#im still not finished my transition of it

[donjunnannnnnn]

(low key describing)the cause of…. my intention to translate Crime Of Passion, and other things….

i said a lot so i better do this.

in february i watched jcs00, the next day i woke up realized i had a huge crush on the actor who played judas. this might sounds insane, but for the month after, i, (watched the subtitled Martin Guerre video and completely fell in love with guillaume), (watched des hommes and again, fell in love with it. but back then i knew nothing about french, so i understood nothing) (i started to learn french) (Watched Follies and fell in love with it)

even so i still don’t have a clear idea for him. i mean, i love him, and i know this man have remarkable ability to create his own style on stage. but it didn’t let me know him any better, its just his character he loved, and his performance i slowly grew my understanding of. but, i want to have a better understanding for, everything, and im not satisfied with what i have known about him right now. so… i find a way to use vpn (the first time in my life) and keep on searching….. i find a interview on his official site— im touched by his thoughts. and, it is reasonable— i want to have a better understanding for it. so i translate it. and then i translated some other things but they are unnecessary to mention.

the first day of March. i listen to Crime Of Passion. just listening… when it goes to the song “ who screamed?” i was so curious and so in love, i cant help myself to have this urge, to understand, more than how i could sense it now. i wanted to feel it. like, a true understanding, more deeply. so the only way to get to the target was clear: i started to translate it.

and at the same time i have this feeling. nobody had ever done that in chinese, so, this would be me and, only me. this message brings me a simple satisfaction…

at first it was just a try, but when i typed them and at the same time listening to his voice, sentence by sentence. this is so unspeakable. unique, alone, and passionate. his solitude….. you could feel how he thinks, and you imagine, you are watching this person. how would you describe, when you are chewing these words, these pages and emotions, it was almost like— you were well prepared to go insane to feel the same way as he do, and you are trying so hard to not hurt yourself by these words, because you feel it deeply. because you feel how it tears the scene. this is, something, and you know that after this you could never review it again.

(if you listen to crime of passion/or the crime passionnel album. from its beginning to its very end, you will understand what im talking about— masterpiece) (it made me mad everytime when i think about there is some people who watched it irl) i might not be always talking about it, but indeed the experience of translating it changed me. it made me more aware of my abilities, and the emotions i feel. im still blushing when i typing these words, its really give the love at first sight vibe, but differently it lasts forever. the passion it brings to me……

[maria-ruta]

i thought "fucked up lil guys" style woulld be fun to animate and had this little unfinished Veronica animation since winter

but today i adjisted few things, fixed some frames and i think i dont wanna spend much longer on this haha so here you go

here we have her nurse fit, her punk fit, her singing talent and her Beckoning

[starry-bi-sky]

yall ever think Shen Yuan went through like, internet withdrawal after being transmigrated into Shen Qingqiu? Like, he's canonically a NEET shut-in who did nothing but spend his time online, you can't tell me that for the first week or first few weeks of being SQQ he wasn't twitchy.

Like, reaching instinctively to his pockets for a phone that wasn't there, having an obsessive itch in the back of his mind that he should check and see if X or Y novel or webcomic has updated -- only to realize he can't anymore and being irritated by it. Wanting to go and see if there's new posts about this or that, but again realizing that he can't.

When he's bored or uncomfortable or just feels like wanting to escape he tries to go for his phone to distract himself, but oops! Not there anymore, and now he has to find a new and different way to distract himself from his feelings. And going through system notifications, quests, etc only does so much.

And there's that Tetris Effect too. SQQ makes a mistake while writing and instinctively goes to backspace on it except hey-ho that's not a keyboard and now he just dipped his pinkie into a bottle of ink or on a still-drying letter.

With him scrambling to fix his reputation and learn how to be a peak lord, I think his abrupt cold-turkey from all things internet would just be another straw on the camel's back that he promptly Ignores until it goes away on its own after he acclimates to his new surroundings.

[the-ace-with-spades]

This is actually a bit of a spoiler for like a monkey pilot but I just really find the idea cute so I'm sharing it now to bust my mood...

When Jake and Bradley were together the first time, Jake called Bradley baby or, if teasing, sweetheart and Bradley called Jake honey.

After they meet again at Top Gun, Jake quickly realizes that Maverick calls Bradley baby, too, because he's always going to be Mav's baby boy. Which is cute but also makes Jake feel really weird about calling Bradley baby again.

And he's thinking what he can call Bradley while they're lying in bed and Bradley is like a giant teddy bear, with very huggable arms and cuddling anything within his reach in his sleep. Hence Bradley Bear.

And he swears he didn't do it on purpose but the squad does tease them about them being the 'bear and his honey'.

[maraschinotopped]

undertale yellow. clutches head in anguish.

[slavhew]

i draw myself a lot

[realbeefman]

i'm a cis woman, but in the past few years i've developed a habit of headcanoning any male character i relate to as a trans women, beginning a fic trying to explore that, and then miserably falling short as i can never figure out how to end the story. i've recently joined a new fandom and started my most recent attempt at writing this ever-elusive character interpretation i've been trying to explain for years. and it occurs to me that maybe the reason i keep trying to interpret these characters i relate to as women and failing to, is because i'm trying to project the wrong experience. because i think that conclusion i can never fully bring myself to write isn't one about coming to terms with womanhood and embracing that identity, but about coming to terms with being a man.

so tldr im a trans man and this is a coming out post.

[coriander-candlesticks]

Me: I'm not sure if my health can withstand a commute. Should I try to go in tomorrow?

Apollo: no

Me: should I plan to work from home?

Apollo: no

Me: ...

Apollo:

Me: migraine?

Apollo: migraine.

[thebrookesnook]

my tabs rn are a mess. rip my patience, trying to find the tab i need.

On another note...

...nom nom

[good-beans]

hi i'd like to know about your transfem fuuta thoughts please. if that's ok

"if that's ok" as if I haven't been rotating transfem fuuta in my mind for a long time and dying for an excuse to post something 👀👀👀 Thank you so much Ah!! I was able to format my little ideas and headcanons into an actual write-up, I just love this concept so much! All the big murderous twists in the series and I’ll never get over it is what it is...

So, as much as I enjoy headcanons about some big revelation moment, I think that Fuuta Terminally Online Kajiyama has been very aware of his identity for a while. He just never really got the motivation to do anything about it. He knows he's not completely satisfied with his gender, but isn't constantly suffering over it, so he thinks telling people/transitioning would be way too much of a hassle at that point in his life. He also struggles with people taking him seriously given his height, attitude, etc -- unconsciously he's also worried it will only make matters worse in that area.

He wouldn't dare say anything to his parents, and wants to avoid hassle with his friends. People paint them as judgy incels sometimes, but if they were really calling out ‘bad guys’ online, I always got the vibe they were those annoying type of progressives who will harass people for not being accepting in the perfect correct way, you know? They'd be outwardly supportive but there's still a level of high expectations and performance that comes with it, and so deep down Fuuta understands there'd be a "hassle," but can't really define why.

I mentioned in another hc post that Fuuta and his sister have a silent supportive relationship. I feel like she's the one person in his life who knows everything and is super accepting -- this is understood even though neither have said anything out loud. (When he was younger, she definitely forced him into skirts, dresses, and accessories "to check something for her beautician work.") She's noticed all the times he's picked a female avatar in games, or cosplayed in ambiguous outfits.

Then, Milgram. Thinking his life will be over soon anyway, he opens up to a few of the prisoners about himself. Their unexpected openness keeps it on his mind more often than before. Still, nothing changes. Through some rocky verdicts, he's declared innocent and released.

Back in the real world, he's pretty fucked up from the whole ordeal, and starts off extremely isolated. He's in touch with his family, but distant. He maintains contact with some of the other released prisoners, but it starts off only over the phone. He changes schools or maybe drops out completely. Having deleted all online accounts after the incident, he gets to work setting up a new online presence. He was planning on using an alias anyways, and goes with something gender neutral. "To be extra safe that no one guesses it's me," he tells himself.

Letting his hair grow out begins as an accident -- just a side effect of never going out or minding his appearance. One day he realizes how long he's let it go and grabs some scissors to cut it. He makes a comment in his chat, and someone begs him to send a picture first. He goes to take it, but is suddenly disgusted and ashamed of his self-neglect. He's forced to make himself selfie presentable first: brushing his hair and throwing on something clean real quick. When he goes to take the picture, he realizes it looks good. It feels good. He puts the scissors away.

Soon, the prisoners/some new online friends coax Fuuta to hang out more. That's when she decides to reintroduce herself into society as someone new. She ventures out with the name of a favorite video game character. (I'm going to continue saying Fuuta because I genuinely can't name a single popular character from games she'd play, but just picture the most painfully obvious one you can. The kind you hear and go "oh okay. You play X too much, huh." And please send me your thoughts so I can work them into my own personal canon 👀) 

She doesn't have any hatred towards her deadname, it's more the pain of association: she remembers it said accusingly from the mouths of ex-friends. She remembers that name being called a murderer. She's not trying to deny/run from that past, she just wants to be someone better. Well, some days it is her way of running away, but most of the time it's a healthy separation from the past.

Encouraged by the positive reception and abundance of privacy in her isolation, she finally starts to explore her appearance more. Mikoto left behind some earrings during a visit -- she pierces her ears herself and tries them on. (If she doesn't like them, the holes will just heal, right? She's not weak, she can take a little pain...) Yuno/Mahiru stayed over once, and left a bit of makeup in the bathroom. She tries that on too. With a beautician in the family, this self-styling comes very easily. Fuuta's cowardly tendencies have her torn between embarrassment and her typical 'fuck you' attitude that she can do whatever she wants.

You know when you solve a tiny problem and suddenly you're smacked with how much of a huge problem it actually was? Fuuta never believed she had any issues before, but all of the sudden she's happier. Every day is easier. She has more friends. True friends. She does better with school/work. Her personality is still fiery, but it's more passion than irritability now. Self-hatred she didn't recognize starts melting away. She smiles more. She laughs more. She has plans for her future. She's excited about her future. 

(Shameless art plug hehe, before I had the timeline nailed down I did a little drawing of that selfie Fuuta takes when she realizes she's satisfied with this appearance, and now has newfound motivation to move forward in life.)

Over time she experiments with other elements of transitioning, and maybe changes her name to something a bit more subtle lol.

Unfortunately, I don't think it would go over well with her parents, but she never much cared for their opinions, anyway. One day a bit in the future, she bumps into her old friends in the street. Once recovering from panic, she's pleasantly surprised that they don't recognize her. Fuuta thought her appearance/fashion wasn't that different, but to fair, the friends figured they'd remember a stunning redhead with a very noticeable eye injury if they'd met before...

And just a few quick prisoner reactions (because in my heart they're all making it out ;--;):

Yuno has similar relationship as Fuuta's sister, offering immense help without unnecessary words. She's Fuuta’s go-to contact for trying new things and asking questions. 

When Mahiru first finds out, she goes a bit overboard with a makeover attempt. She and Muu provide their most frilly, glimmering outfits. They paint her nails and do makeup. They style her hair. This obviously turns out to be way too much, earning them a Fuuta-typical rant. Still, she's secretly moved by their enthusiasm and kindness. 

After that, designer Mikoto tries his hand at helping. Fuuta had been really worried the two of them would lose their guys nights out and relaxed friendship, but their relationship never changes.

Shidou is very accepting and very awkward. He's trying!! He gets excited, sending her all this information and help for medically transitioning.

Fuuta invites Kazui to their first pride parade <3

Though there's no return address on the package, Fuuta receives a gift of miscellaneous earrings and piercings in the mail with a note that they'd suit her well…

[growling]

Got Too Silly to make the actual Frauderic post rn <3 in the meantime. Take this

[koushirouizumi]

{Shaman King} ~ Yoh Asakura & (Aspec!/Demiromantic Queer!) Manta Oyamada + "At the Beginning" {+{Minimal} Anna as Support) (near very End)}

By Me {Do Not Reproduce/Re-upload my AMVs/Video Edits Without my Permission Under Any Circumstances} Music (C) D o n n a L e w i s & R i c h a r d M a r x A N A S T A S I A (C) FOX/D O N B L U T H

[todayisafridaynight]

national bf day on twitter that means i get legal rights to finish my cringe masadai fic where daigo meets masato's dad(s)

[skrunksthatwunk]

AGGGHGJJZJJZJZHZGZJZMKKCJJXJXJ

(^^ just finished yakuza 0 for the second time)

[juspeczyk]

me planning how i'm going to put these blorbos through hell:

me when the blorbos reach hell and i actually have to write multiple chapters of angst and pain and struggle:

[afterthefeast]

ok so terror firma is brilliant showstopping incredible etc etc but it also hits so hard as the first eighth doctor story released after new who started