#imagine a world where im not autistic

[starsonmarsy]

.

[itsalwaysdark]

i wish there was a way for me to likeee. semi change this one thingin this one mod. but 1 im not a modder 2 i feel like thats disrespectful. i just want sort of an inbetween between the game and this mod but that is not a thing that exist... sigh

[alicentlesbian]

i keep getting so fucking sad about how tumblr is most likely going to die soon-ish. every other social media sucks ass and having an irl social life is nearly impossible for me (so social media and fandom is important to me) and even if i could find friends everyone in my city is too goddamn normal for me to want to befriend. i dont want to be friends with the boring normal neurotypical people in my city who have no real interests or hobbies i want to be friends with people who are extremely mentally ill and autistic about television

[hazard-c-horror]

spawns in ur inbox with my hands politely folded. hello hazard-c-horror. it's been quite a few days now, and i've only Continued to fall down the dandy's world rabbit hole eihsihssh SO, since you're the only Other Person i know about that's Insane abt D.W *and* SAMS, i would like to throw Thoughts inspired by your SAMS x D.W au I've been having .D.

i was hella inspired by the character sheets you made for moon, eclipse, lunar, and solar, so. take some Thoughts for how sun, earth, and kc would work in the game digsgskqj

(btw- this disclaimer might be a bit silly- but idk if you already have Planned Out Stuff for these characters n their abilities n stuff, and i Apologize if you do- this isnt me trynna like take over your au or smtn, its just me being autistic dgsigaiya that being said, do with these ideas as you will, you have free reign over anything you do w them lmao)

Sun:

OKAY so yk how he can turn ppl into geese n stuff in canon? i feel like his transformation magic could actually be his ability. as a toon, he has the ability to turn either Himself or other toons into an object (like a soda can or chocolate bar) for 5-ish seconds. he could do this to Instantly de-agro any twisted's chasing either him or other toons, and the 5 second break could be just enough time for stamina to rebuild so even if the twisted does still spot the de-transformed toon again, they have more time/stamina to run and hide

THAT BEING SAID. his twisted form would be the exact Opposite of this- he'd be able to mask himself as an item and attack/agro onto any toon who'd try to pick him up. he'd be a lot like twisted rodger, just for items instead of capsules. and ofc there would be things making it obvious that the item wasn't trustworthy- like discoloration or added bits on it. if you have a keen eye, avoiding him is Easy :)

i have like a couple thoughts for his mastery item. first one that came to mind was a Cat Plush, which when equipped it has a “calming effect”, and ups your stealth up by around 10-ish percent, making it harder for twisted's to spot you. but then i also thought “haha Wine Bottle”, which i thought that (when close enough) it could instill the “confused” effect on nearby twisted's, and make it harder for them to see nearby toons. so both items would do the same thing, just go about it in different ways

Earth:

she deffo has an ability like tisha's or shelly's, where it helps out the other players instead of herself. im thinking she's able to heal others for one heart every two minutes. a basic ability, but bro methinks this game needs a healer besides teagen, who can only heal herself dosyohsshs the Easy way to go about it is that she can just.. go up to (aka Click) on another player to heal them, but she could also just have a “medical bag” on hand where she whips hella bandages out the wazoo and gives them to whoever needs em dishiaha

okay as a twisted this girl gives me MAD razzle and dazzle vibes in how she functions. but instead of sleeping, i can imagine her constantly Crying and remaining in one smalllll specific area, patrolling it, almost. she can be led away by Distractors (goob, pebble, ect), but once they've de-agroed her, she'll start slowly walking back to her patrol spot. the best way to deal with her is to have someone else agro her and lead her around while You fix the machine she's working on, or vice versa :) but you Can still beat her on a solo run, bc she has rather slow walk-speed when getting back to her patrol spot where you could beat her back to it after leading her away. it'd just be a Lot easier w multiple people digdihsah

and her item?? first thing that came to mind is a barbie doll. or just a “pink girl doll” bc. copyright sigsiszvah it would be an Active item (like the wrench or bottle of pop), where at the start of every round, she could place it down somewhere, and it makes noise, which leads the nearest twisted right to it. ofc we dont want it Too op, so once a twisted makes contact with it, its destroyed and returns back in earths inventory, ready to be used next round .D.

Killcode:

kc is a Complex one- i think this guy would have slow walk speed, but a fast run speed. so i think he'd be a good “distraction” character, like goob or pebble. HOWEVER. i think it'd be sick as *hell* if his ability, using his size, literally made it so that he could momentarily Pick Up Other Toons and carry them away from any twisted's chasing them. he'd prolly only be able to do so for 3-ish seconds, but it could be a saving grace for anyone out of stamina being chased .D.

now. as a Twisted. this👏man👏deserves👏lethal👏status👏 his name is LITERALLY KILLCODE i refuse to believe he cant one-shot a bitch sisgiaga due to him literally being a Being made to perfectly hunt/kill, i think how twisted kc would act is that he'd spawn in at the start of a new floor, a Sound Queue would play so that toons know he's on the floor. and now he's just.. somewhere. hiding. *waiting*. hes normally spawned behind corners or nearby machines, where its either easy to run into him or hard to avoid him. hes not Impossible to beat tho- i imagine he emimates a very quiet sound byte, so hes still avoidable on blackout floors, even if he's not visible. and that byte also helps on just normal floors too ofc. best way to deal with him is to listen to his sound queues and *be very aware of your surroundings*. cause if he spots someone, he is *hard* to lose, and hes lethal if he gets ya. once freed from his waiting spot, he's not going back to it. instead, he'll be moving around the map like a faster, but also Louder, dandy. Scary!!

aaand his item. i came up with a “soup ladel”. cause. heh. yk, because he volunteered in soup kitchens in canon? .D.? i think im Funny siosgiaa what it'd do is up the spawn rate of better Food/Drink items on every floor. think instead of soda cans spawning on floor 1, there's a higher/better chance for soda bottles to spawn instead .D.

. this is over 1K WORDS LONG OF AN ASK hazard im so sorry, im Unwell sigihgaisg okay now i go eep for tonight good nini honk shoo honk shoo

Why hello there. Longest inbox I’ve ever received

I love this a lot actually, and thank you for some ideas! Love the trinket ideas especially, will probably use them

I’m just be reading over this like 12 times, because I just love it

It’s also funny bc I had the same idea about Earths ability, so that’s nice. Great minds think alike

I don’t know if I’ll be incorporating Sun’s magic into this, but I did include Eclipse’s so I may use your idea. Bc I also don’t have any ideas for him at the moment

One unfortunate. KC will not be in this au, but I could make a non canon character sheet for him a Solar flare if people wish. Really like your ideas for him!

The soup ladle is my favorite for a trinket lol

In return of theses amazing ideas, I give you a sneak peek

[kittiesjournal]

Autism and Feeling Perpetually Younger

Perpetually; forever, and never changing.

I have shared before the experience of many autistic people, in being perceived as childish and being infantilised. This occurs for many reasons; our mannerisms, our special interests and the stigmas around autism and disability. There are traits I have that may strike me as more childish to other people, and I have tried, in the past, to mask this. However, I just ended up feeling nothing like myself. It wasn’t just others who could possibly see me as childish; I saw myself that way.

Growing up and becoming an adult has expectations. You look around and see your peers meet these expectations, appearing flawless in their transformation to adulthood. The internal pressure I placed upon myself to be just as flawless as others didn’t seem to matter. I was stuck feeling constantly younger than those around me. I think about what other people around my age are able to do, the way they act and how they exist in this world. And I can never imagine myself doing the same because it feels like imagining a 12 year old in an environment where they don’t belong, standing among 20 year olds who don’t have to try as hard. It causes a heavy shame under my skin. I should be able to see myself as an adult but here I am never having had a job, needing comfort plushies to leave the house, having special interests in children's shows and books. When I look in the mirror I feel as though I still see the 15 year old me staring back, like I haven't changed for 5 years.

In accepting this is how I feel, I must also hold myself accountable, for the fact that my experiences and my existence makes me no less of an adult, along with other people who feel the same as me. Even if I still feel perpetually younger than my peers, I have grown in many ways. In finding out im autistic and coming to accept that, in finishing highschool and transitioning into university, and even moving out to live with my partner. I can find joy in expressing my “childishness” and it's important to be authentic in who I am which includes not putting pressure on myself to be like my peers. And, this doesn’t mean others are allowed to infantilize me or others like me. We each have different accomplishments, that won't look the same between neurotypicals and neurodivergent people, that won’t even look the same between two autistic people and so on. 

No matter if I don't feel like an adult; I am one,

and we are all doing our best as we grow up.

Thank you for reading !! Bye!!

[howlsofbloodhounds]

How do you think Delta/Beta and Epic learned about Color's abandonment trauma? Or his trauma from the VOID and his AU?

Considering I like to HC that Delta and Color became roommates really not long after Color managed to escape the Void, I think the signs of something having happened were honestly very obvious. Id imagine Color wasn’t exactly the most physically healthy or clean or decent smelling guy, due to the lack of water/ability to clean himself and nothing to eat in the Void.

We don’t know how long Color spent in Othertale’s Void, but if it was long enough, he could’ve likely needed support to be able to gather enough strength in his bones to even walk, let alone long distances. The Judgement Hall in the Void wasn’t very spacious.

Considering he likely had to sleep on the floor, he may have back problems—and probably struggled to adapt to sleeping on a bed (too soft), sleeping with pillows or a blanket, sleeping in the dark and sleeping alone.

I wouldn’t be suprised if Color often woke up panicking in the first few weeks, possibly even avoided sleeping all together. Or maybe he overcompensated by oversleeping, considering that was likely the only thing he could really do in the Void. Id imagine it eventually became a situation where to get any comfortable sleep at all, Delta eventually offered Color to sleep in the bed with him or just in his room.

Overstimulation (Autistic + having dealt with prolonged isolation + basically sensory deprivation), constant fatigue, probably having to relearn and adapt to his impaired depth perception—constantly bumping into things or spilling drinks and food all over himself. He probably displayed disordered eating patterns for awhile there, either overeating or simply just not eating enough (perhaps having to readjust to the idea that food is available now.)

He might find himself struggling to adapt to Gaster not being there, and Delta’s presence—there may be days where he struggles to truly believe that he’s out and that other people can see him and are aware that he exists. He may have even developed a habit of talking to himself out loud in the Void, self soothing techniques, and he may even be able to do things like play games that were intended for 2 or more people by himself just to pass his boredom.

Color hates being alone, and sure he had Gaster, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t used to being alone. There’s only so much Gaster could’ve done—I’m sure Color has learned ways to manage his symptoms, boredom, complete and utter loneliness on his own.

He’s likely figured out ways to soothe himself, maybe even engage in his own positive or affirmative self talk, simply because im sure there was a lot of times Color either didn’t want Gaster’s help or couldn’t stand Gaster’s help without things getting worse for him.

There may even be times where Color just falls mute for whatever reason (compared to his normal excessive yapping he might’ve engaged in just to fill the silence), and just take to silently standing nearby or following Delta around. Because he doesn’t want to be alone.

All is to say, im sure Delta notices immediately that Color isn’t doing very well and seems to have lost social skills. Is behaving both like he hasn’t been around people or the outside world in a very, very, long time—and like a traumatized person. The issues with food, shower, water—seem to suggest having been unable to have access to such things for quite awhile—especially if Color struggles to remember doing so.

I’m sure spacing out and dissociating was often a problem in the early days—like in the Othertale short where Color was just staring dead eyed out into space before Core Frisk showed up.

I’m sure Delta notices all this and more and speculates on everything, putting pieces together, but probably doesn’t ask for direct confirmation—just focuses on trying to help Color adjust back to the actual world. If Delta ever does learn, it’s likely because Color just tells him. When he’s ready.

[thatdeadaquarius]

About language brainrot. Imagine writer creator reader who finally learns how to write in Teyvat's weird symbols and they want to publish their book. They decided to do it anonymously to avoid the "aaaaaah our creator wrote the holy scripture" sort of situation. Except it didn't work. The reader's style is too different from the rest of the world, so even if they tried to simulate the flowery speech it wasn't effective.

Another thing. Reader who decided to read some local books to practice their reading. They asked for something simple and similar to their speech. But the only books merely similar to it are 2000 and more years old. It's funny how the older text is the more you can understand it. On this note. If reader write something i feel like it would be hard to understand for Teyvat's people.

Imagine a reader who is autistic or has any other NDs imparing their communication skills. They practically trained themselves to say sertain phrases in sertain situation. But it doesn't work in Teyvat. And everything just stacks at each other. Difference in speech, being a God (so people react weirdly to you), bad communication skills, not understanding nonverbal cues and so on. There's gonna be a lot of misunderstanding. I imagine how followers would walk on the eggshells not to upset and angry their God and reader who does the same not to say something people will get wrong. Again.

Reader who regained all their memories of creating Teyvat, they're super powerful and stuff. But they still struggle with the modern language. Because all the memories are like millions years old.

✨️NEXYLAZA UR SO FUCKING SMART AND CREATIVE✨️ UR BRAIN>>>>>> EVERYTHING

GIF Akashi (black hair) is all the people who read the Sagau/Isekai Genshin tag and Bokuto (silver) is STILL ME RANTING ABOUT LANGUAGE IN TEYVAT LMAO

They cant escape me, sorry people who just wanted to read SAGAU normal things, im filling up the tag💀

I HAD OTHER ASKS BEFORE THIS ONE AND AS I GOT THRU EM I WAS "OMMGGGG WE'RE GETTIN CLOSER TO NEXY'SSSS ASSSKKKK EEEEEEE"

YOU ARE A GODDAMN GENIUS

DHALALWKDHDHS

ME ABOUT THIS ASK:

(^ lol biblically accurate deadaquarius)

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGINNNN

BRAINROTTING OVER UR ENTIRE ASK!!

♡

Also, its getting kinda old now, so here is the blunt language v. Teyvat's flowery language post for reference! :)

Hhhhhhhhhhh

IF U WRITE STUFF

AND UR IN WORDY TEYVAT LAND

AINT NO WAY,👏

U COULD EVEN, 👏👏

GET CLOSE👏👏👏

TO THESE BITCHES SPEECH👏👏👏👏

◇

Like,, imagine right now if i told you to write me 4 pages of an essay in entirely early 18th century vernacular.

(For reference: when the story Pride & Prejudice takes place)

... like??

Bitch aint no way u can do that and actually show that to a historian or an actual living person from that time period

and them actually say "wow! An excellently worded 18th century essay!"

💀.

◇

So tying into that whole, "the only simple texts are like literal cunnieform clay tablets or sm shit"

Your writing to them just sounds like if a scribe just copied off what one of those tablets said just onto paper HAHA

And like, if u try and dress it up, it just ends up sounding like its from a slightly later time period

Like if ur casual writing sounds like 1 million years ago, u being flowery sounds like 8-7 thousand years ago u cant win LMAO

◇

Omg ur trying to go to that-

wait whats it called,,fuck i dont know Sumeru good enough yet

The.. HOUSE OF DAENA GOT IT

Yeah so ur thinking "Oh what better way to learn a dialect?/vernacular than reading books by them!"

And u basically snatch Alhaitham at the soonest possible chance to take you there

(Bc when i went in, it was just random lore books everywhere so)

Needless to say you have no clue how this place is organized, so u convince him to direct you to books u can easily read first

Like as close to your speech as possible!! U tell him :)

.

..

...lol

It literally takes like 3 hours to get something readable LMAO

Bc when the poor feeble scribe initially brought you smth he thought was pretty old and close to ur speech, like just first thought,

... It sounded like it was from the middle of the 18th century to you lol

So, with a "hmm" and a squint at the dusty book you'd already given up on

Alhaitham slowly went around the library making a stack of books, dropped them off in front of you... not a single sentence.

...then he made a stack of scrolls...

..nope..

...a stack of stone tablets...

.....getting closer?? it was really weird seeing Shakespearean language carved into stone....

...and then, with a conversation to a second library secretary deeper in the library, past a caged area of shelves to protect them...

...he escorts you behind the restricted section towards the back filled with glass display cases.

(Several of which contain the most ancient looking sets of artifacts you've ever seen)

...Finally, u arrive at a long glass case of several clay tablets.

Half of which sound like they're from the 1910s-20s, and the other, even older half, sounding straight out of the 2000s..

..

....

......

...Good god.

(Good..you??)

These crazy speaking bastard-previously-video-game-characters were right.

...

You are suddenly, viscerally hit with the image of Zhongli's idle, "Osmanthus wine tastes the same as I remember, but where are those who share the memory?" 💀

◇

Alhaitham side eyes you,, (he looks,, very interested, yet also kinda concerned??? HIM, CONCERNED????!!!)

"Ahem, the texts before thy Greatest Lord art the eldest- well, perhaps, more appropriately, the eldest and most intact, pieces of written language known to our humankind."

...

....aYOO MAN 😭😭

...Ur just staring at these half cracked, baked clay tablet thingys, full of slang from like 2003-

Alhaitham coughs.

"Uh, thanks. ...Sorry about all the.. trouble with this..."

BRO HOW OLD DOES HE THINK U ARE NOW-

"This task assigned to mine own person was of no trouble to my mind or spirit, Greatest Lord, fret not about it any longer."

And with a sort of shell-shocked atmosphere surrounding both of you, Alhaitham walks off to check out some other restricted books, hovering nearby yet also trying to give u space LOL

Top 10 cursed images: Seeing "Chillax, bro, dude, and weeb" carved into ancient clay tablets that look like they would be part of the Egyptian exhibit back in ur world 💀

◇

You eventually just kind of end up writing a couple pages after studying the writings, going younger and younger (nothing has ever made u feel more powerful...yet also more old..)

You stretch, just as Alhaitham finally has made his own little stack of creaky old books

He seems very curious to read what u wrote, peaking a glance over the top of his book every so often (lol nerd, cute nerd... but NERDDD)

You just offer the academic lunatic what he wants 🙄

"Haha, wanna take a look? Some drafts are... closer than others..."

The scribe immediately puts his book down, not even saving his page,

"I would be honored, Greatest Lord."

Is he excited?? 💀 omfg

U very slowly hand ur most recent practice pages over, he curls his hand under his chin "hmm" ing

...Alhaitham shakes his head

"My..deepest apologizes My Creator, but this still seems, at the earliest, from when papyrus was invented, and not yet even into scrolls..."

OK BUT ALHAITHAM WOULD GENUINELY GIVE NO FUCKS ABT CRITIQING YOU, HE MAY BE MORE POLITE ABT IT BUT EVEN IF U DID MAKE THE WORLD HES GOING FOR IT

KAVEH HAS A HEART ATTACK BC HIS ROOMMATE GOT ONTO GOD LMAO

U let ur head plop on ur pile of papers, srry babe youll never be as fancy as Mr. Darcy 😕

And as ur resting there, contemplating just walking out and finding smth to eat instead- same

Alhaitham picks up another draft.

Except it's your first attempt.

As in, you didn't even try, first attempt.

You just made some bullet point notes or some Bs, in ur regular. modern. language.

Alhaitham knocks his chair over standing up so fast-

(HE GETS SHUSHED BY THE RESTRICTED LIBRARIAN LOL, also another person unafraid to scold God lol)

...he says its a perfect example of the oldest records they've found of writing on the continent, most of which they haven't even translated yet

He asks u to teach him how to read this/speak like this lol

♧

(^^^not my best work but hope yall got smth outta it💀)

I WAS LITERALLY GONNA MAKE A WHOLE POST ON THE NEURODIVERGENT EXPERIENCE OF BEING A GOD IN TEYVAT

ESPECIALLY OF THE LANGUAGE BARRIER VARIETY!!!

THERES JUST

ACK

aCK HDHAKD

SO MUCH

TO SAY

!!!

AHHHHH

OK BUT LIKE

IF WE ACTUALLY TOOK THIS TO THE EXTREME IM IMPLYING IT WOULD BE

LIKE TEYVAT SPEAKS SEVERAL DECADES BEHIND U- MAYBE EVEN ACTUALLY

CLOSE TO PRIDE AND PREJUDICE TIMES SPEECH

THEY WOULD LITERALLY BARELY COMPHREHEND YOU

IMAGINE TRYING TO TALK TO MR. DARCY 😭

THATS LITERALLY ALL OF TEYVAT

JUST

???¿¿?????!!! <- THEM ALL THE TIME

ESP IF UR NEURODIVERGENT

I THINK IT WOULD BE EVEN MORE PROOF FOR THEM TO THINK UR GOD

BC UR BEHAVIOR WOULD BE "OFF" TO THEIR NEUROTYPICAL ASSES,

YOUR FACIAL EXPRESSIONS,

LIKE UR MASKING MAYBE BUT

U CANT KEEP THAT SHIT UP ALL THE TIME-

ESP IN CRAZY ISEKAI CIRCUMSTANCES

AND LIKE-

(ok ill tone it down before i also get shushed)

U used to be a player!!

Which would maybe mean u got rlly comfy playing Genshin all the time!

...like i know im kinda stimming when im gaming (and my natural stim is rocking so yeah no way they wouldnt notice that 💀)

So, since u may be still yknow unconsciously wanting to be comfy (esp around ur mains/team/favs)

U probably have stimmed a little around them, which, not that neurotypicals dont stim, but like

They would notice after awhile

And esp people like Alhaitham, Zhongli, Ningguang, Xiao, Ei, Aether/Lumine, Kaeya, Diluc, Kazuha, Heizou, Shenhe, Kokomi, Sara, Albedo, Dainsleif- !! GASP- !! <- my bbygirl omg i forgot abt u before now im so sorry </3

(once again i have not checked a character list, forgive my sins my readers)

^^^ Are like pretty focused on you/observant, so they'd eventually pick up on it first probably

..

...

....which allsssooo means they're like, collecting all ur neurodivergent thingys lol to compile as EVIDENCE AGAINST YOU AS TO WHY THEY KNOW UR THE CREATOR LMAO

◇

Honestly the biggest factor against u is definitely social interaction,, srry love :/

(if it helps, its bc i know itd be my downfall too thats why thats there ^ 😔)

Mostly bc i have this idea/theory? obervation? that when I especially met Adepti for the first time

Esp ones that werent as close to human society for as long as some others (like think Xiao vs. Ganyu)

And for literally every other non-human people we've met so far in Genshin-

They kinda- they kinda, radiate neurodivergent energy??

Like, they're not adherring to social norms, and not in like a bad way,

But its still rlly obvious (i mean also its probably exaggerated for us as an audience) that theyre not human pretty quickly

coughzhonglicough

COUGHVENTICOUGH-

oh geez wow excuse me, cold weather must be gettin to me- ahem hem-

Anyway, like what Nexy said in the ask,

...

...Yall are all just tiptoing around each other 😭😭

Bc these ppl arent from Earth countries,

All their behavior is weird to you 😭

U dont know how to mask with them yet 😭😭

THE UNBELIEVABLE AMOUNT OF MISCOMMUNICATION THAT HAPPENS ALREADY WHEN UR NEUROSPICY VS. NEUROBLAND PPL

IS LIKE, ALMOST WORSE??

Bc they cant even understand ur phrasing bc its so simple 😭😭😭

◇

Tldr: "Being Neurodivergent means ur a god, confirmed." - says all of Teyvat's denizens

◇

NEXYLAZA.

MY BELOVED.

I AM IN LOVE WITH UR BRAIN.

IF I COULD GIVE IT A HUG I WOULD🫂✨️👏👏👏👏

BC I WAS ALREADY LIKE IN THE BACK OF MY MIND LIKE-

*rubs my little rat gremlin hands together*

"hmHmHMMMM BuT wHaT iF mAYbE yOU reMeMbeREd cReATinG TeyVAT, hmHMHMMMMM"

AND FOR VERBALIZING IT WITHIN BLUNT LANGUAGE AU- !!!!!!!

(one of my favs, if u cant tell)

I would (platonically) kiss you right now dude.

Instead I give this:

♡ ily

And also, I AM GOING TO MAKE A WHOLE POST ABOUT THIS-

MAYBE EVEN A FANFIC, OR ONE SHOT AHDHAKFHSKLAAL-

UNTIL NEXT TIME MY BELOVED PARTNER IN CRIME <333

PSPSPSPSsppspspspssss Last Time! CLOSES TOMORROW @1pm CST: VOTE on my 100+ followers celebration POLL :)

Tell me what u wanna see me write about! PSPSPSPSpspspspssss

(U can vote even if ur new! :] )

THANK YOU FOR SUBMITTING THIS ASK

THIS IS A TREASURE OF MINE NOW

GONNA HIDE IT IN MY LITTLE CAVE OF SCREENSHOTTED SAGAU POSTS <333 hehehehehehehehehehe

THIS IS LIKE PT2 TO MY ORIGINAL LANGUAGE POST AHHHHH

NEXY BIG BRAIN ILYSM <3

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza lol ur own ask im a menace sorry

[candiid-caniine]

im sorry this is a silly question, but what does it mean to be clicker trained? i haven’t been able to find a good answer but it seems hot (although i think everything’s hot tbh)

okie so pls prepare for autistic infodumping on psych and hypnokink below/

so. clicker training is often used for dogs and sometimes cats; basically, you're clicking the clicker every time you give them a treat. eventually, the animal becomes conditioned to associate the clicker with the dopamine rush of being rewarded! that's how it's used on animals. but the overarching concept is (afaik) a form of Pavlovian conditioning.

Pavlov (at least partly) got famous for an experiment where he conditioned dogs to associate the sound of a bell with getting food. eventually, anytime they heard the bell, they started to salivate.

why am i talking about animals? that's weird right? well the truth is that humans work basically the same (tho ofc our minds are more complex): over time, we are trained to associate certain stimuli with certain things. if you listen to the same song every time you go to sleep, eventually that song will always make you sleepy; our brains love repetition. it makes things predictable and orderly, giving us clear signals that help us navigate the world.

now...obviously...conditioning also has its applications to kink ;)

im a simple creature: im *stupidly* easy to condition, esp if i'm being intentional about it. most of the time it happens accidentally tho. here are some examples in my life:

i'm so conditioned to associate a collar with subspace that even touching my neck gets me wet. having the side of my neck sucked on immediately makes me go limp. when i noticed it happening passively, i vocalized it, strengthening the connection by intentionally "noticing" it every time it happened. it has only gotten stronger with time >.>

i also ended up accidentally being able to cum on command. once (i repeat: once) i was super worked up in between changing positions and i blurted out, "if you told me to cum right now i think i could" and owner said "cum for me" and...just like that, i fkn cum on command now. it's been that way for 4-ish years.

now...conditioning, esp when it's accidental, is an inexact science lol. i started getting more into denial. that fact, combined with the fact that i cum on command, eventually turned into *only* cumming on command. this was mostly coincidental: when owner and i moved in together, the only times i'd ever cum were when they were home, usually having sex/playing with me, and would command me. my brain turned that into an inability to cum *without* command. again, once i noticed it, i vocalized it, got intentional about recognizing it mentally, and it has only strengthened over time.

now: clicker training. theoretically, any effect you want (within reason) can be conditioned with enough consistent training. you could clicker train a person to feel sleepy at the sound of the clicker by using it when they're going to sleep. you could tie it to basically anything that isn't too complex, probably.

in my case, the goal is for me to hit the edge every time the clicker's pressed, so i've been clicking the clicker every time i hit the edge.

theory: eventually, my body will be so conditioned to think "click = edge" that i won't need to be touching when it happens.

theory: to really make this stronger, i need to get close to the edge, then use the clicker to get "there." stepping back further and further from the edge until, even if i'm idle, not turned on, or doing something else, clicker = edge, instantly.

here are the effects so far:

i'm not at the point where click = edge when i'm idle, yet, but the clicker does = a powerful clench of my cunt lmao...body's still getting on board.

*imagining* the clicker sound also prompts this effect, but a little less strong. HOWEVER...

suddenly, mysteriously, if i imagine and concentrate really hard on the way my body feels at the edge, i edge mentally.

this takes some concentration. curiously, it also makes me feel like i'm about to squirt; don't know what that's about.

why is this happening? because conditioning a human being is an inexact science. it's messy; the brain is very involved. so, in theory:

because i concentrate intentionally on the idea that click = edge, every time i edge and use the clicker, i'm also concentrating on my body.

concentrating on the feeling as i get closer to the edge. thinking, intentionally, "this is how i'll feel whenever i click this button."

so consequently, in the background, my body/brain is learning that "concentrate on how edging feels = you're edging now, fucko."

in conclusion: ymmv. my theory is that this kind of conscious conditioning method would be less messy and more precise if used with well-practiced, methodical, and specific hypnotism to strengthen and simplify the connections...but for the moment, i'm enjoying the chaos. i do like feeling powerless lol.

[variousqueerthings]

smth I've been thinking about in terms of my reads of fraser in relation to the word "love"

so obviously im obsessed with "you must remember this" an episode all about falling in love with a title based on one of the most famous love stories in cinema (not only about that ofc) containing a scene where fraser -- who is more supporting in this episode as ray is the one actually In Love -- looks for cues on what love ought to feel like. How do you know you're in love? he asks

part of this is that the closest he's ever felt to another person is a woman he nearly died with who also probably definitely tried to manipulate him into not giving her up to the authorities, and he's wondering if he's in love with her, maybe fearing the idea of it considering she's anathema to everything he stands for + he feels like he fundamentally betrayed her by giving her up

that's another thought for another day, but does sort of connect to this in the sense that he's not really grown up with or experienced emotions that he would be sure can be classified as "being in love."

the things ive been thinking about the are... would fraser say he loved someone? as in, "i love you." whether it be platonic or romantic or just one of those things people say offhand...

and i really do struggle to See it. this is somewhat different to my most favourite headcanon that he's also loveless, this is just exploring the (potential lack of) vocabulary that he has to express his emotions with, and the access to understanding those emotions in the first place (there's an aside to this that i also don't think he'd be very able to vocalise what he does or doesn't like in kinky and/or sexual scenarios, but that's a whole other ball of twine to unravel)

on the one hand fraser is very very well-read and he's hinted at having watched at least a few classics (i like to imagine he's something of a classic film buff although he may also just have five or so movies he's watched on repeat), but the way he engages with language carries so many hallmarks of scripting i genuinely wonder what intentions they could've had other than him being neurodivergent (probably autistic). he's nigh-unfailingly polite in a way that's reminiscent of a storybook hero come to life more than "just" that politeness is a... polite thing to be, he stammers and loses words if there's interpersonal conflict (or the threat of such) he struggles with slang and sayings (i haven't gone too far into this, but i wonder if there's an analysis that looks at when he does know these and whether that could connect to the kinds of books he's read and people he grew up with, eg. his grandparents... but yeah, another day EDIT: I just rewatched the Pilot and he definitely knows "kettle of fish" but that could also be something from pilot!fraser that doesnt make it into the show-proper) and he can't easily adapt to various speech mannerisms, although by end s2 he does a very good ray impression, but that, again, is scripting based on close study.

He Basically Always Sounds A Bit Out Of Place (in fact his speech mannerisms uh... are very similar to mine. outside of the accent) because his way of engaging with the world is to learn about it from a book or a movie and to mimic it back

BUT LOVE. TO GO BACK TO LOVE!

what is love? many a book and film and essay and scientific analysis has been put out there in the world about the subject and i imagine based on some of his lines (about hamsters and the french and north by northwest i believe it was) that fraser has paid attention to many of them in an effort to figure it out and come up pretty empty

the idea that, fundamentally, love is kind of what you make of it is not a very useful conclusion to someone who needs to understand how things work in order to put them into practise -- fraser has a lot of book-knowledge and he has intuition based around things like survival and reading people in a particular kind of way, but he has no way of putting the vagueness of love-in-fiction-and-science into practice -- there's nothing concrete to point to, other than "this one time i almost died with this woman and i hear her voice still and hallucinate snow falling when i think about her and i feel guilty about what i did and now she's making me make promises that will allow her to use me however she wants and i want forgiveness and answers so badly that i'll do it"

it's not a word that i can imagine exists in his lexicon really, especially post-victoria, because the word itself cannot be connected easily to a precise feeling or action and its only point of reference is a woman who severely fucked with his head

but what does exist for him is said action. would he say "i love you"? i don't know. would he do more for ray than i think ray realises? yes absolutely. same, i think, goes for meg (who has her own "this woman reads to me as autistic" stuff going on). probably in later seasons same goes for the second ray -- things that go beyond his code of being to protect people as a general mandate and specify that these people are different to him

is that love? idk, you tell me, im as clueless as i read him as

but to say "i love you" i think he'd first have to feel like he understood it in some way, and that would be a difficult process. it would at the very least need coaxing. teaching. giving him a sense that he knows what exactly he's emotionally responding to

idk. some kinda fic called "what is love (baby dont hurt me)" would be fun

[boba-t-butch]

happy pride! this is my second summer without tits, third on testosterone. sometimes the enormity of the international, intergenerational, interconnected, intersecting systems of privilege, power, marginalization, and oppression that shape who i am feels overwhelming and incomprehensible. gender-affirming care saves lives, as in i was unable to do the work of figuring out who i want to be until i could exist in a body that felt like my own. gender-affirming care saves lives as in i could not imagine a way to continue forward in the body i was in.

i grew up in a world that fundamentally failed queer kids like me, where the main comfort organizations could offer was the idea that "it gets better". i've spent most of my life dissociated, a messy combination of gender and neurodiversity and cPTSD, trying to make it to the "better". and now i'm here! in adulthood, learning to feel my feelings, trying to imagine a way forward. and it's still hard and it still sucks and sometimes i want to throw up hands up say this is it!? "it gets better" and this is all there is?

i believe all people should have access to the care that i've been lucky enough to access. i recognize it's an enormous privilege that i'm able to exist comfortably as myself now, but it really shouldn't be. it's so frustrating how obvious it feels that things don't need to be this way. but im also realizing that guilt and shame and self-flagellation won't actually contribute to the systemic change necessary to extend this privilege to more people.

i am committed to building towards a world where self-determination isn't a privilege at all but the baseline. and im still learning how to do that work in a way that's sustainable and realistic.

for today, i'll let myself take pride and joy and comfort in asserting. i am queer. and i am still here.

(she/they butch lesbian)

1. selfie, moss is outside with greenery in the background. they're wearing a black tank top that says stonewall in white font. she has long wavy black hair, an undercut, and faintly visible facial hair

2. selfie, moss is wearing denim overalls and her top surgery scars are visible.

3. mirror selfie in a dirty round pink mirror. moss is wearing jeans and a brown leather bulldog chest harness, visible top surgery scars and body hair. moss is also wearing over the ear headphones and is holding a blue journal. calico cat naomi is sitting on the corner of their bed. her room has strong autistic vibes, including a stuffed dragon on a shelf and posters of garnet from steven universe, superknova the korean trans girl musician, and ones that read "mutual aid is the future", "queer til death", and "rest is productive".

[stitchwraith-stingers]

I would like to hear a FOP (or ANW) headcanon for any of your favorite female characters. Smiles

I WAS ABOUT TO GO TO BED.................. HNGHGNGGHNGHNGHNG UNLEASHES A PACK OF DOGS ON YOU (LOVENGLY)

trixie tang

her family is kinda confusing??? shes adopted, but then her father remarried so her step brothers are chad n tad but then he got divorced AGAIN and kept the twins custody

her father also implanted the idea of "everyone should give you attention because umm money i guess" whomp whomp

i imagine if she got out of her shell more and was like, ur typical kid shed be kinda snarky n cheeky.... elbowing u and jokenly insulting you type of deal

the zone outer... shes just like me where after 20 min of class shed just spontaiously start to not pay attention and forget... idk how to explain it like when everything just feels so light that thing

by the time middle school rolled around she started to slightly blend in more w the crowd cuz no one rlly cared much for the idea of popular kids that much, started to rebel against her father while doing that (intentionally picking less fashionable clothing when going outside by herself etc)

she still likes fashion though, its just a VERY minor interest

probably has a obscure webcomic with a patreon chloe carmicheal

she gives me horse girl vibes, if you show her mlp she will completely loose her shit

the lonley-er....... ppl found her kinda werid cuz of the fact she stayed at the top of her classes and so they just kinda speak to her weridly (<- projecting cuz this is somewhat happening to me idk whats their problem either)

has a horrible habit of impulse buying random nicknacks if let loose cuz she hasnt rlly thought about it

probably becomes rlly close friends w kevin!!!!! aj and chester look at her from afar like small ktitens being introducted to a whole home and looking all puffed up, sanjay and elmer are indifferent lmao

im going to be so honest chef she is probably going down a rlly happy jolly girl -> completely deranged and lost it if shes still staying w her helicopter parents

chronic liar for useless information, she can already do anything (litterly) so its like, why not, but also because if she shows she fucked up its like the world is ending next tuesday

probably watches a bunch of random movies

hazel wells

slaps roof of car this kid could hold so much anxiety and stress inside her

she has SLEEP PROBLEMS!!!! and probably has alot of nightmares... TERRIFYING!!!!

she just happens to know how to play the drums

she HATES strong smells, and is extremely sensitive to onion

hates eye contact..... dont stare at her like that

her main stim is rocking back and fourth, she could be doing is mindlessly in class and the kid in the back would constantly tell her to stop doing that, shes trying to stop doing it buttt its not working out too well for her

she also really likes those tangle stim toys....

i went more indepth abt her autistic traits here

the crane wives liker

therian!!!!!!! jackalope!!!!!!!!!

transgirl, her fathers a transman... twinning

idk where to put this but arospec lesbian cuz im also one yay

she can barely cook on her own, like yeah fries and noodles are just fine but pancakes and bacon are notttt going to go well

she has the most bizzare turn of hyperfixations, and its mostly of things ppl dont tihnk about, like one day she could wake up and go "hm yknow i saw a really cool chair the other day at walmart" and completely spiral

she NEEDS to let her emotions out!!!!! she bottles them up like she could be so pissed at someone and still just smile at them and go yep bye untill a certain point, she should punch a wall and scream i think, i would let her

she lived next to a mine back in the day and antony just showed her around n it all went downhill from there

yk the way ppl would bully autistic kids before they knew it like they went in such a specific way, that thing happened to her so she didnt really have friends, she and jasmine just clicked and were like "huh werid that never happened before" neurodivergent to neurodivergent communication

jasmine tran

i have a whole post for this thing so

INATTENTIVE ADHD!!!!! UNDIAGNOSED!!!!!!!EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION AND REJECTION SENSITIVE DYSPHORIA AND ATTENTION SPAN HELL

i also have the same thing going on so ik this is ooc but shes always slightly insecure abt showing what she likes, but she still does it anyway so its like an oxymoron...... if that makes sense

she also has just rlly bad memory in general, like the planets of the solar system, dont get her started on math

stays up wayy late at night so occasonally you will see her sleep in class

LOVES EYECONTACT!!!!!!!!!! SHE CANT SMILE WELL BUT SHE WILL DO IT ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT IF U TELL HER SHES SCARY SHE IS GOING TO HIDE IN HER ROOM FOR THE NEXT 6 DAYS

grew up with a family who loved to playfully make fun of eachother often but she just couldnt tell

was THIS close to being assigned a fairy untill fearless which was like the catalyst on why shed have one and then they dropped her case, however life can be dream and i still gave her one anyway

BITER! BITER! BITER! so much chewlery, and shes so used to this that when her grandma packed her lunches with metal cutlery instead she STILL has bitten the handle expencting it to be wooden but ends up shocking her teeth in the end, she also does it out of stress but thats not as common anymore

also has pica but i already made an indepth post abt it replying to you so

popular on pinterest, makes moodboard requests on tumblr

xenofiction liker, rip jasmine u wouldve loved selling neon wolf adopts for 10 points on deviantart

on that note, i know damn well she'd have the warrior cats art style, thats her one thing like the moment winn recognised the characters she turned tothem with a stone sfx you know the one, her fave characters r sorreltail n mothwing btw if u even care, she has secrelty made every kid at school she knows a character based off them in a story shes brainstorming

angela wells

had a godparent read my lore boy

had SUCH a hard time with depression and anxiety during her early kid years, she was such a wreck, and got better as she got into teenhood dw (unless you count the time she got postpartum depression)

also had codependancy problems regarding godparent mentioned above, hazel gets those from her whoops

is def ace but it hasnt rlly set in for her yet yk, like she knows abt how different she feels but shes just like meh whatever . shes 45

didnt have a bad relationship w her family, just didnt like to share her feelings w her family, which is what shes trying to not do

i think this was specified in canon? but she does notttt really know how kids work psychologically speaking... she read psychology books for older people when she was strating to recover slowly and bc she was like 13 she was like wow im so mature with how im handling this and might be accidently handling hazel the same treatment, but also bc she didnt rlly go in the field of specifically childrens psychology, she doesnt do it out of malicious intent it could just probably backfire on you in 5 years if that makes sense

probably also autistic . looks away

[funkle420]

i love how so much of the stuff in delicious in dungeon that's not central to the main plot is left up to the reader/viewer's interpretations. it leaves a lot of space for fans to imagine what else happens outside of the plot, especially with how good the world building is. a sentiment ive seen more than a few times is that any character in dungeon meshi can be shipped with almost any other character, and because of how it ends you can even imagine characters who didn't interact much or at all eventually becoming friends and/or lovers, and there's so many ways for fans to imagine what else happens in this world after the story ends. there's little bits of interaction between characters that could easily be interpreted one way or another, but there's no malicious baiting or anything that's intentionally implied without being explicit.

That said, it is a little sad that there's no canon romance between Falin and Marcille, as far as I can tell, cause this type of thing happens so often in stories, where two characters of the same gender have romantic vibes but the writer didn't have the slightest intention of it being romantic. Also a little sad that, as far as I can tell, she didn't intend for Laios to be autistic either...

(to be clear, im NOT mad at ryoko kui here! this is JUST me being sad about the lack of good, intentional representation for queer and autistic people in media and how that conflicts with my appreciation for Kui's writing)

[freehounyaoi]

HALF LIFE VRAI (+gorgeous & og gordon) HEADCANONS IF YOU EVEN CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BENREY WOOO

during. the end, he had 2 extra eyes, one above his left eye one below his right eye, now he has scars where they laid, they’re faint but he. is autistic im sorry he’s too me to not be he had a tail during the end too faint freckles ^_^ he REALLY likes red meat he likes blue flavor, not blueberries, not blue raspberry, blue stubble YAYY specifically in end, benreys feet to knees and hands to elbows fade into rlly dark blue/black looks like he’s dying of illness but like. has never been sick disassociates very often very touch very very touchy polyamorous, exes with forzen & is now crushing on both Tommy & gordon orphaned, kinda lived on his own since he isn’t human, picked his own name doesn’t actually have brothers, he’s a loser breaths through his mouth esp when he’s comfortable weird but like imagine he’s cuddled up to someone and he just yeah

COOMER YAYYY

fat, idc i’m right

gender-fluid, transmasc & gay ^_^ old man yaoi with bubby YAYYY

cool little funky punching enhancement thingies

big ol’ doe brown eyes

brunette hair before he started graying

after the resonance cascade he retired, they deserve it

has nightmares over clones. a lot, a big lot

autistic, everyone knows the science team kinda is autistic,

going off the autistic thing, one of his vocal stims is hello gordon

loves talking, loves it so much, he loves just talking to people she likes

has a high score on punch out & that one punching game where you punch the punching bag to get evaluated on

the reason is divorced because he realized he was gay

hawaiian shirts FTW!!

(most of these are somewhat canon, holly (his va) headcanons him as transmasc, short and stocky, and 5’4!)

Bubbster

Intersex & bisexual (idc if gir hcs him as straight it’s my world now/pf)

if he didn’t live with Coomer after the resonance cascade, he’d probably just be a basement dweller and just sit in the corner and cry

Bionic legs :3

canonically test tube baby, he’s probably really freaked the fuck out over it & has had genuine panic attacks over being artificially made, only in front of coomer

literally always has epi-pens for coomer

naturally(?) ginger idk what you wanna consider it, he’s canonically like 6 but in my head he’s like 67, he’s been locked in black mesa for 67 years

blue eyes

has a leather jacket with a tiger on it he will wear just to do so

has made the science team watch scrubs.. twice

picks at skin as a stress tick

has tourettes

near blind

when he got his bionic heart he died so he will sometimes just be like “hey guys i’ve died before”

being put back in the tube after betraying gordon was one of the worst things he’s been through, it was terrifying

GORDON FEETMAN!!!

also fat

joshua exists but he was an accidental pregnancy (gordon seahorse father yayy)

ftm based off last hc, that’s just canon cuz i said so

joshua is like, 9 in my head so gordon had him at like 18

bisexual

has a crush on benrey (canon but yk)

mexican and african

curly ass hair, takes really good care of it, always smells nice

bilingual

blind in left eye, 25% prescription in right eye

feels guilty as fuck even when everyone would joke about him being the cause of the RC

also autistic

wayne did not dk him justice when he lost his hand, he was screaming so gutturally loud it was painful, he strained his voice so bad, the pain was so excruciatingly terrible

tommy genuinely was the only one he could trust after benrey & bubby turned their backs on him, and that sucked because his feelings for benrey before that point were getting to him

only was adamant about not being friends with benrey at the end because of the betrayal, he wanted to hate benrey

tommy is like his. comfort friend, he doesn’t have to worry about him.. he does but he always feels comfy around him

Tommy cool man

Autistic, ADHD, PTSD and OCD

G man species, half human

strawberry enthusiasts:3 (me too)

every flavor tic tac enthusiast, always give the science team tic tacs like all the time

not very good at games enjoys playing them though

very touchy for multiple reasons

Sunkist service dog for multiple things as well, helps with panic attacks, PTSD symptoms, anxiety attacks etc

Tommy doesn’t know how Sunkist was trained to do all this, he made her sk he just kinda accepts it for how she is, and loves her

compression hugs, likes being laid on top of, it’s comforting

looks scrawny but can like. genuinely pick up all the science team & benrey with ease

started collecting propeller hats after the RC

the reason he can read sweet voice is cuz g-man species

thinking about getting a cat, maine coon or norwegian forest cat, he likes big ass animals

Sunkist is LARGE like large as fuck for a golden Tommy made sure she was huge

milk enjoyer :3 drinks it with most of his meals

wears readers

ANGEL KISSES!! (moles or beauty marks whatever you wanna call them)

tooth gap :3

walks on tiptoes

Gorgeous

6’7

cuts his hair into a fringe, lets it grow out to shoulder length, then cuts it fringe, never ending cycle

beauty marks man

freckles too

nobody fucking knows his trauma

doesn’t understand why he can understand cicero?? he just.. can??

learned ASL as a kid

clearly has some form of mommy issues he will not touch on

wears solid colors, he doesn’t wear shirts with decals, or anything, a. he doesn’t like them. b. for ASL purpose, it’s recommended to wear light/dark clothes (light in his case) depending on your skin tone to MAKE it easier to read sign, usually in light pink

prefers skirts cuz.. they’re comfy, usually knee & ankle length.. sometimes he will wear mini skirts……. cuz he’s gross

actually hates head crabs.

would be a nudist if it was sociably acceptable

actually really enjoys video games! he doesn’t talk about it, he’s good at them too

he’s a dog person, he wants a saint bernard

freeman YAYY

6’

beauty marks

patchy beard

dark hazel eyes

starting to grey, short pony tail

has scars from his HEV suit

actually lost his hearing DUE to the RC, his mother was deaf so that’s why he knows ASL, it completely shot out his hearing

has always dressed nice

cat person

Alyx is like his daughter to him

i can’t decide if he’s trans or not

same situation with gorgeous, he wears solid colors for ASL purpose

him and cicero have yet to find a way to communicate

when he found out alyx learned ASL for her boyfriend (this is canon, was planned for episode 3) he was over the moon

enjoys IASIP (it’s always sunny in philadelphia)

scary when he’s pissed off

G-Manual samual

major RBF

scottish

moles kuz hes kawaii

wears readers

hes autistic

going on with him being autistic, the fabric his suits are a comfort fabric to him

enjoys sitcoms

drinks his coffee straight black

he is trans masc to me

praises his employers like god tbh

if he were to drink, which he doesnt, his go to drink would be rum on ice

some form of alien, not from xen though, no one knows where hes from

some type of holy creature??? he cant die?? hes weird

you'll never see it but he doesnt bleed red, his blood is black

enjoys fishing

goes to bed at 11pm, wakes up at 4am hes weird

hes also the best father ever???

songs that remind me of science team members + benrey the 6th

Benrey the 6th

I Will - Mitski

Kiss Me, Son Of God - They Might Be Giants

I’m Gonna Win - Rob Cantor

Mad World - Tears for Fears

We Will Commit Wolf Murder - Of Montreal

Gallery Piece - Of Montreal

Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears

The Party's Crashing Us - Of Montreal

Tommy Coolman

Living Island - POGO

Fireflies - Owlcity

Teenage Dirtbag - Weetus

rises the moon - liana flores

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

Head Over Heels - Tears for Fears

[powderseas]

side order is here!!! its real!!! yippee

what do you think of it so far?

ok so im just gonna spit out all my side order thoughts so far

SPOILERS FOR SIDE ORDER AHEAD!!!!!!

EDIT: I ACTUALLY FINISHED THE GAME WOOO (just one run tho lol) im gonna write my thoughts under the previous stuff

OK SO. i think im a little..? dissapointed..? abt sider order?? like im kinda conflicted abt the lore, also i suck BALLS at the game

the thing is i have done 5 runs so far AND COULDNT GET A SINGLE WIN. the most i can do is up to floor 20.... im literally so bad at this game I ONCE DIED 2 TIMES IN AN EASY LEVEL. im newgen guys.

maybe im not fit for rougelike games but like... idk. i feel like me and the fandom as a whole expected so much more from side order. i feel like if the game is gonna make you replay the same stuff over and over again it should atleast have a SOUL CRUSHING LITERARY MASTERPIECE TYPE OF LORE like OE and Alterna

AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW DIRTY THEY DID FOUR???? literally called them an irrelavent loser and then sweeped them aside... THEY DONT EVEN HAVE A PALETTE ICON???? theyre not even a secret boss smh.... agent 4 had so much potential I WILL NEVER FORGIVE NINTENDO FOR THIS. and like sure the parallel canon level kind of includes four but that thing is literally an npc??? like imagine what they couldve done with the story if they had included four in it:

when four is left out from the squidbeak splatoon they try to prove themselves by siding with marina with her project. it makes perfect sense. marina and four are both scared of being seperated by their loved ones. but four gets consumed by their anger and jealousy and goes full order mode LIKE DO YOU GUYS SEE MY VISION!!!! i will be forever mad that we didnt get this.

also why is murch out of all the chracters have a pallete??? why didnt they put in captain 3 or something????? sheldon i kinda understand since hes also kinda a part of the squidbeak splatoon BUT MURCH??? get the fuck out!!!

negative stuff aside tho. i love pearl and marina so much. THIS IS THE PEARLINA GAME GUYS!!!!! pearl literally mentions that marina and her sleep in the SAME BED???? marina is so autistic. my little autism creature. SHE MAKES DINO ARMS IN THE ENDING SCENE AUGHHHHHGHHH MY HEARTTT i love marina so much AND PEARL. SUCH A SILLY GOOBER. acht is so precious too... BUT I CNAT BELIEVE THAT THEY MADE THEM WHITE*??? ACHT IS NOT WHITE NINTENDO. anyways i love eight and her little found family full of lesbians. they are all lesbians your honor. we are raising lesbians in this house.

so yeah. i hope i can finish the run atleast ONCE. but like. idk i havent finished the game but side order jsut makes me feel. sad... and lonely...?? unlike octo expension where you could see more and more people using the metros and the chatrooms between marina and pearl are just AUUGGHHH OE IS A GAME. ABOUT CONNECTIONS OK. it makes me feel warm and happy and even though eight became traumatized i like to think that she healed and in the process met so many important people in her life.

in side order i dont see anything in eight*??? is she traumatized??? is she vibing??? is she happy to help??? I LITERALLY CANT TELL. side order makes me feel so cold and empty like do you guys understand what i mean. and its probably becasue it doesnt even take place in the real world. and the thing is. i understand that side order is supposed to be everything that OE couldnt be. i understand that. both games have their own quirks BUT. i just cant seem to make myself love it unlike any other story mode in splatoon...... im really trying to be not biased here but yeah. these are my opinions for side order

AFTER GAME THOUGHTS

HELLO. so yes i somehow managed to win the game. and honestly. the final boss was pretty fun and everyone was so cute at the end omg... but i still think that side order is a bit underdevloped.... i dont even know if ill try to %100 is cuz playing it makes me SO STRESSFUL im glad i get to finish a run BUT i will definetly not be touching side order atleast for a while.... but despite i had plenty of stuff i didnt like in side order the ending managed to make me forget all that haha

[cowboy-robooty]

no guys see robooty itager is the slowest burn fucking imaginable. because i think that 1) italy would have to initiate them dating since germany thinks hes rejected forever after buon san valentino (my boy loves one sided crush) and 2) if they dont slow burn theyll crash and explode. because i think italy takes forever to realize he genuinely really fucking love germany and ONLY loves him and is willing to be loyal 'n treat him well to have him. Since i think italy isnt the type to really love ever since his kindergarten crush so he takes forever to recognize what he feels is genuine love (plus his love is born from a sense of entitlement but thats a whole 'nother enchilada). but yeah and because they take forever and are fully developed in their feelings when they date things are happy happy sunshine swag peace and love ❤️ they do stupid shit as bros the only difference now is they make out sometimes and japan cries himself to sleep everyday ^_^

but in a world where somehow they started dating BEFORE italy completely sorts out his feelings then OHHHH MY GOD. HELLWORLD. LITERAL HELLWORLD. because italy would totally cheat on germany and germanys heart would have youtube poop glass shattering effect explosion and italy would be #unloyal and #mean #scumgong and he would break up with germany for being so clingy and upset about him breaking his heart everyday or germany would break up with italy because everyone in his entire life (2 people: japan and prussia) is telling him that he needs to because italys making him chew glass (they take like 6 years to convince him and have to resort to saying its for italys own good if he breaks up with him). and then when they break up germany would hashtag die and explode because he obviously still loves italy but hes held back by prussia to not come back to him and tries to satiate his autistic brain by thinking "he was mean to me and told me to leave. im sorry ill leave now sorry for bothering you" and he also doesnt feel close to anybody except italy and has to go "brother....... i am.... not feeling good right now........" and cant say much else bc WE SAW IN THE ANIME GERMANY WANTED TO VENT ABT ITALY AND REALIZED HE HAS NOBODY BC HE ONLY IS CLOSE ENOUGH IN THAT WAY TO ITALY. and then cut to italy and hes partying it up because hes pissed off at germany for being on his ass hardcore every single day for the past god knows how long (hate my wife syndrome) until a while later the partying slows down and he has a bunch of moments where he thinks "well usually right now germany would do [thing]" and that builds up until he is hit with the full realization that germany is not going to stay by his side anymore. because hes run away now and hes never ever coming back. and that realization is like the evil version of italy realizing that he loves germany and wants him to ALWAYS be by his side; so much so that hes willing to do what it takes and compromise and be loyal n shit to make that happen. and now italy is freaking out because he doesnt feel this urge ever and now hes already fumbled the dude hes fr in gays with. but this realization is evil because its under a sense of panic and shit so its also motivated by italy feeling a sense of entitlement to having germany by his side and like HES SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

and from there italy would get back together with germany either easily bc he would just ask and say sorry and germany would go "well to be fair I should have been better as well. yes we should try again i want to too, i will try my best to not fail you this time." or it would be hard because germany would have his mind made up (with prussias support and urging and shit) to be like no italy we arent good for eachother and i cant (shouldnt) forgive you for doing those things to me and italy would be like Oh. and chew glass and freak the fuck out until he decides hes going to use #emotional manipulation and sob to everyone about how germany wont take him back and make everyone hate on germany and call him a terrible guy n shit to make germany feel so guilty and think hes an awful person to italy that he takes italy back. but even then their relationship is now fucked up forever because they live in perfect symbiosis thats their entire thing but now they dont because germany now has doubt of italy because of how he went into their relationship before and didnt give a fuck and italy unlocked his evil paranoia because now when he gets scared that germany will leave him he cant be comforted by thinking that would never happen because IT DID. HE WAS SEPERATED FROM HIM IT IS POSSIBLE TO MAKE GERMANY RUN AWAY. and because of that italy gets a lot more freaky about not wanting anyone to like germany so germany wont like them more than him and being emotionally manipulative and possessive and yandere shit because his paranoia is driving him to it. itager is great because it has so much potential to be evil like italy could emotionally manipulate germany so hard and all that shit but it would never happen because germany is so loyal and obsessed with italy that he never makes italy feel paranoid and like he has to. theyre like imagine if someone who has potential yandere gene in them dated a person who loved them more than anything in the entire universe and bends to their every will and never even glances at another person. that yandere gene is never getting activated bruh and at most manifests when italys like WAHHHH GERMANY YOU WONT LIKE RUSSIA MORE THAN ME RIGHT?? WHY DONT I HAVE THE MOST GERMAN TOURISTS IN THE WORLD WTF IS THERE SOMETHING ABOUT ME I NEED TO CHANGE????? but in the world where they rush things they break up and it disrupts all this homeostasis and makes them a little evil afterwards because italy has excessive paranoia that cant be quenched and germany has autism doubt because "he betrayed me once...... so hell probably betray me again *cries*"

[catboygirljoker]

Argh the other Xigbar lovers beat me to it 😭 guess I got R for Reload here

Hmmm alright same questions 5, 6 and 12 (13 too if you’ve got one)

But for Luxord!

Kingdom Hearts Ask Game :}

5. What's their best moment?

i love luxord in 3 in general because the fact that he, like, has an Ancient Keyblade Legacy, and therefore (implicitly) some plot relevance and pathos, requires you to imagine him not as a wacky background anime character but as a Type of Person who would behave the way he does. the scene in 3 that, to me, gives the most context for that is his specific line delivery here:

[Video ID: A clip from a Kingdom Hearts 3 cutscene. Vexen says, "Every stride I make is a stride for all of us." Luxord says, "Oh really? And what exactly are we striding towards?" end ID.]

he so easily couldve delivered that line sarcastically. but he delivers it very sincerely. to me, this moment reads much more like him legitimately thinking about what Vexen is saying and trying to figure out his motivations.

Pondering him in this game has resulted in my headcanon/interpretation of him as "autistic man who views the world through his special interest in card games". in the moment where hes glancing down i feel like hes mentally looking at what vexen has played, looking at his own hand, and determining what move to make next. (especially with the context that he knows more about the box than he lets on!)

6. What's their funniest moment?

im gonna cite the whole goats and letters scene here too since luxord's the one who gets to be a Funny Bitch in that one. honestly everything he says is so good though. of all the kingdom hearts characters i love, luxord is really up there in terms of Guy I'd Want To Know IRL. i love you luxord.

12. A character they haven't interacted with that they totally should?

honestly i feel like he and ansem the wise would get along. theyd have a rousing game of Cribbage or some other peepaw game. (not that luxord is a peepaw, he just strikes me as the kind of guy to enjoy peepaw games. my husband is a year and a half older than me and he enjoys peepaw games.)

also thats my other answer is that luxord should meet my husband. i feel like luxord is 100% the kind of guy you wanna have over for board game night. hes there for an entire 30 minute explanation of an hours-long legacy strategy board game putting 100% of his focus into it and asking salient questions. he doesnt win but he comes pretty close and is proud of himself. i love you luxord.

& tbc: none of my answers are really taking "should" seriously here, im content to see what the series does and not get mad about Disappointed Potential or whatever lol