#im too much of a coward to kill myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chilipepperconverse · 4 months ago

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god im so tired of this shit

#im trying so hard #in every area of my life #and its not working in any of them #im trying to get a job. ANY JOB. not working #im trying to meet people/hang out with more people/be more social. not working #im trying to eat/sleep better/be more active. not working #im trying to date. not working.#at this point its like why even try #bc it never works #but i cant make myself give up. whatever definition of giving up u wanna use #i just cant do it #despite it making the most sense #bc i still hope for things to change #even tho i know they wont #it feels so hopeless and yet im wringing myself out trying to find hope/motivation to keep trying #at some point im gonna go dry #i’ll have nothing left to hope with #and the day that happens. i dont know what i’ll do #im too much of a coward to kill myself #but like. i have a day in mind #so thats worrying #like damn i have a deadline #but i know that if things havent changed by then i still wont do it #cause like i said. coward #but also i might still have hope by then. somehow #idk #shut up chili

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spookythesillyfella · 2 months ago

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get me out get me out get me out get me OUT GET ME OUT IM BEGGING YOU LET ME GO I WANT OUT I WANT OUT I NEED A LOBOTOMY PLEEEEASE

ahem anywayz

i didn't feel like making two different drawings for the songs that i used as inspo . so here's interchangeable lyric versions

★ translated second image version / version without text under cut :

★ song lyrics from : "New Flesh" – Current Joys ; "Fata din Roman" – Patron

#im not feeling all too swell sketchbook.#i was at a halloween festival with my friends yesterday nd there was a rlly cool concert but omfg i yelled sooo much my throat is sore asf #i rlly enjoyed it but now i have this strange gut wrenching guilt . perhaps even sorrow . eating away at me #i also have second thoughts about my future tony cosplay idea again ......#ughh .... what fundamental part of myself would i not sacrifice so that the actually good cosplayers in my life would like me ......#i can't make anything good #im not a good person #what's wrong with me ....#maybe if i knew it would be easier to change that part about myself .....#i just want to make others happy #i want to inspire people to do the things they love and to uplift them .....#but look at myself .....#im utterly useless .....#inutil . indeed .....#dhmis #dhmis art #dhmis au #high voltage au #dhmis brendon #unemployed brendon #dhmis hv brendon #killing myself #nah im kidding . im too much of a coward to actually do it ahaha #X3

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canni-killer · 10 months ago

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finish drawing. feel proud! see three pieces of art. i want to kill myself.

#ive been drawing for years why am i so bad #inconsistent also #bad AND inconsistent #anyways did anyone see the pic i drew haha its good right #who am i fucking kidding its awful #everything i make art writing knitting sewing etc its all terrible #no matter how much i practice i never improve #i cant write either my writing is terrible #and ive p much abandoned knitting #i occasionally sew holes in clothes but im bad at it #i have no fuckng skills #i should be good at this stuff its all stuff ive been doing sonce i was a fucking child #why is my baby cousin better at knitting than mr #why is my cousin so much better at art when were the same age and ive been drawing longer #i cant act either. or sing. i used to want to do musical theater but yknow #i cant bring myself to pick up my guitar cuz i know ill never be good at it. it frirates me to practice.#i played trombone for 2 ½ years and never got any better #i couldn't even read a single scale and my playing was quiet and bad #fuck #fuck fuck fuck #ill mever be good at anything #im a hack. talentless. unskilled. in every way possible.#can i find one fucking thing that im good at #“do it for yourself!” I CANT I FUCKING CANT if no one else likes it then its not good #and if its not good theres no point to it #becuz its just another way in which ive failed #i hate myself. im a disgusting failure #and im too cowardly to even kill myself #“im living for so and so :3” LIES LIES ITS ALL LIES IM ALIVE BECUZ IM A COWARD #everyone else will be fine without me. maybe happier even. i just cant do it cuz im fucking scared. another gd thing im a failure at.

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monsternobility · 6 days ago

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how the fuck do you go home when you dont know where home is anymore

#monster decrees #ex finally left and took all their shit because they were too much of a coward to face me and do it while i was there #whatever.#i get to go back to my apartment tomorrow #but its not home. and my parents house isnt home. and im not home. theres just nothingeft ofme!#i have to br awake in 3hrs to get on a plane i may just stay up. who fucking cafes #maybe ill just kill myself when i get back to the apartment. its not like i have anyone relying on me anymore 🤷‍♂️#my parents told me tjey said. that they were in 'an unsafe situation.'#what the FUCK was i gonna do to them. huh? UNSAFE? UNSAFE?????#they had all their fucking trauma and all their stupid friends telling them that i was going to HURT THEM? BE FUCKING REAL.

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red-velvet-0w0 · 2 months ago

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im a coward and an idiot and a monster and yall are right to hate me

#i will never be lovable so why do people keep trying to love me #why do i keep trying to find somebody who will love me #nobody ever will #nobody ever can #the kindest thing you could do for me is to kill me so i cant hurt anybody else because im too much of a coward to do it myself

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in-zwielicht · 4 months ago

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I really don’t know how long I’ll be able to live like this

#telecommunications/#and i know im way too much of a coward to kill myself #if being 24/7 afraid of death yet passively suicidal sounds like a contradiction that’s because it is and it torments me

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ambiguousfiction · 4 months ago

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:)

#it'd be so nice if I was less of a coward #like im not going to kill myself cos im too pathetic but i also cant seem to just get over myself and stop being such a sad sack of shit #surely if ive accepted I'm not going to kill or even cut i shouldn't be thinking about it this much

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a-fandom-trashdump · 4 months ago

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#vent post #tw sui ideation #if i killed myself would anyone even care #do i actually matter enough to anyone to be at all important #i feel like things would only get better if i was dead #i wouldn't be a weight on other people's shoulders #they wouldn't have to worry about me dumping all my problems on them #hell mom wouldn't need to pay as much for food or worry about any other expenses I'd put on her #and she'd probably get the money from my accounts #i think i should just kill myself #it would make everything better for everyone #im too much of a coward to try #plus i don't feel like moving #i wish i could just get out of it all

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tiredtriedfailures · 6 months ago

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oh my god im full on crying in my deadly silent dorm im really not meant to survive this. "what did he have to look forward to? what was there to like? there was nothing good about his life" <- about him not making it. echoes like a gunshot in my ribcage

#mypost #i just read 4 sentences about dabi and realized im not living on #dabiposting #full on tears streaming down my face crying i havent got this for years.#oh my fucking god i just saw an airplane and thought it was a shooting star. im laughing and crying. ahould i kill myself tonight #thats an evil joke to play on someone who is doing this bad i feel like that one person who called the suicide hotline #and it died on them and disconnected and they laughed so hard they postponed their death #nah im too much of a coward. if i ever kill myself itll be getting caught up in the moment and spontanously traffic dying #either as a driver or pedestrian #thats plausable deniability #god that plane shooting star sobered me up a little. im still not gonna make it in life #but i wont die today either

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deepseaphantom · 7 months ago

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i fucking hate myself i fucking hate that im violent i fucking hate that my body does this this happens everysingle fucking month without fail i fucking hate it

#vent #i want to fucking kill myself but im too much of a coward to do it

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nexttothelamp · 7 months ago

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.....

#the legal battle will take so long #this is going to be the hardest thing ive ever done and maybe will ever do #life has and will change forever. for the better? i hope but i dont know #is this the right thing to do? yes #does that make it easier? ....only slightly. and itll have to be enough. and i realize now that it is #but oh god does it hurt. im a victim too maybe the oldest one? oldest one alive anyway. that i know of #i cant. believe it #hindsight is 40/20 in this case but fuck #a part of me wants to tell him #to pull him aside and say #i know what you did. i know what you did and its going to come out.#and if it was only in the past i might choose to let the dead rest #but i cant let you near those kids. i can only pray to a god i dont believe in that its not already too late #but baby axel still has a chance #i know with this shit system i wont be able to take the kids from derek #but i can put you away and maybe thatll be enough #i wanna tell him that im going to the police and they WILL be coming to his mothers house #and i wanna tell him that because i loved him. So MUCH once #that im giving him the chance to kill himself and take the cowards way out before its too late #i... mean that a little too and that hurts the most #i cant kill him even though id like to choke the life out of him myself #i cant ruin my life for the man that tried to already #but it would save us all so much trouble if he did us all a favor and shot himself in the fucking skull #theres always going to be more kids and hes gotten to 4 over 2 decades at least. and those are only the ones i know for certain #hes just a pedophile. it makes so much sense now #fuck. fuck.#maybe in a few days ill be able to think about something else #can barely focus on trump getting convicted lol #id say delete later but i wont

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boymodeordie · 11 months ago

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i am filled with immeasurable self-hatred. i dont want to exist i wish i were dead i hate myself more profoundly and deeply than im capable of hating anyone

#i keep getting blackout drunk #every single time i drink now #and it doesnt even fuck me up the next day as bad as it used to unless its 3-4 days in a row #but i was tryingto find idk some sort of advice or help or something online about it #and there was a comment someone wrote on quora about how if u regularly drink to blackout ur trying to obliterate ur consciousness #and that requires an alarming amount of self hate #and yeah thats me #thats me #thast where im at in my life i want to stop fucking existing #but im also too much of a coward to kill myself #just like im too muhc of a coward to transition #to try #to change #im a coward #im a coward and i hate myself i want to die #killmekillmekillmekillmekillmekillmekillmekillme

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melodyoftheewe · 11 months ago

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Mmmm I love that I probably wouldn’t be a good mother so I couldn’t even like be a good housewife that doesn’t make me feel useless at all nooooo

#not actually an invitation but also someone please kill me im too much of a coward to do it myself #personal

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rotting-blog · 2 years ago

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I'm not even particularly suicidal but I need to kill myself

#cupid.txt #only cuz i have the fucked up thoughts (nsfw thoughts with people ik)#esp w family and friends ^_^ i need to kill myself because it really hard. ik i was split literally for this but i vant take it #whatever we all know im too much of a coward to do anything so ill just listen to sad music ;)#vent

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mouthwashingconfessionsblog · 6 days ago

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"Well, if I was in curly's situation i would've killed jimbo with the gun immediately and did what needed to be done because im not a coward like curly-" and its people who when the staff get their order wrong at mcdonalds, they just take it. They go sit in the corner with headphones on and sadly eat their burger with pickles and drink their coke instead of sprite because theyre too anxious to mention it, and think about how they wish they'd gotten Uber Eats instead. Its people who'll keep buying the albums and merch of singers and influencers with public and credible allegations because "it comforts my audhd🥺". Its the "he was only joking" when their friends make violent jokes and statements people who want to shit on curly without an ounce of nuanced empathy.

Im so sick of moral grandstanding about this shit from people who wanna act like theyre soooo much better than these characters by fantasising about killing jimmy.

Would u have really done that? If you were really in that situation, would u? Are u being honest? Do you think you're strong enough to kill a man, without hindsight as to what would happen?

Im being honest when i say i dont think i could kill jimmy. I dont think id have made the choice curly could've done to stop the ship from crashing. Im not gonna self delude myself into thinking im a perfect person who could've made a non-existent perfect choice in one of the worst situations imaginable.

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#curly mouthwashing #curly mw #captain curly #mouthwashing #mw #anonymous confessions #mouthwashingconfessionsblog

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calamaroo · 6 days ago

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Vent

Figured my misery might be funny haha relatable. And i need to let it out, or I'll explode.

I've been so fucking lonely these past few days, and I bet the person who is causing it will abandon me like every fucking one else once once/if they see this, but what-fucking-ever. I'm so mad at myself for being such a friendless loser that having no one to talk to kills me so much, and I'm so mad at myself for mad at them for not talking. They've let me know they're busy and tired, and I know people have lives and need space. I'm not mad at them, I don't think, but I'm just so angry with myself for being so selfish. I want to ask them to talk but I'm so terrified of rejection or coming off as clingy because I am clingy. I am desperate for friends, but too afraid to reach out and make them. I from the middle of fuck ass stupid nowhere, I live in a small ass town where everyone knows everyone, so there's no one I can talk to who doesn't already know my shitty fucking family and will retell all my fucking secrets to them. I hate it here it's awful and miserable, but I can't fuckung leave. I'm a dependent coward with no job, no life, no social skills, and no money. I don't have any personal space whatsoever.

I also just need some fucking friends. I'm still too petrified of coming as a complete fucking weirdo to ever share my feelings, so whoopty-fucking-do, we're just gonna keep on keeping to our fucking selves.

I'm angry and scared and nothing is fair. I work so fucking hard to be a good person, and I get nothing, FUCKING NOTHING, in return. I just want one good god damn thing to happen to me, I just want ONE thing to go my way.

(That got kinda off topic, whoops)

The main jist of my problem is I just need some fucking friends and some confidence to make them, instead of the shitty socially awkward, friendless, lonely, coward card I've been dealt. This shit isn't fucking fair. I try SO HARD to be a good fucking person, but I don't ever get shit in return. I'm nice because im scared no one will like me (but also, it's just better to be a good person). I'm selfish and ungrateful and jealous of everyone who has it better than I do. I don't wanna be like that, and I'm so angry and lonely and alone.

#vent

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