#im trying to be open about my mental health in light of all this

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[deviantdaffodil]

lust

miguel o’hara x reader smut

im actually genuinely obsessed and deeply worried about my mental health . the grip spiderman 2099 has on me is unwavering and im afraid i will never get to escape

contains: breeding, marking/biting, office sex, spontaneous sex, stress relief sex fr, clawing, size difference, slightly jealous miguel, very dominating miguel, im obsessed with miguel, a more in character miguel this time i hope

A deep sigh escapes your throat. You really did not have to deal with O’hara right now; it’s been a long day. Sure, you were thankful he allowed you to stay in the spider society occasionally, despite just being a normal civilian, but god did he aggravate you. Often. He called you to his office for god knows what reason. You were anxious as you entered the office. Anyone in their right mind would be.

He gazes down at you, his stare is cold and his face is stoic. “Glad you could make it,” his tone is hard to read. He didn’t sound upset. But he also didn’t sound glad to see you. You keep quiet, deciding to just let him speak. His eyes are piercing through the dimly lit room; the sun was setting so the sky didn’t do much in terms of lighting the room up. Miguel continues to glare down at you, silent and judgmental. Instead of just allowing his platform to slowly make its way down to you, Miguel simply lunges down to you. He stands before you, still towering over you. His lack of communication was making you anxious as he would usually tear someone in here a new one if need be. He silently slips his arm around your waist and shoots a web up, bringing you both up to where his desk is located.

After being set down you recompose yourself with a chuckle. “I’m- I’m never gonna get used to that..” You pause for a moment, choosing your next words carefully. Heat radiated off your body and Miguel’s too. He still had his arm around you and you were too locked in place by a mix of fear and shock to move. “What is it that you wanted to see me about?” You look up at him.

He exhaled. He felt like he needed that. “This- This isn’t easy.. to admit,” Miguel mumbles. The claws of his suit had a grip on your waist, but you were still too paralyzed by shock to do anything. “I.. I want you all to myself. If I could keep you up here all to myself without seeming insane, I would, in a heartbeat.” He looks down at you, his eyes locking with yours.

This was absolutely news to you. You yourself had a thing for Miguel for the longest time. But you had no idea he wanted you this bad. Your mouth sat agape as he spoke to you. The Miguel O’hara.. wants you? All to himself? You would hang out with him while he worked sometimes, but you definitely didn’t see this kind of thing coming, especially not from someone as professional as him.

He turns to you, putting his hands on your shoulders. His gaze was fiery and he dug his claws into your shoulders. “You’re just.. such a relaxer to me. When you’re around, I don’t worry about all of.. this,” he motions to his desk. “But you.. you. You make it all better.” A growl rumbles in this throat. “I have a request- a-a suggestion maybe.”

Your jaw still hangs open. You shut your jaw and blink repeatedly. “What.. do you have in mind?”

A flash of excitement streaks across his face. “Sex,” he blatantly stated. He didn’t try to sugar coat it or anything. He wanted to fuck you more than anything. Even now, seeing you look up at him like that, in utter shock as he grips your shoulders has his cock aching. “I’m so.. so tired of seeing you with other spidermen. I need you.”

You paused, completely baffled. “Y-Yes!” You cried out, a little too eager for your liking. You hated to admit it, but you absolutely wanted him. “I-I mean, yes. Yes I’m okay with that.” Miguel did not hesitate. His claws immediately ripped open your clothes, exposing your chest. Miguel’s claws retracted and he immediately attacked your chest, latching his lips onto one of your nipples, the other being massaged by his hand. “O-Oh my god!” Your impulse cry of ecstasy caused Miguel to groan.

He peppered kisses up your neck, his big, calloused hands massaging your breasts. “I’m going to make you mine,” his lips are right next to your ear, his voice is low and husky. “Can I bite you?” You nodded, lost in the feeling of his fingers massaging your nipples. He groans as he drags his fangs across your skin before burying them into the crook of your neck. You let out a moan. His fangs sunk deep into your flesh, he was very careful not to release any venom though. He wanted to make sure you felt every bit of what he was about to do to you. The stinging sensation of the bite slowly faded to pleasure. He keeps his mouth latched onto your neck, sliding his hand down your body and letting his hand rest on your ass, squeezing gently. He pulls his fangs out of you, blood dripping from them now. You look into his eyes and bite your lip.

“Kiss me,” you whispered breathlessly as you grab his face in your hands, slamming your lips together. The taste of your blood was on his tongue, he gently bites your lower lip and tangles his hands in your hair. “Miguel,” your voice was high pitched and whiny, more so than you wanted. Miguel didn’t mind and in fact reveled in the fact he was able to do this to you. He continues peppering your skin with kisses, sliding your shorts and underwear down your body. He then rips his own suit off his skin, instantly cooling his body and setting his cock free.

He grabs a fistful of your hair and bends you over his desk, lining his cock up with your dripping cunt. “I need you,” his chest is pressed against your back and he slowly thrusts his cock in between your thighs. “So plump and warm,” he moaned in your ear, sliding his hands under your chest pinching your nipples.

“Oh, Miguel,” you moan, your face pressed against the wood of his desk. “Fuck me, please,” you cried, your lip quivering in anticipation.

Miguel slid his hands down to your hips, lightly raking his claws down your flesh, small beads of blood forming at the scratches left behind. He grabs the base of his cock, rubbing his tip in your wet folds. You whimper in anticipation, then Miguel stuffed the tip of his cock in your hole. He was so big it felt like he was ripping you in half. He was griping your hips and digging his claws into them for better leverage. “So little,” he muttered as he pounded into you, “so.. tight..” His thrusts were shallow, working his way up to filling you completely. “Can you take it all? Do you think you can handle all of my big cock?” He was babbling while he thrusted, drunk on your pussy already.

“Please Miguel,” your small frame whimpered for him. “More please..”

Miguel pulled out almost all of the way, a whimper escaped you when due to feeling empty. He spat on his cock and slowly pushed his throbbing, swollen cock into your quivering pussy. Tears pricked the corner of your eyes and the two of you moaned at the new feeling. Miguel began thrusting wildly, pounding hard in deep, the tip of his cock kissing your cervix. “Wh-Where?” he asked, in reference to where you wanted him to cum.

You turned back to face him as best as you could. Looking into his eyes you say, “Inside.” This sends him into overdrive. He’s pounding deep into you at animalistic speeds. You were sure if you were on your back you’d have a bulge from his swollen head protruding out. He latches his fangs onto your other shoulder as he growls, completely feral, and cums inside of you. You cry out as he bites you again, your walls clenching around his cock as you cum. He continues thrusting sloppily, letting your tight cunt milk all of his seed. He retracts his claws and holds himself up over you, hands at either side of your head. He pulls out of you and you can feel sweat dripping from his forehead.

“Miguel.. You ruined my clothes.”

“Mierda.. Yeah I did.”

[i-yap]

Jason todd x Reader- Depressive episode

thanks everyone for the compliments and encouraging words in my inbox....i really appreciate it.

The lights were dimmed, everything scattered and messy, just a small lamp on the otherside of the room and the curtains left open. Jason would have panicked..if not for the lump in the blacket and deep slow breathing from his side of the bed. His heart dropped as he realized.

Slowly approaching your side, his boots heavy as he approached you to make sure you were aware of his presence. Crouching down and pulling the blanket below your face he said softly "Hey sweetheart, I think you're on my side"

You wordlessly try to roll away to "your side" but he stops you. "I was kidding y/n, you know that baby"

"im sorry" you say quietly. Tears already forming in your eyes waiting to join the already present tear stains down your cheeks. "hey hey why are you apologizing? " Jason strokes your hair, noticing how tangled they've gotten. You must have been pulling at them.

"Cuz I smell, and you just came back from a mission and the house is a mess. A-and I'm a m-mess" you hiccup as the tears finally escape your eyes.

"None of that now y/n, you know I don't care about any of that stuff. I old care about you Let me help. "

"Nothing can help right now"

"Not even as bath? ill be in it too"

"i dont want to get up"

"Ill carry you "

You wordlessly nod before burrowing your face in the remanent smell of jason still lingering in his pillows while jason starts a bath, lights a few candles and a bath salt. Carrying you to the bathtub. je undresses while you feel something other than the suffocating sheets and your own misery. Settling himself behind you, he gently presses down on your shoulders. "Can you tell me what happened? or not if you don't want", His kind tone and affection was enough for the tear dam to break again. 'such big tears, cmon no y/n, why such big ones hm? you'll give the gotham rain a run for its money" you giggle out a chocked sob.

Jason understands, while his misery comes out in fits of anger yours was a silent killer. He understands , he understands well. And you know he is there, sitting silently behind you , holding you for as long as you need- for as long as he can.

(Im going through an absolutely horrible depressive episode. And its killing me. Writing this was tough on its own but its the first productive thing I've done in days. this was a small self indulgence. Its so funny- I'm a psychology student and I've dedicated my life helping those with mental health issues. After all the charity and the programs and shifts and the hospitals- who would've thought id be here, needing another version of me to come help me out of this. Ill get through it but I'm rlly grateful for all you who have been supporting me through this. Promise it wont last longer than a week. love ya)

[miraeluc]

i loved ur last hcs about sh so much ! if its not too much, can i ask for u to make a 2nd part (?) including shoto & izuku. please, im begging u, ill sell my organs if needed. thank u <3

dearest, from the depth of my heart, i’m offering my sincere apologies, for some stupid reason, i saw your ask a few months ago, prepared the draft and forgot entirely about it. i feel so bad pls don't sell your organs omg i hope this reaches you.

bnha boys finding out about your selfharm

prompt: /

pairing: izuku midoriya x reader, todoroki shouto x reader

warnings: mention of bad mental state! (reader); selfharming; some crying; pronouns of reader not mentioned (i think? correct me if i’m wrong pls!)

izuku midoriya

izuku, just like bakugou, was aware that you had been struggling with your mental health

but, obviously, he also was not aware of your self-harm tendencies

to be fair, it wasn't something you struggled with for a long time

only two months, to be exact

the first time you put a blade to your skin was your biggest regret - because although it wasn't pleasureable, it was extremely easy to spiral out of control, doing it nearly every day as if it was routine.

and since it was winter - you didn't worry about hiding it since you could wear long clothes without people questioning it anyway

when izuku found out, he was a mess

it went like this

the both of you were spending a cozy evening together

since everyone in your class was out or with their families, you had the entire living area to yourself

you were sat beside him, scrolling on tiktok and he was doing the same, but on his own phone

after a long while of you guys just silently enjoying eachother's company, he wanted to ask if you were hungry, but since he hadn't spoken in a while his voice cracked while doing so, and you were quick to mock him

long story short, you were now underneath him while he was tickling you.

when you tried to push his hands away, he grabbed your wrist - initially only wanting to stop you, but when you winced, he immediately stopped tickling you and, without thinking, pulled up your sleeve to see if he had hurt you

instead, he was met with the red, angry lines littered across your skin, the wounds not fresh enough to still bleed, but they were obviously still open wounds

you froze in place

he gulped, eyes moving to meet yours before he wordlessly pulled you to sit on his lap, arms wrapping around you and caging you in

"-'s ok. don't feel bad. i'm sorry i didn't realise sooner." he choked out, trying to blink away his tears

you were still frozen in place, thoughts running wild as you tried to gather your words to say something 

“izu.. please- don’t blame yourself for not realising sooner,”

he moved to look at you, teary eyes meeting yours “let’s bandage you up, ok, love?”

before you could react, he already stood - hands steady beneath your thighs, carrying you towards his dorm room, placing you down onto his bed before leaving to grab a first-aid kit from his bathroom

he wordlessly applied aloe vera gel over the more or less still fresh wounds, wrapping bandages around your arm securely before pressing a light kiss on your hand

“we can talk if you want to, but let’s get the food i was talking about earlier, hm?” 

you smiled slightly and nodded

although you still had a long road before you, you felt that a tiny burden had been lifted off your shoulders

you no longer had to fight for happiness all alone, - izuku would be by your side every step of the way, rest assured.

todoroki shouto

although shouto was indifferent, he was not stupid

he didn’t officially know of your battles with mental health, nor did he officially know about your self-harming tendencies, but he picked up the signs.

he didn’t want to confront you about immediately - since he also wasn’t a very open person, he wanted to provide you the space you needed until you were ready to open up and talk about your struggles

in the meantime, he tried his best to subtly ask fuyumi for tips on how to comfort someone when the time came

he did begin to get increasingly worried when he started hearing less and less from you - you often didn’t show up to class, and you never answered texts

todoroki, not being one to pry, tried giving you the space he assumed you needed

he didn’t take it personally - he knew you weren’t doing this on purpose, but he was flooded with worry.

and when he found out you haven’t been leaving your room at all, he decided it was time to react and check on you, even if it meant bothering you

when he stepped into your room, his eyes had to adjust to be able to see in the darkness that immediately engulfed him as the door clicked shut behind him

the air was stale - clothes scattered around the floor. your bed was messy, but you were not to be seen

tentatively he called out your name, switching on the small bedside lamp you had

„y/n?“ as he took in the sight of your room, but his eyes zeroed in on something, an object, on your bedside table

he tried again, blood running cold

„y/n? are you in the bathroom?“

he picked up said object, mindful to not cut himself with the small blade, moving to place it somewhere away from beside your bed - out of sight, in hopes that his heart would slow its racing

„yeah. i’m in here. hold on.“ he heard you groggily call out

his eyes closed in relief at the sound of your voice - having assumed the worst and he sighed shakily, dropping to sit on the edge your bed whilst he waited for you, running a hand through his hair to push it back

when you stepped out of the bathroom, his face understandably dropped

you looked so pale, so defeated

so fragile

he noticed the way you were fidgeting, an arm hidden behind your back - probably the reason he heard you shuffling around your bathroom. maybe in search of something to cover up?

he stood again, slowly approaching you. when you didn’t flinch away, he gently reached up a hand to caress your cheek

„did you bandage yourself up properly?“ he whispered, no hint of judgement in his tone - just worry

and alas, that is all it took for your eyes to brim with tears.

your lower lip shook as you quickly blinked up at him, shaking your head and releasing a heart-shattering sob as your boyfriend engulfed you into his arm - caging you into a protective hug

„it’s okay. will you let me help you?“ he whispered

a/n: hi again - i KNOW i disappeared for like 2 - 3 years but i’m about to finish my drafts and post them out, but i want to announce that requests are temporarily closed as i will no longer be writing about anime characters (unless i get an intense surge of inspiration), but there will be more explaining that in a separate post. for now, enjoy the drafts!

[wittyminds]

Golden Hour - James Potter

Anonymous request:

also, i dunno if you’re still active, since it’s been a while, BUTTT james potter with a girlfriend taking care of him after he’s at a party?

James Potter x Girlfriend Reader

Warnings - Fluff, fluff and more fluff

A/N

sorry it's been ages since my last post, i needed time to do exams, mental health stuff etc and this was distracting me from school (i say that and im supposed to be studying for an exam tomorrow). i am trying to answer the prompts people gave me and i apologise again for the extremely long wait. i understand if you're a little annoyed or have forgotten about asking in the first place. this isn't my best story i'll admit and it is a little short but... i tried :/

You can't remember how long the party had gone on for but, by the time you climb the stairs to the dormitory to crash, the clocks read 2 o'clock. You probably could've stayed longer if Sirius hadn't been flirting with you drunkenly or if your boyfriend, James, hadn't started singing a cappella ABBA. Not that he's a bad singer. He just gets a bit... friendly towards everyone around him.

After wrestling your way through the crowd, you now stand overlooking the party, fighting the urge to facepalm at your boyfriend as he prances about the room.

You carry yourself to your room, changing into your comfies and burrowing down into your blankets. A book that has been gathering dust on your table catches your interest and just as you slide the bookmark out, a loud thump against the door causes you to nearly jump out of your skin.

Springing from your bed, you slowly make your way to the door, fight or flight responses going crazy. Of course, it could just be one of your roommates. They were light drinkers and after a couple drinks they all went down like dominoes. Or it could be Sirius coming to ask if you want another drink or a dance.

You shake your head at the thought and open the door, staring up at the boy swaying in the dim light.

His large frame crashes through the door, almost crushing you.

"James!" You put your hands out to stop him from going any further forward and he staggers, trying to keep his balance.

His brow furrows as he looks around, clearly confused by his surroundings and you can't help but laugh slightly at the sight.

"Hang on.." His voice slurs and he stumbles over his feet again, "This isn't the boy's dorm."

You place your hands on his chest and steady him, "No. No it's not."

"Oh.." He steps back unsteadily into the hall, leaving you to follow him in case of an accident.

By the time you both reach the boy's dormitory, the only victims of his drunken state were an innocent coffee table, a series of butterbeer bottles and a terrified first year who just wanted to go to bed.

You practically carry him to his room, which proves a difficult task given he is nearly twice your size. He mumbles something as you lay him down but not even he seems to know what he's rambling on about.

"Right," You say softly, tucking his blankets over him like a child, "Go to sleep, you idiot."

He smiles a smile that scrunches his nose and you mirror him, giggling quietly.

"You're pr'tty."

Your smile falters slightly and try to stop the blush rising to your cheeks.

You had almost forgotten about his shameless honesty when drunk. Sure, it was nice to hear but he could warn you a little before springing the charm on you. He knows how easily you blush and was constantly using to his advantage.

When you turn to face him, he is still staring at you with large puppy dog eyes and a lazy smile that warms your heart. With a roll of your eyes, you walk back over and perch on the edge of the bed.

"Come again, Jamie?" Your voice was quiet but sweet and his crooked grin made the blush come back in a warm rush.

"You're pretty." His words are less slurred this time and you brush a hand over his hair, sweeping it out of his eyes fondly.

"I think you need to sleep, love." You murmur, trying to ignore the urge to fall asleep curled next to him, "You'll regret it tomorrow if you don't."

"Ugh." His face screws up and you giggle softly at the animated response, "You sound just like Moony!"

You roll your eyes again and just as you stand up, he makes a clumsy grab for your hand and pulls you back. You land on his chest and see him holding back a grunt of surprise from the impact.

You laugh out an apology and he looks away drowsily, clearly away to fall asleep.

"G'night, Jamie." His eyelids flutter and he forces his eyes open.

"What? I'm not sleepy!" He cries, voice scratchy already and rubs an eye with one hand, the other pulling you closer.

"Seriously?" You can't help but play along with his game.

"Mhm." He nods his head, "I could stay up for hours!"

His eyes droop again and his breathing grows heavy.

"Jamie?"

"Mhm?"

"You're falling asleep."

He doesn't reply and when you look up, his eyes are closed.

Taking the opportunity, you attempt to climb off of him but his arm is like a vice and you groan, silently cursing his stubbornness. Your head falls against his chest, his heartbeat filling your ears and you find yourself relaxing at the sound.

The golden glow of the candles sends a warm light over James and you can't help but stare at his still form, taking in every detail. The light dusting of freckles across his nose and the faint trace of a scar from a Quidditch match in his third year.

This is your own perfect golden hour, the two of you snuggled up with the smell of butterbeer and autumn outside.

You wait for his snores to fill the room but they don't come. Had he finally stopped snoring? Or was he trying to prove he wasn't sleeping?

"I'm gonna marry you one day."

His voice breaks the silence and your heart flutters at the words. You look up at your boyfriend and cuddle in closer to his side, wanting to stay in this moment forever. Just the two of you in your own perfect, slightly tipsy, world.

[secret-sturniolo]

scars to your beautiful - matt sturniolo

summary - When Matt has a sinking feeling about y/n, he takes matters into his own hands to make sure she is okay.

warnings - discussions of self harm, eating disorders, body image (no super graphic details)

a/n - this is based off of some of my own experiences and mental health issues. there will be no graphic imagery or details, but please do not read or interact if this will be a trigger for you.

Matt's POV

I had been asking our friend y/n to hang out with us for weeks now, and in that time my brothers and I had only seen her a handful of times. This was extremely out of character for the bubbly, out going girl that we knew. I had brought this up with Chris and Nick, but they figured that she just needed some space. While that may be true, I still had a bad feeling about y/n that I couldn't shake. I finally decided to call her.

Y/n's POV

I had been holed up in my room for the past few weeks, just idly scrolling through pictures of skinny, beautiful girls on Instagram. I had hit an all time low. Baggy clothes covered my shrinking frame and my red striped arms. It had been days since I had something proper to eat, and my body was feeling the effects. Even though I was so dizzy I could barely stand up, I repeated the mantra in my head. Beauty is pain, beauty is pain. And I would do anything to be pretty. I was past the point of feeling sadness. I was completely devoid of feelings, numb to the world, including my best friends. I knew they were probably worried about me, but I didn't care. I was too focused on the pictures and the razors. In the darkness, my phone screen lit up with Matt's contact.

A facetime call, dammit. I couldn't let Matt see me like this, so ignored the call and just let it ring, not worried about the possible consequences.

y/n, i'm worried about you. please call me. 7:45pm

I stared at the screen, my fingers frozen. Guilt washes over me as I realized how worried Matt was. More thoughts come flooding in.

You have to be pretty for Matt

He'll never like you if you look like that

I toss my phone aside not noticing my new notification, mind made up about what I was going to do next as I walk to my bathroom.

if you don't answer me, im coming over 7:57pm

alright, im coming over. be there in 5 8:00pm

Matt's POV

"Damn it!" I say out loud after there is no answer. I sent her a text, hoping she would call me back. When she didn't respond, I sent a few more messages, silently begging her to respond. Still nothing. My stomach was in knots as I walked out of my room to the living room where Nick and Chris were watching a movie.

"I'm going to y/n's place. Something's wrong, I know it." I say in a panic.

"Woah, Matt, hold on. Did you try calling her?" Nick asks me.

"Yeah, and I sent her texts and shes not responding. It's not like her, Nick."

"Do you want us to come with?" Chris asks me.

"No, I think it's better if I just go," I say, grabbing my keys. "I don't know when I'll be back but I'll let you know."

The drive to y/n's apartment is short as she only lives a few blocks away from our place. I find her spare key from my keychain and unlock the door.

"Y/n?" I yell, with no response.

Wasting no time, I walk towards her bedroom. The room was dark, only illuminated by the light from the bathroom creeping under the door. As I get closer to the door, I could hear faint crying. I say her name again, knocking softly on the door.

"Y/n, its Matt. I'm coming in."

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when I opened the bathroom door. She was sitting on the floor, back against the wall with a sharp object in her hand. I took in the red on her arms, the arms that looked smaller than I remembered, and the pill bottle in her other hand. Her eyes were dark and sunken in, she looked so sick and fragile.

Where do I even start? I thought.

Y/n's POV

I had no idea anybody was even here until the bathroom door opened, and I saw Matt standing there. His face was filled with worry as he took everything in. I burst into tears, finally feeling everything at once. Without saying anything, he moved to sit down on the floor next to me, pulling me into his chest. I breathed in the scent of his cologne as I tried to match his breathing, watching the rise and fall of his chest.

"Y/n, I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner. I had no idea..."

"You weren't supposed to know, Matt!" I sob. He lets me cry into his arms for a few more minutes before speaking again.

"Y/n, you need to tell me what's going on. Have you been eating?" he says gently but sternly.

I buried my face in my hands. "Matt, I can't tell you!"

"You know you can tell me anything, y/n. Talk to me, please." he pleads.

I broke down and told him everything.

"I don't know what to do, Matt! I can't stop. It just feels so right!"

"But why, y/n? Why did this start, did something happen?" He looks into my eyes.

"I just want to be pretty for you, Matt!" I sob.

He pauses. "For me? Y/n, I've always thought you were the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes on. You shouldn't change yourself for anyone, especially not for me."

"Can you help me Matt? Like, help me get better?" I ask him genuinely.

"Of course, y/n I will always be here for you." he says. "I want to get you cleaned up, do you have a first aid kit anywhere?"

"There should be one in that drawer." I point with a sniffle.

I watch as Matt gently cleans and bandages my wounds. As he finished up, I grabbed his hand.

"Matt?"

"Hm?"

"I - I love you." I stutter out.

His lips form a smile. "I love you too, y/n. So much."

We both lean in for a quick but passionate kiss, not wanting to go overboard in this moment.

"Can we go to bed?" I ask him.

"Of course, let me text Nick and Chris so they don't worry."

He sends a quick text to his brothers saying he's spending the night at my place, and then helps me up off the ground, carrying me to my bed. He slides his hoodie and shirt off before climbing under the covers with me. I lay my head on his chest, feeling the soft rise and fall of his breathing. He must have sensed my anxiety.

"Hey, it's all gonna be okay. Nothing bad is going to happen between you and I, I promise it's all for the better. Just go to sleep, and we can talk in the morning." He places a gentle kiss on my head.

God, it's like he can read my mind I thought to myself. I trusted his words, and for the first time in a long time, I finally felt safe.

[toxic3mmy]

hii! i hope this isn’t going against boundaries as it is a little angsty, but could you do a fic where the reader is going through a depressive episode and alex tries his best to help them? love ur writing!

of course! i struggle with mental health and love this request idea!

(also, im sorry if this feels repetitive from my other works!! please feel free to leave more requests my lovelies! <33 )

prompt: alex helps you through a depressive episode

warning: mention of depression, sh, and scars

________________________________________

it had been three weeks. alex had been trying to get a hold of you for the entirety of this time and had no luck except for a few texts from you. he was really beginning to worry.

was she in trouble? did something bad happen? is she in the hospital? is she just very busy with life?

alex didn’t know, but what he did know was that it had been long enough since he last saw you.

you were stuck in a terrible loop. wake up around 3pm, watch the show you were hyper fixated on, toss and turn in your bed, eat some snacks, and sleep around 5am. repeat the cycle again and again. sometimes you just laid there and thought about how much you hated life. sometimes you cried and cried for hours at a time. and sometimes, when your head was too full of resentment and hate towards yourself, you would drag your trusty blade across your scarred skin and felt the immense relief as the blood dripped from your self inflicted wounds.

you knew it was an issue. you knew you really were not okay. and most of all, you knew that you could never show this side of yourself to alex. he wouldn’t understand any of it and he most likely would abandon you like everyone else in your life had.

but a huge part of you wanted to see him. maybe seeing him would snap you out of this depressive loop. but maybe not, who knows.

alex had made his way to your house and he waited outside. he tried calling you one last time before making his move.

you watched your phone screen light up with alex’s face as you let it ring. you missed him, you really did. but you wanted to watch your show in peace. so you waited for the call to finish and continued to lay in bed, feeling sleep take over your body.

alex saw his missed call as a sign. he put his phone away and grabbed your extra key hidden inside your pink flower pot on the porch. he unlocked your door and slowly made his way inside. as he turned around from closing the door, he noticed the mess. it was an absolute mess everywhere. he knew how tidy you loved to keep your home so it was confirmed now that something was definitely wrong.

he creeped closer to your room and after opening the door, he noticed you must have drifted off to sleep while watching something on your phone. he looked around your room and saw that your room was in worse condition than the house. takeout food was lying around on the floor, dirty dishes, empty cups and dirty laundry had collected all over the room. the floor wasn’t even visible at this point.

alex knew exactly what this was. you had fallen into a depressive episode. but why didn’t you tell him about this sooner?

he brushed aside the questions and took off his jacket. he then began to pick up any trash he could find without waking you. he took all dirty dishes into the kitchen sink and washed them all. then he put all the littered clothing into your washer and began to wash them. he swept and mopped your room and was genuinely surprised that you had yet to wake up from all his movement.

he cleaned the rest of the house without hesitation. he knew this was probably the least he could do for you right now and he wanted to do anything he could for you.

it took him a few hours but he’d finally gotten everything done when he realized he forgot to clean a few things in your room. he walked in and abruptly stopped in his tracks the moment he met your wide eyes.

“alex…. what are you doing here? i can’t have you here right now i-i don’t want you here! i don’t want you to see me like this.. why are you here?! who told you that you could just break into my house and—and” you let out the most heartbreaking sobs as you broke down right then and there

alex rushed over to you and immediately enveloped you in his strong arms. you were quick to push him off of you, still crying.

“alex i haven’t showered in almost two weeks! i smell awful and look even worse! can’t you see that i don’t want you here!”

alex began to tear up as he simply held you in his arms once again.

“shh, it’s okay sweetheart. ya no llores corazón. i’m here, okay? i know you’re going through a lot right now and i’m here by your side no matter what. i missed you y/n. i’ve missed you so much. i just want you to be okay..”

you began to cry even more when he said these things to you.

“are you sure you’re okay seeing me like this? i… i’m doing really bad and this is all so embarrassing—”

alex sighed,

“princesa, you have no reason to be embarrassed with me. i’m your best friend. i love you and i always will. i want to take care of you, if that’s okay?”

you didn’t know what to say. you were so so grateful for him, for everything. all you could do was nod as tears silently fell down your face.

alex held your hand and led you into your newly cleaned bathroom. he grabbed your favorite hair brush and let your hair down from its messy bun. he softly brushed out all the knots in your long hair. he then handed you your toothbrush with toothpaste on it. although you felt a bit embarrassed still, alex had a way of being so nonchalant that it made the embarrassment lift off of your shoulders. you brushed your teeth as he finished off detangling your hair.

once you both finished, he played a soft playlist on his phone to fill the silence and began to take off his shoes and his tee shirt.

you couldn’t help but laugh with reddened cheeks as you covered your eyes with your hands.

alex playfully threw his shirt at you.

“hey! what are you doing?” you laughed, uncovering your eyes slowly

“i’m showering with you, duhh. now come on y/n, don’t let me make a fool of myself alone!” he laughed as he turned on the shower and then walked towards you.

his warm hands held you by the hips and your breath was caught in your throat as he slowly began to undress you.

“is this.. okay?” alex whispered to you as his hands stopped at the hem of your pants.

“yeah, yes it’s okay. i trust you.”

and with that alex undressed the two of you and helped you into the steamy shower. as the water ran down your body, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. while you began to soap up your body, alex approached you and once again asked if he could come in. you laughed and pulled him into the shower with you.

you spent the remainder of the shower washing one another’s hair and body in the most innocent way possible. when you both finished, alex got towels for the both of you and he rummaged through your closet to find you some comfortable clothes. he also found some clothes you’d stolen from him and extra stuff he’d left at your house from weeks ago. the two of you got dressed in silence until you spoke up.

“alex… i really want to thank you. i really do appreciate everything you’ve done for me. i haven’t really been feeling that well lately. i um, i couldn’t leave my bed for so long. i feel too tired to even take care of myself or to do anything at all. i’m really sorry you had to see me like this…”

“y/n, please don’t apologize. you have nothing to apologize for. you’re only human. and even if you’re struggling with things that i may not completely understand, i’m never going to leave your side. one thing i did want to ask about was um… the scars on your arms and your thighs. have you always struggled with self harm? i… i hate to see you hurting yourself in this way. your beautiful skin…” he said as he held your hands in his

“i… don’t know how else to cope. i know it’s not okay to do but it brings me comfort, as morbid as it may sound. i’m sorry alex… i really am. i promise you that i’ll make an appointment with my therapist. i might have um ghosted her a few weeks ago but i think it would be best to reach out to her for help. i didn’t want to at first but i know you want the best for me and id do anything for you alexis” you were crying again but alex was quick to dry your eyes with his hands

he held your arms out and kissed the ragged red lines across your arms. he kissed every last one, and you couldn’t help but smile sadly at him.

“y/n, let me take care of you okay?”

“even if i get bad like this again?”

“yes y/n, i don’t plan on leaving your side. i’m here now okay? i’m here hermosa”

you waited in your bedroom doorway as alex changed your bedding to clean sheets and a clean blanket. you were so incredibly lucky and thankful to have him here with you. when he finished, he laid you down and followed suit.

“when was the last time you ate?”

“probably yesterday.. well technically yesterday but all i had was a soda and some fruit.”

“would you like me to cook something for you? or maybe i could pick up some food?”

“you really don’t have to do that, you’ve already done so much for me i mean look at this house! it’s spotless and i don’t know how to even thank you for that..”

“don’t worry about that. are you hungry, yes or no?”

you nodded sheepishly

“okay, then give me like twenty minutes and i’ll be right back”

and with that, alex left you alone to get you some food. the moment you were by yourself, you couldn’t help but sob uncontrollably. it was all too much too soon. you weren’t ready to get better. you just wanted to be alone and you wanted to rot away in your bed with no one to bother you.

as these negative thoughts began to surface in your mind, your thoughts immediately switched to images of your shiny little friend that was hiding in your bathroom. you went to retrieve your favorite sharp blade and rolled up your sleeve. you stared at the red healing cuts on your arm and you suddenly remembered alex.

he was kissing your scars and asking if he could take care of you. you didn’t want to disappoint him. as much as you wanted to stay unwell, you didn’t want to do that to him. you stood up and flushed the blade down the toilet. you took a second to walk around your house and admire all that alex had done for you.

you sat in your living room and turned on the tv while waiting for his return.

as promised, twenty minutes had passed and alex walked into your house with some dinner for the two of you.

“honey! i’m home!” he laughed at his own joke as you playfully rolled your eyes at him

“hi… i missed you” you surprised alex with a tight hug

“woah, is everything okay y/n?”

“yeah, now that you’re here everything is perfect”

and the two of you talked over dinner. you thanked alex profusely for everything he’d done. he said it was no big deal, that he enjoyed taking care of you. and that was the end of that. the rest of the day consisted mostly of alex being very cuddly and sweet to you. but you didn’t mind it at all. the two of you simply enjoyed being together and everything felt okay in that moment.

[freshbakedbreadstick]

No. 1 Party Anthem - Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader - Chapter Nine

Past!Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader

Carmy Berzatto x F!Platonic!Reader

Richie Jerimovich x F!Platonic!Reader

Summary: Don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Warnings:  All my fics are 18+ regardless of the content. Heavy spoilers. Mentions of grief, angst, strained relationships, bad coping mechanisms, mental health issues.  

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: Apologies for the shorter chapter , we are rapidly approaching the end to this series and tbh im both excited and sad ! Im so so so happy i am back to writing and not dying over assignments , but i dont want this series to end ! Ive enjoyed the journey to get here and im so excited to continue with more ! Happy pride month besties !

Taglist: @marysucks-blog @shinebright2000 @jadeittic @eternallyvenus @jackierose902109

Masterlist

Carmy stood in front of the stove as it caught on fire, frozen. 

When this happened, you were chopping vegetables to take the slack off of Tina and Ebraheim as they worked the other stations. It was only when you heard Tina yell that you turned around and saw the fire. 

“Shit!!” she yelled, rushing around to try and grab something to put it out. 

You rushed around, throwing down the knife onto the metal table with a loud clang, before running over. 

“Carmen!” you screeched across the kitchen, yelping as you stumbled into a metal table and felt the corner dig into your body.

Someone grabbed the fire extinguisher and blew it onto the fire, surrounding the kitchen and your vision with large white clouds as Richie walked over to Carmy. 

You watched with bated breath as Richie smacked him, finally getting him back down to earth. 

“Sorry…” Carmy murmured, blinking rapidly before walking away.

You turned to Tina and Richie, mouth open in confusion. They both shrugged and shook their heads, moving away from the burnt and smoking stove. 

With a sigh, you went back to your station, wiping your hands on the apron that you had put on earlier. You took a deep breath, about to turn to go talk to Carmy when you felt someone approach you from behind.

“Come here real quick,” Richie murmured into your ear, gently grasping your hand to lead you out of the kitchen and to the lockers, where Carmy was sitting on the bench.

He led you to stand in front of Carmy before he grabbed a piece of paper from behind a locker. He then sat down next to him, handing him the piece of paper and murmuring softly to him, something that was too low for you to hear.

Your eyebrows wrinkled, watching Richie get up and leave, not even glancing at you as he did so. As you turned around, your eyes locked with Carmy’s bright blue ones, the bags under them enunciating the blue in his iris. 

Carmy then glanced down at the piece of paper, his fingers near shaking as he held onto it. He then looked up at you again, almost as if asking for permission to open it. You swallowed the lump in your throat, swiftly moving to sit down where Richie was. 

The two of you exchanged looks at one another, mouths opening to breathe raggedly. Carmy’s hand twitched, before it slid across his lap and over onto yours. The roughness of his hand slid up against yours, slotting into a tight grip as he held the card on his lap for the two of you to see. 

You could feel your leg bouncing, eyes locked on the wrinkled envelope. Beside you, Carmy’s almost dissociating as he stares at it, making you jump when he suddenly flipped it over to reveal some scratchy writing you instantly recognized… and that made your heart drop to the floor. 

‘To Carmy

From Mikey’

You took in a loud, haggard breath, making yourself wince as it came out much louder than anticipated. But Carmy didn’t react, just continuing squeezing your hand in his as he continued to stare at the writing. The same writing you would trace at night, trying desperately to read between the love letters Mikey wrote you, to see if some hidden cry for help was there you didn’t see. 

But the letters in front of you two spelled out nothing in code or in secret. 

Carmy rose, letting your hand slide from his grip and fall limply onto your lap. Your head whipped up as you watched him walk away, quick strides moving toward the back of the kitchen.

You scrambled to your feet, eyes already burning with tears as you tried to follow after Carmy. The words were caught in your throat, desperately wanting him to stay and let you be there for him while he opened it but a warm grip on your arm stopped you right as Carmy let the door shut behind him. 

With a grunt, you were swiveled around and yanked into someone’s body. You collided with them, groaning softly before softening at the smell of cologne and cigarettes, with a hint of fruity perfume that you could probably only get from a claire’s. 

Richie wrapped his arms around you, pressing a kiss to your head before ushering you into the office. 

With the door closed and privacy secured, you leaned into the desk, arms holding you up from the edge of the wood. Richie sighed, turning to look at you with his head hung down. 

He reached forward, gently cupping your cheek to guide you to look up at him. 

“I know you want nothing more than to just… run to him and make sure he stays but… but he will be okay. You will be okay. He will come back…” he murmurs, voice hoarse but with a softness to it as he spoke to you. 

You would only weakly nod and swallow the growing knot in your throat. 

As Richie began to turn away, you found your voice. 

“...How do I know?”

He paused, one hand on the door handle. 

You stood up, moving to sit down on the chair and stare at the messy desk in front of you. 

“How do I know he will return?”

You stared at some of the familiar scratching writing on the papers pinned and taped onto the wall. Some invoices, some notes, some showing urgency, others saying to not worry about it. 

It was both a rhetorical question and one you were asking yourself. How do you know Carmy would return? How do you know he wouldn’t disappear from your life in a matter of seconds and carefully planned actions?

Richie just sighed, shoulders slumping as he moved to look at you. His steel blue eyes scanned your face, watching as your teeth chewed into your already bruised bottom lip. 

You began swaying in the chair, twisting from side to side as you traced along scribbles on the papers forgotten on the desk. Your hands gripped the seat beside you, your knuckles almost turning white as you did so. 

Richie reached out, grabbing the back of the chair to stop you from moving, making your head snap up to look at him as he stood beside you. 

He crouched down at eye level, taking a deep breath. You took a deep breath too. He took another one. You took another one too. He took a third. You followed suit. After the fifth one, he slowly said your name.

“...yes?” you responded, voice barely above a whisper. 

“No one is going to leave you anymore.”

All you could do was blink. 

He grabbed your face in his hands once again and pressed another kiss to your forehead, resting his own on there. You both closed your eyes, listening to each other take slow breaths at the same time. 

“Don’t panic, we’re here together, okay?”

“Okay.”

With that, the two of you fixed your aprons and walked out, glancing at each other as you walked out and headed towards your respective stations. 

Fak’s voice echoed in the front, triggering a reaction from Richie as he stomped over to see what he was going on about. You just giggled to yourself, finding a small smile making its way onto your previously frowning face as you heard the echoing voices of the two men beginning to bicker. 

Someone moved beside you, their hands deftly moving to gather your already chopped vegetables into the bin in front of you. They gently bumped their hip into you, a smile greeting you as you looked over at them. 

“Thank you, mami.” Tina’s warm voice whispered to you as she took the bin to her station. 

You watched her organize, feeling a warmth bloom in your chest as she moved artfully around the kitchen, not once taking her focus off her work even as Ebraheim began talking to her or as Richie and Fak’s voices got a bit louder. 

You turned back to your station, stretching your head from side to side with a renewed sense of focus, before grasping your knife to continue dicing once again. 

You only got about halfway through filling a second bin when the backdoor swung open and shut, making you instinctively freeze and whip your head around to look at the racing body that came back inside. 

You jolted a bit when he glanced around, pausing when he saw you staring. He just stared for a second, before jerking his head and moving toward the fridge. 

Instantly, you followed. 

The fridge door clicked behind you as you watched Carmy weave around, hands guiding him along the shelves as he reached to grab something. 

“Pop quiz for you, chef… what’s the recipe for family meal spaghetti?”

The first ingredient was already on your lips right as he finished his sentence.

[harry-styles-obsessed]

Request: all day i’ve been thinking about harry x reader who matilda is about, maybe reader was a fan before they met, they somehow started dating, and i just neeeeed to know your opinion on her first reaction to the song

Omgggg I adore this!! Thank you so much for the request!! I hope this is okay, and what you were looking for!! ❤️‍🩹 apologies for the delay and not writing!! Life has been crazy.

Im sorry but I literally LOVE the line ‘I know they won’t hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go’ thats such a beautiful multilayered thing to say, like- don’t hold onto the people who hurt you… just let them go. Gods it’s so beautiful I can’t 😩🥹

©️ please do not copy or translate my work.

You can let it go

It was safe to say you always struggled with your mental health. You were constantly battling that alongside your family. Your family weren’t the best. Sure they took care of you, but didn’t look after you properly. They didn’t make you feel loved… it hurt you terribly. But then you met Harry and your family became nonexistent. Harry became the light in your life, your happiness, your world, your absolute joy… you remembered the time you told him about your family. How he listened. Holding your hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing it oh so delicately as he nodded occasionally as if to show that he was listening… he actually cared and that broke you yet made you beyond happy all at once, you remembered how frightened you were to open up to him. To tell him that your family didn’t take care of you… that you were lost… but in the end it was the best thing you could’ve done for it opened up the fact that you were struggling. He acted as your life jacket: he saved your life.

You had been a fan of Harry for years, you never thought you’d meet him but you did and well the rest is history… you and him hit it off pretty quickly and immediately began dating but you both kept your relationship with each other out of the public eye. It was easier that way. Privacy was important to the both of you. You were sat in your bedroom that you shared with Harry, the man had been on his phone nonstop and it was starting to really worry you. Sure you struggled with abandonment issues but it wasn’t necessarily your fault. You had experienced nothing but horrendous treatment from your family and it was frankly something you didn’t like to look back on.

“You know you’re kind of freaking me out” you murmur towards him, his emerald green eyes instantly meeting with yours his expression softening “I’m sorry baby… I’m just getting permission for something real quick.” He spoke eyes returning to his phone and you gave him an exasperated look clearly confused and worried all at once. What seemed like hours passed by but really only a couple minutes passed Harry’s lips tugging upwards into a warm smile before he stood up “come with me” he spoke extending his hand out towards you, you quickly taking his hand as he walked with you downstairs and guiding you gently into the living room,

“Sit”

He spoke softly and you sat down watching as he turned on the speaker that was situated just beside the tv, connecting his phone to it “you ready sweetheart?” He glanced at you and you only nodded, still a bit worried and soon enough Harry had set his phone down onto the table coming to sit beside you as a beautiful melodic tune began, echoing from the speaker and wrapping around you like a warm comforting hug your heart suddenly threatening to jump out of your chest… a new song. You licked over your lips anxiously immediately melting into Harry’s side as he held you close his slender fingertips stroking just against your hair as he began pressing soft kisses to the top of your head.

You were riding your bike to the sound of “it’s no big deal.” And you’re trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels. Nothing about the way that you were treated ever seemed especially alarming ‘til now. So you tie up your hair and smile like it’s no big deal. You can let it go you can throw a party full of everyone you know not invite your family cause they never showed you love, don’t have to be sorry for leaving and growing up.

Tears suddenly brimmed your eyes a shaky breath leaving your lips as you sank further into Harry’s side, your lower lip trembling as he began rubbing soothing circles against your back… he said that the first time you opened up to him. “Don’t worry about them y/n. This is their loss. You don’t have to be sorry for leaving.” A lump formed in your throat as you held onto harry tighter your knuckles turning white from the grip you had on his T-shirt your chest aching,

Matilda you talk of the pain like it’s all alright. But I know that you feel like a piece of you’s dead inside. You showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days. It’s none of my business but it’s just been on my mind…

A tear trailed down your cheek finally as a sob bubbled from your throat, your head falling onto his shoulder… it reminded you how before you and him started dating he would always ask why you didn’t want to go home… he knew it was none of his business but he was worried about you and it wouldn’t leave his mind. It was beautiful… he had written this song about you. About your troubles. About what made you feel weak. What terrified you… and he turned it into something truly beautiful and it was honestly leaving you awe-struck. He converted your pain from agony and sobbing all through the night in his embrace to something comforting… that it was in fact alright that you didn’t want to waste your time on the family that showed you no love what so ever.

You can let it go. You can throw a party full of everyone you know, not invite your family cause they never showed you love. You don’t have to be sorry for leaving and growing up, you can see the world following the seasons anywhere you go you don’t need a reason cause they never showed you love don’t have to be sorry for doing it on your own. Your just in time make your tea and your toast…

That line was significant to you. You always arrived a little later than expected but always nearly on time at Harry’s house and he would make you tea and toast, every single time, and you’d both have a catch up because you couldn’t leave your home at that time… Harry guided you through the process and helped you leave. He never gave up on you. Never.

You don’t have to go. You don’t have to go home, there’s a long way to go. I don’t believe that time will change your mind. In other words I know they won’t hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go. You can let it go, you can throw a party full of everyone you know you can start a family who will always show you love don’t have to be sorry for doing it on your own. You can let it go you can throw a party full of everyone you know you can start a family who will always show you love you don’t have to be sorry, no….

Your tearful eyes moved to look at Harry who had the same look in his eyes yet he looked so fucking proud. Whether that be pride in his song… or pride in you. “Do I have permission from you to release this song onto my album?” Your lower lip trembled as you nodded your head quickly wrapping your arms around him holding onto him tightly not daring to let go of him as soft sobs left your lips, his large hand stroking up and down your back as he gripped onto you tightly “you can let it go… okay sweetheart?” You didn’t answer, instead holding onto him tighter, not daring to let go your fingers curling into his hair your breathing shaky as your sobs continued escaping your lips. “I love it so much… it’s so beautiful… s-so comforting…” he pressed continuous kisses to your head not letting you go as he rocked you back and forth ever so slightly “I love you so much y/n.” He murmured against your head gently and you smiled weakly, emotions continuing to smash against you rather roughly “I love you so much too Harry… thank you. Thank you for sav-“ “shh. I didn’t do that y/n. You did all of that. You did.” He pulled back looking into your eyes gently pointing one finger against your chest “you, did all of it. You left the home… yet you remained strong. And that was all you.” His hand caressed against your cheek and you smiled lower lip continuing to tremble before you leaned in pressing a kiss to his lips keeping you lips against his “you. Saved. My. Life.” You spoke against his lips before you hugged him again, now sprawled out on his lap his hands rubbing up and down your sides holding you lovingly not daring to let go of you making sure you knew you were loved. Because you were and are so so loved.

Never forget that. You are loved. Never apologise for doing what’s right for you. Love yourselves.

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

part 4 of flames?? im HOOKED u dont get it we're actual masterminds

I'm sorry it took so long for me to put this out. I'll get to the 5th part this weekend:)

Flames - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader - Part 4

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Summary: You're trying to give Ethan a chance with your daughter, but Chad isn't so trusting.

Contains: Angst, a smidge of fluff, Ethan trying to learn how to be a dad, mentions of mental health.

A/N: Y'all...I'm convinced that some of you can read my mind because I'll think about something I want to write(esp. when it comes to spicy stuff), and then one of the sweet anon's on here will request it. I stg some of the things I've gotten requests for have made me fucking BLUSH.

After Ethan went to bed, you struggled to fall asleep. You still felt a little uneasy about him being in the next room over, and not having a true understanding of what he’d actually be capable of. Finally, the exhaustion kicked in and you drifted off. You woke up a few different times during the night when she started to cry, and Ethan ran in the room ever single time, desperate to help.

Once the sun started to peak through the gap in the curtain, you stirred awake and looked over to see River awake in the bassinet.

“Hey, sweet girl,” you said, scooping her up in your arms. She started to coo, the soft sounds making you smile.

You walked out of your room to the next room over, quietly pushing the door open as you saw Ethan in a deep sleep. You noticed his backpack on the ground in the middle of the floor, and started to think about how he needed laundry done. You reached down to grab it, before quietly sneaking back out of the room.

You went to the nursey to change River, before heading downstairs to play with her for a little bit. Once she fell asleep again, you grabbed his bag again, and went to the laundry room.

You started to pull stuff out of his bag, a few bottles of medication falling to the floor.

“Shit,” you whispered to yourself, reaching down to grab them. You started to look at the medication names and pulled out your phone to google them. One was for anxiety, one was for depression, and one was a really strong anti-psychotic med. It might’ve been wrong to be that nosey, but you needed a better understanding of his mental health.

You sat them down on the counter in the room before starting the laundry. He soon walked downstairs, desperate to find you.

“Hey,” you smiled, your face dropping once you noticed his nervous expression. “What’s wrong?”

“I need my meds,” he panicked, looking around for his bag.

“They’re in here,” you said, gesturing to the laundry room. He saw them all lined up, feeling a little shame as he reached for them.

“Thanks…if I don’t take them when I’m supposed to, I don’t act like myself,” he said, calming a little as he opened the bottles and got a pill from each one.

“Do you need water?” you asked as he shook his head, dry swallowing all three pills at once. “Is there anything I can get for you?”

“I’m okay. You’ve already done so much for me,” he said, as you walked out, him following closely behind you.

You went to the living room, the two of you making small talk when your mom walked through.

“I’m going to work. I’ll be home late tonight, but I sent you some money for pizza or whatever you and your friends want to order tonight,” she said, before looking down to smile at her sleeping granddaughter. “She’s just so precious.”

You sleepily smiled at her, as she grabbed her purse to walk out the front door.

“When should they be here?” Ethan asked, referring to your friends.

“Actually,” you said, pulling out your phone to check the time, “Any minute now.”

He started to get really anxious. He was hoping he’d have a little more time for his meds to kick in before he had to be face to face with more of the people he hurt, especially Chad. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but he was about to find out, as he heard light tapping on the front door.

“It’ll be okay,” you tried to assure him, as you got up to walk towards the door.

“Hey! Where’s that precious little angel?” Chad excitedly asked, turning the corner towards the living room. He stopped in his tracks the second he saw Ethan. The rage that built inside of him for months started to come to the surface as Tara walked in behind him, her eyes going wide. “What the fuck is he doing here?” Chad yelled, walking over to Ethan. He grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him up, so he was face to face with him.

You bolted around the corner, trying to step between the two boys as Chad stared Ethan down.

“Sleeping baby, right there,” you said, gesturing towards River as Chad face softened a little. “I know you’re pissed, but you need to calm down.”

“Yeah, babe. Let’s go outside for a minute,” Tara said, as he let go of Ethan’s shirt.

He listened to Tara, as they started to leave the room. He turned to look at Ethan one more time before he softly spoke. “If you hurt either of them, I’ll fucking kill you.”

Ethan didn’t say anything, he just stood there. He had so many different emotions on his face as he tried to pull it together, once again running through all the steps his psychiatrist drilled into his head before he was released from the hospital.

“You okay?” you asked, once Tara and Chad went outside.

He shook his head as he started to cry. You sat down on the couch and grabbed his hand, pulling him down to sit with you. Your arms wrapped around him as he sobbed into your chest.

“I’m so sorry, for everything,” he cried, “I think I should probably go.”

You pulled away to look at him, “You knew how this could go…Don’t try to run away from us the second you’re making progress.”

He wiped his tears as he looked up at you, “I’m making progress?”

“Yes, Ethan. It’s going to take a lot more work, but you’re already doing such a good job with her. Don’t let anyone else make you feel like you aren’t supposed to be here with me…or be here with her.”

You felt yourself start to tear up as you heard Chad and Tara walk back inside. Ethan intently watched Chad, not knowing what to expect as he sat beside him on the couch.

“Why are you here?” Chad questioned; his voice significantly calmer than before. “You fucked your life up, so you come here to get her to put the pieces back together?”

“Chad, stop,” you warned, as Tara chimed in.

“Just tell him what you need to say, Chad. Don’t be an asshole. He is River’s dad,” she said, looking over to the sleeping baby.

Chad sighed, looking at Ethan, “I don’t fucking trust you, and I don’t like that you’re here. You fucking hurt me, dude. I defended you time and time again whenever you were accused of anything. You know how awful I felt when I found out you were a part of the reason we were fucking terrorized and almost killed?”

The guilt was all over Ethan’s face as he tried to think of the right things to say to apologize, but there weren’t any. He knew he fucked up, and he knew that it was going to take a lot for the people he cared about to even begin to trust him.

“I’m sorry, for everything,” Ethan finally said, as everyone’s eyes were on him. “I tried to stop it, I really did.”

“We know you did,” Tara said, as River started to wake up.

Chad got up and walked over to the bassinet to grab her. She stopped crying the second she was in his arms. Ethan watched the interaction, feeling sick to his stomach. You reached down to grab Ethan’s hand, attempting to comfort him before he had a chance to show the emotion that was building.

“We missed you,” Chad whispered to the baby, as he sat down beside Tara.

You let them bond with her as you sat with Ethan. “You’re still her dad,” you reminded him, as he nodded.

“So, what’s the deal with you two?” Chad asked, noticing Ethan’s hand in yours.

“Oh, um…right now he’s just…trying to make things right,” you said, as his thumb rubbed against your hand. “He wants to be in her life, and I want to give him that opportunity.”

“Do you really think that’s a good idea? He doesn’t know the first thing about her,” Chad said, handing the baby to Tara.

“I’m trying to learn,” Ethan sighed, “I get it that you hate me. You have a good reason to, but I’m doing a lot better than I was.”

“Whatever you say,” Chad sighed, “She’s more forgiving than I am.”

Ethan nodded as you stood up. “I need to go put the laundry in the dryer. Please don’t try to kill him,” you said, walking away.

“Don’t we have to worry about him trying to kill us?” Chad joked, but you turned around, not thinking the joke was very funny.

“He’s working through things, stop intentionally trying to trigger him,” you said, as Chad’s eyes connected with yours.

“Sorry, dude,” he said, as Ethan mumbled “Thanks.”

After Chad and Tara started to get used to Ethan being around, you excused yourself to go shower. You wanted to take Ethan shopping to get anything he needed, and you had to look at least somewhat presentable before you could do that. You even put on a little bit of makeup, hoping to hide the dark circles under your eyes.

You grabbed Ethan’s laundry out of the dryer and took it upstairs. It didn’t take long to fold it because he really didn’t have much. When you went back down the stairs, you got a bottle ready for River, knowing she’d be hungry soon.

Like clockwork, she started to cry as soon as it came out of the warmer.

“Hey, can I borrow my kid?” you asked Chad, as he gently passed her over to you. “Thanks,” you smiled, sitting beside Ethan. “You want to feed her?” you asked, as Ethan nodded.

Chad and Tara nervously watched him, but soon started to relax when they realized how gentle he was being with her. He’d gotten some practice during the feeding sessions in the middle of the night, but he was still terrified when it came to the burping part. He was scared he’d hurt her fragile little body, so he passed her off to you once she was done eating.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Ethan said, going to the cart that extra baby blankets and clothes, and grabbed a burp cloth.

“Thanks,” you smiled, as he handed it to you. You adjusted her so she was laying on your shoulder, before patting her back. “Do you think you guys could babysit for a little bit?” you asked Chad and Tara.

“Of course,” Tara smiled, “Where are you going?”

“Ethan and I are going out for a little bit to get some things,” you said, as Ethan looked at you, unaware of the plan. “We talked about this last night,” you sighed, as he started to remember the conversation from the night before.

“Yeah, uh, I guess I should go change,” he said, getting up and heading up the stairs.

Once he was out of earshot, Tara started to whisper, “Do you feel safe going somewhere with him by yourself?”

“I’ve been here with him by myself,” you shrugged, as Chad started to shake his head.

“I know you want to give him a chance but is this really what’s best for you and River?” he asked, genuinely concerned for you and your daughter’s wellbeing. “Would you feel comfortable with him watching her by himself? He messed his whole future up.”

“It’ll be a long time before I could trust him alone with her. Fuck, I don’t even fully trust him being here,” you sighed, “But he’s trying to prove himself. He’s been through a lot.”

“You have, too, though,” Tara said, “You went through a pregnancy without him. You had the baby without him.”

“He didn’t know,” you started to defend him, as Chad got irritated.

“How was he supposed to know? He was busy trying to kill people,” he said, “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, because we’ve been so happy to help…but it’s almost like a slap in the face to see you giving him a chance after we’ve been here for you through it all.”

“Please don’t look at it like that,” you said, your eyes starting to water, “I appreciate everything you guys have done. I appreciate everything that you’ll still do to help me out. If he fucks up, I already told him he doesn’t have anymore chances. Just try to be there for me while I figure this out.”

Chad and Tara both nodded, before you noticed that River was sound asleep laying against you. You swaddled her before putting her in the bassinet, and started to wonder what was taking Ethan so long.

The truth is, he never fully made it up the stairs once he heard everyone start to talk about him. He was silently sobbing as he stood on one of the stairs, not knowing what the best move would be. He could just grab his stuff and jump out the window, or he could keep trying to prove himself.

When he thought back to the conversation after he fully expected Chad to punch him, when you told him that he was making progress, he started to smile through his tears. His meds usually made him feel numb, but being back in your life was the first time he’d started to feel emotions again, and he was determined to prove to you that he was going to be an amazing dad.

[pink-bunny-angel]

omg!! can u plz write anything abt john bender 🙏🙏 there r like no fics of him im in the trenches out here. THANK U😁

Of course!!! This is my first one, I hope you like it! Sorry if it's not the best!

John Bender X Reader

(warnings: briefly mentions abusive parents)

Today has been the worst. I got up at 2 am and couldn't go back to sleep. I was looking forward to having my morning coffee to keep me awake but, no, the coffee maker was broken. I thought surely that would be it but when I got to school I was quickly proven wrong... We had a math test. Great. All day I was looking forward to seeing my boyfriend, John Bender, but my mom told me no one could come over since I had an F in science.

My mental health has already been plummeting. This is just great. I currently am sitting in my room, crying on my bed and reading my Bible, it's comforting. I gently put it down on my nightstand and stare at the ceiling. I think and think, trying to find anything to look forward to, but it's getting difficult. I stand up with a groan. Everything looks so dull. It's funny how a couple tiny things going wrong can impact someone's day so much, especially when they were already feeling terrible. I pick up my telephone and dial Bender's number and it rings.

"Hello?" I can hear his dad in the background yelling with his friend about something. I hear a couple of things about Bender from his dad. He must've been mad at him

"Um. Hi, Bender we can't hang out tonight.." I utter with a hint of anxiety in my voice. He doesn't pick up on it, he has always struggled to sense emotion over the telephone.

"What do you mean? Come on, y/n. I was really counting on you. My dad has been freaking out over everything all day. This is ruining my night." I know he wasn't purposefully trying to guilt trip me, he just does it subconsciously. I understand why he would be counting on me and why he would want to come over. I feel guilty, which makes me feel even worse.

"I'm sorry, John. My mom said we can't tonight. I wish you could come over. I miss you so much. I've been having a bad day too, not as bad as yours though-" He interrupts.

"I'm sorry. Let's not compare bad days, okay? Lay down. I'll be there in a minute." His voice is oddly gentle. I feel comforted for a second before I'm flooded with confusion.

"My mom said no, John-"

"Honey, I'll be there."

He hangs up. I feel panicked. My mom is not gonna be happy if he shows up. She's gonna think I didn't tell him. She's gonna tell me I did it on purpose... Great. She's gonna send him home and I'm gonna be in trouble. I flop on to my bed and let out a noise of frustration, I don't know who or what I'm angry at, I just feel angry. I hear a light knock on my window... You've got to be kidding me. I stand up and tiptoe hastily to the window. When I open it I see Bender, his medium brown hair is getting blown in his face as he frantically tries to pry open the window from the outside. I chuckle and open it. He slides in. His hair is messy and he is glaring.

"Took you long enough. I could've been blown down and killed!" I hug him. He hesitates. He huffs and hugs me back.

"I'm glad you're here. But I don't want to get in trouble." I look down, I feel my anxiety getting worse and worse. My mom can't know he is here. He holds me closer and buries his face in my hair.

"Don't worry, y/n. I'm sneaky." I can feel him smirking. I scoff.

"Keep telling yourself that." I mutter.

"Woah. You're grumpy." He takes off his boots and coats, throwing them to the ground. He walks over to my TV and grabs the Liar's Moon VHS tape.

"Liar's Moon? I thought you don't like romance movies?" I snicker. He always complains about romance movies, he always wants to watch action movies.

"I don't but.. it's your favorite or something." He says the last part very quiet, as if he doesn't want to get caught doing something sweet. He's trying to change, I remember the night he cried to me about wanting to change. He wants to be nicer and more caring. He's trying so hard. I decide not to tease him about his embarrassment from being caring. I'm so proud of him for trying.

"I love you." I say softly. I can't help but stare at him. He's so beautiful.

"I love you too.. I gue- actually.. I know for sure I love you too." He responds, trying to seem confident. I smile and he tries to look unbothered, I can tell love is still difficult for him to express, but that's okay. We're healing together.

I gently grab his arm and pull him to my bed. He flops on to it.

"Bender, my mom will hear...! Keep it down...!" I scold him quietly. He giggles. I can't help but smile. I quietly climb on to the bed with him. He had started the movie. I lay my head gently on his chest and feel him start to stroke my back with his fingertips. He can be so gentle. Who knew? I yawn and curl into him.

"Sleepy, baby?" He asks softly. I nod and rub my eyes. He gives my forehead the most soft, sweet kiss. "Goodnight, y/n. Sleep tight... I hope the bedbugs bite." I hear him snicker.

"Really..!"

[peqchsoup]

omg joel calling reader princess and pumpkin made me giggled so hard wtf. JEJDJDJD but like idk why mean joel just gets me like just the idea of him being this grumpy guy but being such a softy for the reader😭 could u maybe do sumn with taylor swift’s I can see you? reader has a crush on joel, always looking at him, making up scenarios, and he’d always see this girl staring at him , smiling to herself FAWK 😭😭😭

hi anon, thank you for requesting!! honestly, I got this request so long ago and started writing this, but had so little motivation bc of mental health and the likes, but I went on a lil rampage and got this finished in like an hour ngl, im not a swiftie so I had a lot of back and forth looking at the lyrics to this song to see how I could incorporate them, so I hope I've done you proud! anyway, here it is and, as always, requests are open &lt;3 no, this has not been proofread :)

I Can See You

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

You tap aggressively at your phone to turn off your alarm.You run through your Monday morning routine of groaning in bed at the thought of having to see Joel Miller after you spent all weekend trying not to think about him.

Being the receptionist at Miller Contracting had its pros and its cons. 

Pros:

Good salary

Free coffee all day 

Staring at Joel Miller

Cons:

Joel Miller didn’t like you

He was always polite enough when he walked in with Tommy, but he didn’t take nearly as much of a liking to you as his brother did. Tommy always turned on the charm, brought you coffee and breakfast bagels while Joel nodded in your direction before breezing past. And somehow, you were infatuated with him. You would sit behind the desk day in, day out, daydreaming about all of the things Joel Miller could do to you. 

You would watch him come to the front desk to greet the more high profile clients and would sneak a glance while he shook hands with them so you could see strong fingers with veins along the back of his hand running to his wrist. You would then watch him through the glass of the boardroom, pointing to his presentation or twiddling a pen between his fingers while he spoke. 

You used that material to picture his hands all over you. You daydreamed about his hands starting in your hair, brushing it out of the way of your face before Joel drags them down your sides and to your waist. You thought about his bruising touch on the soft flesh at the tops of your thighs, picturing how they would look while pushing your legs open and parting your slick folds.

You groaned at your second alarm blaring in your ear, getting up and mindlessly following your daily morning routine. You had done it so many times that you were out of the door within 20 minutes. 

Your Monday morning was just like every morning: drive to work, open up the office, turn on the lights, turn on the coffee machines, sit at the front desk, check the calendar, and try not to think about Joel Miller. You had accomplished almost all of these things. All but one. 

You sat fantasising again, wondering which of the brothers was driving to work today. You thought of Joel’s hands gripping the wheel and how his brow would be furrowed slightly while he was concentrating. You thought of Joel’s other hand resting on his denim-clad thigh. You thought of how his eyes would flicker to the rear view mirror and how, if you were sitting in the back, he would constantly glance at you and mentally undress you. You thought-

“Mornin’ Sunshine!” 

Tommy’s voice boomed through the office and had you scrambling to make it look like you were busy. 

“Morning Tommy. Joel.” You looked to the older brother who nodded and threw you a tight-lipped smile. You looked back to Tommy who was holding up a brown bag and an iced latte. 

“Iced vanilla latte and a breakfast muffin for my best girl.” Tommy placed the items down and winked at you. You thanked him before he moved on towards the boardroom to prepare for their pitch. 

When you first started at the company, you thought Tommy was trying to make a move on you. You were awkward and didn’t know what to say when he brought you things. But, over time, you learned that he was looking out for you in a big brother sense. You were there from the beginning, seeing the office become a reality, and had become like a little sister to Tommy. He always asked how things were at home, if you had a pet yet and even asked if you had any dates (with the added bonus of comforting you when you went through disaster after disaster).

Joel followed his brother into the room and let the door click shut. Your eyes followed his movements; shrugging off his jacket to reveal the “Miller Contracting” t-shirt he was wearing that grew taught over flexing biceps. Your eyes traced up his broad shoulders to where you could see his profile. Tan skin met a dark beard that was always well taken care of. You followed his nose from the tip up to the bridge where you found chocolate brown eyes that you could get lost in, and did get lost in every time he was explaining something to you. 

The same chocolate eyes that were now looking right back into yours. 

You jumped and reached up to grab your breakfast from the counter Tommy left them on. You stared down at your breakfast with laser focus the entire time you ate it and, when you finished, you continued to keep your gaze downward by busing yourself on your computer. 

You didn’t look up for a single second until it was time to greet the new clients. You gave them their visitor passes and walked them to the boardroom where Joel and Tommy stood to shake their hands and get them seated. You turned to leave before Tommy whispered your name and pulled you to one side. 

“This could be a huge project for us, could you take some notes for us?” Tommy looked at you with his puppy-dog eyes even though he knew you would do anything to help out. 

“Of course, let me grab my stuff.” 

And that’s how you ended up spending all day with Joel Miller. Whenever there was a break or Tommy was sketching something on the whiteboard, you stole glances at Joel. Your eyes traced his jaw where it met his fists to rest his head on. You looked at his hair and how it was starting to curl up on the ends, waiting to be cut off. What you didn’t notice was the way Joel stared back. You were so fixated on his features that you didn’t catch his own wandering eyes.

-------------------

The day-long meeting concluded with handshakes and smiles as Joel and Tommy settled their biggest deal yet. You wanted to let the brothers celebrate their new project, so you returned to the front desk where you began to type up the notes that you had taken. 

Joel was, for lack of a better term, a bit of a grump. He was courteous with clients, of course, but generally around the office and in his own private office, he kept to himself. You had never seen him crack a smile unless a client was in front of him. Seeing that smile in action had a blush creeping up your neck.

Not long after you returned to your desk, Tommy swung the boardroom door open, followed by the grinning clients who were all beginning to remove their visitor passes. You began to sign them out when Tommy called your name.

“Hey, Joel’s staying to do the paperwork but I’m taking these guys out for dinner if you wanna join? Joel can lock up.” 

Your eyes flicked to the boardroom behind Tommy where you could see Joel with a stack of paper. Feeling your stare, Joel’s eyes shot up to meet yours. You felt your face begin to heat again and turned back to look at a hopeful Tommy.

“I appreciate the offer, but I think I’ll stay. I’ve gotta finish these notes and I wouldn’t feel right leaving Joel here alone.” 

Tommy turned to the clients standing behind him, pointing his thumb at you over his shoulder.

“Didn’t I say she was the best?” 

The clients nodded and chuckled along with Tommy and, with a final ‘Goodnight’, the group of men left. It was just you at your desk and Joel in the boardroom. 

----------------------

You desperately tried to focus on your work, ignoring everything in your brain telling you to look at Joel and watch him. Thoughts of him flooded your mind. The way his brows furrowed and he rubbed his beard when he was concentrating. When Tommy cracks a cheesy joke and gets a huff out of his older brother.

Deciding you were too distracted to get work done, you decided that a cup of coffee was the perfect thing to get your head together. 

You wandered along to the kitchen where you met an empty pot of coffee. Being slightly annoyed but getting on with it, you started getting another pot ready. You pulled the pot out of the machine and gave it a rinse. Throwing out the filter was next, but when you went to grab a new one, they had been pushed to the back of the top shelf of the cupboard.

You reached up on your tiptoes, leaning your hips against the countertop to try to balance yourself. But to no avail, you just couldn’t reach. On your last attempt, you felt a warm body press against yours, a tanned arm reaching past your head and then a hand moving past your own and grabbing the box of filters. 

You flipped around at top speed, coming face to chest with Joel himself. He retracted his arm and set the box of filters in your hands. Speechless, you took a filter out of the box and set it in the plastic coffee filter that fitted onto the pot. Joel watched you in silence while you filled the filter with coffee with a shaky hand. Your chest was heaving and you were trying to calm the raging blush creeping up your neck.

The coffee pot was set to work and you turned around to grab a mug, only for Joel to stop your arm mid-reach and spin you back round so your back was pressed against the countertop.

His eyes were hooded, his gaze low. 

“I can see you, you know.”

Your eyes darted from his eyes to his mouth, where his tongue ran across his lips. You opened your mouth but couldn’t form a single word. 

“I see you waitin’ down the hall for me. I’ve been watchin’ you for ages. I tried to ignore you at first. I kept everything professional, but now something’s changing.”

Joel’s hands came up to rest on either cheek.

“Now, you won’t believe half the things I see inside my head. I can see you up against the wall with me. I can see you being my addiction.”

You were struggling to comprehend the words he was saying; they were coming out before your brain had time to register them. 

One of Joel’s hands reached around to tangle in your hair at the back of your head. He leaned in for a tentative kiss. Your lips pressed against his and, in that instant, your hands flew up to meet at the back of his head, pulling him closer and harder against you. 

He took that as his signal to deepen the kiss, becoming almost rough with you. His hands moved to your waist to lift you up onto the counter. Instinctively, you hopped with his lift and wrapped your legs around his hips.

His hands grabbed at the flesh of your thighs and kneaded the tender skin. He was everywhere all at once and suddenly, he wasn’t.

Joel pulled away and left the kitchen. You were left sitting flustered on the counter. Hopping down, you decided that you should forget the coffee and just go home to sit and overthink the entire situation. 

You went back to your desk and grabbed your bag, taking a risky glance at the, now empty, boardroom. Trying to shake away the disappointment starting to bloom in your chest, you reached to grab your keys and found a sticky note with an address and a small note underneath. 

“Meet me tonight.”

[honeytonedhottie]

so you're my only hope and i really wish for your advice. it's humiliating to say my story but i really need help. so i was misdiagnosed with schizofrenia (i 100% know i'm healthy) i need to lie that i have schizofrenia because my mother needs money. and here comes my desires : revision and desired age/grade level and maaany more. i have no responsibilities literally zero! the way i manifest is i walk around my room and viseualise, affirm and overall manifest which is fun but the thing is do you think i should build healthy day routine instead of just pacing around my room all day long? could you provide me a routine? thank you for help because yall are saving me for real. it could be even self care habits to do every day anything to avoid pacing around

thank you for coming to me 💗 and im so sorry about ur story. im so happy that you know the law because you deserve all of ur desires and more!! 💗

so to build a healthy routine and schedule for urself. doing so builds discipline. im gonna give u some healthy habits, a morning and evening routine, and resources for those things. a good place to start tho is making a weekly agenda that changes with the week, something to switch things up every week. just make one 💗💗💗

—healthy habits🩰⊹ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ♡̴ ⋆⁺₊⋆

♡ moving ur body/pilates - i personally do pilates and i recommend it to literally everybody. but the basic idea is to move around (and that does not mean pacing in ur bedroom) i mean get ur blood flowing and get moving. it doesn’t have to be pilates it can be running, a sport, dancing, yoga etc

here’s a link to one of the pilates workouts that i recommend if ur a beginner : 

♡ get a hobby - some hobby recommendations: if u are good at writing try poetry, try teaching urself how to draw or paint or sculpt, learn how to dance, learn how to play an instrument, learn a sport, learn languages, become a good cook, write stories, start a blog, learn to sew or crotchet, learn tech, read lots of books, watch/listen to lots of podcasts. literally just get busy 

♡ meditating and journaling - this is so good not only for ur mental health but it can also improve focus and keep u grounded. keep a journal or start meditating every day

here’s a link to a guided meditation for self love : 

♡ self care - i LOVE self care. literally practice self care every single day. take care of ur nails, skin, hair, lashes EVERYTHING. be super intentional with ur self care bcuz it tells our brains that we are worthy of effort and it’ll LITERALLY make u feel like a princess. 

♡ manifesting - you mentioned that u wanted to do some revision so something that i recommend for revising is using SATS. or state akin to sleep. once ur in state akin to sleep go back in ur mind and revise whatever u want. or just do SATS before bed every night. this is such a powerful manifesting tool

♡ sleep - aim to get between eight to ten hours of sleep a night. you’ll look better, feel better, and your physical and mental health will just skyrocket 

—morning🌸⊹ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ♡̴ ⋆⁺₊⋆

♡̴ first thing in the morning, fix ur bed 

♡ open the blinds/windows if the sun is out, this all depends on what time u wake up but if the sun isn’t out just skip this step 

♡ stretch for a couple minutes 

♡ write down at least three things that ur grateful for (don’t write down what u aren’t grateful for AT THAT MOMENT, literally just write down three things that ur grateful for right then and there) 

♡ brush ur teeth and use a tongue scraper 

♡ have a glass of water with some lemon slices 

♡ take a warm shower and moisturize 

♡ skincare routine 

♡ put on an outfit that makes u feel pretty 

♡ if u get nauseous when u eat breakfast then try eating something light, but if that doesn’t work then listen to ur body and just skip breakfast. if that’s not the case tho eat a balanced breakfast 

THEN GET TO WORK ON YOUR AGENDA THAT I MENTIONED IN THE BEGINNING<3 

—evening🍥⊹ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ♡̴ ⋆⁺₊⋆

♡ take a warm shower and moisturize 

♡ 30-60 minutes of self care and pampering 

♡ make a yummy dinner that’s nourishing 

♡ read for 20 minutes or watch something that enriches u 

♡ evening yoga 

♡ drink water 15 minutes before bed 

THEN GO TO SLEEP AND HAVE SWEET DREAMS <3 

this is just an idea, or a basic guideline to follow if u need it. customize it to ur specific needs and day-to-day life. im so excited for all ur desires to manifest cuz u deserve it! mwah 💗💗💗

[lotties-ashwagandha]

LOTTIE MATTHEWS WITH AN AUTISTIC PARTNER (headcanons)

and as always im prefacing this by saying everyone’s experience with having autism is different and the shit i describe here in terms of having autism is from my own personal experiences as an autistic person. all experiences are valid <3

ok so

^ why do i always start headcanon posts w that omg

anyway

lottie would be rlly educated on autism and she would be rlly open to learning abt new perspectives and experiences i mean she literally makes a living off helping ppl with mental health and wellness so

she would be very mindful of things that are triggering to you or things that make you overwhelmed sensory wise

she would always have an extra pair of sunglasses in her purse for you when you two go out if you’re sensitive to sunlight (like me aahhahq)

would also carry those little foam noise canceling ear plugs yk what im talking abt??? i love those things bro

but anyway she would go above and beyond to make sure you’re always okay and have access to any accommodations you might need

and to be honest girly is probably autistic herself so 🙄

she would always be checking in with you too asking if the lighting is okay or before she buys a new rug or something she would ask you if the texture is okay

also. this woman would nottttt tolerate ableism like she would lecture a bitch so bad

i can also see her trashing autism speaks

also during times you get sensory overload she would be the absolute best person to go to,, would make sure the two of you could be alone somewhere and no one could bother you. if you’d prefer everything to be quiet she would just sit there with you and get you anything you needed and hold you if you wanted,, and if you needed a distraction she would start talking about your special interest or play your favorite music to try to calm you down a little

i am out of ideas but in conclusion i want this woman so bad

i’ll probs update this w more headcanons later so <3

[jackmanbj]

college stress

summary: jack is trying everything to make sure his girlfriend is stress free and is going to do everything to make it happen.

you had just woken up and you were in the middle of brushing your teeth when you heard jack making his way to the bathroom.

“hi mamas..” you spit the toothpaste out and gave him a kiss “hi baby” “you have school today?” “yes jack, you know this” “cant you miss one day?” “as much as i want to, no baby” “whyy??” “because its going to push me back in my studies!” “baby please.. ill do the work for you” “jack, you cheated off my papers everyday in highschool, and you didnt go to college” “ok?” “you dont know this stuff baby” “hey! im smart!” “not smart enough to brush your teeth before getting in my face.”

you handed jack his toothbrush laughing while he jacked it out your hand.

“and your not smart enough to not kiss me before i brush me teeth!” “oh shut up!”

once you both were done brushing your teeth and washing your faces, you headed into the kitchen to make a quick breakfast for you and jack.

“what do you want to eat jack?” “you” “jackman, i will let you starve” jack started mocking you “oohh jackmann i will let you starve!!” jack said in a extremely high pitched voice. “bitch. im not cooking.”

“wait i was kidding!” “nope! what time is it?” “7:15” “OH SHIT IN LATE!”

you ran to your bedroom and started getting dressed for class, since you were late you just put on some sweatpants and a hoodie and took your hair out the bonnet.

“BABY!” “what jack! i have to go!” “kiss first” you gave jack a peck and tried to rush out the door but he grabbed your hand pulling you back.

“a real kiss our your not leaving” you gave jack a deep kiss and said you loved him and rushed out the door.

around an hour later jack and urban was on the phone and jack was venting to urban.

“yea man, it feels like she doesn’t have time for me anymore, i mean, i get she has her studies and all that but damn” “just call her teachers and beg them to let her pass her classes for tomorrow and explain to then how shes been extra stressed, ect and you want to plan something nice for her and she’ll be back in like 2 or 3 days.”

so jack did just that.

he called every single one of your teachers and they all agreed to give you a free day for mental health.

jack knew you would be home later so he called the restaurant you had your first high school date at and had the whole place reinvented, all tables removed except one, rose petals all over, pink and red lights, and more for after the dinner.

after you got out of your classes for the day you made it back to you and jacks apartments and made your way into the bedroom, you dropped off all your studying sheets and pens onto your desk and made your way to the bathroom.

jack was in the shower getting ready to go out with urban.

“hey baby girl, how was school?” “hi, shitty.” you started getting undressed tossing your clothes into the hamper.

“jack if i tell you one more time, keep your damn clothes in the laundry ben when you take them off!” you said picking his clothes off the floor “im sorry mama” jack opened the shower door expressing for you to get in.

once you got in you turned the water up hotter “AHT! thats to hott!” jack said whining and covering his whole body making his way to the back of the shower.

“your fucking dramatic babe” you turned down the water and jack used his hand as a tester to see if it was good enough.

once you two got out the shower you went to your dresser and put on a undershirt and a pair of jacks boxers while jack got dressed to go out with urban so they could set up your dinner surprise.

“jack where are yall going?” “out to eat while we talk about somethings for the team” “ok baby” you pulled jacks face down by his chin so you could give him a kiss while he fixed his shirt.

“see you later ma” “see you baby.” once jack left you laid down and took a nap.

its was now 8:30pm and jack just texted you.

stinka💕- get dressed in something nice, im picking you up at 9:30

once you seen the message you immediately got up and ran to your closest finding a black dress and some black skinny heals.

you set outfit down and started doing you hair, you had straightened your hair the other day so you put think curls at the end, once you were done with your hair you started putting on your dress, you didn’t want to put on your heels when jack got there.

you started your makeup and was just putting on your setting spray when jack texting you letting you know he was outside.

you quickly put on your heals and grabbed your tote bag, jack was in the car waiting for you looking at you as you speeded to the car.

you got into the car and meet jack holding a bouquet on flowers.

“hi baby” “hi stink” jack leaned over and kissed you handing you the flowers “thank you baby” “of course.”

jack pulled out the driveway and started driving towards the restaurant.

“jack where are we going?” “you’ll see” jack pulled up at the restaurant and you immediately realized where you where.

“JACK YOU REMEMBERED!!” “of course i did mamas.”

jack got out the car rushing over to your side to help you out the car.

jack opened the door for you and helped you out his truck.

you both made your ways inside and you sat in the middle of the restaurant, where jack had it set up.

as you looked around you started to cry “oh no no no mamas dont cry!” jack started wiping your tears softly with his thumb.

“im sorry j, its really pretty” “its all for you mamas, no one else”

eventually you both ordered and started making your way back to the car.

“we got one more place to be at” “jack.. i have class tomorrow..i cant stay out this long” “no you dont, i called in sick for you, easy A in all your classes” “JACKMAN THOMAS HARLOW!!” “what?? what i do??” “why in the world would you do that?!” “because baby, you look so stressed, you have little time for me and absolutely no time for yourself. that she needs to stop, understand?” “mhm”

once you started driving to a route you had never been on you started asking questions about where you were going but every time you got the same answer “you’ll see”

jack arrived at a lake and you both made you way to the too right by the railings.

you and jack were talking for a little until he randomly got up and went in front of you.

and got down on one knee.

“jack..” “y/n y/m/n, i have loved you since we were 14, i want the best for you, your the sweetest person i have ever met. you put yourself before anyone else, you make it your priority to make sure everyone is safe even if you dont get the same treatment, i want to be the one who makes sure your safe when no one else does, i want to make sure im always going to be the person thats there for you, whose going to make sure your ok, whose going to stand up for you, please baby.. let me be that person? y/n y/m/n.. will you marry me?” “YES YES JACK OH MY GOD!!” jack jumped up picking you up spinning you around before placing you back down and sliding the ring onto your finger.

“i love you stink” “forever and always?” “forever and always” you pulled jack down and gave him a kiss on his nose while you both made your way back home.

you ended your night in one scary movie then cartoons so you and jack hopefully wouldn’t have nightmares.

[axel-skz]

hey hope ur having a great day!

could u possibly write an angst request with skz? (any member)

something along the lines of the reader having a terrible childhood and having to go through trauma and really dark days and maybe opening up to them about it? or maybe the member finding them unconscious due to something and then opening up about it?

ONLY IF UR COMFORTABLE PLZ

ig I'm asking for it is cause I'm not doing so good and just need to feel something lmao

A/N: AWH! I will do it, since you asked soo nicely. Hope it makes you feel better 😘 AND for everyone else. I haven’t done it in a bit so let’s do the song roulette today. Im gonna shuffle all of stray kids music and we shall see what song we get. We get… HaPpy (Han)!

It felt so common now a days to hear people joking about childhood trauma. Mental health was this big thing and people were so open about their problems.

You wished you could be that way but every time you thought to tell Minho about even a pinch of it, the sweat broke out. You would start heaving and the panic would overtake you. The dread would take control and you felt like you were in a dark cave. Left alone where no one would ever find you.

That only ever happened when you thought about telling someone though. The easy solution, never talk about it.

You had a few triggers that reminded you of the cursed day and that would usually cause you to spiral till you passed out. But it had been years since you had last dealt with it.

You had a false sense of security cloaking you. Little did you know, the veil would be lifted soon.

You were making dinner an hour before Minho was going to come home from work. You had the radio playing and it was a whole fun little dance number. The cats were running around somewhere in the living room. You were having a great time. You saw your goofy dance moves in the mirror and it made you laugh. The fact that you’re with such an exceptional dancer and you couldn’t put two good looking steps together. Funny.

Your mistake though, you had gotten too comfortable.

You were having a lot of fun but it all came crashing down when a song started to play on the radio that reminded you of that night. You dropped the wooden spoon you were holding and you tried to grab the counter to keep balance.

Maybe you could work through this. The blood rushing to your head, making you dizzy, losing control would somehow stop. The tunnel vision came not too long after with the inability to breathe. Before you knew it, you were out like a light.

You had no idea why your head was throbbing. The light behind your closed eyelids slowly getting brighter.

No, I’m comfy, let me go back to sleep.

The words you couldn’t get out of your mouth because it was being stubborn and wouldn’t do what you wanted. You felt paralysed until slowly you started to regain control of yourself.

First order of business, open your eyes. And you did. But then regretted it because there was a lightbulb right there and now you were having a staring competition that you definitely were in no shape to win.

You came to as the room slowly stopped spinning. Everything was blurry until it wasn’t. You could see a very concerned Minho looking down at you. He seemed so flustered and out of breath.

It took all the energy you had to try and get up, not without him trying to stop you either. But since you were so stubborn, you got up and hugged him. He hugged you back immediately.

After some time and him looking after you, you were sitting on the sofa with him. He had put the cats into the bedroom so they wouldn’t be jumping everywhere around you.

It was a little awkward but he really wanted to know what had happened so very carefully, he asked.

You weren’t sure how to answer so you quietly started to open up.

‘I was home one day with my mum. We were making food and the radio was on. We were dancing when suddenly… there was banging on our front door… she went to go check, carefully. But no amount of care could help us. I was… Terrified when I heard yelling. There was gunshots. I don’t want to get into all of it but thankfully, my mum and I survived.’

He had held you tighter and closer the more you talked. You had gotten shaky and the tunnel vision had come back a little but he was like a grounding presence.

‘I can’t believe that happened to you,’ he seemed utterly shocked.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it before. I have a very hard time talking about it,’ you felt terrible about not being able to tell him anything.

��No! It’s alright. You never have to tell me anything. It’s completely up to you how much or how little you share.’

You couldn’t help but smile at how sweet he was.

‘Now, I think it’s probably best we take our mind of things… you wanna watch a movie and eat overly greasy food?’

You laughed, ‘how could I ever say no to that?’

He got up after kissing your forehead gently, ‘I’ll order 3 pizzas right away!’

You stopped him for. A moment by grabbing his hand, ‘I’d like to tell you more about what happened… one day… if you wanna know…’

He kneeled down in-front of you and held your hands as he looked into your eyes with adoration, ‘I will be here for anything and everything with you. Whenever you’re feeling confident enough to talk about it, I’ll be right here.’

He went and let the cats out of the room. Then he made sure to order the food. The rest of the night was spent cuddled up on the sofa with the love of your life and your fur babies.

You never quite thought about it but you loved your life now. You had all the love you could need. You had a home.

A/N: I HOPE YOU LIKED IT! Please like and reblog and share and smile and be happy or ELSE!

See you soon with our sweeet boy, Felix!

See I would make my work longer but my brain just doesn’t wanna do that ���

So you either get too much dialogue or too much detail.

Lee know: can’t we have the best of both worlds?

I turn to look at him: um… 1, didn’t peg you for a Hannah Montana fan. 2, this is my moment… you got a whole story… go away…

He gets up, sets his chair on fire and walks away nonchalantly.

I turn back to look at you with wide eyes: I’m gonna pay for that tonight…

I chase after him frantically.

WAIT! I’LL BUY YOU ALL THE CAT TOYS YOU WANT! DON’T BURN MY HOUSE DOWN!