#im sorry and thats it again EXACTLY
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Sand and Ray
Ray and Sand
♡ ~ .˳⁺⁎˚ THEM ˚⁎⁺˳. ~ ♡
#again#WHO#is doing it#like them#only friends the series#only friends spoilers#ofts#camille watches#sandray#im sorry and thats it again EXACTLY#glad thats over with now lets plan Boeings murder huddle up lets go
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heeyyy gaaanggg
the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#goddd PLEAAASEEEE#i havent known if i was gonna post this or not multiple times in the process of drawin this. but ultimately i spent too much time on it to#NOT post it. embarrassment be damned#but at the same time what am i even doin yknow. what is this what is goin on pleaaseee PLEASEEEEE#I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RESIDENT EVIL!!! I DONT KNOW N O T H I NG I KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING#HOW?? HOW DID I GET HERE??? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN???? i know exactly the answer to all those questions but it still boggles me how fast this#happened. usually it takes WEEKS if not MONTHS for me to start makin fanart. this was faaasttttt TOO FAST and im like. genuinely constantly#thinkin about this game. im ALWAYS thinkin about this game. part of why this took me so long to do is cause i always wanna play re7 or thin#about re7 in a strange and deranged way. ive actually genuinely been SICK WHAT HAPPENEDDDDDD#im losing it!! anyways this took me a looonggg ass time and i redrew it soo many timmmessss#i did like. 3 lineart passes. the album version i did 3 shading passes. i really struggled!! and ultimately i dont know how i feel about it#like i kinda resent it. for takin so long and makin me suffer so much#never again. never again will i spend that much time on a drawing. i HATE when drawins take a long time. i HATE that. it makes me madddd#ive been insane. ive been so insane. and im not gettin better like i cant sleep sometimes cause im thinkin about this game and this guy and#that gal like i think about them!! so! so much!! oh my god!!#in the time it took me to finish this ive done like 10 sketches for other pieces like. and ive had like 3 ideas ive written down.#and like 50 that i havent written or sketched.#IVE WRITTEN POETRY!! P O E T R Y !!!#i write the occasional poem when im feelin some kinda profound emotion but i NEVER write poetry about media SOBBING#anyways thats the post i think this is the beginnin of the end so lets hold hands and pray. ugh sorry if i get sick. im shakin.
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Respectfully, anyone who believes that Roxas shouldn't have come back in kh3 is wrong and also doesn't know how to make a satisfying end to a characters narrative.
I could maybe forgive thinking Naminé or Xion shouldn't have returned, as they at least got to make the informed decision to return to their counterparts themselves. It would still be wrong but I can at least forgive it.
But Roxas? His entire story is about being allowed to be yourself regardless of what anyone else around you says you should be. It doesn't/shouldn't matter if he comes from Sora, because he is someone else entirely. It's his life, not Sora or anyone elses. Having a story like that end with him being violently forced to return to Sora when he doesn't even know anything about what's going on is flat out bad writing.
Did he accept that he had to die for Sora? Well, sure, but only after getting to beat him within an inch of his life. Only reason he accepts it is because he literally has no other choice but to. He can't keep clinging to the anger and misery at his circumstances forever.
And, you know, it probably helps that the person this was all for also fucking hates it. In no way is Sora happy about what happened to Roxas. Of course he'd bring him back, it's Sora. The situation is so unfair and tragic that having it end with him just staying in Sora forever would literally go against the essence of the entire series.
Kingdom Hearts is, at it's core, a series about bonds. Roxas was established basically immediately as having very important bonds! His best friend literally died for him! He has friends that don't even know it because it was another version of them, but they still feel that bond to him anyway! You really think they should've just thrown away a character whose bonds transcended the boundaries between data and reality just like that? Get real.
#sorry not sorry but roxas' narrative is genuinely so important and it baffles me that there are people who genuinely think he shouldnt have#come back in kh3#like dude do you just hate satisfying happy endings or what?#the ending that roxas got in kh2 is terrible#his entire everything in kh2 is terrible actually#the only one involved in that situation thats on his side (aside from axel but hes not counted)#is also the only one who couldnt do anything until it was too late#and like. in ddd roxas outright says that the reason he could be okay with this#is because its sora specifically#because sora *wouldnt* be okay with it#because hed actually care to do something to fix it#ansem the wise also says exactly that!#that the reason roxas could exist seperately to begin with is bc of soras love for other people!!!!!!#im rambling again but whatever. sometimes people have such astronomically bad takes that it astounds me#roxas#sora#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts 2#kh#kh2#xander rambles
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why are so many adventure time fans just straight up stupid. about how stories work. and i dont even mean kids i mean like adult fans just with the absolutely dumbest takes
#i was watching a streamer react to f&c which ok i admit i brought this upon myself#but oh my godddddd#''i think farmworld finn's wife was pb'' even ignoring that one of his kids looks exactly like human huntress wizard WHAT#WHY IN THE HELL WOULD THAT BE TRUE. AFTER THEYVE SPENT S I X S E A S O N S SHOWING WHY PBXFINN COULD NEVER BE A THING#LITERALLY SEVERAL SEASONS SHOWING 1-PB WILK NEVER LIKE FINN BACK THEY ARE INCOMPATIBLE 2-FINN HAS MOVED ON HE HAS ACCEPTED THAT AND GOTTEN#OVER HIS CHILDHOOD LOVE ON HER AND ONLY AFTER THAT THEY WERE ABLE TO FORM A FRIENDSHIP#THATS LIKE ONE OF THE MAIN THINGS OF THE SHOW#WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY TAKE THAT BACK AND MAKE HIM HAVE FUCKING KIDS WITH HER IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE?????????#''did prismo just die in the end of episode 4??? oh no what a mystery'' oh yeah dude they totally killed off one of the most important#characters in like 5 seconds with almost no ceremony. without even acknowledging it. thats totally how character deaths work#this is totally plausible#''what the fuck im gonna get so mad of simon actually becomes ice king again'' ARE YOU STUPIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD#HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF ''CREATING A CONFLICT AND THEN RESOLVING IT''#HOLY FUCKING SHIT#sorry this is making me go insane a little bit.#adventure time#fionna and cake#every time i see some guy mention pbxfinn and a thing that could have happened i fly into a rage. you are so fucking stupid. you have the#mental capabilities of a child. never open your mouth again.#as a thing* that could have happened
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i wanted this comic digitalized so bad that i used max's birthday as an excuse. :)
this is the true ending. if im insane enough ill show you the alternate ending though
bonus because i just. it just kinda peters out. longggg post yayyye
#adventure time#wizard city#together again#i realize if im all 'oh every wizard kids has to have their episode tagged' then i should be that stickler about mister death.#mr death#mr fox#blaine#digital#distant lands#long post#im gonna also throw in#suicide mention#because its not very obvious or serious but mr fox's brain did go there. sorry. and i guess thats technically the whole. hm. yeah okay. h.#larry#blaines mom#ALSO THERE. i cant. make her look right. to me. but shes. so much to me. i KNOW they have one. its so specific in my head that they do#they cannot be being raised solely by a posse of wizard guards. that cant be real.#'dont let them take you without saying goodbye to me blaine' - mom whose kid's best friend just got zilched with no warning. :| real great.#'you took my friend away' '(loading....) ohh. the old guy took him but i can figure it out. yeah. i know a lot of people one sec.'#i feel like there is more i should say. hm. but ok guess not! happy bday max. im scheduling this to post exactly on ur bday#this comic was mostly for me. but mr death is there and hes sweet. so i will post it on your bday.#au#idk if it needs an au tag but it’s getting one. i talk a lot in digital art pieces
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Staring at my hands over the stupidest realization.
I can't do a gender swap au with Dandy. Because Dandy is literally already ambiguous in gender. An au where Wally is a woman would just have Dandy standing there looking exactly the same.
Fjdjfjrk
#text post#just rambling#dandy leon#AND THATS SO FUNNY TO ME#ah yes just...normal ass Dandy again#jdjdkfkdkelrkgkfjgk#got me absolutely giggling at the idea#all the different au Dandys are meeting but theres just two standing there who look exactly the same but with different Wallys hugging them#nfjdkfk stupid STUPID THOUGHTS IM SORRY
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do you also think about ekky, in his first full game back after rehab, the practise held the day afterwards, when asked how easy it was to play with forsy again going "its like having your own cheat code out there" and "im blessed to be able to play with such an awesome partner" thanks man very nice
#its the witching hour and they consume my thoughts#fork found in kitchen unfortunately#but also thanks jameson for phrasing it as “is it like you never left?” and ekky jumps on that going “yep thats exactly what i wanted”#like thats not gonna fucking haunt me at all#take a swig anytime ekky describes being able to play with forsy as being “blessed”#sumn sumn body like a greek god sumn worship him like one too or other#the religious undertones in sports is impossible to ignore#but also you did describe this man as a greek god#so this really isnt helping that extended metaphor#i also think a lot about ekky saying “gus” because its not very often you hear him first name him#and also him immediately looking over to his stall... okay#i thought he was making eyecontact with the otherside of the media scrum but i watched it whole and its very obvious when he does that#no this bitch is craning his neck to look at forsys stall like a normal person ofc#in my mind forsy is off to the side waiting until his interview wraps up so he can continue dressing down#and ekky going “gus” because jameson said it first is looking over at him to see his reaction#delusional? we move#im sorry i gave an impromtu forsblad primer to a friend while we were on a call and i was pulling up all my clips to cry about#and this one fucking sent me spiraling again#gus... okay yeah#im in my feelings again please look away
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Grrrggrrghhrrgrrr guys i think this game has ruined my life /SO VERY POSITIVE
I NEVER REALIZED HOW MANY MORE REFS I DO NEED TO MAKE FOR THESE MFS-- i had to redownload a bunch of their transparent pngs for ibispaint in the reference window and the references KEEP ON COMING ,,,,, LIEK I HAVE ANOTHER 7 TO DO POSSIBILITY I THINK ,,,, AND THE FIVE OF THEM ARE BISHOP OCS I LOVE AN INSANE AMOUNT OF Wait no mayve its 9. Regardless theyre literally the color of the rainbow which is why im resharing these ITS THE PRIDE PARADE UP IN HERE
#sydneys thoughts#No need for tagging methinks these are stuff i posted in august :-D#But i never thought another game could impact me this Badly again 😭 its actually managed to get me over most of my own cult trauma and etc#I have so many bishop ocs now though i think it even more than nine aND I STILL HAVENT SHARED INFO ABOUT THEM YET#OTHER THAN LIKE.... PALOMA AND ARCHANGELOS... BUT THATS IT#Otherwise i still need to make smth for mysticccccc!!!! I know exactly how i want to interpret them now >:-]c mahito & bill personality /hj#The bishops ofthr fucking. Gay Faith. Geez louise#AND I JUST . IM HAPPY WITH THE SILLY ROLES IVE GIVEN EACH OF THEM.... I STILL RLLY NEED TO BUILD UP A COUPLE OF THEIR-#-PERSONALITIES HERE AND THERE... BUT........ a funny lil game abt cults and lamb...... april me would Not expect this much dedication#Like i shit you not ive made 25 videos for this damn game tOO#Im literally just yapping. SORRY 😭 🙏 im just happy
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I didn't have time to listen to the first episode at release yesterday so I'm listening now and I have a very bad feeling that Francis is going to end up being my favorite and that, knowing this group, that will be my downfall.
#ink says something stupid again#ink.says#dndads#the peachyville horror#francis farnsworth#im sorry i love him already#thats exactly ny favorite character type
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#ya know.#after having spent about a month and a half in são paulo with my grandparents i can now confidently say that im ready to go home#and thats not brasil's fault at all and is instead a reflection of who my grandfather is as a person#i love him. i love both my grandparents. but with my grandmother at the stage of alzheimer's shes in he just doesnt have patience#to help her the way she needs. and hes been very very happy to put all of that onto me. EYE give her all her medication.#EYE make sure she bathes. EYE make sure she eats. EYE make sure she stays hydrated (somehow the hardest part of it all)#and theres been multiple times. including about an hour ago. where she says something to piss him off and send him into a shouting fit#and its just so beyond counterintuitive and unhelpful. like shouting and bitching and whining isnt helping anyone#and im ready to pass this responsibility to my aunt after being put into a situation no one warned me about#i was never told my grandmother had deteriorated to this degree. i was never told my grandfather's temper was getting worse.#i was just. never told. and while ive had an incredible time meeting family and seeing things ive never seen before#and enjoying what is the last time i will ever get to do something like this with my grandparents#im also really happy to go home next week. im going to miss brasil so much and ive enjoyed every second ive been here#but im ready to not be the mediator anymore. im ready to have a room to myself again. to not sleep in a cot thats literally (LITERALLY)#1 foot away from my grandparents' in this itsy bitsy hotel room#im ready to not be the sole person shouldering all this responsibility. a responsibility i wasnt warned about in advance#and i hope my father can bring me back to brasil next spring like he says he will so i can see rio. god i HOPE.#anyway. the weather is gray and gloomy today and im feeling a bit maudlin about it all#i hope everyone is well and i miss you all. im sorry for not answering the messages i have. things havent exactly been the easiest lately.#i love you all ♥️ and happy sunday#personal
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in other news i wish my mom listened to me for once in her life
#and it's like god its ungrateful i guess but i put what i did on the list because thats what i wanted for christmas#i didn't want her getting more than that??? yk???#if she had the money for fucking volumes 1-12 id rather have gotten something i wanted#i JUST had to update the list because the budget went down again and its like#each of those books is like 13 dollars#why the fuck would you spend like 100 dollars on that#she could have told me. she could have fuckin told me and I'd rather have put one of the things i had to take off back on the list#or like. god i told her to focus on the books if we didn't have enough money for the rest of things did she just get those ??? what the fuck#you know id know these things if she bothered TALKING TO ME#im going to be 18 in an undisclosed amount of years there is no christmas magic or surprises okay#she told me the budget i wrote things within the budget i did not want anything more than thay#i wrote exactly what i wanted how to order it on the list that was IT nothing more than that#and then she goes fucking off the budget and the list like what the fuck#i just fucking hate this and im being a brat and ungrateful okay im lucky i even get anything#im lucky she even thought about something like that#its just like if you had the money for this why didn't you just ask me what i wanted. and if you didn't and you wasted money on this despite#the entire fucking list within budget being there. what the fuck#im fuckinh sorry im just complaining#again im being ungrateful#its still fucking something#it couldve been nothing#aethers rants#cw vent#personal posts and stuff idk
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what’re you looking forward to the most at the ren faire?
jewelry for sure (i wear a lot regularly so im always looking for more pieces to add) but prices literally went up SO much. and it was so disgustingly busy. i got to see some shows tho which was another thing i was excited ab!!
#esp being a jewelry maker i know the prices were insane#like the jewelry quality wasnt good#ik exactly where they got some of those charms and supplies (considering that ive gotten some of them myself)#and the way they were priced was insane#and listen i get putting prices at what you deserve. again i am a jewelry maker and creative.#but over $75 for a stainless steel chain w a $11 charm is actually insane#and thats like all they were. were chains and a charm.#anyway sorry to rant but this is a topic im passionate ab lol#it also sucked bc there was like NO variety in the jewelry!! yet they were all different vendors#made no sense to me#anyway.#thanks for asking!!#asks answers
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sorry if this is out of the blue guys but i think my brain just decided to convert me to being an adachi stan
#snap chats#again technically speaking#ANYWAY NO LISTEN THIS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER AND IM SO VERY CONFUSED#i havent had a dream that wasnt a nightmare about my mom in like Ever and the one time i do has got to be. The Coziest Shit#ive only ever had like one or three rgg dreams and half of them Vaguely had aoki in it so this is the funniest curve ever#you will read my dream summary we are at a sleepover motherfucker#do i even remember exactly what happened NO i just remember being in a lobby with some other bitches#and one of them Other Bitches included adachi. im pretty nanba was also there? iunno cant remember piss#point is i just hung out with adachi for like 80% of the shit. oh my god no i remember ichiban was there#and this is a significant detail for a thing adachi said to me BECAUSE ichiban was there and vaervLKjve#FUNNIEST DREAM OF MY LIFE but also the coziest one but also mr adachi... can we hang out again:(#blaming the fact i had my kirby plush for this one since it's round and soft like he was </3#ok bye thats all i should be legally allowed to divulge bout my sicko dreams#it was just very funny waking up at the asscrack of dawn and being like Hang On....... What Was That.....#be yeah im an adachi stan now sorry team </3 maybe one day ill dream about one of my guys#tho i cant forget that period where i did just have ttm dreams for like. a week straight.... ok byebye fr now
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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utaformatix... save me..
utaformatix
save me utaformatix
#genuinely such a godsend that website#in the far off year of like. 2015 if you wanted to turn a vsqx into a ust and all you had was utau you had to fight for your life#but you can do anything now. any vpr. any vsq. any ust. any xml whatever. you can turn it into an svp or whatever your heart desires#IN SECONDS. AND THERES japanese lyrics conversion with romaji and kana and vice versa#so so awesome utaformatix if my best friend#im doing my playing on my computer with vocal synthesis instead of sleeping at 2am thing again and like#i decided to finally check out the new voicevox song pitch editing update#review: pitch editing rules. unfortunately it seems to have broken the pitch line display tho LOL#BUT not entirely. if you draw notes directly in the program its fine#i also tested out a musicxml file and it worked fine too#its JUST the ust importing is what im learning. theres an open issue on the github about the problem#it also only displays in pitch editing mode which im not sure is intentional or not. i think it is. im preferred it when it showed in both#modes personally like it was in the old update but thats okay either way. more important is the ust importing sitch#but i dont speak japanese so i dunno if i should mention something. id feel a little bad like hello. sorry im machine translating this#entire convo because i know exactly 1 kanji (hito.....looks like ^ but big...) but im doing the scientific method on your software at 2am#i'll figure out if and how to bring it up later. now i should sleep because i have a shift tomorrow which ive been ignoring <3
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Honestly at a bit of a crossroads IRT what Im doing with Lev, because like. I think what I needed from my urge to revisit my "demonkin" days and identity - god just got back from the Astral talking to Hermes about shit and I look around in my body and its just. all rain outside. it feels like everything including the air itself is drenched lmfao god ok
Credit where it's due - my twinflame @rikagora has really helped me on the digestion of impulses leading me this direction to figure out what I feel about the label "demon", we discussed it a while back but
ANYWAY. i think what I needed was to reconcile the apparently disjointed "I dont relate to anyone anymore like i did when I was open about my Soul Race" and "I just dont want to go back to saying im 'demonkin' because (many reasons but at the forefront was Cringe bc it was my teenage years)" into... "Man there really isnt any options for connecting with Lev and his people in their deeper and darker aspects other than having to do it through the lens of 'demon', which in itself I dont personally agree with as a term"
Like. I'll put it this way, I want to keep exploring and working with those energies but I am tired of christianity always having to be in the background whether its catholic aesthetics or rejection of God for Satan - or its just plain using the word demon. Demon isnt ONLY used by christians I get that, but the idea of using a word for his race that is anything other than a neutrality just isn't for me* - a neutrality as in I want a term that doesnt always have anything to do with god, rebellion, teaching/knowledge, "falling", or the race that i primarily refer to when I say "angel", or even hell or hierarchies or war or antagonism or anything like. I want to work with him in ways that dont have this expectation on him, because even when we say we're divorcing the word demon from christianity, in using the word we are still conjuring a stereotype of them.
The biblical and christian and even demon idea of a demon is... Not one race, its an identity, its a political label, in terms of spirit racism its a racist label lmfao and im not saying people cant reclaim it, Im not saying people arent allowed to use it, i AM saying though that.... Look. Me and Lev (depending on what side of him you get) both enjoy the roleplay aspect of "oh yes I'm a corrupting demon im so scary and dark and haunting" but beyond roleplaying with humans, theres just so little ways of getting in contact w the energy that the label "demon" tends to be attached to
Like I would argue when Lev comes to me as Poseidon he's closer to that than when he's Shiva, Poseidon energy is the deep dark sea and the roughness of it and the stern father and the Ruler and whatnot, it grows close to encompassing black of "Emperor Leviathan" but like. This is what I missed about demonolatry: the mask-off, encompassing and swallowing teacher, the black energies, the bottom of the ocean, the darkness not painted in the light of social rules, the tendency towards elevation and respect of the animal nature, the antagonising of light-and-purity-is-the-only-good mindsets, etc... Insert other personal things from my own "demonkin" memories....
I'm tired, to summarise, of thinking I have to go to demonolatry to get what I want because "demon" isn't a neutral term for a singular race, its an identity label used (rightly or wrongly) by many different people of many different races who agree and vibe and therefore identify with the concept of demonhood; in my opinion in a couple centuries we COULD get the word to a point where it has nothing to do with christianity and its working and on-paper definitions synchronise as simply "spirits of the race of the slowest moving plane" with nothing added about anything religious, but like... right now....
Again. I dont care if others use it. I just have needed to acknowledge that "demon" for me is a really.... For me and my relationship with Lev it's roleplay. We both have an instinct to spook people who are too uptight about shit and get in our face about it, and living this life mostly in a Catholic country and growing up in a catholic school has left a huge impact, I have always felt like Im an antagonistic force by sheer existence to the foundations of catholicism, but honestly... im really neutral towards it nowadays. Now that its not pushed on to me I dont need to push back
Ive sort of been at this point for a while now because... Like how when I came up against the rebirth (more so afterbirth) of the "demonkin" label I knew I had to just jump in to my expectations and familiar places for it to then take me where it needs to go, I need to jump into this new fast-approaching gateway of... I really, really enjoyed the idea of demonolatry religions. I dont know how I feel now, but thats a part of stepping into the gate
As some of you may know, I started making my own religion for personal use with Lev. Its heavily based around the things that I'd been trying to cram and squish into the label "demonic" for years, except now it doesnt have that label. Its raw, its gorey, its animalistic, but refined in the black and adorned in ritual clothing and acts and solemn words decorated with grandeur. Its what I need. I know this much, but I stumble here because I know this is just the start of the gateway.... I thought I had several more paragraphs to go in this text because i FELT them but no, here's where I stop
I guess then I leave it at yeah, I dont like the term demon honestly, I use it for a reason but the reason doesnt fit my work. Trying to fit Lev into it beyond him dancing around in it as a barely-realistic mask to send out certain energies... Just. not feasible, nor is it something I want to do because beyond the fact that he obviously has complex feelings towards it (in positive and self-identifying ways in this case) because its such a loaded term for someone like him. He likes loaded terms, he identifies with antagonistic demiurge-esque ideas of relationships between God/Brahman and him, but like. I just.
Im trying to find, dig up, wear, coax out an energy. People slap the label "demon" (or "eldritch" as a variation, they're similar though distinct) on that energy, im tired of using terms based in/related to christians saying These People Are Evil and uhhh Lovecraft existing
#i think the issue is. as twinflame has said. that people on slower planes than ours like Lev's dont come here as often bc it takes a lot of#energy to go Up. so people dont have like... its not like all these fae and elemental and nature energies and ''high vibrational beings''#and all these types of things its like uhhh we have on the slower spectrum uhhh. shadow people. demons. eldritch.........#and then ''parasites'' but thats so vague AS IF DEMONS AND ELDRITCH ARENT VAGUE BUT#either way i need to go again i was busy so im not. look. im distant. Hermes says HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiIiiii~#ramblings //#diary //#but lmfao i was answering my own gateway question as i started writing about us not coming 'up' here to this plane a lot as to#what exactly im supposed to be doing w lev ALSO. that thing about planes was really paraphrased and he knows more about that#so sorry if thats paraphrased into being incorrect
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