#i dont want to have to fucking message a person every time i want to say something
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HEY DIDU GET A LOT OF VOTING MAIL?
this is what the ACTUAL absentee ballot envelope looks like if you've been waiting for it and aren't sure if it's in the pile of other shit they send out!!!
it will have this logo on it and also specify that it is "official absentee balloting material"
every 'official' looking piece of mail i got for weeks i thought would be it and wasn't, my ballot was returned to the city clerk office so i went in and picked up a new one in person
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YOU CAN DO THIS TOO!! i am holding your hand, i am prepping a blanket fort for you to crawl into and hide once you get back, it's ok, we can do this<3
IF YOU'RE MISSING YOUR BALLOT, check vote dot org, or, just google your city/town and 'election office' or 'municipal clerk', you can go in and let them know you don't have your ballot yet and would like to cancel what they sent out and pick up a new one in person, you may even be able to just fill it out there and hand it back to them all in one trip!
i'll rebagel with some links i can get a better pic also if anyone needs sorry i was just sending it to the gc but then decided to also post ;w;'
#remembering now i saw another post that had this logo on it#but id forgotten OTL#im not sure if the envelope may look a little different if its actually Mailed and not Handed over the counter but prob just addresses#vote#just me#fucking FINALLY have this thing it was expected the FIRST WEEK OF OCT#i dont want to go up there a Third time but i refuse to just mail it back i dont trust it i am Handing this to a physical person#dont be complacent- remember hillary was 'so far ahead she doesnt think about trump' IDC WHAT THE STATS LOOK LIKE RN#we need to assume that Every asshole and racist and malicious bastard out there who can vote are going to because they Will#because its just another day to them just another act of bigotry whereas anyone with a#conscience is having a fucking nightmare of a time about it AND THATS OK me too bud but thats why we gota do it<3#a lesser evil is still less evil#pick the one that wont make it even More impossible to ever be able to get ranked choice voting so we dont *have* to pick between evils#we can pick good#but rn we just have to pick as good as is possible to Get there#im doing it you can too<3#there are so many step by step posts out there and vote.org really does make it ez but if you got any questions lmk#anon asks are on u can message u can email whatever lol idc if u need help to get this done i will do my damndest
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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what if I was able to make myself stop caring about being nice to them
#'why wont you be friends with me you were friends with your other ex' because i shouldnt have tried to stay friends with him either???#just bc you wanted to stay friends with me does not mean the feeling was mutual??#maybe you and my other ex were different scenarios and i was at different places in my life when each happened??#and they keep getting to me too. i hate it. they sent me this giant long ass message at 3am like#'hey btw it really broke my trust when that other person told you i was lying to you'#'and also i dont like that you talk about what happened to our mutual friends'#and now im sitting here wondering if ive actually been like a giant manipulator and blowing things out of proportion#every time i think the situation is finally fucking over so i can have some peace they keep messaging me#ugh
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Being condescending to poor & disabled people who have less than you is definitely a good way to get donations, I'm sure that's really working out for the people you are trying to help. What's the exchange rate exactly for superiority points
#txt#yes i already donated what i could this month#no i dont have a social network to persuade#no i cant just rob my parents.#no i dont have a regular income i dont even have health insurance#there is a 99% chance that you have more money than i do because the amount of money i have is 0#so why are you blaming disabled people on tumblr for genocide instead of donating everything YOU have#why are you blaming everyone else when we are all equally horrified#youre not fucking helping#sorry my sarcasm is off the charts#but every time i see this crap i find it insidious#if reblogging when we dont have anything isnt enough i dont know what you want me to do#getting shitty with randos on tumblr is not the answer to a genocide perpetuated by the US government in a land grab attempt#like...WHAT are you talking about#anyway im going to keep reblogging fundraisers even when i dont have money#because i know it DOES sometimes reach someone who does#because sometimes that person has already been me.#yall are just making this shit feel pointless#I would also rather donate only to people who have direct connections to real palestinians on tumblr so that they can be easily verified#otherwise I would rather donate to a real charity organization like PCRF that regularly sends me updates on successful evacuations#than some random post or inbox message on an unpopular blogging website.#of the gofundmes i have donated to#i have not recieved ANY such update and still dont even know if my money went to a legitimate fundraiser.
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#so tired of my friend's bum ass partner getting in the way of things#dude is hella controlling and makes every room so awkward i cant stand it and acts like their grown ass needs my friend to do anything#we'll be hanging out at his place and hell be like#gotta go my partner wants to go to sleep and he needs me to do it#apparently#he never wants to end the hangout either it's always this person's decision#partner is lame as fuck too i seriously cant fathom what he sees in them#and every time we're chilling you better believe snapchat is open and they're talking#like BROOO LET ME HANG OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD#IM MARRIED AND UR ACTINGLIKE THIS!!! LET THE BOY HAVE FUN OUTSIDE OF YOUR PRESENCE#like you LIVE togther you do not have to be attached at the messaging app like this#and rescheduling to do chores together is wild#it would be cute if this didn't happen every single time#and it's not cute because the partner is still controlling every second of his time#HERES THE THING HES WANTED A PROPOSAL#BUT THIS FUCK WONT PROPOSE#AND DOESNT WANT KIDS#BUT WONT BREAK UP WITH MY FRIEND WHO WANTS CHILDREN AND AND PROPOSAL#LIKE FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFFFFF#and they're open and every time another person joins he's talkig to me about how the partner pays wayyy more attention to the other one#AHHHHHHHHHHHH#BREAK UP#THEY DONT CARE ABOUT YOU#oh my god#hes coming over without partner and staying the night so we can talk without this bum over his shoulder#they're a cheater too#but it was onlyfans so it “isnt as bad”#the onlyfans of someone they both. know.#im pissed bruh#they just renewed their lease together too
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im littchhherally so over constantly putting 220% into every conversation and getting the most dry and uninterested/uninteresting replies in existence.
#someone tells me about a situation at work; omg that's literally horrible they're total assholes. you don't deserve them or their bullshit#you should be their boss 100%#same person when i tell them about a situation at work (they asked about); that sucks. so when are you gonna be able to rp again?#dating site. i had to send every single first text. EVERY SINGLE ONE. matches would refuse to say anything for d a. y s if i didn't text 1s#i would always ask 'you have un plans for this week/weekend? what do you do for work? oh wow! that's so cool whats the best part about x?'#and then i'd usy get 'i love being a cna.' and that would be it#no follow up questions on their part.#no engaging conversation#no conversation at all. period.#im so fucking sick of it#and if i dont text them then we wont talk ever again. period.#so i simply do not text anyone anymore.#i dont even want to entertain the idea of dating any of those women bc they're all devoid of personality or the ability to hold a convo.#and it isnt like i can just match their energy and be dry as hell bc i hate that. why would i waste energy and time typing out a boring ass#message?
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ive decided i shall just Not sleep
#moo.txt#im really tired bht i dont. want to let myself sleep#i sont. deserve it#punishment. or whagever#sorry i really do feel bad venting on here all the time because im just forcing everyonr t#*to. well maybe not listen to me but at least look at my thoughts#instead of like just venting to one person or a server or whatever#but its not like i Have anyone to actually properly talk to#im everyones second choice At Best#and this probably sounds depressing but its not like im wrong. whenever i ppst this stuff i get self conscious but im just. saying it how-#-it is.#like yes im just burdening people but thats already what im fucking doing every minute of my life#i could say [REDACTED] and itd probably get ignored regardless so who cares at this point#ive tried so hard to push people away nobody understands. and i keep coming back like a fucking lonely puppy snd just hurting people more#i need to just be put down#i donf know what to do anymore i feel guilty when people dont talk to me i feel guilty when people DO talk to mw because either way its-#-a reaction to whatever ivs said on here typically#i dont Knkw whst i want anymore orher than [REDACTED]#maybe someday ill get angry enough and just stop censoring myself at all but at least right now i wkll#theres no winning with me because its like. i get sent a message About what ive said and i feel extreme guilt. i get sent a message thats-#-off topic and i feel extreme guilt. i dont get messaged at all and i feel extreme guilt#oh whatever im sitting here spiraling and writing a post that nobody except myself is gonna read least of all pay attention to#an extremely suicidal teenager what else is new.
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if words are not enough to get a manipulative person to leave you tf alone and hit the road, wtf are ya supposed to do? maybe throw a small toy at them to send a message
#bitch i coulda been way worse dont play#if it were me now with all the self respect i have now i woulda thrown more shit ta have ya running out the door ok#idc#i mighta fucked around and thrown my shit at you ok.#i dont think you realize the distress you caused by gaslighting me about what you did to me and also trying to be just like me?#like basically cosplay as me but want me to still date you? sorry that shits fucking weird. and i tried ending it every time you got#to that point. but ya kept trying to keep me around anyways even though you knew i was uncomfortable. didnt matter what i said#you'd find a way to manipulate the situation to keep you around. so what am i supposed to do to send the message of#'GO THE FUCK AWAY I DONT TRUST YOU AND I DONT WANNA DATE SOMEONE WHOS GONNA COSPLAY AS ME'#when words arent enough? no matter how i approached it?#i tried being nice about it. but my primal self defence kicked in and told me 'this bitch needs to get tf away from us'#so how do i show you to fuck off in a way you'll fuckin understand? yeah.#i tried playing your dumb words game. i tried playing it the way you do it. for a whole fuckin year. where you use words to manipulate.#i tried to figure out what way i could order the words that would get you to finally understand. didnt matter what i said.#bc thats how you are- you think you can say whatever tf you want and if you face any consequences suddenly its the other persons#fault. i interpreted your cosplay as mocking me. deep down all you are is a bully hiding under an uwu veneer. but yall verbal bullies alway#gotta act like victims once ya get hit with something that you had plenty of fucking warnings about.#its as if you were testing me to see when i'd snap. and then when i snap you act like a victim. fuck the entire fuck off and drown in shit.#fuckin bendy from fosters home ass type bitch#vent
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GOD therseomuch shit to do i thought id have time today to DO stuff. its the fucking weekend why do ihave to do 2 classes and go outside and literally do something for school . the weekDAYS are always busy i havent had a free moment since i fucking joined
#mel roars#and i forgot to clean cicis fucking litter#like forgot as in for nearly a week#everyone always asks why im never getting another fucking pet THAT is why#because if i cant take care of it then all thats gonna happen is its going to suffer under my care#i have so much fucking due art SO many people messaging me i was LITERALLY going to delete my toyhouse account 2 days ago just to fucking#have a moment of relief#ITS NOT EVEN THAT BAD ACTUALLY. this ius normal for so many people to balance their social lives and school and work and shit but i CANT#i cant adhere to a schedule ill lose my fucking mind#i was miserable at my dads but god if it wasnt awesome to Have Free Time#i guess not talking to human beings or going outside for 2 straight years had its Perks#im so fucking sorry to everyone who has to deal with me i am SINCERELY so fucking sorry#i want to do so much stuff with so many people but its always Oh sorry i had to do something :( Sorry i cant do it today Sorry im not free#Sorry sorry sorry SORRY FUCKKKKKKK FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK WHY CANT I ACTUALLY JUST DO SOMETHING WORTHWHILE#ITS ALWAYS APOLOGIES AND YET??? NOTHING EVER CHANGES???????#and everyone knows this. every single person i have ever spoken to knos im a fucking shit at keeping promises or apologies and it SUCKS it#fucking sucks. can some one take me into their garage and put me down Please#pleas eplease pleasePLEAePLEASAE PLEASE i cant take it anymore fucking help me#i just need SOME one to tell me Directly that i am doing things wrong that im UPSETTING them because i KNOW I AM but i also DONT#unless i recieve it directly from them. god . pleasae. can someone just tell me to shut the fuck up alreasdy
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😐
#ive been added to this gc for the 3rd or 4th time after i explicitly asked to NOT be added back bc im always fucking getting ignored like#last time the person who added me was like omg i hope this is ok and i was like no it’s actually not ok i dont wanna be added back please#dont add me back and she was like omg im so sorry i totally understand :( and she did it again 😑#the reason i didnt wanna be added back was bc i considered them my best friends at some point but ever since like the p*ndemic started#everything just went downhill and on one hand i understand they have their own lives and don’t have time to answer etc but on the other hand#they never had time to reply to MYYYYYY messages specifically 🙃 and it hurt bitch to be always the one ignored#and the reason i havent left this time like i just didnt care to be added back was bc idc anymore like alsjfjfk im still in contact to#whoever i wanna be in contact with i still text someone individually like i don’t need to be in a group setting to be friends with this#person and she’s mentioned a bunch of times how dead it is lmao so i was like wtv i do send a text once in a blue moon but it’s not as#active as it was when i originally left so it’s not obvious when im ignored lol BUT!!!!!!#the person who added me back…. the person who IGNORED my boundaries and request to leave me the fuck alone has ignored every single message#ive sent since she added me back :)#like she literally just wants public for her little show and she did this even before i left and was the main person why i left lmao bc the#rest were like going through stuff and i was like u cant be here i get it but she’s always ANYWAYS SO ABOUT ME!!!#i literally sent a text i think yesterday? and she didn’t reply to it at all but she just started talking about herself like 😑 WHY DID U ADD#ME BACK!!!! u dont ‘miss US’ lmfao u miss that i kept the gc alive which gave u attention !!!!#i dont want to be ur fucking spectator go post it on fb#anyways end of rant 😌
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i love talking to her but we are so bad at talking
#and its not even our fault we’re just doomed by every fucking force ib life#its like i respond to her message trying to start a convo and thats EXACTLY when her moms calling her#ive been free all day but the second sue tries to text me oh fuck i literally have to go#were like okay well are you free in an hour to ft?? and both of us agree and then we FORGET#AND DONT EVEN get me started on like actually talking as in seeing each other as in hanging out#the days shes free im not and the days im free shes not anf the days both of us are free neither of us have a ride etc etc#i just want. a text conversation with her. that is all#i cant keep responding six hours later bc my phone accidentally didnt show me the notif like what even is this#convinced the universe hates us both bc WHY CAN WE NEVER ACTUALLY TALK YO EACH OTHER#AND THEN. she got a haircut like five days ago and she wants me to be the first to see to judge#and she wont take a pic so we HAVE to ft but we literally NEVER GET THE CHANCE#so she literally wont meet up or video call like any other friend like literally no one else knows she got a haircut#bc she refuses to reveal it till i get to see slash judge which is SO. why does life hate us#I JUST. wanna talk to this ONE PERSON god give me a moment when we’re both free at the same time#avery rambles
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#GAH hate not knowing how ppl feel about me#bc i used to be SUPER close friends w this person like they were ~25% of th reason i came back to my uni town after moving away last summer#and i keep texting them like ' hey we should meet up sometime! ' and they respond ' omg YES 100% i have SO much i need to catch you up on !#unfortunately i am out of town every single day. also so busy. '#and like yeah okay college very busy life very crazy. but how are you out of town every single day and also why have you NEVER reached out#and i saw them in person at target and they seemed genuinely pleased to see me! and also said something like#' we gotta hang out i have so much to tell you!! *ill* message *you* ' in a way that seemed to convey guilt at ^^ all that#but then how in the WORLD do you happen to be driving out of town immediately after the one event i know we'll both be going to???#and also casually gracing over the fact i also mentioned getting dinner beforehand??#also i dont know any reason they wouldnt like me unless its one of those ' im autistic and didnt notice you getting fed up w me '#or if theyre just actually that busy or too anxious to see people or anxious to reach out or fucking whatever#and like even when i saw them at target they told me a bunch of stuff that i dont tthink youd say to a random acquaintance#which if they do still like me makes sense! bc we were super duper close once! but doesnt make sense if they dislike me/want me to go away#like UGH just either ask me to hang out or say yes to a hang out or tell me to fuck off already!!!!#oh and ALSO the one time we DID have plans we didnt set an exact time but they texted me at like 11 and said ok we can hang out now until 2#or they texted me at 11 and said ' i work at 2 but i dont think thats gonna be a problem also are you okay w hanging w my roomies too '#and i know their roomies so thats fine but i was like ??? WHAT shouldnt be an issue? r you gonna call off to hang out for more than 3 hrs?#or are you gonna friend break up w me so it wont take 3 hours#anyway i was like uhhh shit we didnt set a time so im actually at a tattoo place like an hour away w my roomie?#so we rescheduled for the next day when uh oh they hung out w someone who was exposed to covid so had to cancel again!#i cant think of a single reason they wouldnt like me except that they never did but we had an activity together so they were stuck w me#and they seemed genuinely happy to see me and also seem upset declining plans but like if thats true what the FUCK is happening????#anyway this was a mile long if you e read this far i love u if you have tips feel free to reply or dm me
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#told my roommate ive been depressed this weekend and she kindly offered to watch a movie but i knew shed be too tired and need to cancel#bc of the clocks changing and its ok i know how tired she gets i was the one to suggest it was okay if she cant + it was still a nice idea#but now im alone for the evening again ive been alone all weekend and weekends are the hardest for me and i thought i was feeling a little#better but im not and theres nothing to stop me from harming which is okay i keep it safe and its always a choice i make to do it or not#not anyone elses responsibility but i didnt want.to be alone tonight thats all. and offering something she knows she cant fulfil makes me#feel rejected too and i also wanted to talk abt some of her behaviour that upsets me sometimes but gently bc i dont want it to seem like#im blaming her bc its not her fault im so bad at communicating and neurotic and weird abt shit that doesnt even make sense#but its been bothering me for a really long time and it comes up again every time we meet with other people and i get really upset over it#and im the one that keeps putting off talking about it but its so hard when its been gping on so long and i find it so hard to express#anything and communicate especiallt when its shit like this but im so so so so tired of sitting on it i just want it resolved one way or#another and now i wont see her for a few days bc of this family trip and itll be on my mind the whole time and the thought is making me#feel insane already ive wasted so many hours and hours being upset by her and not being able to talk abt it i need it to stop its not even#that big a deal.it just is to me. and i dont know how to say anythign ever#and she wants to make plans with friends next weekend which feels like hoisting an anvil above my head bc if i dont go i risk having a#rejection sensitive episode bc im vulnerable rn and this is exactly what happened over the summer and it took me months to recover from but#if i do go ill get upset bc ill feel unwanted there and ill be dealing with the same issue that comes up every fucking time and either way#ill end up harming in response to it bc i cant handle how intense my emotions are and i dont have any better outlets right now#for these specific feelings and i dont want to do that i want to be a normal fucking human being who doesnt lock themself in a#stupid fucking iron maiden style repression over completely innocuous shit that no one would even know im reacting this way to#i cant do it i cant do thjs anymore i cant i want it to stop im so tired and it hurts so so much feeling so much like this#they should make a mind for me that is capable of not inflicting distress this intense on itself i need to explode#actually. maybe since i wont see her for a couple days i can write a long discord message about it instead. i know its a shitty way to#deliver information but maybe it would be easier that way rather than trying to summon the courage to say anything in person when im#usually actively upset abt it at the time and my immediate response to getting upset is to shut down and not express which doesnt help#and its so stupid but i need it to not be like this i cant keep living with her and getting so upset so regularly it has to stop now#ill think about itand maybe draft it. and then i can decide. but right now i need to eat. and pack. and then cut sorry. but its ok#ughhhhfdhf. please let this week be better ill try harder ill say something i have to im the one inflicting this on myself by not talking#about it!!!!!!!!! so. man and i think my dinner is cold now too. oh well#.vent#tw self harm
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trying to process and heal from the trauma that a certain someone caused me and trying to talk myself through it (while being plural and mentally unstable) is currently going somewhere along these lines
(warning: some pretty triggering and very personal discussions from me in the tags however feel free to just relate to the funny pitture)
#bug's art#personal post#vent#talk about grooming / sa ahead be warned >>#This is like. Not about some vague shit or someone being mean to me. This is straight up about someone who groomed me#i feel Insane because i am an Adult and i only figured it out RECENTLY#me and this person arent talking anymore. But. But.#Whenever i remember he still has a wholeass presence on the internet. And he talks to people. And he has friends. I just want to [redacted]#Not even mentioning all the emotional abuse and years of trauma he had caused me I literally wanted to die every single day because of him#And because i've grown into the pain so much i literally never stopped to fucking THINK ABOUT ANY OF THIS!!#And the worst part is. If it happened to anyone else i'd hope so much that the person who did this would rot in hell. literally just Rot#But because it's about me it's just like Haha well i guess it happened. [screams of pain on the background]. dont be like me please.#So yeah i am once again oversharing However i just want to put this message out there for anyone who relates:#BE MAD!!! BE FUCKING MAD!!! BE MAD AT PEOPLE WHO ABUSED YOU!!! BE MAD AT PEOPLE WHO TRAUMATIZED YOU#YOU NEVER EVER EVER EVER HAVE TO FORGIVE THEM. FUCK THEM#Be mad for it is righteous and it will lead you to happiness even if it'll take a long time. you deserve to be happy. you will get there#sensitive topics#tw abuse
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good lord got a post put on my dash that was some Fandom Opinion blog talking ab how things irl shouldn't be mentioned in spaces where it's not meant for. curiously, i searched racism, and well, what you expected to happen happened,
#aria talkz#'what you expect to happen' was Associating the same things with racism or literally any talk of antiblackness.#Never trust a nonblk fandom-obsessed person god bless#because it is all about making White People Safe always and Forever. clearly. [sarcasm]#{ if you cant tell. im black . mixed black But jesus Christ. }#( esp bc i think its usually telling bc in the spaces its happened in for me they usually Hate talking ab racism but every other talk of-#bigotry is fine and Unpunished. so theres clearly bias. its just when YOURE criticized its the issue . )#anyways i never ever ever trust white fandom obsessed ppl the racism roots run deep. as they do always but. especially there christ alive#'fandom opinion blog' was already a red flag. but Jesus fucking christ.#also the general argument of media being always for escapism and fandom being always for escapism is weird.#theres always political messages and general messages in like.. a lot of media. and bigotry that is in media . This is an excuse.#its insane looking at people just be kind of racist and awful about palestinians and irl issues in the replies of that . what the fuck man#These are real world problems this isnt about your stupid discord fandom server shit get a grip holy fuck nonblk fandom obsessed ppl r craz#vent channels do suck in any server that isnt a close knit friend server i agree But given the rest of the context and wording of these...#whatever im gunna stop rambling bc it pisses me off as someone w firsthand experience multiple times it is just selfishness and racism. jf#being black bpd autistic in the ''nonpalatable'' way And aroace makes fandom as a space full of fucking landmines for me . always has been#( blog was my fandom reali tea w/o th spaces if you wanted to block. dont harass but jfc. )#its like peering in a dark hole i havent been back in since i was 14 . dont you have better things to do than run a fandom discourse blog.
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hhfbb
#my friends at college are great in small amounts but i wish i could handle being with them more#its so overwhelming having to tell katherine how im doing every day. stop checking up on me i dont know how to be honest with you#i dont want to tell you how im doing and i hate having to lie and say im good i just want you to stop asking and leave me alone#i cant handle your professionalism you text me like a therapist would message their patient. leave me alone#i cant fucking do it man#i cant ever keep friendships because i get scared when people show interest in my life and want the best for me#and at the same time i dont want to feel like the friend that you check up on because you have to#i dont know this doesnt make sense#katherine cares too much vyn cares too little greg is the healthy in between but he graduates in a year so whatever#i need more queer friends who understand me#how am i supposed to vent about things that affect me to a cis person who doesnt understand the concept of being a trans person#i dont want to be cared about i want to be understood and nobody fucking gets it#i hate meeting new people i hate making friends i hate change i just want to stay in my bubble and learn about atmospheric stability#i hate being a human that needs emotional connection to survive#i wish i could be alone
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