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aikoiya · 2 years ago

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Yan!Silco x Yan!Fem!Assassin Reader Who Absolutely Adores Him

Inspired by @sunshine-for-serotonin's "Silco with an S/O who genuinely adores him."

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Yandere Silco with Fem!Assassin Reader who absolutely adores Silco & dotes on him, being very affectionate with both him & Jinx.

Not obtrusively or overly saccharinely so or in any way that would imply that he has weakness. At least, not in public anyway. Rather, she's careful to behave in ways that show him as being powerful & in charge while making her appear weak. Will often discretely place her hand on his shoulder or arm & give him a light squeeze to show she's there when she notices that he needs reassurance.

She looks delicate & defenseless, the Industrialist's cute little arm candy. Often compared to a porcelain doll. But was in reality trained from birth to be an assassin like Black Widow, just without the operation to remove her womb.

Silco had been one of the clients her handler took, & the instant he saw her standing there, he knew that she had to be his. So, after she completed the hit, (it took nary a day & there was no evidence or witnesses) Silco later comes back, kills her handler, & takes her for himself.

The first real affection she'd ever gotten in her life was from Silco & she was instantly addicted to it. She's desperate to keep him loving her.

Is always wearing hair sticks that are actually needles that she uses like daggers. Will gladly kill anyone who threatens Silco or Jinx.

Has Spiderman levels of parkour & freerunning skills. With Assassin's Creed levels of stealth.

Knows ballet due to having been taught at a young age as ballet teaches absolute body control.

Has a great deal of knowledge in toxicology & toxinology as a result of her profession & actually very much enjoys making her own poisons.

Despite her short & sweet outside, she's a regular hellcat in a fight. Literally. Absolutely vicious, yet cold as ice. Fights with poison-laced nails or her hair sticks. Moves like a cat too. Cannot be caught unless taken completely by surprise. Will literally rip a man's ear off with her teeth!

Also knows her way around a sniper rifle or crossbow when necessary, but prefers her knives & nails.

Has intimate knowledge of all the body's weak points & can kill you faster than you can blink. Quick & without ceremony. They won't even realize that they're dead before they're facedown in their own blood.

Is secretly Silco's second to last line of defense, his goons being his first, Sevika being the next, then there's Reader, & finally Silco himself.

Frankly, she terrifies Sevika.

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She always takes note of when Silco is overworked, stressed, hasn't eaten, is insecure, or just has a headache & goes out of her way to pamper him in ways that help him relax & feel better.

Scalp massages for headaches. Easy to eat & mess-less, yet delicious & healthy sandwiches when he's working. Or full delicious meals (namely his favorites) to coax him away from work for a moment for a small break. Refilling his coffee when it's low (always done just how he likes it).

She didn't initially know how to cook, but was determined to be of service to Silco as best she could as that was all she'd ever known. So, she began reading cook books & learning all she could from Silco's minions who actually know how. (Who are too scared of the boss killing them to deny her requests.)

Back massages after being hunched over in a chair all day, getting all the knots out. Body worship with whispered adoration & praise when insecure (which doesn't happen often, but it does happen on occasion), especially in the places that he's most insecure about. Specifically, the scarred side of his face. She is decidedly not scared of his scars & actually finds him devilishly handsome, even rogueish without his cover up.

Holding him tight when he has nightmares. Rubbing circles into his back & whispering that she was there into his ear.

When he's struggling with something, she makes herself available to him emotionally. Always willing to talk things out, but if he doesn't want to talk about it, she'll just sit there quietly with him, holding his hand as he processes his emotions. Just letting him know that she's there.

Baths where she washes his hair & back, massaging his scalp & back thoroughly. If he's working too late into the night & there is no deadline for the work, she'll coax him away with promises of sex by either getting up behind him & sucking/kissing his neck, whispering in his ear all the dirty things she'll do to him or what she wants him to do to her or walks in wearing a trench before letting it fall to show lingerie underneath. (As an assassin, she's had to seduce both men & women at times in order to get close to them & kill them. Though, Silco was the first person that she's ever actually wanted to be with in such a capacity. Thus, he means quite a lot to her.)

Doesn't mind wearing sexy little numbers or roleplaying for him because she figures that if she does this for him, then he's obligated to indulge her in her kinks later. (It took a lot of trial & error for her to learn what all she enjoyed. Pegging is always fun, though it took a while for Silco to be okay with giving her so much control. She actually got a magical tattoo over her womb that creates a solid magic phallus that she can actually feel through for one of her missions before Silco. -Don't ask.- It also took her a while to understand that she was allowed to ask for things from him too as she'd never been in anything even resembling an equal relationship. All her experience was as a slave who did what she was told.)

For more on the magic strap, go here:

If he needs her to top, she does so (a switch by nature & a service top who's default is gentle & reverent unless he urges her to be rougher, then will go as hard as he wants; in such a situation, she is either a top, whether via riding or pegging, or as a power bottom). Doesn't mind it if he decides that he needs her to cockwarm him while he finishes work. Will just embrace him & relax against his chest as she places soft, sweet kisses to his neck & shoulder as he finishes his paperwork. Is more than okay with indulging in his kinks so long as they aren't absolutely disgusting (which, luckily, none of them are). Is even willing to indulge in knifeplay or choking or play the part of a dominitrix (bdsm, dom/sub, bondage, degridation, whipping, ect) so long as it doesn't go too far. The last thing she wants is to legitimately harm him, but also understands that some people get a kick outta pain.

Reader often helps organize Silco's paperwork when there's too much of it by order of importance & urgency, while grouping together duplicates or multiples with the same basic issues (letting him know about them before throwing the extras away just in case she missed something) & complaints. As well as condensing reports. Just overall streamlining things for him. (She started doing all of this on her own just to help him however she could.)

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In this situation, I could see Darling sitting on Silco's lap during meetings with a book, even in Chem-Baron meetings. Sorry, that's simply her seat now. You're just gonna have to deal with it.

She is tremendously intelligent, a mistress of Hellstromism (reading a person's thoughts via observing their facial ticks & body language), interrogation, & torture, & when she wants to make an observation in a meeting that no one else seems to have really considered or some other frankly enlightening contribution to the conversation or even the fact that one of the other Barons was hiding something, she'll lean up & whisper it into Silco's ear rather than alerting the rest of the Barons. But even in those situations, she doesn't divert her attention away from either Silco or the book in her hands even while quietly observing everyone in the room.

Only really noticeably looks at the other members of those meetings to glare at them in a way that makes them feel like insects.

She also quickly notices when Silco begins to get frustrated in these meetings & in those moments, gently kisses his cheek or jaw or temple while she caresses the other cheek. Never shying away from his scar.

It never fails to calm him down & ground him.

Always wears a steampunk dress that matches his suit in color scheme to Chem-Baron meetings & can always be seen wearing a leather choker with a gold heart & Silco's signature engraved into the metal.

It all sends a clear message. One that very loudly says, 'I'm Silco's. Do not touch under pain of death a/o dismemberment.'

She has this thing about reciprocal ownership & also has a tattoo of Silco's signature over her heart. If Silco has one of hers over his own heart, is absolutely ecstatic about it.

If he calls her 'his,' will confirm with 'yours' before asking 'mine?' If he reciprocates, confirming that 'yes, he's hers too,' then she'll practically croon into his kiss.

Also likes it when Silco uses possessive pet names such as 'my kitten' or 'my treasure' or 'my pet' or 'my pearl' or 'my doll' or even 'my queen' for her & she tends to use them for him herself. Things like, 'my king' or 'my love' or 'my darling.'

There's definitely a lot of co-dependency going on in this relationship.

Adores Jinx & enjoys listening to her babble on about her inventions. Eager to give her own input when appropriate. Seems to know how to handle the girl in a way that even Silco really doesn't at times. Is very kind, calm, & motherly with the girl. Has big mom energy.

Helps Silco to administer his medicine whenever Jinx is busy. Holds him close when he seizes from the pain, nuzzling & kissing his throat.

Will also seamlessly step into his spot of ruthless business owner when he needs a break. Is normally sweet & demure, but it's like a switch is flipped & she becomes this cold, calculating queenpin. Still seems sweet, but in a passive-aggressive way, her edges suddenly far sharper & unusually threatening for a woman her size. She can actually handle most anything that Zaun or Piltover can throw at her with steel in her bones, she just prefers her life as Silco's cute little housewife.

Just very dedicated to taking care of her man & their daughter, making sure they're both happy & healthy. (Which includes helping Jinx come to terms with her past trauma & become a well-adjusted individual. As well as how to value people as more than toys to be played with until they're broken, then thrown away.)

Loves Jinx dearly, but quickly takes on the role of 'responsible parent' because it becomes very obvious, very quickly that Silco is very soft on the girl & literally lets her get away with murder. So, Reader takes on the dubious duty of being Mrs. Tough Love, in charge of real serious talk. Never oversteps the line, but definitely nudges it. Is really serious about this role & often reads parenting books. Is careful to never be cruel about it.

Also teaches Jinx how to fight both hand-to-hand, with a knife, or brass knuckles just in case she's ever without her guns or bombs. Gifted her with a pair of fingerless shooting gloves with metal knuckle studs. Would rip apart anyone who hurt the girl with her bare hands.

If anyone ever tries to kidnap Reader & hold her for ransom against Silco, she'll, 9 times out of 10, end up walking back home on her own covered in her captor's blood before the kingpin even has the chance to do anything, as though she hadn't just committed a massacre. Might even end up meeting up with him as he's searching for her. Always brings back a trophy, which tends to be something her captor held dear that's also small enough to carry with her.

Gifts it to Silco as an apology for having been stolen from him.

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Reader is innately a non-materialistic person & most things she wants tend to have some sort of utility or purpose, whether for herself or for her family. She's used to living a very spartan lifestyle, so it takes time for her to begin indulging in things. Even then, most superfluous things she becomes interested in will either help her to help Silco, is really something that Silco will like (such as lingerie), or reminds her of Silco or Jinx in some way.

She does have a fascination with stealth weapons & jewelry that have a utilitarian use. Things like her hair stick weapons or shoes with blades in the heels or earrings that function as 2-way radios or charm bracelets with charms she can remove & throw to the ground & they turn out to be smoke bombs or flash bangs or a bracelet that unfolds into a wrist-mounted mini-crossbow. Things like that.

Has also begun to learn pharmacology & various other medical studies for fear of her new family getting hurt or becoming ill.

Is quickly becoming skilled in biochemistry, pharmacology, pharmacognosy, & alchemy as a result. (Revived Silco after Jinx shot him at the end of season 1.)

Has discovered that she enjoys gardening & cultivates plants that are useful for poison making, alchemy, medicine, or cooking.

Is an immaculate strategist & has a natural inclination for noticing cause & effect. As such, she has a tendency to see the long-term consequences of Silco's plans when he simply doesn't see the full scope at times. Such as the long-term consequences that Shimmer will have on Zaun & its people, as well as Zaun's incoming economic collapse should the city not find any other products to trade besides Shimmer.

As such, she alerts him to those consequences without making him feel like she's criticizing or degrading him.

Because of this, she recommended that he hire people to scour Runeterra for phytoremedial & cave-dwelling plants, including crops, to try & alleviate this oversight.

She & Silco enjoy playing chess. In the beginning, Reader would let him win until he noticed & requested that she no longer do so. She then began crushing him at the game. This resulted in Silco slowly becoming more skilled over time until they became pretty even skillwise. Now, the outcome is pretty even between Silco, Reader, & tie.

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It's just been brought to my attention that the Reader in this is kinda yandere herself &, honestly, they're right.

I suppose that Silco & Reader's relationship in this is supposed to be a lot like salt. In that salt is a benign compound made by combining 2 toxic elements, sodium (Na) & chloride (Cl). Don't know which represents which, but c'est la vie!

In this way, their combined yandere-ness sort of cancels each other out? Or, at least, that's what I'm going for here.

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How would Silco react to all of this do ya'll think?

Anyone who wants to tackle this is more than welcome to!

Just be sure to tag or link me!

#arcane #league of legends #silco #yandere #yandere silco #assassin reader #female reader #silco x reader #yandere silco x reader #silco x female reader #yandere silco x female reader #housewife reader #writing prompt #nsft

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pandorasword · 2 years ago

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Hello

I'm wondering what type of kisses Hongjoong like to give to Chaeri?😉

What about chaeri, which are her favorite ones?🤭

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

Chaeri's masterlist

thank you so much for your request! Let me know if you enjoy it and if you think other type of kisses suit them well ♡

requests are open (even if it takes a while)

The kisses Hongjoong likes the most to give Chaeri

Hongjoong is a guy who finds most comfort in routine, domestic, daily interactions. Doing the work he does, the little time he spends at home, leaving his fame outside of it, is holy. This constant need for normality also spills over into his relationship with Chaeri, with whom he tries to live their relationship as any other couple not known by millions would.

Definitely, if he had to make a list of the kisses he prefers to give her, it would include lazy morning kisses.

Kissing her as soon as he wakes up, with his eyes still heavy from sleep, makes him feel incredibly grateful to have had her by his side all night long.

≫∘❀♡❀∘≪

Chaeri is a tough one, and Joong loses no opportunity to brag about this: his girlfriend won't let anyone mess with her. Nevertheless, he loves to make her feel that he is there for her whenever he thinks she needs him. He knows that words would not work with her, so he simply hugs her from behind and kisses the top edge of her shoulder, to let her know that "I got your back"

≫∘❀♡❀∘≪

Before an intense kiss, Hongjoong has the habit of tracing Chaeri's facial features with his fingertips. The kisses between them always begin softly just because the guy takes the time to admire her and imprint in his mind through the touch every detail and edge of her face. When, however, the tender moment ends and gives room to his insatiable desire of her, the spot he prefers to put his hands are her hips. He likes to squeeze them, to be able to pull her to him and her body to feel at one with her.

The kisses Chaeri likes the most to give Hongjoong

Despite her being bold and feisty, the kisses Chaeri prefers to give Hongjoong are the ones that radiate sweetness to her the most. Kissing him gently, without pretending to look sexy, injects her with a dose of relaxation and serotonin. It usually begins by kissing him on the cheek until it reaches his lips. Small, tender kisses broken by smiles and laughter. Between them there is never any awkwardness

≫∘❀♡❀∘≪

She LOVES kissing him in front of the rest of ATEEZ members. It amuses her so much to see him blush slightly, to hear the laughter of the rest of the boys teasing him, reminding him that before he met her he could hardly tolerate being touched. So she casually catches up with him when he is with everyone else, sits beside him, joins in the conversation, and then draws his attention back to her so she can kiss him

≫∘❀♡❀∘≪

Hongjoong sometimes overthinks, gets absorbed in his thoughts and worries that a group leader has to carry the burden of. She knows well, she has lived it through Namjoon, seeing him sometimes sink into his commitments and worries and come out exhausted. This is precisely why she tries to make that tiring task more tolerable, kissing him unexpectedly to bring him back to reality whenever she notices the first signs of worry on his face

≫∘❀♡❀∘≪

taglist: @alixnsuperstxr

#bts 8th member #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #bts female addition #kpop female member #bts female member #bts eighth member #ateez x reader

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la-nightraine · 8 months ago

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I Like a Lot of Aesthetics,

I wrote this on June 13, 2023 at around 23:41 my local time. For some reason, it stayed in Keep and never got posted, even though I say I like how I wrote it every time. So here you go now, enjoy!

Right now, I like cool-colored neon and synthwave. It's so dreamy and reminds me of "Lavender Haze" by Taylor Swift, and everything else from her album Midnights. It reminds me of stars and the dark and a much needed silence in the world at 2am. They sound like sparkly, twinkling ideas and I feel like strutting amongst them like spotlights on a big concert stage, and I feel like flying up.

Sometimes, I do feel like lofi and rainy days. Not necessarily warm colors, but low-saturated ones that put me to sleep kinda does the thing. It's all about sitting by a window bobbing your head up and down and getting lost in daydreams underneath the blanket you carried over on your shoulders. Maybe it screams lazy energy or that of a slow, calm day---not necessarily productive, but why not try to be while everything's paced nicely.

Other times, I feel pastel and dream pop---pink cloudy skies and Blue Neighbourhood by Troye Sivan. They are days spent playfully in a world of melted cotton candy and never-ending sunsets. Everything feels light and in flight, including me except, well, I've never been high. And it's when you feel so fluffy you could lay on a giant powdery fur and stay there forever.

This doesn't mean I never feel glittery, though. Of course I still do! Sometimes, pop makes you feel like the prettiest girl in the room and when that happens to me, I make sure my gestures show that I'm the prettiest girl to walk down this street today. I may look a little shy from time to time, but that's part of acting like a cutie. Deep down, I'm confident I look nice and that confidence will take a verbal criticism to put down. It doesn't have to be an actual fit of glitters, you just have to feel like you're glimmering under the sun like the winks of an idol.

On select occassions, I'd also feel hot. And by hot, I mean all eyes on me kinda thing. It makes me uncomfortable most of the times, I'm not gonna lie, but for times when it doesn't I do kinda feel like I'm dressed up for revenge. It's all about black and electronic music with a hint of trap, hiphop, or dance, which reminds me a lot of All Out by K/DA. It's like badass neon and powerful but teasing movements, the exact opposite of miss lazy lofi.

Another favorite vibe I have is guitar heavy and good hair days. Is it acoustic swaying with the wind to teach it how to dance? Or is it electric trying at the top of my lungs? I haven't played guitar in ages but I will never forget how it made me feel that one time I played my song onstage and feeling it while also nervous. And it's not like I don't know what it must feel like when I see people enjoy it on their own stages. It can be so alive that it physically tires me, but it can also be just sitting on a chair feeling the feels. I just love it.

The rarest of them all is ethereal and theatrical, because this is something I'm not usually fond of. But when it does happen, it's attempting to act like an angel. I say attempting because, why would I be cast as an angel with a voice like... this? Anyway, it feels more divine than royal, more white than gold, more cherry blossoms falling than freshly bloomed lavender bushes. The feeling of flying is because you have wings, not because the wind is taking you. It's trying really hard to act like you're on top of the world when in reality, you're just a smol bean among 8 billion more beans.

I must admit, there are moments that I can't associate with colors or aesthetic. Just the warmth of the feeling along with the smile that escaped. A little like warm, creamy coffee that makes you melt on your seat. Although sometimes it's more like a push of a button, that of a sudden flush of serotonin, that automatically raises both sides of my lips, narrows my eyes like the happiest kid in town, and commands me to twirl and skip around like a princess in a musical movie--a little like title track Fearless by Taylor Swift, which is by far the sole song of hers that makes me feel this way.

I like a lot of aesthetics and genres. I am not a master nor a jack of all trades; I'm just a mosaic of all the things that I chose and allowed to define me. To most people, it's a bunch of belief systems and physical evidences. To me, it's what paints everyone's eyes colorful and everyone's ears harmonious.

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appliedpsychedelics · 2 years ago

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Applied Psychedelics and Psychonautics - Ian, December 12-25 2023

I noticed, while I was high off mushrooms, I entered an altered state of consciousness known as flow state, which is characterized by a sense of time distortion and overall sense of happiness. These things, I realized I was experiencing them because this mushroom was making my mind perform at its peak, and I felt truly alive and fully attentive to my work, deriving great joy in such wonderful subjects as Electromagnetic Energy… truly my schoolwork didn’t feel much like work, but rather an exploration of the world, and I found myself very happy with a positive mental picture of myself as a scholar and explorer: I would explore my chosen subject matter, up close, and gain real experience and knowledge of it, all while taking good notes of it.

Sometimes, I found that it was like I could be a sort of, scholarly conqueror

And I began to relish in this image of myself and this mushroom forming a kind of mutually beneficial relationship, and then in the dream of showing the world what psychedelic mushrooms can really do to improve people's lives

Today even, one in 10 Americans aged 12 and older is on SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, used for depression or anxiety), and actually, SSRIs are incredibly easy to access, at least for me it was. I’ve had my own encounters with Big Pharma and Big Psych, notably I took Prozac for a short period of time due to a bout of “depression”.

The main difference between SSRIs and psychedelic mushrooms is that SSRIs are just escapism: you’re zombifying yourself to cope with your feelings. When I was on Prozac, I had such a major disconnect from reality, I always felt so distant and was looking at myself from outside my own body, I realized that the excess serotonin from the drug was causing derealization.

The issue with medical professionals in this field is that they genuinely believe the issue in a depressed person is something like their amount of serotonin.

The truth is, the issue is that a depressed person is caught in a negative loop/cycle of their own bad thoughts and actions: they need to have a “breakthrough” thought, a kind of, “Eureka!” lightbulb moment. I am like, 99 percent sure that the big public backlash against using mushrooms, weed, cacti, and other LITERAL PLANTS to self medicate comes from Big Pharma wanting more people to go to them to get POISONED by SSRIs, which are literally demonic (I'll explain how evil Big Psych and Pharma can be in another post, I haven't got enough time to document all that evil in this first post…)

What I’ve found is that mushrooms grind on your ego and humble you, they help you REALIZE things that are helpful and make you break out of harmful cycles.

λόγος you open your mind to new ideas, and λόγος will show you images and give you voices, it will suggest things to your mind that help produce these breakthroughs. , in case you were unaware, is Greek (“logos”), meaning “logic” or “reason”, and it is the name which Terence McKenna and many popular psychonauts have used to refer to the living entity which you can feel in the mushrooms. Many people who take mushrooms get the feeling that something is alive in there… and it wants to talk to you. That mushrooms are animate, and trying to communicate. This is something I believe 100 percent.

For example, Albert Hoffman, the guy who synthesized LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide) and isolated + named + synthesized psilocybin and psilocin (the psychedelic part of shrooms, which I hope to discuss more in depth later on), told Terence McKenna once that the reason he preferred LSD to shrooms was because he felt that shrooms were animate, that there was something alive inside them.

I would like to try and communicate with this entity. I believe it is a force for good… some of the things it has revealed to me have been like, crazy spiritually enlightening. I feel much better overall since I've taken them, mentally and emotionally. There is a kind of harmony there.

Terence McKenna, who I mentioned before (RIP McKenna, he died in 2000, respect) is well known for advocating the positives of using mushrooms (responsibly), kinda like I'm doing now.

I will probably make a post dedicated to him.

I’m convinced that there’s some real potential in using magic mushrooms to help treat the symptoms of and maybe even cure conditions such as depression:

Every trip I go on, I find that I am able to make “breakthroughs” in my cycles of thinking, which enable me to learn about myself and explore ways to make myself a better person, ways to function on a higher level.

In fact, this post right here might as well be a testament to the way mushrooms can influence the way people think: I was so inspired that I decided to study this, for fun, and I’ve taken it upon myself as a kind of hobby, although I do admit that I do not yet have enough knowledge and experience to call myself a psychonaut just yet, I do hope to get there someday.

In case you didn’t know, a psychonaut is to some extent, I suppose while partaking in Psilocybin/Psilocin mushrooms, An altered state of consciousness in which the mind functions at its peak, time may seem distorted, and a sense of happiness prevails. In such a state the individual feels truly alive and fully attentive to what is being done.

I saw all sorts of repeating patterns, shapes, colors, it truly was amazing and I was convinced that each symbol I saw held some sort of deeper meaning, at least in my own heart, but it is only through the exploration of my own heart that I begin to understand the rest of the world: certain things will strike chords in you.

The only thing I have noticed about mushrooms that is negative is that they negatively impact my memory and often while high off them, I find myself disoriented, confused. I got lost in my own school that I've gone to for 3 years while on shrooms. I couldn't tell if I was upstairs or downstairs. I kept forgetting where I was supposed to be, forgetting lots of things… overall, I think we should try to make sure mushrooms don't impact memory negatively on a longer time frame (ex. Causing Alzheimer's or dementia)

I am, however, not worried enough about this to stop using mushrooms or to stop championing them as a potential solution to mental/emotional/spiritual health problems

I feel like from the small amount of times I've consumed shrooms, I always walk away from my trip with new knowledge and a sense of inner ��️. Because of how profoundly this has affected me, I do think it's worth temporary memory loss and confusion, which can be made so that it does not actually fuck with ur life (I'll be making a post later on the responsible use of shrooms)

Other than that note on memory, I have noticed 0 negatives from shrooms. They're literal mushrooms! You aren't even putting smoke in your lungs, you're literally eating a pizza topping or salad ingredient.

As a Christian it is my belief that there's nothing wrong with the responsible use of these mushrooms. It's a fungi! It's God's creation, same as any other regular Portobello mushroom. Just be aware that some people believe that

λόγος is a demonic entity or a malicious influence.

I do not believe that myself,

λόγος is to me like a wise old man

And there's definitely other stuff out there besides angels and demons, so maybe it's one of those other things!

I'm just warning y'all, it's a risk! It's a spiritual, pyschological, emotional risk to put faith in λόγος,

But I seriously vouch for its positive impacts. I'm doing this research and taking this risk because I truly believe this is part of the future.

Overall, I believe in the potential of nature. We should be utilizing the resources provided to us by God :3

So this is my intro post! Soon I'll be posting:

How to find/identify shrooms/where to find them

How to grow shrooms

The horrors of big pharma/pysch

Horrors of the war on drugs

Guide for responsible mushroom use

The historical use of pyschadelic mushrooms

Terence McKenna and maybe other people like him

MY OWN PERSONAL TRIP REPORTS !!

MORE INFO ON λόγος

Enjoy my tumblr :3

#pyschadelics #penis envy mushrooms #mushrooms #mental health #drugs and society

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allboutmee · 5 months ago

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Discover the Power of a Smile Tips to Light up Your Day

Have you noticed how a simple smile can change your day? Whether you're feeling down, stressed out, or just need a confidence boost, a smile has the power to transform your mood and those around you. In this blog post, we'll explore the science behind smiling, the benefits it brings, and practical tips to incorporate more smiles into your daily routine. By the end, you'll be equipped with actionable strategies to enhance your well-being and spread positivity. Let's get started!

The Science of Smiling

Why Smiling Feels Good

Smiling isn't just a social cue – it's deeply rooted in our biology. When you smile, your brain releases feel-good chemicals like endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin. These neurotransmitters help reduce stress and elevate your mood, making you feel happier and more relaxed.

How Smiling Affects Your Brain

Smiling activates the reward centers in your brain. This means that when you smile, your brain feels as though you've received a reward. This positive feedback loop encourages your brain to smile more, creating a natural pathway to happiness.

The Ripple Effect of a Smile

The power of a smile extends beyond personal well-being. When you smile at someone, it triggers a similar response in them, leading to a shared experience of joy. This is known as the "contagious smile effect," and it can create a more positive environment for everyone.

Benefits of Smiling

Boosting Confidence and Self-Esteem

A confident smile can make a world of difference in how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you. Smiling can boost your self-esteem and make you feel more approachable and competent, whether you're at work, a social gathering, or even during everyday interactions.

Enhancing Dental Health

Smiling more often can actually improve your dental health. When you smile, you produce more saliva, which helps neutralize acids and wash away food particles. This can reduce the risk of cavities and gum disease, contributing to a healthier mouth.

Promoting Overall Wellness

Smiling has numerous health benefits, including lowering blood pressure, reducing stress, and boosting your immune system. It's a natural way to promote overall wellness, both physically and mentally.

Daily Smile Tips

Start Your Day with a Smile

Begin your day by looking in the mirror and giving yourself a big smile. This simple act sets a positive tone for the rest of your day and can help you approach challenges with a more optimistic mindset.

Surround Yourself with Positivity

Surrounding yourself with positive influences can naturally encourage more smiles. Spend time with friends and family who uplift you, listen to your favorite music, or engage in activities that bring you joy.

Practice Gratitude

Take a moment each day to reflect on what you're grateful for. This practice can shift your focus from what's lacking to what's abundant in your life, making it easier to smile genuinely and frequently.

Smile Wellness

Mindfulness and Smiling

Incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine by practicing mindful smiling. Pay attention to the sensations and emotions that arise when you smile. This can deepen your connection to the present moment and enhance your overall sense of well-being.

Positive Mindset

Cultivating a positive mindset can naturally lead to more smiles. Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with affirmations. Remember, your thoughts shape your reality, and a positive mindset can create a more fulfilling life.

Random Acts of Kindness

Performing random acts of kindness can bring a smile to your face and to others. Whether it's a compliment, a small gift, or simply holding the door open for someone, these gestures can create a ripple effect of positivity.

Incorporating more smiles into your daily routine can have profound effects on your mental and physical well-being. From boosting confidence to promoting overall wellness, the benefits of smiling are vast and impactful. Start by implementing the tips shared in this post, and watch as your life and the lives of those around you brighten.

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bijouxcarys · 8 months ago

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𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧' 𝐆𝐮𝐲 - 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍

Masterlist

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡, 𝟏𝟗𝟕𝟑

Emma

𝐈 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐑𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫, 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫. The only thing separating us was his shirt, which I had draped over myself moments ago. The air in the room grew thicker, infused with the scent of smoke from Roger’s cigarette as he inhaled and exhaled the toxic fumes. He passed the cigarette to me, sharing occasional puffs. His room had a distinct aroma: a mixture of cigarettes and sex.

“We should try those again. I rather enjoyed it,” he rasped, tapping the ashes into the tray by his bed. “The shop I got them from was a bit sketchy, no sign outside, but I think it was worth it.” He gave me a mischievous look, as if he was curious about my opinion.

“It was certainly interesting. I’ve never done anything like that with anyone before, so I don’t have much experience with inserting a string of small beads up someone’s arse,” I replied bluntly, trying to hold back a smirk.

“I’m not gay, Em. I’m sure plenty of straight men enjoy it,” he grumbled, dragging the stub across the ashtray. He then rested his hand behind his head, tilting his chin up to gaze at the ceiling. “There’s so much out there to explore. We only scratch the surface, maybe ten percent. Why? Because we’re afraid of being judged by strangers on the street. The world would be a better place if people didn’t have to keep secrets, if we all just minded our own business instead of worrying about what our neighbours are up to.”

This was typical of Roger after sex. He would start talking, and I didn’t mind at all. I was fascinated by his mind, especially when his hormones and serotonin were running high. His thoughts would roam freely, contemplating the what-ifs and seeking ways to improve society. He often underestimated his own wisdom, reducing himself to the playful blonde man-slut persona on stage when interacting with strangers. We all knew he was intelligent and had plenty to say about many subjects. It was just a matter of getting him riled up enough to speak his mind. I lay there, gazing up at him, completely captivated by everything that made Roger Taylor who he was.

Since Maria confronted Roger about Patty, he had started opening up to me more. I thought I knew everything there was to know about him, but as the days went by, I discovered the real Roger Taylor, and I fell more in love with him with each passing minute. It felt like progress, like we were moving in the right direction, and that’s all I wanted from him. As long as he understood that I should be his priority, that was the most important thing to me.

“I do love you, you know,” he suddenly said, snapping me out of my daydream. His pale blue eyes remained steady, devoid of lust and filled with sincerity. “I know I don’t say it often, but I thought you should know,” he continued, leaning down to plant a firm kiss on my forehead.

“I love you too, Rog,” I whispered, nestling closer to him.

As we lay there, I became aware of the ambient sounds around us: the cars passing by in the bustling city outside, faint chatter from people on the nearby path drifting in through the slightly open window. After a while, Roger let out a small chuckle, seemingly amused by something. I looked at him curiously, and he shook his head.

“Nothing. It just feels like everything is falling into place for us right now. Is it just me, or does everything feel… nice?”

I’ll admit, moments like this sometimes made me frustrated with my boyfriend. He was always so optimistic, and I never quite understood why. Being positive doesn’t get you anywhere; it disconnects you from reality and ultimately leads to disappointment.

“It’s alright, I guess,” I mumbled, sighing softly. “I just can’t shake the feeling that good things don’t last forever.”

“Would those good things include marriage?” he asked, making my heart skip a beat. My eyes widened, but this time he didn’t meet my gaze. “Marriage… Roger…” He appeared deep in thought. Was he…?

“Are engagement rings a symbol of forever or are they just material possessions that hide one’s true feelings for someone?” he mused, giving me a sidelong glance. “Because I’m struggling to understand Brian’s perspective.”

“Brian?” I blurted out, a touch of bitterness unconsciously seeping into my voice.

“Yeah! He’s been pestering us for a week now about whether he should buy Maria an engagement ring. As far as I know, he’s pretty set on getting her one,” Roger revealed.

I sat up abruptly, propping myself up on my hand and gazing down at him. Of course, it had to do with Maria. “He can’t be that stupid, can he? They haven’t even been together for that long!”

Roger narrowed his eyes, puzzled. “He’s in love,” he shrugged.

I let out a frustrated huff under my breath, avoiding his gaze as my eyes darted around the room. I hoped my reaction conveyed my disappointment. After everything, I deserved more from Roger. Embarrassment, confusion, betrayal, hurt, defeat, numbness – a torrent of emotions washed over me. Glancing back at the blonde figure sprawled across the bed, the sheets lazily draped over his abdomen, I awaited his response to my raw emotions.

“Hey, I’ll get you one if you really want it, no big deal,” he offered, trying to be a gentleman.

I rolled my eyes, no longer cuddled up to Roger, and flopped back onto the bed. I lay on my back, staring intently at the ceiling above me. “Is everything still going according to plan for tonight?” Since we’re already on the subject of Maria…

“As far as I know, everything is a-okay,” he grinned to himself. He could be so oblivious at times. He didn’t even realise how much he had hurt me. I hummed in response, drawing in a long breath through my nose and exhaling it in a sigh through my mouth. “I should probably head back to the flat. I told her I’d be back like an hour ago. It’s not fair to keep someone waiting on their birthday,” I spoke, partially lying. It was true that it wasn’t pleasant for someone to be alone on their birthday. However, deep down, I wished for Maria to be alone more than necessary. I was bitter, devoid of sweetness.

I envied her.

I won’t deny that I wasn’t the more fortunate friend of the two. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t feel sorry for myself. Life just unfolded the way it did. But on a larger scale, Maria always had the upper hand. The bigger house, the wealthier family, the attractive father. It’s hard not to be drawn to people with such advantages, especially at a young age. Before I knew it, we were packing our bags and moving as best friends to a completely different region of the country. She took her privilege for granted, and that’s what bothered me. Yet, I tried to push these negative feelings towards my best friend out of my mind, at least for today, and I got out of bed to get dressed.

“Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll see you tonight anyway,” Roger grunted as he pulled himself up. He watched me as I tidied up the discarded clothing strewn across his room from a few hours earlier. “Fred wants to decorate, so I’ll be roped into helping.”

I simply hummed in response, taking a final glance in the mirror leaning against the corner of the room. “You’ll manage. You have a lot on your mind,” I said, turning to face him. His figure stood right in front of me, clad in only his briefs. He leaned down and gave me a quick peck on the lips. “I’ll see you later. Say hi to Maria for me.”

Maria

My stomach clenched; the hot breath laid on the skin just beside my eye, heating up my temple. His rugged and shaky grunts only just audible enough for me to react. I choked out a moan when he stilled inside of me momentarily. I could tell he didn’t want this moment to end. It was pure bliss whenever I got the chance to feel Brian’s physical love, especially when it was so deep and so raw that I didn’t even know what to do with myself. I left nail marks on his shoulders when he continued his movements after his torturous techniques of irregulating his rhythm.

“Oh God, Brian…” I whispered, his hand grasping onto my thigh even harder, yanking it up even higher on his waist. His other hand, which was splayed next to me came to caress my hair, fingers raking through the now messy locks. “I love you…”

He lifted his head, looking down at me. His face was reddened, skin flushed and baby hairs sticking to his skin from the sweat formed. He always looked so primal in these moments: my soft, nerdy Poodle stripped of his shyness and complete vulnerability. My words must have sparked a special fire within him, his hazel eyes full blown with lust as he bit down on his lip and pushed my leg further. Fuck, this new angle. It was so intimate: his entire body was laid flush on mine, my heat clenching unintentionally at the tickle of Brian’s pubic hair on my pelvis. It’s a weird thing: the conversation of body hair in certain parts of the human body has always been such a taboo, even in the seventies. But you can’t deny the level of maturity and intimacy involved in the act of not shaving yourself clean. Grooming was important, of course, but that trail of hair that travelled from my Brian’s stomach and down to the part of him that made me writhe in numb ecstasy was something that I adored – it was such a subtle, ordinary feature of him and any man, but it just emphasised his manhood. And I sure did love when my Brian’s masculinity was emphasised.

“I love you too. Fuck, you’re so beautiful, Maria.” Brian huffed against my face, lifting his upper half up with his hand. He now towered over me, my form completely under his control. His thrusts became more determined, and my body flushed up, the blouse I was wearing starting to stick to me. It was half-buttoned, my white bra visible. We had rushed so quickly to get in bed that neither of us were entirely undressed. Brian was shirtless, whereas I was uncovered from the waist down. He’d pushed down his trousers enough for him to relieve himself. My chest was speckled with red marks from Brian’s mouth, some of them even on the verge of purple, dare I call them love bites and hickeys. “I love how you feel around me… you feel fantastic. So perfect…” He rambled on with his praises and words of encouragement, all of which sent waves of wetness to my core.

One specific thrust in particular arched my back up into a strained arch, a guttural moan pushing through my throat. I reached upwards, frantically grasping at the back of Brian’s neck, pulling the hair at the roots, making him groan loudly.

“Fuck.” His expletive was loud and his thrusts were almost erratic at this point. I, however, felt too free. I had every right and the ability to touch him wherever I wanted, speak whenever I wanted. I wanted some kind of… Restraint. In my haze of pleasure, I blindly hit the arm that was holding Brian up to get his attention. I tried my best to pull on his wrist from the position that we were in, but I managed to get the words out.

“Choke me, Bri.” I practically growled in the moment, and I hastily decided to think over and worry about my choice when we finished rather than at that point.

His thrusts didn’t stop: they still had the same passion in as before. Only, his eyebrows were raised in shock as his hand moved to my throat, loosely wrapping his fingers round my skin. “Are you sure?” He asked breathlessly, putting down just a little bit of pressure. I moaned again. I didn’t know I was into that until that moment. I quickly nodded, whimpering.

“I’m sure… Please, Bri—”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”

I furrowed my eyebrows, my heart dropping down to my feet when I realised it was not Brian that was speaking to me. The voice came form the doorway of the bedroom, and I knew, without looking, that it was a rather traumatised Emma. Panic surged through me as I immediately scrambled under Brian, his own form shooting to the side of me to cover himself up with the bedsheets. My legs tangled in the fabric as I sat up, my messy hair dishevelled and my eyes wide with shock as I stared at Emma.

“Did you not hear me come in?” Emma’s voice cut through the air with a sharp and snappy tone, her eyes rolling as she turned around and stormed off into the living room across the hall. My gaze darted between the empty doorway and the embarrassed Brian, who seemed to sink into the mattress, wanting to disappear.

With a frustrated groan, I let out a heavy sigh and threw the blanket over my legs, pulling myself out of the bed. The thick cloud of lust that had enveloped the room was now completely dissipated. I hastily put on my underwear and fasted some of the buttons on my blouse before padding out of the room.

“Emma!” I yelled, my arms folded tightly across my chest as I stopped in the living room. My eyes locked on her as she took a swig out of a half-full bottle of red wine. She had tried to cut down on the drinking since our conversation about Roger, but it as clear that she couldn’t keep up with her promises.

“Have you ever heard of shagging when there isn’t anyone else in the house?” Emma snapped, slamming the wine bottle on the kitchen counter. The loud bang reverberated through the room, making me flinch and instinctively wrap my arms tighter around myself. Sudden and loud noises always unsettled me, and Emma knew that all too well.

“You weren’t even here, you were gone! You were meant to be back an hour ago.” It wasn’t my usual demeanour to snap at people I cared about, but I wasn’t about to let her guilt trip me into apologising for spending time with my boyfriend when she was out doing the same thing.

“So, you decided to get pounded into a mattress, fully knowing I could be home at any minute?!” Her voice grew louder, dripping with vindictiveness with each syllable.

“You don’t always come home!” I extended my hand to emphasise my point, doing my best to control my volume. “You’re not going to make me feel bad for this, Em.” I shook my head, feeling tears welling up in my eyes. “Why did you even come into the bedroom? You knew I was home!”

I heard some shuffling behind me. I hoped against hope that Brian would retreat back into the bedroom. It wasn’t fair to involve him in our arguments.

“Just shut the fuck up, Maria. I can’t be arsed with this conversation.”

“Yeah, because you’re clearly pissed off about something Roger did, and you come home and take it out on me because I’m the only one who doesn’t leave you.” I growled through clenched teeth, feeling a hand on my back for support.

“Don’t even bring Roger into this!” She shouted, turning her arm in a reckless motion that knocked the wine bottle off the counter, shattering it on the floor.

“I think we should calm down, actually,” Brian’s soft voice interjected from behind me. “This is unnecessary arguing about something so stupid. Nobody is in the wrong, so can we just stop?” He sounded exasperated with the tension between me and Emma, and I couldn’t blame him. I was just as tired of Emma’s attitude and constantly shifting priorities. But perhaps I needed to accept it and not fuel the fire with my own retaliations.

I lowered my gaze to the shattered wine bottle, the tears dried up but anger still coursing through my veins. I teetered on the edge of giving up on this friendship, uncertain how much longer I could endure such toxicity. When I looked back up at Emma, she appeared completely detached, devoid of emotion. Her malicious stare sent a shiver down my spine.

“You’re lucky it’s your birthday,” she muttered under her breath, storming past me and shoving into me as she passed, causing me to stumble into Brian’s waiting arms.

I let out a shaky breath, my lip quivering as the tears finally escaped, accompanied by a fainter whimper. Brian pulled me close, rubbing my back and emitting his own frustrated sigh as Emma disappeared into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

The tears subsided later on into the day, after Brian left. I had no choice but to suppress my disappointment and the creeping onset of depression that threatened to consume my mind. At that moment, Brian and his presence were the only things that kept me grounded. It may sound regressive, I was fully aware of that, but I trusted that feminism could understand my need to lean on my boyfriend when I teetered on the precipice of slipping back into my depression. Slipping back. The mere thought of relapsing terrified me as I sat on the floor in front of the living room mirror, applying my make up. My eyes froze, fixating on my half-lined eye, my hand hovering aimlessly in the air. Reflecting on those dark times wasn’t healthy, but when you sense its return, a touch of PTSD lingers if the experience was severe enough...

September 1963

Once again, I had messed up. I couldn’t help but speak my mind, and I shut my eyes as I walked down the leafy path, feeling the coldness of the autumn air prick my tights-clad legs. Perhaps I would accidentally wander onto the road and get hit by a passing vehicle going eighty miles. Maybe I’d open my eyes and realize that today was just a horrid dream, and I’d wake up and vow to myself not to do the same thing again. Maybe, just maybe, I could trick myself and those following me into believing that I wasn’t actually there and that I had never existed in the first place.

“Awww, is the little fatty going home to mummy and daddy?”

“Maybe she should eat more, all she does is talk.”

“One little joke, and she acts like you’ve murdered your entire family.”

“She was staring at me in the changing rooms again. Dyke…”

When I opened my eyes, I found my vision to be hazy and unfocused. Taking a deep breath, I hoisted my bag higher up on my shoulder in an effort to speed up the journey home and clung tightly to the strap with determination. With each passing step, I held onto the hope that the harder I gripped, the chances of getting home sooner would be greater.

As a child, I absolutely detested wearing a school uniform; it felt so constricting and uncomfortable. Even worse, at my school, girls weren’t even permitted to wear trousers, which was absolutely infuriating! It wasn’t officially against the rules, but it was made clear that any girl who did so would be frowned upon. It was widely frowned upon if a female dared to wear something that was historically created to keep boys’ genitals from poking someone’s eye. Not only that but my mother was always concerned with me looking my best. However, I never felt comfortable in those forty-denier tights and that flowy black skirt that stopped just above my knees. Every time I walked past a car, a window, or any reflective surface, I felt sheer disgust at the sight of my legs. It felt exposing, revealing a part of me that I was insecure about, and more kids could make fun of.

They followed me home. Right to my front gate. And they stayed there until I gathered up the courage to tell my dad. Some nights, they stayed out there for hours, sometimes throwing rocks at my windows. Any other girl would get dainty pebbles gently tossed at their boudoir, and it would be a cute guy with a leather jacket and slicked back hair – cuffed blue jeans and a cigarette hanging from his lips, even at the age of thirteen. Not me. It was the same guys, simply doing whatever they could just because they knew I was agitated easily.

Whenever I actually snapped back, it amused them even more. I hated conflict because of those times. And it happened every single day.

It was a regular occurrence for me to make my way upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom, hidden razors behind the toilet. And… It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what I did.

As I carved into my left forearm, I sat on the closed toilet lid, sniffly nose, and puffy eyes. I was angry. Angry at the world for letting me feel this way. Angry at the people who made me feel this way. Angry at myself for feeding into it. Let me describe the feeling.

It bubbled through my blood, every corner and crevice of my body. It made my heart rate go fifty to the dozen. It was like my body was being stuffed into a confined tube with my arms pushed viciously to my sides. My muscles completely froze up, yet convulsed at the same time. The tears were not stopping – they came out without any movement from my face. I wanted to vomit my guts up. I did everything I could to relieve myself of the exaggerated frustration I tended to feel whenever teased relentlessly by other kids. I punched brick walls, completely ruining my knuckles. I screamed into pillows and cushions, ruining my throat for a few days. After a while, it stopped working and I had no other choice but to take it out on myself.

I felt so deeply and intensely that it was almost unbearable; I hated it.

“Maria!”

I looked up and met Emma’s irritated gaze as she stood at the doorway, pulling curlers out of her hair. “Sorry… What did you want?” I quickly replenished my eyeliner and resumed my routine.

“I said…” Emma started with a huff, “they’re expecting us at seven. How much longer are you going to be?” She fluffed out her hair with her fingers.

Glancing at the clock, I was relieved that it wasn’t too close to seven yet. Emma always stressed about timing, often arriving an hour early to everything unless something she deemed more important came up. Perhaps that explained her lateness coming home. As each day passed, it became increasingly clear that Roger was more important to Emma than I was. But in the grand scheme of things, I couldn’t complain. I was starting to hold Brian in much higher regard than Emma, anyway.

“Yeah, I’ll probably need another twenty-five minutes. Stop stressing, it’s only just hit six,” I mumbled quietly, finishing off my liner. I had applied some black and brown eyeshadow, blending it under my eyes as well. Sultry makeup always suited me well. I added a neutral lipstick and ran my fingers through my hair, which I had pulled up into a half ponytail.

Slipping past Emma, I entered the bedroom, heading straight for my bedside drawer. Getting ready to go somewhere always distracted me from the negative energy building up inside, so my mind was in a steady state for now. Excitement even bubbled up in my veins at one point. It was then that I realised being at the boys’ house was where I wanted and needed to be. I longed to be wrapped up in Brian’s arms because he was my safe haven. He never shouted at me or had unpredictable outbursts that ended with me being harmed. He never, ever called me stupid for being emotional. Emma… she did all of that. Could anyone tolerate such an environment? My patience was wearing thin.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the drawer and retrieved the velvet box Brian had given me for Christmas. A giddy smile formed on my face as I slipped the silver ring onto my index finger, tracing the ‘Poodle’ engraving with the tip of my middle finger. I also added the one choker I owned to complete my look. Now, let me get personal for a moment, and please let me know if this is strange. There was something about wearing a choker that excited me. I felt incredibly attractive with it on. When I dressed up, I transformed into a different person. Confidence radiated from me when I wore that choker, and I couldn’t wait to see Brian’s reaction. I enjoyed seeing the primal instincts awaken in his typically vulnerable demeanour. Wearing the choker would surely be that side out.

Taking a leap of faith, I chose an outfit that didn’t require a jacket. Maria, you’ve got this. You look stunning. I wore an off-the-shoulder white shirt with frilly sleeves that covered a significant portion of the top. Pairing it with tight-fitting flared jeans that accentuated my curves, I decided to tuck in my shirt and added a dark brown belt, still unable to forget what Emma had said during our visit to Trident. Completing the look, I selected the only pair of platform heels I owned. There stood a 1970s style icon for the girls who embraced their bodies, curves and all.

We adore confident Maria.

Adjusting my belt, I walked into the living room. “Oh, you’ve actually tucked in your shirt today. Looks like I’m useful after all,” Emma remarked, sipping her pre-drink of wine. The broke bottle of wine still lay on the floor, staining the carpet. I was certain we’d have to compensate the university for not taking better care of it. Gritting my teeth, I brushed off her comment and made my way to the sofa, taking a seat. Suddenly, a wave of nausea washed over me.

Nausea. It was a familiar foe that had plagued me on numerous occasions. It snuck up on me when stress infiltrated my subconscious. The sensation was terrible, lasting for about half an hour each time. I knew I just had to endure it until it passed. Desperate for a distraction, I reached for a packet of Polos lying on the table and popped one into my mouth, hoping that the minty flavour would help quell the urge to vomit.

Glancing over at Emma and the mess on the floor, I couldn’t help but voice my concern. “Aren’t you going to clean that up before we leave?”

She glanced down at the mess for a split second before shrugging her shoulders. “I might do it tomorrow when we come back.”

“Emma, if you leave it overnight, this place is going to reek. It’s disgusting, and the carpet will be stained! We won’t be able to get our deposit back.”

“Maybe you can ask your sugar daddy to pay for it,” she retorted casually.

I narrowed my eyes at her, subtly shaking my head, searching for the right words to respond as politely as possible. However, before I could utter a word, she sighed and apologised. “Sorry. I’m sorry. Sorry for earlier.”

“Hm, it’s okay,” I hummed, lifting my foot to rest it on the coffee table. Leaning back, I gazed up at the dull ceiling. Emma could apologise all she wanted, but we all knew by now that her apologies meant nothing. She would inevitably revert to her nasty self, and there was nothing I could do to change that.

Without another word, Emma set her glass of wine aside and started cleaning up the broken glass and spilled alcohol. A slight pang of guilt shot through me, reminding myself that it wasn’t my responsibility to clean up after her mess. But if you knew me well enough, you’d understand that I was a soft-hearted person who couldn’t help but feel empathetic at the most inconvenient of times.

As my best friend, Emma’s lack of a birthday present wouldn’t usually bother me. However, when it came to someone close, it was only natural to expect at least a card. It was already past half-past-six, and Emma had acknowledged my birthday only twice: once before she left for Roger’s, uttering a simple “happy birthday” while I was half-asleep in bed, and once when she reminded me how lucky I was that today marked the day of my birth. It may seem random to bring it up, but as I watched her engage in manual labour, my mind couldn’t help but wander. Perhaps I would receive something from her when we arrived at the boys’ house?

After disposing of the waste in the bin and mopping up as much of the spilled wine as possible, we decided that it was time to head out. My nausea had subsided slightly, and my mood had lifted a bit. I was genuinely excited about the night ahead and the surprises it held in store for me, for us.

As we stepped into the vibrant London nightlife, the youthful atmosphere engulfed me, filling my lungs with the energy of people from all walks of life. My typical jacket shielded me from the arm breeze, and the thought of Brian’s arms wrapped around me provided an additional sense of comfort.

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suvashis · 1 year ago

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22 Ways to Calm Yourself Down

We all worry and get upset from time to time. It’s a normal part of life. But what happens when that anxiety or anger takes over, and you can’t calm down? Being able to calm yourself in the moment is often easier said than done. That’s why having a few strategies you’re familiar with can help you when you’re feeling anxious or angry. Consider adding these calming tactics to your toolbox. Tips to calm down Here are some helpful, actionable tips you can try the next time you need to calm down. 1. Breathe “Breathing is the number one and most effective technique for reducing anger and anxiety quickly,” says Scott Dehorty, LCSW-C, of Delphi Behavioral Health. When you’re anxious or angry, you tend to take quick, shallow breaths. Dehorty says this sends a message to your brain, causing a positive feedback loop reinforcing your fight-or-flight response. That’s why taking long, deep calming breaths disrupts that loop and helps you calm down. There are various breathing techniques to help you calm down. One is three-part breathing. Three-part breathing requires you to take one deep breath in and then exhale fully while paying attention to your body. Once you get comfortable with deep breathing, you can change the ratio of inhalation and exhalation to 1:2 (you slow down your exhalation so that it’s twice as long as your inhalation). Practice these techniques while calm so you know how to do them when you’re anxious. 2. Admit that you’re anxious or angry Allow yourself to say that you’re anxious or angry. When you label how you’re feeling and allow yourself to express it, the anxiety and anger you’re experiencing may decrease. 3. Challenge your thoughts Part of being anxious or angry is having irrational thoughts that don’t necessarily make sense. These thoughts are often the “worse-case scenario.” You might find yourself caught in the “what if” cycle, which can cause you to sabotage a lot of things in your life. When you experience one of these thoughts, stop and ask yourself the following questions: Is this likely to happen? Is this a rational thought? Has this ever happened to me before? What’s the worst that can happen? Can I handle that? After you go through the questions, it’s time to reframe your thinking. Instead of “I can’t walk across that bridge. What if there’s an earthquake, and it falls into the water?” tell yourself: “There are people that walk across that bridge every day, and it has never fallen into the water.” 4. Release the anxiety or anger Dehorty recommends getting the emotional energy out with exercise. “Go for a walk or run. in some physical activity serotonin to help you calm down and feel better.” However, you should avoid physical activity that includes the expression of anger, such as punching walls or screaming. “This has been shown to increase feelings of anger, as it reinforces the emotions because you end up feeling good as the result of being angry,” Dehorty explains. 5. Visualize yourself calm This tip requires you to practice the breathing techniques you’ve learned. After taking a few deep breaths, close your eyes and picture yourself calm. See your body relaxed, and imagine yourself working through a stressful or anxiety-causing situation by staying calm and focused. By creating a mental picture of what it looks like to stay calm, you can refer back to that image when you’re anxious. 6. Think it through Have a mantra to use in critical situations. Just make sure it’s one that you find helpful. Dehorty says it can be, “Will this matter to me this time next week?” or “How important is this?” or “Am I going to allow this person/situation to steal my peace?” This allows the thinking to shift focus, and you can “reality test” the situation. “When we’re anxious or angry, we become hyper-focused on the cause, and rational thoughts leave our mind. These mantras give us an opportunity to allow rational thought to come back and lead to a better outcome,” Dehorty explains. 7. Change your focus Leave the situation, look in another direction, walk out of the room, or go outside. Dehorty recommends this exercise so you have time for better decision making. “We don’t do our best thinking when anxious or angry; we engage in survival thinking. This is fine if our life is really in danger, but if it isn’t life threatening, we want our best thinking, not survival instincts,” he adds. 8. Have a centering object When you’re anxious or angry, so much of your energy is being spent on irrational thoughts. When you’re calm, find a “centering object” such as a small stuffed animal, a polished rock you keep in your pocket, or a locket you wear around your neck. Tell yourself that you’re going to touch this object when you’re experiencing anxiety or frustration. This centers you and helps calm your thoughts. For example, if you’re at work and your boss is making you anxious, gently rub the locket around your neck. 9. Relax your body When you’re anxious or angry, it can feel like every muscle in your body is tense (and they probably are). Practicing progressive muscle relaxation can help you calm down and center yourself. To do this, lie down on the floor with your arms out by your side. Make sure your feet aren’t crossed and your hands aren’t in fists. Start at your toes and tell yourself to release them. Slowly move up your body, telling yourself to release each part of your body until you get to your head. 10. Drop your shoulders If your body is tense, there’s a good chance your posture will suffer. Sit up tall, take a deep breath, and drop your shoulders. To do this, you can focus on bringing your shoulder blades together and then down. This pulls your shoulders down. Take a few deep breaths. You can do this several times a day. 11. Identify pressure points to calm anger and anxiety Going for a massage or getting acupuncture is a wonderful way to manage anxiety and anger. But it’s not always easy to find time in your day to make it happen. The good news is, you can do acupressure on yourself for instant anxiety relief. This method involves putting pressure with your fingers or your hand at certain points of the body. The pressure releases the tension and relaxes your body. One area to start with is the point where the inside of your wrist forms a crease with your hand. Press your thumb on this area for two minutes. This can help relieve tension. How to calm down in 5 minutes If you’re short on time but need to calm down fast, these quick in-the-moment tips can help. 12. Get some fresh air The temperature and air circulation in a room can increase your anxiety or anger. If you’re feeling tense and the space you’re in is hot and stuffy, this could trigger a panic attack. Remove yourself from that environment as soon as possible and go outside — even if it’s just for a few minutes. Not only will the fresh air help calm you down, but also the change of scenery can sometimes interrupt your anxious or angry thought process. 13. Fuel your body Being hangry never helps. If you’re hungry or not properly hydrated, many relaxation techniques won’t work. That’s why it’s important to slow down and get something to eat — even if it’s just a small snack. Try nibbling on some dark chocolate. ResearchTrusted Source shows it can help boost brain health and reduce stress. Wash it down with a cup of green tea and honey. Studies show green tea can help reduce the body’s stress response. Research has found that honey can help relieve anxiety. 14. Chew gum Chewing on a piece of gum can help reduce anxiety (and even boost mood and productivity). In fact, research shows people who chew gum regularly are typically less stressed than non-gum chewers. 15. Listen to music The next time you feel your anxiety level cranking up, grab some headphones and tune in to your favorite music. Listening to music can have a very calming effect on your body and mind. 16. Dance it out Get moving to your favorite tunes. Dancing has traditionally been used as a healing art. ResearchTrusted Source shows it’s a great way to combat depression and anxiety and increase quality of life. 17. Watch funny videos Sometimes laughter really is the best medicine. Research has found that laughing provides therapeutic benefits and can help relieve stress and improve mood and quality of life. Do a quick internet search to find funny videos for an instant mood boost. 18. Write it down If you’re too angry or anxious to talk about it, grab a journal and write out your thoughts. Don’t worry about complete sentences or punctuation — just write. Writing helps you get negative thoughts out of your head. 19. Squeeze a stress ball When you’re feeling stress come on, try interacting with a stress-relief toy. Options include: stress ball magnetic balls sculpting clay puzzles Rubik’s cube fidget spinner 20. Try aromatherapy Aromatherapy, or the use of essential oils, may help alleviate stress and anxiety and boost mood. Those commonly used in aromatherapy include: bergamot cedarwood chamomile geranium ginger lavender lemon tea tree Add a few drops of essential oil to a diffuser, or mix it with a carrier oil (like coconut oil) and apply to your skin for quick relief. 21. Seek social support Venting to a trusted friend, family member, or coworker can do wonders. Even if you don’t have time for a full play-by-play phone call, a quick text exchange can help you let it all out and help you feel heard. Bonus points if you engage with a funny friend who can help you laugh for added stress relief. 22. Spend time with a pet Interacting with your favorite furry friend can decrease levels of the stress hormone cortisol and lower blood pressure. Quality time with a pet can also help you feel less alone and boost your overall mood. Read the full article

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zettafrag · 2 years ago

Text

Crazy

Maybe I'm crazy

Is that what you want to hear?

Dark shadows swirling behind my eyes

Getting lost in a maelstrom of my demise

I can be confident

A moment later just a ruined monument

No control over my emotions

How do I stop all this commotion?

I'm a little ocd, a little obsessive

A little possessive, a little aggressive

I'll bring out the best one

Crippled by fear

Like headlights on a deer

Can't move

Can't breathe

Stuck wondering what's wrong with me

All I do is ruminate

Can't release, can't escape

Evading try to reshape

Maybe I'm just crazy

I should probably admit

I'll warn you to stay away, do not commit

I'll just bring you ruin, sorrow, and pain

All the while flashing a smile of joy, sunshine in the rain

Wait, was that real or just a dream?

Do I live in reality, or a fantasy?

Does my love have meaning

How do I know what's going on inside of me

If I can't even believe what I see, how can I be free?

I may be a little bit crazy

I'll walk with a brightness you've never seen

Head held high with self esteem

But just one day without my medication

And I unravel at the seams

Abyss consumes my dedication

I spin, and twirl in misery

Lay there motionless as life gets sucked out of me

Question why I feel nothing looking at a lively smile

Dont even blink at the brightness of my child

Dwell and dwell on thoughts unending

Begging to nothing for a new beginning

No motivation to take a stand

Barely able to mutter a command

I might just be, a little crazy

Don't worry, don't worry they took me away

I'm never going back, I know just what to say

"There are no voices, it's all in my head

I'll take my pills and I don't want death"

Something wrong with me

Circuits crossed, synapses lost

Hormones haywire, the darkness never tires

I just want to sleep but can't turn down the volume

I shiver, I shake, can't escape the commune

It tells me I'm not good enough

It asks me what I've done

"What task for humanity makes you a worthy one?"

I've failed at this, I've failed at that

Walked away from every dream and map

That's not for me, I can't do that

I'm too lazy, too young, too old, too woman, too fat

But wait, fuck all that

I might just be a little crazy

Wouldn't blame you for getting away from me

Cause tomorrow morning

I'm ready and roaring

To take on the world

And stomp out what's boring

Strength of the sun

Power of gravity

All I can do is run, run, run

Towards destiny

I'm meant for a mission, a purpose , a life

So much more than wailing in strife

I can feel it in my bones

Deep in the marrow

My genes unravel thrones, fortunes of tomorrow

A servitude, a leadership that brings hope

Knowledge, compassion, love, a scope

I can see a path, can walk it

Can smile, can breathe, can get a grip

Can say no, say yes, decide when and if I want to trip

Don't need to cry, don't need to frown

Shrug off the wry, hold my breath underground

Fly through the skies, sing praises on high…

Before it all comes crashing down

Like I said, may be a little crazy..

I can build a fortress in a few hours

But only if it's made of sticks and flowers

Save me, I don't need you

Please help me, I'm stronger than you knew

Need a man, need a hand

Don't hold me back, don't let them in

Wanting to be embraced

Someone to hold my hand

Feeling unleashed, go it alone

Breaching goals, able to stand, feeling at home

Up and down I go, on this coaster of catastrophe

Constantly wondering where I'm meant to be

Blowing all the lights out

Slowly one by one

Retreating from the shadows, the mire, the clout

But it will wash over me, of that I have no doubt

Quick, get the serotonin

I can't… don't want to let it in

My knees will break

My heart will shake

My will is fake

My skin will ache

My mind will never mend

I'll be consumed by hate

I'll never leave this place

Definitely, a little crazy

You should probably, stay away

Leave everyone confused

Feel misused

Question how I got this way

Which direction… brought me to this place?

Blame everything on everyone but myself

Take no responsibility, flee honor and live in hell

But that's not who I am

Not really

I can take a stand

And believe

How many more years have I lost

Trying just to get across

A life with happiness

Contentment, not feel the frost

My grave becons

I deny it's wroth

I have things to do

People to save

Families to help

Obstacles to brave

But something is wrong with me…

Pretty sure, at this point, I'm a little crazy

Even if I am, would you let me in?

Do I deserve your love, your generosity, my own destiny?

I guess we'll see

I have to do things right

Put up the biggest fight of my life

Stomp the ashes of sorrow into the ground

Plant the seeds of goodness to abound

Never lose sight of the light

But be aware that the darkness is always there

Walk strong, tread intently

Divide, conquer, come with me

The glass I walk on can break at any moment

Such a frail thing, my mentality

I'm a little, I think… crazy

0 notes

quackiseok · 4 years ago

Text

— strawberry kisses

feral boys x gn! reader || headcanon

genre : fluff

warnings : swearing

summary : their reaction to you giving them a kiss on the cheek for the first time!

a/n : hi hi! this is my first fic, i hope you like it 🥺 and i'm so sorry if there's any mistake, i'll try fixing them asap!

song to listen to while reading :

; DREAM

this man right here is VERY careful with you

always asking for consent before any physical contact with you (consent is always the key!)

he was so happy when you said that you were fine with cuddles and hugs with him! be ready for tight back hugs from him 'cause he loves putting his head on the crook of your neck >:)

but kisses... you were a bit shy about it since you were new to this type of relationship and you wanted to learn a bit first,

you told him about wanting to take things slowly and get used to it first, and of course he understands! dream will 100% respect your boundaries

he will wait patiently until you're comfortable enough with him because he loves you so much and he wants you to see him as a safe, comfort place :)

then one day when the two of you were baking cookies for valentines day, dream jokingly asked you to kiss him on the cheek as a thank you for helping you with the cookies

i mean, it's almost valentines anyways. a small, innocent kiss wouldn't hurt right? ö

you just giggled and gently leaned your face closer to his cheek, your fingers softly bringing his chin closer to you

you gently placed a kiss on his cheek, then quickly turning away from him with a wide smile

congratulations, you have successfully broke dream

man would be frozen on the place for a full minute, trying to process what just happened and is this real or not (because if it's not real he'd cry on the floor)

expect him to cling on you and not letting you go for the next few hours, calling you with sweet names like baby, hun, etc. for no reason and just be all lovey dovey with you ♡

he would secretly mark the date on his phone's calendar just for this special day where you kissed him for the first time HHAHSJDKSKD

if you were comfortable, he would offer you a kiss on your cheek to return the favor 🥺

and if you said yes, AAAAAAAA he would be so fucking happy, his serotonin level would just go through the roof like 📈📈

and ofc, he would happily give you a sweet kiss on your cheek! ( ˙ᵕ˙ )♡

; GEORGE

george is definitely very shy with you at first

he's VERY careful around you and treat you with so much care 🥺

( but once the two of you have gotten pretty used to each other, you guys bully each other 24/7 💀💀 (jokingly ofc!) )

at first, you thought george didn't like physical affections like kisses, hugs, etc.

boy you were wrong

this cat boy secretly LOVES physical affections from you, but he just hides it from you! and of couse, you love giving them to him too :)

but you were a little bit shy about kisses, and same goes to him. two shy cuties !!

if he was being honest : he wants to squish your cheeks and shower you with kisses, but he respects your boundaries and will wait until you're ready to take a step further! (( and he's really shy, he would also need time to get the courage to do it :D ))

then one day george has just finished recording for minecraft manhunt and boy, that block game can actually make you tired

the moment he's done with the recording, he immediately rushed to the bed and plop himself next to you

you would ask him things like how did the recording went, etc. and he'll answer you while letting you play with his soft hair 🥺

george was feeling a little playful, so he joked and asked you to give him a kiss on the cheek to recharge his energy

you looked at him with your cheeks slightly reddened. george has been working hard lately anyways, he deserves a gift, right?

you slowly bought your face closer to his cheek and planted a quick kiss on his cheek before looking away then melt into a puddle

georgenotfound who? i only know georgenotworking

his eyes would be widened, face red, and he would just sit there with his palm on the cheek where you planted the kiss on

it's been 3 minutes and his face is still red, huge grin on his face while hugging you tightly

he won't even try to hide the fact that he loves being affectionate with you anymore

it's the first time george has ever been clingy with you and you're living for it tbh 🥺

he'd ask you if you want a kiss too, in such a shy manner like "i can... give you... a kiss too... if you want... 👉👈"

if you say yes ? MMMMMMMMMM the two of you melt into a puddle together <33

he'll give you a quick but sweet kiss on your cheek with his face redder than before (,,．．„ )

; SAPNAP

man seems like he would fight you no matter what size you are

but in reality? sapnap's the sweetest and the clingiest (in a positive way, ofc!) man you've ever been with and you're so into this

he LOVES being affectionate and clingy with you, in fact he does it all the time. it's just how he is with you :)

he also LOVES giving you affection. he doesn't care about who's giving and who's receiving tbh, he just loves being around you in general 👉👈

you love his affection and giving him affection too, of course!! but you were a bit shy since this was your first romantic relationship with someone and kissing was a new thing to you

sapnap would tease you for being so shy around him, endlessly flirting with you just to see you all flustered, because in his eyes? you're so fucking adorable and that's a fact. ♡

despite him being all playful and flirty with you, he respects your boundaries and will 100% wait until you're ready!

of course he wants kiss you right on the spot but he can wait patiently, just for you <3

then one day, he was playfully flirting with you as usual

and he jokingly said "hey y/n, i think i deserve a kiss on the cheek for being cute!" well, you couldn't disagree with what he just said 👀

so you put on a large grin and placed a kiss on his cheek, immediately turning red afterwards

sapnap's the new pogchamp emote now

he would be so surprised and just turn into a ball of absolute joy

he'd immediately scoop you closer to him, hugging you tightly while giggling and just— shower you with lots of love 🥺

and trust me, he won't let go of you unless it's emergency or if you were uncomfortable

but if you were fine with it? this man will hold you like his life depends on it

he would also give you kisses on your cheek / the top of your head if you were comfortable enough :)

and if you did allowed him to kiss you? he'll immediately shower you with kisses and calling you his in between the kisses, like "you're mine, mine, mine" 👉👈

; QUACKITY

alex, he's such a flirty mf 😳

endlessly teasing you and flirting with you just to see you being flustered, just like sapnap

he'd call you with sweet spanish nicknames like mi amor, hermosa, etc. and you find them cute, honestly 🥺

he's really clingy with you (in a good way!) and always hugs you whenever he sees you. it's almost like an instinct to him when he sees you :) but you don't mind since you're living for his warm hugs and cuddles ♡

he LOVES the way you melt under his hugs, and honestly? he wants to cover your whole face with kisses but he knew you were new into dating and want to take things slowly, so he respects your boundaries! :))

one day, he was in a discord call with his friends and they were endlessly teasing him; which leads him to fake crying as a joke and asked you to give him a kiss on the cheek to make him stop crying

man, alex is so fucking adorable and you thought that he deserves a reward for being such a cutie

so you giggled and moved closer to him, slightly bending down to get to his level and placed a kiss on his cheek before turning away with a large grin on your face.

you know that one time karl jokingly leaned in to kiss alex? yeah, he has the exact same expression now

this man would stare blankly at you, his cheeks slightly red but then a few seconds later he's screaming in absolute joy

his friends would be so confused, asking him if he was alright but instead of answering them, he mutes the call and immediately clings his arms around your neck

"mi amor, you should do that more often if you're okay with it ;)"

100% endlessly flirting with you while hugging you tightly, melting you into a puddle ( bonus point if you knew spanish, cause he'd say cheesy pick up lines in spanish for you ;) )

and just like sapnap, he'd shower you with sweet kisses on your face if you were fine with it!

and if you were okay with him kissing you? man... you know that one vine where a kid is crying because of how cute her puppy is? yeah that's alex quackity @ your existence

he'd just be so happy and shower you with kisses, praising you, telling you how adorable you are, and telling you that you're his and he loves you so fucking much 🥺

; KARLJACOBS

karl jacobs is the definition of wholesome itself

he's literally the sweetest human being you've ever met, you can almost taste cotton candies when you're with him

he's really affectionate and loving towards you, always praising you whenever he's hugging you and holding you close to him! and of course, we can't forget the sweet nicknames he have for you. he just loves giving you so much affection, and you're in for it! 🥺

don't forget his playful side too! he would always joke around with you and maybe be flirty when he's feeling extra playful :) he can go from sending you wholesome memes to weird cursed images, no in between

but you were a little bit shy since you were new in this type of relationship. you told karl that you wanted to learn more first before jumping into more romantic gestures, including kisses.

of course this boy would go "okay! :)" and shower you with gestures you're comfortable with instead (hugs, cuddles, etc.) he wants you to feel comfortable around him, so he respects your boundaries! ♡

then one day when the two of you were cuddling on the couch while watching adventure time, karl jokingly asked what if you gave him a kiss on the cheek like marceline did to bubblegum

and you thought karl has been so sweet with you this whole time. you gotta return the favor to him, right?

so you just displayed a shy smile, leaning closer to him and gave him a small kiss on the cheek before you slowly melt in his arms

his eyes widened and he just wants to scream the way puppycat did

he'd immediately bring you closer to his body and mutter out uncountable i love you's, calling you perfect, sweet, etc. just praising you and being all giggly with you. of course he would be so giggly, you just gave him a kiss!!! 🥺👉👈

he would LOVE to return the favor to you, if you're fine with it!

and if you said yes? places such a sweet kiss on your face and just admire you with his starry eyes 🥺

JNNGGHHH SO MUCH SEROTONIN THIS RELATIONSHIP IS JUST 50% WHOLESOME AND 50% WHOLESOME BUT IN RED

2K notes · View notes

eclectickss · 3 years ago

Text

A Little Bit Jealous

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Warnings: smut, a lil alchohol

Summary: You are a very flirtatious person except with Wanda...

1.7k

wanted to write something before vacation as i'm still drawing blanks on PGATW! Not checked or anything oopsie. <3

You were the most flirtatious person you knew... and it was a little bit of an addictive habit. Not really a good one, either, but you didn't care enough to drop the act. You have had multiple people confess their crush on you, which inevitably ended a friendship or two, but most of the time it was just an awkward conversation about how the excessive flirting is just a platonic love language to you.

Part of it was due to your desire to make other people happy and feel good about themselves, and the other part of the habit acted as an emotional reflex. It was your go-to way of avoiding your feelings, as it also provided a boost of serotonin to witness people's reactions to your comments. So yeah, it was literally addicting.

And maybe you knew that... but at the same time, it was a part of you. You couldn't find reason enough to quit.

There was one person though, that you couldn't bring yourself to flirt with.

Wanda Maximoff.

And it wasn't like you hated her or anything... it's just that flirting with her would be real to you. It wouldn't be a game. It would make your inevitable crush on her a reality that you could never dream of passing up.

And maybe you knew that... but you would never admit it to anyone. You wanted your relationship with Wanda to be as genuine as possible, so avoiding your feelings was the way to go.

Wanda didn't really like that, though. She wanted you to flirt with her. She was jealous.

A knock was heard at your door as you were making your finishing outfit touches for Tony's fundraiser party, pushing the rubber back onto your earring. You opened the door to find Wanda in a sparkling red dress, and you willed everything in you to not stare at her image, much less make any comments. She had on a pair of matching heels and vibrant red lipstick, and her hair was pulled into a loose braid that cascaded down her back.

"Hey," You breathed a soft smile, begrudgingly peeling your eyes away.

"You ready?" You knew she had on a grin behind your back as you went to put in your last earring in front of the mirror.

"Yeah." You turned back around to face her.

"You look lovely, by the way..." She said as she followed you out the door.

"Oh... thank you. You too, Wanda." You bit your tongue. Yes, I might look lovely, but you are stunning, baby. A small blush lit your cheeks that you hoped the Sokovian couldn't see.

"Are you excited for the party?" She attempted to make conversation on the way to the elevator.

"Uhh... yeah! I love spending time with everyone when we're not on a mission. It's fun. Plus everyone is always drunk at the afterparty, and it's a great source of entertainment for someone who doesn't drink." You smirked, remembering the last few parties very vividly.

"Right..." Wanda reflected on what happened last time with a tinge of embarrassment. "I think I'll join you in sobriety for this one."

That made you laugh, remembering her previous situation with alcohol.

"Remind me why you don't drink, though?"

You faltered, not wanting to get too deep into a conversation at the moment.

"Uhh... My dad.."

"Hey! Hold the elevator!" You released a breath that you didn't know you were holding as Natasha walked up to the doors. You whistled when she stepped inside.

"Whew Nat! Who are you after tonight? You look hot, honey! More than normal, at least!" You jokingly raked your eyes down her body as she laughed.

"Oh, shut up. I just thought I might have a little fun tonight." She rolled her eyes.

"Well save a little bit of that fun for me," you smirked as she hit your arm, missing the blush on Wanda's cheeks as you talked with nat.

The time for the afterparty had finally arrived as the team had found themselves crowded on the couches once again, inebriated except for you. Wanda had failed at her word of sobriety, but not by much. Tony had found an empty bottle around, so everyone was getting ready for a game of spin the bottle: seven minutes in heaven.

To your surprise, Wanda wanted to go first. You didn't know if you wanted it to land on you or not, but you would find out soon enough that maybe the Sokovian had made it land on you.

"Alright, Wanda. You game?" You smirked.

"I'm the one who spun it, you idiot. Of course, I am." You laughed as the two of you headed over to the storage closet.

"You know, I could have bet that you couldn't avoid alcohol tonight. I should have." You said as you shut the door behind you.

"Oh, come on. I had one drink." She rolled her eyes and you laughed, but no time passed before she asked a question. "How come you don't flirt with me?"

This caught you off guard as your expression dropped.

"Umm... huh..." You had no idea how to respond.

"Oh come on. You practically undressed Nat with your eyes in the elevator and you were all over Sam and Maria tonight. You don't do that with me. Do you not like me, or something? Why am I any different?" She looked genuinely hurt, and you decided at that moment that you couldn't hold back what you felt for her.

You bit back any comments about jealousy or desire, but for once, forced yourself to spit out your feelings.

"Because... Wanda. If I flirt with you, that means it's gonna be real."

"What is going to be real?"

"My feelings for you are going to be real. I wouldn't be complimenting you to give you a confidence boost, it would be to be vulnerable with you. I wouldn't be undressing you with my eyes just to say that you look good, but because I actually want to undress you. And that's too many ideas and thoughts for me to hold onto, Wanda. And if this conversation made you uncomfortable... you can understand why I don't flirt with you, Wanda." You thinned your lips and leaned back onto one of the shelves, nervous for her response.

"What if I don't want you to hold onto those thoughts?" You looked up.

"What are you saying..."

"When you compliment me, I want to know that it's real. When you dance close, I want to know that you feel the same desire that I do. When you roll your eyes at me, I want to know that it's only because I made you feel that way. And when you undress me with your eyes, I want to know that you're actually imagining pulling my clothes off piece by piece, taking your time to treat me right."

Wanda was now standing right in front of you, breathing as heavily as you.

"How many minutes do we have left?" You whispered.

"five and a half."

"No time to waste then," You crashed your lips into hers, relishing in the touch that you never imagined you'd be allowed to have. A little headstrong, you backed her up into the opposite wall, picking her up and holding her against the shelf. Her thighs hugged onto your waist as your hands made their way around her body.

You moved your lips down her neck as you worked to hike up her short red dress, earning a groan when your hands found their way to her ass.

"How long have you been wanting to do this, darling?" Wanda smirked through a heavy pant.

"Ever since we met, baby. I glanced at you and knew I should stop myself before I even started. Why, what about you?" You placed her back down on the ground as your lips drifted onto her chest and your hands found her inner thighs.

"Ever since you made a suggestive comment to Nat. I realized how much I wanted it to be me."

"Jealous, are we?" You smirked against her skin.

"I never said tha- oh," She moaned as you grazed your fingers over her panties.

"Try that again, baby."

"Ok, maybe a little bit."

"Good girl." You nearly whispered as you pushed the fabric aside and slowly dragged two fingers through her cunt. "You're so wet for me, Wanda. It's hard to think I've denied this from you for so long."

"Yeah, well you can make up for it now, darling." Wanda groaned as you continued to lightly stroke her pussy.

"What do you want me to do, Wanda?" You smirked up to her and she glared at you but gave into begging anyways.

"I want you to shove those two fingers inside of me and fuck me like your little jealous slut. I want to come undone to you, darling... I want to be yours. Take me, please."

Both of you knew that Wanda had long since won you over, but her words sent shocks down your spine as you pushed your fingers in. You didn't hesitate to pick up the speed, watching her expressions to see what she liked and didn't. After a curl of your fingers, she gasped, and you grinned.

You continued to work at that spot, slowly working her clit with your other hand.

"Do you wanna cum, Wanda?" You teased and she quickly nodded. You picked up the pace of your pumps and strokes one more time before finally feeling her release. As you slowed her down, you brought your lips back up to hers.

You slowly slipped your fingers out and brought them up to your mouth, groaning as she watched you with lust.

"How much time do we have left?" She croaked, a knock at the door coming shortly after.

"None."

"Not happening." She grabbed your wrist and teleported the two of you to her room.

"Are you two good in there?" Steve's voice came from the other side of the door. "Hello?" Another pause. "I'm coming in." He opened the door, but nobody was in there, returning to the group. "It's empty."

Everyone looked confused.

"Hey, Jarvis?" Tony yelled. "Where are Wanda and Y/N?"

"Ms. Maximoff brought Y/N up to her room."

"About time." Nat giggled, followed by everyone else. Of course, everyone already knew.

#wanda x you #wanda x reader #what other tags am i supposed to use #rip sorry it was rushed #wanda blurb #wanda smut #ill clean this up eventually

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