#i love doing things for people !! i love love love doing acts of service and adult parallel play and small physical affection

[frutee]

i was recently listening to a discussion about determining what you make a false idol out of:

honor, money, power, pleasure, etc

because its important to identify which one is most important to you so you dont let it control you. you identify when you are falling into your habits and when to push against your proclivities in order to create change

i realized my vice is pleasure. i treat myself a lot, i opt out of things to be comfortable, i struggle with self discipline etc.

(on the flip side, acts of service is my love language and i push myself out of my comfort zone for the people i love, such as driving over an hour to see a friend who is lonely, running errands for my mom, cooking or cleaning for a loved one, or attending an event even when im tired because its important to them)

but i need to keep doing it. keep pushing myself, for others and for myself. be uncomfortable. even be in slight pain sometimes, like the muscle soreness that comes from weight training. dont buy that trip. take the bus instead of driving.

Wake up call fr

[soapyjackets]

nat showing different love languages <3

nat x gn!reader

fluff

physical touch—

nat who doesn’t like to be touched first. she needs control, and when people initiate contact, it feels like losing it. but with you, and only with you, she allows it. she still tenses whenever you hug her out of nowhere or press a soft kiss into her cheek, but she never pulls away or tells you to fuck off.

nat who will take your hand without thinking, tracing absent-minded patterns on your palm. once time, when you had first started dating, she spelled out ‘i love you’— you felt every letter but pretended not to notice.

nat who has a secret code. she will poke, squeeze, or nudge you three times in a row and it means ‘i love you’.

words of affirmation—

nat who struggles with words, struggles with expressing her feelings. things she wants to say get stuck in her throat, heavy with the weight of things she isn’t sure she’s allowed to feel. she hates vulnerability, it terrifies her.

nat who leaves little notes instead of saying things out loud. her notebook is all torn up, pages ripped out just to scribble ‘you look good today’ or ‘i like your stupid face’. you find them everywhere— in your bag, on your desk, tucked into your jacket pockets. it’s her own way of expressing her feelings for you.

nat who is always more honest when she’s drunk. she drinks alone a lot— trying to drown out her own emotions— but it never works. if anything they only get louder. when that happens she calls you. her voice is slurred and her words tumble out before she can stop them, “you know you’re like— the best thing in my life.. right?” she never remembers what she said in the morning, but you never forget.

quality time—

nat who will skip her own class just to sit on yours. the teachers are confused and tell her to leave. she ignore them, unless they blame you.

nat who’s car is a shitbox, but she always insists on driving you everywhere. the backseat has a box of tapes and she always lets you pick the music. your house is way out of her way, but she never complains. the drive is just an excuse to be with you longer.

nat who doesn’t do ‘dates’. she tells you she’s not romantic, she won’t take you out, she won’t do all that cliché couple bullshit. despite her harsh words— every sunday, without fail, you two end up together. either watching a movie, eating at some shitty diner, cooking or baking something. it’s not a date. it’s just… what you do.

acts of service—

nat who never comments on the mess in your room. she knows you struggle to clean up sometimes. she just picks up the scattered clothes, clears off your desk, throws out the trash. no judgement or questions.

nat who rolls her eyes every time you ask for a back scratch or rub— but she does it anyway with no complaints. After her soccer practices, you return the favor. Massaging her legs and pressing soft kisses onto bruises that she swears don’t hurt.

nat who will randomly appear at lunch, with your favorite drink from the gas station in hand. every day.

gift giving—

nat who says she’s terrible at gifts. she won’t admit it but she’s also broke. instead she’ll make you mixtapes. full of songs that remind her of you.

nat who makes you handmade cards for anniversaries and special occasions. who refuses to buy them from the store. she likes to make her own, she’s more creative then she lets on.

nat who always has a disposable camera on her, always snapping pictures of you. she gives you most of them once they’ve developed, but sometimes— just sometimes— she’ll keep one for herself. her favorite is framed in her room. eventually, you have to start asking her to take pictures with you. you don’t need a hundred photos of just you. but she does.

[storkmuffin]

Unwarranted Thoughts about Mingi (3/n)

The Yungi Of It All part 2

Not a Yungi shipper, but also not anti. Just not involved in that. Most of what I say below, however, fiction and RPF of the non sexual variety, and what is not fiction is opinion. Overall, you are right and I am wrong.

Yunho is Bad for Mingi, Actually

[Yungi fans I am going somewhere with this, just don't kill me.]

Mingi's problem in life is that he's unlikable.

[ducking for cover, please don't kill me, omg Mingtis! I like Mingi *I didn't at first *PLEASE DON'T DOXX ME PLS DON'T KILL MY CAT* but I like him now! I do!]

Being unlikable (wincing) costs Mingi, constantly, even in something as trivial and silly as his fortune telling in that one Wanteez episode, and his unlikability keeps being highlighted because of his proximity to Yunho. Mingi got the meanest possible reading by the fortune teller, by the way.

But if you actually set out what the fortune teller said, word for word? Mingi and Yunho are literally the same person. They are identical in orientation. This is why they're not particularly good for each other. Yet, they are treated completely differently, because Mingi either doesn't mind being unlikable or can't help it (due to autism spectrum, possibly) and Yunho is obsessed with making sure nobody dislikes him & quite often succeeds.

They are both ambitious, rebellious, dominant personalities that find it chafing to be under anybody's command. They are both (along with Jongho) a danger to HongJoong. Yunho doesn't deny it by the way. He jokingly (heehee haha) acts out slicing HongJoong into pieces with a sword as soon as he hears it, smiling cutely with his cute face. And Mingi backs up Yunho - specifically says, Yunho has leadership qualities. (We are going to talk about this problem that Mingi has, of saying things that harm him and only him in service of Yunho, because think about how TONE DEAF THIS IS to say this in front of everyone INCLUDING THE ACTUAL TEAM LEADER). Mingi then says truthfully, about himself, that he's not interested in this leader role, which is both extremely arrogant but also politically suicidal to say if HongJoong was the type to take this sort of thing to heart - Mingi signals that he too can do the slicing and dicing that Yunho just acted out, but he can't be bothered to. The Fortune Teller bitchily tells Mingi it's because he (along with Jongho) are too timid. But he didn't have to choose that word. Timid (소심) is the derogatory way to describe someone that if you liked that person, you might choose to call sensitive or soft hearted or kind.

When it's his turn, Mingi is slammed down as having Delusions of Grandeur, and subjected to derisive laughter, despite the many excellent traits that he has that Yunho lacks. The thing is, the way Yunho is described basically is Delusions of Grandeur: he "doesn't know that the sky is high" and continually seeks to get bigger and larger, with endless greed (욕심). HOW IS THIS NOT A DELUSION OF GRANDEUR? Yunho is also prideful, disobedient, with a huge drive to win at all costs. In other words, he's an arrogant, ruthless mofo with a capacity for cruelty. HELLO?

[Yunho stans pls don't kill me! Omg this is going all wrong. SOS SOS]

The traits that Mingi has that Yunho doesn't are actually pretty fucking damning to Yunho if you want to believe this fortune teller is telling the truth: creativity, analytical intellect, perfectionism, a transformative imagination that will take anger and pain from being ignored or compared to others into something unambiguous and clear (do you mean like, the ability take a complicated and painful personal experience - because the pain of being compared to others and ignored are UNIVERSAL - and crystallize it into a song lyric that millions of people will love, Mr bitchy fortune teller??).

The Fortune teller also says that Yunho's appearance is fundamentally deceptive - he looks kind and gentle (BUT HE ISN'T) and he looks mild and sweet (BUT HE ISN'T). If he wanted to give this reading to Mingi, he would've said, You are a sneaky fuck whose face is a lie. The Fortune Teller also refuses to say what Mingi looks like from the previous era - if it doesn't help that person to hear, he forebears. Given the general rules of 관상 Mingi looks criminal by the way. To a Korean person he actually does have a very scary face - which is the other way he's exactly like Yunho - the face does not match the heart.

OK now I'm going to go off on a bit of a lecture about how Korean fortune telling (maybe all fortune telling?) is supposed to work.

Korean fortune telling doesn't involve laying it all out like a readout sheet from an MRI or XRay machine. The Fortune Teller is supposed to exercise discretion, and be the wise counselor. And from that point of view, you can see the things this fortune teller said to Mingi as being advice to Mingi for himself, and what he said to Yunho as warnings about Yunho to the other members including Mingi.

My conclusion at the end of the Wanteez episode was that Yunho is bad for Mingi, which is why the Fortune Teller steadfastly just doesn't say anything about what they are to each other. He's reading the room. He's reading Mingi. Mingi was already so upset (WHEREAS YUNHO WAS NOT) that Mingi wasn't Yunho's special someone, so being told in the way I'm telling it, This friend you adore so much is actually not great for you, would not be something Mingi could digest in the moment. Yunho is bad for Mingi because he consistently shows up the ways Mingi is unlikable, or less likable, than Yunho is, to Mingi's disadvantage.

Do I have an axe to grind about the norms that govern Korean fortune telling? I do. Ask me about it and I will go off but it's not relevant to this present discussion.

Mingi's Devotion to Yunho Is the Ultimate Luxury in Korean Idoldom and I don't Know WTF Yunho Did to Deserve It (and I suspect He doesn't in fact deserve it)

Whether from being autism spectrum, being in love, or just being a very open person with a lot of confidence (untrammeled Mingi that just feels his feelings without avoidance is a favorite doll for me to consider and mull over), Mingi just really fucking super likes Yunho.

He likes Yunho, admires Yunho, relied on Yunho as a child and is eternally grateful, and thinks he still needs Yunho, and doesn't really bother to moderate his feelings or his expression of those feelings. It was so excessive when he was younger that his mother felt the need to tell him to cool it, to like his friend just a normal amount. Mingi's mom sounds a bit like my mom actually - well meaning, kind, but also merciless and cutting in her phrasing of her kind, well-meant thoughts .

In his relationship with Yunho, Mingi embodies this 사자성어 (Four-Syllable Idiom): 일편단심 (in Chinese script: 一片丹心) : Single minded devotion, but literally it reads The Singular Red Piece From The Heart.

And see, I see now why certain of my mutuals clock Mingi as being autistic. Autists often get very devoted, obsessed with, and go all in on just the one friend. This is both because hyperfixation is how Autists are, but also because it takes a specific kind of tolerant neuro-normal person to get past the irritating, unlikable, unmoderated parts of an autist's behavior to actually appreciate what's really there. Yunho's great talent is finding out what itch people need scratched, and fulfilling it to a certain extent. (This is different from Wooyoung's need to be Loved & Never Alone, or San's need to be Good & Helpful). He saw the huge need that Mingi had, what that need required, and fulfilled it, and is reaping lifelong dividends.

Case in point:

In the December 2024 issue of Dazed Korea, the interviewer asked Yunho and Mingi, "You seem so extremely different. How are you so close?" and this is what MIngi said:

민기 윤호는 제가 본 친구 중에서도 가장 열정적이에요. 예를 들어 뭐 하��� 하자고 하면 “오케이, 그래 하자!” 이런 스타일이죠. Go 아니면 No. 또 제가 애매한 걸 싫어해서요. 그래서 잘 맞는 것 같아요

Yunho, among everyone I've ever met, is the most passionate. For example, when I say, Let's do something, he's the type to say, OK let's do that! It's Go or No. And I dislike ambiguity. I think that's why we're a good fit.

It starts out with a compliment about Yunho. It makes him look like such a kind, cooperative friend. (Rather than maybe an inert person without a lot of ideas or motivation of his own.) It ends with a self criticism of Mingi.

Yunho gave what looks to me like a pretty dark answer:

윤호 민기는 제가 말하는 걸 잘 이해하고 따라주거든요. 저도 그걸 느끼고, 민기도 마찬가지고요.

Mingi is great at understanding what I say, and comes along. I feel that, and so does he.

My devoted hound is devoted to me, is what Yunho basically says. My devoted hound and I know how devoted he is. To me.

SERIOUSLY?

This exchange had such the vibe of Mingi assuming that Yunho would be the one to actually pick him for their 'Please Pick Me" Wanteez content, but of course - OF COURSE - Yunho doesn't, leading to this:

Mingi screams, despairs, FALLS TO HIS KNEES, beats the earth, then points and hollers, YOU BETRAYER. Then this big boy toddles over -and he really toddles - to his betrayer Judas with the sweet face to scream out his distress. And Yunho folds in half, laughing.

sorry about the terrible gif - I don't know how to make these better, it's been on my to do list for a couple years to learn and I just haven't had time

Yunho is laughing because it's very funny - Mingi is playing a bit as much as telling the truth - but he's also pleased as fuck that Mingi wants his friendship/love/attention with such single-mindedness. Someone openly absolutely devoted to you is very, very seductive in any situation, but it's got to be especially true in Kpop Idoldom. A terrifying, heartbreaking number of these people, in this field, end up self-murdering in utter despair in the bloom of their youth, even as their careers are going well. Having someone wear his heart (whether for best friendship or sexual love or something in between) on his sleeve for you and only you in this extremely competitive, cold, cut throat world of being Idols? Priceless. Does anyone have this in any other group in Idoldom? I've only studied Ateez and Stray Kids - and this doesn't exist in Stray Kids. Please let me know if they had this in BTS or Shinee or whatever.

The open hearted courage it takes to tell someone, in front of an audience you know is going to be in the millions, "I want you to treat me as someone more special to you than anyone else" as Mingi does in the above bit? (Sorry again for the terrible gif). It's amazing.

To have someone constantly, consistently declare, You are the most important one to me?

What a fucking ego boost for Yunho.

The only other person who gets this sort of thing is Hongjoong from Seonghwa, but I've already gone into why this serves Seonghwa as much as it does HongJoong, and moreover, Seonghwa cajoles, manipulates and dominates Hongjoong in very subtle, intense ways. (ahem, Lego Dom Dungeon ahem). It's not clear to me what Mingi gets, careerwise, out of this open heart surgery he does on himself to express his love for Yunho on the daily.

What Yunho gets out of it is LEGION. Massive. The title of the above clip says, Jung Yunho, How Did You Survive Without Song Mingi?

HE COULDN'T.

With Mingi being how he is, Yunho gets to be the role he likes playing because it's familiar from childhood - the bossy, sensible, smart big sister. He has a dance partner in the way that ballerinas who get matched with a compatible male partner talk about what they're given- the male partner provides a frame, which both highlights their own dance and gives them a safe haven in the vastness of the stage, as well as scaffolding that allows them to climb the heights of the art - which in ballet means literally a body to climb on and gets them lifted off the ground etc. The fact that Mingi provides the 'frame' and Yunho leans into it during the start of the bit they're doing is not a coincidence. Without this 'framing device' that Mingi is willing to provide, Yunho doesn't really have a part to play, because being "the nice one everyone likes" can be played just as well by Yeosang or San, and it's a pretty boring role besides without something extra. Yeosang has this extra thing - he has a spectacularly unusual face AND he's very muscular for some reason underneath the delicate angel eyes AND he's willing to get naked. San has this extra thing too - he's Marilyn Monroe. Does Yunho have this extra thing? Maybe? Hmm??

In the relationship that's visible to me, Mingi is the giver, and Yunho is the taker. The giver may seem like the one that's losing, but actually, the taker is in a more precarious situation, when he is as reliant on the Giver as Yunho is on Mingi. And that might be why, being the clever, ambitious, greedy strategist that he is, Yunho tries to withhold something from Mingi at all times.

The K-Atiny below said, by the way, that Yunho was a whole new person, back to himself, as soon as Mingi came back from sick leave.

@ Yulmuel, in the middle of the page, says "I got into Ateez before Mingi's return, and I just thought of Yunho as being a really calm and quiet guy, but I see now that it isn't true."

Mingi's presence is what allows Yunho to be more interesting, or maybe, closer to his real self.

Tying it all the way back though - you know how the Fortune Teller identified being ignored/ disrespected and being unfairly/unfavorably compared to others as being a major source of artistic provocation for Mingi?

BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH YUNHO SUBJECTS HIM TO DISRESPECT AND UNFAVORABLE COMPARISON NONSTOP.

It also aggravates him, makes him think too much, and worsens his perfectionist tendencies.

But see, whlie Mingi is more obviously the artist and performer - louder (just, sheer decibel-wise as well as being a lyricist and rapper), flashier (as a dancer and a stage presence) - Yunho is actually an artist and performer too, and the thing he wants to do is actually subversive. And that's a fascinating urge that I am not sure Mingi has, quite.

But that's another post.

[brutally-loving]

Sorry guys doing this damned thing for my newest f/o... Spinel you're ruining my life /j

I think he reminds me of... A leopard. He's cunning, very targeted in his attacks. He knows what he's doing and generally has a plan for how to do it. He camouflages both who he is and his intentions, until he leaps into action to do what he intends to. Yeah. Leopard I think.

If I got Spinel a gift, I think I would get him a nice pair of lightweight gloves. I feel like they'd be really good for him, if he'd wear them. I'm under the impression that he doesn't wear gloves bc of some sorta texture thing. Shrugs.

I haven't got a favorite hobby for him YET but I love the idea of learning new things together. Undertaking those sorts of endeavors just sounds really nice, yknow? Especially since we both like to learn.

Spinel seems like he'd LOATHE the wide range things like sweeping and mopping. On the other hand, he's probably great with organizing and washing small sections and things meticulously. If he'd want to anyway...

I trust him to drive a car tbh. He's certainly more level headed/controlled than a good chunk of my other f/os-

If I gave him a specific ringtone, I think it'd be short and sharp. Nothing too special but enough to notice that its different from others.

Spinel totally would beef with someone online BUT he'd also doxx someone in a heartbeat. So. Maybe we should take away his rights to use the internet... (he canonically is quite good at making his way around the internet?? And loves spreading misinformation to further his agenda HELP)

He does not believe in soulmates but maybe I can change his mind/j

If I introduced Spinel to my friends, I'd ask him to be on his best behavior. He's actually really good at pretending he's not filled with malice and violence and that he isn't unhinged! He keeps his relatively large ego but... as a whole, I think everything would go okay lmfao

First scenario that comes to mind is sitting on a grassy and bright riverside with him.

Dynamic... "evil ahh twink x aggresive extrovert" /hj

He is blue. That's it. Blue. Look at him he is blue

Does he even have people he cares about??- I know it'd go well simply because I'm quite good with people but man.

Spinel thinks I'm like. A really persistent Norwegian Forest Cat.

Spinel doesn't do valentine's day. The best I'm getting is him handing me money and asking me what I want to do, if anything.

He probably calls me something like "my love" and "my partner" in his head, but allowed, it's just my name. Especially in front of others. Sometimes he'll be a little less abrasive about it when we're alone.

He likes going out for work. He always enjoys staying inside with me, that's his element, but going outside with me? That's where I thrive. I make it a bit more enjoyable for him.

Spinel definitely is a "acts of service/gift giver" combination. He's also decent with words of affirmation, but he doesn't initiate physical affection on his own. He loves quality time as well, but because that's something we both do by default, it only partially counts /j

Spinel things that my face is nice. He likes to look at me. He also thinks my eyebags are cool and sexy /j

He loves how stubborn I am. My willingness to dig my feet in, complete tasks, and go above and beyond to prove a point are things he adores. He also just generally loves my competence.

If Spinel drew me, it'd probably have terrifying accuracy and realism. He'd be so careful about drawing me, he'd actually be overly perfect about it.

Spinel would gladly share food with me... because he doesn't care. He'd just say "yeah sure" and keep working- he does not mind.

Rich pumpkin orange. I dont know why. I just say thats the one.

F/O Ask Game!!

A list of questions to answer about your f/o!! You guys can just go down the list and answer them all (I'd love to see it!!!) in a reblog, orrr you can reblog and have others ask you these questions in your inbox! Have fun!! PROSHIP, NOT FOR YOU!

What animal does your f/o remind you of?

If you got your f/o a gift, what would you get them? 

What is your favorite hobby to think about doing with your f/o?

What chores would your f/o do around the house? Are there any they REALLY dislike?

Would you trust your f/o to drive a car?

What kind of ringtone or notification sound would you have for your f/o?

Would your f/o fight someone online? 

Does your f/o believe in soulmates?

How would you introduce your f/o to your friends? How do you think that would go? 

What's the first scenario that comes to your head when you think of being with your f/o?

What dynamic would you use to describe you and your f/o? 

What color do you associate with your f/o? 

How would your f/o introduce you to those they care about? How do you think that would go?

What animal do you remind your f/o of?

What would your f/o get you for Valentine's day, if anything? 

What does your f/o call you in their head? What do they call you aloud/to others?

What does your f/o like doing with you the most? 

How does your f/o show their love best? 

What's your f/o's favorite feature of yours?

What're your f/o's favorite personality traits of yours?

If your f/o drew you, how would you describe the art piece?

Does your f/o share food with you?

What color would your f/o associate you with?

What?? Who's tagging their friends again?- not me... I just really wanna see yalls answers. Formal invitation lest you become worried I don't wanna see it. @jpeg-indulgence @starshakez @moxanji-real @frankys-wife @katsenbergs-soulmate @katanahusband @fl0ralsxgar @one-winged-dreams AND LITERALLY ANYONE WHO SEES THIS.

[creampuffqueen]

More yangvik headcanons pls Yangvik mother

using this ask as an excuse to post my weirdly specific birthday headcanons. and some others too i guess

anyway. ✨Yangvik Headcanons✨

Yangchen is a summer baby, her birthday is June 2nd

Kavik is an autumn baby, his birthday is November 23rd

This makes them 5, very nearly 6 months apart

Yangchen was a very quick baby, born after a short labor at 2:49 A.M, because she's always had a weird sleep schedule

Conversely, Kavik took his sweet time being born. His mother was in labor for almost two days, and he was born at 8:17 A.M

Both of them were born in the Year of the Rabbit

Astrology people are not allowed to fight me on this: Yangchen is a gemini and Kavik is a sagittarius

Astrology people are allowed to fight me on this because I don't know much about astrology outside of sun signs: Yangchen is an aquarius moon and capricorn rising, while Kavik is a taurus moon and scorpio rising

okay i'm done with birthday stuff, here's some other random ones:

I've talked about their heights a little bit but I finally settled on what their heights actually are. Yangchen is 5'10 and Kavik is 5'9 and 1/2. The half inch is very important

This is literally your headcanon but I love it and everyone needs to know it -> messy Yangchen and neat freak Kavik

Yangchen lives in organized chaos. She knows where everything is, but nobody else does

Kavik can't focus if a single paper is out of place. It drives him crazy

The only thing they can compromise on is that the bed needs to be made. For Yangchen it's a part of her morning grounding routine, and again, Kavik loses his mind if things are messy

Yangchen's love language is physical touch while Kavik's is words of affirmation. Yangchen gives love through words of affirmation while Kavik gives love by acts of service

Yangchen really loves when Kavik lays his head on her lap, because then she can play with his hair. Half of the time he ends up falling asleep which is also great because she thinks he's really cute when he sleeps

Kavik can't read while moving. Carriage, boat, sky bison, doesn't matter. He reads two sentences while moving and turns bright green. This makes him a very useless navigator because he can't read a map unless he's on solid ground

Yangchen is a midnight snack kind of girl. The kind of person to be up raiding the kitchen at 2am. If bagged shredded cheese was a thing in the ATLA universe she'd be all over that

I keep giving Kavik major Ls but they fit. He has a slight pollen allergy, so whenever the trees bloom in the spring he's kind of miserable for a few weeks; sneezy, congested, red-eyed, the works. He gets in a lot of healing practice during this time - mostly on his own sinuses

Okay one more cringe coupley thing they do because they deserve to be a cringe couple sometimes: Yangchen swaps their pillows every few nights because she likes the way that Kavik's smells

Lastly, my headcanon for Yangchen's training timeline! She received her arrows at 14, then spent a year in the Northern Water Tribe learning to waterbend. This is because she had to learn both normal waterbending and healing, and also because water is the element she struggled with the most. Afterwards, she spent 6 months learning earth and another 6 months learning fire, while receiving regular spiritual instruction on the Avatar State. This adds up to make her a fully realized Avatar by 16, as shown in canon. (The youngest fully realized Avatar ever until Aang comes around!)

Hope you enjoy these! Thanks so much for the ask!

[thrashkink-coven]

I always find it so interesting how my practice and relationship with Lord Lucifer seems so similar to the relationships other theistics despite how different they are, especially in relation to nuns.

Like, reading accounts from people like Teresa of Avila describing their experience of religious ecstasy feels so familiar. I know its not supposed to sound intimate or erotic but oh boy, does it ever sound FAMILIAR.

From Teresa:

"I saw in his hand a long spear of gold, and at the iron's point there seemed to be a little fire. He appeared to me to be thrusting it at times into my heart, and to pierce my very entrails; when he drew it out, he seemed to draw them out also, and to leave me all on fire with a great love of God. The pain was so great, that it made me moan; and yet so surpassing was the sweetness of this excessive pain, that I could not wish to be rid of it. The soul is satisfied now with nothing less than God. The pain is not bodily, but spiritual; though the body has its share in it. It is a caressing of love so sweet which now takes place between the soul and God, that I pray God of His goodness to make him experience it who may think that I am lying."- The Life of Teresa of Jesus

Oh yeah? Is that what happened? :)

Same deal with St. John of the Cross, reminds me so much of my deal with Lucifer and it's incredibly ironic and somewhat beautiful?

"In the inner wine cellar I drank of my beloved, and when I went abroad Through all this valley I no longer knew anything, And lost the herd that I was following.

There he gave me his breast; There he taught me a sweet and living knowledge; And I gave myself to him, Keeping nothing back; There I promised to be his bride.

Now I occupy my soul And all my energy in his service; I no longer tend the herd, Nor have I any other work Now that my every act is love

With flowers and emeralds Chosen on cool mornings We shall weave garlands Flowering in your love, And bound with one hair of mine.

You considered That one hair fluttering at my neck; You gazed at it upon my neck; And it captivated you; And one of my eyes wounded you.

When you looked at me Your eyes imprinted your grace in me; For this you loved me ardently; And thus my eyes deserved To adore what they beheld in you.

Do not despise me; For if, before, you found me dark, Now truly you can look at me Since you have looked And left in me grace and beauty."

-The Spiritual Canticle

"O guiding night! O night more lovely than the dawn! O night that has united the Lover with his beloved, transforming the Beloved into his Lover. Upon my flowering breast, which I kept wholly for him alone, there he lay sleeping, and I caressing him there in a breeze from the fanning cedars. When the breeze blew from the turret, as I parted his hair, it wounded my neck with its gentle hand, suspending all my senses. I abandoned and forgot myself, laying my face on my Beloved; all things ceased; I went out from myself, leaving my cares forgotten among the lilies.”

-The Dark Night of the Soul

Are you fucking kidding me.

oh yeah. I feel you, girl. I know exactly what you're describing.

I fucking love, I adore finding instances of THIS throughout history. This beautiful THING where religious devotion and divine ecstasy and love blend into a this realm of intimacy is so fucking delicious to observe.

From Hadewijch of Antwerp:

"On a certain Pentecost Sunday, I had a vision at dawn… My heart and my veins and all my limbs trembled and quivered with eager desire, and, as often occurred with me, such madness and fear beset my mind that it seemed to me that if I did not content my Beloved, and my Beloved did not fulfill my desire, dying I must go mad, and going mad I must die."

 "And I was in such a state as I had been many times before, so passionate and so terribly unnerved that I thought I should not satisfy my Lover and my Lover not fully gratify me; then I would have to desire while dying and die while desiring. At that time I was so terribly unnerved with passionate love and in such pain that I imagined all my limbs breaking one by one and all my veins were separately in torturous pain."

GIRL. I SEE YOU.

"When the loved one receives from her Beloved

The kisses that truly pertain to love. When he takes possession of the loved soul in every way, Love drinks in these kisses and tastes them to the end. As soon as Love thus touches the soul, She eats its flesh and drinks its blood.

Love that thus dissolves the loved soul Sweetly leads them both To the indivisible kiss- That same kiss which fully unites The Three Persons in one sole Being.

Thus the noble dew appeases the conflagration That had been raging in the land of Love"

-Hadewijch: The Complete Works

From Mechthild of Magdeburg:

"Lord, you are my lover, My longing, My flowing stream, My sun, And I am your reflection."

"God said to the soul: 'I kiss you. I embrace you. I press you to my divine heart. You are entwined in me and I in you. We two shall never again be separated"

"Lord, I lie at your side, naked and free. My heart beats with yours, My soul melts in your fire. Take me, my Beloved, and make me wholly yours"

Also from Mechthild:

"Then the bride of all delights goes to the Fairest of lovers in the secret chamber of the invisible Godhead. There she finds the bed and the abode of love prepared by God in a manner beyond what is human.

“Stay, Lady Soul.” “What do you bid me, Lord?” “Take off your clothes.” “Lord, what will happen to me then?” “Lady Soul, you are so utterly formed to my nature That not the slightest thing can be between you and me. Never was an angel so glorious That to him was granted for one hour What is given to you for eternity. And so you must cast off from you Both fear and shame and all external virtues. Rather, those alone that you carry within yourself Shall you foster forever. These are your noble longing And your boundless desire. These I shall fulfill forever With my limitless lavishness.

- God, Desire, and a Theology of Human Sexuality

From Vallana:

"Once he had peeled my clothes off,

my arms could not hide my breasts;

his chest became my only covering.

When his hand plunged below my hips,

who could have saved me, drowning in a sea of shame,

but the god of love himself who teaches us how to faint?"

-Erotic Poems from the Sanskrit: An Anthology

AAAAAAA DDDDUUUUUUDDDDEEEE

I KNOW these people would NEVER see what they're doing the way I see what I'm doing BUT COME ON

Despite our differences we do share a lot in common

[dnpanimationstudioclone]

Charlie & Vaga’s Inspo-Boards🍎🦋

Made some inspo-boards for my Chaggie duo! Charlie & Vaga have a lot of connected together characters. I assume most know em, if not than u can let me know in replies and I can answer💖 there’s a lot of characters I can still think of for them but there’s only so much room🤣

Charlie🍎🐑 A lot more like how she was in the pilot. Still naive and gets ahead of herself but still a kind and well meaning gal who wants to help the sinners not just from exterminations but be able to heal and grow into better and happier people Def a half full glass gal who does her best to see the good with the bad wether that be her home in Hell or the people within it, especially the sinners. She often sees people like the sinners as characters within stories. Complex tales full of development. She’s had…personal experience with a sinner who showed her the ability of goodness and change and wants to repay the favor by helping the rest of the sinners who most have long give up on themselves. She’s also bit affected by her parents and their views too. Even the ones she doesn’t agree with.

That isn’t to say she doesn’t care for her fellow Hellborn & often tries to help them with the hotel, such as having the sinners do community service for Hell and try to stop the exterminations & impact it has on them(casualties, property damage, etc)

She can at times, get carried away with her best intentions snd has trouble realizing the complexities of sinners & their internal struggles She’s done legit research on humanity(morality, redemption, history, rehab etc) she’s basically a girl fresh out of college now applying what she’s learned into the real world and growing the knowledge of actual experience and learning how not everything is an easy by the book tale or script. Good thing she’s got her sinner girlfriend and friends/clients who help her see the angles she can’t.

Notes-Cheery, full of sweetness & spunk, kind, positive, half-full glass, compassionate, generous, sometimes too giving, curious, adventurous, open-minded, passionate, has a fiery side when necessary, brave, will get her game face on when the moments serious enough, determined, caring, music-loving, theatrical, eccentric, loyal to those she cares for, sensitive, occasionally insensitive, occasionally impatient, occasionally unaware, doesn’t always think things through or as fully, can get way in over her head, stubborn, bit out of touch, occasionally prideful(she’s the daughter of pride), naive, still learning about people & how they work and has a lot more inner demons than she may realize.

Vaga🦋👁️ Vaga(short for Vagabond) is often seen as the polar opposite of Charlie. Where as she’s more social, talkative(and sing driven) and bubbly, Vaga’s more withdrawn and akward with people….most the time unintentionally intimidating them with her intense looks and angelic spear. But nonetheless shares Charlie’s goals of wanting to help the sinners from the extermination She’s amazing at combat and strategy…socializing and hospitality not so much… She often keeps her distance from most, following Charlie’s lead, letting her do the talking and bonding, leading most thinking she hates most…truth is she hates herself. She sees the world but most of all herself in jaded glasses of past regrets she tries to hide. She comes to learn she doesn’t have to fight her demons alone, and eventually comes to terms with them…granted not by full choice but still She acts as hotel security aswell as self appointed co-assistant to Charlie where as Alastor took over as manager(mainly for better social skills and handle on things outside of just combat)

Notes-Stoic, serious, deadpan, master of sarcasm, occasionally unaware, has trouble expressing her feelings, occasionally numb, prone to worry, temperamental, strategic, tries to be pragmatic, determined, stern but tries to be fair, cautious, practical, bit out of touch, anxious, passionate, devoted, loyal, has a sweet inner softness to her, secretive, quiet, so done with crap, needs caffeine alot, seems like she’s in some action fantasy story, and carrying a lot more in her than she lets on.

I’ve also done a board for Angel Dust

What do u think? Any characters u think would fit Chaggie or others? I’d love to know💖

[spidergirllexi]

💜Venus signs💜

Astrology based, this is just stereotypical of each Venus. Let me know if I was correct with yours.

🪐☁️🪐☁️🪐☁️🪐☁️🪐☁️🪐☁️🪐☁️🪐☁️

🪐Aries venus: people with Venus in their Aries are usually bold and passionate in love, they enjoy the thrill they get from the chase. They are natural flirts but in a way that it’s so natural that it doesn’t feel forced, their flirting can be seen as them just showing their dominance or how secure they are. They make great lovers, they’re the type to make you feel wanted and desired. They can’t keep their hands to themselves, their love runs through their entire body so it makes them have to constantly touch their loved ones.

☁️Taurus Venus: people with Venus in their Taurus are usually very sensual and physically attractive to other people. They are equally loyal, it’s a placement that values loyalty and stability in their relationships. They can have a hard time falling in love due to expectations but when they do love, they love deeply. They are also romantics and physical pleasure is the only way for them to show their love and affection. Neck kisses and cuddles are important things to them. And depending on their mars placements, they have high libidos, who need physical affection and interaction to be happy.

🪐Gemini Venus: people with Venus in Gemini are playful and curious lovers, they use jokes and humour to seduce and they are the type to put a lot interest in their partner’s likings and way of living. They need and love intellectual stimulation in relationships, so there’s a need for arguments, debates, communication and sharing secrets to keep people with this placement stimulated. Kissing and holding hands are important to them as well.

☁️Cancer Venus: people with Venus in cancer are very nurturing and sentimental with their partner and depending on the placement they can either take the role of a caregiver or they expect to have a caregiver in their life so they can feel the plenitude of love. These people seek deep emotional connections with their partners, as their love needs to be soul-bonded, like fate brought it together.

🪐Leo Venus: people with Venus in Leo, are the true romantics and expressive with their love. Some people see them egocentric lovers and although some other placements can favor that, Leo Venus’ are also loyal and will fight blood and bones for their loved ones. They enjoy grand gestures of love. They need to feel loved and appreciated, and if you can make them feel like you worship the ground they walk on, they put you up on the highest pedestal.

☁️Virgo Venus: people with Venus in Virgo are know to be practical lovers as the type of providing for their partner and only getting into a relationship if they feel like the relationship truly is meaningful. Virgos are also devoted when they’re in love, they show love through acts of service as they are usually bad with affection and words, so they try the best they can in other ways.

🪐Libra Venus: people with Venus in libra are another who are just so gorgeous and have a talent to attract people. They are charming and diplomatic, with a flirt capacity of seduction while also not being too much. So they make people want to chase them, want to own them and Libra Venus knows how to play that in their favor. They thrive in harmonious relationships, where their partner isn’t too into intensities, they want something stable and organized so they can just lay back and be cared for.

☁️Scorpio Venus: people with Venus in scorpio are without a doubt intense and magnetic individuals, the type that you are attracted to them but wouldn’t dare to approach them. Their energy is strong, and when it comes to love they crave deep, transformative love. The type that will change them and their life, the type that will fix their heart, that is deep and almost soul connection. A partner for life whom they can pour all of their devotion into.

🪐Sagittarius Venus: people with Venus in Sagittarius are the typical adventurous lovers, the one who is never content with what they have and they need constant stimulation in their relationship. Due to their free spirited self, they need love that is full of excitement and freedom, a love where they don’t feel trapped in the relationship and where they can be themselves. Don’t trap them, you have to love them the way they are without trying to cage them into ideals.

☁️Capricorn Venus: people with Venus in Capricorn are reserved people, they have huge commitment issues and that because when they do commit it’s usually because they are serious about the relationship. They value loyalty and long term security, as they don’t have time to waste in relationships that won’t take them to something stable and true. They are scared of not being good enough as well, so they are very careful with who they let in their heart.

🪐Aquarius Venus: people with Venus in Aquarius are often attracted to relationships that are unconventional (eg, divorced, age gap, different social backgrounds or cultures, ect.) and because of their independent nature they can also have some commitment issues. Aquarius loves the sense of detachment, because they often try to protect themselves from the cruelty of life, yet they still have a particular type of love to give.

☁️Pisces Venus: people with Venus in pisces are the typical dreamy and compassionate lovers, they have very high expectations and ideals which often is what keeps them happy in relationships or finding the right person for them. They seek soul deep romantic connections, they crave love in such a deep way that it’s more than physical or soul like, it’s almost existential, they want to be loved like a love song.

[cassioo]

i actually have a theory that you don’t fully commit to a person. meaning: you fear losing the person/ending up being alone, so you’d rather not connect to them 100%. but you also crave the affection/being noticed, so you do your best — could your love languages be acts of service and gifts? — to keep the other ‘entertained’. your person is your person. you two either click or you don’t.

you also believe in many things such as fate, symbolism, hidden meanings; you overthink because you need to be two steps ahead or you feel like losing your mind; your mind is such a beautiful but complex place that you want people to perceive you/receive what you give, such as personality quizzes. comments. notes. anything that could possibly return your consciousness back into your body. anything that would help you find yourself, because you are not sure if you’re good enough.

i also think that terms of endearment are like a coping mechanism of a sort, because you don’t want to be perceived as ‘cold’, but also you are such an affectionate and sentimental person that i might be wrong.

these are just my assumptions!! they could be incorrect, and if so, let me know (we haven’t talked as much, but that’s what i’ve noticed those times we did) 🫀

now who would like to perceive me

[thefabledpheasant]

Let me know your thoughts/reasoning in the tags!

[sovaharbor]

my mom constantly complains that i'm really hard to buy presents for and it's like......am i though. am i really. i don't think i am... i think if she paid literally any attention to me/the things i like it'd be really easy, actually. but what do i know man...

[shinyj3lly]

thank you for tagging me 😚💞

origins of your blog ?: it actually comes from the fact that i simply like jelly fish and i honestly don’t remember where the shiny part came from. i also use to be jelly anon on a lot of my favorite blogs -> @crimsonbubble & @pixlpxie (they’re literally the reason i opened my blog thank them yall)

fav fandoms: atiny, stay, moa, one piece, stranger things (im the most active there right now 🧍🏽‍♀️) and i recently really got into nmixx and illit (i love those girls so much 😭) oh and army and haikyuu im not as active in those fandoms anymore but i do pop in every now and then

otps: minsung, jikook (my first k-pop ship), byler, iwaoi (if get it you get it) and lawlu i honestly don’t know why i love this ship so much)

fav color: matcha green, lavender, and baby blue

fav games: animal crossing, the batman arkham series, spider man, and lowkey any telltale or assassin creed games

song stuck in my head: high horse by nmixx and almond chocolate by illit

weirdest habit/trait: i blink a lot when i talk ? i’m also just overall very animated so im very expressive when i talk

if you work what’s your profession: i sadly do not work (why is finding a job so hard wtf)

if you could have a job what would it be ?: i would be a music producer (honestly anything involving music is what i want to do)

something you’re good at: singing

something you’re bad at: socializing

something you can talk for hours of the cuff: anything music related i love yapping about song structure and ways to enhance the delivery of a song

something you hate: i hate when people dont follow through with their plans (with me) don’t promise things you can’t commit to 🫤

something you forget: to tell people how i feel, i forget that others want to hear what i have to say

what’s your love language: giving: quality time and acts of service reviving: words of affirmation and physical touch

what where you like as a child: just flat of strange 😭 i was also pretty quiet and mostly keep to myself

favorite subject in school: history

least favorite subject in school: math

favorite animal: jellyfish they’re very pretty

are you musical ?: yes very much so i’m literally in school for music production (i can play piano but it’s been a while and i can also sing/rap)

best character trait: i’d like to think im smart, im also very organized

worse character trait: i’m not the best communicator (im really bad with talking ahout myself cause i feel like im just over sharing but i can talk about literally anything else)

if you could change any detail about your day, what would it be ?: i wouldn’t have procrastinated my assignment honestly

recommend one of your favorite fanfics: honestly anything by @everyonewooeverywhere @honeyhotteoks or @imfoive i love the way they write omgosh 😭

tagging: @crimsonbubble @m-ray-72 @spidergirllexi (anyone else can join 😗)

get to know your mutuals! (new thread)

ty @st4ytiny for tagging me!! the og post was so long so i just made a new one😭🙏 i loved doing this!

what’s the origin of your blog? ➜ my best friend actually came up with the name for me! i love vampires so she was like what about vamp city? we just replaced the c with a z to make it cool!

favorite fandoms: ➜ atiny, zerose, stays, once, as well as anime fandoms! i also love monster high & love and deepspace too! OH and animal crossing!

OTPs/shipname: ➜ jikook, chanlix, woosan & haobin! i love their friendships sm they’re all truly the best of friends who grew up together and i love that for them! i love comparing my own friendships to them 💔

favorite color: ➜ black and red! i also love baby blue and baby pink! such cute colors hehe

favorite game: ➜ it tends to change but i wanna say any spider-man game, mariokart, mario party, and animal crossing!

song stuck in your head: ➜ devil game by zerobaseone & deer hunter by &team!

weirdest habit/trait? ➜ i make weird noises OR sing a random verse out of no where LMAO. i also can make my voice really deep for no reason

hobbies: ➜ i love photocard collecting, singing, dancing!

if you work, what’s your profession?: ➜ retail…

if you could have any job, what would it be?: ➜ forensics!

something you’re good at: ➜ yapping people’s ears off, singing and dancing!

something you’re bad at: ➜ tbh focusing on one thing. my attention span is literally out the window..

something you love: ➜ driving, kpop, dancing, dogs, sword art online

something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: ➜ conspiracy theories!!! i love them

something you hate: ➜ SPIDERS!!! i hate them!!! i also hate when people always try to one up you or are just rude for no reason at all. also ppl who actively try to make a rise out of your dog after you tell them he’s overprotective !! ugh.

something you forget: ➜ to eat. i constantly forget and not on some ED type beat i just genuinely forget until im lightheaded and shaky LMAOO😭

what’s your love language? ➜ gift giving and words of affirmation! i will literally spend my last 3 dollars on somebody like

favorite movie/show: ➜ sword art online & the nightmare before christmas

favorite food: ➜ loaded fries, mac and cheese and pizza

favorite animal: ➜ cows, i LOVE cows😭

are you musical? ➜ yes!! i’ve been in choir from 6th -12th grade as well as musicals! i was in marching band during highschool and i’ve also been apart of a kpop dance group! :)

what were you like as a child? ➜ quiet but also kinda weird? my mom had my brother bc she said i kept talking to myself so that alone should answer your question. i still talk to myself actually LMAO. but i was quietly chaotic. i didn’t like talking to people but around ppl im comfortable with im a whole extrovert

favorite subject in school? ➜ social studies & science

least favorite subject? ➜ math.

what’s your best character trait? ➜ i’m super empathetic, it’s kinda bad for me but it’s good for others haha

what’s your worst character trait? ➜ i get angry over nothing very quickly

if you could change any detail about your day right now, what would it be? ➜ i wish i was tearing down some dominos cheesy bread rn

if you could travel in time, who would you like to meet? ➜ michael jackson!! i wish i could’ve gone to one of his concerts before he died tbh

recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love): ➜ omg i have a few but the way to his heart is by far MY FAV series!!! i always recommend it. angie truly did her thing with this!

no pressure tags! @lov3yv4mps @desirehorizon @everyonewooeverywhere @rvereri and anyone else who wants to do it!

[radioexe]

radio im gonna take a guess and assume your love language is gift giving

OKAY. WHATEVER. MAYBE

[alchemania]

Love Comes, Slowly. (Death Comes Faster.)

(Or, Furina falls ill, and Wanderer is confronted with the fact he cares a lot more than he realized.)

(He's got a name in this drabble too lads yippee!! He and Furina are close enough now he feels comfortable letting her call him by a name :] oh yeah and uh. This was not intended as shippy, if you were wondering, just to get that out of the way. It's platonic.)

“..ina. Furina!”

The white haired girl blinked owlishly, startled to attention. “Huh? What?”

“This is the third time I've called you,” Tetsuya frowned, eyebrows furrowed. “Are you daydreaming?” Furina flushed in answer, scratching the back of her neck.

“I've just been a little out of it today,” she muttered. That much was an understatement. She'd awaken with a fogginess in her head and a heaviness in her stomach that just hadn't gone away, and everything seemed to be processing twice as slowly, leaving her behind as the world kept moving. Was it always this warm, too??? Furina felt like she was baking, even for a place as warm as Sumeru, something felt off-

“Hey!”

Wanderer's hands grabbing her face snapped her to attention, and Furina instinctively leaned into them a little, comforted by how cool they were. In contrast, his pupils dilated a little - humans were always very warm in contrast to him, but Furina felt especially hot. “Are you sick?”

"I don't know…. maybe…?”

Tetsuya's eyes flashed with something unreadable, and he quickly took his companion by the hand, fear gripping his chest as much as he would deny it was there. “Well, we need to get you medical attention, then.”

“I'll be fine-”

“I know you will,” he asserted, “because we are GOING to get you looked at.” His tone left no room for arguments, and Furina stared at him hollowly before weakly nodding. She didn't understand why he was so vehement all of a sudden, but she didn't have much energy to be stubborn.

“Mkay…”

Tetsuya began to lead her through the city then, and she let herself be pulled along, slipping in and out of awareness as voices around her rose and fell like the tides. Very soon however, it was a struggle just to put one foot in front of the other, and Furina wobbled to a stop, a hand to her temple. Wanderer turned to her then, frowning. “What's wrong?”

“Tired,” she mumbled, barely able to keep her eyes open. “Achy, too…”

“We'll be to the clinic soon, just - we're going to get you some help,” he replied, and if she were fully coherent she'd notice his voice was slightly strained from barely concealed worry. “Come on. You can lean on me if you need to.” He seemed so far away, despite the fact he was right there, and Furina's legs buckled, too weak to support their owner's weight anymore. She crumpled to the ground, and Tetsuya froze, unable to move for a moment. And then the spell was broken, and he knelt by her side, frantic. “Furina!? Hey!! HEY!! Furina!!” With shaky hands, he took her pulse, relief flooding him when it came through strong and consistent.

It might not stay that way for long, though. You've seen this before.

Pushing that thought away, Tetsuya carefully wrapped one arm around Furina's back to support her and then scooped her up princess style - she was so small, and he noticed her cheeks were quite rosy, beads of sweat all over her brow.

..the fever's getting worse.

He had to hurry. He had to hurry.

Tetsuya swears he's never flown so fast before, everything whizzing by in a blur (and if his vision blurred for reasons other than his swiftness, no one needed to know). The moment he touches the ground again, he's racing towards one of the nurses, chest too hot and too cold all at once. “My friend collapsed,” (and it's startling, how easy it is now to call her that) “Help her. Please.” Furina was gently taken from his arms, and he lingered like a shadow as she was carefully placed in one of the beds, a cool cloth laid on her brow. “She gonna be alright?” Wanderer ventured, and his voice was so so small, expression more akin to someone centuries ago; someone who hadn't yet seen the depth of all the world's sorrows. One of the nurses turned and nodded, in reassurance.

“Her illness was caught early on, so she should be just fine. It's good you noticed quickly. She should be back to normal in a few days with rest, but you can spend the night if you'd like-”

“Absolutely.” He was not going to leave. No way in hell. Settling into a chair nearby, he tried to calm the storm in his chest, closing his eyes to clear his thoughts. The hours flew by, and eventually Wanderer sat up and gently shook Furina, to rouse her. “It's time for you to take your medicine. Come on.” Furina didn't move, and suddenly, he couldn't breathe, chills gripping him.

Oh.

Oh, god. God, please, no. Not again. Please, not again. He couldn't do this again.

“Hey,” Tetsuya called again, shaking the girl harder. “If this is a joke, it's not funny. You need to get up. They said you were going to get better, so you have to.” He'd made it in time this time, he'd - as soon as he could, he'd brought her here… so there was no reason that -

Tetsuya took Furina's hand, and to his horror, it was cold (like his) and limp. Just like - no, no no. This wasn't happening this could NOT be happening it couldn't!! “You can't just - leave me like this,” he managed, tears flooding his eyes. But she had. She had, and he didn't even get to say goodbye, and he couldn't breathe, sobs choking him. This time, he understood that death was a constant, that it would come and claim all humans eventually but-

...that didn't make it hurt any less, as much as he'd tried to deny it.

“Furina, come on, you're one of the only friends I have I - please don't leave me behind. Please - I'll do anything just wake up; wake up!”

I couldn't save you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

He can't stop crying. He's sprung a leak and he can't fix it and everything hurts so badly and a nurse is taking his hand and pulling him away and turning his face into her chest so he won't look, and he can't stop crying and he's begging her to do something, anything, but she can't. She knows that, and he knows it, too.

Furina was gone, and he couldn't do anything. No one could.

Tetsuya jolted awake, tears streaming down his cheeks, and gasped. Stars twinkled above, and he sat up after a split second of regaining his senses. It was a dream. It was just a dream. Then, Furina- getting up in a hurry, he raced to her side and shook her frantically, and to his immense relief, she stirred. Heterochromic eyes stared blankly at him, and she blinked sleepily. “Tetsuya…?? What - oogh!” He was squeezing her in a hug before she could process what was happening, tucking his head into her shoulder. “Oh….hey hey, it's okay,” Furina mumbled, patting his back weakly in reassurance. “M’just tired..why are you crying??”

“You're okay,” he barely managed, holding her like she'd disappear if he let go. “I had a dream and - no, it..it doesn't matter. It wasn't real. You're okay.” Wanderer's voice broke then, and he sobbed, relief overwhelming. “You can't leave me yet, okay? Not yet. Please. You're the best friend I ever had.”

“I'm going to get better, don't worry. They're taking good care of me here, and I'll be out in no time and - ….”

“What? What is it? What's wrong?”

“Nothing, just.. you said, I'm your friend-”

The young man froze, taken aback, and then eased up again, slowly nodding. “.. I did say that.”

“You mean it?”

“..Wouldn't say it if I didn't.”

Furina smiled, laying her head atop Wanderer's, and blue and white locks spilled into each other. “You're my friend too, yanno. Thank you for bringing me here when you did. I might be a lot worse off otherwise.”

“You don't have to thank me. I just - . . did what anybody would do.”

“Maybe, but I still want to thank you. Gotta make sure the people you love know they're appreciated.” Tetsuya stiffened at that, blinking rapidly. Oh god, she couldn't just - say things like that, he'd cry all over again and - he had to have misheard.

“You- …what?”

“You're my friend, and I love you,” Furina reasserted, and she said it so easily, like she was talking about the weather, like she was stating a fact of the world, and it shook him to his core.

“.. I - oh,” was all he could say, hot tears making their way down his face again. “Just. Just like that?”

“Just like that,” she nodded, and the tears fell faster. He loved her too, he realized - he wasn't quite sure the exact dimensions of it but he knew he cared for her as a friend would, wanted to stand by her side and defend her with everything he had. Still, it wasn't very easy to say that, so he hoped his actions spoke for themselves. She seemed to understand though, to his relief.

“..why?” Tetsuya finally ventured, because he did not understand. There were many things he did not understand, actually. What he did not expect was for her to answer his question with a question.

“Why not?”

“Why not? Because - …I mean, you've seen how I act.”

“Doesn't make you unlovable, yanno. You're prickly, yeah, but I mean. If love is conditional, it's not love at all. You care about me - the real me, and I care about you, flaws and all. And that's not gonna change. Okay?”

“...mm,” Wanderer managed, nodding once.

Just like that. Just because he was, he was cared for. Worldrocking, that.

They stayed like that for a long time, until one of the nurses came to take care of Furina, and soon after the girl fell asleep. Tetsuya watched how the nurse gently tucked her in and brushed her damp bangs out of her forehead, expression contemplative. Humans could be selfish, they could be deceptive, they could be cowardly - but they also cared about each other and they loved each other, too- and some of them had so, so much love to give, it was daunting. Here in one moment and gone the next but they loved so much and so deeply - and for a moment, he wondered if he could, too, love the world and everything in it or - most things. He didn't think so, but these days it did seem a little brighter than it had before. Maybe that was a sign he was changing, without realizing it.

He would think more about it later. For now, he simply held Furina's hand as she slept and leaned his head on the side of the bed, heart steady. They'd said she needed a few days to recuperate, and he would be here until then. She would be okay, she would be alright. There was nothing to fear anymore, and everything would be okay. He wasn't going to lose her - not for now, anyway.

..to love, and to be loved, was wonderful, he thought.

Maybe that was living.

..he could come to thrive in it.

[umeboshilover]

those i can fix him memes are too real ... i catch myself mothering ppl...

[iwakuraz]

the question of 'whats your love language' confuses me sooo much and idk why. sometimes whenever I take those dumb uquizzes if I get that question I'll always click off cuz like.. dude I don't know. I genuinely have no clue what I've ever done for anyone to express love that's not something I'd notice