#in a hyperfixation so i might not do the request but ill sure try

[sillymandan]

wade's winning :)

[beneathashadytree]

HI GUYS! LONG POST, MAKING A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT OVER HERE! I WILL BE ACCEPTING WRITING COMMISSIONS FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS, DUE TO THE FACT THAT I LIVE IN EXTREME POVERTY… PLEASE REBLOG!!

Here are my commision prices:

1$-2$ —> an SMAU (depends on length)

5$ —> a drabble (around 500 words)

10$ —> a oneshot (around 1000 words)

20$ or more—> a ficlet (2000-4000 words or more)

What fandoms I’m willing to write for (the ones in bold are the ones I’m best at and hyperfixating on):

Attack on Titan

Mr. Love: Queen’s Choice

My Hero Academia

Haikyuu!!

Jujutsu Kaisen

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure

Moriarty the Patriot

Tokyo Revengers

One Piece

Bungou Stray Dogs

Kuroko no Basket

Ikemen Sengoku

Ikemen Vampire

Ikemen Revolution

Ikemen Prince

Love and Deepspace (my current fav)

How do I request a commission?

Either contact me via my DMs here, or on my Ko-Fi! I’ll be linking my account at the bottom of this post.

What’s the commission format?

Tell me your name or your OC’s name, their gender & pronouns, describe them to me both physically and in terms of personality, then tell me which character you want me to write them with. I’ll be writing “character x reader” or “character x OC” fics, so I need to know what I’m working with! Any extra details will help a lot. Of course, we will discuss everything concerning your commission privately.

If you want to check out my previous works to have a rough idea of how things will look like, be sure to check out my masterlist, which is my pinned post! Of course, my writing improves over time, so it may not be precisely as it is there.

How do I pay you?

You can pay me via my Ko-Fi account, which is linked to my PayPal! Here’s the link to my Ko-Fi.

Please consider helping me out, whether by requesting a commission, or by sharing this post and my links as much as possible!! I’m trying my best to do all I can now that I haven’t got many options left.

As some of you might already know, I’m a dentist, but still at uni. Sadly, studying dentistry is extremely expensive, and I can’t rely on my parents to pay my fees for me for a few reasons.

The first being that my dad is a heart patient, and can’t work anymore. The pension he receives is literally less than the equivalent of 90 dollars. Of course, that doesn’t provide anything in terms of food and living (we usually can only afford a meal or two a day) except for some of his meds—not even all of them. His health is steadily declining.

My mother is extremely narcissistic and very, very abusive. I’ve gone through hell living with her because I have to, but even she can’t even afford to take care of us because no one wants to hire her at her old age, and she’s used up all her savings on my dad.

I’m also physically disabled, and can’t move around often. I also have to have surgeries every now and then because of the chronic illness I have.

I am in serious, dire need of money, both for my tuition fees, and hopefully to be able to live. I have to keep us afloat until I can get married in a couple of years, since I can’t live alone. Besides, my dad doesn’t deserve to suffer with his heart problems.

I tried working with dentistry last year, and that worked for a while, but this year no one’s hiring due to the terrible state of our economy. I have no skills aside from my writing, so that’s what I’ll have to work with. I’m getting seriously desperate, so I hope you guys understand why I’m doing this, and hopefully feel inclined to offer any support you can—even if not financial, but just by reblogging this post!

[zeezelweazel]

Could u do ow headcanons for Widowmaker, Mercy and Ashe when their girlfriend is sick please? 💗

Overwatch| Reader is Sick|

____________________________

The overwatch hyperfixation is still lingering so I'm happy I get a request for them

Speaking of lingering hyperfixations my genshin phase is back sooo

Characters included: Widow, Mercy, Ashe

______________________________________

• Widowmaker •

Widow would be the one to not care much, at first at least, if it's something small like the flu. She'll just quietly make sure that you're getting the rest you need.

She swears up and down that she only does this because if you're sick then you're a burden but you know better than anyone that deep down she's just a softie.

If it's something more serious, she will start to get nervous, though she'd never show it on the outside. It's been a while since she got sick herself, Moira's experiments made her practically immune, so she's forgotten much about what it's like to be sick.

She might not be qualified to take care of you physically but during the time you're sick the usually cold assassin turns into a loving ballerina. She'll be by your side the entire time making sure that you have every one of your needs met.

• Mercy •

She will feel slightly guilty at first. As a doctor you'd think her girlfriend wouldn't be getting sick but she understands that sometimes catching a cold is normal.

She would act more like your doctor than your girlfriend during the time that you're sick. She'd give you the medication you need and make sure that you're getting more than enough rest. Though she wouldn't forget about giving you affection either, as long as close contact is safe though.

In the case that your illness is more serious, Angela would be getting eaten away by her own nervousness. She knows everything about your condition, given that she made sure she'll be your doctor the second she found out, but now she doesn't know if that's for the best or for the worst.

Of course everything turns out okay because Angela is Angela but it was still a big scare for her. Soon enough she'll have a list of do-s and don't-s to make sure you never get this sick again.

• Ashe •

The moment she sees you show the tiniest symptom of illness get ready to be relentlessly pampered until she's 100% sure that you're okay.

Elizabeth's childhood was full of neglect so even when it comes to something silly like a small sickness she wants you to know that she's going to always stay by your side and take care of you.

She'll order Bob to act like your personal butler untill you're okay. Of course, Bob doesn't mind, he loves you and he knows Elizabeth only did this because she trusts him to take care of you.

If it's something more serious you bet Elizabeth will get you the most expensive treatment possible. She doesn't care if she gives up all of the gang's profits, you're way more important than that to her. She'll try to hide how worried she is because she needs to be there for you.

------------------------------------------------------------------

[hotpinkboots]

Hii! Lol u was wondering if you could do an Ena x reader fluff where Ena is sick or smth (if that can even happen) idk i just thought it would be super cute lol

💌 Anon

~~~~~~~~~~

~Sick!𝔼𝕟𝕒 x Reader Fluff Headcanons~

~~~~~~~~~~

TURRRRRON

Summary: While ENA is sick, the reader decides she needs some extra care and attention.

Note: This is 100% safe for people with emetophobia to read.

Warning(s): Sickness, mentions of anxiety, destructive self talk

~Enjoy~

★★★★

𝔼𝕟𝕒

★★★★

~She just tries her best and still she gets beaten down, poor thing.

~This is just another thing to deal with.

~She might even make herself MORE sick than she already was, simply by having a panic about it.

~Goes on about all the things she won't be able to do, and then going on about how she probably didn't want to do them anyway because she would've been bad at doing it any everyone would've laughed at her.

~Then claiming that she deserves to be laughed at because she's just such a failure and she hopes this sickness will finally end her miserable life.

~Being sick just completely sets her off into a spiral.

~Luckily, you're there to help her out.

~She just lays there looking completely miserable and groaning every now and then.

~Any forehead kisses make her overly emotional.

~If you try getting her to eat something, she'll complain that she should just starve.

~And if you try to get her to eat something when she REALLY doesn't want to, she'll immediately feel worse.

~It's very hard to work with her for awhile, since her emotional state is extra vulnerable while she's ill.

~She feels better eventually, though, so taking care of her becomes easier to manage.

~Always sure to thank you and give you a slightly strange sounding, but genuine compliment.

~"Ahh, thank you, my fine fellow! Your skin cells are looking purely plump today."

~Which probably means you have nice skin. At this point who knows, just go with it 🤷‍♀️

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Request Guidelines!

Join my Discord server! We have movie nights, art prompts, a lot of places to ramble about your hyperfixations, and a ton of cool people to meet and roleplay with!:

~~~~~~~~~~

~Love, PinkBoots

[poewritesgayshit]

That's fine bestie I'm in my late 20's HAHAH. And omg mindbreak Fyolai is so good, I'll cry. I'm curious about the kin stuff and the rarepairs if you feel like sharing~! I love finding older fans here because most people out there are either antis or minors (or both, lol). How do you feel about Dazai ships? (Other than Sigzai,which I love but... With top Sigma -sobs- lmao). And, what got you into writing bsd stuff?

as for the rarepairs, the kin-related ones are mostly just poe and tachihara! i'm also not sure if this is a rarepair because i've never looked through the tags for it or anything, and idk what their ship name is or if they even have one? but i'm rewatching bsd (like most of the fandom is, apparently, although i did not realize that until later) and noticing a LOT of chemistry between dazai and akutagawa.

i know it's a lot more common to ship them with other people, but akutagawa spends the better half of the first couple seasons down bad for him and even JUMPS OFF THE RAILING OF THE MOBY DICK because atsushi says dazai is on the phone and wanted to talk to him, and then threw it over the edge. that man is OBSESSED and i will take no criticism.

i guess that answers your question about dazai ships LOL. as a side note, i mostly like soukoku's canon dynamic and try to steer clear of fandom skk stuff. i dont know if i could ever write any of the super popular ships, and i dont know if i could really do dazai justice. but if i get a request involving him, ill give it my best shot. i do have an idea (that i havent started writing yet) that heavily focuses on him, so ill have to write him eventually. thats one reason im rewatching the series honestly

(as a side note, i don't go by poe here just because it's a kin name, i just thought it might be easier to remember a piece of my URL than the name i usually go by online—also cause i thought poe's skill juxtaposed with the weird porn i write is a hilarious combo)

also, i'm pretty new to BSD, i got into it this year! ended up getting hyperfixated, and im thrilled about that because big fandom = a little more anonymity when it comes to writing darkfic. i'm always happy to meet older fans too, all of my mutuals who are around my age are super chill. if you ever make an account, feel free to DM me to chat abt stuff.

[rachalixie]

「☆ about the writer ☆」

hi! i’m anny, i’m an indian-american. bisexual/demisexual, twenty-something year old getting my doctorate in clinical psychology and just trying to hold my life together by the seams.

i’m a double taurus with pretty bad social anxiety. i’m pretty scared to initiate friendship but once i’m there i’ll never leave you alone. so please feel free to spam me with asks and messages!

i tend to hyperfixate on things in typical nd fashion. my current main interests include (but are not limited to):

stray kids (obv)

i bias minho and seungmin but i am definitely ot8 and am wrecked by the other 6 on a daily basis

jujutsu kaisen

honkai star rail and genshin impact

i’m a huge fan of keith harig and his artwork. i love talking about crime and the human brain. i have 25+ tattoos and 15 piercings and i only see those numbers increasing in the future. i operate out of the eastern time zone but with my sleep schedule you couldn’t tell. i also stan ateez (hongjoong/seonghwa bias), monsta x (changkyun bias), and enhyphen (jake/heesung/jungwon bias) but i don’t see myself ever writing for those groups. but i do love them. i'm also a gg fiend i love women wow women beautiful.

rules:

i have three blogs - my main (rachalixie) is a sfw only blog, my side (racha-recs) is what i use for reblogging and reccing, and my last one (tasteracha) is where i post and interact with nsfw content. feel free to interact with any of them! just make sure you’re 18+ for the last one.

i will try my best to respond to each and every request, unless i feel uncomfortable with the content. it might take me a few days or even a couple weeks, but i promise i see the requests and am working on getting them done for you! if you’re off anon i will prioritize your request, especially if you’re someone i’ve seen reblogging and commenting on my works. some topics i feel uncomfortable writing are: eating disorders, self harm, severe mental illness (depression/anxiety/nd etc. are fine), body weight issues, anything concerning the idol’s real life family, anything non-con (cnc is fine). if it’s something really specific i encourage you to donate to my ko-fi, since i try to make my fics enjoyable by everyone and really specific ones don’t really get traction. i give each request a try but if inspiration doesn’t hit i’ll set it aside. i don’t mean to not fill requests, but i can’t force myself to write things if there are no ideas in my head! i’m trying my best, please be patient with me <3

please talk to me! send me messages! send me asks! if you’re shy, don’t worry i am too! i want to get to know you all and be friends. <3

please, please leave feedback. not just on my works, on every author’s. if you reblog, leave a couple tags. add some comments. message us or send us an ask. don’t just like and leave, it’s incredibly discouraging.

i make all the gifs that i use on my posts, whether it be on fics, gifsets, or whatever else i may choose to post in the future. i don’t mind if you use them, just please give proper credit. my watermarks are on them. along those lines, please do not plagiarize or repost my works without my permission.

lastly, i want to express my appreciation for each and every person who (respectfully) interacts with me and my posts. i’ve been writing for years and years and i’ve just gotten the courage to post my work, and it means the world to me that you all take the time out of your day to read my content. i will keep trying my best to put out better and better content for you!! <3

if you made it this far here is my face hehe

[logan-please-smile-speaks]

[Long, Tw food (in depth descriptions), brief references to unnamed heavenly beings of no specified religion, brief reference to hell. Not really any angst. Just good Dadza.]

[Hurt/comfort my beloved]

Me: i can't write

Also me: writes an entire fic by accident while telling my friend about an idea I had

(I'm gonna need this ask back at some point so don't keep it too long, okay? But make sure to take care of yourself (unlike Techno sksksks))

(How many words is this) (Cenn I've been writing this for like 3-4 hours. I've been hyperfixating on this)

-@2ble

I had this really cute idea where Techno gets sick after doomsday and Dadza takes care of him (for an animatic, or? How should i draw techno?)

Phil's Dadza side kicks in. He gently pushes Techno, who is in full garb back into bed. "Techno, you're sick. You can't go."

"But I haven't streamed in 2 weeks!"

"Rest."

Techno turns on his side in bed. Dadza gently pulls the blankets up and tucks them around Techno. Techno begins to cough, and the coughs rack his body. Dadza's expression is soft and concerned. He rubs his hand on Techno's back until he stops coughing. Techno closes his eyes. He's exhausted.

Dadza takes Techno's crown and places it on the bedside table.

He observes his ill friend. Techno is nothing like what he was up until Doomsday. He seemed--weak. Vulnerable. Sick.

"Have you had anything to eat, Techno?"

Techno doesn't open his eyes. He shakes his head. "I ran out of food a few days ago. I meant to get more but..." Techno doesn't want to admit that he couldn't get downstairs. He doesn't want to admit to weakness, to vulnerability. But everytime he thought of searching through chests, of trading with the villagers, they just seemed so far away.

Phil noticed a tear leaking out from Techno's eyelid. If he brushed it away, Techno would feel worse about his state because it would mean he was in fact vulnerable.

"I'll make you some stew."

Phil goes downstairs and tends to the fireplace. The fire seemed to have gone out sometime between now and the last time Phil checked on Techno.

How long has the house been this cold?

Phil builds up the fire and puts a cauldron over it. He makes mushroom stew because he doesn't know if techno can stomach rabbit stew.

When it's ready, he ladels it into a bowl and climbs the ladder.

Hanging off the ladder by one hand, he calls out. "Techno, stew's ready."

Techno's eyes flutter open. He sees his friend holding out a bowl of food and his eyes widen.

Phil notices that Techno is sweating and the blanket strewn to the side, only covering his feet.

"Are you too hot mate?" he asks.

Techno is broiling but he can't summon the strength to take off his outer clothes. His body refuses.

He's more focused on food. He's starving, and his body uses up what little resources it has left to sweat.

Phil walks over and puts the stew on the table. The heavenly aroma fills the room.

"Let's get this coat off of you." Phil reaches around Techno and unclasps the chain on his neck. He gently pulls the coat off of Techno's arm but he's still laying on it.

"Techno," Phil says.

"Whaaat," Techno drawls.

"You got to let me get this coat off ya mate."

Techno lets out a deep groan, then turns over on his stomach so his other arm is towards Phil.

Phil reaches under techno and grasps the coat. He pulls it out from under Techno and off his arm. The sleeve turns inside out. Phil fixes the sleeve and hangs up the coat.

Techno's shirt is drenched in sweat. He rolls over and starts fidddling with the button closest to his throat, looking up at Phil.

"Here, I'll get that for you." Phil undoes the button. He can't imagine how tired techno must've been after Doomsday, that he just collapsed in bed fully clothed, not even bothering to loosen them.

At least he took off his armor. Sh-t's heavy, he thinks. Phil ignores the fact that after the adrenaline and excitement wore off, the sore and tired Technoblade probably couldn't move with it on.

Phil pulls the blanket off the bed entirely, folds it, and places it on the table next to the stew. He pulls off Techno's shoes and socks and puts them near his coat.

They were also drenched with sweat, not to mention the smell--but it doesn't bother Phil all that much. He's smelled worse. He's frowns at the imprints on Techno's legs from the socks.

Phil loosens the rest of Techno's clothes. Techno seemed to were his tightest, least comfortable, most regal outfit to Doomsday.

Lucky for them both most of that was just accesories and pins, and Phil could easily remove those.

While Phil was doing this, Techno had been lying on his back, eyes closed. Though Techno tended to be stone-faced, Phil noticed the relief on Techno's face.

"How you feelin', Techno?"

"Philzaaa,"

"Yeah?"

Techno opens his eyes halfway, just enough to see Philza and the bottom of the bed.

"Do you have water?"

Phil procures a water bucket from his bag. "Thirsty mate?"

Techno looks at the water bucket and a small smile creeps over his face.

Phil smiles at his friend. He moves to the head of the bed and looped his arm and tattered wing around Techno and sits him up.

He holds the bucket up to Techno's mouth and tips it to his lips. Techno sips gratefully as the cool liquid pours over his hot, dry mouth and down his throat, cooling him from the inside.

"You've lost quite a bit of fluid, mate."

Techno lets some of the cold water slip out the sides of his mouth and drip down his face. His skin is boiling. The water dropelts running down his skin feel like heavenly beings allowing drops of mercy to fall upon him in the pit of hell.

Techno pulls back briefly to swallow and catch his breath and Phil rights the bucket. Techno leans in again for more water.

After drinking his fill, Techno leans back and wipes his mouth with his arm.

"All done, Techno?"

Techno swings his arms up knocks the bucket out of Phil's hand, dumping it on his head. The gush of water cools Techno, drenches the bed, and spills all over the room. Phil can't help but laugh. He picks up the bucket and scoops up the water source. He puts the bucket back in his bag.

"Had enough of the water?"

"Philza--I gotta be honest with you, Philza I haven't felt this good in weeks."

Phil laughs again even louder. The two friends are now in a good mood.

"Well now your stew is probably cold too." Phil tastes it. "Actually it's a bit warm still. Not too hot, either."

Techno scoots towards the wall and leans on it. He reaches for the bowl.

"Oh, no you don't."

"Phil, I'm a grown man-pig. I can hold a bowl."

"Maybe on a good day, Techno, but three minutes ago you couldn't sit up by yourself. No offense mate, but I don't think your arms have enough stamina right now. Now come on and eat."

Phil lifts the bowl to Techno's lips and lets him sip at his own pace. He pulls it back.

"How does it taste?"

"Pretty good but could maybe use a little salt."

"Eh, you probably need electrolytes as well after sweating through your clothes and drinking all that water."

Phil put the bowl on the downstairs counter.

Phil found salt in the downstairs chest and stirred it into the cauldron.

He heard the bowl fall to the floor behind him. It fell facedown and spilt on the floor.

Phil swore quietly.

He got a new bowl and more stew from the cauldron.

"How is it?" Techno inquired.

"Try for yourself," Phil said. He smiled as he held the bowl to Techno.

Techno looked at the bowl, then up at Phil. He took a sip.

Techno pulled back and looked at the bowl.

Phil thought he may have tainted the stew somehow. "Is it bad?" he started to say.

But he didn't quite get out anything after "Is" because Techno cut him off.

"It's delicious." Techno looked up at his friend. "Philza Minecraft, you should be a chef. This is the most wonderful thing I've ever tasted."

Phil chuckled. "All I did was add salt, what ya mean?"

"Phil, you have to sell this stew to the rest of the SMP. We could get rich!"

"Techno, I think the sickness may have gotten to your head a bit."

"Phil, I've never been more serious about anything in my entire life. We could be the the most powerful people on the server!"

"We already are. We just blew up a country. Down to bedrock."

"But we could get even more rich and powerful!"

"Well I'll be happy to listen after you eat. And rest. And bathe."

"I don't need to bathe."

"You're not getting out of it. You reek, mate."

"You can't judge me by the smell!"

"I'm not worried about the smell so much as what the smell tells me about your body. I don't know when the last time you washed was but it was definitely before Doomsday and I can't have you laying in your own sweat and filth for much longer. It's sh-t for your health, Techno."

"Philza--"

"Please just eat, Techno."

Techno leaned his head forward slightly and Phil pressed the bowl to Techno's lips.

Techno closed his eyes and savored the flavors. They were so pleasant, so soothing, so comforting. They reminded him of a time when he was safe and there was no betrayal. No war. No need for violence and bloodshed and destruction.

Phil, being a good Dadza friend, made sure that Techno ate an entire bowl. He brought Techno another bowl upon his request, of which he ate half, then left the other half bowl on the table in case Techno got hungry later.

After changing Techno's bed to clean, dry sheets and tucking his friend back into bed, he went downstairs to clean up the spill. He told Techno he would be back at sunrise to check on him. Though he might come earlier just in case. Sunrise was just the latest. Phil had decided that since Techno had gotten through the brunt of his hibernation and was now waking up sick, he should check on him at least twice a day.

Phil scrubbed the dried stew off the floor. He wondered what could've made Techno love it so much. Mere salt couldn't have made it so delicious, could it?

Phil finished cleaning the floor and the bowl and put everything away. As he was about to leave, he stopped. Eyes locked on the cauldron. There was something about it.

I can't leave that there, he reasoned. It will go to waste. If Techno like it, I can't let it waste or burn. I should freeze it outside.

Phil took out a bowl and knelt in front of the fire place. He scoop up big, full ladels into his bowl. Could it be that the soup was really that much better with something as basic as salt?

Phil dipped his finger in the bowl and sucked the stew off of it. He was instantly transported to his childhood. His mind played out feelings of safety, of healing, of comfort, of rest.

He heard his family laughing, remembered learning how to fly, the first time he soared high, feeling the wind beneath his wings. He remembered when Wilbur was born, holding the tiny baby in his arms, filled with love. "I'll always protect you. I'll always be there for you." When he met Techno, when he built the bee farm, and so on.

Phil was moved to tears. He felt loved. He felt like someone loved him no matter his flaws, his mistakes. Phil cried.

It was not out of pain but rather emotion. He wiped away his tears and drank the rest of the stew in his bowl, but it only caused more tears to stream down his face.

Techno was right.

Outside, watching through the window was the one who made the soup what it was. It wasn't Phil's salt.

He stood on his hind legs, paws pressed against the wall of the house.

He had been listening to the two friends talk, had been watching protectively as the wind ruffled his thick white fur.

He was Technoblade's guardian.

Soon he would be called Steve.

2ble this is literally amazing hello????

[johannas-motivational-insults]

Adora might be autistic too

Alright, most people in the SPOP fandom agree that Entrapta is autistic, as her coding is extremely obvious. However, some of us also believe that our beloved protagonist Adora is on the spectrum as well. She comes off as quite the aspie, and while Asperger’s is no longer a diagnosis in the DSM-V (but is in other manuals), it falls under the blanket diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and its diagnostic criteria is still useful in analyzing people for signs of the disorder. In analyzing Adora’s character I will refer somewhat to both disorders, with the understanding that Asperger’s is a specific manifestation of ASD.

I would like to preface this by saying this is a headcanon and people are free to disagree with me. Some of these characteristics I’m going to bring up could also manifest because of her very sheltered upbringing in a cult-like atmosphere or mental illnesses such as anxiety and complex PTSD (both of which she arguably has). I am autistic myself, so obviously I am inclined to interpret these symptoms this way, but to each their own. It’s also worth noting that Adora has a lot of symptoms that cross over with AD(H)D, a cousin disorder to ASD, and it’s totally possible she has both.

In any case, there is now enough evidence hinting at Adora’s neurodivergence (especially now that the Rebel Princess Guide has been released) that I feel the need to explain this theory in detail instead of just occasionally mentioning it. So here goes...

She’s naive/easily manipulated

This one doesn’t really need explaining, we’ve all seen it. Adora assumes people are telling the truth because why would anyone lie to her? That is such a relatable spectrum feel. She was handily brainwashed by Shadow Weaver in the Horde, while some of the others didn’t seem to swallow the propaganda so easily. This is of course partly because of the special attention and affection Adora got from Shadow Weaver, but she had to be vulnerable to manipulation in the first place for it to work.

Later, she trusts Huntara easily in the Crimson Waste despite Bow and Glimmer’s warnings about her questionable character. Adora happily follows her into a trap even once Bow and Glimmer tell her they're going the wrong way, reasoning it’s probably a shortcut rather than reevaluating her misplaced trust. This can be partly explained by how she‘s gay af for Huntara, but still.

(Interestingly, the episode cuts straight from this moment to the obviously autistic Entrapta going against her own friend's advice and refusing to give up on the portal machine despite the obvious warning sign of Hordak’s violent dismissal. Parallels, much?)

Her difficulty understanding other points of view

A lot of Adora’s conflict with Catra is predicated on misunderstandings, and she has a hard time understanding the effects her actions have on other people, Catra in particular. For instance, she misunderstands Catra talking about ruling the Horde together as being purely about power, while Catra’s actual goals are safety and Adora’s companionship. That miscommunication is not just Adora’s fault, but it illustrates that she has difficulty understanding other people’s needs and motives without being explicitly told.

This isn’t just a problem with Catra, either. In general Adora has a difficult time understanding other’s motives and feelings. For instance, she doesn’t understand Glimmer’s insecurity over Bow’s friendship with Perfuma at Princess Prom, and she can’t fathom why Entrapta would choose to work for an evil faction, going so far as to assume she must have been brainwashed into it. This is because, just like with Catra, she doesn’t understand that some people’s priorities are not the same as hers.

Autistic kids tend to reach developmental milestones at different times than neurotypicals, sometimes being way ahead and other times falling behind. One such marker that is usually slower to develop and often stays impaired is theory of mind, our ability to a) understand that other people have different perspectives and b) understand those perspectives. Adora’s difficulties being able to put herself in someone else’s shoes definitely lines up with this symptom.

She’s clumsy

For someone so athletic, Adora sure lacks coordination. This is a commonly cited symptom of people with Asperger’s, though it shows up in people with other forms of ASD too. In general, autistic people often have difficulty with fine and/or gross motor skills, and this can lead to being accident and injury prone. According to Catra in 3x05, Adora bumps her head a lot. That may have just been a callback to 1x01, but either way clumsiness has been part of her characterization since the beginning, one of her many loveable, adorkable qualities.

Her lack of social and self awareness

Adora can be painfully oblivious to her own inappropriate behavior. There’s several examples of this throughout the series, one of the more costly ones coming at Princess Prom. Shocked by Frosta’s youth, Adora fails to register how maybe this (in front of Frosta, with all eyes on her) is not the time to remark on it. She immediately realizes this was the wrong thing to say (or at least not something she should shout), but that small delay causes both her and Glimmer a lot of embarrassment.

Part of the issue here is that she loses control of her volume, which in itself is a common problem for those of us on the spectrum. This isn’t the only time we see her have this problem, either, and it’s amplified (tee hee) when she’s drunk/infected.

More generally, one of the funniest examples of Adora’s poor social awareness comes when she barges into Huntara’s flirtation with the bartender in the Crimson Waste. She’s so focused on her task of recruiting Huntara that it doesn’t even occur to her that this is an intimate moment and intruding would be rude.

In the Rebel Princess Guide Adora also says she wishes Queen Angella would let her make some adjustments to the uniforms of the Bright Moon guards, which implies she tried to make these suggestions already. Maybe she figured She-Ra could suggest anything, but as both a newcomer and a royal subject that’s a bit of a faux pas. Chances are, that went right over Adora’s head.

She can’t read a room to save her life (literally)

This is another, more specific aspect of social awareness. Adora has difficulty picking up on the implicit rules (social norms) when she enters unfamiliar situations, and has a tendency to step on toes because of it. She also doesn’t understand when her friends try to nonverbally communicate what she’s doing wrong, and nonverbal communication deficits and problems with social awareness and insight are two major symptoms of ASD. One specifically listed example is “difficulties adjusting behavior to suit social contexts”, including:

Lack of response to contextual cues (e.g. social cues from others indicating a change in behavior is implicitly requested)

Unaware of social conventions/appropriate social behavior; asks socially inappropriate questions or makes socially inappropriate statements

Here’s a couple specific example of times where Adora misses or misunderstands nonverbal cues to change her behavior:

At her first Rebellion meeting she doesn’t realize that maybe she shouldn’t sit in the special-looking chair, and doesn’t clue in that that’s why everyone is freaking out.

In the Crimson Waste, Glimmer responds to the growling bar patrons surrounding them by suggesting that maybe these aren’t the kind of people they should be asking for help, but Adora persists. She jumps up on the bar and makes a speech trying to get directions (which is socially inappropriate for the context as well as dangerous), somehow missing all the scowls from the patrons as well as Bow and Glimmer’s wild gesturing.

Panic over unfamiliar social situations

Adora’s anxiety about going to Princess Prom could be attributed to many things, not just a spectrum disorder. Her obvious anxiety, for one, though to be fair there’s a high comorbidity between the two disorders. In any case, it seems the unfamiliarity of the situation is a sticking point for Adora in particular, while Bow and Glimmer are nothing but excited for their first ball.

Adora’s anxiety seems to stem mostly from being overwhelmed by the prospect of entering a new social situation with a whole bunch of unfamiliar rules to remember. She’s still learning behavioral norms outside of the Horde, and this is a huge jump up in terms of difficulty for her fledgling social skills.

To cope with her stress she goes overboard trying to prepare by making a conspiracy board of sorts, flash cards, and an obstacle course. And at the ball itself, it seems like she’s even rehearsed how to behave.

This probably isn’t only relatable to autistics, but it’s very relatable to us. Creating and rehearsing behavioral scripts is a common strategy to avoid embarrassing ourselves in public. Unfortunately, as we saw above, this works for about five seconds before Adora botches the whole thing by commenting on Frosta’s age.

Extreme stress over details

In general, Adora is a very anxious, perfectionistic person who hyperfixates on details, a very autistic trait. As mentioned above, this is wonderfully illustrated by her overpreparation for Princess Prom. She’s broken down the overwhelming list of rules in the invite into categories to make it more manageable, gone into detail categorizing people’s relationships to each other, and learned trivia about the guests in order to feel more prepared. Yet, somehow she missed the important fact that the hostess is only eleven years old.

Unfortunately this hangup doen’t only affect her, but also her friends and allies. The overarching theme in “Roll With It” is how debilitating Adora’s anxiety and perfectionism can be. Her eye for detail and ability to see flaws in plans is actually very valuable, but she gets so hung up on every possible thing that could go wrong that she can’t accept imperfect solutions with calculated risks.

Her propensity to be overwhelmed by too much information (like with the Princess Prom invite) shows up here too. Adora grows more and more frustrated and overwhelmed as more princesses join the planning session, adding more variables to deal with and more people to manage. She begins lashing out and shooting down every possible solution that doesn’t satisfy her need for perfection immediately. Her behavior looks like it may be headed for a meltdown until it culminates in an epic rant revealing all her anxiety and how it ties into her insecurities about her own imperfection.

Thankfully her friends are able to reassure her that she has support and doesn’t have to be perfect, but it’s an ongoing battle, one we already saw her struggle with in “Flowers for She-Ra” and “The Battle of Bright Moon”. It’s a strong tenet of Adora’s personality that is proving difficult to shake.

What she misses about the Horde

The recently published Rebel Princess Guide contains a list by Adora of things she misses about the Horde, and this list screams neurodivergent. I’ll go through it point by point, since there’s a lot to unpack here.

THINGS I MISS ABOUT THE HORDE

1. I miss the rigid schedule. It never changed, and I always knew what to expect.

Ritualistic behavior and an insistence on sameness are often seen in individuals with ASD. In fact, it’s a major symptom. Many of us have diifficulty adjusting to changing schedules, changes in diet, or even minor changes in our environment (such as placement of objects, boy do I have stories there). We need warning when things are going to change, and even if we know it’s coming it’s still a struggle to adjust.

2. I miss the constant sound of machines and whirring. In Bright Moon, there’s always music playing, or people laughing, and birds singing. It’s nice but it makes it hard to focus!

Autistic brains process sensory information differently from neurotypicals, that’s basically our disorder at its core. Over or under reactions to sensory input are common and in fact considered a major symptom, and this entry of Adora’s specifically refers to difficulties with sensory filtering. We have a hard time filtering out information that’s irrelevant to our current task, which makes us easily distractable.

3. Believe it or not, I miss my hard cot in the barracks. My bed in the castle is way too soft!

This ties into both the insistence on sameness and sensory issues.

4. Catra… sometimes.

This isn’t autistic, it’s just gay.

Speaking of which...

She’s gay

Adora's relationship with Catra has always been queer-coded, but any doubts about her sexuality were dispelled in season 3 by the way she fawns over Huntara like a baby gay over her gym teacher. Her obvious queerness might seem unrelated to the topic of autism, but those of us within the community can attest there’s probably just as many queer people among us as there are cishets. It’s so notable that there has been quite a bit of scientific research confirming people with ASD are more likely to be LGBT and gender atypical and exploring the cause of this link.

(This needs no proving at this point, but enjoy these gifs anyway...)

In conclusion

Overall, there’s a lot of hints and circumstantial evidence suggesting Adora could have ASD. Was this the creators’ intent? Hard to say. Adora is the protagonist and one of the most developed characters, so she’s definitely not a cardboard cutout or checklist for ASD symptoms (compare that to Entrapta, a secondary character whose behaviors can often easily be attributed to autism). It’s totally possible the creators just characterized her as naive and awkward and obsessive without realizing the implications of that cluster of traits together.

Regardless of authorial intent, it’s perfectly valid to look at Adora and see representation of the ASD community. The groundwork is there. And if someone else looks and doesn’t see it, or sees something else causing this behavior, that is also fair. No one is forcing anyone to accept this headcanon (or at least they shouldn’t be), but in return please don’t disparage it. Even if she is not autistic Adora is definitely autistic-coded, and we could use some more heros with the disorder, given how we’re mostly relegated to being villains and anti-heroes (not that there’s anything wrong with us filling those roles sometimes, but a little variety would be nice).

Adora is often referred to as a dumbass, but she’s actually quite intelligent, just sometimes slow to understand how she should act and how people feel. Still, she tries her hardest, just as she does with everything else. Adora is heroic and compassionate, even if she sometimes struggles to understand others. When autistic-coded characters are so commonly portrayed as cold and unforgiving, Adora is a sorely needed exception.

[creepy-carrion]

hi, i'd like to request a matchup if you're still taking them! my pronouns are she/her, im fine being matched w/ either gender. i'm very quiet/awkward around people i don't know all that well, but once i feel comfortable around someone, i can talk a mile a minute. i'm very adhd and get hyperfixations easily, i like to draw, read, write, sing, and dance. i'm a romantic. i can get irritated easily, i'm always willing to listen to people's issues tho. i love physical contact (im a huge hugger)

I match you with

☾ Jane the killer ☽

Jane is very patient, understanding, and also an incredibly perceptive person. So from the start she is aware you might be a little more quiet and might need some time to be coaxed out of your shell. She’s just kind and understanding in general. Some people she encounters expect her to be cruel and nasty, but most of those emotions are directed at those who deserve it. She knows she can be a little intimidating with her job being as gruesome as it is, so she wants to make sure you feel comfortable around her.

She also likes to just listen to you ramble about things, though her favorite thing in the world is to do so while holding you as she plays with your hair or draws little things on your skin with her nails. Though sometimes she wants to get some attention as well. Loves it when you just braid and play with her hair as she rants about a certain guy she does not particularly like.

She’s very physically affectionate as well and gives the best hugs tiddie pillow. Loves holding your hand in public as well, and when someone even dares to approach you with mildly ill intentions, you can hear the gates of hell open as Jane prepares to drop-kick their ass right through it.

YOUR BIGGEST FAN. Always finds whatever art you made and first approaches you to ask if she can look at it. Keeps doing it even if you tell her it’s okay. Watches you dance and asks you to teach her, even if she already knows how to. Just,, man she loves anything you make or do. Please show her.

Jane is very busy because of her job, and on top of that it requires her to pull way more all-nighters than is recommended. That means she’s often exhausted during the day as well, and will have less energy to spend time with you. Well, she will try, but please tuck her into bed, or she will actually try to stay awake for an entire week. That being said, she likes carefully planning out and surprising you with dates. They are always organized super nicely, so you still get to have a good time.

 cash me getting soft for jane while writing this mm

[cerulean8looded]

25!!!!!!!!

okay that one i literally made bc i look like john, love just dance, and want to be loved but here we fuckin go

25. John being a just dance twitch streamer and all the boys being gay for it i mean youtubers au

so im thinking that all of them make WILDLY different content. lets start with the beta kids.

so john has a gaming channel, clearly, and he decides he wants to lose some weight in a fun way that also helps his channel, so he starts the just dance thing. other than that, he mostly plays things like minecraft, five nights at freddys, all your basic bitch stuff, along with a fair few horror games. he really likes minecraft and sims 4 though.

rose has a witchcraft channel. she practices witchcraft and makes videos about spells and sigils and crystals and all the other cool stuff that goes along with that. i dont know much about witchy stuff anymore, its been a while since i was into that stuff, so id have to do a bunch of research for her.

dave has two channels: irony channel and music channel. the ironic one is where he posts anything to do with sbahj, and just generally fucks about, does weird trends and stuff. he never shows his face on his music channel, never shares his name, and it’s all remixes, so no one hears his voice either.

jade has the most chaotic but pure channel. she does anything she feels like doing, from kids show reviews to “Look at this cool pumpkin i grew” to “heres my favourite gun”. she has no theme, and never plans to change this.

Trolls

aradia is similar to jade in chaotic energy, but she tends to stick to stuff like creepy antiques she finds, weird animal bones from the fields she just wanders about in and that kind of odd stuff. she also talks about dark conspiracy theories a bit.

tavros mostly focuses on animals; animal care, animal facts, how to spot animal illnesses, how to deal with hostile but injured animals in the wild, what to do if you see an animal you think might have rabies, all that kinda shit. theres always at least one animal in every video, whether its a ferret in his lap, a cat walking over him, a snake around his neck, a guinea pig on his shoulder, and so on.

sollux does a gaming and tech help channel. he plays any game that people claim is difficult and tends to beat them so fast people think he’s hacking. he slaves over every fnaf game to try to beat the custom night first. as for tech help, hes basically that guy who runs the channel on how to fix discontinued apple products.

i lost my fucking karkat paragraph, im furious. basic recap of what i lost: he does general content like dan howell and phil lester kinda, with a couple staple series, such as his rant series, where his followers give him a topic and he rants about it for about twenty minutes (after editing). he also does livestream versions which can sometimes last for several hours per rant.

nepeta does cosplay videos with whoever she can rope into helping her (usually terezi, vriska, equius, or feferi) plus a lot of fandom videos in general. she usually comes off really lighthearted in her videos, but she also makes a lot of important comments about fandom culture and shipping wars etc. on her second channel she does vlogs, which exposes her absolute gremlin side. these vlogs often feature things such as her climbing up a tree, getting stuck, and screaming until equius saves her.

kanaya does makeup and fashion advice videos, mostly with a vampire theme to them. occasionally she’ll do cosplay makeup too. her favourite videos to do are when her subscribers send in pictures of themselves and their closets, along with some general information on what they wont wear and all that, and she gives them advice on how to spruce up their look a little and declutter their clothes, etc. she likes feeling like shes making a difference to people.

terezi focuses on true crime mostly; cold cases, current cases, sometimes she runs through the process of solved cases. she prefers to do unsolved stuff, since it gives her the ability to talk about her own theories on it, and she does often get it right, but for particularly interesting cases she will do a video anyway. she also does a little bit on mental health and the reasons behind crimes and shit.

vriska is another kinda general youtuber. she does whatever the hell she wants, plus anything anyone says she cant do. she also lets some of nepetas fandom stuff leak into her content. no one really knows how she got so many subscribers. she also has the most merch out of all of them.

equius makes videos on whatever happens to be his current hyperfixation at that moment. hes the most inconsistent. one week hes picking apart the homosexual subtext in certain scenes of jaws, the next hes teaching you how to put together a microwave. he does a lot of lgbtq+ videos too; his most popular video is of him and nepeta and some others at pride and most peoples favourite part is nepeta racing around a small clearing with equius on her back while vriska cackles behind the camera

no one is really sure what gamzee actually does. his videos are all filmed on a phone camera and are never edited. he doesnt have an intro or an outro. sometimes it seems like he forgot to start filming until halfway through whatever he was talking about, but he never repeats the bits the camera missed. theres no theme, no clear goal, no one knows whats happening and theyre pretty sure hes high in every video. one time he posted a video that was over 48 hours of the phone just pointing at a wall, which appeared to be covered in blood just out of sight of the screen (as in you could see the edge of it but not the actual blood) and there appeared to be a hand sitting at the corner of the screen. everyone was fucking terrified for a while, but the next video posted to his account was karkat explaining that hed had a bit of a mental break and thrown a jar of jar at the wall (the “blood”) and that the hand was just a doll. hed taken out his phone to film a vent video, but promptly forgot about it, dropped it, and went to do something else. he finally remembered over two days later, posted it without thinking and called karkat. a few weeks later he started posting again like the whole thing never happened.

eridan’s content mostly focuses on harry potter and magic (which he definitely doesnt believe in because that would be ridiculous), but he makes a lot of environmental PSA videos about littering and pollution and stuff. in his fandom videos he comes across as just really excitable and doesnt seem like he cares about much else, but he really shows off his intelligence in PSA type videos. he also posts a lot of videos of him just talking about whatevers going on in his life, usually whenever he gets a new crush. his most popular video is the one he made right after seeing johns just dance streams for the first time, because he looked like he was about to cry or scream the whole time.

and feferi! her content mostly focuses on social and political issues. she talks out against “canceled”/purity culture a lot and tends to end up involved in discourse for it. shes that person in the middle of the argument whos literally only stating facts and saying that we shouldnt jump to unnecessary conclusions, but somehow ends up being accused of being jack the ripper or some shit for it. she isnt afraid to share her honest opinions and makes sure to remain as polite and level-headed as is humanly possible when responding to others.

i was gonna do the alpha kids and dancestors too and like share some plot and that kinda stuff but this is long as fuck, so we’re gonna stop here for now! feel free to request again for even more info dumping. also i just wanna say that i planned none of that gamzee stuff i had no idea what i was doing when i started that

[fictionkinfessionsarchived]

Anonymous said: hey i know it’s 2019 and all but im hyperfixating again so source kins if ur out there can i get a yee yee - name

I can't tell if this is a source joke or not, but if you are looking for someone please use a call blog! This is only a confession blog! Thank you! Here's some call blogs here: http://fictionkinfessions.tumblr.com/seekin

Anonymous said: can i please have a promo for @url ? we're a brand new other/fictionkin blog, run by me, mod name! we do moodboards, food, fashion, you name it! villain friendly!

No thanks! You offer moodboards and most of the time kin ppl make them with uncredited images! I don't promo blogs that do that!

Anonymous said: hi!! i made a server for any and all kin, there are no restrictions !! adults can join! heres the link !!! asdfghjkl;

That's neat and great, but:

How do I know it's actually a kin server and not going to deposit people in a discord full of irl g/ore and shock images?

What happens if the invite expires?

On that note, how do I contact you? Who are you?

What if you're a known abuser and you're trying to find a new group of people to victimize?

What do you mean there's no restrictions? So does that mean minors and adults can interact in NSFW only channels? Do you know that's highly inappropriate? And does that also mean there wouldn't be a blacklist of some kind?

Not to mention this blog is also known to a bunch of unfriendly, non-alterhuman people! You might want to have some filtering system for invitations!

These are some reasons why I don't post random discord invite links! I've mentioned it Promo Request Guide page [ https://fictionkinfessions.tumblr.com/promo ]! If you would like to make a post on your personal blog, or a post on a new sideblog, please feel free! Otherwise I'm just not comfortable with dropping invite links!

anonymous asked: hey its name from source, i sent a confession earlier today but im questioning some things again so can u delete it? thanks

Sure it's del--

Anonymous said: luther again, actually i do want it posted if it isnt too late, sorry for changing my mind again sdfsja dw abt it if its already deleted, ill just resend

Uhh uh oh! :V It was deleted off of the queue! The thing about doing work and coming to senses? Yeah it’s gone! Feel free to resend that and I'll post it asap!

Mod Party Cat!

[livefromhouseatlantic]

Chain Breaking, pt 19

"Your perception is influenced by conversations you have an experiences you live. As a result, no two people's perceptions are the same."

This was said to me in a conversation with a coworker I barely know earlier tonight. I'm pretty sure he was high, to be honest, but either way, there's a fair bit of truth to that statement.

Something that can and does happen to me, as I've written about before, is that I get "stuck" periodically. I've learned the proper term for this state. The clinical term that has been provided to me in therapy sessions by the doctor is "dissociation".

I knew that term already - I usually see it in memes that offer a light hearted take on mental illness. I'd looked up the term before (I'm an information junkie, remember) but I've been reluctant to apply it to myself up until now, and if I'm being honest, I still am to a point. After all, the therapy sessions I've had up until now have been pretty disjointed. I'm still waiting for a formal session and possible treatment plan. But the pros thus far seem to think that's what's happening to me.

Anyway, perception. You and I could be having a conversation and you might say something that I hyperfixate on. I'll focus in on it to the point where I might lose track of the year of the conversation. Or, while we're having a conversation, nothing you say might bring it on - I might say something or have a random thought that does the same thing.

When this happens, I tend to go very quiet. I'll have trouble focusing on that you say. I lose track of time. I think I've mentioned in previous entries that I've recently lost pretty much a three week period wherein I do still remember all of the events that took place, but I might have them out of order, for instance, or they all sort of blend together into one big event rather than a series of small ones. My physical journal helps me to stay organized mentally and emotionally (to a point), and I'm very glad I wrote in it at least a few times a week in this period.

In addition to losing track of what you say, I'll lose track of what I'm trying to say. This particular part distresses me more than anything. I've been told (did I say this before? I have to check later) that from a very young age, essentially since I started talking in full sentences, I'd take my time before I said anything - sometimes leaving a very noticeable silence between an adult or one of my peers asking me something and me replying. The result was always the same - but the time I finally did reply, my reply would be exactly what I meant to say and would b often elicit surprise from adults for how organized or whatever my reply was. I have an expansive vocabulary and use it because for me, it offers me a degree of precision that I find lacking in day to day conversation. For me, not being able to communicate clearly and effectively is very frustrating. This tends to make my "stuck" moments worse.

"Stuck" for me elicits one of a few responses: sadness, anxiety, or in some cases, a great deal of anger. As mentioned before, my anger generally turns inward in very quick order, if it isn't already directed at myself. So I'm being quiet, probably talking slowly if at all, but internally, my mind is racing along at a million miles an hour with a whole picture show off things that are upsetting me more and more. I tend to try extremely hard not to lash out - it does happen sometimes, and I always end up berating myself later on for my lack of self control - but I might cry, for instance. I'm more likely to cry than I am to snap or yell at someone. Even in crying, generally, you'll see a tear or two, that's about all I can do. Only in the most dire of situations do I really start to bawl.

The thing I get the angriest about is because I feel like I'm playing a part most of the time, I'll be upset that I'm letting someone see the moment I'm having. I feel as though by being in this state in front of someone, I'm somehow manipulating them. I know that I'm not doing that, and I know that I'm just stuck and need to calm down, but I can't stop thinking that I'm either cruel for playing with someone else's emotions by letting them see mine, or I get scared that in seeing it they'll dismiss me as a basket case or not worth the time.

Because these feelings I get come on with little no warning, when things get bad and I find myself getting stuck a lot, I get scared and feel as though I'm not in control of myself. I've mentioned before that I've built up, over the years, a very high degree of self control. I pride myself on it. When I feel I'm no longer in control of myself, I panic. I'll isolate myself and withdraw partially or completely in defense. I do this for myself, but also for others. I feel like because I'm upset, I'm "an affliction", which is a term I've used lately. I'll feel toxic, poisonous, and overly burdensome. Moreso than usual. As is the case with depressive moments in people's lives, this tends to turn into its own feedback loop. I'll be isolated, have no stimulation or distractions, and will thus spiral further, leading to me feeling like more of an affliction, and so on.

Let's switch tracks a bit. There are some advantages to being tightly wound (in terms of self control): most people who meet me consider me chill out down to Earth. On the exterior, I am. I try very hard to project calm even in moments where I might not be. It helps me to help people out when they're facing a hard time, which is something I take joy from doing. I enjoy being a shoulder to lean on. It gives me a sense of purpose. Most of the time, it's not an act. It's only rarely or lately that I've really felt not calm more often than calm. This is sort of part of a trend in my life. Disruptions of any sort tend to throw me off kilter. Give me a traumatic enough event, and I really get thrown for a loop.

Another (sort of) positive is that, since I feel like I'm playing a part anyway, I'm able to change things up in fairly short order. For instance, I might effect a new style by changing up my wardrobe suddenly with no warning. Or I might go out and meet new people, where usually I'm kind of shy and prefer either my own company or the company of those I've known for a long time. I might completely change my hairstyle. Or I might start playing new games or watch television series that I wouldn't normally bother to (I've always preferred the written word to television or film). I've done all of these things before to try and feel less sad. The only thing that doesn't really change about me ever is the music I listen to - but my music tastes are so broad that I will switch between wildly different genres within the same day, so that might not really count for much. These things will make me feel better to a point, but they also reinforce my feeling that I'm acting through my whole life instead of being genuine. I might find a jacket or a pair of jeans that I really like and that look nice on me. I'll then berate myself for pretending to be something I'm not. It's just a jacket, man. Doesn't matter. I don't actually exist.

Let's switch tracks again. Generally speaking, I'm a very careful planner. While I might change my hairstyle very suddenly, there's usually some thought behind what I'm changing it to. I tend to consider things, oftentimes for an unreasonably long time, before I actually go about doing them. For instance, as mentioned before, I'm hoping to become a police officer some day. I thought about that a lot as a little kid, but I only seriously considered that possibility in my adult life when I was twenty. Four years later, I finally decided I was ready to begin getting in shape for the testing involved. I've waited months or years to tell people things that I feel are too important to rush into. I have to consider all of the possibilities that I can, first. "Meticulous", remember. Once I've finally reached a point where I feel capable of acting, I tend to move swiftly, but I'll think about it and look over every angle I can first. Self control. I actually like that, but there are some downsides. Namely, anything that comes along and disrupts my expectations can and will completely rattle me. It could be as simple as a friend flaking out on a plan or something unexpected happening in my day. I get very upset when that happens, because it doesn't fit the plan I have for my day -not that I tend to plan too too much, I actually kind of like to play my days loosely - but I'm still in control of that, see. I've gotten contrary with people over surprise requests or surprise visits. I'll say no just out of reflex sometimes because this wasn't part of the plan. I've gotten much better at that over the years. And there are certain people who I will just drop anything and everything for, so that's when everything I've written about planning just kinda goes completely out the window.

I actually fell asleep (and slept for a full nine hours, praise God and Zopiclone) between that last sentence and this one, so I've kinda lost my flow. I'll put a pin in this for now.