#im worried about my trans and queer friends

[fandom-blackhole]

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[this-should-do]

me when i meet with my colleges first out trans teacher who is like a celebrity with me after one of my teachers puts me in contact with her again (i had interviewed said trans teacher 4 years prior and hadnt met with her since) and she tells me tjat my teacher had so many positive things to say about me, about how i was one of her brightest most well spoken students and that she (within like 5 minutes of having been talking) immediately sees exactly what my professor had been talking about and so many super implied positives about me that i would never had known about and i dod everything in my power to avoid prying for more details but even what i heard was soso nicies

[avesseloflanguage]

so my dorm puts up giant posters each month listing everyone's birthdays and it's super cool and sweet but unfortunately for the second year in a row they had my deadname on their spreadsheet (despite every other database having the correct name smh my head).

but. my best friend. happened to be walking through the commons at like midnight right when they went up and she noticed it and texted one of the freshmen who made the poster and the two of them apparently enacted some fucking ridiculous MISSION to fix this shit.

as in. they had a Tub Of Whiteout. they broke out the original paints from the poster. they did multiple layers to make sure only my real name was visible. they added hearts around my name and the WHOLE POSTER to make it look less noticeable. they added pieces of paper to the back of it in case you walked under it at the right angle and could see the faintest shadow of the deadname. at MIDNIGHT. they spent an HOUR on this. all so that no one else would see it and apparently especially so i wouldn't have to see it. they also sent multiple emails to different ppl who could possibly be in charge of changing the name on future lists so it hopefully won't be a problem again.

when i tell you i almost cried my fucking eyes out when i heard about this. holy shit guys.

[marsixm]

i love seeing stuff in a theatre but it also stresses me out when theres other people in there because im anxious someones gonna dislike something and start being obnoxious about it or just be obnoxious in general

[somekindafairy]

thinking about how much of the perception of gender feels like a performance. wondering what it means to be a man once you strip away biological essentialism and the performance of masculinity.

maybe i would be less dysphoric if i put more effort into my performance. thinking about the idea of it "coming naturally" like men and women "naturally" behave differently and how that maps on to how people perceive trans people. or what it means to "feel" like a man or a woman to others, as if that isn't intimately connected to cultural gender preformance. or that your ability to master said performance proves something innate about you.

thinking about being autistic and having to learn a new script whole cloth when i barely (read: not at all) managed the first one, wondering if this one would come more naturally if i let it, and if it doesn't what does that mean.

thinking about the performance of gender as a different culture, like learning a new dialect. idk

[librarycards]

hello! i apologize in advance this is probably something that you get asked a lot. but do you have any recs on literary magazines to submit to? im a trans poet, ive been writing for over a decade but never shared anything and ive been wanting to try to send my stuff to get it published somewhere. obv ive been google searching but theres so many big and small publications and i was wondering if you have ones you like especially and/or tips on how to choose a magazine/journal to submit to. thanks a lot! <3

no worries, thank you for reaching out!! i've been publishing for like 8 years + an editor for almost 4, so i always appreciate the opportunity to help people new to the world find ethical publications that will treat their work with the care it deserves.

first and foremost: there are going to be pubs out there that are awesome and i don't know about. you may be the one to discover them for yourself! one aid in finding the best mag for your work is the wonderful, writer-created chillsubs. it's a fantastic platform that keeps a huge list of mags and presses and their relevant stats, and lets you create an account and bookmark those you're interested in. everyone i know uses them, and it's very worth it given the sheer volume of mags out there.

i also have some recs of my own, ofc. i'm going to list them below. if they pay (which i prioritize) I'll mark them with a $. some are trans/queer focused and some aren't, but all are pubs i've either edited and/or published with and can confirm their ethics + respect for writers.

manywor(l)ds - my mag! i'm co-founder and eic. break genre _ shapeshift with us. ($)

Sinister Wisdom - old, well-regarded lesbian+ lit mag, now open to everyone who is/loves a dyke. I'm guest-editing an issue on Madness with them, now open for submissions!

fifth wheel press - run by a beloved friend and comrade of mine. i've published here. excellent transparency, care, great for first-timers. ($).

kith books - headed by trans literary icon kat blair. a mag/press/community centered around bodymind non-conformity and noncompliance.

Honey Literary - QTPOC-centered, unabashedly pop-culture + social justice oriented. the vibes are simply immaculate.

Whale Road Review - not queer/trans focused, more oriented toward....'grown up' poetry/prose/pedagogy papers. Katie Manning (eic) is a fucking gem.

Graphic Violence Lit - just had my first experience publishing with them, and their care + consideration for the whole writer is amazing. they publish boundary-pushing work.

beestung - one of the brainchildren of Sarah Clark. nb/gq/2s SFF. I just edited a few guest issues w them and have published with them. amazing work. ($)

A Velvet Giant - genrequeer work. the editors are experienced, enthusiastic, and amazing at promoting writers long after publication. it's a family! ($)

Ethel Zine + Press - handmade with love by Sara Lefsyk (as you can see, trans/nonbinary/2s sarahs dominate indie publishing, as well we should :3). Sara is a sensitive and care-full editor and bookmaker whose every publication is a work of art.

Protean - pro- as in proletariat. awesome left mag with a mix of politics and culture and everything in between. they take reprints! ($)

Mudroom - publish your work along with a picture of your mudroom/shoe rack. very responsive editors who will hype you tf up. ($)

The Institutionalized Review - for psych survivors. the editors concreteness of vision and dedication to their community know no bounds.

Just Femme + Dandy - queer and fashion-focused! led by the inimitable Addie Tsai. They pay *handsomely*. ($)

In addition, there are also some "big" mags I have had excellent experiences publishing with and wanted to shout out. These are harder for a beginner to break into, but worth keeping on your radar + have been fantastic to me as a writer.

Electric Lit

Split Lip Magazine

The Offing

Nat. Brut

Santa Fe Writers' Project

Bodega

New Orleans Review

Augur Magazine

I hope this is helpful to you + others! the literary world is ever-changing and this is just a snapshot. Hopefully you find some that you like!

[drdemonprince]

woof. your recent posts really resonate with me especially now that im making more gay and trans friends, im meeting so many cool nonmonogamous trans people that seem to have casual sex with basically all their nonmonogamous trans friends and like. its almost giving me a complex where if i think someone is cool and want to be friends with them, even if im not attracted to them, i have a perception that the only way to befriend them is to pursue them sexually. or that if they dont wanna fuck me when they fuck all their other trans friends that means there's something wrong with me (again even if i don't particularly want to fuck them!)... i love being trans and poly, and i love having more trans and poly people in my life, but sometimes i think about this one reddit comment where a dude said he noticed his gay friend had way more fun at straight bars than gay bars bc at straight bars he wasn't worrying about his appearance/body image/validation/sexual prospects

yeah honestly i get this so much and it's a very dismaying swirl of emotions to have. i don't like fucking friends. at all. it actively makes me feel unsafe and like i'm only useful to someone insofar as i'm satisfying a desire for them. it makes me feel more disposable. plus im insanely jealous if i have an actual emotional connection with someone i'm fucking so i wouldn't do well in a whole poly queer mish mosh of dear devoted friends who also sometimes bang. i would be plotting the downfall of the people i was most primed to view as a threat and sowing discord between people and shit. not good.

i also think it is a little fucking concerning when people only date/have sex as their sole way to make friends, and are only friends with people they want to fuck. this tends to create a very homogenous friend group that is heavily restricted based on desirability politics. it's also just really objectifying and unsustainable.

now i must say!! this is very much in the minority of poly people -- poly people are generally fucking AMAZING at being friends because even as just their buddy they treat hanging out with the same degree of intention and care as they would going on a date. they can hang! they want to go out and do things! they're more practiced in building a new intimacy of *any* kind than most monogamous people are.

it's just that there are some weird culty up their own ass bad boundaried polycules out there, in the same way there are abusive, codependent, jealous, miserable fucking monog couples.

but even tho most queer and poly people are more ascended than that, yeah, there is a weird unsettling constant self-evaluation that can happen in spaces where fucking almost anybody is theoretically on the table. some of that is a problem in how people treat one another, and some of that is just insecurity in between your own ears.

i get it fully. im hyper conscious of myself and how i imagine im being perceived and how people are seeing me when im out in queer spaces. and most of it is me being fully insane and making myself miserable based on nothing. because literally who cares who is attracted to me in that space and who isn't??? what matters is what i want in that moment, and my behavior, which i have control over. i should be able to just float around smiling at people and dancing and chit chatting and if someone is feeling my energy and we can talk, great, if they try to make it sexual when i dont want it to, i can just walk away. like it fully does not need to be that deep.

but it's a hard internal hurdle to overcome and every time someone hits on you, ignores you, misreads your identity, etc it can be used by your mind as fodder for The Narratives and The Insecurities and make things worse and it really has to be an intentional practice to not do that to yourself.

if you can bounce along carelessly in the straight club because you're not worrying about how people see you, you can bounce along carelessly in the queer club and not worry about how people see you. literally treat queer people the same way you'd treat straight people who seem perfectly fine but are not your problem and not a focus for you. you can stop trying to mind read the intentions of every queer person and stop sizing yourself up in their eyes and not worrying about who is fucking who and who is in love with who and who is secretly jealous but pretending not to be. and just. hang out. and feel things out. and exist in your own body and pay attention to what interests you and what you are experiencing rather than how they are experiencing you.

i say this as a reminder to myself!!

[mamawasatesttube]

Hiii (sorry I know I've been sending a lot of asks lately please tell me to stop) I've reading your fanfics (? I don't know if that's the word) and I have to say I'm in love with how you write queer characters! (As a queer myself)

So I wanted to ask where does your headcanon of trans Tim come, because I've seen it a lot around the fandom but I've never found the reason

Anyway have a great day and have lots of kids!(it's supposed to be a way to send good luck? Ive never understood it, so don't take it seriously)

absolutely no need to apologize, i love asks and i love to talk ksjdhf!!! sometimes i take a bit to reply but thats just me being sleepytired all the time + wanting to actually ponder my response.

so to me trans tim comes from two main places: a) im queer so i just hit all of my favs with the queer stick like oprah giving out cars, but also more importantly b) i think tim's relationship with his dad and with masculinity as a role, as influenced by his relationship with his dad, are fascinating spaces to play in. some of my friends take this and run with it in the transfem tim direction and i totally see that and love it too!! while i'm a transmasc tim truther by default i think either way, the thing is just like . haha hey this guy overthinks about masculinity and the role he needs to play about it. He's Not Cis.

the funny part of that is chuck dixon definitely didn't mean for it to come off that way, but looking at things like tim getting antsy about guys at school not thinking he's a man's man enough because he "didn't have a car" and ari owned up to that, or tim faking not knowing how to fight in front of ari that time at the theater and hating that "his girl" had to watch him get beaten up, etc... he worries a lot about being masculine enough. this is probably some kind of insight into just one facet of the many things wrong with chuck dixon as a human being, but i like to take it as a far more fun and spicy insight into tim viewing gender as a role he has to play. to me it reads like he thinks being a boy/man means ticking a set of boxes correctly. and he does get some - he likes going to ball games, he's athletic and active, he's got guy friends like ives, girls like him - but others are things he has to try at. does he actually like going on fishing trips with his dad? does it actually matter if alfred wants him to dress as a woman? who is it actually affecting if ari says he doesn't have a car? is his prickliness around some of these things, perhaps, indicative of something going on in his weird little freak head?

this is why i love to write him as transmasc but genderfluid. its just that he does not realize the genderfluidity until he's an adult because he keeps telling himself "well i'm a guy and that means i tick THESE boxes and i do NOT tick THOSE ones" and ignoring any discomfort that causes him. it's all tied up in his mental picture of masculinity, which is all tied up with his feelings about his father. which are all tied up in his grief and guilt over jack's death. so he will not be unpacking this for a WHILE. but boy howdy is it fun to dissect!

[genderkoolaid]

hi! your blog's been encouraging to me as a trans guy, but i've recently felt that i should no longer call myself that/should just "go back to" being a girl, and idk if my train of thought makes any sense...so i just wanted to ask someone w more experience (but feel free to ignore this rant/call me out if im not making sense btw)

so yeah, my cousin's been out to me as a (binary) trans man for a few years now, and in trying to find understanding, i came out to him a few months later, but got a very flat/kinda disgusted reaction. despite my consistent support for him over the years, he has continued to "joke" about my looks/short hair and dismisses any attempts at serious conversations or even just jokes about gender/being a guy too. he also calls me things ive told him makes me uncomfortable (gender-wise) and then acts like it means nothing. he generally brushes me off by telling me to stop trying to compare myself to him, and is either prickly about it or just in-your-face "idgaf what you're talking about and i'm tired of you." it barely hurts me anymore, but ive felt connected to trans-ness for so many years (longer than id even known he was too) and his reaction to this part of me has honestly made me wonder if i'm just making it up/am trying too hard or something,,,like maybe i'm just trying to cover for being a gross 20-somethings woman ?? idk ?

i'm probably just being over-sensitive, and i dont feel it's outright malicious or anything (maybe he just doesn't think/care about it as much as me?), but i have nobody else to ask (no irl friends/people im out to) and i'm currently renting/living with him, which has brought these worries to the forefront. thanks if youve read this far, but please don't feel pressured to respond!

Your cousin sounds like he has a lot of internalized transphobia he's directing at you. Unfortunately there are trans people who try to prop themselves up and make themselves feel more confident in their transness by tearing down others. You are not being over-sensitive, and regardless of what he thinks he's doing, he's actively being cruel to you. You are well within your rights to be hurt by his actions. Living with someone who is constantly being transphobic to you is traumatizing- detransitioning can be a coping method for those who have to constantly defend themselves from transphobic abuse.

If its possible, I would recommend trying to see if there are any queer orgs in your area you could connect with (physically or online). At the least, you may find some people who can give you emotional support, and they also may be able to find you a better living situation. Even if that's not possible right now, keep reminding yourself that his behavior is cruel and you are allowed to be upset about it. You do not need to take any of his opinions on your gender seriously. You are not making up your transness or trying too hard. You are not over-sensitive, you are being hurt.

[she-her-cuntboy]

Fantasizing about having a cis boyfriend who talks me into kinkier and kinkier sex, secretly laying the foundations to start detransitioning me. When I realize, im scared, and I go to a friend to talk about my worries. He's trans like me, and agrees that it might be something to keep an eye on, but give him another chance - maybe it has an innocent explanation, and he's not trying to detrans me. Maybe im projecting my own kinks - when's the last time I had sex that wasn't catered to a cis penis? He convinces me to have sex with him, casually, as friends, we've known each other a long time and used to mess around sometimes before I met my boyfriend. It feels so good, but the whole time I feel guilty - what if my boyfriend sees it as cheating? We haven't talked about exclusiveness, and I tend to lean towards polyamory, but if he's monogamous I wouldn't want to do this behind his back. So the moment I come home to him, I break down and confess tearfully.

He listens gravely, and carefully keeps his expression neutral, but I can tell he's hurt. He asks who it was with, and I tell him - he knows my friends. "Oh!" he says. "That's fine, babydoll. Well, I mean- I would have preferred we talked about it before, so I'm honestly still a little hurt, sweetheart... but I don't have an issue with you, uh, having sex or whatever with other people, as long as it's not another real- I mean cis man." I eagerly agree to his boundaries, and reassure him that I've never been into other cis men and he's the exception, the love of my life. I easily ignore his awkward wording - he's not as familiar with queer terminology and talking about sex can be a little weird to put into words anyway.

What he's carefully avoiding scaring me off with is his true opinion that he's slowly going to acclimate me to, which is that queer "sex" doesn't count without a cis man's penis. It's not cheating if it's two transmen, because that's just lesbian sex and there's no real man claiming his property. He thinks it's cute when I call ftm4mtf "straight sex" as if I'm a boy, because he knows my tgirl friend is still penetrating my needy submissive pussy. And eventually, I start to question my gender, especially in the bedroom. My boyfriend is always so much more affectionate and into it when he's feeling up my curvy body, and he loves when I act like a girl. I tentatively break the subject with my ftm friend who I talked to at first, and he's very accepting of my "gender weirdness", and respects my request to be treated like a girl in the bedroom, and then anywhere private, and then in public. We spend a lot of time together, talking about sex and kinks, and he's naturally empathetic and seems really touched when I talk about how good it feels to be a good girl for a real man. I'm barely aware of how convincing I'm being, because I don't know the sappy playlists my boyfriend makes me are full of subconscious conditioning and affirmations behind the music - good girls make more good girls. I'm a good girl. Good girls need cock in their cunts. My needy cunt makes me a girl. Brains are for boys and my thoughts are just noise. Good girls make more good girls.

Eventually my boyfriend is my husband, I'm his favorite submissive housewife, and all my old "trans" and "lesbian" friends are playthings for his entertainment. We love having lesbian sex and putting on a show to earn his cum, and I dont remember any reality other than this, or any reason I wouldn't want to be right where I am.

[oct0whyllow]

Im going to start vandalizing at this point i swear to fucking god. I am going to have the worst four years of my life under this presidency. Im literally a child, a queer, a poc, and (likely, im waiting for the assessment in january) mentally disabled. All my friends told me not to be worried because this wasnt something i could control, BUT THAT MAKES ME WORRY EVEN FUCKING MORE. My parents moved to this country with me when i was nearly a toddler, because they believed it was great. But now it sucks ass, they're committing genocide on the middle eastern (iran, palestine) people, they're constantly oppressing intersex people by enforcing a binary that harms them and prevents them from getting proper healthcare. Theyre prohibiting trans people from transitioning and showing their faces around.

I hate all of the people who voted for trump. I hate them so fucking much. To all those who voted trump, I hate you. You endangered me drastically, and you're just speeding up the final minutes of the clock left until we overthrow this shitty government.

Normally, I don't talk about politics, but when you start killing innocent people, harming oppressed groups, and committing multiple genocides, it makes me want to yell at everyone until their ears bleed. It makes me want to yell so hard everyone can still hear my screams for months.

[advrageobjectshowenjoyer]

being in the trans community and being trans pisses me off.

Like I’m trans and I can’t change that fuck no I can’t but you know how lonely it is to be in this fucking community???? Like oh yeah I’m trans but I’m not a skinny white dude with curly hair I’m trans but I don’t like men and/or aroace I’m trans but I DONT WANT SURGERYS OR HRT. I’m trans but I can’t afford nor do I want binders. I’m trans but I am comfortable with she/her being used on me by friends and family and such I’m trans but I consider myself a lesbian still because I hold onto the label no matter my identity I’m trans but not a trans man or boy (not trans fem either) I’m trans but I don’t have all these cores and astetics I’m trans but I don’t have a partner I’m trans but my music isn’t intresting I’m trans but I’m not white I’m trans but my hair ain’t the soft curls or waves people want. I’m black and trans but I’m not dark I’m black and trans but I didn’t grow up in the Subarbs I’m black and trans and my family will never accept that I’m black and trans and feel like my blackness also plays a part in my trans identity. I’m Hispanic and trans and it feels wrong to be the way I am. I’m native and trans and it feels like everything I am just makes me more targeted and a minority. Im trans and this shit sucks.

I want to be who I want to be without worrying no one is going to accept me because I don’t fit into this fucking norm our community made up for some fucking reason like yeah breaking the norm to create a new one. Especially I can’t even label myself without other doing it for me oh if your black and a butch you MUST call yourself a stud oh your black/hispanic and trans that’s so hot oh I’m sorry this must hurt you let me talk over you about your problems oh your trans and a lesbian are you a lesboy. The last part pisses me off I don’t consider myself a lesboy as I don’t consider myself a man truely and I prefer not to go by it but from wha to know it’s trans or other gendered individuals who uses it like myself we talk about trans phobia in our community and turn the fuck around and do the same shit we are hypocrites. Just like we did to neopronouns and just like how we tried to cut off the trans men from the trans woman. We are just as bad if not worst for hurting our community’s and ourselves for how we try to appease to the cishet or those homophobic lesbians and gay men who only believe you can love ONE GENDER not realizing how ironic they sound or the bi people who try to seem more higher then others because well I also fat ehre opposite gender I’m basically straight sucks to suck I guess not real sing your also queer don’t rub oru short comings in oru face or like that trans woman who says our slurs can only be used by their group no matter how much we also suffered

eanr over I want a fucking grilled cheese and I need to shit tbh.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for pretending to be cis online? im a trans man and have been trans for almost ten years now. i am pre-most transition even though i would like to fully transition, due to money and medical phobia complications. i do not pass irl.

a few years ago i attempted stealth (saying i was a cis man) on a discord server before ultimately admitting to being trans because i was afraid everyone could tell, and was informed that even though they even heard my voice on the server, no one there suspected i was afab, and even when i said i was trans, some people assumed i was coming out as transfem, because i had passed myself as a cis man so well. this gave me euphoria, of course, and made me regret telling anyone since i was apparently passing so well.

i held onto those feelings, and a year or so after that, quietly changed my bios and stuff to remove the trans part. a little while after that, i started actively saying i was cis male in my bios and to new friends.

i should clarify this is not out of safety or fear of transphobia, all my family and irl friends know im trans and are 100% supportive, im lucky enough to live in a very progressive area, and my online existence is small and filled with tons of trans and supportive people. it's only because i feel dysphoric when i know people can perceive me as afab, and since i don't have control over that irl, i just want someone in the world to see me as amab, even if im not and never will be.

i also am not by any means a transmed. i myself am also gnc, and many many of my friends are loud and proud queer weirdos, and i am too with everything but my agab. i love the wacky ways other trans folks present their genders and refuse to sanitize themselves for cisciety. i do not think anyone should ever have to water down who they are for any reason and i don't think being afab makes anyone less of a man, just i personally don't like facing the fact that i am afab and would rather people see me as a cis man whenever i can control it.

this might be where the asshole comes in here, because being gnc, being surrounded by so many trans people and being in many "afab dominated" spaces (such as fanfic writers, tumblr, fandom in general honestly) as well as having a lot of trans headcanons makes me paranoid people are going to clock me and even if they don't say anything they'll know im faking being cis. because of that, and to avoid the dreaded "egg" conversations (people trying to insist or imply that ill soon "find out" that im transfem) ive sometimes been telling people when the subject comes up that i had experimented with my gender before and thought i was transfem or nonbinary in the past, so i sort of fit the idea of cis+ and that might be why i feel more trans than cis even though im definitely cis.

i also tell them im intersex and have trans family (both of these are true, though obviously im intersex in a different way than i say) to get them off my scent.

i know i dont owe anyone my agab, but when all is said and done, i am lying about my gender and history with gender exploration, and i kinda feel like im disrespecting other trans folks by implying it would personally feel better to be cis, like i can't relate to other trans people saying they never want to be cis and the goal of being trans isn't to be cis. but i do. i also worry that having trans hcs (including in sexual contexts) for characters while im presenting myself as cis makes people think im a chaser.

anyway sorry this is long, but aita for lying about my gender?

What are these acronyms?

[kiruyeen]

listen if you go into g3 thinking it will be just like more episodes of g1 youre gonna be very disappointed. like yeah if I had to choose between them Id choose g1 as it cant be beat, but g3 has its own unique charm and is really good if you accept that the g3 cast isnt gonna be a carbon copy of the g1 cast. they arent meant to be! theyre new takes on their character, by definition, a new generation. yes I still have criticisms for it but also it did a lot of stuff better!

first off, a trans character IN a queer relationship. Ive always related to frankie but gen 3 especially does them so well and no matter what you say them and cleo's relationship is adorable. also I see a lot of you treat them like just a girl who uses they/them pronouns (or ignore that theyre non-binary at all) just because they dress femininely, and I am judging you. their relationship is trixic, not sapphic, and frankie is unlabeled and cleo is bi so theyre not lesbians either. frankie is not your theythem girl or theyfab or whatever. grow up. deuce is also theorized to be trans or intersex and is also canonically aromantic and I fucking love that as well. "b-but my nostalgia abt cleo and deuce" Im still nostalgic about them too and it was nice seeing the "mean girl" and her boyfriend have a healthy relationship but again this is a different take on their character, and I can happily say I could see their g1 versions identify this way as well if mattel wasnt such a coward back then.

next, lagoona. Ill be honest I was one of the biggest haters of g3 lagoona at first, pink skin, vsco girl ass fashion, "this aint my lagoona, she's way less edgier than the others AND g1" Id say, but she really grew on me, and as someone who frequently rewatches g1 as well, I notice she is a LOT more well developed than her g1 counterpart. g3 is fierce and is afraid of no longer being seen as such due to also having "cutesy" interests, and loves graphic novels and sometimes sees them as more true than real life. she also has anxiety and copes with them in an unappealing fashion (chewing). she makes up for her lack of edgy looks with her edgy personality. meanwhile g1 is just.... aussie and loves her boyfriend. g3 is still very sporty and cares for her friends (and crush) a lot, but now has personality past that, she can even find fault in her crush while still loving him, while g1 lagoona just saw gill as the perfect incarnate. g3 just overall, has more fleshed out monsters than g1.

more about deuce, I see a lot of people headcanon him as trans and I love that, but I personally believe he may be intersex. "but both of his parents and his sisters are female, there is no y chromosome in their heritage so how could he develop a y chromosome or testosterone" you may ask, but worry not for I have a biology special interest and am more than willing to explain! deuce's parents are a harpy (bird monster) and a gorgon(snake monster), and both birds and snakes are known to have NOT X and Y chromosomes to determine sex, but Z and W, and it works the other way around! meaning the offspring with zw chromosomes will be female while the offspring with zz chromosomes will be male! and due to deuce being out of the sex norms of both harpies and gorgons (having no males), he is considered intersex! again, I have nothing about his trans headcanons, but him being intersex makes more sense to me. and I LOVE it if thats the intention.

either way, even if I have my criticisms, I love g3, yes its not comparable to g1 but theyre different series!

[wooziorgans]

Don't mind me asking I'm genuinely curious if you are a guy ( or so I assume from your pronouns) why do you only write f/m fics? Like is it for better audience or do you have lady parts down there? Like I thot you'd have at least indulged in one m/m fics but there are none in your profile so I was like curious bout it hope you don't feel offended by my language or question

ahh. i was waiting for someone to ask this eventually.

i am indeed trans (ftm), but it’s not something i really talk about online or at all bcs ive been fully medically transitioned for the last few years. any identity i assume online is just,, a man. the details don’t rlly matter that much.

generally speaking, i think writing f/m is a Lot better for audience participation. most of the ppl who interact with my posts are afab, but i don’t write f/m necessarily. i try and keep things as gender neutral as possible in the language i use. in full fics (the ones in third person) i use they/them for reader and i also generally try and keep things as neutral as possible. for example: using chest instead of breasts, things like that. but some things are hard to not gender. if im writing about clit stimulation then i have to describe the clit, yknow?

i think it’s more comfortable for me to write that way while also appealing to a broader audience in a way, bcs ive read my fair share of gn!reader fics, and they’re not really neutral. anatomy wise, i also know how things work a little better. i know how dicks work too, but im just worried about posting things like that i guess.

i do have m/m fics in my drafts. one of them is almost finished too. but i think there’s a lot of fear around posting something like that for me. on one hand, im worried about engagement in general. if no one reads it, why did i post it?

on the other hand, im worried about people thinking that im forcing a queer identity on someone. because even though im writing fiction, its happened to me in the past. ive abandoned whole fics because i had side m/m relationships, or i made someone gay and i got worried that that wouldn’t sit well with the masses.

to me though, writing in a queer character or relationship is so natural bcs not everyone is cishet. friend groups don’t really exist like that, especially w svt. statistically speaking, one of them has to be queer in some way (im not speculating any of their sexualities btw, but to assume that they don’t know queer people or aren’t queer themselves is a little unfair).

also just generally speaking, most of the asks i get revolve around afab ppl, and i try to write things as they are presented to me.

if people are interested in m/m fics, or queer themes, then by all means send them my way. i think ive just been,,,, a little hesitant bcs my account is still fairly new. but i would like it to be known that my account is a safe space for queer people. and if that upsets anyone reading this then do not interact.

this was a very important ask to get. thank you for asking.

[eurydicees]

he/she trans butch iwaizumi and transfemme oikawa thoughts

for no reason other than satisfying my own desires and also projecting my own shit onto my fictional besties <3

LONG post under the cut. i cannot express to you enough. LONG post under the cut.

first off. wrote a fic about iwaizumi being genderqueer here. read it. it's influential but ultimately not really relevant to this. but read it anyways. im really proud of it. okay now that the self promo's out of the way!

in my mind palace, iwaizumi is a trans butch lesbian and no amount of cis bullshit telling him that's not allowed is gonna stop him from identifying that way

she starts figuring things out in college: getting to california for undergrad and meeting all the different kinds of people he does--people he never would have met in the world of men's athletics that he was in while in high school--introduces him to all kinds of new ideas, some of them being identities they had never heard of before

sometime in her freshman year someone asks him about pronouns, and it's a question he's never really thought to consider before. he's never had to--pronouns were just words assigned to them that she never really had reason to doubt

and then she starts. thinking about it. and kind of freaking out a little. because oh. there are options. and there are so many of them and it's overwhelming, to have this sudden rush of i don't think i know who i am anymore.

because he's never really had to think about gender or sexuality before: there's never been the space and support and encouragement to experiment, or the terminology in general, or any reason to try experimenting

but his friends encourage him to try things out, little by little. a few friends try out using they/them in private. they like it, most of the time, and it feels like it fits, most of the time, but still it's like. it feels like they're faking it. like it doesn't quite cover the entirety of what they feel--but maybe nothing does, you know?

they try introducing themselves by he/they in classes, instead of just in the privacy of his dorm room. he likes that people mix the two together in the same sentence sometimes. they like that he's not boxing himself into one thing

he's figuring shit out! and the journey kind of sucks because people ask him and he doesn't have answers, he doesn't have solid truth, he just has more questions for himself and he just has more to discover--which is frustrating, most of the time, but it's also fun to experiment, sometimes

it's about trying new clothing--he doesn't love dresses, but skirts with shorts sewn in are okay; crop tops and a carabiner with keys are euphoric--trying new words--he, they, genderqueer, transgender, and more--and trying new names--not a fan of his friends' suggestions, which are mostly english word names that he kind of fumbles around saying

notable that he's friends with a decent number of queer people who are so encouraging and supportive of everything they're trying out that it constantly amazes him and sometimes kind of makes him want to cry a little

also notable. he kind of. doesn't tell oikawa about any of this. they just...don't know how to.

she starts trying out she/her pronouns in her junior year of college. this starts , entirely coincidentally, a few months before oikawa comes out to him

oikawa does it quietly, without fanfare, nearly without the confidence to even say the words. she's clearly worried about what iwaizumi is going to think--they didn't grow up in a world where things like being trans or a lesbian were talked about, or were considered options for the two of them

but just as iwaizumi has been experimenting in california, oikawa has discovered an entirely new queer community in argentina, and she's discovered herself in anew just as iwaizumi has

and it doesn't change anything really, oikawa promises, again and again. she's still tooru. she's still the best friend iwaizumi has always had. she's still playing men's volleyball. she presents herself differently, now, when she can, but--

but also, in presenting differently, there's a new confidence about her. there's a new sense of self. there's a new comfort in her own body, now that she has the words to love it right, and--

and iwaizumi gets that. he doesn't want to tell oikawa just then, because oikawa is clearly nervous and this is her moment, of sorts, but now iwaizumi knows that--if they ever get brave enough--it really would be okay to say it

anyways. iwaizumi starts using she/her in addition to he and they and just. she kind of loves it.

most of the time, she doesn't love looking feminine, and that kind of . she doesn't really know how to explain that, doesn't really have the words for it

he likes being perceived a girl, but he doesn't like looking feminine. he likes being seen as masculine, but he thinks if one more person calls him a young man he's going to scream out loud

(he does kind of like fucking with people though. it gives them a little bit of gender euphoria when someone stutters through a list of pronouns, not sure what to use, looking her up and down, until giving up and landing on just his name. it maybe feels mean but it's also a little funny and really validating.)

so its like. she doesn't really know what to do with any of that. they/them feels a little too malleable, in a way. it's not really anything against the word so much as it is that people use it to cop out of calling her "she", and that's just...frustrating. because "she" fits so well on days when she's dressed masc and "he" feels so good when he's in lipstick and a skirt.

(i ran out of characters allowed in one post block apparently. so i am breaking up the list here. oh my god. i can't believe i ran out of characters. jesus fucking christ.)

anyways! it's when he comes out to oikawa that things kind of. fall into his hands and she goes oh. so this is okay. i'm allowed to have this: the unknowns, the multiplicities, the undecideds, the contradictions.

he doesn't really mean to come out. it happens casually: oikawa makes some reference to iwaizumi being cis, and iwaizumi tells her that that's not quite right. he's not sure what he is, but it's...not cis man.

she doesn't really know how to explain that to oikawa, who has become so comfortable in her gender when she's around iwaizumi, but iwaizumi figures she might as well know now. he's always trusted oikawa with everything, and he's not quite sure why this should have ever been different

anyways. oikawa tells iwaizumi something sappy, first, and something kind, second, and something annoying, when iwaizumi teases her for the first two

and when iwaizumi confesses his own unsureness, oikawa says something else along the lines of it's not really about what people tell you your labels should be when you look like yourself. it's about the words you use when you tell them to fuck off.

it makes iwaizumi laugh, and that was the main goal, really, but also iwaizumi is thinking about it long after they hang up their video call

he's been so caught up in "so, uh, what pronouns do you use?" and "hajime, do you want me to set your preferences to male or female or both when i make your tinder account for you?"

his answers have always been so relative to what he wants people to think when they look at her ("they or he are fine i guess" and "fuck off, give me my phone back"), but maybe it's less about that, for her

(this may not be true of everyone, but things start to fall into place when she moves her thought process just a little to the left)

maybe it's less about what he's letting other people see in her presentation, and more about what it is he owns about her own gender

so what does she like about it? what brings her comfort and joy? and what completely shatters all the expectations and preconceptions put on him that she hates so much?

he doesn't really come to a decision about any of those things in one night

but he tells oikawa she/he are what make him feel the most confident in his body and his heart, even if it's scary to say that out loud

the word butch comes not long after that, and he's not sure if it fits perfectly, but it's the first word to come along that feels like it captures the duality of masculine and woman that lives in him, instead of just reaching one or the other, if that makes sense

he's not sure any of it does, but he's decided she doesn't care if it makes sense or if it's "allowed" in the eyes of people who see transness as a uniform look and lesbianism as an exclusive club

it's not about what people tell her she's allowed to be, looking and talking and acting like that, you know? it's about what words he uses to make them respect her, looking and talking and acting just as she damn well pleases.