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Happy 34 communism-free years!
Thank you to all the people who took part in taking the regime down. So glad I never had to live through that time, thanks to you 🙏❤
Rest in peace to everyone who died fighting or merely tried to get out of this hell. You will not be forgotten.
Iron curtain can get fucked ❤
#in case someone doesn't know the curtain was a literal barbed fence with guards guns rifles machine guns guard dogs and all that fun stuff#broken capitalism over broken communism any day thank you very much#never again#stories are bad enough#grateful for it to have ended#this is why i bristle every time an american proudly declares to be a communist#like no you have no idea what that means#i do NOT want to live in constant fear#i do NOT want to stand in line to get a few rolls of toilet paper and hope for the best because you don't have friends to keep some aside#in case there wasn't enough for everyone#not to mention fruit#having to beg to be able to leave the country#and you'd be shit out of luck without connections#and even if you DID get permission#you'd get no fucking money to actually function there#you had to again have connections to get more currency somewhere#and then *smuggle it out*#so you could#you know#buy one (1) ice cream#every single year i wonder if i should post something but you know what fuck it it needs to be said#iron curtain#cold war#sametova revoluce#velvet revolution
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/CW: Blood (idk if you can mute words here but just in case) A fanart I did a bit ago about Syndra killing her Master in a burst of anger I never thought about how Syndra felt about this event so I wanted to portray my idea about it. Taking in consideration how Syndra was as a kid and student + her life, I don't believe she wished to kill Konigen on purpose. At the same time I believe this was a "point of no return" for her character
#syndra#league of legends#also syndra losing control over herself after doing this makes me believe strongly that realizing she murdered him made her snap completely#syndra was essentially feared and rejected by everyone around her including family because of her magic - so by going with Konigen to learn#-magic only for him to fear her too most likely made her revive all the bullying and mistreatment she received because of her powers oof#backstab after backstab from the people she trusted - simply tragic - to be feared and pushed away by those who are meant to accept/love yo#-just bcs of how you were born (in this case with very op magic that she didn't even manifest for the first time until much later like damn#it'd been “”different“” if she used her magic immidiately but it wasn't even the case - dormant magic was enough for everyone to freak out
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Divorce Saga Domon - A Haunted Honk Prequel
Hello Internet Stranger looking up G Gundam on Tumblr dot com!
This is an idea for a fic set in an Alternate Universe involving Queer Non-Canon Relationships between the characters of the series.
If you are not looking for this content please scroll on.
If you ARE looking for this content - and you're ok with reading my and other's Headcanons for this Alternate Universe I've haphazardly spun up -
Then go ahead and feel free to:
Check The Tags Of This Post For The Pairings
and click the Read More below!
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Ended up outlining a completely different fic as a Segway for an explanation instead of making progress on the Royal Flush Haunted Honk AU's Clown Motel Fic like I wanted to but uh....
For y'all's review for the AU: A Prequel Outline - Divorce Saga Domon
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Hey real quick - I'm thinking of maybe changing the timeline to 2 years post canon as opposed to 3 years and change post canon.
The reason being: I had a thought that this scene could either be part if the fic or if it's getting to big then it could be a stand alone tie-in prequel fic as part of this AU but - like
Immediately Post Divorce Domon Needs Space and runs off. As one does. And he runs to Earth because he just wants to Get Lost for a while.
He has Argo smuggle him out to avoid detection.
Argo has Andrew help stow Domon in a storage hanger of a Neo Canadian supply ship that's returning to the US - they have trade often enough and share agricultural resources - which leads to Domon ending up in New York when he hits Earthside pavement.
He's privately worked on his English the last couple of months and after being dropped in New York with a different hairstyle, outfit, and accent he's unrecognizable.
He considers making his way west to get some solitude in the wilderness, but something about that initial plan feels off now that he's on the ground.
Chibodee is also Earthside for a special series of prize fights aimed at raising charitable appeal for the US in the eyes of Neo Americans.
Domon decides to hit up Chibodee for a fight on a day between matches hoping it'll clear his head and give him the clarity to decide on a course of action. What ends up happening is an unexpected heart to heart via blows and a breakdown.
Domon is happy for Rain and Kyoji, and he knows it's not true; but he feels like he lost a piece of himself when his relationship with Rain fell apart.
Domon's instinct is to run after that but Chibodee knows this city and Domon doesn't hide out for long before Chibodee drags him back to his place to stay and just "Chill out and breathe. You don't have to be anyone but yourself here. You can take as long as you need to find out what everything changing means for you." Friends and teammates stick together.
So Domon spends a few weeks with Chibodee sparring and hanging out in New York. Chibodee does a frankly awesome job at containing his feelings because he's focusing on Domons feelings and being a good friend first and foremost. Whatever he's feeling can wait until after Domon is done going though it.
There's a bit of a twinge in Domon's heart as he leaves that he can't really place.
After he returns to Neo Japan and gets settled back into life with his family, The Dreams start.
They're mainly set in New York. Small things first like noticing Chibodee's smile and his eyes. Then sparring sessions that begin to turn lurid.
He thought these kinds of dreams would stop after he was married.... he doesn't know what to do about this.
I just figure it gives more clarity and sense of time for the journey from Comphet Marriage Dissolution to Feelings to Confession. Idk.
But I got stuck on a bit and then had this thought and needed to get it down before I lost it and it was so long it made sense to make it its own post as opposed to several replies.
The Maize and Clown Motel will probably still be 3 years and change post canon for clarification.
@thedragonchilde @amplexadversary @youreaclownnow
#Domon Kasshu/Chibodee Crocket#Royal Flush#Chibodee Crocket/Domon Kasshu#Royal Flush Haunted Honk AU#mobile fighter g gundam#I imagine he hasn't had time for a Big Gay Crisis yet but the time is absolutely now#Kyoji absolutely helps him through this crisis because he had a normal environment and university to figure his own shit out.#Kyoji has to figure out WHY Domon is imploding and explosive and avoiding everyone a second time though.#This doesn't seem related to the Divorce but it doesn't seem immediately obvious either. 🤔#Cue Schwarz FINALLY getting a fucking break and immediately coming to stay with Rain and Kyoji at their place.#Domon was aware that they had been living together in Neo Japan briefly before Schwarz was called back to Neo Germany for questioning#Once his rank was stripped of him he was back with Kyoji for a short period before the Divorce as part of Kyoji and Dr. Kasshu's study of#DG Cells. Once they had a breakthrough - Schwarz was sent abroad with a small military group and Doctors Without Borders group to assist#With immediate infection cases on behalf of Neo Japan as part of reparations. So Domon hadn't seen him in quite some time.#Domon certainly wasn't expecting to see him in the garden when he rounded the corner of the Mikamura residence#Leaned over Kyoji who appears to have been working outside on his laptop. Fingers intertwined a hand on Kyojis jaw and locked in a kiss.#Which ends pretty much instantly as they sense Domon and break apart. It occurs to Kyoji and Schwarz that Kyoji never#Got the chance to actually tell Domon much about himself and the man he'd grown into while Domon was training in Hong Kong with Master Asia#This might be a pretty significant shock to him.#I can't decide between Domon running from his Gay Revelation or IMMEDIATELY Losing His Shit at the thought of Rain's SECOND marriage ending#And knowing for sure now the reason why his and Rain's marriage didn't work out. He really does prefer men.#Bu HOW DARE Kyoji do this to her!!! She's been through enough!!!! This will HURT her SO BADLY!!! (Projection of guiiillllttt)#Back to square 1 fir a moment like damn#And once he starts fighting Kyoji about it (Thank God the ressurection gave them the option to make Kyojis new build similar to Schwarz's)#It comes out that Rain cant go through this AGAIN and he won't let him do this to her! Her honor means something to Domon#And it should mean something to Kyoji too as HER HUSBAND#Kyoji and Schwarz catch on the Again bit and Kyoji makes it clear that Rain has known about his situation with Schwarz since they returned#That they're quite literally inseparable and that Rain married him knowing this. She's fully aware and an active participant.#Domon takes a leg sweep and doesn't quite make his recovery as Schwarz steps in#Pinning his arms and one leg in place so he can't run from Kyojis question. Kyoji grabs Domon's hair to turn his head and asks
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Jazz's little. Her parents are super cool. They're ghost hunters! It sounds like something from a movie about future and scientists and supernatural beings and cool-looking tech. They have cool-looking tech at home. It's even cooler than tech in the movies.
Jazz also has a little brother. He's stupid but he's hers, and she will protect him from anything. Her brother is very small, he needs someone to protect him and teach him about the world.
She knows about the world. She understands their parents much better than him, and she can tell her brother when they shouldn't be distracted. She knows when they're upset and irritable, and she knows when they're too excited and being near them is dangerous because of all the inventions.
Jazz does a very good job keeping her little brother safe.
---
Jazz goes to school. Her teachers say that she's very smart, the best student in class, and very mature. Her parents are proud of her - when she manages to distract them from ghosts. Her brother is still kinda stupid and doesn't know how to properly fight food, but she's always there to protect him, because that's what older sisters do.
Her classmates seem to think that she's weird though. Some of them say mean things and call her a teacher's pet and a show-off. Jazz isn't sure why they think so because she's always trying to be friendly but maybe she's doing something wrong. She goes to the school library and finds a book about people and their communication.
It's a very interesting book.
---
Jazz is almost a teen. She's gotten better at communicating with people. The school library ran out of psychology books, and Jazz now has to go to the city library but that's fine. Human brain fascinates her.
She's been feeling like something is wrong about her though. She even thought that she was going crazy for a little bit. That probably wasn't true because she didn't match any symptoms but she was still worried.
Someone told her that being so good at lying and faking face expressions is not okay. That's probably not true, Jazz is pretty sure almost everyone can do that. Or maybe she's just being a prodigy again. It's a very good thing to be able to do after all. She can hide her emotions from her family when she's feeling sad. She wouldn't want to worry them, would she?
She'll have to research it.
---
Jazz is a teen. She now knows that her parents aren't actually that good. It's something that was really hard to accept but it did explain everything. Her parents are kinda bad at being parents, and they also don't really listen when she tries to explain it to them.
It's okay. She's almost an adult and Danny has her. She can take care of herself and her brother.
She learns everything she can about being a parent and a therapist and tries to use her knowledge. It's hard, but she's a Fenton, which means that she's very smart and determined. She pushes through, and trains on her classmates and herself.
In the evening she writes about her feelings in a journal. It's very important to be aware of her feelings because that's the first step to dealing with them.
She's experiencing sadness. And anger, actually, even though she doesn't like to admit that.
She writes "this family is a fucking mess" in her journal and then covers the paper with ink until the sentence is absolutely unreadable.
---
Jazz is sixteen, and her stupid parents opened the stupid portal, which means that they're even worse than usual. It's pretty much okay when they're just stuck in their stupid lab, making some stupid weapons. It's not that okay when they're out of the stupid lab, because they get their stupid inventions all over the stupid house, and stupid food comes to life, and she has to protect Danny from both their stupid weapons and stupid hotdogs, and oh god everything is so stupid.
She's experiencing anger.
She's also acting perfectly calm and almost cheerfully.
Jazz hates how perfect her fake smile is in the mirror.
---
Jazz is seventeen. She wants to put her headphones on and listen to some loud music. Jazz can't do that, because she gets anxious if she can't hear what's happening around her. She needs to be fully aware of her surroundings because she needs to be able to protect herself and her brother if weapons against ghosts become weapons against children again.
She thinks that it's not okay.
The house smells of ectoplasm, so she'll be extra careful when opening the fridge.
She thinks that she shouldn't know how ectoplasm smells.
Jazz should probably also warn Danny: her little brother's gotten better at fighting food but doesn't notice the smell of ectoplasm. Funny, considering his ghost sense.
Funny, considering that her brother is a half-ghost.
That her brother died.
That she failed at protecting him after all.
Jazz stops breathing to prevent herself from crying, and doesn't need oxygen for a few minutes too long.
Maybe she failed at protecting herself too.
---
Jazz is turning eighteen next month. Her parents are all of a sudden more attentive and caring, as if that can change their almost-absence during her whole life. She doesn't like their attention because she doesn't know how to deal with it. She doesn't even really think of them as parents anymore.
She thinks of them as a threat.
Once she's eighteen, she's gonna try to move out, and she's going to take Danny with her because it's not safe to leave him here. Maybe after she gets a good job and saves some money, she'll even get into therapy.
Jazz thinks that she needs therapy.
She's been having Bad Thoughts lately, and she doesn't write them down in her journal. Jazz stopped writing anything in there ever since she found out that Danny is a ghost. She just couldn't risk anyone finding that journal.
Jazz isn't sure if she should call those Bad Thoughts intrusive. They scare her, and they're Bad, but it could be just her normal thought process.
It's still definitely not normal.
---
Jazz is eighteen. Her parents are very excited, whispering to each other about how they found a perfect present for her, some surprise that she's gonna love.
She doesn't care.
Her little brother is late from school, and it's weird, because he was also super excited about giving her his present.
She's worried.
Her parents brush off her concern, say that Danny probably just got distracted talking with his friends. They don't listen when she says that Danny wouldn't get distracted like that on her birthday because he's not them, he actually cares about her, he doesn't forget her birthdays, and something has to be wrong for him to be that late.
They don't listen to her at all.
She's angry.
Her parents are excited and talk loudly about how they wanted to find a perfect gift for their favourite daughter, and how they managed to do it because they love her so much. She hates when they're excited. It only leads to problems.
They bring her to the lab because of course they do, why would they make a gift that is normal and isn't kept in the lab, right? They usher her in, so obviously proud of themselves.
She hates them.
And she hates them much, much more the next second, because the gift is her little brother in his ghost form, strapped to a table, unconscious and injured, and the smell of ectoplasm is strong in the lab because of his green blood dripping on the floor.
There's a cold part of her that analyses her feelings and tells her what emotions she's experiencing, and that part is very aware of thick black smoke of wrath twirling and twisting under her skin. It's suffocating, and she stops breathing as it invisibly fills her lungs, scared of letting it out.
There's a perfectly fake part of her that keeps the smile on her face as her parents gush about how hard it was to catch the ecto-scum, and what they can do to it - together with Jazz because they wanted to share this with their amazing daughter.
Jazz is black smoke of rage under perfect glass of calmness when she grabs Fenton anti-creep stick. The smile she learned to fake under any circumstances doesn't falter when Jazz brings the baseball bat down on her father's head. It grows a little bit wider when she hits her mother, because Jazz learned to smile brighter when she's hurt or sad or scared or angry - experiencing any "bad" emotion actually.
Jazz is angry when she grabs her weapon.
Jazz is furious when she kills her parents.
Jazz is worried when she checks her brother's wounds.
Jazz feels nothing when she rigs the portal to blow, walks out of the house and presses the button.
She is her parents' genius daughter after all, and she did listen when they were telling her about their inventions. Maybe it would have taken longer to do, but she had Bad Thoughts, and they probably weren't just intrusive after all, because she did what they told her and made it very easy to make a bomb out of a portal. Just in case. Her parents were a threat, and Jazz was smart enough to prepare to dealing with threats, and she was smart enough to make it look like the threats dealt with themselves.
She really hoped she wouldn't have to use that button though.
---
Jazz is nineteen. Her sort-of-friends at uni offer to go to a restaurant, and she tells them that she doesn't celebrate her birthdays. There's a noise of all of them saying that maybe she should try, noise that she really should have expected, because humans are always so excited about any holidays, it's hard for them to understand that someone might not like them. It's not hard to stop that noise though. They shut up very quickly when Jazz says that she had "a very traumatic event" on her birthday.
Good. She doesn't like loud people.
Jazz goes home to her little brother. He's sad because his parents died in an awful explosion a year ago. He's still trying to smile because it's also her birthday, and Jazz is very happy that he's bad at faking a smile.
It means that he won't end up like her.
Jazz hugs her little brother, and he gives her a little present that she adores, and then they sit in silence and eat some takeout. It's very nice.
She never tells Danny that their parents died before the explosion, and that the explosion wasn't an accident, and that their ghosts did form after that because of all the ecto-contamination they had, but she made sure this wouldn't become a problem. She never tells him what she's done, because that would hurt her little brother, and she would never let anything hurt him.
Jazz will protect her little brother from anything.
#I was feeling kinda upset yesterday#and decided to make it everyone's problem#this just clawed its way out and why not put it on tumblr#it's not like many people will see it#I love when a mix of “bad parents” AU with “protective Jazz” AU turns into “Jazz kills her parents” AU#I've seen a few stories with this twist and apparently it wasn't enough for my brain#Jazz deserves to go a little crazy#also yes Jazz is liminal here because of the ecto-contamination#and she found where the ghosts of Fentons were starting to form and destroyed them#killed them twice#double double kill#protective murderous Jazz my love#make her brother upset and she will make sure you're gone *forever*#if it's not clear: the “Bad Thoughts” was her thinking “maybe I should kill my parents before they kill my brother”#and then she went and did something with the portal so that it would be one added detail and a press of a button away from exploding#in case she needs to run away from home with Danny and kill their parents#she didn't know if she would be able to kill them with her hands and not from away because it's hard both physically and psychologically#but she couldn't risk them doing something to Danny#and it was easier than she thought it would be#I've been thinking a lot about how Jazz could get interested in psychology because of her own problems#and how she definitely hides her emotions#if you see any mistakes please tell me because this is also kinda my way of learning English better#danny phantom#tw: murder#tw: death#tw: neglect#this is my first time doing this so please tell me what warnings I forgot and I will add them
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Interestingly enough, there are so many different views on why Ace didn't run away in marineford, despite the fact that Oda tried to provide an explanation. It feels like I have barely seen the same conclusion between two people.
#it feels like a math problem everyone found different ways to solve for themselves#for example I myself never took “Luffy was behind me” as a direct parallel to mg#mf*#I think it's one of those cases where Oda wants you to think deeper#while yes Luffy was in danger during mf and while they were running he wasn't in direct danger at that moment#mf put the focus very obviously on wb#I find Ace turning back very connected to the scene of him sobbing at everyone trying to save him#this is a boy who was told he was worthless and unwanted all his life#because of Roger#and WB as someone who knew Roger well told him it just did not matter to him and in general#Ace made his own mistakes and disobeyed direct orders and still wasn't abandoned#(this also strongly differs from Garp's relationship with him)#and then when the man who gave him all of that was dying because he saved Ace#and when he was totally helpless and unable to save that man#Ofc the insult from Akainu would be triggering#and comparing the man he considered a savior to one he considered to had ruined his life too#a lot of people say the insult was too simple#I don't think what the insult was mattered at all#the nature of it was enough to get to him#I know “never running” has always been in Ace's nature and a habit#but still the reasons aren't exactly the same#it's meant to show Ace's protective nature and his fear of losing those dear to him as Garp said#am I digging too far into this?#Am I making it deeper than it is?#maybe but this is just my take on it and what has convinced me#lulu rambles#one piece#portgas d ace#portgas d. ace
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The Winged Servant - 11
content warnings: vague medical care, narrator who does not realize he was a victim of violence, unreliable narrator who believes in the divine right of a monarchy, fantasy discrimination against angels, I swear this is actually much less political than these warnings make it seem
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The thing about angel wings was that humans didn't know much about them. Prince Ryan had done some research, early on, just in case, he'd said. From the look on this doctor's face, though, I didn't think she had done the same.
The other thing about angel wings was that I didn't know much about them either.
I wasn't an angel angel, of course. Not like the ones from the bible with eyes all over themselves, begging people not to be afraid of them. I was the type of angel that hadn’t been too different from humans, way back in the early days. Back when people paid egregious amounts of money for the ability to fly. Humans and angels were only separated by a surgery worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, still all called humans, until the scientists had learned to change the genetic code of children before they were born.
Wings got a lot less valuable once kids could be born with them. It didn’t help once people couldn’t control if a kid was born with them or not.
“Angels” was a nickname first, and it spread, although I never was sure if it was just the wings or if it was the idea that angels would come to the earth while the world was ending. It didn’t matter. Everyone thought that the world was ending, and maybe it had. But people still ate and slept and laughed and cried, and the world went on.
And once the angels started to show differences from humans, humans stopped caring to know about them.
I knew very little about my wings besides the fact that they weren’t the wings of a bird. Prince Ryan, while in one of his better moods, had explained some of it to me once. Bats were mammals, like humans—easier to attach, easier to maintain. Of course, the prince was human, and I was not, and I would never be able to have his level of understanding with matters like these.
There were humans in this castle, though, that also didn’t seem to have his level of understanding.
The doctor that Kieran had brought me to had taken one look at me, smiled politely, and left me alone to talk to Kieran outside the door. “Just stay put for a minute, sugar,” she’d said, voice strained, a southern accent bleeding through her words as she left me to avoid eye contact with the guard who’d had to help me walk down the hall.
Her voice was less strained when she’d returned, but she still didn’t seem pleased that I was there. I shrunk back onto the cot I’d been left on.
“Onyx, Ma’am.”
“Alright, Onyx, that’s good. Do you mind telling me what happened to your arm?”
“It got hit by a sword, I think, Ma’am.” My memories of the night before were hazy, but it was a sword, right? My arm had been… it’d gotten hurt when we were in a hallway, in an endeavor to get us out of that hallway. And Prince Cardan had pushed me in the way. Maybe.
“Mkay. Looks like you got lucky and it just nicked you, hun. Won’t even need stitches. I’ve just gotta disinfect it and bandage it. Would that be alright?”
I nodded jerkily, not expecting the question. Prince Ryan had told me what he was doing to me, sometimes, but not like this. Dr. Charlotte had been smiling the whole time, soft and kind. Prince Cardan smiled at me sometimes, but it was always due to amusement on his part. Of course, that was his right, because I was a servant, but Dr. Charlotte had been smiling as if it were for my benefit. She’d asked before touching my arm. That wasn’t… how people were supposed to act about angels and servants.
“I’m afraid I can’t do much about your wing, sweetheart,” she said once my arm was bandaged, and I nodded. I’d expected that much. “I haven’t ever worked with angel wings before, and I wouldn’t want to make anything worse because of my lack of experience. But I can find someone who knows more about it, alright?”
I nodded. Dr. Charlotte seemed like the type to tolerate questions, probably. “May I ask a question, ma’am?”
“Sure, hun.”
“Why do you want to fix my wing?”
She blinked, and then laughed lightly. “Well, I’m not quite sure what you mean. I mean, I think everyone should get medical assistance that caters to them. You don’t mean to give up on that wing just because I wouldn’t know where to start with it, right? We’ll find someone else. Do you not want it fixed?”
I frowned. “Good servants don’t have wants, ma’am, other than serving the royal family. Her Majesty has always had my best interests in mind, including when my wing was broken to prevent me from flying. And I don’t have a preference, of course, but I don’t know if she wants it fixed.”
“Her Majes- Are you talking about Lucia?”
“Yes, ma’am.” Dr. Charlotte’s willingness to refer to the queen with her first name was dangerous, to say the least, and I tried not to let my heart rate spike.
“Okay, well, I’m not sure if she mentioned this to you, but she hasn’t ruled a country for the better part of the last decade. Last night was a pitiful attempt to get the country back under her control. Bless her heart, she might have actually believed it would work.”
I stared at Dr. Charlotte. I wasn’t supposed to contradict the things said by people who ranked higher than me, which included everyone, but holy shit. Holy shit. Talking about the queen that way was treason of some kind, without a doubt, and also flat out wrong. Sixteen generations—the monarchy had been theirs for sixteen generations. “Are you sure you aren’t misinformed, Ma’am?” I settled on eventually.
“Quite sure. Have you ever actually seen Lucia with any of her subjects?”
No, but I wasn’t a traitor and I knew that I was supposed to take the royal family’s word on things. I was a good servant and I would act accordingly. Except-
Except I had just left a room of the entire royal family, tied up together. Except we had murdered three guards to get into this castle, and we’d lived in a house with three bedrooms. Except that the royal family had a total of two servants working for them, and neither of us had been allowed to leave the house.
“Her Majesty’s family has been ruling the country for sixteen generations,” I said weakly.
“Yeah, well, no one wanted Lucia to rule because she’s a dick and hates everyone. So we did something about it. I can’t get you to start hating her—that’s up to you—but you should probably know the facts, and the facts are that she’s not a queen and she never will be again.”
And that was- not my decision to make. Nothing was ever my decision to make. Of course political affairs like this wouldn’t make sense to me; I was an angel and a servant, and my only job was to do what I was told.
That was what Prince Ryan had said, even. Do what they tell you. Don’t get hurt. Even if this Dr. Charlotte was wrong about things, I was supposed to do what I was told.
“Hey,” Dr. Charlotte said softly, and I glanced back up at her. “I’m sorry for overwhelming you, dear. Now that your arm’s all fixed up, Kieran’s got some questions for you, if that’s okay.”
Do what they tell you. Don’t get hurt.
“Yes, Ma’am.”
~
Taglist: @kaleidoscope-of-thoughts @toyybox @rainydaywhump @risk606
#this has actually been fully written in google docs since the beginning of october lmfaooo#maybe even end of september#for some reason the actual writing is not nearly as exhausting as copy and pasting to tumblr#anyway. i hope everyone loves charlotte#kieran will be back next chapter. maybe even with answers about what's going on in this country. in case enough hints haven't been dropped#rainbow's whump#rainbow's ocs#the winged servant#whump#whump writing#whump ocs#charlotte tag#onyx tag#angel whump#non human whump#also author here. i SWEAR i do not believe in divine right of monarchies#in case this wasn't clear onyx is so so brainwashed#we'll get more into that next chapter too#and last thing! most doctors do know more about angel wings than charlotte does#she's younger and onyx is currently the only angel living in sathenn. so she didn't study much about them but older doctors would've
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:O
#Wow. Mr Ayatsuji was right#I think it's the first chapter in the entirety of bsd that ever had me go “oh” and “wow” out loud#This is so cool. I mean not much to see yet but these were all such cool plot twists#For a moment I really feared Dostoyevsky had taken over Gogol? I'm a little glad that wasn't the case poor Gogol#I suppose Bram is now like‚ dead-dead? I'm sorry. Not overly sorry but still sorry. I liked him.#Today I took lunch with a friend and she's a big jj/k fan and was talking about how everyone dies and I was like#“lmao. No one in bsd ever dies. ever”#How to be proved wrong in the span of 2 hours pfftttttt#Anyways I'm SO SO SO SO SO ////////////SO//////////// GLAD THE ACTION IS BACK AT THE AIRPORT. Ss/kk for pride month 2024 I can FEEL it#I think... Maybe? The new mega three sided singularity will create a new ability-entity. It makes sense doesn't it?#Something so powerful to create a new being. Spawning from Fukuchi's body. The dude from the season 5 finale#You know. You saw the similarities with Fukuchi. Yeah It makes sense#Next chapter is going to introduce them then show everyone at loss and desperation–#and then in the last page Akutagawa's grand entrance as being alive#I'm not even joking btw. It sounds reasonable enough. Akutagawa kinda has a thing with last pages entrances#Gotta explain the new outfit though. Something something and magical girl tranformations#Anywayssssssss good chapter. Hope the next one is going to be even better <3 (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏)#random rambles
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a bit disappointed by the Ghost community right now after the Aurora and Swiss kiss, like so much hypocrisy and misogyny its incredible
clearly you guys weren't a safe place for lgbt+ people when ghouls were kissing and all, you were just fantasizing on us
i knew some of the fans were like that, but this event really shows it
#i know it's not all of the fans like i guess the majority is clearly ok#but still#i saw way too many things of that and people saying they were shocked by it and all#“separate the artist from the character!!” until suddenly you are so sad for swiss gf abt that kiss#1) his relationship is none of our business#2) he kissed orher ghouls many times and it wasn't a problem (even out of character sometimes?????) (not sure)#3) respect everyone définition of couple like its not because you think kissing is cheating its the case for everyone#4) i love Aurora and her talent is not talked enough and when we finally talk abt her its because of that 😭#maybe i should take a little break from the fandom and go back to only listen to the music for a little#ghost#the band ghost#LA concert#LA ghost concert#Aurora Ghoulette#Swiss Ghoul
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I think I have maybe decided to tell someone I no longer want to be friends with them, but I'm wondering if I should give it a few more days before I commit to it
#anthill#pretty much everyone except the one mutual friend I have with this person has said I should#the one friend said that what she did was shitty and could I understand if I did#but also thinks that it is something that we could maybe work from#I'm not really asking for advice I'm just processing my feelings out loud#I kind of had a revelation about boundaries today#and I've been really blaming myself for not being firm on mine and letting this person cross an emotional boundary#but that doesn't exist in a vacuum#I can say no to things and often do#its when substances or I guess in this case horniness is involved that creates problems#if she were completely platonically cuddling I would have said no to anything further#but with reasonably doubt adjusting positions turned into active grinding#and when she asked if she could touch me further I said but that will turn me on so idk#it wasn't an enthusiastic consent#which she only got after continously grinding on me#and like the situation that my ptsd is like hey this is just like this other time#involved someone asking to make out 3 times which I said no to consecutively until they got me crossfaded#its not a not setting boundaries problem so mu h as not recognizing patterns of behavior that people employ#until they can dubiously get my consent#and needing to learn those patterns#also saying 'be firm on your boundaries' is about as helpful as saying 'don't be anxious'#like wow! I've never thought of that before! youre a vissionary thank you!#like I don't blame myself enough.
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welp. icarus/beneath the wax is no more. might rework it at some point, might not, but if i do it'll be a one person affair. i at least know myself to be reliable and can bank on that. not doing a work of that ambition and that size with another person again.
personal bullshit under the cut, likely limited edition
good fucking riddance. hurt to get the ao3 deletion email but hurt even more to have someone who called me a friend completely vanish without warning. we never fought, nothing was ever wrong that i know of, we spoke very frequently and he called me his friend and vice versa and we had plans to meet someday... and then nothing. only gone for me, though, don't get it twisted- not too busy to keep up a presence elsewhere and ignore my messages asking what i did and post furry porn though.
fuck you man.
#also before anyone accuses me of throwing shade i'd like to remind everyone that this is MY blog. thanks#🦇#at a certain point it wasn't about the work anymore#moreso that a friend i'd had for over a year and a half just decided he wanted something shinier#(who the fuck knows!! that's a guess!! i haven't been given jack shit!!)#ghosting is fine in plenty of situations where safety or respect is an issue but i cannot emphasize enough that was not the case here#and ditching someone who you'd long surpassed the rank of just 'fellow fiction enjoyer' with when NOTHING HAPPENED#seemingly just because you got bored and didn't have the balls to say that#is cartoon villain levels of cruel#fuck's sake.
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Being self aware is literally hell I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
#diary#god I could rant about about this forever#tw mentions of assault in the tags dont read if that makes u uncomfortable#im kinda getting tired of people asking why i dont date 🤩 it sends me into a mental spiral hahahaaaaa#i just tell people im not looking for anything serious rn but its a big fat fucking lie because i DO want to date#but i think my nervous system is so shot from living with my dad still and he can be so emotionally abusive it's insane#it makes me not trust my judgement because shitty behavior is so normalized and i KNOW whats Right and Wrong but im so used to keeping the–#–peace because its a survival tactic for me and always has been#like when people like me i think one of two things usually:#1) they're genuinely interested in me and i hate myself so much i cant understand why anyone would like me#or 2) theyre interested in me for my body which is both easier to understand and terrifying because people in the past have hurt me because–#–they wanted to be with me. read between the lines for that one#because of how i grew up and what I've experienced i genuinely do not trust people. i trust no one fully and it kills me#i feel so fucking guilty all the time bc most people arent out to get you but that wasn't the case for me#i feel like i cant grow as a person because im stuck in a survival mindset. i KNOW why I people please and i hate it#i genuinely do love people and i want the best for them but its also ingrained into my head that if something is wrong it's My Fault#and there will be Consequences#back to dating though#there are so many reasons I do and dont want to date#i call myself a Helpless Romantic because there's no way I'll be dating in the near future. i cant just go on dates I have to know you for–#–a while and build trust. but what if it ends badly and im the idiot who cant take a goddamn hint and realise love isnt meant for someone–#–like me?#i grew up knowing my parents hated each other and “stayed together for the kids” whatever thet means. like that fucks with your mind#seeing my mom being mistreated by my dad made me snap out of the disney movie princess x prince charming daze everyone else was in as a kid#i realised very early on that relationships won't save you and can actually be the worst thing to ever happen to someone#theres more to this but ive already said enough lol. anyway
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before i came on to reblog stuff as usual, i was just going through the things that were made for me this year by both @raplinenthusiasts & @cordiallyfuturedwight, and i can't tell you how grateful i am to have met such lovely souls on this site. i will cherish every single one of these sets forever 💗
#not me being sappy at almost 2:30 am because i'm unable to sleep#see when you're the creator you don't really think about people making anything for you#you're so used to everyone else being a muse#at least in my case that's true#seeing as i'm a professional creative & all#so when the tables turn for a change?#it touches me in an inexplicable manner#i guess as the year draws to a close#i didn't want to miss the opportunity to showcase my gratitude#i love you both dearly in case that wasn't obvious enough <3#steph.text
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#my posts#...........................................................................................................................................#............................................................................................................................................#is that enough i think that's enough#yeah that's how its going#everything's been getting worse and I've been feeling very bad but also very pathetic and like complaining almost makes me feel worse but#i can't do anything else about this so like. vent post lmao bc I'm a dumbass#i truly just want to(redacted)but one of those isn't an option and the other i have a drs appointment soon and i don't want to explain that#everything is just. bad. and what isn't i feel like it's getting bad and it's my fault. and I'm probably right.#just. i hate it here#the deserving mentality is truly getting to me and i fucking hate it. it's not logical. I'll still agree with it.#i truly don't deserve the food stuff i can't keep in my life and i deserve the shit that in getting and i can't stop agreeing with that#'oh this classmate wants to have lunch with me on Saturday after working on something! i should cancel before it's too late-#-so i can continue feeling bad for being an apple bc people should hate me bc I'm horrible and don't deserve kindness' like#it's. it's false. it's not logical. and yet#everyone else there's the fucking plexiglass wall and where it wasn't i think it's getting formed and it is my fault probably#i am annoying that one is true#.... I've been making posts like this all day and deleting them bc I'm pathetic also. it's.#... there's a little too much going on lmao#nothing's worth it and i feel like shit and anything i could try to do about it doesn't work and I'm just tired#... in case someone does read this i know it sounds worrying but nothing will happen tbh I'm just a pathetic coward who's sad and tired#and tired of being sad in a way that feels like it's getting worse#I'm not very sure when was the last time i felt. this bad in just. i don't know how to make it stop lmao#also in already annoying so this is all i can do i think lmao#i think I'm seeing now I'm just. being redundant and if i keep this up too much i will delete this. and i should but. i don't think i will#also without saying much this year the one thing™ has been worse than usual and that's not helping either so it truly is just.#that everything is kinda very bad#.... yeah. whatever. it's just.¯\_(ツ)_/¯#... i truly wish killing myself was still an option like when i was a teen bit it's not so i just have to deal with whatever this is#... i hate being aware this is all super illogical bc the logical post of my brain teams up making me feel worse somehow.
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it hurts me to say this but i am really not enjoying cabinet of curiosities as much as i hoped i would :-( sorry guillermo del toro. i still love your work but i can only look at so many cgi tentacle beasts before i get bored of them
#i think the one i was most disappointed in was pickman's model#the whole point of the original story was that there was nothing supernatural about the actual paintings themselves#the twist is everyone thinks pickman's a regular guy with a vivid imagination but it turns out he's just painting exactly what he sees#and i guess the director thought that wasn't scary enough so now he's a deranged cultist whose paintings turn you into a cannibal#rare case of a lovecraft adaptation being too over the top#be shh now
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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thinking about when my mother said to me that she wants to really make an effort to treat my younger sisters well so that they're able to recognise when they're being mistreated because they'll think "hey! this isn't the way im supposed to be treated" and that's when the penny sort of dropped... that's why im like this?
#because i literally. genuinely. don't. know. any better?#and then trickled in the pain of knowing that i wasn't worth enough to want to treat well#but it's not a dick measuring contest or anything. my sisters are great and I'm glad our mother wants to make changes for them#i truly am#but anyway. at least now im self aware#I've been tearing myself up from the inside wondering why i continuously find myself in situations where im being treated so badly#because obviously it's not everyone else. the common denominator is me#and I've been trying to figure out exactly what I'm doing wrong#my older sister said to me that it's the people that i choose#and i guess she definitely has a point there#but when my mother said this i was like oh.#it's not that i let people do bad things because im a pushover (though that was the case a while ago)#it's because i literally don't know the difference#and im so used to shitty behaviour that i can't recognise when it's happening#because it's always happening#crazy town. big weekend for revelations#i swear to god every time i get sick i undergo a new kind of metamorphosis caterpillar to butterfly style#continuously transform#mine
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