#improvement hell day 7
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Pick the weirdest object in your house/room. Draw it. Shadows and Highlights.
I don't have anything
But I assume that not many people have a violin
soooo....
Ya
#drawing#art challenge#artwork#art#artists on tumblr#my art#artist on tumblr#my art <3#my artwork#my artwrok#trad art#traditional art#improvement hell#self portait#portrait#female artist#artist#day 7#improvement hell day 7#violin drawing#violin#drawing objects#object drawings#traditional drawing#traditional illustration#traditional sketch
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Doctor appointment tomorrow and I’m just like. Please god let them give me something that can restore my ability to look at my face without wanting to die. Even if it never fully goes away at least something that can reign this redness back in to something bearable would be nice bc I am genuinely not coping very well with it as is
#Keep looking up ppl’s rosacea success stories bc at this point it’s all I can hope for for myself#like if these people who had it as bad as they did can get it down to a manageable level I hope I can#god even just to stop it feeling like it’s on fire 24/7 would be a good start#Something I’m doing or eating is probably also contributing but I haven’t nailed down what yet#bc I look up the list of potential triggers and I’m like. That’s just about Everything I eat#But at the end of the day the main thing that’s definitely going to be contributing is the 24/7 constant frantic storm of stress in my brai#So unless something changes to lessen that in my life I don’t really know what I can do about that#de-stress techniques just don’t work on me. I’ve tried loads of things but I just can’t get out of my brain-hell in the first place#but then this has wound me up in a distress cycle where I’m stressed about my face and that makes it worse and makes me more stressed etc#I’m not even sure how to go about the kind of skincare routines I’d need to do so I’m worried I’ll fuck it up and make it worse that way to#I know that anything they give me might take a while to show improvement but god please just let there be improvement#I look like someone turned the saturation and intensity way up on an exaggerated anime blush and instead of looking cute I look burnt
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i did an insane deep dive into why the last tf2 comic never launched and im pretty sure its for a fairly mundane reason - the artist and the writers ended up all getting too busy with other projects. this is at least what theyve said publicly. the artist has a blog on here she doesnt really post much on anymore but i cant recall the url at the moment. sadly the fact that the creatives all got too sucked in2 other projs is the most Valve reason ive heard for the the tf2 comic staying unfinished
yeah no that lines up, similar to how TF2s core dev team split off into working on stuff like Dota 2 after MVM shipped or so. it honestly makes me really sad to realize that even devs have burnout on such a scale within a company like valve. i definitely get why it happens, TF2 is their oldest actively supported multiplayer game, it's hard to keep motivated when this game's been running hard since 2007.
#ask#anon#(also i mean actively supported as in valve still push content updates to it)#legitimately it makes me so sad. ive grown up with TF2 for a lot of my life and it makes me sad to know we probably wont see certain things#and all the leaks from the dev repo as of late cant make anyones motivation over there any better i feel#it really sucks honestly#i dream a lot about tf2 stuff. from content updates to maps and weapons#or i mean like sleep dreams#''would you be excited for a TF3?'' i dont think you can recreate what TF2 had and make something better#like. i dont feel like you could ever encapsulate the magic of what TF2 is. in its artstyle. its humor. its gameplay.#hell theres not much you can improve upon with TF2. so making a sequel is like making overwatch 2#but i do think its nice that community support for the game is still strong. like maps and custom tf2 mods and sfuff like that.#so im gonna leave my tags on that positive note#thank you for the research anon. i think i set my hopes a little too high in expecting it couldnt release because of a content patch#maybe someday that burnout will fade and well see issue 7 some day
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Honestly Daigo's situation immediately after Y3 is so fucked. He's just watched his closest friend/love interest jump off a roof to his death, then Hamazaki stabs Kiryu and I can only assume Daigo had a scare there too when he heard (though not as bad as poor Haruka). And at what point does he hear about Kashiwagi? God no wonder he was desperate to at least save the clan in Y4 when he's just experienced the worst time of his life. (unless he's privy to both Mine and Kashiwagi’s survival ig but even then they're both probably like in a coma or at least extremely hospitalised at that point and that would be bad enough)
no but thats what i mean thats why i get so miffed when people give daigo a hard time for y4
like sure just cause someones Going Through It doesn't give a lot of warranty to muck about but y4 takes place hardly a year after y3: the dude hasnt even had a full year to process what the fucks happened on top of still wanting to make kiryu proud
to say man was probably under immense pressure and general duress, this was probably the lowest point for him. even that can be an insane understatement, so i cant blame him all too much for fumbling and tripping when no one even tries to help him and he's supposed to appear strong despite everyone around him constantly doubting him and being on the cusp of betraying him ☠️
#snap chats#its what makes his improvement all the more satisfying though like UGH i love daigo so much. i love his character growth#daigo defense squad thats me... never ending job its 24/7...#ignore the fact im late as hell to opening my inbox its One Of Those Days. Ignore The Other Fact its been One Of Those Days for months now
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Day 7 - Pick the weirdest object in your house/room. Draw it. Shadows and Highlights.
So, uh… I thought this was gonna take a lot longer- ignore my last post saying I’ll be done in a few hours💀 I MEAN HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ADD MORE TO THIS? ITS PERFECT /hj
I made this shitty base btw lmao
#improvement hell#art#drawing#30 day art challenge#art challenge#art improvement challenge#day 7 art challenge#rayngo art#furry#shitty fursuit base
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D-7 || Draw random object from your room #improvementhell
Now I choose a horrible object to do this one because in the challenge you are supposed to add highlights and shadows to it but I chose a almost transparent skull head with a base. So um.... yeah but it still works so its okay! Right! Spoopy!
#spoopy#its not Halloween#but spoopy#y’know#imrpovement#improvment hell#day 7#art challenge#drawing#practice#SIGHSHDH#AAAAAAAAAA
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This one was super hard to choose, as I have a ton of wierd things in my flat. But I decided to do this lil bean.
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excited that spring break is starting next monday ^o^
#i finished all my work for my online classes early so i could fuck off and do whatever#i might draw some more tattoo designs#i just applied for another loan and it's gonna take about 5-7 days to complete (hoping it gets improved)#what's cookin' in hell's kitchen?
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SYPNOSIS ; g/n reader x sparring partner! bakugou, fluff, not proofread .. matching bracelets , enjoy ! xoxo, jord .ᐟ
A/N; this was supposed to be a lil drabble but this came out longer than i intended .. anywaayss. I PROOOMISEEE im gonna start posting more i’ve disappeared for sosososso long.. in the meanwhile take this, luv u guys !!!!!
sparring partner! bakugou that swears he only bugs you 24/7 to “get your ass to training grounds” because you need to improve. no other reason because of course, he cant stand you.. or anything about you, for that matter.
so no, it doesnt “mean” anything when sparring partner! bakugou comes up from behind you to, “fix” your form. adjusting you by signaling you to rotate to the side by giving your hips a little push, nudging your elbows up so your face is protected by your hands.
sparring partner! bakugou who always insists to be near you, discreetly, if he can. because he obviously doesnt want it to seem like he cares, because he doesnt. even during training or maybe even an attack on the school? near you. covering you and making sure warn you of the sneak attacks from behind you.
and even though you practically hate sparring with him, because hes so damn ruthless, ensuring a trip to recovery girl by the end of it, its weirdly the highlight of your days. hearing the ding! of your phone, followed by the usual message from him.
: training grounds. 5 mins
even when its five in the goddamn morning. you never fail to meet him there.
and after a small while of this cycle, you make the (probably) safe assumption you guys are, friends? acquaintances?..hell, maybe you were even on kirishima’s level of ‘friend’. toleratable? at the least.
so while on one of your free days afterschool, youre shopping with the bakusquad. mina, jirou, denki, sero, kirishima, and obviously, bakugou. god knows how they convinced him to tag along.. you get lost in a cute little merch store, spotting matching all might bracelets. ew, corny. who would even get those?
ca—ching! “aaand heres your change, have a nice day!”
you would.
though, you probably shouldve thought this out.. who were you gonna match with? ofcourse, it could always be mina, but she also didnt absolutely fixate on all might. but, there was, one person you had in mind..
and sometime in the week after the hangout, at the end of your—no less than brutal, training session, you tiredly brought it up.
“the other day—while we were at the mall, i saw these matching all might bracelets—“ pant, “i kinda just bought on it on sight, annnd i didnt really think of who to give the other half to before i did.. but i know you like him, so..”
you trail off, simply suggesting it as you move over to sit down on a bench, taking a drink of water, while also, pulling out the bracelets from your pockets and reaching your free hand up to show him.
sparring partner! bakugou scoffs upon seeing the bracelets in your hand. golden age and bronze age all might bracelets.
“thats stupid. im not wearing that shit.” he growls, crossing his arms. his voice a little panted from training. you were getting better. not that he would tell you that directly, of course.
“chill, dynamight.” you roll your eyes playfully, emphasizing his hero name on your tongue. “i was just suggesting it, if you dont want it its fine.” you explain casually. even if, the sentence did hurt your feelings a little.
“ill just give it to izuku.” you shrug, you guys were friends, pretty close if you did say so.
and you almost swear you saw bakugou’s eye twitch. a glint of, jealousy? in his eyes as you bring up the green haired boy’s name.
he lets out an amused huff, rolling his eyes. “tch. whatever, give it to that nerd. not like i care.” before he reaches down next to you for your water bottle, taking a swing, airsip.
setting the bottle back down next to your thigh, he speaks up again. “‘aight, hurry, we arent done. round two.” he adds harshly, motioning with his hand for you to get back up.
“come on. please? one more minute. its so eaarlyyy.” you whine, almost pouty as you throw your head back. still exhausted from the sparring just a few minutes ago. 6am and hes annoyingly productive.
“hurry or i can blast your ass right here.” he glares down at you, grumbling through gritted teeth.
“im getting uupp, geeez.” you groan, lazily getting up from the bench and almost coming up to meet his full height.
later in the day, during class training, you figure you should probably find izuku to give him the other matching half, one already on your wrist.
you couldve sworn you remembered putting it back onto your other wrist so you wouldnt lose it. maybe it was in your dorm instead? whatever, youd just have to give it to him tomorrow.
today, you were working in partners, testing out new possible moves, strengths, weaknesses, and overall just trying to improve on any weak spots.
and like always, sparring partner! bakugou was next to you. basically having claimed you as his designated partner for anything by now, glaring at anyone who even suggested you work with them and not him.
and as your throwing hits at him, trying to catch him off base with your quirk, you notice a glint coming from under his gauntlet, you pause a moment.
its the matching half of your bracelet, all might’s golden age bracelet.
he notices this. feeling his ears dust the slightest pink from, embarrassment? and he uses this moment of weakness to gain the upper hand, pinning you down on the floor.
and youre completely shocked by the sudden move. somehow flipped on your chest to the ground, arms tucked behind your back with his knee holding you down.
“stay focused.” he hisses, reprimanding you for your bad habit.
“thought you said it was stupid?” you mutter. tilting your head to the side ever so slightly to look at him. a sly, cheeky smirk on your face.
“it is.”
maybe it wasnt so stupid after all.
#bakugou katsuki#mha x reader#bakugou x reader#bakugou fluff#my hero academia#katsuki bakugo x reader#bnha bakugou#bnha#fluff#bnha x reader#katsuki x you#katsuki fluff#gender neutral reader#boku no hero academia#mha drabbles
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work got me on these non-stop eight hour shifts the rest of the month
cant
#text#ive got a 9-5 on new years eve . actually saying goodbye 2 any#joy i might experience about christmas or the oncoming year or my birthday#as work sucks the life out of me &#Renders me miserable lol..#this is my lasst week of peaceful shifts before 3 weeeks of hell and horror#i fear ill have a horrible stress induced mental breakdown on my birthday bc theyve got me on a 7 am start the next#day so i wont even get a chance to breathe and enjoy turning 20 before im thrust into#eight hours of hell#last year i had 9 hour shifts so i guess its an improvement but GODDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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Themes: posessiveness, slight yandere behavior, mentions of cannibalism, softcore smut,
After 7 years the Radio Demon is back!
But things arent how he left them…
Vox has taken it upon himself to be in charge of all things media
Radio has turned to Video
And Alastor’s little darling aint in her place…oh that just wont do
Your relationship with the Radio Demon was like a match made in Hell.
Alastor was a wild card by himself alone, but you? You never failed to keep him on his hooves?
You had been in the media world looong before Alastor popped up in Hell, having the title (ironic) Media Demon but somehow he managed to bring back the old themes that were once appreciated.
Not those podcasts or vlogs the youth were so prone to do
But things from the good old days.
Things that were considered ancient in the sense of modern tech.
Radio; Talk shows and actual live broadcasts.
Alastor and you quickly rose in popularity in the media realm [(you had a sneaky suspicion it was because he was terrifying and people honesty clung to an overlord’s word)]
You and Alastor had separate broadcasts, but you worked perfectly in sync with one another. Until one day…the Radio Demon disappeared, leaving you to run your show alone.
You did what you could, but the people seemed to miss the charismatic broadcaster as much as you and soon you were approached by Video.
“C’mon y/n, This will be a great improvement to your brand.” Vox smirked as you sipped the tea you were offered. You frowned. You were aware that media came in all formats but you enjoyed the ‘old’ way. “I dont know Vox, i prefer to be out of the camera’s eye” you said. Vox had been begging for years for you to join his team and claiming it would ‘boost’ your reputation. You didnt need a boost. You were THE Media Demon. If anything, you knew it would boost HIS popularity.
“Radio is so old-fashion, video is the future! You should be up to date with these things” he said. You grimaced “i am well aware of the trends, but not everyone likes this new savvy way, it is good to have a little variety”
Vox was getting annoyed.
Having you on the Vees would not only boost his claim to fame, but it would boost his power.
“The people would love to see the Media Demon in the public eye. You use to sing right? How about music production? You would kill sales with that voice of yours”
He was trying to butter you up.
Everyone knew you were a renown singer. A popstar once. You only showcased it a few times broadcasting when it was late at night and were in a mood.
Alastor loved to hear you sing.
“If you made videos people, your image can skyrocket” he continued.
You set your cup down, standing, having heard enough.
“I appreciate the offer Vox, but I will decline. I quite like stereo” and with that you left.
You made your way to the Hazbin Hotel.
To Alastor’s radio tower.
You sighed as you sat and stared at the station.
Maybe i should take Vox’s offer you thought as you collected your topics and put your headphones on.
You turned on the radio and did a count set
“How ya doin tonight folks? Its your favorite radio host and tonight you are in for a treat!” you gave the daily Hell gossip and opened the line for discussions. Letting out a laugh from a few of the responses you finally sighed “I have been offered the damning chance to retire from radio” you started. “I am sure you are all aware that I am fabulous of course, but i mean reverting to video can you imagine? And the audacity of Vox to even suggest just a thing. I think i do quite alright for a media connoisseur” you giggled.
As you chatted away you were unaware of the dark presence manifesting in the tower.
“Dial in im opening the lines to hear your opinions”
You listened in
“I think it could be good to switch it up!”
“Youre the Media Demon you could crush anything!”
“Y/n youre incredible!”
“Video kills the Radio star!”
You were about to chime in when a deep static like voice sounded
“I think you mean Radio killed the Video star”
Your eyes widened and spun around to see Alastor
“A-Alastor?”
His devilish smile sharpened as he pressed a button to cut the lines and removed your headphones “its been a while darling”
You couldnt help yourself as you launched at him for a hug.
You quickly recovered and let him go, stuttering “oh oh im sorry but w-what are you doing here? I-i thought you were gone”
Alastor grinned, bringing your hand up to his lips to press a kiss to it
“Ooooh mon cher i could never stay away from you”
You blushed.
Alastor pulled you into an embrace, his grip a little tight
“So what it is i hear of you forsaking radio?”
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naive
hamzahthefantastic x reader (fic)
day 1/7
summary: a short story about the boys’ trip to curaçao. hamzah’s oblivious with girls and you’re not one to turn down a challenge.
contains: SFW content
wc: 1.8k-ish
~
The first thing that crossed your mind when you met him was that he was hot. Way too hot. Like, he must have the worst personality (and/or stroke game) behind closed doors to still be single. He truly is an enigma.
A pair of pale legs comes between your view of a shirtless Hamzah walking out of the water like he's in a sexy cologne commercial and blocks you from staring at him any longer. You whine and look up to see Martin with his arms crossed over his pasty chest.
"Enjoying the view?" he asks sarcastically. He sits on the beach chair next to yours.
"I was," you say, pulling your sunglasses off your face and placing them atop your head. "Then you had to go and ruin it."
"I think I made it better, actually,” he says. He lays on his side with his hand on his popped hip. You nearly gag.
"Jumpscare warning next time, please?"
"Ha-ha." He flips to lay on his back. "So go to talk to him."
"Hell no," you say. "He needs to come to me."
"You're delusional." Martin shakes his head. "And Hamzah's oblivious. He friendzones every girl he's interested in. It's really painful to watch, honestly."
"This is your best friend you're talking about," you remind Martin. "Shouldn't you at least talk him up to me a bit?"
"I'm not a good liar," he sighs. "But I know one thing."
"And that is?"
"He likes you."
Your head whips in his direction. "Don't mess with me."
"I'm not!" He squeals. "Seriously, he's bad at showing it, but I know him. He gets a certain way around girls he likes."
"You better not be bullshitting me," you point at him. "Because I will be taking that and sprinting with it."
"Mhm, go for it." Martin puts his arms behind his head, acting suave. "I'm good with this type of stuff. It's a heavy gift to bare."
"Didn't Mandy have to make the first move with you?"
"She told you about that?" He sulks. "I told her not to..."
"Bros before hoes." You throw your hands up defensively.
Deciding you've had enough of this rascal, you throw your lacy cover up over your bikini and walk down the beach to meet the object of your desire halfway.
"Hey," you greet, digging your toes in the sand.
"Oh, hey," he replies. You catch a glimpse of him looking at your legs from over his shoulder. "Welcome to my humble abode."
You eye the limp sand castle he's building with one of the empty margarita cups you guys ordered a round of earlier.
"Looks structurally sound," you joke, plopping down next to him.
"It's a work in progress," he defends himself. "Here is the start of the moat, and here's the tower I'ma save a damsel in distress from.”
"And who's the damsel in distress?"
"I don't know," he says, turning to make eye contact with you. "She'll make herself known sooner or later."
You raise your eyebrow and wonder if there's some deeper meaning that you're supposed to decode beneath his expression. Then, you remember Martin's words and shake the thought from your head.
The two of you work on improving his architectural masterpiece. It proves to be a difficult task considering the fact that the ocean waves keep knocking the castle walls down. Perhaps the location should've been reviewed before you sunk so much time into perfecting it. All you know is that every time he leans over to fix something on your side and your thighs make contact, your stomach flutters.
The Curaçao sun sets and you guys pack up your belongings, stopping by the bar to grab one last mixed drink before heading back to the hotel. Martin attempts to carry Mandy bridal style and trips, sending them straight into a bed of flowers. He says it was because of his flip flops in an attempt to cover up how much of a lightweight he is when it comes to alcohol.
With rosy cheeks and tired limbs, you say your goodbyes to the couple at their suite and make your way back to your room. Hamzah offers to walk with you so you're not alone in the dark and you accept his gracious offer because his shirt is tossed over his bare shoulder, long forgotten. Oh, and your safety, of course.
"My feet are killing me," he groans. "I stepped on, like, a billion seashells."
This triggers a "sally sold seashells by the sea shore"-off between the two of you, keeping you entertained while you clumsily make your way up the stairs of the hotel. You may or may not have been swaying your hips a little extra when you were ahead of him.
Hamzah insists on walking you to your room even though his is a floor lower. When you make it to your door together, you say goodnight and enter the air-conditioned room with a sigh.
You immediately strip and step under the shower head, washing the sand and sunscreen off of your body and massaging your sore extremities. You'd gone sight seeing with the whole gang for the past three days and it took a toll on your body. Despite that, you were the happiest you'd been in a long while. It was a good kind of exhausted. Content.
When you step out of the shower and into a complementary robe, you hear a sudden knock on your door. You frown because you were certain you had placed the do-not-disturb sign on the handle. You put slippers on and shuffle over to open it.
"Hey, again," he sighs.
Your eyes widen, "Hamzah. What's wrong?"
"I lost my card for my room," he explains as you let him in. "And my ID's inside, so I couldn't even prove that it's my room to the front desk."
"Shit," is all you can say. "What do we do?"
"I tried calling Martin ‘cause the bookings are in his name, but he didn't pick up. I think they knocked out already."
He sits on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. "And I'm still fucking tipsy."
This makes you laugh, even though you know you should be sympathetic towards the poor guy. He lifts his head to look at you and smiles.
"I'm glad you think this is funny," he says, leaning back on his elbows. "Because in case you hadn't already pieced it together, that means I gotta sleep in here."
Your heart skips a beat and the laughter fades from your throat. "But there's only one bed."
He furrows his brows in thought. "I can sleep at the foot of the bed."
"No, you freak, you're not a dog," you say, sitting beside him. "Y'know what? We'll just share."
"Is that okay with you?" he questions. "I don't wanna, like, overstep..."
"What other choice do we have? And I'm certainly not letting you sleep on the floor."
"I guess you're right."
You both sit still for a moment, eyes on everything except each other. It's cliche, really, but you couldn't let him wake up with a crook in his neck or something. Then the next day of activities would be sullied. At least, that's what you tell yourself.
"So.... can I use your shower?"
"Yeah, go ahead," you say. "But, um, do you want to borrow some clothes, or?"
"I doubt your clothes would fit me." He snorts. "I'll go buy something from the gift shop."
"I think I packed a pair of comfy sleeping shorts if you want to try?"
He shrugs, so you walk over to your luggage and search for the shorts. You find them bunched up underneath one of your dresses and cover your mouth with your palm. It was a good thing they were stretchy because they definitely were not going to be his size.
You hand them to him and he holds them up to inspect them. Then he looks at you with squinted eyes.
"Thanks." He retreats to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. You take a deep breath and decide to go watch some TV.
Once you hear the water turn off, you cross your legs nervously. The door cracks open.
"This is crazy," Hamzah shouts. "They fit!"
He steps out fully and your breath hitches. He stands there, water still dripping from his curls and onto his chest, only in your tight shorts that barely reach the tops of his thick thighs. It was like a replay of the beach, but better. You cross your legs tighter and try to avoid staring for too long.
"Yay."
He dries his hair with the towel and asks if there's a spare toothbrush. You point to the drawer below the sink and avert your gaze when he bends over to grab it. He finishes up and walks over to the bed.
"The shower floor is destroyed. I think I had 3 pounds of sand in between my ass cheeks."
You burst out laughing and so does he, climbing under the sheets. "Me too, honestly."
You sit up against the headboard, watching some random Dutch family show that was on. You don't understand much, but your phone is charging so you have no choice but to tune in. Hamzah pretends he knows what's going on and creates a riveting plot for the characters that is infinitely funnier than whatever they were actually doing. At some point, the both of you start yawning. You decide it's probably best that you sleep, even though every part of you would love to stay up all night and listen to him ramble on.
You grab some pajamas from your suitcase and turn to him.
"Could you...?" You gesture for him to turn around.
"Oh, yeah, course." He lays on his side facing the wall.
You quickly throw on an oversized tee and shorts, wincing when the bands of your underwear smack loudly against your skin.
When you're fully situated in bed next to him, you turn the TV off and nestle into the sheets. You stay on your side and he lays on his back. All there is to hear is the sound of your breaths and the crash of the waves from the open window.
"Today was fun." He yawns, running his palms over his sun-kissed face. "I wish we could stay here forever, just doing stupid tourist-y shit and hanging around the beach."
"I know," you agree. "I'm glad I got to come on this trip with you guys. I really needed it."
Your chin is tucked under the blanket. He blinks slowly and even in the darkness, you see his big brown eyes find yours.
"Well, I'm glad you came, too." You don't know if it's just the amount of drinks consumed between the two of you, but you swear you see his eyes on your lips. "I like spending time with you."
You don't know what to say, so you say nothing at all. He turns onto his side after one final "goodnight" and the two of you fall asleep in the glow of the moonlight.
~
a/n: did i have to include the one bed hotel room cliche? no. did i anyway? i’m just a girl… lmk if u liked it or if u hate my guts and want to curse my bloodline !!!
#hamzahthefantastic#hamzah x reader#martin and hamzah#thatmartinkid#slushy virus#slushy noobz#hamzah fic
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[[and then i met you || ch 16]]
Series: Daredevil || Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader || Rating: Explicit
Summary:
A one-night stand years ago gave you a daughter and you are now able to put a name to her father – Matthew Murdock. Everything is about to change again as you navigate trying to integrate your life with that of the handsome and charming blind lawyer’s and Matt realizes he needs to not only protect his new family from Hell's Kitchen, but from the world.
pt: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15
Words: 4.4k
ao3 link
banner thanks to the wonderful @theradioactivespidergwen
You dream of hands.
They are strong, calloused, and scarred, but they are so gentle with you. They dance over your skin, tracing over your belly to your sides and go down to your thighs. They come back up, pushing your panties to the side and examine your most intimate areas, and though you feel desire radiating from them, they do not cross the line into deviant behavior. They do not tease - they explore and memorize and make you feel like something precious.
Once they have soaked themselves in the slick your body can't help but produce, they slide up to just under your belly button and rest there. Everything inside you flutters at the gesture and your body craves to be full - for the hands to feel the push back of a life moving inside you.
They don't linger long - only enough to make you squirm and gasp - before they are moving again. They drag up your center, skirting your breast like they dare not indulge.
They wrap around your throat and give a small squeeze. They are powerful and could crush you without a thought, but they don't. They release you and continue upward. They brush your cheeks, and when a thick digit pushes past your lips and you begin to suckle at it, you finally wake.
Your bedroom is filled with bright sunlight, and you groan with disappointment.
Your instinct tells you to roll into your pillow and try to continue sleeping but your mind is faster than your body and groggy memories of the day before beat against your skull.
Your ear has no problems reminding you that you are ill. As you come more into consciousness, you become aware of how much it aches and how overly warm you feel. You vaguely remember being woken up to have ear drops put in and to coaxed into drinking water. There are flashes of sweet words and praise and being held while you drift back to sleep and gentle little kisses all over your face.
You force your eyes to open and are greeted by the cartoonishly large ones of Scooby. He's right beside your pillow, like he's watching over you, and he's been maneuvered into wearing Minnie’s miniature doctor's coat with her bright pink toy stethoscope clamped around his neck. Your heart sings with love for your little girl and you hug the stuffed dog to your chest, burying your nose in his oversized head.
How in the world did you get a daughter who is so pure and full of compassion and love? It certainly isn't genetic - you don't think your parents knew what compassion was. If this is from what you have taught her, then maybe, just maybe, you have finally done something right with your life.
You stay hugging Doctor Scooby until your bladder complains and you force yourself out of bed.
Your phone is nowhere to be seen, but you don't worry about it too much - you only wanted to check the time. You have a feeling it's around midday, but you can't be too sure - all you know is it feels like you slept forever.
You grab a change of clothes, then head to the bathroom, bringing your toddler assigned guardian with you. After you take care of business, you take the time to clean yourself up a bit before changing into fresh clothing. It does wonders to improve how you feel. Your ear still throbs, and you feel stiff, but you don't feel like you've been wallowing in your own sweat.
As you clean up your small mess, you note the carefully arranged bottles in your bathtub have been switched around. Minnie’s shampoo is in the wrong place and instead of any annoyance, you find yourself smiling.
Matt must have given her a bath. You can imagine how it went, as your daughter enjoys getting clean and playing with all her water-based toys. She also adores helping and following directions, and you can picture her instructing her Daddy on how to wash her hair just right.
You would have thought you'd never trust Minnie with someone so soon after meeting them - there's no way you'd let any of your friends give her a bath - but with Matt it is so easy. He wants so much to be a good father and he and Mouse already have such a good bond. You are just sad you missed their first bath time together.
You take Doctor Scooby and your dirty clothes and leave the bathroom. Your clothes go into the hamper, then you and the toy dog make your way to the living room. You can hear the television going, but it's too low to make out what is playing, and your daughter giggling. The noise warms your heart, and you yearn for her.
The scene you come upon is something you don't expect - Matt is sitting cross legged on the ground, back facing you, with Minnie standing right in front of him. On the coffee table beside her, her toy makeup kit is laid out, with all the different brushes scattered everywhere. Your daughter has a look of pure concentration on her face as she examines her father, a tube of what you know to be roll on glitter clutched in her little fist.
Matt must be getting his first princess makeover.
You can't hold back the delighted noise that comes from your soul at the realization and that of course catches both of their attention.
“Mommy!”
A rocket made of brown curls and a yellow sundress crashes into your waiting arms. You squeeze her tight, trying to absorb her into your being, along with the Scooby plush. The hug only lasts a moment, as she quickly pulls back, slaps her little hands onto your cheeks, and declares, “You're still sick!”
You push your face into her touch, and give a sad laugh, guilt bubbling in your belly, “I am, I'm sorry, Mouse. But I feel better now, I promise.”
She purses her lips at you before dropping her hands from your face and says in an authoritative voice, “Doctor Scooby says you need more sleep.”
You look down at the toy still in your arms, then hold him up to be face to face with Minnie, “My body doesn't want to sleep anymore. Do you think it would be okay if I came out here to be with my family, Doctor Scooby?”
She takes the dog from you and jams his mouth to her ear. She pouts and goes, “uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay,” before turning him so he is looking at you and you feel like you're being judged by him. “He says you have to stay on the couch. And no cookies!”
“No cookies?” Matt asks from behind Minnie, and you finally tear your eyes away from her to look at him. You have to bite your lip, so you don't laugh.
Mouse has gone above and beyond with her princess makeover.
Baby pink eyeshadow has been smeared over his eyelids, up to his thick eyebrows, and blended out to have a border of blue sparkles. His cheeks are rouged enough to make a flapper jealous, and a deep purplely-red stain has been carefully applied to his lips. Or as carefully as a three-year-old can do, which means the scruff around his mouth now has a nice tint to it. To top off his look, stick-on gems have been placed around his eyes, and the deep red color and shape of them mimic the glasses he typically wears.
He looks absolutely fabulous, and you need to find your phone so you can send pictures to Foggy and Karen.
“No cookies,” Minnie confirms, waving her plush at you to get your attention back onto her.
“Okay, no cookies,” you agree. You don't know if you actually have any cookies in the pantry to eat, anyways, so this will be an easy rule to follow. “And I have to stay on the couch?”
Minnie nods vigorously, “Doctor's orders!”
“Okay, if the doctor says so.”
You push yourself back into standing and your daughter takes your hand to practically march you over to the couch. You plop down in your corner and not a moment later, Scooby is back in your arms. Then, Minnie is zooming away from you and to the kitchen, calling back, “Daddy, I need help, please, thank you!”
Matt beams at you as he stands up and even with his face used as a coloring book, he looks handsome as ever, “I'm coming, my love.” His voice is full of joy and pride, and while you feel guilty, he is stuck babysitting while you're recovering, he clearly doesn't feel the same. You have the suspicion that every time Minnie calls him ‘Daddy’, his heart grows bigger.
You don't turn to spy as Matt disappears from your view. Your phone is on the table behind Minnie’s make up kit, so you grab that then pull the throw blanket off the back of the couch and wrap yourself in it after adjusting to get a little more comfortable.
There are no urgent or interesting notifications waiting for you - a few emails about sales and calendar reminders about upcoming bills that need to be paid. You swipe them away then turn your focus to the television. It is one of the educational videos about animals your little one has started watching in preparation for her birthday trip to the zoo. The date is coming up fast and you wonder if she's been telling Matt about all the animals she's excited to see. You can't wait to take her to the park for her special day.
Minnie brings you from your thoughts with another yell of, “Mommy!” She hurries into your view and your heart swells with love. She's holding your water bottle, which she shoves at you, “Doctor Scooby says…he says you have to stay hide-rated. I asked Daddy what that means and he said you gotta drink lots of water! I got you water!”
You take your bottle and have to resist the urge to take her up in your lap as well. Your little angel is so sweet and thoughtful, and you very much want to wrap her up in your arms and never let go.
“Thank you so much, sweetie, I'll make sure to keep hydrated. Promise,” you tell her, fully meaning to do just that. You try to drink a lot of water anyways, so it shouldn't be hard to accomplish.
Minnie, however, either doesn't believe you or is over eager to take care of you. She grabs a hold of one of your legs and shakes it as hard as she can, demanding “Drink!” She drags out the word in a way only a toddler can and to soothe her, you take a long sip of water.
“What else did Doctor Scooby say?” Matt asks as he returns from the kitchen, and you can feel the grin in his words.
Mouse takes in the question, swaying slightly as she thinks, then breaks out into a big grin as she recites, “Lots of rest and…and a ...a towel on her ear! To help the ickies!”
“Exactly,” Matt practically cooes as he scoops up his daughter, swinging her around before securing her on his hips. He tilts his head towards you, looking proud as can be, “I think we have a little doctor on our hands.”
“I'm gonna be a veteran!” Minnie declares, puffing up her chest.
You know she means veterinarian and decide you aren't going to correct her. Instead, you're going to tease her about her past career goals, “I thought you wanted to be a hot dog vendor?”
Her eyes get wide at the reminder, and she quickly amends, “I'm gonna do that on the weekend!”
“So, veteran during the week and hot dog vendor on the weekend?” Matt confirms, blue sparkly eyebrows raised.
“Yeah!”
You and Matt both huff in laughter and your little one beams at the attention.
You take in Matt's appearance, with his devastatingly handsome face and boyish charm and a warmth churns in your belly. To push away those feelings, you ask, “are you still going to have time to give Daddy makeovers with all that work?”
Minnie looks at Matt and analyzes him, before starting to wiggle to be put down, “you need says-or-eases!” You guess she isn't done with him yet and talks of her future will have to wait.
He sets her on the ground, asking, “I need what?” but she doesn't acknowledge him, running off to the bedroom to grab more of her toys. You watch as he moves his head in minute movements, brow wrinkling up. He must be trying to figure out what his daughter is fetching.
“What is she getting?” Matt finally asks you and you take a sip of water so swallow down any smugness you have.
“Accessories,” you clarify. “You can't have a makeover without getting some new accessories.”
He mouths the word, and you know he has no idea what is to come - Foggy’s nieces must be too old for dress up and makeovers. He remains standing until Minnie comes waddling back. She's carrying one of the purses you've gotten for her, and she's stuffed it full of costume jewelry and hair clips. She dumps it all out on the ground by Matt's feet with a demand of, “Sit, please, thank you!”
Bewildered, he does as he's told, and your daughter wastes no time trying to determine what looks best with his makeup. She holds a necklace up, looking between it and him before setting it aside with a ‘no!’ This happens again and again as she goes through her necklaces, then clip-on earrings and bangles - none of which fit over Matt's hands and are abandoned - and finally hair clips.
You enjoy the process, sitting back and letting yourself wake up as Minnie describes each accessory to her Daddy as she decides if it matches the aesthetic. You snap photos to send to your new friends and Matt is good enough to even pose for a few.
The final look consists of a giant yellow heart necklace, blue teardrop dangle earrings, and Beauty and the Beast hair bow. He looks very dashing, and you tell him as much as you send the end product over to Foggy and Karen.
“If hot dog vending doesn't work out, your side hustle can be as a stylist,” you tease and Minnie beams at you, enjoying the praise. Matt examines what he is wearing, carefully touching the plastic jewelry to better understand what he looks like as Mouse reminds him of the colors.
As they do that, you check the time. It is a little past Nap Time, so once the conversation starts to change, you address your daughter, “Would you like to clean up your toys and get some juice?”
You know she knows this transition and she doesn't hesitate to nod and start to act. She starts with the things on the floor, stuffing them back into her purse and Matt jumps into Dad-mode.
“What type of juice do you want, Mouse?”
“Apple juice, please, thank you.”
“Half juice, half water,” you advise as he carefully navigates out of the living area.
“Is the cup from last night, okay? The sippy one?”
“The bunny one!” Is the almost haughty reply. The pink bunny is the pre-nap juice cup, and you think a fit might be thrown if tradition isn't followed, so you untangle yourself from the blanket and go to the kitchen. Luckily, no one calls you out for leaving the couch.
You smile at Matt as you pass him, and explain, “I ordered water resistant Braille label stickers but haven't finished putting them on all her things yet.” You open the cabinet that holds all of her various cups and pull out the correct one, then pass it over. “This one I did label.”
Matt takes it and runs his fingers over the surface until he finds the Braille, “Pink with bunnies. For Juice. Nap Time.” His face relaxes into something soft as he retraces the words. You don't know how descriptive you need to be with everything, but you know you don't need to spell everything out for him. His lips twitch into a smile and he whispers to you, “thank you,” before turning to the fridge to get out the juice.
You don't want to make things awkward by lingering, so you shuffle back to the couch and reclaim your spot. Matt joins you a minute later, setting the sippy cup on the table.
Mouse finishes cleaning up her toys rather quickly, then grabs her juice and crawls up to be between the two of you. You change the television over to one of the Pre-Nap shows - something calming to help everyone wind down - and out of the corner of your eye, you see your daughter snuggle into her Daddy's side and begin to sip her juice. Matt wraps his arm around her shoulders and begins to oh so gently pet over her arm.
She's out before she finishes her juice.
You don't miss the opportunity to take more pictures of Matt looking down at Minnie. You know he can't see her with his eyes, but you wonder what input he is getting and if he knows how sweet the pair of them look.
You sit silently and wait until you're sure she won't wake up, then reach to gently touch Matt's shoulders, “Do you want to put her in her bed?”
He nods slowly, his whole being screaming with love for his little girl. You take the sippy cup away as he carefully picks her up after standing and you watch as he cradles her to his chest. He stands there for a moment, holding her close, and you think he must be savoring the moment.
You don't disturb him and after a minute, he starts towards the bedroom. You wait until he's disappeared down the hallway to get up and go pour out the remainder of Minnie’s juice. You clean the cup, then grab some skin friendly wet wipes - you have the feeling Matt may not want to keep wearing his makeup. It feels gummy on your skin so you can't imagine how irritating he finds it.
You resettle on the couch and change from sleepy television to soul crushing television - the midday news.
You usually like to catch the top stories and the weather before switching away, but given Nap Time came a little late today, you miss those. Instead, you tune into the host interviewing some politician and the headline bar tells you he's a senator and they are discussing the Connecticut explosion. You turn up the volume slightly, so you can actually hear it.
“- leaked report states this was not an attack, but the attempted arrest of an Enhanced individual gone wrong. Allegedly, the destruction of a neighborhood and the 634 deaths, dozens of which were children, was all caused by one man with powers. What are your thoughts on this, Senator Kelly?”
You frown at the new information. One person caused all that pain? Or are they just blaming one individual?
“Thank you for having me, Vicki,” the Senator says, and you already don't like him. He gives off a slimy vibe - like he doesn't care about anyone but himself. “I've read the report and I've been on the ground, talking to the people whose lives were destroyed, and I've got one question in mind: why were the good people of Stamford not made aware they were living next to a bomb? This individual, whose identity is still being hidden, only released one attack. One!”
Your eyes go wide at the statement. That can't be true. Can someone really have that much power inside of them? You can understand people like Iron Man with a bunch of missiles strapped to him, but someone who is Enhanced?
“What do you propose, Senator?” Vicki asks and something like dread turns in your stomach.
Matt reenters the room just as the vile man begins speaking again. He comes to stand by the couch, putting his hand on the cushion behind your shoulder.
“The American people deserve to know who they are living next to. We implemented this policy for sexual deviants, and we should do the same for these so-called Enhanced Individuals! The Sokovia Accords talks about registering ‘super heroes’,” Kelly uses air quotes around the word, a disgusted look on his face, “but this man wasn't a hero. He was a literal ticking time bomb and who knows how many more Enhanced Individuals are out there just like him. How would you feel if your neighbor could blow up your house with a wave of their arm, or walk through your walls, or Heaven-forbid, control you with their mind? S.H.I.E.L.D showed us all those people existed! How are we supposed to protect ourselves against that? Whose stopping those people from causing the next Sokovia, or Lagos, or Stamfo-”
You turn off the television. You can't hear any more of that man's rancid words and implications.
You tilt your head up to look at Matt and your heart pangs for him. He's openly scowling and in the corner of your eye, you see him gripping the couch cushion tightly.
Your body acts without thought and you reach up to squeeze his bicep, “Matt...?”
“He's talking about people like they are uncontrollable weapons,” he grinds out, “this is McCarthy Era ‘everyone who isn't you is a threat’ bullshit.”
“I know,” you say to try to soothe some of the anger you see boiling in him. You understand the anger and you are angry, too. You think Matt falls under the umbrella of ‘Enhanced Individuals’ and if so, Minnie does as well. It terrifies you that someone who is supposed to be running the country is spitting out such words, but you want to believe he's in the fringe. You want to believe your government doesn't think your daughter is a threat just because she's different. “He's vile.”
With his free hand, Matt wipes at his mouth, still looking furious, “everything he is saying goes against the Constitution. People have the right to privacy.”
You gently tug on his arm, and he takes the signal to come around and sit beside you. You turn to face him, and he does the same, and you decide to take the initiative. You want him to feel better.
You are slow with your movements, so he can figure out your intentions, and unclip the bow from his hair. His eyes flutter shut before he takes a deep, calming breath, “I can't believe they let people like him on the news.”
You hum, then remove his necklace before going for the earrings, “I can. They love to stir the pot and giving those horrible people airtime gets them more views. They don't care about what's being said, only how much money they are getting for it “
“That's bleak,” he grumbles.
“It's better than the networks believing that bullshit,” you reply, as you pluck the red gems from his face. That makes him huff and a little smile form on his lips.
“You're good at this.”
“At what?” You ask as you set aside the jewelry on the table and grab the wet wipes.
“Defusing the situation, turning the negative into a positive,” he says. He keeps his eyes closed as you start to wipe away the makeup Minnie caked onto him, starting with his rouge.
“Is it a positive the news wants money instead of spewing hate?” You counter, a little bit of a tease in your voice. He reaches out and squeezes your knee and you can't help but smile. “Though, I guess it is better to be a capitalist than a Nazi.”
“That's the American way of thinking,” Matt jokes and you have to stop cleaning away the makeup so you can both laugh.
You fall back into silence as you start in on his eye shadow. He keeps his hand on your knee, slowly beginning to rub his thumb back and forth over your sweats. You can practically see the tension bleeding out of his shoulders and a bit of pride swirls in your chest. You feel guilty for turning on and listening to the news in the first place.
When it comes time for you to wipe away the stain on Matt's lips, you hesitate.
You've been trying to ignore the feelings that have been slowly growing inside you. You thought of them as weeds - byproducts of Matt being naturally charming and kind and the father of your child. You know you are attracted to him - you slept with him, after all - but emotionally?
You're terrified of that.
You're terrified of him not returning the feelings.
You're terrified you only see what he allows you to see, and when the facade drops, someone else will appear.
You're terrified of messing everything up - for yourself. For Minnie.
You don't want to think of your dreams, where you know it's him you are imagining. You don't want to think about how perfect it felt to be held by him and know you were safe. You don't want to think about how he still hasn't left you since you had to be taken to the hospital.
You can't fall down that rabbit hole. It's too much for you.
So, you try to rip away the things growing inside you before they bloom and push forward. You fold the wet wipe in half and begin to remove the last of the makeup. You don't rush, taking just as much care as you had getting rid of the blue sparkles.
“All done,” you say as you finish and pull away from him, turning purposefully so his hand slides off your leg. You pretend to not notice and focus on balling up the used wipes.
“Thank you,” he responds quietly, turning as well so he's facing the television once again. You fear things are going to dip into awkwardness, but Matt speaks again before you get to say something stupid. His words are soft and steady, but strike fear into your heart.
“There was something I wanted to talk with you about.”
You try to swallow down your anxiety and tell yourself that this isn't about your silly emotions - whatever Matt has to say must be regarding Minnie. It's the only thing that makes sense, so you come out a small “Yeah?”
“I wanted to talk to you about my mother.”
--
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Guys have I ever commented about how both Youtube and Tiktok have the shittiest takes on Stolas? No? Then I will try to comment more often.
"I wonder why Octavia is mean to Stolas" because she's a teenager who doesn't know the truth about her parents' situation or the abuse her father went throught during 17+ years, that's why.
As Stolas antis are unable to recognize the MOST BASIC aspects of the story, let me just remind everything we know about Stolas and his relationship with his family:
(TW: MARITAL RAPE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND HAVING TO EDUCATE STOLAS ANTIS FOR THE 100TH TIME)
1- emotionally and physically abused by his father
2- forced to marry an abusive person when he was a fucking child
3- raped multiple times by Stella before she got pregnant
4- TEEN FATHER. TEEN. FATHER. You know what a TEEN FATHER means? He was forced to be a father when he. was. A. TEEN.
5- spent 17 years surviving his wife's verbal, emotional and physical abuse FOR HIS DAUGTHER'S SAKE
6- took accountability when he realized his mistakes towards his daughter, and his mistakes were basically trying his best to make his daughter happy while being a literal survivor of parental abuse, domestic violence, SA and social isolation, literally a fucking normal human being trying his best and improving himself
7- is not only teaching her spells slowly and respecting her time, but also raising her as the teenager girl she is, and not as a 'legal adult' full of rich folk bullshit responsabilities as he was raised
"Stolas is a good dad" yes, media illiterate antis, he IS. He raised his daughter with love and care, he shield her from potential dangers (which came from her own mother), took accountability everytime he made a mistake with her, and sacrificed 17+ years in silence, surviving domestic violence, FOR HER. This is what a good parent does; loves, takes accountability and cares for their child, and as someone who has a very shitty dad who actually doesn't respect me or take accountability, I proudly affirm Stolas is doing great. You know what STELLA, an actual terrible parent, does? Abuses her husband in front of their kid and turns Via against her father. This is what a terrible parent does, oh but sorry I forgot she's the cisheteronormative woman who can do no wrong despite doing everything wrong maliciously.
Octavia acting like a teenager is absolutely in-character and justified. She doesn't have to know that her mother is an abuser, and this is why Stolas shield her from this hell, because he wanted her to have a normal fucking life. But the AUDIENCE? Grown adults who KNOW what is happening with Stolas and should understand how basic parenting works, acting like an angry teenager who hates Dada? Now that is just bad faith and urge to justify your hate boner against Stolas with the same stupid outdated arguments that were discussed a thousand times in this fandom.
For a man that was forced to have an abusive wife and a child at his teenage years, yes, he is a good father. He makes normal mistakes like any normal parent does. In LooLoo Land, he (unintentionally) ignored Via's discomfort because he was trying to cheer her up, trying to, as himself said, keep her away from their hostile house — whose hostility is Stella's fault. In Seeing Stars, he DOES NOT ignore Via nor forgot about the promise (he forgot the day, not the promise), he was busy standing up against his ABUSER. He asked for some minutes to finish his phone call, if Via had waited just a little bit longer, he would turn off the phone and listened to her. She didn't, because she's a kid with the trauma of growing up with an abusive mother and a closeted dad, again, in-character and understanding. But grown adults who were supposed to understand what is going on with Stolas having the same behaviour of a kid is hilariously telling a lot about how you react to this show.
Stolas makes the same mistakes Blitzø makes with Loona. Blitzø often infantilizes her to the point of being overprotective, and guess what? He also took accountability, because he, just like Stolas, is a good dad. And just like Lucifer as well. Buuuuut you don't really care about what is or what isnt a good father, you just want to yell about how much you hate Stolas. And the reason why you hate Stolas (at least one of the reasons) is because you can't understand basic shit about him.
Edit: by the way, let me show yall this print. It's so adorable. As irritating as Stolas's "sLaNdErInG" crowd is, the fandom always manage to make everything better. Let's smile more and think about the good things <3
#'stolas slander'? more like media literacy slander#stolas#helluva boss#tw: stolas antis (again)#octavia helluva boss
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So so you wanted a small town reader request so I thought of this one. She she’s from a southern small town and plays basketball for the SEC team of her state, she really made a name for herself there, but wants to broaden her horizons so she enters the transfer portal and somehow ends up in Iowa where meet Kate who is OBSESSED with her southern accent. Then it’s just Kate trying to show her interest bc reader is totally oblivious until one of their teammates says something
Southern Charm . KM
pairing: kate martin x reader
synopsis: after transferring to iowa’s basketball team to broaden your horizons, you end up meeting someone who changes your life
A/N: i got a request to do another country fic like this one with kate, so expect one with ‘country kate’ here soon!
also, i’m not very proud of this one so i’m sorry if it’s genuinely shitty lol :’)
NOT PROOF READ
༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶
ever since you were little, maybe 7 or 8, you were fascinated with basketball. growing up in texas you were exposed to a large following of sports and hard core fans. your family was always repping the pro and college teams of your state with pride, attending several games throughout your childhood. basketball in particular held a special place in your heart. you remember watching the university of texas’ basketball games with your dad, absolutely enthralled by the game. it didn’t take long for your parents to get you involved in the sport. you played in small teams as a kid then on your schools girls basketball teams in middle and high school. and with a lot of hard work and determination, you got into the university of texas to play on their women’s team.
while playing for the university, you made quite the impression on basketball fans. you were quick, had unbelievable stats, and extremely adaptable. you were a pretty valuable player in most eyes. but after two years at the school, you started to feel restricted. there wasn’t a whole lot for you to improve on your skills so you made a drastic decision to enter the transfer portal.
it was an emotional decision. realizing you would be leaving teammates behind as well as your home state was hard, but you longed for something greater. not long after entering the portal, you had transferred to the university of Iowa. you were ecstatic despite having to move away. it was time to broaden your horizons and hopefully expand upon your skill set.
˗ˏˋ ´ˎ˗
you had arrived in iowa around a week ago and you were still adjusting. figuring out where all of the buildings were, where the dining halls were located, was a lot for you to handle. hell you could barely remember how to get to your dorm at this point.
you haven’t even met your new teammates, practices not starting up for a couple of days. the anticipation had you extremely nervous.
what if they didn’t like you?
what if they thought you sucked?
the days leading up to your first practice were consumed with these uncontrollable thoughts. but as you laced up your shoes and grabbed your duffel bag, heading out the door, you felt those nagging thoughts dissipate.
when you arrived for practice, opening the large metal doors to the gym, it almost felt like you were right back at home. you wandered over to where the team was warming up, hearing the squeak of the polished floors. quickly, looking up from her clipboard, bluder spotted you a few feet ahead. she met you on the sidelines to officially greet you for your first day.
“ah, YN!” she announced, grabbing the attention of the other girls “nice to see you again, glad you could join us. let’s get you introduced and settled in”
her smile was welcoming as she motioned for the girls to huddle up. everyone gathered around, you being the center of attention as you looked around awkwardly.
“team, i’m sure you’re all aware of our newest member, YN” lisa said “let’s be kind and supportive and help her get settled in on her first day alight?”
everyone nodded “great. YN, would you like to introduce yourself?”
you took a deep breathe as you studied their faces timidly, fidgeting with your fingers and trying to think of something to say.
“um, yea” you managed, hoping you sounded confident “i’m YN, i just transferred from the university of texas..and i’m-uh-really excited to get to know you guys”
the team offered their hello’s, walking up to you one by one to shake your hand politely and introduce themselves. they were all incredibly sweet right away, telling you you’d fit right in and complimenting your skills. you went down the line, excited to get acquitted with the team.
then, at the end of the line, stood kate martin. you had seen her play and you thought she was amazing so you were excited to finally meet her. she approached you with the most genuine smile, eyes lit with zeal.
“hey,” she spoke up, offering her hand to you “i’m kate, it’s nice to meet you YN”
you smiled back at her “it’s nice to meet you too! you’re a fantastic player, i’d be lyin’ if i said i hadn’t been excited to meet you!”
“i’m flattered, really, thank you” you could feel her hand linger on yours as she pulled away from the handshake “so texas, huh? i caught onto the accent!”
you both laughed “yea, i’m from a small town not too far from campus, so i got that signature dialect”
“i think it’s really cute,” she looked down, avoiding your gaze “think it suits you”
“thanks, kate” you blushed, smiling at her once more before bluder summoned everyone to resume warmups.
what a sweetheart.
˗ˏˋ ´ˎ˗
it had been quite sometime since you had finally settled into your new team. there was a lot of awkwardness and uncertainty, but you had started to feel like this is where you were meant to be. and like you had hoped, there was so much more room for you to improve rather than back in texas. you were playing amazing games, beating your own records and personal highs on a regular basis. going to iowa was truly the best thing for your career.
you had also grown really close to the girls since arriving. kate, especially, was like your best friend. she had always been so kind and sweet to you. at some point in your friendship, you started to develop a decent crush on the girl, but you had always assumed that she didn’t feel that way about you. so you stayed quiet as to not distrust your connection.
but recently, things have been a little off with kate. she often avoided you during practices and didn’t stay to say goodbye when you left. both things she did on a normal basis and now she just stopped doing it all together. she didn’t even bother to text you or ask about your day, nor did she laugh when you said things funny (she’s always giggled to herself when your accent was thick). you were beginning to wonder if you did something wrong.
it had been weeks of her dismissive behavior and you were starting to miss your best friend. your heart ached at the thought of her not liking you anymore. so you devised a plan to meet her during her extra early practice one morning and confront her, hoping to figure out why she wasn’t giving you the time of day.
it was about 7:00 in the morning, much too early for your liking. you’d never understood why kate, amongst others, wanted to be at practice an hour earlier. but you had managed to get out of bed at 6, suiting up and sneakily heading to the gym. you hoped you could catch her off guard, maybe surprise her so she’d have no choice but to deal with your confrontation head on. you were approaching the doors of the locker room, about to open the door, when you heard kate’s voice echo from inside. freezing in your spot, you shamefully eavesdropped to see what she was talking about.
“no! i’m not going to do that!” she exclaimed.
“why not?” you heard another voice, from the sounds of it, it must’ve been gabbie. “you’re like obsessed with her, just go for it!”
“i’m not obsessed, ok? there’s just something about YN that drives me crazy and i like her so so much, but i’m sure as hell not going say that right to her face!”
you went numb hearing your name fall from kate’s mouth. you tried to move closer to the door, wanting to hear what she was saying a little bit better, but you tripped over your own foot causing you to lunge forward. the doors to the locker on went flying open, your stiff figure busting through the entrance as you immediately gave yourself away.
you stood, completely unable to move as you looking up into the vastness of the locker room. sure enough, there were gabbie and kate, sitting in front of you. their eyes were wide seeing you burst through those doors, realizing they had just been caught talking about you. and it was no secret that you had heard almost everything they were saying.
“i’m so sorry!” you rambled an apology “i was just about to come and talk to kate, but then i heard my name, and i really didn’t mean to intrude like this i’m so embarrassed”
kate sat, also embarrassed as gabbie spoke up.
“i’m going to give you guys some privacy” she said “i think there’s a lot that kate needs to say”
and with that, she walked out of the locker room, leaving you and kate in awkward silence. you walked over to where she sat on the bench to take the seat next to her. she looked at you, hardly able to make eye contact.
“i’m sorry”
“for what?” you asked
“i shouldn’t have been talking about you behind your back. i had no idea you were gonna be here, not that that makes it ok-”
“kate, it’s ok” you placed a hand on her shoulder “i was here early cause i needed to talk to you, but i shouldn’t have stuck around to eaves drop”
“what did you need to talk to me about?”
you sighed, suddenly wishing you didn’t have to bring it up in the first place “it’s just that i’ve felt like you’ve been avoiding me and purposely not talking to me so i wanted to ask why…but i think i already kind of know why…”
“yea” she replied, voice cracking “you weren’t supposed to find out like that”
“if it’s any consolation…i feel the same way” you removed your hand from her shoulder, taking her hand in yours. gentle fingers ran over hers soothingly.
“you-you do?”
“mhm” you grinned “i’ve been too afraid to say anything cause i didn’t know if you felt the same and i didn’t want to ruin our friendship”
she didn’t say anything, just sat looking into your eyes. there were no tears, no anger in her eyes, just a certain longing that only you could recognize.
“i think im in love with you”
“you don’t have to say-”
“no i mean it” she continued “everything about you, from the moment i met you, i’ve been in love with. you’re perfect and funny and gentle, you have the cutest accent i’ve ever heard, and i don’t think i can handle being just friends”
“kate i think i’m in love with you too” happy tears welled in your eyes as you inched closer to her, feeling her breathe on your skin.
“can i kiss you?” she asked, but she didn’t even need to, you would’ve done it anyways.
“please”
and finally, your lips met in the most gentle yet passionate kiss. teeth clashing at the urgency of it, both of you so eager from waiting so long for this moment. you wished you could’ve stayed like that forever. nonetheless, she pulled away breathlessly, forehead resting against yours as you smiled at each other.
“it’s that southern charm” she joked, large hand resting against your cheek “you’re irresistible”
you laughed, pulling her into another kiss, trying to savor this moment for as long as you could.
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The paradox of choice screens
I'm coming to BURNING MAN! On TUESDAY (Aug 27) at 1PM, I'm giving a talk called "DISENSHITTIFY OR DIE!" at PALENQUE NORTE (7&E). On WEDNESDAY (Aug 28) at NOON, I'm doing a "Talking Caterpillar" Q&A at LIMINAL LABS (830&C).
It's official: the DOJ has won its case, and Google is a convicted monopolist. Over the next six months, we're gonna move into the "remedy" phase, where we figure out what the court is going to order Google to do to address its illegal monopoly power:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/08/07/revealed-preferences/#extinguish-v-improve
That's just the beginning, of course. Even if the court orders some big, muscular remedies, we can expect Google to appeal (they've already said they would) and that could drag out the case for years. But that can be a feature, not a bug: a years-long appeal will see Google on its very best behavior, with massive, attendant culture changes inside the company. A Google that's fighting for its life in the appeals court isn't going to be the kind of company that promotes a guy whose strategy for increasing revenue is to make Google Search deliberately worse, so that you will have to do more searches (and see more ads) to get the info you're seeking:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/24/naming-names/#prabhakar-raghavan
It's hard to overstate how much good stuff can emerge from a company that's mired itself in antitrust hell with extended appeals. In 1982, IBM wriggled off the antitrust hook after a 12-year fight that completely transformed the company's approach to business. After more than a decade of being micromanaged by lawyers who wanted to be sure that the company didn't screw up its appeal and anger antitrust enforcers, IBM's executives were totally transformed. When the company made its first PC, it decided to use commodity components (meaning anyone could build a similar PC by buying the same parts), and to buy its OS from an outside vendor called Micros-Soft (meaning competing PCs could use the same OS), and it turned a blind eye to the company that cloned the PC ROM, enabling companies like Dell, Compaq and Gateway to enter the market with "PC clones" that cost less and did more than the official IBM PC:
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/08/ibm-pc-compatible-how-adversarial-interoperability-saved-pcs-monopolization
The big question, of course, is whether the court will order Google to break up, say, by selling off Android, its ad-tech stack, and Chrome. That's a question I'll address on another day. For today, I want to think about how to de-monopolize browsers, the key portal to the internet. The world has two extremely dominant browsers, Safari and Chrome, and each of them are owned by an operating system vendor that pre-installs their own browser on their devices and pre-selects them as the default.
Defaults matter. That's a huge part of Judge Mehta's finding in the Google case, where the court saw evidence from Google's own internal research suggesting that people rarely change defaults, meaning that whatever the gadget does out of the box it will likely do forever. This puts a lie to Google's longstanding defense of its monopoly power: "choice is just a click away." Sure, it's just a click away – a click, you're pretty sure no one is ever going to make.
This means that any remedy to Google's browser dominance is going to involve a lot of wrangling about defaults. That's not a new wrangle, either. For many years, regulators and tech companies have tinkered with "choice screens" that were nominally designed to encourage users to try out different browsers and brake the inertia of the big two browsers that came bundled with OSes.
These choice screens have a mixed record. Google's 2019 Android setup choice screen for the European Mobile Application Distribution Agreement somehow managed to result in the vast majority of users sticking with Chrome. Microsoft had a similar experience in 2010 with BrowserChoice.eu, its response to the EU's 2000s-era antitrust action:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BrowserChoice.eu
Does this mean that choice screens don't work? Maybe. The idea of choice screens comes to us from the "choice architecture" world of "nudging," a technocratic pseudoscience that grew to prominence by offering the promise that regulators could make big changes without having to do any real regulating:
https://verfassungsblog.de/nudging-after-the-replication-crisis/
Nudge research is mired in the "replication crisis" (where foundational research findings turn out to be nonreplicable, due to bad research methodology, sloppy analysis, etc) and nudge researchers keep getting caught committing academic fraud:
https://www.ft.com/content/846cc7a5-12ee-4a44-830e-11ad00f224f9
When the first nudgers were caught committing fraud, more than a decade ago, they were assumed to be outliers in an otherwise honest and exciting field:
https://www.npr.org/2016/10/01/496093672/power-poses-co-author-i-do-not-believe-the-effects-are-real
Today, it's hard to find much to salvage from the field. To the extent the field is taken seriously today, it's often due to its critics repeating the claims of its boosters, a process Lee Vinsel calls "criti-hype":
https://sts-news.medium.com/youre-doing-it-wrong-notes-on-criticism-and-technology-hype-18b08b4307e5
For example, the term "dark patterns" lumps together really sneaky tactics with blunt acts of fraud. When you click an "opt out of cookies" button and get a screen that says "Success!" but which has a tiny little "confirm" button on it that you have to click to actually opt out, that's not a "dark pattern," it's just a scam:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/03/27/beware-of-the-leopard/#relentless
By ascribing widespread negative effects to subtle psychological manipulation ("dark patterns") rather than obvious and blatant fraud, we inadvertently elevate "nudging" to a real science, rather than a cult led by scammy fake scientists.
All this raises some empirical questions about choice screens: do they work (in the sense of getting people to break away from defaults), and if so, what's the best way to make them work?
This is an area with a pretty good literature, as it turns out, thanks in part due to some natural experiments, like when Russia forced Google to offer choice screens for Android in 2017, but didn't let Google design that screen. The Russian policy produced a significant switch away from Google's own apps to Russian versions, primarily made by Yandex:
https://cepr.org/publications/dp17779
In 2023, Mozilla Research published a detailed study in which 12,000 people from Germany, Spain and Poland set up simulated mobile and desktop devices with different kinds of choice screens, a project spurred on by the EU's Digital Markets Act, which is going to mandate choice screens starting this year:
https://research.mozilla.org/browser-competition/choicescreen/
I'm spending this week reviewing choice screen literature, and I've just read the Mozilla paper, which I found very interesting, albeit limited. The biggest limitation is that the researchers are getting users to simulate setting up a new device and then asking them how satisfied they are with the experience. That's certainly a question worth researching, but a far more important question is "How do users feel about the setup choices they made later, after living with them on the devices they use every day?" Unfortunately, that's a much more expensive and difficult question to answer, and beyond the scope of this paper.
With that limitation in mind, I'm going to break down the paper's findings here and draw some conclusions about what we should be looking for in any kind of choice screen remedy that comes out of the DOJ antitrust victory over Google.
The first thing note is that people report liking choice screens. When users get to choose their browsers, they expect to be happy with that choice; by contrast, users are skeptical that they'll like the default browser the vendor chose for them. Users don't consider choice screens to be burdensome, and adding a choice screen doesn't appreciably increase setup time.
There are some nuances to this. Users like choice screens during device setup but they don't like choice screens that pop up the first time they use a browser. That makes total sense: "choosing a browser" is colorably part of the "setting up your gadget" task. By contrast, the first time you open a browser on a new device, it's probably to get something else done (e.g. look up how to install a piece of software you used on your old device) and being interrupted with a choice screen at that moment is an unwelcome interruption. This is the psychology behind those obnoxious cookie-consent pop-ups that website bombard you with when you first visit them: you've clicked to that website because you need something it has, and being stuck with a privacy opt-out screen at that moment is predictably frustrating (which is why companies do it, and also why the DMA is going to punish companies that do).
The researchers experimented with different kinds of choice screens, varying the number of browsers on offer and the amount of information given on each. Again, users report that they prefer more choices and more information, and indeed, more choice and more info is correlated with choosing indie, non-default browsers, but this effect size is small (<10%), and no matter what kind of choice screen users get, most of them come away from the experience without absorbing any knowledge about indie browsers.
The order in which browsers are presented has a much larger effect than how many browsers or how much detail is present. People say they want lots of choices, but they usually choose one of the first four options. That said, users who get choice screens say it changes which browser they'd choose as a default.
Some of these contradictions appear to stem from users' fuzziness on what "default browser" means. For an OS vendor, "default browser" is the browser that pops up when you click a link in an email or social media. For most users, "default browser" means "the browser pinned to my home screen."
Where does all this leave us? I think it cashes out to this: choice screens will probably make a appreciable, but not massive, difference in browser dominance. They're cheap to implement, have no major downsides, and are easy to monitor. Choice screens might be needed to address Chrome's dominance even if the court orders Google to break off Chrome and stand it up as a separate business (we don't want any browser monopolies, even if they're not owned by a search monopolist!). So yeah, we should probably make a lot of noise to the effect that the court should order a choice screen, as part of a remedy.
That choice screen should be presented during device setup, with the choices presented in random order – with this caveat: Chrome should never appear in the top four choices.
All of that would help address the browser duopoly, even if it doesn't solve it. I would love to see more market-share for Firefox, which is the browser I've used every day for more than a decade, on my laptop and my phone. Of course, Mozilla has a role to play here. The company says it's going to refocus on browser quality, at the expense of the various side-hustles it's tried, which have ranged from uninteresting to catastrophically flawed:
https://www.fastcompany.com/91167564/mozilla-wants-you-to-love-firefox-again
For example, there was the tool to automatically remove your information from scummy data brokers, that they outsourced to a scummy data-broker:
https://www.theverge.com/2024/3/22/24109116/mozilla-ends-onerep-data-removal-partnership
And there's the "Privacy Preserving Attribution" tracking system that helps advertisers target you with surveillance advertising (in a way that's less invasive than existing techniques). Mozilla rolled this into Firefox on an opt out basis, and made opting out absurdly complicated, suggesting that it knew that it was imposing something on its users that they wouldn't freely choose:
https://blog.privacyguides.org/2024/07/14/mozilla-disappoints-us-yet-again-2/
They've been committing these kinds of unforced errors for more than a decade, seeking some kind of balance between monopolistic web companies and its users' desire to have a browser that protects them from invasive and unfair practices:
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/may/14/firefox-closed-source-drm-video-browser-cory-doctorow
These compromises represent the fallacy that Mozilla's future depends on keeping bullying entertainment companies and Big Tech happy, so it can go on serving its users. At the same time, these compromises have alienated Mozilla's core users, the technical people who were its fiercest evangelists. Those core users are the authority on technical questions for the normies in their life, and they know exactly how cursed it is for Moz to be making these awful compromises.
Moz has hemorrhaged users over the past decade, meaning they have even less leverage over the corporations demanding that they make more compromises. This sets up a doom loop: make a bad compromise, lose users, become more vulnerable to demands for even worse compromises. "This capitulation puts us in a great position to make a stand in some hypothetical future where we don't instantly capitulate again" is a pretty unconvincing proposition.
After the past decade's heartbreaks, seeing Moz under new leadership makes me cautiously hopeful. Like I say, I am dependent on Firefox and want an independent, principled browser vendor that sees their role as producing a "user agent" that is faithful to its users' interests above all else:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/07/treacherous-computing/#rewilding-the-internet
Of course, Moz depends on Google's payment for default search placement for 90% of its revenue. If Google can't pay for this in the future, the org is going to have to find another source of revenue. Perhaps that will be the EU, or foundations, or users. In any of these cases, the org will find it much easier to raise funds if it is standing up for its users – not compromising on their interests.
Community voting for SXSW is live! If you wanna hear RIDA QADRI and me talk about how GIG WORKERS can DISENSHITTIFY their jobs with INTEROPERABILITY, VOTE FOR THIS ONE!
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/08/12/defaults-matter/#make-up-your-mind-already
Image: ICMA Photos (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/icma/3635981474/
CC BY-SA 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/
#pluralistic#choice screens#dma#eu#scholarship#ux#behavioral economics#mozilla#remedies#browsers#mobile#defaults matter#google#doj v google
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