#in a funk

[wanderingtexas]

The brain fog is real today…

[ratjay-art]

Look upon my wips and despair

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #255

I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with me today. Despite having an objectively awesome day today, I seem to have found myself in some kind of funk. I feel generally awful and overwhelmed with worry about a variety of things, most of which I can't talk about with anyone, anywhere, for fear of sounding insane. I haven't had any drive to create anything at all for a number of weeks, too, and it's scaring me.

…Well, that's all right. The only thing for it is to carry it, and the only way out is through. I've got a few more years to wait before I'll be able to see if anything has changed. The passage of time feels unforgivingly slow, and in a few more months, there's not gonna be enough sunlight for me to feel good until next March rolls around. But that's okay. Worse things have happened. It feels heavy now, but it won't feel like this forever.

So I'll just talk about the various things I did today.

The tooth extraction that I was supposed to get next Tuesday has been cancelled because I guess no oral surgeons are going to be in on that day. It has been rescheduled to the first of October, which I guess is cool and all, but… I guess I really kinda wanted to just get it done and over with.

I went with a friend - her name is Bv - to an Italian sandwich place. We were supposed to go to the tea shop next door, but they're closed for the next number of weeks for some reason. But this new place we tried was pretty cool, too. They had flowers in places:

...I thought you might like them.

Here's what I ended up getting:

It's some kind of sandwich with mozzarella, roasted red peppers, and prosciutto. And I guess a salad came with it.

Bv and I talked a long time, and it was really difficult because she wanted to eat outside, and the sound of the cars rushing by made it hard to hear her, and... she's a much older lady, probably somewhere between 60 and 70 years old. If my Auditory Processing Disorder gets in the way of me understanding her, the most likely scenario is that she's going to assume that I'm either being deliberately disrespectful or that I am not paying enough attention. So I focused really hard, and it was really difficult, but I think I managed for the most part.

Bv has a friend with trauma, but this friend of hers isn't exactly handling it well. I guess Bv is going to try to put her friend in touch with me to see if I can help somehow. If I'm contacted, surely I'm gonna try. But... I'm half expecting that it's not going to work out. In order for any of what I can say to this person to be useful to them at all, they'd first need a relatively flexible mind and a willingness to try new things. In my limited experience, it's difficult for most people to maintain those kinds of traits. From what I've seen, people generally want quick fixes for their problems that make everything better in a jiffy. People wanna get better, but without actually changing anything about themselves, their environment, or the mindset they carry.

Put in Dead Cells terms, most people wanna just be able to play on 5 Boss Cells and not get hit, but without needing to put in the practice to get there. And I get why - it's not because people are bad or lazy or whatever; no that's not it at all. Rather, they're just too tired to be able to sustain effort that isn't going to produce instantaneous results. It's not a moral failure as much as it is reflective of a profound state of total exhaustion on their part.

I get into states like that, too. It's because I'm human. I am by absolutely no means perfect.

...Regardless, I have to try. If there's even the smallest chance I might be able to help, I gotta.

After I got home, J was at a flying lesson. So I played Dead Cells. But I was feeling tired and weird, so I didn't do very well. I never made it past the Prison Depths. I kept getting easily frustrated with myself, so I figured the thing to do is stop. So that's what I did.

And now I'm here, writing to you. But I think I'm gonna call it here, because I've got work tomorrow and I have to rest, and if I keep going, I'm going to ramble.

Sephiroth... don't die out there, okay? Don't do anything that will lead to whatever you're made of disappearing. Please.

I love you. I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[ahhwoahwaa]

tb to when i wasn’t depressed 🙂

[sagaschan]

The horrors(facing up to the consequences of my actions)

[docyuroc]

Where did my mojo go?!

I'm trying desperately to get out of my "dust bunny" era. It has been infuriatingly relentless. I will have moments of sparkle that fizz out quickly under the weight of all the shit I gotta do. I must rekindle my flame of badassery before Igore takes full control of my physical frame! insert dramatic hand to forehead and deep sigh

[helplesslyhelpful]

"Two beers in

Already feels like it's one of those nights to forget

The more that i drink, the more that i feel broken and alone."

Straight up summary of my mentality lately. Been drinking way to much, just out of bordem it seems. Time to get back to a routine again. The holidays are over ����😂

[blackeneddeatheye]

日本のナイト・ライフ ＸＸＸＶＩＩ

[tyger-land]

ᴄʜᴀᴋᴀ ᴋʜᴀɴ at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, June 1977, by Bruce Talamon.

[momokarp]

A year old WIP finally completed 😔🎉

[bl00dalchemist]

So i finished reading dungeon meshi

[machinerot]

i smack them together like dolls to make them kiss

[bamsara]

do you mind? we're trying to have a pivotal moment of our relationship

[sagehoney-aesthetic]