#im still happier with it than before | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

transfagmenace · 9 months ago

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I LOVE YOU TESTOSTERONE I LOVE YOU BODY HAIR I LOVE YOU WEIGHT GAIN I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

#percy posts stuff #transgender moment #finally noticing significant changes !!#<<especially in terms of body hair. so so excited #pls got let me become a bear. ideal gender #whats that one post thats like. hrt weight gain is an angel. or smth like that #bc yeah..#its also like. even before i started it i was trying to gain weight rlly hard & it doesnt show for me naturally that much and now that im on #t it shows a lot more and its like. seeing the results of hard work #literally happier than i have ever been.#also today one of my friends whos a cis guy was like damn ur voice is deeper than mine now #and his voice is pretty high pitched but its still noticeably masc so. aghghough #anyway. theres hair on my legs now and its the best thing thats ever happened to me #peace and love on planet earth #trans joy #hrt #ftm

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artificer-real · 23 days ago

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ive started to really despise self help posts because all they do for me is illustrate just how apparently fucked i am compared to most other people

#vent #bloody hell #like gods this shit works for you??#such bullshit #i know its not good to be mad at other people for being happier than you #but fuck dude why cant i ever get a win bigger than ''fine i guess i dont wanna kill myself''#like thats great and all but im still in the exact same hole as before!#ive never even needed self help posts in the first place- all i need is to pull myself together and fix things #... no thats a lie. i havent been able to do that in years.#call it lack of energy or motivation or willpower or whatever #nowadays even when people like my brother try to help me as much as they know how #i just cant manage to try #i tried so hard for years and where did that get me? burnout 2 electric boogaloo #i can try to light the spark like i used to as much as i want #never gonna catch if theres nothing left to burn #cant even slow down #because i know that wont fix anything #ill be just as exhausted as before because my energy levels are perpetually at 0 i guess.#''just try harder'' WHY???#WHY ARE YOU TRYING IN THE FIRST PLACE??#what is giving you the motivation to keep pushing on like that??#what could possibly be so important to you that its worth ALL OF THIS!??#i dont understand #i remember i used to push on despite everything #but there was no reason. i was fighting cause what else could i do?#but as soon as i realized that i ran out of steam. not quite the same when you realize youre ruining yourself for literally no reason #because you never considered doing anything else #what a fucking joke

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shalom-iamcominghome · 11 months ago

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Me when I was raised xtian: I'm not religious, I don't like religion, I'm doing all this to make my family confident I'm going to heaven

Me when I started looking into/learning about judaism: I dunno if g-d exists or not, but I respect Him, and He is part of the people, history, and culture I wish to join. I am neither religious nor irreligious because my thoughts are complex

Me after this purim with my shul: g-d and I are besties. I'm reminded of g-d so much now and I'm very sure of my path🙏🩵

#jumblr #jew by choice #jewish conversion #personal thoughts tag #which is funny considering the story of purim doesn't mention g-d #i'm so grteful for my shul though. i knew this was what i wanted but now i Know #because: 1. im in too deep already 2. im stubborn 3. i am even happier and more at peace than before #i still have complex feelings about g-d though #but it's less chaotic-feeling if that makes sense #i would rather miss put on the protestant heaven than live my entire life without judaism. sorry. i just can't live like that #and nor is simply leaving the church and just doing whatever an option for me. it's an option but. is that how i want and need to live? no

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lazaruspiss · 2 months ago

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my sibling is starting to write fic and it's so. like they've been drawing for forever and never seem insecure about art. but writing is still new to them! so the fic isn't working how they want it to. i got to point at their pile of like, 20 something filled full size sketchbooks and go, look, you've made all this art, practiced all this time to be good. and how many things have you written? 3? you keep going! you keep doing it and it will be countless one day!

#ramble tag #my siblings... i get mushy when it comes to them #truly nothing in life is more important than my babies. who are not babies but beside the point #(THEYLL BE ADULTS SOON. SOB.)#feels so inappropriate to post about them on this blog but as i have said before. they follow my main #i just need to talk about them sometimes or I'll just lie in bed and cry lmao #sibling i started this post talking about is so smart and creative and fucking /organized/ as all hell #honestly both my siblings are scary driven #it would make me cripplingly insecure if i didnt just love them so damn much. if i wasnt so fucking proud of them #i hate that i couldnt be someone more worth looking up to but i am beyond overjoyed to see them grow into their own regardless #these two are possibly up there as the smartest people ive ever met even if theyre still just teenagers #i can't wait to see who they turn into. who they'll grow up be #(always be my babies in addition tho)#i see the world in them #im immeasurably happy to have the siblings i do #really starting to realize that yknow what? im not missing anything by being aro #by not having much (if any) sexual/romantic shit in my life #those two are my pride and joy and make me happier than any of that ever could #anyways this is a secret dont tell them i said that #psa dont talk to me about my siblings i can keep going until i pass out #god took everything that is Good and put into these precious tiny humans and im just lucky enough to be here !!!#ok i need to stop. its 2am hi

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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months ago

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...

#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day #is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into #spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill #keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else #and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late #to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a #job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place #but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human #level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker #unrelated

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nabaath-areng · 8 months ago

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I get so shocked everytime I get sweet and enthusiastic comments/tags on screenshots I post of Ieeha, cause this is the guy on whom I would regularly receive both anons and ingame tells saying shit like "your midlander looks weird", "he'd be so much cuter as a miqo'te" and "your character is ugly you should buy a fantasia" for YEARS

#WHICH IVE NEVER AGREED WITH #sure my confidence in him took a nosedive and i had to put him on the shelf for 2 years #before i could even stand to look at him before feeling sick to my stomach with shame #especially since id adjusted him in ways i didnt like to make him ''palatable'' in rp #and i mean. tumblr had a weird sense of hostility at male midlanders for some reason up until shb #but it still sucked!!!! like... i hate how i let that ruin ieeha for me #and it took a good while after i revamped him to truly feel comfortable #but now im happier than ever with him hes EXACTLY how i want him to be #and i am thriving and making that everyone elses problem <3333 #anyway all this to say i appreciate that people are so sweet here now #because it means a lot to hear for ieeha specifically #silvi talks

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spaghett-onaplate · 8 months ago

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I tried dieting yesterday but it was fucking awful I'd rather be happy than skinny

#i probably also went about it the wrong way. bc my goal was to not eat anything but dinner #which is stupid especially bc we have dinner between 9-10pm #i ended up caving and having a cheesy bacon roll and salad before dinner #but that was still just. not much food at all i was so hungry #and i don't want to start sobbing at work again and i feel much happier when I've eaten so #idk if i want to diet i could go about it in healthier ways but can i be bothered to do it at all?#not really. i choose happiness i like food #but there's also not really a need to lose weight bc I'm not that fat (and even if i was so what)#i had a look at myself in the mirror for the first time in months and like yeah im fine just incredibly dysphoric #so yeah. i choose food #i chose food when i finally did have dinner and was like my god this is much better than not eating #ofc. anyway knowing my fuckass metabolism i wouldn't even lose weight anyway #and if im going on T soon that will change all that so there's no point doing anything now #and when i go on T ill be hungry asf so i don't want to eat less then #oscar.exe

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olymphianblood · 6 months ago

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ok guys its not funny anymore when is d&p hard lauching im starting to getting anxious /hj

#this is mostly in jest bc idk if they will and im okay with that they do what they feel comfortable and their life is none of my business #but if they plan to. can they do it faster. had a moment rewatching BIG where it got to me... wow... theyve had something REALLY special #for 15 years huh. dan is finally living his truth and a life happier than before but during this journey he had phil at a such important #point of his life. they endured so much. and probably fucked up in between bc we humans arent perfect and thats ok we make mistakes even if #they might hurt the person we love but hey. they persevered and now are thriving even more than before #and i got so emotional like... dudes... i want to tell you both thru the means where is possible for me that im so proud and so happy #for you both and you work and your journey and for experiencing pure queer joy that all queer people deserve #BUT LIKE AS MUCH AS ALL OF IT IS OBVIOUS AND SERIOUSLY DONT EVEN NEED A VERBAL CONFIRMATION ITS CLEARLY AS ITS PRESENTED #IDK I FEEL LIKE THEY HARDLAUNCHING WOULD GIVE LIKE. A SENSE OF PERMISSION FOR ME.#LIKE HEY WERE CHOOSING OURSELVES TO TELL YOU THIS INFORMATION ABOUT OUR PRIVATE LIFE #AND NOW YOURE FREE TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE WE WANT TO HAVE A UPPERHAND ON THIS ON OUR PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIP #SO ITS A BOUNDARY FOR US AND FOR YOU #AND ILL BE LIKE THANK YOU FOR THE PERMISSION. SO HAPPY FOR YOU MARRIAGE OF 15 YEARS #idk guys im weird i genuinely just like to treat celebrities like theyre just another human being i find while i go on about my day #it even took me a while to read phan rpf fics not bc i thought it was like OOOO PROBLEMATIQUE but bc i felt genuinely guilty even tho i #joined the phan bandwagon back in the day #i only let myself joke nowadays bc theyre more open and comfortable with it and such so like... i allowed myself for that and the jokes #but still. o|-< i get embarassed sometimes just bc theyve not publicaly disclosed what ARE they NOW (outside of all the soulmate metaphors)#its not a them problem tho its a me problem im too empathic for no reason #ANYWAYS SORRY FOR YAPPING ON THE TAGS CAN YOU TELL I MANAGED TO BUY MY ADHD MEDS AGAIN #j.txt

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nexus-nebulae · 10 months ago

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brrrrr (/pos)

#weight talk #<- just in case even though this is pos #but like. okay ive been. SEVERELY underweight all my life #like i looked like a skeleton you could see all my bones it was AWFUL #i just. I've literally always hated looking like that i hated looking like a walking corpse i mean i looked ILL #but recently i started taking remeron for anxiety #partially bc my anxiety keeps causing me to not eat properly bc i feel sick constantly #so i kept ending up in the ER for malnutrition and dehydration and my liver getting messed up #well i started the remeron for the panic attacks bc daily panic attacks suck but the psych mentioned it could increase appetite #and it???? did????? I'm eating on a slightly more regular schedule???? I'm eating more than once a day????#and like. ok I've always weighed like 100lbs #highest i ever got was 111 when i was 16 #and then it dropped 10 #and then dropped 10 more in the span of 3 months while i was in and out of ER #and i was genuinely starting to panic over it bc i could PHYSICALLY FEEL my muscles getting eaten bc i had no fat left #like i was getting drastically weaker by the day my knees still won't stop buckling #but in the about three months I've been taking those meds I've. gained 10 back #I'm actually gaining weight like me and my mother are genuinely SHOCKED this genuinely hasn't happened since i was fucking TWELVE #and just now i took off my shirt and noticed. holy shit. my stomach doesn't go CONCAVE when I'm hungry anymore #like whenever i couldn't tell if i was hungry before i would just look at my stomach and be able to tell if it was too curved inwards #but now!!!!!!! it doesn't do that!!!!!!! and I'm genuinely fucking ecstatic like oh my god i don't look dead anymore #I've always wanted to gain weight i feel like i would be 100% more comfortable in my body as a fat trans man #and i can't talk about that to anyone bc they always say it's either self harm or fetishistic #when no i just genuinely feel more comfortable in my skin thinking of myself that way #and now i have confirmation that i would genuinely be happier that way with this bc the sheer joy i have at not being underweight anymore #i mean I'm still a bit under but at least im gaining SOMETHING like at least i dont look like a drowned street cat #seeing the very slight rolls and folds in my stomach when i move the right way makes me happy

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obii-wan-kenobiii · 1 year ago

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hi everyone we’re trying on the dress i bought last year when i was severely anorexic and hoping & praying it still fits

#we are. better ? now #getting better #idk #i eat now like. more than i did before and ive actually been having lunch recently??? which isn’t something i did much b4 #idk i started sitting w a new group at lunch (love yall <333 if u see this we are ignoring it forever thanks)#and idk i am very much happier now #and i think i am getting better but its still hard some days #and sometimes when i have lunch i dont have anything else that day and its just #it’s frustrating sometimes but #i’m stalling idk #i need to actually put on this dress now im still in my pjs

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ipatrichor · 1 year ago

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mask without sim, aka what happens when your soul is split and the part of you that has an anxiety disorder is stolen and you no longer have access to the memories and emotions that shaped you into who you were

#my art #oc art #dnd oc art #roommate dnd #im only posting this here bc my roommates dont know my tumblr JDFBDH #just til next week's session when they find out how it affected my character #bc we ended on the dramatic escape and so the characters havent been able to cool down and check on each other yet #anyway. cue me trying to figure out if my dnd character is legally plural now.#like... if you're forcibly split into two consciousnesses #one of you the person who hid by trying to become someone else and the other the persona that you tried to become #and you weren't separate people before but you're definitely separate now because one got stolen #idk man it's pretty complicated skfbdj #anyway. dont be fooled into thinking that mask looks happier than sim.#i mean it thinks it is but shit's close to the difference between repressed trauma and remembered trauma.#mask is still affected by its trauma it just doesn't remember. forgetting isnt healing #sim thimble

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hes-a-tough-kid · 2 years ago

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If you see the final word count for my completed fic gently increasing over months and months no you dont

#i have realised that the ‘fast n loose’ method for churning out a fic doesnt work for me actually #i am so sad that so much of that fic was skipped- or told and not shown- or brushed over in favour of me forcing it out quickly #i know i did it for a good reason- that if i took my time with it and it grew bigger and bigger that there was a risk i would have exhausted #myself and not finished it at all which would have been way worse #i think actually taking 3 months to craft 15k chapters with many drafts makes me happier than churning out 4k in a week #that being said im so glad its finished and that- somehow- it did so much better than i would have ever dreamed <33 #now i can go back and make it what i want it to be without the pressure of racing against my own stamina #and. if im really honest. i didnt think i would still be into avatar for this long lmao #i thought id lose the brainrot at around month three so i had to finish the fic before then #and yet. month 7 and i draw spider in my sketchbook every day. i think about him every spare minute.#the brainrot is still kicking and im happy #anyway here i go to dive back into that fic and add even more angst and whump and maybe another hug. if spider is lucky #i also want to write a little one shot about Ngaire properly taking care of spider after something bad happens #but idk if people wanna read OC stuff and its certainly not my comfort zone so i might keep it to myself #N E WAY this was the biggest and dumbest ramble to myself about my own fics lmao i should really shut up and just go write :’)

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cutestguy · 5 months ago

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“Plastic surgery addiction” this and “plastic surgery addiction” that. I just want to not have a breakdown over the way my body looks every day

#and no this can’t be fixed with self confidence or whatever #I’m not talking about any of the horrific surgeries they do to fat people or the fact I’m fat in general #I’d rather be fat than have a bunch of loose skin (why don’t they warn you about that before they tell you to starve yourself??)#im not going to go into detail because it’s personal but there is surgery out there that 100% would make me happier but I can never have #and I really wish it was as easy to get as the more commonly accepted forms of plastic surgery #because currently I could be the richest person on earth and I still wouldn’t be able to have these surgeries

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