#in my defense they’re very different situations set at very different times

[life-love-geekculture]

Okay, let’s talk Lucanis’s mind prison (Warning: Spoilers):

I honestly haven’t seen much discourse yet on how the “prison guards” reflect aspects of our favorite assassin’s personality. So, I figured I throw my two cents into the ring.

Let’s start with Caterina. Honestly, the most surface level of our four candidates, especially with Spite spelling it out for us. Caterina is Lucanis’ fear. Specifically, his fear of failing. Failing and disappointing Caterina. Failing the expectations set for him and by him. Failing Rook. Not killing Ghiln’nain at Weisshaupt was the cherry on top of an absolute shit sunday of what Lucanis would see as a year’s worth of failure. He’s been captured, tortured, and turned into an abomination by the very people he’s supposed to put the fear of the Maker into. It all just confirms those secret fears of not being good enough he’s been carrying for most of his life. And now he’s being confronted with a similar situation but with stakes on a personal level. Either decision he makes, he (at this point) loses.

Next up, Harding. Harding is his fear of Spite. Of what he could become, and who he could hurt, if he ever loses a modicum of control over the demon. It’s no accident Harding’s is the face he summons to project this. She might be the most sympathetic to his plight and still be willing to kill him if he ever loses control. Harding tells him in the real world that she would know it wouldn’t be his fault, but she wouldn’t let him hurt their friends. And Lucanis encourages her with this! Harding also seems to be the only other person besides Rook to ask if he would like a different room and to show concern with his isolating patterns. The fact she cares in spite of her fear (which he shares) makes her a perfect representative. Because he might literally kill himself then risk hurting her.

Neve. Ah Neve, a potential love interest or Lucanis’s best friend if you romance him as Rook. By this point in the quest, Rook has bulldozed their way past Lucanis’s fears and insecurities. Now it’s time to lash out. If you listen to his & Neve’s banter with each other and in general, they are the driest pair of a-holes you will ever meet. It’s great! So, naturally, when it comes to throwing that cynicism and sarcasm up like a freaking shield, Neve is who he thinks about. I also love the insight this section gives into how Lucanis groups people in his head (family, enemy, and contract). That’s not Spite. Spite, we’ve seen, tends to build the framework of his interactions from his host. That is all Lucanis, baby! We also get a little more insight into how Lucanis views Neve herself. I like to think Spite’s description is kind of the gut instinct, first impression our boy had meeting Neve in the Ossuary or later at the Lighthouse. On paper, she’s a Tevinter mage like the ones who held him for a year. His head knows she’s not the same, but I’ll bet she set off all his defensive instincts and now there’s guilt associated with that. Because he likes Neve. He gets along with Neve. He really needs to teach Neve how to appreciate coffee. But he can’t shake how he felt first meeting her and, like everything else, he carries it with him.

Fucking Illario. It tracks that Lucanis at his most self-hating would dredge up this dumbass. This is the crux of his current dilemma. He loves his cousin. They’re the last person the other & Caterina has. But if he’s going to do this the Crow way, Illario has to die & Caterina will likely fall in the crossfire. Or, worse, she will never forgive him. It is the surest confirmation he is the monster everyone thinks he is. After all, only an abomination would kill all the family he has left. And because it’s Lucanis and it’s Rook, who just keeps sidestepping every excuse he can come up with, his last card is to show the monster behind the man. To show Rook the demon of Vyrantium.

In case you couldn’t tell, I love this mission!

[luffyvace]

Obanai x chubby gn reader!!

This won third place in the poll so here you go<3 enjoy kny/obanai stans!! I actually like obanai very much he’s one of my favs from kny i just don’t talk abt him often

also just for the record let’s say this is a au where obanai and mitsuri are close friends :)

In this you’ll be a hashira as well

I don’t think Obanai is one to judge

especially when he wears bandages since people do

if anything he’s worrying about his looks

so in this case it’s not that he dislikes it, it’s just that he saw through your physical appearance and went for personality

and if you have a crappy one?

well then he doesn’t know what draws him to you but somethin’ does!

he tolerates no disrespect from anyone.

like we all know how sharp tongued he is- 😜

and just because he’s one of the “weaker” hashira’s doesn’t mean he’s not one!

he is DEFINITELY above average and CAN do damage

so somebody would be a FOOL to see you with him and decide to screw around and find out

as well as you!!

your strong too!

and they’d better have respect for you!

getting one tapped by two hashiras don’t sound very fun to me..

🤷‍♀️

but yeah if someone is like drunk off they’re end and tries to insult or harass you?!

obanai steps in before you can even do something yourself

depending on the level of what they said or did,

he either flames them so bad they can’t recover

or straight up punches them

maybe even beating them up

who’s going to stop him? The police? 😂

he calls it self defense

tbh it was like, that person was harassing you????

🤨

bro thought he was gon let that slide

this why you can’t pull up on everybody 🤦‍♀️

anyway if your feeling sad bc of what someone says

obanai gets you a gift to make you feel better

He’s really thoughtful and pays attention/remembers everything you tell him you like

which makes perfect gifts for situations like these

ngl this is like idk the year 1500?? IDK BUT ITS THE TAISHO ERA SO THIS WAS A WHILE AGO

which means beauty standards were 📈📈

but for obanai? You ARE his beauty standard 😍😍

everyone should strive to look like our majestic (name)!!

as far as the hashira’s opinions☝️

they don’t mind at all and are completely nonjudgmental

gyomei can’t see so when y’all described how you look it doesn’t necessarily make a difference 😅 although, again he doesn’t mind :)

mitsuri is literally the love hashira she adores you just as much as obanai does <3

shinobu is more mature than to make fun of someone over they’re appearance

now tokito will either

1) be rude at first (the hashira’s have to set him straight)

2) won’t care

3) likes you from jump so he doesn’t mind

sanemi would never judge a women like that (if you know what he did for mitsuri and shinobu and they’re uniforms yk what I mean)

Giyuu is completely unfazed

Rengoku loves you all the same

now uzui…….bc of his standards and 3 wives….it can either go one of two ways

1) him and obanai are now mortal enemies and he keeps you away from him

2) he thinks your THICC and FINE 💖 (dis one better fr)

Ngl it’s even worse if a demon insults you

bc now he gets to KILL them

He goin all out too

who are they to talk anyway demons be the most horrendous looking BEASTS-

fluff time~ 💕💗💖♥︎♡

obanai loves to cuddle!

he’s shy but once you get sometime into the relationship he likes gentle and intimate affections such as cuddling, hugging & hand holding

he holds you in his arms before falling asleep

and he makes sure you sleep first

If you have a nightmare he’s on it!

he’s got water, blankets, comfort food…what else you need??

on it! 🏃💨

That’s literally him

he’s always prioritizing your comfort and happiness in your relationship ★

Get this to the obanai stans, tumblr!! Go go go!!

;3 - Brook

[twoa-plus]

ok adding this to my extensive list of ford defense points: finally rewatching atots and like. another big thing i see people get mad at ford for is being so upset with stan over the science fair incident, which like in theory is valid, but we as the audience know a lot more about what happened than ford does and stan is really not doing himself any favors here

like. they have this conversation where ford is talking about going to wct if the people are impressed with his project, stan is like “what if they’re not impressed,” to which ford is like “well ig we’re going sailing then.” ford gets there the next day and his project is broken. he confronts stan about it and stan is like “it was an accident!! anyways, sailing? :)”

yes, it was legitimately an accident. no, stan didn’t deserve to get kicked out of the house for that. but i really can’t blame ford for having a hard time believing the first part, and i don’t think it was his job to handle the second. stan got kicked out immediately after this argument, when ford would have been absolutely pissed with him - and like idc how good of a person you are, anger is blinding and i don’t think it’s as easy as this fandom makes it out to be to just set that aside and fight someone like filbrick pines over the fate of the person you think just sabotaged your entire future, especially as a teenager. like “oh ford should ha-“ ford was a pissed off teenager sulking in his room, where the fuck was their mother?

the part where ford loses me is when he stays mad at stan for years afterwards, i think he should have at least tried to track him down and make sure he was ok, but even then i can kind of get it. again, as far as ford was concerned it wasn’t an accident, which would add a lot to the resentment there, and he probably did think stan was fine considering all the infomercials. still think he should’ve reached out, “teenager living on the street” usually doesn’t end well, but it’s not like he knew stan got involved in organized crime or anything

idk i just. like i said people always point to this as like petty anger over an accident, but as far as ford is concerned it was entirely intentional. i really can’t blame him for believing that, and staying mad over an accident vs an intentional act of sabotage are two very different situations. was the second situation what actually happened? no, but ford doesn’t know that.

the more i dig in to this stuff the more it seems like this fandom’s biggest issues with ford pretty much boil down to

1. he’s not omniscient

and

2. he’s a person with emotions

there are very real reasons to criticize this man, i’m not going to deny that. but this is not one of them imo

because i know (some of) this fandom can’t read: this is not an anti-stan post. we love stan. again, it was a legit accident and he didn’t deserve to get kicked out. but liking one twin doesn’t mean the other has to be the villain in their life story.

[lover-of-mine]

I truly feel like the fandom post 7x04 could be psychologically studied. Like I’ve never seen anything like it. Like it could’ve been a normal “obvious plot device couple no ones really invested in before the will they won’t they couple get together” time like in The Rookie when Tim and Lucy were dating different people before they got together. But because they’re both mlm ships everything typical went out the window. It’s like all the typical fandom stuff is flipped. Typically it’s fans of the fanon ship that are begging for crumbs and making up headcanons desperate to create depth and content that the show won’t give them. Somehow we’ve found ourselves in a spot where the canon ship is being treated like a fanon ship BY THE SHOW and the fans of said canon ship are livid because they feel entitled to more. And because the fanon ship is getting treated like the canon ship by the show fans of said ship are getting targeted more than I think I’ve ever seen (most canon ship fans just ignore the fanon shippers or roll their eyes at them but not much else from my experience)

It's like another anon told me the other day, people expect us to give Tommy a bonus just because he's a man when the show isn't giving us anything. It is very clear that this is just a device to make Buck bisexual, to get us to the endgame that is buddie, yk? They have been setting up buddie for over 6 seasons now, and now that Buck is queer there is no reason for them not to go there but since it since Tommy is a man, they expect the relationship between to go differently when the show isn't giving them anything. It is just a narrative device to get Buck from from point A to point B. And people kind of lost their minds about it. I think even the show itself didn't realize that people would like Tommy, because no one ever liked anyone they paired Buck or Eddie with and now they ended up with this situation. They clearly do not want to develop Tommy in any way and since he is just there, everyone that ships that wants the relationship to be more just because they build their relationship to be more in their heads. 5he show didn't really give them anything beyond the fact that he's a man. But in the end of the day they do have the defense of saying my ship is canon because as of right now, Eddie is not queer and Buck is dating Tommy. So I don't understand why they are this aggressive about the situation (I mean, I do, they got played by Lou and are fuming because they invested on something expecting it to be developed just for it to just be there). Because like the fanin couple has always been a thing, every show, every piece of media has that one fanon couple that people are obsessed with. And, yes there's a lot of talk about buddie right now because buddie is actually possible, and like it or not it's the ship that has 6 seasons of buildup. They don't seem to understand that the ship they created in their heads with the help of paid headcanons isn't what exists on the show. I would seriously ready a psychological experiment in fandom based on the past 6 months, because it is some fascinating shit. Just because he's a man, suddenly nothing else mattered. Is crazy.

[wander-wren]

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Matthew

Time for the promised defense of our favorite asshole, with analysis of my favorite song from the show, “Are You There?”

Brief disclaimers: I haven’t seen a staging of the show in YEARS, so there may be some missing context, but I have done my best. I am also coming at it as a complete outsider, being both an agnostic raised “non-denominational” Christian and someone firmly removed from most of the drama in my own high school.

I want to make this post accessible to non-Bare fans, mostly so I can foist it on my unsuspecting friends, so I will begin with a synopsis and do my best to explain everything.

Bare: A Pop Opera is a coming of age story about two boys, Peter and Jason (secretly dating) at a Catholic boarding school. The central conflict is that Peter is tired of being closeted and wants to come out, but Jason is terrified and refuses. Orbiting them are their friend group, Nadia (Jason’s sister), Ivy, and Matthew, who each have their own set of problems that gets tangled with the boys.

“Are You There?” takes place at the point where all of the setup begins to coalesce into conflict. Our situation is thus: Jason and Peter have had multiple fights over whether or not to come out. Some of this was instigated by a rave they both went to, where they danced together and no one batted an eye; Peter uses this to argue that the world isn’t so harsh, while Jason thinks Peter is naive and a rave is very different from the whole world. We’ve also been introduced to Jason’s father (from Jason’s perspective, at least), who appears to be very hard on his kids and emotionally absent. Jason is also popular and has a reputation as a “ladies man,” whereas Peter seems more reserved, awkward, and unnoticed, which gives Jason more to lose socially by coming out.

In the background, we have Ivy, who has a reputation for sleeping around and seems to be generally regarded as a bit spoiled and vain. We’ve seen her and Nadia trade a lot of insults, but outside of that she seems to be grounded and sweet, and sings a song called “Portrait of a Girl” where she struggles with how people view her.

Nadia isn’t too relevant here, unfortunately, but she’s awesome so everyone say hi Nadia, we appreciate you.

Matt has yet to have too much characterization. He deals drugs to the student population and acts as the ringleader for the rave adventure, but otherwise doesn’t do much. He does have a song called “Wonderland” where he tells the group about some new drug he wants them to try. He also sees Jason and Peter dancing at the rave, but I’m not sure if we know this when “Are You There?” occurs; he reveals it later in another song, but without seeing the whole production I can’t say if we’re meant to know before that. We also know he has a huge crush on Ivy that she doesn’t reciprocate, but she hasn’t outright turned him down.

“Are You There?” takes place during Ivy’s birthday party, a week after the rave. Matt and Peter both escape the party separately; Matt because Ivy rebuffed him and went to dance with Jason, and Peter because Jason is dancing with Ivy. They pray about their issues, then discover they’re not alone outside and talk. Peter comes out to Matt and reveals he and Jason are dating, which Matt at the time accepts.

Later in the show, Matt will start a fistfight with Jason and call him a faggot, and a bit later out him and Peter to their entire class. Based on the fact that Matt only targets Jason, this is less out of homophobia and more out of petty jealousy that Ivy likes Jason instead of him. The outing, among other problems not relevant here (and institutional homophobia, which is relevant), leads Jason to suicide.

So, uh, Matt’s an asshole. But! I like him anyway, and we’re gonna talk about why. Rewind to Ivy’s party, this song, and this pivotal conversation between Peter and Matt.

Matt begins the song by asking God, “Do you know—well of course you do— / What it’s like to stand outside? / To watch the world and wish / you didn’t hurt so much you cried? / I know I’m not the only one / and I know I shouldn’t care / but I feel these things are real / I wish I felt you there / And if I did, I’d ask you / How come life is so unfair?”

I believe this is the one time in the show we see Matt’s real feelings. The rest of the song I think is also probably very genuine, but Matt is the type to put up a front even around his friends, so it’s hard to be sure.

So this gives us a lot of new information about Matthew right away: he feels alone and like an outsider, he’s depressed, he’s conditioned to dismiss his own feelings but doesn’t want to, and he’s struggling with his faith.

I’ve already made a post about the theory that Matt had a relative who died during the school year. You can read that, or, TLDR: A dead girl named Megan Lloyd is referenced in a throwaway line in a song that comes after “Are You There?” Since Matthew’s last name is also Lloyd, it seems like they are probably related, and this could contribute to his behavior/attitude, especially since her death is treated as a joke and never brought up again.

It’s possible that Megan’s death (and its dismissal) contributes to Matt feeling apart and to him wrestling with faith.

(An aside: I do love this song because of it’s opening verses. Something about the interjection of “of course you do” is very humanizing of God and very sweetly telling of the boys’ view/relationship to him. I also think “of course” is one of the best phrases in the English language, generally. Of course.)

Peter sings a verse with similar themes, and the boys sing together: “Are you there? Are you there? / Do you watch me when I cry? / And if it’s in your power / how can you sit idly by? / I try so hard to please you / but you never seem to see / Is it my fate to sit and wait? / Wonder what my struggle means? / I wish I knew that someone out there cared / Cared for me.”

I’ve italicized the lines that Matt sings alone (with Peter singing the lines following each one alone). Overall the chorus doesn’t do too much except nail home how lost and somewhat bitter both boys feel. Matt wishing that someone cared about him serves to highlight his loneliness, even though he has friends and seems popular.

At this point the boys briefly stop singing and just speak. Matt calls, “Who’s out there?” and when Peter responds, “Matt?” he says, “Yeah, are you alright?”

The way Matt says this line in the official cast recording, at least, has always stuck out to me. He sounds so gentle and genuine, and you remember that they’re friends. We see that Matt isn’t oblivious or self-centered, even though on the surface he just seems like he’s being dramatic that his crush doesn’t like him back.

Anyway, the boys sit together and Matt offers Peter some wine. They commiserate vaguely about the party and life, and then Peter admits, “It sucks to be ignored,” to which Matt says (beginning to sing properly again), “Ugh, I know! I always fight to do what’s right / and this is my reward.”

It’s very odd to me that Matt says this. It does make him seem kind of childish and entitled; which, he’s a seventeen year old boy, they can be that way. But I wonder if it’s a hint to some inner world that we’re never properly shown, some moral struggle Matt has. Or he’s just being dramatic. Who knows!

The boys sing together again: “Are you there? Are you there? / Can you make some time for me? / They tell me that you’re out there / And they tell me that you see / I try to find the meaning, God / You know how hard I’ve tried / But I don’t know where I’m going / and I don’t have any guide.”

This verse doesn’t really give us too much that’s new. Wanting more from God and feeling lost are very very common feelings.

Matt then sings, alone, “They said things would get better / but I guess they lied.” This line always makes me want to cry a little bit, this hint at Matt’s utter hopelessness and sort of resignation to it.

Peter then sings, “Are you there? / He needs to give me more,” and Matt agrees, “I’ll drink to that.”

Peter is referring both to God and to Jason, but Matt of course only thinks he’s talking about God. Probably. It is kind of funny to read it as Matt agreeing Jason owes Peter more. But what I’m more interested in is the fact that Peter’s line is diegetic, since Matt responds to it, but Matt’s line right before doesn’t get a response, at least not in this recording. Did Peter hear him say things won’t get better? What would he think about that? Peter seems a pretty hopeful person in spite of it all.

At any rate, Peter continues by saying, “Who cares what people think? / We’re fine, we’ve been through this before / One day he’ll wake up / and realize all he needs is me / Until then, God, I wish I knew / I need a guarantee.”

So here is where the relationship is confirmed to Matthew. Matthew says nothing to him, instead directing his next line back to God: “I need to know for sure that you’ll be there.”

Peter echoes that sentiment and the song proper ends, fading into a soft piano. At this point Matt and Peter begin to dance together, with Matt asking “Who’s leading?” and Peter answering, “I don’t know.” Matt asks “Who usually leads?” thereby acknowledging Peter and Jason’s relationship (and subtly asking who tops, lmao).

Peter whispers into Matt’s ear, which we can assume is him properly coming out, then says goodnight and leaves.

Now. It is absolutely possible to read Matt as deceiving in this song and a so-closeted-he’s-homophobic type of guy, between the dance and his treatment of Jason, but as I said before I don’t believe his behavior is rooted in homophobia. I also don’t believe he was lying about his feelings to earn Peter’s trust and gain information from him. There’s nothing to suggest that is Matt’s goal.

I think Matt is straight and starts the dance as a genuine show of support for Peter. Remember, this show was written and takes place in ~2000. Matt is touching Peter, doing an intimate activity with him, right after Peter has come out. It is extremely significant and sweet. Asking who leads is an even more overt gesture of acceptance; Matt wants to hear about them and what their relationship is like. This moment is unbelievably special and I believe that’s why Peter decides to come out rather than play damage control.

Okay, so, that’s all well and good, but what about the part where Matt’s a total dickhead later on? Well.

Matt fights Jason and calls him a faggot the very next day, but he does so during their rehearsal for the school play, where a fight is already scripted; he just takes it too far and adds the slur, whispered for only Jason. I think that this was a response to Jason dancing with Ivy and Matt wanted to let Jason know he held something over him; I believe that if Jason and Ivy had gone no further, Matt wouldn’t have either.

But instead, when Peter arrives and tries to convince Jason, again, to come out, Jason breaks up with him.

Shortly after (it’s unclear how long; possibly the same day), Ivy approaches Jason to apologize for being so forward at her party. Jason says it’s okay and pretends to reciprocate his feelings, clearly in an attempt to be “normal” and distance himself from his queerness/relationship to Peter. He and Ivy end up having sex, and then everyone splits for spring break.

When they return from break, Ivy asks to meet with Jason before a play rehearsal, where she reveals that she’s pregnant. Jason loses it and they begin to argue. Matt appears, as well as other students ready for rehearsal, and tells Ivy that Jason is gay and will never treat her the way she deserves (like he would, if she would date him).

Peter runs in and asks what’s going on. This is the only time Matt is even a bit mean to him, asking “Ivy’s pregnant and your boyfriend’s the dad / So what does that make you?” Peter tries to deny it, and Matt tells him not to play dumb.

Jason shouts at Matt to shut up and Matt taunts him about seeing them dance at the rave. Jason shouts at him some more, trying to salvage the situation, before Peter reveals that Matt does know what he’s talking about, because Peter told him.

Jason storms out, has a crisis, etc, and ultimately ends up getting drugs from Matt and overdosing on the night of the school play. It’s not clear whether this drug deal was already arranged or not, or why Matt lets an obviously unstable classmate have pills. We don’t get to see his thought process.

I think that Matt genuinely didn’t grasp the severity of what he was doing. He knew it would hurt Jason, but he didn’t expect it to destroy him. As Jason takes the pills, Matt even says, “You know we’re still cool, right?” in a sort of clumsy, teen-guy attempt to smooth things over. It seems to cross his mind what Jason could do with the drugs, but he’s too nervous to confront him about it directly. Maybe he assumes he’ll have more time, to talk to Jason again or warn someone closer to him.

Matt apologizes better to Peter later in the same scene, saying, “Peter, what I did…that was messed up. I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.” (Peter only replies “It’s done,” for the curious.)

It is interesting how Matt responds differently to each of them, and implies he’s closer and more comfortable with Peter (makes sense, given his animosity/rivalry with Jason). I read this both as a real apology to Peter and an attempt to soothe his guilt over Jason; maybe he’s hoping Peter will put in a good word for him, though Peter and Jason are barely speaking at this point either.

The next we see Matt is in the final song, which takes place during the graduation ceremony. He begins his valedictorian speech, stammering, “I’d like to start with just a— / If we could take a moment— / If maybe we were silent / Or we had spoken / I tried to find the words to— / Just the right quotation / But I must confess I came up empty.”

Matt never seems unsure of himself before now. While metaphorically, yes, he sings a song about uncertainty, he doesn’t stumble over his words or have nothing to say. I would say Matt is acutely aware of his position, and that while he is referencing his speech when he talks about coming up empty, he’s also referring to that last moment of contact. That brief second where he could have said or done anything, could have made a difference, and only let Jason go.

That’s all we have of Matt. A conflicted, lonely, potentially-grieving kid who made a stupid, fucked-up choice in a fit of envy and has to deal with the consequences.

I’m unsure, at the end of all this, whether I have the dominant opinion. I’ve never really interacted with Bare’s fandom. I hope I have the dominant opinion. Matt’s pretty easy to hate and narratives are pretty easy to twist.

But I keep coming back to a dance outside a party. And I don’t believe Bare is a story in black and white.

[alittlepudge-neverhurtnobody]

kinktober #23

Bonfire Bash 🔥 / Rotten Core 🪱

“Oh, you’re gonna do it like that?” says Hardison, widening his eyes at Parker. “That’s just nasty, woman. That’s, like, a four-thousand-percent sugar to anything else ratio. S’mores are about the balance.”

Parker licks around the edges of her s’more, which is a carefully assembled tower of six marshmallows, three Hershey bars broken in half so that three halves bracket each side of the marshmallows, and then the usual amount of graham crackers because this is the only way she can stand them. Otherwise they get all weird and gummy in her mouth and it unlocks some weird memory she thinks might be from when she was a baby, and she definitely doesn’t want that. 

“Excuse me,” she says, poking Hardison’s pudgy side with one finger. “My methods are superior. Tested by time!”

Hardison looks to Eliot for help, but Eliot shrugs. “Can’t be that different from that orange soda you’re always drinking, man.”

“HaHA!” cackles Parker, chomping a bite out of her s’more. “See? This was a great idea, you guys. Why don’t we have more s’mores nights?”

“Fire,” Hardison and Eliot say in unison.

“Oh, right.” In her defense, Parker has been really good about the fire. This is a nice way to enjoy it: sandwiched between her favorite boys, eating what’s objectively one of the best foods ever invented, all with a giant roaring flame to keep her warm and stimulated. Earlier in the evening, Hardison presented her with a whole set of fireplace tools, including an extendable blow poke and a long metal grabber to move wood around with, and told her that they were the condition on which she was allowed to play with the fire.

“Did you steal the tools?” she’d whispered, and he’d nodded.

“You know I did. Only the best for my baby.”

They’re burning, like literally burning, a bunch of old identities from the last city. Hardison’s got backups under layers and layers of encryption and firewalls and all his other digital safety measures that sound like word salad to Parker, but she wanted to have a ceremonial bonfire to commemorate starting over again, so Hardison humored her and printed out some copies. 

She likes the new house so far. It’s colder here than Portland, but it doesn’t rain as much, and there are enough trees on the multi-acre property that she’s already starting to bug Hardison about a zip line. So far he’s much more open to the idea of putting one out in the trees here than he was to putting one inside the New Orleans house, even though the high ceilings would have been perfect. 

She takes another bite of s’more and adjusts a few logs with the grabber. The fire sends up a shower of embers and ash, and she flicks them off where they land on her clothes. She’ll have to shower right away when they get inside, because as much as she loves the smell of wood smoke when it is outside, in the fresh air where it belongs, she hates smells that linger, and wood smoke is definitely a lingerer. She’ll pull the boys in too. Eliot’ll hate it because he just washed his hair this morning and he doesn’t like to do it twice in one day, says it’s bad for the hair or something, but oh well. That’s why she bought him the shower cap. It’s not her fault he refuses to wear it. 

She’d kind of thought that Eliot would have had some fancy high-end way to make a s’more, like dark chocolate and brown sugar marshmallows or something, but he’s chowing down on a normal one next to her, hair pulled back into a loose bun and shoved under a beanie to keep it out of the goop. That’s the other thing Parker likes about s’mores, the one Hardison really can’t abide: the goop. Parker can endure any number of boring activities, lectures, and/or social situations if she has something sticky on her fingers to keep her entertained. Lately she’s been really into those sticky little hands, but the s’more is a nice change of pace. 

(The new house also came with pine trees, which she’s very excited for. Eliot said they won’t start dripping a lot of sap for a while still, but she can wait. She’s got time. And a bulk order of sticky hands to get through.)

Next to her, Hardison wipes some marshmallow from his hands with an antibacterial wipe. His face is a bit fuller than it used to be, and while he’s retained some muscle tone in his arms, he’s also got enough extra arm for Parker to jiggle a little when they cuddle. His belly bows out in a soft curve beneath his t-shirt, and 

“Hi,” she says, tipping her head onto Hardison’s shoulder. Now that he’s back from his stint of globetrotting and saving the world, he hasn’t been working out as much, and his orange soda consumption is back up to normal levels. He’s softening up; they all are, thanks to Eliot’s determination to get them to eat three meals a day and their enthusiasm at being his taste testers for the new menus he’s been working on. Parker likes her new, softer shape a lot, even if she’s had to work to figure out a new center of gravity, a new sense of balance. It’s a good challenge. Without even realizing it, she’d gotten kind of bored of knowing how to do everything she does without having to work for it.

“Hey, mama,” says Hardison, bumping his head gently against hers. “Want me to start another marshmallow for you?”

Parker nods, mouth full. Hardison is the best at roasting marshmallows. He’s proven himself over campfires, barbecue grills, fireplaces, gas burners, blowtorches, and the tiny tabletop electric grill Eliot gave in and bought after he realized the one Parker had her eye on could double as a fondue pot. The man’s got it down to a science. Probably he has an algorithm for exactly how much heat and exposure time each square inch of the marshmallow needs to be perfectly golden.

Hardison plucks another couple of marshmallows out of the bag and threads them onto his stick. On her other side, Eliot takes a slug of the new porter he’s trying out for the new restaurant space he’s been cooking up. Eliot’s softer than both of them, but they’re doing their best to catch up. A little bonus padding has made him stronger, more powerful, harder to hurt, and Parker loves that that softness makes her feel both comforted and reassured in his arms. He’s still the most dangerous person in any given situation, but she likes knowing that there’s some extra fat between him and whatever he’s up against.

Eliot built the fire pit out here with his own two hands and a bunch of rocks he dug up from the chunk of the yard he’s taken over for his garden. If Parker looks hard enough, she can see them in its construction: Eliot the protective perimeter of stones, Hardison the gravel inside it, laying the groundwork and keeping everyone even, and herself, reaching up for the sky in bright fingers of flame. 

“Who do you think could eat the most s’mores?” she muses, watching Hardison twirl his marshmallow stick amid the flames.

“You,” Eliot and Hardison in unison.

“Come on!” she groans. “That’s not fun!”

“But it’s true,” says Hardison, shrugging. “You could eat us under the table as far as sugar’s concerned.”

“Okay, fine,” she says, skimming the gooey marshmallow innards off the tip of her own stick, where the outer shell of the marshmallow went up in flames shortly after she plunged it into the fire. “What do you think you could eat the most of?”

Hardison purses his lips, gaze lost somewhere above the fire. “Probably like — we talking, like, one specific food, or a whole genre of food?”

Parker shrugs. “I’ll allow a genre, since mine is sugar.”

“Maybe chips,” says Hardison. “Or, like, the extended family of chips and chip-adjacent snacks. If we include, like Cheetos, Takis, all them, I think I could do it. Give me something to hack and I can clear out bags without even realizing.”

“That’s true,” says Parker, considering. “I’ve seen you go through chips like that. It’s impressive.”

“Thank you,” says Hardison, bowing as much as he can while sitting on a log, roasting marshmallows. “It’s a carefully honed talent.”

They both glance at Eliot, who’s squinting into the flames. 

“Potatoes,” says Eliot finally. “Variation in texture’s key to being able to eat a lot of something. More important than taste, even, but that ain’t even really an issue with potatoes. You can dress ’em up all sorts of ways and they’ll feel like different foods.”

Hardison nods solemnly. “Okay, okay. I think Parker and I will have to verify, though. Like the Guiness Book of World Records. Let’s put that on the calendar.”

“As long as I get to cook the potatoes,” says Eliot, and Parker and Hardison nod vehemently.

“All you, man,” says Hardison. “We ain’t touching that.”

He pulls his marshmallows out of the fire and examines it. “Almost done,” he tells Parker, and she begins preparing her chocolate bars and graham crackers.

“Okay, but Eliot,” she says, tapping his knee with the corner of a wrapped chocolate bar. “If you had to make your own version of s’mores, what would you do?”

“Like how would I make ’em better, or how would I make ’em high-end?”

“Either,” says Parker, sliding the marshmallows Hardison passes her off the stick and squashing them between the graham crackers and chocolate so that they ooze out the sides.

Eliot thinks, turning his beer in his hands. “Pound cake,” he says after a long moment. “With crushed graham crackers in the batter. Grill it beforehand to warm it up, get it a little crispy, there you go.”

“I want that,” Parker agrees. “I want that a lot.”

“And elevated,” he goes on, rubbing his chin, “I think Earl Grey shortbreads and lavender dark chocolate. Marshmallow’s got to be the sweetest thing there or it won’t work.”

Parker wrinkles her nose. Hardison doesn’t mind lavender, even goes in for some floral beers or ice creams sometimes, but she’s not a fan. “Okay, you guys can have those. Will you make me the pound cake ones sometime?”

“Yeah,” says Eliot, reaching over for a bite of her s’more. “Maybe next weekend. We got this fire pit now, we might as well use it.”

“Now hold up,” says Hardison from Parker’s other side. “I could get in on some pound cake. Throw some strawberries in there, I’m in.”

“Strawberries’d be good,” Eliot agrees through a mouthful. “I’ll pick some up this week. Can’t have you two starving.”

Parker lays a hand on her belly over the blanket where it’s starting to round out a bit. “Aw, we know you’d never let us starve.”

“Never,” says Eliot, passing her s’more back to her. “Not on my watch.”

[ryosei-hime]

Moxxie’s Abused Body Language

Obligatory disclaimer: This is my interpretation of the subject at hand. Nothing I say within should be taken as an attempt to state what is and is not canon. If your views or interpretation differ, this is not an attack on you personally or those who interpret things differently from me.  

So, with that out of the way, this post’s focus is primarily on Moxxie’s character and how the Spindlehorse crew managed to convey a lot about his childhood abuse through the use of body language in season 2, episode 3.

It’s very easy to see that Moxxie begins to show signs of fear from the moment he realizes where they are. He becomes physically and vocally distressed to the point that he actively fights getting out of the helicopter before Blitz pushes him out. He’s literally shaking here.

Even Millie’s presence isn’t comforting him. In fact, he becomes even more nervous when Crimson takes her hand and watches them very carefully. He knows what Crim is capable of and he knows he won’t hesitate to hurt Millie. Neither being a woman nor technically family is enough to stop him.

A lot of Moxxie’s body language during the introduction of Crim is very obvious. He hunches a lot. He has a lot of darting eyes and fiddling motions. He becomes quieter and more withdrawn than usual. He’s noticeably uncomfortable the entire time.

Even Blitz picks up on it. Once they’re inside, he’s much more subdued than usual throughout the rest of the night and seems to be focusing on assessing the situation. 

And, of course, you can see that Millie knows something is wrong from all this as well. She’s in tune with her husband’s feelings. In the scene where Blitz and Crim are talking, Millie’s eyes follow Moxxie’s as they dart, looking where he’s looking to track the source of his distress.

Anyone who has been raised in an abusive home recognizes certain tones when used by their abusers. We can hear that tone when Crim says “Moxxie, I raised you better than that.” This is a warning tone. This is a threat to get back in line and know your place before they put you in it. Moxxie obeys this underlying command quickly, habitually falling back into appeasing his abuser to avoid his wrath.

I believe he does this not only due to his own trauma reaction but also in an attempt to keep Millie and Blitz safe. If he sets off his father, he knows both of them would come to his defense and that could lead to them facing the same fate as his mother. I personally believe Moxxie is well aware that her attempts to help him as a child resulted in her murder, and he would do anything to avoid the same fate for Millie. 

However, we all have our limits, things we can’t help but stand up for even in the face of abuse. You can see that Moxxie cares a lot about his identity as a bisexual because he actually speaks up against his father’s past treatment of his relationship with Chaz despite the potential costs. He’s indignant that Crim would spend so long making him miserable for who he is only to turn around and pretend to accept queerness just for the sake of money when he wouldn’t make that effort for the sake of Moxxie himself. It’s clearly a very sore spot for him.

But the minute things turn to guilt tripping about abandoning the family, Moxxie sinks down into his seat in shame. Familial duty and obligation like this is something that’s hard to shake as a child of abuse. No matter how much you understand on a logical level that you don’t owe the people who hurt you just because they gave you life, it sticks with you. And when you add the mafia and its sense of duty on top of this, it’s gotta be staggering.

So, Moxxie is immediately obedient when Crim decides everyone will be sleeping there that night. He’s been successfully put back in his place with fear and guilt. Hoping that if he can just get through this ceremony without causing a stir, he can leave in peace and never be bothered again as he’s been promised. He’s so convinced he can give his father what he wants and make him go away, that he’s a little caught off guard when called back to continue the altercation. 

And then Crim hits him.

I want to take a moment to talk about the surprise on his face here. One might think this means that Moxxie wasn’t heavily physically abused as a child, because the blow surprised him. But I don’t believe that’s true. Even when you’ve become used to being hit, you still react to sudden strikes this way. Especially if your abuser is one that’s hard to read. Crim strikes me as the quiet until he’s not kind and it’s hard to predict when that kind of abuser will strike. It’s also likely been years since Moxxie has had to deal with anyone hitting him in a domestic situation. So, of course he’s shocked by the sudden blow. But we’ll come back to that.

Panic begins to set in as Moxxie realizes, as far as he’s concerned, he can’t possibly concede to his father’s demands to marry Chaz. An instinct to do whatever needs to be done to appease the abuser has kicked in. He wants to give Crim what he’s asking for but can’t. And he knows being his son doesn’t mean he’s safe from his wrath.

Again, even in this moment, he speaks up for his bisexuality. And this is obviously an old argument that’s just become tiring at this point for the both of them. They slog through it like a well worn groove. But Crim doesn’t have the patience to run that track for long right now because money’s on the line.

He’s not playing this game with Moxxie anymore and Moxxie will be made to know it. Crim reminds him what he’s capable of.

The first thing shown in the flashback sets up how Crim feels about Moxxie’s relationship with his mother. He thinks she’s making him weak by seeing to his needs (cutting his food) and not demanding he do things for himself. She’s actively standing in the way of him preparing Moxxie for the life he’s chosen for him.

In my opinion, he does think he’s doing what is best for Moxxie considering the world he’s growing up in and the path Crim has chosen for him. Abusive parents often do in these situations. Each time his mother stands in the way of preparing Moxxie for that life, Crim sees it as both a disobedience towards him (which is already unacceptable) and a hindrance to his progeny, a source of pride in his world. He can’t have a weak son or it’ll reflect poorly on him with his associates.

So, of course the only thing to be done to save his own pride and his son’s life as Crim has planned it, is to remove this obstacle and get back to teaching his son to man up and become what’s expected of him - which is, of course, to become a carbon copy of Crim. And I feel like their designs being so similar really helps to underscore this desire of Crim’s whether or not that was done intentionally. 

We see evidence of physical abuse toward his mother during the flashback. In my opinion, she’s likely protecting Moxxie from suffering it himself as mother’s can sometimes manage to do in these situations by taking on even more abuse of their own. So, it’s possible there was very little to no physical abuse for Moxxie until his mother was gone.

But it’s shown onscreen that Crim has no problem hitting Moxxie even as a child. As far as I’m concerned, this is when Moxxie’s physical abuse from his father likely starts in earnest. But Moxxie probably learns that as long as he obeys him, he can avoid this abuse. So, I believe he would have been able to decrease the amount of abuse he received in time by being more obedient. 

I wanna take an aside for a moment to back up - or maybe better to say go forward - to his past with Chaz. In that flashback, Moxxie is shown being painted nude and his body has no white marks. One might question whether or not he actually received physical abuse based on this fact but to me it has no bearing on the issue. 

For one, smart abusers often try to find ways to do so that don’t leave marks. And Crim is the head of a mafia family. If he were to go around openly beating his kid, it would reflect poorly on him. Not because anyone in the organization would care about the actual abuse. But because it would make him look brutish and stupid for allowing it to be seen by everyone. That sort of leader just doesn’t last long and can be a danger to the longevity of the organization itself.

For two, imps get white marks from more extreme injuries such as gunshot wounds and broken arms. It seems that the skin has to be broken or theoretically burned to leave an actual mark. At least from the evidence we’ve seen so far. 

Given these two points, whether or not Moxxie was physically abused doesn’t really hinge on how many white marks he has on his body as far as I’m concerned. We’ve seen plenty of imps take blunt force trauma that didn’t leave them covered in white. 

If I were to speculate on the trajectory of his experience with abuse overall, he likely received none to very little as a child before his mother’s death, a lot after her death with it decreasing as he learned to obey and avoid triggering his father, and barely any as a young adult. 

I believe that reaching that time of almost no instances of abuse once he’d become what his father wanted possibly left him a little more comfortable than he could have otherwise been during the first part of this episode.

And yes even with all the fear and nervousness that I’ve pointed out, I do think there was a sense of security in the possibility that he could appease Crim in the end. Now Crim is telling him in no uncertain terms that he will kill them all if he doesn’t get what he wants. 

He knows this isn’t an empty threat. Those who suffer abuse at the hands of their family know the difference between warnings and promises.

I don’t think I really need to go over this scene. Moxxie is disgusted as he should be.

But this whole circus clown of a come on, definitely leaves him worse off once Chaz is ejected. The terrible price he has to pay to protect his loved ones has been thrust into his face, as it were, immediately, giving him no time to process first. 

Once he does get some time alone to think about his situation, he has something of a breakthrough. I really appreciate the growl in this scene because I don’t think we very often hear Moxxie growl. We usually get hisses from him instead it seems. And I think it helps portray the depth of his anger over what his father is demanding of him.

As far as Moxxie knows, his father has promised that all he has to do is marry Chaz. He wasn’t told he had to stay. So it would be easy to just comply and leave. That’s the safe route. But doing so would, presumably, violate vows he’s made to Millie. It would compromise the integrity of his relationship with and devotion to her.

This is important enough to Moxxie to fight for. Scrolling through his pictures of Millie not only made this clear to him, but I think it also helped to remind him that he left once before. He can leave again. He doesn’t have to be pulled back into the life that he worked so hard to escape. He doesn’t have to compromise what he wants from life to appease his abuser anymore. 

This is a very brief moment but it’s also a very important and powerful one if you know what you’re looking at. It’s so, so easy for abusive family to cause regression when they manage to wiggle back into your life for one reason or another. Family reunions, funerals, weddings. They will take those moments to grab you by the ankles and start pulling you under again. 

And that’s when the consequences and stakes aren’t even this high. But Moxxie won’t let himself be dragged back down and I really appreciate they gave him that moment no matter how brief. 

And even though they don’t go through his thought process for you to see that, you hear it in his speech the next day when he stands up to his father. I honestly appreciate that Moxxie threatens Crim the way he does here. It not only shows he’s regained confidence in himself and his skills, but he’s also speaking Crim’s language now. He’s putting himself on equal footing with him, insinuating he’s as much of a threat as Crim is to Moxxie.

I’ve seen a lot of criticism of this moment: that having Moxxie zapped and forced into the wedding regardless makes his standing up to his father fall flat. And I would agree with that a little but for the fact that there’s still time to bring that confrontation back around to completion. As season two and Helluva Boss as a show is still ongoing, there are plenty of episodes left for Moxxie to follow through with his threats and support this breakthrough with actions. Crim is clearly coming back, after all.

I also think, however, that having that moment at all is still very important to character development. Simply because there was no physicality to back it up, doesn’t mean the emotional journey that led to it was entirely worthless. Moxxie still had very important character development here. When he left the first time, he simply disappeared and did not confront his father. But now he has. And that makes a big difference. 

When he returns to his life, it’ll be with a different mindset and a different kind of confidence. He’s no longer running from his father, hiding from his duties, or obscuring parts of himself from his loved ones. He’s truly stood up and taken his life fully into his hands. And now there are parts of himself he can share with Millie that he couldn’t before. This can only bring them closer and make their marriage more intimate.

In the same way, he now has a point of connection with Blitz over their daddy issues, which brings them closer to fulfilling that true friendship Truth Seekers hinted at. One step at a time, Moxxie and Blitz come closer to understanding one another.  

All in all, I loved this episode. It does a good job of handling the subject of abuse and associated tragic backstory without sensationalizing or downplaying it, both of which are extremely easy to do in a comedy-drama mash-up. But I personally feel like they managed to hit the sweet spot between the two.

[qulizalfos]

[runs in after abandoning my blog all week and throws this on the table] HAPPY BIRTHDAY WAYLI @wayward-sherlock PLEASE ACCEPT THIS FICLET AS A SYMBOL OF MY GRATITUDE TOWARDS HOW FUCKINF AWESOME U ARE ALWAYS <3 I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU BTW!!! anyways i hope u enjoy 2k of college byler shenanigans :) mwah

home (is wherever you are tonight)

“Oh, my God,” Will says, sitting forward, face alight in ways that terrify Mike. “There’s another reason, there’s a huge reason you're here, you—” “It’s Valentine’s Day, right?” The shift in Will’s expression is instantaneous. It might’ve qualified as comical, too, if Mike’s heart wasn’t about to explode.

You’d think Mike would have scrounged together a better sense of how to backpedal when he’s about to do something incredibly stupid. 

He’s trying not to think too hard about how quickly they rattle off in his head, the world’s most inconvenient list of reminders. What is wrong with you? We’re just… not in the mood right now. You’ve been on the bench all year. Not for the first time he’s gritting his teeth and wondering if it would have been entirely too much to ask for him to have acquired, by now, some intricate sixth sense for recklessness. He’s well aware that there’s no cosmic cure against the potency of his own mistakes, but he’d take anything to help him generally steer clear of these specific situations.

Encounters with murderous, eldritch entities ought to do that to a person. In his —for the record, totally impartial— opinion.

No goddamn dice, he thinks as he raises a fist to knock.

Maybe it is different, he supposes, because he’s less consumed by a wave of defensive volatility and less likely to bury the truth at the first sign of scrutiny, recoil at any chance of being left behind, and more willing to stop before he gains too dangerous an amount of momentum. It still happens, obviously— (case in point: now, loitering in an empty corridor, bland wallpaper finding a way to make it look like it’s laughing down at him, shifting his weight as he waits) he’d just convinced himself he had it more under control.

It’s ridiculous anyway. This whole thing is clearly careening towards a setup for a copious amount of slip ups on his part. But, it’s whatever.

Will’s probably out, anyway, he considers, belatedly.

It’s Valentine’s Day, —granted, a Wednesday evening dragging by with a sluggish, hazy quality— but a significant date all the same. Will is, Mike hedges, almost definitely out, maybe with the mystery guy in their joint history lecture, whose name Mike neglected to wheedle out of him last week. Maybe they’re both walking home from some fucking café, and Will would be getting cold like he does when the threat of snow looms at every waking moment, and to make matters worse, the other guy might do something sickeningly romantic like wind his scarf around Will’s neck, all while Mike’s standing at his dorm door like an idiot.

It’s possible he’s not very committed to the whole “breathe” thing El suggested, the day before the sky turned blue again, the day he was most convinced it never would again.

He threads a nervous hand through the disaster-prone section of his hair, hoping to smoothen it out, as he lifts his clenched hand, setting his face in concentration and aiming to knock one more time, and—

He has to flinch back to avoid accidentally punching Will in the face with his knock. Needless to say, that would be pretty counterproductive.

Will. Standing in front of him, soft furrow between his brows, loose sweater, lips parted.

He’s beautiful.

He shoves the thought to the side. It’s not the safest one to have when Will is less than two feet in front of him.

“Mike?”

It hits him about an hour too late: Maybe it’s ironic, how this holiday, composed entirely of spontaneous lovesick bullshit and cordiform chocolate boxes, doesn’t warrant him showing up at someone’s door unannounced. Not when it’s already 7pm.

It isn’t that he hadn’t brought that into consideration, just that now it’s not just an inkling in the back of his mind he has to ignore if he has any hope of getting ready with minimal distraction, but a real, pressing concern, and—

Will’s face splits into a grin, and the thought vanishes as quick as it came.

“Hey,” Mike tries, too hastily. The longer Will stands, just blinking at him, the further Mike burrows his hands into the pockets of his jackets.

He snaps out of it fairly quickly, and the expression has melted into something pleasantly surprised. Mike can work with that. He’s done much more with much less. “Uh— hi.”

“Are you busy?” Mike cranes a neck to peer around Will’s shoulder, unsure of what he’s looking for but appreciating the lack of anything all the same. “If you’re busy, I’ll totally come back, to— fuck, maybe not tomorrow, you have that—”

“Mike.”

“Yep.”

“I’m not busy,” he says with bright eyes, stepping back from the door to accommodate him. “I— don’t just stand there, come in, of course I’m not busy. Why, what’s up?”

“Thought maybe you were off at a candlelit dinner,” Mike remarks, because it’s easier to get out than the other thing, kicking off his shoes and trying not to think too hard about Will, the same Will in the same shadowy alcove as him, whose expression is tinged with fondness, at dinner; with warm lighting and a muted hum of chatter and someone else sitting across from him. “With the fancy napkins.”

“I think I would’ve mentioned the horrors of scraping together enough money for anything like that,” he says, and Mike’s efforts at miming cradling the aforementioned, hypothetical napkin receive a raised eyebrow. “Seriously, is something going on? If Max—”

“Nothing’s happening,” Mike tells him, passing him out and swiveling around to keep walking backwards, reversing into the couch and pretending he didn’t whack his knee as he drops onto it, picking at the edge of the nearest cushion, sprawling out as much as he can manage to. “Which is precisely why I’m here. Well, one of the reasons.”

Will hums, folding his arms and leaning on the back of the couch, contemplative. It has no right to be as endearing as it is. “Are there a lot of reasons?”

“I’m not allowed to visit you anymore?” Mike jokes. “Should I have called and given you a week’s notice?” He sits up, relishing the back and forth. “Should I—”

“No, you’re just… I dunno.” Will pokes his shoulder and skirts the couch, settling in the space Mike makes for him. “You seem nervous. Like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

Shit.

Mike lets out what may be considered as the fakest laugh he’s ever mustered, darting his eyes away and plastering on a frown. He gives a half-hearted attempt at an unconvinced, hopefully somewhat assuring scoff, tugging free the crease that’s formed at the ankle of his jeans. “What makes you say that?” he asks. He’d like to describe it as nonchalant. Maybe he’s not as good at hiding as the boy in front of him, but he’s been sidestepping the obvious for what feels like his whole life. He’s had more than enough practice.

“Oh, my God,” Will says, sitting forward, face alight in ways that terrify Mike. “There’s another reason, there’s a huge reason you’re here, you—”

“It’s Valentine’s Day, right?”

The shift in Will’s expression is instantaneous. It might’ve qualified as comical, too, if Mike’s heart wasn’t trying its damndest not to explode. Again, counterproductive.

Will’s mouth drops open a little, the line of his body stock still, and just hovers there, close enough that the warmth of his breath brushes Mike’s face, and the room slips into little more than a backdrop. Mike searches his eyes for a sign that’s not there. He lifts a hand from where it’s resting on a dark green cushion, weighing the implications and consequences of reaching out against the part of him that doesn’t want to consider technicalities until far, far later. The moment stretches, engraving itself into Mike’s memory. 

And then it shatters.

Will slumps back, clearing his throat twice in rapid succession, and the corners of his mouth quirk up in diplomacy. “I mean, you’re not wrong.”

Mike’s throat feels unreasonably dry. “Nope,” he says, omitting any mention of the crisis he’d had marching down the hall, questioning whether he’d gotten the date wrong and everything would blow up in his face tenfold, and just drumming his fingers against his thigh.

“So—” Will frowns, “what are you trying to say?”

This was all going much smoother during the numerous rehearsals in his head. “It’s Valentine’s Day,” he parrots, trying not to think about Will’s sharp inhale too much, “and I haven’t done something on Valentine’s Day for years, and you’re free, and I’m free, and…” he trails off, searching for the right words. “I don’t know, I thought we could hang out.” 

Silence.

It’s about to backfire, he can sense it, so he rushes to add: “In solidarity.”

“Right,” Will says, faraway. Mike sort of needs to run outside and scream for an untold amount of time.

“Doesn’t have to be super special,” he says, sensing the need for a prompt change in subject. “Unless you want it to be special, but I just figured— like, what were you gonna do before I came?”

Will glances at him once, quizzical, but drops it. 

—

It’s a short walk from the dorm to the closest Circle K, and one spent wrapped up in pleasant, amicable conversation, catching up on the various aspects of each other’s lives that aren’t entwined already, and about halfway there Will stoops to tie his shoelace. As Mike waits he considers how scary it could be if he dwells too long on how noteworthy the most mundane tasks become in Will Byers’ company.

They wander inside, Mike leaning on the door to open it for Will in what he hopes is a courteous manner, and trails down an aisle beside Will, the faint beat of a trashy pop song barely covering the echo of their footsteps on the tiles.

“Just the sodas?” Mike checks, swerving to avoid a display stacked high.

“Yeah,” Will says, nabbing a coke and gesturing to the fridge. “Take your pick.”

Mike reaches for a 7Up.

“Knew it,” Will says, something indecipherable in his tone. And then he’s extending a hand, covering Mike’s for a split second — long enough for an odd sensation to bloom in his ribs, but short enough for him to want to say, fuck it, and tangle their fingers, but Will teases the can out of his grip, leaving Mike with a cool smear of condensation on his palm.

“We can pool our resources,” Mike quips as Will deposits the cans on the counter. The cashier flicks a lazy glance at them and tells them the price. “I have a quarter.”

“Generous of you,” Will observes, producing a crumpled dollar note from his back pocket.

They settle on a wall outside, and Mike kicks the solid stone intermittently with his dangling heels, sipping away as Will starts to talk. The sky runs like spilled ink above them, perforated with only a smattering of stars and a few dark clouds, but Will is bathed in the gold ring of a streetlamp. There’s a lull in conversation, but it’s fine. Mike’s content to stay here all night.

“This was nice,” he says, in lieu of everything else.

Will bumps against his shoulder. “Yeah?”

A tiny droplet of rain lands on Mike’s nose, and three more freckle more of his exposed skin. A low fizz kicks up, drilling into the gray landscape surrounding them, and more dots pepper on the wall.

“Yeah.”  Will turns away. Mike scans the area around them, but they’re alone save for a few empty chip packets strewn across the concrete. Will’s gorgeous. Mike can’t explain it, but he knows when warmth floods your veins it’s a sign that merits extra morosis, and his intentions are in the right place, and it’s so hard to steer himself in any direction other than pitching forward and propping up a hand on the other side of Will’s jaw. Mike doesn’t let himself think too much of it as he presses a kiss to Will’s cheek.

It’s as short-lived as it is sweet: Will’s answering gasp, all wide eyes and questions in every line of his face, the beads of rain on his skin, near lucent in the orange lighting, the tickle of his bangs getting in Mike’s eyes a little when he turns.

And then Will’s breaking away to set down his Coke, and closing the gap between them.

Truthfully, Mike didn’t know that kissing could feel like this. It seems like something so untouchable, so far from what’s in his own comprehension of the world, that finding this kind of warmth could happen, but Will’s slinging an arm around his back and all coherent thoughts promptly dissolve in the now steadily falling rain. 

[imagionationstation]

Hi! I read your TMNT 2012 separated au that you made with ellestrade and it really gave me brainworms so I wrote a small one-shot for it! The characters kinda ended up writing themselves haha.

anyways, wanted to share it with you and also make sure that you're okay with it. Not sure how you feel about other people taking inspiration from you ideas, so if you would like me to take it down, just let me know!

Thanks for sharing such fun ideas. Here's the post (I've also tagged you in it but sometimes tags are weird and don't always show. Also its on my fandom specific sideblog, but I am the same person haha)

Gotta love those brain worms! (Ironic statement from a 2012 viewpoint, actually-) HOLY CHALUPA, BRAIN WORMS IN THIS AU UNIVERSE, WAIT WAIT ACTUALLY WAIT-

*background rambles and spazzing*

Okay, I’m back.

I’m always a-okay with whatever fan things anyone wants to create with inspiration from something I made or helped make. As long as it isn’t containing some stamp that says “this I deem canon” when neither me (nor my partner) deemed it canon, no one ever has to worry with me getting upset over some story/comic/art.

I’m going to give some thoughts and I want to disclaimer.

When I discuss my thoughts on your POV of events in the AU, I will never, in any way, intend to diss or attack the story. I think the flow was excellent and Raph’s analysis of the events occurring was intriguing. I loved it! And nothing I say will be a statement otherwise.

But, since I have a distinct inability to keep my mouth shut when it comes to turtles and you asked, I have thoughts 🧐

My brain is now turning and ya’ll have to deal.

Characterization:

Donnie: Much distrust. Much sass. A strong sense of duty to defend his brethren turtles who don’t deserve it but he’s doing it anyway.

Very on point. Much approval 👌

Mikey: Could not be more perfect. I love him. Sweet soul ✨

Leo: He’s a bit less… Forceful. Cold and calculating. Than I envision.

I’d imagine that he had to learn to shut feelings down in order to survive. Fidgeting/smiling/visibly hesitating is out of the question. Staying in Shredder’s graces meant learning to play the game. His silence is what earns Raph the ability to be loud. The only times that he’s himself is when him and Raph are alone, outside of the sight of cameras, or when someone in is danger and fear/fury overwhelms all else. He seems bland to outsiders and it takes the Hamato brothers a while to see that that he’s just a scared little boi at heart that’s just trying his best in a cruel world.

He’s also set in his beliefs, so he’s going to assume that they’re being tormented mentally, if not physically. There’s no place in his mind that wonders if they were actually safer elsewhere.

I do like your POV, though. Plenty for me to play with.

Raph:

He’s ABSOLUTELY the first to question the differences between how Shredder treats them and how Splinter treats their brothers. He doesn’t jump the gun, but as devoted as he is, he’s never really liked Shredder. I love the implications that he’s been filing away concerns subconsciously and his brain keeps poking him like “HELLO?!”

He’s very deep. I can’t decide how I feel about that 🤔

Shredder would have wanted to fan that temper into something unforgiving and vile. Or course, that doesn’t mean he stops being a sensitive soul. It could… Have something to do with Shredder manipulating him into being angry when he wills it (basically all the time) and solemn and still when he doesn’t (such as during lectures, punishments, etc).

His brain registers this situation as one where he’s not meant to be loud and angry, and so he’s kinda… Shut down. Sassy, but mellow. Processing. Adapting. Letting what happens happen because he’s not meant to stop it.

It’s a reason that Leo gets so defensive when punishments come into play. It forces Raph to feel small. It make him vulnerable.

HOLY MOTHER OF MUTATIONS- I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS NEW TAKE ON THE AU @ellestrade TELL ME IF I’M ONTO SOMETHING

Anyway, commentary:

“in one of Takeō's strategy books he couldn't care less about”

It’s like Space Heroes. He claims so and YET he read, recalls, AND clearly has DEBATED the passage so I call sus vibes.

I get giddy when I think of Takeō discovering Space Heroes-

“Junkō and Kōta— or Donnie and Mikey, whatever false name they’d been given—”

My brain made connections. I don’t know if it was intended, but I always believe that they knew them by Shredder’s names through the beginning of season one, end of season one/beginning of season two they were associating them as both, and then by the time that the City is under attack, they’ve adapted to using their real names. (But the Saki brothers still keep their Foot names.)

So, now I assume this is somewhere in that middle plot.

Fun little Easter egg~

“Takeō and Akihitō were the offense, and Donnie and Mikey were the defense” “They held their own. In fact, they dominated.”

I’m in love with Raph’s simple acknowledgment of their roles in battle. It’s a very practical outline of exactly how their dynamic on the field plays out and he's so certain of his place.

On the other hand, I’m a bit uncertain about whether they’d dominate. I do believe that they are trained and can hold their own, but I don’t know about them being as impressive as Raph&Leo, simply because Splinter trained them to defend and Shredder trained them to kill. The Hamato brothers haven’t had much time to practice in the offensive, especially since that’s Leo&Raph’s job. (In non-AU canon, they are all offensive/defensive.)

I think Mikey might learn that kinda strength at the farmhouse after being taught by Leo&Raph, and Donnie will step back from that, finally finding his place not as a fighter/leader, but as a scientist.

Definitely an interesting take, tho 🤔

“Only now does he think that, perhaps, there was a reason their master made their primary weapons blunts and not blades.”

I am chewing on this line so hard. It’s so powerful.

I can’t even tell you why. It just is.

“Akihitō knows that Takeō isn’t lying. He’d already tried to take tonight's blame all on his own shoulders, spare Akihitō of the punishment. But Akihitō knows all his tricks and he won’t let his brother suffer alone. Again.”

100% behind Raph learning to butt in when Leo tries to take the fall as they get older and punishments get worse.

“Seeing the situation, the evidence glaring at him, Akihitō cannot deny that this wasn’t exactly a great sell. Takeō and him are tied to the ground, trying to convince these two strangers that they would be safe with them. That their clan would not hurt them while that same clan was just about ready to beat them to a pulp.”

I was thinking the same thing 🤣

Leo, dude, seriously. Look around. Think for a second. You are not selling your point. You are doing the opposite.

In the end, it doesn’t even matter. Sensei will always find them no matter where they run. It was better to follow than be chased.

SOMEONE NEEDS TO TEACH THESE KIDS THAT THIS IS A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP. YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL MOTIVATED TO STAY WITH DAD BECAUSE HE WILL FORCED YOU TO REMAIN OTHERWISE. BRUH. RED FLAG.

These were Foot Ninja binds made specifically to hold them. Mutant strength and all.

It makes sense that Shredder would make these. But.

But man. He made those. For them.

Takeō tries to take control of the situation again, the bossy oldest sibling coming out in him.

HA. Got him. Leo is Leo in any universe.

“His name is Mikey.” Donnie glares. “The rat is lying and he has—” “Donnie, its fine.”

Absolutely how they view things. Mikey doesn’t care what they think or do as long as no one he cares about is paying the price. Donnie feels it is a manner of principle that they accept logic and truth.

Leo talking over both of them is valid. This kid, I swear.

“Then tell your older brother to shut up about—”

LEO IS IT OFFICIAL YOU HAVE BEEN DISOWNED

“Sounds like a you-problem.” Donnie stands. “Mikey, we saved them. It's time to go.”

Donnie would die for them <3

A hand lands on his shoulder, and he recognizes it. Takeō always knows when to give support. He’s a good brother. He hopes Donnie and Mikey will know that one day too.

OH. OKAY. WELL. 🥺

THOSE FEELS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE-

He loved his big bro sm hjkhkjhkjhjkkjhkjhkjhku

If Akihitō didn’t know any better, he’d say it was longing.

Oh, don’t worry, he is dying to have other people in his life who genuinely care for him, but as long as you guys are with the enemy, you’re a threat to his baby brother and daddy and not to be trusted

And, just maybe, it could be their world too. 

Oh, so that’s what pain feels like. Glad to be reminded.

[dailyanarchistposts]

Outro

This is a book that does not have an ending. It is a definition that negates itself in the same breath. It is a question, an invitation to discuss.[174]

—John Holloway

It can be difficult to talk about the ways that radical milieus can be stifling and rigid: how we don’t always treat each other well, how we hurt each other, and how shame, rigidity, and competition can creep into the very movements and spaces that are trying to undo all this. Of course there are tangles of despair, resentment, pleasure, and pain. Of course shitty encounters provoke anxieties and frustrations. Of course people bring their scars and fears. In his interview, Glen Coulthard put his finger on something we have carried with us throughout this process, about the way that sadness and anger often stem from love:

I think that for the somber, melancholic militant, I get it. I understand it. How could you not be? And this is my point—the only way you respond to the world like that is because of some base sort of individual and collective self-respect. Some love for oneself and others, or the land, that you see being violated in a profound way. This produces melancholy, anger, whatever. They’re not separable. So when we’re leveling our critiques, you just have to understand that yeah, it’s a rational response to an irrational, violent, unthinking machinery. So how do we direct that in ways that are able to topple these power relationships? And that’s when the kind of navel-gazing, defensive, puritanical radical becomes an obstacle, even though they may rightfully be that way, because of the position that they occupy. And the process of redirection comes from community, a community that we aspire towards and is always already there. So that’s the question: What do we do with that situation? How do we make that community stronger? I don’t know what the answer is, but the question is there, or else we wouldn’t be having this conversation. We need it to be there more, with more people.[175]

We have attempted to approach rigid radicalism with care, so that we wouldn’t just be finding movements lacking in a whole new way. We have tried to convey a conversation, a set of questions rather than a set of answers. How do we talk about rigid radicalism in a way that doesn’t just heap more shit at the feet of those who are already fighting? What can support conversations that provide space to think and feel through all this in milieus and movements? How can we pull each other into other ways of being together?

We have suggested that rigid radicalism is not a solid thing outside of us, but an affective tendency we are amidst. It circulates, constricts, suffocates, recirculates. It brings its own pleasures and rewards. Maybe it is driven in part by a desire to heal.

The real enemy is Empire itself, and rigid radicalism is a poisonous reaction that presents itself as the cure. As such, rigid radicalism is one of the ways that Empire calls forth some desires and attachments and conjures away others, keeping its subjects stuck in a desolate form of life. In the twilight of Empire’s legitimacy, it has become more and more difficult to sustain the fantasy that capitalism is good for us, or that elected leaders represent us. Governments announce sustainability initiatives alongside new forms of resource extraction, multiculturalism alongside militarized policing. But Empire doesn’t need our faith, only our compliance. As Empire’s subjects, we are increasingly fastened to an automated, industrialized infrastructure that consumes and poisons the living world. Through the glow of our screens, we are induced to express ourselves in perpetual performance and collective surveillance. The crisis is not coming: it is already here. It has been here for a long time, and Empire is administering the wreckage. We are permitted to be as cynical and pessimistic as we want, as long as we remain detached from capacities to live and relate differently.

In this sense, Empire cannot be confronted only by inculcating others with the right set of anticapitalist and antistate beliefs. People do not need some special training or education to be capable of transformation. On the contrary, we are constantly trained away from aliveness to change. It is not a question of being right, but of assembling enabling ways of thinking, doing, and feeling in the present. This is most palpable in exceptional situations of disaster and insurrection, when everyday people have a little space from Empire’s exhausting anxieties and routines. Amidst a lot of suffering and scarcity, there are upwellings of mutual aid and connection. This is not evidence of some innate altruism. For us, it is evidence that everyone is capable of joyful transformation, and the ongoing disaster is the brutal isolation and exploitation of life organized by Empire. An increase in the capacity to affect and be affected—joy���means being more in touch with a world that is bleeding, burning, screaming.

Transformation might begin with rage, hatred, or sorrow. Refusing to “get over” some things can cut against the grain of obligatory productivity and optimism structuring capitalist life. Shared power might arise from accepting, refusing, hanging on, or letting go. This is the wiggle-room of freedom: not the absence of constraint, or a do-what-you-like individualism, but an emergent capacity to work on relationships, shift desires, and undo ingrained habits.

We believe that close ties of friendship and kinship, far from isolating us into cliques or enclaves, actually enable people to better extend themselves to others and participate in transformative encounters. Close friends and loved ones are what enable us to gripe and vent so that we can be more compassionate and patient with those who don’t know us as well. They help us process fears and anxieties so that we are better able to trust people up front and move towards trouble and discomfort. They sit with us when we inevitably fuck up and flail. In turn, transformative struggle can deepen these bonds and generate new ones.

We have suggested that the challenge is not to build a unified consciousness or position, but to find ways of coming together, collaborating, fighting, and discovering shared affinities. This is not about everyone getting along and becoming friends. Vulnerability is important, but also risky, and needs to be selective. As Coulthard said, “Some relationships are just bullshit and we shouldn’t be in them. We should actually draw lines in the sand more willingly.” Joy needs sharp edges to thrive. How to create spaces, then, where vulnerability can happen and joyful encounters can take place? When to be open, and to what, and how to create and maintain boundaries? What can we do together? How can we support each other? How to create space for consensus and dissensus and difference? How to ward off imperatives to centralize and control things, without creating new divisions and sectarian conflicts? How to ward off rigid radicalism and its attachments to purity and paranoia?

These are all ethical questions that people are exploring rather than answering once and for all. We have suggested that in the space between abstract morality and vapid individualism, common notions can help us remain open and responsive.

In a world of crushing monopolies, where so much is done to us or for us, some people are recovering the capacity to do things for themselves. From barricades to kitchen tables, they are generating collective forms of trust and responsibility. If such forms make people feel alive, if they deepen bonds of trust and love, militancy tends to grow along with them because people are willing to defend these emergent powers. Every moment that people find trust in each other and in their own capacities is precious. Through these messy struggles, people are becoming powerful and dangerous together.

To be militant about joy means forging common notions that can enable, sustain, and deepen transformation here and now, starting from wherever people find themselves. Common notions are not a means to a revolution in the future, but the recovery of people’s capacities for autonomy and struggle here and now. This tends towards breaking down old divides between organizing and everyday existence, and opening the question of collective life itself in all its expansiveness. Nurturing common notions means refusing to separate the effectiveness of any tactic or strategy from its affectiveness: how it makes people feel, how it nurtures autonomy or dependence, what it opens up and what it closes down.[176] It means letting go of practices or ideas when they stagnate, and generating new ones together. Rather than fixed values or positions, in common notions we find ways of doing, thinking, and feeling that sustain the growth of shared power.

With the concept of joyful militancy, we have tried to affirm these other ways of being without pretending that we have discovered the answer to undoing Empire, warding off rigid radicalism, or ushering in some world revolution. There is no single answer. We have tried to avoid setting up joyful militancy as a new ideal to embody, or a set of duties. It would be disappointing if the notion of joyful militancy ever became a handbook for transformation because it lives in questions, experiments, and openings—not answers, blueprints, or necessities.

[bunmellos]

Hi!! Huge fan of your artwork and I’ve been following you for a while now!

I was wondering if you had any advice for people wanting to become music majors/professional musicians? I’m currently a senior in high school and I want to play saxophone professionally, but the thought of entering the “music world” (which many people have said is unstable and hard to make money in) scares me a little. If there’s any advice you can give on college and life as a musician I’d love to hear it!

aah thank you!! music is definitely a difficult field to get started in. the culture around our instruments and repertoire are pretty different but here’s a couple tips that are universal:

1. whether they’re required or not, try to fit some pedagogy(teaching) classes into your curriculum. teaching is one of the best ways to ensure you have a steady income, which is really hard to come by as a freelance musician and/or someone fresh out of college. teaching privately allows you to set your own schedule, rates, and policies, and personally i think it’s very rewarding to watch your students grow and get to know all sorts of people :> middle schoolers are really fun to interact with LOL

2. try to build relationships with your peers, instructors, and community members. this one is really important in my opinion! iirc pretty much all the gigs ive booked came about because i was recommended/invited by a friend or mentor, and my good relationship with local orchestra teachers led them to recommend me to their students for private lessons. how you play is definitely important, but networking is one of the most vital skills for a musician to have

3. in a similar vein, try to jump on opportunities even if they’re daunting! usually they aren’t as bad as you think they’ll be (i get crazy anxious when i go into a new situation or even when preparing for first rehearsals of a concert cycle, so i’m still working on this one lol)

4. don’t limit yourself to /just/ performance. i’ve known lots of fantastic musicians who manage different aspects of a professional ensemble, do instrument maintenance, etc., while still playing on the side. one of the most rewarding jobs i’ve ever had was when i worked in a music store as a string specialist. i learned what makes a quality instrument, differences in materials, basic string repair, even a little bit about winds and brass (as a violinist i still can’t believe brass players bathe their instruments O_O)

as for school itself, i think the most important thing is that you get along with your private teacher, since they’ll be your closest collaborator. take lots of auditions and take advantage of the built in rehearsal+practice time! i rushed through school as fast as possible because despite its wonderful music program i Hated my university and where it was located and i’m still kicking myself for graduating asap instead of taking my time.

currently i definitely take a defensive approach to being a musician. as you’ve probably noticed, most of my advice leans on leaving yourself other options in case playing professionally full-time doesn’t work out. obviously i don’t know the full extent of your situation but most people don’t get the performance job they hope for straight out of school- music programs are notoriously bad for failing to set their graduates on a steady career path, which unfortunately is just how it goes with the arts. i’m still trying to figure out what i want to do and i constantly have to remind myself that my life isn’t over just because i’m not soloing with orchestras around the world or whatever at 23 years old; im still growing as a musician even after graduating with a degree and i have my whole life to improve !! which i think is one of the most important things to remember

i think that’s about it for now but let me know if you have any other questions :] good luck!!

[woodsdyke]

in a shot, i'd swap my body for a body of water worry the cliff side top as a wave crashing over i'd lower the world in a flood, or better yet i'd cause a drought if I was a rip tide, i wouldn't take you out

been slowly picking at this throughout the month, took forever because i was in the process of moving. had a lot of fun with it tho. aveline and johan, really awful as fiancés but great vengeful gay besties. make them regret everything they did to hurt you. go girlies. fuck up their day

(white wasn't customary for weddings in the 18th century but consider: it was for the vibe. ty)

some additional info about these two under the cut because i think about them sooooo much

(tl;dr what if u were two traumatized gay people who had to get married but instead you did crimes that would get you executed by the state, found each other again, now gayer and happier, and became besties who bond over how fucked up your life was and how cool it’d be if the people who hurt you got what they deserved. Wouldn’t that be neat?)

TW discussions of abuse (inc. of children)

.

.

.

Aveline Montclair and Johan Groeneveld both grew up as aristocrats, and have always been godawful at it in new, exciting ways. Aveline is aggressive, stubborn, and prone to lashing out, and her family is unable to find a suitor for her because she’s now stabbed two of them in the hand with a fork (deserved, maybe overkill). Johan is an incredibly reluctant admiral of the dutch royal navy, a kind-hearted, captivatingly anxious man who would much rather be doing a nice artist residency in the countryside right about now.

Their families have a very long history, so ultimately they decide to just marry the two of them off to each other and be done with it. ‘won’t this be an absolute disaster and cause inevitable chaos’ probably. they don’t care.

Their engagement is short-lived but miserable; Aveline despises Johan for taking away the last scrap of freedom she had and trapping her in a life she hates (despite knowing that Johan really didn’t have a say in any of this). Johan resents her because he’s just trying to make the best of a bad situation, while she’s hellbent in making them both miserable.

(we won’t unpack how they both expected unhappiness from the start because the thought of marrying each other made them both feel sick – besties, you are gay. You’ll get there. It’s ok)

To skim over a Lot of things, Aveline runs off with pirates, Johan makes a series of mistakes that lead to him defecting from the navy and going on the run because he knows what will happen if the royal navy finds him. Despite all odds, they run into each other again. It’s a disaster, at first, until they realize some time apart has made a difference, and most importantly helped them realize they’re more alike than they thought. They’re a couple of scared, hurt kids, forced to grow up too fast, who want someone, something to pay for what was done to them. they spent years of their lives at each other’s throats and never stopped to think that maybe there was a bigger enemy to challenge that wasn’t each other.

Turns out when your every move isn’t controlled by your abusers, you can actually make decisions for yourself, and can decide not to ruin your own and someone else’s life over misplaced blame and defensive anger.

turns out if both of you are so intensely repulsed by the thought of being in a heterosexual marriage with anyone, let alone each other, maybe you are gay

and during all of it, they knew. The last thing anyone in the Montclair or Groeneveld families wanted was for Johan and Aveline to realize they’re better friends than enemies. Aveline’s mean, she wants blood on her hands, and Johan has the quiet, relaxed cunning that’s frightening in an angrier man and straight up dangerous in him. They’re a threat as a pair, ironically enough for the people who set them up to tear each other apart so they wouldn’t have to deal with them or acknowledge how badly they fucked up their kids.

Aveline wants to tear into her problems with her teeth. Johan is tired of being fearfully obedient and wants everyone to know it.

things aren’t fully right between them, not really, and won’t be for a very long time – too much history, too much of a lifetime of abuse at the hands of the same people – but things are good between them. one of those once-in-a-lifetime kinds of friendships. Regardless of the outcome, having someone to get angry with, to mourn the loss of a childhood with, to voice those thoughts kept close to their chest on the ways they hope those who hurt them will pay, it’s healing, and right now, they need each other (they always did).

And no matter what happens, if Aveline ever gets the revenge she dreams of, if Johan can have a life well-lived, in spite of being told he was always destined to fail, there’s one thing that won’t change:

Aveline is an only child, Johan is the only surviving Groeneveld son. There’s power in knowing the Montclair and Groeneveld bloodlines end with them.

[lozriftsintime]

Ok. I wasn’t going to start posting here until the end of the month, but since Mel made, and posted, fanart for my Ravio I felt he needed to be posted here. I’m slowly working on fanart for my other heroes and will post all that I have done at the end of the month, as well as some of the art I’ve had commissioned for them. But for now, onto Ravio info!

Name: Ravio Ravenloft Hyrule

Alias(es): N/A

Nickname(s): Ravi and Bunny (Mural), Merchant, Bunny Boy

Birthday: (I am currently working on a calendar system for this AU, so this will come later.)

Age When Introduced: 25

Pronouns: He/him

Height: 5′3

Source/Game(s): A Link Between Worlds and Hyrule Warriors

Sexuality: Bisexual, Demiromantic, and Polyamorous

Favorite Color(s): Ravio has a passion for reds, greens, and a certain shade of brown. Red reminds him of Link’s favorite tunic as well as the great fairies back in Lorule. Green is the color of Link’s under-tunic as well as the green, growing plant life all through Hyrule. Brown. Well. He’s rather fond of the color of Link’ eyes. They’re like warm chocolate.

Disliked Color(s): Ravio doesn’t have any colors he really dislikes per say. Though he’s less fond of the brown that typically indicates dying plants.

Skills: Ravio is very sensitive to sensing magic and is able to weave the magic he can sense into items to enchant them. He can enchant mundane things, like pots that won’t break, as well as more specific things, like clothes that up defense. 

He’s also pretty good when fighting with his various items, though he’d disagree. He’s quick on his feet and can shift items in an instant to better deal with the current situation.

Outfit Notes: Ravio’s outfit is a a compilation of different things. To help Link recover from the various losses in their life Ravio and Zelda helped them pick out things that would remind them of the people who meant the most to them. And Ravio decided to do the same thing with his own outfit. His sword is the blade that Link made for him as their wedding exchange. His earrings are copies of the earrings that both Zelda and Hilda wear (he wears the Hyrulian Triforce Earring on his left side, which is the side he typically has facing Link when they walk together. To keep Link’s sword arm free). His bag has a little pink bunny, for Link. He had boots made with Fairy Lilies on them for the Great Fairies in his time. And he embroidered the two different Triforces onto the ends of his scarf to mark his two homes.

The tunic itself is still the tunic he wore when he first met Link, but he had to make some...changes. He realized that the long tunic was a liability during fights. It kept tripping him up. And that just wasn’t safe. So he cut it shorter and cut slits in the side before hemming it properly. Then he put on pants. Just because Link likes to show off their legs doesn’t mean Ravio does. The black gloves are useful to prevent callouses, but they’re mostly to cover up the Triforce on his hand.

Other: Ravio is the bearer of the Triforce of Integrity, one of the three parts of Lorule’s Triforce.

After helping Link save both of their worlds (ok. He mostly rented and sold gear to Link. And gave them a bit of advice. And patched up their wounds. And cooked them food. You know. Nothing too important) Ravio did his best to help Hilda rebuild Lorule from the ruin it had fallen into. Eventually though, his sister realized that he was miserable in Lorule, mostly because he was missing Link something fierce. So she spoke with Zelda (via letters through one of the few remaining cracks) and worked with the great fairies to get another bracelet built for him with enough to get him there and sent him on his way.

Upon arriving back in Hyrule, Ravio was immediately welcomed by both Zelda and a completely shocked and overwhelmed Link, who hadn’t expected to see him again. He moved back in with Link and set his shop back up (with far more reasonable prices). After a time the two of them fell in love and, eventually, married.

Shortly after their honeymoon ended Link went through a strange rift that appeared outside their home, going off to start a new adventure. Ravio intended to wait there for them, but a day or so later a strange portal appeared inside their home, and he could feel it pulling him in. So he gathered up the gear that he knew how to use (the ones he once sold to Link) and made his way through.

On the other side he found himself involved in an all-out war that spanned across time. He did his best to help out, especially after meeting three other Links fully absorbed in the whole mess. After the war Lana was unable to send him home due to his magical signature not leading to anywhere she could find. So, for now, he’s stuck in that time. Waiting for her to figure something out.

Note-I have noticed that I accidentally drew his his sword on the wrong side. Ravio is left handed, so the sword should be coming up from behind his left shoulder, not his right.

[canarymemories]

endless dream

rating: general audiences archive warning: no archive warnings apply category: gen fandom: paradox live characters: kureha aoi, visty mentioned, kei is also mentioned additional tags: introspection, written before showdown, pre-canon, visty my beloved, flower language, he/they pronouns for kureha aoi, a bit of an introspective on visty's whole situation pre road to legend date published: 2023-09-08 words: 1700

summary: how foolish to try and reach for a dream again.

written for when this flower blooms

here on ao3

the day visty debuts, their agency gifts them each a small bouquet of roses in their assigned colors. they can surely pay for something more extravagant, but aoi doesn’t think about that, instead happy to be given anything at all. the past few weeks had been a whirlwind, so he’s glad to have something physical as a reminder that all their hard work hadn’t been for nothing.

he wonders if the others feel the same.

once the five of them return to their shared apartment, aoi takes his flowers to his room and carefully cuts the stems, avoiding the few small thorns that remain not having been snipped before being packaged. they place the flowers in a tall, skinny vase that he slides to the side of his desk, not wanting to accidentally knock it over. 

aoi isn’t sure what the others do with their roses, but they find themself admiring his flowers for maybe longer than he should. in his defense, though, the thrill of successfully debuting with the people he looks up to — maybe even views as family — hasn’t completely worn off.

however, no matter how well aoi tends to the flowers, it doesn’t take long for some of the roses to wilt, their petals drooping and changing from a soft lavender color to something closer to brown, losing their vibrancy as they fall onto his desk. 

it’s nothing more than a sign of passing time. it probably sounds a little silly, but aoi feels a spike of fear in his stomach when he walks into his room after school, not even two whole weeks since their debut, to see nearly all the roses are wilted. he could very well throw them out, but they feel attached to the flowers. maybe it’s the memory of their first real live — the distant cheering rings in aoi’s head at the memory; the lights had drowned out the crowd from where he was on stage, but he could still hear them nonetheless — or something equally as sentimental.

in the end, they decide to press the flowers to keep a few as a little memento before they all wither away.

aoi sorts through the remaining flowers, the ones that have yet to fully die, only to find that there’s one rose that’s still the same purple hue it was the night he’d received them. he sets that one aside for three more to join it, though they’ve already begun to unfold as their petals turn lighter.

after searching for the easiest way there is to press a flower and then waiting the next few weeks for his heaviest books to do their jobs, aoi finds themself with a permanent reminder of the home they’ve found.

the apartment is quiet after kei announces his leave. aoi doesn’t expect anything different.

shogo is withdrawn as he attempts to tie up all the loose ends so that the four of them remain afloat all while sacrificing his own sleep for it if the bags under his eyes mean anything. toma, as always, tries his best to carry conversation over dinner or whenever he happens to run into one of them in their shared space, but all his effort falls short from truly lightening the atmosphere further than a forced smile. and kantaro… well, aoi isn’t sure how many days it’s been now since any of them have seen him out of his room.

to say they’re a mess is a bit of an understatement.

the pressed rose, the one that had yet to lose its color, sits on aoi’s desk. the others he’d slipped into plastic and now remain in books half read. instead of the pleasant reminder they’d started as, the flowers feel like a cruel joke.

aoi stares at the flower sometimes. it catches his eye while studying and distracts him from his homework.

 he isn’t sure how to feel about it.

about the flower.

about kei.

they’ve always looked up to the people around them. aoi yearned to be like those people, so bright and confident and strong. to define a place for himself among those types had always seemed so far out of reach, but he had done it in the end, hadn’t he?

but now, with those steady pillars they’d grown used to crumbling before their eyes, all of them being thrown off by kei’s sudden departure, aoi isn’t sure what to do. he wants to be angry, that the five of them came so far as a group, as friends, only for it to be tossed away so easily. it’s not fair that kei gets to walk away from it all like he did while the four of them are stuck scrambling to try and make everything right again in his absence.

aoi knows that being the youngest of the group doesn’t help him any; they know that toma and shogo keep things from him and kantaro, so maybe aoi should feel some kind of anger towards them too. but, same as kei, he can’t be angry at them either. he can’t feel much of anything than a muted sense of sadness about everything.

after all, debuting and reaching the level of popularity they managed in such a short amount of time truly felt like a dream. and aoi would be dumb not to realize a dream always has an ending, and this awakening was about as abrupt as it could’ve been.

(aoi can only imagine how the stellas who showed up to every live and every stream feel. maybe they can be outraged enough for the four of them.) 

mind distant from the words he’d written in class, even further from the concept of studying, aoi shifts his notebook further up his desk. they rest their cheek on their outstretched arm, staring at the flower.

the flower stares back.

their fingers inch closer to it, fingertips brushing against the surface of the desk as they near the flower. aoi feels the edge of its plastic covering, a sharp little corner, before pulling his hand away. 

crossing his arms on top of the desk, aoi rests his forehead on them and closes his eyes.

how foolish to try and reach for a dream again.

the rose moves up to aoi’s bookshelf where it’s easier to ignore. his eyes are no longer drawn to it when he walks into the room and as odd as it is, he does feel a bit better with it gone from view.

or maybe that sense of relief is from the four of them having found a solution in the form of paradox live. hip hop isn’t exactly visty’s style, but aoi knows they’re desperate enough to try any way they can to claw their way up from the edge of the cliff they’d been stranded on. that and they’re accustomed to phantometals already, having been using them in their performances since their debut.

(aoi hasn’t missed the nightmares that came with using the metal, reliving the same words over and over and over until he feared he’d still hear them echoing around in his head even when awake. but still, they can deal with them as long as it means they can stick together. shogo seems sure of visty’s ability to stick it out through this tournament. or maybe it’s the desperation taking hold of him as he too realizes with startling clarity that this really is their last chance.)

even so, aoi finds themself feeling a bit more calm knowing that shogo has faith in the four of them, no matter how many comments on social media or late night specials have nothing better to do than to talk about visty’s sudden fall from grace. with that confidence, aoi feels his own growing, although more tentatively.

with the flower out of his view, aoi feels he can breathe a little easier. they have a way to get out of this mess and if they’re to get anywhere in this competition, he knows they have to prepare.

the chill of early morning air does wonders to block out the thoughts racing through aoi’s mind as they do their daily jog. the date for visty’s appearance in paradox live grows nearer and nearer and even with all the practicing the four of them have been doing, both as a group and individually, aoi can’t help but wonder if it’s enough. 

he knows it doesn’t do any good to be pessimistic about a performance and it’s not like they don’t have confidence in their ability as a group, but there’s just this nagging dread at the back of aoi’s mind. no matter how hard they try to ignore it, will it away, it remains annoyingly persistent through every waking moment to the point of losing sleep.

aoi knows that visty isn’t exactly in a good position — not that they have been in a while, if he’s being honest — but he’s stuck with the others long enough to know that whatever may happen, even with however strong their fellow competitors may be, they have a fighting chance. they won’t let this chance slip between their fingers.

they need this win to survive.

his breath comes in puffs, throat stinging slightly from the cold air.

aoi slows to a walk, looking over the nearby buildings they idly pass. there’s a cat or two in a few windows, blinds still drawn on a few, customers entering and exiting a nearby coffee shop. but then he pauses, spotting a small gathering of white flowers, their little petals facing downwards in an apartment window.

he’s not sure what they are, but there’s something about them that stirs a feeling in their chest that they can’t quite put a name to.

aoi exhales, breath turning into a faint cloud before disappearing. he shakes out his hands and begins jogging once more. they’re almost back to the shared apartment now. as nervous as aoi is about performing on a new stage as big as paradox live, about this being their one and only chance to stay as visty — to continue their dream as four instead of five — he feels a sliver of hope that whatever the outcome may be, visty will remain.

end notes:

hi everyone, check out the zine! it was so fun working on it and everyone else's pieces are so good too!

flower meanings: purple rose - looking up to someone, in admiration of (not hanaktotoba based, but i did think this meaning was interesting), snowdrop - hope, consolation (hanakotoba based)

[wild-grinders]

Wild Grinders: The Fan Analysis (Pt.1)

Okay. This entire analysis of Wild Grinders will end up being a trilogy because IT. WILL. BE. LONG. (for Tumblr) This one is the defense of Wild Grinders. It will focus on what the series “is” and “isn’t.” Basically, the main idea is to look at it directly and avoiding opinions.

The next mini-essay will be a criticism, and the final will focus on the improvements of the series. But here, we need to lay out some rules/disclaimers:

the person writing this is already consider deranged for liking wild grinders. if you’re here to be a hater, then youre the one whos losing the sanity game

the person writing this is not affiliated to Wild Grinders in any form, tried tagging Dyrdek and Tracy my fanart and they did not look at it

there will be no academic sources for this because there aren’t any peer-reviewed articles of wild grinders that exist

 it’s 2023, everything’s a fever dream in our timeline

no beta at all

Let’s begin by addressing some statements that the internet loves to share. (It’s misinformation actually).

Wild Grinders is a rip-off of Rocket Power! >:(

Let’s address that this statement is half-assed. Yes, both TV series are about skateboarding. Yes they’re aimed at preteens. And yes they aired on Nickelodeon. However, they are actually not the same.

Rocket Power’s main focus was on extreme sports and accuracy. The cast was accurate from the way they behaved to even their ethnic voice actors. The settings are based off the real locations of Southern California and Hawai’i. And the sports were highly accurate in terms of safety and the way they are practiced. They don’t focus on skateboards only; they include surfboarding, roller blades, and hockey. But they also include the injuries that can happen in these sports.

Wild Grinders takes on ‘artistic liberties.’ The show is inaccurate when it comes to actual extreme sports, but everything is given an imaginative twist. None of the characters are fatally harmed from getting shocked or eating concrete. There’s shrink rays, fairy tales, and pop culture references everywhere. Even the setting is a “we can do whatever we want because everything is not real” situation. Earlier projects (the toy line) takes place in ‘Ketterville’, inspired by Rod Dyrdek’s hometown in Ohio. However, the most of the show takes place in the fictional ‘Sprawl City’, a setting influenced by the west coast of California because that’s where Dyrdek lives (present). Most likely because it is where skateboarding originated. This is the reason why Wild Grinders is very skateboard-centric (surfboards/snowboards are an exception). Rather than looking at multiple extreme sports, Rod Dyrdek wanted to focus on the idea that skateboarding can build a community and bring people from different backgrounds together.

While Rocket Power has a narrative that’s written accurately, but Wild Grinders is more focused on creating a quirky kids’ cartoon. Arlene Klasky and Gabor Csupo have lifestyles that cannot compare to Rob Dyrdek and Tracy Tubera’s. Dyrdek hosts the show Ridiculousness, and it’s literally what the title implies; everything is ridiculous and over-the-top. Not only that, but Rob Dyrdek owns the Fantasy Factory; literally an extreme playground of an office! You can skate in there or drown in a ballpit full of foam cubes! Wild Grinders is an embodiment of what Rob Dyrdek loves; fun.

Another thing to add on: Rocket Power is for a different generation compared to Wild Grinders. The pop culture of 1999-2004 is different from Wild Grinders being aired in 2012-2014. In 1999, most kids never owned a phone. In 2012, there was new generation of children who grew up with smartphones and Instagram and my entire middle school (in that year) all had an iPhone. Wild Grinders was made a for a different generation where everyone knew about Ke$ha, Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, and Lady Gaga. Rocket Power aired during a time where everyone knew Backstreet Boys, Blink-182, Hilary Duff, and Mariah Carey. Two completely different generations.

Isn’t Wild Grinders the kid version of The Nutshack?

Listen. It aired a bit before Wild Grinders and ended before the TV series aired. It seems uncanny. But you need to stop comparing both of these shows just because it has a similar art style. Tracy was never involved in making The Nutshack. Tracy’s style is a lot more simplified and cuter than the animation.

However, it wouldn’t be a stretch if there was someone in the animation studio who ended up working on Wild Grinders and disrespecting Tubera’s original style. There are more post on this blog discussing the difference in quality of the animation and Tracy Tubera’s earlier works.

What is Wild Grinders then?

[From an Artprojekt Interview]: The original idea was a toy line that Rob Dyrdek wanted to create for Walmart. He had the idea of different types of skateboarders on different styles (and backgrounds). Since Dyrdek wasn’t an artist, he hired different artists to create his character designs, most of them didn’t live up to his vision. Chub City was the art style he was aiming for. He went to find out the artist who created the characters of Chub City and immediately hired Tracy Tubera on spot, saying that Tubera nailed the characters “first try.” They launched the Wild Grinders toy line from there. And it was successful from what everyone says. There’s no complaints about the toys (Just gonna insert that the Wild Grinders panel was around the same time as Monster High. To the Mattel employee reading this: you knew that Draculaura and Emo Crys were gonna be the best sellers).

On Rob Dyrdek’s first season of Fantasy Factory (01x07), he was always in the works about Wild Grinders. He made an episode where he made mascot costumes of the characters for everyone to wear and promote the toys. He even attempted to make everyone skate around the Fantasy Factory while in costume (it didn’t go well). But they all drove to Walmart to promote Wild Grinders and sign for fans. Later, Dyrdek was told to make another character for the toy line; Shark Attack. Rob Dyrdek had the abstract idea of this new character, also took it a step further. He went out to Florida to get “attacked” by sharks. Specifically, he was there to experience a shark feeding frenzy (A/N: Respect sharks please). Anyways, the character Shark Attack never got bitten by sharks, Rob Dyrdek said that his character got the ‘shark bite’ from a chain link fence. But Dyrdek had fun feeding the sharks underwater anyways. The things he does for his OCs.

Based on many interviews, he constantly refers to many of his characters as “cute.” Rob Dyrdek is a grown man and yet he’s able to say when something is cute. But that also leads to his intention when making Wild Grinders, he wanted the series to has a “cuteness factor.” Not like the sense of Hello Kitty or Littlest Pet Shop, but this he has his own definition of what it means. The best examples are Meaty and Emo Crys. Meaty is a dog, it’s easy to make dogs cute in media. But Emo Crys? A human character? Yes. Rob Dyrdek has said that Emo Crys was one of his most favorite designs if he couldn’t say Meaty as an answer. When he worked on Emo Crys’s character, he seemed to have put the most thought into it and fans also adored him. He only states that Emo Crys is a crybaby and wears a cute little scarf, but that was just enough for him to be lovable. But it wasn’t just that one character, he also thought most of the characters were cute in their own ways.

Then there came the animated shorts and movies. “Golden Grinders” and “The Lost Skate Spot” were short movies that actually focused on making an actual narrative, but still keeping the imaginative tone that Rob Dyrdek wanted. These shorts were focused on promoting the toys; by giving the characters personalities and voices that can be seen. Some of the animation would soon become the 2012 show, but adjustments would be made that many people didn’t notice right away. One of them was the change in tone for Emo Crys and Jack Knife. Where they had different tones in the pilot animations, but drastically became different in the 2012 animation.

Out of all the early animations, this has to be the best one. It really captured Tracy Tubera’s art style and compliments the characters and setting and just the overall tone of Wild Grinders.

After the animated shorts and pilots, Nickelodeon greenlit the series. No one understood why, but the answer was simple: Nickelodeon was focusing on NickSports at the time and promoted things like football and endorsed famous sports celebrities. Rob Dyrdek was famous and popular at the time (my friend from Europe recognized him as the guy who built a giant skateboard). You get the idea by now.

Lo and behold, the Wild Grinders TV series was born.

In conclusion, Wild Grinders is a project made out of love and more of a personal work. Unfortunately, the craftsmanship doesn’t reflect the process of it. It was created from the idea of Rob Dyrdek’s original pack of skaters from his childhood. He rejected 5 artists on a deadline because they couldn’t capture what he envisioned. He and Tracy Tubera were fond of these characters throughout the toy line era. Then Dyrdek decided to feed sharks in Florida to gain inspiration for another character. Clearly, Rob Dyrdek was having fun and putting effort in the creative process. It’s just that people were more focused on the final product of Wild Grinders and that lead to hate and criticism of the series.

Next

[aronarchy]

in your opinion, what should an anarchist and post-carceral society do about dyed-in-the-wool wrongdoers who *will* make the active choice to hurt people *deliberately* regardless of the societal conditions or measures taken to prevent harm?

(i'm not meaning to sealion here, i am just genuinely thinking about this question myself)

not really sure what you’re counting under “measures”—for example, taking a measure such as “killing them” would, obviously, ensure they stop hurting people. other things like (hypothetically) “isolating them w/no resources & no way out” would, also, drastically reduce to likelihood of them hurting people—no matter how much they want to & are willing to, if they don’t have the physical means, they can’t

though, I’m not in favor of things like imprisonment, bc to be able to lock up & hold someone like that already means you have some degree of disproportionate power and other things built and set up in place, and also it would be way overkill causing vastly more harm than needed which is bad

I struggle to imagine a world without any more prisons, bc I’ve never lived in one & our entire lives are saturated w/prison culture, tho there are some pre-carceral societies you could study; & personally tho I find it easier to think abt these things thru “what can I do right now,” bc it’s already a similar issue—trying to stop harm (a lot of harm happens in my life even rn), but w/o carceral apparatuses (also knowing that those can’t really help us with anything and are the harm, in similar ways)—and really anything we would do once we get to something that could be called a “post-prison” point is already what we’re doing now—or trying to do, tho the carceral state tries to prevent those things

& a key point abt that is that “harm” (esp in the form of abusive relationships) tends to not really follow a “community is in a position to stop it while it’s happening” in the first place, bc of how the entire society has a culture of silence built into it, & how tons of factors go into making these situations hard to escape or resist. & also how communities tend to suck at handling abusers even after they find out (lots of victim-blaming, not understanding how this stuff works, not understanding the risk etc). so w/, like, close interpersonal violence I’m very focused on improving the ability for victims to use self-defense, to escape, to cut contact w/abusers & decreasing the consequences for that, & helping us retake control of our narratives and decreasing tolerance for abuse & abuse apologia in general

there are also people, for example, I might come across near spaces I orbit rn & who are obviously not safe to be around (determined bigots, harassers, abuse supporters, etc) and a lot of the time I’m not in a position to do anything about that directly, but I try to spread knowledge abt right-to-not-interact-with-people-you-dont-want-to (for example), and awareness of how bigots & abusers/supporters use platforms and positions of power to enact harm, and making it easier for ppl to fuck off from them if they’re being toxic (think antifascist tactics, but including how they're applied on a smaller scale—focusing on preventing fascists from building power, denying fascism a platform from which to promote itself, interrupting the problem in its tracks before it can escalate to assaults or state takeovers)

every situation of harm/victimization is different, every manipulative/exploitative/abusive person is different, the treatment each gets from surrounding communities is different—but in general (if these things can even be said to be generalizable) whatever they are using to be able to cause the harm, whatever’s preventing ppl from doing effective self-protection, etc etc take care of that (& no one size fits all ofc but if it’s, like, a person who targets ppl in certain types of communities for attacks then a great first step would be removing them from their projects and disassociating from them and informing other at risk communities abt them)