#im so tired and my feet hurt so bad
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hi good afternoon im gonna play video games and daydream about a time i will never have to clean again
#im so tired and my feet hurt so bad#this damn house is a depression nest#it's still not completely clean but i'm done for today#lext post
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TIL "Lay On Hands" is a paladin healing skill and I am blessed by this knowledge.
#moe talks a lot#oops i fell in love#cleric!right is forever funny to me because yeah its incredibly fitting for him to crave the power to heal#since he personally is so damaged and refuses to hurt others even in a game#but also he has such a foul mouth and you cannot remove that part of him ever#hes going to yell obscenities before he heals someone#like the joke of YOU HAVE UNO IT CAME WITH YOUR XBOX#is now YOU HAVE HEALING IT COMES WITH THE PALADIN#and then he just goes and heals karen while paul is like hey thats mean what if i want to bond with you :c#why wont you ever heal ME right i wanna be healed by you ! shes missing like 2hp what about healing my 10hp#again i have zero dnd exp and i am only learning from asking buddies who play it cause google sucks#i say that bc i tried googling something about clerics and it gave answers i didnt want to questions i didnt ask#anyway time to go perish personally im in so much pain and im v tired#for the record bc i know some people have expressed concerns in the past that im pushing myself too much to draw daily#its mostly my legs n feet that hurt constantly after work#my hand is still fine and while i do have some weird bruising on my arms (a mystery!) bc i bruise easily#its not me pushing through the hand pain or something bad like that its just i ache a lot
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i love travelling with deutsche bahn because you actually pay money for your seat reservation and expect the seat to be free but no! you still end up sitting on the fucking floor 😋👍🏻
#they double booked the train and now part of the reservations aren't valid anymore. mine included.#i want to kill myself fr like my feet hurt so bad and im tired as shit why do i give this fucking company my money to sit on the floor
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.
#jesus christ my new job has had me working literally every day all closing shifts so i dont get home until after dark#which like. TERRIBLE for the social life and ability to do anything else. but also. the paychecks are looking very sexy. alas.#god im so fucking tired though#and the job itself isnt bad and neither are my coworkers. theyve all been so sweet to me and are very patient with me learning the fucking#1930s-esque system they have going on. im enjoying myself i just also wish i wasnt scheduled so damn much#and i wish my brain would let me finish whats left of my responsibilities. the way my anxiety has SKYROCKETED lately and i#cant do a single fucking thing about it bc my brain just says. no <3#ill get it all done. i know i will. i just need to. idk. sit down and suck it up a bit#okay i need to shower and eat and also my feet hurt a lot so i need to mope about that too#KISSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#personal
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It’s weird. I don’t normally cuddle with my other plushies (despite having 20 of ‘em) after the first day or so, even when I’m sick or hurt to the point where i basically have to be on bed rest, and yet. For some reason cuddling the ouaw plushes make me feel better. These little guys did not leave my arms when I was sick, and I keep alternating between Frost and Torbek right now (if not both, depending on my position and how I’m feeling)
I mean, they don’t make the pain go away, but they make it a bit more bearable. Until my grandma comes back with my pain meds, at least
#I feel really bad about needing everyone in my family to help me or to grab things for me#but I also don’t really have a choice if that makes sense?#it hurts to walk and to get into and out of bed#I mean hell. I just got up to refill my cup with something cold and fresh#rather than the room temperature water from last night#and I needed my aunt to help me get up#and my back is seizing bc Im having to sleep on the couch for the time being#and since I can’t lay on my back#where the cushions are firmest#my spine is screaming at me as if I’ve been up on my feet for 24 hours straight#another thing that sucks is that I can’t sleep#like I’m tired. I’ve barely gotten 4-5 hours worth of sleep in 2 days#but bc of the couch and the pain I just can’t. even after taking pain meds#actually the pain meds just made me want to vomit#even tho I took them immediately after eating dinner so it’s not like I was on an empty stomach#I’m just. not having a good time rn lol. I swear every week feels like a stronger gut punch
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people arent meant to be on their feet for 8+ hours a day
#every fucking day for 3 and a half months my feet hurt so bad after work#i can barely walk#i mean this has happened at every job ive had but only just complaining about it now#its long overdue imo#im so tired of living my life in constant pain because of my job
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i deserve an honest to god medal for making it home but all i got was this lousy masterpost i need to update
#heeeelp. heeeeehkllpppp#crammerposting#EVERYONE GET DOWN IM ABOUT TO HASHTAG COMPLAIN HASHTAG STRUGGLEPOST#my god#i only walked for like 30 minutes but my back and feet hurt so bad i didnt know if i would even make it home or die in a bush somehwere#and it took me 1 hour in general cuz i kept having to take bench breaks#and im also a starving white woman im soooooooo hungry#for ththe past 7 hours i’ve only had like 5 spoons of rice a bun with chicken and Water#im so damn hungry and tired and now im gonna have to cook lunch myself cuz my brother is asleep#i feel crazy but fuck me if im not gonna make the bangerest spaghetti ever
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god. live music my fucking WIFEEE
#bee buzzes#what a good fucking showwwwwww#im so tired and my feet hurt so bad and i just got the hiccups for some reason but i am so fucking#god#GODDD#it was fuckijg fantastic
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IM REALLY TIRED W EEEPS
#AND MY FEET HURT SO BAD#GOD I CAN NEVER JUST SLEEP WHEN I GET HOME#NO I HAVE TO COOK AND CLEAN FOR TWO HOURS#IM TIRED
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what is wrong with me why am i like this i cant do anything let alone anything *right*
#delete later#tw mental health#im so tired#and my head hurts#and i cant draw#i need a hug so bad#my meds are less than ten feet away but i cant fucking stand up
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:^[
#i started my new job on monday#and its rlly rlly hard#all i can think the last couple days is im not cut out for it#and that i made a mistake by agreeing to it and possibly to my degree as a whole#i haven't been able to sit down for more than 5 minutes the whole shift#which i am not dumb shouldnt be so hard but im also fat rn so that does make my feet hurt so bad its lowkey all i can feel physically#and i get asked like . 100+ questions a day (i do not even think that's exaggerating)#and its a LOT to learn all this new stuff about all these new clients and like . they have rlly high needs so its important that like#if no one else understands at least i do bc im like. their point person#and im qualified to do the job. if not more so than all my coworkers : /#but i have left each day barely even understanding everything that happened that day. It FLIES by because there is not a dull moment#and when there is so far its been actually a Problem i need to address making it dull that i am not immediately aware of#im sure itll even out in the coming days but like : ((((((( this is VERY hard for me and i feel like i cant convey that well#bc logically i should be good at it so i must just be being dramatic or smthn idk#and i feel like i cant talk to my friends lately bc idk that feels rlly hard#but its not like i rlly have the time to its just rlly sad#im up too late but im not even tired enough to sleep im just really sad and overwhelmed and i wish i could just like . explode briefly#just till its over or normal#fucking. wretched man idk like its jjust a lot : ((((((#i wish i could communicate that effectively so the bigness of it would come across#delete later
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DUDE THAT WAS AMAZING
#my favourite show I’ve been to#nothing but bangers really great energy#we were barricade which was amazing too#Cody complimented my nails!#I did ones especially for the show based on the deathless tour poster and he pointed them out and told me they were cool!#I got a shirt and got my vip vinyl signed#all in all it was an amazing show#my feet hurt so fucking bad but whatever#I also I think made a kids day#it was their first concert and they also had the vip and they’d made a bunch of bracelets#and they asked me if I wanted one#and I was like ‘I’ll trade you!’ bc I had made a deathless tour kandi cuff#and so I pull out this big bracelet and they were just seemed so delighted by it and they immediately put it on and went to show their dad#so that was a nice experience#the people in line for the vip were super cool too it was a good hang#anyway#im so tired but I had so much fun
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WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY HEALTH PROBLEMS BUT GOD WON'T LET ME DIE
FUCK
#its been 8 hours of chest pain and I just snapped im ready to crack my ribcage open#my fuckin ear is still blocked#my brain chemicals are bad and evil#I have been involuntarily stimming(?) throwing my hands up and shaking my head aggressively as I do when stressed or uncomfortable. all nite#shoulders. hurt. legs. hurt. feet. hurt. eyes. blurry. sweating and shivering. so so so tired. heartbeat being a little bitch.#I'm going to eat a sharpie marker (not really)
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genuine question does anyone have any tips on how to manage prolonged constant extreme anxiety? like the kind where u have to always stay distracted bc any second alone with ur thoughts will send u into a nauseous pit. the kind that makes it so u never get a restful sleep and u never have an appetite and ur hands are always shaking and ur muscles are painfully tense. anyone know uh…… what i can do about that
(i don’t have insurance atm and my medical anxiety is far too high to get anything prescribed atm so i need things that i can do on my own other than breathing and i’m sick of reading articles)
#it feels like it did when my mom was sick and i couldn’t think about anything else for months#except my mom ISN’T sick anymore. so there’s no one reason i can point to#it’s just always there. my stomach hurts my jaw hurts my body hurts#i can do things to stay distracted but when the night rolls back around i feel like i’m trapped in a haunted house#i’m just so tired i wanna cry about it. i want to relax so bad. i want to feel okay and safe and rested SO FUCKING BAD#i didn’t used to be like this i hatehatehate it i don’t wanna be like this or feel like this anymore#not to mention my sister has such high anxiety rn too that even if i’m distracting my own brain she can pull me back into it with hers#how do i exist without being endlessly terrified of everything that could happen to anyone at any time?#without the constant painful awareness of every tick of every second passing by?#im like this close to a meltdown at all times. i’d rather be apathetic than this it’s breaking my bones#i’m physically safe in that i want to remind anyone reading this that i have never been yk. suicidal or anything it’s not like that at all.#i want to be here i’m just SCARED sgajshsnd i’m just shaky and tired and tense and aaaaaaaaa#i need help. idek what that means i just need someone else to tell me it’s gonna be okay#(@ the friends that DO tell me that every day. i love u so much i appreciate u so much. i wish my body would remember it)#i put my feet in grass today and touched a tree and made tea and cleaned the house and it helped a little. it did.#but i just feel like everything takes this constant conscious effort and it’s soooo tiringgggggg i just want to rest#i want to let someone else control my brain for a while#sigh#okay i’m done i just needed to scream about it for a moment#there are places to go and things to paint and songs to listen to#i will keep going. even scared. i just wish i were less scared.
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I DONT WANNA GO BACK TO WORKKKKKKK AAAAAAAAAAAAA
#jabber jay#10 minutes left in my break do you think i have enough time to fake my death#my feet hurt so bad and my tummy hurts and im tired and i dont WANNA TALK TO CUSTOMERS AND HAVE TO SMILE#WAAAAAAAAAAA
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good boy.
art donaldson x reader (wc: 2.9k)
summary: as Art’s personal physical therapist, it’s your job to fix what Tashi has torn apart, by whatever means necessary. or in which Art just needs some TLC
warnings: 18+ smut, it could be worse tbh, mentions of disordered eating
author’s note: i’m back ig?? im out of uni for the summer and challengers has me in a chokehold. Art Donaldson the man that you are
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You're standing just within earshot of the doorway, passing a sanitary wipe over one of the tables in the athlete treatment room when you hear the door abruptly open. Tashi storms in with a purpose and Art trails meekly behind her. Even if you had been clueless to how the match had gone rather than on the sidelines beside Tashi not even twenty minutes ago, you could have guessed by the hard line of her mouth that Art was in for it. Not that her displeased scowl was much different from her usual scowl, but you'd been around long enough to know the difference.
She stops abruptly, and Art heels obediently as Tashi turns around to face him. "I need you to tell me when you're going to fucking get it together so that I can stop wasting my time."
Weary and sweat soaked, Art just stares at her with that pitiful look on his face and says nothing in reply. His blue eyes solemnly take in her harsh disappointment as though beyond used to it. At this point it's not all that foreign to you either.
"You may as well be fucking asleep out there," she snaps.
This time his mouth opens. "I- I'm just tired-" he begins, although there's hardly any argue to his voice at all.
"No, I'm tired, Art," Tashi interjects. "Do you have any idea how much fucking work I've put into getting you back onto the court this past year?! I've done everything! The least you could do go out there and try to act like I've done anything for you at all!"
Art swallows, the slight frown on his face deepening. "I am. I just- I don't-"
Before he can even finish his sentence. The open palm of Tashi's hand connects with his cheek as she pops the left side of his face. Art closes his mouth. You pretend to concentrate on wiping down the table. It's not the first time you've witnessed one of these conversations but it still feels private, like you shouldn't be here. You keep wiping the table.
Understanding that anything else he says is only going to make Tashi angrier, Art resigns to once again watching her in silence. His blue eyes are sad. The usually fair skin of his cheek is tinted pink where she popped him. Although it wasn't very hard, you're sure it still hurt him all the same.
"Quit wasting my time," is all she says before she finally turns and leaves, walking right past you and out the other door. You hold your breath as she passes you. Art watches her go but makes no move to follow. You release an audible sigh. It's been a frustrating day for everyone. As Art's personal trainer, physical therapist, and close friend, you felt every loss, every ache and pain, every bad play. And there seemed to be a lot of those lately.
Art is still standing there, watching the closed door that Tashi left though.
Not knowing how to break the silence, you finally pat the freshly sanitized treatment table. "C'mon," you call gently, as though beckoning to a wounded dog.
It takes a moment for him to budge, but eventually he does, his disheartened spirit apparent in the way he walks over. Used to the usual routine, he tugs his damp shirt off over his head as he takes a seat, the lean muscles of his torso flexing as he does so. You allow yourself to ogle at him, only for a brief moment before stepping in between the bracket of his knees. Gently, you cradle his chin, tipping his head back to look up at you as your thumb smooths over the redness of his cheek. His blue eyes blink up at you, sad and dog-like.
"It wasn't terrible," you reassure him. "You had surgery six months ago. You're still getting your feet back underneath you. Most people wouldn't have come back." You're right. The still-pink scars on his shoulder are still fresh on your mind. The stitches weren't even out before Tashi had him in physical therapy. Even though his medical team had released him, it was still a bit early to start doing rehab so soon after surgery, Art's comfort being your biggest concern. But when Tashi wants something, she gets it.
Wordlessly, Art sighs, the weight of his head settling into your palm as he finally lets go of the tension he'd been carrying. It was always like this. You fixing what Tashi had torn apart. You understood where Tashi was coming from. Art needed a firm voice in his training, and you had a lot of respect for the way she put her foot down and never let up, not even once. But there was only so many times you could kick a dog while he was down.
So if Art needed someone to coddle him, you would coddle him.
He trusts you. He needs you, is what Tashi had told you when she asked you to stay on as his trainer full time. The three of you had been in the same year at Stanford all those years ago, Tashi and Art on the tennis team and you helping out as a student trainer as part of a class requirement. Three peas in a pod, the trio of you were. Of course then they both graduated, leaving you to finish up your schooling, meanwhile Art set off to go pro.
A few years later, once Tashi officially took on the position as Art's coach, she began building his team, and that's where you came in. You were hesitant at first.
'I already lost to you once, Tashi. I won't come in second to you again.'
She had paused on the other end of the line. Back in your Stanford days, it was obvious to anyone with eyes that you were head over heels in love with the blonde tennis player. But loving Art was like accepting the participation ribbon for a game you knew you weren't going to win in the first place. It was like standing next to the podium, just lucky enough to be included in the picture while Tashi and tennis took first and second place. And so you let him go.
'I'm not asking you to. This is different.'
Your hand slips from his face, and he forces his eyes open.
“Have you eaten?" you ask, stepping away in order to put some distance between the two of you and look for the granola bars that you keep especially for him. The gels were good sources of quick fuel in between sets, but they were hardly enough to even begin to make up for the calories he burned while playing.
Slowly, Art shakes his head, but he makes no move to take the snack from your hand when you offer it to him. Ever since his injury, nutrition became all the more important. So much to the point that every single thing that he consumed was mapped out to the exact calorie. Although he would never admit it, any sort of change in this routine made him incredibly anxious. Some days it was better not to cause him the anxiety than to force him.
Today, you insistently hold out the bar until he begrudgingly takes it from your hand. You don't move until you've seen him tear open the package and take a bite.
"Were you still feeling tight?" you ask as you walk around the table, stopping at the slouch of his turned back. You reach out to grasp at the joint of his neck and shoulder, your thumb smoothing over the kinesiology tape that's peeling away at the base of his neck.
He half turns his head to glance back at you. "You watched the match. You tell me."
His response is meant to be snippy, but it comes out more defeated than anything. To be fair, you've been his trainer long enough to know that if something was bothering him physically, you would have picked up on it.
"I want to hear it from you."
"I felt fine."
Your left hand follows suit on the other side of his neck, and you use both of your thumbs to apply pressure to what you assume will be a tense spot along the upper part of his traps. Predictably, Art groans at the attention. The muscles of his back contract as he fights the urge to shake you off. Relaxing the muscle hurts as much as it feels good. Besides his obvious discomfort, the rest of his body has gone lax under your touch. His shoulders have dropped at least an inch, and his chin has fallen to rest against his chest.
"Finish your granola bar," you reprimand him, your firm fingers working across his back until you find another spot that nearly has him jerking away. He releases a whine but obediently takes another bite of the bar. This time he finishes it before you have to remind him again.
You spend a few more minutes torturing him before you're satisfied that a majority of the tension has left his shoulders.
"Okay, good boy," you murmur, leaning forward so that your chest is close enough to brush against his back. One of your hands trails up to squeeze the back of his neck reassuringly.
You're close enough to hear him swallow at the name. The skin on the nape of his neck shivers despite how hot he still is from the match.
"Was I?" he asks timidly. "Good today?"
'I can be his coach. Or I can be the person he cries to after a bad day. But I can't be both. That's why he needs you."
Without removing your hand from his neck, you walk around the table so you're standing in front of him. Art widens the spread of his legs so that you can stand between them. His chin is still pressed to his chest, blue eyes focused on the ground.
"Art," is all you say, shifting your grip on his neck to tug lightly at his golden blonde hair. At your voice, he lifts his head just enough to look up at you through the pale wisps of his eyelashes. The irises of his blue eyes shine are wet with uncertainty.
Your fingers loosen their grip to allow your nails to scratch at his scalp. "You're good, Art. You'll always be good."
Art twists his head to nuzzle his cheek along the inside of your outstretched arm. His lips kiss the crook of your elbow. He swallows again. "Even if I don't play tennis?"
You can tell the question's been bothering him, eating at his nerves, and messing up his game. You know him well enough to know that retirement isn't what he wants, not really. At least not right now. What he wants is the reassurance that it's going to be okay if he can't swing the comeback.
"Look at me."
He lingers a moment longer with his lips pressed lovingly against your skin before he reluctantly shifts his gaze up to you. His look is anticipatory but reserved, as if to preemptively conceal his disappointment should you choose to crush his heart with your answer.
His fear is understandable. Art's relationship with Tashi has always been entirely built off of his tennis career. By being the driving force behind his success, Tashi has vicariously lived out the life she would have had had her injury never happened. Without tennis, Art has nothing left to offer her. He knows that if he gives up tennis, he loses Tashi.
Your relationship with Art was a little less conditional. Hell, you'd been in love with him since the first time you'd laid eyes on him at Stanford. You can still picture him standing there on the court, barely nineteen, scrawny, nervous smile, backwards cap over his strawberry blonde hair. Before he was the Art Donaldson. But when Tashi had stepped into the picture, you figured that was where your fairytale ended.
"I don't love you because of tennis. I love you because you're kind, and thoughtful, and you're passionate about what you do." You smile a bit before adding, "And you're my good boy."
The name turns him bashful again, and he's quick to turn and hide his smiling face against your arm, only the flushed tips of his ears visible. "[Y/n]," he mumbles, likely meaning to be threatening, but it doesn't come out that way.
Art Donaldson lived to be praised.
You laugh, pulling him closer so that his face is held against your chest. The hand that you don't have threaded through his hair trails up the muscle of his defined quad. "You're my good boy. Aren't you, baby?"
Art whines, squirming when your hand reaches the apex of his thigh and hovers over the forming bugle of his shorts. He's not quite there yet, his dick only half chubbed up in interest, but given the day that he's had, you won't make him wait.
"Please?" he mumbles, his face still buried into your collarbone, as if attempting to curling into you, like a small child needing their parent to hold them for comfort.
You rake your nails lightly up the inside of his thigh. "What, baby?"
Not only did Art liked to be praised, but he was masochist even on his worst days.
"Want you to touch me," he mumbles, his voice muffled by your shirt. "Please."
Your hand still scratching through his hair, you press a kiss to the side of his head, unable to suppress your smile at his timid politeness and how it never seems to fail him. The only time he ever resembled anything remotely voracious was on the court.
Palm finding his tented shorts, you cup him through the fabric. Art responds immediately to your touch, his hips shifting further into your grasp. You continue to pet him through his shorts, appreciating the way you can feel him actively responding to your touch.
His nails dig into the padding of the treatment table when you give his now fully hard dick a less than sympathetic squeeze. His breath is hot as he pants against your collarbone, alternating between laving open mouthed kisses to your skin and whining when you pause fondling him just to feel his hips rut up into your palm.
Art was so in control on the tennis court, that often after a match, putting the control into someone else's hands was just what he needed.
When his hips start to stutter, you ease up but continue to stroke him through his shorts. The front of his shorts are damp with the musk of residual sweat and precum.
His breath is shallow—anticipatory.
"Gunna come?" you ask softly, speaking into the blonde mess of his hair, cradling him. He right there, you can tell by the lackluster buck of his hips, his building fatigue, and the change in his breathing.
"Can I? —Please?" Art asks breathily. He hiccups out the last part, his voice catching.
"You know you don't have to ask."
There's a brief pause, as if coming to the realization, before he meekly murmurs, "I know.
It should be sad really, his unwavering obedience, but there are two sides to Art, two polar extremes. On the court, every match, every set, every debilitating second is up to him. No one else can help him out there, and up until about a year ago, he played like it. That was the side of Art Donaldson that Tashi wanted. After the match is a different story. In private, Art needed someone to do the thinking for him, to pull him into a reality where he could believe that it didn't matter whether he won or lost. Tashi had not the sympathy nor the patience for that kind of fragility.
Art comes with a brief cry into your chest, his body arching into yours. Your hand palms at his pulsing dick until he's oversensitive and pulling away. When you relent, the front of his shorts are sticky and wet.
Finally, Art lifts his face from the safety of your chest. His blue eyes are glossed over, but it's an improvement from the detached look they held ten minutes ago. His cheeks are flushed, a mixture of his own embarrassment and satisfaction.
You can't help the soft smile that creeps onto your face at the look of him, and immediately Art is abashedly trying to hide his face again, his own smile starting to appear. Before he can, you bring your hands back up to cradle his face, thumbs wiping away the wetness from under his eyes. This time he lets you.
His eyes study your face for a second, admiring you, appreciating the love he has for you.
“I don’t want to play tennis anymore.”
You can’t tell if it’s more of a statement or a confession. Either way, you know he’s telling you the absolute truth.
“Okay,” you reply softly, not hint of judgement in your voice. Maybe some disappointment, but that was understandable.
Retirement would be a kindness. Art would finally put back on some healthy weight, start smiling again, put on a real, actual smile. You could already see it, a nice house for the two of you to settle down in, with a picket fence and a dog in the backyard, the kind of things the two of you would have never had time for on tour.
Tennis had brought the two of you together, but it wouldn’t end you.
#art donaldson x reader#art donaldson#art donaldson x you#art donaldson x y/n#challengers#challengers smut#art donaldson smut#challengers imagine#challengers x reader
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