#in all of these cases they were literally not allowed to prove their identity because they were already deemed 'crazy' without any proof | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

giantkillerjack · 8 months ago

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Hi there, I just wanted to stop by to say thank you for making your recent post about ‘getting dependent on mobility aids’ — I was tempted to comment on the post itself, but since replies have been shut off (which I’m assuming is because people were missing the point?), I figured anonymity would make it easier for me to share this😅 I think it’s important that you know it’s helping not only able bodied people look at it from a different perspective, but other ‘disabled’ people as well.

I’m 23, and have a whole host of health conditions, only a handful of which have actually been diagnosed, the others are still a mystery, and struggle a lot with feeling guilty about taking up space in the community, and the fact that I’m considering getting a mobility aid, because of all of those same reasons people around me have been telling me since I got sick. Reading this post helps make me feel a little bit better about the whole thing, and I just want to thank you for that❤️

�� 🥀✨ Anon

[Anon is referring to this satire post I made]

Hey, this is the sweetest most rewarding goddamn message, and I'm incredibly grateful to you for it!! 💖💖💖💖

Also, it validates that everything I write about disability is ultimately written with the hope of making disabled people's lives better, and comments like this mean I am making worthwhile writing/art!!!

Also,

I want to make one thing very very clear:

There IS space for you here.

Obviously I don't speak for the entire disabled community, but I know I am not the only one who sees someone struggling to accept a disabled identity and has the thought, "Hey. Impostor syndrome is basically universal in the newly-disabled. Dont sweat it. You are welcome here."

So... You are welcome here. Says who? Says me. You are allowed to take up space in this community. You have more than permission, you have an invitation. You never needed one to take pride in your identity, but you have it now, in case that helps.

(Learning to undo our own internalized ableism is literally a lifelong process, but it is a worthwhile one.)

The best chances we have at survival and at thriving are by holding onto each other like a goddamn gundam made of cripples and neurodivergents, with no one being left behind.

Therefore, your presence (if you are respectful and kind, which seem to be your vibe) actually ADDS to our collective strength, rather than taking from it.

The actual "limited resources" that we're told disabled people must compete over are a result of systems that enforce a false idea of scarcity and trap us in isolation, poverty, and sickness.

Often, disabled people are the primary lifeline to other disabled people, actually. In my own personal experience (as disability is a huge category and no experience is universal among us except ableism), I've seen VERY little IRL competition among disabled people, but many instances of disabled people working together to demand a better conditions, plus countless instances of disabled people taking care of each other in everyday life.

The "prove you are disabled beyond a shadow of a doubt" mentality also supports these deadly ableist systems because it allows those in power to deny aid to those who cannot meet a ludicrously high burden of proof.

- Fuck that. Fuck that. I believe you. You have a condition that limits your ability? You can't do one or more vital tasks without constant pain?? That's a disability. You're disabled. And there's room for you to sit with us. Welcome.

I know that some people have internalized ableism, and occasionally this community does deal with the issue of gatekeeping. But I really believe those people are a vocal minority of the community as a whole - Most of us are just glad to have another comrade and co-conspirator!

There IS enough for all of us, and historically the only way these systems have actually changed is through a whole lot of disabled people banding together and helping to keep each other alive in the meantime.

And it's okay if what you need to do is just focus on keeping yourself alive. Like I said, you're a vital member of the team now, and the core of disability advocacy is someone should never be left behind. - It is morally and socially right for you to take care of yourself both on a collective and individual level, and that includes experimenting with mobility aids!

BUT ALSO - and this is VITAL - even if you go your WHOLE LIFE using more resources than you are able to provide, even if you can "only" contribute the extensive labor of keeping yourself alive for your entire life, you'd still DESERVE COMFORT, RESPECT, ACCOMMODATION, AND CARE. You would still be a valued part of this team because people who need a lot of help are not "drains", they are ENTIRE PEOPLE.

YOU are an entire person!

And if we as disabled people only measure value by how much a person can DO, then we become no better than the ableist systems that terrorize our lives whether we have accepted disability as an identity or not!

You are worth the effort of caring for you because you are ALIVE and a PERSON.

And while I don't believe in laziness as a concept, this would include you even if you were "lazy". Even if you were mean. I probably wouldn't want to invite a mean person to stuff - but like I said, you don't need an invitation to be in this community. You don't need permission to care for yourself or to have the rights of a full person!

Sacrifice for no reason is just self-harm!

You deserve accommodation because it is a HUMAN RIGHT to reduce pain and improve your quality of life without hurting anyone!!! You are wanted here even if you cannot fight or advocate or produce!!! It is not selfish to care for yourself with the tenderness you would show to a little puppy in pain! Or if it is, then maybe selfishness can be beautiful sometimes! - That is the core tenet of cripple punk and of disability liberation. ALL of us matter. Period. End of sentence. Full stop.

... All this to say, I think getting a mobility aid is a great idea!! And it makes me so so happy to rep how amazing it is to have the accommodations you need!

Just yesterday, I went out with my new rollator for the first time (now that I finally live somewhere without stairs!), and I felt so happy and free that even though I just went to a grocery store pharmacy, I had the BEST TIME. I can't run on my own, but with the rollator? I can really move!! I was beaming the whole time!

I even crossed paths with an older woman in my building who was complaining about how embarrassing it was to be the only person with the walker on the floor, and the way that her expression changed when she saw me and when I said how happy I was to have my new walker is something that will stick with me forever! (Her aid worker actually hugged me - it was a magical pharmacy trip, y'all - and my joints feel AMAZING getting exercise I couldn't do without the walker!)

For years now, every time I stand or walk somewhere, being upright has been a matter of calculating how much pain I can take before it is unbearable - mapping out stoops to sit on, places on the ground less likely to be wet from rain, store floors to collapse on - but with my rollator (which I have named Blue Gator the Rollator)??? I SIT THE SECOND I NEED TO, AND WITH THIS POWER I WALKED FURTHER THAN I HAVE IN YEARS.

It brings me immense joy to let people know how important that is, how important their comfort is. To get people to question how much pain and isolation must actually be cultivated and sacrificed on the altar of "move like an abled person"!!

What a badass act of rebellion to say "fuck you I'm getting that goddamn cane and I might get a walker while I'm at it!!!", "fuck you I don't deserve to be in unnecessary pain!!!", "fuck you i don't deserve to be doing constant damage to my joints and nervous system by standing in pain all the time!!!"

Plus, I keep a water bottle and a folding cane (and a phone charger and a notebook) in the little pouch under the rollator seat! (and this time I actually read the safety manual, which everyone should do!)

Okay this got really long (and at some point half the draft got deleted and had to be re-written from memory), but tbh I'm not sorry. I don't know you, but I'm terribly proud of you. Like, the pride fills my chest with warm expanding light when i think of someone coming closer to getting the things they need to thrive.

I hope you get all the accommodations you need and then some more on top of that! You deserve less pain! You deserve to take up space! You deserve to sit with us if you want to! Welcome welcome welcome welcome welcome. ❤

P.S. I actually didn't get any nasty replies to the post itself - I had to change the reply settings on my account because of an unrelated post in which I criticized the queerbaiting in a popular piece of media, and thus was suffering a Deluge of people sliding into the replies to defend the queerbaiting like they were Sherlock/Supernatural fans in the year 2010. 😅 but I am very happy you reached out anyway!!! Thank you again! You made my day!! 🥰🥰🥰

#original #disability #cripple punk #crip punk #cripplepunk #disability advocacy #disability liberation #i might take part of this post and make another shorter post later #who knows! i am a man of mystery! and I'm not even a man! that's how mysterious I am

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babybabymerrychristmas · 2 years ago

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Do people think that white women worked as a need in america or are you guys not aware that this was seen as "destroying" family values and there was a huge push to make sure that white women didn't have to work and even during this time period, it was never more than 20% of white women were worked at a time and that is being fucking generous.

White women did work, temporarily, until they got married. Black women were forced to work and this was seen as a part of their gender identity and therefore they were seen as slavewomen but not true women.

If you want me to give yall a detailed history of this, sure, we can get into the intricacies of class, sex, race, disability, and sexuality but you are proving my point that womanhood was not granted to all woman based on them having a vagina.

That is the original post that I made, and that is what you guys are arguing against. You are saying that no, women were actually only ever defined by their sex and treated accordingly by their sex as women.

But this is inaccurate, racist, and leaves out the ways in which black women were considered to be the complete opposite of white women.

I find it hilarious that you guys are claiming I think there are biological differences between white and black women, when all I have ever claimed is that white people in slave time America believed that there were biological differences between black and white women.

Are you denying that white people in slave time America believed that there were biological differences between white and black females? Because, there were.

That's the point, saying that woman has always been defined as adult female human is inaccurate and racist.

It has actually always been defined as white vagina holder (I'm talking about the word woman, aka in English, aka colonizer culture, don't bring up other cultures here because we are discussing the definition of woman, an English word).

So again, you're fucking racist if you as a terf claim that woman was always defined as adult female human. That is false, if that was the case white and black vagina holders would have been treated the same during slave time America and they weren't.

Why? Because black women were denied true womanhood status.

It's literally that fucking simple.

True womanhood= ideals of womanhood, being a woman who doesn't work, being a woman who is white and not sexually promiscuous.

This is also what we can call purity culture today comes from, this original definition of woman.

If black women were seen as women, they would never have been enslaved. It was a huge fucking argument at the time that black women weren't women precisely because they "had to work," because remember slavery came out of indentured servitude, the idea that you work for a living to clear your debt but you're not the property of another person.

Keep in mind, white women were also defined as property but they were also allowed to own their own property in the form of slaves, but I digress I just find it so fucking disgusting how trash white women are honestly.

Anyways, chattel slavery was matrimonial, which meant it was passed genetically from the female slave to the children. This is why it was okay to rape a female slave, because it would mean more slaves for the rapist.

Okay, look, saying that woman was always defined as sex is inaccurate and ignores the fact that it wasn't. Because if that was the case, black women would have been freed from slavery at the very least because they would be seen as true women- aka Godly women, as well.

Like, this is just historical facts about slavery and why it continued for so long and why black women were denied true womanhood status to be cast as slavewomen instead.

Their gender identity was not woman, it was slavewoman in that type period. That is all I have ever been saying, all I have ever claimed to say.

I have never denied that their female nature played a role in their gender roles, I have only ever said that race and sex was how gender was originally defined.

So unless you can tell me how I'm wrong about that, gtfo my blog.

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gooberino · 2 years ago

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So what's this got to do with fictional dads you might ask? Well, once I hit my teen years I started to notice how much I LOVED middle aged men. Especially in fiction.

I started obsessing over fictional men to fill the void of feeling unloved by my father. I pretty much exclusively did self insert art where I imagined the fictional men as being abusive to me, controlling, and possessive. Though, at the same time in my head they loved me and it'd be the classic case of wanting to fix the broken abusive man into a sweet loving person. It was my way of expressing the pain! Healthily? Well.. As a teenager it definitely perpetuated my self hatred, sometimes it even veered into mental self harm because of how violent and non consensual my fantasies were. I will say as an adult my fantasies have mellowed out more as I figured my identity out and started to truly try and love myself. Is it perfect? Nope, not at all. Grappling with self hatred is tough and I'm still working hard on not being as self destructive. Now to connect this to my blorbo >:) Father from knd is such a perfect example of what I look for in a fictional man but it's like pumped up to 100. He's got the 50s dad vibes going, he's sharp and angular with an amazing desgin, he's commanding, dominant, and intimidating, plus he's also got his own share of trauma that I absolutely relate to. Operation Z.E.R.O especially really shows what he's gone through, it made me feel deep sadness because I could see my own experience very clearly. He was an anxious kid terrified of standing up to his father, he was never praised or seen as a worthy family member. Despite arguably doing exactly what Grandfather wanted and being one of the most formidable villains in the show. However where me and Father differ is I recognized my dads' bad behavior and vowed to be a better person. Father internalized Grandfather's abuse and became exactly like him, continuing the generational trauma cycle. He's at his heart still the anxious broken child who never healed and is constantly seeking to prove himself. He doesn't allow much emotional expression other than anger. The way Father and Grandfather treat people, and especially their own children is relatable to how I was treated. It resonates heavily with me, and in a strange way can help me cope with my own trauma. I make Father into a nicer person in my mind, a guy who cares for me and I could help unpack his trauma. If you're observant you can tell how it's literally rinse and repeat from my teenaged years lol. I can't fix my own dad so imagining doing so with fictional dads is very comforting to me. Plus the whole silhouette form is basically a shell hiding his true vulnerable self, Father is consumed by his rage and pain that it's become his armor, and what defines him. It gives him the control he wished he had as a child, except he pushes that control onto others and it's incredibly toxic.

Thoughts on fictional dads and childhood trauma part 1

Gonna get pretty personal for a moment, and talk about my childhood trauma so scroll past if that's not something you can handle rn <3 Just want to have this written down somewhere.

Been thinking about why I obsess over fictional dilfs so much while I have a pretty dysfunctional relationship with my own father. Growing up my father was not a loving and caring person, he very much had the pull yourself up by your bootstraps and keep your emotions to yourself attitude. For himself, me and my family. He was insulting, mean, rarely ever gave praise, and everything we did as a family was controlled by him. We were expected to make HIM happy, and he got upset when we didn't fit his mold of a perfect family.

I don't think you understand how frustrating it is being 22 and your dad STILL being unable to take accountability for his past actions. While still craving the affection and validation of that same awful person.

I can remember getting dizzy and throwing up on a bike ride, and my dad angrily pushing me to keep going when I wanted to go back home to rest up. Then the following day we went on another bike ride to appease him.

I can remember my sister crying to me that he had threatened to break her dogs neck if she didn't get her shit together. (She was struggling with money and mental problems at the time from my memory.)

I can remember holding back tears when he was trying to teach me math and would make fun of me and insult me when I couldn't solve a problem.

I could fill a book with the amount of traumatic and dysfunctional ways he's behaved towards me and my family. The bottom line is nothing is good enough for him. No matter what accomplishment you tried to share, there was always something you could do to make it better. The walk should be multiple hours to count as a "good" walk. You need to live life with an education and a well paying job to be considered valid etc.

To then have your siblings and mother who are all just as traumatized be able to forgive him and willingly accept him in their life. It's isolating and it hurts. How can you just forgive someone who's caused you so much grief? I want to participate in my family but it's immensely difficult when I struggle to relate to them and my dad is still incredibly present in it, still being unchallenged on his views.

Now that's my dad and how he's traumatized me. But how did that affect me later on and most interesting how on earth does that connect to obsessing over fictional dads!?

I'll get to it in the next post, if you genuinely read everything I had to say I really appreciate you! <3

#tw vent #vent tw #vent post #codename kids next door #codename kids next door father #tw trauma #tw abuse mention

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mishafletcher · 4 years ago

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Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

So I got this ask a while ago, and I've been lowkey thinking about it ever since.

First: No. I am a queer, cranky dyke who is too old for this sort of bullshit gatekeeping.

Second: What an unbelievable question to ask someone you don't even know! What an incomprehensibly rude thing to ask, as if you're somehow owed information about my sexual history. You're not! No one—and I can't reiterate this enough, but no one—owes you the details of their sex lives, of their trauma, or of anything about themselves that they don't feel like sharing with you.

The clickbait mills of the internet and the purity police of social media would like nothing more than to convince everyone that you owe these things to everyone. They would like you to believe that you have to prove that you're traumatized enough to identify with this character, that you can't sell this article about campus rape without relating it to your own sexual assault, that you can't talk about queer issues without offering up a comprehensive history of your own experiences, and none of those things are true. You owe people, and especially random strangers on the internet, nothing, least of all citations to somehow prove to them that you have the right to talk about your own life.

This makes some people uncomfortable, and to be clear, I think that that's good: people who feel entitled to demand this information should be uncomfortable. Refusing to justify yourself takes power away from people who would very much like to have it, people who would like to gatekeep and dictate who is permitted to speak about what topics or like what things. You don't have to justify yourself. You don't have to explain that you like this ship because this one character reminds you a bit of yourself because you were traumatized in a vaguely similar way and now— You don't have to justify your queerness by telling people about the best friend you had when you were twelve, and how you kissed, and she laughed and said it was good practice for when she would kiss boys and your stomach twisted and your mouth tasted like bile and she was the first and last girl you kissed, but—

You don't owe anyone these pieces of yourself. They're yours, and you can share them or not, but if someone demands that you share, they're probably not someone you should trust.

Third: The idea of gold star lesbians is a profoundly bi- and trans- phobic idea, often reducing gender to genitals and the long, shared history of queer women of all identities to a stark, artificial divide where some identities are seen as purer or more valuable than others. This is bullshit on all counts.

There's a weird and largely artificial division between bisexuals and lesbians that seems to be intensifying on tumblr, and I have to say: I hate it. Bisexual women aren't failed lesbians. They're not somehow less good or less valid because they're attracted to [checks notes] people. Do you think that having sex with a man somehow changes them? What are you so worried about it for? I've checked, and having sex with a man does not, in fact, make your vagina grow teeth or tentacles. Does that make you feel better? Why is what other people are doing so threatening to you?

Discussions of gold star lesbians are often filled with tittering about hehe penises, which is unfortunate, since I know a fair few lesbians who have penises, and even more lesbians who've had sex with people, men and women alike, who have penises. I'm sorry to report that "I'm disgusted by a standard-issue human body part" is neither a personality nor anything to be proud of. I'm a dyke and I don't especially like men, but dicks are just dicks. You don't have to be interested in them, but a lot of people have them, and it doesn't make you less of a lesbian to have sex with someone who has a dick.

There's so much garbage happening in the world—maybe you haven't noticed, but things are kind of Not Great in a lot of places, and there's a whole pandemic thing that's been sort of a major buzzkill? How is this something that you're worried about? Make a tea, remind yourself that other people's genitalia and sexual history are none of your business, maybe go watch a video about a cute animal or something.

Fourth: The idea of gold star lesbians is a shitty premise that argues that sexuality is better if it's always been clear-cut and straightforward—but it rarely is. We live in a very, very heterosexist culture. I didn’t have a word for lesbian until many years after I knew that I was one. How can you say that you are something when your mouth can’t even make the shape of it? The person you are at 24 is different to the person you are at 14, and 34, and 74. You change. You get braver. The world gets wider. You learn to see possibilities in the shadows you used to overlook. Of course people learn more about themselves as they age.

Also, many of us, especially those of us who grew up in smaller towns, or who are over the age of, say, 25, grew up in times and places where our sexuality was literally criminal.

Shortly after I graduated high school, a gay man in my state was sentenced to six months in jail. Why? Well, he’d hit on someone, and it was a misdemeanor to "solicit homosexual or lesbian activity", which included expressing romantic or sexual interest in someone who didn’t reciprocate. You might think, then, that I am in fact quite old, but you would be mistaken. The conviction was in 1999; it was overturned in 2002.

I grew up knowing this: the wrong thing said to the wrong person would be sufficient reason to charge me with a crime.

In the United States, the Defense of Marriage Act was passed in 1996, clarifying that according to the federal government, marriage could only ever be between one man and one woman. It also promised that even if a state were to legalize same-sex unions, other states wouldn't have to recognize them if they didn't want to. And wow, they super did not want to, because between 1998 and 2012, a whopping thirty states had approved some sort of amendment banning same-sex marriage.

Every queer person who's older than about 25 watched this, knowing that this was aimed at people like them. Knowing that these votes were cast by their friends and their families and their teachers and their employers.

Some states were worse than others. Ohio passed their bill in 2004 with 62% approval. Mississippi passed theirs the same year with 86% approval. Imagine sitting in a classroom, or at work, or in a church, or at a family dinner, and knowing that statistically, at least two out of every three people in that room felt you shouldn't be allowed to marry someone you loved.

Matthew Shepard was tortured to death in October of 1998. For being gay, for (maybe) hitting on one of the men who had planned to merely rob him. Instead, he was tortured and left to die, tied to a barbed wire fence. His murderers were both sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison. This was controversial, because a nonzero number of people felt that Shepard had brought it upon himself.

Many of us sat at dinner tables and listened to this discussion, one that told us, over and over, that we were fundamentally wrong, fundamentally undeserving of love or sympathy or of life itself.

This is a tiny, tiny sliver of history—a staggeringly incomplete overview of what happened in the US over about ten years. Even if this tiny sliver is all that there were, looking at this, how could you blame someone for wanting to try being not Like This? How can you fault someone who had sex, maybe even had a bunch of sex, hoping desperately that maybe they could be normal enough to be loved if they just tried harder? How can you say that someone who found themself an uninteresting but inoffensive boyfriend and went on dates and had sex and said that it was fine is somehow less valuable or less queer or less of a lesbian for doing so? For many people, even now, passing as straight, as problematic as that term is, is a survival skill. How dare you imply that the things that someone did to protect themself make them worth less? They survived, and that's worth literally everything.

Fifth, finally: What is a gold star, anyhow? You've capitalized it, like it's Weighty and Important, but it's not. Gold stars were what your most generous grade school teacher put on spelling tests that you did really well on. But ultimately, gold stars are just shiny scraps of paper. They don't have any inherent value: I can buy a thousand of them for five bucks and have them at my door tomorrow. They have only the meaning that we give them, only the importance that we give them. We’re not children desperately scrabbling for a teacher’s approval anymore, though. We understand that good and bad are more of a spectrum than a binary, and that a gold star is a simplification. We understand that no number of gold stars will make us feel like we’re special enough or good enough or important enough, or fix the broken places we can still feel inside ourselves. Only we can do that.

The stars are only shiny scraps of paper. They offer us nothing; we don’t need them. I hope that someday, you see that, too.

#queer stuff #lgbtq #gold star lesbians #long post #sorry #Anonymous

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mcgnussen · 2 years ago

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so obviously i’ve been following the whole saga with the haas protest and the alonso penalty. and unsurprisingly, i have quite a few thoughts about it. especially after reading this article from autosport.

1. why did it take for fernando to get the penalty for things to change? like suddenly the fia is willing to change their ways, but they weren’t concerned about using the flag too much when kevin was the victim. that’s such bullshit. is it because alpine is a top midfield team? because fernando is a former world champion? none of that should matter. kevin deserved justice long ago. two of the times that he has been shown the flag, his chance for points was high. the fia have probably cost him several points, but sure, as soon as fernando is the one at risk of losing points, let’s reevaluate everything 🙄 i am happy that they are reviewing the flag and want to change the procedure, but i do not understand why kevin was not important enough to spark that conversation. it is unfair to him and haas.

2. kevin and checo’s endplate issues were near identical in the article, it says that the fia dropped the haas protest against sergio perez due to red bull providing photos that the endplate was not “moving unsafely” ― well, neither did kev’s endplate in any of the races. the issues kevin has had has been with his endplate being bent, but still attached to the car with steel wires. so if this is the logic of the fia then kevin should have gotten none of the three flags he received.

3. now fia will accept data that prove that a part is safe even when damaged, but... haas has previously provided data to the fia to prove that kevin’s endplate could not fall off due to them using steel wires to keep it attached as an extra safety measure. and guess what? k-mag still got shown the black and orange flag after that. so up until now evidence and data has not mattered to the fia regarding this issue, but now they have changed their tune about this too. why did it take for this to happen to alpine and red bull for things to change? haas has been saying this stuff for ages and no one has given a shit. not the fia, not the fans, not the other teams. but suddenly everyone has an opinion now.

4. the fia ignored haas during the race and then lied to them about the protest deadline haas literally contacted race control twice during the race about alonso’s mirror and the unsafe condition of his car. each time they were told that the fia is looking into it. and then nothing happened because the fia is incompetent. then haas went to protest and they were told by the race director himself that they have an hour to do so. they hand in the protest 53 minutes after the race, so well within the hour, but has now lost the case due to the protest being handed in too late. DESPITE THE FACT THEY WERE TOLD BY THE RACE DIRECTOR THEY COULD HAND IT IN LATE. the level of incompetence and lack of respect of haas is honestly shocking.

5. now haas is getting a bunch of hate for something that the fia should have done it should not be on the team to make sure the fia is applying their rules fairly and consistently. the fact that haas had to protest made them a target. if you go on their social media pages now, a lot of comments will be about karma and being sore losers. the fia put haas in this position. obviously haas had to protest. imagine if you were disqualified from a game on three separate occasions for wearing green. one day another player shows up wearing green and is allowed to play the game from start to finish. of course, you would be upset ― and you would have every right to be so too! haas had to protest the result. and hey, them doing so ultimately led to the fia admitting they might have gone overboard and a chance of the procedure. but my god, why did we have to go through all this shit for that to happen?

all in all, i think the flag has been used too often. in all the cases it’s been used this season, maybe apart from the yuki one that i cannot quite remember, it should not have been shown. but i am angry about the lack of consistency from the fia and the rest of the f1 world.

#kevin magnussen #fernando alonso #haas f1 team #alpine f1 team #formula 1 #f1

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rubykgrant · 2 years ago

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I’ve had All Dogs Go To Heaven on my mind since I talked about it the other day... the different concept ideas are honestly really fascinating, especially how the whole mystery/detective things would have worked with the afterlife and animals stuff going on. If I didn’t know this movie at all, and somebody gave me the basic info on the different story elements with a basic plot to work with, I would imagine something like...

This detective guy named Charlie (who at this point is a human), who’s kinda down on his luck, with a gambling debt and unable to solve a recent case. One night he drinks a bit too much, and seems to have a car accident... however, he actually passed-out before even getting in a car. The accident was instead staged by some shady mob guys who want him out of the picture. So, they put him in a car while he was unconscious, cut the brakes, and sent it rolling down a hill. Before it crashed into a building, it actually ran into a stray dog...

Charlie wakes up in some kind of limbo, stuck half-way to heaven; an angel greets him and explains the situation. The dog is also there, running around through the clouds. Charlie argues that this wasn’t fair, he wants another chance at life, especially since he was REALLY close to solving some big case, and he wants to know who killed him. The angel is doubtful that Charlie deserves another chance, considering he was kind of wasting his life by being a jerk... but perhaps they can still work something out. The angel gives him a pocket watch that had been in his coat when he died; it will symbolically represent his life on earth, and serve as a LITERAL ticking clock, because he only has a few months to solve the mystery (when he asks why, the angel explains that is actually when his “scheduled death” was going to take place). As an added lesson, the Angel wants Charlie to understand how to be more loyal, so when he returns to earth, he isn’t in his own body... Charlie is now in the healed form of the stray dog.

He discovers he is able to understand animals now, and since some of the mob dudes have pets, he can learn some info by hanging around them. He also gains a companion, another stray dog named Itchy. Charlie eventually discovers the mysterious mob boss has kid-napped a little girl; she’s being held captive until her family pays a ransom. Charlie rescues her, but is unable to learn anything about the identity of the mob boss or who killed him. Because he used to be human, Charlie can still talk to the girl, and after they bond, he promises to help her get home... the problem is, he discovers that her parents have died, and the rest of the family mistreats her (they were even planning on not paying the ransom, so she just wouldn’t be part of the will with their rich grandmother). Now Charlie has another mission- keeping the kid safe. This is especially difficult, because the mob has paid off the cops, so Charlie can’t figure out where she can go.

Meanwhile, his watch has run out... he keeps re-winding it to extend his life, but through a series of dreams and then nightmares, he’s warned that this will cause him to be sent somewhere awful when he eventually dies. Dealing with dangerous dogs, the mob, and crooked cops, Charlie and Itchy rescue the girl when she is once again taken hostage, and finally Charlie finds out who was behind his murder and proves all the criminal activity in a public, undeniable way. He loses his life in the process... but later visits Itchy and the girl, who has found a home with kind guardians that plan to adopt her. They share a bitter-sweet good-bye, and he leaves, expecting to receive some form of punishment; instead, he is allowed to go all the way to heaven, for giving his life to save the girl. The story ends with him and the dog, Charlie human once again, and throwing shooting stars like balls for the dog to chase across the sky

(there’s actually a small handful of stories out there where a human gets turned into a dog to learn a lesson in loyalty, plus a lot of stories where somebody gets another chance at life, so I just combined the two)

#my thoughts #all dogs go to heaven

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mayhem24-7forever · 2 years ago

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First off you need to deflate that giant ego inflated head of yours.

Second I am not "harassing" anyone I am calling out a serious problem in the fandom which is that a huge number of writers are ignoring the main canon couple of the show who are also gay men in order to ship themselves with those characters. It's homophobic and unacceptable and I will continue to call out everyone who does this.

If someone doesn't want to ship Vigilmaker then okay that's a little sus but not inherently homophobic...erasing Chris and Adrian's romantic relationship and their sexualities (they're literally both gay!!!! what is WRONG with you freaks???) so that horny straight bitches can ship themselves with them is straight inarguably homophobic. It's also pathetic and cringe. Reader inserts are fucking cringe! This is literally why we need to bring back bullying.

It's not about blocking or filtering tags! It's about the fact that these fics shouldn't exist in the first place! It's fucking shameful that there are so many of them and they outnumber fics about the main couple of the show! Filtering tags doesn't get rid of them problem which is that they exist and there's a lot of them.

This fandom is not for horny straight bitches! Get out! Get out of our tags get out of fandom GO AWAY!!!!! This show isn't fucking for you!!!!

To your first point: You telling me I have a big ego when you refuse to even try and argue against anyone's points is peak comedy. So if I am the kettle, you are the pot.

Secondly, as has been pointed out to you by several people you've decided to bug about this, Vigilmaker isn't canon or the "main couple" of the show and both characters have been canonically shown to be attracted to the opposite sex (which doesn't rule out that they can be bisexual or pansexual btw). So I'm a little confused as to how you think anyone is setting canon sexualities aside for anything. But in case you don't believe me here's some proof from James Gunn himself: (https://www.cbr.com/peacemaker-vigilante-shipping-james-gunn-confused/). Also here's some proof that Chris is CANONICALLY bisexual, not strictly homosexual (https://www.out.com/television/2022/2/16/how-peacemaker-became-bisexual-in-hbo-max-show-john-cena-james-gunn-dc-comics-dceu). So technically speaking, you're going against canon.

Also, I'm wondering if your feelings on this applies to other changes to canon made by fan fic authors? Do you only read things tagged with "canon compliant" and believe that making them in any sort of AU is reprehensible to canon? Because apparently it is "homophobic" for me to not ship two characters who are canonically straight or at most bisexual/pansexual but if I were to write a fic where everyone was a pirate instead of their canon jobs, that's something you're gonna allow. Just curious how we're drawing the lines of what is and isn't acceptable for fanfiction.

The thing that annoys me the most about this isn't just that you refuse to even try and defend your argument with anything except repeating the same points that have already been refuted and proved incorrect and childish insults about being "cringe" etc. What really gets me is that you are straight up assuming everyone who writes these fics must be horny straight cis women because apparently in your eyes you are either gay or straight and there's no inbetween. Newsflash: Bisexuals, Pansexuals, and other Queer identities exist.

To your complaints about self insert/reader fics being cringe or disgusting, that's your opinion. It's something you're not into in fanfiction and that's alright, we all have our preferences. Personally, I don't like to read fics with unhappy endings but you don't see me going in the ask boxes of angst writers to complain. You're apparent beef with self insert writers isn't some moral mission to stop homophobia, because there's no homophobia going on (except from your biphobic ass). I'm not going to do you the disservice of assuming your gender or sexuality as you have done for me and my friends but no matter your gender or sexuality, you don't get to be the ruler of all fanfic who determines what is and is okay.

Yeah, it would be a valid problem/concern if James Gunn were to come out and say that Chris and Adrian are now 100% homosexual and in love and that their past references to having heterosexual sex no longer apply as they've changed and are now super duper gay and people were to make them straight for fics. But that's not what's happening so I don't know where you got this stick up your ass from. Stop policing or gatekeeping fandom, no one died and made you head ceo of the Peacemaker/DC fandom so stop acting like it.

TLDR; L + you don't know how to argue + you're biphobic + you're an asshole + you're straight up wrong <3

#anon answered #vigilmaker #if we get to gatekeep fanfic stuff I have some tropes that i don't like reading

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atheism-populism-egalitarianism · 1 year ago

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1) Its circular logic. Stop blaming the reaction of women to the sexism they receive as justification (or the reason for its existence) for the sexism they are experiencing!!!

2) “Why are you defending” show me where I did? They were wrong, but that doesn’t change anything about what I said? That doesn’t make ME wrong with what I am saying NOW.

3) No, you CAN’T easily switch left and right on what I said and have it still be correct. You are wrong. Both sides are not equal. The right is 1000000x worse in every way. If you disagree, you’re a trash human <3

4) “I’m saying that when the push for supposed LGBT acceptance stops making any kind of rational sense” Nothing about the push for LGBT acceptance is irrational. Only bigots think that. So if you think any push for LGBT acceptance is irrational, its because you are a bigot. Everything you say proves youre a trash human and idc how bad your feelings are hurt by me saying it. You are an asshole. A dumb one.

5) “Also, just saying "they’ve always been bigoted” doesn’t explain why support of the LGBT community went up and then down. (x)(x)Or why a lot of the most progressive countries in western europe have recently been reversing course on the issue of trans kids: (x) The number of Americans who are comfortable interacting with LGBTQ people decreased from 63% in 2016 to 45% in 2018 – and this is among Millennials and Gen Z (!) – not old conservatives. (x)” if you attribute these incidents to anything other than “Bigots screaming and passing unpopular laws because they’re scared that they’re losing the culture war” you are a bigoted asshole. So, really, whats your intention of saying what you say? To give credit to bigots, to protect them, to give them a shield, to victim blame the LGBT community for the hatred and oppression that has existed for centuries. Stop. Blaming. The. LGBT. Community. For. Their. Oppression. you fucking bigot. The LGBT community has done NOTHING at all to deserve or bring about anything you cited. Nothing, If you disagree you’re a shit person and a bigot and idc about how being told that fact makes u feel.

6) “I’m pointing out the flaws in the mindset that allowed for that to happen. Not saying that actual trans people are predators.” The mindset that is flawed is the right wing one. I know that you’re not saying that, but you’re defending the people who think that, while blaming the LGBT community for that narrative existing, which is just as bad (while being factually wrong)

7) Bad actors don’t need loopholes to be bad. Calling trans identity/trans rights a loophole, or equating it to one, is in fact a dogwhistle. So you’re either a bigor or a useful idiot. “It that necessary” yes. yes it is. im not gonna use kid gloves on you when ur a whole ass adult who should know better. The reality is no man is going to go through the entire process of transitioning just to rape a woman. Or to beat a woman in sports. Or whatever dumb shit you think such a loophole would lead to.

8) Yes, it is reality. You’re so propagandized to that you literally are blind to the reality that the right wants trans people dead. There are so many great trans influencers and speakers out there that can properly articulate to you and show you how that is the case if you’re too blind to see it yourself. Find them. Listen to them. Listen. To. Trans. People.

The thing that really pulled me out of the anti feminism category is that it was filled with a lot of men who were becoming red pilled

yeah, at first it was like, "Hey, women are just as equal and capable as men, but I don't like the way feminists are being sexist and generalizing towards every single male."

Then it became literally patriarchal, racist, etc. The actual bigots got a bit too comfortable. I'm glad I got out when I did, but I'm still ashamed it took me as long as it did. I left when the right defending border patrol tear gassing children, and from there I returned to my left wing roots.

I can't erase the damage I did giving power back to the right wing. I can just fight against it from now on. I wish i'd seen it sooner, I should have seen it sooner. I should have realized it before trump got elected. I'm ashamed it took a trump presidency for me to see what was so...so fucking obvious to me now.

#esad

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jasonspetertodds · 3 years ago

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gym class hero

warnings: swearing

Jason stalled, his hand wrapping around the leather strap of his backpack, dread pooling in his stomach as he forced himself to march over to Mr. Ramirez's office. It was kind of ridiculous, because Jay knew he wasn't in trouble but he couldn't fathom any other reason why he was being pulled aside to talk to after class. He was at least thankful that his teacher had asked him in private instead of in front of his entire sophomore gym class. He sighed, steeling himself before pushing open the door.

His gym teacher was hunched over his laptop, probably shooting an email to his fifth period teacher explaining why Jason was going to be a little late. He waited anxiously at the threshold, shifting his weight slightly and licking his lips in anticipation. Ramirez, not one to beat around the bush, pointedly looked up from his laptop and bluntly stated, "I want you to join the cross country team."

Jason was sure his eyebrows shot up to his forehead, whatever he had been expecting that was not it. He stammered, hand falling from its place on his backpack strap, "Uh, what? Why?"

Mr. Ramirez seemed almost annoyed at his unintelligent answer. Jason swallowed, hard. He supposed that was fair. His teacher shifted so he was leaning over his desk, motioning for Jason to sit down.

"You ran a six and a half minute mile."

"Yeah? So?" Jason grimaced inwardly at himself. He sounded like such a punk. He didn't mean to of course, it just kind of came out that way. He closed his eyes, waiting for retaliation that never came. Instead, Ramirez just sighed and Jason popped his eyes open enough to see the man's shoulder's slump as he explained, "I know you weren't trying that hard, either. Why?"

Jason felt his mouth go dry. He almost laughed at the absurdity of the question. Oh yeah, Mr. Ramirez I wasn't trying because I have a civilian identity to maintain. Like that didn't sound completely insane. He shifted in his seat, going to fold his hands under his thighs as he thought for a split second. If he were being honest, there were a myriad of different reasons he hadn't been trying that hard. Beside the whole I can't tell anyone I'm Robin and I can't let anyone figure out I'm Robin excuse.

"I dunno." He said, honestly, shifting around in his seat again and avoiding eye contact. Jason could still see the look of sheer defeat that washed over his face, though. He couldn't help but bristle at that. He tried to squash it, staring rather intently at one of the Got Milk? posters that dotted his alcove of an office. His teacher was still looking at him expectantly and Jason sighed.

"I don't really like..." He sighed again, glancing at the ceiling, willing himself to say it, "I don't really like drawing attention to myself."

Eyebrows were raised and Jason rolled his eyes (both internally and externally) deciding the path he was going to have to take on this one to avoid suspicion.

"I dunno," He repeated, "I'm already kind of an outsider here--"

His teacher went to cut him off, probably to interject that Jason wasn't an outsider or whatever bullshit. He swiftly put a stop to that, giving the man a dull expression with an eyebrow raised, "I'm Bruce Wayne's charity case from Crime Alley. I've got the accent to prove it. I'm not exactly friends or even friendly with anyone here."

Ramirez looked like he was going to cut him off once more but Jason plowed ahead, steamrolling him, "And even if you're going to give me the bullshit reason--" God, Alfred was going to kill him, "--that no one views me like a charity case, I would still be an outsider solely for the fact that Bruce is quite literally a thousand times richer than most of these kids' parents."

"I don't really want to put more of a target on my back."

"Is that--?"

"Yeah." Jason said, picking up where he was headed, shrugging. "Rich kids say out of pocket shit all the time."

“Also wouldn’t I, like, not be allowed on the team?”

That question seemed to completely baffle his gym teacher. At some point he had taken the pencil behind his ear and started tapping it on the desk in front of Jason. It had only picked up over the span of the conversation. Maybe Jason wasn’t the only one anxious about this encounter.

“Jason, you’re in excellent academic standing.”

He fought the urge to roll his eyes again. Because, yeah, no shit. Instead he settled on a curt, “Yeah, but I got into a fight this month.”

Ramirez had a hint of a smirk on his lips, “I think I can overlook that. I trust it was for good reason.”

“It was with Kurt Johnson.”

His teacher’s eyebrows shot upward, “Ah.”

“Yeah.” Jason hissed out, not particularly wanting to relive that particular memory. He wasn’t a fighter, usually. He didn’t want to really draw attention to himself in any meaningful way, but something in him had snapped. He wasn’t even the one to throw the first punch, a fact that no one seemed to bring up, or even care about. Everyone except for Bruce.

There was a whole fight in the admin offices about that after the original fight. It was kind of funny to watch B drop his Brucie persona and absolutely lay into the Johnsons. Jason did remember Kurt was suspended from after school activities, for like, two weeks. But still. He didn’t really want to to prancing into the lion’s den when Kurt was captain of the cross country team.

“It’s fine, Jason. Really.”

Jason looked at him skeptically, titling his head to the side like a bird, mulling over what he should say. Was the cross country team really hurting that badly? Could he fit it into his schedule, even? Besides the Robin-ing, he was involved with a few other extracurriculars and he wanted to maintain his academic standing.

“Jay, all I’m saying is that you’d be an excellent addition to the team if you wanted to be.”

Jason picked at a stray thread on his uniform slacks, smiling the tiniest bit.

“Do you think your father would he opposed?”

Jason snorted, not looking up from his lap. Willis would but Bruce was actively encouraging him to do more. Jason didn’t think he was worried about the lack of friends entirely he just wanted Jason to have the opportunity to do everything he otherwise wouldn’t have a chance to. If he expressed he wholeheartedly wanted to do it, Bruce would be thrilled.

“No,” He shook his head, “Bruce would be supportive if I wanted to do it.”

“Do you?”

“Want to do it?” He shrugged again, finally looking at his teacher in the eye, “I have to think about it.”

“Why?” Mr. Ramirez asked, not accusatory but curiously, as he leaned further across the desk. Jason watched the metal whistle dangle in front of him, “And don’t give me the same excuse. I’m the coach and I guarantee every kid, except for Kurt, would be happy to have you as their teammate.”

Jason looked at him again, eyes narrowed. He was sure the suspicion he felt was rolling off of him in waves, but he didn’t really care. He dropped his shoulders, “I dunno. I haven’t thought about it. And I don’t know if I can run in the off season— I have to think about it. Can I give you an answer by the end of the week?”

“Of course.”

He nodded, shrugging to readjust his backpack again, offering a shy, "'Bye, Mr. Ramirez." Before he rushed off to his next class.

#jason todd #have some baby jay :)#robin #jason todd fanfic #jason todd oneshot #god i’ve missed writing baby jay #tw swearing

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volturiwolf · 4 years ago

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The Volturi Princess - A Felix Volturi x fem!Reader Story (part 1)

A/N: This is the first Volturi- and Twilight-related story I ever started writing and it is quite long and elaborated/complex, as I tend to overanalyze in many parts. I have wrote a few parts until now and I'll be uploading them in the future. I have been quite emotional throughout writing it, trying to understand the reader's point of view.

A/N 2: I'm sorry if something doesn't make sense. English is not my first language. I also include Italian through the story, with translation, but I'm not a native or a speaker, so I'd like to apologize in advance to those who speak Italian. Enjoy :)

A/N 3: According to "The Amagi" on Youtube, Felix was born in 250 BC (their thumbnail), so I used that in my story.

No of Words: about 5347

Mentions of: Abandonment, Abortion, Anxiety, Blood, Bruises, Coma/Comatosed State, Death Emotional Abuse, Emotional and Physical Pain, Gaslighting, Greece/Greek Language - with translation, Heartbreak, Italian Language - with translation, Manipulation, Murder, Pain, Panic Attacks, Pregnancy, Suffering, Suicide/Suicidal Thoughts, Swear Language, Throwing Up/Puking, Witches/Wizards/Witchcraft

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My heart felt heavy. I may have just escaped the cruelest vampire of all, but I also ran away from the love of my life, my mate, the only person who could fully understand me in this world. I asked him to run away with me, but, although our bond was strong, he felt obliged to stay loyal to his master, his creator. I drove as fast as I could, away from the sunny Volterra, and away from him.

-------------------------------------------------------

(Y/N) grew up quite privileged, in Vampire terms. Being born into the Volturi coven was something many vampires could only dream about. (Y/N) was abandoned by her parents when she was a baby, but Aro, one of the three Volturi leaders, took her under his protection, and offered her more things than she could ever have imagined. After all, she was his only biological granddaughter, the “Volturi princess”, an heiress to the throne; her mother lost that “privilege” when she met and fell in love with a wizard.

(Y/N)’s mother soon got pregnant with her, and then later turned her husband into a vampire to help her with her pregnancy, and stay together forever. However, (Y/N)’s parents couldn’t raise her because they wanted to run free and careless, not commit to anything permanent, so Aro took over and raised his granddaughter with the highest honors and privileges, “as a princess should be raised”.

(Y/N) was a mix of Vampire, Witch and Human, due to the grandmother, Sulpicia, being human when Aro found her; Sulpicia later fell pregnant with (Y/N)’s mother, and Aro transformed her to vampire, as he had planned all along. Aro raised (Y/N) according to his own rules and morals, teaching her how to kill humans to feed from, how to attack and slip away from her opponents, how to lead other vampires, and most importantly, how to keep her identity and existence a secret, not only to humans, but other non-Volturi vampires as well. No one could know that there was a possibility of a vampire having a child with a human, and that the child could be effectively controlled and raised as a regular vampire.

As (Y/N) grew older and older, reaching the human age of 25 within 7 years of her birth, Aro would spend more and more time with her, examining and studying her possibilities and her potential powers’ development. (Y/N) grew up to be extremely strong and fast, an excellent tracker with great intelligence and understanding of the world around her. However, Aro could not risk sending her to “Volturi duties”. She was his hope for a stronger coven; with (Y/N) in the throne, Aro felt like he could conquer the vampire world with ease.

That’s why he was always searching for the best guards he could find, to protect the coven and do his work instead of himself, Caius, or (Y/N). He couldn’t rely on Marcus, as he proved to be too emotional since Didyme died, but was still valuable for his plan. Caius, on the other hand, although powerless, was far more sadistic and “diligent” in following vampire rules, and (Y/N)... (Y/N) was just too obedient, following every order Aro gave her - a strong asset for the Volturi.

Aro was changing guards and trackers quite easily, disposing them when they were no longer needed or when he found better ones. He needed talented and strong vampires to serve the coven and do their work.

Chelsea was the very first vampire Aro created solely to serve the Volturi, after recognizing her potential when she was human. Chelsea’s gift of relationship manipulation was truly useful in bringing new vampires into the coven and was used thousands of times during Volturi's reign. It could also easily dispose of them, making their bonds with other vampires break at will; those vampires were isolated by the other vampires and then killed - Aro couldn’t risk letting them get away knowing the Volturi’s secrets and life.

About 100 years later, Corin joined the Volturi, just a couple decades after (Y/N)’s birth. Corin’s gift of addictive contentment was the one which kept Marcus in the Volturi after Didyme’s death - along with Chelsea’s to make him committed to Aro’s greater plans, and was also used on Sulpicia, Athenadora and any other vampire in the Volturi guard to keep them satisfied being in the Volturi. Under Aro’s instructions, Corin was keeping Chelsea content with being in the Volturi, and Chelsea was keeping Corin loyal to them, each of them using their gifts against each other, without their knowledge.

Sometime between 230 and 220 BC, while travelling in Rome, searching for additional vampires to add to the coven, Aro supposedly met a young, strong and ambitious fighter, who wished to become a gladiator one day, named Felix. Felix did not only look, but also was physically capable of fighting even with beasts, during his short time as a fighter, way before the Colosseum was built. Born into a poor family, his strength was his only way of making money, and becoming a gladiator was his only way out of poverty, a way to provide for both his family and himself.

When his family was almost imprisoned by Roman army officers for outstanding debts, Felix was forced to make a deal with them to fight, in whatever they ordered him to. Fighting turned out to be the only way for Felix to deal with his emotions and rage towards people in power. When Aro approached Felix, he was promised a good life, where he wouldn’t have to worry about surviving another day. Felix did not seem willing enough, not being fond of the idea of serving people in power, who he so despised.

Luckily for Aro, Chelsea was the one who “convinced” Felix to join the Volturi guard, with Aro changing him afterwards. Unlike previous guards, Felix showed impeccable strength, speed and talent towards both dodging and initiating attacks, eventually making him a permanent member in the Volturi Guard, along with Chelsea and Corin.

Felix was assigned as the leading guard for the three kings’ protection, this role extending to the protection of their two wives and (Y/N); though Aro knew that, if it came to anyone attacking his granddaughter, she would be able to handle it by herself. However, he still wanted to make sure that she was safe and that Aro would do anything to protect her.

For about a couple millennias, (Y/N) was content with her situation, being the “Volturi princess” and all that. Besides, having Felix in the Volturi was another reason to stay in the coven, apart from staying loyal and true to Aro for taking her in, when she was abandoned.

Every time Felix looked into her eyes, she felt her whole body burn - though, it wasn’t a feeling of suffering, rather a feeling of longing, waiting for something to happen so badly that her body couldn’t control itself. Although she was partially a vampire, (Y/N) would feel like she couldn’t breathe, like her legs were ready to give up on her, like she wanted to grab Felix and never let go.

Felix, although not admitting it even to himself, would feel the same way, but he knew that his position would not allow him to approach (Y/N) in such a way. He was just a guard - although he was the strongest of them all, and she was the Volturi princess, one of his masters, whom he was only allowed to approach in order to protect. He didn’t want Aro to know he saw his granddaughter like that; it could cost him his position in the guard, or even his life. So, he kept these feelings deep within him, not allowing them to resurface, or act upon them.

However, every time these two existed at the same place, the invisible sparks between them would fly left and right. And only one vampire was able to see them. One who hadn’t felt these sparks in centuries.

--------------------------------------------------------

(Y/N)’s POV:

I yawned loudly as I woke from a long, much needed sleep. I was the only vampire around who was able to sleep, mostly due to my non-vampire natures. I didn't really need to sleep on a regular basis, but when I did, I could literally sleep 3 days straight and nobody would be able to wake me up. “For my own protection”, as Aro said, I would always have at least two guards outside of my room’s door, in case anything happened while I was sleeping. Like what could even happen? My room was at the furthest side of this huge castle. I’m pretty sure that if there ever was an attack against the Volturi, it would most probably have been dealt with immediately, and the attacker wouldn’t make it anywhere near my room.

I felt the warm sun on my skin, slightly glowing and sparkling beautifully. My eyes, mostly (Y/E/C) with a golden ring around the pupil, could easily adjust to the light. Unlike the other vampires, I could easily live among humans; I could sleep, eat human food, my skin not being as sparkly as others, and I could control my thirst far better than others.

Since Jane and Alec joined the coven, Aro would show an immense interest in them and their skills, helping them train daily and develop their powers further, eventually forgetting about me. I would spend more and more days away from the castle, “protected” by my anonymity, getting to know humans more and more. The longer I was observing them, the more they would trigger my interest in them. They could feel true emotions, real pain, real hurt, real love. They had their families, they received an unconditional love that I could never have.

Unbeknownst to Aro or anyone else for that matter, I have started developing new powers, similar to the other vampires in the Volturi coven or anyone else outside of it. I have also started noticing that I may have an immunity towards others’ talents, feeling that neither Corin’s addictive contentment made me satisfied with being in the Volturi, nor Chelsea’s relationship manipulation could keep me loyal to Aro anymore. If it weren’t for Felix, or Demetri and the Twins, who have all become my best friends by now, I would have probably left.

A vampire named Carlisle Cullen had visited the Volturi and stayed with us for a while, about 100 years ago. He saw the way the Volturi treated humans like they were nothing, and how they were as cruel as to kill other vampires, with the excuse that they were exposing our kind with the way they lived. Entire covens had been wiped out due to such excuses, a way to eliminate potential enemies from becoming too powerful and find as many talented vampires as possible and force them to join the Volturi.

Carlisle was talking about a new way of life, where vampires wouldn’t have to kill humans to survive, a life where vampires and humans could live in peace, without harming each other. He was insisting that vampires could survive on animal blood just as efficiently as with human blood; that animal blood would not make them weaker, and that it would be a much more ethical and sustainable way to feed.

Of course, Aro and Caius were the first ones to mock his proposition, clearly not caring about humans’ feelings and pain. Marcus did not budge at all, his heartache making him indifferent to anything around him. But I was growing more and more interested in this alternative way of life; I was, after all, feeding on human food already, so that I was feeding on human blood as little as I could.

It was a few years after Carlisle left Volterra that Eleazar joined the Volturi. Aro forced him to join after finding out he could detect if someone had any special ability. Aro considered his gift useful in identifying if any of his enemies had any special power when in battles, or when he sent Eleazar around the world to recruit talented vampires.

Eleazar was clearly not liking the way the Volturi forced their ways and wants on others, and how they could take advantage of others for their own benefit. I could just sense that he was displeased and was forcing himself to stay in the coven, one, due to Corin’s and Chelsea’s gifts, and two, out of fear of what could happen to him and his mate, Carmen.

Carmen, a vampire from Spain, like Eleazar, met with Eleazar while he was a guard here, they fell in love, and eventually, Eleazar decided to leave the Volturi and run away with Carmen. Aro decided that he did not care about him and his gift as much as others’, so he let him go unharmed, “blessing” them for safe travels.

Just a few days before he left, I consulted him on my own powers. Though a lower member of the guard, Eleazar had his own room, a decent place to stay, and spend his endless hours in. I knocked slightly on the door.

“Come in”, a calm voice was heard. I opened the door and came into his room. Carmen was sitting on the edge of their bed and Eleazar was reading a book on his desk. They both smiled sweetly. I just felt and knew they were too nice to fit anywhere in here, among the cruel and strict Volturi.

“(Y/N)! So nice to see you!”Carmen exclaimed and stood to hug me. The second we hugged I started seeing parts of her life in Spain, the calm waters of Catalunya, the vast vineyards where she would spend the early years of her life… I quickly detached myself from her embrace. I just couldn’t invade her privacy like that. She and Eleazar both looked at me worried, as if I had offended them.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t let you “show” me your whole life like that!” I looked at Carmen apologetically.

“(Y/N), you saw Carmen’s life?” Eleazar continued, intrigued by my words.

“That’s why I came to talk to you. I..I feel like I’ve been developing a gift, or a few gifts, to be completely honest. And I feel like.. like I have a specific power one day, and another power the next!” I stated frantically.

It was the first time I have openly talked about my powers to anyone, and I was shaking just by the words that came out of my mouth. Eleazar did not say anything, he just stood there for a few minutes, I supposed “examining” me, as if a doctor checking on a patient.

“Remarkable.” He said calmly. He looked at his mate with excitement, as if he just discovered a lost treasure. “(Y/N) has one of the most remarkable gifts I have ever seen.” He then turned to me. “You, (Y/N), are able to copy anyone else’s gifts and keep them as your own. You don’t even have to be in contact with them. Just by meeting someone, you can obtain their powers. I have never met anyone like that. You also seem to have obtained immunity to others’ powers, kind of like a shield. I have met such vampires before. From the stories Aro has been telling, your mother was like that. It is likely that you copied that gift for her. Such vampires are extremely useful to themselves or even others, in battles. Like themselves, you can use your gift to protect others from others’ powers, beside yourself.”

That came too sudden to my ears. I have assumed that I may have at least one power, but I didn’t realise I could copy others’ powers. That is why I was showing signs of Aro’s power!

“How can I train my powers? Eleazar! Carmen! You have to help me!”

“As you know, we will be leaving soon. I don’t know if there will be enough time to train you.”

“It’s okay. We will train as much as you want. Please, Eleazar! Please, Carmen!” I started begging them. As if they were hypnotized, they quickly looked at each other and agreed to help me.

The next few days, before Eleazar and Carmen’s departure, included intense training, far away from Volterra, deep in the woods, where no human could interrupt us. I couldn’t say the same for vampires, but I hoped nobody would cross paths with us. Eleazar and Carmen helped me develop my self-control and self-awareness, concentrating through the deepest parts of my mind, resurfacing my shield and expanding it beyond my existence. I started to have control over it, as if it was an actual solid substance, a veil floating around me towards any direction I ordered it to go.

After Eleazar and Carmen left, I started travelling the world more, trying to copy as many powers as I could come across with, while also training my shield. My excitement for the endless possibilities was what kept me going - kind of when Aro would add another talented vampire to his Guard. His Guard. Felix. I wonder how he was. I hadn’t seen him in a while. I wondered if he thought of me like I thought of him.

After travelling pretty much anywhere I could reach, I eventually went back to where it all started: I went to Greece. Aro met Sulpicia here, apparently my mom met my dad here. Maybe I could find out, understand why they left me. I have never met them, but I felt as if my tracking skills could detect them through my own existence.

I started travelling through the country, hoping that they stayed here or, at least, that they’re alive. I spent about 2 or 3 years in Greece, trying to take in every different place, while also avoiding the battles that seemed to take place in every other corner. I was feeding off animals mainly, mostly when I couldn’t find any other human food. I was washing myself in rivers, streams, whatever I could find.

I was stopping by any village that seemed to be still standing, asking about the current situation. The Greek Revolution, which started a few years ago, seemed to still be going on. The Ottomans, who had been occupying Greece for almost 400 years, could not allow Greeks to turn against them and start claiming their rights within the Ottoman Empire.

Many Greeks I met and talked to, admitted that some of the Ottomans were actually being nice to them; it was only the Ottoman government ordering their armies to execute massive massacres against Greeks, and after all this time, a few Greeks started gathering up and planning a revolution, away from Greece, in fear of being caught. They started getting organized and finding possible allies to help them with the Revolution; they just couldn’t risk getting caught within the country that they were hoping the independent Greece could become. The battles were becoming more and more intense, both on the mainland, as well as on the islands.

I started looking for answers, anything that could suggest that my parents were still alive and somewhere in Greece. To my surprise, I crossed paths with many Greek nomad vampires all over the country. They were also fighting against either Ottoman vampires or each other for territorial claims; however, they all talked me out of travelling north, towards Macedonia. The region had started being reclaimed back by Greek humans, but vampires were also seeing the potential for the area and they fought against each other for the land.

All of the nomads I encountered were talking about some of the most vicious vampires claiming the land, their enemies being literally slaughtered and burned to set an example for other vampires to back off their territory. I was intrigued, and I knew that, most probably, I would be able to deal with them or flee before they got to me.

So, I started travelling north, through the woods and mountains, in order to avoid any possible battle between humans, though many of them seemed to hide in the mountains, preparing for their battles. Macedonia was a quite big and vast region, so I had to travel quite a few days and search every possible corner.

I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I was feeling exhausted from all the searching. I haven’t fed in quite some time, and my throat was burning by the familiar need for blood. I haven’t seen any animals all these days, and I was wondering if they were gone or hiding.

Sadly, I came across a human. He seemed to be wounded, probably during a battle, his blood gushing out of his body. I couldn’t help myself, when I breathed in the smell, the burning sensation becoming unbearable. I thought of approaching him slowly, so as not to scare him, offering to help him, but deep down I just wanted to feed off of him.

“Γειά! Συγνώμη αν σε τρόμαξα. Σε είδα από μακριά. Μπορώ να σε βοηθήσω με κάποιο τρόπο; (Hey! Sorry if I scared you. I saw you from afar. Can I help you in any way?)” I offered calmly.

The man was trying to suppress his growls. I could sense his pain. I tried to help him stand on his feet, and then I saw all of his memories. He was in the army, fighting alongside Greeks against the Ottomans, in Macedonia, just outside of Thessaloniki. I didn’t even know I was so close to a city, let alone Thessaloniki.

He was trying to pass through the woods, when he came across what seemed to be two red-eyed vampires, one male and one female. They tried to attack him, but someone else managed to shoot him first, forcing the two vampires to run away. I don’t know how or why, these two felt familiar to me, I could feel that through his memories.

“Γειά! Μπορείς.. Μπορείς να πας στο κοντινότερο χωριό; Νομίζω.. Νομίζω ότι είδα κάτι στο δάσος, δε νομίζω ότι ήταν κάτι φυσιολογικό! Πρέπει.. Πρέπει να προειδοποιήσω τους άλλους! (Hey! Can.. Can you get me to the nearest village? I think.. I think I saw something in the woods, I don’t think it was something normal! I have.. I have to warn the others!)” He mumbled in between sharp shoots of pain.

“Με συγχωρείς πολύ! (I’m really sorry!)” I plead with guilty eyes. I put my hand in his wound, searching for the bullet, while he was consumed by pain. I took the bullet out of the wound, and quickly attached my lips on his skin, sucking the blood as fast as I could, biting deeply unintentionally. His screams were becoming louder and louder, so I covered his mouth with my hand, while trying to shut him up or break his jaw. A few seconds later, he stopped screaming, and I let his lifeless body fall, completely numb and drained out of blood.

I felt renewed, his blood travelling to every part of my body and giving me a new kind of strength that I haven’t felt in a while. I still felt guilty for killing him, but he was already wounded and I couldn’t risk him exposing our kind to others. I assumed that whoever found him - if anyone found him - would also assume that he died of blood loss, so I tried to position him in a realistic pose for that purpose, as best as I could. I left him there, and continued the search for my parents.

--------------------------------------------------------

I was running through the woods, trying to locate the two vampires from the guy’s memories. My mind was chaotic, I wasn’t thinking about something specific. I stopped in my tracks. What Aro taught me, and what I understood from Demetri’s tracking skills, is that you have to stop, take a breath and realize your position in the world. Then, you would be able to realize everything around you and find your targets. I have successfully found other vampires like that before, vampires who I have either met in person or smelled their scent, but I didn’t know if I could find someone through someone else’s memories of them.

I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate as best as I could, focusing on the smaller details of the guy’s memories of these vampires. I felt two vampires running on my west, about 10 kilometers away, and I ran after them. They were running fast, but I was way faster. Within a minute or two, I was running right behind their tracks. They must have realized that a stranger was following them, but, instead of running, they suddenly stopped. I stopped as well, and we were now facing each other.

The female had long, brunette, curly hair, and the male short, dark brown, straight hair; both of their hair looked shiny, healthy, and rich. They were of average height and their eyes were piercing red, as if they also fed quite recently. The female was exceptionally beautiful and enchanting; I could only compare her to Heidi’s exceptional beauty. The male looked quite stoic and austere, though still beautiful.

Both of them on defensive positions, waiting for me to attack. I wasn’t planning to move any further from my position; I was only waiting for their own reactions. I felt that kind of a burning sensation within me again, like a feeling buried deep inside me, trying to find an escape.

Suddenly, the male growled at me, flames springing out of his hands, and being thrown at me. I felt my heart fall out of my chest, fearing that this would be my end. As if my body reacted on its own, I felt my own shield extending out of my body, building a wall around me and protecting me from the male’s attack. My hands started burning and flames came out, ready to counterattack the male. The male looked at the female, dumbfounded by what he witnessed, still in a defensive position, but ready to attack again.

“I’M NOT HERE TO FIGHT YOU!” I shouted at both of them. “I’M JUST SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE!”

The male shrinked back, the female following close by. “Who are you looking for? We haven’t seen you around. Who are you? Why are you here?” The male requested. His voice serious, but smooth at the same time; a voice I could only describe as the warm earth below their bare feet.

“No, I’m not. I come from Italy, though I think I was born around here. My name is (Y/N), I’m looking for my parents. I don’t quite remember what they look like, but I’m pretty sure that they lived around here. They abandoned me when I was a baby.”

“This has been our territory for almost 3 millennials! We would have known if any humans abandoned their offspring around here!” The female exclaimed, as if she didn’t believe a word I said. I didn’t want to tell them the whole story, but I had to show them that I didn’t mean to fight in any way.

“I never said they were humans. My mother was actually sort of a vampire, like you.”

The female started letting her guards down. “What do you mean sort of? I’ve never heard of a “sort of vampire” before!” She continued doubtfully.

“Believe me or don’t, my mother was born half vampire, half human. My dad wasn’t even a vampire before she met him. He wasn’t even human to be honest.” My eyes started stinging slightly. I could have had a good, happy life if they didn’t abandon me. I wouldn’t have to grow up with Aro.

“You said you were from Italy.” I nodded at the male, as he continued. “You never said where exactly.”

I wasn’t sure if I should tell them my real origin; I wouldn’t like them to know I was a Volturi, but I knew I needed help to find my parents. If they were actually here as long as they say, they might have known or met my parents at some point.

“Volterra. I was born here, in Greece, like my mother, but grew up in Volterra with my grandparents.” I looked down, kind of scared, kind of anxious, waiting for their next move.

The female gasped. “Are you a Volturi?!” I looked at her, straight in the eyes, swallowed, and nodded. “I know the Volturi. Who are your grandparents?”

“Aro and Sulpicia.” I answered so quietly that, if they weren’t vampires, they wouldn’t have heard me, my voice trembling slightly.

The female suddenly fell on her knees, the male wrapping his arms around her, comforting her. I didn’t know what was going on. Did I say something wrong? Were they scared? The sheer mention of the Volturi would scare a lot of vampires, but I thought that maybe these two seemed strong enough to deal with them.

The female started sobbing, no tears coming out of her red eyes, her body shaking. I felt something within me break. I felt that I didn’t want to upset them, that’s why I was hesitant in telling them who I really was. The male looked at me, pain in his eyes. I saw a familiar look. I saw me in his eyes, what I looked at in my mirror anytime I was thinking about my parents, or, sometimes, when I thought of Felix.

“Are you a half witch?” The male asked quietly. Something snapped in me. How would he know that?

“I swear, I didn’t do anything to your mate! I DIDN’T!” I shouted at the male. I didn’t want him to think that I would hurt his mate, or himself.

“I know you wouldn’t. It’s just..” He looked at his mate who had stopped sobbing, but was still down on her knees, unable to stand up. “..my mate is Aro and Sulpicia Volturi’s only daughter.”

My body tensed and shivered. If that woman is the only daughter Aro and Sulpicia ever had...could that mean..?

I took a few steps back. “AM I YOUR DAUGHTER? ARE YOU MY PARENTS?” I looked at them in disbelief.

Those were the people who abandoned me! That let me grow parentless, under Aro’s rules and directions! I was breathing heavily, in between sobs. I didn’t even realize that I set my whole body ablaze, until both vampires looked at me shocked. I didn’t feel any pain, but I couldn’t stop the flames licking my body, and in my frantic state, I started panicking even more.

The male started approaching me slowly, trying to not scare me away. “Shush, shush. You’re okay. You’re doing okay. I know how it feels at first. You’re experiencing some aspects of the life as a witch. It’s okay. Close your eyes and picture the flames in your head.” I closed my eyes and tried concentrating on the flames. “Now, imagine them burning out, becoming smaller and weaker.” I focused on the flames, imagining them weakening. After a few minutes, I felt them getting smaller and smaller, and finally disappearing. I opened my eyes slowly.

The female was standing next to the male, watching me carefully. In a quick motion, she pulled me and embraced me, stroking my hair lightly. I breathed in her scent, a mix of mountain flowers and the saltiness of the sea. Her touch was soft, and filled me up with what felt like a thousand different emotions.

But, I mostly felt safe. It was the first time in my life that I actually felt this safe. And whole. I felt like I actually belonged somewhere. I hugged her back. Tears started spilling from my eyes. That was my mom! That was actually my mom! After all this time, we were finally together. I felt the male, my dad, hugging both of us, and in that moment, I felt my legs giving up on me, and I finally fell into a long sleep.

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