#im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (“ur a flake” ��u cancel plans

[bunnyboy-juice]

;~; (tags vent)

[phagodyke]

feeling like maybe screaming as loud and long as I can and falling to the ground and hitting it until I start bleeding or I finally get some attention whichever happens first. who's in

tf is up with me and randomly bursting into tears on weekend afternoons

[winderlylandchime]

The Man, the Myth, the Legend is tired and in pain but that’s his own fault and you will see why: ‘OH HOT GUY ALERT! Emmett..baby..he is wearing denim on denim with a leather jacket, if that doesn’t scream gay, idk what does. GAY! WHAT DID I SAY!’ He just paused the episode and walked to the tv to look at Justins art ‘THATS bc you accepted a boy who wasn’t beaten yet. So of course his work was different, sherlock! Now stop being a prick and let my boy draw on his computer! We expect our students to what now? What did he just say about excelling at everything? Just bc he’s disabled doesn’t mean he won’t be amazing?! Oh just say you don’t accept disabled people you old fart! Fuck you and your tradition! I hate this clown..oh i guess the clown has some brain after all!..BRIAN! Dont put any ideas in his head.. oh he wants him to succeed and be the best and do good and this is a lot to handle on so many pain meds’ ‘why is linds being a bitch? Since when is she so uptight? Oh, the silence is LOUD…BRIAN WILL YOU GRAB THAT AND THEN HE JUST DOES? OH HE IS GONE. THAT MAN IS IN LOVE! HE IS SO IN LOVE AND NOBODY EXCEPT ME FOR SOME REASON SEES THIS *looks at me like he just realized im there too* can you see it?!’ ‘Okay dudes, that was not chill! You don’t do that to your friends. It’s fun to be jokey but that was not cool, yall are better than that…are you tho? MICHAEL BET 5 WEEKS?! i guess people do change. Tell them debbie! At least she gets it, even if she only gets it once every 17 episodes’…‘Ben better be better than David. Oh is he gonna be the one..i mean he’s asking him to talk about comics..david hid them. I hated that. Okay Benny boy, you can stick around, I’ll allow it but you get 3 strikes!’ ‘Okay goatee dude, chill the fuck out. People are allowed to have relationships and still be the hottest thing around. Don’t make him self conscious, i have worked overtime to try and get him to admit to being in love! DONT RUIN THIS FOR ME!….NOOOO HE RUINED IT FOR ME!…MICHAEL! WHAT THE FUCK MICHAEL WHO JUST SAYS THAT TO A PERSON? Just when i was about to be in your corner, someone please hit him! You cant just say fucked up shit and then say sorry! Thats not how that works!’ Then he felt bad for Mikey bc of the school thing and then he hated that he felt bad bc hes mad at him ‘Oh we are getting hot and HEAVY! Bri Bri, i am impressed! You knew he was upset and why! Oh so that guy was nothing but Justin is something? MY DUDES WE SERIOUSLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO TALK. Aww he doesn’t want Brian to change. Now that’s love! Oh COME ON, I CANT FUCKING WIN EVEN FOR A MINUTE! Im a good person, i deserve good stuff, throw me a bone ffs’ ‘aw Benny boy is listening! Oh he is way better than david! If youre the one, you can stay! Just do me a favor and make mike more tolerable, i am begging for the sake of my well being..that was sweet mike, now give me brian and justin again!’ He had to go and take his last dose of pills for today and he just looked at the ceiling and flapped his arms around while making no noise at all, so id say he’s handling it well. ‘Listen, i am 100% straight. But THIS *points to a paused screen of Brian in the green light in the beginning of the non confession scene* is one beautiful man! I AM INTRIGUED And I would not mind him hitting on me.’ I made a comment that he is now 54 years old to which he puts his hand up in my face and goes ‘I’ll get back to you on that’ and just continued to watch. 1/2 of 2x06

Dear sweet anon - I am SCREAMING over him asking if you see that Brian is in love too. Yes, Brother Anon, that's why we're all here 20 years later. Still sobbing over them.

And yes, Gale Harold is the most beautiful man to ever man. I have a straight crush on him and even at 54 he could get it. The green light scene is one of my favorite. UGH that profile.

[m00nbeambaby]

rant with nowhere else to go

had a nice time hanging out with my friend earlier but she said one thing that really bugged me,,,, we were talking about autism (as an autistic baddie myself) and she started saying things that were kind of questionable,,,,, like she was making jokes and i wasn’t sure if it was her place to be making them and then she said “everyone is a bit autistic!!” like baby no no no lets not do that!! not everyone is autistic and i kinda froze and didn’t know how to respond bc i didn’t want to ruin the vibe but its also like,,,,, girl are you aware you basically just invalidated my disability???

like myself and other autistic people have real difficulties with navigating a world which doesn’t cater to us and you as an allistic person are cracking jokes about it and acting like being autistic is just having a few quirky traits and i am TIRED of people being fucking stupid about it. like im always down to talk about it but i fear i pick the wrong moments like i always think i can let my guard down around someone and then they surprise me with disappointment

i also just feel like i annoyed her and idk it was kinda weird overall i feel like our personalities *almost* mesh well together but something is always off,,, and i try to overcompensate with her and act kinda silly and unhinged but today she was like being kinda judgy about it and inwas like oh!!! okay!!! so yeah i just really dont know how to feel rn :(

i also think i need to get out more and start making friends because everyone is gone for the summer and im just alone in the city 😭 but i am so so scared of talking to people and making friends like i havent made a friend that wasnt facilitated by a living situation/school environment maybe ever??? like i cant spawn in a friend they have to be in forced proximity to me before i figure out how to act like a person so they will like me 😭

being a person is so hard man wtf

[deadgrantaires]

[sigh] gonna go off a little bit. in the privacy of my own blog. as im allowed lol

been rotating that post about ‘weve gotta stop saying shit like just have to make it through this shift just have to make it through this week etc and just live in and appreciate the moment’ and i dont think that that post is wrong and i think that the loop of ‘gotta just make it through this thing!’ mentality can be very damaging and like. hm. i think i am struggling with that idea Anew now like. becaaaause i am now disabled

and perhaps i havent found like. the clarity or wisdom i need to not be feeling this way but like. there is such a huge difference for me personally in dealing with all my mental health issues to me dealing with all my physical health issues and i think it does come down to like a well we cant reframe our way out of this one boys U_U

which again like i dont think that post was trying to make a statement for ALL PEOPLE i dont think it was callous or wrong at all im reading it in the best faith its more that i feel i have somehow made myself a personal little hell by rotating that around and then feeling. like ive failed in some form by getting ovrwhelmed by my week and dreading the days and unsure how to just keep going bc like. man. its all so much harder to do when im not just mentally drained at the end of a sh1ft but also physically unwell in several ways lol

i really wish there was a way to feel less dread and less. constant frustration that im just barely getting through and i THINK im doing basically all that i can by trying out different ways to cope with my new and evolving disabilities. being so brave about not just giving up completely and still trying to self care by having like nice meals for myself and keeping food stocked and. a more physically manageable haircut and such lol. but then i get like tonight where i just cant pay attention to anything bc my body is in too much pain to indulge my hobbies and my brain is too much gone for me to enjoy anything more passive like a book or movie. i try to be so. accepting of my disability. and try to be at peace with it. and it helps immensely being around other disabled friends and that solidarity but like god yknow. im tired. and im frustrated. and i dont want to go to w0rk tomorrow U_U

[phayz]

i dont have words for how much it sucks being invited out and having to turn it down or cancel over and over again because you cant do it. then they think youre making stuff up to avoid them. and when you go a week without responding, they take it personally and think you hate them. and at this point i dont know what to say anymore that i havent said a thousand times already. im sorry. its not you its me. im not feeling good. it hurts again. i dont have the energy. and they say they understand but i can feel the disappointment. and its frustrating to make/keep new friends, especially healthier ones, because of this. its not even that they demand much, but its still more than i can handle with everything else on my plate. im doing my best and i can still barely function. and though im tired of beating myself up over it i cant help but feel like a let-down. how do i explain that a phone ringing gives me anxiety? that i want to text back but i couldnt be bothered to hold a conversation due to apathy? that i would rather rot in bed than socialize? it makes me want to crawl back into the vicious cycle of "if i isolate myself then no one will expect anything from me" that traps many disabled and mentally ill people for years and years. idk i could go on bc this all bothers me so deeply. but i wont.

TLDR; to all healthier people reading this, please give your disabled friends the benefit of the doubt. its a struggle for us. its fucking exhausting.

being ill and being friends with people who aren't ill just cant exist huh

[robobee]

im sorry to get dark and tbd and tw family death etc but 

it sucks that having a dead sibling and parent comes with that overbearing sentiment that it should've been them here because you're fucking it up at every turn and yk it's not fair that it's just me stuck here when i don't want to be and its just so goddamn lonely but I cut off the people I shouldn't have and it's on me!!! there is no tragic hero there is no sad protagonist there’s just me with the cardinal sin of being boring and miserable enough that every one of my friends ditch me and i cant make new ones now bc the p*nd*mic has zapped any masking ability i had and im just so tired and my life hinges around a disabled parent and it doesnt even belong to me and i wish i was hopeful but im not and im going to be stuck in this Fucking country forever

edit: ykw i realised that despite every person who knew her mentioning how great she was my sibling was severely disabled too so it would’ve only been another responsibility for me. there is no fictional scapegoat to put in my shoes there’s only me and me and me and isn’t that a sad truth

[forcedsense]

People always get so offended when I tell them that I’m allowed to call myself an idiot/dumb/whatever but theyre not allowed to call me that and then get mad at me if i call them out on it while playing games oe whatever (not abt the rpc this is abt the rl ex friend lol) and im just like;;; we might share autism but heres the thing, I’m allowed to call myself an idiot bc i live with myself. You’re not allowed to insult me because a: its rude, and b: you��re literally calling me an idiot due to my not having a sense of direction and play styles due to my disabilities.

The very fact people STILL dont understand why insulting someone for their disabilities, or flat out saying ‘your lack of attention just proves youre the worse xx player ever!!’ is literally just ableism and offensive is why i have trust issues and am tired of other people. I am allowed to joke about my problems because I have to live with them, and in manyways yes I am just an idiot, like how I was an idiot for not realizing that a grown ass man one month younger than me always relying on me to pay for shit to do w him, guilting me out of things i want to do because he decided it was stupid, insulting half the shit i liked saying it and anyone who enjoys it is stupid, regularly using the R-slur when something dumb is done/happens (ableism aGAIN), refusing to get a license because he ‘doesnt feel like it’, doesnt even try to get a job anymore after a few rejections (which, I’ve applied hundreds of places and never even received a rejection, so im starting to wonder the validity of those statements too) and saying its because his mother wants to force him into one, abusing his siblings by screaming at them and gaslighting them constantly, but I’m the idiot and the asshole because I’m disabled, or I don’t always think first before soing things (which has led to my doing shitty or stupid things, but I have the remarkable capability of admitting when I was wrong unlike these fuckheads who, when you flat out explain in detail what they did wrong, claim youre gaslighting and abusing them when youre telling them its inappropriate and wrong to guilt trip, be ableist, insult others intelligence, and ignoring when people ask you to stop, and all the times he joined my streams and would use my birth name after I asked him not to and to use my pen/alias, always accounting it to ‘forgetting’ but after 30+ times of being told, its no longer forgetting, like thats just putting unnecessary risk and ignoring personal preferences. I won’t even go into all the bitchfits about ‘gender discussion’ or anything because it still makes me sick and gave me severe imposter syndrome for my body dysmorphia.

Respect the disableds wishes, We should not have to explain this to you. Basic human decency should just be a given, and someone telling you in detail why what youre doing is wrong, and ignoring it and repeating it again (I’ve told him before that insulting me, calling me names, and otherwise hurt my feelings and I don’t want to risk any relapses. He ignored these and continued, he’d screencap my making mistakes and putting bad things in the wrong chat, and when I would apologize for what I did when I was wrong, he’d still hold it over my head and claim I suicide baited when I didn’t. I say whats happening and assume its fine since i was always there for him when he needed me, even after he actualy suicide baited me by claiming my using a joke on him he repeatedly used on me made him suicidal and that i owed him an apology, ive literally been walking on eggshells for years and finally not having him in my life has actuallybeen so much more freeing than I ever thought it would be. )

Disabled people are very often the centerfold of abusive relationships because we’re so used to the mistreatment that its almost a fucked up comfort, we feel like our complaining about mistreatment is us ‘overreacting’ because the able bodied constantly convince us it is. That we’re always the problem whether we make mistakes or do something bad and that our apologies are always fake and wrong, but when people do horrible things to us we’re not owed an apology, rather we always owe them. It’s fucked up and wrong, and honestly exhausting. We’re not punching bags to make the able bodied feel better about themselves. Whats fucked up is hes also autistic, and should know better, but is so self possessed that all the friendships hes lost and regained over the years have never been his fault, he was always ‘being abused’ by everyone, everyone somehow is always in love with him and gaslighting him, and ive come to terms with the fact its a mental fuck up of a self centered individual so narcissistic that he cant handle the idea hes ever in the wrong.

If I talkedabout this to people, they would claim I was in the wrong for not worrying about his feeings more or ‘putting up with it because it helps him feel better, he goes through a lot at home’. Being treated shittily doesnt give you a free pass to abuse your supposed friends. His dads a piece of shit and his mom (who honestly was an amazing person as far as I saw and his siblings would talk about. but he personally always claimed she’d turn into a monster randomly for saying he should get a job or try to succeed in life, and for applying for jobs for him that e purposefully failed the interviews for. These are the exact reasons he’d bitch about her, and occasionally because he’d overhear hee claiming he was wasting his life, which is horrible to hear but still does not excuse insulting your friends, belittling their success, insulting them for their disabilities, and going through your friends for supply and then dumping them and ‘accepting them back after they apologize’ whenever you need more validation. My family life is fucked to high heaven and I still try to be kind to people, I still try to educate people, and I still do my best even if I fuck up. And when I fuck up, I own up to it and apologize. Something people always ignore and pretend never happened, because to them the disabled are incapable of apologies.

Stop talking over us, stop treating us like shit, and stop purposefully hurting us, our feelings, insulting us, and using us to make you fee better. We are not punching bags, we are real people with real issues and all your shitty behavior does is add to it.

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

[lonelyshrimp]

What happened with your roomies if you don’t mind me asking...?

 Yknow what I’m in a mood and they don’t know my tumblr (haha they think I’m a cisstraight girl lol) so let’s get into some shit. Imma put everything under a read more bc imma rant a bit and this is gonna get long.

TW: food, unsanitary (general things not being kept clean, typically bathroom and kitchen related), drug use, fighting, slurs

tl;dr if you dont feel like reading this beast:

They steal what food i dare leave out in the kitchen rather tan keep in my room

They slam doors excessively, fight, yell horrible things to each other, have friends over yelling at like 2 am (last night for example)

Leave the doors unlocked and open?? We cant even lock the front door anymore??? (Dw the doors to our rooms all have locks. If I’m in my room or out of the house, my door is locked)

Constantly throw around the r slur. Like. All the time. Including one person having called me it. Y i k e s

One person keeps smoking in the house even though i’ve asked numerous times (and even have a note on my door) asking people to please smoke outside, it gives me headaches. You are physically hurting me stop.

Don’t Clean Anything. The kitchen is a wreck. The toilets are constantly clogging, I Am In Hell.

For context: the house is a one story house divided into a main floor and finished basement. It’s a rooming house and the basement is largely seperate from upstairs. (They have a kitchen door that they keep closed and locked.) The stairs to the basement are split into two smaller flights, with a landing in between the floors. That’s where the side door is. The public spaces upstairs are the kitchen (connects to stairs), the hallway, and the two bathrooms (big main one, tiny water closet by the front door). The rest of the upstairs is split into five rooms. For comprehension sake, we’ll call my roommates: The Couple (M&F), A, T, and J.

Mmkay lets start with the least egregious and move our way up, shall we? Theft! Of anything and everything! No one can have anything out in the public areas if they actually care about it. It. Will. Get. Stolen. Now, I have a mini fridge and the second biggest room here, so I’m lucky in that 99% of my groceries, as well as all my other belongings, fit in my room. There’s just a wee problem: I don’t have a freezer. Not to fear, past naïve me thought, I’ll just clean out and use the locked freezer since I still have the keys for that fridge! (We have two fridges and food theft was a problem beforehand and so me and my friend who lived here cleaned out the second fridge to use as our own and kept it locked.) I decided to do this after I had bought myself some ice cream, wrote my name on the top, and put it in the main freezer. I go to have some ice cream later that week, I open the tub for the first time (as in I removed the seal holding the lid onto the tub) to find that someone eaten half the tub of ice cream while making it seem like it hadn’t been opened. I know it happened at home bc the spoon marks were clear as day and I have to walk 20 minutes back from the grocery store. That woulda melted by then (Also I would’ve noticed at the store that. The tub was hella lopsided??? And way too light???) So yea of course I’m ticked now, I spent 6 bucks on that bro like just ask or get ur own??? So I put it the other freezer, and for a while it’s fine. Next month I decide to treat myself to some frozen waffles and some chicken strips and come home to find that the hinges holding the locks onto the doors of the fridge were torn out of the fridge/freezer doors. Like. The screws were pried outta this metal door rendering the locks completely useless (to the point i wouldn’t even be able to put the hinges back on.) And the cherry on top?? My ice cream was gone!!! Hope u enjoyed it, asshole. So whatever. Fine. I put my food away and. a week later?? Im like “Man i could go for some waffles rn”. I bought 2 8 packs. One chocolate chip, one cinnamon (y’all i literally buy the cheapest ones Zehrs sells. 2,19$ a box y’all. not even eggos). Surprise surprise!! The entire box of choccy chip ones GONE. Mind u, i wrote my name on all of these boxes, as well as a very large “DO NOT EAT”. so i begrudgingly had a couple (note that, 2) cinnamon waffles and move on. A couple days later I go to have some more and. The waffles are completely gone. Out of a total of 16 waffles, ya boy got a solid 2. (It’s worth noting that there was a single waffle left, but at 0,27$ a waffle, I didn’t mind leaving the box on the table with a note basically reading “these are cheap af, buy ur own bitch”.) (I didn’t swear that much tho)

I’d add the bike to the list but i can’t confirm nor deny that one of my roommates stole my tires and seat off my bike (although M does work on bikes all the time so man idk.)

Next up: wow people here are l o u d. I’m talking slamming doors all the time, slamming things around, yelling, playing music wildly loud. It’s awful. Like. You can just. Close the door quietly? Stop slamming things around please? It’s awful because loud sudden noises make me panic and lemme tell ya, wakin up at eight am bc your a-hole roommate decided to slam the door eight times bc the front door is broken because someone took the border around the jamb off instead of fixing it so we can actually?? lock that door?? because it doesnt quite fit in the jamb and so the only wat to lock it was the chain lock and. someone took that too so thats fun :)))))). The side door isn’t that much better. We have a code lock and. No One Ever Locks It. Like. I’ll come outta room and?? It’s just open????? Close the door???????????

The worst, however, is the fucking fighting. The Couple love to argue all the time. and yell at each other and slam the doors or smashing shit and they yell pretty awful things to each other. Like. I’ve heard M call his gf some awful shit. It’s worse when they have people over too. The other day there were like. 14 cops in here bc of them at like 2 am. Cue me, 2 am, trying to watch a livestream and seeing like??? Six cop cars pull up????? Wh a t????? Not fun not good for my brain.

God and. What is with everyone and the r slur??? Like what?? there are so many words you can choose stop using that word. Like okay the other night someone?? took the dc adapter for the wireless modem and one of the dudes downstairs as well as the couple were looking to see if they had a compatible dc adapter and so i just decided to wait?? and i just spaced out a bit okay whatever i was lookin at the wall like i do and fuckin. the couple had a couple friends over and one of em was chillin between the kitchen and the hall and M yells out from his room “Hey don’t you feel weird with this creepy ass bitch standing next to you? Like what is she, m*ntally r*tarded?” like wow okay dude i’m literally not doing anything. Luckily his friends reaction was basically “?? She lives here?? She can stand there if she wants??” (wow referring to myself as she feels weird and wrong).

A big problem I have is I feel like theres a community in this house that I just don’t fit into? Part of it is I’m like. the only person here who doesn’t do drugs of any kind?? Like I have nothing against ppl who use drugs like whatever bro, but it feels super othering to me when i can’t relate to anyone here because of it. That and. Getting T in particular but really just anyone but A to respect me asking that if you’re going to smoke anything to do it outside because weed and to a lesser extent cigarette smoke trigger my sensory disorder and causes me pain and causes sensory overload and I still find myself asking people to smoke outside.Like I’ve never been unreasonable and said “no drugs in the house” or some bs. I’m just asking u to respect my disability thanks.And like?? I’ll get into this in a second but there were needles in the toilet?? Bro throw them out properly.

And now: Hell.

Can no one clean up after themselves?? Do your dishes. If theres food left on your plate, throw it out first, don’t dump it in the sink. Seriously the kitchen sink is fucked. The kitchen is gross. The microwave ugh ugh ugh no thanks. No one can clean everything. This is why all my cookware and dishes are in my room. That way I can make sure I 1) Still Own It and 2) Its clean and usable. I clean them as I go and just use my own shit.

Nothing compares to the bathrooms, though. It seems like every other day one of the toilets are clogged. Last week there were spoons in the sink?? Like at least 10 spoons. In the bathroom sink. The floor is dirty because no one owns a mop and?? there was one in the kitchen?? I haven’t seen it in like a month. And the worst of all. Okay, it’s really bad when every one up here is between like. 16 and 19 I think? And I had to put up a sign in the bathroom asking people to flush when you’re done??? And I still have to flush before I can use the washroom???? And it feels like every week or so. The toilet’s clogged. Oh! I forgot to mention that the water closet doesn’t even have a doorknob anymore. Someone took it. But wait, it gets worse. Seriously if extremely unsanitary things bother u, stop reading now.

Twice in the past month I’ve had to contact the landlord because the toilets were beyond clogged. The first time was bad but oh lord nothing compares to the second time (aka last week). The first time was your pretty standard toilet clogs and backs up and its very gross. I contacted the landlord and it was fixed the next day and it was fine. For. Two Days. Im serious. See. People here have a real issue it seems of “The person before me didn’t flush so neither will I”, leading to a toilet bowl full of like. a half a roll of toilet paper and waste. F u n. What that led to was the toilet clogging, people not doing anything about it, and continuing to use it. Eventually the toilet bowl was full, so trow a shopping bag over the lid to mark the toilet as “Out of order” and move on to the other one.Both toilets were completely unusable. I emailed the landlord and i don’t know if either they or one of the people living here contacted them, but the old landlord and old property manager were here the other day to clean them out and fix them?? and yea among all the standard waste you’d expect in a toilet, there were needles? Like buddy theres a trash can right there? I know u had the needle caps bc they were in there too. just... disgusting...

bro this is just what i can think of off the top of my head i know theres more but oh no this is so long now. just. this is a lot more detail than u wanted but i wanted to get this out of my brain??

[01010010-posts]

abo anon. i saw your response to my rough play ask &... imagine 69ing with omega connor. he's on top, hands bound w rope behind his back, mouth knotted as his alpha continues to eat him outas he writhes, holding his hips tightly & spanking him cuz he's overstimulated & moving his hips a bunch, moaning around his alphas cock. when it's finally over he's still moaning from all the praises as alpha wraps him in a blanket & kisses his bright blue face.

AHHH sorry for the late reply!!!first of all yes, absolutely yes??? how the fuck do you even think these things im crying,,,, i bet you would be super good at writing them!!! you should try it!!connor with his hands behind his back, tied by a rope, squirming, because he both hates and loves being restricted like this, his mouth completely filled, the sensors on his tongue going into override, his body at the mercy of his alpha, who doesn’t wait on his omega to adjust but continues to stimulate him, their tongue moving, their fingers gently caressing connor before striking again and spanking him, leaving a visible mark on his skin. the same that’s weirdly blue on his face, around his nose and under his eyes. he can’t help but be overwhelmed by all these sensations. he might overheat a bit. and by a bit i mean a lot. and by a lot i mean he’d gladly faint from the pleasure. AND the praises dont get me started on the praises. he’s feels drunk whenever you praise him!!! giggly connor that adores being praised, esp during sex!who wouldnt honestly *clap handsx4*i dont have anything to add to this ask bc it’s perfect already if not that im fucking guilty of making omega connor such a sub because im wEAK why cant i peg android boys,,,,!!!!!! :’(((i love this sm mdk.djkdjdkjlj60 would prob have a hard time bc he’s him ok but if he’s feeling more angry/jealous than insecure then gosh,,,, he would *drag* his alpha somewhere close and private and pout. he’d stare at them for a long time, not saying anything, his shoe probably tapping nervously on the ground. they’d have to figure it out themselves. which, they do, because they know 60, they know what’s gotten into that tiny head of his. and so they apologise, kissing, cuddling, pulling him near, hugging him. but that’s just sufficient to calm him down and reassure him. of course it’s not enough. he needs to be teased too. to let him know that his alpha learned a lesson. and he’d probably take control of the situation, kindly, but still control. he’d make his alpha beg. and yes, they would def reek of each other’s scent. everyone needs to know!!connor would repress his jealousy because come on it’s a stupid emotion to feel of everything he could. he shouldn’t even think about it. and yet. yet he’s there, his mind clouded, his eyes roaming the room, looking at you, secretly playing with his coin in the pocket of his jacket…. GOD. he can’t do this anymore. he asks to speak with you in private and as soon as you’re alone he regrets his decision why did he do it oh no no no now you’re gonna laugh at him for being so stupid, for being so jealous, jealousy is bad right? but he cant help it. it’s stronger than him. so he just,,,, lowers his head like a guilty puppy, muttering something inaudible and you coax him into repeating it again and again until it’s actually sounds and then letters and then words you can understand. and you don’t like what you understand. you didnt mean to make him doubt himself. you sigh, sweetly cuddling him, biting his neck, leaving splattered marks here and there, not bothering to stop this ritual that has him gasping ever so slightly, there’s plenty of time to talk about this at home, in the moment there’s just him and only him, his need to be gratified, to be told ‘good boy’ and ‘i love you’, to be reaffirmed as your lover, as enough. he’s so enticing you can’t help yourself either. he looks embarrassed but happy at the same time when he returns to his workplace before you, to not be suspicious, though his and your scents mixed together don’t leave much to the imagination for others.RK900 mhh. he’s possessive allright. but he’s also quick to get annoyed and that’s maybe one of his biggest flaws. not to mention that’s he’s vvvv needy in this AU. he might either not even give the other omega the chance to approach his alpha (have you seen this boy? he’s fucking huge, he’d scare anyone in a heartbeat) or let them do whatever they want just to sulk later, be nervous and have this distressed scent & aura around him. of course he wouldnt tell anything to his alpha. not because he wants them to get it as 60 or something like this. he’s just. a bit sad. he knows he’s an android and it often hits him. and when it does he’s…. really at loss for words and reactions. he’s apathetic. so it’d probably be his alpha having enough of their distressed omega and acting kinda brash, taking him somewhere quiet. he’d get more nervous and with a 100% probability he’d retort in a bad manner at the ‘what’s wrong?’ of his alpha. and he’d try to get away with it. to just wait for the sour mood to pass (though he knows it won’t pass, not like he can forget or anything like humans do). BUT his alpha feels guilty af, they def pushed him and did the wrong thing. so they grab his hands and ask him to stay. at least a little. he doesn’t move, letting you do whatever you want, he’s tired already. he only needs his nest. so you bit your lips and apologise to him, comforting him, not leaving even a doubt in his mind, he’s the one, he’s the only person you want, yes, he’s a person. not an android, not an omega. a person. your person. he’d probably want you to hug him for a solid minute, inhaling your soothing scent, taking deep breathes, ingraining in his wires that you’re there and you’re his. and everything will be this way forever. he’d linger his tongue on the bite mark he did on your skin, wanting to remind both of you that you’re soulmates. partners. mates. doesn’t matter the name, the only thing that matters is you two. it would definitely evolve into something more, needy as always, but this time with him wanting you to feel a bit bitter, a bit like he does whenever someone is too flirty with you. whenever you don’t smell like him in every part of your body. which, after he finishes with you, wouldn’t be possible.AHHH??? thank you baby?? this means a lot bc jdkjdlkjd i hated that thing, i posted it and wanted to forget about it. but maybe re-reading it after some days it’s not super bad. if you like it then that’s the most important thing!! it was thanks to you after all!! tho im a bit sad that i lost the purpose of it halfway through, think it kinda shows. i could def have done better ugh!! or maybe im not cut for writing sexy things who knows!!!! (as i was typing this i lost this whole answer for a moment and started to cry and shake, fortunately i got it back)FUCK?? YES?? MHH??he promised!!!! now he has to obey his alpha n be good and actually get off from his little friend down there. and boy he does. he still has to try 4 out of 4 speed. he’ll,,,, cum sm. dirty. AHAHAH his voice box goes hoarse for a sec, thank god he’s an advanced model and quick to disable it because he was this close to let everyone hear. which, ironically, turns him on like there’s no tomorrow. does anyone even work at the DPD or they just all have sex there?

[lastofmars-a]

 but hlksdrljasljdr i keep thinking abt mars being a polytheist society where its kinda like ancient greece where like all the different gods are acknowledged n worshiped but different churches / sects worship different gods so like jonns dad was the head priest of h'ron'meer but there's also c'erid'yall, and other gods that i cant remember that im gonna look up on the wikipedia cuz theres a few others i thikn idk. anyways jonn is also an active worshipper of h'ronmeer (whos god of death and dreams and fire and some other stuf iicr) and still practices as a worshipper, mostly thru meditation / prayer. he likes to keep that religious practice alive and others and is always happy to talk to ppl about his religious and spiritual beliefs as a martian bc  he wants to share the little slice of his culture hes preserving with his friends and family. i havent decided abt major religious holidays or aything in mars culture but i believe that mars isnt a capitalistic society ( tho it probably still has some different social classes which is a whole nother thing ) so idk like...... what holidays would be as a concept bc if every day is technically a day off for ppl who dont need to work then  hm.

god i have so many ideas abt martian culture and im FASCINATED by the concept of a species that doesnt really have an economy like earths bc its outside of capitalistic structure so everyone focuses on like, arts and sciences and doing whatever the fuck you want mostly. i think there is still class structure but i think its a lot looser than one would expect. i also think there is some kind of oligarchy / council running things but for the most part its technically just for show . anyways theres SO MUCH abt martian culture thats just interesting to me, besides the fact that its outside of a rigid binary or even rigid adherance to the CONCEPT of gender as a whole and like ........ no capitalism = more focus of the arts and sciences . also the role that manhunters have in this society if not to uphold a patriarchal, racist capitalistic status quo like cops do in our society like .. .. theres so mch that can be explored while still examining the flaws of martian society ( mainly deep, deep ableism and a lack of understanding or care abt ppl with disabilities as a whole and a  lot of denial / shadiness towards the white martian / green martian split way back when generations back where white martians were mass exiled from mars and a whole lot of other stuff but yeah )

also theres no imperialism bc theres no army , just a ‘militia’ pf peacekeepers in the form of the manhunters ( who do have an academy for training but it is 100% volunteer and also a part of martian culture as a role and a highly respected one at that ). what does class look like outside o f the context of capitalism? outside of ppl who dont have needs like food or water? i mean shelter is a need but i dont think homelessness is a problem on mars ? what is a society that can ignore conquest and imperial pursuits and colonialism like? 

they do have good defenses but p much all weapons are banned on mars. nobody has any interest in making them and martians are usually physically strong enough to defend themselves w/ out one. but what about ancient mars history? there WERE weapons back then, and there WERE poisons and other horrible things but they arent being used and they were p much left to rot or put in museums. 

does the concept of ‘good’ and ‘evil’ exist in the same context on mars? jonn though he loves earth clearly struggles with a lot of crimes and atrocities he has witnessed since coming here, and i truly think he understands that humanity is inherently good despite that. honestly i htink aliens who judge a species/humanity on the crimes of a certain group instead of understanding that society as a whole is a deeply complex and often flawed thing is an overtired trope. i dont think jonn believes humanity is right or wrong but rather a species and a population of ppl with vastly diverse cultures and beliefs and structural imbalances that sometimes need some help righting. i think jonn can identify with the struggles of humanity without condeming it and writers who write him as disgusted with the evils of humanit y without really examining the roots of those evils (lookin at you b.endis and s.cott s.nyder ) are lazy writers who overplay the same tired aliens are black and white trope .  i also think that jonns outside (read: not objective but OUTSIDE) perspective is so important when dealing with issues and when raising questions and he can bring things from a martian perspective to solve problems and i love that abt him!! jonn is in such a unique position !! and he uses 1000% of it to do good, which is why i love him as a character, despite him being flawed and makin mistakes he is 100% a good person. 

[archangel-zadkiel]

All these people jumping my ass on my fb page bc i say i felt like my home wasnt home that i wanted to leave and i felt trapped.

People literally jumping my ass bc i dont know how good i have it. After i word it as "i know i aint got know right to complain" just because someone has it good at home does not mean theyre gonna be happy. Just because someones family loves them to death doesnt mean they cant have a hard time being near them.

My life with my folks is extremely suffocating. They treat me like im a child because i have some disabilities. Which yes i understand theyre doing to protect me. Yes i understand theyre doing because theyre worried. But i want to live my life to the fullest. I want to live where the grass is greener on the other side. If you leave a grazing animal in one pasture for too long it will get sick and die. I have been in this pasture for too long. Ive lived with my parents for about 22-23 years. I lived with my ex for about 2. I am suffocating in this environment. I have no friends here besides one person who lives a long way a way and we hardly ever talk. So technically i have no one. But i am being belittled and ridiculed for wishing to leave my current life and house because my parents dont trust my boyfriend enough. I know theyre doing this out of concern but theyre hurting me in the process and that is not how you should care for someone. Caring for someone should not involve hurting them. Making them cry. Causing them to wish for death. The last one may seem a bit far fetched but its true. My life has become such a toxic environment for me that ive almost committed twice.

I told my mom and she threatened to have me committed to a hospital instead of asking a simple "what can i do to help you feel better honey" and i dont think thats right.

Im tired of living here. It doesnt feel like home. People on my fb page "you know your mom and dad love you" thats not what i said "you know theyd do anything in the world for you" THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID "you dont know what youre saying your parents take damn good care of you and you should be thankful and feel bad for even saying things like this" you think it doesnt hurt me to say my house doesnt feel like home. You think it doesnt hurt me to know im not listened to? To know that i cant do what i want to do on my own til my parents are deceased? Because thats basically what they said 'and i quote' "you can do all those things after we're dead and gone" it hurts me greatly to know they think like that. To the people on my face book commenting like they know what my heart and mind are going through. Tellin me that i treat my parents like shit. Telling me that i basically dont deserve parents like them. To my aunt darlene. To my neighbor wilma. Fuck you. Im not sorry for saying what i said back to yall. You did offend me. You filled me with so much hate that i said what i said and meant what i said. And i do not enjoy....being a hateful person. So fuck you. And fuck you again. Good night

[whittynovels]

restore me predictions 2

*"It made me wish I’d had a sister. Or a mother. Someone to learn from and lean on. A woman to teach me how to be brave in this body, among these men" -Juliette gets friends!!!!! -I want juliette to get a makeover and people who give her boy advice and talk with her about girl stuff and ugh girls -She was never this way with the twins it always felt so awkward *Will Kenji get a love interest? -“he tries” -kenji totes flirts with international people -is the ex-girlfriend his????? -tahereh said kenji doesn’t get anyone in this book but thats ok we'll have a slow burn over a 3 book arc it's what he deserves -T said it’s someone we don’t already know which is fair bc everyone we already know he said is too much like a sister to him so it would be weird *Juliette’s favorite color is black? Sounds fake but ok *JAMES AND WARNER JAMES AND WARNER JAMES AND WA -“were you CRYING?” ummmm just fucking punch me in the lung next time -honestly is every character in this book just gonna witness a warner breakdown why we gotta do him so dirty like that -james is gonna be so mad when they find out they’re brothers because in unravel me he gets pissed about not being told stuff/getting left out -I don’t think it’ll happen this soon *WARNER’S EMO POWERS IN HIS POV -THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE THING I’M EXCITED FOR AND SHE HASN’T SHOWN IT YET IN THE SAMPLER SO I WAS WORRIED BUT YIPPEE I CANT WAIT TO GET CUTE WARNETTE SCENES WHERE WARNER IS AWARE OF JULIETTE'S FEELINGS AND ASKS HER ABOUT IT AND WANTS TO VALIDATE THAT SHE FEELS OKAY ASFUGHJKL;; *JULIETTE DRINKING ADFSGUHDIJ’K -I always wanted to write this but idk -Juliette is happy drunk / warner is emo drunk -Warner super concerned taking care of her *More people with powers? [we been knew reaction pic] -I honestly couldn’t guess any of the powers without just reciting powers from twilight or something lol *Kenji calling warner a dick and warner wanting to punch him -ME -Tahereh is teasing so much kenji & warner dialogue that it makes me wonder about them. Why are they together so much. Why does warner trust kenji. What. Help. Slow down *THE KIND OF MUSIC WARNER LISTENS TO -Either smooth jazz or beyonce, there’s no in between *What warner did to be leader of sector 45 -Pressure waves dude??? -No other predictions. no clue. help. *A cliffhanger?? -I honestly can’t tell you what state my anxiety will be in if there’s a cliffhanger -I think it’ll mirror other books where there’s certainly stuff unsolved but it’s not like someone dies then it’s like “aight, see ya next year” *She keeps hinting about deaths but tbh I don’t think anything will happen until book 6 -She did this with ignite me thinking big deaths would happen but it was nothing -I think she teases to create angst and fear but we’ll be fine -I trust her (t don’t let me down) *Another chapter 55 (◕‿◕✿) *lgbt characters !!!!!!!!! kenji, Brendan, Winston, whatever mans kenji gets *nO ADAM AND KENJI BRO MOMENTS HAHAHAHA -Kenji roasts adam at every opportunity *wARNER SPEAKING SEVERAL LANGUAGES UUGHGHHHHH WHAT A MAN!!!!!! WHAT A MAN, MY DUDES!!!!!!!!!!!! -Seven languages? Oh my lORDDT -I’m not even gonna predict what they are but hooooleeeee mollleeeeeey -We get to see him speak “a couple” ugghhhh I can’t wait to see juliette hear him break into Arabic or something and she’s just like !!!!!!!!!!!! *When asked about juliette and adam’s friendship growing, tahereh said “he’s a part of the story and there’s more left to come” and im just like noooooooo -At the same time, juliette is so forgiving I don’t doubt they’ll finally talk *PPL ROAST ME ABOUT AN ADAM REDEMPTION ARC BUT JUST THINK ABOUT WARNER AND ADAM’S FRIENDSHIP AND ADAM BEING SOMEONE WHO CAN SAVE THEM ALL IF HE PROJECTS HIS POWER AND DISABLES OTHERS’. I’M JUST SAYIN G *WARNER NAKED CRYING ON THE GROUND -WARNER HAS ANXIETY??? PLS LET WARNER HAVE ANXIETY I WANT ANXIETY REP -But at the same time I don’t because #tooreal -I feel like she posted this quote so out of context and it could be nothing but I leapt to the worst conclusions -Why isn’t juliette there? Did they have a fight? Did something happen to her? Did he read his dad’s journals? -DOES KENJI SEE HIS SCARS? -Is warner completely naked?? I’m so confused. I’M SO CONFUSED *Kenji calling warner cute constantly mY HEArt *WHY IS JULIETTE’S POV SPOILERY -Is she kidnapped??? Is she miserable??? Is a character with mind control powers harming her??? Is she separated from warner? Like WHAT??? It’s so spoilery that she can’t even find one quote to give us? *THE VALENTINES DAY SNIPPET -JULIETTE’S CONFIDENCE -THE TOWEL -WARNER’S POV SEXYTIMES -FWUJAOIFPKOIOBLHEIJKMF -SLIHBFLABKVLEAJFGFYOUDLHIJF -I was legit sobbing I was so happy for the first warnette kiss in 4 years -(lowkey wish there was more dialogue and description but that feels almost gluttonous at this point because we are so fortunate for having it at all) *Tahereh said she “likes” the ending of restore me -I don’t think we’ll have a cliffhanger, like I said. -She said “I don’t think it’s sad” so I hope it’s empowering like previous books -T said juliette is her favorite, ever, by the end of RM, so I think she’s fine and she doesn’t die clearly lol *AN EX-GIRLFRIEND COMES INTO PLAY -WHOSE??? WHAT IS THE TRUTH?????? -WHO IS GONNA CLAIM THIS WOMAN -Warner? Is it one of the overseas people? MY MANS IS A HOE!!!!! He out here saying “I didn’t have friends” but he actually meant “I had friends with benefits” -Kenji? Adam? Castle? I literally wish it were anyone else lol I’m solid on my theory of juliette being warner’s first everything but the internet and the author say otherwise *It’s confirmed that juliette MEETS her parents!!!!!! Oufhaouhilvgudyahisjkop;pzfx;ia I’MS O  EXCITED SHE’S GONNA ROAST THEM I’M REA DY FOR HER TO ROOOAST THEM!! -Also warner said in unravel me he wants to kill whoever made her miserable as a kid so I want warner to threaten them or pull a gun or something and im just ready for there to be tea -The biggest question I have—more than what warner did to be leader of sector 45—is what her parents are like. Not even just physically and with their personalities. I’m so split on wondering if they’re sorry or if they still hate her. Are they happy without her? Do they regret it? Will they accept her as she is now? Will they learn to trust her? *New novellas??!!?!! -I was shocked we didn’t get one before this book. -Whose POV? We get a kenji short story so maybe from him. Since we get warner POV in the book, it’s not as important anymore as a separate novella. So it’s gotta be kenji, adam, castle, Anderson, someone, idk. james? new characters? -Maybe it’ll have bonus content from previous books in the trilogy (LS PS LP PL SP L S PL SPL S PLS PLS PL SPL S PLS PL S PLS) *The bird symbolism comes back I’m emo -Juliette flying (ie. Airplanes, she becomes the bird herself? Idk) -I always thought it was so weird that the “the bird I imagined is the bird on adam’s chest” conflict/coincidence was just randomly dropped. -Does juliette become adam’s bird? -DOES MY GIRL FINALLY GET TO SEE A BIRD???? AHHHHHHH --i used to want ignite me to end with her seeing a bird so maybe i can finally have my dream come true and one of these books has her seeing a bird in it *Juliette’s powers are still growing -Unless it has to do with killing people and not physically moving stuff like castle then idk. I’m conflicted about this one. *More about warner’s mom, it’s ok I’m just gonna cry over here *Warner’s virginity better not be a hot topic in this book because I am tired and I’m so happy not knowing -Same how I feel with sex scenes like ty for having them but I don’t need to be ~too~ well-acquainted with their anatomy, ya know? pls no sarah j maas porn in these woods, thank you *Juliette and warner get to travel!!!!!!! -Now that warner knows how to drive a helicopter I just imagine them being like “hey Barbie wanna go for a ride” “sure ken” “hop in” then I don’t wanna live forever starts playing because wasn’t there a helicopter scene in fifty shades *Warner and his 5 o’clock shadow sounds fake bc in unravel me when he was being held captive there was no beard [angery frog meme] -Why my mans so stressed he aint shavin????????? He needs a hug and 3 advil *SHE EITHER GETS A HAIRCUT OR A TATTOO IN THIS BOOK -I’m 50/50. On one hand, she mentioned in ignite me that she needs a haircut, but I really really reall yreally hate haircuts in books so I’m salty -Also Ive always wished she’d get a tattoo bc it’s so empowering and she has a lot of mantras she lives by and warner is such a cheerleader for them and he would love it too *WARNER IS LITERALLY THE EMBODIMENT OF CAR RADIO ABOUT OUTRUNNING SILENCE OAUHOSJIKO;DI;FSLDGYHIJ MY MANS IS EMO AND I LOVE AND SUPPORT HIM UNCONDITIONALLY -I’m concerned that he and juliette aren’t together more in this book. She’s in a meeting he’s not invited to??? Aaron warner? More like aaron burr, not being in the room where it happened

[outerspace-castaway]

just found out that there are people who hate taylor swift so much that they make videos on youtube explaining why they hate her.

so far I've only watched 3 and wow these girls know nothing about taylor but they hate her so much. I did rant in their video comment sections:

video 1:'why I hate taylor swift' channel: daniella

my rant:

 you literally say what you know about taylor is what the media portrays yet that set you off enough to make a video about her being a horrible, fake person. really? fucking really/ there are a lot of parody videos of taylor /fan made videos etc, and they have not been taken down. 1 famous youtubers video gets taken down and yall lose your shit. btw taylor's mgmt team is more than just her. taylor didnt have a guitar teacher. when she was about 11 a computer guy came over to fix her families computer before he left he taught her a few begginers chords then years laters trys to profit off of her name. taylor has a right to me pissed by that. taylor isnt the first or last celebrity to get thing copyrighted. kanye and beyonce for exaple have hunders of things copyrighted. also taylor isnt getting things copyrighted just bc, she's doing it so big companys cant used her image without her knowing. and ps she doesnt have any lyrics that say "party like its 1989" im guess youre getting that confused with prince's 1999, where he says 'lets party like its 1999' its called being HUMBLE do you not know the meaning of the word humble, i guess you dont, futhermore even tho taylor is surprised when she wins, she does not cry every time. and even if she did why does someone crying bother you? she literally wrote a message about why she took her music off spotify saying that "she doesnt need anymore money", she said she "has enough money to pay her dancers from her tour alone' she pointed out how smaller artist, like indepent artist dont get paid properly by spotify bc spotify takes most of the money for themselves, she also said music is art and art should be free.....adele too her music off spotify too, i'll be waiting for your video attacking adele... btw what your obsession with sticks being in asses? this video was pretty much just full of lies instead of going by the medias portrayal of a person how about try and look for the truth. who am i kinding you as well as everyone in the comments dont care about the truth do you? just sad and pathetic really.

 video 2: 'why I hate taylor swift' channel: july2ish

my rant:

 kim exposed taylor: taylor was not told "i made that bitch famous" she should clarified that was the lyric but she didnt lie --- omg you hate her bc she dated harry are you in 4th grade, he asked her out. "im about feminism" but you hate her for dating hs taylor doesnt like papa following her -- you hate her bc of her wealth --- dont people pay for spotify too???? -- she didnt sue fans they were sent ciest & disist letter until their copyright issues were straighted out --- the guy wasnt a guitar teacher he was a computer guy who came to the familys home and taught her a few chords before he left, and he wasnt sued -- she copyrighted a stylized version of the year 1989 that was made for her tour not the year or number 1989 here is who taylor swift sued: THAT GUY WHO SEXUAL ASSUALTED HER BY PUTTING HIS HAND UP HER SIRT AND ON HER ASS.

video 3: '6 reasons i hate taylor swift' channel: queen maryah watkins productions (comments were disabled so I left this on her channel)

1. her pr team didnt clarify which lyric she was offended by, she thought kanye was going to use "i made her famous" that is what taylor said in the video kim posted. kanye didnt tell her "i made that bitch famous" "perfessional victim" thats some bullshit. she writes aboutr her feeling, a majority of her songs are NOT about breakups but love songs. ps she isnt the only artist to write about break ups 2. taylor's dad invest in big machine records after she signed to the label. shes very talnted, she does work hard and she walked away from a record label who wanted to sign her because they would alway taylor to write her own music so she walk away then was discovered and signed by scott borschetta then her dad invested in big machine records

3. she doesnt have to dance, really why the hell does that matter? no her voice isnt like whitney or beyonce, its softer, she cant do big notes like they do that doesnt mean she can sing. shes a great guitar player why doent you actually watch her play and she plays multiple intruments well as fpr her lyrics she writers masterpieces, listen to something other than shake it off or wanegbt.

 and are you really saying you hate her because of her look and her fashion choices do you not hear how petty that is 4. calling out nicki is the ONLY time shes ever did anything like that. and are you seriously mad bc she gets excited for friends accomplishments? ed sheeran is her best friend. she didnt say she was looking forward to controversy, she said she was looking forward to telling people she knew about the song, not about wanting controversy from it. 5. "has not integrity for music.." she wants people to understand that music is art and should be treated as such, as for writing TIWYCF under a fake name, she and calvin agreed to do that together 'catfished, disillusioned, perplexed', are you fucking with me? swifties were excited when we found out taylor wrote it. you think she lies on her album credits bc of one fucking song? my god could you get anymore stupid? 6. im tired of this "greedy" bullshit. its a lie she didnt say she wants more money for youtube y\this is some bull you pulled out of you ass. she literally said in her apple music letter that she did not need anymore money. go fucking read the damn thing its on her tumblr page. i cannot tell you how pathetic and stupid you sound in this video, this video is filled with lies get a fucking life

video 4: 'rant why i hate taylor swift explicit' channel: lacye leuko

her pr team didnt clarify which lyric she was offended by, she thought kanye was going to use "i made her famous" that is what taylor said in the video kim posted. kanye didnt tell her "i made that bitch famous" therefore she did not have full compltee knowledge. kanye deserves shade but her point was to uplift young girls, something she been doing for years, she used kanye lie to her benefit

kanye is an ass who does & says bad things to many people dont act like he doesnt deserve to be shaded.

her rep leak the info, he should have informed first but why does that bother you?

taylor never confirmed bad blood is about katy, katy did that herself. taylor doesnt have a prolem with tina and amy she was just pissed about the joke.

she's not a snake the video proves kanye didnt say 'i made that bitch famous' the lyric she was told ' i made her famous'

nothing was wrong with selena defending her friend.

i cant believe how you and other taylor haters really dont want to see the truth about taylor.

a few etsy fans were sent Cease and desist orders because of copyright issues, there are still thousands a taylor swift fan artwork on etsy. if those copyright issues were fixed those fans art were probly put back on etsy.

the only female she is fueding with is katy and by that i mean, katy keeps findong ways to talk about her but she keeps her mouth shut about katy.

taylor swift: does charity work. ispires many young girls, is a great role model. you know nothing about how she influences her fans for the better. how she gives speeches and messages of positivity to her fans. you know nothing about the reall taylor swift, just tabloids and bullshit

// 'So, About Taylor Swift Getting Put On Blast... Watch white Feminism Work'

channel Sensei Aishitemasu // its a 33 minute video. this person wasted 33 mintues of their time to talk aout why they hate taylor (im definitely NOT going to watch that)

i still said something anyway: im not watching this video bc im sure its bullshit just like the others, but why did you waste 33 minutes of your time to bitch about a pop singer and her "white feminism" you hate taylor swift GET THE FUCK OVER IT AND GROW THE FUCK UP. and black people idk how this little white girl hurt you so damn much, I can say that be im black too and get bullied on twitter by other black ppl who are offended I like this white singer. she doesn't do the things you like, shhes not an activist, she writes breakup song songs, she cant sing like whitney, who tf cares? IGNORE HER!. change the channel, turn off the radio when shes on, don't pick up magazines with her face on them, stay off her twitter and instagram. just fucking leave her alone, its not that hard to do.

i just cant wrap my head around these people having so much hate for taylor. shes a good fuking person. no shes not perfect, yes she makes mistakes but for the ove of god there are worst people than her in the entertainment industry but shes treated like the devil

how does taylor have these people so easily pressed and bothered?

[clementiens]

theres a friend i havent seen in a pretty long time (when the fibro had come along but i didnt know what was wrong so i was still pretending nothing was wrong which obvs,,,never rly ends well) and they texted me yesterday and part of me wants to make plans w them but also like,,all the other times weve tried to make plans they fell apart largely bc of accessibility issues

ive tried to like,,explain this, and how i need to know specifically whats going on before making plans (so i can know if im gonna b physically capable of The Plan), and how this is especially important in nyc bc this is one of the least accessible cities in the country and either you have to take the subway everywhere (which i cant) or walk A Lot (which i also cant), and by extension like..i gotta take buses fucking everywhere! its slow and inconvenient! sometimes im gonna need ppl to meet me halfway bc their traveling is a million times easier/less time consuming and exhausting than my traveling!

this friend also like,,doesnt seem to really be down w the kind of low-energy hangouts i kind of...desperately need on account of not being capable of stuff like Doing Real Things or plans that involve a lot of walking around. basically if were hanging out were hanging out in one spot and not going further than a few blocks from that spot. depending on who im hanging out with this is either Just Chill or Just Boring and from past experience i feel like this person would be Just Bored

there was also one time we almost made plans and then at the last minute they mentioned someone else being there too, who i dont know at all, and dont know if THEY even know im disabled. i kind of need people to know that. im sure as fuck not gonna be hanging out w someone who is, 2 me, a complete stranger who has no idea what kind of things i can handle. and like thats not their fault obviously! but all the times ive tried to hang out w someone who didnt like really know (and actually INTERNALIZE) my limits+the fact that im literally in pain constantly and have mobility issues as a result, i ended up hurting myself by pushing myself too much to try to keep up w them. like literally keep up w them. people will leave me like half a block behind them just cuz they cant be bothered to slow down a little

and i do want to see this friend its been a long time and i want to hang out again but like,,i cant just wing it and hope for the best, bc if they Arent actually conscious about this kind of thing (walking slower, not walking as far, ~boring~ plans, etc) i will end up physically suffering for it

and it just?feels really shitty honestly? like i want to hang out w this friend, who wants to hang out w me, and chances are i wont be able to bc i basically have to self-isolate to avoid putting myself in a lot of pain bc they just really dont seem to understand my limits and how much i cant just push those limits

and like.......there is another friend, who before the last time we saw each other a couple months ago, i hadnt seen in like almost two years. she didnt even know specifically whats wrong w me, just that i use a cane and have mobility issues+chronic pain. she explained the multiple routes from her house into town so i could choose which would be the least difficult for me, told me where benches on the way would be in case i needed a break, and said if i got too tired at any point we could just go hang out at her house the rest of the time. the whole thing was very chill and nice and relaxing, and this was w/out having ever had a real conversation about accessibility or my specific limits

so i feel like this is one of those things where like,,to an extent either u get it or u dont

and it seems like this other friend just doesnt