewyn has a very soothing voice. I’m sure she performed it very well. But the Prince listening to the words at all is a good sign -- I even asked Carewyn if the Prince enjoyed them, and she said she believed so. She also found their message meaningful...one of Florence’s best-loved anti-War songs, and one about looking through another’s eyes and forgiving past grievances, no less! That can only be a good sign, for Royaumanians to take heart in it. It surely must have been fate that Lady Cromwell and I collided at the market -- I had a feeling we were kindred spirits, when she came to my aid, but now I am most assured of it. I might hazard a guess that she wishes for peace just as much as I -- for the sake of her brother fighting in the field, yes, but also selflessly for the sake of others, not wishing to see any other person in pain...”

“She sounds like a perfect knight in shining armor,” said Skye, her voice oddly cutting.

Orion looked up at Skye, startled by her tone. Her arms were crossed over the chest of her faded blue linen dress.

“Anything else you want to tell us about the fair Lady Cromwell,” she said rather icily, “or are you actually ready to talk about how you plan to end this War?”

Orion blinked slowly. “...I thought that we were already discussing that.”

“Really?” scoffed Skye. “‘Cause it sounds to me like you were busy gushing over your new conquest.”

“Conquest?” Orion repeated. His confused tone then melted into something more soothing and indulgent, “Oh -- no, Skye...you misunderstand me. I have no interest in courting Carewyn -- she’s just my contact point, with the palace.”

Skye gave a very loud, disbelieving snort. “Ha! Right, of course she is -- that’s why you can’t stop gushing about ‘Carewyn this’ and ‘Lady Cromwell that.’”

“Skye has a point, Orion,” said McNully, though his voice was a lot less confrontational. If anything he sounded almost sheepish. “I mean, about 85% of your report was about Lady Cromwell. You used her name over ten times just in the span of a minute.”

Amazingly Orion’s calm, hard-to-read expression didn’t crack. His hands clasped lightly in front of him.

“Lady Cromwell plays an essential part in this strategy. I’m an outsider looking in, without her insight -- a ship sailing blindly, without the light from a lighthouse to give me direction.”

“A lighthouse for a lost ship -- oh yeah, those sound like the words of someone who’s focusing on winning a war and not swooning over a pretty face,” said Skye scathingly. “Maybe instead of always running off and playing dress-up, you could actually bother to do your duty and go help fight on the battlefield for once!”

Orion’s lips came together tightly, but it didn’t make his expression any less composed. McNully shot Skye an uncomfortable, faintly disapproving look.

“Easy, Skye,” he murmured. “You know Orion -- ”

But Skye didn’t seem to hear McNully. Instead she tore into Orion.

“Face it, Orion -- you just like being treated like a commoner again and being able to make believe that you don’t have any responsibilities or worries...well, guess what? You’re not a commoner anymore! You’re the Prince of Florence -- you reckon little Miss Knight-in-Shining-Armor would take kindly to that, when she finds out?”

Orion’s dark eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly upon Skye’s face.

“Carewyn’s not an unreasonable woman,” he said softly. “I’m certain she would understand the reason behind my secrecy.”

This, if anything, only seemed to make Skye madder.

“Of course she would,” she muttered sourly. “Little Lady Royaume can do no wrong in your eyes, can she?”

She turned on her heel and stormed out, leaving Orion feeling very resigned and confused. McNully gave a heavy sigh, before facing Orion with a more serious expression.

“She’s overreacting, as usual,” he said, “but she’s still 60% right. It’s risky enough for you to get this close to anyone right now, when your position as Crown Prince is threatened by the likes of Lord Malfoy. He’d frankly love to have something like that over you. But someone from Royaume? The granddaughter of one of the most powerful, wealthy, and feared noblemen in their country? Orion, that’s dangerous.”

Orion leaned his hands on the table, looking down at the map of Florence and Royaume laid out on top of it.

“McNully, I assure you...my objective has not changed,” he said very levelly. “Everything I have done is for Florence -- for peace and balance. I admit, Lady Cromwell is a fascinating woman, and certainly one to be admired...but I spend time with her to gather intelligence I can obtain nowhere else. That is all.”

McNully looked doubtful, but didn’t directly address it. Instead he said, “I understand she’s your eyes and ears inside the palace, and the intelligence you’re getting is valuable...but don’t forget, she isn’t on your team. She’s on Royaume’s. And right now, Royaume is kicking our tail out there, on the battlefield.”

Orion’s dark eyes drifted away from the table as McNully leaned his arms on the table himself.

“It’s getting bad again,” he murmured very seriously. “I know you said the palace of Royaume’s strapped for funds, but somehow or another, they’ve scrounged up enough to get more cannons, and their troops have been moving them around every couple of hours so that our men never know where they’re going to be firing from next. It’s been very effective. Whoever’s been giving Royaume’s King and Queen military strategy lately, they’re a bloody genius.”

McNully clearly was irritated about this, given the flash that shot through his narrowed eyes.

“Your father sent me a request for a counter-strategy this morning. You know it’s likely if the strategy isn’t one he can execute on his own, he may ask both you and me to join him there, on the front lines.”

Orion did not respond. His expression was as unreadable as ever, but there was something oddly detached and avoidant in his posture.

“I know you don’t want that, and you know I have faith in you,” said McNully, “but your strategy is a slow burn, Orion. It requires both patience and time...and we might not end up having as much of those as you think.”

Once again, Orion chose not to answer. McNully sighed again.

“You know I’ll be right behind you in a coach, if you need me,” he said tiredly. “Just...mind that you use your head as well as your heart, all right?”

Orion threw on his black traveling cloak and headed back to Royaume not long after, hoping to meet up with Carewyn for an evening stroll. There was a notable chill in the air -- if it got much colder, he thought that any rain might instead come down as sleet or maybe even snow.

When Orion arrived at the gate, however, he was met not by Carewyn, but by KC. She was dressed in a high-necked gown made of black velvet and holding a leather-bound book and a stack of parchment in her arms.

Orion tilted his head slightly to glance at the piece of parchment on the top of the stack, which had several “X’s” scattered over an oddly familiar map.

“Plans to bury some pirate treasure?” he asked pleasantly.

KC gave a lightly amused snort. “No, just military plans.”

Her lightly freckled face then grew a bit more serious. “I guess you’re here for Carewyn?”

Orion had been ready to ask more about the military plans KC was holding, but decided not to circle back to it when she changed the subject.

“Yes. Has she been detained?”

“I guess so...” said KC. Her lips twisted into a concerned frown as she looked out at the darkening sky.

Orion’s eyebrows knit together over his eyes slightly. “You seem concerned.”

KC bit her lip. “Mm...it’s just...well, you see, one of the royal carriages broke down earlier today, when the Queen was riding through the country with Lady Yaxley.”

Orion raised his eyebrows. “Lady Iris Yaxley, do you mean? Carewyn’s cousin?”

“Yes. No one was badly hurt, fortunately, but the Queen, Lady Iris, and the coachman and footman were forced to ride the horses back and leave the carriage behind. When they got back, they asked the royal carpenter, Charlie Weasley, to go fix it. Charlie said that he probably wouldn’t have the proper tools to fix it here at the castle, so Carewyn offered to ride out with him, so that their horses could drag the coach together to the Weasley family cottage, about forty minutes away. The problem is,” she said with a deepening frown, “they left over two hours ago, and they’re still not back yet. Bill headed out after them on his own horse not long before you got here...he’s Charlie’s brother, so he knows the route they would’ve taken...”

Orion’s dark eyes had narrowed significantly.

“Which road did Sir Weasley take after them?” he asked, his calm voice nonetheless touched with the faintest edge.

KC pointed. “Northwest -- toward the mountains.”

Orion nodded. “Thank you.”

And with this, he turned on his heel and rushed back toward where he thought he might find McNully’s coach. He needed to borrow a horse.

Setting one of the black horses free of the black coach, Orion rode off toward the mountains, his slightly-too-long dark hair flapping freely behind him. The road was well-marked, but it soon veered off into dense woods as it migrated up toward the mountains. Orion had never gone so far west into Royaume before, let alone far from Florence before. Despite himself, he had to acknowledge the beauty of the landscape. The views of the castle below were breathtaking -- it looked as tiny as a toy, and yet the infinite glass windows made it sparkle like some diamond-like beacon in the darkening sky. He wondered if his own palace in Florence looked so beautiful to others, at a distance. As much as he himself hadn’t been raised a prince, it was difficult for him to look at his own palace as anything other than a cage.

As he went further uphill and the sky darkened, it also grew colder. Orion was starting to see his own breath on the air. He thought of Carewyn alone in the cold, perhaps hurt, and had to take several deep breaths to sooth his nerves. He was never in a right state, when he let his thoughts run too wild or his fears chatter too loudly.

Finally Orion caught sight of two familiar ginger-headed men, standing by an overturned coach, covered in mud and missing one of its back wheels. One of the men was the tall, freckled castle guard from the other day who Carewyn called Bill, dressed in his high-collared blue and red patterned uniform tunic and matching white feathered, blue-velvet hat -- the other was much stockier, but no less freckled, dressed in a burgundy-colored tunic and loose brown pants and boots, and he wore his ginger hair in a ponytail not unlike Orion’s when he was at court. When Orion approached them, Bill immediately reacted with suspicion -- Orion explained what KC had told him and asked where Carewyn was, and was incredibly startled to hear her voice coming from over the edge of the cliff.

“I’m down here!”

Orion couldn’t help but feel a flash of concern. He raced over as if to look over the edge, but Charlie lashed out an arm in front of the taller man to stop him.

“Uh, I wouldn’t look over if I were you, mate,” he said, having trouble biting back his laughter despite himself.

He pointed at the broken carriage. Hanging over one of the doors was what looked like the burnt orange and beige skirt of a dress and several wool petticoats.

Orion blinked a few times in great surprise, his tanned cheeks darkening with a faint blush. Bill, however, reacted with anxiety.

“Carewyn!” he shouted over the ravine. “Are you in your underwear down there!?”

“Ugh -- well, I couldn’t very well climb down into this briar patch and wrench this wheel loose in my dress, could I?” Carewyn called back up rather haughtily. “At least my bloomers are slightly akin to the sorts of trousers you all wear.”

“You’ll catch a death of cold out here!” said Bill.

“I’m all right,” Carewyn reassured him. “Ulk -- ugh -- I have the wool jacket Andre made for me on...”

Charlie took a step forward, his eyes moved up toward the darkening sky pointedly so as not to look over the edge as he called down,

“Bill’s right, though, Carewyn -- it’s getting colder by the minute...and it’s getting dark too. Are you sure you can lift that thing up and over all by yourself?”

“Ugh...I admit, it’s a bit difficult!” she called back. “But I think I can manage.”

Recalling Carewyn’s blatant refusal of help in retrieving her horse, Orion -- still fighting back a slight blush -- called over the ravine himself.

“We do not question your capabilities, Carewyn,” he said patiently, “but would you like our help?”

“Ugh -- don’t be silly,” said Carewyn, sounding faintly haughty. “You, Charlie, and Bill would break your necks, climbing down here. And I’m still in my undergarments -- I have no interest in anyone seeing me prance around without proper clothes on, thank you.”

“It’s no use,” Charlie muttered under his breath, “I’ve tried to offer her help for the last hour, but she keeps putting me off, saying she’s fine. I don’t get why she feels like she has to do everything by herself...”

“Probably because she’s always had to, Charlie,” said Bill quietly. His voice betrayed a lot of sympathy and sadness as he exhaled through his nose.

Orion’s black eyes deepened with some compassion for Bill as he called back over the ravine to Carewyn,

“Your points are well made, my lady...but we’d still like to help you.”

“Ugh -- you can help me by leaving me my dignity and not looking over while I’m only half-dressed...ack...”

“Would you accept us doing more than that?”

“Urgh -- I am...sorry to have made you and Bill come out all this way -- but I’m all right, really.”

Bill glanced at Orion out the side of his eye, and then back at the cliff. Despite his distrust of the man, the eldest Weasley was sort of glad he wasn’t the only one who disliked how reticent Carewyn was to accept help.

“You don’t need to apologize,” he said earnestly. “I was -- we were worried about you, Carewyn. You and Charlie.”

He and Orion glanced at each other. Bill wished the other man’s expression wasn’t so hard to read. The castle guard tried to twist his uncomfortable frown into a smile that Carewyn would hopefully be able to hear over the edge of the cliff.

“Come on...let’s get you and that wheel up and over so you can get back into your dress.”

There was a silence. Then Carewyn said a bit more quietly,

“...You don’t need to worry about me.”

“Wha -- oh, come off it, Carewyn!” said Charlie exasperatedly. “To hell we do! You think I was mucking about, calling you my pal and saying I needed to figure out a nickname for you? Now let us help you, or I’ll consider making that nickname an irritating one!”

There was another silence. Then Carewyn sighed very loudly and tiredly, and Orion couldn’t help but grin, because he could tell she’d finally given in.

“Oh, all right,” she said begrudgingly. “But I don’t really know how you’re going to help, when you can’t look at me.”

Orion closed his eyes.

“Describe your surroundings, Carewyn,” he said. “Paint a picture for me, with your words.”

“...Well, I’ve gotten the wheel out of the briar patch. I’m trying to roll it back up, but it’s as large as me, and the downward slope and the ice is making it difficult. Plus the wheel isn’t in great shape -- all of its spokes are broken, so there isn’t much for me to push up on, while rolling it uphill.”

“I would’ve told her to just forget it, but it’d be much easier for me to carve a new wheel if I have framework from the old one,” Charlie explained. “I’m already going to have to make the new spokes and hubcap completely out of wood instead of using any gold or metalwork, but it’s still going to take a lot of time...even more so if the old wheel framework can’t be saved...”

Orion considered the matter, visualizing the set-up down below on the inside of his eyelids. “...What’s left of the wheel...is it made of metal or wood?”

“Wood...but there seems to be some sort of metal lining around the rim, held on by nails.”

“That’d be for durability, I reckon,” said Charlie. “Wood alone would get chaffed badly on the ground, moving in a constant circle down cobblestones or over anything rocky.”

Orion opened his eyes and looked over the broken coach. His gaze lingered on the thick leather straps coming off of the front that no doubt would’ve attached it to their horses. Then he abruptly got up, rushing over to undo the straps from the carriage.

“What are you doing?” said Bill, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

Orion quickly knotted the long, thick leather straps together with several complex-looking and strong knots.

“Carewyn,” he called over very calmly, “I’m going to lower this down to you -- use the buckle and loop it securely around the inside rim of the wheel, so that it’s tight. Give it a light tug when it’s secure.”

He blindly tossed one end of the rope made out of leather straps over the edge of the cliff. After a minute, he felt a light tug at the end.

“Gentlemen,” Orion murmured to the Weasleys, “I’ll need you to hold this, for just a moment. Carewyn,” he added, as Charlie and Bill both grabbed the end of the makeshift rope and he let go, “I’m going to need you to step onto the wheel yourself and hold on.”

“What?” said Carewyn. “Orion, you can’t lift both me and the wheel -- it’s far too much! I’ll climb up and out myself -- ”

“Not to worry, my lady -- none of us will be doing the lifting,” said Orion serenely.

He led both his black horse and Bill’s chestnut horse over by their reins, and -- taking the makeshift rope from Bill and Charlie again -- he looped the end under the straps of both his and Bill’s saddles. He gave several tugs at all of the connections to make sure they were tight and secure before mounting his horse.

“Sir Weasley, if you would assist me.”

Catching onto Orion’s idea at last, Bill rushed forward so he could jump up onto his own horse.

“Mr. Weasley, you may want to have your hands ready to help Carewyn climb out when she gets close to the top,” said Orion over his shoulder. “Sir Weasley, together now.”

With a lot of effort and strain, the two horses were able to lift Carewyn and the broken wheel up and out of the ravine. Once Carewyn was out, all three men averted their eyes so she could put her dress back on. Once she was suitably redressed in her orange-and-beige dress, snood, and dark scarlet wool jacket, she, Bill, and Orion helped Charlie secure some makeshift posts he’d carved out of some nearby tree branches under the broken coach so that their four horses could lift it up off the ground and help support it without its second back wheel. Then the four hobbled the coach up the mountain the rest of the way to the Weasley family cottage.

The home of the Weasley family, affectionately nicknamed “the Burrow,” was built up against the side of a hill. Attached to the house was a large farm with sprawling pastures and short, rustic wooden fences. Its roof had clearly been patched up multiple times over the years with whatever kind of wood was on hand, making it resemble a patchwork quilt.

When the group arrived, Bill and Charlie’s youngest sibling and only sister Ginny immediately ran out to greet them -- she’d seen them coming up over the horizon and was beyond thrilled to see that it was her eldest brothers. Bill and Charlie’s teenage brothers Percy, Fred, George, and Ron soon followed along after. Fred and George -- who were identical twins -- were quick to crow that Charlie had brought them an early birthday present (namely, the coach), and Percy scolded them that clearly it was for work and they should let it alone. Orion and Carewyn ended up staying back at a distance, both faintly baffled by the amount of warmth and noise emanating from the seven siblings as they chattered amongst themselves, constantly stepping on each other’s feet and interrupting what everyone else was saying. Neither of them had ever encountered a family quite like this before. When Bill and Charlie’s parents, Arthur and Molly Weasley, emerged from the house, however, Molly very quickly bustled every last one of them inside, including Orion and Carewyn.

“In you go, the lot of you,” she said in a forceful, but very warm tone of voice. “You all look like you need some supper-- ”

“Oh -- no, Mrs. Weasley,” said Carewyn very quickly, “I couldn’t impose -- ”

“Nonsense, dear!” said Molly, as she took Carewyn’s hands and led her inside. “Why, you’re positively freezing! To think, you came all the way out here without a proper muff for your hands...”

“I had to help Charlie with the carriage,” Carewyn said, her eyes drawn away awkwardly rather than looking at Molly, “I couldn’t hope to have my hands free, using a muff...”

“Then both of you should come inside and get warm,” said Arthur, startling Orion with an amiable clap on the back. “Any friend of Bill and Charlie’s is a friend of our family.”

Carewyn had never been the subject of such coddling and generosity before in her life. Her mother had always taught her to treat people with respect and compassion, of course, but she had been a soft-spoken and understated person, and their family life had always been very quiet. And of course at the Cromwell estate, it had been less modest and quiet, but far less affectionate as well. Never had she ever visited such a loud, crowded, and faintly uncomfortable place that still nonetheless felt like a home, full of warmth and love.

Even Orion found himself feeling a bit unsettled by the Weasley family’s overwhelming hospitality. He’d been in plenty of unruly, crowded, and loud settings like this before -- but none of them had ever been quite this...well, jovial. It made it so that Orion yearned for peace, quiet, and returned distance, and yet also couldn’t help but marvel at the positive vibes that rippled off of this family and how much they could give, despite clearly having so little. When dinner was served, Orion had to politely decline a bowl of beef stew because he didn’t eat meat, and Molly Weasley immediately handed the bowl off to Ron so she could set about making Orion his own plate, piled high with cheesy mashed potatoes, sauteed mushrooms, and roasted cauliflower seasoned with garlic and chives.

The Weasley family and their guests sat in an uncomfortable, messy half-circle around the large brick fireplace, laughing and talking as they ate. After supper came the dessert of hot, fresh apple dumplings, and after dessert came some hot tea and scones. After all, said Molly Weasley, having guests over was a rare treat, so they were going to celebrate appropriately. Neither Carewyn nor Orion could remember ever having felt so full in all their lives.

As everyone enjoyed their scones and tea, stories and songs were swapped around the fire. At one point in the evening, twelve-year-old Ginny -- who was perfectly thrilled to have another girl around, for a change -- begged Carewyn to sing for them. Apparently Bill had told his family all about her lovely voice. So, with some encouragement from Charlie, Arthur, and Molly, Carewyn bit back a broad, amused grin, took a deep breath, and started to sing.

“Mother cannot guide you...now you’re on your own.

Only me beside you -- still, you’re not alone...”

Orion had thought to himself that Carewyn must have done the song from his youth proper justice while singing for the Prince, but hearing her sing it in person, seeing her smile at him and her eyes sparkle as she did so...it was a completely different matter. As before, Orion felt all of the tension in his shoulders ebb off of him, as easily as dirt was washed away in warm water. He bowed his head and closed his eyes, tilting his head a bit so that he could hear her better, as his breathing and heart rate slowed. Even with his eyes closed, he could hear a smile in every word Carewyn sang...even when she likely wasn’t smiling at all, he thought. How could she be smiling, when lines like “sometimes people leave you half-way through the wood” and “people make mistakes -- fathers, mothers” rang with such emotion and pain? Was that pain visible on her face? Orion thought not, given Carewyn’s sense of grace and composure...but he heard it, all the same. He felt it -- her heart, aching with a kind of deep, blazing empathy Orion had never encountered in anyone else before.

When Carewyn came to the end of the song, Orion opened his eyes at last. The Weasleys all clapped, delighted, but he barely heard them as he turned to Carewyn.

“...That was remarkable,” he murmured.

Carewyn smiled. “I’m glad you think I did it justice.”

“Mm,” said Orion. “I’ve...never heard anyone drown like that, before.”

Carewyn couldn’t bite back a laugh. “Perhaps I didn’t do it justice then, if I sounded like I was drowning...”

“You were drowning in the words’ meaning,” corrected Orion. “Enveloping and submerging yourself in them -- allowing them to pull you in and take your breath away.”

He smiled, his black eyes very soft upon Carewyn’s face.

“It was...very moving.”

Molly’s face spread into an indulgent smile as she reached forward and patted Carewyn’s hand. “It was absolutely beautiful, dear.”

“Orion’s right, Carewyn,” agreed Arthur. “Your feelings really came through. I could tell the words mean something to you.”

Carewyn offered a polite smile, even as her eyes drifted away. “...I suppose they do.”

“It sounds like a lullaby, sort of,” mused Ron. “Even if it talks about your mother not being around.”

Ginny tilted her head toward Carewyn, Ron’s words prompting concern.

“...Do you not have a mother, Carewyn?”

The rest of the family went very quiet -- some like Percy shot Ginny warning looks, while others like Molly and Ron couldn’t help but glance at Carewyn in similar concern.

Carewyn’s gaze had drifted off onto the fire. Although she was turned away and her face was stoic, however, Orion could see her eyes rippling like turbulent ocean water, before she closed them solemnly.

“...I had one,” she answered softly at last. “She died when I was twelve.”

“Was she sick?” asked Ron, very hesitantly.

Carewyn bowed her head and gave a single, silent nod. Everyone in the room knew what that meant. The Plague had swept through both Royaume and Florence several times, over the span of the War -- one of the worst years was about nine years ago now...probably the same year Carewyn had lost her mother.

Orion’s black eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly upon her face. Molly looked like she wanted to envelop Carewyn in the biggest hug and was only holding back the urge because of her husband’s tight, reassuring squeeze to her hand.

“Oh, you poor dear,” she murmured.

Carewyn raised her head at last, her expression once again touched by a small, resilient, pretty smile.

“It’s all right,” she said gently, her eyes only briefly grazing each of the Weasleys’ faces. “I’ll always miss my mother...but I’m getting along all right. And I still have Jacob.”

“Your brother?” asked Percy, and Carewyn nodded.

“He left for War the same day he and I moved in with our grandfather,” Carewyn explained.

“Your brother must be quite a bit older than you, then,” said Orion.

Carewyn glanced at Orion out the side of her eye, smiling slightly. “Nine years older, yes. You know...you actually remind me of him, a bit.”

Orion raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”

Carewyn was forced to stifle a giggle behind her hand. “Jacob is also the sort to do things in his own clever way. Only he’s a lot more aggressive than you -- and more talkative, and arrogant, and overprotective...”

“And uglier,” inserted Fred.

“And smellier,” added George.

“With a long crooked nose and ears like a bat’s.”

The younger Weasley siblings were all laughing now. Carewyn had to cover her mouth to stifle her giggling.

“No!” she choked. “I don’t mean it like that! He’s wonderful, really. He’s just...well, an absolute idiot about how to interact with other people. He’s completely brilliant, mind you -- he could give you whole lectures about anything from geography to mathematics to physics...but coming up with spontaneous gifts for no occasion at all, just based on someone’s interests? He’d need some prodding, to do something like that.”

She smiled at Orion, who couldn’t help but grin fully in return.

“It was truly nothing at all, Carewyn,” he said. “With your love of music, it felt like that song would be something you would appreciate.”

Arthur glanced at Orion curiously. “Where is that song from, Orion? I’ve never heard it before.”

“I learned it as a boy,” Orion answered. “I would hear it sung outside the window of the workhouse, sometimes.”

Molly looked very troubled. “Workhouse? Orion dear, you don’t mean to say you grew up in one of those terrible places?”

Orion felt Carewyn’s gaze on him. When he looked back at her, her almond-shaped blue eyes were rippling with concern as well, though much gentler and more empathetic than Molly’s. He tried to offer her a smile.

“Let’s just say the words spoke to me as well, at the time,” he said lightly. “Not just to me, either...all of the boys there, one way or another, were where they were because of other people’s ‘terrible mistakes.’”

Orion’s gaze drifted down to his own hands as he lightly clasped them in his lap.

“...The War doesn’t touch you the same way here, but...the closer you are to Florence...the more the reality of it hits you in the face, every day. Even when you’re not on the battlefield itself -- even when you’re just at the border -- you, and the ones you care for, run the risk of getting caught in the crossfire. And on the border of Florence and Royaume...in those towns where it’s hard to tell where one country starts and another begins...tensions are like gunpowder. One spark from the tiniest match can set it ablaze -- can make everything implode, and force you to start all over again.”

His face was unreadable, but his black eyes were endless, rippling with the recollection of the fire and smoke -- the red and blue colors of Royaume, on the saddles of horses -- the life leaving his mother’s eyes -- his own heavy, terrified hyperventilating...

He closed his eyes and took several very deep, measured breaths before continuing.

“In such a place...one can find people desperate enough to want to lash out at others, to avenge their pain,” said Orion solemnly. “But there was one sweet old woman who owned a flower and herb shop near the workhouse. She’d had to rebuild her establishment several times over the years, and from what I understand, she finally had to leave town not long after I did...but every time she caught wind that the army was coming to town, looking for new recruits...she’d sing the song just loudly enough that we boys could hear it through our window.”

He absently played with the crudely carved circular charm on the cord around his neck in one hand.

“And although there were those who still enlisted afterwards...many others did not.”

Carewyn’s eyes widened.

“‘While we’re seeing our side,’ ” she sang again, more softly, “‘maybe we forgot...they are not alone. No one is alone.’ ”

Orion’s lips spread into a smile as he looked at Carewyn, his black eyes rippling gently as he nodded.

“So it’s against the War, then,” murmured Charlie. He glanced at his parents, who both looked concerned.

“Did that woman with the flower shop give you that?” asked Ginny curiously, indicating the charm around Orion’s neck.

“Yes,” said Orion. “She gave it to me one night when I tried to run away, to soothe my nerves. Its effects wore off by the next morning, but I’ve never really had the heart to throw it out.”

Percy sputtered, looking very pale. “Th-then she was a witch?”

“Whoa,” said Fred and George, looking almost too eager.

“Did she turn all the army into pigs?” asked George.

“Did she lure you in and try to cook you in a soup?” said Fred.

Orion smiled indulgently. “Of course not -- ”

“Well, thank Heavens for that!” said Molly, shooting the twins a very reproachful look. “Magic isn’t something to make fun of, you two -- it’s frankly a wonder you weren’t hurt, dear...”

Orion frowned. “There was no danger, Madam Weasley, I assure you.”

“No danger! Orion,” Molly scolded him indulgently, “I applaud your courage...but nature has its own way of things, and any magic that twists it out of shape is more dangerous than it’s worth.”

To the Weasley family’s surprise, Carewyn actually spoke up.

“Mrs. Weasley, men tend fields, plant seeds, domesticate horses and dogs...treat illnesses and injuries...cut hair and wear makeup and put on heeled shoes to make ourselves appear taller. Would that not also be twisting nature’s intent?”

Molly actually faltered somewhat. “Well, yes, but...that’s very different from magic, Carewyn! Magic is...well, it’s wild. Uncontrollable.”

“It’s untamed chaos,” said Arthur more levelly than his wife. “A kind that’s done a lot more harm than good.”

“But it still can be used for good,” said Carewyn very firmly. “And if it has that potential, why must we treat it as though it and all of its users are inherently reprehensible? If magic can be used to save lives, or heal the sick, or even just calm a scared boy down after something horrible...”

She glanced at Orion out the side of her eye.

“...Then it seems to be like any other weapon or tool, or even any other person -- something that could protect or hurt.”

Orion felt like his heart was being flooded with warmth, and his entire expression melted with pride and something like affection as he stared at Carewyn.

She truly is a woman to be admired. The memory of Skye’s irritation and McNully’s warning rippled over Orion’s mind and he found himself faltering. Admire...yes. Anyone could grow to admire such a woman, couldn’t they? To respect and esteem her...to...grow an attachment, to her... Even I? Could I...?

The Weasleys exchanged uncertain looks amongst themselves.

“Come to think of it,” said Ron thoughtfully, “wasn’t there that old myth about fairy godmothers who grant you wishes?”

Fred brought an arm roughly around his younger brother’s neck and put him in a rough choke hold. “Aww, ickle Ronnie wanting a pwetty new dress?”

“‘Oh fairy godmother, I just gotta have a new dress for the Winter Festival!’” said George in a high-pitched squeal.

“Geroff!” growled Ron, as he pulled free.

“Oh, but that would be fun!” sighed Ginny. “Dancing at the Winter Festival, in the prettiest dress you’ve ever seen...you’re going to the Festival, aren’t you, Carewyn?”

“Probably not, Ginny,” said Carewyn gently, “I’ve got so much work to do...”

“Oh, but you have to!” whined Ginny. “The Festival’s tradition! Right, Orion?”

“So I’ve heard,” Orion said modestly, “but I’m afraid I’ve never attended a Winter Festival either.”

“What?!” said all of the Weasley children except Bill in thoroughly aghast unison.

“It’s the biggest celebration of the entire year -- ”

“Everybody in town will be there -- ”

“ -- well, aside from the noble tarts -- ”

“ -- but hey, who needs them?”

“Everybody makes the best mince pies and hot apple cider -- ”

“There’s dancing and singing and games and gift-giving -- ”

“You just can’t miss it -- ”

Before long, they’d completely gotten off the topic of magic all together, so the Weasleys could tell Orion all about the Winter Festival. Carewyn took the opportunity to start carrying dishes into the kitchen so that she could help Molly clean up. While she did so, Bill pulled her aside.

“Carewyn...can I talk to you? Alone?”

Carewyn blinked, but nonetheless put down the dishes she was carrying and followed Bill off into a secluded corner.

“What’s wrong?” she asked in concern.

Bill bit the inside of his lip, his brown eyes drifting over in the direction of the fireplace where the rest of his family was sitting with Orion.

“Carewyn,” he said slowly, “who is that man, really?”

Carewyn’s eyebrows knit together. Bill ran a hand over the undone collar of his tunic absently.

“He’s hiding something, I know it. And I’m sure you see it too. He dodges questions he doesn’t want to answer, and as much as he’s even told us tonight about himself, he never gives important details. He lived near the border, but he didn’t mention what town he’s from. He lived in a workhouse, presumably after losing his parents, but he never said what he lost them to.”

“Those things might not be easy for him to talk about, Bill,” Carewyn said softly.

“Yes,” said Bill in a bracing voice, “but he also hopped the walls of the palace, completely ignorant of how tight royal security is and why, has enough time to chase after you most every day, and gets paints from people he can’t identify and learns songs from people who, from the sound of things, practice witchcraft.”

Bill crossed his arms. He clearly was trying to be considerate to Carewyn’s feelings, but couldn’t hold back his concerns.

“Look, I...I understand you like the man. And I understand why -- Ginny and the others seem to have taken to him pretty well, too. But there’s no reason for someone to hold back that many secrets, unless they’re up to no good. He could be a cad, or a criminal, or maybe even something worse. Judging by his stance on magic, he could even be a magician himself...”

His brown eyes narrowed slightly upon Carewyn’s face.

“I’m just...worried about you, that’s all,” he said lowly.

Carewyn considered Bill for a long moment. Then, reaching out a hand, she gently took hold of Bill’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

“Bill...I understand how you feel. And I’m grateful, truly grateful, for your caring. I hardly deserve it, and it...it means a lot to me.”

Bill frowned deeply, ready to say something, but Carewyn cut him off.

“But believe me when I say that people don’t just keep secrets because they mean to do harm. Sometimes -- for some people -- they’ve had to learn to hide themselves and shield their hearts...so much so that even when they encounter good people, it’s hard for them to let their guard down. Sometimes they’ve known so much pain that, even though they’re kind people, they’ve numbed themselves to a degree, just to protect themselves. Lied so much...that it becomes second-nature. Or worse, lie because they don’t know who they can really trust...because so many people have hurt them that they don’t know what trust even feels like anymore.”

Bill’s expression lost some of its edge, though it still looked wary.

“...And if he is a magic user?”

“Then he’s one of the good ones,” said Carewyn firmly.

Bill still looked a bit unsure. Carewyn squeezed his shoulder a bit more tightly, her eyes resting there instead of on his face.

“Bill, my brother is only alive, thanks to magic.”

Bill was startled.

“The Plague swept through our whole house,” said Carewyn lowly. “First the landlord and his family -- then my mother...and then Jacob. We were living hand-to-mouth, and I didn’t have anyone else to go to...so I went to the Cromwell estate.”

Bill’s brown eyes became a little smaller, darkening with grim understanding.

“...You went to your grandfather.”

Carewyn nodded. “He disowned Mum long ago, but he was still our family, so I thought he might be willing to help us. He agreed to take Jacob and me in and nurse Jacob back to health, so long as we paid back his generosity. Grandfather then tracked down a witch who could cast a spell to save Jacob’s life.”

Bill’s eyebrows furrowed. “Lord Cromwell hired a -- ?”

“Do not repeat this, Bill!” Carewyn said very sharply and urgently. “To anyone, do you understand? No one.”

Her eyes then softened visibly, becoming grimmer and sadder.

“Jacob was dying. There was no other option.”

Bill looked like he was in pain, just hearing this second-hand. He swallowed, and then gave a nod.

“So that witch saved your brother’s life,” he said quietly.

Carewyn nodded, her eyes full of emotion despite the stoicism of her features.

“The spell she cast bound Jacob’s life to Grandfather’s will. Jacob was brought into the house on a stretcher just after dawn, and within a half-hour...he was up on his own two feet again.”

Carewyn closed her eyes. She could still remember Jacob’s blazing, relieved smile as he barreled down the stairs and threw his arms around her, cradling her like a baby.

“My Wyn -- my sweet Wyn -- ”

Not long after that, though...Jacob’s arms were yanked away -- all of him was yanked away -- held back by Blaise and Claire and Pearl’s husbands, who all had work to together just to restrain Jacob as he fought to reach her, screaming and raging like a mad man --

“WYN! NO! GET OFF OF ME -- WYN! I WON’T LET YOU -- CAREWYN!”

Carewyn opened her eyes, the soft longing fading from her face completely and leaving a much more stony expression behind.

Bill himself, however, looked more troubled than ever.

“You said your brother left for War the same day you and he arrived at the Cromwell estate,” he whispered shakily. “Do you mean that, right after saving your brother’s life...Lord Cromwell immediately sent him off to War -- all while knowing how few men return home alive?”

Carewyn’s lips came together tightly.

“Grandfather sent him to the front, so that Jacob could start paying back the debt I owed him,” she said, her voice very soft and oddly distant. “After all...a man who wouldn’t die, so long as he willed it...would make an excellent soldier.”

Bill looked horrified.

“Then...” he whispered, “...then Jacob’s only alive because your grandfather decides whether he lives or dies? You only know your brother’s still alive after so many years at war...because Lord Cromwell is bound to him through magic, and he’s holding his life over your head?”

Carewyn withdrew her hand from Bill’s shoulder and turned away.

“Carewyn...that’s monstrous!” said Bill, and he was unable to keep his voice from rising. “I didn’t even know magic could do something like that -- but -- but that’s nothing, compared to...”

He couldn’t restrain himself. He actually threw an arm around Carewyn and pulled her into a hug from behind. The small ginger-haired woman stiffened like a startled cat.

“Bill?”

Carewyn looked up at him -- were those tears, in his eyes?

“Have you...never told anyone else, about this?” Bill murmured.

Carewyn tried to turn around, her blue eyes welling up with regret and pain. “Bill...”

She brought a hand through his hair, trying to soothe him the way she used to for Jacob.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I -- I didn’t mean to upset you -- I only wanted to explain why I’m not scared of magic...please forgive me.”

Bill closed his eyes to try to hold back both his righteous anger and his tears.

“Forgive you?” he repeated in a choked voice. “For what, trusting me with the truth?”

“For making you worry unnecessarily,” Carewyn said forcefully, trying to ignore how uncomfortably her stomach was squirming.

Bill opened his eyes, looking both flabbergasted and more upset than ever. “Unnecessarily?”

He roughly grabbed both of Carewyn’s shoulders and forced her to look up at him.

“Now you listen here, Carewyn Cromwell,” he said, taking on the sort of tone he only ever used with his younger siblings when they were being rowdy, “you may get to decide if you want to interact with me or not, or rely on me or not, or accept my help or not. But you don’t get to decide whether I worry about you or not. And from here on out...”

Bill’s brown eyes were blazing with resolve.

“...I’m going to worry about you. Because I hate the thought of someone feeling like anybody else worrying about them is somehow a problem.”

Carewyn was left speechless.

Bill’s face broke into a broad smile through his tears. “Until your brother’s back from the War, Carey, I’ll be looking after you for him -- no arguments, no dismissals, no saying you’re fine on your own. Got it?”

Carewyn looked at Bill, perfectly stunned. Then her gaze fell away toward the floor.

“...It sounds like...I really don’t get a choice in the matter, then,” she whispered.

“Nope,” said Bill, grinning broadly.

Carewyn was unable to fight back the weak smile prickling at the sides of her lips, nor the emotion flooding her eyes, even as she kept her face turned away.

“...And I suppose ‘Carey’...is a suggestion of a nickname you plan to give Charlie, for me?”

Bill’s eyes sparkled fondly. “Well, every one of my siblings has a nickname, in case you haven’t noticed.”

[princeanxious]

The Royal Librarian- Chapter 1

Chapter 1- “The Road to Perfection is Destructive.”

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Ships: Future analogical, future sidelines royality, sidelines established dukeceit, background remile

Word Count: a little over 3k

Warnings For This Chapter: Virgil’s got anxiety and is a bit self depricating, brief mentions of panic attacks, Virgil stays up and works himself for so much longer and harder than is healthy for a normal person in one session, boi highkey overthinks a ton when he’s not occupied. Don’t work yourself for 24 hours straight like Virge does, it’s not good for you.

Minor notes on Virgil’s mental state in this fic: Virgil has ADHD(as reflected by my own life experience) that shows up in different ways here and there, and he suffers from RSD(Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) which drives Virgil’s need to be perfect or fail till he damn near collapses from exhaustion, which also just feeds into his chronic anxiety. Thats all for now!

Chapter one(you are here!)|Chapter two(coming soon!)

Bonus stuff:

-the Rough Library Layout

[[MORE]]

Quiet. Such a word was practically synonymous with Virgil’s existence. The young adult practically grew up in silence, sought quiet spaces out like a moth drawn to a flame. And like a deer spooked by a snapping branch, he often fled from loud groups larger than three. He had been a quiet child, content to lose himself in any book he could get his hands on, reading for hours in any quiet atmosphere he could find. Alone, and content because of it.

So it was really no surprise he picked up a local library apprenticeship when he’d turned fifteen, and was a well-versed and well-read librarian by age nineteen. He had his lifelong friend Patton to thank for making him apply alongside hundreds of others to the opening position of the Royal Astra Family’s castle Librarian position, a year later. And, to be fair? He’d only applied because he’d been sure his resume would never have been seen, let alone selected, if only to simply placate his best friend’s excited begging.

He didn’t account for Patton’s connections as the Royal Head Cook to shift that margine of possibility to reach at least being seen. Though Patton chalked it up to the fact that he’d always talked about Virgil around the royal family anyway, long before the position had needed a replacement. It seemed to be just Virgil’s luck that ‘Virgil’ just happened to be a very uncommon name.

The panic attack that followed after he received a letter that his resume had been selected alongside a select few others for further evaluation had been a rough one. Still, he held out hope that his perceived inexperienced youth would save him, the stress and responsibility of such a serious job couldn’t be trusted with some ambitious kid like him, could it?

And, besides, it’s not like Patton’s constant praises carried that much weight, right? That's just how Patton was, a personified ball of sunshine! It was why Virgil was never surprised to hear Patton mention the royal family and staff by name on accident, or mention a silly story involving them in private, he’d clearly become close to them as the Head Cook. Though, the more he thought about it, he realized that.. Well, it’s not like the royal family had known Patton as long as Virgil had. Patton could be too trusting, and tried to see good in everyone, and well, perhaps the royal family trusted his judge of character over just simple skills. And wasn’t it just peachy that Virgil was lifelong best friends with said ball of personified sunshine? (Not that he’d ever trade their friendship for the world, never. It was just Virgil’s problem that he could never seem to tell Patton no, huh?)

Eventually, a nerve wracking week passed before Virgil finally had his answer in the form of an acceptance letter hand-delivered and an accompanying uniform and granted permissions to traverse and move into the castle grounds, all ordered and signed by King Thomas himself.

Apparently, his suspicions over Patton’s influence had indeed won out.

Three days later, Virgil finds himself silently saying goodbye to the home he’d made on his own, not as terribly forlorn over the loss as he thought he’d be. The small cottage he’d been renting didn’t feel much like home to him, anyway, not like a library did. Still, there was a longing to hide from the large change crashing into his life, and thrice he’d hid under his covers and cursed his weak will against Patton’s puppy eye’d pout. Eventually though, he’d talked himself out of his panicked haze, just in time for his first shift the following day.

“I can’t believe I let Pat talk me into this.” The ravenette grumbled as he leaned to the side. Using his weight and momentum to shift the sliding ladder he was perched on, he slid closer to the next book he’d been reaching for.

“Become the castle’s new Librarian! It’ll be fun, he said! It’ll help sooth my anxiety to work with even more books and even less people, he said, the head cook who works with at least 20 other staff each hour to maintain a steady meal plan for the entire castle staff daily!” The little librarian huffed to himself, resignation seeping out with each controlled breath.

His first day hadn’t been an easy one, and though he hadn’t expected it to go smoothly, he certainly hadn’t expected it to become such a mess. It wasn’t his first time working as a librarian, but leave it to good ol’ Virgil to let life make his days as eventful as possible!

From the moment he woke to the time he had his lunch break, not that he would actually willingly take a break nor need one yet, the day had been.. busy, to put it lightly.

It’d been storming when he woke, and though he was on time to get ready and leave, he’d only realized that his umbrella had broken the month prior. It had left him to make a twenty minute dash in the pouring rain when he found no other options.

He was plenty grateful for a bathroom stationed just inside of the library building entrance, where he hurriedly rushed inside to change out of his soaked attire. He’d been smart enough to pack away his official Royal Librarian uniform into a water resistant bag with a few additional dry essentials, and let his common clothes get soaked instead.

In a short six and a half minutes, Virgil was changed and mostly dry, though there was little he could do about his damp hair aside from comb his fingers through it. With his wet clothes packed away, he made it into the library on time to begin his first very long shift.

He’d already been sworn into secrecy when it came to occasionally dealing with the royal family’s history and artifacts in the future, and with his first and hopefully one of very few ever meetings with King Thomas out of the way, he was officially the new Royal Librarian. And now, also the only. As he was told in no certain terms that the last had retired and fucked off into obscurity before anyone had realized that the library had been left in disorganized chaos.

The old coot had apparently made his own system for everything, and hadn't bothered to write any of it down. From sorting sections to assigning books to genres, none if it clear and often very, very unorganized.

Virgil’s first big task was to comb through the entire damn building and use a new system, one that made sense. He was to reorganize every book and every section, using the appropriate genres and sorting. This way the royal family could actually functionally use the library and not waste time sorting through chaos.

This was where Virgil found himself three hours later, on the verge of a minor mental breakdown as he’d just barely sorted an eighth of the books on the main library floor into the Dewey Decimal system.

He’d had plenty of empty tables at the beginning of his journey, and right now every single one had some few stacks of books on each, labeled accordingly. Aside from his muffled ranting and the pattering of rain, the library was relatively silent.

It was odd, being alone in such a gigantic library. It almost reminded him of home.

He paused for a brief moment, having set down the final few books taken from the bookshelf he’d been working on. He’d gone through just one row of 6 bookshelves, and had 7 rows left to go, and that was just barely counting putting books back in the previous shelves as he went. A whine left him as he realized just how long this project was going to take.

“Fucking fuck.”

Somewhere between the second row and the third, Patton had stopped by to check in on Virgil. He found him hard at work sorting the fiction section on the left side of the building, tables half forgotten as Virgil attached unobtrusive non-damaging number labels to each and every book. Stacks of books lay carefully placed on the floor against each shelf, seperated by label and lack of label.

“You already look so at home, Virge!” The head cook whisper-shouted, though the sentiment was not necessary as the only other being in the library was the librarian himself.

“Yeah yeah, hush you. I’m a bit too swamped for ‘I told you so’s at the moment. So, what's up?” Glancing up at the taller man, Virgil briefly noted a small package wrapped in cloth was held in his hands.

“Can you spare a minute to eat?” Patton giggled, but Virgil knew better. He’d known Patton since they were kids, it wasn’t a question. Or a decision to be made. With a sigh, he placed the book he was holding in its place before turning to the cheery cook. “Yeah, I can.”

“How’s the kitchen today?” He asked lightly, having eaten the light meal quickly in order to get back to sorting. Patton hadn’t commented, nor had he been shooed away when Virgil began sorting again. He contently sat out of the way to finish his own lunch, his original goal having been accomplished.

“Oh! It’s going great today, honestly. Not too many mishaps from the newbies today either, so that's a bonus! And well, you know, making mistakes is in human nature but, they’re learning so quickly, I’m so proud of them! They’ll be taking my place by fall, just you wait and see! And, well, Roman stopped by earlier to swipe some snacks for Prince Logan, his brother, and himself. You know, the usual.” Patton chuckled, and if Virgil had looked, he’d seen the besotted look Patton always had when he talked about the head knight of the prince, he’d seen it a hundred times and was bound to see it a hundred or so more.

“Oh, speaking of,” Virgil butted in playfully, “I’ll finally get a chance to meet this knight and shining armor you’ve been swooning over for over a year now, huh?”

He watched Patton’s freckled face flush bright red, sputtering and then coughing on his mouthful of food. Virgil just cackled delightedly, stepping over to give Patton a few hard pats on the back to be sure his friend didn’t choke.

He laughed again when Patton gave him a pout and a soft “You’re so mean to me, Virge!” Eventually Virgil was able to placate Patton with a gentle hug, and the cook was sunshine and smiles again.

A finished lunch break later had Virgil finally sending Patton off, back to the warm bustling kitchens in the main castle building while he moved on to the next portion of his task.

He quickly found the steady back and forth rythme soothing. Pick a few books up, put them away. Pull a few books out, sort it by number as per their section of genre, set it in the right place. It was a blessing to find that there was just enough of a consistency to the previous plan that he could find up to five to six books in the same category in a row, and each set of books could be similar in subject, usually ending up just one section away. Often was the wayward book that found itself out of place, though he had assumed that these were often books just placed back haphazardly considering their subject patterns.

Often the most scattered and random books had ended up being of a few select categories. Without fail, he found that it would end up being a book on Space and Astronomy and/or Mathematics, in-depth Anatomy of Plants and Animals, young adult Fantasy Adventure novels, or Horror novels. It was.. Sort of odd, how there had been no section for each and all of these books, and yet there were so many evenly scattered. Perhaps that had been on purpose then, not haphazardly placed. But why?

Too busy to think deeply about it, he designated spots fitting each book type, and decided he’d figure out what he’d do with the puzzle later.

It was 6 pm by the time he’d finished the fourth row, and Patton had stopped by briefly to check on his best friend. He watched Patton’s merry expression drop some, concern seeping in as he took in his best friend’s progress.

“It’s almost 6:30, Virgil. Have you had another break yet?” He asked, watching his best friend continue moving back and forth. “Aren’t you tired? It’s been a little under 12 hours at this point, kiddo.. dontcha think it’s time to call it for the day? I mean, you’re already halfway there!”

“Library hours, at least Librarian work hours, don’t end till 9. And yeah, I guess I’m a little tired? But I’m in the zone, Pat. You know how I get when I’m in The Zone. If I stop now, who knows how long it’ll take me to finish sorting the other half?” Virgil rambled, half distracted and still trying to keep a vice grip on his concentration. “And besides, King Thomas said he’d be checking in on me tomorrow.”

“But Virge, you know he doesn’t expect you to have it done in one day. Thomas isn’t like that! That’s why he gave you a whole week to settle in, so you could move into the Library’s living quarters-which you haven’t done yet, might I add!- and get the library situated.” Patton stood stiffly, knowing he was fighting a losing battle. Virgil was as stubborn as he himself was when his mind was made up.

“Look, Pat.. just, I’m sorry. You know I hate to worry you. I’ll try to stop at 10, go home and get some rest, and tomorrow i’ll move my stuff into my new home here. And, i’ll take a break from sorting for a few hours. Okay?” Virgil reached out, taking Patton’s hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. He let Patton pull him into a tight hug, and didn’t resist when Patton briefly rubbed at his tense shoulders.

“Okay. Just, take care of yourself, Virge, okay? If I find out you stayed out an hour later than 11 pm, you’re gonna be in big trouble mister!” Patton giggled, lightening the mood the way he knew how.

“Yeah, yeah, hear ya loud and clear, Dad.” He watched Patton beam at the nickname, and moments later he watched Patton disappear behind the library’s main entrance door as his friend left him be, reassured. Virgil gave a heavy sigh, looking down guiltily at the stray book clutched in his hands.

“Let’s just hope ‘trouble’ just means a week of disappointed reprimands like last time…”

Hours later, Virgil’s head jerked up from his sorting as a father clock somewhere in the library dinged, signalling 10 o'clock. Biting his lip, he walked to the front doors and examined his options. He found he could lock the library from the inside, and pulled down the shutters. Briskly, he moved to cover each large window with their thick drapery, finding the adorning cloth thick enough to keep the low artificial light from seeping out. He dimmed the inner library lights so the library looked closed, but otherwise the building was still functioning from within.

Unless someone else had keys to the doors of the library, no one would know that the librarian was still stationed and working within. No one could see out, and more importantly, no one could see in. Which meant that Virgil was safe from Patton’s wrath if the Cook came to check on him, temporarily at least.

“Fuck, Patton’s gonna be so mad..” He muttered to himself, leaning against the librarian’s desk with a deep sigh. He’d briefly admired the beautiful desk earlier in the day, from the intricate carving to the beautiful dark mahogany. It would serve him well in the future, he hoped, after the thorough ‘grounding’ he knew he was going to get from Patton.

He shook his head to free his thoughts. There was no sense in getting in trouble and feeling guilty about it if he didn’t do anything to learn from in the first place. It was time to get back to work, and if he was lucky, he’d finish the main body of the library by the time his next shift started. Then, he could try and play it off, like nothing had ever happened, he’d just keep Patton out of the library till tomorrow to hide his finished work.

11 pm came and passed as he worked, and when he looked next at the clock, he found it was nearly 4 am. Tired but determined with only one row left, Virgil trekked on with a new vigor. All-nighters weren’t anything new to Virgil, not in the slightest. He was a creature of the night who rarely got a full night's rest to begin with. And sure, it was rare he worked his body so hard and for so long, but fixations were hard to break once in The Zone, it’s not like he could feel it past the hyperfixation haze.

Patton had often told him off for it when they were young, but as time passed they’d come to realize that’s just how Virgil was. Laying down did nothing to lure his mind to sleep on even the tiredest of nights if his insomnia had something to say about it. Better that he used the extra time to be productive, rather than spend 6 hours tossing and turning in bed, numbers and thoughts crowding in his head, and only getting up more restless than before. Patton often just tried to ease the aftermath if he could help it.

Sliding the last book into place was like sliding a final puzzle piece into a massive puzzle. The triumph of accomplishment had never felt so good, not like this.

Though, he quickly found himself aimless not 10 minutes later, seeking errors to fix and lost books to give a home. His brain wasn’t ready to let go of it’s fixation just yet, but as each second crawled by, he found himself recentering into the real world.

His body ached, and he was exhausted. His stomach gnawed at him weakly in hunger and his eyes watered from staring unblinkingly for so long. He eyed the chair behind the librarian’s desk, his desk now, he reminded himself.

“Screw it.. The Library’s sorted enough, I've got the rest of the week to make it perfect. A ten minute nap won’t hurt, right..?” He huffed to himself as he pulled the window curtains open one by one. Shuffling over to the main library doors, he unlocked them and raised the shutters. Soft morning sun rays fluttered into the connected windowed hallway just beyond the doors. He smiled at the tiny beauty of life, spotting the main library windows letting in the same comforting, dappled light.

Pulling his cloak tighter around himself, he plopped into the chair at his desk, finding it soft and comforting. Leaning forward, he rested his head on his arms, and under the fluttering morning light, succumbed to sleep’s gentle embrace.

Unknowing of the rude awakening that was soon to come.

Chapter two

[mira--mira]

One obvious for the ask game. The main protagonist; Naruto Uzumaki and Izuku Midoriya.

@shiryusamarkanda it’s so nice to hear from you again! <3 

I totally didn’t forget to post this and had it fully finished in my drafts for days...totally. 

Naruto

What I love about them:

Naruto's a bratty kid who’s not afraid to speak up and challenge something he thinks is "wrong". This, of course, is part 1 Naruto. I actually like when he's a bit insensitive without being explicitly malicious bc its very fitting for his background/how he grew up but also gives him a clear path forward as he learns how to work as a team/starts to grow. It wasn’t exactly a smart move, but I really liked how he continued to challenge Zabuza in the Wave Arc saying “he’s still my enemy” after Kakashi told him to back off. This is all good and strong characterization that, to me, was more often endearing than it wasn’t. Naruto had goals and a purpose and in early Naruto that was still clear.

What I hate about them:

Part 2 (Shippuden) Naruto. There’s a lot that goes into this but the core deviation is getting away from the underdog story. In Shippuden Naruto is the son of the 4th, the Child of Prophecy, a reincarnation of the Sage of Six Path’s kid, makes friends with Kurama, and has the most OP power of the them all: Talk no Jutsu. What makes all of this even worse is Naruto went from a loveable bratty kid to an insufferable messiah figure. To be “perfect” his natural personality is shorn down until he’s only allowed occasional “stupid” mistakes rather than mistakes that emerge from his characterization. This also makes his ideological “wins” with villains...completely meaningless. Shippuden Naruto doesn’t really...have beliefs. He wants to be hokage and bring Sasuke back to the village. “Being hokage” was fine as a kid but I expected the progression into shippuden to be “what kind of hokage do I want to be?” This seemed natural bc we get in the Wave arc Naruto pushing against “what a shinobi is supposed to be: a tool” from Haku and declaring he’d make his own ninja way. Flashforward to the chunin arcs: hates Orochimaru for messing with Sasuke (esp when he eventually leaves to join him) and Neji for treating Hinata the way he did until he learned more about the Hyuga before declaring it wasn’t fair and you had to fight against fate and destiny. Tsunade’s arc was more about reemphasizing the village was something worth protecting and the Sasuke retrieval arc, while focused on Sasuke, at least kept up this theme. But these moments of growth are only alluded to in shippuden and by the time the war arc and ending come around...nothing changes. Naruto didn’t upset the status quo, he only maintained it. And once that ending was established it was a lot easier to go back and pick out exactly when his characterization started to fall through and the weird messiah figure took over instead. Part of this, imo, is the focus of his ultimate goal being “bring Sasuke back to the village” rather than understand what Sasuke is doing/why he’s doing it and then deciding to help him or stop him. 

Favorite Moment/Quote:

“You’re cute when you’re chubby” [in reference to the frog purse] 

I really love the quiet moments Naruto has and watching him live out his daily life. The frog purse is absolutely adorable and I love seeing it crop up time and time again. A close second is when Gai kicks Jiraiya in the face and, a short time later, offers Naruto the green tracksuit which he’s appreciative of. 

What I would like to see more focus on:

In Part 2 Naruto having a long-term goal alongside bringing Sasuke back to the village or trying to seriously think about why Sasuke does what he does and how that would potentially affect the plot. If I could go back to the very start, keeping the actual heart and intent of an underdog ninja story rather than everything turning into superpowered mecha/kaiju battles and aliens from space this is the big point that I’d want to address. In general, I really like fics that focus on training and give him a range of jutsu besides spamming shadow clones and rasengan variants. I’ve said this before, but if Naruto really wants to keep the “number 1 unpredictable ninja” moniker, learning a variety of small, diverse jutsu and using them in interesting/creative ways would be the way to go rather than spamming the aforementioned two. I also really like fics that buckle down and just go ham and create their own variety of jutsu, especially if it’s small practical jutsu rather than the latest and greatest OP Power #839281 kind of jutsu. 

What I would like to see less focus on:

The messiah figure. Talk no Jutsu. The obsession with having a morally pure hero in a world that routinely employed child soldiers and put them in war. I understand Naruto was a shonen manga first and foremost but like...this was the setting/world Kishimoto decided on having. However, I will say some fics take it to far on the other extreme for my taste, creating a edgy nihilistic Naruto that hates everyone and everything. 

Favorite pairing with:

Uhh...I don’t actually have a strong feeling for this one LOL. The most I’ve read has been SasuNaru (Sasuke x Naruto) because I’ve found really interesting set-ups. I like the ship and it does have a decent amount of backing in canon but it’s the little moments (or my ability to see possible little moments) that really make or break a ship for me. SasuNaru is all Big Declarations and I struggle to see how they’d actually settle down post Shippuden time into something sustainable. My favorite iterations of the ship is focused when they’re genin age and have a better relationship...but then I recognize that this is getting closer and closer to Hashimada. The other big things I run into with shipping Naruto with Sasuke is 1. Sasuke needs a shit ton of therapy/willingness to process his family related trauma and 2. Naruto needs a good support network/family outside of a romantic partner because it personally makes me uncomfortable to read ‘you’re my one and only’ (here being: I have no other friends, family, loved ones outside of you). It’s a ship that can work but it’s not my personal OTP.  

Favorite friendship:

Canon/OoT - Naruto & Sakura

I do have a softspot for fics where Naruto realizes his crush on Sakura is actually a desire to have friends/someone to care about him and then they do become close. In canon Sasuke was clearly the favorite of Kakashi (if chunin arc is kept the same/similar and he takes him away for the month to train) I really like Naruto and Sakura sticking together and trying to help each other. They’re both loud and can wind each other up but Naruto can help Sakura relax a bit from her rigid view of herself and she can help keep him on track/encourage him. 

NOTP:

Again, no real strong opinions here. Probably harems? I remember seeing a lot of those a couple years ago and I fundamentally dislike the harem so it will never be ‘done well’ to my personal taste. 

Favorite headcanon:

Naruto is smart, he just needs things to be explained in a way he can understand. 

I’m not a fan of ‘he’s the smartest person in the entire world’ trope but Naruto is creative, he created the oiroke jutsu before he graduated to genin and has a lot of stubborn determination. He’s just really bad at typical ‘book learning’ and traditional testing and he’s not a genius/prodigy like Sasuke or Neji.

.

.

Read line for BNHA manga spoilers

Izuku

What I love about them:

He’s such a smart kid and while he’s unsure/insecure about himself he still does his best. Honestly the premise of BNHA is amazing and I was so excited to watch this little quirky (heh) boy do his best and outthink heroes, utilizing his intelligence and knowledge of quirks. I really love early Izuku and how he has to approach situations from a different angle bc he grew up quirkless/can’t properly handle OFA. The sports festival arc remains one of my personal favorites and really showed his ingenuity. I also really love that Izuku is openly emotional, he cries, he gets super happy about things, he’s angry, he’s sad, etc.  

What I hate about them:

Why do stories insist on calling themselves “underdogs” when for a majority of the time, they’re not? Or not as much as they would be from the original premise? Look, TDP came about exactly bc BNHA was billed as ‘quirkless boy becomes number 1 hero’ it changed rapidly into ‘Izuku gets the strongest quirk but can’t control it’ and while I was...disappointed with that, it happened so quickly I wasn’t really upset. Fast forward to apparently OFA has...what seven(?) quirks inside it and I just...it’s frustrating. Even more the longer we go the more Izuku strays away from a character that is forced to use his intelligence and creatively outthink his opponents and instead becomes...I just have to hit him harder! The Muscular fight already inched towards this but the Overhaul fight just felt like Super Shonen Smack-down 728329. Which, isn’t an inherent problem, it just doesn’t match up to the expectations I had about BNHA I had at the start and how I hoped the series would go. For a character trait that I hate: Izuku is stupidly self-sacrificing. It makes sense with his character but he shoots beyond what is safe and reasonable and I wish there would be more internal emphasis on the question “is it better to save one person today if it meant I couldn’t save ten people tomorrow?” I think he’d choose the former or forsake the question altogether (we touched briefly on this during the overhaul arc with Eri) but I think it’s a serious question needs to be touched on (or I just need to go back and rewatch things again LOL) 

Favorite Moment/Quote:

See entire sports festival arc. I don’t really have a favorite moment because I love the entire arc and we get so much out of it. 

What I would like to see more focus on:

Quirkless Izuku. There’s already a lot of fics, but I really do love them. It deviates a bit, but I do like the creativity of giving Izuku his own unique quirk and then exploring what he can do with that/how it changes canon. Really I want Izuku to keep his original characterization and not trade his smarts for more punching power or deus ex machinas for quirks hidden inside of OFA. If OFA!Izuku is kept, I like story ideas where he still has to rely on means outside of his quirk. Preferably this is isn’t because he injuries himself so much, but I like toying with the idea that Izuku never gets OFA to All Might’s level so he really does have to make the quirk his own and still rely heavily on his intelligence and quirk journals to become the number 1. 

What I would like to see less focus on:

Quirks hidden inside OFA. Strength should have been enough, it was already billed as the most powerful quirk of all. I know this is a common theme for shonen stories, and I don’t mean to harp specifically on Izuku, but again the premise of BNHA was an underdog story. 

Favorite pairing with:

Tododeku (Todoroki Shouto x Midoriya Izuku) 

Friends to lover and battle couples lads, I am weak to them. I like the contrast between their personalities as well as origins (Shouto being the number 2′s (now 1) kid and Izuku from a quiet civilian background). At the end of the sports festival arc both of them are extremely well characterized and it’s easy for me to imagine how their relationship progresses from there and how they can support each other and help each other grow. It’s a very sweet and wholesome ship the way I write and read it and it’s v cute.

Favorite friendship:

Canon- Midoriya Izuku & Uraraka Ochaco & Iida Tenya

I really like the core trio and think their interactions are really sweet. They balance each other out well and their friendship was immediately believable to me. I also like later when Tsuyu and Shouto start to get included in the group and out of the “main” core friends I’m endlessly entertained whenever Izuku and Tokoyami interact with one another. (This is also because I love my bird son, but you know.)

TDP - Midoriya Izuku & Ashido Mina or Midoriya Izuku & Hatsume Mei

Really, I love all of TDP’s kiddos interactions. Their chemistry is one of my favorite things about the fic and all the villain school kiddos meshed really well and had hilarious interactions. Mina and Mei are my faves but just barely. Mina came out of left field for the fic but she plays a similar role that Ochaco does in canon as a usual source of positivity (but unlike Ochaco with additional chaos). She’s Izuku’s first real friend even before starting HIVVE and wouldn’t hesitate to call Izuku her cousin as she views him as family. In return, Mina’s someone Izuku can completely count and depend on if necessary. Mei is...Mei. Izuku is her best “useful customer” and it’s actually terrifying how similar their thoughts are, just Mei has an (un)healthy dose of Hazmat’s insanity and her own business acumen added into the mix. They have slightly different fields of interest but are intellectual equals that work well together and that’s something new to both of them.

NOTP:

Bakudeku (Bakugo Katsuki x Midoriya Izuku)

It’s unhealthy. Unless it’s an AU that changes what the start of their relationship is like, Bakugo and Izuku will always have a toxic friendship to me and I can’t ever see them in a healthy relationship. Both of them have a lot to learn and I am of the opinion that Bakugo should get the opportunity to grow and become a good person and leave behind his past as a bully. However, I’m also of the opinion that no matter how good of a person a bully becomes their victim is never required to absolve them of past wrongdoings. Izuku and Bakugo were friends once, their relationship turned toxic, and now it’s in the interest of both of them to grow apart from one another. I even hesitate to really say they’ll be friends again because the early characterization of their relationship was so imbalanced to me, but for the right author and the right work I may see them being on good terms. It’s still a romantic relationship that I dislike. 

Favorite headcanon:

Crack headcanon? Izuku does have a natural quirk, the force of his tears is clearly superpowered 😂 Regular headcanon, (that is canon in TDP and kindaaa in regular canon(?)) when Izuku gets really engrossed in a super stressful fight he focuses on what will work rather than what is moral. It has...mixed results. 

.

For the ask game. 

[whiterbone-a]

i wanna know what your take on the nanami / gojo relationship is ?? cause a big part of me is like nanami isn't someone who really talks , like you won't get inside of him and he'll make jokes here and there with the whole work is shit thing . but i think he lost his heart and happiness alongside yuu and i think he even said this wasn't a mission first years should be on and the fact that yuu looked up to getou and gojo so much and still got killed was like a fucking blade to the stomach.

i mean do you think there is a romantic possability , i do play around with it but at the same time do you think it would be comforting ?? like i know the big ship is gojo and getou because of how close they were but what is nanami to gojo , a tool and a function or a friend and possible lover ??? and how will his death effect him ???

also were gojo actively smiles , nanami only smiles when death is around the corner and i am like red flags here and there . but sorry this got so long and please feel free to ignore it .

hello and welcome.  take a seat and thank you for joining me.  if this doesnt make sense just pretend u know what im talking about, its the adhd for making my thoughts so scattered everywhere

so in concept the nanami and gojou ship in a romantic concept is rly cute in concept like u have an ex - salary man whos serious doesnt allow himself the luxury of acting his age but on the other end u have someone who still acts like hes a child and never takes anything serious even when hes fighting.  they both endured the trauma being a jujutsu sorcerer entails yet they have nothing in common -- gojou dresses like hes a reflection with the moon and nanami, the sun.  also the fact that gojou thinks that he, himself, is ascended above all he works with while nanami is just a human living his day to day, and lot of ppl use this as nanami to bring down gojou to his morality just like a nudge or a friendly reminder.  he even tolerates and puts up with him a lot more than he should.  hes very patient but very honest.  a lot of the fanart of them is SO CUTE esp when theyre married and living happily with one another.  i even ship them, its actually one of my top ships next to satosugu but like in reality its not so great unfortunately

honestly?  theres a small slim of a possibility but due to the nature of the clash of personalities and what their job its like ... not rly possible

nanami, even out of being a salary man, fully treats being a jujutsu sorcerer as a 9 - 5 job and refuses to work overtime. he has small luxuries like he enjoys reading and eating left overs after a day of working hard like who wouldnt and not to mention hes the type to keep his relationships strictly professional. gojou has probably asked him several times to take him out for drinks after work (altho work never ends with gojou which is ironic) and has said no.  it’s funny now that i think about it,  shouko probably asks him for an occasional drink after hours and he accepts because at least he likes shouko and he knows theres no ulterior motive from her just a couple of coworkers doing some heavy drinking but nothing ever more than that -- hes even said that he wants to get married but when hes no longer a sorcerer

sucks tho, because like everyone else, nanami sees gojou as someone who is extremely powerful and only sees him for his techniques except more like hes a nuisance and extremely annoying, even to the point of having absolutely no respect for him.  he realizes, yeah hes strong but as for the full package that is satoru gojou?  there’s absolutely nothing to respect about that man

and while we’re talking about gojou, i’ll say it, he’s mentally unstable.  i mean, we all knew that -- hes got a couple of “screws loose” as he puts it inside that rattling brain of his.  on the opposite side of the spectrum, hes not capable of handling a romantic relationship.  hes always always busy, its rare that that he gets a breather for himself.  hes always being sent out on missions out of country and ive always portrayed gojou as the type of partner thats not even gentle on his partners in terms of being playful, childish, and being a nuisance.  his mental health is absolutely terrible (i’m not saying nanamis is any better but) hes always acted much younger than what he is altho i do blame his upbringing for that.

and gojou treats everyone as good friends but does like to particularly pick on ppl who take themselves too seriously (nanami and utahime), mei mei and yuki are exempt from this.  he also doesnt rly care for ichiji but like, that doesnt matter LOL.

i do see nanami eventually giving in for one (1) after dinner ‘date’ after work but when gojou is actually less himself, hes tolerable to be around which isnt saying much tbh.  you should def listen to the nanami and gojou drama audio if u can!  they’re so fucking funny as a pair, which solidifies them as being cute but were not talking about that rn.

in terms of being ‘what are they’ to each other, its hard to tell.  i talked about it briefly as nanami reminding him of his morality and being his humility tho gojou doesnt act like it, he fully believes hes above all and everyone, lovers and close friends are included in this.  i read a lot of nana/go fanfics and they portray nanami as someone to push down his ego;  to remind him hes actually Not all that great, a child in an adults body, etc.  he’s a brutality honest man and gojou can take critic and criticisms to his person but that doesnt mean hes going to listen (and he doesnt, hes even self aware that his personality sucks ass but does he bother to change?  absolutely not and he wont start now nor for anyone else).

yuu did definitely help nanami change and shift his ideas about the world, esp hating the jujutsu society afterwards.  like, i dont blame u king, it sucks ass.  tho, i dont think nanami looked up or cared for gojou and getou that much.  getou he looked up to more so because at least hes as a respectable guy, strong, good looking, and stimulates intellectual conversations.  gojou?  not so much.  nanami probably thought that it doesnt matter if u have techniques that is extremely rare to acquire and even more so to master but u suck ass and u dont stimulate joy to be around.

nanami is a good friend and high school buddy to gojou and nanami would definitely call him ‘coworker’ or something along those lines when hes annoyed him too much or doesnt want gojou to benefit too much from simple acknowledgement.  gojou thinks hes an ascended being but he definitely respects and finds nanami to be a strong sorcerer and was rather surprised when he took the 9 - 5 job but it was definitely safer.

death ... ah, i think about this all the time.  it’s like losing suguru all again except he didnt go rogue and kill a whole village.  hes absolutely confident in nanamis abilities to fend off curses and hes too stubborn to let himself die as well, so the idea of him dying doesnt ever cross his mind.  thats a true stab to the gut to hear that nanami has died, maybe a moment of truly being unhinged and a darker nature but we wont rly know until it happens in the manga, which i cant wait.  i mean, at least mei mei, utahime, and shouko are around but this is nanami were talking about.  if this was in terms of a romantic relationship rather than a simple seemingly one - sided friendship of enjoying of being around that person but that person just tolerating him and hoping he goes away eventually.  i can’t say, i can’t say!  just take these thoughts with like a grain of salt.

also that last statement in the ask, gojous smiles are fake and a mask while the rare times nanami does smile, its genuine.

regardless of what i said, i think it can be a comfy ship!  this ship isnt toxic but any means (unless u make it toxic then well, thats a you thing) so just enjoy it!  i know i do i think as long as u recognize that maybe neither of them being a relationship would benefit the other then go stupid go crazy, i know i will.

[akumageist]

I would die for Hitori Uzune. RIP to Kazuaki, but I’m different.

The Hatoful fandom consists of 13 people and a paperclip. It always has. Unfortunately, it probably always will. Where this is cause for some perks, it’s also some of its faults. In example, it’s still an anime game, made by a Japanese woman, and attracts weebs. Weebs tend to like to think of characters 2-Dimensionally, breaking the character down to what they think is their core personality traits. Hitori is no stranger to this, and is beaten down into this heartless, manipulative, selfish bastard. But I believe Moa is saying “anyone, even the best of us, is capable of becoming a monster if driven to it.” Let’s roll.

2162. Hitori was born into a world of war and hate, plopped into an orphanage at just 2 years old. This can be found in Moa’s canon spin-off manga, where Hitori at about ten years old is caring for the other war orphans along with the other older birds. Luckily for him, he was a genius. He was able to go out and get jobs tutoring birds and support his rag-tag family at his young age.

With that, we know Hitori was not originally cold and heartless, despite how the world may have birthed him. Especially when Nageki arrived frail and sickly. Hitori and the other birds were happy to put in overtime in an attempt to pay for the poor dove’s medications, even in his protest.

Then, 2180 happened. Imagine what sort of toll that would take on Hitori. he was absent. He was at work, unaware of the jeopardy that befell his family. What kind of horrible, mind-rattling survivors guilt must rack this bird’s brain, knowing he wasn’t there as his family was massacred one by one?

“What did we do? We had nothing. Our parents and homes had already been stolen by the humans. All we had left were each other.”

We can gather from this same scene Hitori blames himself for not being there. For not being able to protect his family, or even Nageki. Even though had he been there, he would have died alongside everybirdie else, and left Nageki to succumb to his illness alone. Something of this magnitude would create anxieties and trauma unfathomable to those who did not deal with it.

In Hitori, this manifested as full-blown helicopter mom. He can’t help but think of every little nit-pick detail over Nageki, terrified one feather out of place will kill him. The fandom is good about this side of his character! And of course, so is Moa. This may be the Summer Vacation Drama CD: Hitori The Worrywart (which takes place in MIRROR AU), but I love it’s portrayal of the anxious quail.

Hitori continued to care and ache over Nageki’s declining health. He was desperate. Begging doctors, even though deep in his little quail brain he knew Nageki was a lost cause, and that he was dying. But he couldn’t think of a life without Nageki, and did all in his power to try and keep the bird as well as he could. We can see a great example of this love in words you might not think of.

“How about this? From now on, ‘I’m fine’ is not allowed.”

I’ve always imagined Hitori getting mildly heated at Nageki in this conversation.The quail is on his last strands of stability, and the dove he cares endlessly for is trying to hide the very thing he ails himself over. The genuinity in his words shines through- telling Nageki he’d rather hear he’s bad and hurting.

So, in this desperation, Hitori carted Nageki off to some strange doctor in some strange prestigious school. And how couldn’t he? A doctor who claimed to know of the virus eating away at Nageki’s life, and how to cure it. Hitori’s beacon of hope in a sea of darkness. The only bird in the entire universe he had left to love, the one he had arguably always favored and adored, was dying. He would do anything in his power to keep the one thing he loved alive, no matter the irrationality or cost. No matter the very dying bird’s own lips saying “I… don’t want to go.”

Whether or not you ship these birds, I firmly believe Hitori is in love with Nageki in a romantic sense.

“I can no longer love another creature // I think we meant more to each other than anybirdie else in the world... // The love I felt soured into resentment // I should remember the beautiful face I knew, not… a photo covered in scribbles”

Not to mention admitting he can’t bear to live without the dove in BBL. And, in his route, Hiyoko goes as far as to refer to this bird as a female, which means he’s speaking so fondly she’s assuming it was a lover, and therefore a woman. Hitori’s stopped any sort of love at the idea he can only love Nageki post-mortem. That is canon. And well… that’s not very brotherly, no matter how good of a relationship you may have with your sibling (I speak from experience).

Okay, okay, this persuasive essay is NOT for convincing you of this ship, that is another essay for another time. I’ve only mentioned this opinion because I need you to understand his irrationality for the one thing he has left, and the fragility of it. And why it might drive anybirdie to… Hitori-level madness. Moving on.

2183. A mere 3 years after Hitori had lost the majority of his family to human terrorists. Nageki sends a coded letter, and… we can see Hitori’s anxieties outright.

“It’s happening again. Nageki needs me, and I’m not there.”

This is… a very powerful line in the game. We’re seeing just how vulnerable Hitori truly is. This is a traumatized individual in a panic attack- realizing the love of his goddamn life is once again faced with something horrible, and Hitori is once again absent from the scene.

And just like that, he’s gone.

The only thing. The only one Hitori had left in life to love. To live for. Taken from him without so much as a second chance. This is painful to write. This part of Hatoful is, without a doubt, the most agonizing. I know how it is to lose something so dear and feel as though maybe it’s not worth going on without them.

This is the peak of Moa’s tragedy writing ability (and yes, I’m including Holiday Star). But this is my point, is it not? Though his kanji may be “sun bird”, the actual word for his name “Hitori” quite literally means one, alone, solitary. He is now all alone in the universe, no family left. How can anybirdie even remotely remain in charge of their faculties (as Sakuya would put it) by now? You wouldn’t.

Hitori is now a husk of his former self. Anything he’s ever cared for is gone, he has nothing left to live for. He goes- my favorite coined term for him- absolutely batshit. He gets what we call “trauma-induced psychosis”, and begins to hallucinate very vividly, a form that he refers to as “Nageki”. We all know him of course, as Shadow. Shadow, from the little information we’re able to gather from BBL, is tormenting Hitori ruthlessly.

Shadow is easily misunderstood, because Moa made him fathomable, so the reader was able to understand exactly what was happening. What had become of Hitori Uzune. Shadow in all his simplicity- is Hitori. It is an introjection of Nageki, manifested to validate Hitori in his self-hatred. Don’t you get it? He hates himself just as much as you hate him!

Anything Hitori thinks of himself, Shadow is there to back up. He’s taunting him day in and day out, reminding him that he killed Nageki, and every ounce of Nageki’s suffering life was the fruit of Hitori’s inability to protect him. But again, it’s his own brain, telling him exactly what he wants to hear. What he truly believes. Telling himself what he’s done, and how he deserves this. ...And to seek revenge.

Hitori lost his mind. He had nothing else to lose, after all. He became obsessed with Nageki even moreso than he was in life, because there was no level-headed dove to calm him and tell him to stop worrying so much, or keep him at least reasonably held together by simply being there.

He listened to his psychosis, and when he made a friend (Moa gives evidence Hitori and Kazuaki were friends prior to Hitori’s ill-intentions), his psychosis got in the way of that, too. As he travelled down this relationship (which Moa herself says is pretty much romantic), we can assume he realized just how unable to love he was. He had Kazuaki around because, let’s face it. He wanted someone like Nageki who was incompetent so he could nurture and care for them. And for a while, it worked. But it didn’t. Hitori didn’t love Kazuaki. He couldn’t. He was too busy looking for Nageki.

So, you’re reading this in english. You speak english. At least a little, right? So maybe you played the english (and localized) version of the game. Well then you may not know the following. Please pay attention! This gets a bit rocky, and a bit more “Hitori...!”.

In the English version, Hitori disguised as Kazuaki is “tired”. In the Japanese version, he’s “sleepy” or “dreamy”. I’d describe him as ditsy, for sure. He kind of acts like an airhead who knows absolutely nothing, and his students don’t take him seriously. In the Hatomame Sweet Blend Drama CD, there is a track that follows Kazuaki on a little adventure of his narcolepsy, and going to Shuu for help.

In and out of comatose, Hitori, as himself, is there in his dreams as a separate bird.

“This bird with a face I had never seen spoke to me in a voice I had never heard, and this is what he said.”

“Nanaki-sensei” is clearly denying his own identity.

“I’ll sleep, just a little, and then leave… good… night…”

“But sleeping is my job… You still have a little longer. Tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that…”

This is dream Hitori telling himself that he has to continue his alias until his revenge is fulfilled. The quail that was once Hitori must remain dormant until he is reunited with Nageki again, and can be happy again. As a metaphor for depression… don’t you feel like you’re a shell of your former self?

So, going off this information… I believe Hitori has repressed himself. This is due to my own knowledge on psychology but-- Hitori doesn’t want to be Hitori anymore. It’s too hard. Hitori the war orphan. Hitori the lone survivor. Hitori the murderer and identity thief. It’s him not wanting to deal with his trauma in a healthy way, and instead locking it up and becoming somebirdie new and undamaged.

He killed Hitori.

This falls into the other delusion- that Nageki is somehow not completely dead and gone and ash- but still trapped, somehow, somewhere, and Hitori needs to find and get him. To kill Isa and the researchers who “killed” Nageki, and bring “Nageki” home. Whatever he believes Nageki is. In BBL, we see this quite literally varies! He tried to cut Ryouta open and steal his liver!

“Sir, Nageki would have never wanted this…!”

There is no difference between a serial killer and someone in a court room screaming for the serial killer to be murdered in turn. That mourning mother is then one in the same with that killer, is she not? She sees him, and wants him to die. She wants him to die and suffer. She believes that will bring her a sense of justice. Even though she knows it will not return her son to her. Hitori, is that mourning mother. He sees Isa, and all he can see is the man who murdered his dove.

I know the biggest aspect as to why the fandom hates Hitori is the sole factor that Kazuaki is #relatable. He’s a depressed college student who thinks he’s better off dead. Then, Hitori tricks him. But you’re not reading Kazuaki right. It’s okay, he’s easy to misread from Holiday Star’s plotline. 

Holiday Star was written with Kazuaki as the villain, do you forget? A grey villain as well, but a villain nonetheless. He told his tragic sob story death in such a way, you can’t help but to cry. He’s the victim! I’m not saying he’s not. But he was written specifically to be pitied in Holiday Star, and as you continue on, you begin to see he’s actually just anti-self help. He doesn’t want to face his fears. He doesn’t want to leave his safe egg and take the risk he should have.

Kazuaki is meant to be pitied, yes,  but just on the brink of annoying with his helplessness and self-deprecation. He’s, forgive me, a “sad sack of shit” who does nothing to help himself. Don’t come after me for being “ableist” or whatever- Moa literally wrote him this way.

This is also depicted in “Kazuaki-kun’s Book”. Now, this book takes place in the MIRROR AU, but it tells of how Kazuaki met Hitori. Moa starts the manga off by explaining Kazuaki had a great chickhood, a healthy life, and an easy, happy time. But then, he flunked his college exams and didn’t even get into his safety school. He lazed around, grew depressed, and let his apartment rot. He played video games until his online friends got jobs, and wasted any money he had on them as well. The only thing that scared him out of it is when his next door neighbor was found dead, having rotted into his own futon.

So imagine Hitori, who has worked so hard and lost everything he had done so for. Tirelessly, through his horrible, fucked up existence. Nageki, who had his short and miserable life robbed from him, had to die. Had to kill himself. And this random quail has the audacity to bitch and moan, thinking he’s got it bad? He’s a waste of space that could have been filled with Nageki. This is what Hitori’s brain is thinking. Hitori’s only ~20 years old when Nageki dies, after all.

I’m not saying this is cause for murder and identity theft. Don’t you dare misread me on this. But as I’ve stated prior- Hitori’s completely lost it.  But you ship him with the chukar that literally ruined his life. Hitori’s a grey villain but holy fuck why would you want him to fuck the partridge that tortured and drove his only loved one to suicide?

It was wrong to trick Kazuaki. It was wrong to insult him as he died. It was wrong to steal his identity. That’s obvious and a given. But you all seem to look at that factoid alone, chalking it up to ‘preying on a poor mentally ill man” but not taking into consideration Hitori is mentally ill himself. ...Just not #relatable enough for you.

Hitori is suicidal as well. He’s been suicidal presumably since Nageki died. Don’t you dare say Hitori isn’t at least a little in the same boat. I don’t care if he’s not as soft and uwu and cuddly as Kazuaki. Mental illness is not rainbows and butterflies and emo hair (though Kazuaki is not portrayed this way).

Holiday star bears all the answers. I raise you important points, so pay close attention. The first key component is Hitori, found upside down in the pudding. He’s crying. Why is he crying? Because he’s lost his name? Oh, but think deeper.

“I’m Nemo”.

“Nemo” is latin for nothing, and his name translates to “nothing” in every language of HoliStar. The King has vomited him up in his kingdom, and robbed him back of what he stole from him. His identity.

But it goes even deeper than that.

“I’ve lost something, and so, I think I might cry.”

From this phrase alone, it’s painful to play this game. Nageki is right in front of his beak. But what did he do? He ate his own eyes. Hitori, in his refusal to identify with himself, has robbed himself of quite literally seeing the very bird he adores and sought after. Then, he is renamed his own identity by that bird (the only identity he accepts). How surreally real.

The second key component is when everybirdie is being rescued, but Leone warns Yuuya the quail is clearly falling more rapidly into a coma, and may not be able to awake. Why is this? Because Hitori wants to die. He’s fine with it, and Kazuaki is more than happy to keep him. When Yuuya finds him, Hitori is not at all alarmed as he should be. He seems passive, and simply wants to fall back to sleep. He’s to the point of trying to strangle Yuuya in attempt to let himself fall into eternal slumber (even if he thinks Yuuya is… Kazuaki..?).

Heed these next words carefully. When Yuuya asks if The King did something to him, Hitori replies-

“...No, all The King did was close the door.”

I am a firm believer this is Hitori indirectly saying “Kazuaki did nothing wrong, and I do not resent him for hating me.” Especially since Hitori shows signs of knowing it’s Kazuaki, and repenting.

“He said I need to be punished. Apparently I did something bad… and I think I know what it was.”

This is confirmed in my next point, so bear with me.

Hitori, in this same conversation, is admitting he wants to die. The only thing that stops him- as morbid as it may be, is remembering this takes place before the events of BBL. He hasn’t fulfilled what he believes is his “something I need to do”. Which is seek revenge, and bring Nageki home, as per Shadow’s orders.

Lastly, at the bitter end of Holiday Star when everybirdie is plummeting through the air from the false star, Hitori is still blind and confused. Suddenly, The King erupts from behind Hitori, and appears to be talking to him.

--

“Oh, is that right?”

--

“...I know, I know. ...but it’s still too soon. That’s right, I’ll be along soon. I’ll catch up with you. Someday…”

This is arguably my most prominent point in the entire essay. This is Hitori, admitting not only does he still plan to kill himself, but that he intends to keep his promise and reunite with Kazuaki in the afterlife. These are not the words of a heartless quail. These are the words of somebirdie who knows they’ve taken advantage of a friend, but is continuing to do their best to keep their promises and make amends. This is Hitori telling Kazuaki he still cares for him.

Hitori is the result of trauma and hardship beyond compare, and his inability to cope. He is not meant to be hated. He is meant to have shock value, yes. What he has done his disgusting, but you want to love him. Because he raised the sweetest bird in the entire game who would rather kill himself than hurt others.

Grey-villains are difficult, and because you can’t love them for being purely evil, you end up hating them for being a good person who’s done bad things. Hitori is a cracked window. Not quite shattered, but no longer whole, with a faulty image. Hitori is not just some heartless, manipulative, selfish bastard. He’s quite literally a bird with a broken wing (or entire ribcage more like), trying to… well, Live, and be happy.

[invitedeath]

SEPHIROTH                          — relationship & plotter call.

hello lovely isolians! it’s been actually ages since i made my first one, or my second one, so i’m coming back with new vigour & hopefully some new ideas to tempt you all into friendship ( or...enemy...ship) with sephiroth!

so liking this post means that you are 100% down with interacting with me in some fashion! ways this might happen may be... → me sending you im’s / tumblr asks to plot or chat! i can be quite a talkative person as a forewarning, as i love discussing rp things as well as getting to know my rp partner!  → if we are already friends on discord or twitter, i might message you that way to ask you about plots or ideas or to run things by you. → exchanging ask memes / meme day things that might be a bit more personal than a general sentence meme. → possible random starters or musings dedicated to your muse, sometimes i get sudden inspiration for these things! i will always check first that you’re okay with taking on a new thread, but yes this is for just... if i get inspired & want to put something up for you! → general tomfoolery and shenanigans in character ( and ooc if you like )

you can contact me via the im system here, by the /ask feature or you can ask for my discord/twitter if you prefer those. just let me know. discord is the most private however so we’d need to chat a bit more elsewhere first just for my comfort! i am in the isola discord sever however so we can totally talk in that server for a bit too!

FRIENDS.

↪ honestly friendships aren’t typically on the agenda for him. he is arrogant beyond belief and considers everyone to be weaker than him or to some degree unworthy of his time or energy. he really does not have any interest emotionally in anyone besides himself, instead he is far more likely to use and discard people when they are no longer needed. HOWEVER, in 2020 sephiroth underwent quite a big character development stage, essentially his long-term goal came to a head and it backfired pretty back when he got all his powers back, so while he’s super strong again now, he’s also semi-content (i guess) with living in isola for a while, if only so he can figure out how the multiverse works (meta, i know). he talks to people now (wow!) and engages in mostly philosophical conversations, about... life. death. etc.

↪  i am down to... vague villain-alliance type deals with fellow power players here. he wont consider your muse a friend, but rather a pawn or even a means to an end, that end being his goal of generally using this island for his means, apologies. preferably the intellectual, over-powered, edgy types will probably gravitate towards him more, but i’m willing to throw anything at the wall to see what sticks. he’s not a nice guy, by any means, but it would be interesting to see how he has to play the game here to his advantage until he regains powers. i especially would like to interact with other villains who are kind of just chilling, maybe they’re veterans in spirale also and they can share a glass of wine over watching all the citizens running around like ants. we could also do a murder if you are into that. 

↪ there are some cases where he might engage in conversation with non-villain types and these would likely be far more dialogue-heavy threads including metaphorical topics or debates. the conversations of life, death, mortality, good vs evil, frailty of existence, legacy, power and corruption, calamities, birthright and betrayal are just some of the topics possible to arise in discussion. that being said, whilst these topics would be of interest to him, the character themselves must meet his standard of what he considers worthy of his time eg. those just willing to argue with him will bore him whereas someone curious to his nature might be treated to an actual conversation. over time this has opened up into most people being capable of talking to him. he has less patience for over-eager plucky types, but anyone with a respectable manner who likes talking a lot will probably find an interesting conversation partner in this... ONLY SLIGHTLY CHILLED sephiroth. he’s not totally chill, he’s just a lil chill.

↪ warriors, outcasts, villains, intellectuals, fellow puppet-master type villains especially, those he ‘befriended’ in past events, perhaps even neighbours to his castle would all be likely connections. friends of those he has worked alongside or met, or those wishing to seek great power and know of his existence might seek him out also, but yes... ““““friends”“““ is a very difficult term for him. he’s getting better.

→ his most recent developments see him as a far more casual version of his canon self, over a year of living as close to a “domestic life” as possible have meant that whilst he is aloof and cold, he is also far more likely to be out and about, buying wine at some creepy gas station at 4:30am for example. he chats when he’s in the mood and might even stick around to cause some chaos for the sake of boredom eating him alive. so whilst he is still very much a dangerous inhabitant here in spirale, sephiroth is currently Domesticated somewhat. 

ENEMIES.

↪ heroes of all shapes and sizes might feel threatened by the ominous presence of a monster who seems inclined to side with chaos as opposed to peace. he’s not outright starting fires here but he is present in the more morbid moments of isolian discourse, an omen of death lingering on the sideline. he has his plans and he may just mock you with them, but in general since he does and WILL cut down npcs ( or players ) alike, he makes for the perfect villain. BE WARY he has all of his powers unlocked and knows the island well. fighting him would not guarantee your victory, especially if you are a freshly applied character.

in feb 2020 he almost brought chaos to spirale too so i’m sure anyone holding a grudge or wary of a potential threat like that would be very aggro towards him.

↪ he has traumas. plenty of them. some of them originate from labs and white coats, meaning he might just view you as an enemy if you’re a scientist or someone who dabbles in human experimentation. his reasons are his own, but let’s just say that if you consider him a good candidate for poking and prodding with scientific equipment, you may just lose an arm.

↪ i LOVE fight threads especially really gritty, bloody types. i would prefer to plot these out so we know what’s going on beforehand, but feel free to develop these with me honestly i love a good old classic villain hero showdown. he’s less likely to get into these without a good reason but if we do one, the winner is randomly determined via generator to make it fair if your character is also uncapped!

→ police/law enforcers/general crime stoppers might remember him for causing a bit of trouble in the past! insert how bad me be gif. try and ??? get him to apologise i guess. arresting sephiroth sounds like the plot of a funny movie. 

LOVERS.

↪ this man has a bf now, can you believe it? 2021...isola gay rights. 

MISC.

↪ pawns and such would be a fun dynamic later. his general presence is pretty terrifying, so it wouldn’t be a stretch if you have an appropriate muse for them to be fearful enough to carry out some little tasks for him. this might be more common later on, but i’m down to discussion for it currently!

↪ places you may find him can include:                 ↪ near his residence ( personal housing; castle in the mistwood  )                 ↪ fibonacci ward ( levels 3 and 4 especially due to the museums and things. but also the lowest levels, he tends to wander around there as if searching for something... feel free to try and figure out what it is )                 ↪ golden ward ( the university if only to borrow books from the library, he can read there for days at a time without sleep or food. he reads all kinds of things, both fiction and non fiction. )                 ↪ archimedes ward ( pretty much everywhere in this ward, it’s my favourite. he enjoys music and art sometimes. hit me with that biblical shit. )                ↪ the mistwood ( 100% down to be that cryptic creature that leads you from your path to your likely doom )                ↪ the city of yesteryear ( typically the underground areas, just investigating really. any strange occurrences would likely draw him there as would any presence of a strong power. )                ↪ atop skyscrapers, looming at the ‘edge’ of the world we can currently explore, typically more active at night, perhaps at the scene of a murder / attack ( plotted ), if he’s feeling extra ballsy he might be found in a bar but its very rare. very VERY rare, wandering broken buildings, invading scientific facilities or buildings. he’s not going to be found in busy, socially strained areas basically.

↪ i’m down for any ideas you might have too for plots so feel free to just message me if nothing here caters!

STATS PAGE | APPLICATION | PLOTTING PAGE

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-10-15

More Homestuck, continuing directly from last time.  Gonna Bang Out A Liveblog Quick (GbOALq)…

No chapter title this time, just straight continuation.  (By the way, I didn’t reblog it so spoilers don’t headline my blog but this post regarding last upd8 is delightful)

> (==>)

Okay, this makes more sense as to why they both disappeared -- Vrissy is either trying to get her back or is going along and just being grousy about it, or one under the pretense of the other or the like.

By the way, if Rose specifically planned in a way that involved telling Vriska to sit on the sidelines and not doing anything, shouldn’t she ABSOLUTELY KNOW, one-hundred percent with a combination of her Seer of Light powers and common sense, that Vriska will Not Do That?  --so whatever Vriska is about to do I’m going to assume Rose has accounted for it, unless she’s like...

...sworn off using her powers much, or something.  That would super suck and I would hate for that to be in this story regardless of themes.

Vriska Maryam-Lalonde, recently "Vrissy," and potentially "You Are So Grounded You Are Never Leaving The House Again," isn’t what’s commonly referred to as an "outside girl".

She likes grass. It’s fine! To look at. And so are trees, as long as they’re somewhere off in the distance, swaying gently in the breeze. Trampling through them is not on the list of acceptable tree activities. Vrissy is already sweaty and dirt-streaked, and there’s probably like fifty gnats trying to drink her eye fluids. At this rate she almost envies Tavros his role as Batterwitch Bait. Sure, he has to pretend to be threatened by Vrissy’s mom, which is lame as hell and also very embarrassing, but at least his eye fluids are safe.

So she’s fine with this in principle, just not with the work involved? Or--

VRISSY: Hey, can you slow Down a Little? VRISSY: I have to run over Shru8s and shit, I can’t Fly! VRISKA: Hah! And who’s fault is that???????? VRISSY: My shitty 8iology I guess! VRISSY: Sorry, not all of Us had SGRU8 Sessions to make ourselves Immortal. VRISKA: Well, we’ll take care of that, don’t even worry a8out it. VRISSY: Lol I wish.

Oh Christ, we really should have seen it coming.  OF COURSE VRISKA is going to get her hands on a copy of the Game and try and have these kids play it, regardless of whatever meteor-based consequences to this happy society.  FUCK.  She doesn’t even see any reason to hide it!

--reading on, some discussion of how people on Earth C view the ability to fly unaided as a sort of religious thing so shot down Roxy’s idea of letting everyone fly.  Why does society always keep trying to shut down Roxy all the time

VRISKA: Really, we have to get you a god tier. That’s pretty much the only solution at this point. VRISKA: Ideally we’d go back to when you were a wiggler and start your training right away, 8ut that’s not exactly an option. So god tier it is. VRISSY: Is that even Possi8le? outside of the Game? VRISKA: Nope. 8ut we don’t have to worry a8out that, once we get back into SGRU8. VRISSY: What???

This is what you get for letting Vriska back into your story:  She starts another meteor apocalypse and destroys your Happily Ever After.  Fuck.

VRISKA: We have to start this shit over again, you have all let it get so out of hand there’s really nothing to do besides a hard reset.

NO.  Fuck you.  You just don’t like hard work.

(I know everything is accidentally going to end up working out “alright” whatever happens, but even if Vriska’s self-aggrandizing malfeasance HAPPENS to be the cause of it, I really, really don’t want her fucking ideology to be the cause of it.  She shouldn’t be Aesma of Kill Six Billion Demons mythology, she’s had too many flirtations with ACTUALLY learning a lesson and BEING EARNEST ABOUT IT to be the selfish chaos at the heart of victory and living.)

(Yes, I recently caught up with KSBD and it’s awesome.)

> (==>)

VRISKA: This is a perfect spot for a fight. An am8ush point. VRISSY: !! VRISKA: Don’t worry about it, that’s good. That’s what we’re looking for.

Vriska leveraging her luck and assuming they’ll be followed when she wants to be.

> (==>)

That’s a really, really damn good waiting-for-an-ambush image.  Pretty hilarious.

(Still having a background mental fit about how this HS2 crew might REALLY be trying to make Vriska the Aesma of the Homestuck “universe” which is just aaaAAAUGH NOBODY SHOULD WANT THAT.  I’ll be really unhappy with the end product of THIS ENTIRE HS2 PROCESS if they pull that shit, no matter what side benefits there are or how happily it ends.  Hell, ESPECIALLY if it ends happily.  They’re having fun elevating her somewhat more than most people agree she deserves but they shouldn’t elevate her TO THAT LEVEL. EDIT3: More discussion on that here if you don't know what I mean.)

> (==>)

VRISKA: This is actually way more fun than I thought it would 8e. VRISKA: 8ringing around a younger, dum8er me. VRISSY: I think we’re 8asically the Same Age. VRISKA: Whatever!

(Fuck you!)  :)

> (==>)

wait what the fuck--

MANDATED HAIRSTYLES?????

what the fuck!???

EDIT: plausible theory here

> (==>)

Vrissy is that fuzzy dice kind what the hell

> (==>)

Circle, fifteen guys, no special significance that i can detect

> (==>)

Oh is War Shit kinda poppin off alongside the whole church thing?

> (==>)

Colorful ship design, weird zoomout frame transition; something wasn’t smooth with that

Anyway is orbital bombardment gonna happen or?

> (==>)

JOHN: vriska! JOHN: i mean, vriskas!! JOHN: where are JOHN: oh fuck

yeap

> (==>)

Is John flying out under the ship away from the house?  That’s really irresponsible.  (And abruptly transitioned, I didn’t realize it happened at first.  KEYFRAME THINGS BETTER AUGH)

--why is that belly button window still there?  I thought we had a line about Harry fixing his outfit, or at least having the capability to, did they not have time to finish?  Let me check, that’s bugging me:

HARRY: plus i wouldn’t have been able to get your measurements for some clothes that actually fit you if we hadn’t come back here where all my sewing stuff is.

Oh GOT IT.  Harry TOOK his measurements, but hasn’t fixed his outfit yet.

> (==>)

JOHN WHY DID YOU GO ALL THE WAY TO THE CHURCH WHO THE FUCK IS PROTECTING THE KIDS

> (==>)

Okay you’re back at Your House instead of Roxy’s house?

What, going to fight the ship or

I mean you could but you’re kind of forgetting what was the most important damn thing a few panels ago you jackass

> (==>)

Is that a bomb or fucking take out??

Why blow up John’s HOUSE that’s just so petty

> (==>)

ka-house

(pretty)

about time John stopped languishing in his childhood home instead of living life, anyway.

> (==>)

(o no i didnt want john to be sad tho)

it’s fine, he’ll be angry next panel or so

> (==>)

UM THE WHOLE SKY IS GETTING DARK???? HOW LONG ARE YOU SITTING HERE AND LETTING THIS BURN OUT???

HOW MANY HOURS ARE YOU LEAVING THOSE KIDS UNPROTECTED YOU GOLDFISH MEMORY CHUCKLEFUCK

> (==>)

APPARENTLY ALL OF THE HOURS BECAUSE IT’S NIGHT NOW YOU ASS

and that’s the last panel

yknow if we are going to have an arc about john learning to be a slightly more responsible parent it would help if it SHOWED HIM LEARNING ANYTHING

GOODNIGHT

EDIT2: Anonymous asked: "I think the whole "John watches his house burn down" is more him coming to terms with who Jane has become. In the last update they mentioned how Rose(I think it was Rose) baited Jane into believing John and the kids were hiding out at his place, and Jane just destroyed it, so he's coming to terms with the fact that she just tried to kill not only John and Vriska, but the kids too."

Oh shit. I forgot about that from the previous update: "JOHN: but rose sent out some false intel about us heading toward my house, so technically this is the safest place we can be right now, since they cleared the area and everything." He really does have to come to terms with the fact that Jane just tried to murder them all, too, so shit is definitely real.

...Which makes the fact that he didn't rush off to guard the kids in response to THAT NEW FACT still pretty galling, but.

[ferusaurelius]

Nihlus Fic Headcanons

My latest fic, The husbandry of victory is blood (on AO3), is basically a Nihlus Kryik and Mass Effect mercenary/batarian culture headcanon backstory where @expertmakodriver reacted by asking me to ... please translate w/e I was on about.

So here it is! The English translation of my Nihlus Kryik worldbuilding art project.

In reality, this type of character sketch is something I would normally keep private. But since we need more Nihlus content, both it and the headcanon basis are all public and free to use and/or transform as you see fit without attribution.

Please, I’m begging anyone who might want to use any of these ideas in whole or in part: write it and save me from having to do it myself. You do not need to credit me, but I would appreciate a link to your work so I can promote it! :)

Tfw you actually need to annotate your own fic...

Long post - everything is under the cut!

Organized by the order each element is referenced in the fic, with the divided sections labeled as [NUMBER] on the left.

Edited 5/28/2021 because I forgot some things.

[Title] “The husbandry of victory is blood” - Taken from “Sparta Says No” by A.E. Stallings. I actually thought about using this as an alternative title for another fic, but I figured this background sketch for Nihlus more aligned with the themes. I strongly suggest you go and read the poem without taking my word for the following interpretation: the contrast between growth and destruction, and civilization built through conquest or through agriculture. I enjoy the high-level commentary on society. The metaphorical encounter between farming and war is something I wanted to bring to my work, and I wanted the title to color the tone of the epigraph from Virgil’s Georgics. On a more personal level -- my grandfather joined the military in part to seek out opportunities he wouldn’t have had if he’d stayed on a farm, and I decided to draw on that experience for Nihlus.

[Epigraph] - Virgil, Georgics Book I (tr. H. R. Fairclough) - I picked a public domain translation of the poem and went hunting around for a line that had juxtaposed farming and war imagery. It’s a fairly common classical motif! Wars often stopped and started based on the seasonal harvest and the necessity of feeding the community and supplying the troops. You can’t fight a war and gather in wheat at the same time. Digging up the weapons pf the dead in farm fields is a powerful image. My take on Nihlus draws on the tension between fighting and negotiation that I also connect to the symbolic opposition between agriculture and warfare. The Georgics are also just really neat.

[1] Half-face markings - I could write a whole headcanon post on turian colony markings and how mercenary modifications fit in with them (and I will at some point). You’ll see in this fic that I regularly use terms for how much ‘real estate’ the colony markings cover. My HC is that there are variations of colony markings that can be worn as minimalist (smallest critical details), half-face (upper or lower, may include simple full-face designs without a lot of paint), full-face (both, usually more elaborate), and full-crest (what it sounds like on the tin). These are all just different styles and up to personal preference, though there are a few cultural connotations or stereotypes about people who choose which version. Plus I felt really bad for people who might have super-complicated full versions of markings and wanted to give them something more aesthetically lightweight that would have the same meaning. 

[1] Batarian trader patois - An evolving lingua franca with many dialects. Nihlus is uncannily fluent at the one spoken in the Terminus, which is mutually intelligible with the dialect spoken in the Attican Traverse. This is a language without a formal codex that sounds a little strange even to batarians born into the Hegemony. Since batarians have been around and in contact with the Citadel and council races for ~1000 years longer than turians (true if the timeline on the wiki is correct, but I haven’t done the backdating myself), I HC that batarians have a more refined and developed spacer and trading culture. Traders and smugglers are infamous for liking to be beyond Hegemony control and when their government withdrew from Council space, they just kept up with business as usual. Many of them have a shared religion based on debate and argument over the meaning of the Pillars of Strength and the way to live an honorable life.

[1] Terminus languages - They exist, both with and without formal linguistic codexes available to ordinary citizens of Council space.

[1] Hierarchy basic - The common turian colonial language spoken in Hierarchy space. Nihlus was born outside turian space, so he had to learn it from his parents and from educational videos. While he has only a vague accent, certain words and phrases he uses come off as very strange to turians who were raised in Hierarchy space.

[1] Draughts - A popular ancient board game dating back to before the Romans. Pieces move by sliding on the board or jumping over each other to capture. I originally wanted to use river stones as a metaphor, but Nihlus at that age had never seen naturally flowing water. I figure everyone has a version of a capturing/marker/stones sort of game.

[1] Amma and appa - Batarian words for grandmother and grandfather. Nihlus is a bit of a ‘surprise’ baby for his parents. This nice older smuggler couple are longtime associates of the mercenary group and, while they have never done fighting themselves and have no children of their own, they are friends of his mother and father and are absolutely delighted to “adopt” him. He is their smol spikey grandson, they teach him to speak and act like a proper young batarian, and anyone who argues with them about how exactly he is related will end up on the wrong side of an airlock.

[1] Vatar - A canon planet in the Mass Effect universe with a cold and inhospitable environment, located a short relay hop away from Omega (“downtown”) in the Terminus Systems. Mercenary groups have outposts dug into the surface. I rolled with it. 

[1] Falx - The turian name of the mercenary group Nihlus is born into. A falx is both a Roman entrenching tool and also the most overhyped Dacian curved blade weapon you’ll see in ancient art and literature. In essence? The word has been used to refer to both weapons and farming tools for a very long time. The group is a batarian-lead mercenary company with a very long history of turian cooperation, which enjoys stable political ties to other such batarian splinter groups. Traders and smugglers often form the links between them. The batarian word for members of this same group translates as “harvesters” or “reapers.” HAHA. And you thought this was a no-Reapers AU…

[1] Truce customs - A batarian mercenary outpost thing. If you’re friendly and in mechanical distress, or if you have something to trade, it’s not unusual to head to a known group of mercenaries and ask for truce on tightbeam broadcast to get someone to meet you or actively flag your ship with their ident codes (aka: make you temporarily register in local space as belonging to their ‘fleet’). This is usually for medical essentials, emergency mechanical trouble, and also serves as an informal way for Terminus merchants and traders to make a living without having to worry about being boarded every time they deliver the groceries. It’s considered a grave breach of etiquette to violate truce terms and those who do are hunted down as examples to the rest. Truce terms make “ordinary life” possible for outposts that are otherwise on the edge of traveled space.

[1] Trade-cloth - A canon quarian cultural object. Mentioned in the the fandom wiki and probably part of a quarian codex somewhere. Intricately patterned cloth is common on the Migrant Fleet, but the personal cloths are seldom given to outsiders. Nihlus’s gift is one used in trade, but displays a pattern with more ‘friendly’ cultural connotations than something that would be sold and mass-produced in a shop. It was made special for him by his childhood quarian friends. It’s something that it would be appropriate for him to wear like a scarf on formal occasions when he’s dealing with quarians, or when he’s invited to quarian parties or festivals.

[1] Colony crescents / Falx sickles - Yeah there’s some repetition here, but it’s mostly to contrast the two. I HC that Nihlus’s base colony markings are already curved. “Sickles” are embellishments which add a cutting or combative edgeline in some places and very overt stylized weaponry to standard colony markings. They are additions or alterations that are unique to mercenary groups and may read as “flamboyant” or “aggressive” because they are noticeably different in appearance to Hierarchy turians. This is more or less on purpose, and is a bit on the taboo side. One does not wear these additions or draw their markings in these styles without genuinely belonging to one of these groups -- the patterns are not easy to reproduce correctly or in the right places, and they are generally a source of stigma in Hierarchy basic training.

[1] Sand-bath - How you clean a turian when water is scarce and everyone has to share it.

[2] Draw and fire from retention - The shooting-sports specific term for “shooting from the hip.” Kinda. This breakdown of a scene from Collateral, one of my all-time favorite Michael Mann films, will give you an idea. All of the referenced gun techniques are also more or less real, and lining up your body posture so that it helps with aiming and putting the rounds where you want them to go is a real thing.  Nihlus has a great deal of practice in shooting as self-defense and was training alongside professionals from a young age. Going to the range is one of his hobbies (but not mine, I’m lame and that’s loud).

[2] Triginta Petra - A canon Mass Effect world that is a dustball home to hardscrabble turian farmers. Kavala Kryik’s family were some of the first colonists and they’ve been scratching a living from the surface since she was nine years old. They are very proud of this fact, since it gave them opportunities they wouldn’t have had on their native Oma Ker (also a canon turian world).

[2] Laskaris - Nihlus’s mother’s original family name. Kavala Laskaris. While I don’t have any particular headcanon about whether or not turians do the whole ‘changing surname’ thing when they marry or pair off or whatever, Kavala really liked both the alliteration and the overall aesthetic. Joked with Inaros Kryik, her husband and Nihlus’s father, that she only married him for his pretty colony markings.

[2] Lupulin - Literally, hop acids and the essential oils that you get from ‘hoppy’ beer. A direct reference to hops (Humulus lupulus) and brewing, because why not? Actually is a mild sedative and produces a bit of a chemical high.

[2] Stiletto - A pistol from Haliat armory (turian weapons manufacturer).

[2] Blooded sickles - Worn only by mercenaries who are full / fighting members of Falx or their direct allies. Batarians have their own culturally-coded marks, some of which have been adopted and/or adapted by their turian members as embellishments to colony markings. I HC that newer “commercial” groups like the Blue Suns and Nyreen’s Talons, without a shared cultural background, are imitating this style of marking rather than the other way around. Merc-born turians with old-style batarian trade connections tend to recognize each other through these symbols, which are used most often outside of Council space (i.e. the Terminus Systems and the Attican Traverse).

[2] Pillars of Strength - Canon batarian religious artifact. I treat them as a text or a particular philosophy that values free will and independent action as the signifiers of ‘strength.’ While I don’t have a fleshed out or specific HC for what the ‘tenets’ are, I do know that slave implants are treated as anathema.

[3] Struthious - A reference to Earth ostriches. Some kind of chicken-like prey animal that turians like to cook and eat. Mostly because the thought of Nihlus running around like a chicken to entertain his sisters made me laugh.

[4] Cutter - Bigger than a personal clipper and better armed, with living space for a crew. They come in various sizes and are smaller than frigates.

[4] Cup of mourning - A turian funerary ritual. On Taetrus, performed with a distinctive form of dark ale. Different colony groups have different cultural traditions.

[4] Thalia, Tomyris, and Traian - Nihlus’s three turian siblings. Thalia and Tomyris are his younger twin sisters. Traian is the youngest and his baby brother. While they’re only hinted at in this fic, I do plan to make some references to them in the Air Needing Light arc at some point. There’s also a chance they’ll get their own short!fic appearances.

[4] Hierarchy military grants - A HC pool of money that the Council races put up to fund large-scale basic training for anyone (turian or another client race) completing compulsory citizen service.

[5] Talons and suns - Generic references to other symbols that are common incorporations for mercenary groups. I HC that these were adopted and color-coded by the Blue Suns and the Talons rather than conceptually created by them! 

[5] Fuck the cause, we’ll die for a drink! - Profane versions of the turian Hierarchy anthem are popular drinking songs among the merc-born. If it’s a patriotic and well-known song, you can pretty much guarantee turian mercenaries have parodied it.  Awkward for colony-born squadmates who find these renditions hilarious and catchy—but also a little horrifying.

[6] Optio Sideris, 85th Atrax Legion, Fifth Cohort Operations Section - A one-off turian Blackwatch OC I may bring back in another fic at some point because I ended up liking her. The Hierarchy military organization borrows from the HCs I use for the Air Needing Light AU: 85th Atrax Legion is a joint special forces organizing legion made up of six cohorts. The 5th Cohort is informally known as Blackwatch, while the “Operations Section” is a generic term used by intelligence operators. Optio is a mid-tier leadership rank.

[6] Batarian body language - Batarian language and manners are highly dependent on physical cues according to the Mass Effect canon. I took this one step further with a HC that Nihlus is essentially a native speaker of turian-adapted gestures that translate successfully into batarian social patterns. This physical vocabulary is most refined and most present in culturally batarian mercenary and trading groups with a strong history of turian association and recruitment. While older turians can learn and approximate the gestures, they are best learned and absorbed in childhood. Nihlus “speaks” a form of gestural batarian that places him as a native of the Terminus Systems.

[6] Interrogating batarian prisoners - No torture involved! Optio Sideris trains Nihlus in a more practical form of intelligence gathering that involves building rapport, establishing trust, and remaining consistent. Even pirates or smugglers who would not normally give information to a Hierarchy patrol flotilla can be convinced to—if not speak—occasionally offer hints about the locations and activity of slavers. Nihlus is notable for actually being conversant in traditional batarian moral interpretations of the Pillars of Strength, as well as being able to walk the fine cultural line between guarded respect and abject deference. 

[6] Merc Red - Nihlus’s batarian nickname among the patrol flotilla’s prisoners. A sign of individual respect, since it contains no profanity and is just blandly descriptive.

[7] Broken weapons - A traditional sign of thanks between two non-allied mercenary groups when one has agreed to truce terms. Mostly symbolic.

[7] Tattoos - The permanent marking method of choice when turians are full-grown and have developed a strong preference for the color and personal style of their colony markings. Nihlus decides on a complex ‘full-crest’ Taetran colony pattern embellished with Falx blood sickles. This is more or less him being loud and proud about both his colony origins and his mercenary background, as well as putting them on an even footing by tattooing the entire pattern: mercenary symbols and all.

[reylo-on-the-side]

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker and the Death of Romance

***** Contains spoilers, do not read if you have yet to watch the film *****

Having had a few days to think about TROS I can now coherently put into words everything that I did not appreciate about the film. This may read as if  I’m slamming the film, which is not my intention as I really enjoyed it, but there are some things which did not make sense for me, that did not add up, and my feelings for this film compared to the first two were lacking in places. In all, I did not get the sense of fulfillment and purpose you’re supposed to get at the end of a Star War’s saga, I feel quite empty and hollow and I have many questions which I feel should have been answered. 

I want to start with our closing scene where Rey, Poe and Finn are clinging to one another, happy that they’ve all made it through the last battle. This scene was wonderful and amazing because we have three best friends truly happy that they’re alive and together. But I did not feel the ‘joy’ I think I was meant to feel because I kept asking myself, what have these characters got to show for it at the end of the film? 

I’ll start with Finn. Oh glorious Finn! So many things were not answered about Finn. He’s broken free of the Republic and has gained freedom from his former stormtrooper life, but is this all we can say? Finn is clearly force-sensitive, displaying many moments of force awareness throughout the film. He has previously held and fought with a light saber, and in addition to this, he was able to pinpoint where the signal was coming from in the penultimate battle (TROS) and he knew the exact moment when Rey died on Exogul because he felt it (he didn’t have to say, we saw it on his heartbroken face!) So the big question is, was this what Finn wanted to tell Rey when they were sinking into the quicksands and moments from death? Did he want to tell her that he understood, because he was strong with the force too? Or was it simply (others speculate) that he wanted to tell her he loved her? Finn had a potential romance with Rose, but his feelings for her are platonic and so his romance arc is abandoned in this film. Does he have feelings for Poe instead? The pair are close and there is chemistry between them. If Finn does have feelings for Poe, then perhaps he was going to tell Rey he was force-sensitive.

The fact is we don’t know because the opportunity is lost, but it must have been heavy-going because Finn couldn’t say what he wanted to say in front of Poe (later on).This makes me think that Finn wanted to tell Rey that he loved her. While we know Rey doesn’t share these feelings for Finn, the unasked question still floats to the forefront of Finn’s storyline. He has found love among friends in the saga, but not romantic love, and we kind of get the feeling that this is what he is looking for, otherwise there wouldn’t have been this unasked question in the first place. The closing scene of Finn with his two best friends was just shrouded in unfinished story for me, and I felt that Finn (assuming this saga is well and truly at a close) should have had his moment to say those words to Rey. If it wasn’t a big deal and relevant to his story arc, then why even give it screen time? Coming through a war after untold hardships at the hands of the Republic, our guy Finn really did deserve more. 

Moving onto Poe, our lovable rogue. Seeing him at the end of the film is such a relief, but when I asked myself the question, what was Poe’s story arc for, I couldn’t actually give anyone an answer! He’s always been a drifter, and has fallen into the resistance as easily as falling into bed. But what does he want? What is he going to do now? Is he going to go back to being a spice trader? I can hardly imagine this after seeing him standing alongside General Leia Organa for the whole trilogy.

In terms of backstory and romance, we find out a little more about Poe’s former life as a spice trader, and the film hints at a relationship between himself and a former companion, Zorii Bliss during their time on Kijimi. But despite Zorii giving Poe her master key to gain him guaranteed entry out of Kijimi, the close of the film demonstrates that all ships have sailed between them and there is no future, at least romantically, for the pair. So Poe won’t be settling down with her anytime soon and living a quieter life. So what then? 

I kind of feel that after everything, there should be an assurance for our closest and much-loved characters at the close of any saga, otherwise we cannot say what their struggles were for, what they were fighting for. Yes, they are all alive and living freely, but is this enough? In a franchise like star wars which reads very much as a fairytale, ‘a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away,’ then yes, these stories are meant to end ‘they all live happily ever after,’ and with that usually comes a guaranteed romantic future for our lead characters. Romance certainly isn’t everything within a film, and Star Wars films notoriously feature a tragic romance of some sort, but there are also moments where romance triumphs - Han Solo and Leia Organa. 

It is here that I’d like to mention Rose (poor girl) who went from being a main character in The Last Jedi to a glorified extra in The Rise of Skywalker. I think Rose had about five lines of dialogue which is absolutely staggering after the heart-breaking loss of her sister, and her unrequited love for Finn. It’s another instance where romance is dropped like a hot cake, and I cannot help but feel like the writers have serious chips on their shoulders where romance is concerned. It’s also another example of how a (formerly) leading character had her story arc dropped for unknown reasons - is Rose happy? Has she found a new family? Are her and Finn still close? (she was not present in the group hug at the films close) so where is she now? What will she do? It’s frustrating that someone so instrumental in the destruction of Canto Bight and such a powerhouse in the second film is not given any thought in the saga’s sequel. 

Thanks to Rose we even have a message which underscores so many actions of characters throughout the saga. She tells Finn they will win the war not by ‘fighting what we hate, but by saving what we love,’ which heralds the absolutely heart-rending final moments between our Alderan Prince, Kylo Ren, now Ben Solo and our heroine, Rey. 

What can I even say about this pair which hasn’t been said already? Absolutely needless. When I hark back to the film’s close of Rey, Finn and Poe holding one another, what was the point of Rey’s storyline, of her sacrifices? Rey is paper-thin at the film’s close. How much more can one person give? Rey lost her family, then she lost Luke, then she lost Leia, and then she loses the only boy she loved and perhaps ever will love? While she is now a trained Jedi and has the answers to the mystery of her family abandoning her on Jacoo, is this enough? Rey seemingly ends the saga in the same way she began, a lone hermit, living in isolation, in the ruins of the former world, utterly alone on a godforsaken desert planet. Is this a fair trade after everything she has been through? Even with the answers about her heritage and her parents true identities  (sorry but what a shoddily shoved-in backstory) I don’t think this is enough. I felt as empty and broken as she did at the films closure. 

How do I feel about Rey being a Palpatine? Nothing whatsoever. I’m waiting for a heroine who literally comes from nothing, who is literally no one, whose worthless parents really were ‘filthy junk traders who sold her for drinking money.’ I much preferred this to be the case, rather than actually - you’re a Palpatine! Why can’t a heroine be born to nothing and rise to greatness, why does power have to come hand-in-hand with an age-old name which is whispered with fear? And Palpatine? We get a crusty bin bag flailing around on a crane hook, a complete shade of this former Sith self. After the big reveal, I spent the rest of the film reeling about the thought that someone actually had sexual relations with him (very reminiscent of Voldemort and Bellatrix in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child). Perhaps we should have seen it coming, Disney have a penchant for bad romances (Descendants). But villains having babies in Star Wars, when it’s clear from the former films that  Palpatine has no romantic inclinations whatsoever, I didn’t appreciate the reveal for what it was. 

And finally I’d like to say a few things about someone who is absent from the friend huddle at the close of the film - probably the most dynamic and interesting star wars character the sagas have graced us with - Kylo Ren / Ben Solo. What a tragic story. 

The film reveals that Ben and Rey are dyad, which is as strong a connection you can have with anyone in the universe. They are two sides of the same coin, their life lines interwoven like a tapestry, almost the one and the same person, ying and yang, soulmates - all of the other terms we can think of. More to the point, the pair are equals, in terms of life experiences, strength, personality and capabilities. 

Rey and Ben seemingly begin as opposites, light and dark, good and evil. As the films progress, it becomes clear that this is not the case. Ben has the capacity for love, tenderness, peace and rationality, just as much as Rey has the capacity for hatred, violence, war and irrationality. When we watch the pair react across multiple scenes, many of Rey’s reactions are not kin with being a Jedi. When she finds out about Palpatine killing her parents, her immediate instinct is to find him and kill him. Is this a Jedi reaction? No. It is human. The same emotions which led Annakin Skywalker to butcher a whole tribe of sand people for the kidnapping and killing of his mother Shmi. 

At other points in the film, Rey demonstrates recklessness, taking a skimmer out into uncertain waters against the advice of others, putting her life at risk. She is impatient, impulsive and driven by revenge in the same way Kylo Ren is demonised for. And let us not forget the fight scene in the ruins of the former Deathstar, when her and Kylo Ren grapple with one another and try to best eachother’s force ability with their sabers. When I rewatch this scene, it is very clear that Kylo is not striking to kill. His movements are actually very defensive, he’s letting Rey take her fury out on him and he isn’t on the offensive at all. There are several moments he could have easily killed Rey, and it isn’t until the final moment when Rey is on the ground that he moves to make a kill, and Leia’s intervention stops him. What is absolutely staggering is when Kylo is disarmed by his mother’s intervention, Rey doesn’t stop. She takes up Kylo’s saber and stabs him with it, literally striking him down in hatred, which is not what Jedi are meant to do. Think of all the instances where Vader and Palaptine (previous films) goad Jedi into ‘striking them down,’ so they can ‘feel their hate.’ Rey’s actions allude to her failing of being a true Jedi and actually taking life. Yes, Rey does heal Kylo Ren, or Ben as he has now become. But does this action atone for her attempting to destroy him in the first place? We can argues this both ways, but I think we could only argue that it does atone for her actions, if at the films closure, Ben’s healing of Rey was enough to atone for his. 

Ben comes back from absolute damnation. He rejects Kylo Ren, throws his saber into the sea and makes peace with his father Han Solo. He then storms into Palpatine’s palace with nothing but a blaster (very reminiscent of his father) and comes to the aid of Rey. Incredible fight scene aside, when Ben heals Rey in the same way she healed him, this should have atoned for all of Ben’s previous sins, in the same way that Rey’s healing of Kylo did for her. But this does not happen, instead we have to face the heart-crushing truth that Ben dies giving Rey his life force, and while a Jedi, his happy ending with the girl he loves is withheld from him, from Rey and from us. 

This is where the film failed for me, and the over-arching message of redemption and forgiveness just fizzled into nothing. The simple fact is that Ben and Rey did not get the same treatment. Slowly, over the course of the film, Rey strays from the ‘light’ and becomes a shade of grey. Ben mirrors this, straying from the ‘dark’ towards the light and becoming his own shade of grey. And yet only one of them walks away from the penultimate war. 

I have described the reasons I find this unfair from Rey’s side - her character traits, her previous actions, so I will now approach this from Ben’s side. Ben has had an equally, unhappy childhood, as lonely and estranged as Rey had. He was sent into Jedi training at a young age, leading to feelings of not being loved by his parents Ben and Leia. It is clear from previous films that Han was ‘not around’ for son and off doing what Han does best. Leia was still a general, and it’s safe to say that while she loved her son, he did not, or would not ever had had her attentions. So Ben is sent away to his Uncle to train as a Jedi, already feeling worthless in his parents eyes, and unloved. He expects to be treated as a nephew by his Uncle Luke, who does not warm to him at all. Luke treats Ben Solo with the same distance as a teacher does any student, and so Ben does not find familial love here either. He is then betrayed by Luke, which all comes to the surface in The Last Jedi. 

Luke feared Ben Solo’s power, and seeing his potential, decides to kill him (I love how Leia never finds out about this) if she had I’m pretty sure she’d have more to say to her brother. Luke then blames Ben Solo for the destruction of the Jedi temple and turns all of his other students against Ben. Luke never really gets punished for these acts (I never forgave him, not even for his attempts in the film to placate Kylo). During all of this, Snoke becomes a personal influence on Ben Solo, playing on Ben’s loneliness, feelings of worthlessness, and slowly turning Ben towards the dark. And can you blame Ben for saying yes, and wanting a friend? I can’t blame him at all. 

Kylo’s attempts to be his Grandfather are born from wanting to identify with someone in his family, to have a feeling of belonging. And like Annakin Skywalker, Kylo Ren is plagued by doubt. When he kills Han Solo, he never really walks away from his father. He is consumed by guilt and self-loathing which twists him even further, and pushes him down the path to the dark-side when in actual fact he doesn’t want to go there - he feels he has no choice. His parents rejected him, and he feels all he can do is more to make them reject him further. And yet when he has the chance, he does not kill his mother, Leia. He finds himself reaching out to Rey, drawn to her loneliness and isolation, and wanting to be there for her. Despite all of his deeds, his ability to have restraint, to be understanding, to be gentle, never fade away. Like Rey, as the films progress, he becomes his own shade of grey. 

For this reason, I cannot accept the closure of The Rise of Skywalker. All three films have pointed to the connection between Rey and Ben, of their absolute compatibility, of their being one another’s match in every way possible. They were supposed to bring balance to the force, and if they were truly equal, how can they bring balance to the force if one of them dies?! It make’s no sense. Especially as I’ve pointed out when Rey heals Ben, it somehow washes her clean, and yet when Ben heals Rey, it costs him is life! 

Yes, before Ben dies they share a wonderful kiss, and each of them find the ‘belonging’ which has been promised to them at earlier instances in the saga. But is knowing you have found your one true love enough at the end? Thinking of Han and Leia’s sacrifices, of their deaths, along with the tragic history of the skywalker family, I cannot accept that Ben’s death was deserved. His parents wanted him to ‘come home,’ and have a life, they absolutely wanted the best for him. Ben was an extraordinary character, with an incredible story arc, and as someone who has experienced such tragedy, to come through it and redeem themselves, it is very uncharacteristic and anti-star wars for them to not have their happy ending. 

So when the film closes on Rey, Finn and Poe, with Ben absent and Rose no where to be seen, I did not have closure, I did not have fulfillment and I did not feel like I had reached the end of a Star Wars chapter. I honestly feel like I’ve ripped the film to shreds and that was not my intention. I’m a huge star wars fan and thoroughly enjoyed the film, but the decisions the writers have made - for me - are very jarring with the true message inherent within the star wars franchise. 

I cannot put my finger on the message the writers were trying to get across with this final film. It clearly isn’t ‘love conquers all,’ or ‘the faithful will be rewarded,’ or anything close. There are unanswered questions, abandoned story arcs, and the shot of Rey staring at the sunsets on Tattoine only served to say that being a Jedi is awful, everyone you care about dies, your life will be hard and lonely - but hey - you get a funky gold light saber! 

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

HPHM Profile - Luca Fawley

This template was posted by  @Hogwartsmysterystory and it looks pretty awesome. I might just go ahead and use it for the whole damn Fawley family. But let’s start with Luca. I’ll try to stay true to canon while still respecting the “Remembrance” timeline’s ideas.

(That eye color edit looks so bad omg) 

Identity

Name: Luca Jude Fawley

Gender: A-Gendered.

Age: 17 as of Year 6.

Birth Date: December 26th, 1972

Species: (Human, Lycanthrope, Metamorphmagus, Vampire, etc) Human, Wizard. 

Blood Status: Pureblood.

Sexuality: Panromantic, Asexual.

Alignment: Neutral Good.

Ethnicity: Biracial, half Scottish and half Iranian.

Nationality: British. 

Residence: The Black Sand Apothecary, in a place called Dulcimer Beach.

Myer Briggs Personality Type: INFP. 

The Mage

1st Wand:Hazel and Unicorn Hair, 10 1/4 Inches, Swishy. This wand was owned by Nina, Luca’s mother. It was given to them after Jacob’s disappearance rendered Nina unable to use her magic anymore. It was just before Luca went to Hogwarts, where they used Nina’s wand until it was broken by Rakepick. 

2nd Wand:Cedar and Unicorn Hair, 11 3/4 Inches, Pliant. This wand was fashioned by Rowan before they came to Hogwarts, but it never “chose” them. It did choose Luca though, in fifth year, just in time for Luca to need another. Rowan could not be happier at this turn of events, and Luca feels as though it’s an honor they don’t deserve. 

Animagus: Black Cat.

Misc Magical Abilities: (Legilimen, Seer, Parselmouth, Obscurial, etc) Luca has extreme proficiency in all types of mental magic - Legilimency, Occlumency, Memory Charms, etc - due to a Dark Curse they inherited. A Curse that has plagued the Fawley family for generations. They also have a magical eye, similar to Moody’s, that replaced their left eye at age thirteen. 

Boggart Form: For Years 1-5 it was Jacob, embodying all of Luca’s subconscious uncertainties about him. Post-Portrait Vault, it became Merula getting tortured. 

Riddikulus Form: Usually nothing. Luca struggles to find humor in their anxieties, and they don’t stand much chance facing a Boggart alone.

Amortentia: (What do they smell like?) Luca’s hair has a distinctly cinnamon-like scent, so probably that. 

Amortentia: (What do they smell?) Cat fur, Pine Trees, and Cloves. 

Patronus: Cat. Specifically, it takes the form of Luca’s cat, Mitten.

Patronus Memory: Either the Celestial Ball, or the time they reconciled with Rowan after a feud about Ben, and cuddled them in cat-form. 

Mirror of Erised: After Chapter 18, I’ll give you one guess. They want their best friend back. They want to take back what happened in the forest. 

Specialized/Favorite Spells:The Patronus Charm, the Tickling Charm, and the shrinking Charm. 

Appearance

Faceclaim: Keanu Reeves. 

Game Appearance:

This is pretty much their mood half the time. 

Height: 5′8.

Weight:141 lbs.

Physique: Very skinny and small, overall scrawny. 

Eye Colour: Naturally dark brown, but their left eye is a bright blue prosthetic.

Hair Colour: Dark brown. 

Skin Tone: Olive skin.

Body Modifications: The Magical Eye replace their left eye, and their right hand has a birthmark of a black star, known as the Mark of Despair. A byproduct of the curse placed on the Fawleys. 

Scarring: They still have a few faint pockmark scars on their neck and shoulders from when The Fawleys all caught dragon pox in Luca’s childhood. But these can only be seen under the light.

Inventory: (what do they carry on them?) Luca has a tendency to travel light, but they’re also an emotional sap. They carry their wand, the clothes on their back, and “Beatrice Jr.” the puffskein that Beatrice made for them. After the events of the forbidden forest, they also start carrying Rowan’s cracked glasses. 

Allegiances

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff.

Ilvermorny House: Pukwudgie.

Affiliations/Organizations: Hufflepuff Quidditch Team, Curse-Breaking Apprentices, The Circle of Khanna

Professions: I see Luca eventually becoming a teacher at Hogwarts, as the permanent Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Can also see Talbott and Penny working alongside them in Transfiguration and Potions, respectively. 

Hogwarts Information

Class Proficiencies: (OWL Grade or ★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆)

Astronomy: Poor.

Charms: Outstanding.

DADA: Exceeds Expectations.

Flying:(N/A. I refuse to accept that Flying has an O.W.L exam.) 

Herbology: Poor.

History of Magic: Acceptable. 

Potions: Acceptable.

Transfiguration:Acceptable. 

Electives:

Care of Magical Creatures: Outstanding.

Ancient Runes: Acceptable.

Quidditch: Chaser. 

Extra Curricular: Luca tutored students in Charms, and spent a lot of time doing volunteer work in the Creature Reserve.

Favourite Professors: Flitwick, Mcgonagall, and at one point, Rakepick.

Least Favourite Professors: Dumbledore, Snape, Sprout

Relationships

Brother: Jacob. Luca’s favorite person in the entire world. As Luca grew up, Jacob’s disappearance and the subsequent investigation of his actions led to a serious re-evaluation of their relationship. But ultimately, Jacob was always fighting to protect his sibling.

Misc Siblings: Gail, Luca’s twin sister. Depending on which AU we’re talking about, a lot of different things could have happened to her. She could be still-born. She could be raised apart from Luca. She could grow up beside them. She could take their place as the HPHM protagonist. Take heed, anyone writing twin OCS...all these different paths are going to confuse the hell out of you.

Father: Eric Fawley, who died of a Dragon Pox fever when Luca was seven. Though they were still very young when they lost him, Luca and their father had a positive relationship and Eric’s temperament is probably the closest to Luca’s out of anyone else in the family.

Mother: Nina Fawley, formerly Nina Greengrass. She and Luca always had a positive relationship as they were growing up. For the most part, Nina usually appeared to be a pleasant person. However, she also had skeletons in her closet, and as the years went by her mask began to slip. 

Love Interest: Canonically? It’s very likely going to wind up being Merula. She hasn’t been cut from the dating quests yet and I’m an absolute sucker for their dynamic. Merula is lashing out because she’s in pain, but Luca is Healer...otherwise, I really like Luca/Tulip, as well as a poly-ship between those three characters called the Trouble Trio. A small sliver of my heart has also started shipping Luca with Skye as well. Basically, I’m an indecisive bean - but since I’m keeping this as close to canon as possible, let’s say Merula.

Best Friends: By the end of their first Hogwarts term, Luca had formed a true squad with Rowan, Penny, Chiara, and Tonks. The four of them teamed up to trade off sleeping beside Luca each night, to help soothe Luca’s night terrors and insomnia. Luca also saw Ben as a little brother from a young age.

Rival: Ironically enough, it wasn’t Merula. Their rivalry with her was always one-sided. Luca saw far too much of Jacob in Merula, to ever have in them to sincerely dislike her. The only person Luca felt a legitimate rivalry with growing up was Diego. Their personalities just did not click well, and it wasn’t until the N.E.W.T. years that they were able to get past it and find common ground.

Enemy: R of course, has become the deadly enemy that Luca does not understand, but knows they must be defeated. If you were to ask though, Luca’s immediate answer would be Rakepick. There was a time when Luca saw her as a mother figure. But now...after everything she’s done...she needs to die. 

Dorm-mates: (Who’s in your MC’s dorm with them?) Rowan, Murphy, Diego. Though Luca also frequently sleeps in the Girl’s Dormitory with Penny, Skye, Tonks, and Chiara. 

Pets:Mitten the snowy cat. Merula also has a black cat of her own called Bitten. 

Closest Canon Friends: Rowan, Penny, Tonks, Chiara, Ben, Jae. 

Closest MC Friends: This one always makes me shy, because I don’t want to be presumptuous, but some of my favorite MC’s that I’ve seen that I bet Luca would get along with are @missnight0wl​ @thewasp1995​ @back-on-my-tulula-shiz​ @dat-silvers-girl​  @salaofthenight​ and @weirdcursedvaultkid​

Background/History

Luca was the child of two Healers that met at St. Mungo’s before starting an Apothecary together. Luca saw a lot of their grandparents on Eric’s side, but never met Nina’s family as she was estranged from them. 

Luca knew Jae when they were very young - Jae was friends with Jacob prior to his disappearance. Jacob and Jae would combine their efforts to make mischief, and Luca would never approve. They had a falling out with Jae not long before Jacob vanished, and they maintained an uneasy distance until fifth year, where the kitchen detentions saw a reconciliation between the two of them. 

The Fawley family was notoriously unlucky, and known for madness. Alice Fawley, Luca’s aunt, went insane after she was tortured by Bellatrix. In the last two years of his life, Eric had a breakdown and cut off his own hand in an attempt to remove the curse. But the Mark of Despair simply reappeared on his remaining hand. 

After Jacob disappeared, Luca had a mental breakdown and for years, they could not recall the day that their brother vanished. In the years to come, Flitwick would give them a Pensieve to help them sift through all the turmoil in their head. Luca would eventually learn that their inability to recall the day Jacob disappeared was due to a memory charm placed on them by an unknown entity, perhaps Jacob himself. 

Personality

In some ways, Luca is healthier than most people because they are quite emotionally open and not afraid to express their feelings, but know how to do so in an appropriate fashion. They’re also empathetic and able to show kindness and listen when another person needs to express feelings.

In other ways, Luca is a mess. They’re extremely depressed and this interferes with their productivity and relationships. They’re prone to having breakdowns of crying at any emotional shift. They have low self-esteem and tend to believe that they are worthless or a burden. 

That said, they appreciate their friends and loved ones more than they can ever convey. To a fault, even. Not only is Luca loyal, but they are highly forgiving of a person’s flaws if it is someone they care about. One could call it enabling, as they are rarely bothered by offenses that such people commit against them. 

Luca also has a very merciful attitude. Day one, even though they knew it was Merula who blew up their cauldron, they said nothing and simply took the fall, apologizing to Snape. However, once Luca has been pushed to a breaking point, they can show a surprising amount of backbone. It just takes a lot to get this out of them. 

Luca has a nurturing nature and a tendency to reach out to underdogs, to care for those in need. This is what drew them to Ben, Merula, Orion, and Beatrice. Though Luca never holds anger in their heart, the quickest way to see them get angry is to hurt or abuse one of these outcasts that Luca cares for. Part of the reason they become so disillusioned with Dumbledore is because he is in a position of educational power, and the longer Luca attends Hogwarts, the less it seems to them that Dumbledore has any interest in doing his job with integrity. 

Misc

Not going to get too much into Fawley family head-canons, since I’ll save that for a different post. But I think Luca was raised Jewish. 

They’re lactose intolerant. 

Their favorite flower is the chamomille, which is the type of tea they prefer.

They’ve always been Pro-Muggle, though they don’t know the first thing about muggle culture. 

Luca never truly wanted to be a Curse-Breaker. It just seemed like a necessary skill-set to learn to find Jacob, and break the Fawley curse.

They’ve known they were trans for as long as they could remember. 

They have exceptional abysmal unique skills at naming. Examples include “Barnaby Jr” the Bowtruckle and “Penny Jr” the Abraxan. 

They are ambidextrous. 

Despite being a mellow person, Luca is oddly drawn to people who are trouble. If a person is problematic, chaos-aligned, or just an overall disaster of a human being, there’s a greater chance that Luca will find them attractive. 

They suspected Rowan of being R for a while, much to their own guilt. It led to a feud, but they made up and were closer than ever.

On the other hand, they never suspected Ben, not even when he was unmasked as the Red Cloak. Luca just had a gut feeling that it was too easy, that it was a setup. But Rakepick saving their life cemented her as an ally in Luca’s eyes...that did not end well. 

Luca never wanted to be a Prefect, but Rowan and Flitwick talked them into it. 

They vastly prefer Wizard’s Chess to Gobstones, something they have in common with Murphy. 

They have an unfortunate tendency to unconsciously project familial roles onto people. Bill and Orion were substitutes for Jacob,  Flitwick was a substitute father figure, and for a time, Rakepick substituted for Luca’s absentee mother. 

Did I miss anything? Hope you guys like it! Should I post others for the Fawley family? 

[astronomicalterror]

NOTE - THIS CHARACTER IS A WORK IN PROGRESS; ACTUAL BIO COMING OUT WHEN IM NOT EXHAUSTED FROM WORK.

)▬▬ BASIC INFO ▬▬(

• Name: Stevie A. Nicks

• Nicknames and Aliases: Anna, Savannah

• Species: Human

• Powers: Stand- Junkhead

• Alignment: True Neutral

• Date of Birth: December 13th

• Gender: Female

• Hometown: Tokyo, Japan

• Relatives: Unnamed Father [DECEASED; Died from Brain Cancer], Unnamed Mother [DECEASED; Murdered]

• Occupation: Shipping Company Owner [Former], Gambler [Currently]

• Equipment: Sewing Scissors and Thread

• Status: Alive

▪︎ Part 3 - Age : 33

▪︎ Part 4 - Age : 45

▪︎ Part 5 - Age : 47

▪︎ Part 6 - 56

▪︎ Stand Name - Junkhead

▪︎ Stand Power - Red String Manipulation: User can create, shape and manipulate the red string of fate, an invisible conceptual string that bonds souls together. They can create an limitless amount of red strings and extend them at any distance and the strings never tear apart, as it is practically indestructible. They can make the red strings become visible and touchable for others, and also choose to apply changes to anyone's soul, and as well control the relationship of those bonded by the strings, or even completely remove their bond.

▪︎ Stand Stats

Power - A [Not "Attack" wise; This is catered to the effectiveness of Junkhead]

Speed - D

Range - D

Durability - C

Precision - A

Potential - B

▬▬ PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION ▬▬

Height: 5’7’’

Weight: 152 LBs

Body Shape: Hourglass

Natural Hair Color: Platinum Blonde

Dyed Hair Color: N/A

Eye Color: Blue

Ethnicity: Japanese American

Skin Tone: Porcelain

▬▬ PSYCHOLOGIC DESCRIPTION ▬▬

Personality Type: The Commander (ENTJ)

Personality Type Description: Commanders are natural-born leaders. People with this personality type embody the gifts of charisma and confidence, and project authority in a way that draws crowds together behind a common goal. However, Commanders are also characterized by an often ruthless level of rationality, using their drive, determination and sharp minds to achieve whatever end they’ve set for themselves. Perhaps it is best that they make up only three percent of the population, lest they overwhelm the timider and sensitive personality types that make up much of the rest of the world – but we have Commanders to thank for many of the businesses and institutions we take for granted every day.

If there’s anything Commanders love, it’s a good challenge, big or small, and they firmly believe that given enough time and resources, they can achieve any goal. This quality makes people with the Commander personality type brilliant entrepreneurs, and their ability to think strategically and hold a long-term focus while executing each step of their plans with determination and precision makes them powerful business leaders. This determination is often a self-fulfilling prophecy, as Commanders push their goals through with sheer willpower where others might give up and move on

Personality Trait Strengths:

Efficient – Commanders see inefficiency not just as a problem in its own right, but as something that pulls time and energy away from all their future goals, an elaborate sabotage consisting of irrationality and laziness. People with the Commander personality type will root out such behavior wherever they go.

Energetic – Rather than finding this process taxing Commanders are energized by it, genuinely enjoying leading their teams forward as they implement their plans and goals.

Self-Confident – Commanders couldn’t do this if they were plagued by self-doubt – they trust their abilities, make known their opinions, and believe in their capacities as leaders.

Strong-Willed – Nor do they give up when the going gets tough – Commander personalities strive to achieve their goals, but really nothing is quite as satisfying to them as rising to the challenge of each obstacle in their run to the finish line.

Strategic Thinkers – Commanders exemplify the difference between moment-to-moment crisis management and navigating the challenges and steps of a bigger plan, and are known for examining every angle of a problem and not just resolving momentary issues, but moving the whole project forward with their solutions.

Charismatic and Inspiring – These qualities combine to create individuals who are able to inspire and invigorate others, who people actually want to be their leaders, and this in turn helps Commanders to accomplish their often ambitious goals that could never be finished alone.

Personality Trait Weaknesses:

Stubborn and Dominant – Sometimes all this confidence and willpower can go too far, and Commanders are all too capable of digging in their heels, trying to win every single debate and pushing their vision, and theirs alone.

Intolerant – “It’s my way or the highway” – People with the Commander personality type are notoriously unsupportive of any idea that distracts from their primary goals, and even more so of ideas based on emotional considerations. Commanders won’t hesitate a second to make that fact clear to those around them.

Impatient – Some people need more time to think than others, an intolerable delay to quick-thinking Commanders. They may misinterpret contemplation as stupidity or disinterest in their haste, a terrible mistake for a leader to make.

Arrogant – Commander personalities respect quick thoughts and firm convictions, their own qualities, and look down on those who don’t match up. This relationship is a challenge for most other personality types who are perhaps not timid in their own right, but will seem so beside overbearing Commanders.

Poor Handling of Emotions – All this bluster, alongside the assumed supremacy of rationalism, makes Commanders distant from their own emotional expression and sometimes downright scornful of others’. People with this personality type often trample others’ feelings, inadvertently hurting their partners and friends, especially in emotionally charged situations.

Cold and Ruthless – Their obsession with efficiency and unwavering belief in the merits of rationalism, especially professionally, makes Commanders incredibly insensitive in pursuing their goals, dismissing personal circumstances, sensitivities, and preferences as irrational and irrelevant.

Personality Type in Relationships:

As in other areas of their lives, Commanders approach dating and relationships with a set of goals and a plan to achieve them, and proceed to do so with impressive energy and enthusiasm. People with the Commander personality type are in it to win, and will gladly take leading roles in relationships from the start, assuming personal responsibility for how smoothly things go and working actively to ensure a mutually rewarding experience. Romantic relationships are a serious business, and Commanders are in it for the long haul. This sense of personal responsibility means that Commanders put a lot of energy into their relationships, and they show their creativity by always having something new on the agenda to keep things interesting, especially in the dating phase. At the same time though, Commander personalities keep their eyes on the long term, and if they determine that a relationship is heading towards a dead end, they will cut their losses and move on in what will seem to their partner an abrupt end to the attention they had been receiving.

Personality Stats:

Mind (This trait determines how we interact with our environment.): 56% Extraverted, 44% Introverted

Energy (This trait shows where we direct our mental energy.): 69% Intuitive, 31% Observant

Nature (This trait determines how we make decisions and cope with emotions.): 40% Feeling, 60% Thinking

Tactics (This trait reflects our approach to work, planning and decision-making.): 60% Judging, 40% Prospecting

Identity (This trait underpins all others, showing how confident we are in our abilities and decisions.): 75% Turbulent, 25% Assertive

▬▬ Story ▬▬

My father was also a respectable man. A archeologist. And I, a archeologists' eldest daughter and heir. He not only owned a shipping company, he was a close relative of a government official, who was called upon when aid was needed, and also cared for the museum in Osaka-- where we were often stayed at in the summer. As his heir, I was expected to learn much and so, I had my own private tutor that lived with us.

When summer came to pass, we went back Tokyo. In Tokyo, I saw these lovely things... these paintings. I fell in love with their design, and took up the hobby of Ukiyo-e painting. I practiced and practiced, giving father small gifts every once in awhile. He made it even more clear that I should not interact with the outside world all too often, as he did not know I was honing this new-found skill for the purpose I had intended to use it for.

He did however, notice I had begun training my eye for the paint right after passing through the marketplace on multiple occasions, wondering and dreading with his beloved daughter would whip up next. I could see things you wouldn't believe; Red strings connected to every little thing with little dates etched into them... For as long as I could remember, I could see everything of this nature just dangling freely for me and only me to take. I treasured these moments the most, this innocence in my abilities.

I can remember everything so vividly down to an exact date and exact time in which my marriage that lasted a month or so, was quick to fall apart. I had just gotten into the gambling scene heavily at 25 years old and, undoubtedly so, I had made friends as well as enemies; It was no secret I was a rich mans daughter and heir that simply had too much time and cash on their hands to blow it all so I became a center of attention. What few had tried approaching me in Hope's of romantic interest, did so in groups, only interested in my cash or my body; Everyone except for him, or so I thought.

He was charming, handsome even, and he was like a god in my eyes for he made me feel special and loved... So when he proposed, I thought nothing of it and accepted him into my heart immediately. He was eager and I was nervous. The time spent before our marriage was a month long and I had-- at the time-- no idea why. I loved him and he loved me, so why wait? By the end of that month we had waited... we married in Denmark.

The chapel was empty on my side, so his friends (and only ‘friends’ showed up) had spread out evenly. I was not accustomed to this practice, and so we had to go over it a few times... I probably frustrated them. I would find out, much later than I would have liked, exactly why he wanted to wait sooo badly~.

My body, it was on the floor and it was oh so limp. I could feel it, suffocation as blood clogged every airway possible. So limp, yet I mustered the strength to write one thing in hoping--praying!-- that I wasn’t alone. That he would be discovered. That I could be saved.

‘Him’

“Oh trust me... no one is going to find you.”

With that, that dutch bastard left me to die alone, gagging on my blood. And the fool had the audacity to step over me as I was in the process of drowning in my own pool of blood and puke on the floor in the bedroom, blood slipping between my fingers from the wounds peppering my stomach and face. Before leaving through the door, he stoked a flame to his pipe... and smiled down at me “Thanks for the inhe.....”

I can remember blacking out and, somehow, by some miracle, I was alive; My ribs were cracked, left hand fractured and I had various damage to my face from the blunt object which he had chosen to bludgeon me with but... I was alive. It stirred something in me, like I had cheated the inevitable when in actuality a friend of his hand stopped by to drop off a box of camping supplies...

He planned to break my bones and stuff me in a trunk to better hide me in the nearby woods easier.

MORE TO BE ADDED

[polar-stars]

3rd out of an 5 part ask of @smokeprincess24 (sorry that it took a bit)

👹 How does you OC act around different people and how does their personality change to match the environment they’re in? How do they act with: friends, family, strangers, children or their lover(s)?

For the most part, Yasu is just more open and comfortable around people he's close to. He's friendly and polite to strangers, but also rather closeted and he won't expose all too much of himself. Around his friends and family he's just a bit more prone to be more talkative, even joke here and there and just generally be more laid-back so to speak. 

🍅 How easily is your OC embarassed? What subjects make them flush and why? What event has made your OC the most embarassed they’ve ever been?

Yasu is not all too easily embarrassed and when he is, he's still rather good at hiding it actually. He blushes mainly at sexual things being openly discussed because he thinks that's inappropriate. 

He's usually good enough at reading people and a situation to know what to say…So when someone gives him the impression he said the wrong thing, that certainly embarrasses him as well. 

💥 Are there any emotions your OC doesn’t know how to deal with, doesn’t understand or hates having to feel? Any reason behind this?

Answered already.

🏀 Does your OC have any skills that people wouldn’t expect them to have? Do they have a hobby or pass time that others would consider strange or weird? How did they learn this particular skill or pick up this hobby?

The fact that Yasu can dance as well as he can is much of a surprise to quite a few people and not many find out, since he does not often dance anyway and rather sits somewhere at the sides of parties. 

He also has aa hidden poetic side to him and writes poems and song texts in secret at times. He himself doesn't consider them good enough though to show them to anyone. 

⭐ Does your OC like to sleep alone or do they enjoy sharing their bed? Have they been to any sleepovers? Have they ever been camping? What did they think of the experiences if so?

As I've said already, he did share a bed at times with Chieko when they were really small smols and he never really minded it. It was fun listening to her discussing various theories and stuff she had thought over throughout the day and he liked it. 

He does not have all too much experience beyond that, except for having to share a bed with his sister Kasumi at times (which was also not much bother to him since Kasumi is rather peaceful) and he does not think off it as anything special.

🍏 When your OC says “I had a bad day” what does that tend to mean? Is it really as bad as they’re saying or are they being a bit dramatic?

When Yasu speaks about a bad day it's most likely truly, truly bad. He's not really one to over exaggerate and he's also not one to speak up a lot over being upset or something in the first place. So when he actually opens his mouth and says he's having it rough this day? That definitely means that it's serious. 

At the same time he doesn't really use this phrase as a way to say "please comfort me" but it's more of a way of telling whoever he's talking to that he's most likely not going to be as polite and friendly as usual….it's an advanced apology in a sense should he maybe snap. In order to avoid such he quickly retreats in his room anyway. 

Again…Yasu pushes people away when upset. 

🐉 How religious is your OC? Do they pray to any god(s) or do they not believe in that kind of stuff? What is their view of religion in general? Where do they believe people go when they die? If your OC is not religious why not and what do they believe in otherwise?

Yasu was raised to be a Buddhist by Ryoko and does hold on to the religion all his life. But at the same time his beliefs do not really affect his daily life all too immensely. 

To him it does still have something comforting though in a sense. 

💧 What is something from your OC’s past they’re the most ashamed of and why? What is something they’re really proud of? And lastly what is something in their past that could make them shake with dread?

What Yasu is truly going to be massively ashamed off is yet to come in the future, 

Other than that, Yasu is very skilled off avoiding blunders and while of course he was embarrassed here and there there's no real major event so far that truly stands out to him as the most embarrassing thing that ever happened. 

🐟 What was your OC like as a baby? What were they like as a child? A teenager? An adult? How do you think they’ll develop ten years into their future? Twenty years? Will they live to old age?

As a baby, Yasu was already more calm than other babies and didn't make all too much tumult; which Ryoko interpreted as a sign for having chosen the right name for him ("Yasu" means "peace, quiet"). He showed an affinity for nature early on and would show himself incredibly happy when Ryoko or Shun would take him outside into their garden or a park or something and set him down in the grass.

As a child he was not really the most social kid around but thanks to his mother he had learned enough polite phrases to get on everyone's good terms. While he did not make all too many friends, he was always pretty well-liked and in the end he always had Chieko as a friend. He ultimately spent most of his time with his parents however (Chieko in the end still lives in Tokyo, while he grew up outside of town and as I said he didn't spent all too much time with his peers in the small town he lives in) and helped them out a lot. His favorite hobby as a child was most definitely the exploration of the forest that's close to the family's house. 

As a teen he'd grew into a very friendly and calm young man who does usually not have all too much problems to get on people's good sides. While he's still much of an introvert, he's more sociable and open than he was as child thanks to Polar Star's influence mainly. He also came to idolize his parents however and carries an everlasting fear of disappointing them. 

Yasu won't change all too much as an adult, given that he was already rather mature for his age when he was a teen. He will have learned some of the errors in his ways however (like his overexaggerated protectiveness over Chieko) and also his worries regarding his parents will have been eased. I see him getting married rather late in his 20s honestly. 

🍇 Does your OC have any bad habits? Does your OC have any addictions like smoking or drinking? How did they fall into these habits and why? 

Yasu's major bad habit is definitely trying to gulp down all of his negative emotions because he feels he would be a bother if he were to vent and just let them out. He looks out for other people a good bunch of times but when it comes to his own emotions he likes to ignore them until he's alone with them at night creating the perfect conditions to overthink everything (which does not help…ever). 

He also drinks on Polar Star Parties but he can hold his liquor. No one ever saw Yasu drunk. 

🔮What does your OC think is their best trait. What is actually their best trait? What about their flaws? Are they one to admit these flaws or do they like to pretend they’re perfect?

Yasu thinks his best trait is his politeness but I'd say his best trait is his care.

A flaw of his is that his own worries, anxieties or envy can cloud his view and his judgement immensely at times. 

🌸 What’s a sentence that would make your OC’s day better? One that would make them laugh? One that would make their day worse? Why? What words would you have to say to them to completely ruin their day?

A sentence that can always make his day better is certainly "Can I use your [insert fermentation product here]?" He really wants to support his mother's business on Totsuki and advertises it whenever he cans. It really makes him happy when his efforts pay off. 

A sentence that can ruin his day is any sentence that has both "Chieko Marui" and "Shigeo Eizan" in it. 

🌷 How much effort does your OC put into their looks? Do they care much about how they’re dressed or what their hair looks like or are they not bothered? Could they be considered a snob or a slob?

Yasu's pretty casual in his fashion choice and is mainly concerned over wether the clothes are comfortable and loose than anything else. 

He takes rather good care of his hair though but there's not much else that concerns him a lot. 

❤️ What inspired you to make this OC? How long have you had them? How have they changed in the time you’ve been developing them?

Shun/Ryoko was one of my first ships…of course I wanted to give them a child. Yasu is one of my first Fanchild OCs and was created alongside Kimiko, Mika and Hiroshi. He was really tough to design as I had a lot of trouble mixing Shun's and Ryoko's designs. Eventually I came up with the idea to give him Shun's blinding bangs and Ryoko's silkiness but…how exactly that would look changed multiple times throughout the years ahdhd He truly took long to be finalized in that area. 

Character-Wise, I decided very quickly that he'd be Chieko's best friend. Because of course he would. It also didn't took me long to characterize him as peaceful, calm and such…given that I had literally named him that. 

Over the years he hasn't changed all too much personality-wise. But I went through a lot, a lot of story-ideas with him…many of them very angst.

🧡 What traits of your own do you see in this OC? Are they a little bit self-inserty? Don’t be shy, we all put parts of ourselves into the creations we love!

I do always try my best to be polite, especially in Real Life. I don't think I excel at this as good as Yasu does because I do tend to be inattentive to my surroundings at times but well….It's still something?

I do ultimately prefer the ocean but I also like the forest as well. Also we have a bit of the same view on religion, although we're not part of the same religion ahdhd

What I majorly can relate to in Yasu though is his tendency to always attempt to shut down all negative feelings because I do as well like to pretend that sadness and anger do not exist. 

💚 Are you writing anything with this OC or planning on writing anything for them? Do you rp with them or are they just for fun to mess around with?

You gave me asks for them but I'm still into figuring out how exactly to write them ; 7 ;

💗 Ramble a bit about this character!

Yasu can be greatly used for angst but in the end I do want to know him happy. He deserves it. 

He'll makes some mistakes here and there but in the end, he's always trying his best. I really don't know how to construct his future really…ovo;; But I hope I'll eventually figure it out. 

[peachpeachtea]

Region base leaders/apprentices

I briefly mentioned the leaders and their kiddos on the last post so we’re gonna get into them now here we goooo (excuse the old art on my part i dont have time to make new refs--also all artists/contributors will be tagged accordingly) 

Lark Base--Base Leader, Cadi--Apprentice, Marna  Cadi: She’s the youngest of the 6 base leaders stationed in Asnia (At 20), and the most temperamental. She values hard work and independence, and despises it when people try to coddle or underestimate her abilities. While she runs a tight ship, she tends to be brash, LOUD, and impatient overall,--she’s self assured and very much carries her pride for everyone to see. Her partner is a Dubwool, Clementine, and in her spare time, Cadi has a herd of Wooloo that she takes care off and is v e ry protective over--she often spends nights taking care of them and making sure no trespassers startle the sheepies (and if she catches anyone they get whacked with her staff at BEST--her neighbors aren’t unaccustomed to hearing loud, Galarian swearing in the middle of the night). On that note: she has a really bad sailor mouth. 

Marna: Similar to how Cadi is the youngest of the leaders, Marna is the youngest of the current apprentices in the region. She has a curious nature, and is a bit of an energetic busy bee, who rarely has time or patience to sit down/relax--she’s constantly working on something or another, whether it’s helping Cadi do paperwork (see: doing it for her because Cadi is incapable of filing decent paperwork and Marna cannot stand disorganization), or working in her normal duties. Her work ethic is, in a word, unreal, and that’s one of the reasons why Cadi values her so much as an apprentice and friend. Marna tends to be a bit picky and stuffy, but she thrives in her work and loves helping people. She’s the one to ask the most questions/the one to have the most answers. She’s also loves birds!! Swablu, Cirrus, is a testament to that. She loves him and he can usually be seen perched on her head sleeping. 

-------- Cypress Base--Base Leader, Hades--Apprentice, Lethe  Hades: The leader of the north mountain base, Hades is a confident transman who leads with a rather cool head. In his past he was a very feared individual known as "Hel, ruler of hell" due to his grip on the gang life of the region. He's done things he's not proud of and would likely never talk about. A skilled climber and dedicated to his job and training of his partner Drednaw Cerberus-- he's just a supportive dad figure. Has known Russell for many years, and as mentioned, is a sort of father figure to Lethe. 

(Hades and his art belongs to @edwardsbraid btw!)  Lethe: The least energetic of the apprentices, Lethe is a troubled but soft hearted boy who didn’t intend to become a Ranger at all--he was living by himself with no income for years, on account of having no parents to speak of (abandonment issues ahoy)--his recommendation to the academy was a complete accident, but the school had free boarding and it gave him a purpose, so he took the opportunity while he had it. While he loves what he does, and has made two good friends out of this, he’s struggling to come to terms with his issues and struggles to keep up with his peers.  He tends to be a trouble magnet, so the plot hammer will not be kind to him umu. He’s a bit indecisive, timid and an easy crier, but he genuinely loves pokemon/people and wants to be of use to everyone somehow. He’s not much of a logistical thinker but he’s definitely not a push over physically, which comes in handy--he has no partner pokemon for plot reasons that i will reveal later. 

---------- Red Oak Base (Base is still in development so this portion is likely to be updated in the future)--Base Leader, Bridget--Apprentice, Alex

Bridget: Bridget- A senior base leader with a strong sense of morality and an attitude to back it, she has no trouble rearing in even the most stubborn of rangers. Only the most confident and worthy are able to perform an apprenticeship under her and are expected to take over all Union duties alongside the Base Leader role. In times of peace and outside of work, she enjoys quiet days in her cottage with her trusted Luxray (Queenie) and looking after her Granddaughter Fraise. Her base is integral to communications between the south and north sides of Asnia Rangers, because geographically it’s in the exact center of the region (and her area has the best weather of the two sides). This is typically where all the leaders and apprentices meet up for important meetings and such. 

  Alex: Bridget’s apprentice and a stubborn lad--he and Bridget are often bickering with each other. He’s a dumb little hothead who likes to challenge people and bicker with his mentor. He and her fight like siblings and poke fun at each other’s age (he calls her Granny). Will do things just because someone says he can’t (IE try to lift a log twice his size just because someone said he couldn’t), eagerly and affectionately combative. Possibly has a crush on one of the other apprentices but umu thats a topic for later. 

(Both Alex and Bridget belong to @humanblt​!)

--------- Willow Base--Leader, Russell, Apprentice-- Hestia  Russell:  A former violent tempered and loud mouthed delinquent, used to be Hades literal partner in crime and has been his close friend for many years--eventually, after some personal events that i’ll get into later, Russell got tired of his crime sprees. He has since turned over a new leaf and is a quiet, amicable young man who wouldn't hurt a fly--he’s determined to get as far away from his past as possible, to the point where he dropped his real name and decided to go by Russell. He refuses to hurt people if the need isn't dire, and has been labeled as a weenie for his pacifistic behavior/even temper. While soft hearted, he can be stern, and isn’t afraid to be tough when needed. Dearly loves his town and his new life as a peacekeeper. Terrified of ghosts/creepy places (ironic because he works in the spooky part of Asnia--the local ghost types like to pick on him). Usually seen helping old ladies across the street and chopping fire wood--very sensitive about his age and scarred face, and cries when someone points out a gray hair. Has a Corviknight, Cobalt, who is usually perched at the top of the base. In charge of keeping people out of the deeper part of the woods behind his town. Has a long term crush on Carys and clams up when she's around.

(art done as a collaborative by me and  roseheart-exe)  Hestia: Hestia is a cryptic but very sweet and dedicated girl from regions unknown. She often gives off the vibes that she knows more than she lets on, and often speak in riddles or vague non sequiturs. Locals tend to be unnerved by her general disposition, comparing her to a “ghost, at best”. She hates fire, is creeped out by dolls of any sort, and is easy to startle, despite her best efforts to appear calm and collected. Hestia tries to be kind and amiable, and loves her few friends very deeply, but she’s incredibly stubborn and refuses help when she needs it. Her upbringing made her a firm believer in self reliance. She dislikes people who pry or ask too many questions, and worries over others constantly. She looks up to Russell as a mentor and is especially close to him. Her Pokemon is a Lampent, Chandelle (Chandy). She’s never seen without her hat or her lantern, which glows very dimly--she’s very possessive of them and avoids questions regarding either. Incredibly difficult to make her cry: some people are convinced she can’t. Very sensitive, feelings hurt easily--May or may not be pining after one of her base colleagues, who we will get to in another post. Tends to go “Teehee” when dodging questions or lying. Cadi’s current greatest enemy, because Hestia wanders at night and has accidentally startled her sheep on multiple occasions. 

------- Seabream Base--Leader, Ripley--Apprentice, Melanie  Ripley: Ripley: A beachside base leader!! Very beautiful, but also very terrifying to many. She broke a man’s arm once, and while the context has been lost to time, the reputation she got from it remains strong. Isn’t afraid to flex her reputation when it suits her. Has a mermaid-esque beauty that has earned her a fan club. Her base members are her family, and she is a fierce mama bear when it comes to protecting them. Has a Sharpedo, Shin. Became close with Hestia after a few plot related happenings. 

(Ripley and her art belong to @nimikyu​!)  Melanie: A bright and upbeat former lounge singer working under Ripley, loves nothing more than making people smile and smiling in return. Incredibly patient and impossible to piss off, and loves writing letters to her friend in Pinnate base and sending her little gifts. Tends to be a bit oblivious when not working, often described as having her head in the clouds. Takes her job more seriously than she lets on, and works incredibly hard to meet her Leader’s standards--she admires Ripley more than anyone--Melanie also is incredibly popular because of her former status as a singer so she gets way more attention that she bargained form--but she’s an entertainer at heart and tourists love her, which is why she’s in charge of them/in charge of making sure they don’t wander places they shouldn’t. Has a Wingull, Rio, who sometimes delivers her letters. Makes necklaces as a hobby. 

------- Pinnate Base--Leader, Carys--Apprentice, Rudy  Carys: Cadi’s older sister--A mild mannered, surprisingly strong young woman from Galar. Much calmer and levelheaded than her baby sister, although, sometimes she's too calm, and can come off as overly-relaxed and airheaded. An incredible swimmer, she also works part time as a life guard in her spare time. Cheerful and smiley, eager to help, spends alot of time with the local kids/local elders. (Not to say that she doesnt have a temper, because if you set her off you'll be subjected to Cadi 2.0). Tries to offer help to her sister often, only to be vehemently refused over and over. Can beat all the sailors in her town at arm wrestling, wears sunscreen on her face to encourage others to do the same. Runs a very tight ship and values teamwork and bonding. Has a Swampert, Johanna, who helps keep an eye on the weather/preform water rescues. Vocally skeptic about the supernatural, as an important side note. 

(Fantastic art done by @bastart13​ !! check their art out its gorgeous)

Rudy (bio will be updated periodically)!: A bit of a no nonsense, kind of moody boy--He has alot of respect for Carys in particular because he tends to be blunt and she's the only one who isn’t phased by it and doesnt let it affect her opinion of him. He reminds her alot of Cadi, so she's used to it and knows how to handle the teenage angst. Has a Sandyghast, Gobi! Sometimes Gobi loses their shovel and has a little flag instead. 

(This little man belongs to @liimonpriince​)!  And that’s the gist for all the major protags--supporting cast will come next, and then we’ll get to the bad guys :) 

[setnamora]

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker and the Death of Romance

***** Contains spoilers, do not read if you have yet to watch the film *****

Having had a few days to think about TROS I can now coherently put into words everything that I did not appreciate about the film. This may read as if  I’m slamming the film, which is not my intention as I really enjoyed it, but there are some things which did not make sense for me, that did not add up, and my feelings for this film compared to the first two were lacking in places. In all, I did not get the sense of fulfillment and purpose you’re supposed to get at the end of a Star War’s saga, I feel quite empty and hollow and I have many questions which I feel should have been answered.

I want to start with our closing scene where Rey, Poe and Finn are clinging to one another, happy that they’ve all made it through the last battle. This scene was wonderful and amazing because we have three best friends truly happy that they’re alive and together. But I did not feel the ‘joy’ I think I was meant to feel because I kept asking myself, what have these characters got to show for it at the end of the film?

I’ll start with Finn. Oh glorious Finn! So many things were not answered about Finn. He’s broken free of the Republic and has gained freedom from his former stormtrooper life, but is this all we can say? Finn is clearly force-sensitive, displaying many moments of force awareness throughout the film. He has previously held and fought with a light saber, and in addition to this, he was able to pinpoint where the signal was coming from in the penultimate battle (TROS) and he knew the exact moment when Rey died on Exogul because he felt it (he didn’t have to say, we saw it on his heartbroken face!) So the big question is, was this what Finn wanted to tell Rey when they were sinking into the quicksands and moments from death? Did he want to tell her that he understood, because he was strong with the force too? Or was it simply (others speculate) that he wanted to tell her he loved her? Finn had a potential romance with Rose, but his feelings for her are platonic and so his romance arc is abandoned in this film. Does he have feelings for Poe instead? The pair are close and there is chemistry between them. If Finn does have feelings for Poe, then perhaps he was going to tell Rey he was force-sensitive.

The fact is we don’t know because the opportunity is lost, but it must have been heavy-going because Finn couldn’t say what he wanted to say in front of Poe (later on).This makes me think that Finn wanted to tell Rey that he loved her. While we know Rey doesn’t share these feelings for Finn, the unasked question still floats to the forefront of Finn’s storyline. He has found love among friends in the saga, but not romantic love, and we kind of get the feeling that this is what he is looking for, otherwise there wouldn’t have been this unasked question in the first place. The closing scene of Finn with his two best friends was just shrouded in unfinished story for me, and I felt that Finn (assuming this saga is well and truly at a close) should have had his moment to say those words to Rey. If it wasn’t a big deal and relevant to his story arc, then why even give it screen time? Coming through a war after untold hardships at the hands of the Republic, our guy Finn really did deserve more.

Moving onto Poe, our lovable rogue. Seeing him at the end of the film is such a relief, but when I asked myself the question, what was Poe’s story arc for, I couldn’t actually give anyone an answer! He’s always been a drifter, and has fallen into the resistance as easily as falling into bed. But what does he want? What is he going to do now? Is he going to go back to being a spice trader? I can hardly imagine this after seeing him standing alongside General Leia Organa for the whole trilogy.

In terms of backstory and romance, we find out a little more about Poe’s former life as a spice trader, and the film hints at a relationship between himself and a former companion, Zorii Bliss during their time on Kijimi. But despite Zorii giving Poe her master key to gain him guaranteed entry out of Kijimi, the close of the film demonstrates that all ships have sailed between them and there is no future, at least romantically, for the pair. So Poe won’t be settling down with her anytime soon and living a quieter life. So what then?

I kind of feel that after everything, there should be an assurance for our closest and much-loved characters at the close of any saga, otherwise we cannot say what their struggles were for, what they were fighting for. Yes, they are all alive and living freely, but is this enough? In a franchise like star wars which reads very much as a fairytale, ‘a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away,’ then yes, these stories are meant to end ‘they all live happily ever after,’ and with that usually comes a guaranteed romantic future for our lead characters. Romance certainly isn’t everything within a film, and Star Wars films notoriously feature a tragic romance of some sort, but there are also moments where romance triumphs - Han Solo and Leia Organa.

It is here that I’d like to mention Rose (poor girl) who went from being a main character in The Last Jedi to a glorified extra in The Rise of Skywalker. I think Rose had about five lines of dialogue which is absolutely staggering after the heart-breaking loss of her sister, and her unrequited love for Finn. It’s another instance where romance is dropped like a hot cake, and I cannot help but feel like the writers have serious chips on their shoulders where romance is concerned. It’s also another example of how a (formerly) leading character had her story arc dropped for unknown reasons - is Rose happy? Has she found a new family? Are her and Finn still close? (she was not present in the group hug at the films close) so where is she now? What will she do? It’s frustrating that someone so instrumental in the destruction of Canto Bight and such a powerhouse in the second film is not given any thought in the saga’s sequel.

Thanks to Rose we even have a message which underscores so many actions of characters throughout the saga. She tells Finn they will win the war not by ‘fighting what we hate, but by saving what we love,’ which heralds the absolutely heart-rending final moments between our Alderan Prince, Kylo Ren, now Ben Solo and our heroine, Rey.

What can I even say about this pair which hasn’t been said already? Absolutely needless. When I hark back to the film’s close of Rey, Finn and Poe holding one another, what was the point of Rey’s storyline, of her sacrifices? Rey is paper-thin at the film’s close. How much more can one person give? Rey lost her family, then she lost Luke, then she lost Leia, and then she loses the only boy she loved and perhaps ever will love? While she is now a trained Jedi and has the answers to the mystery of her family abandoning her on Jacoo, is this enough? Rey seemingly ends the saga in the same way she began, a lone hermit, living in isolation, in the ruins of the former world, utterly alone on a godforsaken desert planet. Is this a fair trade after everything she has been through? Even with the answers about her heritage and her parents true identities  (sorry but what a shoddily shoved-in backstory) I don’t think this is enough. I felt as empty and broken as she did at the films closure.

How do I feel about Rey being a Palpatine? Nothing whatsoever. I’m waiting for a heroine who literally comes from nothing, who is literally no one, whose worthless parents really were ‘filthy junk traders who sold her for drinking money.’ I much preferred this to be the case, rather than actually - you’re a Palpatine! Why can’t a heroine be born to nothing and rise to greatness, why does power have to come hand-in-hand with an age-old name which is whispered with fear? And Palpatine? We get a crusty bin bag flailing around on a crane hook, a complete shade of this former Sith self. After the big reveal, I spent the rest of the film reeling about the thought that someone actually had sexual relations with him (very reminiscent of Voldemort and Bellatrix in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child). Perhaps we should have seen it coming, Disney have a penchant for bad romances (Descendants). But villains having babies in Star Wars, when it’s clear from the former films that  Palpatine has no romantic inclinations whatsoever, I didn’t appreciate the reveal for what it was.

And finally I’d like to say a few things about someone who is absent from the friend huddle at the close of the film - probably the most dynamic and interesting star wars character the sagas have graced us with - Kylo Ren / Ben Solo. What a tragic story.

The film reveals that Ben and Rey are dyad, which is as strong a connection you can have with anyone in the universe. They are two sides of the same coin, their life lines interwoven like a tapestry, almost the one and the same person, ying and yang, soulmates - all of the other terms we can think of. More to the point, the pair are equals, in terms of life experiences, strength, personality and capabilities.

Rey and Ben seemingly begin as opposites, light and dark, good and evil. As the films progress, it becomes clear that this is not the case. Ben has the capacity for love, tenderness, peace and rationality, just as much as Rey has the capacity for hatred, violence, war and irrationality. When we watch the pair react across multiple scenes, many of Rey’s reactions are not kin with being a Jedi. When she finds out about Palpatine killing her parents, her immediate instinct is to find him and kill him. Is this a Jedi reaction? No. It is human. The same emotions which led Annakin Skywalker to butcher a whole tribe of sand people for the kidnapping and killing of his mother Shmi.

At other points in the film, Rey demonstrates recklessness, taking a skimmer out into uncertain waters against the advice of others, putting her life at risk. She is impatient, impulsive and driven by revenge in the same way Kylo Ren is demonised for. And let us not forget the fight scene in the ruins of the former Deathstar, when her and Kylo Ren grapple with one another and try to best eachother’s force ability with their sabers. When I rewatch this scene, it is very clear that Kylo is not striking to kill. His movements are actually very defensive, he’s letting Rey take her fury out on him and he isn’t on the offensive at all. There are several moments he could have easily killed Rey, and it isn’t until the final moment when Rey is on the ground that he moves to make a kill, and Leia’s intervention stops him. What is absolutely staggering is when Kylo is disarmed by his mother’s intervention, Rey doesn’t stop. She takes up Kylo’s saber and stabs him with it, literally striking him down in hatred, which is not what Jedi are meant to do. Think of all the instances where Vader and Palaptine (previous films) goad Jedi into ‘striking them down,’ so they can ‘feel their hate.’ Rey’s actions allude to her failing of being a true Jedi and actually taking life. Yes, Rey does heal Kylo Ren, or Ben as he has now become. But does this action atone for her attempting to destroy him in the first place? We can argues this both ways, but I think we could only argue that it does atone for her actions, if at the films closure, Ben’s healing of Rey was enough to atone for his.

Ben comes back from absolute damnation. He rejects Kylo Ren, throws his saber into the sea and makes peace with his father Han Solo. He then storms into Palpatine’s palace with nothing but a blaster (very reminiscent of his father) and comes to the aid of Rey. Incredible fight scene aside, when Ben heals Rey in the same way she healed him, this should have atoned for all of Ben’s previous sins, in the same way that Rey’s healing of Kylo did for her. But this does not happen, instead we have to face the heart-crushing truth that Ben dies giving Rey his life force, and while a Jedi, his happy ending with the girl he loves is withheld from him, from Rey and from us.

This is where the film failed for me, and the over-arching message of redemption and forgiveness just fizzled into nothing. The simple fact is that Ben and Rey did not get the same treatment. Slowly, over the course of the film, Rey strays from the ‘light’ and becomes a shade of grey. Ben mirrors this, straying from the ‘dark’ towards the light and becoming his own shade of grey. And yet only one of them walks away from the penultimate war.

I have described the reasons I find this unfair from Rey’s side - her character traits, her previous actions, so I will now approach this from Ben’s side. Ben has had an equally, unhappy childhood, as lonely and estranged as Rey had. He was sent into Jedi training at a young age, leading to feelings of not being loved by his parents Ben and Leia. It is clear from previous films that Han was ‘not around’ for son and off doing what Han does best. Leia was still a general, and it’s safe to say that while she loved her son, he did not, or would not ever had had her attentions. So Ben is sent away to his Uncle to train as a Jedi, already feeling worthless in his parents eyes, and unloved. He expects to be treated as a nephew by his Uncle Luke, who does not warm to him at all. Luke treats Ben Solo with the same distance as a teacher does any student, and so Ben does not find familial love here either. He is then betrayed by Luke, which all comes to the surface in The Last Jedi.

Luke feared Ben Solo’s power, and seeing his potential, decides to kill him (I love how Leia never finds out about this) if she had I’m pretty sure she’d have more to say to her brother. Luke then blames Ben Solo for the destruction of the Jedi temple and turns all of his other students against Ben. Luke never really gets punished for these acts (I never forgave him, not even for his attempts in the film to placate Kylo). During all of this, Snoke becomes a personal influence on Ben Solo, playing on Ben’s loneliness, feelings of worthlessness, and slowly turning Ben towards the dark. And can you blame Ben for saying yes, and wanting a friend? I can’t blame him at all.

Kylo’s attempts to be his Grandfather are born from wanting to identify with someone in his family, to have a feeling of belonging. And like Annakin Skywalker, Kylo Ren is plagued by doubt. When he kills Han Solo, he never really walks away from his father. He is consumed by guilt and self-loathing which twists him even further, and pushes him down the path to the dark-side when in actual fact he doesn’t want to go there - he feels he has no choice. His parents rejected him, and he feels all he can do is more to make them reject him further. And yet when he has the chance, he does not kill his mother, Leia. He finds himself reaching out to Rey, drawn to her loneliness and isolation, and wanting to be there for her. Despite all of his deeds, his ability to have restraint, to be understanding, to be gentle, never fade away. Like Rey, as the films progress, he becomes his own shade of grey.

For this reason, I cannot accept the closure of The Rise of Skywalker. All three films have pointed to the connection between Rey and Ben, of their absolute compatibility, of their being one another’s match in every way possible. They were supposed to bring balance to the force, and if they were truly equal, how can they bring balance to the force if one of them dies?! It make’s no sense. Especially as I’ve pointed out when Rey heals Ben, it somehow washes her clean, and yet when Ben heals Rey, it costs him is life!

Yes, before Ben dies they share a wonderful kiss, and each of them find the ‘belonging’ which has been promised to them at earlier instances in the saga. But is knowing you have found your one true love enough at the end? Thinking of Han and Leia’s sacrifices, of their deaths, along with the tragic history of the skywalker family, I cannot accept that Ben’s death was deserved. He was an extraordinary character, with an incredible story arc, and as someone who has experienced such tragedy, to come through it and redeem themselves, it is very uncharacteristic and anti-star wars for them to not have their happy ending.

So when the film closes on Rey, Finn and Poe, with Ben absent and Rose no where to be seen, I did not have closure, I did not have fulfillment and I did not feel like I had reached the end of a Star Wars chapter. I honestly feel like I’ve ripped the film to shreds and that was not my intention. I’m a huge star wars fan and thoroughly enjoyed the film, but the decisions the writers have made - for me - are very jarring with the true message inherent within the star wars franchise.

I cannot put my finger on the message the writers were trying to get across with this final film. It clearly isn’t ‘love conquers all,’ or ‘the faithful will be rewarded,’ or anything close. There are unanswered questions, abandoned story arcs, and the shot of Rey staring at the sunsets on Tattoine only served to say that being a Jedi is awful, everyone you care about dies, your life with be hard and lonely - but hey - you get a funky gold light saber!