#in a relationship and you dont always need a relationship to realize youre queer

[thebigqueer]

unrelated to that rb but im thinking about it and i dont think piper liking jason was ever a forced heteronormativity thing i think she genuinely liked him

[sharklovingaquarist]

It's kinda crazy to me how many people hate their mom, especially since fathers suck so much. Like, I don't think there's many cases where a father has done more than a mother even if she's not #1 mommy robot to everyone (and is obviously a valuable woman because of it!) Yet all you hear is "my ex-mother." It always has a poorly hidden scent of gender bias in it. The emphasis on mother, not the parent aspect of it. A lot of times, it seems the word "mother" is used as an insult by people against their moms, judging by the tone they use it in. Another trend I see with the "mommy issue" crowd is blaming their mothers for their fathers abuse. The constant "she allowed him to hurt me" as if women aren't often being hurt, too. Especially with step fathers. You all focus more on the mother than the stepfather, but change it to father and stepmother, and it's still on the women. And don't get me started on emotional labor. "I was emotionally neglected" and they only blame their mother.... girl.... you do realize your father should've been providing half of that labor right? And that's exactly why they get more angry at their mom. What men lack is pinned on women.

The mommy issues crowd also love to downplay people who have issues with their father. "Well, it's just not as serious. Mommy issues change your brain chemistry 😔🥀⚰️🖤"... like, is this a "✨️trauma✨️" off to millennials and chronically online gen z queers? It just tells me everything I need to know about average parental relationships and gender roles within them. Children hurt moms, and moms hurt children, but the father who throws the kindling into the fire sits back and enjoys the show. The father is the one who hasnt lifted a single FINGER in his life, or when he has its hurt even MORE than the petty things the mother has done.

I used to be in this position. You're told that your mom is the primary parent, so everything falls on her. But I think it takes a certain maturity and self-awareness. When you get to that in between age where you are approaching being thrown into the hellscape of modern heterosexuality, you start to humanize your mother again. Start to see the trap and how she fell into it. Start to see how no human can survive it without cracking at least a bit. It gets dark. You see how you fueled a situation that could very possibly resemble your future life. You see how you saw your mother as a robot. We are taught that she's supposed to be robotic. So when the mommy persona cannot be held up... shes defective. You see how your father was just an audience member. And some women don't wake up like that. The start of internalized misogyny, within all women, is with your mother. Frankly, I'm impressed women don't murder families more than men due to the dynamic, but lord, when they do, you don't hear the end of it. It all reminds me of why I'll never allow myself to be a mother. Youre either a good girl who gets pat on the head or an evil bitch who will rot in hell.

Last time I said something like this I was called a child abuser apologist so 🤷‍♀️ ig I'll embrace it. I dont think there's no such thing as an abusive mom, but that shit is so rare compared to dad's. But yall are absolute silence on that end.

And to add on, it's the attitude with how gender changes a parents role. People see mothers as someone who services, while fathers are someone to be proud of. Mommy loves me and daddy is cool and proud. Women are not cherished within the dynamic, we are just taken from. So, Imma be real, when I hear someone talk about how they cut their mother off because of this new wave of "parents (and by that we mean moms) have to be perfect and you have every right to cut them off!" I automatically assume it's some petty shit. Yall see moms as hivemind maids. Any little screw up means she's not your servant. Meanwhile ur dad could slam you into a wall and he's dad of the year haha you know how dad's are. MOMMY YOU HAVE TO BE MY EMOTIONLESS ROBOT WHILST ALSO PUTTING ON THE MOST RIDICULOUS EMOTIONAL PERSONA IN THE WORLD YOU REVOLVE MEEEEEEE 🥺

[torntrianglesleeves]

Byler playlist! also giving insight into my tastes lol. Took a lot not to include the soulsborne music i actually always listen to

——

—Mykonos, Fleet Foxes. Mykonos itself is a “gay mecca”, and the Hellenistic greeks were well known for their queerness. The song itself evokes two men bonded by purpose and love to face down challenges. It also reminds me of Patroclus and Achilles, and is a popular song in rhe fandom for Song of Achilles. “Brother you dont need to turn me away/I was waiting down at the ancient gate.” hmmm, gate.

—Goddess, Laufey. This is one of my new favorite songs, and its themes touch on both boys’ insecurities. One can also argue the Eleven sings this, and as I write this out I think it is definitely El in a lot of ways. The “goddess”, a powerful person that Mike idolizes, but when they come to really know each other they realize it cant work.

—Operator (He Doesn’t Call Me), Låpsley. The first of a few on the nose songs lol, very much Will singing this about Mike who sure, tried to call him, but they never came through.

—Does Your Mother Know, ABBA. This show needs ABBA! everything does lol, you can listen to 70s disco in the 80s. Anyway, I see this being about Mike and his gaze toward Will. Wanting him, thinking he’s hot a cute, but keeping it. It’s lighthearted and I enjoy the idea of Karen getting sus that Mike like’s Will. I also see Mike jogging to this.

—Let You Break My Heart Again, Laufey. Love Laufey. Another where it applies to both boys. “Someday I will stop falling in love with you.” Mike trying so hard to move on from Will, and Will so torn up by how much he loves Mike.

—Good Luck Babe, Chappell Roan. I mean, does this need explanation? The comphet anthem of a generation, Will screaming this into the microphone while Mike watches. It’s like he was drunk at the airport in a way, trying to stuff his feelings away and salve his pain with lies.

—Black Sheep, Metric. The original version, this time an edgier take on their feelings, Will mostly. He’s upset, mad at Mike. “Now that the truth is just a rule/That you can bend” its giving Mike becoming a goddamn comphet pretzel.

—Baseball, Hippo Campus. Baseball being the Conformity Allegory, A. B: this song has some fun and poetic allusions to physical intimacy and touches on the relationship between the boys. I also just realized it has blue and yellow in the lyrics!

—As the World Caves In, Sarah Cochran cover. The song that plays as they think the world is ending around them, maybe it is. They’ve finally come together and make love. it’s awkward anf funny and passionate and feels so fucking good. In the end, they lie there and wait to see if the world will indeed cave in.

—Idea of Her, Cavetown. So many of Robbie’s songs work for them, as we’ll see with the next one. His trans experience speaks to the hiding of oneself, denying truths, and like this song addresses: loving the idea of something. We got California rep AND a top down view of Mike’s feelings about Eleven. “Can’t get your name past my lips like a slur.” To me, it reads as both the love he can’t say to El because its not true, and that it’s so hard to use Will’s name right after it.

—Boys Will Be Bugs, Cavetown. This is about Mike being stupid.

—Jupiter, C Duncan. A gay songwriter, Duncan’s song here has me imagine Will taking Mike on the journey of acceptance. Driving as the song plays, hands close to touching. A dreamlike sequence with Will taking charge, sensitively.

—Like Real People Do, Hozier. This is Hozier descending from music heaven telling these two to fucking kiss already.

—Beneath the Brine, The Family Crest. this feels to me like Mike melodramatically singing about Will while he’s trapped in the UD, and when he’s possessed and away from him.

—No Woman, Whitney. LA reference! While also referencing Mike’s changes, lying to himself, “walking through a haze” of his conflicting feelings for Will and El.

thats all for now! if anyone has byler tracks id love to see them

[prototypesteve]

hi! I just came across your acc and read some of your posts and you seem a really inspiring individual. im a 18yo demisexual person who's really close to their queerness (both in the sexuality and gender aspects) as its a fundamental part of my individuality. and i dunno, both my being acespec and genderqueer are a tricky... thing to get into when i want to get into relationships. im trying to be happy by myself. and this was very random and all, but as you're an adult aroace (i see very very few of them) its inspiring to me knowing I can still have a good, normal life? while living in full authenticity. idk. sorry if this is random. you dont have to reply. your account was nice to come across. have a wonderful day

Thank you for this. This is why I’m here. Honestly this is most of why I came out. Seriously.

Being Different and “New”.

The world is catching up with you, so you’ll have to be patient sometimes. Language often outpaces feelings. People know how to address genderqueer (they know all the words) but they’re still learning how to process genderqueer (they’re deconstructing all the old gender “archetypes” and stereotypes they were taught by parents and teachers who didn’t address or process genderqueer in their day). They will figure it out, because they can see it’s real. But it’s frustrating, in the meantime.

Even our own community of LGBTQIA+ (in Canada we use 2SLGBTQIA+, leading with 2S for two-spirit) is catching up with us in a lot of ways. The queer community has largely thought of queer as for/about genderqueer, and so when they see aros and aces and demisexuals and demiromantics, they have to either accept or reject that there’s a whole other layer of queer called relationship queer who intersect and overlap with genderqueer inside the bigger (and for some “newly bigger”) queer category/world/thing.

Being alone.

Alone is a complicated word for us. Aspec people experience a few kinds of alone-ness. There’s completion, which allos sometimes don’t get. We’re complete inasmuch as aspec people don’t have as many spaces in their lives where they need an “other half,” even though many of us spend a lot of our lives being told we have that space and we need to fill it. I wrote about that, here.

Then there’s the way we can can feel isolated from the bigger queer world because of the ways some people refuse to accept asexuality and aromanticism as queer, because they see it as a cishet thing, somehow.

We can feel isolated from traditional communities built around faith, politics, ethnicity, national identity, or even generational identity (GenX was wiiiiildly amatonormative), all because our defining differences are falsely interpreted as “new”. People misread our orientation as a phase, or a “made up internet thing” even though we’ve always been here. For ages, the world didn’t want to talk about all the asexual, aromantic, demisexual, and demiromantic people they could see everywhere—unlabelled, but plain as day—and now that we want to talk about ourselves, they’re going to say “you’re making that up”.

Then there’s the alone-ness of trying to explain how we do love, but differently. That one’s hard. I think that’s the one I’m going through the most, this year.

“See Also”:

Anyway, here’s a poorly-sorted and always growing “library” of links to my most popular social media posts, and stuff I’ve learned as an older ace. The recurring theme is that it really is going to be okay.

I’m still me, but now I know why. (How I explain my “thing” to straight friends who knew me from before I came out.)

Phase (You don’t outgrow it. I’m proof.)

Complete (Our complex relationship with “Alone”)

1994 (The counsellor story)

When I realized (Slow origin story)

Lifeline (Something bad happened to me when I was young, and believe it or not, Spider-Man rescued me.)

Recipe for Disaster (When life happens BEFORE you figure out your orientations)

Sexual Induction rather than a sexual awakening. (Things won’t always follow the romance novel playbook.)

Complicated. (Being queer AND Christian.)

Din Djarin Aroace Rep (We love. We just mostly do all the other kinds of love)

Treasure (a note to my trans friends)

Happy Ace Week (yes we’re here)

Masked (About not being out to everyone)

Negotiating (About gaining “acceptance” from the bigger queer community.

[dvasva]

honestly... nonsexual intimacy or queer platonic stuff squicks me out a bit. i am aromantic, and i know there are other aromantic people who arent this way, but the idea of a queer platonic relationship is deeply unappealing to me. i dont engage in romantic relationships because that level of emotional intimacy with another person is deeply uncomfortable for me. i guess romantic relationships were tolerable to me during my university days cause at least there was sex there and i generally enjoy having sex, despite not really being attracted to people. it sounds kinda callous, but taking sex out of the equation and making the dynamic platonic but still having those big feelings and connections... i know its a thing other aromantics enjoy that kind of intimacy with another person but im so deeply uncomfortable with the idea of like. that level of dedication and intimacy with another person.

i get a little annoyed on occasion on this website because i feel like a lot of times, the idea of aromanticism is only tolerable to people when it looks like a person who puts more value into platonic connection than romantic, and rarely is aromantic also sexual in these contexts. a queer platonic relationship is kinda also... asexual. maybe it doesnt look that way in you and your qpr partners specific life, but i always get the vibe that aromantics are not acceptable to talk about unless we also reject sex, unless we desire close and intimate relationships that mimic and replace romance rather than rejecting the idea entirely. it is a bit frustrating cause its acompanying this rise of puritanical thinking nowadays. if you admit to liking sex, some kid is gonna come quote bible verses in your inbox without realizing theyre spouting bible verses cause theyre just that against sex.

it does feel like im at a disadvantage here in life tbh. its easier when youre married or deeply involved with another person to start a life in the way they want to. people are always gonna look at me like im lonely when im genuinely not. married people get tax benefits and are treated nicer in places, given preferencial treatement. and, yknow. i have to deal with the endless 'youre just jealous cause your single' 'have fun being single' train. as if me being single is not by choice. It does such especially because im not childfree. one day i do want to have kids, but being single by choice makes everyone give u the stinkeye for a whole host of reasons. anyways.

i like casual relationships, ones where we go out on dates every few weeks, hook up, then go back to our lives. maybe send memes or act like friends. im really truly not interested in like a... deep emotional connection to someone else, whether that be romantic or platonic. i have friends, and we can get cuddly and close sometimes, but even though i love my friends, they are friends. They dont hold some special, pseudo-romantic position in my life. they are friends, just like how romantic couples have friends with other people. i regard them as friends, and i dont really see a need to expand upon that in some special way.

honestly the best 'romantic' relationships ive ever been in were as polyamorous peoples secondary or tertiary partner.

feel free to interact with this post however you want. go on your own tangents, change the subject, etc etc.

[castlebyersafterdark]

I find the way they both interact with the concept of byler to be very interesting,sometimes eye brow raising, and even complicated in Noah’s case since he said playing Will essentially made him realize/accept (however he framed it) his own sexuality…

Wholeheartedly agree with vinny's response here as the mature and practical way to look at the strange vocation of acting. Its a very strange mix of professional AND personal - and this, i think, is what creates tension in the is RPF morally acceptable? debate. because if we're talking literal speculation about whether two people have the hots for each other... name a less groundbreaking pastime lmao. imagine the saucy gossip that would have been spreading through the roman baths in like... 78 BC lol. human love and connection have ALWAYS interested people.

but for some reason there is disapproval about discussing chemistry and potential attraction when it comes to actors who also portray fictional characters. you don't see frowns when people pair actors together in regular celeb gossip columns; it's only through the lens of 'fandom shipping', where fictional blends with real, that it gets hate. perhapss most see it as an extrapolation with no grounds, a crossing of boundaries? but for me, its a question of your emotional intelligence as an audience member: can you separate fiction from reality in a mature way while also acknowledging that you see something sparkling in the reality? it's not NOT possible. but are you being honest with yourself about the origin of the chemistry? for me, noah and finn have it in spades, and i dont need them to officially start a relationship to prove it, because that, for me, is not the only sign of two people having true feelings for each other.

and even though professionalism should be top priority on a film set - on s5 of ST - let's not discount the fact that actors are human first and foremost, and not only that, but creatives, storytellers, performers, who are most likely more sensitive and emotionally affected than most 'regular' non-creative folk. sure, noah and finn started acting as kids, so perhaps they're not passionate about the craft like someone who chose the career later in life might be. but in a way, that's MORE telling? because their authentic selves would have been spilling out accidentally on red carpets and in interviews as they grew, no matter how much media training they had. there are unique circumstances that mirror their real lives and the show; growing up together, noah's queerness. it's not like two middle aged actors who barely know each other, portraying a totally fictive romance where their chemistry is the only similarity.

anyway, no amount of professionalism is going to prevent real feelings potentially arising. having feelings is not unprofessional; it's about how you deal with those feelings. and their behaviour is very, very interesting.

Noah is very intense, and candid about his intensity, especially re: byler. I think his tweets are certainly marketing in some ways, but you can't deny that he's not exactly, to put it bluntly... cool about it haha! He's not a nerd like finn is a nerd, but he's not cool and collected, you know? He is clearly comfortable having a public image (whether fabricated or not) of being someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. He and his team have clearly chosen to go down the route of: 'this actor is a bubbly young man who has no filter'. Even without the many times he's accidentally spoiled the show (lmao), it seems to me like Noah's passion IS authentic precisely BECAUSE being a young male actor these days often IS about being too cool for school, and Noah exhibits many traits that do not fit our society's idea of a cool young guy.

He's clumsy. He says things that could be seen as cringe. He is passionate and open. He admits to crying a lot. He makes tiktok lives naked shirtless from his bed. He gushes about Harry Styles. He does silly dances on social media. He gushes about byler. None of these things are objectively uncool - that's not a thing - and tiktok dances are popular, sure, but it's the WAY he does them. If he and his team wanted to craft a different persona that might have launched him into higher echelons of the A-List cool list, they could have. But I personally love how authentic noah feels. He is living life for himself, going to college, speaking honestly, being totally real. I respect that a lot.

And I think Finn does too, even though they might have clashed as younger teens, because he speaks highly of noah's coming out especially, and Finn also lives life for himself. My eyebrows have raised many many times seeing how Noah handles byler, and quite honestly, I wonder if Finn was/is more than a little intimidated playing opposite this rambunctious, passionate guy who is most likely going to kiss him within an inch of his life when they finally get to the s5 byler scenes lmao.

Then we have Mr Wolfhard. Finn, Finn, Finn. This year during filming, he seems... calm. Happy, glowing. My instincts tell me that he's, at the very least, enjoying this season and getting artistic satiation from it, whether that's reuniting a final time with the gang, pure nostalgia, gratitude, or enjoying filming byler. Probably all of the above. Viewing his behaviour through the lens of his disgruntlement with mileven in prior seasons' press, however, is hilarious - because whereas at one time it could have seemed like he was a teen boy who was embarrassed to talk romance, it's now looking more and more Mike Wheeler-esque. He was a young guy who was sick to death of hearing 'mileven mileven mileven' non-stop, perhaps without really knowing why. Honestly, if Finn's life ends up echoing Mike's in the way Noah's has with Will's, it'd be so coincidental that it's almost ludicrous, yet so so beautiful; and no wonder they'd both be reeling from it for a very long time. We're only just in the midst of filming - perhaps the most telling events have yet to come?

I will agree that Finn's s4 interviews were very telling re: whether byler will happen - the giggling, as you mentioned, because eyes and smiles don't lie, even on actors when they're off the clock. Finn's responses, if will's romance storyline was going to be tragic, were nonsensical. As for a kiss, I think they have already filmed one. If not, their giggles were certainly anticipatory, and there's definitely a similarity between finn's gigglyness and noah's glee at byler, isn't there? Whether that's thrill at good storytelling, or a hint to Finn's queerness, or both... you decide! Because being passionate about a story is one thing, but being reduced to self-conscious giggles, especially at age 19 or so? When portraying a romance at a younger age did NOT make you giggly during press...??? Very interesting.

For me, it's the other aspects of Finn's personality that prevent people from seeing foah as a possibility. Finn is too cool for school, reserved and private. Half of his press responses to byler HAVE mirrored his one's for mileven - 'why would I ship my own show?' etc. But there's that cheeky other half of the time, where he giggles or looks discreetly right down the camera, as if he's trying to silently tell us something. Even if he just adores byler, I find that very endearing.

And let's not forget that they're both totally adorable. At the very least I expect s5 press where they respond to questions portraying this romance. Noah laughing and saying "I wasn't exactly complaining" on Jimmy Fallon or something. "I mean, look at him" as Finn points to a magazine cover with Noah splashed on the front for s5 promo.

Lastly, noah's storyline/real life convergence is impactful. There's no way that this isn't something that influences the rest of his life. And, seeing as he was a teenager growing up with Will, I can't see how he could have entirely separated finn from mike, will's love from his own feelings, whether they were an actual crush, or simply the love and trust that comes from a genuine transformative friendship. The crazy thing is that noah has admitted in interviews that he looks at finn and sees Mike - so, with regard to what I said about about noah having no filter, take that as you will. If this is what he is saying publicly, what on earth is going on inside that head of his?

They are both endlessly fascinating and for me, this doesn't simply feel like RPF but studying the human condition, love and connection itself. Ha! I have nothing but love and respect for the two of them, so I dont feel like my 'shipping' is a bad thing. I think vinny would agree, being the romantic sap he is <3

Posting this one because this says it all, what a thorough read and reflection on these two. Thank you for sharing, I have very little to add, right on right on. So I'll let this one stand alone as a good read!! ���️❤️❤️

[joifee]

Alr, I've been thinking again about my Flower Husbands reicarnation (?) idea.

Scott has been always a flirty person, but especially with Jimmy, he's fun to tease. But like, I imagine that S1 Scott when he gets his memories in S2, he like kind of, isn't himself anymore towards Jimmy. His flirts wouldn't be just teasing anymore but genuine and kind of soft and sweet flirting, basically appreciation towards the guy.

But Jimmy obviously would be suspicious as heck. No one in Empires actually appreciates him, so he would be so suspicious of Scott and try to like to push him away. Especially since for him, it all came out of nowhere. Tho at the same time, he would be desperate for allies, and want his attention bc he lacks it.

At the same time, Scott definitely would give off like faraway feeling, or when he looks at Jimmy like he was a dead man (for Scott he is, but he obv wouldn't know that). I just imagine Jimmy thinking that Scott looks lonely and the both of them would just feel awkward around each other as well bc there's just something unsaid from Scotts side.

I also was thinking that Sausage might realize the fact that S1 and S2 Scott are now the same person, but I heavily doubt Scott would want any help from the guy. S1 Scott obv didn't have a good relationship with him in his own timeline. So I kinda think that Scott would be VERY wary of the guy. Especially when he notices that Sausage also teasing Jimmy with the toy joke. Kinda like a "history repeats itself" kinda vibe. Scott would feel that way at least.

Since it is also heavily implied that Fwhip and Jimmy we're in some kind of queer relationship (for example Jimmy calling Fwhip his ex), I feel like Scott would start to rethink some of the past events as well. Fwhip in S1 really did a lot of mischief, especially directed toward Jimmy, which feels like he just wanted the guy attention.

Also, I didn't answer before, but you are always welcome to come to my asks and talk about your drafts or headcanons! Anything tbf. I love hearing other people's ideas!

sorry for late reply! omg yes its like an immediate switch from teasing to genuine and nice and jimmy is just confused af and definitly convinced scott is planning something mischievous or is out for trouble. like he is smitten by the compliments, yes, but will take them with a grain of salt. but then he also, like you said, is in need of allies so he cannot really say no despite being suspicious fareaway like in it feels like home but also like a growing distance when he looks at jimmy. like in a way he knows its just what he wants but also fearing it at the same time. and jimmy knows something is on scotts mind but he doesnt know how to ask or if he asks, if he is able to believe it due to his suspicions but then in this season i have the feeling they get along better? i mean sausage grew since then like he did become a better man than the king of mythland. so maybe scott is not really about talking to him at first, but the more time goes on the more he is compelled to talk with sausage about it but doesnt really know how to reveal that he can remember his past life even tho sausage might already know he does. but i dont see sausage as the guy to like push scott to talk to him. maybe that fact of them being exes makes scott also a bit unsure if he should pursue it more. Like thats different from the jimmy he knew. maybe its like still the same fwhip but then he didnt knew fwhip in his past life that well after they had the fallout due to scott accidently freezing gem. i might shoot you an ask then soon^^

[faorism]

why does it seem like every tv character with an established shitty relationship with a parent (whether abusive or otherwise) has to reconcile with them lol i hate it so much

[context: this post on billy and eliot]

i have no fucking idea, other than that lev:red found ways to insist on your current (queer) found family is not enough to soothe one's soul. there is no true going forward, if you havent gone backward in order to fix something that we didnt see as broken; instead, it was a complexity that humbly fades into the background of the cool characters we love to untangle in our own projections.

reconciliation is not always the answer. the pressure to reconcile (and specifically to do so before i was ready) did irreparable damage. sometimes things happen where we came from, but we find our people. it is not a wish fulfillment fantasy i feel is necessary for leverage. archies first episode ended with difficult parent relationship done right: parker, realizing archie is not who she wanted him to be but settling into the fact that she has family now. real family. they backtracked in the last dam job, sadly.

billys wife, eliots mom, the REASON billy gave up on eliot due to the funeral absence.... she didnt warrant a first name.

they also did the billy&eliot from the other side with sophie and her first crew, but especially sophie with her stepdaughter. sophie didn't need to have a mothering role thrown on her after six seasons without it being mentioned or hinted at. (dont you think that when nate was grieving once against over sam, sophie might have mentioned ANYTHING about being a parent??). sophie suddenly became a Bad Mother that we had to just accept haunted her. and then astrid (A FUCKING SUPER COP, UGH ACAB, HATE THAT LEVERAGE LOVES COPS SO MUCH) had to just.... reconcile with the woman who broke her father's heart, broke her heart, and is still working with the tools that helped deceive her father.

is that was redemption is to lev:red? tracing back the supposed "core" of you (bio/in-law family) so you can confess your wrongs and get a stern pat on the back? maybe nate is there as a ghost but as the earlier version where he was a priest, cuz this is all sounding mighty catholic to me......

[angy-grrr]

You have been really patient with certain asks you get. At some point if people want to be negative they can stop interacting with your posts. It makes me think it is people who want you to confirm that bkdk is done and the ship is destroyed or something. Even on twitter people are realizing that they may have been a bit too dramatic with 431 which btw was very much the leakers’ faults. Izu//ocha’s big moment in 429 was him comforting a friend which was then interrupted by the rest of the class. Whether people like it or not, bkdk was still the most developed even with Horikoshi holding back with them. I also noticed people coming really hard for Horikoshi and saying he is going to do a sequel titled ‘Beku.’ This isn’t anything that has even been implied yet. People need to realize they projected a lot of negativity into this chapter esp about bkdk bc where does it say Izuku doesn’t want to compete or that Izuku is leaving Katsuki for Ochako?

I try to! tho I am really impatient. Usually if I answer a hateful ask is to make a joke about it (like in this one), or to tell them to go away, but many times when I doubt how actually hateful towards my content it is, even if its negative, I'll try to explain myself or answer their points -and ask them to go away if they just dont like it and dont want to see it.

I was really dramatic about 431 as it made lose care for BNHA -as I dont watch nor have interest in just shonen content made to teach boys how to be hetero men, or just shonen in general at this point of my life, I just care more about the Josei and horror; it broke my heart to see them become complete strangers-, I felt betrayed and like I was never meant to read this in the first place, but it didnt help how at the time leakers spread literal false summaries (+their emphasis on wanting to stir drama and go against queer shippers, claiming this focuses solely on them becoming an actual couple + deku "beating all allegations" + katsuki and tsuyu giving love advice), and many people went wild with it, claiming the only right way to see this manga is from a cis heterosexual lense, that they were always the target audience, the ones who this manga was for. It felt so, so wrong, to love for almost half of my current life something that was said to despise so many people, including me.

The leakers are responsible for spreading false information time to time again, and disrespected the manga and everyone involved just to give us messy badly written summaries and bad translations, and I didnt understand it until it was too late.

There are many reasons to hold back on bkdk outside of "not liking it" (they are one of the most developed relationships in the whole manga, and the feelings they have for each other are clear as we have not only actions but highlighted, spelled out, confirmations of what their status is -they are the closest person to each other-, many fans of BNHA dont like katsuki so focus on him for the end of the manga to say once again how they are the closest to one another could get annoying, as we spent years with that going on), so I dont think we should jump into conclusions just bc of 431, which is pretty tame and vague to be a confirmation of a ship. We cant just believe "Beku" is a thing he is thinking about when he made these characters just start talking again after years of barely contact.

However, about the two last points, I would argue its bc this is the last content we get in a BNHA manga, so it feels like the end. If this was considered the actual ending, it would imply katsuki and deku dont compete anymore bc of the inclusion of Izuku not wanting to "play" into that dynamic when Katsuki says he was the fastest + katsuki being "left behind" before he meets Ochako, but... theres an interesting way to see this, I believe.

I talked before about Katsuki's offering being more about Izuku than about himself -a test to see if Izuku will answer with passion, a comeback about him being able to surpass him like before. From this perspective, Katsuki is worried about Izuku not taking himself into account, letting go of (or unable to express) his ambitious spirit and not understanding how he affects others in the process, how he ends up not seeing how others can want to be with him and see him as special (and want to be special to him themselves); this means that small frame of Katsuki trying to play into being competitive with him, and him answering with honesty (Iida was the fastest), means Izuku is completely clueless of what Katsuki is trying to do, bc he doesnt even think about himself in the first place.

And him "leaving katsuki for her" just makes things gayer tbh, specially bc he didnt choose to follow her or something like that -Katsuki just told him he couldn't give him a drive home, and when he saw her in the street he just told her what he literally thought -he loves everyone, but he wants to talk to her more from now on; it sounds romantic to some, but bc of his reaction and attitude it doesnt come off as him confessing nor realizing later he did so, but him being honest and being clueless. He blushes and gets embarrassed only after she fell over him for "no reason", so it doesnt really give the impression of him revealing hidden romantic love for her and getting shy about it.

[diamondcitydarlin]

man the replies on that last post I reblogged are just evidence pieces of how the term 'p*dophilia' has just become a dogwhistle/buzzword some people like to use on anyone either 1) not also joining into/endorsing their violent hivemind cult of bullying people on the internet 2) anyone telling them to stop. I don't think they realize this is a play right out of the conservative playbook (that has often been used against queer people no less): call anyone disagreeing with your fascist policies a predator or p*do to immediately shut down them and their arguments.

Literally, that post said: "Stop bullying people for fictional situations they may create or enjoy"

And then these people said: "STOP BEING A P*DO!!! YOU'RE SUCH A PREDATOR!!! I DON'T DEFEND PREDATORS!!"

Like...what?? That post said nothing about specific fictional situations with minors!! Why are y'all always jumping to that conclusion?? Does that not seem a bit WEIRDER to you, that you're ALWAYS thinking about that?? That you're ALWAYS assuming this is what people are talking about??? I don't wanna say 'PROJECTION' so I won't, but honestly it makes them look all the more suspicious to me if I'm honest, esp as someone who was a victim of that as a child. Just saying.

It gets even more hilarious/weird when you've seen these people in action in fandom and know by 'p*dophilia' they usually mean either a) a fictional age gap relationship with two consenting adults or b) a ship that involves two adult characters, one of whom they ship with someone else and want to invalidate the pairing or sometimes c) a character that is an adult that they've hc'd as 'minor coded' whatever the fuck that means, so now everyone has to share that view and behave accordingly.

But idk man, it's just so fucking weird when people on here say, 'Leave people alone to enjoy their own fictional situations' and then these kinda people immediately jump to assuming they're talking about fictional p*dophilic situations, which I'd say 99.9% of the time is not even what they're talking about. They're PROBABLY talking about the thousands of other ships and situations that are not remotely the p-word but have been characterized as such to invalidate the pairing bc of ship wars or whatever.

It's just weird. It's so fucking weird and annoying, and at the end of the day it's only a justification for harassing and bullying and gatekeeping people out of places and it has been used time and time again by hateful people (again: queer used to be considered synonymous with the p-word when homophobia was even more rampant than it is today, and even TODAY gay people are still being accused of it just for existing)

Like i dOnT whO nEEds 2 HeAr ThiS but bullying people on the internet for fandom stuff is not going to save the children of the world from being preyed upon. If that is really one's goal, to HELP children, there are so many things offline in the real goddamn world that one can involved with to help. But sure, you just keep going on bullying, harassing and doxxing and watering down an important distinction on the internet. I'm sure that's gonna save so many children.

Fucking ridiculous.

[deathsdivinity]

I LOVED YOUR NEW FIC SOSOMUCH god grace max messy undefinable relationship is so fucking real I'm obsessed w it. they should make each other worse but also better but also worse but also a secret third thing...

BAWL S MY EYES OUT thank you SO MUCH !!!!!!!!!! WORSE BUT ALSO BETTER BUT ALSO WORSE BUT ALSO SECRET THIRD THING IS SO FUCKING TRUE.

no bc like. they're SO insanely important to me it is Unreal. just. just. two people with such vastly different families raised such vastly different ways but both SO damaging both SO bad for them... the thought of recognizing some of that in each other....... just. just. idk. something about learning so much about another person and them helping you to learn so much about yourself, without even meaning to. realizing how little they both know about what it means to live their own lives what it means to do what THEY want to do what it means to want anything at all.

they're both such fucking control freaks too like. max having the entire school under his thumb, controlling everyone around him, he gets no say in his own life but he can have a say in theirs, grace having no say in her own life but pretending she does pretending it IS her choice it IS what she wants both of them deluding themselves into thinking this is something they want something they enjoy this is how they're meant to live...

grace only barely actually believing in christianity. max thinking his life will be over after high school.

ohhhh and thats not even getting into queer stuff... the thought of max as transmasc or grace as transfem or both, the thought of grace as transmasc or max as transfem or both, any exploration of gender or sexuality and how that would help shape their relationship and define the trust they have in each other.,..

just !! just !!!! i LOVE the idea of them moving out together, neither family realizing their kid has a roommate bc grace would NEVER be allowed to live with max and max would NEVER be allowed to live with grace, both breaking the rules both creating this safe space within their own defiance...

the thought of like. maybe grace has never learned how to do basic household chores because someone else has always done it for her and she hasnt really been allowed to try and learn, maybe max had NEEDED to learn because if he didnt do it nobody else would and he can teach her or maybe it'd be reversed and she could teach him or maybe NEITHER of them know and they both learn how to cook and clean and do laundry and everything together...

grace NEVER being allowed to explore her sexuality in any way, ever, not even being allowed to THINK about it, and her and max being nonromantic but they still grow so close and so trusting and there's so much they don't know and its just. even when they havent known each other long even when there hasnt been much time for that trust to grow, the other person is someone safe. they can talk about these things they can have questions they can explore, they're allowed to feel the way they feel allowed to express themselves the way they want to allowed to believe what they want to believe.........

fighting and arguing and getting angry and they're allowed to do that, too, they can BE upset they can LEAVE if they want to and they can always, always come back. being able to actually sit down and talk things out. being able to be honest with both each other and themselves.

idk !!!!!! learning how to live together. learning what it means to exist for themselves together. even if they didnt STAY together or anything, ive never really considered them in the Long Term, just. being able to do so much for each other in the time that they DO spend together. whhhhhhatever i dont even care. they mean nothing to me. i dont fucki,ng care abou t them.

[beachytablecloth]

hiii this is weird but i saw the post you reblogged about what age you came to term with being lgbtq and i dont have anyone else to really talk about this to lol but ive basically always know that i liked girls but always identified as bi even though ive questioned whether or not im a lesbian many times over the years. ive been in back to back long term relationships with men for the last 8 years (since i was 16, for 4 years each.) i feel like i cant keep lying to myself any longer, im never really attracted to any men in real life and looking back i dont think i ever have been but i literally got engaged 2 months ago to my boyfriend whom i love so much and i dont want to let him go but i feel i have to. im just so terrified of change, i just finished college, we're moving back to our home town, im gonna be on my own for the first time ever, not to mention the fact that i'll have to come out all over again and although my family is very liberal i know things will be weird for a bit. im sorry i know this is a lot but i also have a huge exam in 2 weeks to get licensed in my field and i had to tell this to someone so i didnt explode

hey anon. i wanna start by saying this isn’t weird at all. i can definitely empathize with not having anyone to talk to about this stuff 🫶

i’m really sorry you’re struggling so much. on top of this internal struggle you also just have a huge amount of major life events happening, which i can imagine is incredibly overwhelming!!

as to your boyfriend situation, i’m afraid i don’t have any advice to really give. i’ve never been in a committed relationship. but what i can say is that you owe it to yourself to be as true to who are you as you can.

in my experience, i tried on the bi label for a long time, because i recognized a bit after college that i was attracted to women (and had been for like my whole life lol). but i had this picture of how i felt my life had to go, and that definitely didn’t involve being queer. so even though i kind of came out as bi, i never let myself explore it as a true identity. i would kind of just be like “haha yeah girls are hot but that’s all”, and i continued trying to date men. it was very confusing to me bc i do think i have a bit of aesthetic attraction to men, and it took me a long time to realize that just because i can say “omg captain america is so hot” doesn’t mean i was ever actually sexually or romantically attracted to men. i mean, i would literally feel pits of dread whenever i tried to date men, and after the dates i’d usually feel gross and wrong and often had a stomach ache…. i chalked that all up to nerves or anxiety, and even at times worried something was fundamentally wrong with me. i thought “maybe i am incapable of love”. i never stopped to imagine that i was just trying to shoehorn myself into a box that i would never fit into.

all that to say, i completely understand and empathize with how hard of a journey it can be to figure out your identity as a queer person. i still feel like i have more work to do in that arena. but i hope you know you are not alone. i don’t know you, but i am so happy you came into my inbox today. like i said, i don’t really have any advice. but i can offer support and love. so please feel free to pop back in whenever you want to or need to 🫶

[autisticlee]

i've noticed that there's always a lot of discourse about trying on labels like for sexuality and gender for example. people saying if you dont know, don't claim am identity. people complaining about people using labels lying and being fakes. complaining when someone changes their lable/identity.

you even see it in conservatives who whine and cry about gender and sexuality saying stuff like "you can't know that yet/you're too young/what if it changes/you can't just decide now and change later" and seeing queer people say the same things can be super discouraging and alienating.

because the thing is, humans do change. It's a natural phenomenon we can't do anything about. it's perfectly ok to feel one way now and then realize you feel differently later on. it can be because life experiences changed who you, or you realize/discover something, or etc.

also, how will someone know who/what they are without trying things out to see what fits? to see what feels right? not everyone just KNOWS who they are or what they want or how they feel automatically. telling people they can't experiment to see what works does nothing but alienate them and make them feel even more lost and alone.

i know it's a bit more of a touchy and difficult subject and im debating adding it in, but I see a similar discourse for example in the autistic community where people try to gatekeep the identity for only "officially diagnosed" people. (I was trying to think of something else that's not only gender/sexuality because my whole point should apply to more than just queer identities but this is all I could think of atm) i've seen it in other communities as well (mental or physical illnesses and disabilities and stuff for example) you have to relate to an identity basically, in order to bring it to a doctor. usually a doctor won't just say "oh you have this!" on their own; you have to tell the doctor "I think I have this" and sometimes it takes you years of research to figure out things yourself (because we all know doctors can be useless at times) by that point, if someone is putting that much time into a thing, there less chance of them faking it. if they think they have a disorder like DID but don't, then they still need help. but there shouldn't be so much aggression towards people who get evaluated or reevaluated and realize they were wrong. it's actually ok to be wrong and correct yourself later, contrary to popular belief. 1 or 19 or even 100 people being wrong doesn't mean we should let that reflect on *everyone* and let people with ill intent call everyone a "faker"

even if it turns out you were wrong, there's no real harm in trying on things until you reach a final conclusion. it's other people's opnions and reactions to it that are the harmful part.

[imagine if you had to guess what clothes and shoes would fit you, look good on you, and feel good without trying them on, you have to decide on one only, and then you have to keep wearing only those clothes and shoes after that and can never change out of them. that's so silly, right?]

sometimes you have to make guesses about your identity first and get confirmation later. sometimes you guess that you are a cishet man and date a cishet woman and realize a few years into the relationship that you are actually a trans lesbian. It's perfectly fine and normal to change after some time! we all need to not gatekeep and instead support each other. accept each other either way.

if someone feels they are trans for years and transitions and then realizes they are actually nonbinary and maybe slides into a more androgynous state or even stops transition or detransitions, don't call them fake! if someone is aroace and then starts dating, realizing they felt that way due to trauma in the past but were able to heal from it, don't call then a fraud! if a lesbian falls in love with a man and realizes she's actually bi, don't say she lied or tricked you!

yes, I know that there's often stigmas and stereotypes about changing. the whole "it's just a phase" thing for example. or accusing people of "following a trend." and the whole fact that the phobes always try to force their harmful belief that these identities are a "choice" and "choosing" them is wrong. change can mimic "a choice," but change does not always equal choice! someone changing does NOT always mean they are choosing something different. many times in life change isn't a choice!!! the fact that reflects poorly on the lables/communities by those who already have a bias against them is what needs change.

but that's the thing. that's precisely what i'm saying. we need to break down those stigmas around change. so what if it's a "phase" ???? why can't someone have an experience for a short time and then change it later due to whatever reason or circumstances? why can't someone try something out and then realize it's not right later on? why do we have to decide on a label or identity for life while still trying to figure out who we are? why is someone naturally changing or realizing something about themselves considered lying and fake? why do we let other people's bad opinions create stigmas and stereotypes around everything and then let that dictate everything we do? instead of gatekeeping and hurting potential new community members, why can't we break down those stereotypes and stigmas instead? instead of shaming people who try out your lables, why not shame and demonize the people that throw stereotypes and stigmas at you just because someone else is trying to figure out who they are still????? why let haters dictate how you treat others?

choose the right battles. fight the right people.

[uncheckedpyromaniac]

my experience: dating a trans man

i used to identify as a lesbian pretty stubbornly. when my parter came out as trans, ftm, i didnt think it would effect everything. my philosophy up until that point has been that i loved him more than i cared about my label. i decided to call myself queer, and everything else was between myself and my partner.

at one point, i truly did love him, but i didnt realize i loved the feminine version of him. the version who thought of me, and loved me femininely, and looked at me femininely. as far as i knew, i loved him for how he loved me.

he started testosterone a while after we were together. at first i noticed changes, but i figured their would be. i guess i just didnt realize how intense those changes would be for his personality.

he used to look at me a certain way. now he looks at me like a cis man would look at me. he still loved me, but i felt his previous admiration and idolization of me turn into something more sexual, desire. i dont think he has even noticed the shift either. as far as he knows, this is how he's always loved me.

i remember the first time i thought i didnt want a relationship with him forever. i remember the first realization i had that breaking up is an option, and its okay. i remember reading somewhere that if you think about breaking up, then your relationship is doomed to fail. while i think breaking up should be a last resort, that advice was right. the second i considered, or even acknowledged that this wasn't what i wanted, i knew my relationship was doomed.

dating a trans man made me realize that i crave a feminine love, and its been so long since i've properly taken care of myself. i need to let him go soon but i still care about him. i don't want to hurt him but i have to.

i care about him, but i don't love him anymore. its almost time i accept that and proceed to move forward into the next step for me. i will never regret the time we shared, but i do regret not realizing how i felt sooner, and acting sooner.

[leonsi]

seeing all these rottmnt/2012 crossovers bash on the 2012 bros’ relationship with each other is kiiindaaa upsetting as someone who’s uncomfortable with expressing and receiving overt affection

but hey what do i know i probablyy just have all toxic unhealthy relationships where we never understand each other and share mutual trust and love *twirls hair*

the 2012 bros may not openly express their love like the rottmnt boys do, but that doesnt mean its not there. and acting like the rottmnt relationships are automatically better and the only Right standard for healthy relationships seems pretty,, juvenile and inexperienced imo. love isnt only expressed through physical affection and saying things like “i love you,” openly, and assuming there is no love in a relationship without those things is… odd.

love is not only in words or hugs. the 2012 boys can love each other just as much as the rottmnt boys without being open about it. 2012 raph, especially, loves to show affection through acts of service, physical affection, and quality time, but he doesn’t like any of this to be commented on because it makes him uncomfortable. and thats okay! he doesn’t need to express affection openly to have it be there.

just as rottmnt donnie can express love and affection outside of hugs and words, so too can the 2012 boys. they all have their own unique ways of expressing love that the others all respect and recognize, and dismissing that feels less like it’s intentional, and more like the people writing these crossovers just don’t recognize alternate forms of expression exist. which, again,, reeks of inexperience.

( also semi-related tangent speaking of donnie he literally fucking . put a shock collar on his brother like he’s a dog in an attempt to change him. and brainwashed his brothers. and frequently puts his own wants and needs over their own - which is totally fine, if it didn’t happen all the time. it’s kinda laughable to say 2012 raph is worse than rottmnt donnie honestly

siblings hit each other. okay. siblings hit each other. i need y’all to recognize this. i will power drive my little brother into the floor over the last oreo. siblings hitting each other is not abusive (TYPICALLY) because there are established boundaries both parties abide by. like i will never touch my siblings if they are in a bad mood, trying to concentrate on something, or otherwise in a bad position (like standing somewhere dangerous, by a corner etc), and i will never intentionally hurt them. if i think they are actually hurt, we stop immediately until they tell me theyre fine. roughhousing with your siblings is fun. it is bonding. its a self-esteem booster to be able to pick up ur freshman brother okay.

the 2012 bros always abide by these rules. they never hurt each other beyond what the other party can handle, and if they do, it is very clearly treated as a bad thing by them or the other brothers so they realize they went over the line, and they resolve it by the end of the episode (as is the way of formulaic kids shows).

rottmnt donnie. put a fucking shock collar on his brother. and this is funny to him. and not something he ever learns from. and totally not weirdly sexual. But 2012 raph is the bad guy? ok )

i mean. i dont know what i expect from a fandom full of chronically online children who truly dont have experience with relationships. but it just really irks me for some reason and its currently one in the morning so im feeling whiny about it.

affection outside of words and hugs exists. affection outside of words and hugs exist!! and if you know that then you know that the 2012 boys love each other so so so much, just as much as rottmnt. just because they express it differently than in sanitized queer TV shows and not overtly, so you kinda have to pick up on nuance, doesnt mean they dont love each other. let people love other people in non-overt ways!

[demadogs]

I personally think Mike already realized he loves will at the end of S3. What are your opinions on that last scene where he goes to hug his mom?

i dont think he’s had his full conscious realization yet because the audience would need to be aware of that too. they cant just start season 4 and show mike pining without an explanation. we have to be in on it because they didnt queer code mike nearly as heavily as they did will (and i think the reason for that is because he doesnt know he’s gay! will does so thats why we see it more). it would seem outta nowhere if we didnt see his epiphany moment. they have to show us a very obvious, irrefutable moment of this realization.

that moment with his mom mightve been more about his confusion for the lack of love he feels for el, but he’s not thinking about the fact that it’s because she’s a girl. i think he’s genuinely confused, or as finn has called him, clueless as to why he couldnt say he loves her to her face. and in that moment where he hugs his mom he thinks there might be something “wrong” with him but doesnt know what yet.

i do think he’s noticed that he feels more strongly about will than dustin or lucas but again, he’s clueless and doesn’t realize what that means. and i think deep down he’s always known he’s not that satisfied with el, especially from that first scene of them making out where you see him moving her hands and not letting her touch him, but this is his first relationship and he probably doesnt realize that it could be better and he’s not at all considering how different it would be with a guy.

maybe his whole ignoring will for el strategy in s3 was this subconscious act of avoiding confrontation with what that strong feeling could mean because he doesnt wanna know. spending all his time with el and ignoring will and the others last season might have been an effort to try and be more satisfied romantically with her or finally feel that “electricity” like dustin was talking about in s2, but he never feels it. but then when its flipped this season and he’s spending all his time with will and not el, THATS when he feels it and he has that “holy shit i like will” moment.