#im so tired ive had a long day after not nearly enough sleep and i know im not gonna get much more on the plane i just know it.

[saturnsfather]

i sooo love that being transgender in the united states means that Any time you travel by air, regardless of where youre going or who you are, you WILL get a pat down by security because the system doesnt know whether youre a boy or a girl and it Needs To Know. It Has To Know If You Have A Dick They Have To Know Its For Security Reasons You Understand. and every once in a while on those rare occasions, one lucky litte security agent gets the delightful chance to grope a visible tranny because what if theyre hiding a bomb down there???? what if those arent tits in their shirt but. like. fuckin. igniter fluid. so happy for those. [through obviously gritted teeth] Wonderful People.

[b0mblover]

tadajiro shower fic 1k words 

thanks to; Sho, for the plot (THE FUCMING ENTIRE THING YOU DONT UNDERTZAND 😭😭ALL OF IT 100% srsly. i have the screenshots im not good at plot thank you so much sho srsly 🙏🙏 my fuxking SAVIOR)

Rizzmaster 89, for the dialog ideas

i formally apologize for everything, i just woke up

Jiro walked through the front door of the apartment, unintentionally slamming it as he closed it, it had been a long day, Noriko and him fought about nearly everything, he was involved in an on-foot pursue with the police, and lopt still existed.

Needless to say, he was exhausted.

Jirou walked over to and flopped onto the couch, he had been staying at Tadashis apartment for some while now, their apartment that they usually lived in was under renovations, so they all had to find somewhere else, Noriko stayed with Reina, Lopt was… Lopt, and Jiro stayed with tadashi.

It was the closest person he had outside of the revolutionary army,

(no crown isnt in this im sorry 😔)

ironic, a priest that gets payed a good fucking “little” sum of money lived in an apartment.

(nope just, idk apartments are easier for me to write even tho ive never lived in one)

Jiro layed there, unmoving for about 5 minutes until he heard a door shut.

“the hell do you think youre doing?”

tadashi was extremely annoying, almost all hours of the day.

“Fuckin tryina sleep” jiro managed to get out through gritted teeth

(shut up)

“The hell you are- go shower”

Kunai was… particular about so called “dirtiness”

Maybe it was the upbringings of them, but their opinions clashed more than Jiro and Noriko fighting

“No im fuckin tired leave me alone”

“I will if you go Fucking shower”

Kunai sighed, Jiro, as much as he “loved” him, he was quite stubborn, he walked over to jiro, and put his arms under him, picking him up bridal-style for about 2 seconds before setting him on the floor

(well more of standing?)

“The fuck are you doing?”

Jiro asked, he looked so tired.

“Youre going to shower, weather you like it or not”

Kunai but his arm around Jiros upper back, guiding him to the bathroom.

Kunai tugged at jiros waist band, motioning for him to take off his clothes, jiro did so slowly and reluctantly as kunai turned on the water to the shower. 

(TADASHI TOOK OFF HIS CLOTHES I SWEAR I FORGOT TO WRITE IT IN THO)

It was a small bathroom, just enough for the two of them to move around mostly comfortably. 

Kunai set a stool into the shower, motioning Jiro to sit down, Jiro did so as Kunai messed with the shower head, attempting to detach it from its handle.

(look ive only seen a detachable one irl when i was like 7 in my grandmothers apartment and that was so long ago- leave me alone:(pls)

After a minute or so, pulling it down, the pressure felt nice on jiros back, it was hard but not enough to be painful, warm, but not burning.

Kunai lathered something onto jiros hair, he didnt pay attention as to what, more than likely shampoo, he was too tired to care. 

“So, hows it been?” kunai asked in a vagely monotone voice, it wasnt offputting as jiro had heard it a million times since “living” with him.

“Fine i guess” jiro sounded dejected, he wanted this to be over as soon as possible, and small talk wasnt letting that happen. 

“You sound” kunai paused “like theres something on your mind” quickly changing his words.

“Its nothing important” he shot back quickly, it was one thing for even lopt to ask what was wrong, he noticed he mustve been acting strange for even kunai of all people to ask.

“Are you sure? yknow you can tell me anything, i wont tell” kunai said, as he started washing his back with soap.

“Just- i dont know how to explain” he sighed, he felt defeated, the one chance he was able to talk about how he felt, he felt like he blew it.

“just explain it however it comes to you yknow?” kunai moved to washing his neck, making sure to massage it at least a little bit.

“- fine, i dont think im worth anything to anyone, i think people only want to use me in one way or another”

“mhm and?” kunai grabbed at jiros shoulders, attempting to silently tell him to stop being so tense.

“and what? do you think im good at this emotional bullshit? no. no i am fucking not.”

kunai sighed “im just trying to get you to open up, i know that isnt easy”

“Why?”

“What”

“why try and get me to open up? we all know you dont truly care. do you just wanna use me too?” jiro started to speak faster

“is that really all im good for? is that what people see me as? do you see me as someone just to keep around until you get bored and eventually decide to throw out-“

“Relax. your shoulders jiro, relax, youre doing neither of us any favors by tensing up” 

“r-right, sorry” jiro attempted to calm his body down as much as he could.

Kunai continued to wash his back, rinse his hair, put conditioner in his hair, wash his back. 

“Jiro”

“Yea?”

“Do you think… how do i put this without it sounding wrong” he questioned aloud.

“just say it” jiro continued looking at the floor

“Do you think you really “have” anything im intrested in?”

“i dunno, my body i guess?” jiro was thankful that he wasnt facing tadashi at that moment

“Why would you think id want to use your body?”

“i well- because? why not right? thats all im worth”

“who told you that?” kunai was mentally on the verge of tears (or what yk little he “had” shut up lemme have a semi nice tadashi 😭😭)

“Huh?” jiro turned around to face Kunai, confused.

“who told you that youre only worth your body? i mean- i havent known you as long as say noriko, but i know that your worth more than that”

“i dont understand” jiro turned around, not really believing kunai in the slightest. 

“Jiro, youre not stupid” Kunai hugged him from behind, not too tightly, before letting go again.

“youre kind, your funny, youre strong”

“so? thats normal though” 

“i dont know about what youve went through, but if its anything like the rumors in school, it had to have been hell right?” tadashi adjusted the water to be warmer, theyll probably have to get out soon.

“What? i- my life then is no ones concern besides my own” if he had the energy hed glare at him.

“Maybe- maybe not, but it still changed you in some way correct? i mean, you sure do know how to run from the police damn well- and i don’t believe thats something just everyone can do”

Jiro knew at least that part was true, even if he didnt want to believe it.

“but even then, i contribute nothing to anyone” he hugged his own knees toghther attempting to comfort himself.

“is merely surviving after everything youve been through not enough?” Kunai smiled slightly.

“i-“ he stopped, he realized there was no use for him trying to fight tadashi, he knew in one way or another he was right, even if he didnt want to accept it.

Kunai hugged him from behind, before washing the conditioner out of his hair.

[ambersky0319]

yknow its both great and annoying to be cut down to very little hours at work rn

great because: i get plenty of me time. i have internship training i can get done. my body is not sore

annoying because: i would like more money pls. also i actually do like working retail like 95% of the time and i start missing it. and some of my coworkers

aNYWHO i just wanted to say tho i do actually like working retail. like i wasnt sure if i would - i suspected i might, specifically like cashiering or something - especially after getting hired for a deli (i didnt really wanna work w food) but like. i really like it

it keeps busy and the day goes by SO FAST and unironically i think i was sleeping better bc it tired me out enough without exhausting me entirely

and also its definitely the praise ive gotten

word of advice to literally anyone: if someone is working retail and you think theyre doing a good job (especially if you start seeing them regularly) LET THEM KNOW!!!

I had to grab a new salad anyway bc we were nearly out of one, and this lady wanted some, so i told her "hey if you give me like 3-5 minutes ill refill this and give you some fresh salad" and just doing that had her wanting to tell my manager about it (positive!! she asked my coworker where our manager was and he was like "is there a problem?" and she said "no i just want to let them know how good she's doing!")

Another person remembered i was new the next time i saw them and reassured me i was doing well

ANOTHER person said the fact that i greeted everyone with a smile each time she sees me (which is pretty often, shes friends w my manager) made her day better and how it was just nice to see!

MY MANAGER complimented on how well ive been doing for this being my first job and about how she appreciated me being willing and able to do like, most of the tasks we gotta do so long as im shown/told how to do it

and just like. it makes working retail SO MUCH BETTER yknow? and whats funny is like. ive had a couple ruder experiences. not much thankfully but just a few. but i never even THINK about those compared to all these lil moments.

anyway idek what i was gonna rant about my brain just wanted to spew stuff ig lol

[amoristt]

Grazing the Fire | IV

well hello. here i am, four years later, once again enamored with nathan enough to finally dust this baby off and pick up where i left it. im a little rusty so bear with me this chapter! much more to come <3

reblogs + tags and replies will make my entire day as i put a lot of effort into this :)! it also helps motivate me!

story continues beneath the read more. let me know if you can’t access it!

Warning: language, very vague s/a mentions

want to support me? heres my kofi!

__________________________

“Alright class, who can tell me,” A board stick clacks against the chalkboard. “Who can answer problem four?” 

A few hands raise in the corners of your eye, but yours remains atop your desk. Eyes far away, mind in a murky haze and almost completely unaware. All you could focus on were the memories playing on repeat within the confines of your tired, tired brain. Hours ago, you were warm, you were comfortable. Safe.

Cheeks heated to a dusting blush when you remind yourself just how you had awoken that morning. At some point in the night, an angel had blessed you. Allowed you to wake up wrapped around none other than big, bad, Nathan Prescott. Your face nuzzled into his chest, broad but wiry hands pressed firmly over your shoulder and his arm slung over your waist to keep you against him. Thankfully you had been the first to wake up, blinking away the morning sun blazing through his blinds and painting the room stripes of gold. At that moment, before your headache came crashing down onto your skull, you were astounded by him. 

Eye lashes brushing the top of his cheeks, his lips parted ever so slightly, chest rising and falling rhythmically. In that moment, there was no anger, no bitterness. Just a soft and peaceful slumber. It was like being the sole viewer of a magnificent painting- each stroke and detail placed just there just for you to pick out, to remember the curves and sharp edges down to the very foundation. From his unkempt hair down to the way his hand flattened onto the mattress where your indent still lived. Nathan was so beautiful like this. 

For a long time you stayed there. It was as though you were afraid to move- you couldn’t bear to disturb him. You had wondered, if he was always like this, so at peace, what would he be like? Likely soft voiced, mild mannered. He’d do his school assignments without hassle and donate to the charity board. He would wander the town with his friends and listen to music in a beat up truck flying down the stretch of highway overlooking the bold, blue, and beautiful ocean. An entirely different version of himself- carefree, and a fair blue as opposed to a burning flame of red. 

But, if that were the case, you’d never have gotten here. You’d never been both the outsider, and the only seeing eye. A lucky, albeit firstly unwilling witness to the display of depth before you. 

It never hit you like it had quite in that moment how lucky you were.

But- just then- an alarm disturbed what serendipity existed. You nearly leapt out of your skin, clutched your hands to your chest at the sudden sound. A headache wove its way into your once untouched temples. Nathan groaned, mumbled, ‘god damn it’, under his breath, and thus his body was reanimated into life. He rubbed his eyes and he stretched, that familiar scowl coming over his eyes and lips as he took in the sunlight damn near blinding him. A polar opposite to the being you’d appreciated just moments earlier.

“Ugh, fuck, how the fuck is it seven already.” He groaned. “I feel like shit.”

“Well good morning to you too,” You started, welcoming Nathan into the world. “‘I’m feeling pretty shitty as well.” 

You said that, but really… You were more than alright. Your head had hurt, slight nausea crept into the wells of your stomach, but other than that you’re sure you were phenomenally better than you’d have been waking up whereverTate would have left your ass.

“You need to get outta here, before everyone gets up.” Nathan drawled, but he didn’t sound as urgent as you expected him to be. You’d expected him to be angry that you were still in his room, but instead he just… accepted it. 

You snickered, climbing out of his throne of a bed. “Wow, you’re giving me the morning after treatment?” 

“Sure am. Get outta here, whore.”

“Oh fuck you.” 

You located your heels from last night, resting upright near his dorm room door. Heels didn’t sound like the most  practical to sneak out of a dorm with, so you instead opted to grappling them by the straps and carrying them at your side. Hair a mess, outfit riddled with wrinkles and makeup smudged under your eyes, you stood before Nathan in all your glory. He stared at you for a long, odd moment- and you for some reason felt exposed, or even, shy. 

“What?” You ask expectantly, placing a hand on your hip. 

His eyes trail to your line of vision. He shakes his head. “Just thinking about how now you really do look like my morning after.”

“Yeah?” You hummed. “Find it hard to believe you get a lot of those.”

Nathan shoots you a suggestive glance. “You’d be surprised. Everyone wants a piece of Prescott.”

Surely, he was joking, or maybe he wasn’t, but you… Didn’t like hearing that. It made your stomach feel odd, uncomfortably heavy.  As he stood up, reminding you how many inches he had over your size, you swallowed and cleared your throat to flush out that crappy feeling. “Well,” you started, mood having dropped. “I’m gonna go, then.” 

“What got your panties in a twist all the sudden?” He asked, raising a brow and pulling some clothes from his closet, tossing them onto the bed.

The bed you two had shared.

You hated the idea of his morning afters- whoever they may be. 

“Not feeling great. Probably a side effect of the roofies.” You mumbled.

Nathan breathed a laugh. “Probably.”

He seemed so calm, right now. Perhaps due to it being so early, before the outside world had a chance to remind him just why he was so uptight all the tight. Before he needed to be so uptight all the time. He really did have so many versions of himself- all of whom you were slowly becoming familiar with. Compared to the person you’d believed him to be before your run ins, you’d never have assumed someone so dangerous could be so soft as last night, as this morning. In the beginning, you’d feared him. Avoided him like a plague, or a wild animal. Even when you were enraptured in the existence of him, you still wanted to keep away. You’d never have believed someone like you could wake up clutched to his chest, as though he were afraid if he released you, you’d be gone long before he woke. 

Then, a sudden thought struck your mind. 

He’d held you so tight. He’d welcomed you in the morning. No anger, no annoyance. His soft laugh at your banter and taunts. How your heels were standing upright instead of tossed haphazardly into some random corner, where he’d watch your struggle to find. 

How he’d stayed awake to ensure your sleep.

“So are you just gonna stand there?” Nathan called you back to reality, hands gripping the hems of his shirt. “I gotta get ready and you need to wash up so you don’t look like a five dollar stripper.” Cruel words, but with absolutely no bite. You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah. But, hey,” You started. “Thank you for last night.” 

“Yeah, yeah. You gotta start learning to watch your own back.” He says. “There’s gonna be times I won’t be there to drag your ass out of the fire.”

If you’d been charged, if you’d been stricken with a strange defensiveness, you’d have retorted, ‘than stop helping me’, but… Instead you allowed yourself the comfort of protection. You allowed Nathan Prescott to watch you.  

“I know,” You reached for the door. “Thank you.”

With that, you bounded out of the dorm silent as a mouse. 

-----------

In hindsight, you should have left earlier. Class was merely 15 minutes away when you slipped out of Nathan's room and bounded towards the women's dorm. Albeit not exactly a long walk, by the time you discreetly snuck back into your own dorm, you had roughly twenty minutes to somehow pick an outfit from your countless unopened boxes and make yourself even slightly presentable. 

Wiping off whatever make-up you could get and reapplying it, brushing out the tangles of your hair and nearly tearing off your scalp in the process, scattering your nightclothes over your floor and managing to scrounge out a semi-decent outfit for the day… You still looked a mess. If the mirror could laugh, it would have. Black mascara smudges under your eyes and frizzy untreated hair. What a lovely look. 

You’d made it to class just five minutes late, but those five minutes were all it took for all eyes to be on you as you tried to slide into the classroom unnoticed. A couple classmates whispered to their table mates as you passed by, smelling of oversaturated cherry blossom perfume to hopefully cover the scent of alcohol. You sauntered to your seat and sank down with all your weight, suddenly exhausted. You’d made it with just five minutes tainting your record of attendance. The teacher greeted you with a disappointed sigh, and thus, the day began. 

But, it was so hard to focus. All you could think about was Nathan. 

“Alright class, who can tell me,” A board stick clacks against the chalkboard. “Who can answer problem four?” 

You lowered your head. 

“Ah, how about, ___?”

You snaked back into reality, blinking up at the chalk board that was somehow already riddled with math equations. Since you hadn’t been paying attention even in the slightest, your mouth gaped wide open, eyes scanning for something you understood even slightly so you didn’t look like a total idiot. 

Sadly, you were out of luck. The teacher shook his head. “I’m shocked,” He said. “You're normally so on top of things. Oh well.”

“Oh, I’m sure she was on top of things,” A female voice sniggered behind you “Last night.”

Your face flushed a red, hot, ruby. What the hell was she talking about? How had they found out you were with Nathan? You were so sure of being sneaky, there was no way-

“Her and Tate totally got it on last night.”

You whipped around in your seat, facing girls who looked to be clones of some sort. Both with the same dark eyes, short brown hair, and freckles. “What?”

“Alright-” Your teacher blurted. “That's enough. April, May, enough. Let’s not discuss things outside of the classroom.”

The two girls batted their eyes. “Sorry sir.” One spoke, twirling a hand through her hair. Her sister's wide toothy grin never fumbled. 

“Back to it then. Kate, can you help out __ with number four?” 

The small, blonde girl nodded quickly, brushing a lock of hair behind her eyes and offering an empathic nod. 

As you turned around in your seat, her answer fell on deaf ears. Your heart was racing in your chest, hands balled into fists while you stared ahead blankly.  

They couldn’t seriously think that you chose to leave with Tate, could they? Surely someone must have seen the state you were in. Someone other than Nathan.

The clock ticks forward but time feels like it's passing almost unnaturally slow. With just 10 minutes left, you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket.

‘Nathan: consider ur favor officially returned 

Your tongue poked from your lips, the tiniest of smiles taking over your once sullen features. Terrible thoughts and worries flew out the window while you type back, ‘damn. here i was gonna to ask you to do a backflip off the roof with me. there goes my plans.’

Nathan types for a moment. Typing, stopping, typing again. 

‘Nathan: soundz like a blast. where and when?’

A small blush heats your cheeks. ‘very funny. thanks to last night i have an entire 24 hour session of studying to catch up with.’

His response is almost instant. ‘Nathan: boringgg. txt me when ur fun.’

Rolling your eyes, you shove your phone back into your pocket. It seems you’ve been able to secure enough of a friendship with him for some mindless banter even outside your little visits. You smile. He’s… Fun to talk to. Surprisingly. 

Class comes to an end and you start to pack up the books and papers you’d hardly even glanced at the whole period. Whatever had been upsetting you before is lost in your mind while you think of the morning, the night before. All the things in-between. But, your happiness doesn’t last long. As you get up, you’re almost forced right back into your seat as a weight shoves into your shoulder. Your books scatter to the floor. April, the one who’d remarked about you earlier, glares at you in what looks to be disgust. 

“Careful April,” Her sister hums as she saunters past you, keeping distance and raising her already shrill tone of voice. “Might wanna watch where you’re walking- I’d hate for you to catch something from this slut.”

You absolutely gawk at her. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

April scoffs. “Oh come on, like everyone doesn’t know what you were up to last night.”

“Sleeping around isn’t a good color on you.” May hikes her bag over her shoulder and snickers at you. They both leave the class together, sickeningly in sync. You’re left stunned where you stand, unsure how the hell your life came to this so quickly. How you’ve stooped so low that the daughters of the world's most uncreative parents are able to bully you based on something that didn’t even happen.

Next class goes no better. The person to your right, a jockey looking brunette guy, asks, ‘have you ever heard of a Tate?’. You say no, that that’s the dumbest name you’ve ever heard. The idiot grins and goes back to marking down likely wrong answers on his test sheet and you debate kicking the leg of his chair out- but you don’t to avoid even more eyes on you. It makes you sick to your stomach- even more than recovering from the roofies does. How can everyone believe it? You barely even knew the guy and you were clearly uncomfortable with his advances. No one saw that? 

After everything you’d worked for to build a reputation, trying so hard to not call out peoples shit for the sake of seeming friendly, tainted over something that didn’t even happen? And the kicker was that it hadn’t even been your fault! He’d drugged you, he’d have taken advantage of you! Yet you were the bad person? 

Class came and went in the blink of an eye this time. Your mind wrapped up in the situation, your stomach churning. You wanted the day to be over with but you still had 4 more classes to suffer through. Why was this happening to you? Was Tate being treated just as horribly, or was he getting pats on the backs of his unaware friends?

Wandering down the halls to your locker, you noticed Lance and Kaz hanging around one of the drinking fountains. Your nerves quelled- your friends would surely make you feel much better. Especially since they had witnessed how awful you were feeling as you left. You approach with a relieved smile, ready to say your truth and finally have someone on your side.

“Hey guys.” You smile, but Lance looks down at his feet while Kaz places her hands to his hips. Your smile fades.

“You could have told us you were gonna spend the night with Tate,” Kaz snaps. “You didn’t need to lie like that just to leave. We were all worried about you and it was for nothing.”

“What?” You feel like you could cry. “No, Kaz, I really did try to leave. Tate tried to drug me and take me home, and-”

“He wouldn’t do that.” Lance interrupts, with a frown. He looks back down at the floor with knitted brows. “I’ve known Tate since before time. He wouldn't do something like that, especially not to one of my best friends. Plus he told me he was really into you. Why would he even try?”

“Are you serious?” You sputter. “You think I’d lie about something like that?”

“You’ve been lying about all sorts of things!” Kaz huffs. “What’s going on with you lately? You’ve been so distant, and secretive. What are you hiding that’s making you lie like this? We’re supposed to be your friends and then you lie to our faces just to go and fuck the first guy that shows you attention.”

“What…?” It was like acid. It was like the rug had been pulled from your feet sending you spiraling down the unending cliff. Kaz, your best friend, all that venom. How could they turn against you like this? What the hell is going on? You felt your throat tighten. “Look, I’m sorry if I’ve been distant, but I’m not lying to you, I-”

“We gotta go.” Lance isn’t in the mood to hear it. “We’ll catch up to you.. Some other time.”

Kaz says nothing as she pushes past you. Lance, at least, spares a short glance over his shoulder. You stood there alone in the hallway, your bag falling off your shoulder and clattering onto the floor with a thud echoing off the walls. Everything you had, all gone at once. 

No one believed you.

---------

With nowhere to go where you felt like you could truly allow yourself to process the day's events, you went to the only place you knew. 

Just outside of campus, where rocks lined the edge of the boundary, overlooking the outskirts of the town and the ocean stretching as far as the eye could see. You settled yourself there, staring at the vast waters and wondering how this had all happened. Unlucky didn’t even begin to cover how it felt. Not only did you feel violated with Tate attempting to do unthinkable things with your unconscious body, but you also felt alone, and walked on. Your best friends hadn’t believed you. While Lance seemed saddened, Kaz was so… Angry. Her words cut like knives into your skin. 

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. You didn’t deserve this.

You want to talk to Nathan, but knowing him, he’d see your state and bounce instantly. After all, this isn’t exactly very fun of you.

As the sun began to fall, splaying orange and blues over the wide open sky, behind you, you could hear voices. A group of them, some male, some female. Memories of when your notebook had gotten snatched by those two horsed face assholes came flooding back and with all your alertness, you stood up, and decided that this sitting place was no longer safe. Nothing was.

Before you even made it ten feet away, the group had found their way to your spot and gotten comfortable, one of the girls cheering, ‘this’ll be our hangout! look at how pretty the view is!’

You took a short drive down the stretches of road and decided that if you were going to lament in your own sadness, you were at least going to do so in a place that had something to cover the sound of your tears. Plus a nice view.

The beach, littered with its picnic tables and the sounds of crashing waves would suffice just fine. So, you pulled in the desolate parking lot and wandered down the sandy shores until you stumbled upon a picnic table shaded by a large willow cascading lushious branches to block out the sun- a perfect canopy for you to wallow under. 

You had nothing at that moment. No friends, no reputation, no one to believe your tragic tale. And now, you’d just lost the one spot that made you feel comfortable when stress was building into your body like concrete. Tears pricked into the corners of your eyes and you bit your lip, dreading that feeling of a lump in your throat. Why you? Everything had been going so well. How could not even a single person believe that Tate had tried to hurt you?

Well, actually, there was one person.

Of course Nathan believed you. He’d been the one to rescue you, after all. Time and time again it seemed.  How was it that even the ones closest to you would turn their back so fast, yet Nathan seemed to be there even when you didn’t want him to be? Even when you yelled at him, and he yelled right back, fire and sparks falling into embers around the two of you. 

In that moment, you almost felt like you could finally relate to him. A reputation based on lies and things out of your control, paired with a hardheaded attitude to try and combat all the assumptions. 

No wonder he was so angry. 

“Hey bitch,” A voice suddenly called, and you had a split second moment where you were terrified of once again being the victim of a cruel prank or some classmates boredom. “How about next time you have a pity party you don’t fucking call me in the middle of it.”

You blinked away your tears and through the blurriness saw a figure coming towards you. All that sass, the tone...

“Nathan?” You breathed. It only takes moments before he’s in front of you, holding his phone in view, seeing that the call that had been running for nearly ten minute. You flush in embarrassment, pulling your phone from your back pocket. “How did that happen?”

“Well, can your ass dial numbers?” He taunts, ending the call. 

“Damn it, dumb phone must have butt-dialed you. I knew I should’ve gotten a different one.” You mentally kick yourself. “It must have unlocked in my pocket.”

“You don’t have a password on your phone?” He taunts. When you shake your head, he whistles. “You are just begging for a robbery. I’ll keep that in mind when I’m in the mood to send random messages to all your buddies.” 

“Fuck off.” You scowl, and he grins, hopping up on the picnic table next to you. The sun flatters his skin. He’s almost glowing. 

“Speaking of buddies, how the hell did it pick my number out of your sea of friends?”

You shrug. “Probably cuz’ it’s a priority contact.” 

“Oh lala, I’ve been upgraded to priority huh? Does it display a superman logo whenever you give it a ring?”

“Nope. When I press call it rings the nearest asshole in my vicinity. The fact that it’s you is your own problem.”

“Haha, fucking ha.” He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. He stares out at the water, watching waves pull and crash onto the beach. It’s almost beautiful, until he ruins it. “Yknow, you’re a really ugly crier.”

“Wow, thanks.” You shake your head. “That's exactly what I needed to hear right now. Why did you even stay on the line?.” Wiping your eyes, you start to forget your tears. “Couldn’t have been that wild of a conversation.”

Nathan shrugs. “Between the crying and the sound of the waves it was pretty nice.” He grins. “Very educational.” 

“Awesome. Glad I was able to make your day.” It doesn’t feel like your usual bitey remarks. You’re tired, you’re still a little hurt and you can’t stop thinking about how such an amazing morning had turned into such a horrible day.

“So what’s got you all fucked up? Never seen you act like this big of a baby before.”

“Nothing. You already paid off your debt to me per this morning, so feel free to resume our regularly scheduled mutual hatred.” You say, lying through your teeth. You know you’re both past the point of hatred, but you’re feeling jaded, you can’t help it. 

“Oh shut the fuck up,” He groans. “I didn’t drag my ass all the fucking way out to this shit hole of a beach just for you to give me that bullshit. What, did you fail a test? No one matched you on tinder?”

“Everyone thinks me and Tate slept together last night.” You blurt. “I think he’s telling people me and him had sex.”

Nathan tenses his shoulders and grimaces. “Fucking werido.”

“I told my best friends that he tried to take advantage of me and they don’t believe me. One of em’ even said he wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Fuck em’. Who needs best friends.”

“And to make everything so much better, these two bitches that I share four of my classes with harassed me all goddamn day. I mean, fucks sake, how the hell are girls named April and May of all things able to get to me. It’s bullshit. And to make matters worse, Tate is just… Getting away with it.”

“Yeah well, something tells me that Tate’s gonna get a real nice fucking taste of medicine eventually. I just gotta find him first. He’s got a lot of nerve spreading shit around given I knocked his ass onto the pavement.” Nathan brows knit at the memory.

You test the waters. “Why would you do that for me?”

He seems caught off guard, or maybe, surprised that you’d ask. Maybe he thinks you’re both beyond that point. He grumbles, “Why does it matter.”

“I’m just curious. We don’t owe each other anything, remember?”

“Yeah, well,” He huffs. “Don’t ask me questions to shit I don’t know the answer to.”

“You say that an awful lot.” You tease.

“Yeah well you ask dumbass questions an awful lot. Not everything I do has to have some weird ass motives behind it, ___. Maybe I’ve got beef with Tate that’s outside of you.”

“Uhuh. Sure.” You’re about to say something else, when your phone lights up with a text. The display makes your heart fall all over again. 

Unknown Number: you should just pack up and go somewhere else. no one wants std’s from breathing your air xoxo

You don’t even know who that is. Now absolute strangers are on your case. You want to throw your phone into the ocean and leave.

Nathan scoffs. “Don’t even bat a fucking eye for that bitch, whoever the hell they are. Half the hoes you’ve mentioned have slept with half the football team,” he pinches his jacket, “and I would know.”

“Ew, Nathan,” You grimace, that same feeling from the morning returning. It feels, oddly, like jealousy.  He nudges your arm with his elbow and grins playfully. It’s cute.

“Chill, I’m just fucking with you. You gotta know even I wouldn’t fuck girls that desperate. I’m a man of class.”

That last comment actually forces a laugh from you. It’s soft, but it’s real. The first laugh you’ve genuinely had all day. “That’s horrible.” You remark, giggling again.

It's almost like the slight restoration of your mood puts him at ease as well. He leans back on his hands and stares off into the ocean, those sparkling waters under the setting, orange sun. “I’m for real though. Those hoes aren’t worth your time. One day when we blow this shithole of a town they’re not even gonna matter.”

Your brows knit, eyes blinking up at him. Had you heard that right? 

“We?” You ask, perplexed, albeit a little… Hopeful.

Nathan sputters. “Well- Like, when everyone’s older and-”

“You know what, it's fine.” You interrupt. “Fuck it. You’re right. We’re gonna blow this town and they’re just gonna be some shitty memories.”

He sucks in a shaky breath. You’ve never heard him scramble like that, like he’s been unmasked. The look he casts you when you agree, when you don’t tease or patronize and finally hop on the idea that yeah, what if the two of you really didn’t have to deal with it anymore.

What if the two of you could just exist, without the anger. 

You look up at him. “Would you actually do that though?” You start. “With me, of all people?”

He swallows. His expression is tense, but he’s not upset. He appears nervous, caught off guard. Nathan tries, “I-”

Your phone rings. Shrill, piercing. Mood destroying. 

“Jesus Christ, it’s my mom.” You grab your phone and Nathan looks forward, stone faced and silent as you hop off the table and answer. It’s your mother, who all but shouts into the phone that her and your father are taking a surprising visit to Arcadia Bay while they’re traveling by on their vacation. She insists that you be ready in about an hour for dinner, and likely there will be family photos. 

Which means if you still look as wrecked as you did this morning, you’re gonna have a lot of washing up to do. With a quick goodbye, a short and sweet, ‘love you’, you hang up and sigh. 

“You still tell your mom you love her?” He teases. “What are you, five?”

You frown. “You don’t tell your parents you love them?”

Nathan side eyes you, and just shrugs. It is all the answer you need, really, and for his sake you decide it wouldn’t be best to press the issue. Not now. But- it still makes your heart hurt just a little. You wished that he’d had it better growing up. 

“Right… Do you want a ride home?”

“Fuck no, what am I,” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “a fucking girl scout?” 

“I was just offering, weirdo.” When he doesn't get up, you feel like you’re missing out. Like if you stayed, maybe, just maybe, you’d get to know him a little better. “Hey, if you want, I can stay for a bit longer.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’re needed elsewhere. But,” he shrugs. “I don’t know. Fuckin’... Text me or something. Or not, I don’t care either way.”

There’s a small warmth in your chest that rises to your cheeks. He wants you to text him. “Yeah,” You say. “If I’m feeling fun.”

And with that, you bid him farewell, beginning your descent to the parking lot. 

“Hey,” He calls, and you turn just in time to catch a small item he’s tossed right at you. A tiny key resides in the palm of your hand. “Spare. If shit hits the fan again-...” He shrugs, and actually looks away. “Just don’t be too fucking loud of I’ll kick your ass out myself. No Madison needed.”

The widest grin plays over your lips. “I’m gonna re-decorate your room while you’re gone.”

“Ah, you fucking better not.” He shouts. “Actually- you know what, give it back.” 

“No, no! I’m sorry.” You play with the key between your fingers. “Thanks for this.”

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t lose it and remember- emergencies only. I don’t need you watching me sleep like fucking freak. We’re past that stage.” 

“How many times will I have to say I was never watching you. Christ… But, alright. See ya, then.” The key is heavy in your palm. 

You place it into your pocket and give him one last glance before you take off, leaving him to enjoy the sound of waves, birds, and the absence of your tears.

[bumblebeerror]

My teeth hurt sometimes, just. In general. They’ve done this a while now, mostly when the weather changes. It starts in my jaw and creeps up my teeth until I can’t chew very well because I don’t want to move my jaw or put pressure on my teeth. It also means sleeping’s difficult, and just. Most things weirdly become a lot more difficult when you don’t want to chew. My jaw’s been like this for a week or so now? I think. I mostly don’t notice it starting until sleeping gets harder.

Anyway, all that to say it’s been a Rough day when it comes to my body and brain working correctly. I woke up when I usually do, took my adhd meds, and then fell asleep for another three hours. I streamed today after talking with some friends, and about a hour after my two hour stream, I just hit a wall. I’m already tired enough to go back to sleep now. Everything is shaky and tender and it’s… such a slap in the face. Sometimes.

Especially because I don’t register pain like this. It doesn’t occur to my brain to interpret it that way. I get tired, I feel pressure more sharply, but I don’t feel pain unless I stop to check in. So if you asked me today what I was feeling… I’d tell you Im tired. I’d tell you I feel shaky and maybe kind of feverish, that my legs dont want to work at any faster pace. I’d tell you my body feels weak and that my neck and head ache, because that’s about the only pain on me that’s sharp, that changes, that waxes and wanes.

And at some point today I finally registered that I was feeling pain. That my hands are shaking because every nerve in them is sending a constant signal. My arms feel heavy and my legs feel wobbly and my joints feel unstable because every nerve is sending a message I can’t read. Its kind of funny, in a way - if I stop focusing on reading that message as pain, it stops registering that way again. Like Francis Freeman, the villian in the first Deadpool movie? One of his powers is not feeling pain.

I’m not sure what my point here really is? I don’t share often, and I don’t enjoy being pitied. I don’t want to feel like someone who needs saving. Your princess is in another castle, all that. I just wanted it written. I keep hitting dead ends and my pcp doesn’t know how to help me. I can’t get disability and I can’t work enough to support myself, so I don’t have much of s choice on whether I stay with my mum - and she can’t afford to pay for my car. And I can feel my body degrading, even if I don’t look at the hours I used to be capable of. I used to work nearly 40hrs a week closing s daycare, keeping up with kids and cleaning the place. Then 25, cleaning a clinic. Now I work 8 cleaning an office, and can’t afford gas to get there. I won’t lie, if I let myself think about it too long, it gets frightening.

I don’t know. I hate dwelling on things I can’t fix, and I loathe feeling sorry for myself. If I can’t make a joke about it, I don’t want to deal with it. But a part of me also doesn’t want what’s happening to me to be forgotten. A part of me wants a record. A part of me wants to be convinced that I’m not… insane? That I’m not faking it, somehow, that I’m actually in pain that I can’t feel anymore. That other people don’t feel this way all the time. That what people told me as a kid, dismissed, that it’s wrong. That they didn’t know I was feeling something bad.

I wish school had taught us practical things. Like how much pain the average non-ill person is every day (none). To this day I still pose questions about it to one of my friends who has an old shoulder injury but no widespread issues like this, just to check.

Ive rambled enough, I think. I’m gonna shower and sleep. Have a good timezone, if you decided to read all that for some reason.

[k3rm1e]

hiihi !! ive been loving all the stuuf yoube been wirting latley its so good :^D i ws wondering if i ciuld have some hcs ,or just a onrshot either or i dont mind, of reader geeting sick and mumza nd dadza take care of them ?? bc i lovr mr and mrs minecraft <33 liek like reader like "ahh im finr mr minecraft" and they have 102° fever Nd have a runny nose and mr minecatft is liek "mmm no i dont thnik so m8" nd yaeh !! they/them pronouns but i thnk uve benn doing that arleady - :^) anon

sickly

hiihi !! ive been loving all the stuuf yoube been wirting latley its so good :^D i ws wondering if i ciuld have some hcs ,or just a onrshot either or i dont mind, of reader geeting sick and mumza nd dadza take care of them ?? bc i lovr mr and mrs minecraft <33 liek like reader like "ahh im finr mr minecraft" and they have 102° fever Nd have a runny nose and mr minecatft is liek "mmm no i dont thnik so m8" nd yaeh !! they/them pronouns but i thnk uve benn doing that arleady - :^) anon

:^) anon my beloved;;;;; i love your brain. this could go two ways depending on whether you’re staying with phil or if you guys are online so i went with your staying with him. i also did a one shot but if you want hcs i hv no problem writing some :) i hope this is good!

cw: cursing

mumza and dadza take care of you:

  it had finally happened. while covid wasn't fully over just yet, many had gotten the vaccine and conventions were opening up again. which meant two things: meetups and twitchcon. finally, you could meet some of your supporters and see your friends.

  “mom, are we almost there?” your mom was driving you to the airbnb you’d be staying at with a few of the other dream smp members. at first, you assumed you’d all be staying in separate hotel rooms. but, this way, you could spend more time with friends, save money, and your mom wouldn’t have to be with you the whole time. there had already been many long conversations between philza and your mom to make sure you’d be safe staying with everyone.

  “yes, sweetie. almost there. we’re just two minutes closter than when you asked earlier.” ok, sue you, maybe you were a bit excited. but really, who could blame you? making in person friends had never been easiest, so the majority of your friendship were with people online. not being able to see or meet anyone for so long had been excruciatingly painful. 

  within ten minutes, you had finally arrived at the airbnb. quickly jumping out you ran to the door, obnoxiously ringing the doorbell. through the door, you heard an accented voice yell out, “i’m coming, i’m coming!”. at this point you were springing up and down on your tippy-toes, ready to spring out of your skin.

  the door opened and you were greeted by a very tired and annoyed looking wilbur, “hello?”.

`   “WILBURRRR!!!” you were screaming in his face (unintentionally), waking him up from his drowsiness. you launched yourself in his arms, not paying attention to your mother’s bewildered expression. you quickly let go of him and shoved past him, “i’m gonna go say hi to everyone!” distantly you heard wilbur begin to talk to your mother, explaining what you guys were doing.

  while running around you said hi to tommy, tubbo, ranboo, eret, fundy, niki, techno, phil and kristin. the others were either staying in another airbnb or in their own hotel rooms. after about thirty minutes, wilbur had finally stopped talking to your mom.

  “yes, ma’am. i can promise you they’ll be completely safe. you have absolutely nothing to worry about.” wilbur was calmly talking with your mother, looking more and more tired by the minute.

  “alright. thank you.” your mother called you over. “come give me a hug and say bye!” slowly dragging your limbs over, you let her hug you. behind you you could hear wilbur and phil laughing at you.

  “bye mom…” she was holding onto you tightly, petting down your hair.

  “oh, sweetie, i love you so much. i’m so happy you found something you're passionate about and made so many lovely friends while doing so.” as much as you loved your mom, the small snickers behind you were getting quite embarrassing. you could hear that tommy had joined in on the laughing. 

  “... i love you too, mom. can you let go now?” you tried pulling back, but all she did was pull you closer.

  “oh, but i just don’t wanna let you go. i love you so much, you know that right?”

  “i know, mom. i love you too. but you’ve gotta get home and i have to unpack and get ready for meeting with fans tomorrow.” you finally got her to pull away, “i love you mom, okay? thank you for letting me do this.”

  “oh, i love you too, sweetie.” and with that, your mom left. after watching her pull out of the driveway and down the street, you whipped around.

  “not. a. single. word.” you stared dead in the boy’s eyes, seeing just how much wilbur was about to burst out laughing.

  “what? personally, i think it’s very sweet.” tommy was smiling, purposely pissing you off. “so sweet, how much your mom loves you.”

  “shut your fucking mouth, tommy.” you stared deadpan at him and began walking inside and over to the kitchen.

  “what? i didn’t say anything wrong! i was just simply commenting on your very, very sweet relationship with your mother.”

  kristin moved forward to talk to you, “for what it’s worth, i do thing you hae a very sweet relationship with your mom.”

  “thank you. you’re the only good one in this house, kristin minecraft.” with that she laughed, and you all continued on with your evening. after staying up late watching old youtube videos, you all went to bed. in the morning you would have your first day of three at twitchcon, meeting fans and other creators alike. 

  for around 10 hours, you stood in booths signing fanart, prints, notebooks, and the like. meeting so many different people was eye opening, just learning who supported you. at the end of the day everyone went to a restaurant to eat dinner after so long.

  “this food… is so… fucking good.”

  “agreed.” you and the rest of the so-called ‘bench trio’ were eating at what wilbur had deemed the ‘kiddy table’. after eating so much food you were all tired. the rest of your friends had already left, walking back to the airbnb. when it was finally time to leave the restaurant, it was pouring rain.

  “WHY IS THE RAIN SO COLD IT’S LITERALLY SUMMER”

  after running home you had gone to sleep while the others had changed and taken showers. after sleeping for around ten hours, you had finally woken up. frankly, you felt like dogshit. you could barely breathe out of your stuffy nose and your head felt like it had been shoved full of wet cotton balls.

  instead of staying in bed, you got up and tried to get ready. on the way downstairs to get food and see who was making so much noise, you fell face first down the stairs. “owwwww…”

  hearing a ruckus, phil and kristin left the kitchen, where they were making pancakes. “holy shit! are you alright, mate?”

  pushing phil over, kristin walked over to you, “obviously they’re not okay phil! the poor kid is lying on the floor.”

  slowly getting up, you try to reassure both of them that you’re okay. “no, no, no, don’t worry. i am perfectly okay.” while you don’t know exactly how you sound, based on the expression on phil’s face, you don't think you sound very good.

  “uh, yeah, how about no. you sound like you’ve draken a whale bottle of vodka.” phil walked over to you and grabbed you by the arm, trying to hold you up.

  “i’m fineeee”

  “no, your fucking not. you’re burning up.” phil looked at you, angrily. “you need to go to bed.”

  “but i don’t wannaaaaa. i feel fineeee.” you felt like crying, for absolutely no reason. with that, you passed out on the floor.

  phil and kristin somehow managed to get you back up the stairs and into bed. once you were safely in your room, with no risk of cracking your skull open, phil took your temperature. “mate, your temperature is at nearly 102°. you’re lucky i don’t take you to a hospital.” he started at you, disapprovingly.

  “i’m sorryyyyy dadza. are you mad at me?” in your deluded state you pouted at him, like a child.

  “no, i’m not mad at you. just disappointed. you should’ve known not to do that. you’re old enough to know when you’re sick.” he stared at you with a disapproving look.

  “but that’s even worseeeeee” you felt like balling your eyes out. out of embarrassment, you tried to hide under your blanket. “can you tell mumza i’m sorry for worrying her?”

  above you, you heard phil laugh. “it’s not that big a deal, kid. i’m just upset. you could’ve seriously hurt yourself. i was worried.”

  “you were worried about me? awwwww, i love you too dadza.” you moved your head out of the blankets, smiling at him with dried tears and sweat on your face.

  “yeah, yeah. now shut up and go to bed.”

  kristin walked in, hearing what he said. “phil, don’t bully the kid. they already feel like shit.” out of the corner of your eye, you saw her look over to phil and smile at him.

  “i’m not doing anything, swear on my life!” he put his hands up in defense of himself, making you laugh.

  turning away from him, she directed her next question towards you. “how you feeling, kid? took quite a tumble there.” she smiled at you and ushed your hair out of your face.

  “i’m sorry for worrying youuuuuu. i love you, mumza. promise.”

  laughing, she leaned down to kiss you on the head. “love you too, kid. now, want me to sit with you and we can all watch some netflix or something?”

  you silently nodded and the two of them joined you on the bed, not caring very much if they got sick. after not even an hour, you all passed out.

  a few hours later, everyone returned back from the convention. let’s just say wilbur now had some very valuable blackmail.

hope you like it! this was so wholesome i- wfowcsjvri

i want parents like dadza and mumza now

[tigerdrop]

in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that

ta-dah

ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11

so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)

basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out

now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME

he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)

the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"

(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)

vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping

jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off

and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away

and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try

(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise

and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him

unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey

now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.

and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.

(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind

so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)

but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this

lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play

but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later

and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not

i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic

it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)

it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.

and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"

and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"

normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff

its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!

i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?

well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro

anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)

“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion

and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so  hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head

gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is

and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair

so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.

and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).

benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog.  he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is

benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful

so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried

point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best

benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.

he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words

hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus

benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher

he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.

gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!

but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.

anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.

for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.

and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.

gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.

the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!

gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.

benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth

and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—

and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.

then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.

once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself

he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.

“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”

“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”

and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—

except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and—

and—

oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.

then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”

“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”

“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”

“im not a bad dog!”

“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”

(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)

[plounce]

what if gay CATS........... were gay PERSONS

(info on this au under the cut)

theyre all shitty young adults just kind of. getting through their early 20s as best they can. or as much as they can. maybe things will get better someday, but right now they’re kind of spinning their wheels

magic exists but like eh it’s not a big thing don’t worry about it. it’s around but like whatever. not many people have it and it’s mostly just like. a curiosity or a party trick

demeter and bombularina are together, tugger and mistoffelees are together, bombularina and tugger occasionally fwb, it’s cool and aboveboard and it’s all fine

demeter:

bisexual with a preference for women. 24 years old

semi-psychic (not as powerful as tantomile or coricopat). tends to have vague and confusing prophetic dreams

dropped out of grad school for sociology due to trauma and ensuing intensified mental illness. kind of bitter about it, but tries to get through every day. general anxiety disorder even before all that

very nervous around most men she doesn’t know & trust

currently working at a barnes & noble starbucks, which sucks. she recently became the assistant manager, which turbo sucks because now she has more work for only like a buck raise, but at least she’s getting reliable shifts

her go-to therapy is cutting her hair with scissors. her hair is fried to all hell from regular bleaching

she’s learning how to crochet because she’s decided she needs to do something physically productively creative with her hands to distract herself from Stuff

bombalurina:

bisexual. 24 years old

got her bachelor’s in english two years ago and hasn’t found a job in her field and has kind of given up on it for now

she’s been bartending for like four years, does freelance editing work on the side. will occasionally write listicles for clickbait sites if she needs extra cash

literally any extra money she can save goes to tattoos. her right sleeve’s almost done

has natural red hair but dyes it cherry red

a hedonist to cope but is also just a natural hedonist. likes a good bath

i know that like the typical thing fandoms say about female characters is “doesn’t take shit” for the girlboss points but she truly does not take shit anymore. she used to take people’s shit sometimes but at this point in her life she’s tired and she has a girlfriend to be protective of. she has a couple people whose shit she will take (mostly just tugger) but besides them (and having to practice basic customer service to keep her job) she’s tired of other people’s shit! enough!

my personal take on bombalurina is a mix between the riot grrrls of the 90s and 80s punk girls, and then a dash of the greaser chicks from grease. i saw that spiked collar and my brain went OH okay i can run with this somewhere fun. same for demeter, but less so - she just has the piercings.

demelurina:

bombalurina met demeter in college at a women’s activism club, noticed her because of her dimple piercings and was like “oh someone else with a lot of metal in her face, i’ll sit next to her”

they were each other’s first off-campus roommates and were close friends. made out a couple times, but it was mostly a lot of sexual tension. there was a lot of bombalurina staring at demeter while she or demeter made out with someone else

demeter was on and off with her high school boyfriend munkustrap and bombalurina was like “oh he’s so much more stable/calm than me and she needs that, i party a bit too much for her, i shouldn’t try anything” so she just sort of. lets their almost-there peter off

(this is all bombalurina’s internal thoughts - demeter always was interested in her, but thought she was too boring for bombalurina. so neither of them thought they could pursue it)

bombalurina graduated and moved somewhere cheaper further away from campus. they kind of drift apart

munkustrap and demeter peter off and he moves away for a job (they’re still good friends, it was a very amicable breakup) and then demeter gets with macavity, which is a deeply toxic situation for her and sucks hugely and throws her whole life really off track. won’t go into further details

she finally manages to break up with him and calls bombalurina at like 2 am asking if she can pick her up, and also if she can sleep on her couch, it’s okay if that’s not okay, she just. really needs a place she feels safe, and her gut is telling her to. and of course bombalurina says yes

bombalurina also knew macavity and had also made out a couple times with him at like parties and stuff (see: staring at demeter as she makes out with people). something about transference of feelings - bombalurina was into him for a couple moments because he and demeter had a thing.

this is due to me interpreting the song “macavity” as actually about bombalurina wanting to fuck demeter and her singing as a half-repressed expression of that. i use my really good wlw brain to reach that conclusion. it’s kind of a non-competitive version of eve sedgwick’s take on the love triangle. (<-- normal thing to say)

but anyway demeter stays on bombalurina’s couch and she tries so hard to stay on track but eventually she just has to drop out. bombalurina helps her with that too. she’s just really supportive even as demeter’s life is at its lowest point. when she gets home from bartending she gets demeter to go to sleep

she just Stays with her and makes her smile and reminds her that her life isn’t over, there’s still things in her day to enjoy, to keep her trudging forward

bombalurina is roommates with tugger at this point - he also recently dropped out and demeter knows him because he’s munkustrap’s brother, so he’s Trusted and also is like “hey it’s okay that you dropped out, im here and im chilling and you like me and respect me at least a little, and you have a bachelor’s degree at least!” (more on him later)

demeter is like “oh god ive been crashing at their place for so long not paying rent, theyre gonna ask me to leave, im such a freeloader, they wont take my attempts at paying rent” but then bombalurina and tugger are like “hey! the lease is almost up! we found a pretty good 3 bedroom, do you wanna have your own room for real?” and she nearly cries because 1. the RELIEF 2. oh my god you want me around???

cut to bombalurina helping demeter put together an ikea dresser (tugger got banished to the kitchen to make crystal light lemonade for them because he’s useless with a screwdriver) and demeter has two epiphanies:

1. i thought i was ready to d*e four months ago and here i am making a dresser to put clothes into in my new apartment where i live and feel safe and loved. im still not happy but im still alive and im making a dresser

2. holy fuck im back in love with my best friend, and ten times more than i was back then.

so she like kind of freaks out because she’s already imposed so much on bombalurina, how could she impose her FEELINGS on her like this, oh no oh no oh no

meanwhile bombalurina’s back in love with her even MORE and she’s also like no... she’s already dealing with so much... i don’t want to make her uncomfortable or feel unsafe in her own home especially after her recent relationship trauma... i just want her to feel safe around me...

you might think tugger as their roommate would be like “JUST KISS” but he is in fact pretty oblivious because he is self-absorbed. mistoffelees on the other hand..

eventually they do have a big confession of feelings after demeter has a bad day and it’s very dramatic and they make out in the rain. and it’s like. well this is a movie scene. but also im cold and damp. let’s head inside our home and get warm and dry :)

and then they go inside and and talk through everything, all their feelings (not just their romantic feelings but like ALL their feelings) and their shared histories and bombalurina is like “do you think you’re... ready for a relationship right now? like that would be a good thing for you?”

and demeter considers it. she does stop and think. and then she says, “with anyone else... probably not. but it’s you. and i feel so safe around you, and we’re already so close. you make the future feel more worth it. you make more days alive feel not just tolerable, but something to look forward to. and knowing you’ve loved me all this time... it’s nice. it’s good. i’m - i’m understating it so much, it’s more than nice, it’s just - it’s a lot. i wish i had noticed back then.” “hey, hey, don’t blame yourself. i’m the one who never said anything.”

anyway. everything works out, and they start dating for real :)

tugger:

bisexual. 22 years old

dishwasher at the same bar bombalurina works at. she got him the job. he keeps bugging her to teach him bartending tricks and on slow nights she will agree to

he dropped out of their four year, but he managed to secure an associate’s in communications before he dipped

trying to be an ig influencer hotboy and hopefully get modeling jobs from that but his phone’s camera sucks shit so his account isn’t really going anywhere. but he continues to post his low resolution shirtless selfies

trying to cope with being the failure son who does not have a fancy nonprofit job with a salary and healthcare by being self-absorbed and self-aggrandizing

it works about 60% of the time and 60% of the times that it doesn’t he’s able to hide it

he dropped out right around when bombalurina graduated and he was like HEY! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE WHO DOESN’T CARE IF WE LIVE TEN MILES AWAY FROM CAMPUS? WELL HAVE I GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU: ME!

to which bombalurina (who has fooled around with him here and there and thinks he is funny little man and genuinely goodhearted, and also he has rockin abs as a plus) says munkustrap already asked me if i need a roommate and if i do to consider you, because you don’t want to move back home. in other words: yes, you little idiot

they do fool around with each other but they are both very understanding that it is strictly platonic and for fun, especially once they become roommates. they both do not desire each other for anything serious

he did have a bit of a crush on each other when they met (hot punk older girl who’s friends with his brother) but 1. it dissipated pretty quick after they fooled around for the first time because it was not a very serious crush 2. she was in the middle of being in love with demeter so she was focused on that, emotionally

he got his ears pierced a couple times in high school but bombalurina inspired him to get a couple more. she went with him when he got his nose pierced

demeter has always understood that him and bombalurina are strictly fwb, has never been an issue.

she and him like to bleach their hair together when their hair schedules line up (he bleaches his way less often then she does), but she refuses to use his fancy conditioner that keeps his hair unfried because it’s expensive, even though he tells her to go ahead and use it, please, the health of her hair is giving HIM anxiety, demeter please. please demeter

mistoffelees:

gay. 20 years old

has magic. it’s pretty good magic but again: magic is not a big deal in this concept

a bit spooky. skulks around. a bit of a bitch but also very very nice. chooses when to speak

he has postings on craigslist and fiverr about finding lost objects and people with magic. like a gig economy private detective

side job is a waiter at a fancy restaurant

sometimes he gets paid VERY well from the private detecting, depending on the client. he does ask his psychic friends (tantomile & coricopat) to give a quick glance over on some of the more suspicious clients just to make sure he isn’t finding someone who should not be found by that person.

doesn’t go to college. is roommates with his sister victoria, who’s a freshman and studying dance. moved into town with her so she wouldn’t have to live in the dorms by having a guaranteed roommate.

tuggoffelees:

the general vibe i want for these two is mistoffelees walking around town or driving around in his shitty toyota camry while tugger tags along because he’s bored and thinks this is cool as shit

the general tone of the au is “magic isn’t a big deal” except for tugger, who thinks mistoffelees’ magic and his magic freelancing is the coolest shit ever. this is mostly because he just likes mistoffelees. “there are people who can do cooler shit than me, tug” “yeah but i don’t KNOW them also theyre not as COOL as you” “you had to explain to me how instagram reels work”

idk how they met i just think tugger shows up at his and bombalurina’s apartment one day (this is when demeter has moved in but they havent moved to the 3br yet) with this dude to dash in and pick something up and bombalurina is like “uh. who’s this” “oh this is mistoffelees he’s SO GOOD AT MAGIC” [mistoffelees nods hello] “okay bye bombalurina see you at work!!!” “uh. later”

after that he just shows up a lot. sort of ambiguous if theyre dating or what for a while before bombalurina straight up asks like “hey does the dude you’re dating know we fool around” “the dude im - what?” “... the little magic guy who keeps using our hot cocoa mix. misty.” “oh. uh. we aren’t dating.” “... do you want to? because you’re kind of all over him constantly” “um. well! haha, if i wanted to, i could! haha!” “yeah get back to me on that”

tugger trying to use his ig clout to get mistoffelees more work even though 1. he has no clout 2. mistoffelees has a very stable client base. but mistoffelees appreciates the effort. the self-promo guy promoing someone other than himself... the highest expression of love...

mistoffelees is A Nonthreatening Man plus he’s pretty obviously gay so demeter is chill around him pretty quickly. when mistoffelees is over they’ll sit on the couch where demeter sleeps and watch documentaries quietly while she crochets

they both occasionally say spooky shit at the same time because magic stuff. bombalurina and tugger are both torn between “that was cool as fuck” and “god that’s unnerving”

just a lot of tugger following mistoffelees around on his jobs and mistoffelees letting him because he’s fond of him and them occasionally getting into minor peril and interesting shenanigans, but it is 90% fetch quests

i think the first time they met tugger was taking selfies in front of a hydrangea in a public park and he saw mistoffelees walk up with a shovel and start digging in one of the flower beds and he thought he was hot so he went over and offered to take over on the shoveling to look strong and masculine and he ended up digging up a skull, which mistoffelees picked up and said “thanks” and then walked away

mildly terrifying but also very interesting and tugger’s days are kind of boring and dishwashing kind of sucks as a job to do like every night and he is a person who thrives on novelty so. moth to a porchlight

i think they do start making out for fun here and there and then a while later theyre out on one of mistoffelees’ jobs and someone asks “who’s the guy with you” and mistoffelees replies “oh that’s my boyfriend, don’t worry about him” and then it’s like. “HUH? I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND?” “uh. yeah? i assumed. is that okay?” “i mean yeah of course i think you’re great! how long have we–” “oh like a while.” “oh. uh. cool!!”

they just hang out a lot. mistoffelees enjoys teasing him and enjoys his warmth and bombasticity and tugger likes watching and helping him solve little mysteries around the county because it’s always something new. they’re kind of a comedy duo. they just enjoy spending their time together and following mistoffelee’s internal magic gps to find lost dogs and lost necklaces

yeah right now this au is just vibes and just sort of. continuing forward with your days and your weeks and your months. just young adults hanging out

[brelione]

After (The Best Boys)

Series Masterlist

Warnings:Smut, hospitals, mental breakdowns/panic attacks.

After the three weeks that Topper was in the hospital everyone was  in pure agony.None of you were really sleeping properly, your days spent at the hospital with your friend, voices never going above a whisper.

He was getting better, able to sit up in his hospital bed and play uno with you and Rafe while Kelce napped on your lap.Kelce was getting the least sleep, the stress all catching up with him.

You didnt know how to bring it up, instead helping him in the only way you really knew how.That was by extra hugs, a shit ton of forehead kisses and sleeping in his bed with him when he stayed at your house.You had no idea what was happening with you and Rafe.

When Kelce would leave whether it be to the grocery store or to pick up McDonalds you would find yourself on the couch with Rafe, sharing feather like kisses with your arms wrapped around eachother.You still hadnt figured out all your feelings.

You knew that you liked kissing Rafe but you werent sure why.He was gentle and it calmed you but that didnt mean you loved him, right?Sometimes when you were kissing Rafe you’d start to worry about Kelce.

You would usually go with him when he went grocery shopping but he now preferred to go alone, figuring that it would help him clear his head and get lost in the music from his radio.

You laid with your chest pressed against Rafe’s, your hand twirling his hair with his head resting against your neck, arm around your waist.You were still wearing Topper’s hoodie, switching between the gray hoodie you had took from him and the black one with a rabbit sillouhette on the back.

You still felt scared of touching Topper, way too worried about hurting him even when he was practically begging for hugs and forehead kisses.It killed you to not be able to, wanting nothing more than to hug him and kiss him and laugh at how stupid he was.

Rafe sighed, lifting his head from your shoulder, the tip of his nose resting against yours, letting out a small sigh. “You excited to take Topper home tomorrow?”He asked, his eyes only half open as he spoke.You hummed, a small grin on your face. 

“Mhmm...Ive missed him a lot.”You glanced down at Rafe’s lips, looking back up at his eyes.A small smile tugged at his lips, leaning towards you and pressing a gentle kiss to your lips, smiling a bit.A dozen of gentle pecks later and he had ended up on top of you, elbows on either side of your waist, sighing against your lips. 

“The nurse said we can do movie nights again soon as long as its not too loud.”He informed you, placing a gentle kiss on your nose, smiling when you let out a small laugh. “Thats good...I think he has to have like infinite movie picking nights.”You replied, leaning up to kiss him again.

He nodded, biting his lip. “Yeah, definitely.But the no horror movie rule still stands, right?”He asked, looking down at you with a big smile.You rolled your eyes, pulling his head down so you could kiss his forehead. 

“Yeah, the rule still stands.”You grinned, your hand going back to play with his soft hair.He had washed it today.You could tell because it was nice and soft, well conditioned with some high end conditioner.

Out of curiosity you sniffed it, face heating up when he lifted his head, raising an eyebrow. “Are you sniffing my hair?”He asked, trying not to laugh.You rolled your eyes.

 “Shut up.”You grumbled, tugging lightly at the dark hair.He let out a low moan, surprising you both. “Did you just…”You trailed off, noticing how red his face had gotten, his face burying itself into the soft fabric of the hoodie. “Shut up!”He exclaimed.

You simply laughed, sniffing his soft hair again, trying to figure out what the scent was.He laughed, holding onto you tightly.His hair smelt like maraschino cherries and roses. “Your hair smells really nice.”You told him, inhaling the scent again.

He let out another laugh, biting his lip. “Yeah?”He asked, trying to remember which shampoo he had used that morning.You nodded, not able to feel your legs from his weight on top of you.The door swung open, Kelce coming in with a brown bag of Chinese food, setting it down on the table.

He didnt say anything, just sat down on the floor and started to take the food out, placing the boxes on the table.You frowned, Rafe getting off of you so you could move across the couch, hugging Kelce from behind. “You okay?”You asked, pressing a light kiss to his cheek.

He sighed, leaning back against you and letting you wrap your legs under his arms. “You seem stressed.Do you need to talk about something?”You asked, quiet enough that only he could hear it.He shook his head, opening one of the boxe and handing you a crab rangoon, laughing when you took it in your teeth right from his hand. 

“We need to save rice for Topper.”You reminded Rafe as he scooped it onto a paper plate with a spoon.He frowned, shaking his head. “Nope, Topper drove off a bridge.He gets no rice.”he replied, staring up at you as you glared down at him.

It took a few seconds before he hummed, putting some of his rice back into the container. “Should we get him cake or something?They wont let us smuggle him McDonalds so maybe we should get him that.”You thought out loud, grabbing another crab rangoon.

They shrugged, not really knowing. “My mom wants me to be home more often because she’s convinced i’ll crash like Topper did.I dont know, she just wants me home tomorrow for a family day or something.I’ll probably just stop by Topper’s house after you guys drop him off tomorrow.”Kelce fixed himself a plate, the two of you ending up switching positions so that you were on the floor while he sat on the couch with his legs on either side of you.

You sighed, resting your elbows on his knees while you bit into a piece of shrimp.Rafe turned on the tv, staring at you and Kelce.He wasnt sure what was happening with you.He didnt really understand why you two did what you did or why you guys never talked about it.

He ended up turning on Nickelodeon, glad when Victorious started playing.Rafe was grumpy the whole night, up until three in the morning as he scrolled through his phone.You and Kelce were cuddled up at the end of the couch, your arms and legs wrapped around him with your nose pressed against his chest, loud snored escaping the two of you.

Eventually he fell asleep, his phone on his chest and his head on the arm rest.He was woken up by you jumping up and down on the couch, grinning when you saw his eye open. “You gotta get up, bubs.We have to go get Topper.”You reminded him, hopping off the couch.

Rafe groaned, shifting on the couch and resting his face against the cushion.He dozed off again, grumbling when you climbed on top of him, demanding that he get up. “Hmm...where’s Kelce?”He asked, eyes half open. “He went home, its almost three in the afternoon, Topper can leave by four.”You kissed Rafe’s forehead, noticing how confused he was. 

“Three?”He asked, looking over to check the time on his phone.You nodded, getting off of him and heading upstairs to change your clothes.He groaned, finally getting off your couch and stretching his long limbs.Dragging himself up the stairs and into your guest room he had nearly fell on the stairs twice, closing the door behind him.

His clothes were scattered all over the room, groaning as he searched for his yellow shirt, cursing.He forgot to knock, walking straight into your room. “Hey, do you have my yellow shirt?”He asked, watching you tie your shoes.You bit your lip, glancing over to your closet.

 “No.”You lied, standing up straight once you had your shoes on.He chuckled, walking over to your closet.You quickly grabbed his arm, trying to prevent him from opening the door.He easily held you back, seeing the yellow shirt hanging in the closet.

He grabbed it, running past you. “Rafe!You cant have that!”You shouted, running through the house.He laughed, running into your kitchen before realising he had cornered himself.You ran at him, trying to take the shirt back.

 “Rafe-thats mine!”You exclaimed, clinging onto his arm and trying to bring it back down so you could take it from him. “No, no its not.”He answered, holding it high above his head.You sighed, wrapping your arms around his torso.

He frowned, eventually giving in and hugging you back, forgetting that he was holding the shirt when you swiped it from him, holding it to your chest. “thanks.”You grinned, stepping on your tiptoes to kiss him lightly.He sighed, arms tight around your waist, knowing it would be the last kiss he got that morning since you two would most likely be with Topper for the rest of the day.

 “Hmm...we gotta go.”He mumbled against your lips, not really wanting to pull away.You sighed softly, kissing him again. “Let me just grab my backpack really quick.”You kissed his nose, noticing how tired he looked.You grabbed your small leather backpack before coming back into the kitchen, seeing Rafe eating a handful of frozen berries right out of the bag.The two of you got into the car in silence as you texted Kelce.

You:Hows family day going?

Bean:we cant decide on a movie

Bean:hows Topper doing?

You:We’re on our way to the hospital rn.My heart is literally pounding im kinda nervous ngl

Bean:felt that.How’s Rafe doing?He seemed mad last night

You:Rafe’s fine he just slept weird

You:Are you ok?You’ve been really stressed lately

Read at 3:43 pm

You sighed, placing your phone between your thighs.Rafe raised an eyebrow, wondering whether or not he should ask about your sudden mood change.You were out of the car before it even stopped, speed walking to the hospital entrance with Rafe close behind you.

You took in a deep breath as you walked through the motion activating doors, the cool air conditioned air hitting your skin.Rafe came up quick behind you, not wanting to lose you in the hospital.

Topper was sitting at a little waiting area on a red couch, reading something from a magazine.He was wearing loose gray sweatpants and a white T Shirt, squinting as he tried to read.You ran over to him, grinning when he looked up at you, slowly standing up and letting you hug him.

You closed your eyes,arms tight around his torso, his nose in your hair. “Hi.”He grinned, trying not to laugh.You were acting like you hadnt seen him in months, cautious of his casted arm. “Hi.”You replied, feeling your eyes moisten.

You refused to let go even when Topper lifted up his head to greet Rafe.His forehead wound had healed nicely, a stip of medical tape over the area.The stitches had been removed a few days prior, the tip of his tongue fully healed so he could eat better foods.

 “(Y/N).”He mumbled, a red blush across his face.You took in a big breath, looking up at him curiously. “I asked the nurse and she said I can have forehead kisses now.”He replied, flicking your hip lightly.

You sighed, cupping his face so he’d lean down a bit, placing a gentle kiss to his forehead.A weight lifted off his shoulders, letting out a low sigh.He had missed that feelin so much, glad he could finally enjoy your touch again.He sighed softly, resting his head on your shoulder.

 “We’re gonna get McDonalds and Kelce said he’d stop by your house later.Do you need to check out with the nurse or something?”You asked, feeling his hot breath against your collarbone. “Noo...we can just go.”He replied, most of his weight on you.You sighed, rubbing his back. “Are you sure?”You asked.

He nodded, kissing your jaw lightly.You looked over to Rafe, seeing him just standing there nervously.Once Topper had picked up the magazine and slid it up his shirt you guys walked out, Topper holding your hand tight, the sun causing him to squint.

You sat in the backseat with Topper, making sure that his seatbelt was secure. “Its scary to be in a car again.”He admitted, holding onto the door handle.You sighed, squeezing his hand. 

“The ride to your house from here is pretty smooth, no bridges or anything.”You reminded him, feeling his good hand on your thigh. “Can I turn on the radio?”Rafe asked.Topper sighed, kissing your temple. “Low volume.”He told the brunette, leaning against you with his eyes squeezed shut as the car started moving.

Your hand was running though his hair, rubbing at the back of his neck and avoiding his hairline.You placed a kiss on the top of his head, feeling yourself blushing a bit. “Hey, hey what do you guys want?”Rafe asked as he pulled up to the drive thru, stopping the truck.Topper grinned. 

“Uhh...a quarter pounder with extra pickles and large fries.”He replied, noticing how you were staring at his blue cast.Rafe pulled up to the window, handing you the large brown paper bag.You were quick to unwrap Topper’s burger halfway for him, letting him hold it. 

 “What about meds?Do we need to pick them up for you?”You asked, taking one of his fries.He slowly shook his head, slurping down his burger, nearly dropping a pickle. “No, they’re getting dropped by my house.”he replied, offering you a bite of his burger.

 “Thats good.”You mumbled, taking another fry. “What kind of meds?”Rafe asked, shutting up when he saw you glare at him. “Just like, pain meds.I dont know.Ive gotta take like three a day for two weeks I think.”He replied, halfway done with his burger when he quietly asked you if you could wrap it back up for him so he could save it for later.

Your heart dropped when Rafe pulled into his driveway, knowing that you wouldnt be able to see him again until tomorrow.You got up, helping him inside the house and shutting the door behind you, sighing. “Its been a while.”You muttered, taking in the white tile of the opening room, a chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

He nodded in agreement, slowly walking into his living room.It wasnt too different from yours except for the gray carpet and the different couch.He sat down on it, seeming confused.You placed the McDonalds bag on the side table, looking down at him. 

“Hey, can I tell you something without you freaking out?”he asked, shifting in his spot so he could look at you properly.You hummed, hoping it wasnt something too bad. “Yeah, yeah I guess.”You replied, waiting anxiously.He gulped, taking in a large breath.

It took him a second to finally form words, his legs tingling. “Um...so im in love with you and I have been for a while now.I dunno, when I called 911 the last thing I thought about was you.I just thought you should know.”He confessed, his heart thumping so hard that if he were still in the hospital the nurses would come rushing in.

Your eyes widened, trying to think of something to say.That wasnt what you were expecting him to say, taking in a large breath that hurt your ribs. “um...uh….I um….”You stuttered, taking in another breath.You let out a nervous giggle, covering your face.

 “Im sorry, this is just crazy….um….so can we just….can we talk about this another time, please?”You asked, not sure you could handle everything that was being thrown at you.Topper nodded, grinning.

 “Yeah, yeah its fine...we dont have to talk about it.I just wanted you to know.”He muttered, avoiding your gaze. “Alright...um...im gonna go but i’ll see you tomorrow.”You left quickly, shutting the door and hopping into the passenger seat, still shaking.

Rafe frowned, trying to figure out what had happened. “Whats wrong?”He asked, hand on your thigh to get it to stop bouncing.You sighed, looking over at him. “Topper just….he’s talking weird.Its stupid, hes drugged out of his mind anyways.Can we just go home, please?”You asked, wanting to focus on something else.

Had all those hugs and kisses meant something different to Topper this whole time?Or did they just mean something different to you?Now things were starting to make sense.Why Topper had left that night three nights ago, why he had always glared at Kelce whenever the two of you were cuddling.

Now you felt all the guilt.You were hurting Topper this whole time by being so close with Rafe and Kelce when he was supposedly in love with you.And now you would be hurting Topper now because of how often you and Rafe did things that shouldnt be done between best friends.

Everything was so fucked up now.Rafe was pouting, trying to understand what possibly couldve happened in the five minutes that you were inside Topper’s house. “Are you okay?Did something bad happen?”He asked, reaching for your hand.

You sighed, lifting your hands so your elbows were on the armrest, resting your head against his hand. “No, just weird shit.Its fine, Rafe.”You replied, sighing when he pulled into your driveway.It was already 5:30.You got out of his truck, going inside quickly. “Hey, why are you walking so fast?”Rafe asked, struggling to keep up with you even with his long legs.

You simply huffed, going up the stairs.He was confused, following you anyways. “I just…”You trailed off, groaning as you flopped onto your bed.He pouted, sitting at the foot of your bed after closing your door. “What?”He asked, not understanding.

You rolled onto your back in a starfish position, staring at the ceiling. “Im just stressed is all.Do you want to watch something?”You asked, looking over to see your remote on your night stand, surprised when his hands gripped your hips. “Do you want me to help with the stress?”He asked, hovering over you.

You knew where he was getting at, not sure how to think about it.It had been nearly a month since he had touched you like that but it had lead to something bad happening.But thinking something bad would happen everytime you messed around with someone was crazy, right?

You slowly leaned up, kissing him lightly.It didnt take long for his hands to move down to your pants, carefully pulling them down your legs.He looked up at you before pulling down your light blue underwear, making sure that you were okay before dipping his tongue into you, holding your thighs down as he pressed a kiss to your clit.

You let out a low moan, fingers squeezing at your comforter as he licked a stripe up your folds.One of your hands moved down, tugging lightly at his hair.He let out a moan, letting you direct him the way you wanted, his tongue plunging in and out of you, eyes closing.

He sucked on your clit, trying not to smile at how loud you were, slipping a finger into your entrance.He wasn't sure how this would end up, remembering your promise from last time.You moaned loudly when he added another finger, pumping them in and out of you.

He could feel you getting close, kitten licking your clit to tease you.A shiver ran up your spine, moaning loudly as your eyes clenched shut. “Rafe-please.”You whimpered.He smiled up at you, adding another finger to stretch you out a bit, slowly moving.

 “Rafe.”You whined, trying to get him to move faster.He simply chuckled, giving you what you wanted and beginning to speed up, your moans only making him move faster.You climaxed with a loud, high pitched moan, letting go of his hair as you panted.

Feeling his tongue moving again you let out a soft moan as he cleaned you up, your fluids on his chin and fingers as he licked them clean.He wiped his chin off with the back of his hand, looking up at you. “Rafe.”You whispered, knowing how crazy you were about to sound.

He leaned back over you, his nose touching yours. “yeah?”He asked, not sure what to expect.You let out a soft sigh, kissing him gently. “I want...I want to go all the way.”You told him, noticing his breath hitch in his throat.He gulped, not sure if he could do it.

He didn't want to hurt you. “Are you sure?”He asked, looking into your eyes.You nodded slowly, anxiety building up in you as he slowly pulled down his pants, letting you palm him through his boxers.He let out a moan, wanting you to apply more pressure.

 “Are you sure that you want this?”He repeated his question, biting his lip.You let out a shaky breath, nodding. “Im sure.”You replied, eyes widening when he pulled down his boxers.He was huge.You just had to hope it wouldn't hurt as bad as it looked.

 “Its gonna hurt a little, alright?I need you to tell me what you want.If you want me to stop I need you to tell me.If you want me to slow down I need you to tell me, okay?”He asked, wanting to make sure that everything would be okay.You nodded, touching his hair lightly.

The first few inches didn't hurt but when he was about half way in you hissed in pain, gripping his shoulders.He came to a halt, looking down at you with a concerned expression. “Baby, hey, hey.Do you need me to stop?”He asked, preparing to pull out when your fingernails dug into his skin. 

“no...no.Keep going.”You replied.He began to move again slowly, biting his lip.He was nearly fully inside you, trying not to moan as you kept clenching around him due to his size.You were whimpering, eyes becoming watery as he was finally inside of you.It stung a lot, scratching up his back.You sniffled, glad he was taking things slow.

You took in a deep breath, a few tears rolling down your cheeks. “Shh...I know, I know.It’s okay, you’re okay.”Rafe whispered, cupping your face and wiping away the tears. “It hurts.”You whispered, sniffling.He bit his lip, kissing his forehead as he tried to help with the pain or at least distract you from it.

He wanted to pull out and run you a bath, trying not to make himself cry. “Do you want me to stop?”He aksed, trying his best to stay completely still.You shook your head, holding onto hims tighter, his  face in the crook of your neck with his chest pressed against yours.

 “Baby- I indeed you to try and relax, alright?Tensing up only makes it worse, take deep breaths, ready?Breath in, breath out.”He pressed a gentle kiss to your collarbone, listening to your breathing. “Good girl...in and out, just keep breathing.Im gonna start moving a little, okay?”He asked, feeling you nod against his shoulder.

He took in a deep breath, pulling out ever so slightly before pushing back in, clenching his eyes shut. “You okay?”he asked, pulling his head from your shoulder, looking down at you.You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “Yeah-it hurts a little but im okay.”You confirmed, kissing him lightly.He let out a soft sigh, squeezing your waist lightly.

 “Ready?”He asked, keeping his hands on your hips, waiting.You let out a shaky breath, nodding.He was careful, only pulling out a quarter of the way before slowly moving back in, jaw dropping when you moaned.His heart was thumping fast as he moved slowly, groaning.

 “Shit.”He whispered, leaning down to kiss your cheeks, nose and lips. “How are you feeling, sweetheart?”He asked, pulling out halfway this time before pushing back in, watching as your eyes widened and a moan came from you.

  “Shit, Rafe.”You moaned, nails digging further into his back.He took a deep, shaky breath. “God, youre so fucking tight.”He moaned, letting out a low whimper, repeating the action of pulling out halfway before pushing in again. “Rafe-”You couldn't even form a full sentence before you were moaning again.

He was pleased with your reaction, moving a little faster and pulling out almost completely before pushing back in. “You want me to slow down?”He offered.You shook your head, running a hand through his hair. “Faster.”You muttered, seeing a surprised look spread across his face.

He began to speed up his actions, pulling out nearly completely before plunging back into you, both of you moaning loudly,He was panting, a light layer of sweat covering his face, going as fast as he could. “Rafe-im gonna-”You moaned, your head rolling against your pillow as you clenched around him,cumming all over his cock.

He licked his lips, slowly pulling out of you.He picked up a towel from your floor, carefully wiping your thighs clean. “You did so well, baby.How are you feeling?”He asked, picking up his boxers from the foot of the bed and pulling them back up, laying down next to you.

The sun was just going down, red and purple hues covering the sky like a wonderful painting, the golden light coming through your blinds.You held onto his arm, resting against his bicep. “Im fine...im tired as shit but im fine.”You replied, hearing your phone ringing from your shorts.

You sighed, too tired to move.Rafe grabbed it for you, telling you that Kelce was trying to call you.You were panting too hard to answer, Rafe gulping and licking his lips before lifting the phone to his ear. “Hello?”He asked.You noticed the way his eyes widened, eyebrows knitting together. 

“Chill, man.Just- what do you mean you broke it?Well dont-hello?”Rafe asked, realising his friend had hung up.You looked up at him with a confused expression, trying to figure out what was wrong. “So Kelce broke his door and he’s on his way now.He really doesn't sound too good.”Rafe answered, slowly sitting up.

After the call about Topper you thought you had heard the worst news you’d ever recieve.But hearing that Kelce had broke something made you want to vomit.Kelce freaking out was how you knew the world had hit rock bottom but it didnt help that you didnt know what he was freaking out about.Shit.

@sweetlittlegingy    @nicolefarley603 @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @newsies-yeet​ @butgilinsky @jjjmaybank @gracelovesbroadway  @stellariddle @outerbongs  @copper-boom  @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee  @on-socks-off @spn-marvel-nerd @lovelyelinor @chinamolina602  @sexytholland @28cnn  @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @jjtheangel @jj-iz-bae@sunwardsss @meaganjm  @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @natalie-kate-98 @nxsmss @broken-jj @joshy-obx @classygirlything  @annmariek8 @stupidpendeja @killjoyybsinner @teenagekook @i-love-scott-mccall

[irameii]

You ||: JUYEON

Warnings: none really

Summary: I love you y/n

Juyeon:"Prettys on the inside y/n"

Y/n:"I know , I know Juyeon but common. Do you see her though. Shes just so much prettier than me"*sigh*

The male just looks at me . From the way he looks, almost like hes upset is enough to get me to stop talking about our college campus beauty.

Juyeon:"You'll see eventually, look closer in the mirror. y/n and you can see it. Its all on the inside. "

Y/n: "Alright alright. Hey Juyeon, help me pick out my outfit for my date today?"

Juyeon: *Hesitates* today? Um, sure. What time ?

Y/n: once our 1 pm class is over? He said theres this garden he wants to show me so I want to look as pretty as the flowers that will be there.

Juyeon: *light chuckle*alright y/n

Y/n: thank you Juyeonieee !!!! *skips away to class *

OtherPOV

Juyeon sees as his bestfriend happily skips away. Letting out a heavy sigh. Feeling a knowing feeling he knows all too well. He loves Y/n. But she has a Boyfriend so he cant do anything about it. Your smile, your laugh, you. It was you. It was complicated.

*Later that evening*

Juyeon sat on your couch while you went to get different outfits. The sound of your rambling when you were choosing outfits to show Juyeon made him laugh to himself.

Y/n: OMG Juyeon. Look okay so how about this skirt with this top? Or should we keep it classic with this top and a pair of ripped jeans?

Juyeon: *finger on chin* mmm both look good. But what do you feel more comfortable in? You will be wearing it for a few hours, and it might get slightly colder tonight.

Y/n: true *looks at self* so the top with the jeans? With a loose upward pony tail??* turns around to look at Juyeon*

Juyeon: uh yeah... That'd be nice.

Y/n : okay !!thank you Juyeonieee . Im gonna go ahead and get ready, stay till i leave so you can help me see how it looks !!! * skips along to bedroom*

Again. He slightly chuckles as he watches you leave. You had that habit. Everytime he said or did something for you you would always call him Juyeonie and skip along almost like an innocence he loved about you. Or when you'd simply look up at him to smile, he loved it about you. The way your eyes would go big and then your eyebrows would go up and down with your mouth slightly open when you'd try to get his attention to make him lose concentration cause you'd gotten bored studying. He enjoyed your habits. Thats when he realized he loved you.

Y/n: Juyeon!!! Help me with this hairclip.

Juyeon: *opens clip and places on head* is this the one i got you?

Y/n: *turns around, looks up* yeah, its really pretty .

Juyeon: yeah..... *looks away with a slight blush*

Y/n: okay. So how do I look? *spins*

Juyeon: * smile forming* Beautiful. You look beautiful y/n...

Y/n: Thank you Juyeonieee.❤I'll see you then!!!. Thanks for helping meee. I'll tell you how it goes!!

Juyeon: okay....

Juyeon didnt want to hear it though. How your boyfriend makes your heat skip a beat. How that smile you give Juyeon was bigger when you were with your boyfriend. How he made you feel in love.... But he was your bestfriend.... And talking about it made you happy, but he felt Jealous.. The way hed get to hold your hand. Or the way youd hug him, or let him lay his head in your lap... He felt jealous.... But there wasnt anything he could do....he was just your bestfriend.

Next day

There were marks on your neck. Evident that your date with your boyfriend went well. But it didnt sit well with Juyeon the moment he saw them.

Juyeon: whats this?

He says it with a different tone than you're used to as he pulls your hair back away from your neck to see them. Things got heated between you and your boyfriend last night, you didnt think anyone would notice since you tried hiding it with makeup but it seems it didnt get passed Juyeon though.

Y/n: * slightly steps back* things got a little heated last night after the date. I tried to cover them up though.

You dont notice the look he gives you as you look away and focus back on the teacher. You heard a clicking sound from him but when you looked at him he turned back to the teacher.

Juyeon was acting off the following days.. He started talking to the college campus beauty and her friends. He would walk her to and from class. And would swing by her table before finding his was to you Which was odd since he said he didnt really like girls who wore so much makeup because it hides their natural beauty. So it was odd that he suddenly had interest in them now. Saying you were feeling a little jealous was something you didnt want to come to terms with. But you couldnt do anyrhing about it since you guys were just friends so you decided to ignore it but youd steal glances every now and then and its make your chest tight. And the way he talks to you were just short responses maybe a hey here and there but that was all.

After the next 3 weeks he would do it. Casually put his arm around her and laugh out loud when you would walk past him. And eventually you had enough of it. And decided to confront him.

Y/n: Juyeon

*silence*

Y/n: Juyeon

*silence*

Tired you pull him by his shirt collar outside to the back of the library.

Y/n: whats up with you? Why have you suddenly changed??

Juyeon: why? Whats wrong with wanting to talk to others ?

Y/n: you know thats not what I mean Juyeon. You have hardly been speaking to me and now its now to nearly nothing. Something is wrong. Please......

*Bell rings*

Y/n:*sigh* meet me at my place to talk Juyeon. I mean it.

You turn to leave , not letting him give you a response. He stood there frozen. Not knowing what to do. He knew if he went , he might mess up and confessing... He didnt know what to do. The desperate look on your face almost made him confess right there. But he bit his tongue.

Lunch time

Juyeon: hey y/n.... I cant make it. Im sorry.

Y/n: LEE JUYEON you WILL come no matter what time it is. Ill wait for you to come. I dont want us to be like this anymore. Please come.

*puppy eyes*

You wre doing it again... Making him speechless... Making him give into you... He didnt want that look on your face. He wanted you to look at him... But not with those eyes... Not ones with sadness and dissapointment in them...

Juyeon:okay...

Y/n POV

It was 10pm and he still hasnt come... Maybe I did something wrong..

My bf isnt talking to me either... I kept complaining about Juyeon not talking to me anymore and how things were different and he snapped . He didnt want to hear about him anymore and said we should take a break since he said i need to determine who i like more. Him or my bestfriend... Now Ive lost both of them....*sigh*.... *falls alseep*

You didnt hear the door click open. Juyeon had an extra key for when you were sick or needed something and hed fetch it for you. Your boyfriend was always busy except every now and then so giving him one wouldnt have much of a purpose. If you were sick he'd call and say he felt bad you were sick but since he had a weak immune system and didnt want both him and you sick he wouldnt come. But Juyeon never hesitated to. Hed hold up your hair as you would throw up and rub your back for you. He'd wipe you down to lower your body temperature. He'd try and cook porridge and end up messing up it up and calling his mom to make some that was edible instead for you. It was always Juyeon. The one who would remind you that you looked best with bed hair and baggy pjs and tshirts when hed surprise you in the mornings if you had an exam to make sure you ate a good breakfas because that was when you were most comfortable.

But to you. It was all platonic. So you knew better than to fall for him like that...

Blissful in sleep you wake to Juyeon on his knees infront of you. He didnt wake you. He just layed his head on your little table facing you.

You really didn't realize it. But you couldnt help but start to admire him. The way his eyelashes casted a shadow on his cheeks. The way his lips formed a slight pout. You felt yourself smiling. You reach to move a piece of hair out of his face but you quickly retract your hand and turn around and pretend to sleep when you feel he's waking up.

After 5 minutes pass. You hear shuffling. Then a voice in a so quiet almost in a whisper you hear him sigh then ... He starts...

Juyeon:

Y/n.... I like your eyes, and how you look away when you pretend not to care* chuckle*....I like the dimples on the corners of the smile that you wear when you see me.*looks towards the ground* The world may not know but I do. I loved you for so long y/n, sometimes it's hard to bear with it .But after all this time, I hope you can wait and see ... See that Ive loved you every minute.... every second.... I'll love you anywhere and any moment for every moment.Always and forever.... I know ....its wrong... I don't know how its come to this... I cant help that I love the little things about you, like when you're unaware...I catch you steal a glance towards me at times and smile , maybe I misunderstood it... And then sometimes when life brings me down. You're there.... you're the one, I don't know how but it feels like in a world devoid of life, you bring color to it. You are the color in a black and white painting. And in your eyes I see the light. A light i want to follow forever and protect....I love you y/n..... But you're not mine...

He goes quiet again. You slightly turn around to see Juyeon with his face in his hands. Tears running down. Trying to quietly hide his pain..

You reach your hand out to him, and pull his hand away from his face. He looks up at you in shock. But then he quickly turns away. Something about looking at his sad and teary eyes made you lost for words..

Y/n:Juyeon...

You pull him closer to you. Hug him tightly and slowly feel him wrap his arms around you.

Its quiet... As you pet his hair, you can feel his breathing become slower.. He's fallen asleep. You strech your head to see his face. Its stained with tears... His nose a light shade of pink... And his lips in a small pout....

Almost as if on cue, his eyes flutter open and look at you . And as he quietly looks at you you whisper back....

Y/n: ..... I love you too Juyeon...

Juyeon:..... Huh? Wait what?

Now he was fully awake now. And it looked like he was trying to see if he was dreaming. And with a giggle you turn his face to yours and press them together with his. As shock spreads on his face you smile at him and repeat the words

Y/n: I love you Juyeon

And almost instantly he smiles a smile bigger than you've seen and this time he is the one who grabs your face and presses a kiss to your lips. He presses his forehead against yours and chuckles to himself as he closes his eyes and smiles

Juyeon: Im glad... Im glad I came....

THE END

Gif credits to owners

I didnt really like this one but ehhhhh im slowly trying to get better guys...

*I did not proof read it so my bad

[captain-kingliamsqueen]

Diary of A Star Crossed Lover Part 2

just a short series ...well not really a series...but still a series! , that ive been working on! there are a few series i’’ve had to put on hold as im just not feeling them right now, and i only want to put my best out for you to read! hope you enjoy this series as much as i have enjoyed writing it!

Pairing: Liam x Riley, Liam x MC

Summary: Liam dives into riley most inner thoughts and dreams...

Word Count: 2,655

Masterlist

ASK IF YOU WANT TAGGED! SORRY IF I MISSED ANYONE!

I always notice every single spelling mistake or issue after I’ve posted…so apologies in advance!

Tags aren’t working so I will be tagging in the comments. Ive tried to tag everyone, please don’t hesitate to msg and let me know if i forgot to tag you!

June 14th

Dear Diary…

Here I am…sitting in the middle of a foreign country…Cordonia, When Maxwell appeared at my apartment and asked me if I wanted to come to Cordonia and compete for Liam's hand in marriage…I mean…is there really a choice in the matter…stay and be a waitress for the rest of my life…come and have the time of my life, with an amazing guy! I’ve never been one to shoot my shot or anything, but this is a once in a lifetime chance, Liam is Amazing, Exciting and extremely handsome, how could I possibly say no?

Love you Muchly…Riley x

Liam placed Riley's diary down on the table as Drake entered his office.

“Drake” Liam greeted him.

“Hey, I just came to see if we’re still on for Poker night tomorrow?”

“I’ll have to postpone for about 30 minutes but we’re definitely still on for it!!”

“alright, I just wanted to check, I’ll let you get back to whatever it was you were doing”

After Drake left, Liam lifted the diary again.

June 26th

Dear Diary,

After the derby and the picnic today, we all went out for cronuts, I can’t believe they’ve never tried them! getting to spend some time with Liam was amazing, even though there were others there, just getting to be with him outside of the court was just amazing. My heart just about jumped out of my body, when we were sitting in the café, and I felt his fingers brush my hand, then his hand linked with mine, he gave it a gentle squeeze then smiled when I looked at him. God I love his smile!

Love you Muchly…Riley x

Liam smirked as he turned the page over,

June 27th

Dear Diary,

Today we are heading to Lythikos, Olivia’s neck of the woods. She has the upper hand here; I need to be careful. Well that’s what Max said anyway…I kind of like Olivia, she’s a strong, bold woman…I cant fault her for that, I mean of course she could be a little nicer but, I think she and I could maybe get along one day.

The thing that scares me about this whole situation…is I’m falling in love with Liam…but it doesn’t matter…its all down to who he chooses, so we could get to the end of the social season and he chooses one of the other ladies…I feel like a prize to be won…I’m not sure how I feel about that… I’m no one’s trophy, and I know there’s no ill intent on Liam's part, but in the end…it’s his decision that’s going to either make or break my life…if I am the one he chooses, I become his wife, the countries queen! But if he chooses someone else, I go home, with nothing, just the embarrassment of going home, known as the “foolish” woman who followed a total stranger to a foreign country after spending a few hours together, hoping he would fall in love with her. I want to believe he will choose me, he has never given me reason to think he wouldn’t, but at the same time, I have to be realistic, I have only known Liam for a matter of weeks…

If it’s a choice of fear or hope…I think ill choose hope, hope that Liam is feeling the same amazing connection that I am, from the moment we met I felt some kind of magnetic pull towards him, and I know he felt it too…I don’t want to live in fear of what might possibly happen, I want to have hope…that he’s falling in love with me too.

Love you Muchly…Riley x

 A frown found itself upon Liam's face as he reread the last entry, she was right…the ladies were basically put on a buffet table for him to take his pick of whoever he wanted… Riley had very rarely spoken about her thoughts if Liam wasn’t to choose her, was she really that scared that he wouldn’t and that’s why she didn’t mention it, or did she just have that much faith in him? he loved her from the minute they met, he would choose her over any woman in the world, without a pause for thought, it was always Riley, and he would spend the rest of his life, showing her, she was always the one, she will always be the one for him.

He turned the page over and began the next entry.

27th June

Dear Diary…

I’ve been here just about two weeks and my god, it is AMAZING! I mean, I wish I could spend so much more time with Liam but he says he has to spend time with the other girls too so it doesn’t look to obvious…I won’t lie, I won’t deny it…it makes me kind of jealous, I wish I could spend every day with that man, whenever I’m around him I just feel…free…I feel like I don’t have to hide anything, I don’t feel self-conscious, I don’t feel anxious, or nervous! He just makes me feel at peace. I’ve never felt so comfortable just being in a room with someone. We managed to sneak a kiss or two, I want to spend the rest of my life feeling the way his kisses make me feel. when Olivia kissed Liam…boy did my heart sink, I know he didn’t want to kiss her, he told me that himself, but seeing someone else kiss him just made me feel…some kind of way. He invited me up to his room after the ball, which I happily agreed to! I could never turn down more time with Liam. When I arrived at his room and he had lit candles oh my goodness, I don’t think ive ever had someone be that romantic…when I asked him and he blushed, my god! Liam and I spent ages in the hot tub, we kissed, we y’know…messed around a little bit and we had a real deep conversation about love, about life, Ive never seen him as relaxed than he was last night. Being in his arms…it just felt so right. When we got out of the hot tub and he made us hot chocolate to sit and drink Infront of the fire, its just turning 2am and I’m only just getting back, if I’d stayed any longer the two of us would have fell asleep, as much as we would have both loved that, it wouldn’t have looked very good anyone seen I was leaving Liam's room, in his clothes after spending the night with him then stayed over. Let it be known, if we could have…we would have.

Love you Muchly…Riley

 Liam grinned as he remembered that night all too well. That night he spent with Riley was one of the best nights he ever had.

June 27th

Riley sat with her eyes closed, cuddled into Liam's chest, with his arms wrapped around her. The hot bubbly, steamy water keeping them warm on the cold night. Liam pressed a gentle kiss to Riley's head “Riley?” he whispered, as he gently ran his hand through her hair. “yeah” she replied

“What does Love mean to you?” Liam gently traced his fingers over her cheek as he looked down to see her so relaxed. Riley opened her eyes as she looked up at him, giving him the sweetest smile.

“Love means accepting you for who they are, and not wanting to change you. it means loving you and standing by you through the worst times. It means loving you even when you are in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. Love means, that I know you’re deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine, it means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go, it means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly and hoping…just hoping that you feel the same way for me …I think Love is just a word…until someone comes along and gives it meaning, and when that someone comes along, Love becomes this…whole new adventure.”

“Riley…” Liam whispered with a smile as he leaned in placing the sweetest kiss on her lips, her fingers lacing through the hair on the back of his neck.

Not long later, Liam whispered, breaking the peaceful silence that the two had fell into.

“do you want to get some hot chocolate and we can sit in front of the fireplace?”

“that sounds like a great idea”

Liam climbed out of the hot tub, then offered Riley his hand to help her out. She thanked him as he lifted a towel and wrapped it around her, then got himself one.

“I don’t have any dry clothes Liam; I only have my dress”

“I’m sure I have something you can put on” Liam assured her. They made their way into Liam's bedroom; Liam went to his suitcase where he pulled out a t shirt and a pair of shorts.

“I hope these are alright for you”

“they’re perfect, thank you”

Riley moved into the bathroom where she changed out of her soaking undergarments and into the fresh, dry clothes then she made her way back into the bedroom. Liam was in a pair of grey shorts and a plain white t shirt; he was stood in his little kitchenette just finishing the hot chocolate. He brought them over to Riley, placing them on the floor beside where he had sat some cushions on the floor for them. Riley sat down, whilst Liam grabbed a blanket from the bed, he sat beside Riley, wrapping his arm along with the blanket around her.

The two spent the next while sipping away at their hot beverages.

By the time the clock hit 1am, there were two empty mugs, Riley sat cuddled into Liam's chest, drifting in and out of sleep. Whilst Liam sat running his fingers through Riley's hair, their legs entangled under the blanket that had made its way round to lay over their legs, Liam could barely keep his eyes open.

“we can’t fall asleep” he whispered as he held her that little bit tighter.

“I know…we’re just resting our eyes for a little bit” Riley smiled tiredly “I should head back to my room soon”  

“I wish you didn’t have to; I could lay here with you all night”

“me too, but sadly it’s the way it has to be”

Liam nearly caved that night; it took everything he had in him to stop himself from just climbing into bed and falling asleep beside the woman he was falling deeply in love with. With a grin on his face just thinking about the night, he closed the diary over, then he got up and headed out of his office and down to the royal quarters. He always had this diary with him, every chance he got, he would read a page or two. He wanted to really understand how Riley felt through the whole social season and engagement to madeleine.

Liam had made plans to have dinner with Riley, well made plans as in, on the plane after they got engaged Liam told Riley, they would never have to eat dinner alone again, so every night since and every night going forwards the two had dinner together. Once Liam got to the apartment, he showered then changed into some more comfortable clothes before heading down to Riley's room where one of the staff would be bringing the two take out. Liam and Riley sat on the sofa, with the tv on in the background whilst they ate.

“so, I was thinking about wedding cake earlier” Riley stated as she put a shovel of Chinese noodles into her mouth

“really? You have something in mind?”

“Lemon cake…” she grinned

“that’s a great idea, I think it will go down really well with everyone!

“I was also thinking maybe we could go for a walk on the beach after dinner, if you don’t have any engagements that is”

“nope, I cleared the night, I would love to go for a walk on the beach with you”

After the two finished their food, they wrapped up and pulled their shoes on then headed down to Liam's car, with Bastian following closely behind in the SUV, they made their way to the beachfront.

“it’s so cold…but it’s so peaceful” Riley whispered, she squeezed Liam's hand as she cuddled into his side.

“so, I’ve been reading your diary” Liam whispered

“you have?” Riley grinned with a soft blush hitting her cheeks.

“I have, I wasn’t going to, I wanted to respect your privacy, but then…I wanted to fully understand what you went through, how you felt.”

“so how far have you got?”

“just earlier today I was reading about the night we spent in the hot tub in lythikos”

Riley smirked when he mentioned it. “one of the best nights I had, that was one of the first nights I felt truly connected to you, we had no interruptions, no engagements, he really talked and got to know each other a little better… just us”

“me too” he smiled as he squeezed her hand.  

The two sat down on the sand, Riley sat between Liam's legs leaning back into his chest.

“do you have it with you?”

“your diary?”

“yeah” she smirked

“yes, I have it”

“we should read some”

“right now?”

“yeah right here, whilst we have peace and quiet”

Liam pulled the small book from the inside pocket of his jacket. He flipped the book open and began to read.

 June 29th

Dear Diary

I had the best day at the beach, there was a sailing competition, then we spent the day on the sand, I got burnt to a crisp and I don’t even mind! Liam hates sailing, when he told me he only really takes part because his father’s love for boats is most important than his dislike for them! He is so selfless and kind…ive never met anyone that would put as many people before themselves as he does. He’s a really good man! What I did learn though, is my hopefully soon to be husband doesn’t like the taste of salt water, I’m not surprised!

Liam chuckled as he remembered his awful boat ride with Drake.

Today was the day Liam found out his father would be stepping down as king at the end of the social season, meaning, he would be choosing a wife and becoming king all at the one time. I really felt for him, his profession can’t be easy, being rushed into finding a wife, then being told he only had a few weeks before he would have the weight of the kingdom on his shoulders, it’s an extremely stressful situation and I hope I have shown him, that if he ever needs someone to just sit and listen or just distract him for a little bit, I will be there, no matter what.

Liam took me to the forgotten falls, my god it was absolutely stunning there, and the story behind it was just…wow! Two people forbidden from falling in love with each other…sounds all too familiar…though I’m sure Liam and I won’t let anyone get in our way. When Liam said he wanted us to take the leap of faith off the edge of the waterfall, I couldn’t say no!

When he kissed me in the water…my god, it was like no other kiss ive had before! Then he nearly said he loved me…god I wish he had…because I love him too.

Love you muchly…Riley x

[sukirichi]

[ BROKEN RECORDS ; asks ] 

💌 — love letter from @kyriaan​

from track 007. 

Okay okay im still kinda meh'ish' but i really wanted to answer you so 😭 ill try to compile both my answer to your answer on my love letter and my hyped review on track 7 <3 so yeah another long ass rant from me 😩💕Suki... Suki pls I totally forgot Tsumu had a crush on us Suki... And then poor Tsumu ir there sulking cause he still likes u- JFBFBDVDVSJCHDHSIA omfg i wanted so much to hug him my baby I like him so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and he was trying so hard to behave while just sitting there sad fhfhfvbbshsjfhbdjaofhffhsoshd TSUMU YOU'RE STILL IN MY TOP 3 BABY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 

And then you throw the whole dancing scene with suna and I dont know whos on my top 3 anymore 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 SUKIIIIIIII THAT SCENE ALONE GJGJBFBSJCNFNKSOSNF OMFG IM FALLING SO HARD FOR SUNA I THINK? I think my top 3 had 4 dudes in it cause 3rd place has Suna and Atsumu tied?? Hfhfbfbfhdhsja I CANT PICK?? BUT BUT I WAS FEELING STUPIDLY DOWN WHEN READING THAT AND THAT SCENE ALONE MADE ME FEEL SO SOFT IT WAS SO CUTE AND OMG IF SUNA DID THAT TO ME I WOULD DROP ON MY KNEES AND ASK HIM TO MARRY ME CAUSE OMFGGGFFFF DUDE EVEN WENT AHEAD AND SAID THAT WHOLE 'HES GOING TO BE ONE LUCKY GUY'

Oh shit im crying again that scene lets me emotional 😭😭😭😭 someone get me a sunrin irl pls

Anyways the way that suna knows y/n is just.... FUCKING END UP TOGETHER ALREADY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST JBVSHSJBEHSISJ

Also how powerful are we?? HOW FUCKING POWERFUL ARE WE TO SCORE SUNA KITA AND TSUMU?? ARE YOU GONNA TELL. ME IF OIKAWA MOFO TOORU APPEARED HE WOULD ALSO BE ON HIS KNEES FOR US?? (okay no wait... No nooo i would legit drop anyones ass for tooru hes that powerful for me like sorry suna was fun but TOORU)

Yo nah but the whole Kita sex scene- let me breath bestie LET ME BREATH CAUSE I WAS HOT BUT AT SAME TIME I WAS FEELING GUILTY 😂😂😂😂 ESPECIALLY WHEN HE WAS FEELING DISAPPOINTED NEXT DAY LIKE KITA PLS BABY WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?? 😬😬😬😬 But at same time his 'ill fuck the thought of him out of you tonight' I ALMOST MOANED YASSSSS TELL ME DADDY HOLY SHITTTTT

👀👀👀👀 Still not a kita simp ✌️✌️🤏✌️

Okay Kita deserves the best tho I mean okay he went there as a y/n mom's plan but he did ended up helping alot... Especially cause he knows no matter what y/n heart will always be suna's and pls give Kita the best ending possible cause he deserves someone who will trully love him and show him the world cause mah boy deserves it

*breaths in breaths out* i hated this scene- not in a bad way but shit i hate rejections... To the point im kinda afraid of confessing now cause i despise the feeling of being rejected... The best i can descrive it it like this coldness in your chest that descends your whole body and then you feel frozen in place.. Thats how it feels for me I hate it I absolutely despise it- its also the feeling i have when in a really bad situation and ugh...

The suna part made. Me feel this no matter how many times i reread it the feeling doesnt lessen it keeps being there cause (okay you probably are tired already of me saying this but) Suki I feel like I cant put it in words how much of a fucking good of a writer you are. Ill go ahead and say you are by far my favorite writer the fact i always feel so engaged and the fact i always feel like im there its just- it blows my mind.

I felt like suna was personally rejecting me and i hated it- i swear the moment he said prove it I almost screamed HOW? My brain had to take a moment to just slap me and say: 'kya you reading this is not happening chill-' cause i was already sobbing uncontrollably... I even whimpered the dont leave me 😬 my sadass went to bed feeling so sad thanks to suna... Man i wanted so much to hug him and i swear i would give him as much love as he gave y/n cause well i kin suna alot in this series cause im like that im a giver i treat others the way i would like to be treated (reason why ive been down lately ✌️) and i cant blame suna for finally setting boundaries- his call tho 'do i not stand a chance with you anymore y/n? Are you really not capable of falling in love with me?".... Oh suna... We are in love with you.. We always were we're just fucking stupid 😩

Also mari pls go jump off a cliff <3 youre in need dear cause sleeping with other man just to separate suna and y/n <3 i want so much to punch her 🙂🙃

Now for the love letter part (im so sorry for this being so long ✌️)

You said that if we asked suna he woukd say that he genuinely loved mari okay... Ill go ahead and say yes he liked mari he even learned how to love her and he genuinely cared for her BUT and heres where my personal view comes in so maybe ill be biased here still for me that was just a he loves her as in he cares you also love your friends and care for them but he didnt love her- and by this I mean- he could never be fully committed for her. Yes he loved her and he felt happy with her but like track 7 proved everything he would do in the back of his mind was y/n he deeply wished Mari was her and for that he just loved Mari cause he learned how to care about her- but he never forgot who he trully was in love it. Also the happiness he experienced with Mari was pretty much the one I experienced the bliss of having someone there and that bliss also made suna turn a blind eye to all the red flags from Mari cause to him all the jealousy meant she cared and thats toxic but suna was so desperate for some sort of 'she cares' that even all the possessiveness was bliss for him... And that makes my heart clench for suna...

'suna had to put an effort for the relationship' and saddly i feel like mari didnt... Mari didnt care mari was there because she was a fangirl of suna and got lucky, the way she just discarded him so effortlessly that proved-screamed how much she loved him- she didnt. She was just possessive over him she liked the whole 'hes mine' dynamic and suna was the perfect boyfriend cause he was giving her the world... What he wanted someone to do for him.

Also yeah suna and y/n might have been spurred from them being fuck buddies but well love doesnt really have an agenda- they just clicked, understood each other and had chemistry yeah they had tons and tons of sex but feelings started not because of sex but thanks to their deep connection... Also that dsncing scene in track 7 that alone spoke for their whole relationship- that alone is enough to defend their feelings for each other- yes it might jave started just as fuck buddies but ended up in them loving each other deeply and that is enough love after all doesnt need a perfect start. It can start out of the most stupid ways.

You said life with excitement and fun wouldn't be permanent or real.. Honestly i think it could be.. Cause i mean when you love someone that deeply your life always feels exciting even with the littlest things and that the purest kind of love. Even just going for a walk at the beach would be fun for them or even staying up watching movies i believe suna and y/n would always find a way to make their lofe exciting without much effort.

Also it kinda makes me. Sad when i see some anon saying that y/n and suna relationship are toxic? It makes me. Confused maybe because I was in such extremely toxic one (girl i sweat if you search for toxic relationship my ex's face will be there as an example 🙄) that Mari to me screams toxic! Possessive, manipulative, jealous and a few more if I think closely about it while with y/n and suna they are just two idiots that are hurting each other cause they're just that: idiots one that is afraid to get hurt and the other that keeps hoping- dont get me wrong what they're doing is not healthy but i dont find it toxic honestly

Sorry for the extreme long rant 8D I tried to keep it short but you always make me so hyped to talk about your works 😩

Hfbfbfhfhfieia

[ from saeren ]

NAHHH CUZ I LOVE TSUMU SO MUCH HERE HE WAS SO PRECIOUS. I didn’t write too much about them in college but Atsumu was so cute when he crushed on YN. he was always sending her memes and cute texts like “have you eaten” “good morning” and she’d feel so awkward because she doesn’t know how to let him down easy without hurting him. either way tsumu would feel hurt. AND YES PLS HE WAS SO SAD I MEAN, HIS CRUSH AND HIS BEST FRIEND NEARLY HAD SEX RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM SO THAT’S GOING TO HURT

SUNA AND ATSUMU TIED?? tbh I loved that dancing scene bcos suna is one of my faves and I really wanna do that with him hehehhehe. NAHHH PLEASE SAME IF SUNA DANCED WITH ME AND MADE A WEDDING PLAYLIST I’D BE LIKE boy what’re u waiting for let’s get married now !! n yes he said whoever YN will choose in the future will be one lucky guy IM SOBBING RN

naur cuz. there’s something about dating your best friend. I’m not saying a boyfriend wouldn’t know you as well but there’s something different when you’re best friends first. they could literally share eye contact and have a long ass conversation just from that. their connection is different.

HAJKALA AS FOR THE POWER, BR! YN IS A VERY CHARISMATIC AND FRIENDLY PERSON !! she’s like one of those people you meet that not only are they attractive as hell, but they’re also super approachable and down to earth. that’s why she’s so popular + she’s flirty and can make a stranger feel welcome or comfortable in the first meeting. SGSHJAK I WAS ACTUALLY PLANNING TO ADD OIKAWA HERE BUT I WANNA MAKE IT MORE INARIZAKI CENTRED

the seggs scene with kita SOBSSSS he’s such a soft dom IDC he knows where the clit is, he knows how to hit it. he’s a “your pleasure first before mine” type of guy. kita is perfect, PERIODT. HE GIVES DADDY VIBES HUH AHSKAA HE’S SO SWEET YET SEXY IM IN LOVE WITH HIM ISTG IF SUNA WASN’T OUR BEST FRIEND THEN I’D RUN FOR KITA ALL THE TIME. and I agree, kita deserves the best !! and don’t worry, I actually plan on giving kita the best ending, I promise you he’ll be fine (slight spoiler there)

 YESSSSS OMG I’VE BEEN REJECTED BEFORE AND THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I FELT, MY BODY WAS SO COLD AND I WAS SO CONFUSED LIKE IT MAKES YOU THINK. am I not good enough, did I do something wrong, do you not wanna give me a chance or try it out but ofc I’d never say that out loud. AND KYAAA AAAH IM YOUR FAVORITE WRITER??? NO CUZ YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY. I remember ur asks way back reckless era and you used to tell me that my writing made you picture the scenes easily and you felt you were there in that moment and I’m just so grateful thank you so much <33

NO BCOS WHEN SUNA SAID “prove it” I was like. this is it. that’s his hot boy shit moment. man’s has had enough of being thrown from one toxic relationship to another and he also deserves his good moments yknow. and you kin suna here?? BESTIE IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT, SUNA’S BEEN THROUGH A LOT HERE AHSJAKA. that’s true about suna tho !! he’s definitely affectionate + a giver. he’s happy being the one who gives most of the time but he’s a human as well, ofc he’d want to receive the same amount of love back. ALSO HIS PHONE CALLLLLL ugh tbh that part was the one that made me the saddest bcos he’s just. he wants to know if there’s really no more chance. all this time he never gave up. but he’s also tired so if yn says ‘no more’ then he’ll give up. its his way of respecting himself too ahsjaka

YOOOOO I AGREE WITH THAT. he cares for mari as a person but not 100% as a lover. but ofc he’s still thankful for how happy she made him because she was there at his worst. and that’s true, deep down suna still wishes that it was YN who’s right beside him. he will always ALWAYS want her back. he learned how to love mari in a way that was more out of mutual care but not in the way he loves YN. no that’s reserved only for YN – she will remain no 1 in his heart. AND YESSSSS the reason why suna overlooked the red flags was bcos to him, its something that was supposed to be “normal” like no perfect partner existed. he thought mari’s attitude of pushing YN away was normal, and its normal to want your partner’s best friend keep some distance but not to the point of mari’s place where she literally wants the two of them to cut each other out of their lives.

and aww I’m so happy that you realized how I wanted to portray suna and yn’s relationship. they’re….like the definition of youth in its freest form. they were fucking around and doing stupid things, but they had a connection. they had something deeper than just sexual intimacy. even if they never dated or even if YN never proposed the idea of it, they would’ve actually been still great friends. and oooh I actually don’t remember saying life with excitement and fun wouldn’t be real HAHAHAHA so I can’t comment further on that. but I think when I ‘said’ those I probably meant that it’s not always going to be all rainbows and unicorns in a relationship. there’s no such thing as a relationship that’s always happy and sweet 24/7, but ofc it can be sweet and it can be pure even with the little things <33 they just need to work on it.

hmmm tbhhhh… suna and yn are toxic in a way that they refuse to let each other go when they clearly can’t meet halfway. toxic doesn’t have to be limited in just being mari-like in which they are possessive or manipulative, because then if we’d drive deeper into yn’s personality, then she’d be stringing suna all along and that’s unfair of her. she knows suna wants more and yet she remained being friends with him, which totally isn’t a bad thing, but it’s because she keeps flirting with him and is so romantically comfortable with him that she doesn’t realize it’s hurting suna because he’ll give double meanings to that. their relationship is ‘toxic’ because they’re not entirely good for each other, they’re not that ready to be with one another yet and neither is the world letting them be in peace, so forcing their relationship to a point they’re hurting another is the toxic part.

[ from @kyriaan ]

Ah also not me feeling all proud and mushy cause my analysis made you mind blown fjfbdnsjdkpa 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I guess its also because i see this story as a really big mirror of my own toxic relationship sonits extremely easy for me to get it... And oh boy the way i kin suna here

But dhdhfjdospdhfbsoa 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i feel happy now *huggles*

[ from saeren ] 

and aah yes ofc, I’m really happy whenever someone can see the underlying details I scatter throughout the story !! yeah omg same hahahaha broken records is also half inspired by the toxic people I’ve met. I kin kita here tho and I’m so glad you’re happier now !!

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Rose Coloured Glasses - Part 11

Warning!! Spoilers from Defending Jacob!!

I didn't hear from Andy again for hours, it wasn't until around 10:30 that my phone started ringing.

"Hey" i answered quickly "how bad is it?"

"The worst..... the partial finger print they found was a match for Jake.... Y/N they've arrested him!".

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Ive had the police at my house all day, they've torn the place apart..."

"Shit..... i'm so sorry...."

"I tried to tell them this doesn't prove Jake killed Ben.... they knew each other, they have the same classes.... there could be a hundred different reasons for that fingerprint!" I could tell by his tone that he was more than likely pacing as he told me what had been happening.

"So what happens now?"

"I had to hire him a lawyer, we're going down to the courthouse first thing in the morning for the arraignment, find out what the bail is gonna be set at. We went down to the station to see him earlier, it was awful having to leave him there.... it broke my heart. How can they think my son is capable of killing this kid... his a good kid"

"I wish there was something i could say to make you feel better...." i sighed picking at a loose thread on the cushion in my lap.

"I know. You don't have to say anything its nice just having someone to talk to"

"Hows Laurie handling it?"

"I don't know, shes been pretty quiet. She wont talk about it.... shes been tidying Jakes room since we got home"

"You should go check she's okay..... she's going to need you Andy"

"And what about what i need?....."

"You'll need eachother..."

"Thats not what i need....." he mumbled quietly but i still heard.

"You should go try and get some sleep, if you need me you know where i am"

"Okay.... thank you Y/N"

"Anytime".

We said our goodbyes and ended the call, i tossed my phone on the coffee table shaking my head. Id met Jacob a couple times over the months id worked with Andy and he seemed like such a sweet kid.... how was this happening?

Around 11 i headed to bed, i wasn't tired at all but i had to try and get some sleep. I laid in bed staring at the ceiling for way too long! My head whipped towards the bedroom door when i heard a light knocking at the front door. I sat up kicking off the sheets and walking over to the window, peering out i saw Andy standing there! Looking down at myself i realised i was only wearing a tank top and my panties, i grabbed my dressing gown from the back of the door and quickly slipped it on as i made my way downstairs.

"Hey.... sorry to just stop by like this i know its late...." he said as soon as i opened the door.

"Its fine.... you okay?"

"I don't know, i went for a drive to clear my head and ended up here" he shrugged shaking his head.

"You wanna come in? I can make you a cup of tea...."

"Okay, yeah that'd be nice. You sure?...."

"Of course, come in. I couldn't sleep anyway" i smiled opening the door wide enough for him to come in. He followed me into the kitchen taking off his coat and tossing it over the back of one of my dining room chairs. I pulled a couple of mugs out the cupboard and flicked on the kettle, when i turned around Andy was walking towards me undoing his top button of his shirt and loosening his tie. He looked exhausted.

"Thanks again for this" he said quietly leaning against my kitchen sink crossing his arms as he watched me make the tea.

"Honestly Andy its fine. I don't mind at all...."

"Y/N...?"

"Yeah?" i turned to face him and he held his hand out towards me, i didn't even think about it, my hand automatically reached for his and i let him pull me towards him until there was no gap between us. His arms tightened around me holding me close.

"Andy...." i started to say leaning back to get a look at him but i was cut off when he closed the gap between us again and kissed me. This kiss was different to the others we shared and nearly took my breath away, i had to push him back a little to catch my breath.

"Maybe we shouldn't be doing this right now...." i gasped trying to clear my head.

"Why not? I need you.... i was thinking we could pick up where we left off this morning" he said with sexy as hell grin.

"I just.... i don't think its a good idea...."

"Is this because of whats going on with Jake? You don't want me anymore?" He took a step back looking down on me like i had physically hurt him.

"What...?! No! It has nothing to do with that! You know i'm on your side!"

"So what is it? Whats changed...."

"Its just, your family needs you and your here with me.... i feel guilty"

"Well don't. I cant do anything for Jake until tomorrow anyway and Laurie and I barely speak on a good day"

"And your not just here because your lonely?"

"No! Im here because for the few minutes/hours i'm with you.... you make everything seem okay.... i cant stop thinking about you"

"And i'm not just a distraction?..... i've done the whole casual thing and that doesn't work for me...."

"I don't want this to be a casual thing. I don't want to have to share you with the likes of Frank" he pulled me close again "i'm too possessive to share you. I want to know that your mine and only mine" his hands moved down and untied the knot on my dressing gown before slowly pushing it open "look at you...." he mumbled bitting at his bottom lip as his eyes took in my half naked body "your not wearing much sweetheart"

"I wasn't expecting company..."'i replied breathlessly and he pushed the dressing gown all the way off until it pooled around my feet.

"Please tell me you still want this.....that you still want me..." he whispered as he pressed kisses under my ear, his hands running under my tank top caressing my back.

"I want you" i nodded quickly as i got lost in his touch. That was apparently all he needed to hear, Andy picked me up like i weighed nothing and carried me through to the bedroom.

I was woken up by kisses being placed over my collarbones and up my neck before he reached my mouth.

"Mmm i could get used to that kinda wake up" i smirked as i stretched and tried to open one eye at least! It was then i noticed Andy was sat beside me fully dressed.

"Your leaving already?....."

"I don't want to believe me! I would be more than happy to just stay in bed with you..... but i have to get home and get ready for Jacob's arraignment"

"Okay" i gave him a smile as i run my fingers over his bearded jaw "call me later?"

"Of course. Im gonna tell Laurie about us.... i don't want to hide this from her"

"Is now really the time?..."

"It'll be fine" he leaned down and kissed me "go back to sleep"

"Okay, hope everything goes okay with Jake"

"Thank you" Andy smiled, quickly kissed me again and then covered me with the blanket that i must have kicked off in the night "i'll call you when i get home from the courthouse" he said as he headed to the door, he gave me one last look then he was gone.

All the news channels were covering the Ben Rifkin murder. I sat watching as Andy and Laurie walked into the courthouse behind an older woman who must be Jacobs lawyer. The reporters swarming around them shouting questions and hoping for some kind of comment from them, but they both just carried on walking into the courthouse their faces void of any emotion. I decided i didn't want to watch anymore and headed to the kitchen to make some breakfast and a cup of coffee.

A couple hours later Andy was calling me as promised.

"Hey" i answered "how'd it go?"

"Horrible.... but his home. Pretrial is set for August 21st"

"Is Jacob okay?"

"His tired, his sleeping at the moment"

"Im guessing he didn't sleep much last night, poor kid" i shook my head at the thought of him in a cell all night.

"I told Laurie about us" he suddenly blurted out "we've got reporters camped outside the house and following us everywhere, i didn't want her to find out through them"

"Okay, how'd she take it?"

"She was fine with it, she actually asked when she was gonna meet you"

"Oh..... i don't know about that" i shook my head feeling my heart race.

"Y/N its fine, like i said its been over between us for a while now. We're like best friends.... please?"

"Andy....."

"There's something i need to talk to you about as well"

"Fine. You coming to me or am i coming to you?"

"Could you come here.... i don't want to leave Jacob and Laurie alone with the reporters camped outside"

"Okay. Do you guys need anything? I could stop by the store on my way" i asked biting my at my nail nervously.

"That would be great actually"

"Okay text me what you need, im just gonna go get dressed and then i'll head out"

"Okay sweetheart, thank you".

After ending the call with Andy i went upstairs to get ready. I was already a nervous wreck at the thought of meeting Laurie but part of me knew i needed to do it, just so that i could put my mind at rest that she really was okay with me and Andy.... that i wasn't being a 'home wrecker'.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit

Rose Coloured Glasses taglist: @readermia @princess-evans-addict @jennmurawski13 @matsumama @ex-bloodjunkie @kaithezaftig @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @ms-betsy-fangirl @supernaturalwintersoldier

[absolutelynoct]

oh no! im so sorry to hear about your apartment :( hopefully all will be okay! to brighten your day (and because your current fic is so good) could i please have some ignoct? you've inspired me to love this ship when i had always been on the fence about it but now i super love it! ive requested other asks from you so im really happy your doing this again! umm, how about some older ignoct, like both are kings now! not sure on theme but something fluffy something sexy. stay safe love your stuff

[Hello Anon! Thank you so much for your request! You are the first to make it over to the inbox :) I am so glad that you’re enjoying my current fic, and I’m even happier that you like it even though Ignoct was iffy for you before it! I hope you enjoy this prompt- it was a lot of fun to write! <3]

At thirty years old, many assumed that King Noctis would have grown out of his penchant for sleep. Many assumed that as a king, he had many tasks to do and didn’t have time to sleep. The best part about being married to someone as capable as Ignis Scientia made sleep easier, not just for Noctis but for Ignis as well. As King and King Consort, they found that they did well nearly working in shifts. Ignis took over the morning duties, advisements, and other kingly needs, while Noctis would wake up later and take care of the late night items on the docket. It worked for them rather well, but the thing that they looked forward to move was the time that they had in between, when there was nothing for them to do. Well, almost nothing.

Noctis was fast asleep in their bed chambers within the Citadel, enjoying his peaceful rest until the early afternoon hours. He was usually up until the early morning hours, sometimes staying up to take care of things that Ignis would take over when he awoke and insisted Noctis get some rest. Right now, he was lost in a dream world, somewhere far away and at peace, a soft smile on his face as Ignis stepped into the chamber to wake him.

Before waking him, though, Ignis took off his kingly reignment, knowing that he would don that attire soon enough. It didn’t bother him, although it was a tedious process to take off all the adornments befitting the King Consort. While Noctis was eager to just throw his clothes anywhere, Ignis was careful to lay them out for the staff to care for. Ignis had gotten in the habit of picking up after Noctis at an early age. At least on that front, things hadn’t really changed.

“Noctis,” Ignis said as he walked over to his husband, caressing the soft black hair as he moved it out of his face. Noctis let out a low hum, somewhere between a grunt and a moan of disapproval. It made Ignis smile. Always so difficult. “It’s time to get up. You have to be the king for today.”

“As king I declare that I’m going to sleep,” Noctis protested, making Ignis laugh. Noctis pulled the blankets around him tighter, reminding Ignis of when he was twenty, or fifteen, or ten. It was always the same hassle, yet that was why Ignis had dressed down into his black slacks and a shirt instead of wearing something particularly fancy. Sometimes he just had to have the ability to stretch in the event he had to toss Noctis out of the bed.

“And as the king consort, I declare that you need to get up so you can give me a kiss,” Ignis replied. He suppressed a grin, knowing that such a proclamation always worked on Noctis. 

Today, though, it had the opposite effect of what Ignis expected. Quickly, Noctis reached for him and wrapped his arms around his waist, knocking him off balance as he pulled Ignis into the bed. Both of them ended up laughing, delighting in an intimate moment before the world hit them with all their duties. Ignis ended up straddled on top of Noctis, pinning his hands down on either side of his head, fingers intertwined. Noctis’s eyes finally fluttered open, deep pools of liquid smoke and azure that had yet to dull with age.

“Cheater,” Noctis accused, but he didn’t seem that genuine in his stubbornness. Ignis knew this game well. They had played it for years, ever since they got together when Noctis was twenty. Ignis looked down and realized Noctis was sleeping shirtless this time, his bare chest beautiful and toned.

“Who is the cheater exactly?” Ignis asked, watching as Noctis flushed a bit. Even after all these years, it still sent a flurry of excitement through him. He would never tire of Noctis’s shyness and inability to accept any sort of compliment.

“I got hot in the night,” Noctis explained, his eyes darting away in vague embarrassment. “It’s your fault. You hang on me all night.”

“I do,” Ignis purred, leaning down so their lips were almost touching. He could feel Noctis’s breath on his lips, not at all bothered at his morning breath. They had been together for ten years as a couple, after all. If he was bothered by it now, then it was going to be a shock to them both. “And you are hot all the time, Noctis. It’s time you admit that.”

Noctis made to protest, but Ignis was kissing him before he could stop him. For a long while they were lost in each other’s lips, their hands clutching onto each other as they forgot their worries for just a moment and only remembered each other. Ignis eventually pulled away with a smile, looking at his husband with a love that he hadn’t ever felt for anyone else. Noctis looked breathless, as he always did during these moments, and Ignis knew that his king felt the same.

“I can see you’re up now,” Ignis mused with a bit of a laugh, rocking his hips just a bit so Noctis let out a low moan. Instead of indulging him, he got up and out of the bed. Noctis let out a whine, a plea for him not to be so cruel. “If you don’t overwork yourself today then perhaps we can enjoy each other’s company tonight.”

Noctis perked up at that, hopping out of bed and looking at Ignis with excited eyes. Even at thirty years old, he was so easy to read. “I’ll be done by midnight.”

“I look forward to it,” Ignis chuckled. “Get ready and I’ll join you for your duties this afternoon.”

Noctis beamed at that, and immediately began to get dressed for the day, looking far more a king than just a few moments ago. Ignis watched him, delighting in the fact that this was his life. Noctis was his life and always had been. Nothing was going to change that, and Ignis was forever grateful that his adoring husband felt the same.

[clownbeep]

This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing

Big vent/whats been going on

Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...

Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.

For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.

And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.

If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.

By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.

If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.

Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.

I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.

My family didnt care.

When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.

My family didnt care.

I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.

But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.

Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.

I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.

My family did not care.

When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.

My family did not care

When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.

When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....

Is it me being dramatic then?

When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...

Am I a liar now? Am I insane?

When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.

My family didnt care.

When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.

My family didnt care.

Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.

When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)

They did not care.

My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.

My family did not care.

She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.

My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.

My family did not care.

My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.

Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.

All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.

Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.

These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.

Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.

I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.

Gone.

I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..

If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?

Ive layed out basically most of what I remember

A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...

I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..

If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..

I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.

Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.

I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..

Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.

I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.

I

CANT

LEAVE

And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.

I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..

I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..

Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.

Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.

Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.

I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..

If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)

And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..

Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...

Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just

I dont know what to do.

Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...

Im just tired..

[clown-bait]

Monster Family (Monster Roommate AU) Ch6

Finally found some time to write! Things have been BONKERS with work and family Ive not had any time to my self. I want to still get stuff out though so heres a poor clown dealing with the aftermath of a night out. He’s not having a good day.

What the hell happened. Eons of existence and for the first time in his long life Pennywise could not for the life of him remember the night before. The clown's eyes creaked open and immediately shut them when the sudden skull splitting "headache" followed. The groan he released was absolutely pathetic. 

"Look who’s finally rejoined the land of the living" he heard his pillow say. 

"Where am I?" He snarled and held his throbbing head. 

"Neibolt, my bed." His mate said as he felt her hand pet his loose unkept hair. Knowing it was his Leech he was curled up to, the eldritch dropped his guard releasing a long puff of warm air as he did so. One of his exhausted arms reached around her swollen waist and he buried his nose into the crook of her neck not wanting to deal with the teasing inevitably to come. He was nude, which didn't bother him now knowing where he was, but he still couldn't figure out how he got here and what exactly led to him being naked and in immense pain. Last thing he could actually remember about the night before was revealing that he could actually become intoxicated and then eating that chocolate "Did we?" He mumbled his powerful demeanor completely shattered by his pitiful tone of voice. 

"You dry humped me for 5 minutes then passed out." His vampire signed. "Your suit was wet and sticky wasn't going to let you sleep on me like that." 

Pennywise simply grunted in response and Leech snorted. "Do you want to hear about the rest of it?"

"There's more?" He whined.

"I'm kinda mad at you and we are no longer allowed at any Applebees in the state of Maine."

The clown groaned against her skin. "What you're experiencing right now is a hangover and if you want me to make it go away I want a full verbal apology now and the rest when you're better."

Pennywise snarled and moved away from her acting like a spoiled child. "I will not grovel for your forgiveness." He bore his teeth at her while holding the side of his head.

"You made out with the wrong girl you're not in a position to argue."

The clown's eyes grew wide with surprise.

"Yeah." Leech sat up smirking triumphantly. "I broke your nose for it and then you drank an entire bottle of champagne after throwing up in an ice bucket!"

"I- my nose?"

"You really have no idea what you did last night do you? This is great I love having this power!"

"You have no power over me!" The eldritch snarled at her in the dimly lit room to which his mate responded by turning on her lamp. Pennywise recoiled in pain from the bright light holding his head and curling dramatically into a ball. 

"Beg to differ Ruffles." Leech grinned shutting off the light. "Tell you what, you make it up to me and I'll delete the footage of you proposing to a lamp."

The clown groaned loudly again scrunching himself tighter in agony. "I promise I'll go easy on you." She purred rubbing his back "you might even enjoy yourself."

"And what do you wish of me?" 

"I want a whole day just you and me whatever I want."

Pennywise let out a long sound of pain. His massive form showing her a side no one living or dead had ever seen. He was vulnerable and small despite being nearly 7ft tall with hands the size of her head. It made the vampire feel pride that he trusted her this deeply.

"Oh come on Pen Im not going to torture you…. too much. I think you can handle 24 hours of being nice to Leech."

"I'm already very nice to you."

"Sure Grumpywise, sit up." 

He did as he was asked and Leech could see the hangover clearly on his painted features. His normally pristine red lines splintered up his faux grease paint skin and his blackened eye makeup was much more exaggerated, accentuating his eye bags. To make things short, he looked like hell. Leech swung her leg over him and placed her thumbs on his massive temples applying gentle pressure as she rubbed them. Pennywise's tired pained eyes relaxed and grew heavy as she soothed him, a purr rumbled in his chest keeping time with her rhythm. "Feel good?" His mate asked him warmly and he responded with a soft grunt of approval. Her fingers stopped after a moment and Pennywise's eyes cracked back open "I'll cure the rest of it if you agree to take me on an I'm really sorry date." The insect growl he let out was menacing to the untrained ear but Leech knew her mate well enough to know that was a yes. She leaned in and kissed him deeply then left his warmth to grab something on her nightstand. "This will be nasty for you but it'll kick your ass into functioning again. We'll grab some doughnuts for you to cover the empty stomach for now." The drink she handed him smelled wrong and had a foul color not unlike gray water. The clown bared his teeth at the cup. "Trust your bartender Ruffles." Leech pushed the glass into his hands "she loves you very much."

"You're going to poison me again." He growled.

"You want to feel better? Drink." She insisted and punctuated her words with a soft kiss to his cheek. "Hold your nose and gulp it" Pennywise winced pinching his red nose and knocking the beverage back swallowing hard. After his fangs shot forward past his tongue which hung out in utter disgust. 

"Good now drink this for the taste" his mate handed him a colorful sports drink which he completely devoured, the sugar indeed helping with whatever it was he just ingested. Her hand fell onto his belly rubbing it a few times as she combed his loose hair. "Feel better?" 

Pennywise grunted stubbornly. 

"That didn't sound too convincing frowny-clowny!" His mate teased him nuzzling his nose completely unafraid of the eater of worlds at his worst and most vulnerable. Pennywise snarled and shoo-ed her away baring his fangs in an empty threat. "I got one more cure to make you better Ruffles." She purred crawling back to him.

"What?" He spat and watched her with weary eyes.

"Some good old fashioned tender," her leg swung over his waist. "Loving," hands ran back through his mess of orange hair and her lips leaned in close to his own. "Care." Leech barely got out before making contact moaning softly against his lips. The clown's facial features were of annoyance but there was no denying the rumbly purr rising from his chest and the way his gloved hand slid down her spine to rest inside her shorts. He couldn't say no to something as sweet as this, maybe this wasn't too awful.

Hours later the boogeyman of Derry reclined outside of a changing room, sporting sunglasses over his eyes to block the sting of the store's stale fluorescent lights. He watched giggling potential teenage meals pass by and stifled a ravenous whine in his throat. A few of them even stopped to check him out which made his already ill human form gag a bit at the thought. "How much longer?" He complained wanting to growl at another pack of humans like a junkyard dog. He settled for maggots in their fancy blended coffees instead. Their squeals of terror brought a smug grin to his face and a rumble to his stomach. 

“Alright opinions on the shirt.” finally his mate’s voice called to him from the entrance of the changing room

“It looks fine.” the eldritch mumbled barely interested.

“You didn't even look in my direction Pen.”

Pennywise groaned and turned his head, then let out a high pitched noise of anger at the sight of the sea turtle across his mate’s chest. “I change my mind!” he snarled recoiling in disgust. Leech cackled hard enough to snort and wheeze at his reaction. The more she learned about her love's mysterious ways the more she was able to push his buttons. The power trip alone felt amazing. 

“Pen are you saying this doesn't look good on me? That's not very nice at all for you to say!” 

A row of fangs split through Robert Gray’s handsome human face. “Remember you promised to be nice to me today Wuffles.” his mate’s sharp front teeth glinted at him as she adjusted her sore swollen breasts in the shirt. It felt blasphemous that two of his favorite things had to be adorned by such a disgusting creature.  

“Love is suffering.” he shut his eyes and groaned struggling with restraint to tear the offending garment from his mate’s body. 

“Are you admitting to being a masochist?” she teased him that sly grin almost daring him to lose his temper. Instead the eldritch huffed and spun her around marching her back to her changing room and swatting her rear playfully to get her to go in. 

“That's your kink dear.” he said flatly resting his long arms over the railing of the stall and eyeing her with expectation.  

“Seem to recall you rather enjoying last girl's night when you let me use my claws on your ass.” 

“Wednesday is the only day I will allow such things, and make no mistake darling, I'm still always in control.” his features grew dark and his perfect upturned nose twitched in a way she could see the little dimples above his nostrils. She hated when he did that and he knew it did things to her. 

“Why are you even still here? This is the ladies changing room.” she attempted to chide him and Robert arched a brow in that oh so Pennywise way. 

“One can argue that I am female,”

“In your true from yes. But right now Robert Gray is about to get me kicked out of the Derry mall for perving.”

The eldritch rolled his eyes and shut the door behind him, his massive form making the small stall feeling slightly claustrophobic. “Better?” he smirked as he twirled a lock of her fake platinum hair around his finger. 

“No! How am I supposed to change with your giant ass in here?” 

“You can always let me-”

“Oh no you don't! We still have a whole date to get through and I'm not done annoying you just yet.” 

Robert whined and sat down on the bench pulling her by the hips a bit “just a bite then. The sooner that offensive garment is gone the better.”

“You're really bothered by it aren't you?” Leech smirked and allowed him to man handle her just a bit. After all saying no to him was incredibly difficult.

“It's one thing to cover my queen in this disgusting image but my unborn young as well? Blasphemy.”

“Mmm blasphemy my favorite thing.” the vampire hummed as her mate’s fingers pushed under her shirt feeling the curve of her swollen belly with reverence.

“I'm well aware.” he purred drawing his lips closer to her, pushing the shirt up further. She stopped him before he could get to her breasts, pushing his hunger filled hands back down and earning herself an annoyed groan from her eldritch.

"Close your eyes.”

“Why?” he demanded and pouted like a child. 

“Because I'm wearing a surprise under this and you cant see till later."

“Surprise me now then”

“Pen if you want to have fun with this you're gonna have to trust me and wait.” she kissed him anyway and the needy whine he let out was almost enough to convince her to change her mind. “Don't look ok?” he didn't say anything but he did obediently close his human form's hungry silver eyes. Leech put her hand over them as she quickly removed the clothing she was trying on just in case. Pennywise was definitely the type to peek at his presents early. She took her hand away when she was down to only her panties and immediately she felt herself being grabbed and kissed with ferocity. It's not like he hadn't seen all this before but Leech wouldn't lie that his reaction to her semi nude form was a major confidence boost. “Fuck Pen,” she mumbled into him feeling fangs in his mouth and claws at her back. “Hold out for just a little while longer for me.”

The creature hissed and held her tighter. “Come on Ruffles trust me its worth it.” 

Robert Gray returned to what could be considered normal while pouting a bit as his mate got dressed pulling her hoodie over her wig to protect herself from any sunlight. The eldritch scooped up her wanted clothes rather impatiently and patted his lap motioning for her to sit. 

"Are you endorsing shoplifting?" Leech raised an eyebrow at him and smiled mischievously 

"I'm being nice" Robert shrugged. "you were going to try it anyway dear, my way is quicker."

"I'm starting to like when you're nice." Leech smiled and got comfy her arms holding tight around his neck. "Home please."

"Don't get too used to it, I have plans for you tonight sweet thing." He purred against the soft fabric of her hood. 

"Is that a threat or a promise?"

"You'll have to wait its a surprise!" He giggled and poofed them out of the store leaving tags and a discarded turtle shirt where they once sat.