#im so tired of being alone
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I'm so fucking tired man. I'm tired of feeling like a joke. Like an outcast. Like I'm just a burden to make fun of. It doubly hurts bc I've been trying so hard to make friends with my cis male coworkers and I'm always just...othered. Like it's proof that I'll never be a real man. I'm just that weirdo who pretends to be one
#im just so fucking depressed and i cant put up with this work bullshit anymore#im so tired of being alone
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I hate being autistic, I don't know how other autistic people say they're proud of being autistic. like im happy for you but god I fucking hate it.
I can never unmask around strangers because I know how society will treat me. I just wish I could just be a happy allistic girlie who has friends.
#after being alive for 22 almost 23 years im tired of society treating me differently#if there was a cure for autism i would take it!!!!#i just want to be loved!!!!!!#im so fucking tired of being alone!!!!!!#i want friends!!!!!!#i want in depth realtionships with people!!!!!#im so tired of being alone#my 23 birthday is coming up soon i hate it!!!#i thought i would have friends by now and people who truly understand me#thats all i ever wanted#i fucking hate it here#tw abelism#vent#personal#all i ever wanted as a child was friends and child me would be sobbing by the fact that we still dont have any
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I hate that I have the most toxic little asshole living in my brain. They're cruel and rude and insecure and possessive and so so so goddamn unhelpful whenever something emotionally upsetting happens, and I HATE that I can't always shut them up or squish them down.
Maybe it's just my inner teen wanting so badly to be heard, to hurt people the way I'm hurting. That teen who was used and mocked and absolutely never someone's first option. The one that was sexualized but never desired, was demanded time from but never appreciated when they were there, who gave everything and was stabbed in the back for it. Maybe they're protecting the little girl child thing that was also ignored or overlooked.
Or maybe I just want to be someone's first pick?
Why do I have to always come second or third best? Never anyone's priority? Ask intimacy of me, ask understanding and patience and passion and attention and desire from me, but never commit to me, never look me in the eye and say you want me and only me.
Is it so wrong to want someone to just stand up and say they want me and only me? To not be just the backup, or the spare?
Why am I not good enough?!
#vent#ive had so many conflicting emotions lately#today literally isnt about me#and yet I'm feeling so goddamn bad#im just so tired#tired of just wanting someone to say#yes#there you are#you are my person#you're all i want#im so tired of being alone#im not difficult to get along with!#im patient and I try so hard to be kind#i enjoy jokes and laughing#im low matinence#i'm more than willing to perform in bed#i dont have many nasty habits#i work#i can cook#i enjoy fashion#I don't think I'm hidious#why#why am i not enough#why am i never enough#im so tired
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i can take a hint i'm just going to take my sleep cough meds and hopefully pass out soon so i don't have to think or feel anything
#im sick and i need a friend i need someone to help distract me but im always by myself ultimately#im so tired of being alone
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#toby's daily rambles#vent#im so tired of being alone#i know i have friends and my partner anf his mom has even accepted me as her kid#but its not the same#i know im just idolizing the past and the few good memories there are#but my family used to care about each other#we used to be a family#and its not fair that thays been taken away#everyone around me talks about their family all the time even if their relationship isnt good#but its just me#theres no despite all of it we are still family here#they just only care about being dicks to each other and this stupid drama
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guys. guys. guys giys guys guys guys guys giys giys guys guys
#i think im having a panic attack#why am i all alone#im so tired of being alone#im.so.scarrd if i go anything ill miss out on something#i cant afford to be alone anymore so i must stay in my room and wait for my promce charming#i must wait i must wait i kust i must i misi must#google how do you make friends#google how do i stop being alone#for context i had bronchitis#and i kept telling peopek college was going to be different i was going to be my best self. but im all alone#i want to eat but what if my friends.are goung to.get food later#does it matter i have an ear infection i cant hear anything am i missing my chance am i cursing myself to forever isolation
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I think i really need a cat
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#chaos journal#im so tired of being alone#but i cant let anyone in#never again#im just so tired#personal
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cacti in my stomach
whispers of something greater, more
in the oppressive night air
talking back and forth,
do you think we could make it?
#algaelove#once again a poem for someone i care aboit deeply#a love poem of sorts#not of sorts#its literally a love poem#oh my god#poetry#poets corner#poetblr#poetscommunity#my poetry#poets on tumblr#original poem#ughhhhh#i wish things were different#i wish we could have been more#but i know it means nothing#god what am i doing#im so tired of being alone
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I be checking my phone like I mean something to someone
馃槀silly fucking me 馃槀
#actually mentally ill#depressing shit#kinda depressing#mentally fucked#mentally tired#suic1de#this is depressing#tw depressing stuff#discusting#dying inside#self h4te#self half#sadnees#sorry for being depressing#im so tired#sadgirl#sad thoughts#im fat and ugly#always alone#feeling alone#alone with my thoughts#alone in the dark#menatl health#mentally exhausted#mentally unstable#mental illness#mental health#idiot#im hurtin#im dying
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*goes to college to make friends*
*does not make friends*
*transfers colleges*
*all classes for summer semester are online*
*hello isolation*
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"oh just wait youll find someone one day"
ya no. im 24. im not gonna find anyone ever. im lucky if i can get a fucking friend. ill just stay alone forever.
"jUsT wAiT yOuLl FiNd SoMeOnE oNe DaY"
fuuuuuckkkkk youuuuuuuuu
nobody wants me so whos supposed to find me?????????? EVEN MY FUCKING DOG COULD FIND A BETTER RELATIONSHIP THAN ME!!
im sorry idk what this is...
i think we're just a little angry at the world and want to have an actual loving relationship just ONCE in our life and irl (fuck the internet)
#forever alone#im so tired of being alone#i need love too#vent post#vent#tw anger vent#tw depressing thoughts#tw angry#tw caps
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im such a helpless romantic.
#I crave love and spoiling someone#anyone wanna fall in love#Im so tired of being alone#everyone leaves me anyways though
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the answer is, even if anyone notices, nobody cares. they never have. and. at this point i doubt they ever will.
but does anyone notice?
but does anyone care?
#dont rb#sigh#ghost talk#lyrics#im just so tired of begging for anyone to care about me#my friends and siblings say they care. they act like maybe they do when we are around each other in person.#but other than that. nobody checks on me. nobody texts me first.#this year has been so hard for me. has anyone asked me how im doing though?#has anyone ever#despite saying i have all these friends. we never talk#we.#im so tired#why do i have to be the one to check on and take care of everyone#hey how are you havent heard from you in awhile. etcetera#radio silence.#why why why why why why why#what is so wrong with me that people cant just#am i that bad#am i that. forgettable.#does nobody really care#does anyone notice?#i know they can see. i know that do see#but even then. why am i always left. alone#im so tired of being alone#im so lonely and i just wish people would care about me even a fraction i care about them#why do i always end up the mom friend. the therapist. the friend for advice. do you know how inexperienced and tired and overworked i am#this year has probably been one of my worst. not one. of my friends or siblings have bothered. to check on me.#and its not like im trying to hide it you know? i would love if someone would fucking talk to me#this. isnt referencing my partner. an actual godsend. a literal angel among humanity. she has been so kind and loving and patient with me.#but everyone else in my life have sucked this year.
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do people in happy relationships realize how lucky they are
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realizing i have. a lot of untapped trauma potential for clone^2 danny because i just Fully Processed Four Months Late the fact that his parents were capturing and torturing ghosts in the basement before he became Phantom. and the fact that he was on house rest for 2 weeks. during that time period. and he wasn't really leaving the house. he could hear their screaming through the floorboards
*points at clone danny* i can give you suuuuuuch a bad time babe ahaha. i've got two untouched years before you meet damian what fucks you up before then
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#clone^2#danny fenton is a clone#like i dont even need to traumatize you worse the pure explorative options from this aLONE is enough to feed me for a week.#like. tucks hair behind ear let me shatter you into glass pieces then glue you back together babe. i can put you back together so good.#i'm missing a few shards because some parts of you broke into such small pieces i couldn't pick them back up again so you'll be missing a#few chunks of yourself that you'll never get back but that's okay. you'll still be a resemblance of your old self :]#don't let anakin (me) listen to late night sad songs he makes angst.#hhh imagine being stuck in a house for two weeks where you can hear your parents torturing ghosts in the basement and not only that but#you're the only person who can undERSTAND the ghosts. how many times did he see his parents drag in a ghost with whatever capturing device#they made recently? iirc the thermos was like. brand new in episode one right? but gOD the trauma this alone would cause#nobody touch me im cooking rn i need to think about how this would impact danny. like obvs it would fuel into a developing obsession to#keep his parents away from ghosts and to help the dead but what *else.* i need to refine my becoming phantom ficlet i wrote back in winter#raaa#and like even after two weeks they were *still capturing ghosts* danny just wasn't in the house 24/7 at the time.#*but those two fucking weeks man*#i need to sleep on this first before i make any major moves bc i know im tired but i am having thOUGHTs
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