#im visibly trans even if people all tell me i pass

[a-5-m-0-d-3-u-5]

Please don't read this

[velvetvexations]

gender is so silly. i dont want to look like a girl because im transmasc but i DO want to look like a guy who looks like a girl. always fun when reading/watching something and they get to a crossdressing bit with one of the men and i feel some sort of way about it

This is exactly what TRFs would be down your throat about fetishizing transmisogynistic caricatures but I'm telling you it's okay and I'm the only person worth listening to on any subject.

I want to look like a girl who looks like a guy myself, but that's difficult to find. A vocal minority of the internet insists it's praxis to misgender cis men as often as possible but it's still considered a devastating and disgusting insult to say a woman looks masculine. I think Rhea Ripley is cool enough she'd be understanding if not entirely flattered that most of the reason I relate to her so much is that I was convinced she must have been a trans woman on sight.

But even with actual trans women, then it's even worse, which sucks because I do a happy little clap when I clock another correctly. Awhile ago I saw someone listing out signs a girl is AMAB to be a transphobic asshole but all I could think was about how ecstatic I'd be for someone to tell me those things, I'd just straight up be like "thank you for noticing!" like someone asked if I had my hair done.

I think that's what it means to me to be a male woman. Most trans women would obviously prefer to pass, and there are butch trans women, but I don't know if many of them conceptualize their butchness as being a feature of the body that got them AMAB or if it's just the same sense of style as butch-identifying cis women. For me it's very much the former. I'm loud and proud that my body is the kind that was assigned male. I don't intend to imply that must mean trans women who want to pass, or who don't center that physicality, hate themselves or anything, it's just a different path.

When I was younger I wanted so badly to look less masculine. The fact that I couldn't is, I think, a large part of why I eventually flipped the script and went all in on being masc, but most trans women who can't physically transition are either going to kill themselves or continue being miserable forever, and that sucks so much.

Even now, when I say I've been getting cooler with body hair lately, that doesn't mean I'm proud of or enjoy the hair on my actual body, but am more into the idea of my sona's design potentially having body hair in the future. I'm completely disassociated with this body entirely, which pre-dates me embracing masculinity. At a certain point, not being able to look the way I wanted to (feminine, then hyper-androgynous) made me snap and just fully break off from the physical world. This is especially true of Rally, the cis woman in our system, because the others feel themselves in this body but simply don't have a mental image of it at all, but she feels entirely removed even when fronting.

And as I noted before, my two examples of people I want to look like, particularly in regards to being visibly AMAB, were a clocky cis woman and a guy who the internet calls a faggot a million times a day, so there's still femininity there, androgyny.

Presentation sure is a thing.

[androphagy]

when i say "cis men are inherently more dangerous than cis women, trans women, and trans men" the "inherently" is because those are the cultures we're usually in when speaking on trans issues online, especially on tumblr. it is NOT BIOLOGICAL, it is centuries of sociopolitical patriarchal-dominated grooming. it's not biology that makes cisgender men "more dangerous" whatsoever it's the literal historical context of cismale entitlement being funneled through decades and decades of "you're a man so do whatever you want."

this isn't applicable to trans women and trans men because trans women lose that "privilege" the second they're anything other than Good Cis Male Archetype. femininity is punished in people who are viewed as Supposed To Be Men to all different degrees and pretending like trans women have any form of oppressive status over cis men (which is a take i've seen from terfs fairly regularly) is fucking insane. tell me what does a trans woman GAIN from putting herself out there and becoming something societally people, even other cis and trans women, will punch down on at first opportunity. she doesn't!!! she gains nothing but another target on her back!!!! trans women and transfems are seen as this nebulous "other" waiting behind every bathroom door to attack poor random cis women and children and if you can't see that and how prevalent that ideology has become eurocentrically you may just be completely out of touch beyond what i can tell you here.

trans men don't have that same context because unless they were born into a family that raised them fully in the way today's (and im speaking specifically on western/eurocentric ideals) men are raised and don't acknowledge their anatomy at all aside from positively, which is a fairly large part of misogyny, they're going to see misogyny for a good long while regardless of (if they ever do!!) passing status. and that passing privilege can be yanked out from under them if they're outed, medical misogyny is rampant no matter how masculine you look - if you still have a vagina, you will never be seen as male in the eyes of most people. trans men and the transmasculine are consistently erased, correctively raped and abused, and subjugated so they can't "identify" as male in the first place. the swept-under-the-rug-edness of this issue isn't the fault of trans women though!!!! visibility isn't a cake where it'll run out if someone takes more!!!!

the intercommunity "axis of oppression/lateral aggression" theory is specifically to pull apart internal biases surrounding the beliefs and behaviors of queers who are on varying levels of othering dependent on their own personal situations and externalization vs internalization of harm/support. for example its not calling out YOU, specifically, for being wary around people with penises; historical context, as i mentioned earlier, coupled with personal trauma and modern sociopolitical theory contribute to the unconscious bias against sharing the women's room with a trans woman regardless of how much of an ally you claim to be (as a transmasc, cis woman, newly-out transfem, etc.) it doesn't make your beliefs right in being anxious about going to the bathroom while a trans woman is in there too, but it gives you a starting place to begin to work on not having those beliefs. it is not a moral failing to have more privilege than someone else!! you can use that privilege to help them or at the very least see where they're coming from and deconstruct your own internalized bigotry!!!!

don't turn every conversation specifically about trans women's struggles into a "but all trans people --" because that's not what the post/conversation/etc is about. you can make your own post. when a trans woman is talking about how she's been affected and targeted in the bathroom by cis women and refers to them as AFAB, she's probably NOT rubbing her hands together and thinking how she's also "taking a swing" at trans men and transmascs. believe people when they say what they mean especially on a public and largely anonymous forum!!!

trans women have every reason to be afraid of cis men that people AFAB do. are there risks such as pregnancy which can increase that fear in people AFAB? yeah, absolutely. no one is arguing against that. trans women and trans men are arguing that they see bigotry and targeted aggression outside and inside the community, and the inside is on mostly personal-to-clique levels...which happens in every community regardless of it being queer focused or not. a trans woman snapping at a trans man for being entitled online isn't her saying "all trans men are like this and they're basically not even trans because they chose to be men", she's angry at the entitlement, not the trans status. she's viewing it from the extremely trodden-on status of a woman who's being attacked relentlessly for something she has no control over (just like how trans men have no control over being born with anatomically female parts!) just like how trans women can unlearn patriarchal entitlement, trans men can not internalize it and inflict it onto others with the misguided belief of that being how they're going to be seen as a man/that that's just what men do.

personally i think there's been a massive schism intentionally driven by terfs, transphobic queers, and cis people (men and women) between transmascs, transfems, trans women, and trans men because it's easier to break down communities once you sew enough discord and make everyone think no one else understands them and is out to get them at first opportunity (and my hypothesis on hyperindividualism running parallel to modern identity politics goes further into that.)

if you make everyone in the same demographic believe that the other has no way of understanding or relating to one another, then what's the point of having the community to begin with? bigoted groups -- cis, trans, conservative, leftist -- utilize that to really dig their claws in with their "divide and conquer" stratagem, and no one is exempt from being a potential transphobe because of their status of being trans.

compassion for those hurting in a system designed to hurt them will carry you so much further than getting aggro the second someone disagrees with you.

[sammygender]

not to vent post on main but being trans/genderfucked whatever requires so much strength of character and bravery and i just like. don’t have it in me. <3. like i do cause i’m doing it but i’m not built for it. i hate going against the grain and being the freak all the time. even if people r accepting or whatever it’s still a Difference that marks you. every new relationship w a cis person requires like three months before they start gendering u right if they ever do at all. ur always associated with the hashtag overly sensitive woke generation. youll never blend into anything or be the sort of person who gets on with everyone. you’re regarded as asking for something insane from everyone else around you and its just so shameful existing. and it’s like what’s the solution. go stealth or detransition/girlmode/closet urself. well i don’t pass anymore and i can’t afford and don’t want to go stealth. but girlmoding is hiding away such an integral part of me from anyone i get to know and it just fucking sucks and most of all its not true. if i stopped telling people i was trans or whatever i’d be prettier and cooler and everybody would like me more but id know that i was lying to everyone but it’s like. what else am i meant to do. not being cis is fighting an insane losing battle and ive been doing it for years but im still just not brave enough for it!! sorry!! im owen from i saw the tv glow not maddy!! im constantly on the verge of going back into the closet and the only thing that stops me is how embarrassing it is to be more of a coward than your 15 year old self. whatever. i hate that gender is a thing that exists at all. i hate that literally nobody in the public eye and nobody in tv shows and nobody anybody knows is actually visibly transgender. i hate that even typing the word seems cringe. idfk what ‘my gender’ even actually is how can anyone when the world wants something from you sooo desperately?? your life is never without context.. im a guy im a girl WHATEVER. i still feel like and want to ‘look like’ a guy deep down whatever that means but i have the experiences and the community of a girl and cant bring myself to reject it fully even tho i will cry if someone im close to sees me as anything other than male. its not that deep….. its not that deep. yet its in EVERYTHING. and if i want to be actually accepted as a guy irl within the wider world i have to change every part of myself. and can i?? do i want to?? i dont even really like men. and everything abt myself has alwayssss been tailored to what other people want so how tf do i ever do what i want. embarrassing. anyway. love and light. sorry if u read this 💖💖

[homenecromancer]

a lot of the time, i have a hard time realizing that im feeling an emotion unless i actively sit down and work through it a bit.

and this whole spring i've been like. well my general anxiety has been way worse, my ability to deal with things is all over the map, i have trouble sleeping without sleep medication, i've noticed myself pulling away from even socializing online... when i think about my hysterectomy coming up, i don't feel happy. i feel nervous and a little scared. i worry that i'm going to get a phone call telling me that my insurance company has decided not to pay. holy shit, do i worry about that.

(like, two days ago i was on a conference call with someone from my rheumatologist's office + someone who works with my insurance company, and things eventually boiled down to: the insurance company refuses to add a preferred name to my account, and they won't accept documents with anything but my birth name on them, so now i'm back to being "[birth name] but with a note on my file to call me a different name" at my rheumatologist.)

it wasn't like that when i was waiting for my top surgery.

but that was 2018.

and i did not think, then, that in five years, every time i checked the news i would be bracing myself for new anti-trans legislation, and praying it wouldn't be in my state. it doesn't feel like i'm waiting to walk through a door to a different state of being; it feels like i'm running and trying to escape a trap. when i think about the future it's in terms of "what can i survive, and how?". i wanted joy, not desperation.

my state is relatively supportive of trans people, but it is surrounded by states that are proposing and passing a tide of transphobic legislation. and while this state leans more Democrat than it did in the past, there is still a Republican history in this state. there are people here who would be happy to vote to make it illegal for me to get hormones, to use my own name, to change my legal gender marker.

sometimes i wonder if part of the reason that i am mostly treated okay in public is that i'm visibly disabled, and a lot of abled people view disabled people as the diet versions of adults. (people tend to see someone visibly disabled and immediately decide "oh, they're disabled, so they obviously don't drink / fuck / do any 'normal' adult activity"). so i'm not getting invisibly graded on my ability to pass as an adult man, not the way i would if i weren't disabled; anything odd about me gets brushed off as "oh, the poor thing is disabled" rather than "i knew it, he's not actually a man".

i don't really participate in real-world queer community, for reasons that are like... considerably related to depression/anxiety. i am happy to call myself queer, but i don't feel like i belong anywhere in particular in the community, or that anyone would have interest in my opinions, experiences, or feelings, for reasons i do not wish to elaborate on. (also, every group i have found that i might be interested in meets somewhere far away from where i live, on a day and at a time when i am usually at work. like even the teleconference groups i've found are like that. lmao at living in the suburbs.) usually i can just patch that feeling of loneliness over, but sometimes it really drags me down.

i'm just tired of being scared all the time.

[thecommunityoftrustworthysinks]

(positive, personal post, mentions of self harm)

it's interesting. a few times ive mentioned to some people that i could probably qualify for keyhole surgery (no scars) but i don't want it, and ive had them get confused why i wouldn't want a top surgery that left no scars.

and i sorta...well most of the time i just say because im trans and top surgery is a part of that for me and i'd like to have the scars to be visible and proud about it. which is true, and enough of the picture for most of the times ive had this conversation.

but the thing is....scars are a physical history. ive struggled with self harm for more than a decade. im doing better now, i actually don't know exactly when the last time i did it was. it was over a year ago by a few months at least. and im doing pretty good, so in a way it's kind of weird that i might be able to soon say that im recovered from something that was so dominant in all of my developmental years starting from age 12.

i still have the scars. some are faint now, some aren't, but they're there. i see them every day. they've been all sorts of things to me, points of pride, triggering, ugly, beautiful, whatever.

now? they're a history. and that's how i feel about all scars, honestly. the big one on my knee from gouging it on my desk at college. the surgical scars i have. the one on my left wrist that i don't even know where it came from and it's been there as long as i can remember. the remnants of cuts on my hips, thighs, some on my arms. they tell about me. i would never want to get through life unscathed. im still working on feeling this way about my acne scars, too.

so.

im trans. i didn't come out early. it was far from an easy realization or an easy life to get into. i still struggle sometimes. im bigender, genderqueer and a guy, and in a lot of ways i feel like my gender is more just trans than it is male. i kind of wonder, actually, if once i get on T and start to pass, if my perception of myself as a guy will change or not. im kinda looking forward to finding out.

getting top surgery and ending up in the future not being able to tell i ever had anything on my chest is not a place i want to be in. i want to know. i want other people to know. i want to remember. i want that story on me. i want to be able to run my fingers across the thick ropes of skin and know what i went through to get there. there's no tribute to my boobs or anything, ive never wanted or liked them and i certainly won't miss them (except maybe as stims). i just want that there, because more of me is trans than male, and i don't want to look cis. i want to keep holding onto the way my life has been and what has happened to me and what ive done to myself (in good and bad ways) and i want that history written on me too.

(obligatory personal feelings! visible top surgery scars (or top surgery at all!) has nothing to do with maleness or transness or a journey inherently)

[official-sovietunion]

Yesterday was trans day of visibility. I want to write this post here bc it is the only account online where i feel comfortable doing so. I dont use this account anymore, but when i did, i was very vocal about being trans.

I was vocal about being trans everywhere. I was, and still am, proud of my transness, and dedicated to fighting for myself and my trans siblings. I was also pre-medical transition, and despite feeling i looked very masculine, existing in the world meant outing myself every single day.

It is exhausting. It is exhausting to constantly be fighting and correcting and telling not only strangers but people ive known for years. I did not know there would ever be another option for me, so i accepted this and fought and made damn sure my voice as a trans person was heard. It is also exhausting to be homeless and stealth for safety reasons, knowing you have nowhere to run to, knowing that any sign of queerness could be the end of your life, knowing you must constantly hide and choose your words carefully to not gibe anything away.

Shortly before starting hormones, i experimented with being stealth in a particular online community that is known for its edginess and tendency to attract bigoted people (there is also a large amount of queer people in this community and we've managed to shift the userbase over the years to be more inclusive).

I made this decision because of the interactions i would have with some members that were sometimes s3xual, as well as interactions i had on dating apps. I had sent some nudes with a packer to cis men on grindr without really meaning to pass it off as my natal organs, but they assumed i was cis. That was the first time i realized i might be able to 'pass' in this capacity.

I knew that many of the cis people there, if they knew i had certain parts, would never fully think of me as a man. I just wanted people to imagine me with a penis regardless. Did being stealth in this community work? Not exactly. A lot of people made it clear they knew i was trans and would harass and ask me invasive questions, but i was adamant in never admitting my transness to them. We dont owe cis people anything.

Shortly after this i became homeless, following my 18th birthday. from that point on i have been 100% stealth until i find out someone else is trans too, i will tell them in private. At first i was getting misgendered still, but i would act confused like 'you thought i was a girl? How wacky and unusual for me! Haha!' This seemed to work pretty well and after a couple years on hormones i passed pretty much 100% of the time.

A lot of trans people read me as cis. This was comforting, briefly, since if even another trans person couldnt tell, a cis person definitely wouldnt be able to. But i hate it. I hate to think that any trans person has to wonder if they can be themselves around me, if they can trust me. Its interesting also to see the way cis people will talk to me about trans people, not realizing im "one of them"

I feel like i am betraying part of myself. I feel like i am betraying the whole trans community. I want to fight and be vocal again. I want to actually be open about my gender identity. I tell people i am a man because it makes things easier. Because it is safer. Because of all the people who just continued to call me a girl and said i had to pick a gender. I dont have to pick a gender. Gender isnt real to me. I will present the way i want to present.

As i get closer to bottom surgery, i feel much more confident that i will be able to be more vocal about transness. I dont know what i will tell people about my gender identity. I dont really want to have to have a gender identity at all. I have experienced far too much ego death to be connected to any concept of identity that goes any further than a preformance. I just dont want people to know my AGAB. i want them to see me as someone who has always had a penis, even if it was only in my mind for much of my life. What i really want is for people who have no business in my pants to stop thinking so hard about whats down there.

I want to balance being able to maintain my privacy while not feeling i hafta hide myself. I want to balance being able to feel safe with my activism. So many people dont have the priveldge to hide. I was one of those people once. I dont want to hide, its more important than ever that trans youth see people that look like them. This isnt something that will come easily, with everything happening politically. And aside from that, untill theres not a single transphobe left in the world, i dont think ill ever feel completely safe as an openly trans person on the street. But im working towards… something. Like everything, itll be a transition.

Im tired of my identity, my existence, being so intertwined and influenced by violence, biogtry, capitalism. If it werent for the way cis people treat us, if it werent for the way this society works that keeps us poor and refuses us housing, i wouldnt hafta worry about any of this. I would be loudly and joyously trans. I dont know if ill ever be able to get to that point, bc its not even really up to me. But if i am willing to speak up and fight, i can help make changes that will make it possible not just for me but for everyone.

[zonatcannibalism]

(i know many binary trans people relate to some of these experiences. Im not trying to invalidate that. But that is what i experience as a result of being non binary)

Basically its just the overall experience of society nit being made for you. as far as nb experiences go id say im pretty lucky for finding safe spaces to be out in, and my parents are chill. Ive never been physically attacked or assaulted for being non binary yet (ive only been out in non queer spaces for about 8 months), and thats because i choose the spaces im out in very carefully. But i do feel like theres this huge gap between my experience and other trans peoples experience. I probably won't ever be able to be fully out in all spaces of my life, because i can never pass or be stealth. I can't just say im a guy the way passing transmasc people can. Theres no way of living as who im truly am that isn't announcing myself as trans, and im always coming out. How many people see someone with ambiguous gender and think of them as non binary? And my presentation isnt ambiguous- im visibly AFAB. If i want to be out, i need to to make an effort for it. But usually i don't even have the choice. Most places are not built for active And then there are all of the people that i did come out to and do know im non binary, but don't actually believe me. Even of they're the most progressive liberals ever, i know that most people just think of me as a girl that's just a little bit weird. When i came out to my parents they tried to use my pronouns for a while but then they just stopped and went back to female pronouns. In my language pronouns are used in pretty much every sentence, so i know when people misgender me, and the neutral pronouns i use aren't actually correct (there isn't a neutral pronoun in my language) so telling people my pronouns always feels like im basically begging them to do me a favour and make a grand sacrifice by using my pronouns, because thats the only way i can actually get them to use my pronouns- i either have to act like people are so kind and incredible for using them or i have to basically be on constant defense trying to convince people they should use them. And it's not just the pronouns, its my entire existence, because non binary is something msot people have a hard time to wrap their head around. Im sooo sick of my identity being a debate subject, i literally just want to live as myself without having to apologise about it or be on constant defense. But irl places where i can do that don't really exist. When i come out to people it always comes back to the "you don't have to understand it, just respect it" talking point. Which i hate so fucking much. Its better than nothing, but i don't want people to pretend to accept me to be kind. I want to actually be accepted, and 99 of the times i can tell when someone just thinks of me as a fucked up girl and is "doing me the favour" of "being kind" and pretending they dont. And im expected to grovel and thank them for that, because they're making an effort to "feed my delusion" even though i make it so hard for them by just fucking existing. The "girls and theys" additude of tiktok queerness also isnt helping with that. In literally every thing i do im reminded that society isnt made for me, and that i don't get to just live as myself. I have to actively fight just to not be misgendered by the most liberal leftist people, and its fucking dangerous for me. The gender binary is constant in literally everything. Its so fucking suffocating. I don't get to be just myself, ever. Its just be a girl or constantly fight to be "respected" and not accepted by putting my own life and safety on the line.

Also i do feel alienated by a lot of the trans community for the way i treat my transition and how its VERY different from the common binary trans experience, but im to tired to dive into that rn.

❗️❗️ This is asked entirely in good faith. This post is intended to open dialogue and help with solidarity and understanding. ❗️❗️

I would like to hear specifically from nonbinary people how the system of exorsexism/enbyphobia uniquely targets and affects you. Things that you feel other demographics do not experience. Reblogs and replies are very encouraged! If you would prefer, you could dm or send an ask to be added anonymously by me.

This is in the spirit of wanting to understand. I am listening. I encourage all binary trans people to not speak on this topic and let nonbinary people do the talking here. Reblog the post to spread it, but please say nothing.

Any and all people who identify as nonbinary are encouraged to participate. This is not agab-locked. If you are agender, trans neutral/neutrois, genderfluid, bigender, trigender, multigender, xenogender, genderqueer, third gender, two spirit, or any other gender not wholey contained within the strict binary of "man" or "woman", this post is for you. Even if you have already posted on the trans fem or trans masc versions, if you are nonbinary, you are welcome here.

This is not bait to start a fight. I will block without hesitation anyone who is actively being a shithead on this post. I want to hear and uplift your voices by getting it directly from you.

Click this to access the trans fem and trans women version of this post.

Click this to access the trans masc and trans men version of this post.

[9mt7vcoec0snpczpztn9m5foxwjtis2p]

tbh I'm a little hesitant to use the word transandrophobia/whatever the accepted term is now for it. I think most people don't have bad intentions with it, the way I see it is its just for discussing anti transmasculinity - but ppl who make the most shit ass actual transphobic or misogynistic takes using this term get the most visibility by ppl against that term and seem to provide a misconception of the entire point of it. I will still listen to the ppl who use transandrophobia bc the vast majority of the community is being normal about it. but I think "anti-transmasculinity" feels like a word where I don't have to walk on eggshells to clarify exactly what I mean at every single point all the time since it doesn't immediately make ppl think I'm referring to other trans people thru false parallels.

anyway. I am kind of remembering a ton of microagressions I've experienced as a trans man and it sucks so bad bc most of my friend groups, I'm one of the few transmasculine people and it feels like I have to be very very careful. I don't really feel confident in speaking up for myself, but my stomach twists every time I remember the conversations I had with someone about how trans men are better and they can "always tell" by looking at their hands... negative reaction when I said not really the case... I am constantly treated like I'm nonbinary or basically just one of the girls, people I'm out to (other trans people, especially nonbinary people are the worst offender of this for some reason!!! idgi) constantly use they/them pronouns for me despite me correcting them repeatedly since they're "not sure" (see: I'm pre-everything and don't pass, and they don't know how to gender me bc I still move through the world as a woman if I don't come out to everyone). no resources for trans guys, very little positivity for them until recently, I don't get compliments anymore and people seem distant until they start pretending I'm just a girl again, I constantly have to prove my gender to others, dealing with "suggestions" and ppl asking why I don't id as nonbinary whenever I talk about my complex relationship with gender... people saying it'll be easy for me to pass because I'm transmasc and hormones do their job better, hell even shit about how "testosterone is so much stronger than estrogen". ok why do trans men sometimes have issues with high estrogen levels impeding their medical transition then? Testosterone doesn't fucking "overpower" estrogen it just suppresses the production of it sometimes so it seems like it works better to some. im sick ajd tired of hearing people say how testosterone is poisoning their bodies and when i say the same of estrogen, i get heavily criticized. I'm sure not all of this is unique to trans men but why have I never seen any discussion of it till this year? or maybe I wasn't online enough and didn't find it till I went looking

[lostandfem]

hii feel free to ignore if this is invasive but i kinda need advice! i am still trans identified publicly but in the paat year come to understand myself as a woman again - yet i still feel agonised over the way my body looks. its so hard cos i dont want to be a man, i just wanna look like one, and i have these impulses like once a day when i consider starting T or binding again, if i see an actor or musician that i think is inspiring (i like a lot of female artists and make concious effort to engage but i just dont want to emulate them in the same way) 😐 i cant shake this at all. its not even that i think im Male inside so all the stuff about 'never truly being a man' doesnt help me get rid of these thoughts. neither does telling myself that i wont look like the males i idolise as i know multiple ftms in real life who pass amazingly and that has convinced me i could too. do u have any tips shaking this compulsion? i know hormones and surgery wouldnt be good for my body but its just not getting through

not invasive dw haha. ive had a similar feeling, and for me i think ive narrowed it down to feeling like my female body is going to be perceived a certain way. like for example, if you consider a male musician but then mentally create another musician who is exactly the same in all regards but is visibly female, it feels different. ‘female’ is taken into account as a personality trait almost. and i personally got tired of it and wished i could be considered in a neutral light for all my other traits without the modifier ‘female’ on top of it.

it helps to try to understand the logic behind your feelings because then you can try to counteract it. you cant do much for others considering your female body as a non-neutral thing, but you can try to teach yourself to view it neutrally and understand that other peoples views of it are wrong. when you look at your body, what beliefs about yourself arise? do you feel trapped? do you feel weaker? or try the opposite— if you had a male body, what beliefs about yourself would you have and how do they differ from what you think of yourself now? from there you can begin to tackle any negative connotations you associate with being female that act as barriers to you being happy in your body

thats just whats been working for me so far anyway. im not anything close to a therapist so take it with a grain of salt. hope i was able to help tho

[gallys-wife]

can you maybe do a tmr characters help y/n with dysphoria ? im havin a bad day and theres literally no trans y/n content out there 🙁 if not thats totally fine i get its not everyones thing !!!!

Maze Runner Characters Helping You With Gender Dysphoria

I would love to do this one, and it is certainly my thing seeing as I am nonbinary! I tried to make this as inclusive of all trans people as possible because you didn't specify trans woman/man/nonbinary.

Also sorry this is so late, I put it in my drafts and forgot about it 💀

~~

Alby

Makes a point to refer to you by your preferred pronouns/name at every opportunity but somehow manages to make it sound natural/not forced or patronizing.

(Side note, this man will wreck anyone who purposefully deadnames/mispronouns you.)

Aris

Gets you your favorite foods and offers to read you allowed your favorite book

Anything to get your mind off it

Ben

Listens to you vent about it, visibly interested and asking questions so he can better understand and help you feel more comfortable

Brenda

Helping you with styling hair and doing your makeup.

If you're trans masc the two of you raid Jorge's closet and try on his clothes (she turns around every time you change, even if you don't ask her to, just to make you more comfortable) and if you're trans fem she the two of you raid her closet instead.

Clint

Tries to be super subtle about it, casually giving you gender-affirming compliments.

“You’re looking exceptionally beautiful/handsome/preferred today”

“That shirt looks very feminine/masculine/preferred on you”

Frypan

Notices immediately but doesn’t comment on it unless you mention it first. Reassures you that you’re passing whenever you start to get doubts.

Offers to do all of your favorite things with you to get your mind off it.

Gally

Gives you some of his clothes to wear so they’re extra baggy/less form-fitting.

Basically babies you and makes sure you’re comfortable and don’t need to lift a finger to do anything all day.

Harriet

Incredibly sympathetic, giving you back rubs and trying to offer up comforting words like:

“I’m sorry this is happening, angel.” “That sounds awful.”

Jeff

Suggests distractions like playing card games or organizing the stocks in the med shack with him.

Doesn’t go very far from you all day.

Minho

Literally threatens anyone who misgenders you or deadnames you, whether they said it on purpose or on accident.

Hours of nonstop talking with you to keep your mind off of it.

Newt

Newt has a whole system. He gets Frypan to make your favorites, spends all day doing your favorite relaxing activities, and is incredibly respectful and understanding if you don’t want to be held/touched during this time.

Teresa

Listens all the way through you telling you how you’re feeling before asking if she can hug you. If you say yes, she holds you gently and kisses the top of your head before telling you your feelings are valid and that she loves you.

Suggests just going back to bed and spending the day together lounging in bed, relaxing.

Thomas

Never tries and tells you you’re wrong about your feelings, instead saying things that reassure you like if you’re transmasc but feel like you’re not looking masculine today he’ll say, “well, you’ll always be one of the boys to me” or if you guys are together “you’re still my boyfriend, no matter what you look like.”

Sonya

Readily avoids gender-specific compliments, instead saying things like “You’re such good company” and “you’re so smart”, basically spends all day praising you for every little thing and making you feel good about yourself.

Winston

Asks a bunch of questions about being trans, and about your gender dysphoria so he can better understand how you’re feeling and how being trans affects you then brainstorms the best ways to make you as comfortable while you’re feeling dysphoric, from sharing his clothes (or getting Teresa to share her clothes) or his blankets, to getting you out of your day’s work so you don’t have to be around all the others while feeling dysphoric.

[witch-without-gender]

youre just homophobic, there isnt much else to it. not everyone can be bisexual. not everyone can be attracted to the other sex's genitalia or body. i dont need to call myself superlesbian or some shit because being a lesbian alone should be enough to say "im a female who likes pussy and only pussy" but yall homophobes have ruined that to validate your nonexistant ~genders~ (as in, gender itself isnt a real thing). i can tell you dont think homosexuality is an innate and natural thing. i can tell you think all people have the capacity to be bisexual and experience attraction to the opposite sex.

males and females have different bone structures, especially in the face, and im not at all attracted to male faces. most trans woman still have visibly male bone structure and are therefore not sexually attractive to me (or other homosexual women). even trans women who do have passing facial structures still either have a penis or a faux vagina that isnt even self lubricating, so again, not attractive to real lesbians (aka homosexual woman). id also like to mention to you that if you do your research, trans women will never be able to carry children because their bodies literally dont and cant produce the hormones needed to keep a fetus alive. not to even mention that a male body would almost certainly reject have a uterus put into it.

and btw, lots of (actual homosexual) lesbians would be willing to date a trans person if hes FtM! because sexuality is based in a person's SEX, not something as made-up as gender.

why do you feel the need to help pressure homosexual women into dating people who are male? why isnt it good enough for bisexual women to date trans women? why do us lesbians need to validate them by pretending wed date dick-havers? why dont you realize it would be traumatic for an actual homosexual women to be in sexual contact with a penis?

There’s so much wrong with this I don’t even know where to start. But I guess I’ll start with the fact that claiming to be able to know if someone is biologically male/female is both sexist AND racist. This is literally how you get cis women, mainly cis women of color, being accused of being trans in sports. A lot of them just naturally have higher testosterone levels, which affects both their performance and appearance and because of people like you, they get scrutinized.

As for the “non self lubricating vagina” crap, vaginal dryness is a thing a lot of cis women experience. Sure it’s not exactly the same thing, but are you really gonna dislike a woman based solely on the fact that she’s dry? Bc that sounds pretty stupid to me.

And again, I stated it as a hypothetical. I love how y’all just prove over and over again that you don’t actually read anyone else’s arguments and just throw the same, stale, disproven bullshit at us over and over again.

I haven’t met a single lesbian who would actually date a trans man. Most that I’ve met just acknowledge that trans men are men, and one just hated trans people on the basis of our being trans. Also, just to be that person, if you consider yourself a lesbian but would still find yourself attracted to a trans man who has had bottom surgery, congrats you like dick lmfao.

I don’t want to pressure anyone into dating anyone else. I just want exclusionists to stop treating trans people like a monolith. And you’re doing that thing terfs do where they act as if every trans woman has a penis. News flash, bottom surgery still exists. You were just talking abt trans women with vaginas 5 seconds ago. How do they all now suddenly have dicks again?

Also just hilarious that you’re calling me, a pansexual queer, homophobic. Oh but do go ahead and be panphobic. Please tell me all about how I’m actually bisexual (as if bisexuality doesn’t also include all genders literally in the bisexual manifesto) or straight. Please tell me what my sexuality actually is just like you claim I’m doing to you.

Anyway, seriously get off anon so I can block you or I will stop answering these. I’m tired of having the same argument over and over again with you misogynistic, racist, transphobic fucks. Get over it or get bent.

[dirt-grub]

Dan and or chris for the headcannon thingy?

OKAY ONCE MORE FROM THE TOP CAUSE TUMBLR ATE THE LAST ONE

ahem.

Headcanon A: what I think realistically

Dan had a shit childhood and shit parents, and isn’t dealing with any of the issues spawned by that, hence why his life is kind of a disaster and his functionality as an independent adult is uh. subpar. 

Having grown up together and witnessed some of it secondhand, Chris knows not to bring it up too much with Dan. They both have an unspoken agreement and understanding not to approach certain topics with each other. They’re very good at reading each other, so Chris knows exactly how much he can actually get away with prodding Dan to act like a people for once, and vice versa Dan knows when to actually drop an argument when it gets into a serious place. Its incredibly weird for Elise to watch, and as incredibly close she is with Chris they have a very close bond that’s difficult for her to understand with how far back it goes. Also, in the beginning of Chris and Elise’s relationship, despite very vocally objecting to the entire thing when Chris was around, Dan begrudgingly gave Elise advice on how to speak Chris essentially, telling her what to avoid and what to talk about with him. He phrased it in a condescending way but we all know he was being a softie because he knows Elise makes Chris happy :,)

(also bonus every single roadtrip with all three of them ends up like this)

Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hilarious 

Dan is always visibly covered in cat hair. Trust me I’ve had a black and white cat before and you just can’t win. Whatever color you wear SOME of the fur will ALWAYS show up on it. You can always tell where Dan has been you just follow the trail

Chris’ gap/chip/whatever in his front teeth were the result of some dare. Based on a story from my childhood where we all dared a kid on my bus to lick the frozen bus window, and the bus jerked and he smashed his face on it and lost a tooth. Luckily irl it was a baby tooth but like that seems like a very Chris thing to happen even tho im sure its actually just genetic (also Brian if youre out there im sorry i laughed at you when you lost your tooth and im also sorry i stole your holographic staraptor pokemon card. id still have it if it wasnt for that miserable little troll bastard down the street who then stole it from ME a few years later. poetic justice i guess)

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

*cracks knuckles* i was born for this

Dan’s never slept a full night in his entire adult life, and has terrible nightmares constantly. His hypervigilance directly comes from his awful childhood, and Chris is his one single source of stability where most well adjusted people would have an entire complex system of friends and family to rely on. Chris is his ‘safe’ person -which I think is primarily an anxiety term but oh boy trust me is it a post traumatic thing also- The two have fundamentally different outlooks on the world and relationships, so theirs is pretty complicated, with Chris not actually realizing that despite the poor treatment, Dan has him on a pedestal in his mind that no one else has ever been privy to before. He has a damn shitty way of showing affection, but its revealed through his constant dependency on Chris and Chris alone that he holds him in incredibly high regards and would likely be devastated into complete nonfunctionality without him around. 

Chris has some self esteem issues with this and how it relates to his perceived importance in the lives of his loved ones. With Elise as well, he feels overshadowed by her talent and dependability, not realizing he’s the rock keeping both her and Dan grounded and relatively happy. Elise however is way better at communicating how much she loves Chris and genuinely both needs and wants him around. Also, I believe that Dan’s insane plots are some sort of an appeal to Chris in an outdated way- when they were younger they used to make those crazy plans together, as evidenced by the camp episode and mentioned a few times in passing (there was some line that stuck out to me in the gym ep along the lines of lets do it like old times, come up with a plan together) in Dan’s disconnected mind, he’s still in the past where Elise was never a participant in their lives and Chris and him were still immature and carefree, just the two of them against the world. In a misguided way, he thinks he’s inviting Chris to something fun and nostalgic every time he drags him along for something insane, not realizing in cases like the camp episode they were in the right and forced to fight back against something, and that stretching small grievances into huge meltdowns is an issue, the opposite of what would appeal to Chris now in his adulthood. Part of him is worried about him and that old bond being left behind if he doesn’t keep that very specific set of circumstances going. 

that got too long and psychoanalyzey lets move on HKDAUSL

D: would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

TRANS TRANS TRANS T

this isnt as much a headcanon as an observation but dan has powerful new yorker energy (to me, the new yorker who never shuts up about new yorking). he just checks off a lot of the stereotypes and i wouldnt be surprised if the two of them had grown up around here instead of always living in cali like is canon. he checks all the boxes, rude, loud, opinionated, impatient, cant drive but complains about every other driver on the road, snobby in a weird despite living in a shithole apartment in a cesspool neighborhood, confrontational with complete strangers, colorful aggressive language, the whole thing. ive found personally that whenever im far enough out of state it is PAINFULLY obvious im from new york, given how im just naturally more aggressive in my speaking and mannerism completely unintentionally. Like, ive got a sailors mouth, i complain REAL hyperbolically, and until i noticed it it genuinley put people off who werent used to it HDUSALAS its just. the norm here. im not as angry as i sound lmfao i just talk real aggressive which is v dan

[wlwinry]

im not the anon who asked but i wanted to reply to yr post abt straight passing bc it because imo the way you responded was incredibly rude. they were just curious. its fine to not want to answer questions like that on yr personal blog but maybe instead getting of angry/aggressive you cld set a boundary. bc anon doesnt know what yr not okay w/ esp when so many of ur posts are abt biphobia. didn’t even have to respond. you cld have just expressed discomfort&linked the blogs you put as a resource.

+straight passing privilege isnt just a bi or m/f issue. im gay and tme trans, but ive always been told when i come out that people wld “never know”. if u looked at me, i look straight&cis. that saved me from so much abuse from family & religious community growing up. meanwhile my best friend is gay but not tme. he’s faced so much transphobia, harassmen, even threats of violence just bc he’s visibly transmasc&gay. Being “straight passing” is a privilege i have&he doesnt.

i did set a boundary. i said not to send me asks again, and that it was the only time i would answer something like that--and yet here you are, stepping on my boundaries! i set it aggressively because i was uncomfortable. you seem dead-set on my rudeness--was i rude because i wrote in all-caps and pointed out that just because i post about biphobia doesn’t mean i’m open to answering questions about how oppressed i think i am compared to other people. if anon didn’t know what i was okay with, they could have asked before going into it, or gone to a blog that centers around answering those kinds of questions. 

i’m aware that the idea of “straight passing privilege” involves more than bi and m/f people, but anon asked in the context of bisexuality and “straight-passing privilege”, hence why i answered their question about straight-passing privilege through a lense of bisexuality and biphobia. as a cis person, i don’t have a right to tell you whether or not “straight-passing privilege” applies to you, so i’m not going to argue with that. i’m sorry about the violence, transphobia, and homophobia your friend has faced, but the term “straight passing privilege” in reference to bisexuality implies that we are privileged over lesbians and gay men and capable of oppressing them on the basis of sexuality because of our “proximity to heterosexuality” and that’s what i was addressing.

any further asks addressing this will not be answered, as i asked in the first post.

[constablegoo]

@astralglam​​​​ filed a report .

mint: does your muse view themself as virtuous & moral? what do these words mean to them?

OHOHO. hey hi ily. this is, of course, one of odo’s deepest ongoing battles, and the moment he stops questioning it is the moment he becomes a founder.

the founders grant themselves god status.  GOD!  status. they just reach out and pluck it. Within their range of power, the founders become unquestionably Just and Virtuous and Moral, their Word becomes Law, it becomes “the way things are” and “fact” and they create their own reality stemming from thousands of years of intense xenophobia. they’re above it all. gods don’t make mistakes, right? sure, maybe changelings were hunted and feared ages ago but they still fear it, and that drive for Order and Control over the galaxy is now encoded into their genes and they place a companion structure into the genes of every other species they control, subjugating them to the founders’ own cozy position as Gods, or-- ‘gods’. the founder (i rly don’t like saying “female” founder so she’s THE Founder. she speaks for the link.) makes it quite clear on many occasions that the founders are not here to negotiate. they fully intend to control EVERYTHING at any cost. it is absolutely  chilling  when she cuts garak down with: “they’re dead. you’re dead. cardassia is dead.” and draws the line between the dominion and everyone else miles deep into the sand.

that same genetic coding is one of the first semi-concrete things odo comes to understand about himself and, horribly, he’s landed into conditions under the occupation that very easily could have taken advantage of a less meticulous or stubborn changeling. no, odo says initially (and incorrectly), i am not bajoran** and i am not cardassian and i stand apart from either side of this conflict and so i am bound to PURE Virtue and Morality because of it. he can’t be bribed or bought or won over, and he won’t allow for anything less than a kind of incorruptibility. this effectively wins him allies (and enemies) on both sides, however -- that’s just not how the universe works. the truth of it is that no matter how much he tells himself he is not a part of their regime, his working with the cardassians makes him a collaborator in that he has then recognized their authority and ultimately upheld their legitimacy, even if he never agreed with the cause, even if he was also on some level a casualty of it. at some point when he moves past ‘contract’ investigation and begins to work permanently, he falls into the trap of thinking Order is the same thing as Justice... huge yikes. in that moment he becomes a true and apathetic villain, but he’s subsequently haunted by the resulting execution of innocents. it shakes something up in him. years pass and he still wonders, what other mistakes has he made? what other less direct consequences of his ‘neutral’ arbitration exist? he (and everyone around him) has to live without really knowing, and it’s a constant reminder to him of the power he holds and it informs his understanding of what Real (and imperfect) Justice Means.

**sidenote but later in s7 he introduces himself as ‘from bajor’ and AAAAAA. its good. very good. yeah, you’re bajoran, odo. he gets it now.

Mirror odo is really the ultimate example of an odo having taken those instincts to extremes in an environment that rewarded him for them -- there is no guilt there, and even a sadistic kind of pleasure in it. i’d argue that gaia!odo is another, less extreme example of an odo who’s been alone too long and lost sight of things when he single-mindedly (and against kira’s wishes) chooses her (one person) over 8000. like holy shit? NOT ok? uhhuhhhhfff. anyway. very fortunately, neither of these are OUR odo, but act as great foils to reflect on the worst (bastard cop) qualities or potential qualities of our goo pushed to highly visible extremes, which star trek just loves to do all the time.

but regular/prime odo isnt exactly a rule-follower, either. throughout his life, he frequently takes things into his own hands, uses his abilities to his advantage, spies, wiretaps, eavesdrops, and yes, harasses [quark] sometimes -- he develops his own set of values and personal rules and follows them; even starfleet comes in wary of him and how he operates and hes on thin ice. but because of possibly his most redeeming quality, odo is able to adapt those self-ordained values toward something increasingly honest: for how rigid he can be in personality, he is HIGHLY influenced by the world around him,  listens hard  to what his friends and allies have to say and adapts that feedback; this allows him to evolve and grow and take important matters to heart. he becomes more flexible and better able to hold onto what’s really most important after locking into a decision, because above all else, he is passionately committed to doing the Right Thing. he PLEADS with himself in things past, “your job is to find the truth, not obtain convictions.” by his tendency to push back against what is laid down as ‘law’ (something he becomes more and more aware of and effective at doing) as not always being good or right, or necessarily even creating Order (the thing he’s driven genetically to want), he prepares himself to challenge the most deadly voice of authority -- that of his own people.

so... yes and no. odo’s role and persona as ‘your average security chief’ might dictate that he be virtuous and moral, but he so obviously can’t fit the same exact mold as others in his position -- he has these insane abilities and this mind-consuming nature and it requires he tread with extra care, but he also has a potential for more adaptive, more nuanced morality. he has to build up his own definitions to the words, constantly examine and tease and test them, or else he risks straying too far from what he really wants to achieve -- harmony, honest justice. he has to accept that he’s a part of the system he operates in (not, in fact, alone or isolated! something he actually wants), and know that he is not exempt from making the wrong choice, just like anybody else.

carnation: what is your muse’s relationship with their gender? how do they express or not express this relationship?

ODO AND GENDER!!! i love odo and gender. let’s take this one step at a time. he starts out as an amorphous glob -- he has no gender. there’s no basis for assignment, no culture of difference, and all the goos are goo. odo takes on the shape of the first living thing he sees / the thing he sees most frequently: dr mora. he adopts an image of masculinity from mora and he adopts the hair. that’s about it, and it’s pretty much arbitrary. (maybe the hair is simple enough for his skills, too?) the next people odo meets are also these very masculine, military, cardassian leaders, so again -- this is all he knows! this is neutrality. i imagine it takes him some time to work out what the differences in gender are, and sex, and orientation, romantic vs sexual stuff, all of that. it’s all got cultural baggage he knows nothing about and does not experience, and he’s also dealing with multiple, clashing cultures to boot. since he doesnt have any strong inherent leaning, he simply opts out. he/him becomes his default because thats where he started, thats what he’s been able to successfully present and how people know him, and, terrifyingly, under cardassian rule, it probably offered a bit of safety, too, which was obviously something he needed at the time.

way way way way way down the line in season seven, odo asks kira to (paraphrasing) look at me. what do you see? [i see you.] but this is NOT me, this is only a shape ive assumed in order to fit in. she says, yes, i know that. but this is who you have chosen to be. “a man. a good and honest man.” (i knowww shes not really talking abt gender here BUT) its hard as a trans person not to read the metaphor. he’s chosen to express SOMETHING. he’s chosen something other than what he was given (neutrality) and although he doesnt personally buy into what ‘masculinity’ “should be” (ie the ferengi, smh) / would certainly not argue he doesnt feel non-binary, this is how he has presented all his life, its how hes been treated, and it is what he has chosen to adhere to. there’s a choice in that, kira’s right, and now it reflects something about him.

parallel this, i’ll mention the “female” founder again bc of course there is no discernable reason for her to have a gender -- other than to appeal (im not talking sexually here although there’s,, obviously weird shit happening with the link... yike) to odo in the sense that until that point odo has lived with “gendered” individuals and, i think importantly, kira is with them when they first meet. i think its safe to say the founder saw her, figured she was a friend/ally to odo or at least familiar to him, and took her general representation to appeal as a friend/ally.

otherwise... why, honestly? the founder’s got NO love of humanoids lmao why would she bother.

anyway i’d like to see odo experiment a bit. because when hes safe, he can!! aside from his own doubts and insecurities about shapeshifting, at some point he really has no reason not to, at least a little bit. really, it should just be another thing to practice, much like becoming a convincing rock or a leaf, its just that there are other significances in the cultures around him. i’d just like to see him loosen up a little. have fun. grow ur hair out a bit, odo, why are u still looking like ur terrible dad.

[8-evil-annoying-catboys]

im so tired of being hyperaware of my skin tone and how i’m affected by white privilege as a white-passing poc while actual white people get to walk around acting like they’re more oppressed than any given poc because of other axes of oppression. like. im poor, neurodivergent, trans, gay, and mexican and im much more aware of how just LOOKING white gives me WAY more privilege than any of my darker-skinned siblings and cousins within the exact same oppressed groups as myself or even who are allocishet and abled and middle class, than the average trans gay poor neurodivergent Actual white person is. being/looking white ALWAYS comes first. white passing poc generally understand this because we see what our family members go through that we don’t. white people just, like... don’t see it, i guess? or if they do, they ignore it. and im sick of it. the phrase “check your privilege” applies to almost EVERYONE, but ESPECIALLY white people, and yes that means ALL white people regardless of what struggles you have. i am not saying this to belittle the struggles of other oppressed communities, but white people in those communities NEED to understand that they still have an advantage against poc. for the most part—ie, unless you’re visibly disabled, pretty much—people won’t see you as an lgbt person, or a poor person, or a person with mental illness, or an invisibly disabled person at first glance. even for white passing poc, people don’t see us as poc at first glance and sometimes won’t even see us as poc after we tell them we are (which is... a whole other post unto itself tbh). but if you are clearly, visibly not white, then people—especially white people, but even poc do this—will see you on the street and register you as “a mexican” (or if they’re more culturally sensitive they might think “a latino”/“a latina” but let’s be honest most ppl who aren’t latine think of all latines as mexican by default, in america at least) or “a Black person” or “an asian person” or “an indigenous person” and they WILL define you by your ethnicity, or what they think your ethnicity is, and make judgements about you based on that before you even say a word. white people get to live without even paying that any mind, if they want to. and while people are still ableist, still classist, still anti-LGBT, still intersexist, etc., to white people, any and all other forms of oppression and prejudice are magnified by racism to an extent that white people could not begin to understand. please, for the love of GOD, recognise that just because you’re oppressed in some other way, that does NOT erase your white privilege, and in fact your white privilege protects you from more intense oppression whether you realise it or not. try to develop some compassion, try to imagine how it feels for a person of color who is disabled/lgbt/intersex/poor/female/otherwise oppressed in exactly the same way you are. if it doesn’t make you want to cry you’re not doing it right.