#im so very incredibly grateful to be alive

[mosstrades]

happy january 12, 2025. it's pacific rim day and designations is back up on ao3 and i feel like my heart is going supernova dude. im tearing up.

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[kdramastrix]

I have. Something to talk about and its very very VERY important.

We know that last scene of TDJ where its just PEAK yearning but can we PLEASE appreciate the micro-expressions that passed over both Yohan & Gaon's faces when they faced each other DIRECTLY after a MONTH (if im not wrong) of that whole blowing up fiasco + Yohan's arrest before that??????? Because my GOD.

So we see Gaon call Yohan by his Full Government Name™ (which wasn't very wise for a declared dead enemy of the state who is ALSO wanted but we'll let it pass for romanticisms' sake) and look at his face. His face is one of a scared man. He's not hesitant but he is afraid of how Yohan views him after what transpired between them.

In turn, Yohan looks back and well.

He is also somewhat apprehensive. They're both testing each other & the waters they're in. Although Yohan doesn't have a revenge vendetta shackling him down anymore, Gaon, on the other hand, has tremendous stuff to unpack. They're carefully, if not gently, evaluating the distance between them.

And then, Yohan gives a clear sign that he holds nothing against Gaon. An open arm, an open invitation. To join him? Maybe. To decide what to do with them? Perhaps. It's vague but it's also clear that Yohan is done manipulating Gaon & that he has left the ball in Gaon's court.

Then come the positive changes. With Yohan's green signal, Gaon is somewhat relieved but also incredibly guilt-ridden. I think these frames speak for themselves.

The wet smile & the eye crinkles. He is so relieved to be in Yohan's good graces but also just looking at Yohan be his ever glowing self after serving his life's purpose.

Yohan. My dearest Yohan. Look at him. He's equally heart-broken to be seeing Gaon like this, to be leaving him behind but that little nod he does???? Like he's made a decision that he needs to stick with for the betterment of Gaon???? That's what truly gets me. It's so clear the distance between them is hurting him but he also knows that it's necessary to give Gaon space & time, to unravel & to explore things on his own. Perhaps another assumption on his part because who truly knows what Gaon wants except Gaon himself?

Then it's a brief look exchanged. As he turns, giving Gaon one last reassuring smile as he turns and leaves behind one of the most important people to him.

And gaon watches. Look at his micro-expressions here. Look at his breathing. His sagging shoulders. His eyes. His wet smile. His balled hands. His tiny nods.

He also thinks this is necessary but you can so clearly see its taking every bit of nerve & fiber in him to stay rooted to his place & not chase after Yohan. He's DELIBERATELY not taking a single step towards Yohan. He thinks he doesn't deserve to chase after him, that hes content to see Yohan: alive, well and so utterly free. That's all that matters.

I would genuinely like to appreciate both jinyoung and jisung for their acting bcs they NAILED the raw emotions needed for this absolutely stunning yet gut wrenching scene. It's so difficult to convey such complex emotions through such little means yet they did it to PERFECTION. They both gave their characters LIFE. And for that i will always be grateful bcs i dont think anyone else could've done Kang Yohan and Kim Gaon the way they did.

[reggies-eyeliner]

OKAY AN EXTREMELY SELF-INDULGENT SENSELESS RAMBLE ABOUT JWCT REGARDING GRIEF AND EMOTIONS AND FOUND FAMILY AND COMPLEX CHARACTERS COMING UP AHEAD WOOP WOOP !!!

i cannot stress to you enough. how much i love the way they write processing trauma. like yeah trauma is all silly and angst and whatever but it's a real thing like genuinely and it's exhausting to see shows just dismiss it over and over again but THIS SHOW I SWEAR IT'S JUST. EVERYTHING IS DONE SO SO WELL AND I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL LIKE

and not to mention that the animation SERIOUSLY DOES IT JUSTICE like the expressions are SO GOOD OH MY GOSH LIKE IT'S I'M THEY'RE YEAH THE EXPRESSIONS. ARE INCREDIBLE. that looks darius got in his eyes when he KNEW the password to brooklyn's phone and kenji didn't??? so good SO GOOD and just the way their eyes all shine before they start crying is actually done so well that if you listen carefully you can feel my heart breaking

also i love how like emotional processing is also written so much. all of them aren't afraid to cry and i feel like that's just. yeah it's beautiful. they cry soft they cry loud whatever it is they're comfortable enough to do so and if they're not they at least know they won't be judged for it ARE YOU KIDDING ME I'M GOING TO BITE A TABLE?????

the characters have flaws. i love that so much. the characters are not perfect but they're still likable and it's executed so well. darius' grief is PALPABLE and kenji's anger, albeit sometimes annoying, is so understandable that you can't actually be angry or annoyed with him because the story writing makes you understand. that's incredible. yasmina struggles with anxiety and ptsd and she gets frustrated and that is !! okay !! sammy ignores her emotions and struggles with toxic positivity but we understand *why* she talks to yasmina that way (because she's worried and scared and concerned for her girlfriend, but she's also just as worried of truly addressing what she's been through) so it's so hard to get mad at her. ben is THANJ GOODNESS not mischaracterized as a cinnamon roll and is actually a complex character with complex emotions and i can't get enough of it. he's like a pain he's so annoying sometimes but it's endearing because he reminds you of that one classmate from elementary that makes you go ohhh yeah no it's him that's fine

okay paragraph was getting long but I do have more to say about kenji. the relationships in this show are executed SO WELL and I'm beyond relieved that Kenji and Daniel's relationship was written INCREDIBLY WELL

like. okay first off the asian rep YEAHGHH IT EAS GOOD !!! WOOP WOOP YRAHAHDH HONK HONK the part about kenji saying he should get his violin after daniel was like telling his sob story was SO FUNNY OH MH GOSH

and just. kenji and daniel kon. im. like his dad was never perfect. far from it and yet kenji just he loves him so much and wants to make him proud and it makes me sick because the writing helps you UNDERSTAND why

daniel keeps giving kenji ultimatums and kenji standing up to him for once just. yeah. that was done incredibly well. and then not even ten minutes after daniel started to change and gave his son something without expecting anything in return other than his presence daniel gets eaten alive in front of him.

okay now this show holy moly i was NOT expecting daniel to just. get ripped apart but um YEAH THAT HAPPENED and the grief was written so well I cannot stress this enough. I loathe in movies and shows when they skim past traumatic deaths and just act like the grief is just non existent and this show does an incredible job at showing that it is VERY MUCH STILL THERE and it makes people out there who are struggling feel a little less crazy and that's so beautiful

i've been a benrius enthusiast since day one and honestly at this point i just hope everything goes well for them moving on. brooklyn's death and Darius coping with her grief was done SO SO WELL and honestly okay as much as i love sibling-type dinostar i think rewatching scenes with the lens that he was in love with her just makes it hurt so much and it's just. yeah. it's written well.

I will say that I think the story could have gone on without Darius confessing his love to Brooklyn, and the scene where Kenji asked Darius about the voicemails could have been used solely as a chance to highlight grief. another way the scene could have gone was if kenji sifted through the voicemails and just heard Darius's voice shatter in a way he's never quite heard it or listened to darius blame himself and that could have been a moment for kenji to realize that grief isn't something people should deal with alone, that *he* shouldn't deal with grief alone

regardless i really do think the idea that Darius was in love with Brooklyn was done really well. I don't know a better way for kenji to have figured out the truth, and for that I am grateful :D!! I hope the hardcore shippers don't get too mad though 😭

also I absolutely loved the lady with the whistle. she's cool. her character design is terrifying and the way she treats the dinosaurs reminds me a of a queen that is very fond of her workers like 😭 she's cool but also i would never want her within a 100 mile radius of me

the found family in this show is actually. yeah. it makes me cry because it's just done so well because it doesn't idealize perfect relationships. there are awkward moments, there are sad moments, characters still feel broken and alone despite having people who've actively said that they'd go to the moon and back for them. it's realistic and it's written beautifully

I think Darius might actually be the character with The Writing ever. his grief and his nostalgia, his awkwardness and fascination with learning and his kindness are all things that exist together and I am so so grateful for that. he's allowed to laugh and make jokes while feeling constant, looming guilt. he is fascinated with learning while also struggling to feel like he deserves to be happy, he enjoys learning about dinosaurs while also being terrified of them on the worst days. he feels guilty and feels like a bad person. but he's loved and he's cared for. can you tell he's my favorite now because

enamored with yasmina and sammy as always. they are just the girlfriends ever and i love so much how openly they communicate with each other. sammy apologizes when she makes mistakes, yasmina doesn't hold it against her. they're always at each other's sides and their love isn't conditional. i love them SO MUCH

okay sorry im making this about darius again but this guy actually is The character ever. I don't think I've ever felt so seen in a character and i just yeah the writers are incredible because all of the characters are written to feel relatable, and if not that, to feel real. it was just a huge comfort to me to know that okay im not crazy for feeling this way because of a character, who was written and animated by dozens and dozens of creators was allowed to be written this way, i'm not messed up in the head, im just processing emotions and it's okay that I need help for that

THIS SOUNDS SO CRINGE I AM SO SORRY

but yeah i. i love this show.

[shiftx]

enjoy the journey

I say this very often because I think its incredibly important. If you always look ahead, you will never enjoy the present moment, and what's the point of going on a journey only to reach a certain destination? It’s like watching a movie or a show—you're excited to see the ending, but when it finishes, you're disappointed because you'll never get to experience it for the first time again. The same goes with a book or a certain experience. This can also relate to shifting or manifesting, or in general working towards your dream life.

Everyone is always in a rush. We are never in the present moment. We need to learn to be in the present moment and enjoy every step of the way before its to late. Yes, the destination will be amazing, but so is the journey, and you will never enjoy it if you are always looking in the past or future; you need to be present. The past and the future are just illusions; they aren't truely real. The only thing that is truly real is the experience you are in right now. the present.

Im not saying that you can't be excited for the destination; however, use that destination to fuel you for the journey while also enjoying the journey, not just to get it over and done with. We are alive, and we have to be so grateful for every little thing in our lives, because as much as sometimes the journey may suck and it may be hard, we always get through it. So right now, give yourself a hug, and remember that you have gotten yourself through so much already, and you will get to your destination, but enjoy the experience you are currently going through, not for anyone else's sake, but for your own, because you deserve to see the good in little things, you deserve to see love even if its only within yourself, you deserve to look around and realise that happiness exists, and you deserve all of it and more.

[biscuitboba]

Thinking about the way kuma said that zoro could've frickin died at that time (in thriller bark) from receiving luffy's pain, kuma literally said "you will die", but he didn't. Which is actually kind of like a miracle itself.

Like, zoro should be grateful that he is even still alive?? i think that alone is already an incredible achievement???, but then, later (several days?) after he woke up, he said "we've grown a lot since that time", with a smile. In front of his crew.

BUT not long after that, when he was all alone, as zoro continued with his training, he said "i must become stronger!! im still too weak...!!!"

You were strong enough to endure your captain's pain and live zoro... like what makes you think that you are still far too weak?? Earlier you even said something along the lines 'we have grown a lot' no??

When he said "im still too weak" I think what he actually meant was that he still feels too weak. Too weak to keep his captain for getting hurt. Not strong enough to keep luffy from experiencing incredible pain. Like we all know something was different (changing) about zoro after experiencing luffy's pain.

His first expression towards luffy after waking up post thriller bark was actually this one: a smile, a soft one. (Idk, but i just think it's kinda sweet, especially after what he did in thriller bark for luffy's sake)

Also i think it's safe to say that his protective side towards luffy kinda increased (sightly?) after thriller bark incident. Exhibit A:

Emphasizing again but, i just think that after thriller bark.. there was a very subtle change within zoro, right after the incident, that i can't put into words.

And after the whole marineford accident, in Kuraigana Island we get the definitive proof of how getting stronger for luffy is very important for zoro, even more than his own pride...

In post-TS you can even see more of zoro's protective side for luffy (im talking about punk hazard or wano)

All im saying is that post-TS zoro is the accumulation of what happened to him in thriller bark + what happened to luffy in marineford + the 2 years of training under mihawk.

I just think that he cares so soo much about his captain...

And God can't stop thinking about these panels

Oda will you let luffy know about zoro's sacrifice someday??

[quackity1999]

[ OOC: OK while im waiting on erets reply I WANNA SAY A BIG THANKS because holy shit i only started this blog like. eeearly november, i think? and yes ive been on tumblr since 2016 LMAO numbers dont matter here nor will they ever but. Still.

for all the people who have taken the time to read thru my blog and click links and figure out my convoluted ways of managing interactions and writing quackity, i am. incredibly fucking grateful. you're a real one for ur dedication and i hope you stick around a while <3

for all the folks who send asks: i literally could not have gotten here without you. and i'm talking facts there bc anons & asks are what keeps this whole experience going!! so. major thank you for keeping my blog alive :) the anons who work and send updates, the anons who piss q off, the anons who provide opportunities for lore / information, the anons who push his buttons or tell him terrifyingly painful truths, the anons who hold his hand through panic, the anons who shittalk LN, the anons who stay curious, the anons who just wanna poke fun and tell q about their day, i appreciate u all so fucking much (i still think abt the strawpants beef inside joke way too much. chefs kiss)

i'll write a full on essay once i hit 200 (with special shoutouts to very very cool people. im such a lucky bastard to know u all) and i hope i continue to write quackity for months and years to come.

LAS NEVADAS 4EVA BABY ‼️‼️ ]

[stafyliaa]

"Miles it's me!"

Prowler!Miles x Spiderhero!Reader (gender neutral)

cw: angst,Jeff being funny,mentions of Jeff death (sorry it's earth 42 😭),tears,no comfort (maybe there will be on part two) "betrayal" and a big misunderstanding

Hii! This is my first time writing hehehe give me a chance and please be nice :D im gonna do a ending to this fic but it's gonna take a while

I'm more than happy to write requests so don't be shy!!

You are Miles lover..but you are also the friendly neighborhood Spider hero! While Miles is the Prowler! And the worst..you both didn't know that

But you never thought Prowler was a bad guy,he actually helped people too but- he kinda hates you for some reason

maybe he was jealous of the amount of popularity you have and how you are incredible strong and how your suit was soooo pretty so yeah,who cares about Prowler anyways? He's a douchebag

As for Miles..He is the best!!

He looks like he is trying to poop everytime with that "scary" face of him but he is really sweet and respectful boy

he respects your space and supports your decisions,he is great with gifts (handmade or purchased) and never fails to make you feel especial regardless of anything ♡

You were great friends with his family too! They love you! But, something happened

His dad was captain Morales,he passed away doing his job..being a hero without spider powers or something like that yeah good guy

You remembered that when he was alive he didn't liked the ideia of a masked hero around (another jealous man),but after some events you kinda "worked together" to protect the peace at the city

The Spiderhero and captain Morales protecting our dear Brooklyn! couldn't get better

he enjoyed talking about his son and you can't deny it was fun to see what Miles was like from his father's point of view

"My boy has a beautiful significant other,i consider them as my own child! You know? Don't tell anybody but i kinda get jealous on how much of attention my wife put on them cause like,does she like them more then me?!! That's unacceptable hmfp"

Yeah and things like that was really fun too

But that day you couldn't saved him

You tried.. But unfortunately it didn't worked

Miles was devastated..you felt so guilty every day for not being able to save his dad but you always comforted him whenever he need it and he is very grateful for that

If you thought you were nobody under your hero mask you are sorely mistaken! You are everything to Miles,you are his hero

it's been sometime since that happened and everything seems to be okay

Until now

It was a random night you were patrolling the city when you ended up realizing that you were close to where Miles lived

It wouldn't hurt anyone to take a look would it?

But the last thing you expected to see was this

And this i mean

Prowler on the rooftop at Miles building

[•••]

What if he is planning to hurt Miles? You couldn't let that happen, could you?

You were ready to attack him sneakily but his mask came off

Curious to know who your unbearably annoying enemy is you decided to wait a while

Then..you saw him!Miles Morales was the Prowler,and he wasn't alone..Aaron was with him

You were surprised! Who wouldn't tbh

You decided to stay a little longer to see what he is going to do:

- Miles..we will finally catch that spider,i can feel it.- said Aaron

- Yeah,i can't wait for that Tio (uncle) Aaron

You noticed that Aaron seemed to be hesitant to tell Miles something,then he said:

- Look Miles,they.. could be anyone -you thought to yourself "does he know I'm the spider hero!?-

- What are you trying to say?

- I'm trying to say that - he hesitates one more time - don't forget why we are doing all this ok? Mi hermano (my brother) ..Your dad, está muerto (is dead) because that "hero" couldn't save him,they saved everyone but couldn't bother to save him and - Before Aaron could say more Miles interrupt him

- I know tio,don't worry - his mask returns to his face - esta noche(tonight)..I'm gonna kill that spider

You know what he said

You know what he is planning to do

Miles..the boy you love

Is going to kill you

[•••]

You are on the edge of the building

The only thing keeping you from falling is Prowler

He got his claws ready to kill you

Your heart is beating fast

"I don't want to die! I can't die yet! I don't want to get killed by him! Miles please!"you thought:

- Who are you?

- I... - he moves his claws closer to your face

With his claws he slowly takes off your mask

When he took the mask off you ,tears rolled down from your eyes

That look of fear and your watery eyes

Made Miles heart break

"This wasn't supposed to happen"

Miles thought

"Why is this happening?":

- Miles.. - you said whispering looking at him

Miles is feeling a lot of emotions

He is scared

He is angry

He is confused

And he is sad

Miles face is revealed

You see a tear fall down from his eye:

- Amor.. - you can hear by his voice that he is hurt

He don't want to do this,he can't do this!

But still

Miles doesn't let go of you:

- Miles..look i know why you are doing this! And i swear my love i really tried to save him!

"My love" he loves when you call him that,you always call him with so full of love on your voice that always make he feels warm

But is he feeling warm now that you are calling him? With so much despair trying to prove your point?

He close his eyes for a second and looked away as if he was trying to ignore you:

- Please! The fact that i couldn't save him still hunts me..Look at me Miles

He looked at you

More tears fall down from your eyes:

- The hardest thing about this job is that you can't save everybody..It took me a while to accept this but it's the truth

It took a while to accept this? That made Miles wonders if you even asked to be a hero at all

He loosens his grip a little

You wanted to tell him everything

How much it hurts you to be a hero

But you keep it to yourself:

- I know it hurts Miles,i know you want to kill me but please..Those people - you you looked around - they need me..let me do for them what i couldn't do for you

He moves his claws close to your face

You look deep into his eyes and said:

-Please..if you find a little sympathy in your heart.. forgive me for everything- you said honestly - I love you Miles

you shut your eyes and...

[•••]

Please be patient cause this fanfic will have a ending!! Thank you for reading ♡

[hymnsofheresy]

hey, i hope you’re doing okay. just wanted to let you know how much of a meaning your presence has had to me over the years, you were the first christian I ever encountered who embodied gods love&life in a way that felt truly alive&free. ik things are tough from time to time&online presence probably feels like very little,but just wanted to thank you for being you & doing what you do. youve helped my relationship with god&the world, and also helped me to take hold of&reinterpret xnity in a more constructive&loving towards/within the world way compared with what I grew up under (im completing a philosophy&theo degree soon lol). i pray that you&your loved ones stay well in mind, soul&body <3 also, if it’s not too much trouble, could I ask for prayer for a friend of mine who’s been struggling with depression&suicidality for a while? unfortunately psychotherapeutic&pharmaceutical interventions have stopped working for her& I’d appreciate any extra prayer.

god bless you & have a wonderful day!

You are so kind. Your words are so very precious to me. My loved ones and I have gone through heartache recently but are slowly healing. I am so incredibly grateful for your prayers.

Of course I will pray for your beloved friend. Depression is a very frightening experience personally and communally. I pray that your friend finds the hope that she needs during this time. And I pray that you are also comforted as well.

[xrafstar]

years and years ago, when i was just beginning to truly exist, i discovered With Those We Love Alive (i believe when i was around 15, so 2015, though my memory is quite poor so its hard to say exactly) through means that i cannot exactly remember

it was the most memorable, touching, and impactful game id played in my life, and it remains dear to my heart to this very day- ive replayed it dozens of times over, the most recent of which being just this month when i sat down to show it to my wife for the first time

it influenced me greatly, especially in my own writing; when i first played it, it felt like i was opening my eyes to an entirely new spectrum of creation, i had no idea it was even possible to spin words together in such a mesmerizing and interesting way, and i wanted to hone that skill in my own ways

near the beginning of this year, i came to the realization that you have many, many other works, and i felt quite silly for never even thinking to keep up with your pages to see what else you may offer

anyway, as luck would have it, the interests i gained in the 8 or so years between discovering that game and your other works align damn near perfectly with much of the stuff you've made since- i am now falling endlessly down the rabbit hole of your creative endeavors, and i have no wish in the world to stop, because i am just over the moon delighted that you have more works you've chosen to share with the world

in a strange sort of way, it feels like coming home (if home were quite otherworldly and covered in a layer of viscera), especially considering this year i will be 25; for nearly ten years, your words and your name has stuck with me, clinging to the reaches of my mind, always there even if momentarily out of sight

apologies for the wordy message, i just wanted to properly express both my gratitude and the extent to which your fiction has moved me, shaped me into the artist and person i am today

thank you so much for existing and choosing to share your creativity with us <3

emotional!!

i’m so grateful to be able to move through time with others and share things for that long. I was never able to conceptualize more than a day or an hour at a time back then, so it really means a lot to me when you say that. i’ve been growing so much too, since i started writing around your age. and i want to as long as i can.

eheheh im glad your interests are in cosmic alignment…yes…embrace bugworld…embrace boy violence...embrace xrafstar…!!!!

this is such an incredibly sweet and comforting message

thank you 💜

[wexhappyxfew]

Okay Shannon, last night I was headed to bed and BAM Kennedy and Bucky thoughts in my brain. Your writing is so good it’s always on my mind.

But anyway, I was thinking about Kennedy and Bucky as the camps start to get to Bucky. Is Kennedy able to keep him grounded? Does she notice it getting to him and help him process? I just feel like having someone there for him in the camps would have really helped. Also having someone to look after would have given him “a job” sort of.

And SECONDLY, I don’t know what you are planning for the forced march or the escape attempt, but I can’t wait to see the girls with them on the March. I just know protective Bucky (and Brady) are going to be full force.

I just had to pop in and share these thoughts lol. Have a beautiful day!

-☀️

HI SUNSHINE ANON!!!!! 🥹🫶 please know i saw this message earlier and was absolutely letting it marinate in my brain and so i am now incredibly excited to respond! 🥰

HONORED TO KNOW THE KENNEDY X BUCKY THOUGHTS LINGERED A BIT BEFORE SLEEP! 🫡🫡🫡🫡 massive massive honor in my eyes haha!!!! thank you for the writing compliments as well omg! 🥺 that means so much to me truly!! :D

under the cut so plz enjoy my rambles <3

To answer your first question - something I ALWAYS think about and ponder on when I have some mindless things and tasks to do - (1) I would definitely say Kennedy does keep Bucky grounded (in an upcoming prompt with Bucky’s POV we explore that aspect a bit more actually yay!). But Kennedy definitely does, and in some ways, Bucky almost doesn’t notice in, it’s so subtle. But from the time she shows up, he realizes that she’s such a calming and equally comforting presence for him. Probably because she’s confident, a loyal and absolutely incredible friend, and someone who can hold her own. And he admires that about her. A. LOT. It also makes him want to protect her.

SO. Having that *want* to care for and protect someone who he cares for (and slowly realizes - oh wow I think I love her like that too???) really keeps him grounded and going at the end of the day. I really like the take you have of just having someone there to care for and protect and love. For me, you can really see how love (all sorts of love, friendship, family, romantic, platonic, etc….) transcends war. Even though war will always be the horror it is, to get through it, people turn to love. And that’s really what we see here with Kennedy and Bucky and I think it’s quite beautiful :)

I think also Bucky having the want and responsibility to care for someone, mainly the boys and Silver Bullets girls, especially Kennedy, makes him want to stay alive. Because we’ve seen Kennedy begin to take notice a bit (and in this upcoming prompt I touch on it a bit more too!), and so Bucky feeling the need to be safe for her and protect her, really plays a big part in grounding him there altogether 😭

AND TO YOUR NEXT PART …… I have absolutely given some thought and time into the march!!! You know me too well haha! Definitely because it is a major and important part and we have a lot of these very human aspects that come out in this specific series of events - the human want to survive and live, caring for your friends and your allies, the want to keep your crew and your people safe. OH THERE IS A TON AT PLAY HERE!!!!!!!

Don’t even get me started on Protective Bucky and Protective Brady !!!!!!!!! LIKE! Those two are about to be so insanely protective towards their crew and the Silver Bullets, I can see it now!!! IM ALREADY SCREAMING PLEASE KNOW!!!!!!!!! 😭

sunshine anon, your thoughts and ideas and takes absolutely brighten my day and i’m always so happy when you and the others want to share! i always welcome it and always always always enjoy it!!!! :) knowing how much people take interest and want to know more and see more with the characters — it just means so much to me and i’m always so grateful!!! <33333 THANK YOU FOR THE KENNEDY AND BUCKY LOVE! THEYLL FIGURE THEMSELVES OUT I PROMISE!!!!!!!!

[godblessyoublackemperor]

cw suicide/other stuff probably

i was kind of avoiding making any kind of new year reflection because honestly a lot of this year has been very hard & sad and culminated in a full blown suicide attempt, and having to move in my dad/away from cham ana & tink as a result.

a significant portion of my friend group also disowned me following said suicide attempt, which is something i still don't understand, and i will be grieving those friendships for a long time.

me and cham are generally in a better place but spending any amount of time in worcester still fills me with anxiety & dread (not really bc of cham, more a general Returning to Warzone vibe) so we're taking things slow, going to couples counselling, and meeting up on neutral ground in towns halfway between us.

i think if ive learned anything this year its that you can be incredibly careful to be liked and be useful and be valued, and do your best not to drive people away, but ultimately if people want to find reasons to write you off they will and that's fully out of your control. which i guess is liberating in a sense, but also feels very bleak in another.

ive also learned in spite of all my anxieties, im incredibly strong and resilient and adaptable, even in the face of all my worst fears coming true

im incredibly grateful to people who have stuck around, and people who ive grown closer to in the aftermath. im grateful to my family for rallying round me, and especially to my dad for providing a safe haven to recover. im grateful perhaps most of all to cham for seeing something in me worth perservering

i have no idea whats going to happen even in the short term but i guess fundamentally im still alive, and still want to be.

[possamble]

Do you have any songs you associate with the group and or a particular DunMeshi character? I have a few I associate with Laios and Kabru (mostly Hozier tbh) but been having a harder time for Falin, Marcille, and even Thistle.

the way this launched me into a day long project of making playlists lmfao

This one I haven't curated super well, but I think i put it in a general progression that makes sense. Unfortunately I have a very small range of music that I listen to so Falin just turned into my millionth Sara Bareilles/Ingrid Michaelson themed girlie LMAO

Highlights on this playlist for me:

"Let the Rain" is just an entire mood for post-canon Falin I think. the line that hits the hardest about her for me is "and I always felt it before, that the world was filled with much more than the drowning soul I've learned to be."

"Twenty-three" i know i know i know it's kpop and no one's gonna get the lyrics but I couldn't not put it on the list. it's literally about being 23 and not knowing what kind of "woman" you want to become and still feeling like you want to be a kid a little bit and wanting to be understood but knowing that you don't even understand yourself and feeling like you're running out of time because you're firmly in your 20's now

"Secrets" i know is incredibly personal to Mary Lambert but most of the lyrics really fit and that like... intensely joyful self expression is just so delightful and lovely and what i want for Falin in the post-canon.

"I Am Here" to me, is just the ultimate celebration of being alive, of being joyful and grateful and happy that you're a messy animal that can laugh and hurt. I think Falin would cherish being half-monster, the fact that it gave her a second chance at choosing to be alive rather than sacrificing herself for others and letting that be her entire story, and the freedom it gives her to keep living.

you have to promise not to judge me on this one. you have to. yes i went ahead and curated an entire playlist that has okay-ish transitions/flow between songs and thematically follows Marcille's journey through the story. i also put a bit of kpop on it but it FITS okay she's a girly girl!!!!

It's rough. it's really really rough right now and i'll probably come back to it but the concrete songs i was trying to build around are like...

"What is Love?" it's literally just a girly girl song about wondering what love might feel like. complete with daydreaming about romantic stories and hoping all that wonderfulness will happen to you.

"Men of Snow" okay i know it's Ingrid Michaelson again but hear me out. this song is so fucking heartbreaking. it can be taken in different ways but if you put in Marcille's context it's gutting. it's a song about mortality and the impermanence of everything set to an almost cutesy waltz-beat piano accompaniment.

"Que Sera, Sera" self-explanatory, I think. im lucky this cover is on spotify because it's such a perfect song for encapsulating the entire sequence where Marcille decides to become the dungeon lord. (the second iteration at the end of the playlist is happier, taking the happy and calm interpretation of "what will be, will be", and also includes the second verse about a "sweetheart")

"What Sarah Said" it's a song about being in the ICU waiting for news about a loved one while suddenly realizing that there's nothing you can do. i think almost every line in this song guts me about Marcille, picturing her waiting for Falin to wake up the second time. (it's also my very pretentious attempt at tying the playlist together by answering the earlier question. What is love? "Love is watching someone die.")

"The Last Snowfall" is just. Vienna Teng has been my favourite artist since I was fifteen and part of it is that she has this incredibly beautiful way of leaving lyrics impactful but ambiguous. This song isn't about being afraid of losing someone but miraculously getting a happy ending, it's just an exploration of that fear with a "what if" built in, and I just think it's such a good way of capturing how Marcille was prepared to lose Falin and that was so important, almost even more important than the fact that it ended up being a happy ending anyway. also I wish i could have put in the live version because it's insane

For Thistle the only recommendation I have is Bird Song by Florence and the Machine it's wonderfully eerie, i literally think it's the best musical depiction of that specific kind of guilty murderer anxiety of "the telltale heart" from edgar allan poe

[loveackermannn]

update 4/1/24

hello,,

it's been so fucking long since i've posted, about 4 months??? and i am here alive and (kinda) well LOL

i have missed you all so much and while i have still been active in interacting with posts, i have honestly lost my spark in writing. i hate to sound like another blog that is leaving completely after having not posted for months with no explanation, but it sucks to say that's its come down to that.

i have enjoyed my time on here for the past 3 years or so that i've been on this platform, but like most things – sometimes, we grow out of it at some point. i'm happy to say that i truly enjoyed writing for my comfort character (still is ><) but now is the time where i've grown up and am redirecting my energy to other aspects of my life.

the works i have created over the course of building my blog was so fulfilling and i had found such a wonderful outlet to express my creativity. it's also given me a space to interact with you all!!

to my mooties, anons and users:

i am beyond grateful for the support and encouragement throughout the years. every person i have met on here has been so sweet and patient i cannot thank you enough < 3 being moots with some of my top inspirations blew my mind at first because i really look up to them!!! it's hard to tag them all without forgetting some, but just know a lot of my moots are the reason i started my own blog to write for levi in the first place!!

it also baffles me that people STILL engage with posts that have been long passed and buried deep in my blog. it makes me incredibly happy that you guys enjoy the works i have put out and have continued to show that support, thank you a million times!!!

as for where im at right now, i do not see myself committing to writing for this blog anymore. however, all my works can still be found untouched, in my masterlist :D. everything will remain the same as it was! i will still be on tumblr, casually reading and interacting with posts (since it's honestly just a way for me to unwind), so my messages are still very much open!

as for my inbox, you guys can of course send in anything that is not pertaining to a request!!! casual messages and such can still be sent, we can all keep in touch :)

again, thank you all for everything and i will still remain here to catch up with you guys!!

muah xo

- cha < 3

[quags1re]

Hi hi! 👀

I just wanted to drop by and say: I’m one of your OG readers. Bookmarked godspeed exactly eight days after you first posted it, and I even remember clicking on that link for the very first time! I still go back every few months to reread godspeed because it’s THE premier FE3H fic to me. I think of Fire Emblem and I think of godspeed! It’s truly one of my favorite fics, and I’m so incredibly grateful that I can reread your work like this.

Sorry, I think I got carried away. But what I wanted to get down to say is… don’t worry about how much time passes! Godspeed is perfect as is, and if one day you come back to it, well, you’ll have a lot of very happy readers. :)

JUST SAW THIS AAAAA SORRY IM SORRY

okay well first of all i always say this but gosh you guys are so kind to me idk what to even do ehshddhdh

thank you for reading godspeed seriously and thank you for loving it. it actually means the world to me. and thank u for being so kind. and also thank u for being you, and for being alive, and for everything else

mwah mwah mwah. mwah.

[jils-things]

happy new year! ; my farewell letter to 2023.

last year, ive written a similar farewell letter to 2022 and i want to make this a little tradition - so here's my second one <3

okay, so - wow. first of all, just wow.

this might be incredibly bold to say, but i think this has been my best year to be alive (i promise you i do not want to sound corny about it, but i really think 2023 was amazing for me.) of course, many things happened. im at my last year of senior high before i go to college, which is very scary but i hope i can be brave for it. school has been actually very generous to me recently, despite a few minor setbacks that looked very major when i was going through it, but overall it was very generous to me. but irl rambling is boring, so let's talk about my selfshipping blog!

last year, i had a verrrry firm grip on a previous f/o that im 100% sure old followers know - though im a little sad I can't find that spark to focus on him again - the shift in media has helped me find new f/os that i can say has been incredibly memorable to me. as we all know, im in a very INSANE pokemon brainrot since november or october(?) of 2022 and it has still remained heavily active in my head right now - which i honestly didn't even know i had the full capacity of doing! I don't know what magic this game did to me but i promise you im so happy i revisited this game again.

i would talk about how grateful i am to everyone has been supportive and sweet about my romantic f/os but i think the best highlight of my blog is my newfound love for my familial f/os - before that, i never had a single one on my list because i was simply quite disconnected to the family love concept, but after indulging myself in pokemon - i would come to discover pokemon adve.ntures, or poke.spe for short hehe. i have so many fond memories of finding myself wanting to read more and MORE - i would have every chapter downloaded beforehand just so that i can read it in my spare time, not even school that demanded my attention would stop me from sneaking my phone to quickly read through the manga LMAOO - but consuming the media itself wasn't enough, i needed people to understand the ROLLERCOASTER of emotions i had while reading and well, i think its very clear who those people were, the ones who came to save my miserable ass from (insert shocking scene in poke.spe) AHSJHSHSJSJS you know who you are and i appreciate you forever and they - i kid you not, helped me create something wonderful!

but of course, the video games were just as amazing. would you believe me if i told you i played gens 1 to 7 in one year? that's how much i adore the game and i still have yet to catch up to other games like the spin offs :] im not sure how to end this statement but. im so happy appleshipping and memoryshipping exists 🥹 i usually don't like thinking that they'll be with me forever because i believe nothing lasts for eternity but i just wanna say that they were just ... im just so contented 🥹 again, all of this actually would not have been so impactful to me if it weren't for my awesome mutuals hearing me out about it and supplying me with even more ideas - these mutuals would also end up becoming such loving friends of mine that helped me get out of my comfort zone and im still happy they're around (hi guys!) 💚

oh! and, what a surprise, i never thought id have an oc f/o! i initially thought that this was so impossible to do but?!??;?! it just happened i guess!!!! i keep surprising myself this year 😭

ok now here's the obligatory art summary for the year 💥

literally the best thing i ever done with my art is try using csp and it actually really helped me change the way i draw, and i even managed to cross out a few items in my last year's resolution thanks to it! i still bounce between using ibispaint and csp but i certainly improved!

the last thing im forever grateful about are the people who has been consistently supportive of my art - especially the commissions, i can't stress it enough how much it has helped me outside and it allowed me to go beyond my comfort zone when it comes to my drawing skills :']] thank you all so much

and finally, big thank you to everyone who sent me nice letters to my tree 🥹💚 its a gentle reminder that im actually ... pretty cool ig 🥹 and if you didn't send one, that's also ok!! you're still cool for reading this mwamwa

again im so bad at ending posts like these but cheers to a new year and let's hope it'll be better for everyone. 💚🫡 goodbye 2023!