#in between appointments.
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Aro culture is debating for YEARS if trauma made you aro or if you always were. Then you get informed about Avoidant Personality Disorder and now you’re sitting here like.. I’m aro and have a personality disorder?????????????? Because that makes a lot more sense. I do yearn for connection because of the disorder but I do not feel consistent romantic attraction 😳😳 it’s like bearly there at all like an incense that keeps going out.
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#aro culture is#aro#aromantic#actually aro#actually aromantic#ask#mod axel#at this point i've accepted that whatever's going on in our head is symptom soup#like there's genetics for a number of things and trauma so whatever the result is#i can at least say with certainty that therapy alone was Not E-Fucking-Nough for reducing depression symptoms#and neither therapy nor anxiety meds reduced our anxiety to any noticable degree#and i mean like. therapy through my university required us to fill out the PHQ9 and GAD7 every single appointment. i generally had 3 weeks#in between appointments.#2 years of pure therapy mildly reduced the depression numbers - from the 96th percentile in students - to something more like...#still major depression but not *that*#and anti-depressants got me to like... just ever so barely below the threshold between severe and moderate depression at its best#but! as we noticed while talking about this#i had one (1!) single score over three years of therapy that was not IDENTICAL for anxiety including when trying antidepressants with#anti-anxiety capabilities and when trying a specific anti-anxiety med#the single difference was by one point down and honestly it was mostly a little blip of nice life events#brain sure goes brr in here
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i went to physical therapy for my stupid broken arm so as is my legal obligation i HAD to make ship content about it. everything is ship content that's how it is
cw injury, referenced abusive relationships
--
Hob's had plenty of clients come to physical therapy who clearly don't want to be there. Plenty of others who are reasonably frustrated by the work and time involved in regaining functioning after an injury. But this is the first time he's just had someone be... quiet. Resigned.
Dream sits with his hand cradled to his chest, barely speaking, only answering when Hob asks a direct question. He's reluctant to give Hob his hand when Hob asks if he can look at it, like he thinks Hob's grip is a bear trap that will snap down and crush the bones like whatever had done so the first time. Hob still doesn't know what that was. All he knows is the bones have been realigned and healed over but the dexterity in his hand still isn't right. That was what Dream had said, in the first spark of passion Hob had heard from him. It's not right.
But he does eventually give his hand over. His bones are so fine and delicate, and each movement hesitant. Cautious. Hob tests the flexibility. The strength. Dream is right, it's not where it should be. He still doesn't know what happened.
"I won't make you tell me if you really don't want to," Hob says gently. "But it is important to know how it happened to make sure we rehab it the right way. Did you get it caught in something? I've seen guys come in with machine injuries like that."
Nothing about Dream suggests "person who works with heavy machinery." But who knows. Hob will try not to stereotype.
"No," Dream says quietly, looking down and away from his hand like he can't bear to see it. "I. I am an artist. My ex... he felt that I cared more about my art than about him. Perhaps I did. And he was... frustrated. I suppose."
Hob can put the rest of the pieces together in his mind. "Jesus," he breathes, and Dream flinches.
"I have an unfortunate ability to involve myself with such people," he says.
"No, it's not your fault," Hob says automatically.
Dream narrows his eyes. "You presume to know that?"
Hob raises his hands in surrender. "Never mind. I won't pry." He's not Dream's therapist. His job is to help him with his hand, not... whatever else is going on in his life.
He takes Dream's hand carefully between both of his own again. Presses down lightly on his knuckles. "So. Crushed. Like that?"
Dream nods. Hob still doesn't know all the details, but he's imagining a boot going down hard on the top of Dream's hand. The thought is sickening.
"Can you fix it?" Dream asks, like he doesn't dare to hope.
"Well, you already had it repaired surgically, yeah?" Hob says. This strikes him as a bit of good luck--hand fractures are not simple--but he doesn't want to undercut Dream's confidence even further by saying so. He's usually pretty good at reading his clients, and he's already sensing that Dream is holding onto his determination to be here at all by the barest thread. Best to build him up as much as possible. "So it's just a matter of strengthening the muscles again."
He's fairly confident he can get him back to a usual level of functioning with it. The question is whether he can return him to the specific level of dexterity he needs for his art. He doesn't say that. Not yet.
Finally, he gets the tiniest of smiles out of Dream. He's really lovely when he smiles.
(He's pretty when he doesn't smile, too. Hob would have to be blind not to notice it.)
"So," Hob says. "Let's look at the current range of motion, yeah?"
Dream tilts his head. "Did you not already do so?"
"For regular motion, yeah. But I want to see where it's impacting your drawing."
Dream draws his hand back, looking uncertain.
"Come on." Hob hands him a pen and paper. "Show me. I promise I know nothing about art. If it's not up to your usual standards, I'm not going to be able to tell."
Finally, Dream takes the pen, and starts sketching.
Hob watches, noting the way his hand trembles, his uneven grip on the pen. Notes how quickly he gets demoralized when it doesn't turn out the way he wants. Hob can make out what he's written and drawn, but it's clear from Dream's expression that it's far from how it's supposed to be.
"This is just a starting point," Hob reminds him. He has a feeling he's going to be doing a lot of those sorts of reminders with Dream; he does not seem to find optimism easy.
Then again, if someone who supposedly loved him had hurt him like that, Hob would probably find optimism a bit difficult, too.
Finally, Dream drops the pen, clearly frustrated. "I have tried to paint at home, too. It has not turned out any better. You should throw those away." He gestures to the sketches. "They are terrible."
"Nah, I'm gonna keep them," Hob says, and puts them in his folder. "For comparison later." It could also partially be because he finds Dream's drawings of cats, imperfect as they are, charming. Sue him.
"As you insist," Dream says.
Hob gives him documentation on some other exercises he can do at home. Tries to think through what might make him feel better with his art. It feels, somehow, so important to make him feel better.
"At home, go easy on trying to use a pen, or paintbrush or whatever, it's hard on your hand," he finally says. "But you probably want to get back to your art, so-- okay, don't make fun of me if this is stupid."
Dream just raises an eyebrow, waiting.
Maybe Hob should try to learn more about art before he gives advice. Nevertheless, he forges on. "Holding a pen is tough, but if you wanted to like, finger paint or something? That would probably be fine. Might be good for flexibility, even."
"Finger paint," Dream repeats, enunciating each word.
"I told you not to make fun of me if it was stupid."
Dream smiles, just a small thing, like he finds Hob ridiculous but in a charming way. Good enough, Hob figures.
"Very well," Dream says at last. "I will take your advice."
Dream simply walking out had felt like a distinct possibility, so Hob will take this as a win.
"Hey," he says later, catching Dream for a moment as he's checking him out. "It's going to get better, yeah? Trust me. Don't worry too hard, just give it time."
He really shouldn't make promises like that. But he can't seem to help it, with Dream.
Dream considers, then says. "I do trust you."
Hob finds that it means a lot. Now he's just going to have to earn it.
#i really am writing the most random indulgent shit this week XD#you know this was a missed opportunity to do 'forbidden romance between a physical therapist and a ballerina' like that ridiculous romance#novel that was going around XD#anyway don't take physical therapy advice from this#dreamling#dream of the endless#hob gadling#my writing#cw abuse#long post#perhaps i'll write more after my next appointment XD#physical therapy fic
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Assorted doodles across time
#homestuck#dirk strider#jake english#dirkjake#jakedirk#hom3stuck#home24uck#home2t4ck#admin draws#fanart#scraped across my gallery for things i haven't posted#theres an even and neat split between those i drew on my Wacom#and those i fingerdoodled on my mobile app bc i had no other thing#old strawpage doodle too for a twt moot that i kept deliberating whether to post but like why not.#anyways. sleepy. this time next week ill be back at home. oorah#maybe going to some doctors appointments. hopefully studyinf and drawing a lot more
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DP x DC
not me thinking about imaginary scenarios of ten year old Tim Drake in the ghost zone (pariah’s castle)
where Tim thinks it’s strangely soothing that despite being the only one whose steps connect to the ground, there’s not that eerie silence that befell drake manor
strange blob creatures chitter softly and nip at his hair and swooshes and wisps of wind betray the presence of an invisible ghost
which after following he realizes it’s almost like he’s trailing after the black dark shadow that is batman again
which gives him the idea that, maybe, just this one time, he can play the part of robin
that in mind Tim makes out a game of sneaking to the side of ghosts that look like they’re brooding and if they can spot him he loses
most just grunt in response (very in character) while others fuss over him and ask questions which Tim uses to infodump
he also politely asks the ghost that always asks him how he’s doing to instead say the word “report”
(the ghost looks at him weirdly but humors him and besides the answer would be the same anyways)
Tim also(!!)
gets on the case of why the walls lack tangibility when he is the one leaning on them (he doesn’t live down the time he wanted to look cool only to fall through the wall)
hyperfixates on how gravity works in the ghost zone because he couldn’t do a skateboard trick he has pulled off many many times and he’s salty about it
tries to figure out where they are getting human food from (cause it’s hot enough to be homemade but also there’s no kitchen —so how could it be) (also he wants coffee)
finds out the dude that often gives him a side eye when he finds that Tim knows how to do something (math homework), is next in line for the throne and yet doesn’t have a single “mingle and talk people up” bone in his body. (despite it his networking is a solid 7/10)
gets a ghost horse to adopt him what
discovers pretty quickly that there are rooms to which he can’t phase through (a.k.a. he’s not allowed entry) to which he begrudgingly backs off even though that stands in his way of doing a very thorough layout™ of the place (robin would)
sulks over the lack of extreme sports in the place
(Danny takes him to the Far Frozen where they go tire sliding in the snow and where tim learns how to use a skateboard skate and also that ghost ice cream is just as good as normal ice cream)
sulks again cuz he caught a common cold
also because there’s no sun or moon poor Timmy’s already screwed sleep schedule gets more messed up to the point no one knows when or where he will fall asleep
(ghosts find him in the most unhinged of places with a signature purple cloak draped over him every. single. time.)
overall, be a menace
see-> the time he threatened to build ghost weapons he’d somehow memorized the blueprints of cause Danny wouldn’t let him visit the radium girls factory but yes the renaissance period
see-> that time he went through the whole ghost energy and how to work with it book section in the library and half an hour later had a prototype of a star wars laser beam made
(note: bribing only works for hot chocolate, not for letting him keep cool-looking guns)
just tim having the time of his life
clockwork being no help at all (the ghost loves being a cryptid)
and danny trying not to get attached while he progressively gets more concerned over this chaos child he emotionally adopted as his little brother
(to fit canon cause i want it to this would just be until Danny finds the dimension little Timmy is from, then they can safely yeet the child back to the moment he first went missing)
anyways before anyone knows it’s been three months
#tim drake#danny phantom#dp x dc au#batman#dc#dp x dc#danny fenton#like this little guy practiced with ghosts#which don’t breathe#tim comes back to gotham and can sneak up to batman better than an assassin#don’t make sound on the floor if they don’t want#and have heightened senses#you are gonna tell me that in all the bats career they never saw the little tiny child that followed them around with a camara??#whelp now you got an explanation as to why#also upon realizing Danny didn’t know anything about how to mingle Tim who has been going to galas for years self appoints himself#to teach him don’t frett#little headcannons in my own au#this in my head is fic#it’s more extensive but it was getting long#i was going through some mental hoops to find the correlation between his hobby and tim this time deciding to be robin#instead of the shadow chasing AFTER Batman#but basically it’s because this time tim had someone to make of Batman#he’s not alone#and he’s a kid#he wants to play#and now that he can play With someone of course Timmy is gonna chose his hero
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translated by GT
Today I learned that the Pope has the right to appoint secret cardinals, and even the cardinals themselves may not realize that they now have a new position. Popes have the right to make the name public at any time, but if the Pope dies before the Cardinal's name is made public, the individual ceases to be a Cardinal.
Yes, Catholicism is weird.
But more importantly, there is only one person in the world who can prove that I am not a cardinal.
.
#I've heard of those#stuff is complicated as is and the rules and canon have varied a lot throughout history#don't quote me on this but I believe in order to be eligible to become a cardinal these days you have to be an unmarried catholic man#between the ages of 30 and 75#and an ordained priest at minimum even though in practice all cardinals are bishops or archbishops#but I also think the pope as the sovereign leader has the power to appoint anyone at least in theory#and historically the requirements have been a lot looser popes would create cardinals pretty haphazardly#nepotism was exceedingly common every pope would want to surround himself with relatives friends and allies#at least a few popes allegedly made their lovers into (largely incompetent) cardinals back in the day#answered#anonymous#not that I know anything but everything I've read about the renaissance holy see has immense chaotic energy
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Maybe I'll make a post on this at some point but like, something deeply fucked up about TNP and Po3 that people have totally forgotten about is how badly they try to whine that "Tigerstar Had Good Traits :("
Firestar does it, Brambleclaw does it, and they keep doing this after it becomes this GRAND irony that Firestar almost gets Tiger'd to death in a fox trap because he was too trusting. Bramble gets his pity award of keeping deputyship and then cries to his son about how No One Saw The Good In Tigerstar :(
And it's wiiiiild that no one else in this fandom has done anything with the fact that Leopardstar broke the Warrior Code to appoint Hawkfrost, who had no apprentice, an extremely aggressive and warmongering Tigerclone who says things like "Tigerstar wasn't the worst cat to look up to." ONLY qualifying trait was being kinda like Tigerstar.
And she practically did that the SECOND Mistyfoot went missing. And then Leopardstar continued to be one of the most violent and xenophobic leaders through Po3, joining with WindClan to attack ThunderClan.
What I'm getting at is that like, a few years ago, with books like "Blackfoot's Reckoning" and "Shadow in RiverClan" it's like they suddenly decided to retcon in a bunch of "redemption arcs" in hindsight. They just pretended like there was this grand high reckoning with TigerClan, when there literally wasn't, and if anything that caused SERIOUS problems for the cast that the authors didn't fully acknowledge as such.
And now ppl haven't actually read the main series and are just working with their recent memory of all these retcon books.
But TNP and PO3 are still there, and you can go and see the ACTUAL timeline where Leopardstar is really not apologetic at all, and Blackstar is a useful stooge for the very next wannabe dictator that strolls in, in spite of the new side content that COMPLETELY mischaracterized them for their plots to work.
#I just wish people could be more critical of this#And im not entirely anti-retcon. Mind you#But I am here because i think these retcons make them WORSE characters. It's BAD for a character to GET a book with a redemption arc and--#Then they don't change at all and act like totally different people later in the timeline#And Leopardstar is the worse one between her and Blackstar BECAUSE she has sooo many active choices here#Im confident in my choice for BB the more I think about it. Leopardstar's dismantling of the bonehill was good#But it works better as a tragedy imo with the rest of the series in mind#That for a brief moment. A fleeting whim. She could have changed.#But she never did.#And Blackstar who was FAR less repentant at the time DID eventually turn around.#At the end of the day one of them appointed Hawkfrost as codebreaking deputy.#And the other did not.#And I think it's fucking bullshit the way that Leopardstar's retcondemption implies that Hawkfrost was just so tricky he mislead her#The old and experienced leader who had been fooled by a tiger before and was soso sorry for it. Just got tricked.#Like fuck off. She never had a redemption. Stop trying to tell me she did 15 years later#She's a girlboss who empires too close to the sun in pursuit of power and drags everyone down with her#Not a sad weepy smolbean#Bone babble#Warrior cats analysis
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lmfao canada is just destroying the covid vaccines available for the XBB variant now while we wait UNTIL OCTOBER to get updated vaccines.
i guess it just would've been too hard to destroy them one or two days before the others becomes available huh? /s
they told us to wait until fall and then destroyed all available vaccines we have as fast as they could
#fucking canada#they're trying to see how many people they can kill or disable between now and october i guess#they must be getting close to not being the top country for euthanizing disabled people for organ donations and they're starting to panic/s#canada practices eugenics#covid#disability#eugenics#masking is community care#once again having to push all my medical appointments to the middle of winter and flu season#so fucking fun
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Hey Heronpaw, I think you're wearing that feather a little... Wrong, you know? -v-"
#jcooc#jcasks#clangen#warrior cats#this was drawn between tattoo appointments lol#why must I work when I can draw cats all day
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#my art#sketchbook page#sketches#fighter jets#planes#stars#moon#sketching#top gun fandom#jets#did some traditional sketches between appointments today
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transgenderifies your lonely old man
#the magnus archives#tma#peter lukas#he acts like he keeps forgetting his haircut appointments but really he just doesn't want to have to sit there with another human person.#plus it pisses off elias which is always a bonus. can you guess who keeps making the appointments.#A0 (artist) lore: i finish and queue all of my art between the hours of 2-4am. or else ill never post ever. hi. im so tired.
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the stark difference between this october and last october has my head spinning 360 degrees tbh.
like last october was so joyful and so rich and so beautiful and i would give anything to do it all again, whereas this october is like back to back to back horrors l m a o
#AND IT SEEMS TO BE THAT WAY FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE#NOT JUST ME#but man like#i’m dealing with an unknown health issue that’s really sending me ✨spiraling✨ lmao#and has been kicking my ass since the beginning of the month#and I thankfully have an appointment with a specialist#but couldn’t get in until november soooowjfjsjdjqdn#i am just so so worried it’s a chronic autoimmune condition#and am REALLY praying it’s not but#who knows#it’s just crazy skdjwjd the contrast between now and a year ago#guess it goes to show that SO much can change in a year#also HELLO i have seen yalls asks and appreciate yall so so much#and will be replying once I have ✨the spoons✨
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Ink October day 3: Sophistry
An argument that seems plausible, but is fallacious or misleading, especially one devised deliberately to be so.
#khux#khux player#kh player#kingdom hearts#kh#kingdom hearts union x#kingdom hearts player#player my beloved#blue boi draws#ink october#ink October 2024#ink October 2024 day 3#watched a bunch of Player cutscenes for this one and Aug AUHG I love them. I always forget how much of a character Player is#but they are truly their own guy. more then even some non-renameable/customisable game protagonists#the utter guts on this kid to challenge multiple foretellers multiple times,fight both Ephemer and Skuld at the same time-#(both very powerful in their own right),AND attempt and succeeded in tricking four of the personifications of darkness themselves is… wow#they’re such a powerful fighter too. like they kick both Skuld and Ephemer’s asses,and sure they were both not aiming to kill and exhausted#from fighting Ven’s darkness BUT SO WAS PLAYER (as well as having just come from the arcade and those fights)#them fooling the darknesses too… along side their two closest friends… I wonder if there was any noticeable change between their normal#fighting style and the one they used there. Skuld and Ephemer didn’t necessarily see them fighting during the war#(only heartless or against one appoint) so I wonder if they fought like that.#the ‘argument that is plausible but misleading’ here is Player being possessed. with all the information available to them it is plausible#but we know for a fact that player is just straight up lying. making shit up. mimicking how darkness spoke before to pretend. which is ki#kinda hilarious to me like you go girl gaslight gatekeep girlboss. gaslight them into believing you’re possessed gatekeep them from dying to#trap darkness and girlboss by winning. amazing beautiful 10/10#I like to think Ephemer never realised、at least while he was alive. something in the tragedy of him never knowing.#of not recogising his dear friend through their deception. of dying thinking he failed them. that it wasn’t their choice.#and he did fail them in a way. there’s this recurring theme in Kingdom Hearts where the hurt lingers despite the memories being gone.#Player is very much effected by this with their memories of the war being gone but still suffering. Ephemer stands by the decision to hide#it thinking it spares them from the burden but it doesn’t it just takes away the context and they deserve to know what happened to them
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spto coming out has been such a surreal experience bc before it came out i was like. the one roxie kinnie (at least as far as i was aware, i’m not doubting that there were more out there) & now she has like a million stans and half of me is like “FINALLY other people who understand her the way i do��� and the other half is like “i liked her before it was cool. my blorbo. mine.”
#this isn’t meant to be taken that seriously ofc#i hope this doesn’t come off as like. pretentious or gatekeepy or anything#it’s just weird when you have a character you identify with so strongly that suddenly becomes popular after years of being underrated#and you’re torn between enjoying their newfound popularity w others & missing having them all to yourself#i’m so unbelievably happy that the show gave her the character development she deserved#and that she’s becoming more people’s favorite#and that we’re getting more fan content of her bc i was STARVED#and i’ll give my more detailed thoughts in a separate post#but also never forget I WAS THE FIRST#i am the self-appointed CEO for a reason#some details i actually predicted in my own HCs#(many of which i haven’t even posted here yet)#& i’m SHOCKED that so many of my own thoughts on her ended up coming true#scott pilgrim#scott pilgrim takes off#scott pilgrim vs the world#roxie richter#roxy richter#audrey thoughts
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But I am really excited for tomorrow evening. You guys know I'm excited to see Tommy and some proper Buck and Tommy content. And Halloween stuff!!! 911 Halloween episodes are always a good time.
I'm definitely on the Buck-touches-the-mummy-and-gets-a-skin-infection(Or worse)-and-Tommy-is-weirded-out-and-calls-Eddie-in team. Because why would you NOT call in your friendly neighborhood former army medic and unofficial paramedic in that case. Like what's the point of having one if you don't use it.
But I also love love love seeing Buck and Tommy in comfy/cozy clothes together. Tank tops/large hoodies/sweats. It feels so domestic to know they're comfy with each other like that, but of course they are after almost six months. But it's good to see.
I just cannot wait for tomorrow.
#bucktommy#I missed all the fun yesterday between my doctors appointment and grocery shopping#and then when I finally got on the computer I threw on sykkuno's stream and played some tcg card shop sim
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My 99 day was yesterday and it was spent waiting for a train and in exams
Tech core I suppose
#the bad batch#sw tbb#tbb#sw the bad batch#tbb tech#Maths and Science Prelims#I kid you not I showed up at school and it was right off the bat#then I got an hour between a two 1/2 hour exam and a two hour exam#then I had to run because I had an appointment#only for the train to be delayed
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Still alive btw my wrist has just decided I need to go fuck myself actually
#it's been 2 weeks of this nonstop and I'm starting to worry lol#I'm heavily considering booking a doctor's appointment or smt#but I'm yet to have ONE singular positive experience with a doctor since moving here ffs#so I'm like 90% it'll be a frustrating waste of time#oh well#Anyway back to fantasizing about all the cool shit I COULD be drawing >:(#okay that's a partial lie I have been drawing stuff it's just that it's either been niche personal dnd stuff#or monster porn.#which is between me and god so yeah xD
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