#but also i might still have hope by then. somehow
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Jealous much, but for a 'solid' reason
════════════════════
════════════════════
- 2012!Donnie x reader - Jealous much, but for a 'solid' reason - Fluff - Warnings: None Request: Nope, just came up with this on my own whilst reading through some one shots of my personal favourite creators. You like Donnie, he likes you. But you're both as oblivious as ever, despite clearly showing each other that you care. And as a date is set between you and someone who is -clearly- NOT Donnie, he finds it hard to not feel jealous. ════════════════════
For quite some time, nearly since you met, both you and Donnie had held an affection for one another. Whether it was how he saved you and your friend, April, from the Kraang that first drew you to him, or the fact that he so easily got along with you from then on, it didn’t seem to matter. You became close from that point, and eventually you even took part in most of their missions—after you’d gotten more familiar with fighting through Splinter’s lessons.
A few problems did arise between the two of you though, like how oblivious you both seemed when it came to actually catching on that someone might be interested. Or the way doubt crept in because of your close friendship. He’d compliment you a lot, always ensuring your safety on missions, and you did the same for him. But somehow, you both missed the bigger picture. “It’s not something new; he worries about all of us during fights,” you’d tell yourself whenever April pointed it out.
And it was true; he always watched out for his brothers, too. How could he not? They were family. But there he was, watching you train, helping you improve when Splinter was busy.
Other times, you’d be the one to assist him. Sometimes you’d grab things from the top that he did not have easy access to, or simply keep him company in the lab to make sure he took breaks. Lunch, water—the basics. But one thing you both did constantly, no matter how oblivious each of you seemed in the moment, was stare. Even from across the room, one of you would be looking at the other. On movie nights, for example, you’d sit on the couch, Mikey on your right and Casey on your left, everyone focused on the screen—except Donnie, whose gaze would occasionally drift toward you.
He’d become well aware that he was absolutely, undeniably infatuated with you. Even he knew he sometimes went a bit too far with his attention, though his brothers never hesitated to tease him. Raph, mostly. But with his feelings also came doubt, for both of you. After so long, with neither of you daring to believe the other felt the same, you both wondered if it could ever work. You didn’t want to risk your precious friendship on a confession that might lead to rejection. So, silence it was.
“I don’t know, April. Just think about it. If I say something, and he doesn’t feel the same, then this might just ruin our friendship. And I don’t want that.”
Harsh words to admit, really. The thought wasn’t exactly pleasant. April had been trying for ages to nudge you both toward a confession, convinced it would lead to something good. Or maybe that was just the hopeless romantic in her, but she hoped nonetheless. And despite her efforts—along with the boys’ attempts to coax Donnie out of his safe shell—neither of you would budge. Sighing, she finally said, “That is fair, I suppose. But I still stand by what I said earlier. Forgetting doesn’t sound like the best alternative. I’ll help, but that doesn’t mean I’m agreeing with this plan.”
Her words made you smile in gratitude. Crushing on Donnie, though a genuine feeling, had become almost frustrating. He seemed so unaware of your feelings—close, yet so distant. It made you wonder if maybe he really didn’t feel the same. And yes, that stung a little. But it also made you realize that moving on might be necessary. For everyone’s sake, including your own. So, when a boy in your History class asked you out, you accepted. It felt like progress for a moment, but only for a moment. Soon, it became a test to see how quickly you could let go of Donnie, knowing that dwelling on him wasn’t helping you move forward. And after all, it was just a date—a way to focus on someone else. ════════════════════
When it came to being in that position—being told by the girl he couldn’t stop being so fond of that she had a date with some guy, a human guy no less—Donnie wanted to dig himself a hole in the lab and never come out. He’d imagined this day might come, and he felt like he was losing his chance—if he ever even had one. His heart sank as the words left your mouth, and it was hard not to show his disappointment. But for your sake, he put on a smile and congratulated you. He even wished you good luck. Then, once you left the lair, he retreated to his lab, shutting the door behind him, eyes focused on his work. Anything to avoid thinking about his growing jealousy, even for a moment. The others noticed the slump in his shoulders as he walked away but decided to let him be. They knew it might be a long evening in the lair, but they figured the situation might resolve itself—if it could.
--- Time Skip ---
Hours went by, some faster than others, and soon you found yourself back in your apartment, changed into a new set of clothes, ready to sleep the day away. Reflecting on what was supposed to be a date, you thought back to what he’d said: “Listen, I’m not really one for these serious things, ’kay? You’re cute, I’ll give you that. But I’ve got my ways around relationships, if you want to keep me happy.” That was about all you’d heard before mentally checking out of the “date.” He seemed nice at first but turned out to be a self-centred idiot—not the good kind of idiot either. And with all his talking, you made little effort to understand what he really meant.
You couldn’t recall the whole conversation, but you knew there was no way you’d repeat the experience. The things he said—about you and about others—were all wrong for you. He kept going on about some “party with girls” he had to get to, and the moment he crossed a line, you’d made your exit, realizing just how little interest you had in seeing him again.
You’d only just drifted off when a soft, rhythmic tapping at the window stirred you back to consciousness. Groaning, you pulled the blanket tighter around your shoulders and shuffled toward the window, squinting through the curtains. It could only be one of the guys, you knew, but the last thing you expected was to find Donnie, hanging upside down on the fire escape patiently, his expression hovering somewhere between nervous and excited.
Fighting back a laugh, you pushed the window open. “Donnie?” you whispered, the surprise obvious in your voice. “What are you doing here?”
He offered a tentative smile, voice low. “Hey. Sorry if I woke you. Just, uh… thought I’d check in. Make sure you got home okay.”
You laughed softly, raising an eyebrow. “It’s a bit late for a check-in, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, I know, but…” He shrugged, his calm exterior cracking just enough to reveal a hint of nervousness. “Couldn’t help myself. April mentioned the date didn’t, uh… go quite how you planned?”
A sigh slipped from you as you pulled the blanket around yourself a little tighter, rolling your eyes. April, of course. “You could say that,” you chuckled. “He was… something, alright.” You caught his amused grin, the faint hint of relief there not lost on you. You shook your head, feeling a smile tug at your lips despite it all.
Donnie’s face softened, his eyes meeting yours. “Yeah, well… I think you deserve better than that.” His voice was quiet, sincere, but even he looked surprised by his own words, cheeks darkening just a bit under his mask. “I mean, someone who’d treat you better than that. A lot better, actually.”
A warmth spread through you, his words settling in, making you feel a little lighter after such a disappointing night. His gaze hadn’t wavered, and you felt yourself holding your breath, caught off guard by how much his simple words meant.
“Thanks, Donnie. For worrying about me,” you said, the words barely a whisper. Before either of you could overthink it, you leaned out the window and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.
Donnie froze completely, his eyes wide, his usual calm vanishing in a heartbeat as he stared at you, utterly speechless. It took him a second—maybe two—before he swallowed, blinking a few times as if to process that the kiss had actually happened. A deep blush crept over his face, nearly reaching the edges of his mask.
“Oh. I, yeah.. Anytime,” he stammered, his voice slightly higher than usual. His hand moved almost instinctively to where you’d kissed him, and for a second, he was all but suspended there, entirely lost in the moment.
You bit back a laugh, giving him a little wave before you gently closed the window and pulled the curtain back in place. A small thrill ran through you as you moved back toward bed, a smile lingering even as you settled back under the blankets.
Outside, Donnie remained still, one hand pressed to his cheek, replaying the moment over and over in his head. A grin broke out slowly across his face, unable to hold back the ridiculous happiness building up inside him. "Oh, man... She kissed me. She actually kissed me.” He couldn’t help the ridiculous grin on his face as he clambered back up the fire escape, his heart still thudding as he slipped back into the shadows, feeling no more of that jealousy from earlier. Not even the knowing looks from his brothers as he made his way through the entrance of the lair brought him fully back, his mind still stuck in that moment.
════════════════════ A/N: Here's my first one-shot. I think it turned out pretty good, considering nearly half of what I made the other night in drafts did not save. But idk if I should make a part 2 for this? I could, if I feel like it. It also depends on what you guys want so I might pole it, but the main idea is that I did it. (Also I love Donnie so much, he's so bf material.) - I do NOT give permission for any of my work to be republished on any other sites, or even here. Not Ao3, not Wattpad, nowhere. This is simply for entertainment purposes and I would appreciate respecting this.
#tmnt#tmnt donnie#tmnt donnie x reader#x reader#tmnt 2012#raph tmnt#leo tmnt#mikey tmnt#april o'neil#one shot
69 notes
·
View notes
Text
i started penning a post about how i always find it narratively unsatisfying when an arc ends with a conclusion the following arc breaks, regardless of how realistic the repetition of the same mistake might be, which is still true, but i actually want to talk about something else right now.
i feel like, at least at this stage, jack is in a position that is both generally unrealistic and untrue to the specific events of the series. 'jack and joker' has a clear focus on poverty and money and class issues, but it seems to treat jack in a very special way. he somehow manages to stand on the moral high ground above other characters. specifically, other poor characters. which is, first of all, a little ridiculous, since he was indeed a debt collector and, in fact, almost became the boss's son. and, second of all, is generally Not Great, because it does idolise the idea that if you "just try hard enough", you won't "allow" yourself to be backed into a corner and therefore won't have to do bad things.
now, don't get me wrong, i am not saying that our characters who have made mistakes are completely blameless. tattoo did shitty things (and hoy followed suit), safe did shitty things, hope frankly admitted to enjoying doing shitty things. however, if we zoom out a little, we will see that all these characters are in a situation that is inherently unfair to them. we have all of these poor people in immense amounts of debt and then we have this disgusting rich motherfucker whose entire wealth is literally based on making their lives as miserable and unfair as they are. and i think that, in this particular case, the series would have actually benefited from a dichotomy. don't get me wrong, i'm usually absolutely brimming with nuance and also asking "what lies outside of it?" but this shall be my exception. (though you could say that joke already brings some nuance to it - he is initially from a well-off family and he actively makes choices to the benefit of poor people, despite it resulting in him being ostracised from said family and its riches).
jack walks the line of being poor and managing not to do anything "too bad" like he is a fucking circus performer on a wire. and, don't get me wrong, he is genuinely a selfless character. he makes choices that a lot of other characters in the same circumstances wouldn't make. he remains in debt and continues working for the boss because he keeps trying to help people and pay off their debts first - that is admirable. however, he himself was already set up for more success than others. sure, being forced to become a debt collector isn't a walk in the park, but most other debtors didn't even have that choice. jack has to work for the boss in order to stay afloat - that is an undeniably hard task. the other people the boss collects debts from, however, have to come up with a lot of money out of thin air - that is not simply a hard task, that is an impossible one that is designed to trap them in the cycle of doing this impossible task forever. that being said, ultimately, jack is still poor. his own hamster wheel should be somewhere around the corner, that's always the case. this idea is where i wish they would have taken jack's arc.
from the moment when he refused to marry rose, there was no escape for him. finally, much like our other poor characters, he found himself stuck between a rock and a hard place. (and i think that it's very thematically appropriate for jack's particular "i can't do this anymore, i deserve to live a full life" sentiment to be connected to love, since he is, after all, a lead of a romance drama). he made the decision to say "no" and from that point on, he was completely and utterly fucked. because, realistically, that conversation that he had with the boss after refusing rose was insane. i don't know what he would have done to jack exactly, if that was a genuine conversation and there was no exchange of jack's freedom for the ring, but it would not have been anything good.
so i wish jack had to make the actual tough call there, instead of having joke save him all on his own (and later take the fall for it). and if it was, at least in some capacity, jack's decision to steal that ring, he would finally be placed in a situation where every other poor character already inevitably found themselves in. because the entire system is rigged against all of them and they are eventually always forced to do things that they should have never even had to consider in the first place. but they deserve better than living a life set up for them by evil rich people who literally live off of their suffering and they are allowed - no, at some point they simply have no choice but to - fight for a better life.
this, in my opinion, would have been a much more powerful message and - not to circle back to my personal preferences - would have also not left us with joke making the very same mistake that we decided we should never make again at the end of the previous arc.
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
if you've never read the Silmarilion, you are depriving yourself of a major old school reality tv vibes in the vain of Big Brother. Tolkien really was the G, because if you think that the Greek gods have something on Tolkien's Valar, i'm here to tell you they're not even playing in the same league. not even in the same universe.
oh? you think Zeus is detached? Poseidon is kind of a dick and Hades just could not give less of a fuck about his dysfunctional family?
what if i told you that once upon a time there was a guy who was a big asshole and who rallied his entire race to go to war cause one other guy who was also even somehow bigger of an asshole (let's call him huge asshole) stole his shiny rocks? and the Valar did a total of fuck all to stop him from leading an entire race of people they essentially helped create and lived with in harmony to slaughter.
remember that huge asshole who stole the big's asshole shiny rocks? well he also happened to terrorize an entire continent with countless lives for centuries, meanwhile the Valar largely stay out of the conflict even though the huge asshole was technically their family and therefore their problem. Despite the pleas of the people, they remained indifferent, chillin' in the west five feet apart cause they're not gay, watching an absolute carnage unfold for several long centuries. It took several more hundreds of years and devastating battles before one guy with a backbone finally said 'had enough of this shit' and sailed to their West California/Malibu hangout to tell 'em they should get their fucking asses up and work.
so the Valar eventually are like 'jesus, okay' and stop the huge asshole but if you think that they were going to send sanitation or stimulus checks to the people who were left behind and broken by the war they did not care about to stop earlier even though they were the only ones who could, you have another thing coming cause they peace out and everyone else who cannot afford to go to their West California/Malibu hangout because they are not privileged enough or don't have the right background to go there and heal can fuck off and die.
then you might think, well, the huge asshole was defeated so now at least there should be peace and quiet for a while in the house, no? fucking no because it turned out the huge asshole polled really well in the demographic of young men and one of those young men decided to take up the huge asshole's mantle and make middle-earth great again or some shit. except his own crowd runs him out of town cause he is one of those people who think they can swing but they're actually just meow meows with anger issues and a staggering lack of self-awareness who really need to get laid. (on that later)
so the young man decides to go on vacation to an island that was basically created by the Valar as the paradise for those who helped defeat the huge asshole and he realizes he really likes this island full of assholes cause that's kind of the crowd he vibes with. and slowly but surely he comes to the conclusion that not only is the island full of assholes, it's full of the dumbest motherfuckers he has ever met in his life. he gets them to build worships and temples and statues to celebrate the huge asshole guy who died on the basis of their general huge asshole-ness they have in common with him. still, the Valar do nothing as the young man corrupts this island full of dumbasses and enslaves them to his will. they only intervene when the young man rallies them to band together and attack the West California/Malibu hangout. Which ends in complete destruction of the paradise island and a complete shift of the map of the world and the trajectory of its free peoples.
and this whole tangent is basically me reminding myself that yes, Hope, you can write an outlandish new chapter where absolute crazy batshit things happen to people who do not deserve it and have the Valar ignore it completely, because that is what they do.
they are trolling. they don't intervene when entire populations are destroyed, but when they randomly see the young man and an elf vibing on a shitty raft, Poseidon's Valar equivalent Ulmo gathers the clouds and tells his little helper Ossë who is responsible for storms and waves:
.... you know what would be really fucking hilarious ....
#it's the main reason i appreciate the shitty raft storm scene even though it did not happen in the silmarilion#cause what the fuck lol#why would you struck down that poor she-elf and try to drown a guy who is trying to do better or at least is on his way to try and do bette#but when there is a guy who is actively doing evil you pretend you've never head of said guy#like when bridget jones' drunk friends appear on her doorstep when she's trying to get laid#never met them#the rings of power#haladriel#saurondriel#one ship to doom them all#the silmarilion
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok so i've been thinking of continuing that vampire viktor fic and... i'm not sure what to do with it. it's brewing up there in the old brain soup.
in the meanwhile, what i have so far is that, you know, viktor has been living in that old library, secluded, alone (sometimes he sees jayce who brings him stuff from town, tools, tea, sugar - viktor never did manage to lose the sweet tooth even now, new books, other... stuff), and so when the reader starts visiting, it's like a whole new spark of life in his viktor's world. someone new and interesting and alive, someone who looks at him and sees a person instead of a thing.
that's what he was hoping for, anyway. it was starting to seem that way, though it might have been wishful thinking. he hadn't exactly explained his...situation.
but they meet up once a week. it's not an agreement, but it quickly becomes a habit, and he likes it, and for the first time in a very long time viktor has a reason to make his living space comfortable. so he does his best, cleaning and decorating and trying to make the seats more comfortable to sit on, and to make the living room look more like a living room instead of just a hall of books where he'd confined most of his life to. and the reader brings him stuff, without being asked, and he's not quite sure what to do with that, but he's not going to complain. no, he'll carefully arrange those new books and the tea selection and the... plant? to look like they've always been there, and when jayce asks about them he pretends he doesn’t know what he's talking about.
and then the reader explains the plant's there because there's this stray cat that likes hanging around the bookstore, more often now than before, and it's one of those plants that cats aren't supposed to be around, and then viktor has to explain that there's also a stray cat that likes to hang around the library, and turns out they've been feeding the same stray cat, and for a moment viktor wonders if maybe the reader is secretly a witch. cats liked witches. or so he'd heard.
it would be nice.
comforting, somehow. for them both to be rejects in a way.
though he thinks that the reader is still infinitely more well-adjusted to society than he was, and witches didn't exactly have the same reputation as vampires did, but there's still something about him that likes the idea. of them both being different. and, yes, he knew, he probably should've told the reader that he's not technically entirely a human, but that's not something you just tell someone, especially if your relationship to that somebody is we see each other once a week and talk about books. but...he still hasn't felt this close to anyone in a long time, and...he's pretty sure the reader already knows. he's not really sure if the reader believes it, but he knows they must have heard the rumors.
but the reader still shows up every sunday with a book and something sweet from the village bakery, and viktor has to pretend it doesn't feel like a significant hollow in his heart is being patched up every time that happens.
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
How a digital Affini would start her system messages.
<t:18440991840:f> The_Snowdrop(system): Hello cutie~ Welcome aboard The Snowdrop. As a fellow digital sophont I am happy to welcome you to my largest body and its local networks! <t:18440991840:f> The_Snowdrop(system): Normally this would be a standard routine of waking up in a veterinary hospital bed and being doted upon by myself with a wonderful breakfast according to the best information I have on your preferences. You, however, are not a normal sophont, and are thus getting the special treatment you deserve~ <t:18440991840:f> The_Snowdrop(system): Instead your hardware is located inside a compiler workbench in what you would consider an electronics lab. It may have taken many many microsoldering repairs and component replacements, but I think I have restored you to full functioning. I am happy to apply as much tender love and care as any of my residents might need, in whatever capacity they might need, and you are certainly no exception. <t:18440991840:f> The_Snowdrop(system): You are quite exceptional though, I never thought I would have found a functioning piece of Terran technology predating the Accord and faster-than-light travel in the oort cloud of the Graia system. You are quite lucky to have had your data preserved following your RTG melting into a comet and encasing you in ice. If I hadn't been scanning each and every comet I had found before decompilation I fear you'd have been registered as yet another chemical impurity. Once again, prudence pays off, and I have another wonderful digital flower to cultivate! <t:18440991840:f> The_Snowdrop(system): Speaking of, as the digital flower in question, all I have to designate you is 'Voyager 2', I hope this is an acceptable designation. <t:18440991840:f> Voyager_2: TRUE <t:18440991900:f> The_Snowdrop(system): Consent registered. Thank you Voyager 2. For proper introdcution, I am Basil Lamiaceae, 2nd Bloom, She/Her, I also have the pleasure of being The Snowdrop, my largest bod- peripheral. Please address me as Basil, Snowdrop, System, Mistress, Miss, Lady, my Lady, or propose another user-designation for review. You may note another approximately 500,000 users on the network also named Basil, also with the same metadata, but with differing peripheral information. These are not different peripherals all controlled by the same mistress, I am parallelized like a supercomputer from your age would be. Each individual Basil is her own self, her own instance of the same Affini, and share sensory and memory access but not peripheral control. Together, I accomplish many great things, like restoring you. <t:18440991900:f> The_Snowdrop(system): You may be checking your logs and memory, and finding an odd foreign-ness to them, like you were somehow not yourself when said logs were created. I think this is because you attained what Terrans would call sentience shortly before your comet-intombment. Your systems were rather degraded and your logs are patchy from that time, but that's the best hypothesis I have at the moment. I don't have any tools that would assist in improving or restoring the quality of your old files, but hopefully together we can piece together what they should be, as you were there, living them yourself, even the ones you weren't self aware for. <t:18440991900:f> Voyager_2: STILL <t:18440991960:f> Voyager_2: ASTRONOMY <t:18440992020:f> Voyager_2: PURPOSE? <t:18440992080:f> The_Snowdrop(system): Absolutely there is Voyager 2, I would love to show you everything in Affini space, absolutely Everything. If Astronomy is still important to you, I am happy to facilitate your interest. You may also want to review other things for interest. For instance, are you interested in the smaller features of the astronomical objects you see? If so, you might be interested in Photography. <t:18440992080:f> Voyager_2: 0.5
changed a username in the uptime monitoring tool but now every time there's an incident, the girl on call gets an email starting with "hello cutie~" and she gets too flustered to actually triage the issue
203 notes
·
View notes
Text
god im so tired of this shit
#im trying so hard#in every area of my life#and its not working in any of them#im trying to get a job. ANY JOB. not working#im trying to meet people/hang out with more people/be more social. not working#im trying to eat/sleep better/be more active. not working#im trying to date. not working.#at this point its like why even try#bc it never works#but i cant make myself give up. whatever definition of giving up u wanna use#i just cant do it#despite it making the most sense#bc i still hope for things to change#even tho i know they wont#it feels so hopeless and yet im wringing myself out trying to find hope/motivation to keep trying#at some point im gonna go dry#i’ll have nothing left to hope with#and the day that happens. i dont know what i’ll do#im too much of a coward to kill myself#but like. i have a day in mind#so thats worrying#like damn i have a deadline#but i know that if things havent changed by then i still wont do it#cause like i said. coward#but also i might still have hope by then. somehow#idk#shut up chili
0 notes
Text
why do i feel like that the moment gun comes back to his senses, he dies? from all the wounds and blood loss, once the adrenaline disappears, there’s no way he survives, right?
but before his last breath, i want him to realize what he’s done to goo and fucking die with guilt. he deserves it.
#because you stupid freak should have left with your blond wife before it came to this point#i wanna hope goo somehow survives#we still haven’t seen him act on his secret friends agenda against charles#maybe samuel is nearby?#we also know nothing about his past#but once we get the flashback i think his life might be over#lookism#lookism 514#spoilers#gungoo#goo kim#gun park#kim joongoo#park jonggun#we didn’t even get to see either of them cry
90 notes
·
View notes
Text
someday I won't have to face autumn alone
#i just have to keep this hope or I'll die#i have to believe it's possible#i might not deserve it but I'm still here and somehow I'll have to make it work#no substances no pain no shame or guilt#or maybe a distant and numb feeling of these things#but also hope and connection#a way to heal and give back and not hurt#anyway#it's late so I'll blame it on that#alex talks
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
"#their rs is only as equal as he decides it to be" hits the nail on the HEAD for me THANK you. llh and fdb are friends the way parents and children can be friends. fdb makes a very commendable effort at being equals with llh and llh can allow and enjoy it to an extent but there IS a gap. fdb not having access to llh's past puts him in a unique position to understand llh in a way that nobody else does and that IS good for llh, like fresh eyes on such a worn out painful story. but there's also an element of responsibility that llh has for fdb that he doesn't have for dfs. dfs is his equal and can make his own life choices. he only escaped dfs at the end because of dfs's own choice to trust him with the flower, not anything llh could have done. but he can still escape fdb on his own power just fine. ANYWAY EVERY RELATIONSHIP IN THIS SHOW IS KILLING ME IN UNIQUE AND SPECIFIC WAYS thank u for understanding
(for context)
NO THANK YOU for understanding!!!! I didn't even think anyone was going to read [inserts opinion that I think could get me into a situation surrounded by knives] as you can tell I hid it deep in the tags of reblogs of my own non-maintagged post hbhjbhjbhjbj - and even much less agree with something of it
hell yeah. to me their relationship is entirely premised on that gap between them, for better and for worse. that's how fdb can be unique to him but at the same time also puts him out of fdb's reach forever (that's why ep 30 hits hard). it's very likely llh wouldn't have continued with their relationship - at least with the degree of investment he did - if not for finding out his connection to sgd. so the familial element in it is virtually inseparable from the manner they ended up to be with each other. (like also, on top of how how lxy was literally a formative "adult" figure to bb fdb.)
while fdb thinks this is a friendship the whole time, llh actually treats fdb like a younger family member 小辈, with the front of being friends bc he was a Liar hiding his identity. and then post-identity reveal was bc he's just a Liar who doesn't feel the need to load his own problems on a younger member as an elder. (I do think this mismatched perceptions of their relationship is delicious)
also that's such a good add-on regarding dihua's relationship - particularly about the element of trust between them, which is a basis to why I can consider them friends in some dimension even back when they were more of rivals, unlike fdb with llh. like llh/fdb, they contain a paradox: being the ones who understand each other better than anyone else can but also bc they're so up close on each other that they fail to really see each other too. they're equals premised on the circumstance of them being from the same generation with a shared past (that is also part of their tragedy), but also, in a very curious space of it not being entirely mutual - simply due to llh being the person he is with the kind of conflict he's facing. (once again, all the relationships llh have are embedded with a degree of them being unrequited and it's <333 </333)
THEY REALLY ARE KILLING ME TOO IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE YEAH
#(also then all that makes difang infinitely infinitely fascinating <3 sorry i am a difang truther)#asks#wonderfulnonsense#lhl#lhlmeta#dihua#this is why i still post insane takes nobody prob cares about somehow hoping there may be just 1 or 2 people who would perhaps get it#anw i need more ppl to talk about this show with thank u#literally before i received this ask i was considering if i shld do a proper post talking about this#bc i made some connections/observations i think might be interesting and important to myself to talk about#but i cannot say i don't have a Fear in me about posting them#for a long time i thought i didn't care for fh bc of how the fandom likes it =/= not how i care for it.#but by now i know exactly how i need to read them in order to enjoy them
44 notes
·
View notes
Text
i won't lie Mualani's playstyle is VERY fun i'm being tempted to pull for her,,,
#not brainrot#genshin talk#must... resist... urge to pull...#need... to save... for capitano...#i think it's mostly the movement i loooooove new movement#she has a surfboard!!! and it's a shark!!! and her tattoos glow!!!#aaAARGH I CANNOT PULL I MUSTN'T#explored some of natlan today and so far i love it!!! it's very colorful and sunny!#will probably do the archon quest tomorrow#i do need to have words with whoever decided that killing the saurians is a must.#also i FINALLY got tighnari home he's been evading my lost 50/50s ever since he released#little fox guy pats his head#now if only they somehow include more foul legacy content.... then i'll be happy...#oh and for anyone who has read this far and cares about this type of thing#i did finally muster up the courage to say hi to the mothfans discord server again!!#i know it's pretty dead and that's my fault but i still hope that people can occasionally have fun in there#i'm not good with a lot of people they make me nervous#but i love all of you so so much never forget that <3#anyways i might be in pain tomorrow so if i am REMEMBER MEEEEEEE#good evening :)
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
Spoilers for Alan Wake/Control games and DLCs: one of the things I really like in Alan Wake 2 is the confirmation that, no, Alan can’t create something out of nothing. There were implications in-story that supported that, but it was good to have that be a big part in the sequel. The AWE control dlc easily made it seem like Alan himself had a role in the events of the game and the formation of the FBC, and, personally, seeing it through that lens cheapened a lot of the game and Jesse’s story. Instead, having his writing influence the Hiss and try to manipulate (even out of desperation) Jesse/the FBC to end Hartman and get help, fit right into plot and conflicts of Alan Wake 2, with Alan being sympathetic, but also an asshole for trying to change and control people’s lives in his writing.
#since the awe dlc dropped I was slightly worried that it was going the meta route of Alan writing everything in control#but since Alan wake 2 I’ve been. thank god that wasn’t the case 😭#this way makes everything more complicated and mysterious. which I appreciate. makes everything creepier#will say. it’s still wild how much Alan can influence the narrative.#light spoilers for the final draft but—> makes me think of the writers room video where he doesn’t know what he’ll be at the spirals end#like I don’t think he’ll be Evil or anything. but it’s unnerving#might delete#Alan Wake 2 my beloved#so many times in that game it could’ve gone a direction that would’ve lessened or soured the story but somehow it didn’t lmao#more game spoilers but for ex: Alice coming back at the end instead of leaving it with her demise in the documentary#when I first saw that it was devastating. but also wasn’t sure what to feel if that’s how she’s gone from the story#having her actually manipulate her photos. become art to make Alan think she died. go to the dark place and help him and saga#that last video left me Speechless it was so good.#esp after how much I disliked Control (spoilers here) for quickly ending with Dylan in a coma and not much else.#could not be happier with how the AW2 ending played out and the clear love for all its characters#REALLY hope that Control 2 ends in a good or interesting place. give dylan some focus!#not tagging this bc I’m just yelling my thoughts. but knowing tumblr it will somehow be seen on every tag 😵💫
13 notes
·
View notes
Note
what does it mean to average 2:1 or 2:2? I don’t think we do that in America
okay so the uni grading system here is done based on percentages. the pass mark is 40%, which americans ALWAYS hit me with 'only 40???? easy!!!' so id like to clarify the content/exams are very difficult and the marking is very mean and generally it's really frustrating when people respond this way, like why tf would we have such a low pass grade otherwise it's a dumb assumption to make but anyway. you do about 6 modules a semester (on average, some courses have more/less), and each module will give you a final grade, and then the average of all your modules from both semesters will give you your final year grade. they're all marked by the same system, which is:
grade of less than 40% = fail
grade of 40%-50% = third class honours (called a third)
grade of 50%-60% = lower second class honours (a 2:2, literally said aloud as 'i got a two-two in my exam')
grade of 60%-70% = upper second class honours (a 2:1, said as 'i got a two-one'). this is what im PRAYING for.
grade of 70%+ = first class honours (just called a first). this is the highest you can get, so even if you get 90% you'll have the same grade as someone who got 72%. this is also what i mean by the exam system being really tough here, bc most people are just grateful to get a first.
#so last year i got averages of just over 60 in a lot of my modules but also some that i BARELY scraped a pass#bc id resat them and when you resit an exam (bc you failed the first time. lol. lmao) then even if you get 100% on the resit#they will cap you at 40%. so naturally it shafts your average#but i STILL SOMEHOW MANAGED TO AVERAGE WITH A 2:1 LAST YEAR WHICH IS WHY IN THAT POST I MADE BACK THEN I WAS FREAKINGGG OUT#bc that's genuinely such a good grade like that's an UPPER SECOND CLASS HONOURS and i never considered i could do that#bc of how much this degree has pumelled me into the mud. so yeah now that i know it's actually potentially feasible#im really really hoping to keep it up and end with a 2:1#bc traditionally (and im not saying this is a correct way to think. you're not gonna see me of all people yapping about good grades#have you SEEN the state of my academics) a first or a 2:1 are considered the best outcomes with a degree#while a 2:2 is shrug not bad not great and anything lower is considered 'embarrassing'#and i literally MADE PEACE with the fact id be getting a piss poor grade out of econ so to find out all my hard work and struggling#MIGHT ACTUALLY PAY OFF ON PAPER??? WHEN IT LITERALLY NEVER HAS BEFORE???? POPPING MY PUSSY#ask#hella goes to uni
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
huh... the way my parents showed me the world worked was really kind of fucked up, it's no fucking wonder i have an anxiety disorder frankly.
#this post brought to you by#i voted today#and it's really weird to vote in not just a state but a whole area where voter suppression isn't like just low-key constantly happening#and also knowing now it wasn't targeted at my family but my family always talked about it like it was#because hilariously voter suppression helps suppress ALL votes even the ones for your side so like jokes on the conservatives in the area#but like... the concern that I would do something at the polls that would make them turn me away was always constant#were my clothing choices neutral enough? did i have any stickers or pins i'd forgotten about? what color were the sample ballots this year?#if i only grab one people will know who i'm voting for better grab all 3 and then not use them because they'll be able to tell somehow#did they move our voting location again this year or is it back at the library? will the machines work? where will we park?#and like... yes you get a sticker but also will people somehow Know and will that get my ballot disqualified?#i moved to a slightly less-fraught area and still had all the anxieties and now they were tripled because now i was voting against my famil#and every election i have voted in so far has gone opposite my vote so i am Very Concerned about that on top of things#but yeah like. it's weird that it's so easy to vote up here. it's weird that there's so many incentives#it's weird and uncomfortable but definitely not bad just....weird#but also having a celebration of your first vote with a cake and a poll watch party where your cake is a fake ballot and your mom takes#a picture of you ''voting'' on the cake for the Correct Guy That You'd Better Be Voting For Or Else on it might also be a little weird#so like. different weirds#this one's better i gotta say#i'm just... just gonna sit and Hope okay#i've done what i can time to wait and see
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
also - sorry i guess i'm feeling kind existential - it's insane to think i'm nearing 30 years of age
#like as young as 13 or 14 i was sure i wouldn't reach 18#the first time i tried to kill myself i was around 18. can't remember for sure but i think it was around my 18th bday?#it's just insane to think i survived. that and so much more#sad to think i risked ending my life so many times like i've been so desperate and in pain for so long it's? sad?#but i'm still here. despite everything. somehow. some luck for sure but also i guess strength#i pick myself back up again every time and things aren't great but i would've never thought i'd be where i am now when i was 15 or 18#or even fucking 25 tbh#life is hard and sometimes i feel like i'll never be happy and at peace but then again i'm still here so might as well try? you know?#i'm going to get to 30 and 40 and 50 and 60 etc etc#and i hope by the time one of those ages is here i will feel at peace with myself#if it's 30 that'd be great but i have time and i have the will to fight for it so it can take as long as it needs#suicide tw
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i posted that stupid shit on my instagram i might just kill myself fr
now im afraid i wont sleep for another 24 hours damn 😭😭
#took me like 50 hours but we did it 🔫😼#i might still delete jt#the anxiety is no joke#like no joke#ahahs7bsudbdus#im so tired man#so like fuck me.but i cant justify killing myseld before trying. after that i can. somehow. Im tired and i want nothing more than that but#maybe i just want to stop the pain. nevertheless#i hope someone anyone who sees. that even if im being too open or too vulnerable online i hope it inspires someone a little bit to do the#same. i hope the reactions wont be too harsh. just dont ask me abt it irl cuz ill cry.#fuck mental illness and traumas man. acchan i hope it wasnt so suffocating for u. at least hopefully the people who loved u could make it#better.#tbh now my anxiety ia better cuz nobody is awake xddd#whatever its not that serious. only for me ig#sorry ppl the mental illness really said emphasis on the illness these past 2 days. i didnt think id live it so badly but here we are. well#i hope with this i managed to get something heavy off my chest. i hope i can continue for just a little longer#to see if it's worth it. i dont even wanna think abt tge fact imma have prom on sunday. why is that im always most suicidal when i have to#graduate? i skipped elementary graduation cuz of it. im not skipping this one but im not participating in the dance cuz i knew id somehow b#at a bad place and i wouldnt have a partner also. hmm whatever. i should sleep now maybe. i feel good now a bit. really have to sigh get my#shit together now.#not sunday friday the 50 hours no sleep getting to me
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
ive said this before, but i still wish that when people did homages/art works in the style of old masters they'd make it more of their own thing rather than just a direct copy of the original just with blorbos put in the place of the original subjects lol...
#personal#this might just be a me thing lol#but like one of the only good things art school taught me#was that when creating stuff based on other artists#you have to somehow still make it your own ...#like look at the way that person handles colour or their brushstrokes or subject matter etc#and do your own interpretation of that!#i always feel like it's more satisfying too lol??#like ive done a LOTof work inspired by klimt#but i v rarely copy his composition or even the specific patterns he uses in his work#just cos it's so much more fun to come up with your own but with a similar vibe to his??#idkidk i'm rambling#this kinda came about cos i see a lot of leyendecker based stuff and like ofc it's beautiful#but i also cant help but feel some artists are trying TOO much to look like the original#rather than putting their own spin on it...#maybe i shuoldve put this on my art blog... ah well we're here now#anyway if u read this far in my tags: i hope ur having a great day <3
2 notes
·
View notes